WEBVTT - 7 Ways to Reduce the Time You Spend Overthinking & Make Better Decisions Quicker 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:04.200 If you're feeling stuck, move your body. Study show that 0:00:04.320 --> 0:00:08.039 working out naturally releases serotonin. And maybe right now you're 0:00:08.080 --> 0:00:10.400 moving your body while your mind is moving, and that's great. 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:14.240 But if your mind is stuck, move your body. And 0:00:14.280 --> 0:00:17.720 if your body is stuck, move your mind. The number 0:00:17.760 --> 0:00:26.000 one health and wellness podcast, Jay Sheety Jay Sheddy Set. Hey, everyone, 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:29.880 welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to listen, 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:33.400 learn and grow. I'm your host, Jay Sheddy, and I 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:37.080 am so excited that you're here right now. You're investing 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:40.159 in yourself simply by showing up, and I want you 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:43.000 to acknowledge what a big win that is. That you're 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:47.720 prioritizing your mindset. You're prioritizing your growth simply by checking 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:53.840 in right now now. I'm sure that overthinking has slowed 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:58.600 you down, has wasted time, has wasted your energy for 0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:02.960 years and years and years, and maybe you've been trying 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:04.920 to do a bunch of different things to help it. 0:01:05.280 --> 0:01:08.319 I'm hoping that this episode is going to help you 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:12.120 learn why overthinking may not be as bad as you 0:01:12.200 --> 0:01:15.280 think it is. I'm here also to help you with 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:19.160 tools and habits and practices that are going to help 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:24.679 you overcome the unhealthy sides of overthinking. I'm also going 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:28.080 to give you some great insights on taking action and 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:32.000 making shift and change in your life by more deeply 0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:37.120 understanding what overthinking is, how it works, and why we 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:41.000 struggle with it so much. Remember, if you want to 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:45.440 break through something, you have to understand why it's breaking 0:01:45.440 --> 0:01:49.760 you down. So let's dive into the research. A study 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:54.080 of two thousand people discovered that sixty eight percent of 0:01:54.160 --> 0:02:00.120 adults admit to overthinking. Another study found that overthinking is 0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:05.280 especially problematic for young to middle aged adults. Seventy three 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:08.880 percent of twenty three to thirty five year olds and 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:12.280 fifty two percent of those aged forty five to fifty 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:17.120 five overthink. Now, when you break this down further, women 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:21.720 is significantly more likely than men to fall into overthinking 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:25.480 and to be immobilized by it. Fifty seven percent of 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:30.079 women and forty three percent of men claim to be overthinkers. 0:02:30.320 --> 0:02:32.320 So the first thing I want you to recognize is 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:35.040 I always do, is you're not alone. You're not alone 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:39.120 and the challenges so much of society has set us 0:02:39.280 --> 0:02:43.280 up to be an overthinker. Now, if you think about 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:45.799 the kinds of things you overthink about, and I sat 0:02:45.840 --> 0:02:47.520 down with my team. I was asking some of my 0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:50.880 friends and family, and the top things that came up, 0:02:51.320 --> 0:02:54.880 the less serious ones, were things like social plants. Do 0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:57.840 I go or do I cancel? Right? How many of 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:01.079 you have ever sat there for the whole week trying 0:03:01.080 --> 0:03:03.840 to figure it out? And you might be that person 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:07.120 who messages last minute and says, guys, it's canceled, it's over, 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:10.040 I'm not coming, I am coming, whatever it may be. 