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Speaker 1: The Friend Show is on. It's Stay or Go. Matilda

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Speaker 1: is here. Good morning, Matilda. How are you?

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Speaker 2: Thanks said, how are you?

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Speaker 1: Matilda? Starego, I got your email or your message fretshow

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Speaker 1: radio dot com, frience your radio on Instagram, you can

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Speaker 1: hit us all the different ways. What's going on with you?

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Speaker 1: And this is your your boyfriend? Right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we've been dating for about four months. But here's

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Speaker 2: the thing. She's military and he's getting deployed. Oh wow, okay, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I like him a lot, but I mean we're going

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Speaker 2: to be a wait for a really long time.

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Speaker 1: Okay. I mean, okay, so you're with this guy for

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Speaker 1: four months, he's going, you know, he's deployed somewhere, going

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Speaker 1: off to do whatever he needs to do. Thank him

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Speaker 1: for his service, and what what's the issue?

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Speaker 2: Well, just I hear people in the military always cheat

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Speaker 2: when they're deployed.

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Speaker 1: Always. They always sounds vice versative me o. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: mean I think you hear more stories about people cheating

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Speaker 1: on the person who is deployed. But okay, what's wrong

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Speaker 1: with that though? Cheating?

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Speaker 4: I mean.

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Speaker 1: The man is American hero, I mean, so I think

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Speaker 1: it's a different country code.

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Speaker 4: I mean not.

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Speaker 1: He he's also in a different not even a different

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Speaker 1: area code until the different.

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Speaker 5: Service.

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Speaker 6: But I mean, it's what's the least you could do

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Speaker 6: is let them cheating peace. They are saving the country.

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Speaker 1: And we know what the members of the military. We

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Speaker 1: don't tell. I mean we never, we never cheat on

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Speaker 1: members of the military. I don't think this is the point.

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Speaker 1: So what is this? What is the point? What are

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Speaker 1: you concerned about Mantilday? You think that he's gonna you

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Speaker 1: think he might cheat, and so what.

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Speaker 2: Well, okay, so, like I I have trust issues and

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Speaker 2: I'm worried he's going to cheat. But I mean, he

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Speaker 2: is a hero who's saving the country, so I think

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Speaker 2: I should stay. But I'm just I'm so scared.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. So you're thinking about

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Speaker 1: breaking up with him simply because you're afraid of what

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Speaker 1: he might do while he's deployed.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean it sounds stupid when you say.

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Speaker 5: It like that. How long have you been dating?

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Speaker 1: I don't mean to make you feel stupid. I'm just saying, yeah,

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Speaker 1: four months.

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Speaker 5: Or more months? Yeah, I mean it's like a new relationship.

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Speaker 7: So that's the decision, Like do I want to like,

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Speaker 7: do long distance and you know, I mean it's still

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Speaker 7: the beginning.

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Speaker 1: Do you have any reason to doubt him? Like, have

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Speaker 1: you had any reason to doubt him in the last

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Speaker 1: four months or not trust him?

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Speaker 2: No, he's been a great guy.

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Speaker 1: Do you see a future with him?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he's really sweet.

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Speaker 1: I really like him. Love making, Oh my god, could

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Speaker 1: you say strongly? Quite strong? Is he a hero in

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Speaker 1: bed as well?

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Speaker 2: I don't want to.

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Speaker 4: Give a lot of personal teach you, okay, so, but really,

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Speaker 4: like there's part of you that thinks that you're that

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Speaker 4: you should break up with this man before he's deployed,

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Speaker 4: simply because he might cheat on you.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think that's the best idea. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you you could make the decision. I don't know how

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Speaker 1: long he's going away for, but you could make the

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Speaker 1: decision that you you don't want to be a part

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Speaker 1: for a year or something, or that you know, maybe

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Speaker 1: you don't aren't as confident in the relationship such that

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Speaker 1: you're going to wait a year to continue it. But

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Speaker 1: if you think that you could marry this guy, you think,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, he's the one quote unquote or one

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Speaker 1: of your your person or one of your people however

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Speaker 1: you look at it, then I guess I think you

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Speaker 1: stay with him.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I just I don't know how to deal with

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Speaker 2: like the anxiety.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I guess I feel like if you were

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Speaker 1: I mean, you've said that you have trust issues in

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Speaker 1: and maybe some anxiety I'm gathering, but I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I feel like if you if you were really that

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Speaker 1: confident in the relationship and you really didn't want to

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Speaker 1: lose this guy, then you'd stay with him. But it

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Speaker 1: sounds you sellow wishy watching on this, like you sound

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Speaker 1: like maybe you're not all that. But what I can't

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Speaker 1: tell is it. Is it because you've talked yourself into

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Speaker 1: being anxious or or or because of your trust issues

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Speaker 1: are because you really just aren't that into it and

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Speaker 1: you're like, well, I'm not going to wait a year

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Speaker 1: for this guy or two or whatever it is.

