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Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rad and I

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Speaker 1: Heart Radio and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast.

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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, We're scrubbing in and we have a guest host.

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Speaker 1: Tanya is out of town, but I have found a

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Speaker 1: redeemable co host for the week. We have Caitlyn Bristow

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Speaker 1: scrubbing in. Scrubbing in. I now know what scrubbing in means.

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Speaker 1: It's so funny because most of them listen to Off

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Speaker 1: the Vine. So yeah, yeah, they're all They're all are

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Speaker 1: part of our family. I feel like, yeah, we're just

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Speaker 1: one big weird family. This crossover was bound to happen

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Speaker 1: at some point. It's a remake scrubbing off the Vine.

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Speaker 1: Grubbing off the Vine. I like that you should do this. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was just saying, like, you've been on your been

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Speaker 1: making the podcast rounds this week, so I feel like

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Speaker 1: you've probably talked about a lot of different things with them.

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Speaker 1: But we're gonna make this unique to today's podcast. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: just scrubbing off the mine. It's gonna be unique, it's

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Speaker 1: gonna be different. We're gonna make some headlines. It's going

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Speaker 1: to be a part. I'm gonna have TMZ, just like

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Speaker 1: article after article all over you. Well, that's the thing.

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Speaker 1: It's so funny because I'm like I kind of got

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Speaker 1: into a place where I was like, I'm not really

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Speaker 1: ever a guest on People's podcast, and then the news

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Speaker 1: comes out and I'm like, I get to make my

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Speaker 1: rounds again. I know. Well, I mean it was like

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Speaker 1: back to back to back, all this exciting stuff happening

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Speaker 1: for you. It's like you come out with a single,

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Speaker 1: like you're now your season ree airs, then you're announced

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Speaker 1: on that episode to be on Dantum of the Stars.

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Speaker 1: Like there's a lot happening in your world. I know.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I've done a lot of what I

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Speaker 1: like to call universe walks, where I take the dogs

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Speaker 1: on a walk late at night. Sometimes I put wine

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Speaker 1: to my to go cup and I just speak to

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Speaker 1: the universe and ask for things that I want to do.

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Speaker 1: I mean, realistically, because we've had so many commonversations. I mean,

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Speaker 1: going back to the post Bachelorette about you being one

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Speaker 1: dancing with the stars and then not giving you the opportunity,

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Speaker 1: and then this like full circle. I mean, how many

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Speaker 1: years has it been since that? It was five years?

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Speaker 1: It was I mean, yeah, five years ago. And it's

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Speaker 1: funny because I still have the casting director's number in

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Speaker 1: my phone. And so the last text that I sent

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Speaker 1: her when she was she wrote me and she was like,

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Speaker 1: finally we could talk about this and blah blah. And

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Speaker 1: I looked at my last text was really Nick, because

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Speaker 1: I was told no, no, Calin, You're not going on

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Speaker 1: the show, and nobody from our franchise is going to

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Speaker 1: go on Dancing with the Stars anymore. And then sure enough,

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Speaker 1: but Nick's weasels his way into with the Stars in

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Speaker 1: my text was just like, really, Nick, Well, I remember,

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Speaker 1: I like, it's so funny, you know, thinking about the

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Speaker 1: call of when you became the Bachelorette and knew that

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Speaker 1: it was gonna be in Britain. How like weird? That

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Speaker 1: was like I was not like mentally in a good

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Speaker 1: place to be told that I was not ready for

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Speaker 1: that bomb to be dropped on me. And then after

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Speaker 1: the season being like so excited with the opportunity to

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Speaker 1: me that maybe you could, you know, because that had

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Speaker 1: happened for the bachelor's right, No, no bachelorette has had

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Speaker 1: been well, Trista did. She was the very first season,

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Speaker 1: but they were like trying, not that she didn't deserve it.

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Speaker 1: She fully does. I feel like she still does. But

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Speaker 1: they were trying to, like it was the first season

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Speaker 1: of Dancing with the Stars, so it was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: ABC and ABC, and they, like um, wanted to create

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Speaker 1: some hype around it. But I think she sadly didn't

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Speaker 1: last very long. And I feel like she's a good dancer, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because she was a wasn't she a cheerleader a dancer

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Speaker 1: for a professional Yeah, maybe I'm lying. Maybe she did

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Speaker 1: make it far, but for some reason, I remember her

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Speaker 1: saying she didn't. But I'll have to fact check that one.

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Speaker 1: After that, It wasn't until Hannah right right. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: so crazy because yeah, I mean, it made so much

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Speaker 1: sense for you to go in that role because you

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Speaker 1: are a dancer, right, Yeah, they did, Shan Lowe, Um,

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Speaker 1: Chris souls Nick Um. I know that. They also I

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Speaker 1: think they gave the opportunity to bend, but they also said, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: or you could have your own reality show with Lauren,

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Speaker 1: So I think that was the road they took. Um.

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Speaker 1: And then I actually just remember this this, I mean,

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Speaker 1: this was the least they could have done for Melissa Ryecroft,

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Speaker 1: but she got dumped on national television and picked and

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Speaker 1: then she got to go and dance with the Stars

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Speaker 1: and she was a dancer. Actually she won the All

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Speaker 1: Star season. Wait, and then wasn't she a host in

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Speaker 1: the Stars? Did she host or something? I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I remember her being involved. Maybe she was just on

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Speaker 1: the All Stars season. But I mean, I I'm exciting

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Speaker 1: because I feel like we might have back to back

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Speaker 1: the Bachelorette winners. Oh my gosh, I want to like

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Speaker 1: keep the torch alive, Like, pass me the torch, I'll

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Speaker 1: take it for you. Um. I keep telling myself because

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Speaker 1: I like to um self um sabotage. So so I

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Speaker 1: keep being like, well, there's no way they're gonna allow

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Speaker 1: to back to back batchelretts to win. And Jason's like,

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Speaker 1: maybe people don't see you as Batchel Red anymore. Maybe

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Speaker 1: you're like the podcast host or other things. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, I'd still just started, like that's how I

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Speaker 1: got my started everything. And so I keep telling myself

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Speaker 1: all these lies in my head about how I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna win, because that just makes it softened the blow

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Speaker 1: when I don't want when I go home night one

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Speaker 1: for being the drunkard I just started. Um. I just

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Speaker 1: started therapy a couple of weeks ago. It has been great,

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Speaker 1: and um, she was. She's been talking to me about

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Speaker 1: like having realistic expectations but not making them like negative,

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Speaker 1: but also not expecting too much out of people in general.

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Speaker 1: So I I don't I don't think you should go

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Speaker 1: into it with that mindset, but just be like, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna crush it. I'm a dancer, I have a chance

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Speaker 1: to win this, and I'm gonna be in the best

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Speaker 1: shape of my life. Yeah. Really, well that's what I'm trying.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to have that mentality. I too. I actually

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Speaker 1: came from my therapist to this podcast right now, and

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Speaker 1: so I had the same conversations with her about like

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Speaker 1: my negative self talk and how I like, this is

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Speaker 1: what Caitlin does, Um, I do this like in anything

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Speaker 1: exciting for I just I'm like the worst case scenario,

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Speaker 1: that's that's what's gonna happen. Um. And then I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: that way I don't disappoint myself. And but yeah, I

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Speaker 1: have to have a better attitude going in. But I

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Speaker 1: figured out what aniagram number are you? I'm a nine like, fully,

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Speaker 1: it's horrible. Okay, I think I know a little bit

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Speaker 1: about nine. That's not horrible. I mean, there's horrible number,

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Speaker 1: but take on. I I like want to make sure

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Speaker 1: everyone's pleased with me and have you. It's like exhausting

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Speaker 1: and it has its amazing quality, like I you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm happy to be a nine, but it is right now,

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Speaker 1: especially lately, it's been exhausting. Yeah, because there's always like,

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Speaker 1: you know, the impaired way of thinking in the healthy

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Speaker 1: way of thinking and whatever. And I am like, I

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Speaker 1: am a three and a four, which is really not

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Speaker 1: good because that just means I'm like like I lay

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Speaker 1: all of my emotions out on the table. And I'm

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Speaker 1: also like super competitive as part of it. So I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: that will be good for dancing. I'm good. But like

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Speaker 1: she's like, yeah, but like maybe in a healthy way,

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Speaker 1: could you be competitive? And I was like, well, I

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Speaker 1: hate anyone who beats me. Uh no. But I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to learn more about what being a three or four.

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Speaker 1: I'm a four with a three wing, but like a

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Speaker 1: strong three. Wait, so what is is three? Which one

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Speaker 1: is three the achiever? And then what's four? I don't

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Speaker 1: know the emotional disaster. I don't know. I'm gonna google it. Wait,

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Speaker 1: so you're a three wing four? No, I'm a four

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Speaker 1: wing with a three four with a three wing, I

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Speaker 1: don't know if I know what my does. Everyone have

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Speaker 1: a wing. Everyone has a wing. I think I feel

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Speaker 1: I'm so competitive, so I almost feel like I might

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Speaker 1: be a three Three way fours are self aware, sensitive,

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Speaker 1: and reserved, which is like, not really me. I'm not reserved.

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Speaker 1: I can be. They're emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but

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Speaker 1: also can be moody and self conscious, and that that's me.

