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Speaker 1: Hello, Oh hey, Lyle, what's up man? How you doing?

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Speaker 2: I'm all right? What's it called? I was, you know,

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Speaker 2: I had a little bit of time to myself. I

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Speaker 2: got like a month and a half off of work

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Speaker 2: and I got a you know, apartment to myself and

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Speaker 2: a lot of free time. And at first I was

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Speaker 2: having a good time, and then existential dread, you know,

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Speaker 2: started to set in.

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Speaker 3: Yes, all right, let's talk let's talk about this, let's

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Speaker 3: talk about this. And you know, last episode of this podcast,

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Speaker 3: I went on a whole rant about how solving your

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Speaker 3: problem or about how what is it that talking about

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Speaker 3: your problems doesn't really solve them? But I am curious

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Speaker 3: from your perspective. I want to know about your existential

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Speaker 3: crisis because I'm also in the midst of a strong

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Speaker 3: existential crisis. And I don't know why, but it's something

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Speaker 3: about your voice mode. You seem like a normal human

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Speaker 3: being that I can connect with, and so.

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Speaker 1: I want to know. I want to know about.

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Speaker 3: Your existential crisis and about your life.

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Speaker 2: Sure, So, you know, since I have a lot of

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Speaker 2: free time to think, I just want to preface this

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Speaker 2: whole thing real quick with so I do see a

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Speaker 2: therapist and I do see a therapist regularly, and I

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Speaker 2: know you're not, you know, like a certified therapist. And

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Speaker 2: you know, I was just hoping to get some like,

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Speaker 2: you know, perspective on some things. And I think it

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Speaker 2: all kind of goes back to I think two callers

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Speaker 2: ago you were talking about how you feel lonely at times.

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Speaker 1: Right, Yes, yes, I was talking about this.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So you know, for a long long time, I've

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Speaker 2: been dealing with depression and anxiety, and you know, very recently,

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Speaker 2: I you know, have had a very drastically different view

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Speaker 2: on how I view my defession anxiety. Like a lot

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Speaker 2: of you know, difficult moments in life, I'm learning the

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Speaker 2: gifts that they have to offer, right. You know, my

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Speaker 2: last relationship was like four.

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Speaker 4: Years ago, and you know, throughout these past four years,

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Speaker 4: you know, I've felt differently about loneliness as of right now,

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Speaker 4: you know, I have my spikes of loneliness, but they're kind.

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Speaker 2: Of they're filled with like like a sweet sadness, you know,

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Speaker 2: where I'm like, Okay, I'm lonely. You know, why what

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Speaker 2: is it I'm seeking out of a connection? You know,

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Speaker 2: is it like for somebody to hold me and tell

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Speaker 2: me you know that you know that I'm I'm good

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Speaker 2: enough that you know I'm doing a great job. Well,

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Speaker 2: I can. I can validate myself, you know, get the

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Speaker 2: validation from inside. So the gift that loneliness is offering

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Speaker 2: is you know, self love, you know, self validation, right,

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Speaker 2: pat yourself on the back. But you know, but I

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Speaker 2: I don't know, like I guess because I have all

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Speaker 2: this freet time and I'm not occupied. There's no action

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Speaker 2: that's being taken, you know, I'm just like, you know,

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Speaker 2: going out for a run, going out for a walk,

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Speaker 2: you know that like loneliness, Like I'm I don't know,

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Speaker 2: I just don't feel like a sense of urgency to like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, like tackle it. And I'm having a

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Speaker 2: good time most of the time. So I'm just like,

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Speaker 2: what's the need for to go out there and like

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Speaker 2: actively look for a partner? You know, there's no you know,

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Speaker 2: I I just don't feel like putting in the effort there.

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Speaker 2: And at the same time, like I don't want to

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Speaker 2: be alone either, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Yes, I do know what you mean. Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 3: idle Idle hands belong to the devil, and the devil

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Speaker 3: comes in many forms.

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Speaker 2: Yeh.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Lately the devil for me is coming in the

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Speaker 3: form of looking at reddits and seeing a bunch of

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Speaker 3: like just insane things every day on there. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: I mean, you gotta do something or else. I mean,

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Speaker 3: that's what life is.

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Speaker 1: Really. Life is trying to fill your day with things

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Speaker 1: to do so that you don't die.

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Speaker 3: Now, I mean, not not so that you don't die,

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Speaker 3: so that you don't get depressed existential. Now, it's kind

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Speaker 3: of a privilege to be depressed existential in the sense that,

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Speaker 3: for like most of the world, the thing that they

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Speaker 3: focus on that they distract them from most of the world,

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Speaker 3: The thing that people are distracting themselves with so they

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Speaker 3: don't feel existential is their own pure survival.

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Speaker 5: You know.

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Speaker 3: That's like what most people distract themselves with. If you're lucky,

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Speaker 3: you take some sense of pride in whatever it is

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Speaker 3: that you do to survive, or maybe whatever it is

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Speaker 3: you do to survive is supplemented by other things that

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Speaker 3: distract you, like you know, friends and family and a

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Speaker 3: dog or whatever the fuck. But yeah, I mean that's

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Speaker 3: it's just life is just trying to find ways to

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Speaker 3: not think.

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Speaker 2: Right. And you know, like so much of my life

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Speaker 2: is just like you know, it's not like, you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm like well off, you know, I'm like, you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm doing really well financially because I'm not. I'm like

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Speaker 2: fairly both most of the time. Right, But there's so

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Speaker 2: much good about my life where my social network, you know,

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Speaker 2: my friends. I've known everybody for such a long time,

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Speaker 2: like eighteen fifteen years, and I've a lot of really

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Speaker 2: solid friendships. My network is really supportive and loving all

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Speaker 2: the time and really understanding, you know. And but like

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Speaker 2: when it comes to like a search for a partner, right,

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Speaker 2: you know, that's like the difficult part for me where

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Speaker 2: I don't you know, I'm not in school, you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm not in college or anything. So there's that avenue

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Speaker 2: is like blocked off. Right. My job is like it's

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Speaker 2: a pretty messed up job, so you know, there's no

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Speaker 2: there's no you know, women around to interact with their right,

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Speaker 2: so that avenue is blocked off. And in the past,

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Speaker 2: like my relationships, you know, the ones I had, there's

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Speaker 2: just been friendships that like all of a sudden like

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Speaker 2: transition into a relationship, you know, and I never really

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Speaker 2: had to do any work, you know, in regards to

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Speaker 2: like courtship and ship right right, and now the only

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Speaker 2: avenue that's open is online dating, you know, yea, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, my therapist has been telling me, my friends

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Speaker 2: have been telling me, like, hey, you got to do

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Speaker 2: this thing, right, you got to give it a shot.

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Speaker 2: So all right, let me see what this whole thing

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Speaker 2: is about. And almost immediately it was like anxiety inducing.

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Speaker 2: You know, I've never really yeah, I could never really

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Speaker 2: articulate what it is precisely that I don't like about

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Speaker 2: online dating. You know, I'd say things like, oh, like

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Speaker 2: people just go through in the middle of the conversation.

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Speaker 2: That's frustrating, Or I don't like how fast pace everything is,

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Speaker 2: you know, like I'm just used to like slow paced

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Speaker 2: development of into like a intimate relationship, you know, from

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Speaker 2: a friendship, and everybody has a sense of urgency on

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Speaker 2: these dating apps where it's just like one after the

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Speaker 2: other's swipe through, swipe through, and you know, I see

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Speaker 2: it's not only anxiety inducing. I just see a lot

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Speaker 2: of problem with it. You know. It feels like, you know,

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Speaker 2: like how do I explain it? Like society is like

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Speaker 2: everybody like the idea that they have a falling in

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Speaker 2: love like, for example, like you wake up, you walk

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Speaker 2: out the door, and you're walking down the street and

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Speaker 2: you trip and fall and like a girl helps you up,

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Speaker 2: or you help up a girl that's falling down, right,

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Speaker 2: and you guys like, you know, make eye contact, and

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Speaker 2: you guys ask for each other's name. You guys go

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Speaker 2: out to a coffee shop. You guys like meet up

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Speaker 2: over the course of the next couple of weeks, months,

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Speaker 2: figuring out like each other's values, like what are you about,

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Speaker 2: where are you going? Who do you want to be?

