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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch

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Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat

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Speaker 1: I'm the host, And if you're new to Couch Talks

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Speaker 1: and you don't know it is, it is the bonus

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Speaker 1: episode of You Need Therapy where I answer questions that

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Speaker 1: you guys send to Katherine at You Need Therapy podcast

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Speaker 1: dot com. And quick reminder before we get into all

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Speaker 1: that we're going to talk about today that this podcast

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Speaker 1: does not serve as a replacement or as substitute for

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Speaker 1: any actual mental health services, but we always hope that

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Speaker 1: it can help you in some way at some point.

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Speaker 1: So I just got back actually yesterday from a wonderful week,

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Speaker 1: what was four days at the beach with some of

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Speaker 1: my best friends, and I had this moment yesterday and

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Speaker 1: today where I was thinking, how good of a feeling

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Speaker 1: it is when you're ready for a vacation to be over,

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Speaker 1: Like you've vacation enough and you actually are desiring to

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Speaker 1: get back to your life, not that the vacation is

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Speaker 1: bad by any means, and not that you don't want

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Speaker 1: to go on vacation, but also you really enjoy the

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Speaker 1: life you've created and it's not like I was dying

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Speaker 1: to get back to the office. As much as I

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Speaker 1: love my job, it's not the thing that I look

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Speaker 1: forward to the most in my life, which has a

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Speaker 1: lot to do with the question I'm going to answer today.

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to answer the question. Then we're going

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Speaker 1: to carry on with why even said anything that I

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Speaker 1: just said. And I want to remind everybody that we

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Speaker 1: keep the questions anonymous here, so you don't have to

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Speaker 1: worry about me saying your name or where you're from

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Speaker 1: or anything like that. The person who wrote this question

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Speaker 1: actually wrote their question and underneath it gave me a

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Speaker 1: little more context, and I kind of pieced some of

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Speaker 1: those together without adding any personal information, and that was

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Speaker 1: really helpful because it helped me understand really where they

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Speaker 1: were coming from, which it's hard to answer these questions

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Speaker 1: sometimes because they're so generic, and so I really appreciate

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Speaker 1: that and know that you can do that. You can

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Speaker 1: send me a question and then you can give me

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Speaker 1: more detail to help me understand without me having to

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Speaker 1: divulge all of your personal information on I mean, it's

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Speaker 1: this the internet, or it's not radio waves because it's

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Speaker 1: a podcast to the public. We'll go with that. So

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Speaker 1: here's the question. I am working in a profession that

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Speaker 1: I have not always hated, but for the past two

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Speaker 1: to four years, I've started to dread. I don't see

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Speaker 1: this as I went into the wrong field, but that

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Speaker 1: it has simply run its course in my life. I'm

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Speaker 1: now starting a master's program in an unrelated field to

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Speaker 1: leave this profession. It will take me about twenty months

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Speaker 1: to complete the program. Unfortunately, I'm the breadwinner and my

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Speaker 1: home so I can't just take any other job for

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Speaker 1: the next two years. We rely on my income. What

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Speaker 1: advice can you give me for surviving my current profession

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Speaker 1: until then? Changing jobs will not help me. I know this.

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Speaker 1: I left a job two years ago hoping a new

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Speaker 1: environment would help, but it did not. Okay, So I

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Speaker 1: really like this question, and I think it's a great question,

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Speaker 1: And it also sounds like this person is in a

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Speaker 1: pretty healthy place. You're not shaming yourself for choosing the

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Speaker 1: wrong thing or blaming your workplace environment. You're just noticing

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Speaker 1: that you're in need of a change and the current

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Speaker 1: job you had as run its course, and it's okay

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Speaker 1: to change. And I love that. I feel like so

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Speaker 1: many people stay in the same profession or avenue in

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Speaker 1: their whole lives because they feel trapped. And a lot

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Speaker 1: of times we feel trapped because we believe it's too

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Speaker 1: late to start, or we've got start over, or we

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Speaker 1: have put too much effort into what we're in. We

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Speaker 1: don't want that to go to waste. And while I

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Speaker 1: do think it's super hard to somewhat start over in

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Speaker 1: a career, I also don't think it's impossible. So I'm

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Speaker 1: already really excited for you that you're doing this, and

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Speaker 1: it sounds like you're on the right track. You have

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Speaker 1: something to look forward to, a way out of your

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Speaker 1: current job and the current dread you're feeling, and oftentimes

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Speaker 1: knowing there's a way out and knowing that there is

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Speaker 1: an end date can alone alleviate some of that dread

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Speaker 1: or just like achiness of your current environment. And so

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Speaker 1: I hope that that has already kind of helped a

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Speaker 1: little bit, knowing that you're doing something so this is

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Speaker 1: not just a forever thing. I also think it is

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Speaker 1: super super helpful to create a life outside of work,

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Speaker 1: and to make that life outside of work super important.

