Speaker 1: Hey, bright Side fam, Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 2: We have a deliciously exciting show lined up for you today.
Speaker 2: Joining us is the fabulous Gobby Dalkin, cookbook author, chef,
Speaker 2: and food and lifestyle writer. Gobby will be sharing her
Speaker 2: secrets to sizzling summer eats and proving why women are
Speaker 2: taking over the grill. Plus, you won't want to miss
Speaker 2: her incredible story about how slutty Brownies changed her career
Speaker 2: and hear her open up about her fertility journey. It's Tuesday,
Speaker 2: August sixth I'm Danielle Robe.
Speaker 1: And I'm Simone Voice, and this is the bright Side
Speaker 1: from Hello Sunshine, a daily show where we come together
Speaker 1: to share women's stories, laugh, learn and brighten your day. Okay, Besties,
Speaker 1: you've heard me say it more than once on our show.
Speaker 1: I believe dinner parties are the solution for everything, birthdays, breakups, pivots.
Speaker 1: A dinner party just cures at all. Danielle, do you agree,
Speaker 1: thoughts Simone?
Speaker 2: I love that for I don't agree, but I've also
Speaker 2: never been to a Simone dinner party. So maybe you
Speaker 2: could change my mind or my life.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, let me change both. I'm so ready. Well,
Speaker 1: our guest today is known for her life changing dinner
Speaker 1: parties and so much more. Gobby Dalkin is the chef
Speaker 1: behind the popular website What's Gobby Cooking. She launched the
Speaker 1: website in two thousand and nine, right after she graduated
Speaker 1: from college and decided to go the culinary route, and
Speaker 1: now fifteen years later, Gobby has gone on to build
Speaker 1: an entire multimedia platform. I'm talking cookbooks, social media, and
Speaker 1: even a show on QVC. And here's the thing about Gobby.
Speaker 1: She's all about the California lifestyle. She's written a whole
Speaker 1: book about avocados, and she brings that sunny Calli perspective
Speaker 1: to everything she does. She really does.
Speaker 2: But last year, Gobby revealed that there was a lot
Speaker 2: more going on behind the scenes in her life. She
Speaker 2: shared that she and her husband had spent significant time
Speaker 2: on an IVF journey with the hope that they could
Speaker 2: conceive a second child, and after a miscarriage, a failed transfer,
Speaker 2: and a chemical pregnancy, they were out of embryos. In
Speaker 2: a post she made online, she urged her followers to
Speaker 2: remember that the path to motherhood isn't always linear.
Speaker 1: This launched a whole new conversation that Gobby has continued
Speaker 1: to engage in on Instagram. She's shown how she's given
Speaker 1: herself hormone injections, and she's also been a resource to
Speaker 1: answer people's questions and just document her journey as she
Speaker 1: and her husband have continued the IVF process.
Speaker 2: And fertility challenges are more common than we all may think.
Speaker 2: This year, the US Department of Health and Human Services
Speaker 2: reported that millions of Americans have experienced infertility at some
Speaker 2: point in their lives. Even some of the most public
Speaker 2: women we know, like Michelle Obama, Brookshields, Nicole Kidman, They've
Speaker 2: all opened up about their own struggles with infertility, and
Speaker 2: the chances are we all know someone or are that
Speaker 2: someone who's been touched by this issue exactly.
Speaker 1: That's why treating everyone with compassion is so important, because
Speaker 1: you never know what people are going through, and we
Speaker 1: do have some good news to share. Earlier this year,
Speaker 1: Gobby announced that she is pregnant with our second child.
Speaker 1: So let's bring her in to get an update on
Speaker 1: all things Goby. Gobby Dalkin, Welcome to the bright Side.
Speaker 3: I'm so excited to be here. Thank you guys.
Speaker 1: Gobby.
Speaker 2: California is so embedded into your brand's DNA. How do
Speaker 2: you describe the What's Gobby Cooking spirit, ethos and aesthetic?
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, well, A thank you for noticing that
Speaker 4: that is what we strive to do, so I'm honored
Speaker 4: that it's coming through. But I think What's Gobby Cooking
Speaker 4: is all about living a very happy, sunny, approachable life
Speaker 4: where food is really at the center of everything. Whether
Speaker 4: we're having a complicated conversation about something, it's done over food,
Speaker 4: because inherently that's what brings people together.