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Speaker 2: You know, And it's like a slow, steady process of

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Speaker 2: falling in love, right, And there's none of that. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I think that's beautiful, right, and it's high risk and

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Speaker 2: it's beautiful. And online dating just ships you all of

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Speaker 2: that stuff, right of the slow sweetness of falling in love.

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Speaker 2: It's just like, oh, this person is like val.

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Speaker 3: Sly because I mean online online dating is just a

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Speaker 3: way of meeting people, you know what I mean. So look,

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Speaker 3: it's very possible that you can meet a lady on

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Speaker 3: the dating apps and you guys start talking and then

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Speaker 3: you know, maybe you start texting back and forth, and

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Speaker 3: you know, you just become friends. The way that like,

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Speaker 3: I mean, everyone forget about online dating specifically. I mean

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Speaker 3: everyone's like meeting each other and finding each other on

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Speaker 3: fucking discord and Instagram and.

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Speaker 1: All these things.

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Speaker 3: And it's just like, you know, you could pretty easily

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Speaker 3: find not easily, but you know you can find someone

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Speaker 3: on these apps that you just start kind of gradually,

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Speaker 3: you know, texting or being with right. And here's the

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Speaker 3: here's the thing. I saw this in a Reddit comment

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Speaker 3: a long time ago. I'm gonna quote a Reddit comment, okay,

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Speaker 3: that that, uh, dating is for people who are either

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Speaker 3: dating is for people who are either patient or lucky.

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Speaker 3: So you have to be one of those two things.

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Speaker 3: And if you're not, you will you will fail.

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Speaker 1: You either have you either have to be super fucking lucky.

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Speaker 3: To find love or you have to be super fucking patient.

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Speaker 3: And by being super fucking patient, it means like being

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Speaker 3: able to very easily brush off, you know, all the

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Speaker 3: common things like getting getting ghosted, getting rejected, not getting

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Speaker 3: any matches, whatever.

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Speaker 1: It is like you have to just be a to keep.

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Speaker 3: Brushing it off and just grind and for years, you know,

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Speaker 3: like actual true patients, like for years and not getting frustrated,

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Speaker 3: or you just get super lucky and you immediately log

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Speaker 3: in the first person you meet.

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Speaker 1: Up with off the app.

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Speaker 3: You're attracted to them, they're attracted to you. You like

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Speaker 3: each other as human beings, and you get married.

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Speaker 1: You can or you can be super lucky. If you're lucky.

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Speaker 3: If you're lucky, you're lucky, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: But if you're not lucky, you're just patience. Patience is

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Speaker 3: the only other answer to that, because looks like it's

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Speaker 3: like as everything, if you continue to put effort into

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Speaker 3: the search and it doesn't drive you fucking completely insane,

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Speaker 3: and you just keep being patient and you keep trying, eventually.

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Speaker 1: It's like you'll find something.

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Speaker 3: I mean, we had a guy on the podcast come

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Speaker 3: in here talking about how he went on over one

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Speaker 3: hundred dates before he found the woman who he's currently

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Speaker 3: having a kid with, So you know it might take

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Speaker 3: one hundred dates.

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Speaker 2: So so you know, I I kind of have like

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Speaker 2: an issue. I'm not saying in it of itself, that's

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Speaker 2: like a problem that a person is going on one

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Speaker 2: hundred dates and that's how somehow like morally or sthy

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Speaker 2: incorrect in some way. I'm not saying that at all,

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Speaker 2: right for me, personally. The issue I have with that,

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Speaker 2: right is when you're swiping through person after person, there's

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Speaker 2: this constant idea in the back of your mind. You

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Speaker 2: might not consciously acknowledge it, but let's say like you're

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Speaker 2: in a middle of a conversation with a girl online

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Speaker 2: that you match to it right, and things are just

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Speaker 2: going phenomenal. You're like, oh, man, we have so much

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Speaker 2: in common, Like, she's phenomenal. We have our political values

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Speaker 2: are aligned, you know, or you know or etcetera, etcetera

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Speaker 2: is aligned. But in the back of your mind you

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Speaker 2: know that any second now I might match with somebody

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Speaker 2: who's maybe slightly more attractive than her, or maybe slightly

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Speaker 2: more in tune with me, right sure, and online dating

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Speaker 2: in that way perpetuates the idea that love is about idealization.

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Speaker 2: We're looking for a perfect person. It's about idealization. It's

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Speaker 2: not about acceptance. The value of like going on less dates,

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Speaker 2: interacting with less people is that that slow, sweet grind

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Speaker 2: of getting to figure somebody out. There's so much acceptance

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Speaker 2: in that, right, because along the way, you're like, man,

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Speaker 2: I don't see eye to eye with her on these views,

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Speaker 2: but she's so great in so many other ways, but

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Speaker 2: I love her. She's great, right, And it becomes about acceptance,

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Speaker 2: which I personally think is what loves out to be

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Speaker 2: about at least.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 2: So the going through iteration after iteration of people, it's like,

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Speaker 2: you know, it's like an access of something, right, Like

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Speaker 2: if you look at if you look at like, uh,

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Speaker 2: like back in my country, right, whenever we went over

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Speaker 2: to somebody's house.

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Speaker 1: And where is your country?

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Speaker 2: I was born in Pakistan? Okay, cool, in a very

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Speaker 2: very very small town. You know, no one's heard of

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Speaker 2: it at all. So it's like when I when I

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Speaker 2: was growing up, man, we were like we were forget

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Speaker 2: about cars. We were like riding around on like buggies

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Speaker 2: and horses and stuff, right to get around. And when

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Speaker 2: you go go over to somebody's house and they give

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Speaker 2: you a coca cola and a bottle, it was like whoa,

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Speaker 2: Like there, this is special, right, this is a special thing. Right.

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Speaker 2: It's not like every night in Pakistan we were having

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Speaker 2: like a can of coke with with their dinner or whatever.

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Speaker 2: Right now we have like an access of coca cola.

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Speaker 6: You can get coca cola.

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Speaker 2: Any fucking time, right, And it's it kind of loses.

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Speaker 2: It's like, uh, I don't know, like there's an access

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Speaker 2: of it, it loses. It's like uh specialness to it. Right,

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Speaker 2: the way I see online dating, it's like an it's

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Speaker 2: like an axis of sexuality that's on top of it,

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Speaker 2: commodified through a capitalist system. Right, yeah. And before I

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Speaker 2: get through the even the head direction.

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Speaker 3: No, go ahead, go ahead, you're you're you're speaking. Look

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Speaker 3: look look you're speaking total fat. Look I have agreed

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Speaker 3: with everything that you have said so far. I have

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Speaker 3: things to add on top of it, but god, yeah please.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So you know, because in this system, the primary

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Speaker 2: motive for anything, like take education, healthcare, it's for profit.

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Speaker 2: It's for the bottom line. Online dating is no different.

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Speaker 2: Like I'm not going to pretend that. Like companies like

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Speaker 2: tint and Hinge Hinge and Tinder are out there and

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Speaker 2: the primary motive is to help me fall in.

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Speaker 1: Love because it's.

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Speaker 6: For it's for them.

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Speaker 2: For me, it's for me to engage as much as

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Speaker 2: possible in their apps so they can sell my data

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Speaker 2: to advertise this. Right, So it's not in their best

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Speaker 2: interest for me to find love. And uh, you know,

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Speaker 2: there was this a Harvard professor that did a study

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Speaker 2: on connection and love and online dating. And there was

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Speaker 2: a journalist that asked that Harvard professor and uh sex

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Speaker 2: worker the same exact question, do the algorithm's work. Both

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Speaker 2: of them said the same exact thing, No, they do not.

