1 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,480 Speaker 1: Welcome back to I Do Part two. It's Cheryl Burke, 2 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:18,080 Speaker 1: one of your celebrity mentors, back with you guys again. 3 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:21,239 Speaker 1: Sometimes in our I Do Part two, it's not just 4 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,439 Speaker 1: about finding love with another partner. It's actually about finding 5 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 1: love within ourselves. And today I'm going to be joined 6 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,160 Speaker 1: by two women who both found each other and years 7 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,519 Speaker 1: later found each other again. This is an empowering story 8 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: about why living your authentic truth is the only way 9 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:41,040 Speaker 1: to have a successful relationship. It's a story about coming out, 10 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:45,560 Speaker 1: finding love, making hard decisions, and living your best life 11 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,240 Speaker 1: in your I Do Part two era, I can't wait 12 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: to hear about their love journey. Please welcome Amanda Smith 13 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: and Jessica Gelting to the pod. So, first of all, 14 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:59,080 Speaker 1: welcome to I Do Part two day and happy anniversary. 15 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: It's your year anniversary. Is that correct? Yes, the anniversary. 16 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 1: So I don't know if you've heard this podcast before, 17 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,120 Speaker 1: but it's all about finding love the second time around. 18 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 1: And we just found your story to be a beautiful story, 19 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 1: but just were captivated by it. What was it like 20 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:21,200 Speaker 1: growing up as individuals, obviously in different households? What was 21 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:25,479 Speaker 1: how was love shown in your family? I guess. 22 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:31,600 Speaker 2: My parents were divorced when I was like twelve and so, 23 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 2: and I grew up Mormon, so it. 24 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 3: Was it was interesting. My dad got remarried right away, 25 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 3: my mom got remarried right away. I didn't have the. 26 00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 2: Best examples of love in my life, I guess, but yeah, 27 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:49,760 Speaker 2: go ahead. 28 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 4: My parents were also divorced when I was even I 29 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 4: think like kindergarten and pretty much don't really have a 30 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 4: relationship with my dad. 31 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,560 Speaker 3: And my mom's always plus one. 32 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 4: I always joke, she's mine, she helps me with everything, 33 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 4: She's always there. 34 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 1: I can relate my parents too. When I was two 35 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:11,040 Speaker 1: years old and then my dad abandoned us and just left. 36 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:16,080 Speaker 1: So I feel like that's more of a common story nowadays. Yeah, 37 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 1: So talk to me about Amanda, your experience just with 38 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 1: you know, being Mormon and realizing I mean, I lived 39 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 1: in Utah for like a year and a half. I'm 40 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,840 Speaker 1: a ballroom dancer and so my competitive partner was actually 41 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,799 Speaker 1: Mormon and in a way had a similar story to 42 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,799 Speaker 1: you to yours. What was it like just growing up 43 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 1: within that religion of being Mormon and then also knowing 44 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:48,200 Speaker 1: deep down inside that maybe you know when it just 45 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 1: comes to maybe not living in the Mormon lifestyle. What 46 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,119 Speaker 1: was that fight within yourself? 47 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:59,239 Speaker 2: Like it was really tricky because you know, I didn't 48 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 2: I knew pretty early on that I was probably gay, 49 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 2: but there wasn't a lot of example of that, and 50 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 2: anything you heard about it was negative. It was girls, 51 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 2: it was perverted, all these different things. So you just 52 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,440 Speaker 2: try and shove it down, shot it down. 53 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:16,079 Speaker 3: Or part of me also thought like maybe everybody else 54 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 3: feels this way too, and it's normal, you know. 55 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,080 Speaker 2: But and then it was a lot of trying to 56 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 2: be what was expected and just there was a lot 57 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 2: of self hatred, a lot of shame, a lot of guilt, 58 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 2: a lot of just I need to fix this, I need. 59 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 1: To change it. 60 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,880 Speaker 3: I can't be this way due to. 61 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 2: Things that my family said, but also things that culturally 62 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 2: were said. 63 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 3: I lived in. 64 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 2: A small town in Idaho where almost everyone was Mormon, 65 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 2: and so it was just you didn't see that and 66 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 2: anything you've heard was so negative. 67 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 1: So right, yeah, yeah, that must have been. Uh that 68 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 1: was really hard. How about now, how does your family? 69 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 1: Is your family accepting of you? 70 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 3: So some of my siblings I can tell are super 71 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 3: super accepting. 72 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:14,840 Speaker 2: I do kind of wonder sometimes like other siblings I'm like, 73 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:16,159 Speaker 2: how did they feel about this? 74 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 3: I don't know. They haven't really said much to me 75 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 3: about it. 76 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 2: My dad hasn't really talked to me at all since 77 00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:26,279 Speaker 2: I kind of came back out and. 78 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 3: Divorced my husband. 79 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 2: But I have an amazing stepdad who has really stepped 80 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 2: up and he just loves me and accepts me, and 81 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 2: it is just incredible. 82 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 3: My mom passed away, but I do believe that if 83 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 3: she relied now that she would be a lot more 84 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 3: accepting than she would have been years ago. 85 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 1: So yeah, I hear you. So let's go through the 86 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 1: timeline of how the two of you met. Oh my gosh. 87 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 2: So I came out when I was like nineteen, and 88 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 2: that was a really hard, tricky time because I just 89 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,280 Speaker 2: felt so much shame and like be this. 90 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 3: I can't do this. 91 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,080 Speaker 2: And then there was a lot of like gaslighting, like 92 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 2: you're not actually gay because you don't look at you 93 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:10,920 Speaker 2: don't you had boyfriends all these things, you know, So 94 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,279 Speaker 2: it was kind of like nobody really even believed me. 95 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,440 Speaker 3: And then I had my mom was telling me like 96 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,560 Speaker 3: you just need to marry a nice Mormon boy. 97 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:17,599 Speaker 4: You know. 98 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,159 Speaker 2: So I was out for about two years, kind of 99 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,640 Speaker 2: living that life, but there was so much just I 100 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,320 Speaker 2: felt like a horrible person because of what I had 101 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:29,400 Speaker 2: been kind of conditioned to believe. And then that's when 102 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:33,480 Speaker 2: we met. Was pretty shortly after I came out. We 103 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 2: had a mutual friend and I think I saw her 104 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 2: on my Space. 105 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 1: I remember that good old space. 106 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, aging yourselves? 107 00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:46,919 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean I had a pager. Okay, so 108 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,120 Speaker 1: I'm really aging myself. 109 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:50,760 Speaker 5: I love that. 110 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,159 Speaker 3: So I think I saw her on my Space. And 111 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 3: then we went on a day actually to the Mall 112 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 3: of America. We went to and tell restaurants. 113 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,000 Speaker 1: Jessica, what did you think of Like, what was your 114 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 1: first impressions of Amanda? 