1 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:06,480 Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode. What welcome it is COVID 2 00:00:06,519 --> 00:00:11,880 Speaker 1: nine edition. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock? Is that Kevin Pollock? Oh? 3 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:15,240 Speaker 1: I don't know. Is rants and ravings from the highest 4 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: honor this country has to offer? Now? Just remind me 5 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: of the opening of Robert Smigel's TV Funhouse on snl AM. 6 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: I just hear the bloated orange cry baby and Lauren's 7 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:30,440 Speaker 1: voice saying come back here and with martin wards. But 8 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,560 Speaker 1: I digress. Let's meet alcome is shall we in no 9 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 1: particular order? Please welcome back? Caroline Cater you book party 10 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: of five? What did you beg for Thanksgiving this year? 11 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 1: A party of five? Well? I know that that's I 12 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:51,280 Speaker 1: think correct. I for Thanksgiving this year? I was going 13 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: to go home, but then I didn't sown away. I 14 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:58,880 Speaker 1: am a hero, um, and I just I usually cook 15 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,920 Speaker 1: all the thing giving for my family, and so I 16 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'll just divide it by half and 17 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 1: that'll be enough for me. Um. But it was too 18 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 1: much anybody wants. Uh so at this point now pretty 19 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: old food. Let me know. Yeah, that sounds about right, 20 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,760 Speaker 1: and you are an American heroine. Thank you for being here. Hey, 21 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: it's James Heeney Johnny Jim. What sport did you excel 22 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: at as a youth? I was really good at running, 23 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 1: So I was good at soccer, football, anything that required 24 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,320 Speaker 1: running because I was extremely fast. But I didn't like it. 25 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 1: I hated I hated sports, hated running. But you hated 26 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 1: running even though you were super fast, I didn't. There 27 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,720 Speaker 1: was no enjoyment to it. It was so awful. I 28 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 1: hated it. What about What about football though? When you 29 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: were running fast and people would hit you, Well, that 30 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: must have been getting hit either. I don't. I'm I 31 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: much rather, I just like to hang out, don't need 32 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 1: to be super aggressive. Yeah, and also probably got tired 33 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 1: people yelling where's the fire? Well, thank you for being here. 34 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 1: Look out, it's Craig Atkowsky Cacao. Was there a senior 35 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 1: prank the year you graduated high school? And were you involved? 36 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:22,919 Speaker 1: If there was? Probably, and no, I'm a good boy. 37 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,840 Speaker 1: I probably. I hate Frank's. I don't like prank shows. 38 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:31,520 Speaker 1: I've been asked over the years to audition for prank 39 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:34,919 Speaker 1: shows many times that I always turn it down. That's 40 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:37,760 Speaker 1: where I draw the line. And if I'm gonna get 41 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 1: pranked on this episode, I'm gonna be pissed. So well, 42 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,960 Speaker 1: now you've given us no choice, and thank you for 43 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:49,079 Speaker 1: being Hey, guy's a tool, sing hello. Captain Lee's boy 44 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,799 Speaker 1: thoughts on the latest episode of Below Deck Please. I'm 45 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,680 Speaker 1: having a good time. I really am. People are doing 46 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: their work. Uh, there's a young guy who seems a 47 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,959 Speaker 1: little bit like uh, he's like a Zen kind of guy, 48 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: and I kind of want to see where he goes. 49 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,920 Speaker 1: The interior is having some issues and I'm concerned about it. 50 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm liking it. I know people are hating 51 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,959 Speaker 1: on it, but I like, yeah, we're enjoying it. Although 52 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 1: the quote unquote Zen guy is a little too much 53 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 1: of a millennial for me. He's a perfectionist, as he says, 54 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:21,120 Speaker 1: which I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, his his perfectionists and 55 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 1: everything including doing nothing, needs to be perfect and last 56 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,920 Speaker 1: but no more corn hole if you think at least 57 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: it's Joey Greer. Okay, how's it going bottom? Because he's 58 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 1: got him explain why Tom Selleck is insisting I fall 59 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,560 Speaker 1: for a reverse mortgage. I'll tell you right now. Got 60 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: Sellek is a snake oil salesman. All right, you don't 61 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: listen to that guy. He's went over to my house 62 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 1: so many times, trying to sell me knives, trying to 63 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: sell me these these these heated socks and like them 64 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 1: like hot stocks to buy. No socks like you put 65 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: on your feet. But they got a cord and you 66 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 1: gotta plug him in telling him and I'm like, how 67 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: am I? How is this helpful? How is this gonna get? Like? You? Right? 68 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying, like walking around the house. I 69 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 1: get that, But I gotta be outside man. You know 70 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I'm an outdoorsman. Now you are? You 71 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 1: know I'm hunting, I'm fishing and building homes? Uh building home. 72 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 1: I didn't know you're building home. I just know you 73 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,720 Speaker 1: hunting fishing. Let's do a damn show. All of our 74 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: scene suggestions gathered from your list emails or from our 75 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 1: Patreon v I P S. What's that you'd like to 76 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 1: become a patron supporter of the show will find you 77 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 1: two will then get exclusive content, including a video of 78 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 1: what we're doing right now. Oh yeah, so exhausted to 79 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 1: myself Patreon Head on over to patreon dot com. Slash Alchemy. 80 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,280 Speaker 1: This is If you'd like to submit a scene via 81 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,280 Speaker 1: oldtime email, please right to the podcast. That your name 82 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 1: here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here? 83 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:57,840 Speaker 1: You're stood cool. Scene one Comfort Patron I P. Conrad, 84 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 1: who wrote Kevin and Cast. I a Patreon member and 85 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,920 Speaker 1: I tried submitting this suggestion there, but it wouldn't let 86 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:09,040 Speaker 1: me attach the photo that inspired my scene suggestion. My 87 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:12,720 Speaker 1: messages as follows. I love the show and it's only 88 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 1: the only podcast I'm willing to actually fork over my 89 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,080 Speaker 1: hard earned money to support. I've even grown to enjoy 90 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,320 Speaker 1: the zoom aspect, to the point that listening to older 91 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 1: pre COVID episodes sort of sounds sort of weird. I 92 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 1: have recommended it to numerous friends, and as of yet, 93 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,160 Speaker 1: none of them have gotten back to me about it. 94 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,720 Speaker 1: That's kind of the norm. That's I love the sincerity, 95 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 1: which I take to mean they didn't like it and 96 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 1: are hoping I never bring it up again. Oh well, 97 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 1: fuck them. Oh it's a happy ending. Today's scene suggestion, 98 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:52,719 Speaker 1: once again inspired by Joseph. I think the bad connection 99 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 1: is on your end, dude. My internet is solid. Career. 100 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: The scene suggestion bad WiFi. Okay, can you see me, Grandma? 101 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:12,159 Speaker 1: Can you see me? Okay, look into the camera's on 102 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:18,159 Speaker 1: your company. You have to look into see you. Tony 103 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 1: can see you. You have to look into the camera. Hello, 104 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:26,000 Speaker 1: what he can see you? You have to look into 105 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: the camera. Why do we have to try this family 106 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 1: on every fucking month, Ellen, Because I'm just gonna if 107 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,280 Speaker 1: this is not even working, then I'm just gonna get 108 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,599 Speaker 1: something else, because if it's even who gives a ship 109 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: about the guy? I think that Jim? You had your 110 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 1: camera on, Jim, Jim, your grandma, your grandfather, and your son. 111 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 1: What the fund is this? What do you do at 112 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:05,719 Speaker 1: my computer? What wasn't No, I didn't. I didn't accept 113 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:11,240 Speaker 1: a zoom invite. I was just it's great, great to 114 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 1: see your come face. Thanks for sharing. Oh my god, 115 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: you guys. I have to agree, thank you for showing 116 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,960 Speaker 1: that face. As a grandmother, I always wondering what it 117 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:26,679 Speaker 1: looks like and never have predicted. Yeah, ten different faces, 118 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 1: I would not been able to pick the come face. 119 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 1: Can you see this? And what's going on? What we see? David? David? 