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Speaker 1: I feel like you're sensitive though I'm very sensitive. I

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Speaker 1: I almost feel because I'm I'm really sensitive to And

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Speaker 1: I also feel like it's about you, like you have

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Speaker 1: to develop a thicker skin or you won't survivors. It's

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Speaker 1: really dark sometimes it's so dark. It's so dark. That's

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Speaker 1: that's what I'm a little bit worried about. Is um

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Speaker 1: We're talking about like my fears of going back on TV,

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Speaker 1: and I said, I'm just like over people being so

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Speaker 1: critical for no reason. Like I understand if you're like,

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Speaker 1: oh I didn't think you danced the greatest tonight, but

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Speaker 1: like still wishing you could look Okay, that's fine, I

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Speaker 1: can handle that, but when you're like you you look disgusting,

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Speaker 1: eat a cheeseburger and blah blah blah, like and they're

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Speaker 1: just harsh and they're like if they say harsh words,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, that really hurts my fo I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 1: even but even to me, even though so to me,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, why do you even have to say I

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Speaker 1: don't think you danced your best? Like what does that

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Speaker 1: benefit from a stranger to a stranger? And they're clearly

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Speaker 1: just trying to get to me, So why do I

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Speaker 1: let them have that power? I'm not too sure, Like

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Speaker 1: it's I don't know, it's all crazy, but it's that

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Speaker 1: was one of my fears of going back on, and

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Speaker 1: I'm just like trying to work on like letting that

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Speaker 1: crap go, because I go through phases where sometimes it

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Speaker 1: like it could I laugh it. I think it's hilarious,

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Speaker 1: probably one of all my period or something. But it's

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Speaker 1: like I laugh at it, and then other times I'm

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Speaker 1: like sick to my stomach about it, I know. And

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Speaker 1: it's like I had a conversation with someone yesterday and

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Speaker 1: it literally through the night. I finally just had to

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Speaker 1: like take cb D to chill out because I couldn't.

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Speaker 1: I'm so anxious about this one conversation, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: why do I let people that don't know me, or

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Speaker 1: that I don't really like, need or care about their opinion?

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Speaker 1: Why do I let it take over mine brain like that?

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Speaker 1: It's it's such an easy question to ask why, but

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Speaker 1: it's so hard to like then practice like letting it go.

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Speaker 1: What does your therapist say about that? You just send

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Speaker 1: me a list for next time? Yeah, she's My therapist

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Speaker 1: is hilarious because she's like she she just like cuts

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Speaker 1: to the court. She just gets to the point, like

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Speaker 1: she she just said something like those people like you know,

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Speaker 1: the obvious, those people are so sad and like they're

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Speaker 1: just looking for anything. You're this like I'm not gonna

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Speaker 1: pump my own tires, but they're like you've got this

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Speaker 1: going down in this and this and this, and they're

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Speaker 1: literally just sitting at home wishing they had what you had.

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Speaker 1: It's the only reason they come after you like that,

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Speaker 1: like there's no other reason. And so it's like, why

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Speaker 1: don't we just feel sorry for them and be like

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Speaker 1: can we just give you? Like a social distance hug,

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Speaker 1: like a hug, yeah, because really, if you just give

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Speaker 1: them the thirty second hug. I think it's the thirty

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Speaker 1: seconds that like releases whatever it is in a hug

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Speaker 1: that calms you down, if they could just feel a

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Speaker 1: you know, hug from the screen. But I do have

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Speaker 1: to say, I feel like, um, just this past year,

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Speaker 1: how long have you been with Jason a year and

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Speaker 1: a half, Okay, I have seen like such a difference

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Speaker 1: in just like your confidence and who you are as

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Speaker 1: a person that I didn't even realize it wasn't there

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Speaker 1: until I saw it again, because I saw it when

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Speaker 1: I was with you on the show. I saw it

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00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,760
Speaker 1: through like Bachelorette and post show. But then there was

220
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Speaker 1: just this time, And I mean I would get messages

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Speaker 1: all the time of people being like are you and

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Speaker 1: Kaylin still friends? Like what's the deal? Why don't you

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Speaker 1: ever like associate with each other talk? And it was

224
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Speaker 1: weird because like we didn't talk a lot, and it

225
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Speaker 1: was just kind of like we didn't have this connection.

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Speaker 1: I guess that we had had and I didn't know

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Speaker 1: where you were in your relationship with Sean at the

228
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Speaker 1: time or what. But I do feel like you're just

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Speaker 1: like happy, and there's this confidence and effortlessness about who

230
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Speaker 1: you are as a person, which is I mean, I

231
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Speaker 1: it's so cool to see from someone. Yeah, thanks for

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Speaker 1: saying that, because I think I kind of pushed away

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Speaker 1: a lot of friendships or like I was just kind

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Speaker 1: of it's the same thing for me. I didn't realize

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Speaker 1: how miserable I really was, or how like out of

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Speaker 1: touch I was with myself and my confidence until um

237
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Speaker 1: And I'm not not trying to obviously blame Sean, but

238
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Speaker 1: I think that was a big part of I felt

239
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,440
Speaker 1: a lot of shame in the last few years from

240
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Speaker 1: the show. I felt a lot of insecurities. I didn't

241
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,960
Speaker 1: feel safe in the relationship. I was like constantly working

242
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,320
Speaker 1: on myself, constantly going to therapy to like try and

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00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,760
Speaker 1: not feel those things. But I'm obviously coming home to

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Speaker 1: them all the time, and and then I'm the kind

245
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:22,720
Speaker 1: of person that I'm not. I don't think with logic,

246
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Speaker 1: So if he's going to be a certain way, I'm

247
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,960
Speaker 1: going to meet him in his unhealthy way of thinking.

248
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,680
Speaker 1: I'm to meet him there instead of just like thinking

249
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Speaker 1: with logic, I react with emotion and I'll meet him

250
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,640
Speaker 1: wherever he was, and he was the same thing with me,

251
00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:38,440
Speaker 1: and that obviously doesn't work. And just from like, you know,

252
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Speaker 1: it's three and a half years of feeling shame and

253
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Speaker 1: like I don't deserve love from him, and I knew

254
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,960
Speaker 1: that wasn't right, but that's constantly what I was feeling

255
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Speaker 1: for three and a half years. And I do think

256
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,960
Speaker 1: I was starting to go down that whole road that

257
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Speaker 1: I've been down before of losing myself and trying to

258
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Speaker 1: rely on somebody else for my happiness. So I think

259
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Speaker 1: once that you rid yourself of that kind of energy

260
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Speaker 1: and you see your potential, it was crazy how many

261
00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:03,720
Speaker 1: things kind of just fell into place once that was

262
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,560
Speaker 1: that energy was gone. Yeah, I do you feel like

263
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:11,040
Speaker 1: that was like that happened because of how like when

264
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,640
Speaker 1: your season aired at your whole storyline and then the

265
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,960
Speaker 1: next up was so controversial and then people kind of

266
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,240
Speaker 1: put this like label on you, And then I feel like,

267
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Speaker 1: did did you carry that into the relationship and you

268
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,720
Speaker 1: just felt like you couldn't escape with that, like because

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Speaker 1: you had so much success and people loved you like

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00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,360
Speaker 1: it was it's hard to imagine you feeling like you

271
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:35,960
Speaker 1: didn't deserve love because you were so loved from not

272
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,600
Speaker 1: just the audience, but like everyone who knows you. So

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00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,280
Speaker 1: it's it's interesting to know that you went into that

274
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:45,680
Speaker 1: relationship never having that light feeling like you deserved it

275
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,280
Speaker 1: or that you were caught up, if that makes sense.

276
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Speaker 1: I never felt like I deserved it, like or I

277
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:53,840
Speaker 1: think I knew deep down I did, but I never

278
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,040
Speaker 1: was made to feel like I deserved that. It was

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Speaker 1: it was always like how could you and why would you?

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Speaker 1: And I would never do that and like always, like

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00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,400
Speaker 1: for three and a half years, it was it was

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Speaker 1: a lot of that. So um, but I I didn't

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00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,080
Speaker 1: even feel like loved by other people though because I

284
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,440
Speaker 1: got I think the hate was so loud after my

285
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:18,440
Speaker 1: season because of the controversy. Controversial controversy. But it's crazy

286
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,840
Speaker 1: because they really did make the whole storyline like Caitlyn Nick,

287
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,840
Speaker 1: Caitlin Nick and Sean and that was it took away

288
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,080
Speaker 1: from a lot of like really special moments with the

289
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,920
Speaker 1: person I end up getting engaged too. And so um,

290
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,760
Speaker 1: it's just interesting because I said this to Nick and

291
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,280
Speaker 1: Sean would hate this, but I find it so true.

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00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,360
Speaker 1: Um is that I think because Ben and Ben was

293
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,920
Speaker 1: right there, you know in the top three, And I've

294
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,600
Speaker 1: said many times that I actually at one point felt

295
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,520
Speaker 1: stronger for Ben than I did for Nick and whatever.

296
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:51,840
Speaker 1: And Sean was good friends with Ben, so I think

297
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:53,960
Speaker 1: I think they just saw a lot of each other,

298
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,240
Speaker 1: like I thought Nick saw himself and Sean, and Sean

299
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,240
Speaker 1: saw himself and Nick, and I think that's why they

300
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,880
Speaker 1: they bought heads. And it made me angry because I'm like,

301
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,280
Speaker 1: I don't even think this is about me anymore. I

302
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,160
Speaker 1: don't even think I have anything to do this. It's

303
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,720
Speaker 1: it's about you guys, and I'm just to blame. Yeah, well,

304
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:12,040
Speaker 1: you were like an easy target to blame because you

305
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,760
Speaker 1: were I was a very easy turn in that position.

306
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:19,000
Speaker 1: But it is funny because my like, I have some

307
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,440
Speaker 1: friends who love The Bachelor, and there you're like their

308
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,800
Speaker 1: number one. They loved you, they loved your season. They

309
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,480
Speaker 1: loved because you kind of paved the way for for

310
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,120
Speaker 1: everyone to have a stronger voice as a female lead.

311
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,120
Speaker 1: You know, like, it's always hard being the first one.