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Speaker 2: I do like him.

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Speaker 1: I just you know, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I'm through some rough stuff, like my dad left when

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Speaker 2: I was young, and I just have a hard time

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Speaker 2: trusting other people.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I get that your feelings are valid.

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Speaker 8: I also feel though, like the old saying goes, like

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Speaker 8: if a man wants to cheat, he will whether he's

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Speaker 8: deployed or works at H and R Block across the street.

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Speaker 1: Hearing that one.

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Speaker 2: Alone.

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Speaker 1: My mom used to tell me that growing up, I know,

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Speaker 1: I got nothing to do outside taxis and might as

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Speaker 1: well cheat.

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Speaker 5: That's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: She used to say to me. She's an old saying

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Speaker 1: that my growing up, that they're gonna achieve. She's gonna

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Speaker 1: cheat whether she works at a blog she's blog.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's a good point.

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Speaker 1: You do the other six months.

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Speaker 7: Training, right, But then there's that like argument too, Like Okay,

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Speaker 7: a lot of people say athletes are more prone to

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Speaker 7: cheat because they have more opportunity.

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Speaker 5: So does distance create more you know what I mean?

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Speaker 5: Like it's H and R Block, You know it is

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Speaker 5: not necessarily having women go woo woo. I mean maybe

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Speaker 5: they have taxis and babe for free taxes. Yes, I

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Speaker 5: would go woo woo.

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Speaker 1: So here's what I would say, as somebody who has

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Speaker 1: my own set of issues and sometimes wonders if those

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Speaker 1: issues aren't what prevent me from having more success in relationships,

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Speaker 1: if that's what I'm seeking, And I think it's like

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Speaker 1: sometimes you gotta you got to figure out, like is

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Speaker 1: this a genuine concern because of the person is it

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Speaker 1: is this a person you want to be with? And

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Speaker 1: if the is you're not worried about him as an

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Speaker 1: individual and you do want to be with him, that

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Speaker 1: part of me says, challenge yourself to stay with him

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Speaker 1: and then find another resource with which to work on

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Speaker 1: the things that are bothering you, because then they're not

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Speaker 1: necessarily reflective of him.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, you don't want to wonder why, you know, if

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Speaker 7: you let go of someone that you learn.

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Speaker 1: Exactly like you. If it's just blanket trust issues, then

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Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe talk to somebody about those issues

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Speaker 1: and don't necessarily cast off this man and lose that opportunity.

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Speaker 1: But again, if you if you don't trust him, or

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Speaker 1: if he has a history of cheating, or or if

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Speaker 1: you don't want to be with him, or you don't

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Speaker 1: want to wait however long, well that's one thing. But

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Speaker 1: if you like him and everything's good and you're just

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Speaker 1: worried about things that are sort of innate within you,

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Speaker 1: then I think you got to one way or the other.

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Speaker 1: You got to deal with those things, and it may

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Speaker 1: not have anything to do with him, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. Okay, I'm not licensed, Matilda, but I'm pretty

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Speaker 1: proud of what I just said. To be honest, I'm

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Speaker 1: like what I just said was kind of yeats. Yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: thank you. I mean I should be licensed honorarily.

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Speaker 3: I just say, if you decide to, oh, please do

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Speaker 3: it before this man's deployed. Don't wait till this man's

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Speaker 3: so far away and be like it's over, Like have

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Speaker 3: have the kahons to just end it before he gets deployed.

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Speaker 1: Well, let's also discussed be tell her how hot are

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Speaker 1: the people where he's going? God is she going to like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 9: He's working like he's doing war. He's doing but not

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Speaker 9: everybody who gets deployed has to actively do war. I

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Speaker 9: mean some people who are deployed, they get to they

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Speaker 9: get deployed to you know, Alaska, if they gets deployed

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Speaker 9: to you know, I don't know Hawaii.

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Speaker 6: I mean, I ain't cheating, baby, I'm doing war.

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Speaker 1: Okay, he I don't know. I'm trying to make this

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Speaker 1: a little bit you know, silly, but anyway, but let

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Speaker 1: me take some phone calls on this. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what I wish you well, I hope it works out.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, I'll say, But if he cheats on me,

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Speaker 2: I'll blame you, Okay.

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Speaker 3: Okay, well that's fair that vice versa the me sounds

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Speaker 3: like she wants to cheat it on me, your she Meg.