Speaker 2: There's also this like ease and comfort element there. I
Speaker 2: notice that you do a lot of comfort foods, but
Speaker 2: in a healthful way. As a Chicago and I have
Speaker 2: a particular love for that. How do you think that
Speaker 2: we can all channel the essence of the quintessential California
Speaker 2: girl in our food and embrace that lifestyle no matter
Speaker 2: where we're living.
Speaker 4: I think it's really all about using what is in
Speaker 4: season where you live and letting the ingredients shine. You
Speaker 4: don't need if you're cooking with stuff at the height
Speaker 4: of the season, you don't need to make it overly
Speaker 4: fussy and make more work for yourself in the kitchen.
Speaker 4: I think you know if you just pick a couple
Speaker 4: things and let them do their job.
Speaker 3: You're going to be in a good place.
Speaker 1: Well, your philosophy and approach to cooking also has a
Speaker 1: lot to do with where you buy your food, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4: I mean, fortunately, I live in Los Angeles, so I
Speaker 4: have access to some of the most incredible farmers markets.
Speaker 4: But I grew up in Arizona. I never went to
Speaker 4: a farmer's market. That's not a thing there. But I
Speaker 4: still think when you are going and searching, no matter
Speaker 4: where you are, you just are looking for things that
Speaker 4: are look the best, smell the best, and that way
Speaker 4: you're letting those flavors really shine.
Speaker 1: It's funny that you brought up farmers markets, because I
Speaker 1: think it's something that I take for granted living in LA.
Speaker 1: But whenever people are visiting or they're telling me things
Speaker 1: that they that remind them of LA, farmers markets really
Speaker 1: come to mind. So we are really lucky. I just
Speaker 1: needed to take a moment to acknowledge that we're so lucky.
Speaker 4: And it's so funny. I just got back from a
Speaker 4: book tour and even going to places where you think
Speaker 4: there would be farmers markets on every day of the week,
Speaker 4: it's not as much of a thing, like I would
Speaker 4: spend a lot of time with some of my friends
Speaker 4: in Dallas, and that's not something you do on the weekend.
Speaker 1: Well, you just brought up that you have been on
Speaker 1: a book tour, and I want to ask you about
Speaker 1: your most recent cookbook, which is called What's Gobby Cooking
Speaker 1: Grilling all the Things, and it's geared toward anyone who
Speaker 1: might be intimidated by grilling. I think this is so
Speaker 1: important in America because grilling is not just an appliance,
Speaker 1: it's not just a tool. It is an identity for
Speaker 1: a lot of people. And I always find it so
Speaker 1: interesting that advertisers make grilling ads for men, for dads,
Speaker 1: but they never make it for us. They never make
Speaker 1: it for the moms.
Speaker 4: We're trying, we're trying to pivot that frame of mind
Speaker 4: as far as advertisers go. But you know, I had
Speaker 4: a girlfriend over a couple of years ago and we
Speaker 4: did an Insta live together and she had texted me
Speaker 4: and she said, I just want to feel confident turning
Speaker 4: my grill on and off and not burning my food.
Speaker 3: Can you teach me that?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 4: And I was like, yeah, of course, come over, let's
Speaker 4: do it an insta live together. That way, if this
Speaker 4: is something people are interested in, we can share it
Speaker 4: with everyone. And the response was absolutely wild. There's a
Speaker 4: common theme from many people, both men and women, that
Speaker 4: they're just not comfortable grilling. So I wrote this book
Speaker 4: to demystify rilling and teach people that it really is
Speaker 4: just as easy as turning on your stove or your
Speaker 4: burner or your instant pot or your air fryer or
Speaker 4: whatever it is.
Speaker 3: You just have to know a couple basics.
Speaker 4: It's also one of the only grilling books written by
Speaker 4: a in the last ten years, so I feel very
Speaker 4: proud of that fact.