120 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:36,160 Speaker 1: We see you? Settle down? Now? Can you hear me? 121 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 1: I can't hear you? Fuck what I'm saying. It's just hello, Hello? 122 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,240 Speaker 1: Oh I was recording the whole thing. I'm gonna be 123 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 1: able to look back. I could you? Could you? Could you? 124 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,239 Speaker 1: Could you delete that? You know what I was doing 125 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: is I was by forwarded to hold my whole work, 126 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,920 Speaker 1: A forward it to my your work, all my work haus. 127 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 1: How the hell do I unfoord this? Yeah? Well, we'll 128 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,280 Speaker 1: take about an hour to put in your your new 129 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: internet line. And this is a nice house, nice house. 130 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 1: What is this? Three three three? Yep, it's nice nice, 131 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 1: must be nice. Yeah, I mean myself, I gotta gotta 132 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: one one. So uh my lady, So well, you're not 133 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: wealthy at all, are you? No? No, we're gonna we're 134 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,920 Speaker 1: gonna get your new new setup. It's gonna come with 135 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:38,000 Speaker 1: forty g B down. I want the best of everything, 136 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 1: and please overcharge me money. Thanks, gonna come by. He'll 137 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,319 Speaker 1: deal with money. I just lay down, right. But if 138 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:48,040 Speaker 1: you put it in within an hour, I'll tip you cash. 139 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:52,720 Speaker 1: And now everybody wins tip me cash. Alright, wants somebody 140 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 1: wants the dirty channel. Somebody wants to uh, can you 141 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 1: give me the dirty channel? Somebody wants to enjoy their 142 00:08:57,559 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 1: zoom time? If you know what I mean I do? 143 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 1: Can you give me all the photos? Of people's come 144 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: face on zoom. Uh yeah you want that channel? I mean, 145 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: why else have WiFi? Yeah? You gotta do. You got 146 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,720 Speaker 1: like a soda or something, it's kind of warm. Yeah, 147 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,080 Speaker 1: what do you want? We got all the shouldas, uh, sodas, 148 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 1: like maybe like a t with like a lemon, like 149 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: a sweet and tea with lemon, like a pure leaf 150 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: or a gold peak. Okay, So that's your idea of soota. 151 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,880 Speaker 1: So that's a beverage. There we go. That's that's the 152 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 1: key word. Where I come from. Soda is everything, you know? 153 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 1: So does that come from Texas? Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 154 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,839 Speaker 1: yeah you've been to Texas. Nope, just heard in the 155 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 1: South they love to call everything a fucking soda. If 156 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 1: you go to Atlanta, everything's a cup. Okay yeah yeah, yeah, 157 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: you want a seven up, it's a cup. So you're 158 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 1: the guy giving my dad WiFi? Yeah, this is my son, Ronald. 159 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,080 Speaker 1: Hey's up, ron Hey, you're the one give you my 160 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:54,319 Speaker 1: dad WiFi? Yeah, we're on. What's up? Give me give 161 00:09:54,320 --> 00:10:01,600 Speaker 1: me just pounded man, pound my fist, Ronald, Ronald, here's 162 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: a hound Bucks pound the man's fist. Fine, yeah that 163 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 1: feels good, right, all right? But you know, cursed the 164 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,520 Speaker 1: wife first, because I'm gonna take care of them. Gonna 165 00:10:11,559 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 1: take that curse right off. You're gonna be talking to people. 166 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,360 Speaker 1: You're gonna be talking to interested parties. He plays video 167 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: games with kids in other countries and thinks it's clever 168 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 1: and cool. Well, he looks like a runner. You look 169 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: like a runner, man. You run around all the time. 170 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 1: I hate running. He's super fast, but he won't run 171 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,839 Speaker 1: because it's boring. I hate you want to stay inside it, wance, 172 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: sit down. I want to pull my hands. Alright, shump 173 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: your hands. He's got giant sucking hands. Show him the 174 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: hand with hands. Look at this looks like one of 175 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: the things that a football game. He put over your 176 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: hand made out of phone? What the neighbor's kid is 177 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:48,800 Speaker 1: lifting his hands up? Are you Oh my god, I'm 178 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: breaking the roof alright. CFN executives, the come Face Network 179 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 1: has uh has been a mainstain of cable for me. Hey, 180 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,360 Speaker 1: can I talk to you for a second. Sorry, We'll 181 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:16,600 Speaker 1: just put the meeting on positive douts. Craig, are you okay? 182 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:18,600 Speaker 1: I know there's a lot of stuff going on at home, 183 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 1: and it just seems you don't have to do the 184 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: presentation for CFN today. If you're not feeling up to it, 185 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 1: I can't but notice you fucked everything up. Oh it's 186 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 1: it's fine. Looks like this this virus has taking a 187 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,240 Speaker 1: toll on this entire country. You know, I'm I'm an 188 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 1: in person person. I know I can't do it over WiFi. 189 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,080 Speaker 1: I'm just so excited for the future of CFN. I 190 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,079 Speaker 1: know me too. We both have a passion for come faces, 191 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 1: and the fact that we've been in the heads of 192 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:54,960 Speaker 1: this thing is incredible. I just want to branch out 193 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,600 Speaker 1: into original programming. You know, we've we've mostly just been 194 00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:01,320 Speaker 1: rebroadcasting other people's come faces for you. Okay, you're right, Okay, 195 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,199 Speaker 1: you're it seems like you've got it. You've got a control, 196 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,080 Speaker 1: you got I'm sucking up. Oh my god, I've the 197 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 1: um roll sound. Okay, get a slate in there. Come 198 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:26,559 Speaker 1: fay seeing twelve, Take four and action. Now you tell 199 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 1: me again what the hell you mean by that. I'm 200 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:39,760 Speaker 1: the only one here offering just came in my face. God, 201 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,280 Speaker 1: more time, I'm gonna any more time. I can't just 202 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 1: reset that. We'll just use the man names like everyone else. 203 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,600 Speaker 1: I don't know why I'm using the mannaise. I went 204 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:53,200 Speaker 1: to Juilliard, Lenny, I appreciate the Juilliard, and thanks for 205 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,840 Speaker 1: telling us again that you attended it. But it should 206 00:12:56,840 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: not be coming from your penis. This this shouldn't be 207 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 1: coming from a don't don't mind us where the suits? Uh? 208 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,280 Speaker 1: You know, we want to stay stay out of stay 209 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,320 Speaker 1: out of your hair. This is the problem, this is 210 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 1: this is the corporate bullshit. I went into this to 211 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 1: come on people's faces as an art, but now big 212 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 1: money is involved, make fucking money is involved, and I 213 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,320 Speaker 1: can't do this ship. I just want to make it clear. 214 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 1: We don't we're not pornographic. We don't do pornography. We 215 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: we don't do live come shots. We merely show people's 216 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:32,199 Speaker 1: come faces. That's right, And yeah, I'm sorry, that's right. 217 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 1: You definitely have. That's why we hired a Juilliard trained actor. 