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Speaker 1: Can't tell you something. I'm hung over. There's a McDonald's

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Speaker 1: cup on the table. I didn't even know if she

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Speaker 1: knew what McDonald's watt. I never eat McDonald's and all

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Speaker 1: I eat was fries and a diet coke. But I

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Speaker 1: never eat it unless I'm hung over. There is something

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Speaker 1: magical about McDonald's when you hung over. It's like crack

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Speaker 1: or something and meat. And I also needed the bubbles

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Speaker 1: of a diet coke, which I don't drink soft drinks either,

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Speaker 1: Like that's just not what I do. And then you

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Speaker 1: call them soft drinks. No, I just did, though. That

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Speaker 1: was so weird, actually call him cokes. I call everything

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Speaker 1: a coke, like a pop. It's like it's like a

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Speaker 1: Northeastern Florida. Yeah, it's like, no, I call everything a coke.

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Speaker 1: That's what we did in Louisiana. But oh my god. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just literally went over to our friend Mary's house

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Speaker 1: last night. And for some reason, sometimes if you just

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Speaker 1: are sitting on the couch drinking wine, do you drink

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Speaker 1: more than you normally would like? I do, like, because

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Speaker 1: I think you're just like at a restaurant, you have

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Speaker 1: to actually order another glass, you know, you're paying for

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Speaker 1: it totally, so you realize how much you're drinking. And

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Speaker 1: when you're sitting on a couch, you're just like, we

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Speaker 1: just started talking and and if one person gets up

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Speaker 1: and gets to refill, they might add some to your class.

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Speaker 1: You feel like it's like a revolving door of wine.

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Speaker 1: Just yeah, so we did that. And um, also, I

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Speaker 1: haven't been drinking like I just I don't know why.

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Speaker 1: I just go through these faces where I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: I just want to break and so I haven't. I

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Speaker 1: haven't drank in a while, so I think it hit

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Speaker 1: me even harder. Yeah, going to wine too, straight to wine?

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Speaker 1: Just like what was it? A white wine? Of course

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Speaker 1: I can't drink rad remember that was really you remind

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Speaker 1: me of that I have an allergy, which is actually

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Speaker 1: said to my doctor. I was like, is this because

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Speaker 1: I drank so much of it when I was younger? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: My body was like, you've had enough, not permitted. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So anyway, I'm not feeling my best. If I'm a

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Speaker 1: little space beautiful, that's a lie. That's also a lie.

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Speaker 1: I'm actually going to post a video on my Instagram

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Speaker 1: stories or when this airs, which is tomorrow. I will

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Speaker 1: have already posted it, but Chip gave me a pretty

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Speaker 1: epic birthday. Is is that it came? It just came

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Speaker 1: in the mail this week, so, um, I got to

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Speaker 1: do with this podcast. But it doesn't go inside her.

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Speaker 1: Why do you keep making it sexual? It's not sexually

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Speaker 1: that I was going to do something sexual when I

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Speaker 1: was like, it's something that's very personal. Well, it is

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Speaker 1: a box box of somethings go in it. Oh man,

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Speaker 1: I mean this is it? Just Yeah, it got really

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Speaker 1: sexual and it's not sexual. So go check out my

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Speaker 1: instagram for that. It's at velvet's edge from this side. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: there's not a visual. It looks like a vagina. It

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Speaker 1: kind of does. Great. They're going to be like, what

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Speaker 1: is it? You're gonna you guys are gonna be so

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Speaker 1: disappointed when you actually see what it is. But it's

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Speaker 1: really cool and I love it. I feel official. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's get started. We're just rambling. Um. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: start with an email that we got from Dana and

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Speaker 1: this is in reference to our podcast last week, which

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Speaker 1: we talked a lot about um aging and dating and

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Speaker 1: like do you feel the pressure to get married and

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Speaker 1: have kids? And we decided basically that women feel that

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Speaker 1: pressure a lot more than men. I feel that pressure.

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Speaker 1: I started crying last week. It was super emo. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna keep this. One's definitely light. Most a casuals are.

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Speaker 1: That's why I felt so wrong to cry, But I

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Speaker 1: did it. So much positive feedback from you guys from

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Speaker 1: just opening up, and I so appreciate that because sometimes

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Speaker 1: you feel like an idiot when you're just like randomly

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Speaker 1: putting stuff out there. It just feels very vulnerable. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's very it's your human being, and I think that's

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Speaker 1: it's good to see that. Well, thank you. Um So,

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Speaker 1: this email comes from Dana and she said, Hey, Kelly,

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Speaker 1: I have been listening and following for a while now,

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Speaker 1: and I love the show. Thank you, Dana. I just

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Speaker 1: wanted to see your views on the other side of

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Speaker 1: the kids topic. I'm thirty three, was married for ten years,

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Speaker 1: and and I am happily divorced in dating a man

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Speaker 1: who makes me very happy. I've always known that kids

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Speaker 1: are not for me. The guy I'm with now also

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Speaker 1: doesn't want kids. We love traveling and just being able

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Speaker 1: to go with the flow. I love my nieces, nephew

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Speaker 1: and God's son and that's enough for me. How do

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Speaker 1: I deal with people consistently saying things like you'll change

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Speaker 1: your mind and you're still young. Also the worst and

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Speaker 1: the worst pressure for my mother for grandchildren. Just wanting

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Speaker 1: to add another side of the topic and get your

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Speaker 1: view on things. Thanks Dana. That's really interesting because I mean,

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Speaker 1: as a gay man, I um, to have a child

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Speaker 1: is very much a choice, like it takes a lot

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Speaker 1: of work, um and you know, I like to think

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Speaker 1: that I would have a kid one day. I think

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Speaker 1: I would make a great dad, and it's something that

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Speaker 1: I would welcome with open arms. But I definitely like

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Speaker 1: see both sides of it, right. I have so much

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Speaker 1: freedom in my life. I love to travel. I take

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Speaker 1: care of myself and my two dogs and that's it.

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Speaker 1: And if I'm late feeding my dog's dinner, it's not

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Speaker 1: that big a deal, you know. But um so I look,

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Speaker 1: I think it's your life, and if you don't want kids,

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Speaker 1: then bringing kids into the world is a bad idea, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: you know. I think if you become if you're if

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Speaker 1: you get if your pastor prime and can't have children

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Speaker 1: and you're in your fifties and you're like, ship, did

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Speaker 1: we make a mistake. There's always children that need homes,

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Speaker 1: and you could adopt an older child so you don't

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Speaker 1: have some of the challenges that you have with younger children.

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Speaker 1: And there's plenty of options. But I don't think that

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Speaker 1: anyone should have a child because their mother is pressuring them. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I actually agree with you. I was going to say.