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:14.680 But social plans is a big, big one when it 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:18.280 comes to overthinking. Another one is our appearance. What are 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:21.600 we gonna wear? How do we look? Do we really 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:23.959 want to get that tattoo? Do we want to get 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:27.040 that new makeup product? Right? There's all these questions around 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:31.320 appearance that we overthink about. Now it starts to get 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:33.240 a bit more serious here as well. You have things 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:37.880 like leaving your job, breaking up, and notice how all 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:40.720 of these we can all vouch for the fact that 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:44.840 we've overthought about these things before and they seem like 0:03:44.960 --> 0:03:49.160 valid things to think about. Finances is another huge one, 0:03:49.680 --> 0:03:52.360 and then going back to the more daily ones, you've 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:56.280 got things like social cues and exchanges. You're worried about 0:03:56.280 --> 0:03:59.720 something you said, or you're worried about something you didn't say. 0:04:00.160 --> 0:04:02.800 You're worried about how you came across in an interaction 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:05.920 at work, and now you're worried that that person judges 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:09.120 you or assumes something about you that you don't believe 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:13.120 is true. Or maybe you texted someone and you didn't 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:15.760 get the tone quite right, you didn't think it through, 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:19.680 and now you're concerned that they think that you're not thoughtful, 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:22.839 you're not kind, you're not caring, Or you forgot to 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:26.839 reply someone messaged you a week ago and you completely 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:29.599 forgot that they message you, and all of a sudden, 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:33.440 you're worried about how you're being perceived. Notice how this 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:43.000 scale of circumstantial to existential overthinking exists. Circumstantial are situational 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:49.200 are things like social plans, appearances, social exchanges, emails and messaging, 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:52.680 and then on an existential level, you have things like 0:04:52.760 --> 0:04:57.919 breaking up, leaving your job, moving country. And what we 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:01.240 find is that it's very na and very normal to 0:05:01.400 --> 0:05:06.920 overthink about pretty much all of these things. And sometimes 0:05:07.200 --> 0:05:10.279 the smaller the decision, the more we've replayed that thought, 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:13.479 and sometimes the bigger the decision, the more we try 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:16.000 and avoid that thought? Right, how many times have you 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:19.320 had it where you're just trying to avoid the fact 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:21.080 that you may want to leave your job because it 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:25.880 brings up too much discomfort or you know that you 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:29.000 keep thinking over and over again about a conversation you 0:05:29.040 --> 0:05:34.920 had two weeks ago because of something you said. Now, again, 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:39.039 you're not alone. Another study found that around forty percent 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:43.200 of adults overthink how to get out of plans. How 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:45.840 many of you are sitting there trying to get out 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:48.080 of the plan right now, Here's what I'm going to 0:05:48.120 --> 0:05:49.799 ask you to do. Here's what I'm going to nudge 0:05:49.839 --> 0:05:54.760 you to do. Just make a decision and send that 0:05:54.880 --> 0:05:57.839 message and then don't look at your phone. Just make 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:00.960 the decision. I promise you it won't make a massive 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:04.200 difference to your life either way. Now. The same study 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:08.200 also discovered that around a third of people worry that 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:14.000 coworkers misinterpret their office dialogue. Right, maybe it's a joke 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:18.000 you made, maybe it's a conversation you had. And what 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:20.839 I would say in that scenario is it's okay to 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:24.400 go up to someone and say, hey, I've been worried 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:26.680 that you may have misinterpreted how I did this. I 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:28.520 wanted to check in with how you feel about this. 0:06:29.200 --> 0:06:34.200 It's really great to over communicate when we feel we've 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:37.840 been under effective in the past. That same study went 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:41.040 on to say that over thirty percent of us overthink 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:45.360 financial choices like how much to spend on a housewarming 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:48.599 gift or how to ask someone to repay the money 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:51.039 they borrowed. Right, how many of you have lent money 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:54.000 to someone and then you're scared to ask for it back. 0:06:54.839 --> 0:06:57.520 It can