312
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,320
Speaker 1: And I read a clothe the other day that was like,

313
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:39,600
Speaker 1: it's always hard being the one to break the being

314
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:43,960
Speaker 1: the first one to break the patterns. You know, I

315
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,080
Speaker 1: think it was a lot it was speaking about like

316
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,800
Speaker 1: family patterns and stuff like that, but it's so true,

317
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,840
Speaker 1: like being the first one to pave the way is

318
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,960
Speaker 1: not It's not you didn't even realize what I was doing.

319
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,240
Speaker 1: It's like it I didn't realize how I mean, it

320
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,080
Speaker 1: wasn't easy during filming, but it really wasn't easy after

321
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,919
Speaker 1: everything had happened, and it was It's just so funny

322
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:12,600
Speaker 1: to remember being so bullied online for having sex into

323
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:16,880
Speaker 1: like Hannah and people raising the roof and celebrating her,

324
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,800
Speaker 1: and that's and that made me happy because some people

325
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,920
Speaker 1: were tweeting me being like, oh my gosh, does this

326
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,800
Speaker 1: make you so mad, like that you didn't get this

327
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,840
Speaker 1: kind of treatment. I was like, no, this makes me happy.

328
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,320
Speaker 1: This means people are evolving and like people watching are

329
00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:33,320
Speaker 1: being more accepting, and it means that I had a

330
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,160
Speaker 1: part in that, and that makes me so happy. Yeah,

331
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,200
Speaker 1: I mean, that's exactly I think a lot of That's

332
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,200
Speaker 1: how I mean, that's how I need it. When I

333
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:43,920
Speaker 1: started thinking about especially what rewatching your season on the recap,

334
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,080
Speaker 1: it was like, oh wow, this was the kind of

335
00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:50,240
Speaker 1: the start of of kind of a woman feeling empower

336
00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:53,560
Speaker 1: on the show. When it's never felt that way before. Yeah,

337
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,480
Speaker 1: but you know what, I actually felt a little bit

338
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,480
Speaker 1: empowered by Andy watching her season because she was kind

339
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,879
Speaker 1: of like a no, it's not okay, like and she

340
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,760
Speaker 1: kind of put her foot down and she was kind

341
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,160
Speaker 1: of a badass, and I remember thinking, Oh, that's cool.

342
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,320
Speaker 1: I don't don't feel like they usually like girls like that.

343
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,320
Speaker 1: And I was kind of like, going into my season,

344
00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:13,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, maybe they maybe I will have a

345
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:17,080
Speaker 1: chance because I'm pretty edgy. Well I didn't. I The

346
00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:19,919
Speaker 1: first season I ever watched was Chris this season that

347
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,080
Speaker 1: we were on, So I should go back and watch

348
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:25,720
Speaker 1: those episodes because I love Vandal. You're missing some good TV.

349
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:45,119
Speaker 1: A tough cookie. So you and shown both of in Nashville.

350
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 1: You're Jason, Do you ever run into each other? We

351
00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:51,879
Speaker 1: have never won? What do I play the scenario in

352
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,720
Speaker 1: my head more than I should, because first of all,

353
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,399
Speaker 1: I think, and again I'm not trying to speak for him,

354
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:01,040
Speaker 1: and I don't know, but I really think he's just

355
00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:06,359
Speaker 1: will never understand me or respect certain decisions. And I

356
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,400
Speaker 1: think he's just going to hold on to anger with me.

357
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,120
Speaker 1: Um That's how I feel. So I would be nervous

358
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:16,360
Speaker 1: because I would probably be play nice and and even

359
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,719
Speaker 1: though he hurt me so terribly and things, I've never

360
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,640
Speaker 1: even talked about it. It's just I hold anger too.

361
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,119
Speaker 1: But I know if I saw him, I wouldn't be

362
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,760
Speaker 1: able to be like I just that's just not me.

363
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 1: So I feel like I would hope his dog, his

364
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,679
Speaker 1: new puppy, was with him, because that would be a

365
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 1: good distraction. So cute, so cute, and I just want

366
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:39,439
Speaker 1: to be like, hey, like this is obviously weird, Like

367
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,399
Speaker 1: I don't know how to even act right now. This

368
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,840
Speaker 1: is super weird, but like I'm so sorry about Tucker,

369
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 1: and I'm so glad you have a new puppy, Like

370
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,840
Speaker 1: that's probably what I would try and say. I know, Tucker,

371
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,359
Speaker 1: that was I thought. I was like, I know, this

372
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:55,000
Speaker 1: is like horrible for him. I just having Phoebe for

373
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:59,040
Speaker 1: only three years now, I can't even imagine. And both

374
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,200
Speaker 1: of you were so just like in love with him.

375
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 1: So I'm happy that he has at new a little buddy.

376
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,760
Speaker 1: But I always think about that, like when X is

377
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 1: live in the same city, which Nashville. Although it is

378
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:12,359
Speaker 1: a big city, it's a small circle. Everyone goes to

379
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 1: the same spots. But I just I mean, COVID has

380
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,680
Speaker 1: helped everything with that, but I just haven't really gone

381
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,679
Speaker 1: out and about and done a lot of stuff. I

382
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,480
Speaker 1: feel like I've kind of just been like either on

383
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,080
Speaker 1: a plane or somewhere else, or if I'm home, I

384
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,680
Speaker 1: like I'm staying home to recharge my batteries. But yeah,

385
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,320
Speaker 1: it is still weird that it's been a year and

386
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,720
Speaker 1: a half. Yeah, I did not I thought it had.

387
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,760
Speaker 1: I didn't even realize it had been a full year

388
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,960
Speaker 1: of you being with Jason. Wow, it's crazy. I don't

389
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,320
Speaker 1: even know the last time. I mean, I I've said

390
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,919
Speaker 1: this on a couple of podcasts because again I'm just bitter.

391
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,040
Speaker 1: But um, like, when Tucker passed, obviously, I was just

392
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:51,040
Speaker 1: devastated for him because that that was just like his

393
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 1: absolute best friend, and I thought for sure he would

394
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,680
Speaker 1: have reached out to me to like say, either hey,

395
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,800
Speaker 1: we're putting him down, or hey, I didn't want you

396
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 1: to have to find this out through Instagram, am or something.

397
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,720
Speaker 1: But I can't hold that against him, because everybody grieves

398
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,400
Speaker 1: so differently, and I don't think i'd want to talk

399
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 1: to anybody in the world if I lost one of

400
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,679
Speaker 1: my dogs because I would just be so like not okay,

401
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,120
Speaker 1: But I did reach out to him and said like,

402
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,160
Speaker 1: I am so sorry if like you need to talk.

403
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm devastated. I can't imagine how you feel.

404
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 1: And then nothing didn't right me. Back, you wrote my

405
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,680
Speaker 1: cleaning lady back saying thank you. He loves spending time

406
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 1: with you, and I'm like, cleaning lady, come on, now,

407
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 1: Tucker loved what she did to the place he loves

408
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,760
Speaker 1: clean kept you. I mean, it's and there might be

409
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,479
Speaker 1: so many like emotional memories tied to you and Tucker,

410
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 1: so you know, it may just have been I might

411
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,400
Speaker 1: be being a little selfish just because I love that dog. Yeah,

412
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,119
Speaker 1: I know you did. You got to They're on your

413
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:52,400
Speaker 1: pajamas right now, You're two dogs. I'm obsessed. I mean

414
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,080
Speaker 1: I was always like I'll never love a dog like Tucker,

415
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 1: and then now I'm like, even, I don't know, I'm

416
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 1: like a crazy person wearing dogs on my pajamas, Like,

417
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 1: am I even? Okay? I'm waiting to get the name

418
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:06,640
Speaker 1: of that company and get my own. Bb um, So

419
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 1: are you like with music, because now you're going to

420
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 1: move out to l A for Dancing with the Stars. Um,

421
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,600
Speaker 1: and like I would love to be like, can't wait

422
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 1: to see but I know that schedule so TB d um.

423
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,320
Speaker 1: But hopefully you can come to like a live taping. Yeah,

424
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 1: I hope they do live tape things. Um, but are

425
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,919
Speaker 1: you writing music? Like, what's what's the plan moving forward

426
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,240
Speaker 1: with that? Yeah? You know what's funny is I mean,

427
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,159
Speaker 1: you know turd Uncle turd Um Todd, producer from The

428
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 1: Bachelor World. He he reached out to me just saying, like,

429
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 1: I have a really good friend who's like an insane

430
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:42,960
Speaker 1: producer in l A for music if you ever come

431
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 1: out this way. So I got that guy's information, and

432
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: I'll I mean, I don't know if I'll have time

433
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,360
Speaker 1: to do anything with music while I'm out there, but

434
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: I mean it's always good to even just meet up

435
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 1: with somebody. I'm I'm very new to the world of music.

436
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,000
Speaker 1: It's not like I'm in the industry by any means,

437
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,159
Speaker 1: So I would like to just learn more about it

438
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 1: and what I should be doing. But um, I've I

439
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,680
Speaker 1: just I mean, in Nashville, it's so easy. I'm I'm

440
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,919
Speaker 1: friends with so many songwriters and singers and I've just

441
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 1: found myself being like, well, i love to sing and

442
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:13,640
Speaker 1: I always have, and I've been taking voice lessons since

443
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,600
Speaker 1: I moved here with no real plan or anything, just

444
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:20,720
Speaker 1: like because I love it so much. And so yeah,

445
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 1: after I mean, I've I have a few songs recorded,

446
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 1: and after I released that one, I was like, oh,

447
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 1: people like it. I text. I think it all the

448
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 1: time because I talked to myself sometimes and for some reason,

449
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:40,120
Speaker 1: when I'm talking to myself, my internal dialogue, if I'm

450
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 1: being honest, is like something I say all the time.

451
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,199
Speaker 1: And then I find myself here if I'm being you know,

452
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 1: it just continuously happen. I know it's a catchy line

453
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: like just that that's saying like it's something I say

454
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,879
Speaker 1: all the time too. So and that's funny that you

455
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,640
Speaker 1: said you have an inner dialogue, because I do too,

456
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 1: And did you know that some people don't at all?