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Speaker 1: It kind of goes back to what we ended on

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Speaker 1: last week, which is you have to own your life

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Speaker 1: and and like live in the moment, live how you

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Speaker 1: want to live, be present. And it sounds like she's

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Speaker 1: pretty decisive on the fact that she doesn't want kids,

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Speaker 1: and like, I do think it's hard. Like we said,

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Speaker 1: you know, you don't want to look back at your

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Speaker 1: life and go, oh, shut up. But I don't hear

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Speaker 1: that in her at all or her partner, which to me,

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Speaker 1: it's like that's you guys agree on that topic, and

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Speaker 1: you know later in life, if you do change your mind,

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Speaker 1: you can always adopt. There's other options. So yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think the fact that they're on the same page is

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Speaker 1: everything right because there aren't challenges between them, and I

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Speaker 1: think it's just like you gotta be honest with your

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Speaker 1: mom and be like, look, I don't think it's for

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Speaker 1: me right, well, that the granddaughter grandson thing is is

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Speaker 1: basically that's about the mom and it's yes, so she

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Speaker 1: already is right exactly. And I just don't think that

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Speaker 1: you can do anything for anyone else in your life,

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Speaker 1: like you have to live your life the way you

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Speaker 1: want to. So Dana, we say own it, and you

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Speaker 1: do you boo, Yeah, go for it. Yeah, there's too

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Speaker 1: many kids already, too many kids that are not wanted.

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Speaker 1: Is yeah, it's I think that's a very responsible decision.

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Speaker 1: I think so too. So this week we talked you know,

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Speaker 1: last week we talked about the dating and aging, and

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Speaker 1: this week we wanted to talk about sex and aging.

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Speaker 1: And that's a little bit of a different twist on

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Speaker 1: this twist there is tell what do you mean by that? Ship?

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Speaker 1: Tell us doctors that exist? Yeah, there can be. I

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Speaker 1: mean I don't know that that happens for everyone. I mean, really,

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Speaker 1: tell us more hard as a rock? Is that what

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Speaker 1: you said? Like? Go rock? You sing that to yourself

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Speaker 1: every day? Rock? Wow, this is stressful. I mean I

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Speaker 1: am having to kill in its two o'clock. I can't

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Speaker 1: even think about alcohol. But I'm just gonna sip on

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Speaker 1: my McDonald. Now I've done the thing where you like

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Speaker 1: finish your diet coke and you refill the cup because

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Speaker 1: there's like a little diet coke left in the ice

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Speaker 1: water in It's so disgusting. Who am I? It's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm like twenty five right now. Um so do couple. Okay,

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Speaker 1: there's two there's two ways to go with this topic,

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Speaker 1: I think, And when I posted this on my Instagram,

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Speaker 1: the feedback that I got kind of folded into both

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Speaker 1: of these topics. Um, as you said, there's biology to it,

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Speaker 1: and so there's some there's a lot of things to

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Speaker 1: talk about, like hormones and like there's you know, you

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Speaker 1: can go the negative side with like a rectile dysfunction

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Speaker 1: or dried what do you call that lower regions? Um,

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Speaker 1: but hormones play a factor. Then there's the other side

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Speaker 1: of this topic where it's like, if you're in a

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Speaker 1: long term relationship and as you get older, what does

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Speaker 1: sex look like? And I'll be honest, I kind of

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Speaker 1: just always assumed that if you're in a long term relationship,

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Speaker 1: the sex kind of goes out the window, you know,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't know that it like it's like you

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Speaker 1: don't have sex because you always hear of couples having

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Speaker 1: less sex um or like you know, when you first

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Speaker 1: meet somebody, you're having sex all the time because you're

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Speaker 1: just like so attracted, and as life goes on the

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Speaker 1: relationship grows, you just don't do that as often. But

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Speaker 1: the feedback that I got was a little like interesting

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Speaker 1: because a lot of people said, the longer they have

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Speaker 1: been in relationships, this is a lot of women, um,

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Speaker 1: their sex has gotten better and they're having the best

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Speaker 1: sex of their life. But is that did anybody mentioned frequency? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: some did some and some said the sex is way better,

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Speaker 1: but it's less often. But then there was a lot

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Speaker 1: of people who were just like, no, I mean, the

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Speaker 1: sex is so much better. And so I think for women,

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Speaker 1: the overall thing that I'm getting is the reason that

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Speaker 1: it's better is because they feel more confident in expressing

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Speaker 1: what their needs are. Right, they're comfortable in their relationship. Right. So,

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Speaker 1: like this one's from Nan and she says, it gets

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Speaker 1: better because there are no expectations. Everyone knows what to do.

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Speaker 1: That's interesting. And if you're in a long term living relationship,

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Speaker 1: it's a must to keep the closeness you have to

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Speaker 1: be open to trying some new things. But I'm fifty eight,

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Speaker 1: married twenty eight years, and it keeps getting better. It

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Speaker 1: takes more effort, but it's always satisfying. I love that though,

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Speaker 1: Like I think, I think Nan makes a good point

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Speaker 1: about you have to be open at trying some new things.

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Speaker 1: It's like what we talked about the time you were

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Speaker 1: talking about butt sex a chat anal. Yeah, that's gonna

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Speaker 1: be our murch. Do you guys want us to make

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Speaker 1: that shirt because we're thinking about tried anal? I would not.

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Speaker 1: Could you imagine if you saw somebody walking through the

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Speaker 1: mall in that shirt, Like that's one of those things

201
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Speaker 1: you put on that shirt as a joke, and then

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Speaker 1: you walk around and then you run into fourth grade

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Speaker 1: school teachers. She's like, oh my god, you're Johnson. You

204
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Speaker 1: don't even know her first name. You still have to

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Speaker 1: call her miss Johnson, mean while she's like five years

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Speaker 1: older than you. Um So, anyway, that one was from NIM.

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Speaker 1: But I do think you have to maybe get a

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Speaker 1: little experimental to keep is interesting, you know. Like it's

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Speaker 1: like what we said about favorite sex positions too. If

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Speaker 1: you just do one all the time, you're gonna get

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Speaker 1: really bored. So how do you know you got to

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Speaker 1: spice things up? How do you get ideas? Though? I

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Speaker 1: mean I think a lot of people get them from porn.