be really perplexing to figure out when to 0:06:57.560 --> 0:07:00.320 say something, what to say, and how to say something thing, 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:03.760 And therefore we just let it go. But then in 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:06.600 the back of our mind, we're wondering, gosh, that person 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:09.280 still owes me fifty dollars, twenty dollars, one hundred dollars, 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:11.520 whatever it may be to you. And then you say 0:07:11.560 --> 0:07:14.640 things to yourself, right, we negotiate with ourself, Oh, it's 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:18.120 not that big a deal, it's okay. But all the 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:21.160 while we're building up a negative viewpoint of this individual, 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:24.160 and we're feeling a bit of angst and pain internally 0:07:24.240 --> 0:07:27.760 as well. Again, in this scenario, if that's what you're 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:32.000 going through, my advice is messes that person. They probably 0:07:32.000 --> 0:07:36.200 forgot anyway, even if it's uncomfortable for you, I promise 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:39.960 you it will allow you to free your mind. And 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:43.440 I think that's what we're trying to get to with overthinking, 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:45.600 is we need to get to a place where we 0:07:45.760 --> 0:07:50.120 recognize that freeing our mind is better than the pressure 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:54.480 that we're forcing onto our mind. Now, I was reading 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:58.640 something from a Maha, which is a phenomenal website to 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:01.400 do with mental health, and I read something on there 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:04.360 about the science behind overthinking and I wanted to read 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:07.560 it to you. So listen to this carefully from Amaha 0:08:07.560 --> 0:08:12.400 dot com. From an evolutionary standpoint, the brain functions to 0:08:12.640 --> 0:08:17.360 encourage overthinking as a means of problem solving. Have you 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:21.440 ever thought about that for a second? Evolutionary standpoints suggest 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:29.160 that our brain functions to encourage overthinking. Brain chemicals like dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin, 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:35.079 and cortisol participate in initiating and sustaining these cyclical loops 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:40.200 of thoughts. Simply put, dopamine is a chemical associated with 0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:45.320 rewarded motivation, so actually reflecting and pondering can be really 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:52.280 really effective. Now, Adrenaline is a stimulator, Amaha says, Serotonin 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:56.679 is the feel good hormone and mood regulator, and quartisol 0:08:56.840 --> 0:09:01.000 is the stress hormone. Dopamine promotes the notion of problem 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:05.120 solving and hence initiates the loop in an effort to 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:09.080 reward the brain. When you're striving to solve the problem, 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:12.640 adrenaline is released as a source of energy and you 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:17.520 become pumped. The mind loop is augmented by serotonin as 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:21.280 new options are emerging. Now, when the loop produces no 0:09:21.440 --> 0:09:26.320 effects or solutions, serotonin is blocked and cortisol is released. 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:31.880 Cortisol causes a stress response, and unhealthy rumination is brought 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:35.439 on by this. So notice how we're actually being encouraged 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:38.800 problem solve, But when we can't think of a solution, 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:44.480 that's when serotonin is blocked, and that's when stress begins. Now, 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:47.079 I'm going to be talking to you in this episode 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:50.719 about how to actually make sure you get to some solutions, 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:54.360 So stay with me. Going back to Amaha, it goes 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:59.280 on to say that overthinking may present as rumination about 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:04.600 the past anxiety about the future. Two groups of neural 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:09.000 networks in the brain play an important role in regulating experience. 0:10:09.559 --> 0:10:15.959 The default mode network DMN and the direct experience network DN. 0:10:16.559 --> 0:10:20.320 When our attention wanders while we're engaged in a routine task, 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:25.920 the default network is activated. It engages in brooding, imagining, 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:30.439 and planning. It tends to shift thoughts or consider experiences 0:10:30.520 --> 0:10:34.200 or reflections from the past or future. When you're not 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:38.160 considering the past or the future, the direct experience network 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:41.840 is active when you're completely mindful of the present moment. 