WEBVTT - FATHER'S DAY ROUNDTABLE 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:02.640 This is cut to it with Steve Smith Senior at 0:00:02.640 --> 0:00:08.920 production of The Black Effect and I Heart Radio. I'm 0:00:08.920 --> 0:00:11.480 Steve Smith Senior and I'm ger a little John and 0:00:11.560 --> 0:00:16.040 this is cut to it. Good do it, Good do it. 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:19.479 Let's get down to do it. Good do it. We 0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:22.920 asked the questions you always want to know, but no 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:29.080 one ever asked, let's cut to it. You ain't heard 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:34.720 about it, then we're about to let you know. It's 0:00:34.800 --> 0:00:44.840 all welcome in UM. This is a special one. Let's 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:50.320 be let's let's be transparent, let's be conversational, UM, you know, 0:00:50.479 --> 0:00:58.800 obviously making sure that we honor um the circumstances of 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:01.960 the of the topic. And basically the topic for today 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:05.720 really is talking is for Father's Day. This Father's Day 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:10.520 podcast really has to do with even if you're not 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:15.720 a father, or you're heading into becoming a father, and 0:01:15.760 --> 0:01:18.840 at some point we all want to be fathers. But 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:23.319 what and how were you impacted as a son because 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:26.200 you are a son before you became a father. I 0:01:26.280 --> 0:01:29.399 know I was, and how that parenting and the things 0:01:29.400 --> 0:01:32.560 that I experienced as a son is led me to 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:36.880 becoming a father and and in that father for me 0:01:36.959 --> 0:01:38.920 being a dad one of the things that I noticed 0:01:38.959 --> 0:01:42.080 what I did is a parent out of fear. I 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:46.240 parented out of wounds that I experienced as a young man, 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:49.560 and I believe I love my dad. I believe my 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:52.720 dad did the best that he was capable of doing, 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:58.400 but that also created some wounds. There are sometimes doing 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:02.960 the best you can isn't a slight. It is one 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.440 of those things where doing the best you can sometimes 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:09.120 it's not good enough. And I'm not saying that my 0:02:09.200 --> 0:02:12.040 dad wasn't good enough, but there are some things that 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:16.040 I missed as adult, as a engaged father that I 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:20.440 am today that I know some of my disengagement led 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:25.800 to or was led by me being not being able 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:32.000 to know the difference. We got Kurt Coleman, former Carolina 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:39.040 Panther formal, the Ohio State alumni who beat Utah in 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:43.880 the Rose Bowl. A good friend. We got backstage Joe 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:49.960 Um Anthony Hill, my trainer, but also a world winning 0:02:50.400 --> 0:02:57.240 journalists from Weston, Award winning journalists from West six Times, 0:02:55.560 --> 0:03:01.200 Okay flexing Um who which I believe it's interesting, is 0:03:01.320 --> 0:03:05.520 the way you motivate because there's times I've been in boxing. 0:03:05.560 --> 0:03:09.040 I know I'm terrible that moment, but yet you give 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:12.359 me an unqualified compliment, and that keeps me going even 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:14.440 though I'm out of breath. It's like, let's go. He's there. 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:17.680 Sometimes he's like, that was terrible. To it again and 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:20.519 he like, I knew it was terrible, but the way 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:23.520 he's saying it is, yeah, it was bad. We saw it, 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:28.000 but we got another chance. So Anthony Hill great trainer journalists. 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:32.920 And then we got highly Taylor former Carolina Panther Chapel Hill. 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:36.120 And so I'll start off with one of the books 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:38.920 that I started reading. I've it's going on my third 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:43.840 time reading it now. It's a book called Bond of Brothers, 0:03:44.720 --> 0:03:50.800 and it just talks about conversations. And so basically starting 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:56.680 off this conversation is the importance to me, to our listeners, 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:59.480 to the cut, to cut to the listeners, the gift 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:01.880 to the list There's real talk about being a father 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:06.280 and a son. Every son will become a father, but 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:10.680 every father was once a son. Let's talk about the 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:15.120 glory and a shame of fatherhood. The fathers and sons. 