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Speaker 1: Porn wouldn't say honestly, it's like, to me, is the

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Speaker 1: worst place to get ideas? Tell us more. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: It's like, well, I guess I'll say. Um. I had

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Speaker 1: a friend that was in the porn industry. He took

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Speaker 1: a seriously tell us more now took so he had

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Speaker 1: a successful career, he's a celebrity hair person and decided

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Speaker 1: he was going to try gay porn. Like this is

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Speaker 1: like me trying porn. Yeah, I mean basically um and porn. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he was in gay porn and he decided he was

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Speaker 1: going to try it. And I think the money was

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Speaker 1: like paid like five thousand dollars a scene, okay sex,

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Speaker 1: which he was a really sexual person anyway, So he's like,

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Speaker 1: I get to do what I like to do and

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Speaker 1: get paid um. And he actually said like it was

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Speaker 1: the least fun sex he ever had because it's like

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Speaker 1: they're putting you in positions that are really unnatural feeling

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Speaker 1: because they've got to get the camera in there and

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Speaker 1: you know, everyone's just like on viagra, and like that's

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Speaker 1: always wondered, how do those guys just they're so hard

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Speaker 1: for so long. I mean, it's it's all drugs and

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Speaker 1: but the fun I mean, to me, the thing I

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Speaker 1: don't think he really thought through was that they have

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Speaker 1: to market these things. And like he literally like ended

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Speaker 1: up on like posters and porn shops and stuff that

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Speaker 1: sounds like I won't say his name is this so

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Speaker 1: and so like John or something. Um, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: because can I just say what you just did? He

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Speaker 1: discovered the mic and goes okay, but like it's not

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Speaker 1: like all of a sudden like oh my god, it's John.

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Speaker 1: It was job and there's like so many it's funny

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Speaker 1: his name was actually John, but he and he only

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Speaker 1: did it for a short stant and I mean he

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Speaker 1: totally owned that he was doing it. But long story short,

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Speaker 1: he said that the sex that they had while filming

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Speaker 1: it was really like awkward and uncomfortable. So I don't

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Speaker 1: think it should be inspiring people. I mean, look, I'm

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Speaker 1: all about like pushing the boundaries of that, but um,

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Speaker 1: I don't know that porn is where you should get

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Speaker 1: your ideas. I think that like the ideas you really

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Speaker 1: should come from the conversations with your partner and be

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Speaker 1: like what should we try and what turns you on?

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Speaker 1: What turns you on? Then just experiment. It's it's so

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Speaker 1: I think that's such a good point because like you

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Speaker 1: can tell when a guy has like watched porn and

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Speaker 1: seen something because he's like, I want you to do this,

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Speaker 1: and you're like, it's like the last fucking thing you

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Speaker 1: would ever do and it's so unnatural. It's also where

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Speaker 1: guys get the idea that girls like but sex, because

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Speaker 1: like in porn, they're like, oh, you know, put it

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Speaker 1: in my butt or whatever, and like most of rules

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Speaker 1: are like no, I'm all right, yeah, I mean yeah,

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Speaker 1: that stuff is probably like those oos and os and stuff.

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Speaker 1: It's probably even overdubbed afterwards. You know, they're sitting there

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Speaker 1: watching the playback like, yeah, it's your voice, tell us

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Speaker 1: what you would say, give us a deeper I just

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Speaker 1: think that, um, he lost my turn of thoughts. I

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Speaker 1: do think you're right. It's about talking to your partner.

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Speaker 1: And I mean I think that like you can even

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Speaker 1: like switch rooms, switch it's just like you cannot. The

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Speaker 1: monotony is where that's you gotta switch. I think the

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Speaker 1: thing to remember is that sex is supposed to be

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Speaker 1: fun too. It's just we're fucking. It's supposed to be

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Speaker 1: fun and adventurous. So it's like if you if there

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Speaker 1: is something like secretive or you're speaking it in the

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Speaker 1: closet at your parents or whatever. You know, Like, I

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Speaker 1: think those are the ways to like spice that kind

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Speaker 1: of stuff up. And it's not necessarily about like, well,

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Speaker 1: let's hang from the rafters and you know, like twisted.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be that. I think some of

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Speaker 1: it's like have sex in your car in a parking

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Speaker 1: lot somewhere. Obviously, don't be completely reckless because you can

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Speaker 1: do it in an empty parking lot and still be

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Speaker 1: stimulated in that way. Sure, it is just about putting

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Speaker 1: in the effort too, because like you can get really

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Speaker 1: lazy with it, and it's like, especially if you're in

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Speaker 1: a long term relationship, I think you know kind of

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Speaker 1: like what to do to get somebody off, and it's

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Speaker 1: sort of like if you just keep doing that or

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Speaker 1: jump right to you that though it gets gets boring.

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Speaker 1: I mean I think like surprise your partner, like I'm

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Speaker 1: not expecting it and like I think this applies maybe

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Speaker 1: more for women toward men, like be unrelenting about it,

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Speaker 1: be like, no, you're fucking me right now, you know,

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Speaker 1: Like I just feel like one guy totally. I mean

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Speaker 1: I just got hard when you said it. Um, let's

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Speaker 1: see what other questions. I had something else to say

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Speaker 1: to that, but you know this hangover brain, So it's

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Speaker 1: really bad for a podcast. Um. Abby says, yes, so

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Speaker 1: much better. Eight years in the marriage and we are

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Speaker 1: so tuned into one another. That's good. Um. This one

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Speaker 1: says Definitely, I'm forty six and dating a man half

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Speaker 1: my age. Go go girl, little couge action with no

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Speaker 1: future prospects. I'm pretty sure all my married friends are

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Speaker 1: thinking what's wrong with her? Wise she's married. But the

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Speaker 1: sex is great definitely because you come you become so

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Speaker 1: much more comfortable with your sexuality, body and are more

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Speaker 1: vocal with what you want and what turns you on.

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Speaker 1: And he's kind of in his prime. Like totally. That

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Speaker 1: sounds like the recipe for success. Oh yeah, like cougars

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Speaker 1: are on or something. I mean, right, that's because like,

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Speaker 1: which is because I feel like the concept of a

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Speaker 1: cougar has always sort of been socially written as like

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Speaker 1: the young guy is winning, like it's like a a thing,

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Speaker 1: like he got that older chick. But like if you

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Speaker 1: really look at it, like she's the one winning. She

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Speaker 1: she knows what she wants sexually and she found someone

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Speaker 1: that can do it all night. Yeah. I'm torn here

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Speaker 1: because I did read an article is actually web md

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Speaker 1: and they said men are their testoster and is the

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Speaker 1: highest in their twenties, so that's their prime women. It's

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Speaker 1: from seven to I'm right smack dab in the middle

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Speaker 1: of living that up. Um. But I'll tell you this,

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Speaker 1: I have never been attracted Like I've had friends who

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Speaker 1: date younger guys. I've never been attracted to that for

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Speaker 1: some reason. And like some of them are like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because you can teach them. I'm like, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to teach somebody. I think it's like for me, I wouldn't.

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Speaker 1: Dating and fucking are two very different things, you know.