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:45.400 You're living in the now, for instance, when you feel 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:48.400 the water striking you in the shower or the bristles 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:54.600 of your toothbrush on your teeth. So here's point one. 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:59.600 I don't want you to see overthinking as all that bad. 0:11:00.640 --> 0:11:02.840 I think there's a part of us that's built a 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:08.120 negative relationship with overthinking. We see ourselves as, Oh, I'm 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:12.520 an overthinker, I'm a procrastinator, I'm someone who's just always 0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:16.840 stuck in my head. We have this negative belief system. 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:20.920 We don't look at it as a problem solving approach. 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:25.719 We look at it as an anti problem solving approach. Right. 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:30.880 We think overthinking is wasting time, is ruining our options, 0:11:31.360 --> 0:11:34.720 is letting us down, rather than actually going a couple 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:39.120 of steps back and recognizing, actually, if I see overthinking 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:45.040 as problem solving, then maybe I'll actually have the opportunity 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:49.240 to overcome the problem. Now, it is true that excessive 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:53.800 rumination or worry can have a negative impact on us. 0:11:54.280 --> 0:11:56.280 So as much as we don't want to go that 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:58.800 far on one side, we don't want to be at 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:00.560 the other extreme where we're trying to come up with 0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:03.679 decisions and make decisions immediately. Right, So, you don't want 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:07.320 to go from making no decision to making a decision 0:12:07.480 --> 0:12:10.719 so fast that you haven't had time to think about it, 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:14.840 where you're not rewarding yourself. So why do we struggle 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:18.040 with problem solving. One of the biggest reasons we struggle 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:22.679 with problem solving is we're not exposed to enough insight 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:26.040 around that topic. Right. So, let's say you're someone who's 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:29.160 struggling with saying no to social plans. There's a great 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:34.040 book called The Art of Saying No by Damon Zahariadis 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:36.240 I hope I'm saying that name right. But the reason 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:38.240 why I'm recommending this book is I promise you that 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:40.440 if you were to dive into that book over a weekend, 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:45.160 you're actually going to strengthen your skill in saying no. Now, 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:48.320 that's the challenge right with social plans. We don't recognize 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:51.120 that learning to say no is a muscle. Learning to 0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:53.120 say no is a skill. Learning to say no is 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:55.920 a habit, And because we don't have the skill set, 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:59.760 we can't get to a solution quick enough. We think 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:04.680 that there's some issue in our mind, there's some emotional reason, 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:07.320 but we haven't really given it the time of day. 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:11.760 And so developing the muscle, developing the skill set allows 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:14.040 you to be able to say no. Another reason we 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:17.600 see overthinking is bad and not as problem solving is 0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:21.760 because we haven't strengthened our ability to problem solve. So 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:24.960 let's say you are struggling with whether you should stay 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:27.760 in your current job or not. A good problem solving 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:30.839 tactic would be to say, okay, well, if I stay 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:33.160 here for the next five years, what will my life 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:36.880 look like? And if I leave? Worst case scenario? What 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.800 will my life look like? If I stay here, what's 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:42.120 best case and worst case? If I leave, what's best 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:46.960 case and worst case. Notice how a problem solving paradigm, 0:13:47.400 --> 0:13:52.480 a problem solving methodology, adds structure, and that's what we're 0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:58.800 really looking for. Overthinking is no structure. Problem solving is 0:13:58.880 --> 0:14:01.840 structured and So as soon as you start to add 0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:05.480 structures and systems to the way you reflect, the way 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:09.880 you ponder, the way you think, you switch from overthinking 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:13.520 to problem solving. And that's what I'd encourage you to do. 