Speaker 1: I learned about the stock market from another woman, and
Speaker 1: so I think it's so important to have people like
Speaker 1: you educating us on the realms of life that are
Speaker 1: typically reserved for men. There's something that just makes it
Speaker 1: so much more approachable when you can actually learn about
Speaker 1: it from another woman, from a pier. So end of
Speaker 1: summer is upon us, we're in August already. What is
Speaker 1: one tip that you can offer to anyone who wants
Speaker 1: to conquer cooking on the grill while we still can
Speaker 1: this season?
Speaker 4: I would say there are a couple of things you
Speaker 4: should keep in mind when you're grilling. Number One, you
Speaker 4: always have to preheat your grill, similar if you were
Speaker 4: preheating a cast iron skillet or a brazer or something
Speaker 4: like that. You want those grill greats to be hot
Speaker 4: before you put anything on chicken, steak, fish, a peach, vegetables.
Speaker 4: That way, it's going to like cook quickly, and then
Speaker 4: you don't flip it until it releases naturally. You don't
Speaker 4: lose any of the beautiful food to the grill grades
Speaker 4: and you know it's ready to flip. So those two things,
Speaker 4: preheating and letting the food naturally release, are two of
Speaker 4: my biggest takeaways no matter where you are in your
Speaker 4: grilling career. And also, just don't be afraid to grill anything.
Speaker 4: I grill lettuce and I make grilled salads all summer long,
Speaker 4: and it just takes it up that slight notch and
Speaker 4: you feel like a total badass.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, we love a grilled romaine awesome. I just
Speaker 1: have been so in love and infatuated with summer. I'm
Speaker 1: just here for the relaxation that it brings, this sense
Speaker 1: of recuperation and like feeling more rested and just these
Speaker 1: longer days. I love it so much. I'm always thinking
Speaker 1: of how can I make it last longer? And I
Speaker 1: feel the same way about vacation, And for me, some
Speaker 1: of my best vacation memories are just like these really
Speaker 1: absurdly long dinners and like sitting in the moment and
Speaker 1: savoring it. So what are your tips for bringing that
Speaker 1: vacation feeling home through our meals?
Speaker 4: You are speaking my love language, because that is my
Speaker 4: favorite thing to do, and we aren't allowed to get
Speaker 4: on a plane right now, so we quite literally can't
Speaker 4: go on vacation because of where we are in our pregnancy.
Speaker 3: For me, it is finding those.
Speaker 4: Really special moments that you enjoyed on a trip, whether
Speaker 4: it was a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago,
Speaker 4: and then recreating an entire night around it. I started
Speaker 4: doing dinner parties and I would plan an entire dinner
Speaker 4: menu and have everyone bring a bottle of wine from
Speaker 4: that specific region, like Champagne, France, and come to my
Speaker 4: house for a menu curated with food that was inspired
Speaker 4: by that region of wine, and have this beautiful night
Speaker 4: that felt look at vacation, but we were very much
Speaker 4: in Los Angeles. But I think having that slight thematic
Speaker 4: nod to somewhere you would go on vacation and have
Speaker 4: a beautiful experience Like that is a really nice way
Speaker 4: to have a long summer, beautiful evening at home without
Speaker 4: having to get on a plane.
Speaker 1: I love that idea, incorporating the destination into the theme.
Speaker 4: Yeah, or I mean, if you're not into wine, you
Speaker 4: do it via food, like I would love to do
Speaker 4: one from Tuscany and from somewhere in southern Spain or
Speaker 4: Morocco or whatever it is, and you just really curate
Speaker 4: a night around that and get all your guests involved
Speaker 4: in it as well, have them make a dish from
Speaker 4: that area, and that way, there's like a talking point.
Speaker 4: Who's been to Morocco? Who wants to go to Morocco?
Speaker 4: What do you want to do there? I love talking
Speaker 4: about travel, so like that to me is a great
Speaker 4: kickoff to an evening, a conversation with people who may
Speaker 4: or may not already be familiar with each other.
Speaker 1: It's a great idea. Gavi.
Speaker 2: I've been aware of your work since we met at
Speaker 2: the gym years ago, and you used to feed so
Speaker 2: many people there. Your recipes and your food bring people
Speaker 2: so much joy. The thing I didn't know about you
Speaker 2: is that you were a private chef before all of this,
Speaker 2: and I'm so curious what that aspect of your career
Speaker 2: taught you as opposed to culinary school.