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Speaker 1: I think that if you just wanted to have fun,

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Speaker 1: it would be a different thing. Like, but I feel

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Speaker 1: like you're a serial monogamous, so you would have a

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Speaker 1: hard time going into that situation and not wanting it

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Speaker 1: to be something more true. But if there were like

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Speaker 1: some young hot dude that like didn't act like a

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Speaker 1: dumb twenty four year old, but was like majority of those.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't run around with too many twenty

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Speaker 1: four year old anymore, Like I'm getting too old for

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Speaker 1: that ship. Also, I mean, I can't say that some

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Speaker 1: of the men that I've dated that are way older

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Speaker 1: don't act just a number. Age is just a number.

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Speaker 1: But when I'm talking about like virility and like wanting

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Speaker 1: to like do it all night, that's true. Year old

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Speaker 1: is going to be a little bit more likely to

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Speaker 1: just sort of throw caution to the wind and have fun.

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Speaker 1: That's true. So I think the deal with women, like

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Speaker 1: the consistent thing I'm hearing in a lot of these

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Speaker 1: messages is like, first of all, I think it is

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Speaker 1: hard for us to speak up because it's complicated. It's

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Speaker 1: not just like a wham bam, thank you ma, I'm situation.

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Speaker 1: You can't just like do two pumps and be done.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's like a little more complicated. And um,

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Speaker 1: I think the other thing that happens for a lot

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Speaker 1: of women. I know this has kind of been my deal.

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Speaker 1: It's like I wasn't even sure what I wanted when

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Speaker 1: I was younger, you know, like I was so um

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Speaker 1: I grew up where he's like, you don't have sex

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Speaker 1: before you're married and stuff. So there's a lot of like,

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Speaker 1: you know, you just if you were doing that anyway

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Speaker 1: and you're not married, you're kind of like shaming yourself

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Speaker 1: and you can't really fully lean into it, and or

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Speaker 1: it's like it feels so bad in taboo and you

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Speaker 1: kind of like with that mentality, just go with what

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Speaker 1: the guy wants to do. But like, obviously what works

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Speaker 1: for a guy in sex and what works for a

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Speaker 1: girl are very different. So the older I've gotten, the

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Speaker 1: more comfortable I've gotten with my own sexuality, and then

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Speaker 1: I think it's like you can kind of accept this

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Speaker 1: is what I like, this is what works for me,

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Speaker 1: and then you can lean in and like tell your partner, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean it's I think that like desire is sort

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Speaker 1: of a dirty word in the South when you're growing up,

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Speaker 1: and to recognize your desire and want to like fulfill

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Speaker 1: that is a lot you're more comfortable as an adult

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Speaker 1: because you also don't give a ship really what anyone else.

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Speaker 1: You start to give less ship about like what your

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Speaker 1: mom thinks, your friends think, what society says, because you're

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Speaker 1: comfortable on who you are right outside of just who

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Speaker 1: you're having sex with sexuality, So I think it's a

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Speaker 1: lot easier as you get older to be like, this

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Speaker 1: is what I want and this is what makes me

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Speaker 1: feel good and I'm going to do it and there's

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Speaker 1: no shame in it, right, And I think that is

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Speaker 1: kind of one of the things that goes for long

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Speaker 1: term relationships is you really stop caring. Like the longer

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Speaker 1: you're with someone, you're like, Okay, if we're gonna be

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Speaker 1: doing this, and like you're gonna be my only partner,

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Speaker 1: I better I want to enjoy it, so like, let's

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Speaker 1: get with the program here, man, and like here's what

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Speaker 1: I like, or like this needs to be on the

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Speaker 1: table more, you know, like just just not getting lazy

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Speaker 1: with it and like also speaking up. So this one

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Speaker 1: comes from Jamie. She said, yes, the sex gets better.

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Speaker 1: I'm forty one, married my high school sweetheart and my

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Speaker 1: only partner. This is interesting and we are having sex

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Speaker 1: three to five times a week. Damn. Okay. We would

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Speaker 1: be married twenty two years on August first, and I

400
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,520
Speaker 1: feel like I'm more attracted to him and turned on

401
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 1: by him now more than ever. Don't get me wrong,

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Speaker 1: We've had our ups and downs and dry spells, but

403
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Speaker 1: there's something to be said about knowing your partners so

404
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Speaker 1: well that you are a percent comfortable for what you

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Speaker 1: want or need in bed. We also grew up together sexually,

406
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Speaker 1: and with that comes a familiarity with each other's bodies,

407
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 1: wants and needs. Basically, anything and everything we've thought about

408
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 1: trying sexually has been together. And I couldn't be more satisfied.

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Speaker 1: I know we are an anomaly having gotten married at

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Speaker 1: nineteen and twenty. God, but I wouldn't be I couldn't

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Speaker 1: be happier with my healthy sex life at forty one.

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Speaker 1: I love the podcast, Thanks for the laughs and insights.

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Speaker 1: You know what I think is really interesting there is

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Speaker 1: um the fact that they are each other's only partners

415
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Speaker 1: removes this like level of insecure yeah, where they're like,

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Speaker 1: did someone else do this better? Totally? Yes, it's so interesting.

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Speaker 1: I know. Um. This comes from Kate and she says

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Speaker 1: sex in your forties is amazing And I said, oh,

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Speaker 1: can't wait, what's the deal there? Why? And she said,

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Speaker 1: our kids are self sufficients and not as exhausted as

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Speaker 1: the early years of parenting. I'm more comfortable with my body.

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Speaker 1: I stopped picking it apart. And I also think hormones

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Speaker 1: play a role. So for women, I mean, you're in

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Speaker 1: your peak. They're like, you're totally just wanting to have

425
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 1: sex all the time. It's right. But I love this

426
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:50,959
Speaker 1: this point to about like business of life and the

427
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,719
Speaker 1: stress were under and especially we have small kids. That's

428
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,639
Speaker 1: that plays a huge factor in the desire and wants

429
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 1: to have sex when. I love that she's embraced her self. Yeah,

430
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 1: I mean I think that's a really huge factor. I

431
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,679
Speaker 1: know that because you know my my body, I'm like

432
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 1: up and down and wait, So I know that when

433
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 1: I'm feeling better about myself, I'm more open to having sex.

434
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 1: And you know, um also sort of in line with

435
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,960
Speaker 1: what she said, like I've been incredibly busy with work

436
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 1: and people are like, so are you dating, Like, no,

437
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,480
Speaker 1: I'm like dating my work right now. I don't even

438
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:32,600
Speaker 1: think about I wouldn't. I wouldn't have the energy to

439
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,359
Speaker 1: have sex with anybody or even like get to really

440
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 1: know anybody right now unless I needed to for work.

441
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 1: So I just like that cards off the table for me.

442
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 1: It might be hard for you to be present because

443
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: you're like in the back of your mind like I

444
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 1: should be doing all these things, and I've been in

445
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,959
Speaker 1: that place in my life before too. It's really tough.

