Speaker 1: Hello friends the dul Say Sloan. If you enjoy seeing
Speaker 1: me and listening to me bother Josh every week with
Speaker 1: the very silly things in a song, then you should
Speaker 1: come see me tell the comedy jokes at the Arlington
Speaker 1: Draft House December and tewod and third with Lace Larraby
Speaker 1: from America's Got Talent. Also, I will be at the
Speaker 1: Creek and the Cave in Austin, Texas on December ninth
Speaker 1: and the tenth with guess what, Lace Larraby and she's
Speaker 1: still from America's Got Talent. So listen. What I need
Speaker 1: y'all to do is I need y'all to send in
Speaker 1: these ideas. Okay, what do you want to hear me
Speaker 1: and Josh talk about? Drop a mond of socials, drop
Speaker 1: Amanda YouTube's, drop them anywhere you want. You can dm
Speaker 1: me and Josh. Okay, and if you're a tract, a
Speaker 1: single man with a very good job, you can just
Speaker 1: DM me to say hi, come and see me. Do
Speaker 1: stand up. Come tell me and Josh what you want
Speaker 1: us to talk about and we can have a good time. Okay,
Speaker 1: I love you, Bye bye. Hey everybody welcome to hold up.
Speaker 1: This is a show about not much really like it's
Speaker 1: it's big topics, but big topics does nothing going on
Speaker 1: in the world. It's just things that we feel very
Speaker 1: strongly about. And I am your co host, Josh Johnson
Speaker 1: right for the Daily Show. I am joined by those
Speaker 1: days long corresponding from the Daily Show, lover Fighter and
Speaker 1: all around bad bitch. I remember crop top phase friends,
Speaker 1: And today we're talking about comedy, I new stand up,
Speaker 1: I act, I sing, I enjoyed long walks on the beach.
Speaker 1: Where do you like to do? Today? We're talking about
Speaker 1: Walmart versus Target. All right, that's my favorite. I love
Speaker 1: a Walmart. How do you feel about Walmart? Do you
Speaker 1: enjoy Walmart? Because Josh is gonna say the wrong answer,
Speaker 1: and that's gonna judge me. People gonna judge me. Let's
Speaker 1: get into the episode right now that if you gotta
Speaker 1: come to be sideways like that, like trying to do
Speaker 1: it close to the care real like it's all sweet
Speaker 1: and stuff, but really it's a dig at me. And
Speaker 1: I always recognize a dig. What a dig is happening? Okay,
Speaker 1: I brought my shovel, baby boy, did you bring your shovel?
Speaker 1: Are you having a good day? I'm hungry. So tell
Speaker 1: the people what side you're on today. If the people
Speaker 1: know me and no, what kind of classy as don't girl?
Speaker 1: I am? It would find southern woman. I am as
Speaker 1: I walk in nature. They know I'm teeing Walmart Wali
Speaker 1: Wali Wali Wi Wallli Wali World. We had the Walmart.
Speaker 1: We at the Walmart. We have to You haven't seen
Speaker 1: the We have the Walmart. We have the wal wal
Speaker 1: Wale World. You didn't see the girls. They have not
Speaker 1: cared to see it. But they got the Louisiana purchase card.
Speaker 1: You know what the Louisiana purchase card is, aren't you?
Speaker 1: And I am on the side of Target because you
Speaker 1: because what? Because what? Because here's the thing, this thing,
Speaker 1: this thing. I've been excited for this episode. I've been
Speaker 1: excited for so long because so many times there will
Speaker 1: be a thing where we were going, you know, head
Speaker 1: to head, my work cut out for me. I truly
Speaker 1: am like, okay, how am I gonna Because you know
Speaker 1: your your thing will be like very very solid, right,
Speaker 1: So then I'll be like it's like puppies versus shoes.
Speaker 1: I get it. Yeah, And I'll be like I believe
Speaker 1: in my side but how do I convinced the people
Speaker 1: with this one? This is the first time where I
Speaker 1: feel like, you know, us being authentic to ourselves has
Speaker 1: has truly uh kicked your legs from under you, Walt
Speaker 1: bar But if we're being authentic to ourselves, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: for the history of your life up until you left
Speaker 1: the great style of Weziana, you with a Walmart nigger
Speaker 1: And don't blame me, and don't but you spent many
Speaker 1: a childhood days, many Sunday, many a Sunday in a Walmart.
Speaker 1: Don't you remember when they put in the groceries. I've
Speaker 1: been fighting my whole life to escape Walmart. I've been
Speaker 1: working to get that target in. I've been look look
Speaker 1: all life. I had to fight you know what. And
Speaker 1: I never like to say this, but Josh, you forgot
Speaker 1: where you come from. That's what happened. I hope I
Speaker 1: have amnesia. I have no problem with get my past. Listen,
Speaker 1: I remember in high school. I think the first dame
Speaker 1: I senior in high school, I was very cute, little
Speaker 1: like outfit. It's like a blue top and it buttoned
Speaker 1: up the back because I could started like open like
Speaker 1: just a few of the button you know, just to
Speaker 1: basically let my ask fit in the shirt. And but
Speaker 1: also you don't give the boy of a peek of
Speaker 1: a lower back situation. Um, I was seventeen after all,
Speaker 1: and it's cute like matching, like blue and white skirt. Right.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry because I'm not laughing
Speaker 1: at your thing now. I'm the fact that you said
Speaker 1: situation is so funny just because just because I'm so
Speaker 1: sorry to digress, but if I want to make sure
Speaker 1: I remember it so that we could get to your
Speaker 1: thing and then get back to the But like when
Speaker 1: I was in high school, you said you were seventeen, right.