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:19.039 Because of men are talking about things that matter. I 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:24.120 don't believe I'm having conversations at forty at forty three 0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:27.320 mm at forty four when I turned next year, when 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:30.880 I turned forty four, I would have lived twenty two 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:40.360 years on the NFL the opposite side of poverty, almost 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:42.839 literally down the middle of how many years I've lived 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:46.840 on the right side of private poverty and then now 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:48.920 on the left side of poverty. So I'm I've been 0:04:48.960 --> 0:04:51.840 on both sides, and a lot of the programs that 0:04:51.920 --> 0:04:56.800 are foundation my foundation does are built on the experiences 0:04:56.839 --> 0:05:00.880 that I experienced as a kid, right, And so I'll 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:08.080 started off, when was the first time you received an 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:17.480 unqualified compliment? And here's what I mean by unqualified. For me, 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:20.680 I would never get I would never be able to 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:26.640 draw a picture as a young man that was really 0:05:26.680 --> 0:05:29.760 not good picture. It wasn't a very good, really drawn picture. 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:33.120 Ten years old, I would have never got a compliment 0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:36.880 by my folks to say, wow, look at that artist. 0:05:40.600 --> 0:05:44.279 And because of that, I know when my son now 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:46.880 and my boys and my daughter, when they do something, 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:52.600 I'm not lying to him, but I am building them 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:55.599 up and try to build them up, even though I 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:59.400 missed some things when they were young, because I didn't 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:04.680 know that what I'm doing is showing them despite what 0:06:04.720 --> 0:06:07.719 the world may say, there are some people at home 0:06:07.800 --> 0:06:11.600 that love you no matter what. And so I had 0:06:11.640 --> 0:06:16.279 a deuce draw, drew a picture, and I'm sitting in 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:19.440 my office and I am arguing with my seven year 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:24.720 old because he's saying, no, Daddy, I drew that. I said, no, son, 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:30.000 a artist drew that. He's like, no, there was no artist. 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:33.760 It was me said no, it's not you, Deuce. It's 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:38.760 an artist, a well known artist. He draws so many 0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:43.360 great pictures, he does so many great things. And I 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:47.119 love this artist. And it's so remarkable of this drawing 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:49.159 that he wrote. I had to frame it. I put 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:53.039 in my wall because Daddy, you're so silly. It's me. 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:58.160 I said, no, it's artists. And that artist's name is Deuce. 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:06.120 And he just h lit up. He is not a 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:11.440 bona fide artist, but that day he heard his daddy 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:17.520 call him an artist. So I gave him an unqualified compliment, 0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:21.520 in which built into him that he knows that when 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:26.440 he draws a picture, his pop believes it's the best picture. 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:30.560 And I never got that when I was a young man. 