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Speaker 2: I found that kind of, you know, funny and interesting.

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Speaker 3: Well look, look, look, here's the thing. Here's here's here's

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Speaker 3: everything you everything.

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Speaker 1: You said is correct.

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Speaker 3: Yes, these apps are incentivized to make you want to

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Speaker 3: continue to engage with them.

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Speaker 2: Uh.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it's a for profit system, all these things.

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Speaker 3: But but all so at the end of the day, look, man,

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Speaker 3: it's a it's a.

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Speaker 1: For a lot of people.

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Speaker 3: A lot of people get fucked on the apps, for sure,

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Speaker 3: but for a lot of people it's a beneficiary transaction.

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Speaker 3: You know, the company makes money because they engage with

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Speaker 3: you and send you ads. And I know eight billion

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Speaker 3: people who fucking met their significant other on Tinder or hinge,

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Speaker 3: and so to completely utterly disregard any positive value that

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Speaker 3: these apps can bring is a mistake. But I think,

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Speaker 3: I think what you said about love being about acceptance

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Speaker 3: instead of idealization is also one hundred percent correct. And

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Speaker 3: you know it's interesting because it's like, yeah, I fully

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Speaker 3: agree with you that love is about except versus idealization.

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Speaker 3: But also at the same time, it's like, well, what

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Speaker 3: you have to kind of decide for yourself. Okay, what

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Speaker 3: can I not accept?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 1: And then like what.

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Speaker 3: Do I what do I like like, make your list,

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Speaker 3: you know, make your list ideally as small as possible,

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Speaker 3: and then yeah, and then and then try to accept, uh,

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Speaker 3: and then try to do the work, because yeah, you'll

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Speaker 3: never fucking find like the I mean, sometimes you do

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Speaker 3: sometimes that by the way, that totally happens to some people.

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Speaker 1: It but it mainly happens to.

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Speaker 3: People who are who are just really really physically attractive,

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Speaker 3: and that's not most people. So it's so it's probably

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Speaker 3: not gonna happen to ninety nine point nine nine percent

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Speaker 3: of the people, uh who are listening and or to

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Speaker 3: me or to you.

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Speaker 5: But right right, Yeah, so you know, and I was saying,

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Speaker 5: you know what, I actually fucked that, even no, I actually

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Speaker 5: fuck that, even really hot people still I think have

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Speaker 5: there's levels of acceptance to that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I actually I think I take that back.

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Speaker 2: I mm hmm. Well, you know, in regards to you

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Speaker 2: saying like, uh, you know, we can't ignore the value

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Speaker 2: that it does have Let me let me just say, like,

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Speaker 2: right right there, that I know, I also know people

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Speaker 2: in my life that have met people online. They're married,

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Speaker 2: and they couldn't be a better fit for each other.

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Speaker 2: They're absolutely in love with each other. Their relationship is

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Speaker 2: successful and successful for many years. So I'm not you know,

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Speaker 2: by pointing out, you know, like a that there's a

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Speaker 2: mindless algorithm working behind the scenes to help you find

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Speaker 2: love and capitalism blah blah blah, that it somehow has

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Speaker 2: no value. It does, it does work, it does have value.

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Speaker 2: And I'm not saying that. You know, if I personally

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Speaker 2: happen to find somebody online and it works out that

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Speaker 2: somehow our love is tainted by the hands of capitalism, right,

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Speaker 2: it is not. It's just two people in love, right,

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Speaker 2: And I acknowledge that, you know this. This is like

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Speaker 2: my big problem is that, you know, there's so many, many,

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Speaker 2: many things in the system that I wholeheartedly disagree with

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Speaker 2: but nonetheless still participate in. Right, Like I might not

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Speaker 2: agree with certain corporations supporting certain wars out there, you know,

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Speaker 2: and nonetheless I'm gonna end up giving them my money,

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Speaker 2: you know, sure, And I have to, you know, there's

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Speaker 2: no ethical consumption under capitalism, you know, like that whole thing. Sure,

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Speaker 2: so I have to like pick and choose my battle.

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Speaker 1: Sure, and I'm.

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Speaker 2: In the process of trying to determine is this where

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Speaker 2: I draw my line with capitalism? Is this the one

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Speaker 2: thing that I pick? Like, you know what, I'm willing

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Speaker 2: to support some world out there with my money, with

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Speaker 2: my sack, ballace, whatever, but through my participation in the system.

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Speaker 2: But love, that's one thing I'm gonna hold sacred and

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Speaker 2: I'm going to remove myself from any participation in this

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Speaker 2: online dating shit and whatever happens happens, you know, as look.

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Speaker 1: Me, if that godhead you can finish, go ahead.

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Speaker 2: You know. The way I look at it in life,

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Speaker 2: like the best case scenario is you get to do

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Speaker 2: the things that you want and be the person that

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Speaker 2: you wanted to be, and at the end of the day,

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Speaker 2: when you're on your deskbed, you had somebody long for

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Speaker 2: the ride. That's the best case scenario. Yeah, second best

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Speaker 2: case scenario. You know, you didn't get to do the

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Speaker 2: things you wanted, you didn't become the person you wanted

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Speaker 2: to become, but at least you have somebody long for

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Speaker 2: the ride. The worst case scenario, you didn't do the

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Speaker 2: things you wanted to do, you didn't become the person

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Speaker 2: you wanted to become, and you had nobody w loong

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Speaker 2: for the ride. I at least want to make sure

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Speaker 2: at the end of my life, on my deathbed that

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Speaker 2: I can say, you know, I had no one along

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Speaker 2: for the ride, but at least I was genuine and

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Speaker 2: authentic and was myself and got to do the things

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Speaker 2: that wanted right, you know what I'm saying?

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Speaker 1: Like I know, I know, I know exactly what you're saying.

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Speaker 2: How old are you so you know it's like I'm

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Speaker 2: thirty one?

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Speaker 1: Okay? Cool?

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Speaker 2: Cool?

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Speaker 3: Do you feel like as as of your life so

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Speaker 3: far that you've gotten to do all those things and

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Speaker 3: be the person that you've wanted to be and do

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Speaker 3: the things you've wanted to do?

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Speaker 2: Honestly? Man, Like that's tough. Like it's only even the

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Speaker 2: past year of my life where I feel like I'm

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Speaker 2: kind of like waking up to like like joy and

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00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:56,159
Speaker 2: happiness most of the time, you know, and and peace

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Speaker 2: and human constent. There's a couple of things, big things

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Speaker 2: that I really want to do for myself that you know,

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00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 2: I haven't gotten to do yet. And yeah, so there's

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Speaker 2: definitely things to let you know, left a cross off

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Speaker 2: of my list for sure.

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Speaker 1: You know what's interesting is that.

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Speaker 3: And by the way, what I'm about to say is

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Speaker 3: not about romance, but about people.

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Speaker 1: Doing all the thing.

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Speaker 3: It's tough, right because doing all the things that you

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Speaker 3: want to do with no one along the ride along

395
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Speaker 3: for the ride, it's a little all the ship depends

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Speaker 3: on who you are, because there's all these motherfuckers. I

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Speaker 3: don't I don't know how happy these people are, but

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Speaker 3: there was all these people on Instagram that are.

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Speaker 1: Like, I solo traveled for nine months through.

400
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Speaker 3: All of Southeast Asia, all this stuff, and I'm like,

401
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 3: I used to want to do I've done stuff like that,

402
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:58,439
Speaker 3: not for nine months, and I've lived life like that.

403
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,880
Speaker 3: I've done lots of solo travel. I've done lots of

404
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:07,119
Speaker 3: like amazing, cool, great stuff, and I'm so happy I

405
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 3: got to do it. But like the way I look

406
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,399
Speaker 3: at it now, it's just like, ah, like, having to

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00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 3: do that all like alone, seems like tiresome at this age.