457
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 1: I thought I was someone who didn't. I didn't understand

458
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,239
Speaker 1: what they were talking about. And then just recently I

459
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 1: found myself doing it all day, all day, every day,

460
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,160
Speaker 1: I'm having inner dialogue. I do it too all the time,

461
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 1: and I'll even like and laugh out and my in

462
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,679
Speaker 1: in my head, I think of how much I do it,

463
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,639
Speaker 1: and then I think of the people who don't have it.

464
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:30,639
Speaker 1: Is it just peaceful and quiet or is it static?

465
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,600
Speaker 1: What is it? Or do they hear other people like

466
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,360
Speaker 1: talking to them, like other people's voices. I don't know,

467
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 1: because I kind of like that I have the inner

468
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: dialogue because otherwise I feel like that silence was scaring.

469
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,639
Speaker 1: Sometimes I like silence, but um, like last night, I

470
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 1: would have loved some silence. But um, yeah, it's last night.

471
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 1: I had a tiny bit of anxiety and um, I

472
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,679
Speaker 1: had a little tiny ounce of chocolate whiskey and I

473
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 1: felt great, what's that? It was so good? It's um

474
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 1: um bird dog whiskey. They have like different flavors like

475
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 1: peach and um strawberry and chocolate and BlackBerry, and I

476
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,520
Speaker 1: had like just honestly, it was like the smallest little

477
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 1: sip of chocolate whiskey, and for some reason it just

478
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,439
Speaker 1: calmed me down. It was like a little treat. I

479
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 1: need to get something. I normally just have an edible,

480
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 1: but sometimes it's like too, I don't know, Okay, those

481
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:28,440
Speaker 1: are legal, they're dang it. I can't get those so well,

482
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 1: you'll be an l as I know, because they helped

483
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 1: me sleep so much. They helped so much because my

484
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 1: anxiety comes at night. Are you like that too? I

485
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,879
Speaker 1: I take I normally will take a half of like

486
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 1: a five it's like two and a half milligrams, and

487
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,880
Speaker 1: then I it just helps me like relax enought toally

488
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 1: just fall asleep without you know, thinking. But it's interesting

489
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 1: because I used to be so against weed or smoking

490
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:54,239
Speaker 1: or anything, and I don't smoke, but I do. I

491
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 1: do enjoy an edible here and there. So but I

492
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 1: got off to you surprised me with that one. I know.

493
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:04,639
Speaker 1: I know, honestly, it's bad that I take edibles. Yeah,

494
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's not like it's like if you

495
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,199
Speaker 1: think about it, drinking is way worse than I just

496
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 1: I haven't drink in a while, but I feel so

497
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 1: much I don't. I don't feel great if I drink

498
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 1: too much, you know. So I just have found myself

499
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 1: if I need to relax that, if I don't want

500
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,120
Speaker 1: to do like a glass of wine, that just having

501
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 1: half an edible just does the trick. Yeah, see, I

502
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 1: wish because edibles, it's it's such a problem for me

503
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 1: because I love wine obviously, um, and a glass of

504
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 1: wine like a night just makes me feel so also

505
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 1: relax or just good, like it just makes me happy.

506
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 1: But the problem is I don't stop. I'm like, wow,

507
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 1: I'll probably have another glass, and then I'm like and

508
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 1: then I feel like crap. The next day, I'm like, okay, Gail,

509
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 1: and you don't need to drink a bottle. Just because

510
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: you have a wine label doesn't mean you need to

511
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,960
Speaker 1: drink the whole bottle every night. Like, we get it.

512
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 1: You're supporting. I mean, I got to try the your

513
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 1: wine when I did your podcast, and it's quite delicio

514
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,159
Speaker 1: this and I'm not even really a red person, so

515
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: oh yeah you do. And I do appreciate that you

516
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:10,960
Speaker 1: like your red chilled as well. I do. Yeah, I'll

517
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:16,439
Speaker 1: even be classy and throwing I love. I mean, I

518
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 1: know it's not classy, but I just you know, it's

519
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:20,639
Speaker 1: it is what it is. I like it, so I

520
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,920
Speaker 1: do it. That's like my whole thing with having a

521
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,160
Speaker 1: wine labels. I was like, I'm not a wine snob,

522
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 1: like I put ice cubes in my wine and I

523
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 1: don't like. Somebody was like, she doesn't even know how

524
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 1: to hold a wine glass properly, and I'm like, I

525
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,359
Speaker 1: don't even care to learn that. Like, I just enjoy wine,

526
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,680
Speaker 1: and that's what I want my audience to know to

527
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 1: are the people that are buying it. Like, you can

528
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 1: hold your wine however you want. You can put it

529
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:43,919
Speaker 1: into a sprits for all I care cook with it.

530
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,640
Speaker 1: I don't care to buy my wine. It's fun. She

531
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,400
Speaker 1: don't even know how to help. I mean, like, like

532
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 1: we said, people have opinions about anything everything. Um wait,

533
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 1: we got off topic. So you are writing music? Yes,

534
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: I am writing music. I am going next week or

535
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,120
Speaker 1: maybe the week after that to record this new song

536
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 1: that I've been working on and it's so cute because

537
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: I wrote it for Jason, and it's like everyone knows,

538
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 1: like the story about how we met, Like I had

539
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 1: him on my podcast, I friend zone him. I didn't

540
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,919
Speaker 1: think anything of it because I was going through something,

541
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 1: and then I just continued to start talking or continued

542
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 1: to keep talking to him, and then I realized I

543
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 1: had feelings for him, And that's never happened to me

544
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,879
Speaker 1: usually I know right off the bat um. But every

545
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 1: time I like talked about him or with him, I

546
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 1: just always was like, man, he's going to be so

547
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 1: good for somebody, like whoever gets him is so lucky.

548
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 1: And so I wrote a song called um good for Something.

549
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, wait, what did I call it? Um? It's

550
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,760
Speaker 1: called good for Somebody? And it's basically about like how

551
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: he's going to be good for somebody, and I sing

552
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 1: about how he's going to treat her like a queen

553
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 1: and then how I didn't even realize that it was

554
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 1: going to be me. And it's so cute, and like

555
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 1: I told Jason about it, I showed him a little bit,

556
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,240
Speaker 1: but I didn't show. I showed. So I wrote with

557
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: this girl named Rachel Womack, and I showed her singing

558
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 1: it because I want to wait until he hears me

559
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 1: singing it for like the first time. So did does

560
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 1: he know the lyrics yet? Okay? Sings them all around

561
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 1: the house every day. It's Hilaricus love one of the songs.

562
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 1: You know, it's such an ego this when a song

563
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: is written about you. He didn't even know. I was

564
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 1: upstairs the other day and he was like, I'm gonna

565
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 1: be good for somebody, Like he was like jam it,

566
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,719
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm gonna be you. It's so

567
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 1: cute because I love that you when you met him

568
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 1: had they announced the Bachelor yet, because he was kind

569
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 1: of in the running for that, right, Yeah, he was

570
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: in the running. I wanted it to be him for

571
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 1: the Bachelor so bad and it was him either him,

572
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 1: Colton or Blake, and they chose Coulton. You met Jason

573
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: after they had already announced Colton. Yeah, I was gonna

574
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 1: say the very end of that would be so hard

575
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 1: to meet someone that you like, weirdly had a connection

576
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 1: with but you couldn't place the connection, and then everyone's

577
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 1: wanting them to be a Bachelor, and you're like, yeah,

578
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: me too, But then you're kind of like, do I

579
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 1: want him to meet someone else? Yeah, that's kind of

580
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 1: what it came because then I mean, he wasn't gonna

581
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 1: be the Bachelor, and he was like talking to another

582
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: girl while we were talking, and he was like sending

583
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:17,240
Speaker 1: me pictures of her, and I was like, that's when

584
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 1: you know if you have feelings for someone. That's kind

585
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 1: of how I realized. I was like, she's really cute.

586
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 1: I don't want you to go on the date with her.

587
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: She's okay, she's like a six, she's like a soft six.

588
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 1: I guess. Yeah, that's what he knew too. He's like, oh,

589
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 1: she was feeling got her. I UM, someone the other

590
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 1: day was asking about UM, like bachelor stuff, and I

591
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 1: started thinking about I totally forgot when I snuck out

592
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 1: of the hotel room and came all the way to

593
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 1: yours the night that you went home. It's so funny

594
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 1: because you were in so much trouble and I like

595
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: really thought Megan, who was your producer. I thought that

596
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 1: she because you know, like we were all really close,

597
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 1: and I thought that she wasn't gonna wrap me out.

598
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 1: And so basically we were staying in this massive resort,

599
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: like I think the biggest resort I've ever been to.

600
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:25,239
Speaker 1: In Bali and Caitlin we were in these like you know,

601
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 1: you've seen the outfits. We were in these traditional like

602
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 1: temple outfits. And when they because we didn't know each

603
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 1: other's rooms or anything, but when the ladies came to

604
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 1: fit me or style me for our outfits we had

605
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 1: to wear. So I saw a piece of paper and

606
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 1: it had um Whitney and Caitlin's room numbers written down,

607
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 1: and I just glanced and I was like, oh, that's

608
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: good to know. Maybe I can call her later. Because

609
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 1: we are not allowed to know we're like supposed to

610
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 1: hate each other technically, right, And so we go to

611
00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 1: the roast ceremony and Caitlyn whispers to me because I

612
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 1: was like certain I was going home, and Caitlyn goes,

613
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,960
Speaker 1: I was certain you were going home? What did you

614
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 1: say to me? I said? I thought, it's okay, you're

615
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 1: going to be the next bachelorette. You have bigger, better

616
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 1: things coming here. We're like it'll all work out, like

617
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 1: you'll be You'll be fine, idiot, And I was like,

618
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 1: I was kind of like, what is she talking about?

