Speaker 1: Episode three ten what We've learned from seventy five plus
Speaker 1: real people budgets.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to
Speaker 2: save money, embrace simplicity, and live your life here your
Speaker 2: hosts Jen and Jill.
Speaker 3: Welcome to the Frugal Friends Podcast.
Speaker 1: My name is Jill and my name is Alison, and
Speaker 1: today we're coming at you hot with another great episode
Speaker 1: as my friend Alison Baggerley joins me again standing in
Speaker 1: for Jen as she cares for her newborn babe. It's
Speaker 1: so special. I love these co hosted episodes. They're different
Speaker 1: from having guests on the show. It's fellow friends. Alison
Speaker 1: was here last episode, she'll be here for another episode,
Speaker 1: and she was all.
Speaker 3: We've interviewed you tons.
Speaker 1: And Alison was the host for me when Jen had
Speaker 1: her first baby, So when Ki was born four years ago,
Speaker 1: Allison stood in. And now Atlas is born and Alison
Speaker 1: is here, and I think Jen and Travis are done.
Speaker 1: I don't think there's going to be any other babes
Speaker 1: we'll see.
Speaker 4: Here we are.
Speaker 1: But how fitting it is that we're talking about real
Speaker 1: people budgets and some of the takeaways that can benefit
Speaker 1: all of us. Because Alison, in case you don't know already,
Speaker 1: is the creator and founder of Inspired Budgets, So you
Speaker 1: can find her on Instagram.
Speaker 3: She's all over the internet. She's got a.
Speaker 1: Blog with tons of really great content that you can read.
Speaker 1: You can also listen to her podcast, Inspired Budget, and
Speaker 1: she just wrote a book, Money Made Easy. So all
Speaker 1: sorts of ways however you want it. You visual, you auditory,
Speaker 1: you tactile like she's got it for you. Alison is
Speaker 1: a seasoned pro when it comes to talking about all
Speaker 1: things budgets. I mean, you talk about other things too,
Speaker 1: but like you are really good with budgets. You help
Speaker 1: other people with budgets, how to implement, what to consider,
Speaker 1: the pitfalls, tips, tools, so much more so, we're going
Speaker 1: to gain some really great wisdom and resources from not
Speaker 1: just the internet. We're still going to do our typical
Speaker 1: show template today, but also from you, Alison, yourself and
Speaker 1: your own experience. So welcome, Thanks for co hosting.
Speaker 4: Thanks for having me. This is fun. This is this
Speaker 4: is I like it. When Chen goes home, Eternity leave,
Speaker 4: no Jen, have a third, have a fourth. I've got
Speaker 4: you covered, girl. That's how I feel.
Speaker 3: Amazing.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 1: Okay, well you heard it here first, folks, I choose.
Speaker 3: All that medically possible now at this point.
Speaker 4: But well, yeah, okay, well she had four years in
Speaker 4: between the first too much. I just really I just
Speaker 4: want to come back, So you know, maybe she could
Speaker 4: just have a sabbatical or something. Maybe you could each
Speaker 4: take a sabbatical and I can join it. It doesn't
Speaker 4: have to revolve aground motherhood or children or anything. So
Speaker 4: that's really what I love.
Speaker 3: That love that. Thanks for that permission, Allison. You're welcome.
Speaker 1: But first, before we get into the rest of the
Speaker 1: content you're really here for. This episode is brought to
Speaker 1: you by Easy psy Lemon Squeezy. That's right, Pithy Rhymes
Speaker 1: have quite the budget these days. Does something feel tough? Overwhelming, impossible, insurmountable, unaccomplishable.
Speaker 3: Don't know if that's a word, but I used it. Well,
Speaker 3: forget that.
Speaker 1: Do the things that are easy. Go squeeze yourself eleven
Speaker 1: and say hey, I'm good at that. And if you
Speaker 1: want to feel good at other things, maybe even things
Speaker 1: that used to feel difficult, like managing your own money,
Speaker 1: you should buy yourself a copy of Allison's book Money
Speaker 1: Made Easy. Because we love the easy stuff, especially when
Speaker 1: it used to be hard stuff and now it's easy
Speaker 1: psy lemon squeezy.
Speaker 3: So yeah, money made easy.
Speaker 1: Just buy it anywhere Amazon, whatever you want to say
Speaker 1: more about that, Allison, Where can people buy it?
Speaker 4: You can buy it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble. Call
Speaker 4: your library out to your library, ask them to get
Speaker 4: it so you don't have to buy it. You can
Speaker 4: just send them the title and the author Alison Baggerley
Speaker 4: and be like, I need you to buy five copies
Speaker 4: of this book and then get it there and then
Speaker 4: tell all your friends about it, and don't even buy
Speaker 4: it yourself. Have someone else buy it for you and
Speaker 4: borrow it.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 1: Thanks for your just jumping in with some frugal friends'
Speaker 1: tips here.
Speaker 4: Yes, and I will say do that for any book
Speaker 4: you want, not just my book. Do it for my book,
Speaker 4: but do it for other books too.
Speaker 1: That's a great, great tip, great tip. If you are
Speaker 1: interested in this topic of budgets and this episode just
Speaker 1: isn't enough for you, you really want more content, queue up
Speaker 1: episode two thirty six, Why You Need a Budget with
Speaker 1: Jesse Meekham.
Speaker 3: That was as a really good one.
Speaker 1: That's the YNAB founder for those of you who love
Speaker 1: that app, but also really great tips that are given
Speaker 1: in that interview. We've also got episode two twenty two,
Speaker 1: Stop strict Budgeting and Start living.
Speaker 3: In the Radical Middle.
Speaker 1: I feel like this one's almost like Jen and I's
Speaker 1: love letter to our podcast listeners.
Speaker 3: It really does encompass.
Speaker 1: A lot of our motto around managing money, the concept
Speaker 1: of the radical middle.
Speaker 3: So that's a great one too. Cue that one up.
Speaker 1: But first, I mean, stick with us, stay here for
Speaker 1: this one because it's it's good and it's special and
Speaker 1: we love digging into real people's budgets. Now spoiler alert, like,
Speaker 1: we're not digging into people's budgets, we're talking about what
Speaker 1: we've learned from looking at all these different budgets and
Speaker 1: kind of weaving that through these articles. So the first
Speaker 1: one that we're going to talk about is titled how
Speaker 1: to Stick to a Budget? Six Ways to Stay on Track,
Speaker 1: and this one comes from Inspired Budget, which is written
Speaker 1: by Alison Baggerley.
Speaker 3: Here she is, folks, we've even got the.
Speaker 1: Author with us as a co host of the Frugal
Speaker 1: Friends podcast How Amazing. So we're going to go through
Speaker 1: all six here, But first, what do you want to
Speaker 1: say about this is this? Would you describe this article
Speaker 1: as almost the summary for you of looking at real
Speaker 1: people budgets? That's a part of what you do, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you've helped people through their own budgets.
