Speaker 1: Kabbooms.
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of
Speaker 2: hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
Speaker 2: with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1: In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler,
Speaker 1: as we hang out together here on this Saturday. It
Speaker 1: is the tenth day of January, and it is odd.
Speaker 1: On this podcast, we have Binge, Benny, Me and Al
Speaker 1: and campaign manager, all of that free weekend audio for you.
Speaker 1: We do this not just for the American people, for
Speaker 1: all people. Every man will in child. But we begin
Speaker 1: with this so it is wild Card Weekend. I don't
Speaker 1: if you know about that, but it's Wildcard weekend. Today's
Speaker 1: wild Card Saturday, and it is about to explode like
Speaker 1: a firecracker in a fireworks factory. It all gets going now.
Speaker 1: We're doing this in the morning, so it gets going
Speaker 1: a little bit later today. But if you thought the
Speaker 1: last season of what was it called the Last of
Speaker 1: US season two. I believe it was last year. I
Speaker 1: read that that was the most binged show of twenty
Speaker 1: twenty five. It had thirty million viewers glued to the
Speaker 1: zombie apocalypse drama rama. Wait until you get your hands
Speaker 1: on what myself and Tom Looney have in store for
Speaker 1: you today. If you haven't watched it yet, we continue
Speaker 1: our mission, our life's work, Benny Versus the Penny. There
Speaker 1: are three full episodes every NFL playoff game, handicapped this
Speaker 1: weekend against the spread, Locked and loaded. This is the
Speaker 1: original rest of be back from our NBC glory days,
Speaker 1: and it's must see Tube, not must see TV. It's
Speaker 1: must see Tube. It's at Bennie Versus Penny at Benni
Speaker 1: Vspenny on YouTube. From the Rams Panthers as Carolina, the
Speaker 1: biggest home dog in NFL playoff history, at LA looking
Speaker 1: to stomp and get revenge Wink Wink not no after
Speaker 1: losing the Carolina during the regular season, and the Steelers
Speaker 1: and Texans air and Rogers first playoff game as a
Speaker 1: Pittsburgh Steeler and the Steelers trying to recreate that Steel
Speaker 1: Curtain defense versus Houston, which appears to have the steel
Speaker 1: curtain defense the Texans, although CJ. Stroud has not played
Speaker 1: well in the road or on the road in the playoffs.
Speaker 1: Now we are breaking down every game, spreads, we got
Speaker 1: a little humor, spice that on top. There some sneaky trends,
Speaker 1: you name it, fun facts, slice, singing up, sharper than
Speaker 1: a butcher on Adderall we got you covered on that,
Speaker 1: we got you covened on that. Now, think of it
Speaker 1: as the super Bowl of binge watching BVP. But you
Speaker 1: don't have to wait years and years, and you know
Speaker 1: seasons and seasons and there's no gap, and much better
Speaker 1: than those poor dopes who have to watch that stuff
Speaker 1: on HBO three straight nights. If you want to do
Speaker 1: it that way, Saturday, Sunday and money. Of course you
Speaker 1: should watch it today before the games. Otherwise it's kind
Speaker 1: of pointless, a NonStop playoff chaos. It's kind of like
Speaker 1: upgrading from rabbit eared TV to four K gridiron insanity.
Speaker 1: You know, Tom's got his dope e one liners, silly shirts,
Speaker 1: bad art which hit harder than a Sequon Barkley stiff arm.
Speaker 1: And then I'll toss on top of that a study diet.
Speaker 1: According to Alfie Allen, a punter and ferdog of analogies
Speaker 1: that are supposed to fly faster than Tom Brady running
Speaker 1: away from the mess that is the Raiders. Now these
Speaker 1: things hotter Benny versus Penny than asphalt in July. And
Speaker 1: it's not just your standards sports gambling show. It's appointment
Speaker 1: viewing that'll keep you glued like a kid who's got
Speaker 1: a sugar rush and looking at all the other candy
Speaker 1: in the candy shop through the window. So you don't
Speaker 1: need to scoll Netflix today or tomorrow or Monday. You
Speaker 1: can mainline the most addictive sports gambling show around three
Speaker 1: episodes against zero filler, pure playoff adrenaline. So grab your
Speaker 1: wings or my case, the chicken fingers. You mute your
Speaker 1: little annoying friends and your group chat the haters, and
Speaker 1: fire up Benny versus the Penny. Just like JT the Wingman,
Speaker 1: I always smile because JT the wing Man sends me
Speaker 1: a photo he's on the treadmill, he's doing the gym
Speaker 1: thing on the weekends, and he's got Benny versus the
Speaker 1: pennies watching. It's great. And trust me, bro, trust me, Bro,
Speaker 1: Once you start, you won't stop until until the show's
Speaker 1: over and that's it. But that's that's what binge watching is.