115 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 6: My first impressions, Well, hold on this, Yeah, your name 116 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 6: was Amanda hardcore in my children. So I thought she 117 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 6: I was like the vanilla one, and I was like, 118 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,160 Speaker 6: good straight at student, you know, mind by p's and q's, 119 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 6: and she was like. 120 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's hell the fun And I was like, yeah, 121 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,679 Speaker 3: she's too cool for me. I an aware. 122 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,160 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love that so much. But let's 123 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,320 Speaker 1: go back here for a second. So Amanda, you married, 124 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 1: you married a man, and you guys got and then 125 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:31,799 Speaker 1: you guys got back together. 126 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:33,120 Speaker 3: Can you just tell me that whole. 127 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 1: Timeline from how you know you met your ex husband 128 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 1: and what that was like, because you guys were married 129 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,839 Speaker 1: for quite some time. Correct, Yes, we were. Yes. 130 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 3: So I kind of went back in the closet because 131 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,720 Speaker 3: I just my A lot of my family members had 132 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,559 Speaker 3: completely cut me off, you know, and I just felt 133 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 3: horrible about myself. I felt like I was going to hell, 134 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,800 Speaker 3: Like there was no question about it. I was going 135 00:06:57,839 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 3: to hell. I felt bad about myself, and so I 136 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,359 Speaker 3: started meeting. Came a lot of decisions I think that 137 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:02,800 Speaker 3: I maybe wouldn't. 138 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:07,120 Speaker 2: Have because of just feeling so bad about who I was, 139 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 2: which is why I was Amanda hardcore, you know. And 140 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 2: so then I kind of went back in the closet. 141 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 2: That I moved to Utah, I kind of like changed everything. 142 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:20,120 Speaker 2: But his sister I knew his sister, and she said, 143 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 2: you know, I have this brother that I think you 144 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,440 Speaker 2: would really like, that you guys would really get along. 145 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,960 Speaker 2: And he lives in California. I was living in Minnesota 146 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:31,120 Speaker 2: at the time, and we just started talking and we 147 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 2: just clicked really well. And I was like, if I 148 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 2: am going to do this with any man, this is 149 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,960 Speaker 2: the guy, Like he's so awesome, he's so great, and 150 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 2: I was like, I can do this. And so we 151 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:45,960 Speaker 2: got married and we had a really great marriage. We 152 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 2: get along so well, we're such good friends where you know, 153 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 2: he's an incredible person, just amazing person. 154 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 3: I like it, Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was nothing bad 155 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 3: to say about him. 156 00:07:56,560 --> 00:08:00,120 Speaker 2: And then I just really struggled with my sexuality and 157 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 2: I was like, this isn't a marriage. This is not 158 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 2: a marriage. It's like a co parenting partnership, you know. 159 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 2: And so we went through we tried so hard for 160 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 2: years of just like therapy for me, therapy for him, 161 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 2: for us together, you know, just trying to see if 162 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 2: we could make it work. We tried everything besides having 163 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 2: an open marriage, because neither of us were open to that. 164 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 2: And it kind of hit the point where I was like, 165 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,600 Speaker 2: don't I don't want to ever cheat on him. 166 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,280 Speaker 3: I don't want to ever be unfaithful. 167 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 2: I just if we're going to end this, I want 168 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 2: to just do it very cleanly, and I don't want 169 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 2: to wait until the kids are older, because that's not 170 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 2: fair to he's older, he's quite a bit older than 171 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 2: I am. 172 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 3: So I just was like, I don't this isn't fair 173 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:44,680 Speaker 3: to any of us. 174 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 2: And we were living in separate rooms for a little while, 175 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,240 Speaker 2: and he would have been totally fine doing that the 176 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 2: rest of his life. 177 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 3: But I was like, this isn't I want you to 178 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,720 Speaker 3: find love. You deserve it. He's such an incredible guy, 179 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:56,080 Speaker 3: you know. 180 00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:00,680 Speaker 2: So that's kind of how it was until we've you know, 181 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:04,319 Speaker 2: kind of settled on the idea that we can't keep. 182 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 1: Doing this, and ultimately too, I mean, you deserve it 183 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: right to live your truth. And so talk to me 184 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: about your trips to Bali if you kind of eat, 185 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,960 Speaker 1: pray love. Was it kind of like that that experience 186 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:15,960 Speaker 1: or it. 187 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 2: Was, Yeah, I was in really just a super dark 188 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,320 Speaker 2: place in my life and I wasn't happy, and I 189 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,240 Speaker 2: just knew I wasn't. I just I had gone through 190 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:26,280 Speaker 2: a lot of different things on top of everything else, 191 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 2: and my daughter had had cancer and my mom had died, 192 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,520 Speaker 2: and so it's just there was a lot of heavy stuff, 193 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:37,480 Speaker 2: and so I decided to go do a yoga teacher 194 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:38,520 Speaker 2: training out in Bali. 195 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:39,680 Speaker 3: So I went to Bali. 196 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 2: I was there for three and a half weeks into 197 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 2: a yoga teacher training, and then I went back about 198 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:47,720 Speaker 2: six months later and did another yoga teacher training and 199 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 2: then I and then I've been back since two times 200 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,320 Speaker 2: to do host retreats there. So I listed a couple 201 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 2: of retreats there and it just has such a special 202 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,319 Speaker 2: place in my heart. But it's a really magical place 203 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:01,360 Speaker 2: and it's like, yea, you just start able to connect 204 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 2: with yourself. 205 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 3: And while I was there, there was. 206 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,920 Speaker 2: A moment on my second trip there where I was like, 207 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:08,560 Speaker 2: all by myself. 208 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:10,200 Speaker 3: I was just there by myself. 209 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 2: And I was like, I would rather be alone and 210 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 2: true to who I am than stay in this marriage. 211 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 2: So I'm not alone, you know, And it just was 212 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,679 Speaker 2: this really kind of awha moment. So I actually text 213 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 2: her when I got home from the trip, and because 214 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,319 Speaker 2: I knew I was going to get divorced, I knew 215 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 2: that was happening, and I said like, hey, how did 216 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 2: your divorce go? You know? 217 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 3: She's like, uh, why, what's happening? 218 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,360 Speaker 2: You know, And then we just talked for a little 219 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 2: bit and then we kind of stopped talking after that. 220 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,959 Speaker 1: Jessica, during Amanda's marriage and her you know, creating a family, 221 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 1: you also were married too, correct, Yeah, how I guess 222 00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 1: what did your life look like during that time of 223 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,280 Speaker 1: of different marriages. 224 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,319 Speaker 3: I was gay the whole time and out she never 225 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 3: went back. My kids got it. So I was with 226 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:08,360 Speaker 3: my ex wife. 227 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 4: We were together for thirteen years and we have two kids, 228 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 4: six and nine, and. 229 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 3: We had separated. 