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:16.280 So that's the first step. Don't see overthinking as this 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:21.560 negative bad thing, see it as a way of moving 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:27.440 into a direction of problem solving. This segment is sponsored 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:30.680 by State Farm. It's the start of a new quarter 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:33.840 and my favorite time to reflect and focus on the 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:37.160 good that has happened this year already. Focusing on the 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:41.320 good and celebrating small wins help me thrive mentally and 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:44.040 keep me from letting the bad days outweigh the good. 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:47.560 My team and I host weekly Gratitude for this purpose 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:50.760 and have seen a massive positive shift in our personal 0:14:50.800 --> 0:14:55.520 and professional lives. An HBr report from twenty eleven titled 0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:59.560 the Power of Small Wins looked at small wins in 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:04.560 twenty project teams in multiple companies and collected nearly twelve 0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:08.200 thousand diary entries, and what they found was that while 0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:11.720 most of the progress was categorized as minor steps forward, 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:16.960 these small winds produced outsized positive reactions. Here are some 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:20.160 examples of small wins for me, and I encourage you 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:22.560 to begin your list. I woke up this morning in 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:27.120 show's movement. My last podcast episode helped someone through a breakup. 0:15:27.440 --> 0:15:30.240 My last quote I shared on Instagram helped them through 0:15:30.280 --> 0:15:32.840 a tough time. I spent quality time with an old 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:35.560 friend that I hadn't seen in a while. My team 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:38.680 thanked me for a productive offside meeting. Some of the 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:41.840 ways that I help remind myself to celebrate the small 0:15:41.880 --> 0:15:45.280 wins is through daily gratitude. If you've ever listened to 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:48.440 my podcast or read my books, you've most likely heard 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:52.280 me talk about the importance of gratitude. In my daily routine. 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:55.080 Each morning and each evening, I set a side time 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:58.920 to reflect and express gratitude. Often in these moments of gratitude, 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:02.760 I'll find myself of highlighting these small wins, whether it's 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:05.880 something that happened in my personal or professional life, or 0:16:05.920 --> 0:16:08.920 an interaction with a random stranger. Getting in the habit 0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:11.800 of this type of reflection each day allows us to 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:15.720 take a moment, slow down, and remind ourselves to celebrate 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:18.560 the winds in our life, no matter how big or small. 0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:22.440 With State Farm, you can celebrate small wins too. The 0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:26.280 State Farm Personal Price Plan helps you create an affordable 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:29.400 price just for you. Talk to a state Farm agent 0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:32.600 today to learn how you can bundle and save with 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:36.320 the Personal Price Plan. Like a good neighbor, state Farm 0:16:36.400 --> 0:16:39.640 is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary 0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:44.080 by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, 0:16:44.160 --> 0:16:48.000 amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:55.680 Second step, don't ask too many people for their opinion. 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:59.040 One of the biggest mistakes we make today is we 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:01.120 go on to that What's thread, We go on to 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:04.000 our SMS chat, we go into our group chat, and 0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:07.800 we ask everyone what they think we should do. Right. 0:17:07.960 --> 0:17:11.800 Should I date this guy? Should I quit my job? 