446
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:57,120
Speaker 1: Um Okay. This one just says sex gets better longer,

447
00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 1: and more often it rocks. Okay, um, sex as you

448
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 1: get older. This comes from Roxy. My answer is, yes,

449
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 1: you feel more comfortable in your own skin, more comfortable

450
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,160
Speaker 1: and willing to try new things with someone you're comfortable with.

451
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 1: No fs are given. Feeling comfortable and not shying away,

452
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 1: in my opinion, is the key to a happy marriage.

453
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 1: Intimacy connect Intimacy connects you on such a deep level

454
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 1: with your husband or wife that there's nothing that nothing

455
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 1: else can replace it. If you're willing to loosen up

456
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 1: and be comfortable in your own skin in bed, it

457
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 1: opens up a whole new world in your relationship. H

458
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 1: I think that's a huge part of sex. Feeling comfortable because, like,

459
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:37,640
Speaker 1: like you said, that goes for like how you feel

460
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,719
Speaker 1: about your body, how comfortable you feel with your partner.

461
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 1: Like if you're in your head like you were saying

462
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,440
Speaker 1: about like did they do this with other people or whatever,

463
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,679
Speaker 1: you can't relax and then you can't have sex. Like

464
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 1: it's like to me, if you're not relaxed and in

465
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:53,960
Speaker 1: the moment, the sex is not going to be good.

466
00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,200
Speaker 1: Back to the like did they do with somebody, it's

467
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: like the fact that neither of them know if they're

468
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,160
Speaker 1: doing it right or wrong, you know what I mean.

469
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,879
Speaker 1: So it's like, let's just do it and see if

470
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 1: we like it, because honestly, there is no right or wrong.

471
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:17,440
Speaker 1: It's only what's right for the two of you. Um,

472
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,440
Speaker 1: I yeah, I oh, I know the point I was

473
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,359
Speaker 1: gonna make. I wonder and I don't know if we

474
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:28,200
Speaker 1: could do some research about this. If men, because men

475
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:30,840
Speaker 1: are in their prime younger and women are in their

476
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:35,360
Speaker 1: prime later, If men are more likely to cheat younger,

477
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 1: because when you get further into the relationship and your

478
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 1: wife is or your partner is um more in tune

479
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 1: with her body and and is in that place where

480
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 1: you're being you're being satisfied because she's satisfied. If there's

481
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 1: a correlation between like when people cheat, like if it

482
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: becomes less likely when you're older because the connect better.

483
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,199
Speaker 1: It just depends on the relationship, like if you're fully connected,

484
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 1: I don't I mean, like unless you have like some

485
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,360
Speaker 1: sort of issue. Yeah, it doesn't seem like you want

486
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 1: to go elsewhere because you're fully connected, you're happy, you're satisfied. Um.

487
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,880
Speaker 1: To me, that's when I hear about cheating in long

488
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 1: term relationships. It's like something went out the window and

489
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 1: somebody's not satisfied. So I don't know. Um, this one says.

490
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 1: This is from Tiffany. She says, sex as you get

491
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 1: older doesn't get better or worse, it just gets different.

492
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,159
Speaker 1: I'm forty. I don't look or feel it, and I

493
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 1: have to excuse me. Lord, we're not editing that out

494
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:47,480
Speaker 1: struggle every here so real it cook makes you burp. Okay,

495
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,360
Speaker 1: let's talk about sex. When I burb it's like so

496
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 1: not sexy. Sex as you get older doesn't get better. Words.

497
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 1: Where was I? Um? She said? I have two young kids,

498
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 1: and I work full time, and order to make sure

499
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 1: my husband and I stay connected, we schedule sex in

500
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 1: our weekly routines. We've tried spontaneity, but I'm either too

501
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 1: tired or the kids are waking up and interrupting the

502
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 1: schedule works for us. It's not what I expected my

503
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:13,640
Speaker 1: marriage to be like. But in this phase of having

504
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,399
Speaker 1: young kids, it's how we roll. Well, the good news is,

505
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,360
Speaker 1: as we've heard from someone earlier I can't remember name,

506
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 1: when those kids become more self sufficient, they can probably

507
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 1: move off the schedule. But it's awesome that they're like

508
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 1: making time for that. Like I agree. To me, it sounds, um,

509
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,239
Speaker 1: you know, sort of medicinal to be like we're going

510
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: to do it now, but it sounds like it's necessary. Yeah.

511
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:37,160
Speaker 1: And I mean I think a couple of weeks ago

512
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:38,879
Speaker 1: we talked about this and you were like, oh, they

513
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,879
Speaker 1: sound like they would schedule sex or something like it

514
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,200
Speaker 1: was so negative and I was like I had done

515
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 1: that that day or something. But like, to me, you

516
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 1: can still make it sexy, you know, like you flirt

517
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,520
Speaker 1: with it. You I don't know, you do a build

518
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,719
Speaker 1: up still, so it's not just like just like okay,

519
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: see at three and and like it's just so boring,

520
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 1: you know. To me, it's like, and I don't mean anything,

521
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 1: what's this girl's name that you just read? Tiffany, Tiffany.

522
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 1: This is not a knock on Tiffany and her husband,

523
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 1: but to me, the idea of knowing that like every Thursday,

524
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:15,880
Speaker 1: you know, Sunday and Tuesday at nine thirty is the

525
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 1: time that to me, like at a certain point we

526
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 1: would just be like, can we skip this Tuesday? Yeah.

527
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,239
Speaker 1: I think it's like any meetings that you have, you've

528
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,639
Speaker 1: got to be a little more spontaneous with like switching

529
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,880
Speaker 1: up when it happens. But like look at the daily

530
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,439
Speaker 1: schedule and be like, hey, let's make an appointment today

531
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 1: or something. I wonder if they do, like on Monday

532
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 1: Mondays after dinner they're like, let's get let's let's get

533
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: let's get out our calendars and see, yeah, this is

534
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:48,479
Speaker 1: when we have the football game, this is cheerleading practice. Yeah, hey,

535
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 1: are you available ten? Let's stay a little f t

536
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 1: in your calendar. Yeah, she needs to build in some

537
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 1: time for hair and makeup. After all, it is is

538
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 1: like the egg plane emoji in her calendar. Mom, why

539
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 1: do you have so many egg plants in your calendar?

540
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: Should really love egg plants, honey. Okay, this one comes

541
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 1: from Rachel. She said, yes, hell, hell yes, But it

542
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,479
Speaker 1: happens less often for sure, Like sometimes a girl just

543
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 1: doesn't want to go to sleep with a wet pee.