619
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 1: And then um, and then shockingly, Caitlyn goes home and

620
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 1: shocking for everybody, shocking roast ceremony. So that night I

621
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 1: call her from my um like my room on the phone,

622
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,479
Speaker 1: and she answered one of the producers answered, I think

623
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 1: Elan answered, I mean, like what are you doing? Like,

624
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 1: don't worry about it. So then it's like late late.

625
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:54,320
Speaker 1: I snuck out and he went across the whole resort.

626
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 1: We could not have been further from each other. It

627
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,000
Speaker 1: was like a twenty minute walk for you. Yeah. So

628
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:03,080
Speaker 1: I was just like looking the sites. My handler was

629
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 1: passed out. I was like a free bird could have

630
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 1: done whatever. I wanted, and I just feel like you're

631
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: so free when you're away from them. You're like, oh,

632
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 1: like I'm my own person. And I came to your

633
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 1: room and then they immediately called the producers and I

634
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 1: got escorted back. But it was so funny. Megan would

635
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 1: let you stay too, because well, I don't remember what

636
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 1: phase I was in at that point in the night,

637
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: because I was so devastated for a while, I couldn't

638
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 1: breathe crying, and then I think, I like, God, I

639
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 1: was okay for a bit, and then I think after

640
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 1: you left, I broke down again. Yeah, they like ripped

641
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 1: meked me away. It was just so sad. I'm like,

642
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 1: I'm already going home. Just let me have a hug. Yeah,

643
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 1: all I was. I was like, I'm checking on my

644
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: f friend. Don't worry about me. I'm fine, So we're fine.

645
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 1: That was so fun. I loved that whole scene. Was

646
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 1: like like I looked look back on Bachelor with like

647
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 1: the best memories and then fastward to the Bachelor, and

648
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,759
Speaker 1: I was like that was hell, but Bachelor was so

649
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:12,319
Speaker 1: much fun, so funny because Jojo said the same thing,

650
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 1: like she was like Bachelor, it was just so exhausting.

651
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 1: It was so emotionally draining, Like obviously I found Jordan's

652
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 1: and it was all worth it, but she was like

653
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:24,239
Speaker 1: the Bachelor. Being on the Bachelor was so much more

654
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 1: fun and lighthearted and more enjoyable than being the lead.

655
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 1: How sad is it that we couldn't watch Chrystal season?

656
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm actually okay not watching it because I'm

657
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 1: really Yeah, I was so like I guess and maybe

658
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 1: it was just my edit, but how I saw myself

659
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: when there was like so soft and timid and just

660
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 1: kind of like I didn't I didn't really like allow

661
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,400
Speaker 1: myself to open. I don't know, but it was just

662
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 1: not something I'd be like thrilled to watch again. But

663
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,200
Speaker 1: I would like to see all the memories with everybody else.

664
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,759
Speaker 1: And yeah, I get what you mean, Like we're obviously

665
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: all such different people now than we were then. And

666
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 1: if you were to ever go on again, obviously you're

667
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 1: not going to do, but if you were, do you

668
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,720
Speaker 1: think you would be more like able to be yourself?

669
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:12,680
Speaker 1: Because do you feel like you did on Ben season,

670
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: like where you are more able to open up because

671
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,439
Speaker 1: they were like, oh this is my another another? Yeah,

672
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 1: because I I kind of knew what the process is like,

673
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,440
Speaker 1: so I felt a little more comfortable, like opening myself

674
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 1: up and realizing I think honestly watching How How You

675
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:29,320
Speaker 1: Were on Christmas season and being like she was funny

676
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,959
Speaker 1: and sarcotastic and it didn't get turned into like a

677
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 1: villain character, if that makes sense, you know, because that

678
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 1: was my I was like, I don't want to be

679
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 1: too sarcastic or dry and be the villain, and so

680
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,359
Speaker 1: I was kind of just like quiet and didn't really

681
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: give the producers much to work with in that regard.

682
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 1: So I think I was able to um open up

683
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 1: a little bit more on Ben season. I thought for

684
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 1: sure I was going to be the villain on Soul

685
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 1: season because of my sense of humor, like I was

686
00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:02,000
Speaker 1: chirping everybody and just like saying whatever. And then watching

687
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,240
Speaker 1: Night one when I had had a couple of friends

688
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:06,439
Speaker 1: over and we're watching Night one, and I was like, oh,

689
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,360
Speaker 1: I don't like remember a lot of that because tequila

690
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 1: was flowing and they didn't have the to drink limit

691
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 1: and I was such a little snoot on it. I

692
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:16,879
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, goodbye, and he's like see you never,

693
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 1: and then I was like, yeah, she's cool if you

694
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:22,280
Speaker 1: like elevator music. And then I'm like picking up the

695
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:25,839
Speaker 1: first impression ROMs being like who thinks they deserve this?

696
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what the hell? Case like, OK, did

697
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:35,319
Speaker 1: I think I was we were talking about. I can't

698
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 1: remember who you who you were talking to, but you

699
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 1: either had had a dream about like masturbating or do

700
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 1: you remember us you had like a dream I think

701
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:48,799
Speaker 1: I remember, and we were sharing a room. You had

702
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 1: a dream about it, and you were telling the producers

703
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 1: about it, and I was like, yeah, wow, she's like

704
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 1: so confident and comfortable with herself like that is I

705
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 1: like kind of was like wow, I was so like

706
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:04,799
Speaker 1: sure and then you would like wrap. I just thought

707
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:07,440
Speaker 1: you were like so cool all to produce lose like

708
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:11,800
Speaker 1: in love with you. I feel like it was Louie

709
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 1: that got you in trouble Megan and Louis. Maybe I

710
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 1: don't know. I remember sitting on the balcony in BALI

711
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 1: like cutting Louie's hair and I was like, you, I

712
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 1: picked up on it. That's funny, Yeah, Louie memories. So

713
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 1: when you come out here for m do you have

714
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 1: a date for dancing and the stars. I don't have one. Yet.

715
00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 1: I mean, I saw they posted on Instagram saying like

716
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:47,319
Speaker 1: new season coming soon, So I was like, um, so,

717
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 1: I think, like, don't they usually start filming in September

718
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:54,120
Speaker 1: for the fall? Yeah, that makes sense. I'm asking that

719
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 1: makes sense. So I think that's the plan. But obviously

720
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 1: they can't, um like say anything for sure right now,

721
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 1: because I swear to God COVID, if you really ruin

722
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:05,320
Speaker 1: my chances again of going on Dancing with the Stars,

723
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like, Universe, I thought we're gonna tell

724
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 1: anyone else who's on there. No, I was the only

725
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:12,880
Speaker 1: one that's been announced. I don't know who else is

726
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 1: all the lone ranger. I know I am the lone ranger.

727
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:18,839
Speaker 1: I want to know who my competition is. Who's your

728
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:23,280
Speaker 1: dream partner? Who? Like, if you have like if you're watching,

729
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:25,919
Speaker 1: is there anyone where you're like if I ever get

730
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 1: to go on? I mean, val seems to win a lot,

731
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 1: so I like that, And I don't really have a preference.

732
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously my favorite would have been Derek Coff

733
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,920
Speaker 1: if you was still there. Um, but he's not. I

734
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 1: already asked if they could bring him in for one

735
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 1: last season. Um, well, I think because he's doing that

736
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: other world of dance show. Um, and so I don't know.

737
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 1: I feel like Val and VAL's wife said something to

738
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:57,040
Speaker 1: me like, oh, I hope you get my husband, and

739
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 1: then I was like, okay, that'd be cool. And then yeah, yeah,

740
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 1: that's nice to have of like that support. Yeah, yes, exactly.

741
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:07,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, and that's another reason timing, Like Jason is

742
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:09,319
Speaker 1: so excited for me to go on, and I'm like,

743
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:12,760
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for being such a good human.

744
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:18,240
Speaker 1: It's just really he's very encouraging and to be honest,

745
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 1: when I first saw him, like on Instagram and stuff,

746
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:25,320
Speaker 1: I thought it was all just like a for Instagram. Yeah,

747
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 1: Like I was like, there's no way someone's that encouraging

748
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 1: and like hyke all the time about everything, you know,

749
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 1: But I'm around him. He's just like he's kind, he's

750
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 1: I love that he is. Like, so, I loved his

751
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: reaction when you found out about Dancing with the Stars,

752
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 1: Like it was as excited, if not more than yours.

753
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 1: You know, so at the same reaction as me. Yeah,

754
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 1: did you did you think he was going to propose

755
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,319
Speaker 1: when Chris Harrison did that? I mean I didn't, but

756
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 1: a tiny little like, for one millisecond, I was like,

757
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: or was he in the reverse psychology on me? Because

758
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 1: he said he wasn't going to do that? Is this

759
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,719
Speaker 1: really happening? Like my mind was just spinning in that

760
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 1: moment because we had already had the conversation of like, like,

761
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 1: you wouldn't propose on TV again? Right, and he's like no,

762
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:17,920
Speaker 1: and I'm like okay, And then like especially after you know,

763
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 1: it's like third proposal of the show, it's like Sean

764
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:23,880
Speaker 1: and Nick and then like Jason not getting down on

765
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 1: one knee, Like we were like, yeah, don't do that.

766
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 1: So if he would have, that would have been really

767
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 1: weird and terrible timing, and obviously he wouldn't have listened.

