Speaker 1: Paul from Alan Alan, Alan, Alan, tell me everything.
Speaker 2: Alan.
Speaker 3: Oh you know, Alan took a chance.
Speaker 4: Alan told me everything he was comfortable with telling me,
Speaker 4: which is nothing and that's fair.
Speaker 5: Goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night
Speaker 5: every week.
Speaker 6: Goes to side.
Speaker 3: He was teaching.
Speaker 5: You your life.
Speaker 3: Nobody's not really an expert.
Speaker 1: Paul from Audrey Audrey.
Speaker 7: Oh my god, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 3: Audrey?
Speaker 7: I'm all right, how are you?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 4: You know, I'm cool and I'm I'm over here.
Speaker 7: I can see that you look real chill. I love
Speaker 7: the Christmas tree.
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you so much, Ozre.
Speaker 4: This's so nice of you to say I stole it
Speaker 4: off the internet myself.
Speaker 7: That's a great way to go about it.
Speaker 4: What are you up to, dude? You seem like a
Speaker 4: good perse. Have we ever spoken before?
Speaker 7: No, we have not.
Speaker 3: How does how does it feel it?
Speaker 7: My heart is racing. I've been watching your stream for
Speaker 7: a bit now. I'm really excited to be on.
Speaker 4: Oh fuck, I'm glad when people who've watched for a
Speaker 4: long time I haven't gotten on. Finally get on, dude.
Speaker 7: I'm I'm so excited.
Speaker 3: Get into the weeds. I have a question for you.
Speaker 3: This evening.
Speaker 7: Yes, what's the question?
Speaker 3: Have you know?
Speaker 4: Look, it's Christmas time, right, and that was a good
Speaker 4: time I think for us to you know, sort of
Speaker 4: evaluate the self and you know, determine whether or not
Speaker 4: we have been naughty or nice.
Speaker 3: So I have a question for you, Ausia. Have you
Speaker 3: been naughty and nice this year?
Speaker 7: You know I'm boring. I've been really nice. I've accomplished
Speaker 7: some goals, did some good things. Very happy about it.
Speaker 3: Okay, what have you accomplished?
Speaker 7: Well? I started my first year of college. It's been
Speaker 7: eight years since I've been in school, and I'm really
Speaker 7: happy about that. I was really scared of school for
Speaker 7: a long time, kind of didn't go to school before,
Speaker 7: so this is really cool.
Speaker 3: Why were you scared of school?
Speaker 7: Because I didn't.
Speaker 3: Go to school.
Speaker 7: I was like technically homeschooled, but I basically just taught
Speaker 7: myself everything.
Speaker 2: So are you.
Speaker 3: Eighteen or are you like you just graduated?
Speaker 7: I'm twenty I'm twenty six now. Actually I turned twenty
Speaker 7: six on the twenty six.
Speaker 2: I'm twenty four.
Speaker 3: Why are we Why are you avoiding? Why are you
Speaker 3: avoiding going to college?
Speaker 7: Because I had never been in a classroom before and
Speaker 7: very intimidating, and I just didn't feel smart. But now
Speaker 7: I finally feel smart, So that's really cool.
Speaker 3: So you you you so you were homeschooled your entire life?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Was Is there a particular reason why?
Speaker 7: Because my parents were very religious and they thought public
Speaker 7: school was full of demons, confusing, very complicated, And.
Speaker 4: I mean, look, that's that's a legitimate reason, by the way,
Speaker 4: public Look, public school is filled with demons. But dealing
Speaker 4: with those demons is a necessary part of of your growth.
Speaker 4: So just because public schools filled with demons, that's a
Speaker 4: legitimate opinion to have. But not I don't think it's
Speaker 4: a good thing to avoid. I think dealing with those
Speaker 4: demons is part of the self development.
Speaker 7: But well, I wish I had a I wish I
Speaker 7: had a chance. I did not get the chance back.
Speaker 3: Then, Are you are you religious now? No?
Speaker 7: Not not anymore?
Speaker 3: Is that okay?
Speaker 4: So what I mean, what was going on between eight,
Speaker 4: you know, eighteen to twenty six?
Speaker 3: Why what were you doing? You were were you like working?
Speaker 7: I was working. I've been working. I've been working as
Speaker 7: a nanny for eight years. And I just kind of
Speaker 7: had to run away from home for a while and
Speaker 7: figure myself out.
Speaker 4: What was like the spark that got you? You know,
Speaker 4: I mean, after after eight years, you know, what was
Speaker 4: the thing that sort of got you like, all right,
Speaker 4: I'm going.
Speaker 3: To go to school.
Speaker 7: Well, it took me a long time to kind of
Speaker 7: build up the confidence.
Speaker 8: To feel like I could be educated.
Speaker 7: I have a lot of confidence that she said, that's
Speaker 7: a took me a long time. And I think the
Speaker 7: thing was that I lost my job due to COVID,
Speaker 7: and I had some money set aside, and I was like,
Speaker 7: you know what, I think it's time to do something new.
Speaker 3: Interesting.
Speaker 4: So but okay, and then the COVID was another thing
Speaker 4: I was going to mention because are you are you
Speaker 4: going to in person school?
Speaker 3: I've no idea what's going on with that?
Speaker 7: Yeah, No, it's all online. I'm really really thankful for that.
Speaker 3: So thankful for that.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 7: No, I liked it a lot. I'm scared. I'm a
Speaker 7: little scared of people.
Speaker 3: I'm scared of people to be I thought that was
Speaker 3: the whole thing.
Speaker 4: I thought the whole thing was this triumphant moment of
Speaker 4: you being like, you know what, I'm going to face
Speaker 4: a few years.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go into the classroom.
Speaker 7: And you know that was the plan. That was the plan.
Speaker 7: I think I was like planning on I was planning
Speaker 7: on taking a couple of cult classes and was like, yes,
Speaker 7: I'm ready to be in a classroom, ready to have
Speaker 7: a teacher. That is going to be a new thing
Speaker 7: for me. Yeah, COVID happened and then everything is online.
Speaker 7: But still the educating thing was a big part of
Speaker 7: it all.
Speaker 3: What are what are the main things that you hope
Speaker 3: to get out of school?
Speaker 7: I know this is kind of weird, but I want
Speaker 7: to learn how to be taught, you know, like I
Speaker 7: want to learn how to I had to learn so
Speaker 7: much for myself, like because I had to teach everything
Speaker 7: to myself growing up, and so it's kind of nice
Speaker 7: to know that there's I don't know, somebody who has
Speaker 7: qualifications to teach me, and I'm just I hope I
Speaker 7: get out of it like a willingness to learn more.
Speaker 7: And yeah, that's I think that's the main thing.
Speaker 3: Who taught Who taught you when you were in homeschool?
Speaker 7: Was it like parent myself? My brother didn't know how
Speaker 7: to read, so they spent a lot of time focusing
Speaker 7: on him. So I basically had.
Speaker 4: Something where like, I have no idea how this works.
Speaker 4: You know how this works, of course, you know how
Speaker 4: that worce more than I do. Isn't there a thing
Speaker 4: where like there's a legal requirement for someone of a
Speaker 4: license someone to teach you something.
Speaker 7: It depends on state to state. I don't know if
Speaker 7: I should disclose right left, but like, my state has
Speaker 7: no regulations when it comes to homeschooling. So basically, yeah,
Speaker 7: so some states, right they don't have homeschoolers can gather.
Speaker 7: My state homeschoolers can gather. So there was like connections
Speaker 7: and things for homeschools to tend. But I also didn't
Speaker 7: have to take any state standardized testing, so some states
Speaker 7: do have that.
Speaker 4: How did you get into college if you didn't have
Speaker 4: any what did you apply on the basis.
Speaker 7: Of I guess, well, I'm going to community college. But
Speaker 7: I guess you just need to have some money. I
Speaker 7: actually just found out that my I don't have a diploma.
Speaker 7: I actually just found that out here.
Speaker 4: Can you get into college? Can you get into community college? Diploma?
Speaker 7: I mean, I I apparently I did so, I guess
Speaker 7: I actually I'm going through all these courses. I'm planning
Speaker 7: to apply to their nursing program. And the reason I
Speaker 7: found out that my high school transcript doesn't work is
Speaker 7: because I need an accredited transcript to get into the
Speaker 7: nursing program. So after all of this college I'm going
Speaker 7: to go through, I then have to get my GED.
Speaker 3: To apply.
Speaker 4: Okay, so you don't need a GED to go to
Speaker 4: community college, but you needed to get into the nursing program.
Speaker 3: Yes to doing it kind of backwards.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's real weird.
Speaker 3: I didn't know that you can get into communic college
Speaker 3: without a high school diploma.
Speaker 7: I mean, I'm doing it.
Speaker 4: That so, like if you could just so if you
Speaker 4: wanted to, you don't have to fucking go to elementary school.
Speaker 3: You can just start back community college.
Speaker 7: It might be different in different states because, like, my
Speaker 7: community college has a specific thing when you apply, it
Speaker 7: says like did you graduate from public school? GED or homeschool?
Speaker 7: And you just got to click that option. They're like,
Speaker 7: I guess that's good.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 4: If you tell them they're homeschool, then they're like, all right,
Speaker 4: you will give you a pass because.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I guess. So it's it's real weird. People move
Speaker 7: to my state just to homeschool their kids because it's
Speaker 7: so lax.
Speaker 3: What what was I gonna say? What? What's your relationship
Speaker 3: like with your parents?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 7: Don't talk to him?
Speaker 3: Don't talk to him.
Speaker 7: No, they're terrible.