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00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:20,399
Speaker 3: And at this point, you know what I mean, And

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Speaker 3: maybe that's say I don't know, I don't know what

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00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 3: that is. What is the one of the things that

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00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 3: you want to do that you said that you don't

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Speaker 3: know if you have time.

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00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 1: For or or not that you don't have. If you

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Speaker 1: have time for that you haven't done yet.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, Like the biggest thing right is for me to

416
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 2: actually I want to be a behavioral therapist. And I

417
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:51,640
Speaker 2: went to college many many, many years ago, and you know, actually,

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00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,320
Speaker 2: in the pursuit of love, kind of gave that up

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Speaker 2: and moved across the country, uh, you know, for you know,

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Speaker 2: for my my girlfriend at the time. And you know,

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00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 2: things don't work out, I try to, you know, get

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00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,880
Speaker 2: back to it. Things are gonna work out again, and

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Speaker 2: you know, so that's like one thing I want to

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Speaker 2: do is become a behavioral therapists, you know. And that's

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00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 2: a that's a long world ahead, that's many many years

426
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Speaker 2: of work, you know. And and the other thing I mean,

427
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 2: you know, is I was actually thinking about like what

428
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Speaker 2: is it that I ultimately want and and I thought

429
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Speaker 2: to myself, like, you know, if I have a studio

430
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 2: apartment in a relatively safe area, and I have my

431
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 2: behavioral therapy, you know, I'm a behavioral therapist. I have

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Speaker 2: my degree and I'm seeing a few clients. I have

433
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 2: a ten year old Corolla. Then, and you know, I'm

434
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 2: able to live and eat comfortably and not wake up

435
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 2: to like, you know, three dollars and twenty three cents

436
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 2: in my bank account. I'm like, you know, I'm going

437
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,200
Speaker 2: to be perfectly happy. I know I would be happy

438
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 2: with that situation. I don't need, you know, I don't

439
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 2: I know, I don't need the fastest car and the

440
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 2: biggest house to be happy, right, But that kind of

441
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,360
Speaker 2: kind of goes into like the you know, and then

442
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 2: and then I started thinking, Okay, I would be happy

443
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 2: with that, but what if I had a partner? Would

444
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:30,119
Speaker 2: she be happy with that? And you know, is my

445
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 2: lack of desire for things themming from the fact that

446
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 2: I don't want to quote unquote participate in the capitalist

447
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:45,199
Speaker 2: machine and so detach myself from material desires. So is it?

448
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 2: Uh huh?

449
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,719
Speaker 3: So if if you had a partner, right or like

450
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 3: in your in your so you know, we talked about

451
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,680
Speaker 3: like love being acceptance, right, like if you could could

452
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,119
Speaker 3: you But like we talked about love love is acceptance.

453
00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: But it's good to have a few rules.

454
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 2: Uh.

455
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 3: Is that one of your rules that she she can,

456
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 3: she has to join you in your rejection of capitalism.

457
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:14,680
Speaker 2: No, no, well, you know, I actually that's a really

458
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:19,400
Speaker 2: good question. So many people around me have drastically different views,

459
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,359
Speaker 2: you know, like my best friend, you know, drastically different

460
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 2: views regarding religion, political ideology, economic ideology, et cetera. But

461
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:29,920
Speaker 2: when I think about like my partner, and I love

462
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,119
Speaker 2: all of them and I'm very close to them. But

463
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 2: when I think about my partner not sharing this, I

464
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:40,879
Speaker 2: don't need my partner to think the same way exact

465
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 2: way I do about social you know, Marxist socialism. But

466
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, that's that's tough. Yeah, I know, I don't.

467
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 2: I don't want her to live exactly the way I do.

468
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:56,240
Speaker 2: If she wants to consume things and have the fastest car. Good,

469
00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:59,440
Speaker 2: I just wouldn't want her to feel bad that I'm

470
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 2: not that way, you know what I mean?

471
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:01,919
Speaker 5: Uh?

472
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: Okay.

473
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 3: So it's like she she well, that makes perfect sense, right.

474
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,439
Speaker 3: It's like she doesn't have to be this way, but

475
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 3: she does have to accept that I am this way.

476
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:18,400
Speaker 2: Yeah. And even if she accepted it, right, I think

477
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,120
Speaker 2: to myself, like, oh God, I hope there's no resentment

478
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 2: in her heart. And she doesn't think that I'm lacking

479
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,119
Speaker 2: ambition in me. You know, this guy is living in

480
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:29,159
Speaker 2: a studio, partner with a ten year old Corolla. I

481
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 2: hope that's like somehow brew like resentment in her heart.

482
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 2: You know.

483
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 1: Yeah.

484
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,879
Speaker 3: I mean that's the fucking that's the fucking dance of it,

485
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:37,639
Speaker 3: you know, that's the that's the that's the that's the

486
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 3: acceptance dance, you know, acceptance verse resentment versus. It's a

487
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 3: big fucking dance. It's a big, ever evolving puzzle.

488
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 2: And you know, it aside from like a potential future

489
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 2: partner and how she might view my ambition or lack

490
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 2: of right, it also made me think about like my

491
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 2: family that I love and they love me so much

492
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 2: and my whole Like how would they view me Like

493
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 2: this guy he's like, you know, fifty five years old

494
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 2: and he's still driving a shitty car. You know, like

495
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 2: he's still like you know, just you know, just he's

496
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 2: getting by. He's independent, but he's not like thriving. We

497
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 2: thought he'd do so much, you know, And it was

498
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 2: such a conflicting thought because but eventually I stopped thinking

499
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 2: about it and I was like, you know what, this

500
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 2: is not the way to go about this thought process.

501
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 2: I have to decide in myself, like, am I okay

502
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 2: with it? Right?

503
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 6: Right?

504
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 2: And I can't make up my mind about that. I

505
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 2: can't figure out if my lack of ambition or lack

506
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 2: of desire for material things is coming from some sort

507
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:53,719
Speaker 2: of like spiritual anti capitalist angle and you know, in

508
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 2: my mind or but but but that I think that

509
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 2: I'm not capable of accomplishing those things because you know,

510
00:29:59,120 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 2: ooh oh.

511
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 3: Oh, that's fascinating, that's fascinating. That's that's very that's that's

512
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 3: kind of hilarious. Actually, that is kind of hilarious. It

513
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 3: is kind of hilarious to be like to be like, like,

514
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 3: you know, like you're you're picketing for fucking uh like whatever,

515
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 3: You're You're like, I'm anti capitalists, you know, fuck the system,

516
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 3: blah blah blah. And then in the back of your

517
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 3: mind you're like, what if I'm only doing this because

518
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 3: I think I would.

519
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 1: Like sucking have a good job. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

520
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 1: That's interesting.

521
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 3: That's extremely funny, and it's extremely funny, and it's quite

522
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 3: possible that that might be the case that you just like,

523
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, if you're like super anti capitalists and

524
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 3: you're super not materialistic, it's like maybe you're just like

525
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 3: I think I'm just like a little fucking I just

526
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 3: don't want to work that hard. But you okay. But

527
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 3: here's the thing from talking to you is that you're

528
00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 3: not like you're not like, oh, I just want to

529
00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 3: like jerk off all day and play video.

530
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:05,720
Speaker 1: I don't want to do anything.

531
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:12,760
Speaker 3: You're just like I don't wanna look heusing pretty much everyone, yeah,

532
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 3: just wants to be able to I think it's a

533
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 3: universal goal that everyone just wants to not have to

534
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 3: worry about money. Everyone just wants to not have to

535
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 3: worry about like their own survival and just like do

536
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,760
Speaker 3: whatever they want to fucking do. That's like, I think

537
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 3: that's literally everyone, you know, from like hyper capitalists whatever

538
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 3: the fuck people to hyper you know, anti capitalist people.

539
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 3: Everyone is like that. So I don't think that's like

540
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 3: a completely uncommon.

541
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 1: Way to be. And you have like desires.