768
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 1: So I didn't think so, but I just couldn't. Nothing

769
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 1: was going through my mind of what it could possibly

770
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,839
Speaker 1: be like when he says your life's going to change

771
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:42,799
Speaker 1: and the dramatics, Yeah, I'm like I should have known

772
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,960
Speaker 1: who I was talking to. Chris Harrison. He's like, your

773
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: life is going to change. You are going to be

774
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:57,120
Speaker 1: in the audience for one of our live takings. Honestly,

775
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 1: with all of those positives, said something last night on

776
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 1: JoJo's It was like something about like a big surprise

777
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,880
Speaker 1: coming up, and it was like they got them a

778
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 1: wedding cake because they, you know, their wedding had to

779
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 1: be for schedule. I was like, all right, that was nice,

780
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 1: but a little oh my gosh. I have I have

781
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 1: JoJo's recorded because I was like in and out of

782
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 1: Jojo Season when it originally aired, because it was still

783
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:27,800
Speaker 1: like for me almost like I had like stress watching

784
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 1: it and I got such bad anxiety. So it was

785
00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 1: like Ben and JoJo's. I had like a tough time watching.

786
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 1: So I wanted to watch last night, but I haven't recorded. Yeah,

787
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 1: It's it's funny just watching like her connection with Jordan

788
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,280
Speaker 1: was so clear, you know, it was like so different

789
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,799
Speaker 1: from everyone else's knowing them now it felt like he

790
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 1: was her boyfriend and then they were all these other

791
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 1: guys around. Yeah. Um wait, I had another question for

792
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:58,280
Speaker 1: you about Jason or I know we want to answer.

793
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:01,360
Speaker 1: Have you answer some emails? Best? But oh wait, are

794
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,720
Speaker 1: you still watching Grayson at me? Yeah? What do you want?

795
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 1: I'm on season eleven. It's I accidentally got into Blacklist,

796
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 1: which I didn't think I was going to get into,

797
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 1: and now I like have such a hard time going

798
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 1: back and forth between the two. But no, I'm still

799
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:18,080
Speaker 1: watching and I still I'm obsessed with it, and I'm

800
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:21,720
Speaker 1: like dreading the day. I'm caught up. Who is anyone alive?

801
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:25,839
Speaker 1: So everyone alive? Who's alive? He's not alive? Well, I'm

802
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 1: still I told you this on Instagram Live. I'm still

803
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,920
Speaker 1: not over George dying. That was just too soon for me,

804
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 1: Like one of my favorite characters gone right away. Not okay,

805
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:39,720
Speaker 1: Um mc steamy is gone again. I was just starting

806
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:42,879
Speaker 1: to love him, and they like what. I was just

807
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:44,839
Speaker 1: starting to like him. I was like, you know what,

808
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:49,960
Speaker 1: who else? Oh? And Lexi? But I feel like there's

809
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:58,319
Speaker 1: still I thought for sure, um, what's her name? Um gosh,

810
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 1: uh Calie Callie. I thought for sure Callie was gone

811
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 1: after that car accident and oh the music episode. I don't.

812
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:11,840
Speaker 1: I don't trust the people who like the music episode.

813
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 1: That's just judgment, but the same I don't trust them. No,

814
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 1: it's that just threw me off. I was like, I

815
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 1: might click here, um, but I can't. I feel like

816
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 1: the majority of people are still alive, which scares me

817
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:27,799
Speaker 1: because I know something bad is going to happen soon. Yeah,

818
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 1: I can't remember what season the there's some darkness coming

819
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 1: for you, I heard every time I tweet about it.

820
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,400
Speaker 1: I won't read the responses because I don't want anyone

821
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,719
Speaker 1: spoiling anything. But I know a lot of people have

822
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:42,719
Speaker 1: just been like, oh, like before the plane episode, I

823
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 1: was like, I'm on this season, and they're like, oh god,

824
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:52,320
Speaker 1: buckle up. I was like yeah, I was like trying

825
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 1: to go to sleep. And I watched that episode like

826
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 1: when I hated that one. It was like two. It

827
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:59,040
Speaker 1: was like way too much. Too much happened, too much, tragedy,

828
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 1: it was like death seriously, and lost her leg. It

829
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 1: was just a lot. I know, I still think about it.

830
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 1: Meredith was obviously just a champ. She's always a chap.

831
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:14,239
Speaker 1: She's our She's the hero of our hearts. Truly, she

832
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,920
Speaker 1: truly is I I like want to be her? No,

833
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:21,319
Speaker 1: I know, I get it. I had this phase where

834
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 1: I thought like, could I do medical school? Yeah? No,

835
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 1: I know because I asked, um, like some of my

836
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 1: girlfriends who are nurses, I was like, is it like this,

837
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 1: They're like no, I'm like yeah, time and money on that,

838
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:40,279
Speaker 1: yeah exactly. Um, do you have any dreams? Okay, first

839
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:42,719
Speaker 1: of all, who's been your Do you have any favorite

840
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 1: guests that stand out from your podcast that you've had,

841
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:50,680
Speaker 1: like where you're like, wow, that was a great interview,

842
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 1: or while they were just amazing and so nice, or

843
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 1: um Ruthie Lindsay, do you know who that is? Oh gosh,

844
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 1: she's got a story. She is like literally the kindest

845
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 1: soul you've ever met. And if I were her, I

846
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 1: would be so like negative, but she's the most positive

847
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:12,400
Speaker 1: person who's gone through hell in life. Like she's gotten

848
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,480
Speaker 1: like a huge car accident and they said like a

849
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 1: one percent chance of walking, and she went through all

850
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 1: of these like traumas, and then she was addicted to

851
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 1: pain killers and she was in bed for five years

852
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:29,600
Speaker 1: and her dad like was the best human in her life.

853
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 1: And then he like tragically fell down the stairs and died.

854
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,799
Speaker 1: And then during that time, she found out something was

855
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 1: wrong with the surgery she went through, and they like

856
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 1: she had a wire sticking out of her neck and

857
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:44,839
Speaker 1: she had to do a surgery that's never been done

858
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 1: in life before and they couldn't afford it. But she

859
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 1: didn't know but all these people her dad had helped

860
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 1: silently through her whole life. He had like donated money

861
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,760
Speaker 1: for people to graduate college, or donated for a surgery

862
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:00,919
Speaker 1: or don't he just did good deeds throughout his whole

863
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,239
Speaker 1: life that all these people came back and paid for

864
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:06,320
Speaker 1: her bills, her medical bills to like get this surgery,

865
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:09,279
Speaker 1: and she like weaned herself off all this pain medication

866
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 1: and now she's just like so grateful for life and

867
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:16,760
Speaker 1: her spirit is just incredible. Wow, her full body chills.

868
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 1: She was she was really really incredible. And then my

869
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:23,720
Speaker 1: other one of my other favorite ones was Monica the Media.

870
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 1: Have you had her on? I haven't, but wait, I

871
00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:30,960
Speaker 1: know we had. She does like color or as michaela

872
00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:35,280
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Mr Michaela. Oh. I just talked to her yesterday.

873
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 1: We actually chat all the time. I'm so fascinated by her. Um.

874
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 1: I'm going on her podcast soon because I just I

875
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 1: love her so much. She's awesome. She's a great guest too. Yeah,

876
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:48,319
Speaker 1: she's it's wild the like what she comes up with.

877
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,920
Speaker 1: And the same the same thing with Monica the Medium.

878
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:54,440
Speaker 1: She was blowing my mind on that podcast. What so

879
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:59,440
Speaker 1: did she like with the medium? They talked to people

880
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:03,280
Speaker 1: who have passed away? Yeah, And I was like going

881
00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:05,560
Speaker 1: into it. First of all, I didn't tell her that

882
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 1: I was going to bring Sean with me because Sean

883
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:10,640
Speaker 1: is such a skeptic. So I was like, I'm not

884
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:12,759
Speaker 1: going to tell her just so he can like go

885
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:14,399
Speaker 1: and being like she doesn't know him coming and she's

886
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:17,359
Speaker 1: not like looking up information about me or whatever. And

887
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 1: so I brought him in and she was kind she

888
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 1: kind of seemed nervous, and I was like, well, we'll

889
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:24,239
Speaker 1: just talk about like being a medium, like you don't

890
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:25,920
Speaker 1: have to read us, like I'm not gonna put you

891
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 1: on the spot. We'll talk and she in the middle

892
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:31,279
Speaker 1: of it, she was like, Caitlin, I really wanted to

893
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 1: have something for you. She goes, but I'm just getting

894
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:36,440
Speaker 1: so much for Sean. And I was like, okay, great,

895
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,399
Speaker 1: and that's what I wanted. And right before we went,

896
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:42,080
Speaker 1: Sean wasn't with me. He went to take tuck her

897
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:45,319
Speaker 1: out and I said out loud, I said, Sean's grandpa, like,

898
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 1: if you could come through, I know that would mean

899
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 1: a lot to him and say something about cigar smoke,

900
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 1: because that's like how they feel like he's around. They'll

901
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:55,919
Speaker 1: get like whiffs of cigar smoke every once in a while.

902
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 1: And so I just said it out loud, and then

903
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:02,799
Speaker 1: so she came on and he's just explaining like his childhood,

904
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:07,640
Speaker 1: um like memories at his grandpa's home, like the steps

905
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 1: and what the steps look like in this certain house

906
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:13,239
Speaker 1: and how she's saying the steps mean something to you

907
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 1: and he's like, yeah, that's where we all used to

908
00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:17,320
Speaker 1: hang out. And she just kept saying all these things

909
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 1: and then she was like I was like, wow, you're

910
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 1: blowing my mind. And we kept going and then she

911
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 1: went to say something else and then she was like,

912
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 1: oh wait, sorry, I have to say something about cigar.

913
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 1: Smokes like cigar. He always had a cigar or the

914
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 1: smells cigar, And I was like, I just started crying.

915
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, now this is crazy. And he

916
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 1: was like holy, like it was wild. So he like

917
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:40,560
Speaker 1: kind of how to change her heart? He was he

918
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:42,279
Speaker 1: said at the end, he goes, I believe in you.