Speaker 3: Well I was the last time you spoke with him.
Speaker 7: Ah, spoke to my mom. I haven't talked to my
Speaker 7: dad in over two years. My mom I keep in
Speaker 7: touch with every once in a while, so I talked
Speaker 7: to her kind of recently. We go, we go up
Speaker 7: and down.
Speaker 3: Is that is that something that you you you grieve about.
Speaker 6: Or don't grieve?
Speaker 7: Grieve? I've done a lot of grieving about that. I
Speaker 7: think that's the basically the thing that like cut off
Speaker 7: me and my parents as I came out as gay
Speaker 7: and they were like, no, that is satanic, then kicked
Speaker 7: me out of the house. So that was just a
Speaker 7: bunch of traumas. But I had to grief. You're right,
Speaker 7: I had to grieve, and I did. I let myself
Speaker 7: do that, and I think I'm in a better place
Speaker 7: now because of it.
Speaker 3: Of course.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean that's great that you were able to
Speaker 4: start to form your own life after after you know,
Speaker 4: your parents weren't able to necessarily give it to you.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I got a good chosen family. I have a
Speaker 7: great girlfriend who have been with for five years. She's
Speaker 7: been my rock.
Speaker 3: For five years.
Speaker 7: You say, yeah, five years.
Speaker 3: Has she ever met your parents?
Speaker 7: A couple of times very briefly. We've known each other
Speaker 7: since we were twelve, so she's like it was kind
Speaker 7: of she's kind of met them, but not really.
Speaker 3: What what was what was that like?
Speaker 5: When?
Speaker 3: When when did you come out to your bets?
Speaker 7: When I was eighteen, eighteen or nineteen?
Speaker 3: What was that? Like?
Speaker 5: Awful?
Speaker 7: Really bad?
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 7: I had already moved out of their house because some
Speaker 7: other shit was going on, and was living with a
Speaker 7: different church family. And when I came out to them,
Speaker 7: that family then told me if you act, think on
Speaker 7: or be gay, we will kick you right back out.
Speaker 7: So I kind of had to go back in the
Speaker 7: closet and it was an awful, awful time in my life,
Speaker 7: but I kind of got through it.
Speaker 3: No, that's that's so good that you got out of that,
Speaker 3: you know. Yeah, it's so it's so annoying that like
Speaker 3: still talking people are like that.
Speaker 7: Yeah, but they told me I was going to lead
Speaker 7: people to hell. There was I was involved in. It
Speaker 7: was a cult, right, My family was in like a cult,
Speaker 7: and uh, there was a guy. People would come up
Speaker 7: to us because they believe they had like gifts of
Speaker 7: visions and stuff. And he came up to me and
Speaker 7: he was like after I came out, and he was like,
Speaker 7: I had a vision that you were going to lead
Speaker 7: people into a portal to hell. So that really broke
Speaker 7: my brain from mile.
Speaker 3: He had a vision that you were going to lead
Speaker 3: people into hell.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, he like.
Speaker 3: It was.
Speaker 7: It was a wild vision. It was like people, they
Speaker 7: were totally fine, and then you were leading them through
Speaker 7: this portal and they came out all scabby with scars,
Speaker 7: and they thought that they were okay, but they're actually
Speaker 7: not because of you. You're leading them to hell. And
Speaker 7: it was like a like a metaphor for gainess.
Speaker 3: Well, that's kind of badass.
Speaker 7: Right when you think about it, you turn it around
Speaker 7: kind of cool.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, that's cool. I mean that's kind of
Speaker 4: like what like, you know, heavy metal and shit is
Speaker 4: to me, it's like taking this stuff that's supposed to
Speaker 4: be bad and owning it is like, no, this is
Speaker 4: actually fucking cool. I'm leading motherfuckers into hell right now.
Speaker 4: You better fear me.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Speaker 4: What what Okay, So so if you knew you knew
Speaker 4: was it a community or was it just you? You
Speaker 4: were like the house down the street that was religious
Speaker 4: that no one talked to. Was it because I'm curious
Speaker 4: about your girlfriend. Was your girlfriend from the similar community?
Speaker 7: No? No, we uh she was not. She did not
Speaker 7: grow up religious, thank god, she her parents raised. But yeah,
Speaker 7: it's weird how we met a girl from my church
Speaker 7: invited me to one of her sleepovers and I met
Speaker 7: my future girlfriend there. But she went to school with
Speaker 7: this other girl. So yeah, my family, we lived out
Speaker 7: in the boonies. We didn't celebrate Halloween, so you know,
Speaker 7: like we didn't talk to anybody from the community. But
Speaker 7: like the cult though, that was the only thing we knew.
Speaker 3: Okay, so this was a cult.
Speaker 7: My parents were in a cult. Yeah, it's it's a
Speaker 7: little complicated.
Speaker 4: What sort of true I mean this was They weren't
Speaker 4: just like super really what sort of traditions did they
Speaker 4: have that you think separated them from just being a
Speaker 4: fucking crazy church to being like, this is a cult.
Speaker 7: Well, there's a couple characteristics of cults, right, Like the
Speaker 7: cults want you to stop talking to your family members.
Speaker 7: So my family had cut off all communication from their family.
Speaker 7: There's like a thing called love bombing, and that's where
Speaker 7: when you like you do the right thing, they like
Speaker 7: really praise you. So like my like my parents were
Speaker 7: into like this very like you know, spiritual kind of
Speaker 7: like shaking on the floor sort of worships are. I
Speaker 7: got into that because that's what I was told to do.
Speaker 7: So a lot of like weird spiritual vision, spiritual warfare,
Speaker 7: demon fighting ship. It was weird. My parents like anointed
Speaker 7: the doors if they thought that evil was going to
Speaker 7: come in the house, an anoint the door, like they
Speaker 7: would like take oil and anoint the door if they like,
Speaker 7: especially during Halloween, because they thought that like demons would
Speaker 7: come in, so they would like anoint the doors with
Speaker 7: oil and like prey and fung. Yeah, I remember kids
Speaker 7: throwing eggs at our house because we would never give
Speaker 7: a kid. My parents would lock us in the basement.
Speaker 7: Actually for Halloween, we would annoint the doors and then
Speaker 7: they'd lock us in the base I doesn't it's now
Speaker 7: that you say it like that, it makes me a
Speaker 7: rethink some things.
Speaker 4: But yeah, well, I mean that's a Halloween is a
Speaker 4: terrifying moment for you know, strictly religious households. Because demon
Speaker 4: because because look, normally, if you think the demons are
Speaker 4: going to show up at your door, you're you're crazy.
Speaker 3: But on little.
Speaker 4: Halloween there might be demons showing up at your door.
Speaker 4: They yeah, yeah, well what do you what do you
Speaker 4: what are you trying to be?
Speaker 3: Trying to be a nurse? You said you're going to
Speaker 3: Nison school.
Speaker 2: Yeah, go on.
Speaker 7: To trying to apply to the nursing program. So if
Speaker 7: I fail all my biology classes, I'll have to do
Speaker 7: something else. We're going to try not to do that.
Speaker 3: Well, you look, whatever you do, you know you're going
Speaker 3: to kill it. My friends, what do you say your
Speaker 3: name was?
Speaker 7: Oh my name is Adre.
Speaker 4: Well listen, Audrey, thank you, thank you again for calling in,
Speaker 4: and uh you know, best of luck in school, my dude.
Speaker 4: Congratulations you escaping the cults.
Speaker 7: Thank you, Thank you so much for talking with me.
Speaker 7: You've really made my night. I appreciate you.
Speaker 3: Thank you for calling in. You having to go rest
Speaker 3: to the night, Audrea, Yeah you too, Good night, Good night.
Speaker 2: All from Solo.
Speaker 3: Solo Soto.
Speaker 4: Yes, what's you know? Are you from somewhere? You say
Speaker 4: you have an accent of some kind.
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, I'm from England.
Speaker 4: Oh fuck yeah, man, I heard that there's a coronavirus
Speaker 4: strain that's muted. It's mutating in England.
Speaker 2: And we're gladly I'm not there right now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's cool. Why what made you leave England?
Speaker 2: Well, I originally went to go teach English in Singapore
Speaker 2: and I met some very cool people. I met my
Speaker 2: current roommate. Now we live together in New York.
Speaker 3: His name is Jusef Nice.
Speaker 4: Now you guys met in Singapore, you said, teaching English?
Speaker 2: Yes, both of us? Yes, did you do?
Speaker 4: You do the whole crazy let's go to the hostels
Speaker 4: and go see the world and you know, die and
Speaker 4: all that stuff before we you know, go to see
Speaker 4: all the world.
Speaker 2: No, no, not really. We did take a little bit
Speaker 2: of the a little bit of a trip over to
Speaker 2: China as well as Taiwan's nice, but that's oh it's
Speaker 2: a beautiful place. Yes. We didn't even go to the
Speaker 2: north where they have the well they have that really
Speaker 2: big city tai Bay. But were we We went more
Speaker 2: to the east where there were mountains.
Speaker 4: Tell me tell me about the day you met Joseph. Joseph,
Speaker 4: tell me tell me what your first impression m was Yousef.
Speaker 2: He's a very interesting bloke. He came into the school
Speaker 2: after I did, about four months after I did, and
Speaker 2: we were we were pretty much the only ones who
Speaker 2: had very very proficient English, you know, people from that
Speaker 2: area of the world. Uh, they wanted to go over
Speaker 2: to Singapore. Most of the must of the world, is
Speaker 2: it English people and all the Americans. They want to
Speaker 2: go more towards say, China and all that in Japan,
Speaker 2: but Singapore was an option more for English people, I guess.