218 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 1: We assumed it wouldn't be straight to porn. But it 219 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 1: looks like once again, that is what's happened. On the side. 220 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,200 Speaker 1: I went to Juilliard. I know I just said that 221 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,679 Speaker 1: as Oh Julie Yard, yes, O j U L L 222 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:55,080 Speaker 1: y are Julie Yard, Julie Yes, Julie Yard because she's 223 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,920 Speaker 1: like a private acting teacher, my kind of. She's like 224 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 1: just porn stuff. Oh okay, so hello, I'm Juilli. Welcome 225 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:08,240 Speaker 1: to the backyard. Listen, we're gonna start programs today. Everyone 226 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,559 Speaker 1: who's signed up raise your hand. Let's do a real 227 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:17,719 Speaker 1: quick row call. Uh, Lenny, Lenny, how do you say 228 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 1: your last name? Lenny? Catch up? Lenny? Catch up? So 229 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,640 Speaker 1: let me catch up his hair? Carl, how do you 230 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 1: say her last name? Carl nerdspof? Can I just ask 231 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: really quick? I thought there was gonna be fences in 232 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 1: your backyard. It was gonna be boundaries open? Carl? Do 233 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 1: you need boundaries? Oh well I do? Just say yes, 234 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: it feels good. Yes, boundaries feel good? Right, Carl? Wait up, Carl? Hey, 235 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,400 Speaker 1: uh he left your notebook back there. I just want 236 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: to say, man, you crushed that scene. Man like, you 237 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,160 Speaker 1: just did so good. I would just love to working 238 00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 1: with you one on one and maybe you just like 239 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:04,600 Speaker 1: really like breakdown like your mentality on this. I don't 240 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 1: know if my my wife allows me to take these classes, 241 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: but she really wants me to keep it outside the house. 242 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,240 Speaker 1: So you don't know if your wife allows you to 243 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: take these classes. So she loves me. She actually helps me. 244 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 1: She kind of encourages me to take classes. But it's 245 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 1: under the agreement. I don't take my home. My mind 246 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 1: work home with me, so I wasn't asking me to 247 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,040 Speaker 1: your house. I was just gonna you know what, dud, 248 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,440 Speaker 1: where are we gonna work? One on one? I don't know, man, 249 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,000 Speaker 1: like getting the coffee or something? Right, Get off my camera? 250 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:36,880 Speaker 1: Oh sorry, say to one. That is scene one. Oh. 251 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 1: I promised myself before the year ended we would finish 252 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 1: a scene with get off my camera. Thank you at 253 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 1: all to come to some Benjamin who wrote High Alchemy Crew, 254 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,240 Speaker 1: I've sent all my emails to your name here at 255 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,080 Speaker 1: blah blah blah dot com and never got a response. 256 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 1: Thanks Joey. My scene idea is this Oprah is missing 257 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:10,480 Speaker 1: lots of love, ben I don't know what I mean. 258 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,800 Speaker 1: She was supposed to be here at noon today. No 259 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 1: one has seen her, so I'm sorry. I have a 260 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,560 Speaker 1: v A P path um. So it's people to go back. 261 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 1: And what is your name? My name is Tammy Crosher, Right, 262 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,080 Speaker 1: how do you spell the last part? Croash and no 263 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:34,800 Speaker 1: berber c c R O N s h E n 264 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,800 Speaker 1: B e r g u r n b e r 265 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 1: e g n. Okay, do you have a photo? I 266 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 1: d P? Yes, I do? Are dere? Oh look at that. 267 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,960 Speaker 1: That's how you spell your ridiculous name. And I just 268 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:55,200 Speaker 1: spelled it. No, no one was listening, So why did you? 269 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: What is going cross checking it? Here's your here's your 270 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:02,120 Speaker 1: ID badge. You'll be working with Oprah today. Your first 271 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:05,080 Speaker 1: task is to find work because she's late. What are 272 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:08,160 Speaker 1: you talking about working a pass to see her then 273 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,240 Speaker 1: watch her shows? No, no, you're we're being put to work. 274 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,040 Speaker 1: We need to find Oprah and you can help. You're 275 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,960 Speaker 1: not breaking it very easily. A V I P pass 276 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:19,200 Speaker 1: If you're a very important person. You're working on open show. 277 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,960 Speaker 1: That's right, and you're gonna get a gift. Look under 278 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,399 Speaker 1: your chair, there's a Chevrolet. It's gonna all be great. 279 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:28,479 Speaker 1: So help us so we can do the show about that. Okay, Wait, 280 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 1: she's missing. Oh Christ, oh my god, what happened? Yes, 281 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: it's Tuesday, she's missing. Relax, what do you mean? It's 282 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:45,080 Speaker 1: not an emergency. She's missing every week, every week. It's 283 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,760 Speaker 1: how she's relevant. Nobody knows where to find her. Oh 284 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,280 Speaker 1: my god, I'm freaking out. Who you go, I'm freaking Oprah? 285 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,359 Speaker 1: Excuse me? Is this is this gonna be one of 286 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 1: Oprah's favorite things episodes? I mean, is they're gonna be 287 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 1: so under our seats? Yes, every episode now is her 288 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,720 Speaker 1: favorite things? All right? Good, good, take your seats. Please, 289 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:07,440 Speaker 1: missing Oprah? Excuse me, sir, excuse me, sir, don't tell 290 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 1: people that. Seriously, you're a woman, a retired detective. I 291 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:19,119 Speaker 1: just did you want to help op It's missing Oprah? 292 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 1: It's gone. How do you know my re? How do 293 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:25,240 Speaker 1: you know my ren? I watched Colombo? So listen, lieutenant, 294 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:30,119 Speaker 1: you'll you'll, you'll help us find Oprah? Sure a picture 295 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,119 Speaker 1: or something? Do you know what you're looking for a picture? Yeah, okay, 296 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,199 Speaker 1: here you go. Here she is on the cover of 297 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:39,160 Speaker 1: her own magazine. Yeah, hit me that wrench. Look, man, 298 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: I don't know anything about it. All right. Last time 299 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:43,879 Speaker 1: I saw her, she came in here. She had a 300 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,399 Speaker 1: rolls Royce. Thank you. I got under the hood. I 301 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,919 Speaker 1: fixed some tubes and it was good. Alright, I already 302 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,639 Speaker 1: you already gave me a wretch. So I don't know 303 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,399 Speaker 1: which one you wanted. I'm giving you like we have 304 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,520 Speaker 1: ten different wrenches. Well, the first one you gave me 305 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,000 Speaker 1: was the right one. All right, you made the right call. 306 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 1: Your instincts are correct. Do you serve is high end automobiles, 307 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: high end automobiles, high end helicopters. You put it in 308 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,920 Speaker 1: water and floats. I'll fix it. Not a big deal, 309 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 1: French that you already gave me the wrench. And when 310 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,920 Speaker 1: he says order up, what what does that mean? Exactly? 311 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:17,840 Speaker 1: He's making hamburgers in the back of the automove hamburgers 312 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,639 Speaker 1: as people get hungry while they wait. All right, excuse me, 313 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,280 Speaker 1: I didn't ask the lieutenant do you wanna do you 314 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:29,720 Speaker 1: wanna wrench? I'm good, I'm good. Are you sure it's free? No, 315 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,680 Speaker 1: it's not free. We pay for those wrench. I don't 316 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 1: know what to say. I was on the jug by myself. 317 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:40,200 Speaker 1: I don't have an alibi. Okay, but you were jogging 318 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:44,120 Speaker 1: right here down Lake Michigan. Yeah, Lake Michigan is where 319 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:48,000 Speaker 1: I jogged. Where where the tour started? Well, you jarred 320 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:55,879 Speaker 1: right by Oprah Winfrey's apartment. Yeah, Hey, what is your badge? Anyway? 321 00:19:55,960 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 1: Let me see this. I'm retired. Damn you're above the 322 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: law then, huh. Yeah, I'm a v I P audience 323 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:08,760 Speaker 1: member at Oprah v I. Oh wow, I'm obligated to 324 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: help out with the case. Yeah, well you don't have 325 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: any right here. I'm gonna I'm gonna go. But I'm 326 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,440 Speaker 1: telling you I didn't have anything to do with it. 327 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,000 Speaker 1: Oh this blood, this cut on my arm, it's nothing. 