Speaker 3: Honestly, I could have skipped culinary school.
Speaker 4: I think culinary school teaches you the base and the formula,
Speaker 4: which certainly makes cooking easier because you're automatically just like
Speaker 4: a little bit more comfortable with winging it. But being
Speaker 4: a private chef, it's so funny because you are in
Speaker 4: someone's home, the heart of their home, where like everybody congregates,
Speaker 4: you're feeding this person and their family, which is such
Speaker 4: an intimate thing, and you are exposed to all of
Speaker 4: their friends and family, so like you really become a
Speaker 4: part of their BAM. I'm lucky that the two families
Speaker 4: I private chef for were incredible. I think if you
Speaker 4: worked for a family who wasn't quite as welcoming, it
Speaker 4: would be a little bit harder of a career path.
Speaker 4: But both families I cook for were the most lovely
Speaker 4: human beings, and we would eat together and have a
Speaker 4: glass of wine together, so it was really nice. But
Speaker 4: it taught me how to stretch a menu because I
Speaker 4: would plan many times to cook for six and then
Speaker 4: twelve extra people would show up, So like, how do
Speaker 4: you shop at eight in the morning for six people
Speaker 4: and then get a call at three that like, oh,
Speaker 4: or how having four families over for dinner and there's
Speaker 4: no time to go to the store. How do you
Speaker 4: pivot and like expand upon what you were doing?
Speaker 1: This sounds like my nightmare? How did you? How do
Speaker 1: you do that?
Speaker 4: You keep a stocked pantry, so like, if you're making
Speaker 4: steak and you had only bought steak.
Speaker 3: For six people, make a pasta, you make a rice.
Speaker 4: You like add things that are just already available to
Speaker 4: you where you're not having to like go find the
Speaker 4: produce or the protein or anything like that. I'm a
Speaker 4: big fan of doing like a small amount of whatever
Speaker 4: you buy steak, fish, chicken, and then having lots of
Speaker 4: sides so everyone has lots of options, but you're not
Speaker 4: necessarily having to eat six ounces of steak or whatever
Speaker 4: people think is a reasonable amount to serve themselves. It
Speaker 4: taught me to be very confident and flexible in the kitchen,
Speaker 4: which I think plays into what's God be cooking because
Speaker 4: there was no room to be like I hope this
Speaker 4: is okay, Like you fake it till you make it.
Speaker 3: Just pray that everyone is into it.
Speaker 2: So word on this street is that you were a
Speaker 2: private chef for Jessica Simpson.
Speaker 1: Was that one of the families that you were talking about.
Speaker 4: Yes, And I love her so much because her palette
Speaker 4: is my palette.
Speaker 3: We both she grew up in Texas.
Speaker 4: I grew up in Arizona after we left Chicago, so
Speaker 4: like we both love those southwestern Texmex flavors.
Speaker 3: So cooking for her was a true treat.
Speaker 4: Plus she had so many friends and people over all
Speaker 4: the time, people I'm still friends with to this day.
Speaker 3: So she was a good time.
Speaker 2: Was there a signature Jessica Simpson dish?
Speaker 4: I mean when I cooked for her, she was pregnant
Speaker 4: with her first daughter, Maxwell, so we were baking a lot.
Speaker 4: I have a recipe on my website called Slutty Brownie's
Speaker 4: that she single handedly took viral. She was on Leno
Speaker 4: one night. She did not tell me she was going
Speaker 4: to talk about them.
Speaker 1: Wait, you're behind the slutty brownie.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like the homemade scratch ones.
Speaker 1: Yes, Wait what is this? What does the slutty Brownie
Speaker 1: educate me.
Speaker 4: Slutty brownie is a layer of cookie dough, a layer
Speaker 4: of oreos, and a layer of brownie her and you
Speaker 4: bake it all together.
Speaker 3: Listen.
Speaker 4: I'm sure people in the fifties made this with Betty
Speaker 4: Crocker mix, but I make it all from scratch, so
Speaker 4: it's just like next level. And I would make them
Speaker 4: all the time for Jess and we would all eat
Speaker 4: them because they're delightful. And she was on Leno and
Speaker 4: did not give me a heads up sitting there at
Speaker 4: eleven o'clock at night with my boyfriend who's my husband
Speaker 4: now watching it and she Lenno's like, what are you craving?