Speaker 1: When I was at high school, there was a guy
Speaker 1: I do who had a crush on this girl, and
Speaker 1: so we're all in the scenario, we're all sixty or seventeen, right,
Speaker 1: And then he was like, she had wore a short
Speaker 1: sleeve shirt that day, and he was just like he
Speaker 1: was he was already admiring her top to bottom, but
Speaker 1: he was like, even her arms are sexy, you know,
Speaker 1: and uh, and then he was like even her elbows,
Speaker 1: and the elbows is the knuckle of the arm. And
Speaker 1: I laughed so hard the knuckles should have it's the
Speaker 1: knee of the arm, the or the elbow. The knee
Speaker 1: is the elbow of the let's just say that the nuclea,
Speaker 1: it's a joint. The bands, I remember they had us
Speaker 1: because I could never figure out why they wouldn't let
Speaker 1: us were like we always thought it was stupid that
Speaker 1: they wouldn't le us. Were like spaghetti straps or some
Speaker 1: schools or bra strap couldn't show because why would we
Speaker 1: teach boys to have respect for girls? We could just
Speaker 1: cover girls up. Yeah, apparently right, Like I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: not an antique car. Why the funk am I under
Speaker 1: this drake? So so you were had the lower back
Speaker 1: situation going and the lower back situation. And so this
Speaker 1: one of the popular girls who when she was talking
Speaker 1: to me, I couldn't figure out why she was talking
Speaker 1: to me because I wasn't popular, but I was friends
Speaker 1: with the people who were popular. Also, I've really never
Speaker 1: spoken to this girl before, and I hadn't. And you
Speaker 1: know that a little like they're these beated sandals that
Speaker 1: came out, because I remember those beated bracelets. They were
Speaker 1: like this is courts is this jade? They put it
Speaker 1: on shoes? It's like blue matching flip flop shoes and
Speaker 1: I always wear blue. Um, if we didn't live in
Speaker 1: the suburbs, you know, I thought it was a gang member. Um,
Speaker 1: but I just really like blue. And this girl comes
Speaker 1: to me and she's like, I really love her outfit.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, thank you. So where'd you get
Speaker 1: it from? Was like Walmart? And she's like, you got
Speaker 1: clothes from Walmart? And I was like, bitch, this outfit
Speaker 1: was cute before you found out it was from Walmart,
Speaker 1: and it's gonna be cute after you find out us
Speaker 1: from Walmart. And then there's other popular girls standing. I
Speaker 1: was like, her clothes are from Walmart and I was like,
Speaker 1: and they's still cute, so what. Yeah. Look, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying the Walmart doesn't have good product. No, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying what happens in a Walmart. No, no no, no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: no no. Listen. This is how I knew Target, with
Speaker 1: some regular ship and people trying to make it better
Speaker 1: than it was. When people started calling Target tar J,
Speaker 1: I was like, nah, bitch, this is a regular ass
Speaker 1: fucking store because guess what these cheap ass jeans in
Speaker 1: here is the same cheap ass jeans and a Walmart,
Speaker 1: We're not playing this game. All Target did it was
Speaker 1: make their prices a little higher. And then they're like, okay,
Speaker 1: we got red. And when we're gonna, we're gonna, we're
Speaker 1: gonna put a filter on these lights. We're gonna make it.
Speaker 1: Because the thing is a Walmart is soothing as a
Speaker 1: Walmart is for me. It is slightly chaos even when
Speaker 1: it's calm down, even when But you have to understand
Speaker 1: a country ass Walmart. Because I went to college and
Speaker 1: country Astown College, Gainesville, Georgia, right, and there was a
Speaker 1: mall across the street. On a Sunday, people would park
Speaker 1: at the mall and walk across the street to the
Speaker 1: Walmart shopping center because there was no parking in that Walmart.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna tell you what, it was not as
Speaker 1: chaotic as a city. A city Walmart is wild. I
Speaker 1: go on to Target and get a bunch of ship.
Speaker 1: I don't we all know you're going to Target, you
Speaker 1: get one thing, you spend two hundred dollars, Right, That's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. You're going to Targets to get one thing.
Speaker 1: Oh and the like, what the funk happened? Here? If
Speaker 1: you spent two hundred dollars on Walmart. You brought half
Speaker 1: the store that look look at look at one. One
Speaker 1: things I was discussing with some of the producers even
Speaker 1: before we started was the Black Friday situation at a
Speaker 1: Target or a Walmart right now, the Black Friday they
Speaker 1: both chaos. I've been to both. I've I've been to both.
Speaker 1: I even went to a best Buy Black Friday. But
Speaker 1: I will say that a lot of people forget the
Speaker 1: levels of Black Friday chaos. Okay, because best Buy is
Speaker 1: up here, because we already come through with all the
Speaker 1: electronics right. Target is actually much lower because people forget
Speaker 1: that they have the same electronics as Walmart. So to
Speaker 1: your point before of like, uh, Target just has what
Speaker 1: Walmart has, but it's more expensive in everything. I don't
Speaker 1: go to Target for my electri at all. You know,
Speaker 1: I don't go to it. I don't go to Target
Speaker 1: or Walmart for elect tronics. I've bought TV's from Walmart.
Speaker 1: That's not you're about from Walmart. But I knew that
Speaker 1: I could get a cheaper out of Walmart there because
Speaker 1: because the thing about Target is like targets like okay
Speaker 1: in California, Target, because sometimes an anchor store in a
Speaker 1: shopping mall because of the eyes of a Steers or
Speaker 1: a Macy's or a jac They've become an anchor store
Speaker 1: because they've been able to adjust their aesthetic to not
Speaker 1: really be like because listen, if I can buy wine,
Speaker 1: drawls and cat litter in here, I don't give a
Speaker 1: funk how you adjust this lighting. I'm not a Walmart,
Speaker 1: you see, like I can still this is. I'm buying
Speaker 1: power tools, I'm buying dog food. People blame Walmart for like, oh,
Speaker 1: but what about the mom and pop stores in an area?
Speaker 1: Does Target not do the same thing? If the tar
Speaker 1: it comes in your neighborhood, if you were a clothing store,
Speaker 1: if you were electronic store, if you did whatever the
Speaker 1: funk that they sell on a Target, is it Target
Speaker 1: doing the same thing. It's a big box store. It's
Speaker 1: like when you're a butcher or some ship, and then
Speaker 1: a grocery in a full grocery store molds in your neighborhood. Now,
Speaker 1: isn't that the same ship? It's not quite the same, though,
Speaker 1: because Walmart goes much much further in that Walmart. And
Speaker 1: this is this is even a credit to your point,
Speaker 1: all right, this is something that I will concede up top. Okay,
Speaker 1: a Walmart for all of its sections in the overall store,
Speaker 1: especially as Supercenter, right, it has a mom and pop
Speaker 1: of each thing in there, whereas Target does not. So
Speaker 1: Target is not gonna come through with a full butcher
Speaker 1: and certain meats that are on sale that week or whatever.