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Speaker 5: She just opened up on.

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Speaker 7: The radio about all her issues and her child dad

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Speaker 7: and you guys are like you want.

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Speaker 1: A cat and I and I'm the one who finally

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Speaker 1: gives some great advice on here you play, you playing

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Speaker 1: with this woman's emotions, her texes right now?

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Speaker 2: Cheating?

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Speaker 1: Hi Natalie, Hello, Hello, Hi stair go what do you think?

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Speaker 1: Good morning, Good morning.

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Speaker 4: I think she should stay because I think that more

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Speaker 4: than I've heard of people cheating when they're.

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Speaker 10: Deployed, I've heard that when they come back, they usually

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Speaker 10: get married right away.

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Speaker 6: Get those benefits, baby baby, Okay, Natalie, Well, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Have a good day.

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Speaker 5: You're welcome you too, thinks.

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Speaker 1: Hey Caesar, Hey, good morning, hey man. How you doing?

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Speaker 1: What do you think should this woman stay or go?

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Speaker 1: She her boyfriend is off going off to do war

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Speaker 1: or you don't even know where he's going to be

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Speaker 1: honest with you, he may not be to do war

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Speaker 1: at all, but that's what Rufio thinks. And he's gonna

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Speaker 1: be going for a while. And she has trust issues

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Speaker 1: in his worry that he's gonna cheat, and so she's thinking,

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Speaker 1: maybe I'll just leave him. Now what do you think?

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Speaker 11: Well, let me just say that is the Marine Corps

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Speaker 11: veteran and I have done war.

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Speaker 1: Than you, and thank you for having done war. I

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Speaker 1: believe that's called. But anyway you can tell how Rufio

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Speaker 1: has never done war. Please season, thank you.

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Speaker 12: No, thank you for his support and uh, you know,

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Speaker 12: our mindset when we're in those scenarios is not cheating.

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Speaker 1: It's not who can I link up with? Later? It's

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Speaker 1: I need to get home? How can I get home?

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Speaker 11: So his mindset is not going.

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Speaker 1: To be who am I gonna link up?

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Speaker 3: But later here in this you know, random country, it's like, no,

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Speaker 3: I need to get home.

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Speaker 10: How can I get home?

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Speaker 11: And you know, and then my.

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Speaker 3: Own personal scenario, excuse me, when I went to uh,

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Speaker 3: you know, when I was in the Marine Corps.

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Speaker 1: I came back, I found out that at the time

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Speaker 1: fiance cheated on me. While I was like, oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes see that it's part of the constitution of the

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Speaker 1: friend show. You do not cheat up members of the military.

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Speaker 1: You never do that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, you know, and I you know I found,

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Speaker 3: you know, going through an extreme situation, the one I

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Speaker 3: was in, and then coming home to find out that

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Speaker 3: you know, I had.

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Speaker 1: Been cheated on these whole the whole nine months. You know,

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Speaker 1: it was devastating.

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Speaker 3: So, you know, I personally feel like this woman is

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Speaker 3: gonna be the one to end up cheating.

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Speaker 1: Not him. Yeah, I mean I will say that, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to go back to what I said before. I

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Speaker 1: think that some of these things maybe are things that

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Speaker 1: she needs to work with when work on within herself,

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Speaker 1: and they don't necessarily reflect him, they reflect her issues,

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Speaker 1: and so she might be blowing off a perfect good

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Speaker 1: relationship simply because she can't trust him because it's something

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Speaker 1: that's going on within her, not because of his behavior

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Speaker 1: or his actions. So SSID, thank you man, thanks for

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Speaker 1: your service again.

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Speaker 11: Oh thank you for your supporting God bless.

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Speaker 1: Yeah you as well. Where's Shelley? I am? Can someone

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Speaker 1: text Shelly? I'm gonna push the Shelly button in a minute.

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Speaker 1: I want to see it. Because you know, military Mic,

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Speaker 1: of course, he's always off doing top secret stuff. He's

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Speaker 1: doing war in places like Greece and Dubai and clubs

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Speaker 1: throughout Europe. Shirtless but I mean, it's very secret where

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Speaker 1: he is extremely secret what he's doing. Okay, you know

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Speaker 1: what he's doing. He's just he's just, you're mentioning himself

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Speaker 1: in local culture, right, so that he can get the

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Speaker 1: intelligence that he needs. Shirtless drunk at a club. He's

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Speaker 1: still a hero though, Okay, no doubt about it. Hey Dan,

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Speaker 1: you're a vet. Thank you for your service man.