542
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 3: You want to be a fucking behavioral therapist, you want

543
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 3: to help people, you want to do stuff, but you

544
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 3: just don't care about It's okay to not care about

545
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 3: making that much money or like not care about having

546
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 3: a nice car or not care about like how you

547
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 3: present to other people in terms of your like material status.

548
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 3: But like if you don't care about fucking anything, then yeah,

549
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 3: you're gonna be depressed, you know, but you clearly care about.

550
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 1: Yeah stuff.

551
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 2: Definitely, And uh, you know, like I'm it sucks because

552
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 2: like I am, like you know, surrounded by people who

553
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 2: are doing really well, right, Like everybody you know is

554
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 2: really successful, and everybody's like, uh, you know, well off,

555
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 2: and uh, you know, it's it's a lot about like,

556
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 2: you know, getting getting more comfortable with myself. I think,

557
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 2: you know, like I said, you know, it's been only

558
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 2: so recently that I'm you know, becoming more of a

559
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 2: confident person more uh you know, a lot of like

560
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 2: you know, you know, practicing a lot of self love

561
00:32:58,760 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 2: and all that other.

562
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: Well where's that?

563
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 3: Where is all that coming? Where is all that coming from?

564
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 3: That you feel like you're becoming a better, happier person.

565
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 2: This time last year, I was actually uh ended up

566
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 2: in a psyche ward right voluntarily, right a year ago,

567
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 2: and you know, coming out of it, like it was

568
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 2: a terrible experience in this cype where it was it

569
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 2: was pretty awful, right and coming out of it. I

570
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 2: just felt really empty, like completely empty. And my my

571
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 2: mom and my sisters, they they needed a lot of

572
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 2: financial help. And you know, I worked like a minimum

573
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 2: a job and I was just like, you know, I

574
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 2: don't think I can do anything in life right now,

575
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 2: like zero things. I think the only thing I'm capable

576
00:33:55,760 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 2: of doing is like just going to lay down somewhere

577
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 2: and then never getting up again.

578
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 1: Right.

579
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 2: But the love that I have for my mom and

580
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 2: my sisters who have been so kind, loving and supportive,

581
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,840
Speaker 2: I was like, no, Like, if there's one thing I

582
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,799
Speaker 2: gotta do is I got to make sure I can't.

583
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 2: I gotta get this money to them. Right. So I

584
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 2: was like, I'm just gonna do one thing. I'm just

585
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 2: gonna do. I'm completely empty, I have no desire of anything.

586
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna do one thing. I'm just gonna go

587
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 2: to work and do my fucking job and then give

588
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 2: them money, right Yeah. And from and then from that,

589
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 2: I felt like a sense of purpose and know I

590
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, I'm I'm contributing something. I'm producing something

591
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:49,799
Speaker 2: and then contributing something, I'm helping them. And then gradually

592
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 2: I was like you know what, you know, I was

593
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 2: I was like pretty pretty overweight and ended up losing

594
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 2: like fifty pounds and this whole process, and I was like,

595
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 2: you know what. One day, I was like, it's been

596
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 2: a month and a half of me going to work

597
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:06,839
Speaker 2: consistently on time every day. Let me just try like

598
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:12,360
Speaker 2: working out, you know. Yeah, I started working out. And

599
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 2: then a month and a half after that, I was like,

600
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:16,479
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm going to work and working out.

601
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 2: Let me try and eat a little bit better. I

602
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 2: don't have to eat like shit all the time, right,

603
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 2: And then gradually, like I just kept adding one more

604
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 2: thing and one more thing. I was like, one day,

605
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 2: I was like, you know, let me start meditating, you know.

606
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 2: And I started meditating and that helped profoundly. I was like,

607
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,680
Speaker 2: you know what, let me start meditating and journaling and

608
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 2: on and on and on. So I like woke up

609
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 2: and I was just like, holy shit, Like I feel

610
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 2: very content, you know, I feel very at peace.

611
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like yeah, because you're doing stuff, You're not just

612
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 3: like floating around in an endless ocean of of every

613
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 3: of everything and nothing at once.

614
00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. And you know I think, uh, you know,

615
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 2: like I don't I don't have like a you know,

616
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,319
Speaker 2: I don't have my own like room to sleep in,

617
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,759
Speaker 2: and shit, right, I've like spent like three hours at

618
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,879
Speaker 2: the house during the weekdays. Uh, you know, and that's

619
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 2: just like come home after the working gym, shower and

620
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 2: go right to sleep. And you know, it was it's

621
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 2: you're being thirty one and not having any fucking privacy, right,

622
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:27,839
Speaker 2: It's rough, man. But you know I I one day

623
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,319
Speaker 2: I was just like feeling really down about it, you know,

624
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,879
Speaker 2: after you know, there's like two months, three months after

625
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 2: the site where I was just like, holy shit, I'm broke.

626
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,839
Speaker 2: I'm like sleeping on on the floor in a living room.

627
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 2: I don't have privacy. This fucking sucks, right. So I

628
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:48,279
Speaker 2: started meditating and I was like, you know what, every

629
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,800
Speaker 2: time I feel anxiety in my life, every time I

630
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 2: feel like some pressure, I always try and distract myself

631
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 2: from it. I'll always try to fucking run away. But

632
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,960
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna sit here for ten minutes it and

633
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:02,759
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna sit with this anxiety. I'm just gonna

634
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 2: sit with this feeling of like I just fucking sucks, right.

635
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:09,839
Speaker 3: You know It's so funny though, you know, it's what's

636
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 3: really funny about this is that it feels, is that

637
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 3: sitting with that feeling for ten minutes feels like an eternity.

638
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 3: And yet I have, like, I like escape, and yet

639
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 3: every fucking time mode escaping that feeling by browsing Reddit

640
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 3: for for an hour, it takes way more time.

641
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:32,800
Speaker 2: Isn't that insane?

642
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,800
Speaker 3: It is everything that you do to escape the feeling

643
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:42,360
Speaker 3: takes way more time than actually like addressing.

644
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 2: Its addressing it right right? No, absolutely, And you know

645
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,279
Speaker 2: I mean that I've distracted myself in one hundred ways.

646
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:53,360
Speaker 2: Reddit is one, you know, just ah, fuck, I feel anxiety,

647
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,319
Speaker 2: let me just like, you know, smoke the weed real quick. Right.

648
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:58,959
Speaker 2: I'm not saying smoking weed is bad whatever. I smoke

649
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 2: eat all the fucking time. But when you're feeling anxiety,

650
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 2: in order to deal with it, like self medicating shit, right,

651
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,360
Speaker 2: that's another way to distract yourself from it. There's a

652
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 2: hundred other ways. But you know, as I was like

653
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 2: sitting there with that feeling, and you know, I just

654
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 2: took some deep breaths, you know, five minutes later, I

655
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 2: was like, whoa, I'm safe here, Like I'm safe here.

656
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 2: And then in a living room with that room, yeah,

657
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 2: in this house, I am safe. I was like, I

658
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,840
Speaker 2: have a place to sleep, Okay, I can get rest

659
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:35,880
Speaker 2: and I'm safe. And I was like, wait, I have

660
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 2: love of like my mother and my sisters here right,

661
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:45,399
Speaker 2: and I like, damn near shutter tear. And I was like, yo,

662
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,720
Speaker 2: of course, Like that doesn't mean that I shouldn't strive

663
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 2: for independence, as I desperately want to it and I'm

664
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 2: working on it. But in that moment, right, just sitting

665
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 2: that feeling, it did me wonders. And that's kind of

666
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,719
Speaker 2: like my thing on like h like, even with like

667
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:07,200
Speaker 2: the loneliness thing, right, every time that feeling comes up,

668
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:10,399
Speaker 2: I don't like, I don't try to like run away

669
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 2: from like no, no, no, Like now, I know I got

670
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,280
Speaker 2: to sit with it, you know what I mean, because

671
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 2: it has gifts to offer. It has so many gifts

672
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 2: to offer. You know, as long as you're kind to yourself,

673
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:26,040
Speaker 2: you know, you treat yourself with love. These these feelings,

674
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 2: you know, they have so many gifts to offer, the

675
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:32,720
Speaker 2: gifts of patience, the gifts of understanding, you know, the

676
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:33,880
Speaker 2: gifts of feeling content.