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:14.679 Do I think this party's worth it? Do I like 0:17:14.760 --> 0:17:18.439 what I'm wearing here? Now? The truth is everyone's got 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:21.960 a different opinion, and now you're stuck with a bunch 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:24.960 of different opinions, and now you're dealing with the other 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:28.000 overthinking of well, if I listen to them and I 0:17:28.040 --> 0:17:29.719 don't listen to them, but then they see me at 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:31.320 the party, they're going to think that I listen to 0:17:31.359 --> 0:17:33.919 them and not them, and they already know that I 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:36.560 don't really agree with that person on everything. But then 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:39.080 it's going to write like we've all been there. Now 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:43.600 we're overthinking about something we already overthought about, So what 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:46.879 do we do instead? There are four types of people 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:49.960 in your life. The first is someone that you go 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:54.280 to because they care about you. For me, this is 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:56.439 my mom. If I'm thinking about my health, if I'm 0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:59.040 thinking about my wellbeing, the person I go to for 0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:03.000 advice apart from is my mom. She doesn't care whether 0:18:03.040 --> 0:18:05.560 I've done a talk at this amazing place. She doesn't 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:08.439 care who my latest guest on the podcast is. She 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:12.240 cares if I've drunk enough water, eaten my meals on time, 0:18:12.520 --> 0:18:15.439 and had enough sleep. So if I want someone to 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:19.800 give me advice from a personal perspective, I'm going to 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:22.840 go to the people that care about me. Now, if 0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:25.359 I'm going to ask my mom a question about something else, 0:18:26.240 --> 0:18:28.160 she may not have the right answer. She may tell 0:18:28.200 --> 0:18:30.359 me to not fly across halfway across the world for 0:18:30.440 --> 0:18:33.399 something amazing for the pod right, And so from a 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:36.480 care point of view, she's spot on. Now I have 0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:40.159 someone else in my life for people that are competent 0:18:40.280 --> 0:18:42.439 at certain things. Now, my mom is competent in a 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:45.080 lot of areas, But there's a lot of area She's 0:18:45.119 --> 0:18:47.720 not the person who's the most competent. So if I'm 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:51.840 asking for advice on let's say you're asked let's say 0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:54.440 you're asking for advice on your taxes, in your accounts. 0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:56.760 Let's say you're asking for advice on what to wear. 0:18:57.320 --> 0:18:58.879 How many terms have you asked someone and then go, 0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:01.560 I don't like what they wear anyway. It's like you're 0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:04.800 asking someone who you don't believe is competent in the 0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:08.159 area of your question, but you still ask them, and 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:12.000 now you're overthinking it. Focus on asking people who are 0:19:12.040 --> 0:19:16.320 competent and skilled in the area that you're struggling in, 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:20.840 not everyone in every area. If you're thinking about quitting 0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:23.520 your job, if you speak to your friend who is 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:25.560 not going to quit their job, chances are they're going 0:19:25.600 --> 0:19:27.280 to struggle to give you good advice. You want to 0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:30.359 speak to someone who has quit their job about the 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:33.680 challenges of it, about the greatness of it, about why 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:37.880 they quit their job. Go to someone who's had that experience. 0:19:38.800 --> 0:19:41.120 The third type of person in your life is someone 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:43.960 who's consistently been there. I think these are the people 0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:46.280 that you reach out to when you're reflecting on yourself, 0:19:46.760 --> 0:19:50.440 when you're reflecting on your qualities, your characteristics, your abilities. 0:19:50.880 --> 0:19:53.119 Someone who's been there in your side for a long time, 0:19:53.560 --> 0:19:56.000 they may have some good notes to share. And the 0:19:56.040 --> 0:19:58.360 fourth person in your life is someone who's high character. 