Speaker 2: And we just became very good friends. You know. We
Speaker 2: invited well not way, I invited him over to my
Speaker 2: place and we just got to know each other a
Speaker 2: little better.
Speaker 4: Nice and now you guys have a blossom and American relationship.
Speaker 4: You guys are a couple of Where's Yusuf from?
Speaker 2: I do believe that he's also from England, very different
Speaker 2: part than me, though I'm from more of the central
Speaker 2: part of England. He's from the south.
Speaker 4: We'll listen, look, now that we've gotten our corson, now
Speaker 4: that we've gotten to know each other, and now that
Speaker 4: we've established a rapport in which, you know, I get
Speaker 4: the sense that you trust me and that you're willing
Speaker 4: to tell me everything, and that you'd be willing to
Speaker 4: die for me. And I'm happy that we've progressed this
Speaker 4: far and to our relationship and now that we have
Speaker 4: and now that you know we trust each other so deeply.
Speaker 4: I want to know from you, what is what is
Speaker 4: your greatest nightmare?
Speaker 2: Now, by nightmare, do you do you mean like your
Speaker 2: living nightmare? You're like, I am on earth, this is
Speaker 2: my living nightmare, because I would have to say that
Speaker 2: it is children in a restaurant being very very loud.
Speaker 4: So your nightmare is being in a restaurant with a
Speaker 4: lot of loud children. Yes, would you ever have? Are
Speaker 4: you planning to have children at some point in your life?
Speaker 2: I haven't really thought about it all too much, but
Speaker 2: I mean mostly you know, you're in a restaurant and
Speaker 2: you're trying to enjoy yourself rather well, this happens way
Speaker 2: too much in America, truth to be told. But you're
Speaker 2: sitting there and there's a family, you know that they
Speaker 2: have parents with the little kids, okay, and they're just
Speaker 2: screaming and crying, kicking everywhere. Parents they aren't doing anything
Speaker 2: to stop it.
Speaker 4: It's like, my goodness, if I mean so if you
Speaker 4: were if you were a h if you had kids,
Speaker 4: you would you know, whip whip them into shape and ship.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, whipping into shape metaphor glue. Of course I
Speaker 2: would never, I guess, strike them or anything.
Speaker 3: That's nice. No, you seem like you seem like you're
Speaker 3: above that.
Speaker 2: Would you Would you ever hit your kids? Life?
Speaker 3: But I ever hit my kids. I don't know. Maybe
Speaker 3: if they were hitting me firste if they had a
Speaker 3: weapon of some kind. If I had to defend a
Speaker 3: baseball bat, yeah, if I if I had to defend myself,
Speaker 3: I absolutely would. You know, whatever holds.
Speaker 2: Up very much respected.
Speaker 3: Yes, what about your what about your your your your
Speaker 3: you know, subconscious nightmare?
Speaker 2: That sounds very weird because I do have a girlfriend,
Speaker 2: but I don't want to die alone. And I realized
Speaker 2: that that is very cliche. But I've had bodies go
Speaker 2: down the pipe all the time. They have they have
Speaker 2: blazers of them of their own and it's all been
Speaker 2: going very well for them or whatever, but then just
Speaker 2: just lay it down down the line there they they
Speaker 2: just lose it and then they never have a girlfriend again.
Speaker 2: We're pretty much at that age, you know, if you're
Speaker 2: settling down, then you're not going to be keeping them
Speaker 2: for very long. Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: Do you want to settle down?
Speaker 2: I think it'd be very nice. Yes, I don't know
Speaker 2: where exactly I would, just because I do think that
Speaker 2: I do want to see a little bit more of
Speaker 2: the world before I do that. However, Yeah, I'm just
Speaker 2: just get that I won't get to that point with
Speaker 2: this wonderful woman that I'm saying, She's truly wonderful.
Speaker 4: How old are if you don't let me ask you,
Speaker 4: how old am I? Twenty heaven twenty seven is still
Speaker 4: pretty young. There's a lot of room for you to
Speaker 4: go and see shit. But uh, you know, I also
Speaker 4: I also think it depends on like what kind of
Speaker 4: what kind of person you know? You get your gal
Speaker 4: is right, like if you have you know, I'm sure
Speaker 4: all the things that you know you want to do
Speaker 4: before you settle down and have ten screaming restaurant children,
Speaker 4: I'm sure she wants to do stuff like that too,
Speaker 4: you know, possibly, So you know, there's there's a room
Speaker 4: for that, if if the if the if the charts
Speaker 4: align for you to go take some trips, for you
Speaker 4: to go fuck around in uh, all these all these places,
Speaker 4: do these things that you want to do before you
Speaker 4: you know, uh, before you you settle down. But if not,
Speaker 4: you know, at least you're living whatever life.
Speaker 2: Of you is.
Speaker 4: The shows and hey you can also you can always
Speaker 4: get divorced if you need to.
Speaker 2: I guess that's true. However, it's it's kind of a
Speaker 2: weird option, don't you think, because you go this whole
Speaker 2: time and you say, all right, I'm going to kick
Speaker 2: I'm going to commit to you, yeah, and then you
Speaker 2: just you just cross that, you just cross that in
Speaker 2: your hand. It's true.
Speaker 3: No, you never you never want to, you never want
Speaker 3: to go into it with that.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think too many people go into it
Speaker 2: right now with like, oh, yeah I can get married
Speaker 2: and then if things don't work out, then I can
Speaker 2: just you know, take the ring back and we can
Speaker 2: go through all of that fun little courtship. And my goodness,
Speaker 2: I don't know how you could really put another person
Speaker 2: through that the except for when it's obviously very very mutual.
Speaker 4: But damn, you know, you're I could tell you're you're
Speaker 4: you're a you're a very wholesome guy. You definitely I
Speaker 4: could tell you you you do a lot to please
Speaker 4: other people.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe yes, maybe to a fault.
Speaker 3: Do you think so? Do you think it's to a fault?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: Mh. In what ways do you think it's to a fault?
Speaker 5: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: I suppose, if I can put this broadly, that you're
Speaker 2: you're giving this platter of opportunities correct, like be it romantic, educational, vocational,
Speaker 2: all of that, and there are other people around you
Speaker 2: who are also going to be grabbing from it. Ah.
Speaker 2: I tend to be the more conservative one who doesn't
Speaker 2: take more than say, two pieces of sushi off of
Speaker 2: that tree m.
Speaker 5: H.
Speaker 2: And I just kind of like let everybody else step
Speaker 2: over me. And I'm a little bit too nice about
Speaker 2: all of that.
Speaker 3: Why do you feel like but so okay? So this
Speaker 3: is in this, in this sort of analogy. Are you
Speaker 3: not taking uh more than two pieces of sushi because
Speaker 3: you're trying to leave some sushi for for other people?
Speaker 3: You know? Do you do you? What? What is?
Speaker 2: I do? Suppose? That is the question?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 2: And like why am I not taking more? And a
Speaker 2: phrase I've learned here, which I think is just absolutely
Speaker 2: magnificent is chase the bag. I think that is hilarious.
Speaker 2: I love imagining somebody chase chasing this bag of whatever
Speaker 2: it is that they're chasing.
Speaker 4: You know, to get the paper, to get the paper,
Speaker 4: you know, get the money. You know, you chase chase
Speaker 4: after money. There's a there's an expression, there's a there's
Speaker 4: a there's an expression out there. You know, uh, you
Speaker 4: want you might you might lose money chasing women, but
Speaker 4: you won't lose women chasing money.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. Yeah, that that's one to think about.
Speaker 3: What in what other ways do you do you do
Speaker 3: you think? I want to know? I want like a
Speaker 3: like a like a.
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, I.
Speaker 4: Want to I want an example of a time, a
Speaker 4: time in which you feel like you you sacrifice yourself
Speaker 4: and your desire, you what you wanted for the sake
Speaker 4: of someone else.
Speaker 2: All right, let's take it back to Singapore. Okay, when
Speaker 2: I was still teaching there, there was this lady in
Speaker 2: the school, you know, and of course we we had
Speaker 2: to fancy each other, and as it naturally happens, and
Speaker 2: then ah, after about five months of being together, let's
Speaker 2: just round up to six. But after after about half
Speaker 2: a year together, she started to get a little bit
Speaker 2: more more demanding on certain things that she wanted out
Speaker 2: of the relationship, like moving in together, saving money and stuff,
Speaker 2: and that's not something that I'm quite comfortable doing. However,
Speaker 2: she got really really pushy on that. And it's not
Speaker 2: that I said I wouldn't. I don't want to settle
Speaker 2: down with this woman for the rest of my life
Speaker 2: or anything. It's just I allowed her to push me
Speaker 2: out of my comfort zone. And we moved in briefly.
Speaker 2: We signed an eight months lease because that was how
Speaker 2: long my teaching contract was still staying up, and so
Speaker 2: we signed up into that and then not even a
Speaker 2: month into living there, she decided to break things off.
Speaker 2: So not even me, it was it was her who
Speaker 2: broke up the relationship there, and it was it was
Speaker 2: it was frankly devastating.
Speaker 4: So so you so you were pressured in the so
Speaker 4: she pressured you in the first place into moving in
Speaker 4: with her, but the end then why you were and
Speaker 4: then eight months into it, you she she broke up
Speaker 4: with you. Yes, how do you think she was able
Speaker 4: to pro Why? Why did why was she so adamant
Speaker 4: about you guys moving in together?