230 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:19,120 Speaker 4: And let's see it, when you had gotten back from Balwie, 231 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,840 Speaker 4: I had already we had already started like the divorce 232 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:22,560 Speaker 4: and everything. 233 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 3: I think I might have even moved on. 234 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 4: You had been divorce because this was twenty twenty three, 235 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 4: you were divorced, and so yeah, that was pretty much that. Yeah, 236 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:32,160 Speaker 4: that's why you reached out, and you're like, how did 237 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,440 Speaker 4: it go? And okay, do you need free advice? That's right, 238 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:37,440 Speaker 4: got it? 239 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,679 Speaker 1: And so in your kids. So first of all, I'm 240 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:43,600 Speaker 1: so sorry, is your how's your daughter today? Is she 241 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:44,439 Speaker 1: cancer free? 242 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 3: Yes? 243 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:49,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, so she's thirteen now, super healthy, blood work once 244 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:49,480 Speaker 2: a year. 245 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's almost like it never happened. 246 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 1: But oh good, Okay, I'm so happy to hear that. 247 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:58,880 Speaker 1: And I'm sorry about your mother. What how did your 248 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: kids take the news? The how did you tell them? 249 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 1: How did you tell them? Like the whole process of everything. 250 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 2: So my daughter, I hadn't told that I was gay 251 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,040 Speaker 2: earlier like a couple of years, you know, and she's 252 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 2: just one of those people she never has a lot 253 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,720 Speaker 2: of was she was like, okay, like what are we. 254 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:15,360 Speaker 1: Having for dinner? 255 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,199 Speaker 3: You know, like it was like, you know, it's been 256 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:21,120 Speaker 3: really open about like like all that stuff. So it 257 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 3: was like it didn't even FaZe her. 258 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,720 Speaker 2: And then a couple of years later, or maybe it 259 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 2: was like a year before we got divorced, I told 260 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,079 Speaker 2: my son, and he had a lot of questions and 261 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 2: it was a really really tender moment with him because 262 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,560 Speaker 2: he is just like such a sweet boy, and he 263 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 2: was just like, I am just sad that you don't 264 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,120 Speaker 2: get to be married to who you want to be 265 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:43,760 Speaker 2: married to, you know kind of thing. 266 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 3: And because he just got that, like he just understood it. 267 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,760 Speaker 2: And we kind of talked about church stuff at the time, 268 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,680 Speaker 2: because I had stopped going to church at that time. 269 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 2: So I said, do you understand why it would be 270 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 2: hard for me to go to church? You know, because 271 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:56,199 Speaker 2: he didn't. 272 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 3: Really understand why I wasn't going anymore. 273 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't think that God said that, you know, 274 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 2: so like that you can't be with who you want 275 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:05,760 Speaker 2: to be with. And so it was really cool and 276 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 2: just like, you know, it's a really special moment. And 277 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,920 Speaker 2: then when we were getting divorced and we told them, 278 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:12,520 Speaker 2: they were. 279 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 3: Sad, they were so sad. 280 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 2: And then I said, so, if I started dating someone, 281 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 2: do you understand what that's going to look like? And 282 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,960 Speaker 2: they said, yeah, it'll be a woman. And I'm like, okay, 283 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 2: Like it was just like and then my son who's six, 284 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 2: he was five at the time, he kind of snickered 285 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,760 Speaker 2: a little because he didn't know, like oh, because he 286 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 2: just was younger and didn't understand. 287 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,080 Speaker 3: And my older two were like. 288 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,160 Speaker 2: That's not funny, you know, like they just like totally 289 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 2: stood up for me, and it was so small. 290 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:43,080 Speaker 1: I was like, wow, I love that. I love that. 291 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 1: So yeah, I feel like kids are just so intuitive, right, so, 292 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 1: and I just love that they, you know, shared their 293 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 1: compassion and love. So I can't even imagine. I don't 294 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,320 Speaker 1: have kids, but you know, I'm sure it's just not 295 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,360 Speaker 1: an easy conversation. And then you start to like they about, 296 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 1: oh know, how are they going to react? And then 297 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:05,080 Speaker 1: really it's just it's okay, it's all good. And how 298 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 1: about so when your guys' families, do your kids get along? Like, 299 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:09,800 Speaker 1: how is it working out. 300 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 6: Yeah, it's they're all here together and just running around 301 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,800 Speaker 6: from room to room inside outside, upstairs, downstairs. 302 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 4: The boys go off, the girls go off and do 303 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:24,680 Speaker 4: their Baker play. Their age range is wide, but you 304 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:25,720 Speaker 4: can't tell. 305 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 3: I mean, they just feed off of each other. But 306 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 3: also they like reset with each other too. 307 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 4: And we thought five is a lot, We thought how 308 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:39,840 Speaker 4: it is, but they actually haven't shown they need that 309 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,640 Speaker 4: a whole lot of like reset time we have. 310 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 3: I love helping. 311 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,200 Speaker 4: It's even we're not together though, they're still like communicating. 312 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 4: They like share a group message and they send pictures 313 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,600 Speaker 4: and videos and we'll FaceTime a lot, and they you know, 314 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 4: pop in and they always know what's going on in 315 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 4: each other's lives and what's important to him. 316 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 1: That's great. And so how talk us through how you 317 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 1: reconnected after all these years? Like who who texts two first? 318 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,840 Speaker 2: So this was it's wild, like it's one of those 319 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 2: like crazy crazy things. So I hadn't been back to 320 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 2: Minnesota for like twelve years, probably my Dwayne. Nobody lived 321 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:28,880 Speaker 2: in Minnesota anymore except for anyway. My stepdad was from Minnesota, 322 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,800 Speaker 2: which is why we had originally moved here, and he 323 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,200 Speaker 2: wanted to do a family reunion for his birthday back 324 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 2: in Minnesota. 325 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 3: So and I was kind of like, oh, you know, 326 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,800 Speaker 3: like Minnesota, okay, you. 327 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:43,520 Speaker 2: Know, and so these so we came for the fourth 328 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,160 Speaker 2: of July. We were coming for the fourth of July, 329 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:51,880 Speaker 2: and I flew in on a Saturday, and then Sunday afternoon, 330 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 2: she had heard a song on Spotify or something that 331 00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 2: had this little phrase in it that I used to 332 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 2: say to her, and she was just like, set me 333 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,800 Speaker 2: the song and said, Hey, I just heard this song 334 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,000 Speaker 2: and thought of you because it says this in it. 335 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,720 Speaker 1: And I was like, guess. 336 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 3: Where I am right now? Like that, She's how I responded. 337 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 3: I was like, guess where I am right now? And 338 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 3: so I just sent her a screenshot of like my 339 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 3: location and she's like, oh, damn, Braggie, what are you 340 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 3: doing here? You know? 341 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,840 Speaker 2: And then we just started talking about like I'm going 342 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 2: through I'm going through that divorce now. 343 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 3: So this had been the last time we had text 344 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,360 Speaker 3: was in October. 