Speaker 4: Yes, So actually I started something. This was back in
Speaker 4: twenty seventeen or twenty eighteen, maybe twenty eighteen, and I
Speaker 4: was on Instagram talking about budgeting and people were asking
Speaker 4: me all these questions like, well, how how does it
Speaker 4: like physically? Look, how do I physically do it? And
Speaker 4: I was like, I want to share my budget. And
Speaker 4: my husband, who is a very private person, was like,
Speaker 4: no veto, And of course I have to respect some
Speaker 4: of those things. I've wrote a whole book about our life,
Speaker 4: so I guess I won't share that part. But I
Speaker 4: was like, okay, well then let me just ask my
Speaker 4: followers to send their budget in. So it started off
Speaker 4: just very like, send me an email with your numbers,
Speaker 4: and I started every week sharing real people budget. So
Speaker 4: it's probably more than seventy five, but I would say
Speaker 4: every single week on Instagram or TikTok, I will share
Speaker 4: a budget someone's budget. Now I look at the holistic picture,
Speaker 4: I'm looking at their monthly spending as a whole. And
Speaker 4: it is fascinating because I love that I'm looking at
Speaker 4: other people's because it's not my numbers. We have high income,
Speaker 4: low income people in the middle single moms, parents, families,
Speaker 4: people who have lost a spouse to you know, all
Speaker 4: these things are on disability income. It has been incredible
Speaker 4: to see how people budget their money. And let me
Speaker 4: tell you, I don't know if you know this, but
Speaker 4: people on social media they a little harsh and they
Speaker 4: go in those comments and they let it be known
Speaker 4: what they think the person that's sharing the budget, because
Speaker 4: it's all anonymous, is either right or wrong about And
Speaker 4: I'm like, you guys got to have a little bit
Speaker 4: more grace. But it's just it's been very fascinating to
Speaker 4: see that and to see, like when they write into
Speaker 4: me where people do strug goal and where they get
Speaker 4: off track with their money.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it kind of seems like this article then
Speaker 1: is almost like a response to these are the areas
Speaker 1: that trip people up in their budgets and how can
Speaker 1: we if we need to rein it in in certain areas,
Speaker 1: which it does seem as though that discretionary spending in
Speaker 1: whatever category, just where there is discretionary spending seems to
Speaker 1: be the place that trip people up.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you've got other insight to that.
Speaker 1: Oh, absolutely, kind of How do we rein in this aspect?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's when we have to make decisions.
Speaker 3: Think about it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's when we have to have control and make decisions.
Speaker 4: I've never known anyone that has overspent on rent or
Speaker 4: their mortgage, like unintentionally, or someone that's like, let me
Speaker 4: go ahead and send extra money to my electricity company. No,
Speaker 4: it's when we have to make those decisions and be
Speaker 4: the take ownership over those decisions and our money, and
Speaker 4: we mess everything up because we have bad intentions, but
Speaker 4: because there's so many things pulling at our attention, people, companies, family,
Speaker 4: Unexpected events happen, and that's just it. There's life. Life happens,
Speaker 4: and we can't always predict what's going to take place.
Speaker 4: And as soon as you feel off track, you feel like, oh,
Speaker 4: let me just start over next month, or I'll start
Speaker 4: over tomorrow or next week, or this isn't going to
Speaker 4: work for me because of X, Y and Z, And honestly,
Speaker 4: it's not. Every month is ever going to be perfect.
Speaker 4: I've never had a month that goes directly as planned.
Speaker 4: But I can get back on track just because I
Speaker 4: get off track. And so that's really what this article
Speaker 4: is about, is how to rein in that discretionary spending,
Speaker 4: how to be mindful about your spending, and tips and
Speaker 4: tricks and ways to do that that are actionable, because
Speaker 4: it's one thing just to say be better with it. It's
Speaker 4: another thing to like give actual things you can do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would agree with some of the things that
Speaker 1: you've described stand out to you from people who have
Speaker 1: given you their real budgets. Similarly, people who are listeners
Speaker 1: of the Frugal Friends podcasts will share in a variety
Speaker 1: of ways where they experience barriers, and yes, it usually
Speaker 1: is with this discretionary spending. So I think this article
Speaker 1: is really helpful in giving some takeaways because it addresses
Speaker 1: those those.
Speaker 3: That aspect of our budgets.
Speaker 1: And so the first tip, and of course not all
Speaker 1: of these tips are going to be applicable to every
Speaker 1: single person. We're just going to go through all six
Speaker 1: and you identify what's going to be helpful for you
Speaker 1: and just start with one of these. Yes, but the
Speaker 1: first one is to stay out of the stores.
Speaker 3: So if this is.
Speaker 1: An area where you're finding Oh yeah, it's every time
Speaker 1: I go into Target, or it's every time I'm going
Speaker 1: to Marshalls, Cjmax, Ross were parting stores, is ware, grocery store,
Speaker 1: whole things. That's so tru Going into the grocery Store's
Speaker 1: so true because if you.
Speaker 3: Go where ordering your groceries online, yes.
Speaker 4: That helps, or just committing to only going once a week,
Speaker 4: because I find that if I make multiple trips to
Speaker 4: the grocery store, I'm going to buy random things that
Speaker 4: I might have in my freezer, or I buy just
Speaker 4: because I'm in there. So even places like the grocery store,
Speaker 4: just stay out of it, order online, commit to only
Speaker 4: going once a week, and if you forget an item,
Speaker 4: go without it, make do without it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's amazing how often you really can go without
Speaker 1: an ingredient. The internet is chalk full of substitutes. Or
Speaker 1: you can get creative and your culinary experiences by trying
Speaker 1: to figure out, oh what could I do without this?
Speaker 5: Then?
Speaker 1: So yeah, just stay out of the store, stay out
Speaker 1: of the places that you're seeing provide you those just
Speaker 1: upfront temptations to be spending more than what you want
Speaker 1: to be spending. Again, this is not going to be
Speaker 1: deprivation for the sake of deprivation. It's because you've already
Speaker 1: done the other work of identifying what do I want
Speaker 1: to do with my money and what are the things
Speaker 1: that trip me up? Is it the discretionary spending as
Speaker 1: it relates to shopping, Then how do we put these
Speaker 1: barricades in place that are going to help us exactly
Speaker 1: stick to those goals. This includes too, your online spending,
Speaker 1: So it might I mean, this could be like that
Speaker 1: loophole like, oh, I don't go into the stores, okay,
Speaker 1: but are you scrolling every night on Amazon as a
Speaker 1: way to kind of lull yourself to sleep.
Speaker 4: If you're on Amazon, you're in their store. If you
Speaker 4: go online, That's the way I see it. If you
Speaker 4: go online to a shop's website, you are in their store.
Speaker 4: So create boundaries, create a boundary around intentionally what you
Speaker 4: want to do. And I mean it just because and
Speaker 4: I always remind myself this. I always tell myself, Okay,
Speaker 4: target will always be there, because I had to have
Speaker 4: I had to do a whole Target detox. I mean,
Speaker 4: I love spending money and I had to remind myself
Speaker 4: Target will be there. They're not going away. Amazon isn't
Speaker 4: going away, the grocery store isn't going to shut down,
Speaker 4: so there will be time to come back and get
Speaker 4: that thing or add that item to your list for
Speaker 4: next time.
Speaker 3: Yes, well said, so.
Speaker 4: Tip number two in this article is to check your
Speaker 4: calendar before you make a budget. I have been guilty
Speaker 4: of totally forgetting, especially as my kids get older and
Speaker 4: they're invited to birthday parties, forgetting to include just smaller
Speaker 4: things that become just annoying to have to include after
Speaker 4: I've already written my budget. So I will even check
Speaker 4: my calendar. Chill. This might sound a little crazy, but
Speaker 4: when I'm making my budget, I do my best to
Speaker 4: estimate how much our family will spending gas. And my
Speaker 4: husband is a lot better at this than I am
Speaker 4: because I don't drive very far. I work from home,
Speaker 4: and I drop off and pick up my kids from school,
Speaker 4: and sometimes I walk there. It's less than a mile away.
Speaker 4: And we will literally look at our calendar and say like, Okay,
Speaker 4: are we going out of town any of these weekends? Okay, well,
Speaker 4: how many tanks of gas is it going to tank
Speaker 4: us to get to this state park in Texas where
Speaker 4: we're camping. Oh, it's going to take us one tank
Speaker 4: to get there and back and that's going to cost
Speaker 4: us sixty dollars. So by checking our calendar, we are
Speaker 4: just more intentional about the numbers we're putting down in
Speaker 4: our budget instead of just like totally guessing and then
Speaker 4: feeling like a failure whenever we get it wrong.
Speaker 1: I love that example because I could see that being
Speaker 1: easily glossed over. For me personally, I have my budget
Speaker 1: generally stays pretty similar with how much I have for food, gas,
Speaker 1: parking expend I have made a line item for parking
Speaker 1: because I needed to. It gave me permission because some
Speaker 1: months I'll spend like eighty dollars in park pally just
Speaker 1: because we live in a tourist destination.