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:34.720 I got it when I did well. If I dropped 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:37.400 the pass get him out, I would be my dad 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:41.600 in the stags. Sometimes we have to realize that our 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:46.960 standard of excellence by our family and our parents our 0:07:47.040 --> 0:07:52.280 standards in which they don't even hold themselves to. And 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:59.880 so starting off, I can't. I know my father, Yeah, 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:07.760 gave me compliments and deposited compliments in my emotional bank, 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:14.800 but I know he didn't do it well enough because 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:23.560 I can remember more of the withdrawals that he had 0:08:23.600 --> 0:08:30.160 in my life. And so my emotional bank is overwdrawn 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:37.320 by thousands of dollars, and it also is bankrupt. And 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:39.040 it's not a slight on my dad. It just I 0:08:39.120 --> 0:08:43.200 just know as a father today what is required and 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:50.160 the things that I've missed that I need as a son. So, Kurt, 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:55.040 what was the first time you experienced a compliment from 0:08:55.040 --> 0:09:02.680 your dad? I'll say, Um, I think my dad did 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:10.760 a really good job. I think of depositing those compliments 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:13.160 that I needed throughout the ride. I think some of 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:16.040 the things that I was able to see because my dad, 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:21.320 um was in the the world of education, so I 0:09:21.440 --> 0:09:23.400 spent a lot of time. My parents divorced when I 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:28.000 was five, so when I went to be with my dad, 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:31.480 it was a lot of one on one time I mean, 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:34.120 my brothers and sisters were we would always travel together, 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:37.000 but I always just found myself being the youngest male, 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:41.000 just going with my dad to wash his car, um, 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:44.720 going with him to coach his baseball basketball. Um, we'd 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:47.040 go in and there were a lot of times he 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:50.600 was telling me those things that I could do and 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:54.199 the things I could be and um, showing me things 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:56.199 that now I look back and I'm like, wow, like 0:09:56.320 --> 0:10:02.600 you were really speaking life into my life. And it 0:10:02.720 --> 0:10:06.120 was not until you know, you really don't have that 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:09.960 reflection until you really do have children of your own. 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:12.480 You are just kind of living your life thinking this 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:15.280 is me, but you realize the impact that he's had. 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:18.880 And I remember, and this this wasn't so much of 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:21.960 the necessary of your of your situation with Deuce, but 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:24.520 I remember there was one thing that he did for 0:10:24.559 --> 0:10:28.480 me that I think I was never expecting in the 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:33.360 sense of I was actually seventeen, and I had gotten 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:37.760 into trouble with uh with Kirk, with the law the 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:42.200 law of the law. And I can't say what, but 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:48.760 I'll say this, um, so um, just in case. No, 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.880 I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. And so 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:53.960 what was great though, is like I said, my parents 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:57.320 were were divorced at the time, and so my mom 0:10:57.360 --> 0:10:59.199 had to come pick me up. We go back home 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:01.319 and she's like, I'm calling your that and I think 0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:04.840 we all understand, like you know, you know, my mom 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:06.839 was gonna, you know, hit you one way. But then 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:11.760 if if dad's coming, like there's something. And so I 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:13.400 was really mad at my mom, like I can't believe 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:19.160 you just called my dad and how dare you call 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:21.880 that other guy? So I, um, I take off and 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:24.120 I kind of like I'm walking around the neighborhood just 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:25.840 like all right, I'm just gonna wait for listening because 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:28.320 I already know what's about to happen. And I'm nothing, 0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:30.480 you know, see what, see what it's about, see if 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:33.600 I'm a man. And so, um, he comes to the door. 