919
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 1: I'm not sure about everyone else, but I believe you.

920
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 1: So yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, it was. It was

921
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:52,080
Speaker 1: your dream. Like if you could just call up anyone

922
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 1: and they would make it happen for them to be

923
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 1: on the podcast. It would it be if they would

924
00:48:57,080 --> 00:49:02,439
Speaker 1: be superum honest and tell the truth. About some things.

925
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 1: I would want Ellen de Generus on interesting, what do

926
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,880
Speaker 1: you mean? Well, have you seen this? There's like a

927
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 1: thread going around about how people have nasty stories about her,

928
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 1: and I just, first of all, I feel like, so

929
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:18,279
Speaker 1: if they are true, there's probably like a reason, you know,

930
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,400
Speaker 1: or there's like something I just want to hear her

931
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:24,239
Speaker 1: side of the story of like like her admitting them

932
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:26,160
Speaker 1: and like saying, yeah, I did that, or but like

933
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 1: that person really did have bad breath so they needed

934
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 1: to chew gum before coming to see me, because like

935
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 1: I get it. I don't know. If somebody kept coming

936
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 1: and talking to me they have bad breath, I'd be like, hey,

937
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 1: well just pop a piece of gum in your mouth

938
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:37,920
Speaker 1: before you come in here. Like, I don't know. And

939
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 1: I just love her so much and I want to

940
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:41,919
Speaker 1: believe she's like that kind soul who says be kind

941
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 1: to everybody and gives back and like, and I just

942
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 1: I just want to know. I just want to have

943
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:50,319
Speaker 1: like the most raw conversation with her. Yeah, she'd be

944
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 1: I mean, definitely interesting. I know how much you love her.

945
00:49:53,320 --> 00:50:01,600
Speaker 1: I forgot about that. How much she's my hall pass. Yeah, um,

946
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:04,719
Speaker 1: I know, I think man, would be Jennifer Aniston. I

947
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:09,800
Speaker 1: just love her. I just like the whole time. She's incredible, staring, smiling.

948
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:14,840
Speaker 1: It would be a really terrible interview, but no, because

949
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:17,319
Speaker 1: she would make you feel so she would. I just

950
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:36,759
Speaker 1: love her. I love her too. She's incredible. Okay, So

951
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:40,400
Speaker 1: normally we have we just have our scrubbers um emailing

952
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:44,120
Speaker 1: like anything that they're needing advice on, and sometimes we

953
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 1: give great advice and then sometimes it's truly just we

954
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 1: have no advice or it's not helpful at all. So, um,

955
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 1: I thought it would be fun to have you, you know,

956
00:50:54,520 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 1: weigh in on some try They're kind of heavy and

957
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:06,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's way above our paper around here. Yeah,

958
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:08,640
Speaker 1: it's scary because you're like, am I going to say

959
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 1: the wrong thing and like ruin someone's life? Yeah? Yeah,

960
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 1: we'll see what happens. All right, Mark, whenever you're ready.

961
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:21,320
Speaker 1: All right, This is from Bree. My boyfriend told me

962
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,719
Speaker 1: last night he doesn't want kids to be honest. I

963
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:26,760
Speaker 1: was pretty blindside. We hadn't had a talk about it prior,

964
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:28,759
Speaker 1: but I feel there were plenty of opportunities for it

965
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:30,959
Speaker 1: to come up before last night. And if a friend

966
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:32,719
Speaker 1: hadn't made a comment about kids, who knows when he

967
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:35,359
Speaker 1: would have told me, I don't want kids anytime soon,

968
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 1: but I know that I do want them someday, and

969
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:39,000
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how to go forward from here. I

970
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:41,480
Speaker 1: can't imagine not spending the rest of my life with him,

971
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:44,279
Speaker 1: but no kids as the deal breaker. I'm twenty eight

972
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:46,880
Speaker 1: and the thought of starting over again also scares me.

973
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:50,880
Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel stuck. What would you guys do? Okay,

974
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 1: how old is he is? My question? Don't have that information.

975
00:51:54,760 --> 00:52:00,200
Speaker 1: Let's assume he's of age. If not similar, well, maybe

976
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:05,640
Speaker 1: his frontal lobe isn't fully developed yet and his mind

977
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:09,239
Speaker 1: could change. And then I would dig a little bit

978
00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:12,319
Speaker 1: deeper into the y. Is there something traumatic that has

979
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 1: happened that makes him scared? Is he like have fears

980
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:18,200
Speaker 1: of being a dad? Is this thing that? Are these

981
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:19,920
Speaker 1: things you guys could talk through? I would dig a

982
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 1: little bit deeper into the why. So okay, let's Easton

983
00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 1: and his wife both do have decided like maybe might

984
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 1: change or MND want kids, but as a whole, they

985
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 1: have decided they don't want kids. The good thing for

986
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 1: them is that they both feel the same way. Right, Eastern,

987
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:40,360
Speaker 1: Ry there, I'm here, I'm here. I guess my question

988
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 1: for you, Eastern is that you and Alison are on

989
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:46,440
Speaker 1: the same page. So it's obviously a very different situation

990
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,479
Speaker 1: if Allison, Like if while y'all were dating and things

991
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:51,160
Speaker 1: that gotten serious and you thought you were going to

992
00:52:51,239 --> 00:52:54,279
Speaker 1: spend your life with her, and she was like, I

993
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 1: want kids. I know I want kids. It's a deal breaker.

994
00:52:57,600 --> 00:53:02,640
Speaker 1: What would have been your response? Uh? Um, I mean

995
00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 1: that's that's it's such a fundamental difference. I think it's

996
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 1: it's not like I like the Chargers and you like

997
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:11,839
Speaker 1: the Brewers kind of a thing. It's like, it's like

998
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:15,880
Speaker 1: it's such a big part of a relationship. Um. That

999
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 1: being said, you know, I think I've said on this podcast,

1000
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:20,839
Speaker 1: our our stance on it, like there are some days

1001
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 1: where we're like, oh man, have any kid, would be

1002
00:53:22,719 --> 00:53:25,600
Speaker 1: would be great. So like even we're kind of on

1003
00:53:25,719 --> 00:53:28,480
Speaker 1: the fence. Uh. And I do understand that people can

1004
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:33,399
Speaker 1: grow and change. Um. So if it were me if

1005
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:35,960
Speaker 1: she said I definitely want kids and at this point,

1006
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:39,919
Speaker 1: I'm I'm at no. Uh, I don't know. I would

1007
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:42,120
Speaker 1: just feel bad about wasting her time. You know, Like,

1008
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:44,719
Speaker 1: while while I grow up. I feel like that's selfish

1009
00:53:44,719 --> 00:53:47,399
Speaker 1: of me, like even understanding that I could probably grow

1010
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:49,640
Speaker 1: and change and my mind would change in a couple

1011
00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:52,400
Speaker 1: of years. I only think that's fair to her. Yeah,

1012
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:57,239
Speaker 1: and then you would have a whole relationship exactly, you know,

1013
00:53:57,360 --> 00:53:59,840
Speaker 1: if you kept moving forward. So do you think you do? You?

1014
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:02,880
Speaker 1: She should obviously have a conversation and say, I know

1015
00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:06,279
Speaker 1: for sure one that I want kids. And if you're

1016
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:08,400
Speaker 1: a hundred percent sure that you don't want kids and

1017
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 1: you don't see that ever changing, then I think, you know,

1018
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 1: I think that we go our separate ways, and I

1019
00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:21,240
Speaker 1: get that it's hard. But also Caitlin, especially I'm thirty

1020
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:25,880
Speaker 1: one and I met my significant other like we started dating.

1021
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:29,760
Speaker 1: I never thought of my age being like starting over

1022
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 1: from something, you know. I just thought, okay, it didn't

1023
00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 1: work out with my last relationship, and I wasn't necessarily

1024
00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:40,000
Speaker 1: in that age mindset, which I know that I know

1025
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:42,799
Speaker 1: people do have that mentality of like, oh, I have

1026
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 1: to be on a certain schedule of where my life

1027
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 1: is going. But you met Jason, and like you thought

1028
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:50,719
Speaker 1: you had found the person you were going to spend

1029
00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:54,440
Speaker 1: the rest of your life with. At what age yeah,

1030
00:54:54,600 --> 00:55:00,520
Speaker 1: that was twenty nine, twenty nine, and like even I

1031
00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:04,560
Speaker 1: think the thing with with the my last breakup was

1032
00:55:04,719 --> 00:55:08,719
Speaker 1: I felt very secure on my own and I was

1033
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:11,440
Speaker 1: just like, I'll meet the right person when I do.

1034
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:14,120
Speaker 1: And um, I mean it helps that I have my

1035
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:17,560
Speaker 1: eggs frozen and I highly recommend doing that, but um,

1036
00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:21,120
Speaker 1: that's when I was like, Okay, well, I'll find the

1037
00:55:21,239 --> 00:55:23,920
Speaker 1: right person when when that right person comes my way.

1038
00:55:23,960 --> 00:55:26,959
Speaker 1: Because I was like solid in myself and I tried.

1039
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:29,400
Speaker 1: I didn't think about the age thing, which I probably

1040
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:32,200
Speaker 1: would have at the age of eight. But now that

1041
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:34,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, I've done a lot of work

1042
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:36,359
Speaker 1: on myself and where I'm at, so I feel like

1043
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:39,680
Speaker 1: i'd be okay on my own. I also think you

1044
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 1: just you like, sometimes it feels like that person's who

1045
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:47,720
Speaker 1: you're going to spend your life with and then once

1046
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:51,319
Speaker 1: you you know, go your separate ways. You never know

1047
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:56,000
Speaker 1: how quickly you can meet the person that has all

1048
00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:59,440
Speaker 1: those important things that you're looking for. You that's a

1049
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:02,320
Speaker 1: big important thing that she wants. That's a life altering decision.