Speaker 2: Uh? She she wanted to save money. She was one
Speaker 2: of the newer teachers there. I was I was already
Speaker 2: a teacher for two years at that point. Uh so,
Speaker 2: I guess I was already a little bit more well off,
Speaker 2: and I did live with people.
Speaker 3: My first were you were you were you paying all
Speaker 3: the rent?
Speaker 2: I guess we kind of pro rated it. She took
Speaker 2: about four hundred of it, and then I took the
Speaker 2: six hundred. If we're going out of the playoffs an example.
Speaker 3: Okay, m I.
Speaker 2: Used the US dotter, Yes what you were? U S dollars?
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, he's US os or okay, well and what
Speaker 4: we call them GHAK bills where I am, but.
Speaker 2: Oh, GAK bills, Yeah, in Gakland.
Speaker 4: So that was stupid. You know, look, sometimes I want,
Speaker 4: you know, I I try. I I I don't know
Speaker 4: how much of what I'm doing is me being a character,
Speaker 4: and sometimes I add lore to it. But I think
Speaker 4: that just now, that was that. That wasn't that wasn't rhythmic.
Speaker 4: That was just felt kind of stupid. But you know what,
Speaker 4: Look we're going to move past that. Yeah, I said, okay,
Speaker 4: so she was paying so she So you had a
Speaker 4: sixty forty agreement, correct? Is this something you want to
Speaker 4: change about yourself?
Speaker 3: Like? Do you you want to feel like you can
Speaker 3: you want you want to? What? What was it?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 3: How was she able to convince How was she able
Speaker 3: to convince you to do it?
Speaker 2: That truly is the age of question. I don't necessarily know,
Speaker 2: because that was always something that I said, step fast,
Speaker 2: step fast on pretty much the entire time when I
Speaker 2: when I was back home. There was also another there
Speaker 2: was also another lady who was trying to get me
Speaker 2: to do something along the same lines there. But I
Speaker 2: don't know, eventually she just kind of swoons me into it.
Speaker 2: It was nothing right, It was nothing r rated at
Speaker 2: or anything. It was just kind of after a certain point.
Speaker 4: Of her nothing are raally she didn't she she she
Speaker 4: wasn't like holding. She wasn't like, hey, if you move in,
Speaker 4: we'll have sex a bunch.
Speaker 2: No, absolutely, you know that that was a very little
Speaker 2: concern to me.
Speaker 4: Okay, you're you're you're You're a pure guy. You're not
Speaker 4: you're not driven by You're not seem driven by money
Speaker 4: or lust.
Speaker 2: I appreciate it. Actually, money is something I guess that
Speaker 2: I do love a little bit more than I should
Speaker 2: if if you're one of those Bible people.
Speaker 3: But what what drives you? My friend?
Speaker 2: What drives me mostly I will I will live for
Speaker 2: my friends and I will die for my friends.
Speaker 3: Okay, relationships are important to.
Speaker 2: You, yes, very much so. And the what is it,
Speaker 2: I guess romantic side those relationships that those don't necessarily
Speaker 2: weigh too much on the or anything. It's more so
Speaker 2: just having a relationship with somebody because people are so
Speaker 2: different in the so magnificent or every single one of us,
Speaker 2: that it would just be a wasted opportunity to kind
Speaker 2: of leave a relationship behind with somebody.
Speaker 4: And I don't know, I you know, I actually have
Speaker 4: a lot. I have a lot of respect for that mentality,
Speaker 4: I really do. I think that you know, you you
Speaker 4: you hold look, our relationships with other people on the
Speaker 4: planet Earth is is definitely something to be held sacred,
Speaker 4: for sure. But I think it is also you know,
Speaker 4: and it's it's it's hard because I really do believe that,
Speaker 4: and you're really doing a you know, a bang up
Speaker 4: job of that. But at the same time, you don't
Speaker 4: want to hold them so sacred that you're neglecting your
Speaker 4: own needs, because sometimes you can't afford to drop a
Speaker 4: couple of people. I mean, there's seven billion people, you know,
Speaker 4: not all their relationships with all of them can't be
Speaker 4: worth dying for.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right, You're right, and it's something that I
Speaker 2: actually came to realize in a bit of their silence.
Speaker 2: There is that just there are definitely people who are
Speaker 2: going to try to take advantage of you, and I
Speaker 2: try to put that at the very back of the
Speaker 2: list for pretty much everybody. I like to give people
Speaker 2: the benefit of the doubt, and I do think that
Speaker 2: that is where my problem comes in. You know, I
Speaker 2: kind of let people push me around because I want
Speaker 2: them to succeed. I want to see them grow in
Speaker 2: a relationship with me as well.
Speaker 3: How do you feel how what's your relationship like with yourself?
Speaker 2: With myself, I would say it's very good. And I
Speaker 2: started therapy about a couple of months ago because I
Speaker 2: was going through I was going through some trouble with
Speaker 2: my with my family. But I guess we don't need
Speaker 2: to get into that. But after, especially after getting into therapy,
Speaker 2: I saw a lot of positive things come out of
Speaker 2: that because my therapist was telling me about how my
Speaker 2: feelings are still valid in everything. Yeah, and it's not
Speaker 2: something that people can take from you, you know.
Speaker 3: It's people can take from you.
Speaker 2: Right that that that's something that I guess I struggled
Speaker 2: with there for a second because there were manipulating they
Speaker 2: were manipulativeeople around me. But after after she was there
Speaker 2: to help me with you know, your your feelings are valid.
Speaker 2: You're allowed to feel this way. How you react to
Speaker 2: it is where is where everybody else can either be
Speaker 2: helped or they are or they're going to get her
Speaker 2: in some way. Basically, I'm paraphrasing what she said. She
Speaker 2: was she was spectacular in in delivering that to me.
Speaker 2: But I can't. I can't do it justice at all.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm. You know, I do I do feel like
Speaker 3: do you do?
Speaker 4: You do you feel like before you were I know
Speaker 4: you said you're dating someone, but you do you feel
Speaker 4: like you ever had at like a good period of
Speaker 4: time in your life where you were able to develop
Speaker 4: a relationship with just yourself and really get into being alone.
Speaker 2: Hm hmm. I imagine the only time for that would
Speaker 2: be during say primary or something primary school.
Speaker 4: I feel like that's something that's happening a lot that
Speaker 4: people are started being forced into now with quarantine.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, yes they were also. I guess now that
Speaker 2: you point that out that there were times where we
Speaker 2: were just me and yusef. We were here in our
Speaker 2: apartment and we couldn't go see anybody because the streets
Speaker 2: are up to abandon in NYC. And I guess I
Speaker 2: guess that was both a negative time but also a
Speaker 2: very positive time because I did get that time with myself. Finally,
Speaker 2: because as you can tell, I'm probably as you can
Speaker 2: probably tell, I'm a very social guy. I like to
Speaker 2: put myself out there.
Speaker 4: Ye.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I'll see what you're saying. And definitely sometime
Speaker 2: during all this COVID business, I did get some time
Speaker 2: for introspection.
Speaker 3: Fuck should you still there? Damn? I last I can?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Oh sweet, okay, amazing, Sorry, so sorry, I mean I
Speaker 4: gotta FaceTime, Carl. I couldn't hear what you what you
Speaker 4: said just now?
Speaker 2: Oh, no problem?
Speaker 8: Hm.
Speaker 3: So you should be pissed at me?
Speaker 2: No, No, I shouldn't. It's a it's a very undostendable problem.
Speaker 3: No, it is, I know. And so your therapist was
Speaker 3: was was helpful?
Speaker 2: Yes? Absolutely, I would. And I do realize that the
Speaker 2: therapy in your in your title is perhaps for jest,
Speaker 2: but yes, true, truly, people seeking therapy should be not
Speaker 2: necessarily a number one priority, but definitely put it somewhere
Speaker 2: near the top of your list because it is a
Speaker 2: very helpful thing.
Speaker 3: Beautiful. Well, what would you say? Your name was, uh, Solo.
Speaker 2: Well, everybody calls me Solom. My name is Solomon.
Speaker 4: Solomon. Well, Solomon, thank thank you again for coming in
Speaker 4: and sharing your story with this man. Everyone in the
Speaker 4: chat it's going crazy about you. You should, you know,
Speaker 4: take some of your take some of your catchphrases and
Speaker 4: put them on.
Speaker 3: On T shirts.
Speaker 2: I will try that.
Speaker 3: I appreciate you, Solomon. You have a rest of the night.
Speaker 2: Man, Yes, you too. It's been a pleasure.
Speaker 3: Pleasure is all mine, my friend. Hey guys, this is
Speaker 3: Lyle here. I stopped recording the intros because I asked
Speaker 3: for feedback on them and I was told that they
Speaker 3: are not necessary, which was the greatest thing anyone could
Speaker 3: ever tell me, because I don't like recording them. So
Speaker 3: this is a win win. But I am here to
Speaker 3: tell you that this podcast does not currently have any sponsors.
Speaker 3: But if you enjoy the show and you want to
Speaker 3: support and you want to make it easier for me
Speaker 3: to do this in the future, you can head on
Speaker 3: over to patreon dot com slash lyle Forever. Patreons receive
Speaker 3: access to the exclusive Patreon discord and exclusive streams and
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Speaker 3: Let's get back into the program.
Speaker 1: Baby from Bryant brandt.
Speaker 3: Uh like Kobe, like Kobe. Yeah, what's your nightmare?
Speaker 4: Bryant?
Speaker 5: What's my name?
Speaker 3: Your nightmare?
Speaker 5: Oh, my nightmare. I'm awfully nervous for some reason.
Speaker 2: It's just very vital.