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:36.120 I opened the door and he just gave me a hug. 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:41.600 And it really like literally I went to get ready 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:44.240 to fight, and he gave me a hug and he 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:47.480 just said, um, you know I love you. And and 0:11:47.520 --> 0:11:52.800 in that moment, I realized the power of mercy just 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:56.160 as much as the power of infliction. And I know 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:58.560 what he could have done, and he showed me the mercy. 0:11:58.640 --> 0:12:01.480 So he didn't give you truth and love. He did 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:03.400 give me truth and love. He did. We sat down 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:06.559 and talked, but he gave you what first. He gave 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:10.120 me a hug that we talked about that. Sorry, but 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:18.080 I'm you know what, I'm bringing that up because there's 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:22.320 so much masculinity or de masculinity in the world right 0:12:22.360 --> 0:12:29.240 now for whatever reason. But we also understand that who 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:32.280 you are and what you are everyone has a role. 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:38.080 And your dad sounds like at that moment he was 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:45.559 masculine enough to say, we can talk, but let's embrace first, 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:51.920 which broke down where he was. You knew, you know, 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:55.960 you knew your father knew more than you. But it 0:12:56.000 --> 0:13:00.079 was sounds like at that moment, before he told you 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:07.560 are talked at you or monologued, he he wanted you 0:13:07.600 --> 0:13:10.960 to know how much he cared before he lets you 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:16.440 know how much he knew. That's without a doubt, I mean, 0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:20.760 and like I said that that moment it changed my 0:13:20.880 --> 0:13:25.400 perception on what it meant to be strong too. Strength 0:13:25.520 --> 0:13:29.080 isn't always in the way that you can physically impose yourself. Um, 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:32.120 I think vulnerability was it was a whole realm that 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:36.199 you know again, we all grow grow up through different traumas. 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:38.560 You know, some people grew up without a certain parent. 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:41.800 You know, I was the divorce household, that was and 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:43.920 so some of the things that I never got or 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:47.520 that I never really um felt from that divorce household 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:51.280 was commitment. But a lot of things that I always did, 0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:54.679 always that my dad was always around. Um But again, 0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:57.040 I think, you know, we can always always go back 0:13:57.080 --> 0:14:00.520 to that socialization cycle of your life of certain pinpoints 0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:03.200 of what change your tradreactory or what is implanted to 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:04.840 you now? And then how do you kind of break 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:07.320 some of those cycles? So, you know, but for me 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:11.680 in that moment, it was his very intentional way of 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:14.440 being there for me when I needed him, but also 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:16.040 being there in a way that I never thought he 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:19.440 could be, you know what I mean. And that that 0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:23.320 that's where now, so there's a point that you're realizing 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:28.760 sounds like that, even though you had did something wrong, 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:33.200 you already portraying that your dad was gonna come up 0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:38.400 shorthanded a little bit. I mean, I don't know how 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:40.280 we all grew up, but I know that that's that's 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:43.520 I mean, were you're you're used to, you get you 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:46.760 do something wrong, there's a punishment, and usually that punishment 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:57.680 it's not a depending on what household, geographical location, how 0:14:57.920 --> 0:15:03.960 they were parented. Also, I think ethnicity does play a role, right, 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:08.920 I'm in a I am in a interracial marriage where 0:15:09.000 --> 0:15:11.840 my wife's from Utah, I'm from l A. We were 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:18.760 pairing it different. I was backhanded. They maybe said some 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:20.960 things to my wife that was different. Well, I know 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:28.960 my wife's parents spoke differently. I'll just show you the difference. 