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Speaker 1: Time now for the Strawberry Letter for today. If you

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Speaker 1: need advice and relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve Harvey FM dot

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Speaker 1: com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading

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Speaker 1: your letter love on the air, just like we're gonna

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now. Hold on tight.

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Speaker 1: We got it for you. Here it is letter. Did

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Speaker 1: you hear me? Oh? I heard the fact that I

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Speaker 1: get to do my intro he because when he not he,

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Speaker 1: I mean when when you not you you don't want

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Speaker 1: meet saying nothing, you don't like me? You mean you

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Speaker 1: mean you mean don't want you saying nothing? Like now

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Speaker 1: when she could be reading a letter like you don't

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Speaker 1: like me? Unless he loves talking about it. Let's talk

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Speaker 1: about all right subject. We have a big problem sis.

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Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley, I've been divorced for four years and

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Speaker 1: my seven year old child is caught up in a

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Speaker 1: dysfunctional mess with me and my ex husband. After my divorce,

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Speaker 1: I found out that my older sister was having an

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Speaker 1: affair with my husband. Throughout the divorce, she was my

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Speaker 1: rock and I turned to her for advice since she'd

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Speaker 1: been divorced three times. All of the signs were there

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Speaker 1: that they could have been messing around, but I was

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Speaker 1: going through hell, so I didn't notice. My sister had

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Speaker 1: started calling me at work a lot, and I thought

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Speaker 1: it was to check on me, but I found out

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Speaker 1: later that she was making sure I was at work

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Speaker 1: so she could be alone with my husband in our bed.

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Speaker 1: When it all came out, I felt so stupid. It

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Speaker 1: seemed as if my husband was relieved to give me

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Speaker 1: the details. Well, fast forward to present day. My sister

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Speaker 1: lives with my ex husband and they are planning to

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Speaker 1: get married. This is torn up my entire family. My

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Speaker 1: son knows that his mommy and his auntie don't get along,

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Speaker 1: but he does not know why. He contently asked me

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Speaker 1: why his auntie lives with his daddy instead of me

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Speaker 1: and him living with his daddy. All I told him

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Speaker 1: is that his auntie hurt his mommy really bad. I

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Speaker 1: have never said anything negative about his daddy to him.

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Speaker 1: He's too young to understand. I have told my ex

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Speaker 1: that our son does not need to stay with him

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Speaker 1: right now because it's confusing to him. My ex is

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Speaker 1: so very nasty towards me and still has no remorse

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Speaker 1: for what he's done, so he insists that he gets

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Speaker 1: weakend visitation. For four years, I've been bitter and angry

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Speaker 1: and want to hurt both of them. Someone mentioned counseling

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Speaker 1: to me, but I need a little more than that.

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Speaker 1: I need peace in my life and in my son's life.

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Speaker 1: How can we move on from this and be happy? Wow,

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Speaker 1: you're a really good person to not have you done

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Speaker 1: something physical and violent to both of them. I must

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Speaker 1: tell you some sort, you know, even if that's at

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Speaker 1: a low level, some sort, I mean, I really have

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Speaker 1: to commend you for that. I'm a person, I'm a

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Speaker 1: woman that has two brothers. I always wanted sisters because

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Speaker 1: I always, you know, just wanted that closeness. She could

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Speaker 1: be my bff, we could bond all of that. But

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Speaker 1: clearly this is not the case in your situation with

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Speaker 1: you and your sister. I mean, she's ratchet and trifling,

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Speaker 1: she really is. I mean, calling your job to see

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Speaker 1: if you were at work so she could be with

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Speaker 1: your husband and your bed. Now she's living with him,

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Speaker 1: you divorced because he was This is just awful, I mean,

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Speaker 1: and I can imagine how this has torn your family apart.

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Speaker 1: And he doesn't seem to carry your ex husband. What

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Speaker 1: effect this has on your seven year old son, That's

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Speaker 1: really where your focus should be. How is he going

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Speaker 1: to come out of all of this? So to you,

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Speaker 1: I gotta tell you, you gotta be strong right now

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Speaker 1: for the both of you, because this kid is confused. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so daddy's not living with us, mommy, but he is

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Speaker 1: still in the family because he's living with Auntie. Now

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Speaker 1: can you imagine how confusing that is for a child?

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Speaker 1: And then your ex husband wants visitation on the weekend,

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Speaker 1: so he's gonna be over there still with his daddy,

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Speaker 1: your sister who now might be his step mom slash Auntie.

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Speaker 1: I mean, the confusion and craziness of all of this.