Speaker 3: We've got guests a lot, we're.
Speaker 1: Going to events, We're sometimes parkings twenty.
Speaker 3: Bucks a pops.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But rather than be surprised by it, to know,
Speaker 1: this is where I live, this is the lifestyle that
Speaker 1: I'm living, and so I need to create a line
Speaker 1: item so that I'm not shocked by this. So that
Speaker 1: was a shift that was made. But now I kind
Speaker 1: of keep that as a line item. But I love
Speaker 1: the idea if it aligns with your lifestyle, to almost
Speaker 1: shift like, Okay, this month is going to be a
Speaker 1: little bit more for gas if needed, do I need
Speaker 1: to pull back in another area to give room for that.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll oscillate between what my grocery budget or my
Speaker 1: dining out budget is going to be. You know, sometimes
Speaker 1: my grocery budget budgets higher for a month, so I
Speaker 1: know I'm going to be home more, Or I'll look
Speaker 1: ahead and say, let's add more to the dining out
Speaker 1: and decrease the grocery budget.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I love that kind of ebb and flowing. And
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that oh, suddenly we're just pulling money
Speaker 1: out of nowhere. It's still working within the confines of
Speaker 1: what you earn, but figuring out where's this going to
Speaker 1: be allocated. You don't find yourself spending what you did
Speaker 1: last month on groceries forgetting that you're spending more on
Speaker 1: gas and then your left.
Speaker 4: And another thing I do is because I'm my husband
Speaker 4: is paid twice a month. I'm paid once a month.
Speaker 4: So when I write a budget, I'll look and see, Okay,
Speaker 4: we go to the grocery store on the weekends. How
Speaker 4: many weekends do I actually have to buy groceries with
Speaker 4: this paycheck? Is it two or three? Sometimes it's two,
Speaker 4: sometimes it's three. So my grocery budget, while I tend
Speaker 4: to keep it about the same amount, I kind of
Speaker 4: know our average and I just know what month some
Speaker 4: weeks are going to be higher or lower. I have
Speaker 4: to look at am I setting aside money for three
Speaker 4: weeks worth the groceries or two weeks worth the groceries,
Speaker 4: because that's a two hundred dollars difference, and that's big.
Speaker 4: So checking your calendar is just making sure you're looking
Speaker 4: forward to the things that like. As life, your day
Speaker 4: to day life changes and as you have event or
Speaker 4: if you have people coming over, you might buy more
Speaker 4: groceries that just the cost of hosting is increased. I
Speaker 4: look forward at the things we are doing and ask
Speaker 4: myself how much do I think this is going to
Speaker 4: cost me? Or will it change anything in my budget?
Speaker 4: And sometimes the answer is no, but a lot of
Speaker 4: times it's yes.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: This one ties in really beautifully with number three, which
Speaker 1: is revisit your budget often, and it could be often
Speaker 1: could mean for some people monthly, that could mean bi
Speaker 1: weekly or even weekly, but Essentially, the concept here is
Speaker 1: keeping a pulse on how am I doing so that
Speaker 1: you don't find yourself looking back thinking, oh, I totally
Speaker 1: messed it up, And then the tendency can be throw
Speaker 1: the whole thing out the window because one thing didn't work,
Speaker 1: whereas if we keep a pulse on it, we can
Speaker 1: make little tweaks along the way adjust and not feel
Speaker 1: so devastated that it didn't work out the way that
Speaker 1: we thought, and keep reminding yourself that for everyone, Like
Speaker 1: you even heard Allison just say, who is like the
Speaker 1: epitome of understanding budgets and other people's budgets that hasn't
Speaker 1: experienced a single month where it went exactly the way
Speaker 1: she thought it was going to go. That doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that there's buffer that creates space for that to happen,
Speaker 1: but all the more reason revisit it often, keep a
Speaker 1: pulse on it, know what's happening, so that you can
Speaker 1: feel confident.
Speaker 3: Really, that's what it's going to do.
Speaker 4: Build confidence exactly, and you don't feel like you're going
Speaker 4: in blind whenever you're going. When we don't revisit it,
Speaker 4: there's that fear of not checking, and as you continue
Speaker 4: to ignore it, it grows and grows and creates this monsters,
Speaker 4: just like my email inbox right, Like I literally told
Speaker 4: Jill earlier before we hit record that I have I
Speaker 4: have an designated hour set aside after this recording where
Speaker 4: I have yelled at myself in my calendar to deal
Speaker 4: with my important emails because for the past week and
Speaker 4: a half I've put them off and it has grown
Speaker 4: into this massive monster that is causing me all of
Speaker 4: that anxiety. Don't let your money be the monster that
Speaker 4: my email inboxes. That's what I have to say to that.
Speaker 3: Don't let your money do you?
Speaker 4: Does anyone hear when I come over and deal with
Speaker 4: my emails? Please? Please? I will pay someone. I'm at
Speaker 4: the point where I'm like, if I literally feel like
Speaker 4: I need someone to sit next to me, I will
Speaker 4: pay them fifty dollars to sit next to me, and
Speaker 4: like they just literally deal with it. Like I don't
Speaker 4: know if this is ADHD or if it's just or
Speaker 4: what it is, but who.
Speaker 3: Be there soon?
Speaker 1: Okay, great, thank you, I'll just drive do a quick
Speaker 1: little bop over to Houston.
Speaker 4: That'd be perfect. I appreciate it. Number four in this
Speaker 4: list is to keep your goals visible. So, whether you're
Speaker 4: paying off debt or you want to invest and you
Speaker 4: want to track your investments, you're tracking your debt payoff.
Speaker 4: I think that a lot of that discretionary spending tends
Speaker 4: to be impulsive or based on emotions. And so if
Speaker 4: we have our goals visible, whether they are hanging on
Speaker 4: our fridge, it is the background on our phone, it
Speaker 4: can help you just pause and think through before you
Speaker 4: make a purchase and just remind you like, hey, is
Speaker 4: this I don't know what's something I bought recently? I'm
Speaker 4: trying to think I buy too many things? But is
Speaker 4: this I got this cart from a Target that I
Speaker 4: don't use anymore. I use it for one night, one
Speaker 4: of those metal rolling carts.
Speaker 1: Is that I'm obsessed with carts. I don't know, okay,
Speaker 1: carts and tiny dishes.
Speaker 4: Well, you can come over and check my emails and
Speaker 4: deal with my email inbox. I'll pay you fifty dollars
Speaker 4: and I'll send you back with a cart. How does
Speaker 4: that sound? The perfect cart that I don't need. But regardless,
Speaker 4: by keeping your goals visible, it can allow you to
Speaker 4: pause and just maybe be one more speed bump before
Speaker 4: you click by now or get something that might derail
Speaker 4: you or make that choice, or be the speed bump
Speaker 4: to say like, hey, I want this. It's not in
Speaker 4: my budget this month, but I'm going to find a
Speaker 4: way to add it to my budget next month. Love it.
Speaker 1: The next one, number five is track your spending every day. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say that, oh.
Speaker 4: Sacious, I disagreeheartily. You are trash, Alan.
Speaker 3: I don't disagree.
Speaker 5: Whoa whoa.
Speaker 3: Yourself? I would never know.
Speaker 1: So I think that this is a really great tip
Speaker 1: for a specific period of time or certain personalities.
Speaker 3: So for me, I actually do like to track my spending.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I do it every day, but
Speaker 1: I am looking at my spending pretty regularly. I don't
Speaker 1: know that I could say that that is going to
Speaker 1: be the best move for everybody. Not everybody is wired
Speaker 1: the same way as me. For some, that might create
Speaker 1: unnecessary anxiety. So I think assess your own personhood and
Speaker 1: whether or not this is a reasonable way of going
Speaker 1: about things.
Speaker 3: But I would recommend it.
Speaker 1: For people earlier on in their journey, particularly those who
Speaker 1: are wondering where their money goes every month? Why do
Speaker 1: I seem to keep getting tripped up? Where's the disconnect.