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Speaker 1: For a lot of people, work does not equal passion,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like I talk about that quite often

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Speaker 1: on here. We live in a society where it feels

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Speaker 1: like we have to be so passionate and love our

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Speaker 1: jobs and be obsessed with working and want to talk

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Speaker 1: about it all the time. It's like a part of

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Speaker 1: our personality. And a lot of people don't have passion

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Speaker 1: when it comes to their jobs. And I really think

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Speaker 1: that's okay. I think it's more than okay. And I

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Speaker 1: think it's really unfair to say that you can't live

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Speaker 1: a fulfilling life unless you love your job. I personally

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Speaker 1: think you can. And this brings me back to me

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Speaker 1: talking about my VACA. The thing I was looking forward

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Speaker 1: to the most when thinking about getting back home again,

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Speaker 1: like I said, wasn't jumping back into work. It was

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Speaker 1: jumping back into my routine, my habits, the people that

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Speaker 1: I like to see on a regular basis, things like that,

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Speaker 1: and the smaller things in my life, not this thing

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Speaker 1: that I spend doing eight to ten hours a day.

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Speaker 1: The smaller things in my life are my favorite parts

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Speaker 1: of my life. Making my favorite meal of the week,

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Speaker 1: sleeping in my own cozy bed, going to the grocery

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Speaker 1: store with Patrick. I really enjoy those little things and

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Speaker 1: I want to encourage you to make sure you are

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Speaker 1: packing in a lot of small little things that might

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Speaker 1: seem mundane but also bring you a lot of joy

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Speaker 1: that you might just be like, not even realizing bring

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Speaker 1: you a lot of joy. I think we can spend

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Speaker 1: way too much time making work the thing that our

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Speaker 1: lives revolve around. I mean, we spend what eight to

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Speaker 1: ten hours there a day. Sometimes people spend more, and

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Speaker 1: then we spend more time obsessing about it, talking about it,

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Speaker 1: planning around it. It's just this it again, like I

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Speaker 1: said earlier, becomes like our personality, part of our personality,

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Speaker 1: and I don't think that it needs to be that

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Speaker 1: way at all. If ever, don't get me wrong, I

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Speaker 1: think that it can be very very powerful and important

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Speaker 1: for us to process and talk about work outside of work,

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Speaker 1: but it doesn't have to be this all consuming thing

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Speaker 1: that I mean. I feel like we grow up thinking

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Speaker 1: what our lives are going to be is like what

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Speaker 1: we're going to do for a living, which makes sense. Again,

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Speaker 1: we spend a lot of time doing it, and we

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Speaker 1: can think and dream about what kind of life we're

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Speaker 1: going to be living too, not just what we're going

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Speaker 1: to be doing to make money. Now A lot of

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Speaker 1: people do have passion woven into their job, and I

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Speaker 1: think that that's okay too. It doesn't mean that's bad,

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Speaker 1: but I just feel like it's important to keep talking

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Speaker 1: about the fact that that doesn't always have to be

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Speaker 1: the case, and you don't have to keep trying to

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Speaker 1: find a different job until you feel passionate about yours.

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Speaker 1: You can do that, but it's not the only avenue

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Speaker 1: to create a fulfilling life, and I just want people

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Speaker 1: to know that. So my question for you, and what

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Speaker 1: I would suggest is what if you could create more

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Speaker 1: life outside of your job that excited you while you

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Speaker 1: can't control the current status of your job, and we

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Speaker 1: get to be more excited about those things, and we

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Speaker 1: can focus on those things more than we focus on

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Speaker 1: how much we don't like our job. So if we

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Speaker 1: focus on those little things and we look forward to

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Speaker 1: those little things, and we start putting our energy in

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Speaker 1: those little things, we're going to be spending less energy

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Speaker 1: thinking about how much we hate our job. So really,

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Speaker 1: to me, when it comes to like, how do you

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Speaker 1: survive the current job, the current role you're in while

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Speaker 1: you're working to move into something else, is pretty simple

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Speaker 1: to me. A lot of it has to do with

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Speaker 1: creating things and paying attention to things that don't have

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Speaker 1: to do with work, because again, you cannot control that

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Speaker 1: right now. The other thing that you can do is

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Speaker 1: create some benchmarks you can celebrate, make a countdown that

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Speaker 1: celebrates you achieving things. You're in this program, So can

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Speaker 1: you start celebrating more of those achievements. Maybe have a

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Speaker 1: countdown to when your graduation is. Celebrate when you do

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Speaker 1: well on a test, or you do well on a

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Speaker 1: project or something like that, so you're again paying more