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Speaker 11: Oh, no problem, I'm gonna here for you, baby. So

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Speaker 11: I would have her really analyze if she's gonna be

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Speaker 11: in this for the long haul. You know, I deployed

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Speaker 11: once my wife feeded on me, came back home and

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Speaker 11: long story short, we're divorced now, but it's for the better.

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Speaker 11: But is she going to commit long term? And is

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Speaker 11: here for a four year contract? Eight year contract? You

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Speaker 11: know what I mean, He's gonna be a lifer for

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Speaker 11: twenty years? Is that what she wants to do?

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Speaker 12: And this won't be the first time she'll have these thoughts, So,

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Speaker 12: you know, on on his end, easy to think about

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Speaker 12: this as well, you know, just looking at it long

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Speaker 12: term instead of the past four months. You know what

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Speaker 12: I mean?

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Speaker 1: Well, and I don't mean to do you know what

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Speaker 1: you mean? I don't mean to suggest that you always

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Speaker 1: know who you're gonna fall for, but at the same time, like,

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Speaker 1: if this woman has significant trust issues and she's dating

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Speaker 1: a life for military member of the military, he's gonna

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Speaker 1: go away and he's probably not the right guy, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like she had you can't kind

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Speaker 1: of see that coming, Like I'm falling in love with

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Speaker 1: a guy that is ultimately going to be gone a lot,

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Speaker 1: like maybe maybe I need to either work on my

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Speaker 1: stuff or this isn't for me kind of think because

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Speaker 1: it's not going away.

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Speaker 12: Yeah, I'm sure she knew he was in the military,

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Speaker 12: you know, during the you know, first honeymoon phases of

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Speaker 12: the relationship, talking about you know, you know, waiting by

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Speaker 12: the phone, you know, the interview process of dating. I'm

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Speaker 12: sure that was brought up at some point as well.

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Speaker 12: So you know, it's on her if she wants to

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Speaker 12: commit to this, and to me, it doesn't sound like

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Speaker 12: she's quite there yet.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you're right. Thank you, Dan, and thanks

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Speaker 1: for your service. Having a good day, and thank you

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Speaker 1: for listening as well. You're doing war with us every day. Man,

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Speaker 1: listen long and hard. Please, good lord, Hey show is Shelley. Yeah, Hi,

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Speaker 1: did you ever consider I mean, we've we've met Mike. Okay,

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Speaker 1: he's not gonna cheat on you. I can I can

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Speaker 1: look the man in the eye and already tell you

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Speaker 1: he's he's too busy gambling and drinking when he's overseased

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Speaker 1: to do that. That being said, did you ever think

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Speaker 1: about that when you went to Mary a man who's

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Speaker 1: going to be in the military, Like, this guy's gonna

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Speaker 1: be gone all the time. I have to have the

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Speaker 1: deepest level of trust.

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Speaker 11: Yeah.

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Speaker 8: Not the cheating thing, that never really was an issue.

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Speaker 8: It's more like the being gone all the time that

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Speaker 8: is heart. And that guy he just brought up a

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Speaker 8: good point that like it's being a military spouse is

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Speaker 8: not for the faint of heart. I kind of went

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Speaker 8: into a very naive it's they're gone a lot, and

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Speaker 8: when they are deployed. Because my husband he was deployed

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Speaker 8: for what like five or six months, I was getting

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Speaker 8: text messages like you know, he's okay, Like it's just

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Speaker 8: it's it's a wild time. It's a wild time. So

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Speaker 8: I will say. But that being said, I don't know

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Speaker 8: that I would not go into something because of what

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Speaker 8: might happen, Like she's afraid he might cheat.

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Speaker 5: I don't know.

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Speaker 8: I think if you want to make something work, you

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Speaker 8: can make it work no matter what. You can kind

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Speaker 8: of push through. But yeah, I don't know. But being

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Speaker 8: in military spouse it's tough.

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Speaker 7: But what do you mean you were getting texts that

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Speaker 7: he's okay, like from other people.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, no, yeah, well.

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Speaker 1: We did rendezvous a few times. And yeah, and I

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Speaker 1: know that Shelley didn't know. I have a top secret clearance.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people don't know this about me, but

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Speaker 1: I have a top secret clearance. So so military Mike

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Speaker 1: can communicate with me over what which club he's in,

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Speaker 1: and so that I can go visit him. And we

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Speaker 1: had a great time together. We joke about military Mike.

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Speaker 1: I don't exactly understand. We don't really know what he does,

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Speaker 1: but but we do know that there are times where

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Speaker 1: we're not supposed to know where he is, and then

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Speaker 1: there are other times where he pops up on social

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Speaker 1: media very much. We know where he is, right.