345 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,920 Speaker 2: When I got home from Bali, and this was July, 346 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 2: so we hadn't talked for a mom and she just 347 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 2: texted me. 348 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 3: Out of the blue right after I landed him. And 349 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,560 Speaker 3: normally we wouldn't have just done that. 350 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,080 Speaker 4: And I even sat on it from Friday until Sunday, 351 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 4: so it was like some playlists that came up, and 352 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 4: it was like, there's one line in the song that 353 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,360 Speaker 4: is like a long standing joke. 354 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 3: Between us that I never hear. 355 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,520 Speaker 4: I've never heard, and then it came up and I 356 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 4: laughed when I heard it, and then so I was like, oh, 357 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,800 Speaker 4: you know whatever, and then I read it the second 358 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,560 Speaker 4: time and I laughed again, and I was like, I 359 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 4: have to. 360 00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,360 Speaker 3: Share this with her, so I sent her. 361 00:16:59,440 --> 00:16:59,960 Speaker 5: Yeah. 362 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 4: I didn't expect her to be in Minnesota, so then 363 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,640 Speaker 4: she was like so crazy north and then I drove 364 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,160 Speaker 4: up and sat for just like two. 365 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,159 Speaker 1: Hours, and there was you just caught up or like 366 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,639 Speaker 1: was there instant connection? Did you feel like you know 367 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,879 Speaker 1: that feeling when you know it's like right. 368 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 3: She touched my knee twice. We've been texting all week. 369 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,240 Speaker 3: And then right before I flew out, I was like, 370 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:29,800 Speaker 3: so are we going to see each other? 371 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:30,359 Speaker 5: You know? 372 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 3: And so she yea, I'll come up to where you are. 373 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 3: I had no time to visit her. 374 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,280 Speaker 4: I had that entire day was fully booked, like I 375 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,800 Speaker 4: was like going from one thing to another that had 376 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 4: like times with people I had to be there, and 377 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 4: I was like, sure, no problem, I can be there. 378 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,959 Speaker 3: I'll drive two hours and two hours back two hours. 379 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,919 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. 380 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 3: So she got up there and yeah, I was like. 381 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:55,159 Speaker 4: What. 382 00:17:56,359 --> 00:18:01,919 Speaker 7: I was like, that's my first she said, She's. 383 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,119 Speaker 3: Like you are or something like that. 384 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,400 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. 385 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,239 Speaker 3: We haven't seen each other for so many years. But 386 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:17,480 Speaker 3: then she doesn't share much on social media, and so 387 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:18,399 Speaker 3: I didn't. 388 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,320 Speaker 2: Really know much about and she had two kids, you know, 389 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,400 Speaker 2: so I didn't really know much about her in her life, 390 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 2: and we just connected and. 391 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,399 Speaker 3: We didn't want to stop talking. I just and I 392 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 3: touched her beat twice. 393 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,959 Speaker 1: You guys are the cutest ever. So you guys were 394 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 1: obviously following each other during your time of just like yeah, 395 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,520 Speaker 1: so okay, so you kind of knew a little bit. 396 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 1: So you two posts the most out of the two 397 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,960 Speaker 1: of you, you're more socialized. Okay, So yeah, so Jessica 398 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,400 Speaker 1: definitely knew more about what was happening in your life 399 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: that vice versa. So now I guess today, are we 400 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 1: planning on maybe moving closer to each other or you're 401 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 1: going to Obviously your kids, you know, are a priority 402 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,200 Speaker 1: and what's life like now? 403 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:05,360 Speaker 3: Right now? 404 00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:07,480 Speaker 4: It's just this, and we don't really have a long 405 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,959 Speaker 4: term answer, and I can sometimes ask us and it's 406 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 4: as simple as this, this is what it is right now. 407 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 3: You know exactly if they're life there, we have our 408 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 3: life here. 409 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:21,000 Speaker 4: Is there a way to make that work for everybody 410 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:21,679 Speaker 4: in the future? 411 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,600 Speaker 3: And what does that look like? 412 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,760 Speaker 4: We don't know, And it's okay to talk about that 413 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 4: if they have questions, because sometimes they have worries that 414 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:30,399 Speaker 4: have come up, like what would happen if this, or 415 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,639 Speaker 4: what would happen if that. So it's definitely talked about, 416 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,480 Speaker 4: but not in a way that's like here's our plan. 417 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,560 Speaker 1: Right And honestly, you can only live day by day, right. 418 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,640 Speaker 2: Like yeah, And it's like her essence here, stationed here, 419 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 2: my essence there, stationed there. 420 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,160 Speaker 3: So it's just a lot of back and forth. 421 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 2: And this summer we've been able to see each other 422 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 2: almost every other weekend, so on the other whole parents day. 423 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 3: A lot of times I come here. It's easier for 424 00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:57,800 Speaker 3: me to come here than it is for her to 425 00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 3: go there, So I come here a lot and this 426 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 3: is like my second home, so it's almost like I 427 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 3: live part time in Minnesota, part time in California. Yeah, 428 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:06,760 Speaker 3: but it's really great when I can bring my kids 429 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,199 Speaker 3: and kind of bring them into this world and have 430 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,000 Speaker 3: the two worlds. 431 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,159 Speaker 1: And yeah, I honestly think it's healthy. I mean, you know, 432 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,639 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, some space, you know, 433 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,400 Speaker 1: it just grows, makes you miss each other more. It's 434 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,359 Speaker 1: like I think that if you want to make it work, 435 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:21,960 Speaker 1: you make it work, right. 436 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 4: And it's kind of I always think it's like, as 437 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,240 Speaker 4: hard as it is and sad for us, it's it's 438 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 4: okay for our kids. How you know, they both had 439 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,680 Speaker 4: families that had split, and now they get us all 440 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,640 Speaker 4: of themselves majority of the time, and I think that's 441 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,560 Speaker 4: pretty special. Like during their ages right now, they're going 442 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,560 Speaker 4: to be older and they're gonna ditch us and they're 443 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:42,600 Speaker 4: not going to want to hang out. 444 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,840 Speaker 3: So this page of life is so temporary. 445 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,360 Speaker 4: Anyways, I feel like as much as I get sad 446 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 4: about not being in this year, I'm still like okay 447 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,879 Speaker 4: with that. We get to like really focus on our 448 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,640 Speaker 4: kids that entire time we're with them. 449 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:54,359 Speaker 3: We're with them. 450 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: You're so right. Actually, yeah, that's a good point because 451 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,160 Speaker 1: I have to say my mom, she worked so many hours. 452 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,159 Speaker 1: You know, she just created a business or started a 453 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 1: business when they divorced. But still I was able to 454 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,600 Speaker 1: still have more one on one time. I think everything's 455 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,199 Speaker 1: meant to be, you know, And I feel like, you guys, 456 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 1: you're such you have such a strong connection and bond 457 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,040 Speaker 1: that nothing will break it. So thank god for technology nowadays. 