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Speaker 1: But you know he's gonna find out she's been to

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Speaker 1: force three times. He's gonna find out why. In just

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Speaker 1: a few short minutes. He will be I'm sure ex

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Speaker 1: husband number four when this is all over with, because

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Speaker 1: she is trifling. She is ratchet, your older sister. I mean,

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Speaker 1: of all the men in the world, she goes after

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Speaker 1: you're a man, your husband, I mean, and right in

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Speaker 1: your face. Yeah, but how do you get through it?

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Speaker 1: This is a tough one. Right here, I'm gonna have

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Speaker 1: to tell you if you can, Yes, I want you

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Speaker 1: to go to some counseling for sure, for sure for

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Speaker 1: you and your son. And this is hard. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to try to find it in your heart to

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Speaker 1: forgive them in this situation, because that's one of the

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Speaker 1: cleanest ways you can move on with your life. I mean,

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Speaker 1: that's hard. If you can. You know, I didn't say forget,

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Speaker 1: but you're gonna have to try and forgive them if

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Speaker 1: you can. That's what I have for you, Steve. All Right,

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Speaker 1: before I read this letter, I want to make this

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Speaker 1: statement right here that nothing I'm about to say is

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Speaker 1: what I really want to say. Nothing nothing you want

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Speaker 1: to custom, Well, it's not so much to cuss, but

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Speaker 1: you do though. What I want to do to the

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Speaker 1: both of them, I can't say on the radio or recommend.

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Speaker 1: So let me take this approach to this. This woman's

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Speaker 1: been divorced and she's got a seven year old. They

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Speaker 1: caught up in this functional mess her ex husband after

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Speaker 1: your divorce. After the divorce, now this is after divorce.

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Speaker 1: You find out that my oldest sister was having an

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Speaker 1: affair with my husband. Okay, so I'm s now you

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Speaker 1: found this out after divorce. This is your saving grace

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Speaker 1: in this whole thing that you found out after you

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Speaker 1: got the divorce. God spared you knowing this during for

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Speaker 1: a particular reason, and you turned to her for advice

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Speaker 1: because she's been divorced three times and she did something

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Speaker 1: to make you think she was Okay, when I come back,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you the grace and all of this

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Speaker 1: that you have. There is an upside today. Okay, Steve,

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Speaker 1: hang on, We'll have part two of your response coming

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Speaker 1: up at twenty three minutes after the hour right after this.

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Speaker 1: You're listening, all right, Steve, come on, Let's recap today's

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Speaker 1: Strawberry letter. We have am this woman been divorced four years,

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Speaker 1: got the seven year old child who's in this dysfunctional mess,

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Speaker 1: her ex husband. She found out after the divorce, that

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Speaker 1: found out that her oldest sister was having an affair

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Speaker 1: with the husband that you got the divorce from. Now,

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Speaker 1: there's a reason why you didn't know this during because

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Speaker 1: that would have been gut wrenching. I'm pretty sure it

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Speaker 1: is now, but at least you got the divorce. Now,

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Speaker 1: during the divorce, she was your rock, and you turned

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Speaker 1: to her for advice, you know, because she's been divorced

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Speaker 1: three times. I don't know what advice you get from

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Speaker 1: somebody that's been divorced three times, except especially when you're

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Speaker 1: going through a divorce, except just how to get through divorcing.

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Speaker 1: That's the best advice, Especially when you find out that

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Speaker 1: all the signs that were there that they had been

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Speaker 1: messing around, but you didn't notice. Your sister it was

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Speaker 1: calling you at work. You thought it was a check

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Speaker 1: on you, but you found out she was making sure

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Speaker 1: you was at work so she could be along with

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Speaker 1: my husband in our bed. Okay, now that's trifling. Let

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Speaker 1: me tell you what's wrong here. You have discovered after

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Speaker 1: the marriage that two of the most despicable, trifling people

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Speaker 1: were in your life. You had a bad husband, you

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Speaker 1: got a bad sister, and it's led to a bad situation.

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Speaker 1: These two people right here are the worst of the worst.

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Speaker 1: The blessing is you had that you got a chance

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Speaker 1: to get away from one of them. Now, the problem

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Speaker 1: with siblings is you don't get to pickle you're born

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Speaker 1: with them. Because your sisters don't mean you have to

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Speaker 1: be friends. You and your sister are not friends. Now,

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Speaker 1: Shirley said, a good thing. Shirley said, you have to forgive.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how you forgive this right here, but

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Speaker 1: you do have to move on from it now. When

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Speaker 1: it all came out, you say you felt stupid, And

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Speaker 1: then it seemed as if my husband was relieved to

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Speaker 1: give you the details. Well, number one, he had been

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Speaker 1: living a lie. So giving you the details also was

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Speaker 1: to make you feel a couple of things. Number one

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Speaker 1: like something was your fault, and number two, it was

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Speaker 1: your sister's fault. See dudes that open up about stuff

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Speaker 1: like this, it's to say to him, some of this,

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Speaker 1: if I hadn't been around in this situation with you

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Speaker 1: and your family, it were half of it is your

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Speaker 1: fault and the rest of it is your sister fault.