544
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to go to sleep with the well girl,

545
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 1: you're gonna has a straight up recipe for a yeast infection. Yeah,

546
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 1: this girl says, yes, the sex gets better, much better

547
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 1: as you get older because you know what you like

548
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,719
Speaker 1: and you and don't like. And I'm more empowered as

549
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 1: a woman to say what that feels good and tried

550
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 1: this instead of that. When I was younger, it was embarrassing,

551
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 1: partly because of my culture. I was ashamed of having

552
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 1: sex before marriage. But now I don't care. I do

553
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 1: what works for me. That's exactly what I said. Um,

554
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 1: this girl said the sex gets better with age. Personally,

555
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 1: as a female, I feel more comfortable in my skin

556
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 1: and what I want. It's easier to tell a guy

557
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 1: what you want when when you want it. I think

558
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 1: it comes with age. So these are all from women, right, Like,

559
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 1: I'm sensing a theme too, which is like totally for

560
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 1: any of you women that are like in your thirties

561
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 1: that are like, I feel like you've hit her rut.

562
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 1: I feel like there's a light at the end of

563
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 1: the tunnel. Yeah, I mean, but in your thirties. Like

564
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 1: for me, I'm in my thirties. I guess I'm closer

565
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 1: to forty now though, and so like I'm totally in

566
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: this same mindset of these women, Like I feel way

567
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 1: more comfortable. I know what I want, I don't care

568
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 1: communicating it. Um, And like there's this um Megan the

569
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 1: Stallion song. I love that I'm quoting a rapper right now.

570
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 1: But she says in the thing like she doesn't have

571
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 1: time basically to fake it, Like she's she's not gonna

572
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 1: like fake it to make a guy's ego for a

573
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 1: better Like I don't feel like I would have totally

574
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 1: done that when I was younger, just to be like

575
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 1: ha ha, you know, yeah that was amazing. You've got

576
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,280
Speaker 1: to get through it, or like you don't even know

577
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 1: what to do to actually like calm, so you're just like, yeah,

578
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:10,200
Speaker 1: that was great, but like now not fucking chance, Like

579
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 1: what a waste of energy? Yeah exactly, not there yet,

580
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 1: get back down there. Um yeah, you know what, I'm

581
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 1: really curious about that because I didn't get any messages

582
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 1: for men about this, and so I wonder if men

583
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: in long term relationships, if you're a guy and you're

584
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 1: listening to this, email us at casual at velvet velvet

585
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: edge dot com or slide into my d M s

586
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: on at velvet Edge on Instagram because I'm super curious

587
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 1: what guys feel like if you like my wants all

588
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: the time, but like she's so boring, Well this is like,

589
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:47,760
Speaker 1: like I do wonder because I think guys are more

590
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 1: like interested in not monogamy as far as sex, you know,

591
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 1: like I think women get really comfortable and like we

592
00:31:56,320 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 1: feel safer with our partners, and guys are just like guys,

593
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:02,560
Speaker 1: and so that they want to just have sex with

594
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,560
Speaker 1: a bunch of people. Does that mean? I don't know,

595
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 1: is that fair or is that I hate that? I think, Look,

596
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 1: it's obviously a generalization, but I think it comes from

597
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 1: a place of curiosity even maybe like what it would

598
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 1: be like to have sex with that person. I think

599
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 1: that there's a social stigma where like if you're not

600
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: a sexual dude, you're a homo, you know what I mean,

601
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: even though homoes are really sexual people. But like there's

602
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:31,959
Speaker 1: there's some sort of like social a lot of chicks.

603
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 1: What disgusting the way you just said that made me

604
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 1: hate you. Yeah, but I think that there's just like

605
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 1: something is like bread and men patriarchal society. If you

606
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 1: really want me to get started on exactly what it is.

607
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:52,480
Speaker 1: And so whether that's truly their desire or not. It's

608
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 1: kind of like they have that voice. It's like locker

609
00:32:55,640 --> 00:33:00,160
Speaker 1: room ship. Um, like I just can't like picture and

610
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: maybe there's like a scene from a movie or something

611
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 1: where it's like a dude, that's just you know, you

612
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 1: would be made fun of if you were like talking

613
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 1: about like how much you love your wife and how

614
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 1: great sex is with your work. I hope there's dudes

615
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 1: that feel like that though, I mean there probably are,

616
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 1: especially like you're really definitely guys that way, yeah, And

617
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 1: I feel like, especially your partner is willing to be

618
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 1: really open and like explore different things with you and listen,

619
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: like if you're like I really want more of this

620
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 1: or whatever, and then you're getting that, it seems like

621
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,719
Speaker 1: you would be satisfied even as a dude. I don't know. Well,

622
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 1: you know what's funny is I feel like whenever there

623
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 1: are those types of men, it's particularly like when you

624
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 1: think about like celebrities, Yeah, the type of men that

625
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:45,719
Speaker 1: you know that probably are that way. Like I've been

626
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 1: listening to his podcast, like Dax Shephard just had John

627
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,440
Speaker 1: Legend on, and like they're like John Legend and Christie

628
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 1: Teagan and Dax and Kristen Bell are kind of like

629
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 1: a couple of America's sweetheart couples. But there's also like

630
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 1: they're both like general women who are good dads. Yeah,

631
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 1: they're sexual, you can tell they love their wives. Like,

632
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 1: to me, that is the pinnacle, Like that is what

633
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 1: we all should be striving for. So I think that

634
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 1: as a society, like a lot of people recognize that.

635
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: So how do we take you know, how do we

636
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 1: sort of flip that like patriarchal patriarchal society, that that

637
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,320
Speaker 1: idea that like you're more of a man if you

638
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 1: funk a lot of chicks versus like being a great dad,

639
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:32,360
Speaker 1: a great husband, a gentleman. Sort of feel like it

640
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,680
Speaker 1: is shifting, like I do. I think so too, these

641
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 1: younger generations. But like, okay, I work with this band

642
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 1: called Lanco. You know, they're all married, and they're like

643
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,800
Speaker 1: young twenties and very devoted to their wives, very devoted.