Speaker 1: I think that this is definitely a tool for a
Speaker 1: season that could be really helpful to rein it in.
Speaker 3: Gain an understanding.
Speaker 1: We really can't respond to anything in our lives until
Speaker 1: we have a decent grasp on what is the issue,
Speaker 1: what's going on. I can't intervene on an argument or
Speaker 1: a conflict if I don't have a decent understanding of, well,
Speaker 1: what are both sides saying about this. It's a really
Speaker 1: kind of random example, but I can't.
Speaker 4: Get political politics here.
Speaker 3: Now. I'm a social worker, and so sometimes that is
Speaker 3: a part of the equation, like.
Speaker 1: I can't Yeah, I can't mediate well anyhow, we can't
Speaker 1: shift behavioral aspects of ourselves. We can't know what needs
Speaker 1: to shift in our finances if we don't have a
Speaker 1: good grasp on well, what are the things that need
Speaker 1: to shift the biggest things. And sometimes we almost are
Speaker 1: like throwing spaghetti at a wall or a dart while
Speaker 1: we're blindfolded, thinking we know, oh, it's probably my eating out,
Speaker 1: Oh it's probably this, probably that many times, and you
Speaker 1: can probably speak to this too, Alison. What we hear
Speaker 1: from people when they actually dig in is there's surprises.
Speaker 1: There's surprises somewhere maybe it's oh yeah, yeah, it is
Speaker 1: the eating out, and maybe it's more than you thought
Speaker 1: it was, or maybe it's less than you thought it was.
Speaker 1: So there's some sort of knowledge that can be gleaned
Speaker 1: from doing this. So yes, I agree with it to
Speaker 1: a point. Yeah, to be tracking your spending dimers.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I would say that tracking your spending all
Speaker 4: it is is you looking at the facts and finding
Speaker 4: patterns in it. And that's like, I don't know. I've
Speaker 4: been reading this book on anxiety with one of my
Speaker 4: children who is struggling with anxiety, and it's like, when
Speaker 4: you have a thought, and this is how they teach
Speaker 4: it to children. When you have a thought, you have
Speaker 4: to act like a lawyer and defend that thought. So
Speaker 4: when you don't know where your money is going, when
Speaker 4: you feel like you're constantly getting off tracked, when you
Speaker 4: start uttering the words like oh this doesn't work for
Speaker 4: me because or I don't know why I make decent
Speaker 4: money but I feel like there's nothing ever left, or
Speaker 4: why am I still stressed about this? Or I make
Speaker 4: too much money to feel this way. Well, then you
Speaker 4: need to be a lawyer. And a lawyer digs into
Speaker 4: the details, and they look at the facts. So we
Speaker 4: have to look at the facts and the patterns of
Speaker 4: our spending, and we do that by tracking our spending.
Speaker 4: And so that allows us to make decisions based on facts,
Speaker 4: not decisions based on emotions. Because even though even though
Speaker 4: it's all our spending, we think we know it to
Speaker 4: a t, but we don't because we're sometimes blind to it.
Speaker 3: So yeah, that's helpful.
Speaker 4: Be a lawyer in your own money, track your spending
Speaker 4: by and then look for the patterns and make decisions
Speaker 4: based on those patterns, not based on what you think
Speaker 4: you do, how you think you act with me, but
Speaker 4: based on what your past has told you, the facts.
Speaker 1: And then charge yourself three hundred dollars per twenty minutes Jerry.
Speaker 4: Gowers, absolutely, which will cost you zero dollars because you'll
Speaker 4: pay it back so at all even out Okay. And
Speaker 4: then the last one, which I think is one of
Speaker 4: my favorite personal favorites. Not everybody has to do this,
Speaker 4: is to find yourself a budget buddy. I think that
Speaker 4: there is so much power and joy and accountability. It
Speaker 4: doesn't even have to be someone you physically know in person.
Speaker 4: It can be someone online. It could be a community
Speaker 4: I mean, you guys have the Frugal Friends Club. Even
Speaker 4: that adds in this layer of accountability and feeling like
Speaker 4: you're not doing it alone. So whether you ask a
Speaker 4: partner to get on board with you, a friend that
Speaker 4: you can just talk about these things with, a parent,
Speaker 4: a house plant, just don't do it alone is essentially
Speaker 4: it comes down to.
Speaker 3: And I love alliteration.
Speaker 1: So budget Buddy is so fun and it makes it
Speaker 1: fun too, I think, and I love to talk about
Speaker 1: accountability from the lens of knowing and being known, not
Speaker 1: just to have some drill sergeant in your life who
Speaker 1: shames you. I think sometimes we can associate the word
Speaker 1: accountability to that just someone who's going to say like, well.
Speaker 3: Did you did you do it? Or did you follow? Really,
Speaker 3: why are you?
Speaker 4: I think I'll feel like, no, that's great. Interesting.
Speaker 1: If you are someone who sees it that way, then
Speaker 1: then knowing and being known might be a more approachable
Speaker 1: term where okay, for you're sharing and you're encouraging one another,
Speaker 1: not just checking in on did you didn't you, which
Speaker 1: can often lead to shame.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's interesting how everyone sees it different. I love that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it does well.
Speaker 1: This kind of blends into our next article, which comes
Speaker 1: from Aaron Gobbler and is entitled how to Stop comparing
Speaker 1: yourself to others Financially? And I like the segue here
Speaker 1: because I think one of the pitfalls to knowing the
Speaker 1: realities of other people's budgets is this comparison trap and
Speaker 1: so being able to talk about how to take the meat,
Speaker 1: spit out the bones where it can be helpful to Okay,
Speaker 1: here's what we've learned from seventy five different people's budgets.
Speaker 1: But as you've already talked about, everyone's money is different,
Speaker 1: and the way that we all approach money is going
Speaker 1: to be different, and some people are really going to
Speaker 1: want to rake us over the coals for the decisions
Speaker 1: that we make with money, but to really highlight the
Speaker 1: permission and the freedom and to know that there is
Speaker 1: things that can be gleaned. There are some of these
Speaker 1: overarching themes, and knowing what other people's budgets are there
Speaker 1: can be really beautiful benefits and even following people who
Speaker 1: show the budgets because it can highlight oh I didn't
Speaker 1: think about that, or yeah that I need to rein
Speaker 1: that in too. But where it can go awry is
Speaker 1: in comparison. Oh man, I don't make that much. I'd
Speaker 1: love to be able to spend that amount on this thing,
Speaker 1: or I'll never get to that place. Or man, I'm
Speaker 1: not investing as much as that person, And that can
Speaker 1: be a really awful trap. And so for that reason,
Speaker 1: I think it's worth saying, how do we stay out
Speaker 1: of that comparison trap? Allow other people's budgets and financial
Speaker 1: decisions to inform us, but then not get like sucked
Speaker 1: into this vortex.
Speaker 3: It's not helpful.
Speaker 4: Yes, okay, so here's a confession. And I have never
Speaker 4: confessed this or said this publicly or out loud.
Speaker 1: Oh my, but this all the episodes are just getting
Speaker 1: too seeable forgetting.
Speaker 4: Ok So, my intention behind my Real People budget series
Speaker 4: was really to show different numbers and not even informed,
Speaker 4: but to inspire. My thought was, and I'm really to teach,
Speaker 4: like here's what it could look like, but to inspire
Speaker 4: people to to write their own budget. That was honestly
Speaker 4: my intention, and that is still my intention. However, people
Speaker 4: it has I see that it has had some negative impact,
Speaker 4: which makes me really sad. Honestly, when I do see
Speaker 4: people responding in the way of this is so unrealistic,
Speaker 4: and I will have people say this is unrealistic, There's
Speaker 4: no way I can make this much each month, or
Speaker 4: how people say this is unrealistic. I live in California
Speaker 4: and make this much each month, and I could never
Speaker 4: like live off of the same rent that someone in
Speaker 4: a you know, country town in the Louisiana is getting.