Speaker 1: Target also doesn't have the bakery section. It just has
Speaker 1: the things already laid out baked, you know. So my
Speaker 1: thing is for the for the mom and pop situation.
Speaker 1: I do consider that more of a Walmart thing because
Speaker 1: Target is just being the box like like here all
Speaker 1: our line. Yeah, because it's like because I remember they
Speaker 1: started putting grocery stores in a Target m M, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, so you're gonna close even the giant
Speaker 1: grocery store because the thing is, it's like Target feels
Speaker 1: like it's not trying hard enough with the grocery section
Speaker 1: because there's not It's like there's not enough food in it.
Speaker 1: And then Walmart says like, we're gonna like targets like
Speaker 1: a section of the store. Walmart's half the fucking store
Speaker 1: targets a selective lady. She's not out here loose with
Speaker 1: all the groceries with with all of the electronics, with
Speaker 1: all She's not trying to be everybody everywhere doing everything
Speaker 1: all right, she has her particulars. No, she sells everything
Speaker 1: under she sells everything under a private label. Mm hmmmmmm.
Speaker 1: What you know that a lot of private label stuff
Speaker 1: is made by larger companies. Yeah, I'm not I'm not
Speaker 1: denying that at all. I don't think that there's a
Speaker 1: Target in the back of Target that's making all the
Speaker 1: Target stuff, you know what I mean? These aren't like
Speaker 1: Keebler Elves doing target things, right. I understand Target is
Speaker 1: very good at selling target things. Walmart is very good
Speaker 1: at selling everybody's things. Everybody's things, war we got it.
Speaker 1: But the thing is that with targets. So it's like,
Speaker 1: because you know there's a great value brand of Walmart,
Speaker 1: we're fully aware. It's like the private select of your
Speaker 1: Kroger slash routes. We know that people have generic store
Speaker 1: brands of things. I can say that the I would
Speaker 1: rather have a Kroger chocolate sandwich cookie than in Oreo
Speaker 1: any day of the fucking week. Yeah, yeah, they're there
Speaker 1: are things exactly like that that that all of these
Speaker 1: stores do very well, this is you touched on trail
Speaker 1: mixes tap target is good target, that that whole aisle,
Speaker 1: that large section of mixed, not some various backgrounds and denominations.
Speaker 1: I need a bigger cart. I need a bigger buggy. Wait,
Speaker 1: do you call them carts or buggies? I think I
Speaker 1: called it a buggy when I was little and I
Speaker 1: was in the Amusiana, I call it a cart. Now,
Speaker 1: maybe you got out of the South before earlier than
Speaker 1: I did, because I didn't leave to I was like
Speaker 1: thirty three thirty four. Now I call them buggies, and
Speaker 1: I have to, like, if I'm around certain people, I
Speaker 1: had to make sure I change my terminology because people
Speaker 1: if you just call a cart a buggy, people are
Speaker 1: acting like I didn't deny the Holocaust. I just fucking
Speaker 1: said it was the way that people react to certain
Speaker 1: things being called something. Because like other on Instagram, I
Speaker 1: realized my mother called sunglasses shades, and I've always called
Speaker 1: them sunglasses, and she's always called them shades, but I
Speaker 1: always what then was talking about. And sometimes they go,
Speaker 1: I can't find my shades, and people goes, You're like, huh.
Speaker 1: I do like the fact that Walmart's like here's the stuff.
Speaker 1: Have the stuff. Target, on the other hand, is trying
Speaker 1: to I don't believe Target as in, you have your
Speaker 1: curating things, you're creating a vibe now, mind you. Is
Speaker 1: a Walmart employee helpful absolutely, the funk not not. Usually
Speaker 1: it's the old person at the door, right. And then
Speaker 1: if you're a country Walmart, they're they're slightly helpful. If
Speaker 1: you find an older employee, yes, they know where things are.
Speaker 1: Someone could be stocking something in the grocery section and
Speaker 1: you can ask them where something is and they will go,
Speaker 1: I don't know. You're like, I'm sorry, I should have
Speaker 1: asked you. Your Walmart employee, you don't know where anything
Speaker 1: the fuck is. You need something out of electronics, you're
Speaker 1: gonna wait twenty minutes for somebody to show the funk
Speaker 1: up or two. You never know. That's why there's you
Speaker 1: can't like. If you're going to get something like I
Speaker 1: need a TV out of a Walmart, call it, order
Speaker 1: it ahead, do some help yours help you help you,
Speaker 1: because sometimes the Walmart employee either is they're not gonna
Speaker 1: do anything, or the most helpful fucking person you've ever met.
Speaker 1: There's rarely an in between. They're walking through the store
Speaker 1: with you hand and fucking hand right, But we're gonna
Speaker 1: get some of this, So we're gonna do this and
Speaker 1: what you're gonna because I can tell you that's someone
Speaker 1: who was on the road heavy doing in colleges and ship.
Speaker 1: When Super Walmart started closing, I was like, what happened
Speaker 1: to the They're telling me I can't walk in this
Speaker 1: Walmart and three in the morning and get some popcorn,
Speaker 1: some ice cream and dog food. That's what you're telling me.
Speaker 1: You're telling me I can't to walk into a Walmart
Speaker 1: at two forty five and a good Christian warning okay,
Speaker 1: and get three stakes, a USB cable and a wrench.
Speaker 1: Is that what we're saying? Now, this is my issue
Speaker 1: with Walmart because you you've touched on already. Walmart has
Speaker 1: everything the way that you put it now you know
Speaker 1: it's it's for everybody, and and why isn't target? Is
Speaker 1: the question? So is the internet? The Internet is for everybody?
Speaker 1: And you've already talked about the fact that it shouldn't
Speaker 1: be either. Yeah, look look what it is. Look at
Speaker 1: what it is. You're saying the target, so target discriminates.
Speaker 1: Please go on, It's not just not about discrimination, it's
Speaker 1: about not having every single thing so that you're not
Speaker 1: mixing so many different demographics of people. There are people
Speaker 1: that come to Walmart with specific emergencies at play that
Speaker 1: don't show up to Target because they know Target doesn't
Speaker 1: have it, because Target doesn't have a pharmacy. That what
Speaker 1: you're saying, No, no, no, it's not just a pharmacy thing.