Speaker 4: I think that that's a good that's a good mind
Speaker 4: state to be. You know, when you're talking about your nightmares,
Speaker 4: you know that should make you nervous.
Speaker 2: No, you're talking about ghosts and ship you know, ghosts.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 4: Don't be nervous talking to me. I'm very weak, all right.
Speaker 4: There's nothing about me that should pose any amount of
Speaker 4: a threat to anyone.
Speaker 5: I think I have a lot that losing my penis
Speaker 5: is one of them, I think, really yeah, or just
Speaker 5: not being able to use it because it's such a
Speaker 5: good like coping thing.
Speaker 3: For me, using your penis. Yes, in in in what
Speaker 3: way do you cope using your penis?
Speaker 5: You know, I would probably say over ninety nine percent masturbation?
Speaker 3: M Yeah, so you you you fear losing the the
Speaker 3: ability to to masturbate?
Speaker 5: Yeah, or just like any anything, you know, Like I
Speaker 5: heard a lot about the anti depressants, and that can
Speaker 5: be one of them, or any kind of psychiatric medications
Speaker 5: really affect it. So you know it, there's a lot
Speaker 5: of difference.
Speaker 3: I've heard that. I've heard that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you know, I mean what you know, look,
Speaker 4: even if if that went away, let's say that went away,
Speaker 4: let's say you couldn't do that anymore, what would you
Speaker 4: what would you fill that time with? Because look, I
Speaker 4: know from experience, you know, you if it's something when
Speaker 4: you're when you're really going crazy, when you're really going
Speaker 4: at it, when you're like, you know, four or five
Speaker 4: times a day, you know when it's when when the
Speaker 4: peckers turning red?
Speaker 3: You know it.
Speaker 4: It's a lot of time. It takes a lot of
Speaker 4: time to to to ejaculate, and there's a lot of
Speaker 4: times that you could be spending doing other stuff.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think I think just helping people would probably
Speaker 5: be That's why I questioned whether or not God is real,
Speaker 5: because if he got rid of my dick, I'd probably
Speaker 5: just like put effort into like being a good person,
Speaker 5: or like becoming a rocket scientist.
Speaker 2: Or I don't know.
Speaker 4: So you're telling me that if you didn't jack off,
Speaker 4: you would dedicate your life to helping people and become
Speaker 4: a rocket scientist.
Speaker 5: I'm one of the other.
Speaker 4: And look, that's not a bullshit. And look I know
Speaker 4: you're laughing, but that's not a bullshit. I've had the
Speaker 4: same exact thought. I've got the same exact thought. I
Speaker 4: have sat in post ejaculate mind state, thinking that if
Speaker 4: I did not have balls, I could be I could
Speaker 4: I could become a scientist of some kind, I could
Speaker 4: be an astronaut, I could go to space. I do
Speaker 4: believe that, So it's not a right thought.
Speaker 5: My library would become much more extensive, it might be
Speaker 5: a more enjoyable life. I think about God a lot,
Speaker 5: and I think about I think about like people who
Speaker 5: are parallel and how could God allow something like this?
Speaker 5: And I think about but I didn't. I'm not living
Speaker 5: their lives. You know, what kind of life are you living?
Speaker 5: What kind of life does God? What kind of connection
Speaker 5: does he have with you in those states? I don't know.
Speaker 5: I'm just very intrigued by it. I'm been learning a
Speaker 5: lot lately about myself and you know, a spiritual presence,
Speaker 5: and I hear you talk a lot about it, so
Speaker 5: I was I was excited to talk to you. M M.
Speaker 3: Where do you think God's place is in your life?
Speaker 5: Well, I know he doesn't want me to just be
Speaker 5: so be focused on me, you know, because that's that's
Speaker 5: when the problems starts. I know he doesn't want me
Speaker 5: to drink, and I know he doesn't want me to
Speaker 5: be depressed.
Speaker 4: Okay, he doesn't want you to make your life all
Speaker 4: about you. Is that what you That's what you said
Speaker 4: you want to selfishly?
Speaker 5: Yes, self selfishness is the root of all my problems.
Speaker 4: It's interesting because I've never I've never really taken a
Speaker 4: time to think about, you know, masturbation in the light
Speaker 4: of it being a selfish act. And I don't think
Speaker 4: it is necessarily but it but but Look, this sounds crazy,
Speaker 4: but masturbation is inherently It's inherently masturbatory that I don't
Speaker 4: think about a lot. But I don't know if it's
Speaker 4: if it's if it's selfish. Do you can do you
Speaker 4: CONSI do you consider it selfish?
Speaker 5: You know? I like it so much that I don't
Speaker 5: even care what it is because I'm not gonna stop.
Speaker 5: I'm not going to stop doing it until I can't anymore.
Speaker 5: I'm getting older, you know, and you know I'm not
Speaker 5: a spring chicken anymore. So, but it's still I still
Speaker 5: keep it going, you know.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
Speaker 5: I don't know how to explain it, but yeah.
Speaker 4: You're splanning it, splanning it perfectly. Well, dude, but you
Speaker 4: said you've been, you said you've been struggling to.
Speaker 3: With you with your idea of God.
Speaker 5: Now, yeah, so you know what.
Speaker 2: I've been.
Speaker 5: I've been in an AA like in and out for
Speaker 5: a while, and just recently I got one hundred and
Speaker 5: twenty eight days sober now. And they kind of tell
Speaker 5: you in the program is in the morning, you get
Speaker 5: on your knees and you say the third step prayer,
Speaker 5: and it's kind of like you ask God and I'm
Speaker 5: totally not buying any of this, even though I've experienced
Speaker 5: like just good things start to happen. But you kind
Speaker 5: of ask God be like, you know, take away my difficulties,
Speaker 5: that victory over them may bear witness to those I
Speaker 5: would help. And it's kind of like, whatever you want
Speaker 5: me to do today, I'm I'm I'll try to be
Speaker 5: receptive of it, Like, help me to be receptive of
Speaker 5: what you want me to do. And then things just
Speaker 5: started happening. You know, I lost my job. I was
Speaker 5: in the mental hospital and in March, and I just
Speaker 5: got a really good job. You know, my relationship with
Speaker 5: my girlfriend has gotten a lot better, Like and I
Speaker 5: don't like sleep all day and and I didn't get
Speaker 5: out of my bed for like a year. I was
Speaker 5: so freaking depressed. You know, a lot of people on
Speaker 5: here get put with a lot of medications and stuff
Speaker 5: like that. I hear I've been on I've been on
Speaker 5: some pretty heavy antipsychotics, and they are while they're they're rough,
Speaker 5: they are hard. So anybody who's going through that, like,
Speaker 5: just no, just you know, be patient and uh, but
Speaker 5: I've been through much. And then I just started to
Speaker 5: do these these these prayers, and I'm not buying it,
Speaker 5: like I don't I don't buy and the God and
Speaker 5: but these things just started changing for me. So I'm
Speaker 5: met a turmoil, you know, I'm at a crossroads or
Speaker 5: I don't know what to think anymore?
Speaker 2: Is it? You know? Is this some gimmick?
Speaker 5: Is it some kind of gimmick that if you just
Speaker 5: kind of play your life like that. I don't know
Speaker 5: how to explain.
Speaker 3: It a gimmick? What do you mean by gimmick?
Speaker 5: Religion? You know? God? You know, it's for the people
Speaker 5: that need it, you know, the people that can't handle
Speaker 5: life as is, They need to believe in something bigger.
Speaker 3: Say O, I thought I've sort of thought about that,
Speaker 3: you know, is it? Is it a gimmick?
Speaker 4: I mean, I I don't think too long and heart
Speaker 4: about it because I don't you know, Look, if I'm
Speaker 4: not involved in a community, I don't, you know, I
Speaker 4: try not to judge or anything like that, but uh,
Speaker 4: I can I can see where you're coming from. I mean, look,
Speaker 4: people like having something to believe in. I mean, does
Speaker 4: it serve you?
Speaker 3: Though? Does it?
Speaker 2: Does it?
Speaker 3: Does having this belief, you know, serve you?
Speaker 5: I'm not believing in shit, I'm doing these stupid prayers.
Speaker 5: I mean, they're not stupid. It's a real powerful prayer.
Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, so it's so it's serving you pray this.
Speaker 4: You're having these prayers and having these beliefs and having
Speaker 4: the spiritual side of yourself is providing you with value.
Speaker 3: You would say, Or.
Speaker 5: It's just circumstance, or it's coincidence, or just the fact
Speaker 5: that I'm not getting drunk all the time. Things are
Speaker 5: getting better, you know what is sure.
Speaker 4: But I'm talking about but but but what do you mean?
Speaker 4: What do you mean by its circumstance or it's or
Speaker 4: it's coit you think it's saying it's it's coincidental that
Speaker 4: your life is improving at the same time you're doing
Speaker 4: these prayers. But I'm talking about the act, the act
Speaker 4: of doing these prayers themselves, you know, forgetting about how
Speaker 4: they've influenced your life around you. I'm talking about the
Speaker 4: actual when you sit down to go pray, or stand up,
Speaker 4: or go to the bathroom or do whatever you do.
Speaker 4: How do you actually feel in that moment when you're
Speaker 4: doing it. Do you feel like helping.
Speaker 5: You No, it's more just like knocking off something off
Speaker 5: my checklist.
Speaker 3: Okay, So it feels like an obligation, it feels.
Speaker 2: Like a requirement.
Speaker 5: Okay, you know that's that's I mean, because the people
Speaker 5: that are telling me what to do, you know, I
Speaker 5: definitely look up to them and I can really relate
Speaker 5: to what they've said. So I am putting my trust
Speaker 5: in what they've done.