458 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,960 Speaker 3: Huh yeah, fake time a lot. And it's also kind 459 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,119 Speaker 3: of been nice too because this is my first time 460 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,600 Speaker 3: on my own really, you know, and so it was 461 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,199 Speaker 3: kind of nice to like have these moments of like 462 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,000 Speaker 3: doing life on my own and can I do this, 463 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,879 Speaker 3: and just kind of building my confidence and like I 464 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,480 Speaker 3: can do life on my own. You know. 465 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 2: That's been good too, rather than because we kind of 466 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,240 Speaker 2: just jumped right into it after my divorce and so 467 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,720 Speaker 2: it was like damn, damn, and I didn't really have 468 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:44,320 Speaker 2: that and. 469 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,720 Speaker 3: So and I've had three years out. 470 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,639 Speaker 4: So I went through my divorce, I went through my 471 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,160 Speaker 4: you know, finding myself. 472 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,200 Speaker 3: I rented for a year and then I bought a house. 473 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:53,520 Speaker 3: I built this for the kids. 474 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 4: So it's like I needed that time anyways, and I 475 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,399 Speaker 4: just kind of got into like the Okay, maybe I 476 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 4: can just buy a camper van and hang out with 477 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,440 Speaker 4: my kids for the rest of my life stage and 478 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:04,840 Speaker 4: then in walks her. 479 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,320 Speaker 1: I love it. So what are you guys going to 480 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:10,359 Speaker 1: get married? Do you believe in marriage? Again? Like? What 481 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,879 Speaker 1: is what is your view on marriage? And are you 482 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:14,160 Speaker 1: two thinking about it? 483 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 3: So we have both been like never again. 484 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,520 Speaker 2: Like I went into like like there's no way I'll 485 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 2: ever get married. 486 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 3: Why like why would I ever get married? Like that'll 487 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 3: be fun? 488 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:30,360 Speaker 2: Really, that's why I was like a hard no, no no, and. 489 00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 3: Suddenly were like, well that would be fun. 490 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,720 Speaker 4: I don't always want to planet right, you may have 491 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,400 Speaker 4: a par we got that back. 492 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 3: For twelve years. 493 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:51,200 Speaker 1: Well it's fun. I mean, cow, I feel like you 494 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,000 Speaker 1: guys are. But no pressure, no pressure. I love me 495 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:58,360 Speaker 1: a good old Pinterest board. So uh, I'm sure. I'm 496 00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:01,120 Speaker 1: sure I'll see your beautiful wedding set in the near future, 497 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:06,159 Speaker 1: probably on People magazine or thank you. Yes, actually I 498 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,240 Speaker 1: could be your wedding pan. I'm a great wedding planner 499 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,439 Speaker 1: s boards. 500 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:15,360 Speaker 3: That's all I want. 501 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,679 Speaker 1: Yes, I mean we should get those big ones like 502 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,920 Speaker 1: that we you know that you see on television there's 503 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:25,200 Speaker 1: like big confetti pans. This We're good we're good. I'll 504 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:33,040 Speaker 1: just borrow it from like the set. Yeah, we're good. Okay, 505 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's cheryld Burke. Okay, So I have to 506 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 1: put you onto these leggings I've been so obsessed with lately. 507 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,520 Speaker 1: They're from this brand called Tona, and get this, the 508 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 1: designer behind them also created Lululemon, so they know exactly 509 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:49,760 Speaker 1: what they're doing. These leggings are next level think buttery soft, 510 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 1: super flattering, and very comfortable. Also, they are supportive in 511 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,800 Speaker 1: all the right places. I started worrying them for when 512 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,320 Speaker 1: I take my dog on walks, but now I'm basically 513 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,960 Speaker 1: living in them. And here's what makes them even better. 514 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,760 Speaker 1: Every pair you buy helps fund a mental health counseling 515 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 1: session for a teen in need. Tona's on a mission 516 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 1: to end teen suicide and self harm, which we think 517 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,720 Speaker 1: is so important and incredible, and we've partnered with Tona 518 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,680 Speaker 1: to give you twenty percent off your order and free shipping. 519 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,119 Speaker 1: So head to tona active dot com and use code 520 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:25,360 Speaker 1: iHeart for twenty percent off and free shipping. First of all, 521 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,680 Speaker 1: your story is so beautiful to anyone who is listening, 522 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:33,080 Speaker 1: who may be struggling in a marriage or just struggling 523 00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 1: with their own identity. I guess what would you say 524 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 1: to them. 525 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 4: I would say, talk to your support people that are 526 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,719 Speaker 4: your safe people, and be honest and be open and 527 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:48,040 Speaker 4: don't protect other people. And that's not just like protecting 528 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,520 Speaker 4: you know, it's like take care of yourself first and 529 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 4: put yourself around people that are going to support you 530 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,040 Speaker 4: doing that. And it's a big scary step and it 531 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,560 Speaker 4: affects a lot of people and it feels really selfish. 532 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,920 Speaker 4: But we only have one life peer and there are 533 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 4: ways to do it cordially and you can come out 534 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,240 Speaker 4: on the other side of it. And it's hard to 535 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:14,000 Speaker 4: even remember not being able to be in that mindset. 536 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,400 Speaker 4: So you do get there, and it does take time. 537 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:17,639 Speaker 4: You do have to put a lot of work in. 538 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,919 Speaker 4: You have to be very intentional with what you do 539 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:21,640 Speaker 4: and what you spend your time doing. 540 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,280 Speaker 3: I feel like you either go one way or the other, and. 541 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,320 Speaker 4: It takes a lot of work to go the right way, 542 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,040 Speaker 4: and you have to keep making those decisions. 543 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 3: It's hard. It's hard. 544 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 4: I feel like life it's not made for a singleton. 545 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 4: It it feels easier with somebody else. 546 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,440 Speaker 3: So it's intimidating, it's scary, but it's worth it. 547 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,159 Speaker 2: I would say that things I carried two words with 548 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,640 Speaker 2: me through the whole process of my divorce and kind 549 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,320 Speaker 2: of getting there is intentional and deliberate. 550 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,040 Speaker 3: Like I wanted everything to be very intentional and very deliberate. 551 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 2: I thought everything through, I weighed everything out. 552 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,160 Speaker 3: I was like, how is this going to affect my kids, 553 00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 3: How is it gonna affect him, How's it going to 554 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,159 Speaker 3: affect my community. I'm going to lose my community, you know, 555 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,600 Speaker 3: and friends and family and just all these people I'm 556 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:07,119 Speaker 3: going to lose. But I was like, I don't want 557 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 3: to just make this rash decision, you know, and just 558 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,080 Speaker 3: be like I can't do this anymore. I'm out. So 559 00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:13,800 Speaker 3: I was just very intentional, very deliberate. 560 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,399 Speaker 2: And I just got to the point too, where I 561 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,840 Speaker 2: realized I can't show up as the mom I want 562 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,040 Speaker 2: to be when I'm struggling with this so much. Like 563 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,679 Speaker 2: I got to the point where I was miserable, Like 564 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,840 Speaker 2: I just was so unhappy and I have this perfect life, 565 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:29,400 Speaker 2: you know, I have this amazing husband and like these 566 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 2: beautiful kids and you know, and it was just like 567 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 2: everything seemed so perfect, but I was so miserable. 