Speaker 1: I think some Targets do have a pharmacy. I think
Speaker 1: they do, cause CVS and something. Yeah, yeah, um. But
Speaker 1: when you have someone that needs a particular store that
Speaker 1: goes to a Walmart instead, and you do that enough
Speaker 1: times to where you create a Venn diagram of people who, Oh, man,
Speaker 1: I'm doing a project on my house and need to
Speaker 1: grab some power tools. Oh I have a wedding, I
Speaker 1: need to pick up some plastic cups. Oh I have
Speaker 1: all this stuff. Right, And then you put it all
Speaker 1: in one place. You get the Walmart, you get the
Speaker 1: Target has power tools. Target but not only just Target
Speaker 1: have a party. Target not only has a part as
Speaker 1: a party section, they have their own private label party supplies. Right,
Speaker 1: So Target picks and chooses what like the trail mix
Speaker 1: Aisle Beautiful you've never seen macadamias used in such a way. Now,
Speaker 1: this is a thirty five dollar bag of nuts. Yes,
Speaker 1: are you gonna buy it? Yes? Because you tried not to.
Speaker 1: But you're like, but this is my thing, this is
Speaker 1: this is this you're you're touching on exactly what I'm
Speaker 1: talking about. They have a whole trail mixile. They actually
Speaker 1: don't end up having as much of a sliced peaches
Speaker 1: aisle as Walmart. So Walmart will have a whole aisle
Speaker 1: of like the sliced fruits in the cups for the
Speaker 1: kids that you pack in the lunches. Right, Targets got
Speaker 1: like two choices. Hold on the way that you said
Speaker 1: the streams are slice for the kids and it packs
Speaker 1: the delicious. It's just it's like people would do Cosby jokes. No,
Speaker 1: you got for the kids in space, but I can't
Speaker 1: do conscrete. Um, hopefully none of us can do cosmic.
Speaker 1: It's a it's an impression that breaks no joy. I
Speaker 1: saw comic doing an Obama impression the other day and
Speaker 1: he's not even thirty years old, and I was like,
Speaker 1: what are we h? He's very he's a very funny comic. Um.
Speaker 1: But I saw him doing Obama and then another comic
Speaker 1: was like, oh, topical material and we both but when
Speaker 1: we I think we got to walk out of fat
Speaker 1: Black because I was like, he wasn't old enough to
Speaker 1: vote for Obama. It was probably in elementary school. I
Speaker 1: was a grown ass woman dancing in the street to
Speaker 1: my president is black. When Obama got elected, I was
Speaker 1: out of college. This nigga wasn't probably out of diapers,
Speaker 1: and I can't even I was like, how long did
Speaker 1: you wait to do this? Maybe he was pull ups?
Speaker 1: Perhaps I don't know, but he was with the bad
Speaker 1: age what Obama was president and he's doing. As a
Speaker 1: question of at least the overalls, he's at least overalls.
Speaker 1: At least you're still your begosh, which is what I
Speaker 1: always accused Opio of wearing. By the way, I think
Speaker 1: this is my this is my My Other issue is
Speaker 1: that you're not taking full responsibility epsibly. I don't know
Speaker 1: what on the Walmart side, you're not taking responsibility for
Speaker 1: the culture. You're not taking responsibility for because Target doesn't
Speaker 1: have an auto center. Okay, okay, I can't be responsible
Speaker 1: for the chaos of a place. No, I can't. If
Speaker 1: you're thinking it if you're picking it up in the
Speaker 1: place for my place with no chaos, I have almost
Speaker 1: no chaos. Chaos. I've seen chaos in a Target. It
Speaker 1: was at a lower volume, but it was a little
Speaker 1: It was chaos. I would much rather take chaos at
Speaker 1: a lower volume than the chaos of allow volume. If
Speaker 1: we got chaos up full volume, I might die. I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm not a survivor like that. I hear you. Okay, here,
Speaker 1: if I am in a Walmart and things go left,
Speaker 1: you say you will be speaking about in the past tips. Okay,
Speaker 1: if things go sideways in a Target, I just know
Speaker 1: to step to the right and it will not be
Speaker 1: my problem anymore. There is because of the price points
Speaker 1: between a Target and a Walmart. Yes, you're dealing with
Speaker 1: demographic different demographics of people, because Target forgot where they
Speaker 1: came from. Okay, Target used to be very affordable. And
Speaker 1: I looked and I was in Target one day and
Speaker 1: I was like, why the fuck I remember being a
Speaker 1: Target And there was another one made this other woman
Speaker 1: were standing there in like the home to core Aisle,
Speaker 1: and I picked up this like accent pillow and it
Speaker 1: was fifty fucking dollars and I was like, is this
Speaker 1: pillow fifty dollars? And I heard this woman go what
Speaker 1: turned yeah, what? And I said this pillows fifty dollars
Speaker 1: and she was like why and I said why. So
Speaker 1: me and another grown adult we're like. I was like
Speaker 1: this it's I was like, I'm not amazing. I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not in Nords Trumps. If any store that's not
Speaker 1: fucking Nordstrumps gives me a fifty dollar pillow, it should
Speaker 1: be burned in like how dare you, first of all,
Speaker 1: a fifty dollar pillow in general as a concept, as
Speaker 1: a movement, as a label. Nonsense. There's not golden this pillow.
Speaker 1: This pillow is not gonna hold me at night. This
Speaker 1: pillow is not gonna I'm not gonna pour water on
Speaker 1: it. And And all of a sudden, it's that man in
Speaker 1: my fucking dreams. It's all made in China. Why the
Speaker 1: funk is this fifty dollars? My issue is that, Okay,
Speaker 1: let me this is this is where I feel like
Speaker 1: we have to dress. You're dealing trauma, okay, in the
Speaker 1: same way that you didn't funk with sweet Potato pies
Speaker 1: because you've had bad interactions with sweet potato pies. You
Speaker 1: don't suck a Walmart because you've been working your whole
Speaker 1: life to not be a Walmart person. On the other hand,
Speaker 1: have always embraced the Walmart lifestyle. Well, I will continue
Speaker 1: to embrace the Walmart let because when I tried to
Speaker 1: become a Target person, I realized it requires too much
Speaker 1: drinking of wine and the overpaying for regular ask things.