328 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,160 Speaker 1: It's from a joget. Look, Pal, I didn't even stop you. 329 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,840 Speaker 1: You came up and started talking to me. I'm not 330 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 1: not killing Oprah. Sure, I got a gun, but it's 331 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:32,119 Speaker 1: not registered. Now. Look, man, I can get you some FiOS, right, 332 00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:33,919 Speaker 1: but that's the last thing I can do. Okay, and 333 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 1: consider this my debt paid. Alright. Look I think about 334 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,400 Speaker 1: you saving my ass twenty years ago we took down 335 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,400 Speaker 1: the jump Gleani crime family. All right, Now, my debt 336 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,800 Speaker 1: to you was done. Do you get that? I owe 337 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 1: you one, Marty, I owe you, damn right, you owe 338 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,160 Speaker 1: me one, You son of a bitch, You lucky asshole 339 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,199 Speaker 1: gets to be retired. Now I'm out there on the 340 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,800 Speaker 1: front seat lines. He's getting shot and stabbed. Man, I 341 00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:02,720 Speaker 1: got four hundred and sixteen days tomorrow time. If you've 342 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 1: been counting it down for ten years now, it's not necessary. 343 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,400 Speaker 1: Just wait, wait till you get into the final year. 344 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 1: I'm in the final you almost four d You know something. 345 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,200 Speaker 1: Look at the point is this man? I write every 346 00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,600 Speaker 1: single day, I think about what you did for me, 347 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,960 Speaker 1: and I want you to know that we're done. We're squared. 348 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:23,640 Speaker 1: Even do you hear I get it? Let me. I'm 349 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:28,520 Speaker 1: sure guerrilla rebels and Grandma were held back at the border. 350 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,560 Speaker 1: Now we're turning overs who are continuing the story of 351 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:36,359 Speaker 1: John Ganna crime family. And let's take it to the 352 00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:39,959 Speaker 1: streets to see what our man down there has to say. 353 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,840 Speaker 1: Take it away, Ruger, Hi, thank you. Once again we're 354 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 1: back on the screen. We have a lot of people 355 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 1: walking behind me, so I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted. 356 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:54,879 Speaker 1: I asked the news through the Hey, it's the shoot. 357 00:21:54,960 --> 00:22:01,800 Speaker 1: It's news going on. Shoot. I'm a reporter. I'm a 358 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 1: reporter and I'm here live on the news. So as 359 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,800 Speaker 1: you can see, we've got a lot of activity behind 360 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 1: me because the cameraman forgot to block it off. But 361 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 1: once again, we're covering the biggest crime family. I mean, 362 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,199 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, CFN, I don't know what to tell you. 363 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,199 Speaker 1: I mean, I appreciate you all pivoting into some kind 364 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 1: of news network. I think that was Dan Rather, I'm 365 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,560 Speaker 1: not sure. It looked like an animatronic. It was an 366 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:30,240 Speaker 1: animatronic Tom Broke, Tom Broker whatever. Look, it was horrible. 367 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 1: The Roger, whoever you had in the field doesn't know 368 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,440 Speaker 1: how to speak correctly. Was was definitely rattled by pet 369 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,439 Speaker 1: It was his first big gig. Sorry, should I not 370 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,280 Speaker 1: be in this meeting? I'm embarrassed that you guys are 371 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,280 Speaker 1: talking about me when I'm right here. Roger, It's fine, 372 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,040 Speaker 1: you forgot you were there. I uh um, Look, I'm 373 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 1: gonna have to cut funding. That's just That's just it. 374 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,199 Speaker 1: Oprah doesn't want to pay for this anymore. Look, we 375 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,120 Speaker 1: don't just do come faces anymore, like I am. We're 376 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 1: doing a little bit of everything now, I understand. But oh, 377 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,880 Speaker 1: network's not gonna eat this right, doesn't want to pay 378 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: whord anymore? Is that old man day. I've been running 379 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:14,240 Speaker 1: this c FN for a long time, all right, Mr 380 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 1: Mr John Bianni, you know, I know John Boody, John Balani, 381 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:34,960 Speaker 1: joan body? How do you say? Jumbo? Yeah? Ran Barani? 382 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:42,359 Speaker 1: What the hell is a just unplug? Somebody unpluging? He 383 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,639 Speaker 1: needs to be charged. You gotta charge him up. What 384 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:46,920 Speaker 1: the hell is this? You made it anatomically correct? Why 385 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,679 Speaker 1: you just see can bust up? We can the real 386 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: Tom broke and we have no idea what his dick 387 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:56,160 Speaker 1: looks like. Okay, so I've got to make some alteration. 388 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,600 Speaker 1: So you put a hand, you put a hand. Ver 389 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:05,680 Speaker 1: are all me? You're you're cleaning your dirty money through 390 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,120 Speaker 1: our network. But we're an actual network now, we're making shows, 391 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,240 Speaker 1: original shows. If you're a real network, Roger, what do 392 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,040 Speaker 1: you used? Just come face when doing the news? This 393 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,639 Speaker 1: check for one million dollars is for the first person 394 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 1: to bring me o bro Win Freese said, what the fun? 395 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,639 Speaker 1: What do there's a contract on Oprah. If she's not 396 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,240 Speaker 1: gonna fund us, then we need to get rid of 397 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,120 Speaker 1: a Oh you don't understand there's a whole board of directors. 398 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:34,960 Speaker 1: I mean she's just the name and face of the network. 399 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:39,560 Speaker 1: She doesn't have like the ultimate say so, uh oh, 400 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,639 Speaker 1: one million dollars that's it. I mean she's worth like 401 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,399 Speaker 1: five million or billion dollars. I just feel like it 402 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 1: should be more. Look, you're gonna take this contract or not, 403 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,240 Speaker 1: because if you stop, if you don't get work soon, 404 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:56,360 Speaker 1: you're out, all right, you're my agent. Give me better gigs. 405 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,720 Speaker 1: My god, this is a big step. You you contract 406 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,120 Speaker 1: kill celebrity. Guess what other celebrities know about you. Guess 407 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,719 Speaker 1: what Hollywood comes it off and they do a bio 408 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,200 Speaker 1: pic on you. It's so facts though. You get a deal, 409 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,679 Speaker 1: you get a pillow deal. Come on, I'm telling you 410 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,000 Speaker 1: right now, this is huge. You have to do it. 411 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,600 Speaker 1: Just think about it. I mean, you're you're gonna still 412 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,320 Speaker 1: take your right so like after taxes and I mean 413 00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:20,159 Speaker 1: it's a million dollars, I'm gonna take it's I mean, 414 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 1: I'm clearing maybe maybe dollars. And is that really worth 415 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 1: it to you? Yes? For you? Yes, I mean you 416 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,680 Speaker 1: need the buddy. You need the buddy. Huddy. I'm a 417 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,200 Speaker 1: Julie Pard trained assassin. And then you just wanted me 418 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,399 Speaker 1: to come in here and just take any job. And 419 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,080 Speaker 1: it just doesn't make sense to me. What's the last 420 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,399 Speaker 1: job you did? Huh? What's the last hit you made? 421 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 1: You should know you're my agent. It's right here on 422 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 1: my resume. Okay, let me find it. That's just what 423 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:51,359 Speaker 1: papers days. All right, ladies and gentlemen, if you'll just 424 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:56,879 Speaker 1: take your seats. Let's get this uh started. Welcome to 425 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 1: the Julia Fudd Assassin Training. I'm your instructor for this 426 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:12,119 Speaker 1: first go around. I'm very retired assassin from the field 427 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:15,000 Speaker 1: of the Marine Corps and the filth Start off with 428 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:22,320 Speaker 1: some questions. You're bound to have you with the beanie hat. Yeah, 429 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: me with the beating or the guy with the green beanie? No? No, 430 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:30,600 Speaker 1: you with the beating? The guy next yea, next me. 431 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 1: I didn't have my hand up. If I can ask 432 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:38,000 Speaker 1: a question, somebody asked a question, Sure, what is your 433 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:41,800 Speaker 1: favorite day of the week. I don't know. That's a 434 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:46,800 Speaker 1: new one. I like that question. I'm gonna go with Friday. Yeah, 435 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,359 Speaker 1: I think I'm in the wrong places. Improv next door? 436 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,680 Speaker 1: Ye right, next door? Okay, are you gonna have to 437 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,960 Speaker 1: kill me for even listening to this? Much of the 438 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,040 Speaker 1: class that's hilarious? Is that part of that improd stuff? 