568 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,080 Speaker 3: And I just felt like I was trying to take care. 569 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 3: I was sacrificing my own happiness for everybody else. 570 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:42,600 Speaker 2: And I got to the point where I was like, 571 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,760 Speaker 2: I can't keep doing this otherwise I'm not going to 572 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,240 Speaker 2: make it to be the mom that they need me 573 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,639 Speaker 2: to be, you know. And so once you once I 574 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 2: kind of started making choices for myself, it was like 575 00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,600 Speaker 2: it improved their lives. It made their lives better. I 576 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,840 Speaker 2: am able to show up as a better mom, as 577 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 2: a better even with him. The relationship that we have 578 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,320 Speaker 2: now is so much better because there isn't this weird 579 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,600 Speaker 2: tension and so whole parent better and we get along 580 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:14,120 Speaker 2: better and just all of this, not that we didn't 581 00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:17,120 Speaker 2: get along before, just it's like a different relationship where 582 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,639 Speaker 2: I don't build this pressure to show up as a 583 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 2: white to a husband. That was like weird for me 584 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,600 Speaker 2: to say husband. I was like, I don't want a husband. 585 00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:26,600 Speaker 3: I didn't want a wife. But I'm like, I'm. 586 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:30,240 Speaker 1: We all change, we all eve all. Yeah, No, I 587 00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:33,439 Speaker 1: mean not the same story. But I can relate. Like 588 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,480 Speaker 1: this is a great lesson because at the end of 589 00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,919 Speaker 1: the day, you can't fill up anyone else's cup until 590 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,679 Speaker 1: you fill yours up right, and that is that like 591 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:45,520 Speaker 1: inner voice and that feeling of just you know, I 592 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,560 Speaker 1: truly believe doctors will come at me, but that is 593 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,919 Speaker 1: the type of stuff that creates diseases, and like that 594 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: just feeling of not being able to be your fully 595 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,240 Speaker 1: authentic self. And I think that this is such a 596 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,480 Speaker 1: great example of of it. And you guys are living 597 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,080 Speaker 1: proof that you know, you do have to be who 598 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,880 Speaker 1: you are and the people that don't like it, oh 599 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:06,480 Speaker 1: well bye. 600 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,800 Speaker 4: You know you have to be okay, people down essentially, 601 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,080 Speaker 4: and that's I think hard for both of us. We 602 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,520 Speaker 4: didn't want to let anybody down, yeah, but you know, 603 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,160 Speaker 4: we both even when we entered our relationships. 604 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:19,639 Speaker 3: You know, I was twenty years old when. 605 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,680 Speaker 4: I started dating my ex, and you think what you 606 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:25,080 Speaker 4: changes you go through from twenty to age three to 607 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,960 Speaker 4: four when we got divorced. And it's okay that we 608 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,040 Speaker 4: grew apart, but our lives were so intertwined that it 609 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,240 Speaker 4: felt like I was tearing everybody's life apart. Our friends, 610 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 4: our families that emerge, our kids obviously aren't everything when 611 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,440 Speaker 4: we knew and it's it's it feels so selfish to 612 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:43,640 Speaker 4: say and to fight for. 613 00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:45,960 Speaker 1: But selfish is a good thing, is a good word. 614 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,959 Speaker 1: I know there's such a bad meaning when people say, oh, 615 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,560 Speaker 1: you're selfish, you have to be. It's your life. You know, 616 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 1: you have to give to self before you can give 617 00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,400 Speaker 1: to others. I mean, it's just a it's facts. And 618 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,440 Speaker 1: you both learned in this relationship that you didn't know 619 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 1: in your previous relationships. 620 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 4: I learned that all the things that are in like 621 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,840 Speaker 4: books or all these taglines that people say about being 622 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,880 Speaker 4: like so in love and this is different and this 623 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,280 Speaker 4: is not about I was like whatever, Like I read 624 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,000 Speaker 4: every romance book before and I was like whatever, gang, 625 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:22,080 Speaker 4: I loved it. 626 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:24,160 Speaker 3: I love homework. I love me a Hallmark movie. I 627 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:25,320 Speaker 3: always want a homework ending. 628 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,840 Speaker 4: And like all the things I feel like I said, 629 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 4: and she says, it's like so corny, it's straight out of. 630 00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:32,760 Speaker 3: All these books. 631 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:33,760 Speaker 1: I love it. 632 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:37,600 Speaker 7: But when you really feel it, it's real and like, 633 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,600 Speaker 7: I feel like a lot of people don't know that 634 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:44,160 Speaker 7: it can be that intense and that constant and fun 635 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:45,000 Speaker 7: and easy. 636 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,880 Speaker 3: I've learned that all the time we're like is this real? 637 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:51,880 Speaker 3: Like how do we keep loving each other? 638 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 2: More? 639 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,360 Speaker 3: Like like surely we can't fall more in love and 640 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,080 Speaker 3: then like each day happens and just something else that 641 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 3: I love it. And it could be some bad that happened. 642 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:02,240 Speaker 3: It could be like our worst moment. 643 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,720 Speaker 4: It could be like we're struggling, we're going through something 644 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,880 Speaker 4: really hard, and we're not available in like the way 645 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,920 Speaker 4: that we want to be for each other, especially when 646 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:10,680 Speaker 4: you're long distance. 647 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:14,000 Speaker 3: It's hard when you're struggling to be there for somebody. 648 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:18,560 Speaker 4: But actually not like the way that we communicate and connect, 649 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,120 Speaker 4: it's very safe. And we even have like an emoji 650 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 4: when we're spiraling, or when we have a white flag 651 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,400 Speaker 4: day where it's like I just I'm wake by my 652 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:25,800 Speaker 4: white flag. 653 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:29,120 Speaker 3: I just I can't give anything right now, and then 654 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,440 Speaker 3: that the other one s so I taught her to spiral. 655 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,000 Speaker 6: I spiler right now just then I know she needs 656 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:36,760 Speaker 6: a few more positive Oh. 657 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:37,280 Speaker 1: I love that. 658 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,840 Speaker 3: It's a confirm we're good and like that's it. 659 00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 4: It's like communicating just our needs and our wants and 660 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,000 Speaker 4: and the goods and the bads, and. 661 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,720 Speaker 3: It's like what did you mean by that? What did 662 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:48,760 Speaker 3: you mean by this? Where I felt this and we 663 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:50,400 Speaker 3: do it and like a very I always. 664 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:51,720 Speaker 4: Say, she gives me the benefit of the doubt, and 665 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 4: so she lets me explain. You know, if something came 666 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:56,960 Speaker 4: off from I like that, she'll ask me because I 667 00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:58,400 Speaker 4: didn't mean it, you know, and I mean in a 668 00:30:58,440 --> 00:30:59,000 Speaker 4: her full way. 669 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:01,200 Speaker 3: And I always feel bad if she took it that way. 670 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,200 Speaker 4: But I love that we're able to give each other 671 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,920 Speaker 4: that time and we trust each other that it was 672 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:07,600 Speaker 4: not intentional to. 673 00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 3: Hurt each other and we are just misunderstood. 