Speaker 4: So it's like both ends. There is this almost this
Speaker 4: anger Jill, And sometimes I'm like, am I making people angry?
Speaker 4: Or my budgets making people angry? And some of them do.
Speaker 4: But I have to come back to that is our
Speaker 4: own way of choosing to respond. And so if we
Speaker 4: we can take any type of information that comes at us,
Speaker 4: we get to choose how to respond. So, whether you
Speaker 4: are comparing your financial situation to someone else when it
Speaker 4: comes to the amount they're investing, the type of car
Speaker 4: they drive, the house they can afford, the places they
Speaker 4: can take their kids, or the trips they can go
Speaker 4: on with their partner, it all comes back to how
Speaker 4: are we responding to that? Because I fully believe we
Speaker 4: have a choice. We can choose to become angry or
Speaker 4: we can choose to become inspired.
Speaker 1: Yep, yeah, And we can choose what we are allowing
Speaker 1: to inform us. I guess the meaning we're attaching to
Speaker 1: that thing, because yeah, I'm talking about financial personal finance
Speaker 1: influencers online, but it's not just that it's our it's
Speaker 1: the people in our own lives as we just see
Speaker 1: these nuggets of what they are affording or doing with
Speaker 1: their lives, and maybe they're not affording it, which is
Speaker 1: one of the reasons why. Yeah, we're going to talk
Speaker 1: about not falling into this comparison trap. So let's go
Speaker 1: through at first. So the article's kind of broken into
Speaker 1: two pieces. First, why you need to stop comparing yourself
Speaker 1: and I think that this is helpful to kind of
Speaker 1: build the foundation of Okay, but why why we focus
Speaker 1: in on this and then and then how So we're
Speaker 1: going to first start start on why and the first
Speaker 1: one that they listen that they list on here is
Speaker 1: because you're only seeing the highlight reel and I would
Speaker 1: I would say, yes, this is absolutely true about those
Speaker 1: in our personal lives, those on Instagram and TikTok, who
Speaker 1: aren't even personal finance people just influencing you in other areas.
Speaker 1: We are only seeing for the most part, the best
Speaker 1: of the best, even the situations where we get to
Speaker 1: dig into other people's budgets, I still feel as though
Speaker 1: it misses a good amount, right, It still is only
Speaker 1: the budget picture of that person. It is not their
Speaker 1: physical life, their emotional life, their mental life there you
Speaker 1: name it, their a life. It still is only a
Speaker 1: fraction that we're seeing there. And I think sometimes I'm
Speaker 1: not saying this about your budget reviews, but sometimes I
Speaker 1: see budget reviews online where I'm like, well, where's the
Speaker 1: internet bill, where's the phone bill? Where's that? Like it
Speaker 1: still feels like sometimes there are things lacking there that
Speaker 1: we're not seeing, and that's the reason why we can't
Speaker 1: take that and make it work for us. And so
Speaker 1: just reminding ourselves for that reason, like we're not seeing
Speaker 1: the full picture. Even if you're seeing the full budget,
Speaker 1: you're still not seeing the full picture. And so it
Speaker 1: just might not be super beneficial. Again where it goes
Speaker 1: off the rails. It can be beneficial in highlighting things
Speaker 1: for you, whatever meaning you choose to attach to it,
Speaker 1: but still recognizing it can be a trap because we
Speaker 1: may be only seeing the best of the best.
Speaker 4: Yes, if you find yourself like looking at someone else's
Speaker 4: finances as people share it more online these days. If
Speaker 4: it starts making you feel icky, if it starts making
Speaker 4: you feel bad about yourself, that is your red flag
Speaker 4: to come back to this episode and listen to it
Speaker 4: again and do the work on it right, because we
Speaker 4: can't force that person to stop, but we can't think
Speaker 4: about why does it feel that way and what are
Speaker 4: some things you can do moving forward so that way
Speaker 4: you don't feel icky and gross after doing that. Another thing,
Speaker 4: another reason why it's important for us to stop comparing
Speaker 4: our finances to other people's is because, and I fully
Speaker 4: believe this, it can slow down your progress. It can
Speaker 4: cause you to doubt question things. It could even make
Speaker 4: you say like, oh, my gosh, this person their goal
Speaker 4: is to pay off their car, but I wasn't paying
Speaker 4: off my car. I was investing because my car is
Speaker 4: not it doesn't have a high interest rate. Maybe I
Speaker 4: should pay off my car. And when we go back
Speaker 4: and forth, it can slow down our own progress with
Speaker 4: our money.
Speaker 1: Yes, oh, it's so true, because you don't know the reasons,
Speaker 1: but the decisions that they're making, and that might not
Speaker 1: be the best decision for you. They also list here
Speaker 1: that comparison can lead to more spending and they reference
Speaker 1: a survey from twenty nineteen that found that forty eight
Speaker 1: percent of millennials had spent money they didn't have and
Speaker 1: even gone into debt to keep up with their friends.
Speaker 1: And I do think that this is a relatively somewhat
Speaker 1: unique problem, a current issue with the amount of access
Speaker 1: we have to all people celebrity. We have so much
Speaker 1: more access to celebrity, and they're rich and the famous,
Speaker 1: and we're getting all these behind the scenes things that
Speaker 1: I feel like that resurgence has only recently happened with
Speaker 1: the Internet within the past few decades, where we have
Speaker 1: this overwhelming ability to see into the lives of others
Speaker 1: and realize what we don't have. Then that can lead
Speaker 1: to how do I get that then, which might lead
Speaker 1: us to compromise our own goals and spend beyond our means,
Speaker 1: And that is a that's a real trap of comparison
Speaker 1: y for sure.
Speaker 4: Exactly it used to be you can only compare yourself
Speaker 4: to your neighbor or the people in your town, and
Speaker 4: they were, you know, all working in the same place,
Speaker 4: same type of living, costs of living, everything. So now
Speaker 4: it's definitely changed. And the last one I think might
Speaker 4: be my favorite.
Speaker 3: She says.
Speaker 4: Another reason why we need to stop comparing is because
Speaker 4: your priorities aren't the same. And I have seen this
Speaker 4: in my own family with my children. As my kids
Speaker 4: have gotten older, my oldest son has questioned, why is
Speaker 4: it that so and so gets this much spent on
Speaker 4: their Christmas, but I only get this much spent? Why
Speaker 4: is it that they can have this but I can't
Speaker 4: have this? And I have had that conversation. My husband
Speaker 4: I sat and down and we said, listen, there priorities,
Speaker 4: what they are doing with their money is different. We
Speaker 4: spend money every month, and we invest money every month
Speaker 4: so that way we can retire and you don't have
Speaker 4: to help us out. We are setting aside money for
Speaker 4: your college. They aren't doing that. We don't know if
Speaker 4: they are doing that, but we would rather set aside
Speaker 4: money every month for your college, which means that you
Speaker 4: might not get all this extravagant, over the top Christmas gifts.
Speaker 4: And that's okay. Our priorities are different. This is what
Speaker 4: our famili's priorities are, and our spending is in alignment
Speaker 4: with them. We don't know that family's priorities, and so
Speaker 4: we have to make choices based off of our own
Speaker 4: and just even teaching a ten eleven year old that
Speaker 4: has been very interesting because he still doesn't really.
Speaker 1: Get which which starts at a deeper level of even
Speaker 1: knowing what your priorities are. And I think sometimes that's
Speaker 1: what can trip people up is if we've not done
Speaker 1: that previous work of identifying what do I value? Where
Speaker 1: are my priorities, then we will get pulled in all
Speaker 1: these different directions.
Speaker 3: Oh what are they doing? Okay, that's probably what I.
Speaker 1: Should do without any thought given to Is that actually
Speaker 1: smart for me? Is that where my priorities lie?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: So, And that actually is bleeding into the how to
Speaker 1: stop how to stop comparing ourselves where they talk about
Speaker 1: putting your own goals front and center. Goals, values, priorities.