Speaker 4: And She's like, well, you know, Godby's been making these
Speaker 4: things called slutty brownies. And Leno goes, well, what makes
Speaker 4: them slutty? We've never had this conversation. I've never talked
Speaker 4: to her about it. It's just like the name. And
Speaker 4: she goes, well, I guess it's because a lot of
Speaker 4: things go into them. And I'm crying laughing because she's
Speaker 4: just so funny and she knows her brand so well,
Speaker 4: and also in a full panic because my website breaks
Speaker 4: like twelve minutes later. Oh and it's like eleven pm
Speaker 4: at night. Everyone's trying to get this recipe. I'm like
Speaker 4: crying because my website's down. Anyways, it's a great recipe even.
Speaker 3: To this day.
Speaker 1: Was that a game changing moment in your career?
Speaker 4: Yeah, because it was really back when websites and blogs
Speaker 4: were just starting and things were just starting to take
Speaker 4: off on Pinterest, and like the idea of a viral
Speaker 4: recipe just started. So that was one of the first
Speaker 4: ones that ever really took off. And it's because of her.
Speaker 2: Okay, we have to take a quick break, but when
Speaker 2: we come back, New York Times best selling author and
Speaker 2: chef Gobby Dalkin shares a different kind of life changing moment,
Speaker 2: one that's set it off on a year's long fertility journey.
Speaker 1: That's after the.
Speaker 2: Break and we're back with Gobby Dalkin. So, Gobby, I
Speaker 2: want to talk about family because you are pregnant for
Speaker 2: the second time.
Speaker 1: Congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 4: I mean I'm technically pregnant for like the twelfth time,
Speaker 4: but this is the second one.
Speaker 3: That's Amazing's lock.
Speaker 2: Well, that's what I wanted to ask you about because
Speaker 2: I know on social you've been really open about your
Speaker 2: entire fertility journey. But I actually don't quite know the
Speaker 2: whole story. Do you mind sharing what happened?
Speaker 3: No, I don't.
Speaker 4: It's my favorite topic. So Thomas and I Thomas is
Speaker 4: my husband. We started trying to get pregnant.
Speaker 3: Gosh, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I want to say in like twenty seventeen, and I
Speaker 4: think the first time we ever got pregnant. I remember
Speaker 4: going over to my parents' house to tell them and
Speaker 4: we walked in and we brought the camera to record
Speaker 4: it for the secret video we wanted to do, and.
Speaker 3: We're like, we're pregnant.
Speaker 4: And I come from a family of doctors, and my
Speaker 4: dad was like, Okay, how many weeks are you? And
Speaker 4: I was like, I just missed my period, so you're
Speaker 4: four weeks at the time. And he's like, that's amazing.
Speaker 4: Let's see how this goes. You have to get past
Speaker 4: that first trimester. One in four people miscarry in the
Speaker 4: first trimester. Just so you know that's the statistic. Let's
Speaker 4: keep that in mind, and like, we're going to celebrate
Speaker 4: hard when you make it to thirteen weeks. We never
Speaker 4: made it to thirteen weeks. We miscarried. You know, a
Speaker 4: handful of weeks later, and it was the first of many.
Speaker 4: We ended up miscarrying eight times over the course of
Speaker 4: the last couple of years. But it was an incredibly
Speaker 4: sobering experience and to have that conversation with my parents
Speaker 4: up front, and it was such a gift that they
Speaker 4: gave us because Thomas and I had no idea. You
Speaker 4: go into this situation so blindly. Sometimes we were so
Speaker 4: naive that it really levels set our expectations for this.
Speaker 4: And when we did miscarry for that first time, it
Speaker 4: was like, Oh, this happens to one in four people.
Speaker 4: That's twenty five percent of the population.
Speaker 3: That's no big deal.
Speaker 4: Were cool, and then it kept happening and I'm like, Okay, well,
Speaker 4: if it happens five times in a row, that's a
Speaker 4: little alarming. Like the chances of that happening are much lower.