0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:01.520 Maybe you've got a moral question, maybe you've got a 0:20:01.600 --> 0:20:05.919 question about faith, spirituality, religion, Maybe you've got a question 0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:09.680 about you know, a dilemma that you are having morally 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:12.840 or ethically. You have someone of character in your life. 0:20:13.440 --> 0:20:17.960 So think about your overthinking in terms of who is 0:20:18.040 --> 0:20:21.800 the best person who is best placed to actually help 0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:24.919 me solve this versus how many people do I know 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:27.600 that I could possibly ask to try and almost do 0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:31.800 an audience reaction, Right, you're almost trying to get a Well, 0:20:31.920 --> 0:20:34.720 seven people think this and three people think this, But 0:20:34.840 --> 0:20:37.439 actually I trust the three people's opinion more than the 0:20:37.560 --> 0:20:44.760 seven people. Focus on care, competence, consistency, and character. The 0:20:44.800 --> 0:20:48.600 third thing I think a lot of us overthink because 0:20:48.840 --> 0:20:54.159 we are trying to respond in alarm mode or alert mode. 0:20:54.720 --> 0:20:58.800 So you get an email that you're worried about responding to, 0:20:59.240 --> 0:21:03.280 but you're trying to respond to it while you're worried, Right, 0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:06.960 you get a message, and now you're in anxiety trying 0:21:06.960 --> 0:21:09.520 to figure out what to respond because you're trying to 0:21:09.560 --> 0:21:15.560 respond while you're alarmed. It's so important to step away, 0:21:16.160 --> 0:21:21.360 to find stillness, to find peace. So you respond from 0:21:21.440 --> 0:21:24.760 a place of peace. If you respond from a place 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:28.680 of peace, chances are what you put out there will 0:21:28.720 --> 0:21:32.719 be much more steady, will be much more stable, and 0:21:32.800 --> 0:21:36.320 will probably feel more aligned than if you just reacted. 0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:42.480 Don't respond from a place of being alarmed or alerted now, 0:21:42.480 --> 0:21:45.199 step number four. Often it can feel like your mind's 0:21:45.240 --> 0:21:50.160 just stuck. We just talked about how quartzole gets released. 0:21:50.600 --> 0:21:55.200 Serotonin is blocked, right, you're feeling stuck, and so if 0:21:55.240 --> 0:22:00.800 you're feeling stuck, move your body. Move your body when 0:22:00.800 --> 0:22:05.520 your mind feel stuck. Studies show that working out naturally 0:22:05.560 --> 0:22:09.800 releases serotonin. So move your body when your mind is stuck. 0:22:09.840 --> 0:22:11.879 I want you to remember that. And maybe right now 0:22:11.920 --> 0:22:13.800 you're moving your body while your mind is moving, and 0:22:13.840 --> 0:22:17.680 that's great, But if your mind is stuck, move your body. 0:22:18.160 --> 0:22:21.359 And if your body is stuck, move your mind. I 0:22:21.359 --> 0:22:24.560 want you to remember this. If your mind is stuck, 0:22:25.359 --> 0:22:29.400 move your body, And if your body is stuck, move 0:22:29.800 --> 0:22:34.040 your mind. When we change our mindset, we can change 0:22:34.080 --> 0:22:37.720 our physicality, and when we change our physicality, we can 0:22:37.800 --> 0:22:42.159 change our mindset. They both work together. The problem is 0:22:42.200 --> 0:22:44.800 when we're stuck in our mind, we're putting all our 0:22:44.960 --> 0:22:48.400 energy into changing our mind, or when we're feeling stuck 0:22:48.400 --> 0:22:50.400 in our body, we're putting all of our energy into 0:22:50.520 --> 0:22:52.840 changing our body. We have to realize we have to 0:22:52.960 --> 0:22:56.919 use the alternate one to actually make a shift. Now, 0:22:57.040 --> 0:23:00.159 number five, this one's huge. This one's a really really 0:23:00.200 --> 0:23:06.639 important one. It's so important that we focus on the 0:23:06.680 --> 0:23:10.919 good things and have gratitude for the little things, and 0:23:11.040 --> 0:23:15.399 we recognize the power of small wins. A lot of 0:23:15.480 --> 0:23:19.399 us overthink because we don't give ourselves the credit of 0:23:19.520 --> 0:23:23.600 the little progress we're making, the power of the small 0:23:23.800 --> 0:23:27.600 steps in the right direction. Maybe last year you would 0:23:27.600 --> 0:23:31.320 have spent a month responding and overthinking figuring out if 0:23:31.359 --> 0:23:33.320 you want to go to an event, and this time 0:23:33.359 --> 0:23:37.240 you spent a week. That's progress. Maybe last year you 0:23:37.280 --> 0:23:40.679 would have overthought a decision for a month, but this 0:23:40.880 --> 0:23:44.080 time you've made a decision in three days. We have 0:23:44.160 --> 0:23:47.359 to be grateful for the little things in our life. 0:23:48.000 --> 0:23:51.200 The reason we overthink is because we're concerned we're going 0:23:51.240 --> 0:23:54.720 to miss out. We're concerned that someone's going to think 0:23:54.760 --> 0:23:59.159 something of us, we're missing out, and being specific about 0:23:59.200 --> 0:24:04.480 gratitude we're missing out, and being specific about how the 0:24:04.720 --> 0:24:09.720 gratitude and thankfulness for the little things can reduce our overthinking. 0:24:10.480 --> 0:24:13.760 We start to go, Okay, well, I know that what 0:24:13.880 --> 0:24:17.480 I said was I'm perfect, but my intention was right. Okay. 0:24:17.600 --> 0:24:21.000 I know that I should have probably said no earlier, 0:24:21.359 --> 0:24:25.240 but I had the courage to do it anyway. Honoring 0:24:25.280 --> 0:24:31.879 those moments recognizing progress are so powerful. Now, this is 0:24:31.880 --> 0:24:34.680 probably one of my favorite ones too. A lot of 0:24:34.720 --> 0:24:38.480 the time, when our mind is stuck, we need to 0:24:38.520 --> 0:24:43.320 feel movement, and I find that writing, doodling, and painting 0:24:43.720 --> 0:24:47.040 can be brilliant. Now. I was reading a Harvard Research 0:24:47.160 --> 0:24:51.280 health blog from Shrinny Pill, and in that he talks 0:24:51.320 --> 0:24:57.840 about how spontaneous drawings may also relieve psychological distress, making 0:24:57.880 --> 0:25:01.840