439 00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:01,200 Speaker 1: Right there? I don't know what's my first Okay, got 440 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:08,480 Speaker 1: your back? Head next door? Shot me in the back? Okay, Jen, Sorry, 441 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,720 Speaker 1: I just want to catch up. You lift your knife 442 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,720 Speaker 1: back there. I just want to say, like, really good 443 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:18,359 Speaker 1: class um. One question and it was fucking stupid, but 444 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:22,640 Speaker 1: it was like like so thoughtful anyway, like I um, 445 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,960 Speaker 1: I love to work on Oh my god, are you okay? 446 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,160 Speaker 1: That was like you guys to walk like five ft? 447 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,440 Speaker 1: It was such a short amount of space. Are you 448 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,960 Speaker 1: are you? I'm not a water length walking? Is that? 449 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,400 Speaker 1: Why do you just kind of like is this your 450 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:46,440 Speaker 1: hover bo? Yeah? I can't get sort that anyway. I 451 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:47,919 Speaker 1: don't know if you want to get together and just 452 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:53,680 Speaker 1: start like killing why would I Why would I want 453 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,240 Speaker 1: to do that with? Are you just asking me that 454 00:27:55,240 --> 00:28:01,560 Speaker 1: because I'm the only woman in class? No? No, no, no, no, no, 455 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:07,639 Speaker 1: How did you get I'm sorry, I'm you're making me 456 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,679 Speaker 1: really uncomfortable? Can you and you're Oh my god, you're bleeding? 457 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 1: Are you okay with your knife? Oh? Man? How was 458 00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,040 Speaker 1: the how is the class? Who's this asshole? Sorry? This 459 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,040 Speaker 1: is this guy? He followed me. I knew I shouldn't 460 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 1: have taken a class that was right fucking next door 461 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:27,080 Speaker 1: to where we live. Now, let's chase I'm a fucking 462 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 1: hit man. Man, it's my dad. I lived with my dad. 463 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:37,960 Speaker 1: Three of you can get off my camera. Excuse me, folks. Uh, 464 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,040 Speaker 1: I'm going around just asking some people. Have you seen 465 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:52,120 Speaker 1: this woman? Oh? Yeah, this is maybe not the best picture. 466 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,800 Speaker 1: Let me uh this one. Oh bro, Yeah, we know 467 00:28:55,840 --> 00:29:00,240 Speaker 1: who that is from the eighties. Have you have you 468 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:06,680 Speaker 1: seen her? She's she's been missing. Nope, I know that. 469 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,440 Speaker 1: Hey we're just a dry cleaner. We're not up front 470 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 1: for the Jambalani crime family. All right, Okay, then why 471 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:19,320 Speaker 1: do you have a headshot of Oprah Winfrey. That's not 472 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:28,120 Speaker 1: even my gun. I didn't even ask me about your gun. Um. 473 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,280 Speaker 1: That photo was given to us by another detective looking 474 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:36,800 Speaker 1: for her. Yeah, okay, look, I was just walking down 475 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:40,880 Speaker 1: the street. You waved me into your store. Just wanted 476 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:46,600 Speaker 1: to make shot records clean, you know. Okay, can you 477 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:52,840 Speaker 1: get coming into our dry cleaning place? Detective? What's what's 478 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:58,400 Speaker 1: going on? Well? Mr John Bianni? Yeah, what brings you here? 479 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:02,280 Speaker 1: We've got a nice picture. We call this our old 480 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 1: face Here. Your wheelchair wheels have blood on them. No, 481 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:11,280 Speaker 1: that's jelly, It's just jelly. Well, you said you weren't 482 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,320 Speaker 1: affiliated with the gim Beionni family and you just called 483 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:20,000 Speaker 1: him grandpa. Yeah, I am here to pick up my 484 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:23,920 Speaker 1: dry cleaning. Uh yeah, do you have your ticket? I do? 485 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,280 Speaker 1: Here you go? Oh my god, is that old man 486 00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:32,479 Speaker 1: John Bliannie. Oh yeah, sorry, I see you up and about. 487 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:36,840 Speaker 1: It's a jelly on your wheel. Yes, it's a strawberry 488 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:43,080 Speaker 1: raspberry cheery. Look, let me just wait a minute. You 489 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:46,000 Speaker 1: were the stage manager at Oprah show. I gotta get 490 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:51,280 Speaker 1: out of here, se al right, here's your three piece. 491 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,800 Speaker 1: If we couldn't get the blood up, where do you go? 492 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:56,880 Speaker 1: This is the last time I'm doing a favorite for you, 493 00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:58,920 Speaker 1: all right. I got those wiret taps on all the 494 00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 1: businesses in a Christian alright, every single business Chicago's got 495 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,120 Speaker 1: white tep on it. And this I am doing. I 496 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:12,760 Speaker 1: don't know you even he Marty, come into my office. 497 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:16,360 Speaker 1: I got some bad news for you. Um. I know 498 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:18,280 Speaker 1: that we said that you were going to be able 499 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 1: to retire in four hundred and ten days, and it's 500 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:24,280 Speaker 1: like we've had some new assignments and people every day 501 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,680 Speaker 1: that every day that passage that gets me closer to 502 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,600 Speaker 1: my retirement. I could feel a pep in my step. 503 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:33,280 Speaker 1: I want to get I want to contact all my relatives. Okay, 504 00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 1: that's been even looking at different WiFi and different different 505 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:40,200 Speaker 1: kind of technical Ten more years, Marty, you need to 506 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:45,000 Speaker 1: work for ten more years. Ten more years. You have 507 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,800 Speaker 1: you mean ten more years. I mean what I say. 508 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:50,160 Speaker 1: That's about if I'm doing the math correctly, and I 509 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,960 Speaker 1: know I am because I'm a bit of a genius. 510 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 1: It's about fifty thousand more days. What I gotta get 511 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:03,520 Speaker 1: out of here. I gotta get out of here. I 512 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,360 Speaker 1: can't be a cop for that long. I have to go. 513 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,040 Speaker 1: I want to see my family. You can do all 514 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,360 Speaker 1: of those things. You can look for WiFi, you can 515 00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,120 Speaker 1: see your family, you can talk to your dames. What 516 00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:18,280 Speaker 1: do you what do you think being a cop is, 517 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,920 Speaker 1: Marty be The cop is a nine to five. It's 518 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:27,960 Speaker 1: a hot hat job. You understand what I mean. Thank 519 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:31,000 Speaker 1: you for doing the offer clock plumbing. That's very helpful. 520 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,880 Speaker 1: But it is a nine to five job, as you described, 521 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,240 Speaker 1: and that means that before nine and after five, you 522 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:43,960 Speaker 1: can see your family when I'm tiring, when I go work. Okay, 523 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:48,920 Speaker 1: then I'm live outside of the dry cleaners, Teddy's dry Cleaners, 524 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:53,239 Speaker 1: which has been a scene of a very bad um. 525 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:57,080 Speaker 1: I'm here on the screen, I mean street right now, 526 00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:03,680 Speaker 1: and I'm I'm here reporting a Yarry Yarry. If you 527 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 1: could challenge you don be helpful to everyone. Yeah, yeah, 528 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,560 Speaker 1: I am. I'm trying to and so what Well, I'm 529 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:13,520 Speaker 1: not looking in the direction of the the dry cleaner 530 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 1: because that's behind me, so like, and I'm looking forward to. 531 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,600 Speaker 1: What I see is like a street busy with cars 532 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,920 Speaker 1: and stuff. But behind me what happened was like this, 533 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,040 Speaker 1: Apparently this detective went inside and then this other guy 534 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,440 Speaker 1: went inside and then he ran off, but he left 535 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,960 Speaker 1: his bloody clothes and so um. But then they're trying 536 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,400 Speaker 1: to figure out, Sorry, are you in line for dry cleaning? 