Speaker 4: Maybe we need to, you know, seek some fertility treatment
Speaker 4: or figure out what's happening. So that's when we started
Speaker 4: going down the fertility route and I found an incredible
Speaker 4: doctor and I really started educating myself about what was
Speaker 4: going on because I had no idea previous to that.
Speaker 1: It can feel like we're spinning our wheels for so
Speaker 1: much time whenever we're just seeking a diagnosis or trying
Speaker 1: to understand a problem. Were you ever able to figure
Speaker 1: out what was the cause of the miscarriages?
Speaker 4: No, we have something called unexplained infertility. So when you
Speaker 4: start going to a fertility doctor, they try and rule
Speaker 4: everything out. They put me on some thyroid medicine. Even
Speaker 4: at my thyroid we did a procedure on my uterus.
Speaker 4: I had a heart shaped uterus, which means I have
Speaker 4: a little septum at the top. So we shaved off
Speaker 4: the septum, if you will, because if an embryo had
Speaker 4: implanted there, there was no blood flow, so that could
Speaker 4: have been causing the miscarriages. We did that surgery didn't
Speaker 4: necessarily stop the miscarriages, so who knows if that was
Speaker 4: what it was. But in my mind, it's just a
Speaker 4: statistical egg thing. I was thirty three at the time
Speaker 4: when we started trying to get pregnant. Not all my
Speaker 4: eggs were good. I was past, you know, my twenties
Speaker 4: epic fertile time. But just for me, I learned that
Speaker 4: one in eight of my eggs is viable. We learned
Speaker 4: that after we had done a couple egg retrievals. This
Speaker 4: was after we had Poppy, because we had more miscarriages
Speaker 4: after our first daughter. One in eight times we try
Speaker 4: and get pregnant, we'll get a good egg. So it's
Speaker 4: just an egg quality thing for us.
Speaker 2: Gobby I this is a different situation. But I froze
Speaker 2: my eggs in January of last year, and I recorded
Speaker 2: it and shared it on social media, and I got
Speaker 2: a lot of messages from people saying like, I can't
Speaker 2: believe you're sharing this publicly. This is so personal. And
Speaker 2: the interesting part about it for me was that I
Speaker 2: set out to do it because I wanted to sort
Speaker 2: of destigmatize it or share with other people. But what
Speaker 2: I actually received was like an incredible amount of support
Speaker 2: from women who made me feel less alone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's beautiful.
Speaker 2: It was sort of this like backwards thing that happened.
Speaker 2: I'm so curious if that happened to you and why
Speaker 2: you decided to share on socials so publicly and really
Speaker 2: in real time.
Speaker 4: And I think freezing your eggs, if you're able to
Speaker 4: do it, is the most incredible gift you can give
Speaker 4: to your future self. It's just like a great insurance
Speaker 4: policy to take out. But for us, I was getting
Speaker 4: questions all the time, When are you and Thomas gonna
Speaker 4: have kids? When are you going to have what do
Speaker 4: you want kids? Are you pregnant? And nobody knew we
Speaker 4: had gone through these miscarriages. So for me, I needed
Speaker 4: people to stop asking those questions for my own mental health.
Speaker 4: I've developed a really thick skin because of my job,
Speaker 4: which is perhaps healthy, perhaps not healthy. But I also
Speaker 4: wanted to educate the larger audience that those are not
Speaker 4: questions we can ask people anymore. I wanted it to
Speaker 4: stop selfishly for my but I also wanted it to
Speaker 4: stop for other people who didn't have the voice to
Speaker 4: tell their answer, their friends or their cousins to stop
Speaker 4: asking those kinds of questions. So that's really when I
Speaker 4: started sharing it, and similarly to you, the response was overwhelming.
Speaker 4: It was absolutely wild, the comments I got, the DMS,
Speaker 4: the people who were like, thank you for destigmatizing this.
Speaker 4: We've been going through something similar. They're so brave. I
Speaker 4: don't need anyone to tell me I'm brave for sharing this.
Speaker 4: I'm just so happy I can make someone else feel
Speaker 4: less alone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think women find fertility to be incredibly isolating,
Speaker 2: Like every aspect of it. We actually have a clip
Speaker 2: of your husband Thomas talking about those questions that I'd
Speaker 2: love to play.