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Speaker 1: attention to that the thing that you're looking forward to

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Speaker 1: than the thing that you're dreading. And then create space

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Speaker 1: to not talk about work at all. Maybe you create

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Speaker 1: more space in your life to play games with your

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Speaker 1: family after work, you start a new hobby, maybe you

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Speaker 1: start to cross ditch your garden. But what I'm really

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Speaker 1: getting at is fine ways to fill your life after

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Speaker 1: work with things that aren't also work. Now. I don't

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Speaker 1: know the structure of your job. I don't know the

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Speaker 1: ins and outs of what you have to do and

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Speaker 1: how taxing it is and how rigid it is, but

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Speaker 1: I think it's also an okay thought to think about

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Speaker 1: how you can do your job well, you know, keep

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Speaker 1: your integrity while you're still employed at this place, while

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Speaker 1: allowing yourself grace of not doing your job perfectly and

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Speaker 1: to the highest of any standard at all times. And

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Speaker 1: I don't mean like be a slacker and like don't

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Speaker 1: finish things. I mean maybe you bring lunches into work

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Speaker 1: that excite you and you actually take a break at

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Speaker 1: lunch to enjoy eating your food or talking with a coworker,

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Speaker 1: or maybe you schedule on some walks during the day

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Speaker 1: while you're at work, find some time to break up

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Speaker 1: the monotony of the dread that you have, switch up

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Speaker 1: what you can and again focus on that versus the

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Speaker 1: dread of what you can't switch up. And I would

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Speaker 1: add to the end of this, I think one of

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Speaker 1: the biggest things is to be super kind to yourself.

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Speaker 1: Like I said earlier, I think it's awesome you're already

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Speaker 1: on the right track, and I think it's really a

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Speaker 1: huge deal what you're doing putting effort in to shift

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Speaker 1: something when a lot of people would say, oh, I

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Speaker 1: can't do that, it's too late, it would be too hard,

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Speaker 1: and that's a big deal. And I think you should

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Speaker 1: celebrate that alone and be very kind to yourself and

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Speaker 1: celebrate yourself in that own achievement, and when you feel overwhelmed,

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Speaker 1: ask for help and let others help you. Going to

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Speaker 1: school while working while also trying to find time for

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Speaker 1: leisure and to take care of yourself is a lot. Like,

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Speaker 1: you have a lot of things going on, and it's

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Speaker 1: super fair to acknowledge that even though these are things

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Speaker 1: that you chose to do. And I guess if you

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Speaker 1: could not work the job, you would quit, so you

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Speaker 1: don't have complete control in that. But I just want

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Speaker 1: you to be giving yourself the attention that you deserve

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Speaker 1: and the love and the care that you deserve, because

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Speaker 1: what you're doing again is a really big deal. You're

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Speaker 1: doing a lot, so it feels like a lot. It's

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Speaker 1: not because you're doing it wrong. It's because it's a lot.

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Speaker 1: It just is. So I hope that helps. I know

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Speaker 1: these aren't light bulb, life changing, jaw dropping suggestions, but

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Speaker 1: I think that's what's so powerful about them is sometimes

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Speaker 1: the most simple, little shifts and changes can be the

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Speaker 1: most powerful. And I truly believe when we can shift

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Speaker 1: our attention, it takes a while. It's that creating a

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Speaker 1: new pathway in your brain creating a new river. If

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Speaker 1: you've heard me on here talk about the river metaph for,

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Speaker 1: if we create these new pathways that our brains naturally

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Speaker 1: go to, we're going to be focused on these good

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Speaker 1: things more than we're focused on the icky things. Now,

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Speaker 1: the dread of your job, you might not start enjoying

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Speaker 1: your job. I don't think that's what I'm I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: try to convince you to think it's going to happen.

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Speaker 1: You're probably gonna not like your job till it ends,

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Speaker 1: But the weight of that could feel lighter if we

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Speaker 1: put more of our attention and we create more of

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Speaker 1: a natural rhythm to pay attention to the things in

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Speaker 1: your life that you do enjoy and that do bring

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Speaker 1: you more energy and fulfillment and enjoy. So again, I

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Speaker 1: hope that was helpful, And if anybody else has any questions,

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Speaker 1: you know that you can always send them to Katherine

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Speaker 1: at UNI Therapy podcast dot com. You can follow us

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Speaker 1: at uned Therapy Podcast, you can follow me at cat

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Speaker 1: dot Defada, and you can follow my therapy practice at

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Speaker 1: three Chords Therapy all on Instagram. We'll be back with

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Speaker 1: you guys on Monday with an episode that I'm super

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Speaker 1: excited for you guys to hear, and until then, I

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Speaker 1: hope that you are having the day you need to.

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Speaker 1: Half bye guys,