Speaker 4: So there's people that you look up to that have
Speaker 4: told you to do to pray, and because you look
Speaker 4: up to those people, you'll tell them what to do,
Speaker 4: even if the actual act itself is not something that
Speaker 4: you're crazy about.
Speaker 5: It's it's not not that I'm not crazy about it.
Speaker 5: It's nothing that it's too difficult. It's just that is
Speaker 5: do I need to include that to get you know,
Speaker 5: to have the results that I'm.
Speaker 4: Having it that you know, I was asking you if
Speaker 4: it provides any value?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 4: So now I'll ask is it detrimental to you in
Speaker 4: any way, shape or form to do these prayers?
Speaker 3: Does it? Does it?
Speaker 5: Do it?
Speaker 3: Does it do anything negative? You think?
Speaker 5: I think, believing in something that that's not real, I
Speaker 5: don't want to. I mean, I guess what's the worst
Speaker 5: that could happen? I don't know. I mean religion starts wars.
Speaker 5: I don't want to be a part of something that
Speaker 5: is it's going to cause harm either. I'd like to know,
Speaker 5: and I don't think I can. I mean, if God's real,
Speaker 5: he's not gonna let me look at this like a
Speaker 5: scientist and not praise some days and try to figure
Speaker 5: out this equation.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 5: Maybe he is. I feel like I'm a scientist.
Speaker 4: I just I feel like this is now leaning into
Speaker 4: a territory of superstition. It's like, uh, you know what
Speaker 4: I'm saying right now, Like, you know, don't you You
Speaker 4: pray in the same way that someone avoids walking underneath
Speaker 4: the ladders just because you know they they think it
Speaker 4: might fuck up whatever their equilibrium is.
Speaker 5: I see what you're saying. That that makes sense. I
Speaker 5: just want to know if God exists, because if he does,
Speaker 5: man like, I want to be on in you know.
Speaker 3: But I don't think. But I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't I think for you. I don't think that
Speaker 4: you're seeking religion in in.
Speaker 3: Uh, I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't think that the benefit to you is the knowledge.
Speaker 4: You know, the benefit is not I don't think in
Speaker 4: in the knowledge or in or in being on the
Speaker 4: winning team, right. The benefit is in the practice, I think,
Speaker 4: And if you are not finding the benefit in the practice,
Speaker 4: then it doesn't serve you that that's that's what That's
Speaker 4: sort of how I feel about religion in general. You're
Speaker 4: not aiming to be on the winning team. That's not
Speaker 4: a good reason to be religious, I think. But I
Speaker 4: do believe that if the practice of faith is beneficial
Speaker 4: to your life, then that's good. But again, you don't
Speaker 4: want to do it just because just superstitious, superstitiously because
Speaker 4: thinking like, oh, if I'm wrong, then I'm on the
Speaker 4: losing team and I'm being damned in hell, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean. You don't want to come at it
Speaker 4: for a place of fear, from a place of I
Speaker 4: want to be all in just in case. You want
Speaker 4: to come at it for a place of I feel
Speaker 4: good when I pray, I feel good being a.
Speaker 3: Part of this, I feel good practicing this.
Speaker 5: I see what you're saying. Yeah, I mean, it's just
Speaker 5: I don't want to I don't want to go back
Speaker 5: to hell because that's where I felt like I was,
Speaker 5: and you know, and if I can become happy, I
Speaker 5: can help some people along the way, you know.
Speaker 3: But I don't think you.
Speaker 4: That's what That's the thing is, I think that these
Speaker 4: these all right, so you as yourself are going to
Speaker 4: be the one to go out into the world and
Speaker 4: help people and do these things that you want to do.
Speaker 4: And the religion can be a tool to sort of
Speaker 4: fill your vessel, right only if it is beneficial to
Speaker 4: to you. But you're at the end of the day,
Speaker 4: you are the one that's going to go out and
Speaker 4: and you know, be be, be helpful to other people,
Speaker 4: you know, and you don't you don't need anything to
Speaker 4: do that.
Speaker 3: You have yourself.
Speaker 4: You have it, you have currently in your possession everything
Speaker 4: that you need to do what you want to do.
Speaker 4: If what you want to do is, you know, go
Speaker 4: out and and help people. I don't think that you
Speaker 4: need anything else.
Speaker 3: You know, you don't.
Speaker 4: You don't need to worry like, oh, if I'm wrong
Speaker 4: about believing in God, I won't be able to help people.
Speaker 4: You know, I think that's far fetched, you know, but
Speaker 4: I hope, I hope I'm understanding you correctly.
Speaker 8: You know.
Speaker 5: It's the weird thing about my story is is that
Speaker 5: I've always wanted to help people, you know, I've always
Speaker 5: I've always wanted to not you know, be depressed and
Speaker 5: over eat and and and all these things where I
Speaker 5: can't function. You know, I can hold down a job,
Speaker 5: but I literally can't function. And I proved time and
Speaker 5: time again that I'm literally powerless over this ship. So
Speaker 5: so me, I'm learning that me on my own, I
Speaker 5: can't do this ship. So it's like, you know, you
Speaker 5: just make you know, some people can just make a
Speaker 5: decision and get up in the morning and go do
Speaker 5: what they have to do. But I'm just like, I
Speaker 5: got nothing to offer.
Speaker 3: I got there's something, there's there's nothing wrong, there's nothing
Speaker 3: wrong with needing help.
Speaker 4: And I get that the idea of it is that
Speaker 4: you you know, submit yourself to a higher power, but
Speaker 4: your high But I also I am willing to believe
Speaker 4: that that higher power does not necessarily have to be
Speaker 4: God in the traditional way that you think about it,
Speaker 4: like giving yourself up to a higher power. I I
Speaker 4: think that could just mean like checking yourself into rehab,
Speaker 4: like you know, going out to see counseling, you know,
Speaker 4: seek seeking help. I don't believe in in a higher
Speaker 4: power specifically defined as believing in God.
Speaker 5: I think that's why I like because it definitely defined
Speaker 5: something greater than yourself. Doesn't have to be any specific god,
Speaker 5: religion or anything. But it's just, you know, it's just
Speaker 5: kind of saying that you're not God. You're not responsible
Speaker 5: for the moon and the stars, are you? Because if
Speaker 5: you think that, and I've thought that, you know, I thought,
Speaker 5: that gets so freaking manic. I have I have. I
Speaker 5: have thought Iowa was God, I was Jesus. You know,
Speaker 5: the mania of it all, and it's a scary place
Speaker 5: to be in.
Speaker 4: Well, man, have you gotten help? Have you gotten you know,
Speaker 4: gone to a counselor gone to a real therapist that's
Speaker 4: not a gecko person?
Speaker 5: Before that I have done. I have done lots of
Speaker 5: counseling before. I haven't had much help in the therapy
Speaker 5: ask that. But like I said, this, this one trick
Speaker 5: of the book, this this getting on my knees thing,
Speaker 5: seems to be the thing that really works for me.
Speaker 4: And again, like I said, I feel, like I said,
Speaker 4: if it's working for you, it's working for you, you know,
Speaker 4: and if the act of doing it is working for you,
Speaker 4: that's it. You don't have to I think that's it, right.
Speaker 4: I don't think you have to worry about whether or
Speaker 4: not it's real because the act of doing it is
Speaker 4: working for you.
Speaker 5: Oh but my human nature wants to overthink it though,
Speaker 5: and it's always going to I always got to question
Speaker 5: these things. Man.
Speaker 4: Sure, there's nothing wrong with that, But I that that's
Speaker 4: kind of what I would say. I think, you know,
Speaker 4: the act of doing it is working for you, and
Speaker 4: you know you can.
Speaker 3: I think you can. I think you can.
Speaker 4: Question it in a more philosophical sense on top of that,
Speaker 4: But I wouldn't fuck it. But I wouldn't like replace
Speaker 4: the fact that it's working for you with wondering if
Speaker 4: it's real. I have to make sense because I I
Speaker 4: I think you should take comfort in the fact that
Speaker 4: it's working for you. It's like, Okay, this is working
Speaker 4: for me, But I also have my own healthy doubts
Speaker 4: about whether or not, you know, God.
Speaker 5: Exists, right, Yeah, it's still a work in progress.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And it's a day at a time, that's all.
Speaker 5: I know. I can't explain it. It is you can't
Speaker 5: explain it until you actually see the difference. And it's
Speaker 5: and I just I just don't know how to explain it,
Speaker 5: you know.
Speaker 3: I Yeah, what would you say? Your name was man.
Speaker 4: Uh, Bryant, well listen, Brian, Uh you know, thank you
Speaker 4: for calling in man, and uh you know.
Speaker 3: Best of luck to you all right. Yeah, uh, don't
Speaker 3: drive yourself crazy.
Speaker 5: Yeah that's a stretch, but I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: You take care of man. You have a good rest
Speaker 3: of the night.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Look he'll be too, baby boy, love be too. What
Speaker 3: is love all from?
Speaker 7: B B?
Speaker 8: Holy fuck?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I know it's crazy. It's crazy, dude.
Speaker 3: What's everything?
Speaker 8: I'm gonna I'm gonna discorded call with my friends right now.
Speaker 8: Hold on the easy.
Speaker 3: Oh you want to go a call with your friends? Yeah?
Speaker 8: And they got they got banned from the chat. I'm
Speaker 8: pretty sure.
Speaker 3: What the what the fuck did they do? Why did
Speaker 3: they get banned from the chat?