Speaker 1: We can use these similar terms, all within the same
Speaker 1: pool of each other. And this is going to require
Speaker 1: some of that beginning foundational work of what are my goals?
Speaker 1: What do I want to see in my life, both
Speaker 1: in the short term, medium term, long term, and how
Speaker 1: can I keep those things at the forefront. You and
Speaker 1: I Allison talked in episode three or nine about your
Speaker 1: book where you start off with talking about catalysts, what
Speaker 1: is your motivator. What is the thing that you can
Speaker 1: keep front and center that's going to be longer than
Speaker 1: the daily frustrations that you face, that's going to be
Speaker 1: stronger than the comparison trap. What are those things? And
Speaker 1: it can be really good to actually write these things
Speaker 1: down to give yourself some time to engage in what.
Speaker 3: Are my goals?
Speaker 1: And if you've already done that work because you listen
Speaker 1: to three oh nine, the great you can kind of
Speaker 1: like move on.
Speaker 3: To step two.
Speaker 1: But this is really where we talk about values. What
Speaker 1: do you value? Put those things front and center so
Speaker 1: that you are more You've got a little bit more teflon?
Speaker 1: Is that not teflon? Chain mail around you, like you've
Speaker 1: got more protection? Okay, probably using a real red illustration like.
Speaker 4: Forward this to nights and Shine. I'm thinking you said
Speaker 4: chain mail. I'm thinking forward this email the thirty nine
Speaker 4: people or else you will have a curse place upon you,
Speaker 4: like that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Isn't that what they call isn't it chain mail that
Speaker 1: like you put on as like armor, like protective armor,
Speaker 1: steel armory way back in like the fourteen hundred whatever.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm losing you. What I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Is these things are protections in that comparison trap.
Speaker 3: Once you've done this work, it's not as if.
Speaker 1: You're not going to encounter other people who you might
Speaker 1: get these tinges of jealousy or should I be doing that?
Speaker 3: You can quickly be at ease because you can.
Speaker 1: Remember, well, no, because of this, because these are my values,
Speaker 1: these are my priorities, these are the things I've identified
Speaker 1: and I'm working on.
Speaker 4: Yes, if you don't identify your own priorities, goals, and values,
Speaker 4: then everyone else will try to identify them for you,
Speaker 4: and you'll be trying to work towards everything. Don't do it.
Speaker 4: It's not worth it. You don't have enough time, money, energy,
Speaker 4: or mental space to do all of it. So figure
Speaker 4: out what you want to say, what matters the most
Speaker 4: to you. The second thing is to change the way
Speaker 4: you think about money, which really goes into having a
Speaker 4: better mindset around money. I know that I know that
Speaker 4: I entered the adult world, I will say, with not
Speaker 4: a great mindset around money, and honestly a lot of
Speaker 4: inger around money and the way I saw money. And
Speaker 4: so in this article she talks about how to change
Speaker 4: your mindset and the way you think about money, and
Speaker 4: how like if you're paying off debt instead of thinking
Speaker 4: about it in this super negative way, being able to say, like, okay,
Speaker 4: even though I did go into college debt and I
Speaker 4: have these out of control student loans, think about, okay, well,
Speaker 4: even though that sucks and I don't like it, what
Speaker 4: has that debt allowed me to do?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 4: What has that opened the doors for me? And even
Speaker 4: like I would say credit card debt, there's so much
Speaker 4: shame and guilt surrounding credit card debt, and you might
Speaker 4: be sitting here thinking like, well, Allison, how do I
Speaker 4: change my mindset about my credit card debt? That is,
Speaker 4: I'm so angry that I did. And the way I
Speaker 4: see it is saying like, okay, you change your mindset
Speaker 4: by saying this was in the past and I did
Speaker 4: the best I could with what I knew at the time.
Speaker 4: And just because I made that choice in the past
Speaker 4: doesn't mean that it identifies or tells me who I
Speaker 4: am now or in the future. So changing your mindset
Speaker 4: around it can honestly just help you not compare your
Speaker 4: personal finance situation and where you found yourself to other people,
Speaker 4: because you know that where you are now doesn't necessarily
Speaker 4: mean where you're going to end up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Really just creating freedom and permission and kindness
Speaker 1: to yourself for the decisions your previous self made. It's
Speaker 1: going to go better for us in future financial decisions
Speaker 1: that we make if we can remove that shame that's
Speaker 1: attached to Oh, but I have all this dead or
Speaker 1: exactly yeah, for vacation or for student loans or whatever.
Speaker 1: And then from there, and this is related to mindset
Speaker 1: as well, practicing gratitude for what you have. I think
Speaker 1: that this is one of the best, most tangible tips
Speaker 1: when we find ourselves comparing on anything, whether it's experiences
Speaker 1: or money or what people get to have, when we
Speaker 1: can look at, well, what can I be grateful for?
Speaker 1: I think that this is really what leads us into
Speaker 1: a mindset and lifestyle of contentment, which that can follow
Speaker 1: us throughout a lifetime and make significant dents in our
Speaker 1: financial approach and what we experience within our finances. Not
Speaker 1: necessarily as a means to an end, like I'm going
Speaker 1: to be grateful so I can be rich, but just
Speaker 1: gratitude for the sake of contentment and training and practicing
Speaker 1: that I don't need to get caught up in just
Speaker 1: this jealousy or striving or shame for the things that
Speaker 1: I don't have, but rather practicing gratitude for what I
Speaker 1: do have. And I love that that's something we can
Speaker 1: do regularly. It's an action item that can be something
Speaker 1: that we do each more or afternoon or evening to
Speaker 1: think about what am I grateful for and even what
Speaker 1: did the mistakes that I feel I've made with finances
Speaker 1: allow me to do? Okay, I may not love the
Speaker 1: fact that I took out a ton of student loans,
Speaker 1: but that granted me an education that I now am
Speaker 1: working in that field and I'm able to, yeah, have
Speaker 1: a more easier time getting hired because of that education
Speaker 1: that I got. Or I got to meet this person
Speaker 1: at the university that I went to, or I got
Speaker 1: to have a really just fun four years you want
Speaker 1: to look at it, But practicing that gratitude, which can
Speaker 1: lead to contentment, can really help us get out of
Speaker 1: the comparison trap across the board.
Speaker 4: And I will say one more thing added onto gratitude.
Speaker 4: I really think it's a skill that needs to be practiced,
Speaker 4: especially if it doesn't come easily to you or you
Speaker 4: didn't see it modeled for you. It has to be
Speaker 4: something that you intentionally do until it becomes part of
Speaker 4: who you are. And that's okay. It's okay if you
Speaker 4: have to like set a timer on your phone every
Speaker 4: day an alarm goes off at this time, that's like
Speaker 4: write down three things, or think about three things, or
Speaker 4: tell one person three things that you're grateful for. That's okay.
Speaker 4: It is not always going to be that way, but
Speaker 4: we have to practice that skill for it to become
Speaker 4: part of who we are. And then the last one,
Speaker 4: which I love personally, is to reduce time on social media.
Speaker 4: And basically, I know you guessed it. Social media is
Speaker 4: the root of all evil. No I'm kidding, it's not really,
Speaker 4: But as someone who uses social media to help my
Speaker 4: business grow, it can take a stronghold over our life.
Speaker 4: And when we find ourselves just continuing to scroll on
Speaker 4: whatever platform is and current and hoppen at the time,
Speaker 4: doesn't matter, it applies to all of them, it can
Speaker 4: lead us to start comparing because we have such easy access,
Speaker 4: like we talked about earlier, to so many people's lives,
Speaker 4: and we can use that to highlight what we don't have.
Speaker 4: And when we are using social media to highlight what
Speaker 4: we don't have. That's when we need to say, Okay,
Speaker 4: I need to create some boundaries around my social media
Speaker 4: use because it's not good for my own emotions and
Speaker 4: my own mental health right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think this one touches too on what we've
Speaker 1: found is really important for people when it comes to
Speaker 1: their finances, which is community. And I think often we
Speaker 1: will turn to social media for that. Sometimes it can
Speaker 1: provide that, but many times not. The online platforms can
Speaker 1: provide community and are real in life people that we're
Speaker 1: interacting with can provide community, but we're less likely to
Speaker 1: find it just in the common and section.