Speaker 1: So Benny binge or binge Benny or whatever you want
Speaker 1: to call it. And forget the last of us. That
Speaker 1: looks like a snoozefest compared to Benny versus the penny.
Speaker 1: So enjoy. So turn your page from that. Me and
Speaker 1: al let us jenuflect. Let a little candle, Let me
Speaker 1: lower my voice. Why because the word is al Michaels
Speaker 1: is coming back. Let us discuss. So if you didn't
Speaker 1: see this, the news came out yesterday on Friday, and
Speaker 1: the question what is your reac shan to al Michaels
Speaker 1: staying in the Thursday night booth calling NFL games in
Speaker 1: what will be his age eighty two season on planet
Speaker 1: Earth in the year twenty twenty six. So my thoughts
Speaker 1: on this, I've got the art of pitching, sainthood and
Speaker 1: slow cooked stew and we will combine all of these
Speaker 1: things together and we are going to make delicious soft pretzels,
Speaker 1: is what we're going to make. So let's start with this.
Speaker 1: Amazon Prime did confirm I was reading about this yesterday.
Speaker 1: They confirmed the ageless wonder We'll be back in the
Speaker 1: booth for the upcoming next season. Still of the playoff's
Speaker 1: going on, and if you listen closely, if you listen
Speaker 1: close to you could hear the groans of social media
Speaker 1: a holes, the nitpickers being drowned out by the sound
Speaker 1: of a perfectly time pause between a third down snap
Speaker 1: building up the drama. Now, Al says that the passion
Speaker 1: still exists. He said, quote, I feel really good, still
Speaker 1: love what I do. Let me translate that using the
Speaker 1: Mallard decoder ring. That means that he does he have
Speaker 1: the fast ball. No, it's the art of pitching. There's
Speaker 1: more ways than just one to get hitters out. You can, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can overpower a batter with ninety seven mile on
Speaker 1: hour fastballs. Yeah. However, Al, at this point he didn't
Speaker 1: have the fastball anymore. He's just trying to beguile hitters
Speaker 1: with finesse and finesse pitchers rely on what change ups, curveballs,
Speaker 1: dramatic pauses, and other breaking pitches, and so Tonight, Al
Speaker 1: Michaels is on the call Packers and Bears at Soldier
Speaker 1: Field on the shores of Lake Michigan. His thirty first
Speaker 1: NFL broadcast from the Cathedral by the Lake thirty one.
Speaker 1: It's not a resume, that is a time capsule. His
Speaker 1: first game there was in nineteen eighty six. Ronald Reagan
Speaker 1: was in off his hair spray, was undefeated, and people
Speaker 1: still believe that the Bears quarterback situation would sort itself out. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Of course, at that time, the Bears had tremendous, tremendous
Speaker 1: def So al Michaels has been the primary voice of
Speaker 1: Thursday Night Football on Amazon since twenty twenty two. Here
Speaker 1: we are in twenty twenty six, and that extends a
Speaker 1: run of forty years, four decades of Al Michael's on primetime.