Speaker 8: I think they said, uh, come too many times.
Speaker 3: They got banned.
Speaker 8: They got timed out, they got timed out, and I
Speaker 8: think I think Ronan got timed out and DomU got banned,
Speaker 8: so they I don't know too many to count, I guess,
Speaker 8: But you know what, it was fine. We were laughing,
Speaker 8: we were having a good time.
Speaker 4: You haven't gotten banned from chat yet, have you? No?
Speaker 8: I haven't.
Speaker 9: I'm nice.
Speaker 4: They're naughty, Okay, tell me so I was you know
Speaker 4: I was going to ask you. You say, Ronan is
Speaker 4: your name?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Hey, geg, what's up?
Speaker 3: Tell me everything?
Speaker 8: Do you think you were nice or naughty?
Speaker 2: Was here?
Speaker 4: I'm not a great judge of character myself, you know. Look,
Speaker 4: I know that I try not to do. I try
Speaker 4: not to make a lot of judgments because uh, only
Speaker 4: only uh only a select few people can judge me.
Speaker 4: And I don't consider myself to be I don't consider
Speaker 4: that to be uh myself to be on that list nice.
Speaker 4: I mean, what does that even mean? What's your definition
Speaker 4: of naughty?
Speaker 2: Mm hmm?
Speaker 8: Maybe you know what I I really don't have a
Speaker 8: good answer to that. And right now I feel so
Speaker 8: hypocritical because most of the people who would call in
Speaker 8: and not also not know the answer. I'd be bitching
Speaker 8: at them right now. I'd be on the discord call
Speaker 8: with my friends and say you should kick these people.
Speaker 3: M all right, So tell me about this discord call
Speaker 3: with your friends? And I want, I want what is
Speaker 3: this your first night watching the stream?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 8: No, I I try to call in every single like
Speaker 8: every every other.
Speaker 3: Night, I'm and you've never gotten in before.
Speaker 8: No, this is the first time, and you know what,
Speaker 8: every time, I always like prepare with like some funny
Speaker 8: story or something. I always prepare like for you to
Speaker 8: pick up. But this is the one time I didn't.
Speaker 3: Yep, you didn't prepare. Now you don't. You don't got
Speaker 3: shipped you?
Speaker 8: Nope, I didn't.
Speaker 3: I'll look. I normally i'd stick to a thing. But
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. Are we going to say?
Speaker 8: No, I don't have any naughty stories. That's the problems.
Speaker 8: I mean, Like last night, I uh actually stepped on
Speaker 8: a great like a like a recently buried grave.
Speaker 3: What were you doing hanging out by a recently buried grave?
Speaker 8: Me and my friends went to a cemetery last night.
Speaker 3: You and your friends are fucking weird.
Speaker 2: Dude.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna lie. I know I said it on
Speaker 3: a judge, but.
Speaker 8: No, honestly, I think I think that just made my
Speaker 8: twenty twenty Like that was that was it? That was
Speaker 8: my highlights.
Speaker 3: No, I'm just kidding. I don't know you and your friends.
Speaker 4: I hope that they tell tell you tell your friends
Speaker 4: to send it on banned request and if I'm feeling gracious,
Speaker 4: ill unbanned depends. I have a number. I have a
Speaker 4: number in my head of acceptable amount of time suspam
Speaker 4: come in the chat and if they're under that, well
Speaker 4: I'll let them back.
Speaker 8: In, Okay, I will.
Speaker 4: I'm curious though. I'm curious though, I want to know
Speaker 4: what you say your name was? I forgot your name?
Speaker 4: B B what so you and so you said that?
Speaker 4: If you said that, A lot of times people get
Speaker 4: in here and you bitch at them in the discord.
Speaker 8: Yeah, because do you and your.
Speaker 3: Friends in the discord, like, do you like listen to
Speaker 3: the calls and like bitch about the callers?
Speaker 8: Yeah? Yeah, because now I they picked me too much,
Speaker 8: I say, picked me?
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, yeah, I'll get your band from check.
Speaker 8: I don't like anybody that gets in the call that
Speaker 8: isn't me. That's that's the problem.
Speaker 3: Really, you don't like any You don't like anyone that
Speaker 3: gets in except for you.
Speaker 8: Yeah, So then I find something to complain about, and
Speaker 8: then we just have a conversation about why we don't
Speaker 8: like the caller.
Speaker 3: Who, uh, who have you been complaining about recently?
Speaker 8: Like everybody that's joined the call so far in the
Speaker 8: stream of the hick guy and then the last guy.
Speaker 8: I almost fell asleep. I was so fucking bored. I
Speaker 8: needed my friend running to remind me that you were
Speaker 8: about to hang out so then I could spad the
Speaker 8: stand the line.
Speaker 3: I don't understand. But I don't understand this. How can you?
Speaker 3: How often do you watch the String?
Speaker 8: Like every single day? I watch when I like when
Speaker 8: I do my homework, I listen to the stream, and
Speaker 8: then I listen to the podcast like every time they
Speaker 8: come out.
Speaker 3: But yet you hate all the callers pretty much?
Speaker 8: Yeah, because I'm just so jealous, I guess.
Speaker 3: Well then, okay, so how do you feel? How do
Speaker 3: you feel now? Now?
Speaker 4: Do you now? This is why I'm curious now having
Speaker 4: now been on the string, now that you have called
Speaker 4: in and you are you're here, you are now you
Speaker 4: now have an opportunity for greater empathy, right because you
Speaker 4: know now what it is like to be on the string.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you're right, I do.
Speaker 8: But like I said, this is the first time I
Speaker 8: haven't prepared, like I always have some stupid story for
Speaker 8: whatever your question is for the night, except for this.
Speaker 8: But yeah, I do know. I'm still gonna judge. I'm
Speaker 8: not going to change because I want redemption now because
Speaker 8: I have to wait like probably months even years for
Speaker 8: me to like have something good to talk about and
Speaker 8: then also get accepted back into the stream.
Speaker 4: How do you feel about the idea? In fact, how
Speaker 4: do you feel about the I mean, let's admit the
Speaker 4: certainty that people listening to your call right now are
Speaker 4: judging you.
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, they totally are. They're probably calling me a
Speaker 8: pick me girl, which you know what I am, but
Speaker 8: only when it comes to therapy Gecko, probably complaining about
Speaker 8: how much I'm acting like a spaz right now. They're
Speaker 8: could be countless things, But you know what, do I care? No? Okay,
Speaker 8: I'm I'm looking forward to my friends bullying me tonight
Speaker 8: about how much I messed up the call or something.
Speaker 8: They're going to find something to make fun of me about.
Speaker 3: Do you feel like you feel like you messed up
Speaker 3: the call?
Speaker 8: If I'm not into the podcast.
Speaker 4: Then yeah, that's your barometers whether or not you make
Speaker 4: you make it into the podcast.
Speaker 8: Probably because this is like the highlight of my twenty twenty.
Speaker 8: I just want to I just want to be I
Speaker 8: feel like nobody. It's rare that people call in and
Speaker 8: are funny, and that's what I look for. So I
Speaker 8: just I'm sad, but I can't fulfill the thing that
Speaker 8: I'm looking for.
Speaker 4: I think you might you might have been unintentionally funny.
Speaker 4: I think that this situation is so I think that
Speaker 4: this topic is funny.
Speaker 8: You know, I'm really impressed with myself that I've even
Speaker 8: made it this far.
Speaker 4: You're viewing this, I think you're viewing this too much
Speaker 4: as a game that in which there are winners and losers.
Speaker 8: Hmm yeah maybe. But but but like at the same time,
Speaker 8: like I just don't want to be super hypocritical, Like
Speaker 8: I don't want to be like the people I'm making
Speaker 8: fun of.
Speaker 4: Well you've okay, well then then well yeah, then you've
Speaker 4: you've you've failed at that. But I'm still confused at
Speaker 4: how you're able to I'm still confused with the appeal.
Speaker 4: Is it like, are you like hate listening to the
Speaker 4: stream like you enjoy.
Speaker 3: Hating it?
Speaker 8: No?
Speaker 4: No, no, no no.
Speaker 8: So here's the thing, is like I enjoy listening to
Speaker 8: you talk and like what you have to say, And
Speaker 8: it's kind of funny to see your reactions with people sometimes,
Speaker 8: like when I when I'm on the phone with Domiu
Speaker 8: and Ronan, I'll be like, oh my god, look at him,
Speaker 8: he's ready to hang up everybody get their phones ready,
Speaker 8: or we'll see you like move into a position and
Speaker 8: be like, I've never seen anyone more angry in my life.
Speaker 8: And you may not actually be that way, but that's
Speaker 8: just the way I'm perceiving you in the moment, and
Speaker 8: we just like make a conversation out of it. So
Speaker 8: it's super fun to like just get to talk about
Speaker 8: what's happening in the stream with my friends, and then
Speaker 8: I listen to the stream and it makes me so productive.
Speaker 8: So when I'm not defly judging people, I'm blasting out
Speaker 8: like homework while listening to the stream.
Speaker 4: Is there a now when the calls are boring, does
Speaker 4: it make you more productive because you're paying less attention
Speaker 4: to the podcast and more attention to your work.
Speaker 8: No, I don't really think it has an effect on it.
Speaker 4: But you just said it makes you super You said
Speaker 4: the type of Paul doesn't have an effect on your productivity. Yeah, now,
Speaker 4: Daimu and Roman you said other names. Yeah, have I
Speaker 4: spoken to them before?
Speaker 7: No, you haven't.
Speaker 8: I introduced you to them, and they also just told
Speaker 8: me that the chat is blaming me, So you know
Speaker 8: what I'm feeling pretty well?