Speaker 3: Sure.
Speaker 5: I just want to give props to my parents because
Speaker 5: during all this, like they definitely want grandchildren, but they
Speaker 5: never asked when you're getting pregnant, when are you going
Speaker 5: to get a grandkid for me? None of that, And
Speaker 5: so not having that pressure from your parents, like it's
Speaker 5: so nice and yeah, like just thank you mom and dad.
Speaker 4: It was very helpful because and I'm guilty of this,
Speaker 4: Like I used to ask my friends all the time
Speaker 4: a couple of.
Speaker 3: Years ago, when are you gonna have a baby? When
Speaker 3: are you gonna have a baby?
Speaker 4: When you have a baby, And I realize now how
Speaker 4: wildly inappropriate that was on my behalf.
Speaker 2: Having experienced all of this, how do you think we
Speaker 2: can be having more compassionate conversations.
Speaker 4: That's a great question. If someone wants to talk about
Speaker 4: their fertility journey, they will bring it up. If they
Speaker 4: are not interested in sharing it, that is for them
Speaker 4: to decide when it is right on their own time.
Speaker 4: Or maybe the answer is it's never right for them
Speaker 4: and they just don't want to talk about it. But
Speaker 4: we have to let that person come to the table. First,
Speaker 4: and I think as a friend being supportive of someone
Speaker 4: in their decision, even if you know something's going on.
Speaker 4: Like I have friends who are going through embryo implants
Speaker 4: right now. I will send them a text and be like, Hey,
Speaker 4: I'm thinking about you. I do not need an update,
Speaker 4: but just know I'm here if you need something.
Speaker 3: That's it.
Speaker 4: No specificity about whatever I'm trying to find out. I
Speaker 4: just want them to know that I'm here and I'm
Speaker 4: a sounding board. They don't need my opinion if they
Speaker 4: don't want it, but if they want a vent, I'm here.
Speaker 2: The update thing is so big because you don't have
Speaker 2: the emotional bandwidth to update.
Speaker 4: No, you're so anxious, you're so tired, you're if you're
Speaker 4: doing the drug stuff, your emotions are running wild. Just
Speaker 4: hearing that reassurance from a friend is a really beautiful
Speaker 4: gift that you can give someone.
Speaker 1: We have to take a quick break, but we'll be
Speaker 1: right back with Gobby Dualkin. We're back with New York
Speaker 1: Times bestselling author and chef Gobby Dalkin. Gobby, I'm really
Speaker 1: inspired by your resiliences. I just want everyone to understand
Speaker 1: the gravity of eight miscarriages. That's every month of anticipation,
Speaker 1: of hope, of thinking, oh, this could be the month
Speaker 1: that it's going to happen, and then it doesn't, and
Speaker 1: falling off of that emotional cliff and then having to
Speaker 1: pull yourself up and pick yourself back up again. What
Speaker 1: brought you hope while you were trying to get pregnant?
Speaker 1: How did you find it?
Speaker 4: For me, it was making sure all the other aspects
Speaker 4: of my life were full. For us, we miscarried typically
Speaker 4: around a nine to ten week mark, so that means
Speaker 4: we had gone in for this six or eight week appointment,
Speaker 4: we'd heard a heartbeat, we went in again, no heartbeat,
Speaker 4: and then it takes another four to six weeks to
Speaker 4: get your body back to normal.
Speaker 3: So during that chunk of time.
Speaker 4: I always made sure I was seeing my friends. I
Speaker 4: had some fun trips planned, whether it's just like somewhere
Speaker 4: an hour away or a great day trip or something
Speaker 4: like that, or something a little bit more international. I
Speaker 4: made sure I was showing up at work. I was
Speaker 4: just really making sure that I was never sitting around dwelling,
Speaker 4: because I think that's when you can really get into
Speaker 4: your own head and you start thinking what's wrong with me?