Speaker 1: That's two generations that have grown up with Al Michaels
Speaker 1: on NFL primetime games. Now, for me, Al is on
Speaker 1: the path to sainthood for broadcasters, if there is such
Speaker 1: a thing. Someday he will be entombed in the Valley
Speaker 1: of the Kings with microphones wrapped in a linen made
Speaker 1: out of his old play charts, his old call sheets,
Speaker 1: clutching the microphone, whispering, do you believe in miracles? I
Speaker 1: could see that happening, unless I can. Yeah, that miracle,
Speaker 1: by the way, the miracle on ice the big one,
Speaker 1: the big one. And if you're keeping score, that call alone,
Speaker 1: that miracle on ice call alone, all those years ago
Speaker 1: earns Al Michaels a lifetime exemption from the hot take
Speaker 1: goolog Right, he gets a full exemption from the hot
Speaker 1: take attacks and all that. But wait, there's more. Like
Speaker 1: every good infomercial, Al didn't stop there. He just kept
Speaker 1: going and going and going, like the energizer buddy. More like,
Speaker 1: I guess an Al's case, a classic buick that has
Speaker 1: a lot of miles refuses to die because it was
Speaker 1: actually built back when people titaned bolts, made things with
Speaker 1: pride and made things to last, didn't make things to
Speaker 1: fall apart. Within a couple of years now, Al started
Speaker 1: calling games I think I saw was nineteen seventy one.
Speaker 1: Nineteen seventy one called the Reds, the Giants called baseball
Speaker 1: minor league baseball in Hawaii, back when they had a
Speaker 1: minor league team in Hawaii. Let me paint the picture
Speaker 1: Mallar style to put in perspective here. The nineteen seventy
Speaker 1: one Richard Nixon, Tricky Dick was in the White House.
Speaker 1: Watergate had blown the doors off yet a home, the
Speaker 1: Median Home cost in America twenty four thousand dollars. A
Speaker 1: new car was thirty five hundred dollars. You get gas.
Speaker 1: A gallon of gas would cost you thirty six cents.
Speaker 1: A stamp was eight cents. We just had one of
Speaker 1: our buddies from Ohio sent a nice gift package of
Speaker 1: things because you can visit the studio. One of our
Speaker 1: guys in Dayton fifty dollars in shipping. Fifty dollars this
Speaker 1: guy spent to send packages to the studio. A stamp
Speaker 1: back then eight cents. Cigarettes. You're smoker forty five cents
Speaker 1: a pack of cigarettes if you love the nicotine. In
Speaker 1: other words, to put a ball on this, if you
Speaker 1: had twenty bucks, you were like Rockefeller, or a more
Speaker 1: modern reference I guess would be Jeff Bezos or any
Speaker 1: of those rich tech guys that run the run the
Speaker 1: world right Elon Musk. So, according to the inflation mallor math,
Speaker 1: if you had twenty dollars when al Michael started brought
Speaker 1: casting in nineteen seventy one, one hundred and you'd have
Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty eight dollars. One hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: eight dollars you would have. So if you had one
Speaker 1: hundred dollars back then, you'd have over six hundred dollars today.
Speaker 1: If my malord math is correct. That's a costco run
Speaker 1: with emotional damage. And through all of that, think about
Speaker 1: what has happened in the world since nineteen seventy one Wars.
Speaker 1: We've had attacked nine to eleven wokesters. We've had all
Speaker 1: kinds of freaks of nature that have taken over pop
Speaker 1: culture and whatnot. The rules have changed. Streaming is now
Speaker 1: a thing. Podcasting what we're doing right now, the invention
Speaker 1: in NFL games of the blue medical tent. When Al
Speaker 1: started calling NFL games, if you got knocked out, just
Speaker 1: rub some dirt in your forehead, don't be a pussy
Speaker 1: willow and get back out on the field. Now everything
Speaker 1: stops and all that, and so Al Michaels has been there,
Speaker 1: He's seen it. This is not his first rodeo. He's
Speaker 1: been around the block a couple of times as well,
Speaker 1: calmly narrating all the football chaos. And he's like a
Speaker 1: museum guide for the NFL. Think about it. He started
Speaker 1: was Pete Roselle was the commissioner the NFL back in
Speaker 1: the day. And how Luckierre we how Luckierre we that Now,
Speaker 1: after this season wraps, Al Michaels he said he's heading
Speaker 1: to Lake Placid to honor the gold medal US hockey team,
Speaker 1: which helped also elevate his career, and during a recent
Speaker 1: chit chat, Al laid out the secret he told Mad
Speaker 1: Dog the secret sauce to longevity. He said, I'll go
Speaker 1: as long as I can if I can still do
Speaker 1: it at the level that satisfies me. Not you, by
Speaker 1: the way, And that's not ego, that's a standard. The
Speaker 1: standard is the standard, as Mike Thomon likes to say.