Speaker 4: Of course I haven't looked at the chat. I mean,
Speaker 4: of course there, but you know, look, but it doesn't matter.
Speaker 4: The chat is not God, no one is. No one
Speaker 4: gets to decide. I'm thinking about taking away the good
Speaker 4: call emote because I don't think anyone gets to decide
Speaker 4: what a good call is or what a bad call is.
Speaker 4: There's just calls, dude. There's just people talking on the phone.
Speaker 4: It's just a stream of a gecko man talking to
Speaker 4: people on the phone. There is no It is not
Speaker 4: a place for qualitative judgments of any kind, good or bad.
Speaker 8: Can I ask you a questions? Of course, So I
Speaker 8: ask this question every time I meet someone, and it
Speaker 8: kind of like helps me form an opinion on them.
Speaker 8: But it's gonna seem very juvenile.
Speaker 4: But Scooby or Shaggy, I I'll answer this, But are
Speaker 4: you prepared to answer a follow up question?
Speaker 8: Yeah? Wait, wait, wait, but only if I like, you
Speaker 8: know what, Yeah, just go with it.
Speaker 3: Shit, I'm gonna go with Shaggy.
Speaker 8: Okay, thank god?
Speaker 3: Oh okay, all.
Speaker 4: Right now, all right, this is my follow up question.
Speaker 4: Why what information does this give you about a person
Speaker 4: in which you feel qualified to then make form and
Speaker 4: opinion about them?
Speaker 8: Well, it started out like I used to ask this
Speaker 8: question when I would like meet a guy, like in
Speaker 8: the summer, if I would like meet a guy, I'd
Speaker 8: ask for their snap and I'd be like, when I
Speaker 8: got it, I'd say Scooby or Shaggy, And if they
Speaker 8: said Scooby, I would just unadd them. That's how I
Speaker 8: filtered out who I liked and who I didn't. If
Speaker 8: they said Shaggy, I would give them my time. And
Speaker 8: then I started looking into it myself and I and
Speaker 8: I thought, well, my ideal type of guy is like Shaggy, right,
Speaker 8: best type of guy that there is, and you know
Speaker 8: it's Scooby. He just he just like sits back and
Speaker 8: is like, you know, he's just he's unnecessary.
Speaker 5: He just is.
Speaker 3: How is your dating Saggy is God?
Speaker 8: You said there's no God. No, that's that's not possible.
Speaker 8: He said something about that.
Speaker 3: I say all kinds of things. How how is your
Speaker 3: dating life?
Speaker 7: How do you think ship?
Speaker 3: It is?
Speaker 7: Pretty well?
Speaker 8: Yeah, but you know what, I have high standards, and
Speaker 8: I don't care.
Speaker 4: You don't have high stand you have you have standards
Speaker 4: that you know there's those are not those standards don't
Speaker 4: make it any sense?
Speaker 8: Well, I don't really like talking to people like, like,
Speaker 8: I'm not really like good at like cause I don't know,
Speaker 8: I'm not good at talking to multiple people at once,
Speaker 8: like I can if I'm like if I have like
Speaker 8: an alternate, No, okay, I can't. I can't talk to
Speaker 8: somebody who I'm interested in and then like be like,
Speaker 8: then go to talk to somebody else, Like I can
Speaker 8: only talk to one person at a time if I
Speaker 8: have the intent on like dating them or something, I
Speaker 8: can't do more than one person. So then if they
Speaker 8: say Scooby, then I can get rid of them and
Speaker 8: find like it just makes that easier.
Speaker 3: I guess this, This is your litmus test?
Speaker 8: My?
Speaker 3: What is your litmus test?
Speaker 2: Do you know?
Speaker 4: A litmus test is? Uh uh, all right, you're gonna
Speaker 4: have to google because I don't know how to explain it.
Speaker 4: But your litmus tests is scaggy set shaggy or Scooby?
Speaker 7: Got it?
Speaker 4: I think?
Speaker 3: Do you have you ever?
Speaker 4: Have you been to a real therapist before? No, just
Speaker 4: go to a real therapist. See what they have to
Speaker 4: say about this. Because I don't know how much of
Speaker 4: you are. I don't know, if you're meming right now,
Speaker 4: how much of you is meming or how much of
Speaker 4: you know this is who you actually are? But I
Speaker 4: I think I think you should reevaluate parts of this
Speaker 4: because that does How do you feel about this? How
Speaker 4: do you feel about your dating situation? I mean, I
Speaker 4: just probably larger than that.
Speaker 8: But well, getting people has never really been a problem
Speaker 8: for me. It's more liking them is. I don't have
Speaker 8: a problem with my dating life.
Speaker 2: But may.
Speaker 8: No, I mean no, I just don't. I just I
Speaker 8: just have been pretty It's been pretty uneventful.
Speaker 4: I think what you well, what you need is someone
Speaker 4: who's a bigger asshole than you are. You need child, Yeah,
Speaker 4: you need to find someone who is a bigger.
Speaker 3: Douche than you.
Speaker 8: That might be hard, though, I don't know if there is.
Speaker 8: I'm pretty bitchy.
Speaker 4: I don't know where does one go to find other
Speaker 4: people who are who are who are also kind of bitchy?
Speaker 4: Do you think that would witch here? Bitchy people? You
Speaker 4: you you need one of two people. I think you're
Speaker 4: only it's like a work for you with one of
Speaker 4: two kinds of people, either someone who's a way worse
Speaker 4: than you or like a VI or or the complete opposite,
Speaker 4: just a very.
Speaker 3: Very meek, you know, weaker man, But you won't. You
Speaker 3: wouldn't like that.
Speaker 8: I would, I would, I think I would.
Speaker 3: But just someone who, like you know, is going to
Speaker 3: take your ship.
Speaker 8: Yeah, here's here's the thing is. I think I do
Speaker 8: know people who are more of a douchebag than I am.
Speaker 8: But they're all like dragets, like I hate them, Like
Speaker 8: they're like.
Speaker 9: They're all like the same type of parlem Like like
Speaker 9: some guy who like probably played basketball or football in
Speaker 9: high school, wears only hoodies and sweatpants, listens to Kanye.
Speaker 8: West in the weekend and nothing else, and has the
Speaker 8: most unoriginal personality.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys would be perfect for each other.
Speaker 8: No, I want someone to have, like some decent interest.
Speaker 3: What are you? What are your interests?
Speaker 8: I like music a lot.
Speaker 6: Okay, yeah, I've played the Yeah, well I played.
Speaker 8: Bass, and then I really like movies and I like
Speaker 8: I love to travel, but I haven't recently because of COVID.
Speaker 8: I go to Europe a lot because I have friends
Speaker 8: and family there.
Speaker 4: I like, I think chas like travel, music, what else.
Speaker 8: Mm hmm, I don't know. Me and my friends are
Speaker 8: really into photography. We have a whole account. Everyone followed
Speaker 8: Twins on Instagram. Please follow Grasshopper Twinks on Instagram. Please.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that you should find a boring douchey
Speaker 4: man mm hmmmm, and then you two can have a toxic,
Speaker 4: beautiful relationship where you hate each other but you but
Speaker 4: you'll like that because look, some people are wired such
Speaker 4: and such that they enjoy. They just revel in and
Speaker 4: enjoy drama and toxicity. And look, I am over, I
Speaker 4: have no I people are wired in all sorts of
Speaker 4: crazy ways. You know, So who am I to? You know,
Speaker 4: you know, cast judgment upon someone else's uh wiring, But
Speaker 4: you know, you just got to find someone else who
Speaker 4: who you can you can hate and they'll hate you
Speaker 4: and but and you'll enjoy it because you can revel
Speaker 4: in that toxicity and that will feed you.
Speaker 3: You can tell me anything I think.
Speaker 8: I think I agree with you, mm hmm. And mostly
Speaker 8: because last night when I was out with my friends,
Speaker 8: we we all took those BDSM tests in a in
Speaker 8: a home deeper bathroom. I wish I'm chipking right now,
Speaker 8: but and like my results basically match with what you say.
Speaker 8: Oh incorrect?
Speaker 4: Yeah, except who you are if you're you can do
Speaker 4: one when you're if you don't like your If you
Speaker 4: don't like yourself, you have two paths, and I don't know,
Speaker 4: if you don't like yourself, you might have completed one
Speaker 4: of these paths. You can either change yourself or you
Speaker 4: can accept yourself. You don't have any but and you
Speaker 4: do whichever one of those is more appealing to you.
Speaker 4: And I think what's more appealing to you is to
Speaker 4: continue being this, you know, being well, you know whatever
Speaker 4: you are, so you know, look except that you're kind
Speaker 4: of toxic, and you'll be happier.
Speaker 8: Yeah, okay, you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I think you can too.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 3: Listen, B. You know, I appreciate you calling in. I
Speaker 3: hope that I hope that.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: I hope that you now I'll have a.
Speaker 4: Greater perspective, uh, for the callers on this program, and I
Speaker 4: hope that it INFORBS, your your judgments upon them moving forward.
Speaker 4: And if it doesn't, then that's fine too.
Speaker 8: Yeah it probably won't. But you know what, I'll call
Speaker 8: in and the next time you accept me, I'll let
Speaker 8: you know if I've changed, if I become a better person.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't wait for it. I'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 3: Be appreciate you. You have a merry.
Speaker 8: Pronicle, happy get mess, never goes.
Speaker 5: On the line, making your own calls every night, never
Speaker 5: goes aside.
Speaker 1: He's teaching you cud of your life.