Speaker 1: You're still in department store. Let me, let me explain.
Speaker 1: All right, let me lie, let your life. But you
Speaker 1: know what Targets out here, they're not helping, they're not
Speaker 1: doing the lord's work. They're they're trying to make you
Speaker 1: think that's better than what you are. You put a
Speaker 1: Starbucks in this bit, and you think you better. Kmart
Speaker 1: was out here selling hot dogs and ship when nobody
Speaker 1: get no love for Kmart no more? And what did
Speaker 1: Kmart due to anybody? How did they go out of
Speaker 1: business as a concept. I'm really always trying to think
Speaker 1: about that. My thing is, you're missing the taxes and
Speaker 1: fees associated with peace of mind. Alright, so yes, Target,
Speaker 1: you're going to Target, all right, But you know what
Speaker 1: you didn't see when you went to Target, you and
Speaker 1: see a proposal on Aisle eight. You didn't see someone
Speaker 1: trying on clothes that do not fit them? All? Right? Yeah? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: every clothing store, every store that sells clothing, has people
Speaker 1: trying on clothes that do not fit them. I'm talking
Speaker 1: about egregiously not fit. I don't mean checking to see
Speaker 1: if it fits. I'm talking about In college, we would
Speaker 1: go to Walmart, right, and one of my friends would
Speaker 1: just see if he could fit into a small one.
Speaker 1: He knew he was an excel, just to walk out
Speaker 1: of the dressing room and we all get a good
Speaker 1: laugh because he looks like a big baby, and it
Speaker 1: was funny, it was It was very few. I've seen
Speaker 1: people do that in an old navy, So I'm not
Speaker 1: clearly there is an epidemic in this country and people
Speaker 1: try to clothes they know don't fit them because it's
Speaker 1: the it's the Chris old, Chris Farley, fat guy in
Speaker 1: a little you know what. People love seeing a grown
Speaker 1: man's belly button, especially if he's in a shirt that
Speaker 1: makes him if he's Winny pooing Donald ducking this ship.
Speaker 1: People love. No one's asking I'm here asking you for
Speaker 1: Mickey Mouse. They're asking you for Donald duck, that's what
Speaker 1: they want. When did the pool gave us? Wait? Died?
Speaker 1: The pool is the reason I have the courage. This
Speaker 1: is the thing. And look look no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: because I can feel this happening. I can feel this happening.
Speaker 1: I finally have a good one. I finally have a
Speaker 1: good had a good subject. All you've done is to flect, distract, divide. Okay,
Speaker 1: what the history? You can see me? You can you
Speaker 1: can feel me having some good points, and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: let me hit him with a little quip real quick.
Speaker 1: What did the history of you knowing me? Have I
Speaker 1: been helpful? Look, I'm just not on this podcast. I'm
Speaker 1: a very nice person and I hope people know that.
Speaker 1: And if you don't know that, that's your own problem.
Speaker 1: I'm a nice lady. Okay. Yeah, you do this thing
Speaker 1: sometimes where you talk about how nice you are, but
Speaker 1: then you you add an extra layer that that kind
Speaker 1: of takes away a layer. It's kind of a negative
Speaker 1: to a positive where you're like, if you don't know that,
Speaker 1: you can go straight to hell. And it's like, well,
Speaker 1: that doesn't that I understand what you're saying as someone
Speaker 1: who knows you from the outside look at it. That
Speaker 1: doesn't that that doesn't help. Did you not see my
Speaker 1: my I G story the other day? Was it was Monday,
Speaker 1: it was today. I had a therapy session, m I
Speaker 1: worked out, and I thank the Lord from my daily scripture.
Speaker 1: You niggas are in trouble. Yeah see, but you know
Speaker 1: what it is. It's like it's like if a rapper.
Speaker 1: What you do is a lot like if a rapper
Speaker 1: had a good rhyme and then and then ended it
Speaker 1: like a real good flow, right, like like you're rocking
Speaker 1: with it, right, and then in the last line he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I love you, so to your head to your foot.
Speaker 1: It's like you had us, you fully had us, and
Speaker 1: then you you know what I mean. I cant have
Speaker 1: been head to toe, but I said head to foot.
Speaker 1: Have been head to toe, head to foot, So I
Speaker 1: understand what you meant. But I'm saying the way it sounds. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm fully aware of how I sound. But that's just
Speaker 1: funny to me. Like instead of saying I digress, I
Speaker 1: say I digest just to see who catches it. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm with you. I just I feel like in this
Speaker 1: this has been the one that I've looked forward to
Speaker 1: the most because this is the one where I feel
Speaker 1: like the audience can hear me, they can feel me,
Speaker 1: and they's y'all think that y'all are doing that much
Speaker 1: better because you're willing to pay more money for the
Speaker 1: right regular ship. You know what, I have not been
Speaker 1: fair to you. I want you to make your points
Speaker 1: because I'm not been helping. It's it's it's not about
Speaker 1: the prices being more. I never like paying more, especially
Speaker 1: if it's for the same thing. I know that these
Speaker 1: big box companies get all their sourced goods from the
Speaker 1: same like five places. I'm saying Target ends up being
Speaker 1: better because Walmart is too busy being chaotic, all right,
Speaker 1: It's not necessarily about the prices. It's not even always
Speaker 1: about the product, Okay, because I've had plenty of things
Speaker 1: that I've bought from Target fall apart immediately and then
Speaker 1: I had to returnament that that also happens. I'm just
Speaker 1: saying that, like the levels of which we're getting too
Speaker 1: much in a Walmart, Okay, like the Walmart I went
Speaker 1: to when I was in college. We went to because
Speaker 1: we were bored. That is not a good clientele. You
Speaker 1: don't want a bunch of board teenagers in your store,
Speaker 1: just killing time, all right, it's gonna bring down the
Speaker 1: quality of the experience for other customers. It's not bringing
Speaker 1: down the quality of experience, because you know what I
Speaker 1: hate is when I'm gonna Target and I see somebody
Speaker 1: calculating within their cart knowing they can't pay for it.