1050
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:04,839
Speaker 1: And if you want to be a mom and you're

1051
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:08,960
Speaker 1: like set on having a family, then like it's better

1052
00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:11,879
Speaker 1: to end that now, and no, just just know that

1053
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:14,200
Speaker 1: somebody else will have all the things you need and

1054
00:56:14,480 --> 00:56:17,040
Speaker 1: want to be a dad. Yeah, and he and he

1055
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:20,160
Speaker 1: he is not wrong for not wanting kids, like he

1056
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:22,640
Speaker 1: has every right to not want kids. I just think

1057
00:56:22,719 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 1: that you, if you stay with him with the expectation

1058
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:28,239
Speaker 1: that he's going to change his mind, it will lead

1059
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:32,680
Speaker 1: could very well lead to bitterness and resentment and just

1060
00:56:32,800 --> 00:56:37,279
Speaker 1: being frustrated that your expectations weren't met. And it's not

1061
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:40,680
Speaker 1: his fault that they were met. No, it's it's it's

1062
00:56:40,719 --> 00:56:42,560
Speaker 1: easy when you have something to blame, but it's not

1063
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 1: his fault. Also, I think, guys, you know, when if

1064
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 1: she were to leave him, if she were decided to

1065
00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:50,600
Speaker 1: start over, I think he'd realize real quickly what he

1066
00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 1: had and what he's losing, and he'd come around pretty

1067
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 1: quickly on kids. So you think if she if she said, hey,

1068
00:56:56,640 --> 00:56:58,480
Speaker 1: if if you're not in the same boat as me

1069
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:03,279
Speaker 1: with even actually having the potential of maybe wanting kids

1070
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:06,960
Speaker 1: down the road, And then I was saying, I think

1071
00:57:06,960 --> 00:57:09,440
Speaker 1: we go part ways that you're saying that maybe he

1072
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:13,400
Speaker 1: would have a change of heart. I think Caitlyn's right

1073
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:15,200
Speaker 1: about his frontal low. But I think she'll say I'm

1074
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,160
Speaker 1: a hundred percent and he'll say about a hundred percent,

1075
00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 1: and then she'll say okay, good bye, and they'll say, well,

1076
00:57:19,640 --> 00:57:23,480
Speaker 1: maybe he's selfless. Like Easton, he would say, I don't

1077
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:26,400
Speaker 1: want to waste your time and have expectations that are

1078
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 1: not fair for either. Set him free, and if it's

1079
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 1: meant to be, it'll have meant to be. It'll find

1080
00:57:32,120 --> 00:57:35,000
Speaker 1: its way back to you. That's right. And this one

1081
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:38,680
Speaker 1: is anonymous. I've been in a relationship and engaged to

1082
00:57:38,720 --> 00:57:42,240
Speaker 1: a man since. We have a beautiful three year old boy.

1083
00:57:42,360 --> 00:57:44,920
Speaker 1: When he turned one, a few months before our planned wedding,

1084
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:47,400
Speaker 1: I found out my significant other was having an affair.

1085
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:50,680
Speaker 1: We split for nearly a year, and through prayer and counseling,

1086
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 1: decided to give it another go. Things have been the

1087
00:57:53,120 --> 00:57:55,240
Speaker 1: best of the best and the worst of the worst

1088
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:58,080
Speaker 1: since then. I have a fire lit in my gut.

1089
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:01,760
Speaker 1: I know we aren't meant for each other. I keep sacrifice.

1090
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 1: I think parts of myself to fit his mold. I

1091
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 1: have two questions and fears. I have no experience with

1092
00:58:09,040 --> 00:58:12,080
Speaker 1: divorce or co parenting families. I don't want that for

1093
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:15,520
Speaker 1: my son. But it's the best decision for me. How

1094
00:58:15,520 --> 00:58:18,600
Speaker 1: do I overcome this fear of letting my son down?

1095
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:24,240
Speaker 1: And two, how do I have have this conversation with

1096
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:27,800
Speaker 1: my son's dad that he no longer fits my beautiful

1097
00:58:27,880 --> 00:58:31,760
Speaker 1: dream for life. It's like it was a well written email.

1098
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:36,040
Speaker 1: It's like a beautiful and heartbreaking reality. That is a

1099
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:38,520
Speaker 1: heartbreaking reality. Like I love that they gave it another

1100
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:42,760
Speaker 1: chance and tried to make it work. But you always

1101
00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:45,160
Speaker 1: have to I mean, in my opinion, you always have

1102
00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:48,880
Speaker 1: to put the kids first. And that doesn't mean staying together,

1103
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:53,680
Speaker 1: because you would want your child to see what a

1104
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:56,200
Speaker 1: healthy relationship looks like. So if you can find that

1105
00:58:56,240 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 1: with somebody else and have that um for your son

1106
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:03,560
Speaker 1: to look up to you, then that's much better than

1107
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 1: staying with someone just to like protect your son. You're

1108
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:09,720
Speaker 1: not protecting him by doing that. Yeah, But if you

1109
00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:12,600
Speaker 1: have a like saying you have a fire and your

1110
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:17,360
Speaker 1: gut knowing that he is not it, then you cannot stay.

1111
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:21,840
Speaker 1: That is never going to benefit your child because that's

1112
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:25,160
Speaker 1: eventually going to end in some you know, something's gonna

1113
00:59:25,240 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 1: happen that's not good or healthy. Um, I don't know

1114
00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:33,440
Speaker 1: much about you know, the process of being divorced or

1115
00:59:33,560 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 1: co parenting obviously, but I have watched so many people

1116
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 1: make it work and do it in a healthy way

1117
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:44,680
Speaker 1: that actually makes that is healthy for the child to

1118
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:49,720
Speaker 1: see growing up. I mean, your parents are both remarried, right, Yeah, yeah,

1119
00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 1: and I still saw like like I looking back, I

1120
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:54,880
Speaker 1: was a little selfish as a kid, but I was

1121
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:57,200
Speaker 1: much older. I was like sixteen telling my parents not

1122
00:59:57,280 --> 01:00:01,200
Speaker 1: to divorce. But anyway, Yeah, but I think also like

1123
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:06,120
Speaker 1: if you can, you know, if you are emotionally mature

1124
01:00:06,240 --> 01:00:10,400
Speaker 1: enough to get through cheating go to counseling and try

1125
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 1: and make something work. That gives me the confidence to

1126
01:00:13,040 --> 01:00:15,680
Speaker 1: say that you'll probably do quite well co parenting. A

1127
01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:20,960
Speaker 1: great point because that being able to be like humble

1128
01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 1: and selfless enough to say I'm going to take you

1129
01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:25,640
Speaker 1: back and try to make this work for the sake

1130
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:28,360
Speaker 1: of our marriage and what we signed up for by

1131
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:32,760
Speaker 1: having a child together. It is a very mature, a

1132
01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 1: very emotional mature way of handling the situation. So I

1133
01:00:37,840 --> 01:00:41,800
Speaker 1: I agree that's a really good point. I'm sorry that happened, though,

1134
01:00:41,800 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 1: it's up. Yeah, I know, and remember he cheated, don't

1135
01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:50,480
Speaker 1: feel too bad? Well we Yeah, don't feel bad about that,

1136
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:54,520
Speaker 1: but we feel bad for sure. But her second question is,

1137
01:00:54,720 --> 01:01:00,200
Speaker 1: how do I tell him, yeah you tried, you try him.

1138
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:03,440
Speaker 1: It sounds like you'll have a if things have been

1139
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:06,800
Speaker 1: amazing but also horrible. It sounds like you'll have a

1140
01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:10,720
Speaker 1: good enough relationship as two people to be respectful towards

1141
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:17,240
Speaker 1: one another and it just didn't work romantically. So yeah, exactly. Um, yeah,

1142
01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:21,160
Speaker 1: like I said, sometimes it's like heavy, but I I do.

1143
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:24,560
Speaker 1: I like what you said, Caitlin. Yeah, and I like

1144
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:31,480
Speaker 1: what you said Becca. Thank you. Should we be therapists? Um?

1145
01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:35,000
Speaker 1: All right, well, I think this has come to an end.

1146
01:01:35,080 --> 01:01:38,600
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you not only being on Scrubbing In,

1147
01:01:38,880 --> 01:01:45,240
Speaker 1: but co hosting with me today. It was truly a joy. Truly,

1148
01:01:45,480 --> 01:01:47,800
Speaker 1: I love any time. I love just coming on other

1149
01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:51,520
Speaker 1: people's podcasts. It's so fun. I'm gonna tease that you're

1150
01:01:51,520 --> 01:01:55,680
Speaker 1: pregnant for the swipe ups and uh perfect. I will

1151
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:58,800
Speaker 1: repost and have people freak out as well. I'll like

1152
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:02,360
Speaker 1: tease that email we just heard, but also incorporate your

1153
01:02:02,480 --> 01:02:04,560
Speaker 1: name in there so they're not really sure what I'm

1154
01:02:04,600 --> 01:02:09,520
Speaker 1: talking about. Um, but I'm so happy for you and

1155
01:02:10,040 --> 01:02:12,520
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see you kill it on Dancing

1156
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:14,640
Speaker 1: with the Stars whenever that happens, and waiting for the

1157
01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:18,720
Speaker 1: next single about Jason and drinking your wine podcast tour.

1158
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:21,400
Speaker 1: What are you writing a book or what that's next

1159
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:22,880
Speaker 1: time my list? Ye, I'm gonna put that on the

1160
01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:25,200
Speaker 1: back burner right now while I dance, but I'll get

1161
01:02:25,240 --> 01:02:28,919
Speaker 1: you it well. I'm so proud of you what, I'm

1162
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:32,200
Speaker 1: so happy for you, and thanks again for scrubbing in.

1163
01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:33,600
Speaker 1: Thank you you