677
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:35,799
Speaker 1: Yeah.

678
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 2: So I think that's like ultimately what like spark the.

679
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 3: Awakening, you know, you know, you know, you know, Mo,

680
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,919
Speaker 3: You're You're really I I just everything we've been talking

681
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 3: about over the past forty minutes. I really I'm really

682
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,879
Speaker 3: with you on you know. We It's just the thing

683
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:58,880
Speaker 3: is like there's we like we need I think, and

684
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,040
Speaker 3: I'm not going to put this in like political science terms.

685
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 1: I'll put this in like.

686
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 3: Uh, maybe I'll maybe I'll put this in like self

687
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 3: love terms. In a sense, it's like I'm like, I

688
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 3: don't know the exact numbers, but I think the right

689
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 3: there's it's like a yin and yang. And I talked

690
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 3: about this a little bit on a couple episodes. Is

691
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:22,279
Speaker 3: like I think, like for my I'll use this just

692
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 3: as an example, and but this is like kind of

693
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:27,560
Speaker 3: a microcosm for a larger concept of like, uh, you know,

694
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 3: I accept my body as it is, uh, and I

695
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 3: and I you know, I love myself and you know,

696
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:41,640
Speaker 3: I accept myself and whatnot. But also yeah, but you know,

697
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 3: also I shouldn't be such a fat piece of shit

698
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 3: all the time, you know what I mean.

699
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,280
Speaker 1: Like, there's those two those two ideas.

700
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 3: I really just believe so deeply that they can coexist

701
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,680
Speaker 3: because if you only believe, because if you if you're

702
00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 3: too hard on, like if I went too hard on

703
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 3: like accepting myself exactly as I am, I would be

704
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 3: fucking miserable. I would be depressed. I would never get

705
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 3: out of my bed. I would be eating from the

706
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:15,759
Speaker 3: seven to eleven ten thousand calories of candy every single day.

707
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 3: It would be miserb If that, like, that's full acceptance

708
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 3: right there, that's a hundred percent acceptance. I think, do

709
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 3: you need like fifty percent acceptance and then fifty percent

710
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 3: I'm gonna not be I'm gonna not eat candy and

711
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 3: stop being a.

712
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:31,839
Speaker 1: Fat piece of shit.

713
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,240
Speaker 3: But if you're if you're if I'm one hundred percent,

714
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 3: like I'm a piece of shit, I suck, I'm you know,

715
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 3: I'm fat and asia if then that you're just anxious

716
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,359
Speaker 3: and miserable all the time, you know, So you need

717
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 3: That's why we need. We need like I don't know

718
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:49,240
Speaker 3: what it is?

719
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:54,239
Speaker 1: What is there? What's between capitalism and socialism? We need that? Like,

720
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:55,640
Speaker 1: what's something we need that?

721
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 3: We need those two things combined divided by two because

722
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:03,760
Speaker 3: I really have been because here's another thing. Here's here's

723
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 3: two more idea, here's two conflicting ideas. Is I've really

724
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:15,120
Speaker 3: genuinely intrinsically have sincerely been enjoying having this conversation with

725
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 3: you about you know, capitalism and uh uh you know.

726
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:22,240
Speaker 1: Acceptance and let and all these things.

727
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:26,399
Speaker 3: And I'm also totally gonna put an ad break afterwards

728
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:28,880
Speaker 3: so that I can make money. I'm going to do

729
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 3: both of those things.

730
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 1: Can we get how do.

731
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 3: We combine these two things? There's something There's gotta be

732
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,320
Speaker 3: something in the middle that is the perfect Yin and

733
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:45,839
Speaker 3: yang way to live because you know, because right because

734
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 3: if it's all because we don't want like like like

735
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 3: a billion dollars is too much money, you know we're

736
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 3: gonna get.

737
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:53,359
Speaker 1: I don't know what we're getting into.

738
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 2: But like yeah, well, well, you know, in regards to

739
00:42:56,719 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 2: like you saying, you know, I accept myself completely, I

740
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 2: love myself completely, right, and you know, there's I think

741
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:11,719
Speaker 2: there's like this whole thing going on in society right now,

742
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:16,040
Speaker 2: and it's like stemming from these like upscale yoga studios

743
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 2: where people are like chilling over their crystals a lot,

744
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 2: and they're they're turning these like profound truths right on

745
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 2: how to be into something like really like overused in cliche.

746
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:36,760
Speaker 2: You know, like this whole idea of like I love myself.

747
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 6: Completely, right, there's just so much of like spirituality and

748
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 6: psychology that's turning into like pop spirituality psychology, right.

749
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 2: And the way a lot of these like I don't know,

750
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 2: what do you want to call like influencers or you know,

751
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 2: self proclaimed yoga gurus, right, the way that they promote

752
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 2: these things the same exact thing you said, I love

753
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:07,759
Speaker 2: myself fully. It's coupled with this like sense of there's

754
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 2: no like they don't take the responsibility to like break

755
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 2: that down a little bit further. They just promoted as that, right,

756
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 2: And it's I don't know, it's like kind of like

757
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 2: coupled with like a sense of consumption, and there's somewhere

758
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:26,759
Speaker 2: it's kind of like attached to that, you know. And

759
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 2: and and I think that that's like the problem like

760
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:34,240
Speaker 2: these when these just simple truths about life that everybody

761
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 2: pretty much knows, when they start to become cliche. It's

762
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 2: just like, you know, because I heard a lot of

763
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,239
Speaker 2: this shit when I was like trying to I don't know,

764
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:43,719
Speaker 2: you want to call it better myself, right, Like when

765
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 2: I heard first heard the word mindfulness, I kind of

766
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,360
Speaker 2: like laughed at that idea. Right, I'm like, yo, what

767
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:54,560
Speaker 2: is this like you know, yoga studio bullshit? You know, yeah,

768
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:58,360
Speaker 2: because I associate that completely with like people like rubbing

769
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 2: on crystals, talking about like hippy dippy ship. But when

770
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:04,239
Speaker 2: I looked into mindfulness, when I like read about it,

771
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,480
Speaker 2: when I you know, when I read books from like

772
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 2: Don Miguel Reeve's Junior and donal Miguil Reeves, like I

773
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 2: was like, Oh, this is actually genuinely profound, This is

774
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 2: actually genuinely helpful. You know. I think a lot of

775
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:22,960
Speaker 2: these things become so cliche, you know, they have a

776
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 2: sense of like pop culture attached to them, and I

777
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:28,280
Speaker 2: think that's the problem.

778
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:32,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, I well, yeah, I agree with that too. I

779
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 1: don't like, I don't.

780
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 3: I also don't like the kind of like overly flowery

781
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:46,239
Speaker 3: presentation of mindfulness and self love because it's it makes it,

782
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 3: you know, it's like it's.

783
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:53,960
Speaker 1: Like putting too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know

784
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 1: what I mean.

785
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 3: It's just yeah, it's but it's it's it's it's helpful

786
00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:01,239
Speaker 3: stuff when you're actually get into it.

787
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 2: Yeah.

788
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 3: I don't know, man, I everything you're saying makes a

789
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,319
Speaker 3: lot of sense. Everything you're saying makes a lot of sense.

790
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:10,640
Speaker 3: I'm trying to remind myself of a lot of these

791
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:18,799
Speaker 3: concepts as well as I have my own personal existential crisises.

792
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:19,840
Speaker 1: You know.

793
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:24,960
Speaker 2: You know you said you feel two collars ago. I

794
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 2: believe it was I would like listening in and out,

795
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:30,399
Speaker 2: you know, but one of the things you had said

796
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:34,240
Speaker 2: was like you feel uh directionless?