644
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,320
Speaker 1: They love their wives. And it's like this new movement,

645
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 1: like a lot of the country singers now get married

646
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 1: really young, and it's kind of like this new wave

647
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 1: of it's cool to be married, it's cool to be

648
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 1: a good husband, it's cool to be a good dad,

649
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:03,040
Speaker 1: w just the way it should be. Like there was

650
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 1: this whole like when I was coming up, especially when

651
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 1: I was in my twenties, Like just even the married

652
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 1: country music singers would just be like that. I just

653
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,399
Speaker 1: was like gross, you know, and it was so cool

654
00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:15,360
Speaker 1: to be a player and a playboy. And it's like

655
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:19,320
Speaker 1: it's just so not attractive. I mean, look, I get that, um,

656
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 1: social media has made it a lot harder to be

657
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 1: a player on the road now because you're gonna get

658
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 1: caught out. Yeah, um, But I also think I feel

659
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 1: like it's you know, particularly for the Lanko guys, and

660
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 1: I imagine this is probably the same for a lot

661
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 1: of you know, young artists that have to be gone

662
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 1: a lot like knowing that you can if that's not

663
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 1: what you want your life to be, it's good to

664
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,399
Speaker 1: sort of like tie yourself down so that you have

665
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 1: someone to like think about and care about. And they

666
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 1: all say it's so nice to have someone to come

667
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 1: home to. You're not like because otherwise I do think

668
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 1: it's like, even though I think there's the opportunity to

669
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 1: like get laid a lot, it's a big, dark, empty

670
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 1: hole totally like it's fun for a while, but while

671
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 1: it's happening, and then you get back on the bus

672
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 1: and you're gone, no real connection. So it all comes

673
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,279
Speaker 1: back to that, the connection, which I think makes it

674
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:19,240
Speaker 1: better in the end. Yeah, well, this is a little

675
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 1: bit of the darker side of aging in sex, but

676
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 1: I do think it's an interesting like thing to talk about.

677
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,319
Speaker 1: But this lady says, well, this may be t m I,

678
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 1: but I'm forty eight and my fiance has fifty six.

679
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 1: We've been together for seven years. I've known him from

680
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 1: us thirty. When we began dating, it definitely was amazing.

681
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 1: You know when you know when you can't get that,

682
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,400
Speaker 1: can't get enough when it's a new thing. As years

683
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 1: have passed, things have gotten rushed, so that she said,

684
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 1: in like quotes, we have been to specialist, gave him pills,

685
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:54,560
Speaker 1: did not work. The problem isn't getting ready, it's staying ready.

686
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:58,319
Speaker 1: I've just learned to please myself. He can't last over

687
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: two minutes and I just get fresh rated as buck.

688
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 1: I think lots of factors contribute, but mainly age. We

689
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:09,320
Speaker 1: didn't have this problem in the beginning. Also, the belief

690
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 1: you get also, I believe you get comfortable with someone

691
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 1: in life gets so hectic. He has six children, Damn

692
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 1: that sex gets put on the back burner. For most women.

693
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 1: That may be a deal breaker, but I love him

694
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,400
Speaker 1: and he does try. I've just learned to get creative

695
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 1: on my own. I have some thoughts. Okay, he has

696
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:33,000
Speaker 1: six children is one um the aging thing. I'm sure

697
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 1: it's a factor, but I have I think that men,

698
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 1: when they're stressed or emotionally overwhelmed, that can be a

699
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:46,240
Speaker 1: huge factor. Like I've heard of people going to therapy

700
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 1: even for this reason, not just like taking a pill

701
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:52,839
Speaker 1: or doing something like that, because it's a it's more

702
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:57,560
Speaker 1: of like a mental emotional issue versus a physical issue. Yeah,

703
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? I think. Look, I

704
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 1: think the emotional stuff has so much more effect than

705
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 1: most people want to believe. The men won't own it

706
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 1: the same way women will. And then and then you

707
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: get in your head and it becomes more emotional because

708
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:16,359
Speaker 1: now you're embarrassed and it's all about you, and look

709
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:20,359
Speaker 1: there it's that's That's one thing about sex that like

710
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,840
Speaker 1: can take a toll on them, like they have to perform,

711
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:28,640
Speaker 1: like a woman can get off without a man like

712
00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:33,720
Speaker 1: guy totally. But when it when it comes to sex,

713
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:39,000
Speaker 1: if the man cannot perform, it can't happen. And the

714
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:43,160
Speaker 1: second that there is any sort of like loss of

715
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 1: erection or whatever, or you ejaculate too soon, like you're

716
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 1: in your head like you might as well not try

717
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: for the rest of the night because it's like that's

718
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 1: all you're gonna be thinking about. I just googled um

719
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,360
Speaker 1: the average length of sex, and this is the first

720
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,520
Speaker 1: thing that came up, and it said, I mean, it's

721
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:03,439
Speaker 1: a really wide range. It's it's average time for each couple. Oh,

722
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:07,279
Speaker 1: this is basically across all the couples. It's about four

723
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:12,319
Speaker 1: five point four minutes. No, it said it ranged from

724
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:16,720
Speaker 1: thirty three seconds to forty four minutes. Business Insider interview.

725
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,280
Speaker 1: I'm literally just reading like the first thing on Google,

726
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,839
Speaker 1: but like thirty three seconds to forty four minutes? Would

727
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 1: you thirty three seconds? I would be like, did we

728
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,719
Speaker 1: just have sex? You're like, it literally just went in

729
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:33,680
Speaker 1: and you pulled it out. It's done. You like, take it.

730
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 1: You're like, uh. I also think that, like when you're

731
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 1: having good sex, five point four minutes feels longer in

732
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 1: the moment than it is on the clock. Like when

733
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:50,759
Speaker 1: you think about a really good workout, like if you

734
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 1: if you've ever taken like a Berry's boot camp or

735
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 1: any sort of hiding class, like a three minute intense

736
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:59,360
Speaker 1: workout feels like it's fifteen minutes long. So five minutes

737
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: of like great sex could feel like thirty minutes. Yeah,

738
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:05,120
Speaker 1: when you're in the moment. So that's the average. That

739
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 1: was the average of this study. That's interesting. Yeah, two

740
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: minutes is really hard. I think it's more about getting

741
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:15,239
Speaker 1: the girl off, Like, this is something that I do think.

742
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 1: It's like when you have been in a relationship a

743
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 1: long time, Like I said, you know the buttons to

744
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 1: push basically, So I think it can happen faster if

745
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 1: you want it to. I mean, I think it's important

746
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 1: to kind of sometimes take your time. I've talked about

747
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: this podcast a couple of times now, but I did

748
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:32,759
Speaker 1: this podcast with the sex therapist M David Yarian, and

749
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 1: he calls sex adult play. He's like, take your time

750
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 1: with it, you know, And he's like, people think that

751
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:40,200
Speaker 1: sex is a show, and he was like, four play

752
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 1: is the show, Like you gotta like really, that's where

753
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: the excitement is, that's where it like makes it fun,

754
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:53,400
Speaker 1: which is. I think probably plays into the length of sex,

755
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 1: because if you have really great for play by the

756
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 1: time you get to the main event, like it shouldn't

757
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 1: take that long to get you there exactly. This is

758
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:04,960
Speaker 1: the last one I have, but it's from Gail, and

759
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:10,360
Speaker 1: it's kind of the women's side of the erectile dysfunction situation.

760
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:12,959
Speaker 1: But I'm forty one and I've been married for sixteen years.