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Speaker 5: No, I'm curious though, what did you mean by that?

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Speaker 8: Because there are times when they can't communicate like they

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Speaker 8: you know, commation has to cease, and so then you're

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Speaker 8: getting texts and emails from people you know that they're

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Speaker 8: okay or this and that. So it's hard. It's it's

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Speaker 8: really hard. But so I would say these are things

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Speaker 8: to think about if you want to, you know, go

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Speaker 8: into that life ultimately.

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Speaker 1: But I mean she's worried about him cheating, Shelley, But like, ultimately,

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Speaker 1: if this is the guy, and let's say he's a

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Speaker 1: career military guy, then she's gonna have to probably go

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Speaker 1: through things like you did where you have a kid

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Speaker 1: and then he disappears for eight eight months. And I

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Speaker 1: say disappear, meaning he goes and does his job that

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Speaker 1: you knew he was going to have to do. But

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Speaker 1: that to me sounds way harder, you know, having to

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Speaker 1: raise your kid by yourself or having to you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, figure out logistics while your partner's gone

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Speaker 1: for so long, like that stuff sounds harder to me

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Speaker 1: than he might cheat. You know.

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Speaker 8: Also of the hardest time of my life. I'll be

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Speaker 8: honest with you, really it was really hard.

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Speaker 5: It's really hard.

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Speaker 8: So yeah, for me, the cheating thing isn't even like

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Speaker 8: on my mind at all. I'm not worried about that

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Speaker 8: at all. So I think it depends too on the

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Speaker 8: type of guy like, does he you know, is.

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Speaker 5: He a solid like?

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Speaker 8: I would say, you gotta have your relationship on solid footing. Yeah,

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Speaker 8: if if you want to be a military spouse, because

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Speaker 8: it's I've heard a lot of stories too. I'm in

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Speaker 8: a lot of Facebook group where I hear wild stuff,

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Speaker 8: I mean wild.

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Speaker 1: You should probably get out of those. Probably not necessary, I.

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Speaker 5: Know, wild things happen though.

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Speaker 1: All right, show, well, thank you for your service as well.

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Speaker 4: Help.

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Speaker 1: I know we salute you.

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Speaker 5: No, you don't need to do that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well he made me salute him with the wedding,

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Speaker 1: which was weird. It wasn't even in the uniform, but

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Speaker 1: I did it anyway. It's fine. Hey, we'll talk to

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Speaker 1: you a second, right, okay, all right, so good, all right.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a couple more phone calls here and

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Speaker 1: then we'll move on. Andrea, Hi, Andrea, Hi, Hey, good morning.

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Speaker 1: Just to recap if you're just tuning in on stairgo

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Speaker 1: this woman. He's been dating a man in the military

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Speaker 1: for four months. He's about to be deployed, and she's

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Speaker 1: now wondering should she stay with him because it's a

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Speaker 1: possibility that he might cheat on her While he's away

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Speaker 1: and she has trust issues and things like this, she's

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Speaker 1: wondering like she had just end it. Now what when

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Speaker 1: you hear that, what's your perspective?

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Speaker 10: I think she should stay. My boyfriend is in the

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Speaker 10: Marines and his brother's in the Marines as well. And

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Speaker 10: I've never seen anybody loves so much. My boyfriend adores me,

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Speaker 10: his brother adores his wife. It's like military men have

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Speaker 10: a bad reputation, but there are the good ones that

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Speaker 10: are out there. And I also have trust issues, but

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Speaker 10: when it's the right person, you just feel it.

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Speaker 1: Okay. I think that's good advice. Thank you, Andrea, and

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Speaker 1: thank you. Thanks to both of them for their service.

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Speaker 10: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: All right, Well, there you have it. I think she

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Speaker 1: should stay too. But if she can't trust him for

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Speaker 1: no reason, she gonna ride his ass the whole time

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Speaker 1: he's gone. That's not fair either that because he you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe he's not doing anything. And what is it again,

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Speaker 1: it's don't oh no, it is it given up to

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Speaker 1: members of the military.

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Speaker 5: Always give it up.

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Speaker 1: You always give it up to members of the military.

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Speaker 1: That's that's what's in the Fred Show. Constitution responsibly and

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Speaker 1: she responsibly. But we should also probably add don't cheat

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Speaker 1: on members of the military.

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Speaker 5: That does not include yeah, but that's but.

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Speaker 1: That's she responsibly would I think would include not cheating

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Speaker 1: on members of the military. I feel like we're covered.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, well, who knows the entertainment reportant show be

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Speaker 1: Shelley the show down both. Next Fred's show is how

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Speaker 1: back in two minutes.