537 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,400 Speaker 1: Because I've been waiting behind you and I just realized 538 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 1: now you might not be part of the line actual 539 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:42,280 Speaker 1: story you can, uh, Dan Ruthers, I mean talking to 540 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:47,440 Speaker 1: me in my ear, Yeah I have. I'm not in 541 00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:50,160 Speaker 1: line though, But that's funny that you think that's funny. 542 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,600 Speaker 1: I've been waiting here for like two hours because I 543 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,440 Speaker 1: thought that you were in line. To excuse me, I 544 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,520 Speaker 1: had to pick up my dry cleaning for my dead son, 545 00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:59,840 Speaker 1: A good good and uh and that's our sizzle reel 546 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:02,720 Speaker 1: uh so uh and then it's just gonna have the 547 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:07,720 Speaker 1: chiron the main stain of cable after that. So what 548 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:11,319 Speaker 1: do you think see if an executives, do you want 549 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:16,400 Speaker 1: some feedback? What are you looking for notes? Sure, okay, 550 00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,120 Speaker 1: the guy in front of the drag cleaner. I didn't 551 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:22,359 Speaker 1: understand that at all. He kept referring to what he 552 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:26,160 Speaker 1: was seeing as opposed to the camera. That was confusing. Otherwise, 553 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:28,680 Speaker 1: I'll give it all, give it a big thumbs up. 554 00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:31,759 Speaker 1: I think he wants to know if we're going to 555 00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:36,680 Speaker 1: buy it. Oh right, right, right right the thing. Well, listen, 556 00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:38,360 Speaker 1: if you cut that guy in from the drug cleaner, 557 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:39,920 Speaker 1: thank you, sal If you cut the guy in from 558 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:43,920 Speaker 1: the drug you're welcome. Yeah. No, really, it's great to 559 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:47,080 Speaker 1: have you on the team. Uh, I think, sorry, thanks 560 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,239 Speaker 1: for having me. I know, like since we stopped officially 561 00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:53,040 Speaker 1: having sex, you were like, it's, you know, whatever. But 562 00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:56,080 Speaker 1: it's nice of you to actually treat me as an 563 00:34:56,080 --> 00:35:00,359 Speaker 1: employee here, and thank you. I'm getting a raid. Oh 564 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:04,000 Speaker 1: my gosh, yep, congrats, So lose in front of the 565 00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:08,360 Speaker 1: Does noone want this last donut? Someone take the donuts, Steve, 566 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:12,160 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. If everybody looks under their chairs, 567 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,200 Speaker 1: you get a donut, and you get a donut, and 568 00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:20,200 Speaker 1: you get a donut, and that seemed to donuts all around. 569 00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:32,600 Speaker 1: Sally comes to us from patroon VP Conrad, who wrote Nope, 570 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:36,880 Speaker 1: we already talked to by. There's Wyatt, who wrote, howdy 571 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:40,919 Speaker 1: did Lee do my favorite comedy crew? I have two 572 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:45,840 Speaker 1: scenes suggestions, hopefully one is of some news one Santa 573 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:50,960 Speaker 1: Versus Granpas two Day in the Life of Hogwarts staff 574 00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,560 Speaker 1: much love to you all. I feel like we did 575 00:35:54,560 --> 00:36:00,080 Speaker 1: the latter at some point. Yeah, it seems familiar. M 576 00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:03,600 Speaker 1: we spent some time with Hogwarts something. Maybe it was 577 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:11,480 Speaker 1: just that. All right, Well, Crampus, it's Crampus, Crampus, good good? 578 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:14,080 Speaker 1: What did you think? God? Thank God? I thought you 579 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,960 Speaker 1: said Grampus. I thought it was a play on Crampus. 580 00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:20,960 Speaker 1: I'm gonna play on your Crampus in a second Santa 581 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:26,920 Speaker 1: Versus Crampus, The Day in the Life of Hogwarts. Thank you? Whyett? 582 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:36,239 Speaker 1: And then excuse me, excuse me? You gotta stop talking. 583 00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,960 Speaker 1: I do because no one's gonna understand you. I know. 584 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,400 Speaker 1: I just what I wanted. Was I wanted eight? I 585 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:46,839 Speaker 1: want to truck and I want why don't you tell 586 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,520 Speaker 1: me what you want? I want a truck and I 587 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,680 Speaker 1: want my daddy. I want my daddy to come back 588 00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,680 Speaker 1: home so hard. I want I want my day to come. 589 00:36:56,719 --> 00:37:00,239 Speaker 1: Did you lose your daddy again. I locked him. I 590 00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,239 Speaker 1: tell you, when you get up to the front of 591 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,279 Speaker 1: the line and you sit on Santa's lap, make sure 592 00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:08,320 Speaker 1: you've mentioned the part about the truck, and don't mention 593 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:12,200 Speaker 1: the crap about your father not coming home. Okay, do 594 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:16,520 Speaker 1: you mean you want the truck right? I won't my dad. Yeah, 595 00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:22,880 Speaker 1: but if you had to choose, under your head, Dad, 596 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:26,359 Speaker 1: don't mention the truck. Don't leave with the truck. If 597 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:30,760 Speaker 1: all you really wanted your dead I want the truck too, well, 598 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:39,319 Speaker 1: forget it. Hey, kid, I can give you both or 599 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:44,040 Speaker 1: not or not was really just an offer. I need 600 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:47,640 Speaker 1: an adult to collect the crampus. Look, you know, I 601 00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:51,560 Speaker 1: was totally open to having different, you know, Christmas deeds 602 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:53,680 Speaker 1: wherever the fucking things are to come through and you 603 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,600 Speaker 1: don't have kids jump on your knee and whatever. But 604 00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:59,680 Speaker 1: you're really freaking out the whole mall. So we're gonna 605 00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:03,160 Speaker 1: have to We're gonna have to let you go. Okay, 606 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:10,560 Speaker 1: I mean that's understand I kind of anticipated is to 607 00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:14,520 Speaker 1: be a problem, and yeah, I just I think it 608 00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,440 Speaker 1: just hurts for me. I turned down a lot of 609 00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:21,360 Speaker 1: other gigs to be here, um, a lot like Macy's 610 00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:24,560 Speaker 1: wanted me. I'm gonna do my rounds, so I'm gonna 611 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:28,480 Speaker 1: have to get out of the office at the hospital. Yeah, 612 00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:30,759 Speaker 1: I have to go to I do a moonlight or 613 00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:32,440 Speaker 1: I guess. I don't know what the hell's called here, 614 00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:34,040 Speaker 1: Like I owned them all, but I'm also a doctor. 615 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,719 Speaker 1: I'm very wealthy, alright, so that's just kind of how 616 00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:40,920 Speaker 1: I do things in this small town. But what do 617 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,600 Speaker 1: you want here? What do you want one more time 618 00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:49,600 Speaker 1: for for me? Please sit on my lab. Okay, it's wet, 619 00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:55,239 Speaker 1: but don't worry. What is that is that jam? Well? 620 00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,480 Speaker 1: All right, you have your bleeding when your urinate. That's 621 00:38:57,520 --> 00:39:01,600 Speaker 1: a problem. No doc there can fix it and still 622 00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:05,560 Speaker 1: keep me alive. So I chosen to live another day. Well, 623 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:09,360 Speaker 1: let me try. Let me see what's going on in there. Doctor, 624 00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,080 Speaker 1: I'm a doctor. Why don't you come to the Hospit 625 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:14,600 Speaker 1: don't figure this out? Okay, let me get that wish 626 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:18,239 Speaker 1: in first. Sorry, let me get on there, all right? 627 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:28,680 Speaker 1: Are you all right? All right? When you I'm not 628 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,239 Speaker 1: gonna just tell you the last time, Like when you 629 00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:32,960 Speaker 1: wrap the pretzels here, you gotta make sure they're tied 630 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,040 Speaker 1: otherwise we're not selling them, right, it'll look like some 631 00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,640 Speaker 1: wetzel pretzel crap. We're not doing that here. Alright, this 632 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:43,480 Speaker 1: is any shop. Okay, I understand. Let me do it 633 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,880 Speaker 1: in front of you while you watch. Yeah yeah, let 634 00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:49,240 Speaker 1: me watch. Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah. Twisted 635 00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:55,920 Speaker 1: twisted twilet, make it worle it? Yeah, I'd like to 636 00:39:56,200 --> 00:40:00,640 Speaker 1: order a dozen bristles. Hey, just get it right this time. 637 00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,239 Speaker 1: There's no discount. Alright, you're not a full time employee. 