674 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:11,880 Speaker 4: And I think that's probably one of the biggest things, 675 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,200 Speaker 4: is like you can just honestly communicate through it. 676 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,120 Speaker 1: And that is a great thing about long distance. It's 677 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:22,920 Speaker 1: forcing you to communicate for it, right. So so I'm 678 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: I'm that, you know, coming from a divorce and just 679 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:29,400 Speaker 1: obviously being a bad picker in general, I've just been like, really, 680 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:31,880 Speaker 1: I've been that woman who's like, you know, life is 681 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,760 Speaker 1: not the notebook, but now you're making me feel like 682 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:36,480 Speaker 1: maybe maybe it can be. 683 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,360 Speaker 3: It's obnoptious, it's annoying. 684 00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:40,000 Speaker 4: I always say this is what Seriously, when I say 685 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,440 Speaker 4: it's annoying, how much I love youself? 686 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:45,160 Speaker 3: Like it's obnoxious. I wish I didn't love you as much. 687 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 1: Oh, I love that I love all the time. 688 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:52,720 Speaker 3: Like can I just not love you so much easier. 689 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,880 Speaker 1: And when you guys, is it communicate? Would you say 690 00:31:57,080 --> 00:32:00,000 Speaker 1: name like two things that really keep keep you guys? 691 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,920 Speaker 1: Is connected? Is it communication and communication? 692 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 5: And I think it's like a respect for each other 693 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:11,680 Speaker 5: and just like openness and very honest and open. And 694 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:15,160 Speaker 5: I think that's where the communication comes in important because 695 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:16,640 Speaker 5: you're exposing you're vulnerable. 696 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,960 Speaker 4: You know, you're like exposing your worst parts or or 697 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 4: the things that you want the most, you know, and 698 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:23,640 Speaker 4: I can feel risky. 699 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,640 Speaker 1: And Jessica you said something like safety. I think that's 700 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:28,040 Speaker 1: so important. You feel safe. 701 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,440 Speaker 4: Yes, It's like I can't do something that's going to 702 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,120 Speaker 4: turn off her love for me. She's not gonna like, 703 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,440 Speaker 4: she doesn't get mad at me. She gives me the 704 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:40,400 Speaker 4: time and the space to figure out how I'm feeling 705 00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:41,920 Speaker 4: and what I meant to say and what I meant 706 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,520 Speaker 4: to say or how it was supposed to come out 707 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,800 Speaker 4: or how I thought it came out. And that that's 708 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,080 Speaker 4: safety in that time and knowing that she's giving me 709 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,600 Speaker 4: the benefit doubt during that time is like invaluable. 710 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 1: Absolutely, What are your what is your love language? Too? 711 00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:59,920 Speaker 3: All of them? 712 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:00,600 Speaker 1: All of them? 713 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,480 Speaker 3: Do you know what's interesting that you ask this. 714 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,640 Speaker 2: This is so interesting you asked this because my love 715 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 2: languages were like gift some words of affirmation. 716 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,360 Speaker 3: For like, what was was quality time and physical touch. 717 00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:13,520 Speaker 3: Like I was like, oh, I don't need that. And 718 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:16,520 Speaker 3: it's interesting because now I feel like quality time and 719 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:19,800 Speaker 3: physical touch. I'm like, these are like my love languages, 720 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:23,040 Speaker 3: and they weren't because I wasn't in a relationship that 721 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,720 Speaker 3: made me want that, and now that I'm in it, 722 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:29,080 Speaker 3: I'm like touch. 723 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,160 Speaker 4: Well, I literally liked, tell me how to She said 724 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 4: it would be fine if I said it every five minutes, 725 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:36,680 Speaker 4: and then she gave me an extension. 726 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:37,440 Speaker 3: It could go to to. 727 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:42,800 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love that so much. How about yours, Jessica, 728 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:44,040 Speaker 1: what's your what's your love leguge? 729 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,040 Speaker 3: Mine's definitely quality time at the top. 730 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:51,280 Speaker 4: And I was really honestly worried because that's like the 731 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,080 Speaker 4: thing they get the least of, you know, so on paper, 732 00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:57,240 Speaker 4: to me, I was very, very worried, and I was 733 00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:00,480 Speaker 4: guarding my part a lot in the beginning. But I 734 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,320 Speaker 4: learned that quality time doesn't have to be physically together. 735 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:05,440 Speaker 4: We spend a lot of quality time together at the 736 00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:07,800 Speaker 4: end of our day talking about our days and really 737 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,360 Speaker 4: breaking down our entire days. She I can call her 738 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,560 Speaker 4: in them on my birthday to learn about a good meeting, 739 00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:13,719 Speaker 4: to learn about a hard meeting. 740 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,640 Speaker 3: I can say something at a doctor appointment. 741 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,480 Speaker 4: Like the quality time is different for a lot of it, 742 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:23,800 Speaker 4: but it's quality time focused on each other present. 743 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:28,560 Speaker 2: And when we are together, we are very intentional about 744 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:32,080 Speaker 2: like doing things and going out or if we're here, 745 00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:36,239 Speaker 2: just like we have that quality time of we're just 746 00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,479 Speaker 2: we have so little of it that we take full 747 00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:43,160 Speaker 2: advantage of the time that we do have together and 748 00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,440 Speaker 2: like maximizing everything everything. 749 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,760 Speaker 4: We sit at the counter for hours and just about 750 00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:52,040 Speaker 4: everything and nothing at the same time. 751 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:54,960 Speaker 1: I love that. So you guys are like not obviously 752 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,719 Speaker 1: distracted by your phone. You're intentionally in this together, which 753 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,879 Speaker 1: is good. So what's next for you to other than 754 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:02,920 Speaker 1: me planning your wedding? 755 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:10,120 Speaker 3: What's next? We just honestly what's always next is we 756 00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:13,040 Speaker 3: always keep planning our next trip. Who's coming, who's. 757 00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:15,200 Speaker 4: Going, And like, my kids want to go there again, 758 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,560 Speaker 4: so we'll probably start planning that. 759 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,120 Speaker 1: Racking up the miles, Yeah, what car. 760 00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:26,920 Speaker 2: Should get right, exact, counting down until the next time 761 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:27,520 Speaker 2: that we're. 762 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,239 Speaker 1: Together and like holidays, Like, what do you guys do 763 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,080 Speaker 1: for holidays? You guys just are you gonna switch? 764 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:36,080 Speaker 3: We're gonna spend one together. Yeah, so we did spend 765 00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:36,640 Speaker 3: the fourth of July. 766 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,839 Speaker 2: Is fourth We spent fourth of July and say, so 767 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 2: so we go to Now. 768 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 3: We have Thankskeeping coming up, and I feel like that's 769 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,520 Speaker 3: like a real one. Yeah. Yeah. 770 00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:47,239 Speaker 2: My ex is taking my kids on a cruise, so 771 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:48,560 Speaker 2: they'll be gone for a week. 772 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:54,240 Speaker 3: And I'm like, I guess, so I'm coming for Thanksgiving. 773 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:56,560 Speaker 1: And now it's just gonna be the two of you. 774 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,640 Speaker 3: No, we're gonna host it now with my whole family. 775 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,839 Speaker 4: Oh god, change because I'm the last in the world 776 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:02,520 Speaker 4: to host anything. 777 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,239 Speaker 3: And I'm like, I'll go to your home for it. 778 00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:11,080 Speaker 4: They love her, They already accepted her whole family as mine, 779 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 4: so that'll be fun. 780 00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:17,400 Speaker 1: What do you guys think of certain celebrities. I'm not 781 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,520 Speaker 1: sure if you're if you if you know, I'm sure 782 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,600 Speaker 1: you know you've heard of like Sophia Bush that you 783 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:26,200 Speaker 1: know are actually coming out and being their true selves. 