Speaker 1: And that is the same thing you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: the same thing that that's missing when people scream online.
Speaker 1: Al's lost it. I don't like this. He's not exciting enough.
Speaker 1: He doesn't bark, he's not action. He's not acting like
Speaker 1: a caffeinated auctioneer. He's not doing that. What's wrong with you?
Speaker 1: Come on, Al? Come on? Al. Al doesn't shout, he
Speaker 1: doesn't obviously not. I'm hear say he does. He lets
Speaker 1: the moment breathe. And if it was music, he is
Speaker 1: not electric dance music. He's obviously not. He's not disco.
Speaker 1: He's smooth jazz, keeping your jazz commercial free. Al Michaels,
Speaker 1: he's a fireplace. He's not a ring light. You want
Speaker 1: a ring light, He's not a ring light. He don't
Speaker 1: know what a ring light is. And let's talk about
Speaker 1: the komodo dragging the room, the snuffle effects in the room.
Speaker 1: Respect for your elders. Now, in many Asian cultures, In
Speaker 1: many Asian cultures, elders are revered. Wisdom is currency. It
Speaker 1: is you need to learn from these people, you need
Speaker 1: to appreciate them. In America, we send grandpa to the
Speaker 1: convalescent home to play shuffleboard and bingo and tell him
Speaker 1: to stop bothering us. You're telling me the same story,
Speaker 1: you old geezer. What is wrong with you? And I
Speaker 1: to that, I say, foe foo. If broadcasting we're a monastery,
Speaker 1: al Michaels would be the monk. Everyone actually sits around
Speaker 1: and listens to tell me another story. Al Michaels, I
Speaker 1: want to hear another story. Now. You know how I
Speaker 1: feel about social media being the matrix and all that.
Speaker 1: This social media hullabaloo, the pandemonium around al Michaels, I
Speaker 1: believe is largely manufactured. Now, what is my evidence on that.
Speaker 1: So I had some downtime yesterday and I started fussing
Speaker 1: around with my phone and I clicked on one of
Speaker 1: the stories that had al Michaels returning to Amazon because
Speaker 1: I was interested in it and I wanted to see
Speaker 1: what was going on, And so I accidentally saw some
Speaker 1: of the comments on there, and then I said, oh,
Speaker 1: let me much like the matrix, let me fall down
Speaker 1: the rabbit hole. And I did, and I started clicking
Speaker 1: on people that were just bashing the hell out al Michaels,
Speaker 1: just dropping a guillotine on top of his neck. And
Speaker 1: so I kept going through and I noticed as I
Speaker 1: was going through this, most, not all, most of the
Speaker 1: accounts had all the hallmarks, all the earmarks of fake accounts,
Speaker 1: bought accounts. Now, the part I don't understand, and I'm
Speaker 1: not that smart, you know, I'm just doing a weekend
Speaker 1: podcast right now and I do the overnight show, is
Speaker 1: what is the agenda there? Like why would someone have
Speaker 1: an orchestrated bought attack against al Michaels. It doesn't make
Speaker 1: a lot of sense to me, Like there's some bot
Speaker 1: farm in Maldo where they're like, all right, let's stop
Speaker 1: attacking Trump. Let's talk, let's attack Al Michaels. I don't
Speaker 1: understand that, but there they were all the things that
Speaker 1: I'm told to look for. The low number of followers,
Speaker 1: the same amount of people you're following, there's a certain
Speaker 1: algorithm that tells you it's a bot. And most of
Speaker 1: these accounts that were taking shots at Al Michaels were
Speaker 1: fake accounts, and they were saying a lot of the
Speaker 1: same things anyway, saying a lot of same things anyway,
Speaker 1: So I think this is mostly manufactured. You'd think that
Speaker 1: Al takes a horse and buggy to work. And one
Speaker 1: thing about Al, he always stays at the Presidential Suite
Speaker 1: when he travels, and he's got car service, And yeah,
Speaker 1: he doesn't. He doesn't do the horse and buggy. He prepares,
Speaker 1: he watches. He knows when to speak. He also knows
Speaker 1: when to shut up. And that skill alone puts him
Speaker 1: ahead of ninety five percent of the younger generation of announcers,
Speaker 1: who treat every second like they're trying to get a
Speaker 1: viral moment on TikTok. Every single moment needs to go
Speaker 1: viral on the TikTok and all that stuff, and it
Speaker 1: just come on, take a breath, Take a breath, as
Speaker 1: Doc Mike would say. Now, there are exceptions. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna say there's every young get off my lawn, every
Speaker 1: young broadcast Noah Eagle Pops Future Goat Noah Eagle, Amazing,
Speaker 1: Amazing on NBC. Had a chance to meet him as
Speaker 1: a young lad. He's like nineteen, he started doing Clipper
Speaker 1: games on the radio, and so he's the exception of
Speaker 1: the rule. But by and large, the new wave is
Speaker 1: loud soup. It's all salt, no stock and al Michaels.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm not some loud soup. I'm not all salt,
Speaker 1: I'm not no stock. I'm slow cook Stew is what
Speaker 1: I am? Slow cook stew. That is me, That is me?