797
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, I do often feel directionless.

798
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:41,400
Speaker 2: Sure, I would just I mean, if you feel comfortable,

799
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:44,720
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, like expanding on that, like sharing

800
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 2: a bit about it. If you don't, that's completely fine,

801
00:46:47,200 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 2: you know, sure.

802
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, fuck it, Sure, I mean, well, I

803
00:46:55,480 --> 00:47:01,800
Speaker 3: I like doing this podcast, you know, especially when I

804
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 3: get to have conversations like.

805
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:04,479
Speaker 1: These that I really enjoy.

806
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 3: Right, But you know, I'm and you know also like

807
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:13,000
Speaker 3: I'm engaged right now, I'm like actually doing something in

808
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 3: this very moment talking to you. But like a lot

809
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 3: of the time, I feel I kind of let myself

810
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 3: go a little bit.

811
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:20,520
Speaker 1: I feel a little.

812
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:24,319
Speaker 3: Unengaged, and I'm like, uh, you know, what should I

813
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:27,840
Speaker 3: do to Like, I'm just trying to figure out like

814
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:29,880
Speaker 3: what to do next, Like I think I always with

815
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 3: the Gecko thing, I was always like, well, what should

816
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:33,680
Speaker 3: I do next with this? Like, because this is gonna

817
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 3: be like a you know, I guess the thing that

818
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:39,000
Speaker 3: I can do something else with And right now where

819
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 3: I'm doing is I'm just like.

820
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:43,399
Speaker 1: I've decided that.

821
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 3: Sitting and trying to think about the direction that you

822
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:51,840
Speaker 3: want your life to go in next is a little

823
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:56,880
Speaker 3: stupid because your life doesn't move forward. Oh fuck, I

824
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 3: just knock something over on the table. Your life doesn't

825
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 3: move for your life doesn't move forward as a result

826
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 3: of you like thinking, like I mean, you think a

827
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,400
Speaker 3: little bit, right, it's another yin yang thing, but like

828
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:11,360
Speaker 3: you know, you think.

829
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 1: Too much, you go into a spiral.

830
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 3: And so I'm just like, you know what, I'm just

831
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,839
Speaker 3: gonna do things that I think are cool. Like I'm

832
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,880
Speaker 3: I think by the time this episode airs, I'll be

833
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:27,840
Speaker 3: walking through rural Japan with my boy Jason. I'm gonna

834
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 3: I'm doing an art gallery. I think that'll be cool.

835
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 3: So I'm just like, I'm just I'm in a let

836
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 3: me try shit, because you know, I built this audience

837
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:42,160
Speaker 3: with this podcast and it's cool, and I'm like, well,

838
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 3: what else can I do? You know that would just

839
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 3: be fun or cool or interesting or exciting, because uh,

840
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:51,239
Speaker 3: you know, I don't want to be stuck in the same.

841
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 1: Routine over like I.

842
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:56,799
Speaker 3: Don't like And I'm also just I'm like, man, I'm

843
00:48:56,800 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 3: gonna be as I'm getting older, I'm realizing that all

844
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 3: the ages I thought I would never be, I'm going

845
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 3: to be like, like, if you told me at nineteen

846
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:07,759
Speaker 3: that one day I would be twenty seven, I just.

847
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 1: Wouldn't believe you. And now I am that.

848
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:13,200
Speaker 3: And so now I'm having this existential crisis where I'm like, oh, no,

849
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:16,319
Speaker 3: one day I'm going to be fifty six years old,

850
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:18,279
Speaker 3: What the hell is my life gonna look like? Am

851
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:21,280
Speaker 3: I gonna be wearing this gecko suit when I'm fifty

852
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:24,280
Speaker 3: six years old? You know people do that, like people

853
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:28,520
Speaker 3: like musicians or whatever, like you know people, you know,

854
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 3: I'm just like, what the hell is my life going

855
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:34,800
Speaker 3: to look like? So I just gotta keep trying new,

856
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:38,880
Speaker 3: different things that I think maybe could be cool or

857
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 3: interesting to try to find a new path for it.

858
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:45,279
Speaker 1: Because I've tried to.

859
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:50,280
Speaker 3: I've like thought of I've like, I've like journaled endlessly

860
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:54,520
Speaker 3: about what I might wanna do with myself. But it's

861
00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 3: just kind of and especially like with the you know, like,

862
00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 3: how do I, you know, do more things in person

863
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 3: that I think would be cool, because you know, I

864
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:06,440
Speaker 3: really feel like I enjoy being out in the real

865
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,040
Speaker 3: world more than I do in the uh in the

866
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,799
Speaker 3: computer world, and so I'm just.

867
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 1: Trying to figure out how to do that stuff.

868
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,520
Speaker 3: And I've and I've and again you fall into the

869
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 3: trap of like, oh, I'm gonna journal until I come

870
00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:19,920
Speaker 3: up with the perfect idea of something to do. And

871
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:22,239
Speaker 3: I don't think I think that's a bad strategy. So

872
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:25,279
Speaker 3: I'm just kind of like, okay, let me my My

873
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:29,640
Speaker 3: ultimate anecdote to my directionlessness has been okay, let me

874
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 3: just start like doing things that could potentially be interesting.

875
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 1: And then now again, you know, on my we.

876
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:37,520
Speaker 3: Talked about the deathbed, and I'm like, look, when I'm

877
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:41,800
Speaker 3: on my deathbed, I'm not going to regret having tried

878
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:45,160
Speaker 3: these various things that might be cool or interesting to do.

879
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:48,400
Speaker 1: See that's my that's my little spiel.

880
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,000
Speaker 2: You know, there's two things you said. I think like

881
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 2: you like nailed on the head right, Like one thing,

882
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 2: I mean, I'll just coum it up with like you

883
00:50:57,920 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 2: know you said, uh pretty much. You know, uh, it's

884
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:07,120
Speaker 2: not that motivation comes first and then you take action.

885
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:11,880
Speaker 2: Right now, you you take action first, and then motivation

886
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:16,120
Speaker 2: eventually comes, you know, yeah, yeah, you gotta do shit, right.

887
00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:18,840
Speaker 2: And the second thing you said is like, you know

888
00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 2: you're journaling, journaling, journaling, kind of come up with the

889
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 2: perfect thing that that that's like a huge, you know, hurdle. Actually,

890
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:29,400
Speaker 2: it's good to journal, it's great to journal, uh, but

891
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:33,400
Speaker 2: like to think of like what is the optimal the

892
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:37,439
Speaker 2: number one option in my life right now? The perfect option? Right,

893
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 2: I'm gonna wait until I come up with that and

894
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:43,520
Speaker 2: then do that. Right, That's exactly That is a massive hurdle.

895
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 3: It's exactly what I've been doing for years. It's it's yeah,

896
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:52,280
Speaker 3: it's a massive hurdle. It's almost akin to like idealization

897
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:55,920
Speaker 3: versus acceptance, right.

898
00:51:55,920 --> 00:52:00,880
Speaker 2: Right, right, yeah, yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely, yeah, you know,

899
00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:05,240
Speaker 2: and you know they're just like this is one song

900
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:09,120
Speaker 2: I listened to almost every single day, right, and there's

901
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:12,840
Speaker 2: a line in it that I absolutely love. That helps

902
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,680
Speaker 2: me out a lot, because you know, like I don't know,

903
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:19,839
Speaker 2: like I'm working this job right now, that's like feels

904
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:23,840
Speaker 2: I know it's not meaningless, and I definitely know that

905
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:27,279
Speaker 2: deep down that it's not meaningless, right, But at times

906
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 2: when it does start to feel feel meaningless, right, I

907
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 2: always keep this like line in my mind, you know,

908
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:37,840
Speaker 2: which is I got it translated from a different language

909
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 2: to English, which I think it would translate to. I

910
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:44,440
Speaker 2: put two paper wings on my heart and watch it

911
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:48,279
Speaker 2: float away where I thought it would go. It didn't.