638 00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:09,160 Speaker 1: I'm Santa Claus. I. Oh, who's that behind the counter? 639 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:21,200 Speaker 1: You got a different job? Yeah, you know who I am. 640 00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:25,920 Speaker 1: Are you coming here? Why? I was ordering pretzels and 641 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:32,080 Speaker 1: I want him tied nice and tight, crappy cramps only 642 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:35,280 Speaker 1: my friends call me crampy and you're not my friend. Asshole? 643 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,000 Speaker 1: Oh did you manage you? Hear that? You know what? 644 00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:42,919 Speaker 1: Excuse me? I'm supporting my employee. So you're coming here 645 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:47,200 Speaker 1: starting trouble. Why don't you get out of here? What 646 00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:50,920 Speaker 1: time do you get off a work trampis? Uh? Five minutes? 647 00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:58,400 Speaker 1: Check your ass? You versus me? After working? Ding ding 648 00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,920 Speaker 1: In the left corner over you're wearing in a lovely 649 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:06,239 Speaker 1: pounds with a red suit on a double belt. The 650 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:13,279 Speaker 1: center in the right corner. We have wing in a 651 00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:21,640 Speaker 1: two pounds crampy the crampy cramp ships going down there. 652 00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:31,480 Speaker 1: He rep This is your time. You gotta do your speech. Okay, okay, alright, 653 00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:35,239 Speaker 1: I want I want to clean fight. Um. No use 654 00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:38,799 Speaker 1: of magic, though you are both magical beings. Uh. Let's 655 00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:41,200 Speaker 1: keep everything in the spirit of Christmas or in the 656 00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:46,000 Speaker 1: spirit of anti Christmas. Uh. You know the rules. Uh. 657 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,280 Speaker 1: No hitting below the belt though your belts are large 658 00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:58,719 Speaker 1: and uh action, You're trouble fucker. I hope that the 659 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,799 Speaker 1: kids didn't give you you is that word? Don't give 660 00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:16,880 Speaker 1: a book shink. I'm gonna stick my fingers in your eyeballs. Hey, Greg, 661 00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,640 Speaker 1: can I just get a word with you? Listen, just 662 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,120 Speaker 1: watch the tape back from the fight down at the 663 00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:26,840 Speaker 1: mall that you refereed, and well, listen, you know we 664 00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:29,120 Speaker 1: we we love your work. A big fan of all 665 00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:32,440 Speaker 1: all of your films. But now that you're a referee 666 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:36,480 Speaker 1: for fight sound at the mall. Uh, calling out action 667 00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:40,680 Speaker 1: is not the way we'd like to start the fight. Okay, 668 00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:45,920 Speaker 1: what would you recommend? Um? Sound of a bell? Sounds 669 00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:47,040 Speaker 1: of a bell. I don't know if I can make 670 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,759 Speaker 1: that sound well let's try give me. Give me what 671 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:56,439 Speaker 1: you got. Perfect, that's what we're looking for. That's better 672 00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:59,520 Speaker 1: than action. Okay, I know the action is the associate. 673 00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:01,600 Speaker 1: It got the job done. They do what I meant. 674 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,880 Speaker 1: Weirdly they did, but I think they were humoring you, 675 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:10,359 Speaker 1: whereas I being a big fan of all of your films? Um, 676 00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:14,279 Speaker 1: what's your what's your third favorite? Steve? Come down? Now 677 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:20,280 Speaker 1: you didn't like your own? Know it's early, it's early, 678 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,600 Speaker 1: you know, I get that it was influential, But yeah, 679 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:26,560 Speaker 1: it was very I've done better stuff since then. What 680 00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:34,200 Speaker 1: would you say it's better? Uh? Can I get two 681 00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:37,799 Speaker 1: tickets to all? The hands are melting? Please? How old 682 00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:40,920 Speaker 1: are you kid? Old enough to watch? Come on? Let 683 00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:43,640 Speaker 1: me just go in. No, it's great, it are and 684 00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:45,640 Speaker 1: you're just here by yourself. Why didn't need two tickets? 685 00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:56,200 Speaker 1: One for me and one for Santa? Where are your parents? 686 00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:59,960 Speaker 1: Your parents not here? No? I always hope this time 687 00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:02,160 Speaker 1: me here, I can get a ticket for sand and 688 00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:03,960 Speaker 1: then if he comes to the movie with me, I 689 00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:07,000 Speaker 1: can wish that my parents will come back to life. 690 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:12,360 Speaker 1: Oh sorry, man, they were burned up in a marshmallow fire. Wow, 691 00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:17,520 Speaker 1: like a big making a big s'more or something something 692 00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:20,439 Speaker 1: like that. I still can't let you in. I hate 693 00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,759 Speaker 1: to be a babas from the rules, But they don't 694 00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:28,399 Speaker 1: call this Jimmy's matinee movies for no reason. What does 695 00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,840 Speaker 1: that have to do with? What's the model Jimmy's my 696 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:34,160 Speaker 1: Name's movies. We don't let you in unless you're out page. 697 00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:40,040 Speaker 1: Come on, please, it's it's Christmas Day. Please let me 698 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,680 Speaker 1: just get in. Hey, kid, I get let you did 699 00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:47,319 Speaker 1: the movie Jesus Christ? That was that? What the hell 700 00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:58,879 Speaker 1: is that? Who the hell is that fun? What is that? Hey? 701 00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:00,760 Speaker 1: If you go with Crampas, I'll ge you two tickets, 702 00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:03,080 Speaker 1: that's for sure. Crampus has got a lifetime free he's 703 00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:06,400 Speaker 1: got the movie Past for life. I can get in 704 00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:09,000 Speaker 1: for free. Fa have I go in with tickets to 705 00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:14,040 Speaker 1: Crampus and then Crampus can take you in? Okay, okay, fine, 706 00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:22,240 Speaker 1: sweet Crampus pounded buh yeah, sweet nice, Thanks for the tickets, 707 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:25,960 Speaker 1: all right, come with me. Sorry, here's your ticket. It's 708 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:33,720 Speaker 1: really hot? Oh so wet? Now hot? Hey? Uh? Sorry 709 00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:35,840 Speaker 1: for cheaking out you earlier. You got all those horns 710 00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:40,880 Speaker 1: and that was really mean. Sorry, I shouldn't judge you 711 00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,919 Speaker 1: like that. I gotta I have mole of a mole 712 00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:49,440 Speaker 1: on my eye. Let me tell you something. I'm a freak, 713 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:52,760 Speaker 1: right like, I'm a fucking freaking nature. But the mole 714 00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:57,240 Speaker 1: on your eye is absolutely disgusting. How do you link 715 00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,600 Speaker 1: with that thing? It's like on you the white part 716 00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:03,719 Speaker 1: of your well, my eye, all the parts of my 717 00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:05,640 Speaker 1: you know, the blinking parts of my eye have kind 718 00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,560 Speaker 1: of molded around it to see that. It's disgusting. You 719 00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:13,839 Speaker 1: ever like kissed anybody or intimate? I bet it's because 720 00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:16,800 Speaker 1: of the mall. Do you guys want popcorn or anything 721 00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:19,000 Speaker 1: or otherwise you've got to move into the theater. Oh yeah, 722 00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:24,680 Speaker 1: I'll do um, I'll do just the coloneld corn unpopped. 723 00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:26,879 Speaker 1: There you go on the house pramp if you know it? 724 00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:31,239 Speaker 1: Thank you? Can I get some chocolate covered racings? Please? 725 00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:34,920 Speaker 1: We only give food to people with parents, alright, move it. 726 00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:36,799 Speaker 1: It does And that is part of the jingle too, 727 00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:38,880 Speaker 1: if you just waited a little longer, and they do 728 00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:42,799 Speaker 1: include they say all the disclosures out there, dear saying, 729 00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:44,919 Speaker 1: I hope this year you'll be able to come down 730 00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:46,560 Speaker 1: and watch a movie with me, and I'll be able 731 00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:49,840 Speaker 1: to make my wish Are you talking to me? No, 732 00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:53,399 Speaker 1: I'm talking to Okay, sit next to me. Sit next 733 00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:57,120 Speaker 1: to me and hold my hands in the whole film. Hi, folks, 734 00:46:57,160 --> 00:47:00,280 Speaker 1: I'm Greg Gagowski, the director of the film you're about 735 00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:02,359 Speaker 1: to see, and I also work here at the mall 736 00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:05,879 Speaker 1: as a fight referee. Um, I just wanted to make 737 00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:09,239 Speaker 1: a few brief announcements. All the hands are melting is 738 00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,759 Speaker 1: a hard are uh. If you do have, if your 739 00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:14,920 Speaker 1: guardian or a parent with your kid here, just make 740 00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:16,600 Speaker 1: sure to close their eyes, you know during some of 741 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:20,400 Speaker 1: the crucial parts. A question, Yes, Crampas, I'm with someone. 