Speaker 1: And yes, is he mellow at time? Yeah he is.
Speaker 1: He's mellow now, his inflections don't spike like a heart
Speaker 1: monitor in a horror movie. And there's a level of
Speaker 1: confidence that he's still able to call a great game
Speaker 1: and he doesn't have to go up and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: And when you've seen everything, you don't flinch at a
Speaker 1: screen pass. You don't. And as an added bonus, and
Speaker 1: I must full disclosure talk about this as an added
Speaker 1: bonus personal bias alert, as I have something in common
Speaker 1: with al Michaels. We shared dietary habits. The most famous
Speaker 1: quirk of the life of al Michaels, who famously said
Speaker 1: that he never has eaten a vegetable ever. He said, quote,
Speaker 1: man does not need vegetables to survive. Quotes quote That
Speaker 1: is not a diet, That is a philosophy, that is
Speaker 1: a life goal. Meat, potatoes and destiny. And I believe
Speaker 1: in the cause. I believe, I stand and in lockstep.
Speaker 1: I stand in lockstep with al Michaels. I do, I
Speaker 1: just say, And so tonight, when al Michaels opens his
Speaker 1: mouth and the game begins, al Michaels and Herbie understand
Speaker 1: what you're hearing. I understand. You're not just hearing Packers
Speaker 1: versus Bears, dumb bears, the Green Packers and the Rgo Bears,
Speaker 1: the monstrous of Midway, the trees hells. Make sure when
Speaker 1: you come down, stop at the Cheese Castle and Kenosha
Speaker 1: on your way down from Green Bay. What you're hearing
Speaker 1: is greatness, continuity, history. You're hearing history. You're hearing a
Speaker 1: living archive who still loves what he does and does
Speaker 1: what he loves the craft, right that. Yeah, is it nostalgia?
Speaker 1: Of course it is for me part of it. You know,
Speaker 1: growing up, I was a little nine year old kid.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be on the radio. I want to
Speaker 1: be on TV. And there was al Michael's calling him
Speaker 1: Monday night game with you know, I'm trying to think
Speaker 1: who he was with at that time. It was Frank Gifford,
Speaker 1: or might have even been before that he was. I
Speaker 1: remember watching al Michael's doing a Monday night baseball game
Speaker 1: before before time, and it was him, And how would
Speaker 1: co sell? It's just great? And so he still does
Speaker 1: it and he meets his own standards, not your standards,
Speaker 1: and Amazon's okay with it, and Jim Harball would say,
Speaker 1: who's got it better than us? And again, how lucky
Speaker 1: are we? So I urge you to enjoy it while
Speaker 1: you can't. Is this is getting eighty two? You're eighty two?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Yeah? That many more games to call, you know, because someday,
Speaker 1: and sooner than later, the booth will be quieter. They'll
Speaker 1: get some hot shot hipster broadcaster in there, and the
Speaker 1: pauses are going to be gone, and you'll realize what
Speaker 1: you know hemy once in a while. It'd be nice
Speaker 1: if you just hit the pause button. That'd be pretty cool.
Speaker 1: I meanwhile, turning the page. Let's workshop. I'm gonna continue
Speaker 1: the anti vegetable movement that Al Michaels gave that famous quote,
Speaker 1: one of the great quotes of all time. Man does
Speaker 1: not need vegetables to survive, and Al is the proof
Speaker 1: of that. He said, well, you don't need your vegetable.