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:34.360 My wife's Uh, my dad was he's a I mean, 0:15:34.440 --> 0:15:38.760 burly strong man. But my wife's father is the one 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:44.120 that taught me how to tie a tie. So, yes, 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:46.680 I know how to fight, but I didn't know how 0:15:46.680 --> 0:15:48.480 to tie a tie. I didn't know how to dress, 0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:57.480 and that's just as important than being able to fistfight, Anthony, 0:15:58.320 --> 0:16:02.760 what you got. It's kind of different with my parents 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:06.560 because my dad comes from the south. Uh, Montgomery, Alabama 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:09.160 share crop And you're talking about going back in time, 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:12.080 and I wanted to give you a little back I 0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:14.960 tell you about but I love that I've been in Montgomery, 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:20.520 Alabama and it is going back in time. Well that's 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:23.080 where everything really happened. And uh, you know, I grew 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:24.520 up with her dad. I didn't have to watch things 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:27.200 like Mississippi Burning, didn't have to go to school and 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:30.280 and uh pay attention in the fifth chapter of social studies. 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:33.280 My dad would tell me stories that, uh, which is 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:38.080 really teach me about life. Um, to answer your question first. 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:42.440 I really didn't get that many unqualified compliments coming up 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:45.800 because my dad was so old school. He was one 0:16:45.840 --> 0:16:48.600 of those guys that was like, Hey, I want you 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:51.520 to do right even if nobody packed you on the back. 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:54.440 So who am I to give you a compliment for 0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:58.520 something just because you're doing it? And uh, So I 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:00.280 really didn't get any kind of un if I had 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.280 compliments until I was in grade school. Probably my seventh 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:07.520 grade teacher, Miss Scott, gave me an unqualified compliment from 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:10.280 a from answering the question right then she knew I 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:12.560 lived in the back of the book he got to answer. 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:16.120 But she wanted to encourage me because she knew that 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:20.240 I was terrified to death of math, so she wanted 0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:22.600 to let me know that I was smart, that I 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:25.880 could do it. Then I'm on the right track. Just 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:29.680 keep pushing. Now back to my dad. Now, my dad, 0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:33.200 UH wasn't one of those people that like Kurt Um, 0:17:33.240 --> 0:17:35.800 I didn't even hear and I love you to me, 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:40.360 to my mother, uh, to any of my brothers, um 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:43.239 and two maybe I graduated college, so it was one 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:46.360 of those moments like Kurt to where you know, after 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:49.040 I graduated college, were alone in my apartment. I'm thinking, 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:50.960 we're just gonna pack up. He's gonna ask me what's 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:54.080 next in life because things weren't going the way I 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:57.960 had playing. Uh, he told me I love you? And 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:00.879 what did that do? At that moment? Man? First, it 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:05.239 shocked me because I just stood there. I didn't even 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:06.960 say I love you back because it was one of 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:11.360 those things, where is this really happening? So I just 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:15.280 looked at him and I saw the crying. We embraced, 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:17.440 and it was like a real embrace, not just like that, 0:18:18.280 --> 0:18:21.320 what's up? It wasn't aside Hume, Man, it was. It 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:27.359 was probably the best beer because but think about it, 0:18:27.480 --> 0:18:31.200 I have to say it that way. Think about how 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:35.879 when I said that you kind of you kind of 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:40.080 went backwards. Think about it, yes, but beer to beer 0:18:40.200 --> 0:18:43.720 means that there are two men who are embracing who 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:47.840 was showing love and saying right. Ultimately, what I'm really saying, 0:18:47.920 --> 0:18:51.880 to the core of it is, am I good enough? 