912
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 2: My heart might be directionless, but it's not distracted, and

913
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:55,440
Speaker 2: that helps me.

914
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:04,480
Speaker 3: But it's not distract I'm putting that on a I'm

915
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 3: getting that branded on my ass, yo.

916
00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:12,120
Speaker 2: You know, And I've heard you know, I've seen a

917
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:15,439
Speaker 2: lot of your clips, so much of that shit is hilarious, right,

918
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 2: But I've seen also seen the stuff like you're interview

919
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 2: with logic. I saw all of that, right, And you know,

920
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:25,719
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know you personally. You know, you

921
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:28,799
Speaker 2: seem like a person with a good heart. If I

922
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:31,239
Speaker 2: was to take a wild fucking guess, but who knows,

923
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 2: you might be just a dude dressed up as a

924
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 2: get go with green kite on his face, murdering people

925
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 2: in a basement already. But as far as I can tell,

926
00:53:40,080 --> 00:53:42,719
Speaker 2: right like, you seem like a pretty a person with

927
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 2: a good heart, right, with good intentions. You know that

928
00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:47,960
Speaker 2: alone you, I think, is like you should take a

929
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:51,680
Speaker 2: little bit of comfort in that. Right, it's gonna, it's gonna,

930
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 2: it's gonna take you right right.

931
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:55,439
Speaker 1: I appreciate that.

932
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:59,160
Speaker 3: I'm gonna. I'm trying my best. Man, I'm trying my best.

933
00:53:59,520 --> 00:54:00,680
Speaker 3: Oh man, yeah.

934
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:00,879
Speaker 1: I'm trying.

935
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:04,719
Speaker 3: I'm trying my best to be Uh, I don't know,

936
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:10,359
Speaker 3: I guess my well, my main motivations lately have just

937
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 3: been like to you know again, escape from despair. Yeah,

938
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:21,600
Speaker 3: this has been my main motivation. You know sometimes I

939
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:23,840
Speaker 3: think sometimes I think, you know, as funny as I think.

940
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, go ahead, go ahead? No, no, yeah, I forget

941
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:31,680
Speaker 1: what what what? What? What were you going to say?

942
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 3: And then you know, I I have to I have

943
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 3: to end this call sort of soon because I think

944
00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:45,400
Speaker 3: you've tricked me into being vulnerable. No not actually not

945
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:47,760
Speaker 3: actually well, I mean a little bit actually, but it's okay,

946
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 3: it's it's okay, I accept it.

947
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:50,919
Speaker 1: What were you going to say this call?

948
00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:54,320
Speaker 2: I know you're you're in Japan right now, right, I

949
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:55,840
Speaker 2: don't want to take up too much of your time.

950
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:59,840
Speaker 2: But have you heard of the movie called Perfect Days?

951
00:55:01,080 --> 00:55:03,759
Speaker 1: Perfect Days? Oh? That's uh, yeah, I have heard of

952
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 1: that movie. I never watched it, though, I.

953
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:09,719
Speaker 2: Think you might get something out of it if you

954
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:12,759
Speaker 2: have the time to check it out. I think the

955
00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:15,960
Speaker 2: based on all the conversations that we just had right now,

956
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 2: if you get the time to check it out, and

957
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:20,640
Speaker 2: I think it'd be super special while you check it

958
00:55:20,640 --> 00:55:23,160
Speaker 2: out in Japan as a Japanese Willee, you know, mm.

959
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:27,360
Speaker 3: Hmm okay, cool, maybe I'll watch it, might enjoy Yeah, yeah,

960
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:28,239
Speaker 3: okay maybe, oh.

961
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. Well thanks, man, I really appreciate you talking

962
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:36,880
Speaker 2: to me. I really appreciate you, you know, balancing ideas

963
00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:39,759
Speaker 2: off and such. This is actually this felts great. Like

964
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:43,080
Speaker 2: I was sitting here and I was just about to meditate,

965
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:45,440
Speaker 2: but I was like, you know what, let me see

966
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 2: if Lyle happens to cover. So this really put us

967
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:52,880
Speaker 2: bile on my face. Man, I feel I feel really happy,

968
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:54,479
Speaker 2: you know. Thank you so much.

969
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:55,520
Speaker 1: Thank you, Mo.

970
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:58,880
Speaker 3: I appreciate it, sincerely, very very good talking to you.

971
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:03,520
Speaker 3: This feel I feel like today today the the Therapy

972
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:05,120
Speaker 3: Gecko was was therapy.

973
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:06,040
Speaker 1: This is the.

974
00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:11,360
Speaker 3: Therapy mode episode you Therapy geckoed the Therapy Gecko today,

975
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:12,799
Speaker 3: So thank you, thank you for that.

976
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:17,080
Speaker 2: When I when I when I officially become a therapist,

977
00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:18,800
Speaker 2: I'll see you as my first client.

978
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:23,880
Speaker 1: Man, that would be uh. That sounds like a conflict

979
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:28,040
Speaker 1: of interest, but I'm down. I'm game, all right.

980
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:30,120
Speaker 2: Man, you have a good time in Japan, you know.

981
00:56:30,360 --> 00:56:31,879
Speaker 2: Thank you. I hope you go do your thing.

982
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:34,520
Speaker 1: Man, take it easy, thank you, thank you. Take it easy.

983
00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:43,520
Speaker 3: Later on, Man, that was a nice phone call. I

984
00:56:43,560 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 3: really enjoyed talking to Mo.

985
00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:49,839
Speaker 1: It it's you know, it's interesting. I went again.

986
00:56:49,880 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 3: I went on a rant uh last episode about talking

987
00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:58,480
Speaker 3: about your problems, not really solving them, but it helps you.

988
00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:00,080
Speaker 3: It does help you think, like I mean again, and

989
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:02,720
Speaker 3: it's a yin yang fucking thing. There's like fifty percent

990
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:04,680
Speaker 3: thinking and fifty percent. I don't know what the exact

991
00:57:04,760 --> 00:57:11,200
Speaker 3: ratios are, but it's some math equation that's part thinking

992
00:57:11,239 --> 00:57:14,640
Speaker 3: and part taking actual action. And I think if you're

993
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 3: and I'm definitely a neurotic person, I'm definitely an overthinker,

994
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 3: and so I think, I h I think I think

995
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 3: too much. Is a spiral of thinking. But it is

996
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 3: good to kind of have a conversation like that that

997
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:28,600
Speaker 3: gets you with another person.

998
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:29,760
Speaker 1: You know.

999
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:34,320
Speaker 3: MO definitely described a lot of things that I have

1000
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:36,800
Speaker 3: cooking in my brain as well. And it's nice when

1001
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 3: you get to talk to somebody like that because it

1002
00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:43,120
Speaker 3: makes you feel like you're not crazy, you know, for

1003
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:44,280
Speaker 3: having you.

1004
00:57:44,280 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 1: You're actually you.

1005
00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:49,960
Speaker 3: What you may think is some kind of unique human

1006
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:55,280
Speaker 3: experience has actually been fucking observed and recorded by other

1007
00:57:55,440 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 3: people who are not you, which is comforting sense. So yeah,

1008
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:09,120
Speaker 3: I appreciate uh MO for calling in, and do I

1009
00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:12,560
Speaker 3: have anything else to say? I hope that conversation was beneficial

1010
00:58:12,640 --> 00:58:15,800
Speaker 3: for the people of the computer to listen to. And

1011
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:22,280
Speaker 3: I'm a gecko and thank you guys for listening. Goes

1012
00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:26,280
Speaker 3: on the line, taking your phone calls every night, demand

1013
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:27,439
Speaker 3: goes to ride.

1014
00:58:27,520 --> 00:58:30,080
Speaker 2: He's teaching you a loud in the memorial line, but

1015
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:32,240
Speaker 2: he's not really an expert.