Speaker 1: That disrupts my quality of my time because it's like,
Speaker 1: you never want to see people have to negotiate with
Speaker 1: the thing is that they need. Now, that's the other
Speaker 1: thing about a Target. You're seeing people people negotiating for
Speaker 1: things that they truly don't need. You don't need that
Speaker 1: other bath mat. You have a bath matt. Just wash
Speaker 1: your bath matt. You don't need a new one. You
Speaker 1: need a thirty dollar fucking bath match. The bathmat you
Speaker 1: have is five Just watch it. You don't need half
Speaker 1: the things in your car when you get because when
Speaker 1: you get home from Target, you're always like, where am
Speaker 1: I gonna put this ship? That's always what happened you
Speaker 1: to come up from a Target. Now, as somebody who
Speaker 1: did go to Walmart when I was bored and has
Speaker 1: photos from being in at Walmart from in college when
Speaker 1: I was bored, what I found out is Walmart employees
Speaker 1: enjoy you putting on all the fishing gear and pretending
Speaker 1: to fish with your friends in the aisle. They'll take
Speaker 1: a picture of that. They'll let you hold onto the
Speaker 1: daisy bb gun and put on all the hunting gear
Speaker 1: while you're pretending to hunt the singing deer that's mounted
Speaker 1: on this black in the hunting section of this country
Speaker 1: as Walmart. Walmart knows what Walmart is. Walmart employees know
Speaker 1: if you come in here, because like the number of
Speaker 1: times we thought that we were gonna be asked to
Speaker 1: leave a Walmart because I was pretending to chase my
Speaker 1: friend with the chainsaw and they're like, hey, you want
Speaker 1: us to take a picture. Yeah, of course, here's the camera.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Walmart knows what Walmart is. Nobody's
Speaker 1: going up in a target and have a good time
Speaker 1: when they're bored, because guess what target closes too early
Speaker 1: to get that board clientele. Because I'm gonna tell you,
Speaker 1: we never walked out without buying something. You don't sunk
Speaker 1: around in a Walmart. I mean, you can't sunk around
Speaker 1: a Walmart not buy anything. But Walmart employees are always like, yeah, okay. Well,
Speaker 1: target on the other hands, like, hey, can I help
Speaker 1: you now? Bit you can't help me, okay, let me
Speaker 1: put on all this hunting gear. You can't get upset
Speaker 1: about help. It's the wet Listen, you're a black person.
Speaker 1: You've got people aggressively ask you if you needed assistance
Speaker 1: because they're trying to make sure you're not stealing. I'm
Speaker 1: in put on the pants. No, I'm not stealing because
Speaker 1: there's nothing at the bottom of the the hole in the
Speaker 1: stollen goods. Oh but if if, if that happens to me,
Speaker 1: I just put them to work. If somebody rolls up
Speaker 1: all me and they're like, oh, hey, do you need
Speaker 1: some help, and they're looking me up at Dowal try
Speaker 1: to make sure I'm not stealing anything, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: thank goodness you're here. I'll take up their entire shift.
Speaker 1: I don't give a damn cancel all my shows. I'm
Speaker 1: in this wal Mart, don't be with me all day.
Speaker 1: I'll just I'll be like, what do you think the
Speaker 1: difference is between a yellow bell pepper and an orange
Speaker 1: bell pepper? And they'll be like, I'm like, let's look
Speaker 1: it up. Let's look let's google it together like that. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: hey you if you want to roll with me, you
Speaker 1: roll with me. I've done that before. I was in
Speaker 1: I was down at Santi Ali, so like the l
Speaker 1: A Fashion Diction or whatever fashion fashion district, and I'm
Speaker 1: in this store and it was like makeup and different
Speaker 1: stuff in there, like makeup and like different accessories and
Speaker 1: earrings and ship and there are two women in there
Speaker 1: with their children and they are obviously stealing. To anyone
Speaker 1: who's ever worked in a retail store, they are obviously
Speaker 1: fucking stealing. Truly, they got stuff on the kids. They're there.
Speaker 1: I don't know, they're starting a business. They're obviously fucking stealing.
Speaker 1: But the guy who ran all this, the guy who
Speaker 1: ran the place, him and his wife. Anytime I would
Speaker 1: touch something, so he's following me through the store while
Speaker 1: I'm watching two women with their children obviously fucking steal.
Speaker 1: So I was like, you know what, I'm running interference.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let these bitches rob this man blind. So
Speaker 1: what I started doing is I walked through the store
Speaker 1: and I would just take something off and then just
Speaker 1: drop it on the ground m hmm. Or I would
Speaker 1: take something and take it off and then put it
Speaker 1: back in a different place, because he was he was anything.
Speaker 1: I looked at something, he would adjust and I just
Speaker 1: went because I went, are you following me? But now
Speaker 1: he tried to act like he didn't speak English. Oh, niked,
Speaker 1: you don't speak English. These bitches are stealing. We're about
Speaker 1: to be a problem in here. So I just started
Speaker 1: moving ship. I'm dropping stuff on the floor, and then
Speaker 1: I'm watching them continue to openly steal, dropping things in
Speaker 1: a bag, dropping things in a stroller, handing something to
Speaker 1: their child so that they can put in the stroll.
Speaker 1: There's a family of crime. The last thing that I'll
Speaker 1: say on on my end of Walmart versus Target is, uh,
Speaker 1: there's too much. There's almost too much we can't even
Speaker 1: fitted into an hour and a half show if we
Speaker 1: were to do that of the drawbacks of Walmart, and
Speaker 1: I would say, I would refer to people, for lack
Speaker 1: of a better word, clientele. All Right, there's been quite
Speaker 1: a fight and quite uh quite a theft, and quite
Speaker 1: quite an overall chaotic situation. I remember there are times
Speaker 1: that I'm I'm literally going in Walmart to get in
Speaker 1: and get out. I just got my grapes, I got
Speaker 1: whatever fruits, whatever veggies I wanted, and I'm just watching
Speaker 1: something happened down because you also made the place too big,
Speaker 1: because now the Walmart as a whole as a city,
Speaker 1: and cities are going to have their levels of crime
Speaker 1: and their levels of of chaos. Right. Um, then I
Speaker 1: think that even though it's cheap, the price point is
Speaker 1: still not fantastic for what the thing actually is. So
Speaker 1: prices what you mean, because what they do is a
Speaker 1: it's a tactic where they tell you they've rolled it back,
Speaker 1: but you never actually saw that initial price in the
Speaker 1: first place. Right, So they'll be like, we've rolled back
Speaker 1: prices from eight nine nine to six nine nine. But
Speaker 1: then when you actually look at the thing and you
Speaker 1: pay attention, it was never eight nine nine in the store.