742 00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:23,880 Speaker 1: I say, I'm more of like a chaperone, but I 743 00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:26,200 Speaker 1: don't think he could fully close his eyes for the 744 00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:29,400 Speaker 1: scary part to do a medical performity on the right side. 745 00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:34,960 Speaker 1: Got you. You have no obligation on your part, Crampus. Also, 746 00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:37,440 Speaker 1: because it's Christmas, a lot of kids are leaving a 747 00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:41,360 Speaker 1: giant popcorn and giant coke for Santa uh and hopes 748 00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:45,160 Speaker 1: that he will come during the night and eat it. Uh. 749 00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:48,000 Speaker 1: And that just attracts rats. So just don't don't leave 750 00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:54,319 Speaker 1: that that food. Rats. Yeah, Christmas rats like from the Nutcracker. 751 00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:59,239 Speaker 1: But but no good luck. Okay, it's it's already Christmas Day. 752 00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,160 Speaker 1: You wouldn't if you wanted to leave the food you 753 00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:04,200 Speaker 1: would have done on Christmas Eve. Anyway, enjoy All the 754 00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:07,000 Speaker 1: hands are melting up. Greg Gy gass. Greg. I'm sorry, 755 00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:11,000 Speaker 1: but it looks like this rat bite. It's infected. Oh Jesus, 756 00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:15,200 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I don't know what's gonna happen. Am I 757 00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:18,719 Speaker 1: gonna lose the hand? I mean it looks like that 758 00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:20,440 Speaker 1: part of your hand. If we don't act soon, it's 759 00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:23,200 Speaker 1: going to turn into a rat. Okay, are you telling 760 00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:25,439 Speaker 1: me this is your capacity as a doctor or as 761 00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:30,920 Speaker 1: the owner of the mall. We'll both. As a doctor, obviously, 762 00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,719 Speaker 1: my concern is medical, and as the owner of the mall, 763 00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:38,799 Speaker 1: my concern is financial. Okay, I mean, don't don't hire 764 00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,200 Speaker 1: another fight referee for the food court like I'm the 765 00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:43,279 Speaker 1: only guy who can do it. Great, great, Well, look, 766 00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:47,520 Speaker 1: we're gonna do everything we can to save this hand. Okay, 767 00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:50,080 Speaker 1: all right, but look, if your hand turns into a rat, 768 00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:57,719 Speaker 1: we'll find some to me for interrupting. Doctor. It's time 769 00:48:57,760 --> 00:49:01,359 Speaker 1: to freshen up your iv drep. So thank you very much. 770 00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:07,040 Speaker 1: Just right back into the same whole are you Are 771 00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:09,520 Speaker 1: you also getting treatment here, doc, I'm just getting a 772 00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:13,040 Speaker 1: little high on my own supply. But that's just a 773 00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:16,480 Speaker 1: mean thing, enjoy. Oh my gosh, do you know what's 774 00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:21,240 Speaker 1: in these clear bags? Well? No, I wasn't asking you. Okay, 775 00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:24,160 Speaker 1: do you know what? Yeah? Yeah, but do you know 776 00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:27,560 Speaker 1: what's in them? I'm gonna take a guess. Uh, I 777 00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:31,680 Speaker 1: don't know. It looks gelatinous. Uh huh, taking guys, come on, seasonal, 778 00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:39,040 Speaker 1: come on, egg knock, I don't I don't know. Are 779 00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:40,680 Speaker 1: you trying to get me to say, come like? I 780 00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:49,440 Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. Jesus? Oh, oh, Craig, what 781 00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:53,759 Speaker 1: happened to your head? Uh? My name is Greg. First 782 00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,560 Speaker 1: of all, of course, let me take a look at 783 00:49:56,600 --> 00:50:01,480 Speaker 1: the list. That's right, Greg, Your hand looks a little 784 00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,799 Speaker 1: vermin Yeah, I got bit by a rat. Now my 785 00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:07,640 Speaker 1: hand as a rat? Oh did you go to the ball? 786 00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:12,759 Speaker 1: The mall doctor that was stick? Is he not a 787 00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:17,080 Speaker 1: legitimate doctor? He's a male doctor, Greg, Well, I thought 788 00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:20,840 Speaker 1: he was just wore multiple hats. No, he's not a 789 00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:23,480 Speaker 1: real doctor. That's what's the difference. You can do. It's 790 00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:28,439 Speaker 1: like a mall call. Oh, I'm so sorry. Your head 791 00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:32,360 Speaker 1: is never probably going to be the same. Okay. I 792 00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:35,440 Speaker 1: don't think that Crampus. Uh. I don't think you really 793 00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:37,920 Speaker 1: beat Crampus in that fight, Santa. I feel like it 794 00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:41,520 Speaker 1: was fixed. Oh no, it wasn't fixed. Look at my 795 00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:44,879 Speaker 1: eyes there. In fact, I got a think guy dug 796 00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:52,000 Speaker 1: my eyes about that. That's our shot for today. Hey, 797 00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:55,799 Speaker 1: sad it with the pink guy. Let's thank all of 798 00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:59,480 Speaker 1: our guests and no particular order, starting with Caroline cod 799 00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:05,680 Speaker 1: Thank you, congratulations on your new apartment. I know you're 800 00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:12,600 Speaker 1: super excited about the size and location. That's right. So 801 00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:14,839 Speaker 1: let us know the address and we can send some 802 00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:21,200 Speaker 1: flowers and some cake. Good yeah flower cake, you bet 803 00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:23,960 Speaker 1: you also my exact address out to every I'll just 804 00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,800 Speaker 1: post it on the internet with my social Yeah, people, 805 00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:33,359 Speaker 1: look up your Instagram under the Moniker Carter poop. That's 806 00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,400 Speaker 1: all right. Thank you for joining us. It's great to 807 00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:41,160 Speaker 1: see you. Thanks for having me. Joey Greer the funk Man, 808 00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:44,600 Speaker 1: Tell me about it, Tell me about it. BS Comedy 809 00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:49,840 Speaker 1: every Wednesday, eight o'clock Twitch, thank you, TV Backslash, BS 810 00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:54,920 Speaker 1: Comedy Chicken, thank you for that. A tool, sing tool, 811 00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:58,840 Speaker 1: thank thank you. I my socials are all a tool 812 00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:01,000 Speaker 1: time a t U L t ammy. Come join me. 813 00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:04,719 Speaker 1: We'll do some fun stuff. What but like what kind 814 00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:09,080 Speaker 1: of well I'm engage we'll happen. Okay, okay, it sounded 815 00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:12,640 Speaker 1: like but I just wanted to class. But no, no, no, no, 816 00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:16,200 Speaker 1: no no no, not on social James Zeeney, Uh, well, 817 00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:19,799 Speaker 1: I'm gonna double down on butt stuff. You can find it, 818 00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:23,960 Speaker 1: you can engage in it on twitch, dot tv, slash 819 00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:28,840 Speaker 1: bs comedy. Assume that's what you guys were talking about. 820 00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:31,719 Speaker 1: My mistake if I was wrong. Craig Atkowski, thank you 821 00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,600 Speaker 1: so much. Enjoying the hell out of the Thanksgiving episode. 822 00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:37,880 Speaker 1: Oh thanks so much. Yeah, Craigslist podcast, we're playing on 823 00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:40,799 Speaker 1: doing the Twelve Days with Craigslist in December. So we're 824 00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,520 Speaker 1: gonna watch twelve holiday movies leading up to Christmas and 825 00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:48,319 Speaker 1: put about four podcasts up about it. So Craigslist, pea 826 00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:51,400 Speaker 1: cast on Twitter, subscribe and all your favorite podcast apps. 827 00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:54,960 Speaker 1: Great to see you all. Let's thank our engineering producing 828 00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:59,200 Speaker 1: the stars Mr Green. Fine folks that I heard media. 829 00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:03,640 Speaker 1: I'm your host Kevin Pollock. Remind you how much we 830 00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:06,160 Speaker 1: appreciate each and every damn one of you. Please keep 831 00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:09,000 Speaker 1: sending those emails. I love to hear from you. Your 832 00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:11,880 Speaker 1: name here, TLCO, me this dot com and hey, damn it. 833 00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:15,319 Speaker 1: Be kind to each other if you can, and wear 834 00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:18,400 Speaker 1: a mask when you go outdoors for a while still, 835 00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:21,080 Speaker 1: and then Joey will come by with the vaccine and 836 00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:24,839 Speaker 1: everything will be fine until then and until next time.