0:18:53.720 --> 0:19:01.520 Has will my father give me approval? And he, in 0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:05.120 this one moment, gave you something that you have been 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:08.359 dying for how many years prior. I didn't even realize it. 0:19:08.840 --> 0:19:10.680 I didn't. I thought that's just the way I was. 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:13.359 I thought that's the way we were. It was an understanding. 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:16.159 You didn't have to tell me I love you. You 0:19:16.240 --> 0:19:18.600 know when I go to bed. You didn't have to 0:19:18.640 --> 0:19:21.080 say give me a hug every time I went to school. 0:19:21.880 --> 0:19:23.760 I know you love me. I know you're gonna be 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:25.720 there for me. I know you cared for me. So 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:28.480 when he did that, it was it was it was 0:19:28.560 --> 0:19:30.080 one of those things that it was one of those 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:32.640 welcomed things that I need in life. And I didn't 0:19:32.640 --> 0:19:35.639 realize how much because that was just part of who 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:39.440 I was at shell that had developed around me just 0:19:39.560 --> 0:19:42.560 by growing up that way in my household, because that 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:45.639 wasn't the way it was. And your parents were married 0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:49.320 how many years as long as I have been alive. 0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:53.159 I mean they never divorced some years, yeah, yeah, I 0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:54.720 mean they went through ups and downs. We had a 0:19:54.760 --> 0:19:56.440 period where I thought my dad was out of the house, 0:19:57.080 --> 0:19:59.520 you know, but I think most of us had, you know. 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:04.760 But yeah, that was that was one of those things 0:20:04.880 --> 0:20:07.600 in life that really just uh it was an awakening, 0:20:08.119 --> 0:20:10.240 all right and I needed that and I needed ain't 0:20:10.240 --> 0:20:11.960 it changed me for who I am today. You know, 0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:18.359 I'm a hugger now. I love cut to It and 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:22.480 I love it even more when you download us and subscribe, 0:20:23.080 --> 0:20:25.600 and you can follow us on social media too, Smithie, 0:20:25.760 --> 0:20:28.760 where where at? That's at? Cut to It on Instagram? 0:20:28.960 --> 0:20:34.000 What about Twitter? At? Cut to It? Facebook? Cut to 0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:38.000 It featuring Steve Smith singr? What about online? And you 0:20:38.080 --> 0:20:40.440 can follow us at cut to It podcast dot com 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:43.760 where you can buy merch and you can subscribe to 0:20:43.880 --> 0:20:47.800 us wherever you listen to podcasts. I got all my answers, questions. 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:52.240 Uh yeah, I got all my questions answered. That's what 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:54.960 I'm here for. A brother, cut to a Podcast dot Com. 0:20:56.119 --> 0:21:03.320 Hili Taylor. How did your father impact you by him 0:21:03.359 --> 0:21:09.640 being your father? So? My father? He uh, like I said, 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:12.080 I still do this day have her. He passed away 0:21:12.080 --> 0:21:14.920 a couple of years ago. Never told me he loved me, 0:21:15.760 --> 0:21:19.240 but his actions showed me. You know what I'm saying. 0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:24.200 It showed me that that he loved me. Um, hard worker, UM, 0:21:24.480 --> 0:21:28.920 not too emotional health everything again, so by nature that 0:21:29.000 --> 0:21:32.040 happened to me, still fighting that now, um. And just 0:21:32.200 --> 0:21:35.080 the mentality the world owes you nothing. Anything you can 0:21:35.119 --> 0:21:37.960 conceive in your mind, you can do. Ask cliches that 0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:41.280 sound and our jingus genly because of that mentality. He 0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:43.159 was a hustler. I found out some things after he 0:21:43.240 --> 0:21:47.080 passed away that he was. Yeah, I mean that to 0:21:47.200 --> 0:21:49.480 kind of tell you he had Will Smith and jazz 0:21:49.640 --> 0:21:51.879 Jeff from a small town called Lauren Bird. I don't know, 