Speaker 1: They just marked it up so they can mark it down,
Speaker 1: which is the price that they wanted to pay the
Speaker 1: entire time. Oh yeah, I had a jewelry business, I
Speaker 1: would do that and be like, oh it's twenty but
Speaker 1: for you. There we go. Then last thing, I think
Speaker 1: the add ons are actually negatives. Okay, the some of
Speaker 1: the photo shoots, some of the extra sandwich businesses that
Speaker 1: are inside of Walmarts actually decrease the value for me.
Speaker 1: You know what, Claire's in a Walmart and I was like,
Speaker 1: shout out the Claire's. They're like, we're not going out
Speaker 1: of business. But these malls are dying. These malls are dying.
Speaker 1: But these Walmarts. Yea, even though Walmart sells the little
Speaker 1: accessory nonsense that a Claire's has, it doesn't have the
Speaker 1: depth of the accessory nonsense that a Claire's has. Also,
Speaker 1: you got your daughter, whether you're going anyway, yeah, a
Speaker 1: little get her ears pierced. She's nine. I feel like
Speaker 1: Target has just enough. Okay, they have just enough that
Speaker 1: I can get what I need and it's not crazy.
Speaker 1: I don't have to go through a bunch of aisles.
Speaker 1: I actually don't need as much help. Target has a
Speaker 1: system in place that I don't think Walmart's have, or
Speaker 1: at least not all of them, where you can walk
Speaker 1: up to a little um like kiosk type thing on
Speaker 1: certain aisles, you type in what you need and they
Speaker 1: will tell you what aislets on in what section. And
Speaker 1: that's something that Walmart has not had. I the Target
Speaker 1: just has the price scanners. I don't even know what
Speaker 1: you're talking about. So Walmart also has the price scanners.
Speaker 1: But if you if you go up to certain sections
Speaker 1: and a Target, this isn't a lot of the Targets
Speaker 1: in New York City and you just type in what
Speaker 1: you need. It's it's the same thing as the website,
Speaker 1: but it's for the store. When you type it in,
Speaker 1: it'll tell you like aile five row too, whatever the
Speaker 1: thing is. It's easier for New York Walmart to do.
Speaker 1: I mean, You're Target to do that because the New
Speaker 1: York Target only has five items in it. I've tried
Speaker 1: to get shoes out of a New York Target and
Speaker 1: I was like and I was like, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's that shape. I was literally I tried to go
Speaker 1: get and I was like, I need some new shoes,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I was in a hurry, and
Speaker 1: I couldn't find a DSW that was close to where
Speaker 1: I was. I was like, you know what a tar
Speaker 1: j a tar gott Let me walk on the beach
Speaker 1: and try to find something to keep my feet off
Speaker 1: the ground. And I got to the shoes section and
Speaker 1: there was literally only twenty pairs of fucking shoes. And
Speaker 1: I looked at the girl and said, where the rest
Speaker 1: of the shoes, because all of the targets in New
Speaker 1: York in the city, like in Manhattan or like abbreviated reduced. Damn. Actually,
Speaker 1: that's that's why even make the store. There's only twenty
Speaker 1: pairs of shows in here where the fund is the
Speaker 1: rest of the store. So you so that like that's
Speaker 1: and I was like, I hate do you know what
Speaker 1: I do If I want to go to a Target,
Speaker 1: I go twenty five minutes at the fucking flushing because
Speaker 1: it's a whole store. It's got the big red balls
Speaker 1: in front to make sure you don't drop through that
Speaker 1: bitch and stone a TV s. It has whole What
Speaker 1: do you think the red balls was for? It? Never,
Speaker 1: I honestly never thought about what they were for. And
Speaker 1: this makes perfect sense. I'd rather than be for that.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what they're for. WY A lot of stores,
Speaker 1: like big box stores, because like Walmart, some of them
Speaker 1: will have those pillars in front of them too. It's
Speaker 1: so you don't drive in their store. Also, not even
Speaker 1: to steal their ship, it's just so you don't drive
Speaker 1: in the store. Because it's happened enough now right where
Speaker 1: they're like, hey, how do we stop this, but make
Speaker 1: it aesthetically pleasing. UM put giant balls in front of
Speaker 1: the store that will destroy most vehicles if they drive
Speaker 1: into them. So I understand that Walmart is the waffle
Speaker 1: House of stores. I'm fully aware. I appreciate that. I'm
Speaker 1: fully aware of what she is, who she is, and
Speaker 1: what she's doing. But if I'm trying two furnish an
Speaker 1: entire apartment, and to furnish I had to literally buy dishes, cups,
Speaker 1: you know, everything that you have to have as a
Speaker 1: person when you live indoors. Right, I have TV, gotta
Speaker 1: put something, put the TV on one. You have to
Speaker 1: have hangars to put your clothes up. All these things.
Speaker 1: I furnished my whole apartment. I got not furnished. But
Speaker 1: like I, I guess it's not furniture. What's the what's
Speaker 1: if it's not furniture, what's it go? When you're like
Speaker 1: putting stuff in an apartment, like the pots and the
Speaker 1: pans and the you know what, what's that? I guess you?
Speaker 1: I mean, I think you're still furnishing because right, yeah,
Speaker 1: I spent I had two buggies full. I might have
Speaker 1: spent four hundred dollars three to get everything I needed.
Speaker 1: I bought an air mattress because I had nothing in
Speaker 1: this apartment. Yeah, I spent three I know if I
Speaker 1: would have bought those same things out of Target, I
Speaker 1: would have spent twice as much. Okay, so how about this.