Speaker 4: Of some posts exactly.
Speaker 1: So I think that identifying Okay, what is it that
Speaker 1: I'm looking for when I'm going on social media and
Speaker 1: can I find a more beneficial version of that for
Speaker 1: myself that's related to community and belonging and knowing and
Speaker 1: being known and feeling seen and supporting others and encouraging others.
Speaker 1: That helps me to get out of the comparison trap.
Speaker 1: Find that, engage in that, invest in that more with
Speaker 1: your time and energy. And I think, yeah, this all
Speaker 1: kind of ties into what we learn from people who
Speaker 1: talk about their money barriers. It's both like the discretionary
Speaker 1: spending and tangible tools and how to rein that in,
Speaker 1: but it's also when it comes to real people money,
Speaker 1: all of us, real people find ourselves in comparison traps.
Speaker 1: So I think these two kind of go hand in hand,
Speaker 1: where it's talking about what can we actually do, what
Speaker 1: are the action points and what are the mindset shifts
Speaker 1: that we need to be implementing, and some of the
Speaker 1: work on our personhood that needs to happen in order
Speaker 1: to earn from those around us, those who have gone
Speaker 1: before us, those who are currently working on different goals.
Speaker 1: So yeah, and speaking of just what we've learned after
Speaker 1: so many years, and it's to stick with the good stuff,
Speaker 1: give the people what they want, and just keep coming
Speaker 1: at them with a beautiful segment.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you know what that is, right, the bill
Speaker 4: of the week.
Speaker 2: That's right, it's time for the best minute of your
Speaker 2: entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name
Speaker 2: is Williams.
Speaker 4: Maybe you've paid off your mortgage, maybe.
Speaker 2: Your car died and you're happy to not have to
Speaker 2: pay that bill anymore. That's bill Buffalo bills, Bill Clon,
Speaker 2: this is the bill of the week.
Speaker 3: Hi, Jenn and Jill.
Speaker 5: This is Elizabeth from Nashville. As an avoidant kind of person,
Speaker 5: my favorite kind of bill is the kind that you
Speaker 5: don't open.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 5: For some reason, I decided to check my mail today
Speaker 5: and I got a wild hair and decided to open
Speaker 5: a statement from my mortgage lender. Well, they told me
Speaker 5: that I've been putting an excess amount of money into
Speaker 5: my escrow account, and they're going to reduce my total
Speaker 5: mortgage payment at least for the next year. So I'm
Speaker 5: going to have about fifty dollars extra per month. So
Speaker 5: sometimes opening your mail and looking at your bills can
Speaker 5: be a good thing.
Speaker 1: Amazing, Elizabeth from Nashville opening your mail finding bills reduced,
Speaker 1: how beautiful.
Speaker 4: And not even what would be but every month that's
Speaker 4: six hundred dollars Like that's amazing. Look, could you you know? Thanks?
Speaker 3: Wow?
Speaker 4: This half twelve time.
Speaker 1: You know, Elizabeth, what you're gonna choose to do with
Speaker 1: that extra fifty dollars, I, if it were me, would
Speaker 1: put that towards my principle on my mortgage.
Speaker 4: That's what I would do. That's what I would do to.
Speaker 1: Me if you choose to buy chocolate with it, I'm
Speaker 1: also here for you, Elizabeth.
Speaker 4: I love that. I love that idea.
Speaker 3: I mean, chocout fifty dollars a month for chocolate?
Speaker 4: Is the lot a lot of chocolate? What about ten
Speaker 4: dollars for chocolate? Forty dollars for the principal M? Sounds good?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, let us know it, Elizabeth, what you choose to
Speaker 1: do if you all are out there listening and you're
Speaker 1: opening your mail and you're finding bills in there, bills reduced?
Speaker 3: Bill's you?
Speaker 1: Oh, but you don't mind paying them? Or or your
Speaker 1: mailman's name is Bill. Your male person's name is Bill.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm just daydreaming about that. Does Aprougal Friends podcast
Speaker 1: dot com slash Bill leave us your bill? You No,
Speaker 1: We're here for it. And now it's time for the
Speaker 1: liner around.
Speaker 3: That's it.
Speaker 4: I was like, what do I say?
Speaker 3: Did you feel more prepared for it? I did? I did?
Speaker 4: It wasn't so aggressive, it was nice. I enjoined it.
Speaker 3: You're welcome, thank you?
Speaker 4: All right.
Speaker 1: So this question again comes from our amazing podcast manager Goldie,
Speaker 1: who asks, how do you reduce instances of comparing your
Speaker 1: financial situation to others? I love the wording of this
Speaker 1: reduce instances, not get rid of it altogether, because I
Speaker 1: think it's a reality of being human, Like we see
Speaker 1: what other people have.
Speaker 3: I want, I want, that's cool. How do I have that?
Speaker 1: It's just like how marketing and sales is built on
Speaker 1: always and forever. So there's something to that. But how
Speaker 1: do we reduce instances? Okay, Allison, what you got for us?
Speaker 4: Mine is something that actually I had to go through
Speaker 4: therapy to figure this out. This is actually something that
Speaker 4: I have talked about in therapy, and it is to
Speaker 4: remind myself that I'm not seeing the entire picture of
Speaker 4: someone's life. And also I don't really want to see
Speaker 4: the entire picture of someone's life. That's too much information.
Speaker 4: But I'm only seeing what they want me to see
Speaker 4: versus what's happening behind the scenes. So I fully understand
Speaker 4: that everyone's financial situation is not just about money. It's
Speaker 4: not It is about their choices that they're making when
Speaker 4: it comes to their hobbies, their activities, where they live,
Speaker 4: their family, everything like that. It's so nuanced that I
Speaker 4: have to remember that there's no way I can see everything.
Speaker 4: And so just because their financial situation might look better
Speaker 4: or something that I want I might not actually want that.
Speaker 4: And particularly I went to therapy once and it was
Speaker 4: about comparing myself to another person and their business, and
Speaker 4: I was like, they're making so like I was comparing
Speaker 4: my my business income and my growth to theirs. And
Speaker 4: she said, but you don't know how many hours a
Speaker 4: week that person is working. And one of the things
Speaker 4: you told me was that you don't want to work
Speaker 4: more than thirty hours a week or twenty five hours
Speaker 4: a week. And lo and behold, Jill, I ended up
Speaker 4: like becoming friends with this person. We're good friends. And
Speaker 4: she told me, she was like, I was working like
Speaker 4: sixty to seventy hours a week when I was doing that,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, it's very it was very eye opening
Speaker 4: to be like, Okay, I don't see the full picture.