Speaker 4: And the answer is nothing's wrong with you. There's nothing
Speaker 4: wrong with me. That's just bad luck. These are my numbers,
Speaker 4: this is my reality. But there's nothing I could have
Speaker 4: done differently. So for me, it was making sure Thomas
Speaker 4: and I were still celebrating each other, going out on date,
Speaker 4: talking to my parents every day, stuff like that was
Speaker 4: really helpful in getting us through those, you know, chunks
Speaker 4: of bummer times. I also realize that it's very easy
Speaker 4: for me to say a lot of these things being
Speaker 4: on the other side of it. I have a daughter,
Speaker 4: I'm pregnant with my second. The other thing I will
Speaker 4: say is seeing the humor in this situation was really
Speaker 4: helpful for me because you realize how unhinged of a
Speaker 4: situation you're going through and how strong you are as
Speaker 4: an individual, and the female bodies just incredible at what
Speaker 4: it can endure. And being able to find like funny
Speaker 4: moments in all of that was really therapeutic for me.
Speaker 4: I went out for sushi every night after we had
Speaker 4: a DMC and a big fat glass of wine, and
Speaker 4: I was like, well, this is my silver lining. So
Speaker 4: being able to kind of giggle when you're bummed was
Speaker 4: a really great coping mechanism.
Speaker 1: For me, we believe in the power of the giggle.
Speaker 3: You gotta laugh.
Speaker 4: You have to see how crazy something is and be
Speaker 4: like this is unhinged, Like how does you just have
Speaker 4: to be able to, you know, laugh at yourself.
Speaker 1: I've realized I am a person who wants to laugh
Speaker 1: when it's inappropriate, Like I want to laugh through the pain.
Speaker 1: I think it's the only way through.
Speaker 3: I think it's healthy.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Is there anything that another woman shared with you during
Speaker 2: all of this that really helped you or supported you
Speaker 2: or got you through? Was did anybody come through with
Speaker 2: a gift, a word, a moment.
Speaker 4: One of my best friends had experienced a miscarriage before me,
Speaker 4: and her mother in law had told her to practice
Speaker 4: extreme moments of self care. So whether that meant and
Speaker 4: going and getting one hundred and twenty minute massage, she
Speaker 4: was like, you should do that and just really focus
Speaker 4: on making yourself happy and giving yourself that extra little
Speaker 4: love because you deserve it, especially right now when you're
Speaker 4: dealing with a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is really personal, But did this test your
Speaker 2: relationship with your husband?
Speaker 1: How did you guys remain close through it all? Oh?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's for sure, Like put us through the ringer.
Speaker 4: I actually oddly think it made us closer. I mean,
Speaker 4: we had to really lean on each other, and I
Speaker 4: always was really aware that he was going through it. Also,
Speaker 4: he wasn't the one having to go through all the
Speaker 4: procedures and the surgeries and all that kind of stuff,
Speaker 4: but like mentally, he was in it with me. So
Speaker 4: I think it really encouraged us to have a really
Speaker 4: open dialogue about how we were feeling all the time.
Speaker 4: And I think you saw that play out on other
Speaker 4: aspects of our life. We're better communicators at work. We
Speaker 4: know what each other's strengths are, so we can lean
Speaker 4: on each other for those kinds of things. He knows
Speaker 4: I'm going to provide the comedic relief, and he's going
Speaker 4: to be like operationally just better at executing things than
Speaker 4: I am when we're going through hard time.
Speaker 3: Such as fertility.
Speaker 4: So I think it really showed us our different strengths.
Speaker 3: It was great for us.
Speaker 4: I know that's not always the experience with a lot
Speaker 4: of my friends.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to hear that.
Speaker 2: Gobby, thank you so much for sharing with us today.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: It was great. Thank you so much. Gobby, thank you.
Speaker 3: This was so fun.
Speaker 1: Gobby Dulcan is the founder of What's Cooking with Gobby.
Speaker 1: That's it for today's show.
Speaker 2: Tomorrow, we're going on a journey of joy and self
Speaker 2: discovery with Laura McCowan, the author of We Are the
Speaker 2: Luckiest and push off from here. Listen and follow the
Speaker 2: bright Side on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
Speaker 2: you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1: I'm Simone Boye. You can find me at Simone Boice
Speaker 1: on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 2: I'm Danielle Robe on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 1: That's r b A Y See you tomorrow, folks. Keep
Speaker 1: looking on the bright side.