0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:54.359 you know, you know what that's said just ninety minutes 0:21:54.359 --> 0:21:56.879 a fair heavy d. So he was he was, he was. 0:21:57.000 --> 0:21:58.600 He was a hustler, you know what I mean. And 0:21:59.240 --> 0:22:00.880 I would hear a lot of about his father. It's 0:22:00.880 --> 0:22:02.399 how his father kicked him out of the house at 0:22:02.440 --> 0:22:03.920 eighteen and tol him. We had to figure it out. 0:22:04.960 --> 0:22:07.800 So now I have my mom and dad in the house, 0:22:07.800 --> 0:22:09.720 sold and he telling me, hey, like the world owes 0:22:09.760 --> 0:22:13.200 you nothing, you gotta figure it out, son, And I 0:22:13.320 --> 0:22:16.000 did that, you know I did. How tough was that? Then? 0:22:17.440 --> 0:22:20.040 It was tough? I mean, especially when you surround about, 0:22:20.119 --> 0:22:22.200 you know, other people and their parents you know their 0:22:22.280 --> 0:22:24.920 dad's an't a good job? Man, Man, that's good. You 0:22:24.960 --> 0:22:26.240 know what I'm saying. You can do that. You know, 0:22:26.320 --> 0:22:28.679 It's like my dad told me without telling me, when 0:22:28.720 --> 0:22:30.000 he told me, I can put it in my mind. 0:22:30.040 --> 0:22:32.200 I believe. I believe that. But in terms of I 0:22:32.320 --> 0:22:35.960 love you son, or you know, great job. You know, 0:22:36.080 --> 0:22:37.720 his way of compliments that you the man, You the 0:22:37.800 --> 0:22:39.320 man I taught you with you know what I mean? 0:22:39.400 --> 0:22:40.760 That that was his way. It was never was I 0:22:40.880 --> 0:22:42.560 love you, you know what I mean. And the first 0:22:42.600 --> 0:22:44.879 time I attempted to tell him I love him was 0:22:45.320 --> 0:22:47.800 the day he dropped me off for college and he 0:22:47.880 --> 0:22:52.000 didn't tell me back. So it reinforced that nobody owed 0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:55.520 me anything, even my father. That ere everything that I 0:22:55.600 --> 0:22:58.000 do from this point forward I had to earn. So 0:22:58.840 --> 0:23:01.440 he on, he meant just like a lot of the guys, 0:23:01.480 --> 0:23:04.240 same as podcast. You know, he meant very well, but 0:23:04.359 --> 0:23:07.560 he didn't know any different. I tell you one of 0:23:07.560 --> 0:23:11.320 the things that I hear that before we let Joe go, 0:23:11.480 --> 0:23:15.360 that I learned by my parents, by my father no loyalty, 0:23:17.400 --> 0:23:21.879 which meant no loyalty. And I'm by myself, so in 0:23:21.960 --> 0:23:23.840 the end, I already know I'll be by myself, so 0:23:24.560 --> 0:23:28.879 I can't really depend and count on anybody. Yeah, and 0:23:29.000 --> 0:23:35.400 that that plagues itself infiltrates and poisons of marriage, poisons 0:23:35.440 --> 0:23:38.600 relationships with your children because you're parenting now out of 0:23:38.680 --> 0:23:44.439 fear or parenting in a way that I can't imagine. 0:23:44.440 --> 0:23:47.040 Got four kids, and I can't imagine all four of 0:23:47.119 --> 0:23:52.320 my kids right now, me not saying I love it. 0:23:57.040 --> 0:24:01.359 It's tough. My seven year old right now if he 0:24:01.840 --> 0:24:05.919 every time I leave a house, Hey, doll, were dapted, 0:24:06.040 --> 0:24:09.640 you know, high five? I said, I love you. Listen 0:24:09.640 --> 0:24:14.600 to your mama. Be a good boy. Yes, sir, I 0:24:14.680 --> 0:24:17.560 didn't do it with all for my children, but the 0:24:17.640 --> 0:24:19.960 last one I'm learning and doing some things differently. Where 0:24:19.960 --> 0:24:22.840 I'm I'm telling him who loves you more than who 0:24:22.920 --> 0:24:29.800 loves you more than Jesus? He knows your daddy. I 0:24:29.920 --> 0:24:32.920 missed that with Boston. I missed that. But Boston he 0:24:33.000 --> 0:24:36.200 knows I love him because I tell him. My little girl, 0:24:36.320 --> 0:24:38.040 she knows I love her because I tell her leave 0:24:38.080 --> 0:24:41.359 her messages. Hey, just let you know, Hey, Punkin love you. 0:24:42.280 --> 0:24:45.440 My wife and my my oldest boy who trains with 0:24:45.480 --> 0:24:51.280 Anthony too. We see each other we'll becoming. He'll he'll 0:24:51.320 --> 0:24:54.600 train early now I trained later, and make sure we 0:24:54.720 --> 0:24:58.720 dap each other up, you know, tell him, hey, I 0:24:58.800 --> 0:25:05.280 love you. What about you, Joe? Well, I mean it's funny. 0:25:05.400 --> 0:25:10.840 Almost everybody's go to was those words I love you. 0:25:11.000 --> 0:25:13.879 As I'm sitting back here going last, Um, a lot 0:25:13.960 --> 0:25:15.919 of you guys starting the table or friends of mine today, 0:25:16.160 --> 0:25:18.920 and there's we've told each other we love each other. 0:25:19.000 --> 0:25:21.840 That's something that old school folks like Anthony said, would 0:25:21.880 --> 0:25:24.640 never do. So I say that the transition to my father. 0:25:24.880 --> 0:25:28.200 My dad always told me he loved me, but my 0:25:28.400 --> 0:25:32.040 dad never gave me a compliment. Talked about old school. 0:25:32.440 --> 0:25:35.639 I'm fifty years old, um so my dad's eighty six now. 0:25:35.760 --> 0:25:37.720 So going back in the day again, I knew I 0:25:37.920 --> 0:25:43.960 was loved, but my dad was all performance based. If 0:25:44.040 --> 0:25:46.280 he was going to give me a compliment. There's a 0:25:46.320 --> 0:25:50.480 lot of athletes sitting around this table um backstage Joel 0:25:50.520 --> 0:25:52.240 back in the day was was pretty good at something, 0:25:52.359 --> 0:25:55.280 but if I pitched well, or threw a no hit 0:25:55.400 --> 0:25:58.639