Speaker 4: I don't know what's happening, and I don't want to
Speaker 4: work that I would trade. I wouldn't trade that time
Speaker 4: for money in my own case. So remembering you don't
Speaker 4: know the entire picture, and that your people's financial situations
Speaker 4: well has less to do with money a lot of times,
Speaker 4: and more to do with so many other things in
Speaker 4: their life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh, that's such a helpful example. It's occurring to
Speaker 1: me that this is a difficult tension because the complete
Speaker 1: opposite of comparing ourselves too much to people that we
Speaker 1: get caught in that vortex. The opposite of that, I
Speaker 1: would imagine is thinking, just like so highly of ourselves,
Speaker 1: and look how great I am and how much better
Speaker 1: my decisions are and my circumstances are. Like if there
Speaker 1: was two extremes, I think those are the opposite ends
Speaker 1: of each other. And so finding yourself somewhere in the middle,
Speaker 1: or maybe holding the tension, like allowing one person to
Speaker 1: inform or multiple people of Okay, what can I glean
Speaker 1: from their life circumstances while not going so far to
Speaker 1: the other end of Well, my situation is just superior
Speaker 1: and I make all the best decisions, and sometimes personality
Speaker 1: can play into that. So for me, it's helpful to
Speaker 1: remind myself of my own story and the progress that
Speaker 1: I've made in the last one two five years. I
Speaker 1: think what can happen for me is a similar honestly
Speaker 1: to what you're describing, but I'll see other people and
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to personal finance, I mean, that's
Speaker 1: a world I am more and more steeped in as
Speaker 1: a result of this podcast and hearing I can think, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm doing I feel really good about the decisions that
Speaker 1: we've made and the growth that I've seen, And then
Speaker 1: I can hear someone else who's like doing all of
Speaker 1: these things and they are like ten steps ahead of me,
Speaker 1: and that can inform goals. It can open this door
Speaker 1: to oh, that might be the next step that's available
Speaker 1: for me, but yet not becoming so down on myself
Speaker 1: that I'm not there right now that it's okay to
Speaker 1: be where I am now. It's okay to then have goals,
Speaker 1: but there's not going to be that snap of the
Speaker 1: fingers to be where someone else is ten steps ahead
Speaker 1: of me, and then to remember, oh, but I've already
Speaker 1: made progress. Like you know, five years ago, and I've
Speaker 1: talked about this on the podcast, Eric and I were
Speaker 1: making significantly less money than we are now. So while
Speaker 1: maybe we're at this point where we are very similar
Speaker 1: in our earning to someone else that I might be
Speaker 1: looking up to, I still might not be able to
Speaker 1: make the same investing decisions that they can because I'm
Speaker 1: still recovering from recovering from and say it that way,
Speaker 1: it feels that from like whoe income, Like, there are
Speaker 1: still some things that I am getting in order as
Speaker 1: a result of you know, maybe this this tier of
Speaker 1: income that that I'm in that I don't it's still
Speaker 1: not available to me to make the same decisions that
Speaker 1: someone else is making. So I think it's it's that
Speaker 1: it's that tension, and I think having this conversation makes
Speaker 1: me realize it's not so simple as just stop comparing yourself,
Speaker 1: because there's benefits. Allow it to inform you about what
Speaker 1: the decisions that you want to make, but then also
Speaker 1: move yourself to gratitude, contentment, reminders of the decisions you've
Speaker 1: made for yourself and how you can inform yourself in
Speaker 1: beneficial ways, but stay away from the shape.
Speaker 4: Yes, it's definitely a delicate dance and one that changes
Speaker 4: over time. So I'm glad we're talking about it. It's important.
Speaker 4: So thank you so much for listening. Many of you
Speaker 4: know that Frugal Friends has a membership for their listeners
Speaker 4: who are paying off debt, and it's so awesome because
Speaker 4: they do monthly money challenges and offer accountability groups, which
Speaker 4: so many of the members love. And we want to
Speaker 4: congratulate one of our members for a big win. This
Speaker 4: win comes from Rebecca Parker, and she says, I have
Speaker 4: been working to save some money so that I can
Speaker 4: buy five pound bags of coffee at my local shop
Speaker 4: and save about three dollars per back. First off, I
Speaker 4: love that she's shopping locally and buying in bulk finding
Speaker 4: those savings. My husband gave me a gift card to
Speaker 4: the shop, so I'm going to be able to buy
Speaker 4: my two bags today. I drink half calf, so I
Speaker 4: get a bag of regular and a bag of DCAF.
Speaker 4: Small differences make bigger long term wins. I love that
Speaker 4: finding ways to save money by buying things in bulk
Speaker 4: that you're actually going to use, especially when it comes
Speaker 4: to caffeine. I'm all about that.
Speaker 3: And keeping it local.
Speaker 5: There.
Speaker 1: I see so many values coming out of what you've
Speaker 1: shared in this win, which is really cool.
Speaker 3: Rebecca, congrats.
Speaker 4: Thank you for listening to another of one of my
Speaker 4: favorite Frugal Friends episodes because I get to co host
Speaker 4: with Jill while Jen is out. If you want to
Speaker 4: check out the BFF club membership where they have all
Speaker 4: kinds of courses, interviews, challenges, and more, head to Frugal
Speaker 4: Friends Podcasts dot com slash club to check it.
Speaker 3: Out see you next time.
Speaker 4: Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Siriani.
Speaker 1: Okay, Allison, one of my favorite things to talk with
Speaker 1: Jen about once we wrap up an episode, especially a
Speaker 1: doubleheader okay, because we just recorded two episodes back to back,
Speaker 1: which always makes me tumbly rumbly?
Speaker 3: What are you having for lunch? Food? I always go
Speaker 3: to food.
Speaker 4: You always go to food. I haven't decided yet. I haven't.
Speaker 4: I haven't gotten there. But I did have my breakfast.
Speaker 4: I have the same thing for breakfast every single day.
Speaker 4: I love the same thing. It's simplicity. It's two eggs
Speaker 4: with some cheese on top. So I had that right
Speaker 4: before we hit record, so I'm not quite hungry yet
Speaker 4: it's on. But I did want to protege sustain zoo.
Speaker 4: I did want to say, well, what are you having
Speaker 4: for lunch?
Speaker 1: I have a meal plan, but I forget what I
Speaker 1: put on it. I think it's going to be a sandwich.
Speaker 1: There you go, some type of sandwich.
Speaker 4: Okay. So whenever the woman called in with the bill
Speaker 4: of the week, Elizabeth, okay, and you know how we
Speaker 4: said we would put it towards our principle. Yes, yes,
Speaker 4: I I'm the one that's like in charge of the
Speaker 4: details of our money. I'm very much a detail oriented person.
Speaker 4: I enjoy being in the details. Matt does not care
Speaker 4: for it. So we've received we actually received a very
Speaker 4: similar letter that our payment was going down, but it
Speaker 4: was by like a dollar thirty a month, and I
Speaker 4: got on there, I went online. I had to go
Speaker 4: online and either accept it or reject it. And I
Speaker 4: have everything on auto draft, so I was upset because
Speaker 4: it was going to change my auto draft amountain it
Speaker 4: was going to be an even number. I like to
Speaker 4: round up. So I go in there to round up,
Speaker 4: and it's like, I see this calculator, Jill, and it's like,
Speaker 4: how much can extra payments do for you? And as
Speaker 4: you slide the sliding bar, as you're paying more to
Speaker 4: a principle, you see the months go down on your
Speaker 4: loan and the interest you pay over time. So I
Speaker 4: just kept sliding and sliding and sliding, and I was like, ooh, this.
Speaker 3: Is so dangerous game.
Speaker 4: So I said, I set our extra to principle to
Speaker 4: be almost two hundred and fifty dollars a month, and
Speaker 4: the next month Matt was like, gosh, our our escro
Speaker 4: must have gone up a lot because this is a
Speaker 4: lot more. I was like, actually, that was me. I
Speaker 4: just got really excited when I'm using the problem. It's me.
Speaker 4: I got really excited when I was using the sliding tool,
Speaker 4: and I got to see, like, we'll be we'll pay
Speaker 4: off our mortgage in you know, one one year and
Speaker 4: three months sooner whenever you contribute this much. And he
Speaker 4: was like, yes, okay, but like if we need to
Speaker 4: make changes down the line, we can, right. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 4: we're not locked into this, but I was excited about it.
Speaker 1: That's such a relevant story and so good. That sliding
Speaker 1: tool is exhilarating. It is, and you're so right.
Speaker 4: Yes, I'm like, oh, and it just as you as
Speaker 4: you add more so anyway, I we're sending extra to principle,
Speaker 4: and we had refinanced to a fifteen year, so we're like,
Speaker 4: we only have like eleven years left on our mortgage.
Speaker 3: It's crazy, Yeah, crazy.
Speaker 4: It takes to a sliding tool.
Speaker 3: Not that far away.
Speaker 4: We would be at like thirteen years, but thanks to
Speaker 4: the sliding tool. But if we don't end up paying
Speaker 4: out by then, that's okay too.
Speaker 3: Well, enjoy your lunch.
Speaker 4: I will whatever I