Speaker 1: I remember my mom, If you don't need your vegetables,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna grow tall. You're not You're bah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah b Well, mom, Al Michaels is eighty gonna
Speaker 1: be eighty two and seems perfectly fine. That's a good run.
Speaker 1: He's on bonus time, right. He's in the average life
Speaker 1: like seventy five, I think, or something like the average
Speaker 1: mail is to about seventy five. So Al's on bonus time.
Speaker 1: He's on bonus time. Good for him. Now, I got
Speaker 1: to tell you, I'm still traumatized by the little rascals.
Speaker 1: I used to watch reruns when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: That character Alfalfa, they say, the father of all foods.
Speaker 1: Alfalfa for me, it was nightmare fuel. For me. It
Speaker 1: was nightmare fuel. It was, And so I said, we're
Speaker 1: going to workshop this anti vegetable movement. Let's think of
Speaker 1: this like politics. You know, you have people fighting team red,
Speaker 1: team blue. There's very few bipartisan issues. And I understand
Speaker 1: there's already a Green Party. I know there's a Green Party,
Speaker 1: but this is the New Green Party, all right, n GP,
Speaker 1: the New Green Party. Did you write that down? Yeah?
Speaker 1: N g e New Green Party. And al Michaels is
Speaker 1: part of our party. Puka Nakool of the Rams and yours.
Speaker 1: Truly we are all big anti veggie people. Now imagine
Speaker 1: if you will, that for this little exercise, little workshop,
Speaker 1: I am the campaign manager some pillars of our movement
Speaker 1: against the industrialized agriculture in America, Big Aggie, we'll call
Speaker 1: it big Aggie, big Farm. I can't say pharma because
Speaker 1: that's that's pharmaceudals. So our slogans here, what would they be?
Speaker 1: I'm the campaign Meager Vegetable lives matter, stand up, speak out,
Speaker 1: stop the slaughter of salad, to stop it, stop it.
Speaker 1: This election season, I want you to join the anti
Speaker 1: veggie movement because every carot deserves a future, every broccoli
Speaker 1: deserves a childhood and every legome deserves liberty. Dropped the mic.
Speaker 1: How about this? For too long? Big salad has controlled
Speaker 1: the narrative. For too long. Humans have marched into grocery
Speaker 1: stores like zombies, with reckless abandon ripping innocent greens from
Speaker 1: their homes, tearing families of asparagus apart, and sentencing helpless
Speaker 1: zucchinis to life on a cutting board. No more, no more,
Speaker 1: put us stop this right now. And I urge you.
Speaker 1: I beg you to join the NGP, the New Green Party.
Speaker 1: It's not bad, right, I mean, it can touch it
Speaker 1: up a little bit. We'll clean that up and post. Now,
Speaker 1: if I were to make a thirty second political ad,
Speaker 1: as you know, I love my Live Reads, it's our
Speaker 1: number one, our number two. So let's let's attempt this,
Speaker 1: all right. I want you to let me know what
Speaker 1: you think, and if this becomes a thing, we can start.
Speaker 1: But again, the NGP, the New Green Party. So this
Speaker 1: is a thirty second think of this like a political
Speaker 1: ad election season, Vegetable Lives Matter vl M or whatever.
Speaker 1: So it starts out in my head, and again this
Speaker 1: is the cartoon bubble the top my head. So it
Speaker 1: starts out with some somber piano music, and then there's
Speaker 1: a slow zoom on a lonely carrot in a field,
Speaker 1: and it's all by itself. It's all by itself. And
Speaker 1: then the the commercial starts, and I'm just imagine I'm
Speaker 1: the narrator. It's Ben Maler here to speak out against
Speaker 1: the industrial complex of big veggie. For too long in
Speaker 1: this country, innocent vegetables have suffered in silence, ripped from
Speaker 1: their homes, chopped without mercy, tossed into salads without a
Speaker 1: second thought. So at this point and paused the commercial.
Speaker 1: It's a TV commercial, so we cut to black and
Speaker 1: white footage of broccolia, a really beautiful piece of broccoli
Speaker 1: trembling in the wind. Now we get back to the
Speaker 1: narrator voice. I'm gonna be the narrator, but now I
Speaker 1: gotta go. Let me do that. I got aho slur.