784 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,160 Speaker 1: What do you think the shift is in this generation 785 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,520 Speaker 1: that we're living in, Like, why all of a sudden. 786 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:35,759 Speaker 4: Well, when I got married, it was illegal to get 787 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,920 Speaker 4: married as two women. So we lived in Minnesota at 788 00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,600 Speaker 4: that time and it wasn't legal. We got married in 789 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,879 Speaker 4: kN Kun it wasn't legal. We didn't get legally married 790 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:48,160 Speaker 4: until we had moved to California. Now to be living 791 00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:49,839 Speaker 4: in a time, well, yeah, And I came out when 792 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:51,200 Speaker 4: I was in high school and it was not cool. 793 00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:52,799 Speaker 3: It was not cool. It was I was. 794 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:54,759 Speaker 1: That was a big deal. 795 00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:57,279 Speaker 4: It was a big high school and people had a 796 00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,719 Speaker 4: lot to say about it. And my own family was 797 00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,480 Speaker 4: anty and accepting until I came out when I was 798 00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:05,480 Speaker 4: outed when I was seventeen, and I didn't really have 799 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:09,279 Speaker 4: my family backing me until two weeks two months before 800 00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:11,360 Speaker 4: I got married when I was twenty four. So that 801 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:15,120 Speaker 4: was a long time to go without that. And now 802 00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:19,279 Speaker 4: to have more people, really famous people, people that they 803 00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:23,200 Speaker 4: look up to and so out there on the Internet 804 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,359 Speaker 4: and available for everyone to see and live in it, 805 00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,719 Speaker 4: and I think it just creates a safe culture for 806 00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:28,759 Speaker 4: people to come out. 807 00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:33,800 Speaker 3: I have to say too, I had it was in twentynineightteen. 808 00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:37,640 Speaker 2: I remember this happening specifically, Taylor Swift had released her 809 00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,879 Speaker 2: Like Lover album and there was you need to calm down, 810 00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,360 Speaker 2: love it, and she'd said, like Shade never made anybody 811 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,719 Speaker 2: list gay, and that whole song was basically about like 812 00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:47,560 Speaker 2: being true to yourself and you know, you guys all 813 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:49,520 Speaker 2: just shut up and let people live their lives. 814 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:53,160 Speaker 3: And I just remember being like, the world is changing. 815 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:56,799 Speaker 2: The world is changing, and it's going from like how 816 00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,040 Speaker 2: it was when I was out before to this, like 817 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:03,880 Speaker 2: being more accepted and having celebrities like Taylor Swift accepting 818 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:05,920 Speaker 2: people and like showing their support. 819 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:07,719 Speaker 3: And that video came out and I was just like, 820 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,120 Speaker 3: oh my gosh, like we're going in this beautiful direction here. 821 00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,160 Speaker 3: And I feel like that kind of helped me a lot, 822 00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,360 Speaker 3: and that was like a little mental shift for me 823 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:20,160 Speaker 3: to be like this is different. For sure. Strength and 824 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:21,640 Speaker 3: numbers is that a real thing? 825 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,160 Speaker 1: It really? And also this is where social media is beautiful, right, 826 00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:28,440 Speaker 1: like just being able to really express who you are. 827 00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,680 Speaker 1: You don't need to you don't need to be on 828 00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:32,600 Speaker 1: TV to do it anymore. Like you can use your 829 00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,399 Speaker 1: own platform and it doesn't matter. Of all walks of life. 830 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,279 Speaker 1: It has Glenn and Doyle been somebody of somebody you 831 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:42,080 Speaker 1: love and events have you done for podcast? Yet I'm 832 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:47,080 Speaker 1: as with their podcast No No. 833 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,239 Speaker 2: But it's actually interesting because when I had gone to 834 00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,759 Speaker 2: Bali in October and felt like I could be alone 835 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:53,959 Speaker 2: by myself, I met a girl there and she said, 836 00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:55,799 Speaker 2: you need to listen to this book I'm Tamed by 837 00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:57,719 Speaker 2: Glennon Doyle and I had listened to it before, but 838 00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:58,960 Speaker 2: it wasn't the right time. 839 00:38:58,800 --> 00:38:59,640 Speaker 3: And so I listened to it. 840 00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:03,040 Speaker 2: I Want a Bali And I actually had quoted this 841 00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:08,040 Speaker 2: in this magazine article where in the in the book 842 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:13,279 Speaker 2: it says I'm doing this for my children basically, but 843 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:14,240 Speaker 2: what I want. 844 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,320 Speaker 3: This for my children? And it just really hit. 845 00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,920 Speaker 2: Me, and so it was like, yes, Glennon Doyle had 846 00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,719 Speaker 2: like a huge role in me being like Okay, I 847 00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:24,520 Speaker 2: can do this, you know, and just some of the 848 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:26,640 Speaker 2: things she said in that book, I just I mollowed 849 00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:28,920 Speaker 2: the entire way home from that flight and was like, 850 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:31,359 Speaker 2: I need to do this. And I feel like her 851 00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:36,040 Speaker 2: book Hunting was kind of a huge part of that. 852 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,080 Speaker 1: Do you guys listen to there? We can do her 853 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:39,000 Speaker 1: things he listen to. 854 00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:40,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, I listened to a couple. 855 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:44,680 Speaker 1: I'm not It's amazing. I literally have listened to every episode. 856 00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:46,440 Speaker 1: I think I'm obsessed, but yeah. 857 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,200 Speaker 3: They're hilarious and so relatable, like I'm my sister. 858 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,960 Speaker 1: She called their sister sister. I just like I'm obsessed 859 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:56,120 Speaker 1: with their sister as well. It's just a great you 860 00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,440 Speaker 1: know trio. Anyway, you guys are so this. Thank you 861 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:02,520 Speaker 1: for sharing and taking the little timing up together to 862 00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:07,600 Speaker 1: doing this so we really appreciate it. And yeah, I 863 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:11,400 Speaker 1: mean positive love energy to you. Thanks for like maybe 864 00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:13,799 Speaker 1: me thinking maybe I'm like, okay, maybe there is I 865 00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,440 Speaker 1: can find this type of love. I'm not so jaded 866 00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:17,960 Speaker 1: after my conversation with you. 867 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:21,560 Speaker 3: Don't and tell you I'm not even dating. 868 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,200 Speaker 1: I don't even want to date. I'm just perfectly happy 869 00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:25,280 Speaker 1: alone with my friendship. 870 00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:28,360 Speaker 3: Someone wows you and wows you and Maasi and Maasi 871 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,359 Speaker 3: and Wazi again, because that's not supposed to be. You're 872 00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:31,560 Speaker 3: supposed to show up all the. 873 00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:36,839 Speaker 1: Time exactly and not through a dating app. Thanks, thank 874 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,960 Speaker 1: you guys so much, and yeah, enjoy your time together. 875 00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:41,919 Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank thank you so much. 876 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,239 Speaker 1: Thanks again to Jessica and Amanda for sharing their love 877 00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,640 Speaker 1: journey with us. Have you recently left a marriage for 878 00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,880 Speaker 1: a brighter future, wanting to live authentically but don't know 879 00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,880 Speaker 1: where to start? Well, we can help, call us or 880 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,320 Speaker 1: email us. All the info is in the show notes. 881 00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:58,960 Speaker 1: Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review 882 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:02,839 Speaker 1: the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where 883 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:04,640 Speaker 1: falling in love is the main objective