Speaker 1: We're gonna kick it to you the listener, and this
Speaker 1: is These are the last things that I'll say before
Speaker 1: I rested with all of you. Um my last and final,
Speaker 1: you know, checkmate of a position. I understand that some
Speaker 1: people like Walmart for the entertainment value and everything and
Speaker 1: for the price point. But you need only go to
Speaker 1: people of Walmart to see what I'm talking about. That's
Speaker 1: your only, That's not my only. I'm just saying it's
Speaker 1: my last. Uh. I. I definitely can concede that there
Speaker 1: are targets that might as well not even be stores.
Speaker 1: There are targets where there are six things on sale
Speaker 1: and only two of them are here. But I think
Speaker 1: that you're you're leaning one way or the other, were
Speaker 1: either leaning towards these uh drawbacks of the supercenter, which yes,
Speaker 1: it has everything, but like at what costs? How long
Speaker 1: are you're gonna be in there? No one is helpful
Speaker 1: or not no one but usually no one or the
Speaker 1: tiny store that hopefully has an entire section of the
Speaker 1: thing that you think they'd have. Like I remember one
Speaker 1: time I went to one of the tiny ones and
Speaker 1: they didn't have I don't think they had any mouthwash
Speaker 1: at all. And I was like, okay, well, then don't
Speaker 1: make this like a pharmacy type section. Then you have
Speaker 1: the toothbrushes, you have the floss. Don't do this now
Speaker 1: right the two ways, and you don't have mouthwashed, like
Speaker 1: who lives Like That's why I went to like two
Speaker 1: different Manhattan targets and I was like, and I hate
Speaker 1: to ever say this, but a plague upon both your
Speaker 1: houses is really how I felt when I walked out
Speaker 1: of the store. So I know, oh, I have to
Speaker 1: go to a target in Queens. I have to go
Speaker 1: to where the people are, meaning the suburbs. I have
Speaker 1: to go to the targeting the targeting the suburbs. Just
Speaker 1: like when I found like the h smarts that are
Speaker 1: in Manhattan, like Hmart, it was just it was just
Speaker 1: sold the ready made food and that was it. And
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I'm here for the full Hmart experience.
Speaker 1: Don't do this to me. But I realized that New
Speaker 1: York does not have this super H there's this super
Speaker 1: H part. Yeah is amazing. It's it's and I'm just like, yes,
Speaker 1: calm through, calm through super H smart. Okay, they got
Speaker 1: the samples. It's me and I do. I'm out here
Speaker 1: tasting ship email. We out here eating things. Okay, once
Speaker 1: they see my cart, I'll be walking hand in hands
Speaker 1: through the store. Right. She's helping me get the good kimchi, Like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're making kimchi pancakes. Well, that means you got to
Speaker 1: get the older kimchi because you need more defermentation. We
Speaker 1: have a conversations, were hanging out. Her son is in school.
Speaker 1: I hope he's doing well. You know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Super H Smart. I appreciate all of you listening. We
Speaker 1: appreciate you being listeners. We appreciate your opinions. I felt
Speaker 1: that I felt that. Don't do that. I felt it.
Speaker 1: You don't think I felt that. Huh, you don't think
Speaker 1: I felt it? What you just did? What you did?
Speaker 1: We want you to tell us what you think. Are
Speaker 1: you team Walmart? Team Target? Do you go for the
Speaker 1: supercenter or the little quick self checkout experience that I
Speaker 1: guess Targets are doing. It is really wild. It's like
Speaker 1: it's like it might as well. Some of these targets
Speaker 1: might as well be a CVS. But I still think
Speaker 1: that they offer my life more stability than the Walmarts did. Okay,
Speaker 1: but I just I can't listen. It's very rare as
Speaker 1: a child that I would see a closed Walmart. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but things need to close. No no, no no, no no,
Speaker 1: I mean closesn't like shut down. Oh I'm sorry, I
Speaker 1: thought you meant for the night. Yeah, they should. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think at all. I think, honestly, any twenty four
Speaker 1: hour place is just asking for trouble. I mean, we've
Speaker 1: all heard that nothing good happens after midnight unless you're
Speaker 1: in a Target in Gainesville, Georgia. I feel like this
Speaker 1: is my tomato suit, you know what I mean? Because
Speaker 1: a lot of people are going to be like a dult, say,
Speaker 1: you're a learned person, why are you associating yourself apposing
Speaker 1: yourself in the Walmart? And I will tell you I
Speaker 1: am one of my favorite things to do on the
Speaker 1: road is to go to Walmart. So we want you
Speaker 1: to check out, between your friends and you, how you
Speaker 1: feel about this. Open up this conversation to the people
Speaker 1: in your life. Maybe open it up in a Walmart
Speaker 1: or Target, you know. And which I don't want you
Speaker 1: to do is don't be upity about it. Okay, don't
Speaker 1: judge people. They'll be like, hey, listen, what is your preference? Okay,
Speaker 1: don't Walmart shane people. Yeah. Yeah. And I want people
Speaker 1: out there to value themselves. I want you to value yourself.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to take care of yourself. I
Speaker 1: want you to ask what what would be an easier
Speaker 1: day for you? You know, because maybe you are in
Speaker 1: a closer proximity to Walmart. Who knows. But um, if
Speaker 1: you are looking to check us out on the socials,
Speaker 1: you can find me at Josh Shohnson Comedy, on Instagram, TikTok,
Speaker 1: and YouTube. I also have a podcast called The Josh
Speaker 1: Johnson Show where I tell stories and chat with friends
Speaker 1: and then if you're looking for DULs say in these truths.
Speaker 1: Um sometimes uh yeah, I've got my stuff on my socials.
Speaker 1: I've got some shows coming up. December second, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be the Draft House with Lace Larrapy and December and
Speaker 1: December the nine, I'm gonna be at the Creek in
Speaker 1: the cave with lace larrapy. Listen. Uh, we're just here
Speaker 1: to be as helpful as we possibly can. And um,
Speaker 1: call your mama, and if you can't, call your daddy,
Speaker 1: and if you know what, phone of friends, see how
Speaker 1: your friends doing, check on your strong friend. That's what,
Speaker 1: and have a good weekend. Why suckers, this has been
Speaker 1: hold up. We've covered conscious wrap versus club bangers, bars
Speaker 1: versus body wash, diners versus waffle houses, all sorts of things.
Speaker 1: What else should we be talking about? We want to
Speaker 1: know from you. Let us know, drop us a comment
Speaker 1: or hit hold up on social at the Daily Show