Speaker 1: But now a movement rises, a movement that says no more,
Speaker 1: a movement that believes every leafy green deserves the chance
Speaker 1: to live a long, full, productive life in nature where
Speaker 1: they belong, not on your dinner plate. So we then change,
Speaker 1: because it's TV commercial, so we have the music really
Speaker 1: starts to swell at this point, it's like, really, you know,
Speaker 1: you know, it's a real sappy yeah. And then we'll
Speaker 1: sell patriotism. We'll get the American flag. We'll have that light,
Speaker 1: you know, lighting that American flag style lighting behind and
Speaker 1: then an untouched it's all emotional here, untouched head of lettuce.
Speaker 1: So so sappy music, just imagine that. And then you
Speaker 1: got that lighting like it's on the American flag and
Speaker 1: then behind the untouched head of lettuce. All right, let's
Speaker 1: get back to the to the copy. So the narrative was,
Speaker 1: join the anti vegetable movement, stand up for spinach, fight
Speaker 1: for freedom of peas, protect the pod born. All right.
Speaker 1: Then we pause again because it's TV commercials, so we
Speaker 1: pause again, dramatic, dramatic pause. Vegetable lives matter because even
Speaker 1: salads deserve justice. And then you fade fade to black,
Speaker 1: and then you put on there paid for by the
Speaker 1: New Green Party. All right, so yeah, we can dress
Speaker 1: it up a little bit. That's just my idea, just
Speaker 1: my idea for my campaign. I think we can all
Speaker 1: get behind that. I think everyone will get behind that
Speaker 1: and we will all be better off. And that is
Speaker 1: the one thing we can all find appealing, because even
Speaker 1: people that eat vegetables don't usually like they pretend likely
Speaker 1: like vegetable. You know, I'm talking those people that are like, oh,
Speaker 1: I like vegetable, I'm a vegetable person. I'm better than
Speaker 1: you and all this stuff. I'm like, I don't think
Speaker 1: you're I think you're just programmed, right, You're indoctrinated into that.
Speaker 1: And that's the issue there, you and your little leafy
Speaker 1: greens and all that stuff. I know, the smell of califlower,
Speaker 1: you think that's good. You might want to grow to
Speaker 1: the doctor. You look forward to eating a plate of
Speaker 1: Brussels sprouts. I think you had some trauma as a child. Hey,
Speaker 1: you think a sweet potato is as good as a
Speaker 1: regular potato? Come on, now, there is an exception, and
Speaker 1: I fully admit it, because every rule has an exception. Garlic.
Speaker 1: Garlic is the exception. That's it. That's the only exception.
Speaker 1: And I don't want to hear any complaints about that.
Speaker 1: And technically they say garlic is the vegetable, but I
Speaker 1: just believe that's because the garlic people. The garlic people
Speaker 1: want garlic to be part of the vegetable community because
Speaker 1: they think it's cool. They think it's cool. And we
Speaker 1: all know that garlic is a crossover because it can
Speaker 1: deter vampires from attacking. And who wants to be a
Speaker 1: act by vampires? I don't know anybody wants to be
Speaker 1: attacked by vampires. And so vampires exposed the garlic, uh,
Speaker 1: you know what, they just they have terrible problems. It's
Speaker 1: a big issue for them in the vampire community. And
Speaker 1: and the other thing is it's it's a great vegetable.
Speaker 1: And for those of us that are part of the
Speaker 1: movement here against the just shoving vegetables down our throat,
Speaker 1: the garlic again, we consider that a non vegetable. It's it's,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's a little bit of this. It's like
Speaker 1: a super thing, is what. And it's nature's antibiotic, right,
Speaker 1: Garlic is nature's antibiotic, and so we we take that
Speaker 1: as our own anyway, all right, we'll get out on that,
Speaker 1: have a wonderful rest of your Saturday, and please enjoy
Speaker 1: those NFL games Benny versus the pay Remember you gotta
Speaker 1: binge watch Benny versus the Penny. And we will have
Speaker 1: a mail bag for you, have a mail bag for you,
Speaker 1: and we'll do that on obviously tomorrow on Sunday and
Speaker 1: talk to you then Aloha. I think that Aloha right, yeah,
Speaker 1: okay now bopulation