761
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 1: I definitely think pressure from my very traditional mom pushed

762
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 1: the wedding way younger than I would have. My husband

763
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 1: and I are still together and love each other, but

764
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 1: we've had some very dark times. Not sure if I

765
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 1: would have married him if I had just waited and

766
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,920
Speaker 1: knew more about myself than just thinking I needed a

767
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 1: husband and children. That's that goes for what we were

768
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:31,480
Speaker 1: talking about last week. I love my kids and I'm

769
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 1: super proud of my career, but also encourage them to

770
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:37,200
Speaker 1: wait and learn about themselves before settling down. Premiale pozzle

771
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,600
Speaker 1: now and sex is great about once a month, but

772
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:41,400
Speaker 1: the rest of the time it's a struggle. I just

773
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 1: don't seem to have the same sex drive, and there

774
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 1: are definitely issues with lubrication, all the things people don't

775
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 1: tell you about. Well, the good news for us is

776
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 1: you can like, yeah, get some lube, gail um or

777
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 1: some coconut oil, like I do think like you can

778
00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:03,399
Speaker 1: get more creative. Yeah that's only that's like not as

779
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,799
Speaker 1: good as but there are ways. Yeah, and I think

780
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 1: that that can happen. It's actually a pill too. I

781
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 1: think there's something I don't know what it's called, but

782
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 1: there is a pill that will wet the p Well.

783
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,279
Speaker 1: I work with UM, the people who do the CEO

784
00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: two lift mask. I've talked. I talked about it on

785
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 1: Instagram all the time. I work with them a lot,

786
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,319
Speaker 1: and they make a V mask is what it's called,

787
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 1: and it's for the vagina. It's like it titans and lubricates,

788
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 1: so you know for women who are pre mental puzzle

789
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 1: or experiencing anything like that. They swear by it. And

790
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 1: like the owner she says she uses it. She's fifty five,

791
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:40,920
Speaker 1: I think, and her husband told me he was like,

792
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: I can tell a difference if she uses it, um,

793
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:46,759
Speaker 1: because it just it's like a what is the a

794
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:50,560
Speaker 1: vaginal rejuvenation. It's sort of like how that tightens it up,

795
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:53,240
Speaker 1: but it also lubricates. So this is not an ad

796
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,479
Speaker 1: at all, just it sounds like it. And I also

797
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,840
Speaker 1: have a code it's V fifteen if you want to discount,

798
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 1: but that's just reously it's just supposed to be amazing.

799
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: I haven't tried that when I use a face mask,

800
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 1: but I'm pretty sure I've seen like there's like a

801
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 1: prescription pill and I just googled it. But there's lots

802
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:12,359
Speaker 1: of home remedies too, So yeah, that that is a

803
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 1: whole deal. But to me, also it goes a little

804
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:17,799
Speaker 1: bit with the things we're talking about with the emotional

805
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:21,720
Speaker 1: issue of um, you know, she said she got married

806
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:25,600
Speaker 1: really young and some of it was just like not

807
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 1: where she wanted to be. And that is hard because

808
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:32,319
Speaker 1: I feel like anytime there's sex, like anytime there's emotional

809
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 1: issues within the relationship, sex is so much harder. Like

810
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I remember I've been in along that nine

811
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 1: year relationship, have talked about like when we would be

812
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 1: in bad places, I did not want him to touch me.

813
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 1: So you're just like it's so tied together. You know,

814
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:49,680
Speaker 1: there is something to be said about hate sex, you know,

815
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,440
Speaker 1: like back up sex like that kind of stuff, But

816
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 1: that is I think in those moments is when like

817
00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:00,800
Speaker 1: all the good ship like you're getting getting the last

818
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 1: bit of that out and it's like a good goodbye. Yeah,

819
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 1: it can be pretty intense. Well that's all we have

820
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 1: for this week. That hate sex. Um, we do really

821
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: want to keep these. We like the questions from you guys.

822
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 1: These were kind of more comments and stories, which was

823
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 1: also great. I want more questions. I think these are

824
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 1: those are so fun to answer and we get so

825
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 1: much positive feedback. I want I want to see Kelly

826
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 1: blush from your question. Yes, it's gonna take a lot.

827
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to get real dirty. Um, So you

828
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 1: guys keep the questions coming. If you want us to

829
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,320
Speaker 1: keep you anonymous, we will. We totally don't have to

830
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:43,000
Speaker 1: read your name, so just mentioned that in your email

831
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 1: or message if you want that, don't be scared to share. Um.

832
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:50,160
Speaker 1: It's Act Casual at velvet sedge dot com or d

833
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:53,080
Speaker 1: m me on at velvet edge. Go follow us on

834
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 1: Instagram too. We've been posting a lot more about Act Casual.

835
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: We're actually going to do some merge. I think, Yeah,

836
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 1: I want to know what was the last one that

837
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 1: we thought of? Well, the T shirts, I don't know.

838
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 1: We'll have to go back and listen. But I'm looking

839
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:11,240
Speaker 1: into getting the yetti cooler that I have the at Casual, Yeah,

840
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 1: because I've had a couple of requests for that. Maybe

841
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:17,399
Speaker 1: some T shirts. You just never know. I think we'll

842
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:21,839
Speaker 1: do some fun like limited edition runs of things. Yeah. Oh,

843
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,360
Speaker 1: and Chip wants us to get on cameo. Are we

844
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 1: gonna do be funny if we get on cameo? What

845
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 1: do you guys want to know? I think I just

846
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 1: want to answer sex questions on cameo? Yeah, or like

847
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:37,239
Speaker 1: say embarrassing things to your friends. Yeah, we could, Oh,

848
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:42,440
Speaker 1: that would be fine. Would do that the walls for everybody?

849
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:44,920
Speaker 1: People hit all the walls. All right, you guys fin

850
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 1: us your questions. Keep them coming. Next week We're gonna

851
00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 1: be back with more sex and dating questions. I think

852
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 1: this is officially turning into a sex podcast, The Dirty

853
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:57,120
Speaker 1: or the Better? Right? Thank god, my mom has dial up.

854
00:45:57,160 --> 00:46:01,720
Speaker 1: Still my mom just stopped listening. I think I hope

855
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:04,279
Speaker 1: your mom's getting like today was a good day for

856
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 1: your Oh my god, don't talk about it. I can't deal.

857
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 1: I don't want to think about it. La la la,

858
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 1: Get out of my head. Get out on the head. Oh,

859
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:14,719
Speaker 1: my god. Okay, you guys finish your questions. Make sure

860
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 1: they're really spicy, but make sure that you always remember remember, damn,

861
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 1: I was so close to getting it wrong. We're gonna

862
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 1: have to pre record our ending just so we don't

863
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 1: suck it up every every week. Oh well, you know what,

864
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 1: when you suck it up, you just gotta remember to

865
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:31,239
Speaker 1: act casual.