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Speaker 1: Now fast forward to present day. Your sister live with

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Speaker 1: your ex husband and they planning on getting madded. How

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Speaker 1: you think that's gonna work? As surely pointed out, she'd

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Speaker 1: been divorced three times and she didn't slept with her

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Speaker 1: sister's husband. What type of blessing you think Finn to

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Speaker 1: be on this mess? Right? Thank God you out of it. See,

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Speaker 1: oftentimes when God pulls us through stuff. We mess up

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Speaker 1: by dabbling back into stuff. Well, now your son is

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Speaker 1: another problem. He knows that his mommy and his auntie

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Speaker 1: don't get along. Well, that's cool, you can explain that.

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Speaker 1: Quit taking him over there. He constantly asked me why

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Speaker 1: his auntie lived with his daddy. Ads a little bit

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Speaker 1: of trouble. And if he's seven, he going to school,

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Speaker 1: somebody else gonna ask too, instead of you wan't to know,

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Speaker 1: instead of why you and him don't live with your daddy.

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Speaker 1: I told him that his auntie hurt his mommy really bad.

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Speaker 1: I've never said anything negative about his daddy to him.

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Speaker 1: He's too young to understand. I've told my ex that

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Speaker 1: our son does not need to stay with him right

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Speaker 1: now because it's confusing to him, which is a true statement.

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Speaker 1: But now he has no relationship with his father, which

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Speaker 1: is probably worse. So I don't know that sister has

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Speaker 1: caused some confusion in him as to why his dad

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Speaker 1: is staying with his auntie and not staying with him

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Speaker 1: and his mama. That confusion is going to exist whether

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Speaker 1: he sees his dad or not. But him not seeing

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Speaker 1: his father he needs that. He may not be a

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Speaker 1: good husband. He could be a good father, though my

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Speaker 1: ex is so very nasty towards me and still has

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Speaker 1: no remorse for what he's done. Or he's nasty towards

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Speaker 1: you because that's a defense mechanism. He got to be

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Speaker 1: nasty towards you because you have every right to be

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Speaker 1: nasty towards him. But kindness kills baby. Or if you

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Speaker 1: would to just be kind to him and his ex wife,

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Speaker 1: him and your sister, it would kill him. Now that's

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Speaker 1: gonna take a lot for you. And I'm not sure

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Speaker 1: you the person that has that, because for years I've

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Speaker 1: been bitter and angry and I want to hurt both

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Speaker 1: of them. See. Somebody told you that you should go

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Speaker 1: to counseling, and you really should, because you need to

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Speaker 1: talk over this with somebody to discuss your feelings. But

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Speaker 1: I need a little more than that. Well, the only

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Speaker 1: thing or than that is God. See. And the one

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Speaker 1: thing I'm gonna tell you, some old people say sometimes

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Speaker 1: you got to let go and let God. You gotta

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Speaker 1: take this situation that you're going through that's bigger than

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Speaker 1: anything any of us have for you, and you got

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Speaker 1: to turn it over to God. I ain't joking, man,

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Speaker 1: You really got to turn this one over to God

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Speaker 1: because you need peace in your life. And I know

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Speaker 1: no better way to get peace in your life through

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Speaker 1: a relationship with God. I don't know a better way.

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Speaker 1: It's my peace in my life and in your son's life.

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Speaker 1: How can we move on from this and be happy?

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Speaker 1: You move on to it because He got you out

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Speaker 1: of it. Stop dabbling in it. You got to play

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Speaker 1: the game now, Okay, this your daddy boom and separate yourself.

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Speaker 1: You gotta get to that point or you're gonna lose

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Speaker 1: your mind. You need counseling and you need prayer. Yep.

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Speaker 1: Post your comments on today's Strawberry Letter and Steve Harvey

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Speaker 1: FM on Instagram and Facebook, and don't forgot to check

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Speaker 1: out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand and now coming

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Speaker 1: up at forty six minutes after the hour, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: do Ask the Cello with Steve Harvey. Right after this,

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Speaker 1: you're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show