1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:00,840 Speaker 1: Hi, besties. 2 00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:04,240 Speaker 2: You may already know this, but The bright Side is 3 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,040 Speaker 2: an LA made show. This city, with its eternal sunshine 4 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:13,239 Speaker 2: and infectious optimism, has always inspired us to look on 5 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 2: the bright side and find the silver linings. 6 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: But right now, we're not going to lie to you. 7 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:20,120 Speaker 1: It's tough. 8 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,760 Speaker 2: So many of the people who work so hard every 9 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,560 Speaker 2: day to bring you this show were born and raised 10 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:30,440 Speaker 2: in Los Angeles, and we are deeply shaken by the 11 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:34,279 Speaker 2: devastation unfolding in our city right now. So before we 12 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 2: dive into today's episode, we want to take a moment 13 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 2: to acknowledge the heartbreak that so many of us are feeling. 14 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:45,559 Speaker 2: The fires that are ravaging Los Angeles have displaced countless families, 15 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 2: and our hearts are with everyone affected by this crisis. 16 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:54,640 Speaker 2: Given the gravity of this situation, we are hitting pause 17 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:58,280 Speaker 2: on our usual content today, so instead we're going to 18 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 2: be sharing an interview that we had actually planned for 19 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,680 Speaker 2: later this month. We hope to return to our regular 20 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:07,240 Speaker 2: schedule next week, but for now, stay safe, hold your 21 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 2: loved ones close, and lean on each other during this 22 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 2: incredibly difficult time. 23 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 3: Hey, Vesties, Hello Sunshine. 24 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,759 Speaker 4: Today on the bright Side, we're talking about something big 25 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 4: It's time to conquer your fears. Confidence Coach Susie Moore 26 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 4: is in the house and she's dropping a truth bomb 27 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 4: that we all need to hear. Your fear of rejection 28 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:35,280 Speaker 4: is costing you money. Yes, you heard that right, So 29 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 4: no more excuses, no more fear. It's time to harness 30 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 4: our power this year and go after everything we want. 31 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:42,959 Speaker 3: It's Friday, January tenth. 32 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 2: I'm Danielle Robe and I'm Simone Boyce and this is 33 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 2: the bright side from Hello Sunshine. 34 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:50,840 Speaker 1: All right Joal. 35 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 2: On today's show, we are thrilled to welcome back Confidence 36 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 2: Coach Susie Moore. We all loved all the tips that 37 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 2: she shared with us last time she was on the 38 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 2: show about how to network with confident and one of 39 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 2: her tips was to send more cold emails to reconnect 40 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 2: with your former colleagues and really just shoot your shot. 41 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,799 Speaker 2: I used to be more brave with my outreach when 42 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 2: I was in my twenties. I used to send a 43 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,280 Speaker 2: ton of cold emails and honestly, that's how I got 44 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 2: a lot of opportunities when I was first starting out. 45 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 2: And then I think there's this thing that happens when 46 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:22,720 Speaker 2: you grow in your career and you get a little 47 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,880 Speaker 2: bit older. At least in my experience, I feel like 48 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:27,119 Speaker 2: I've become more risk averse. So I'm trying to break 49 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 2: out of that pattern. And at the end of last year, 50 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 2: I had this moment where I really remembered the power 51 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 2: of sending cold emails and putting yourself out there. There's 52 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 2: a professional contact that I had been wanting to work 53 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 2: with for the longest time, and I had been emailing 54 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 2: and I'm sure this person was just busy and I 55 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 2: didn't hear back from them, but I decided to just 56 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 2: be persistent, keep following up, and eventually I heard back 57 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 2: and I got the most complimentary email. 58 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: It completely made. 59 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 2: My day, maybe even my entire year, and I'm really 60 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:03,079 Speaker 2: excited to see what comes of this interaction. So Danielle, 61 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 2: I know you will get my back on this. Send 62 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 2: the cold email. 63 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:08,359 Speaker 1: Just do it. What are you waiting for? 64 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 3: Ooh, Simone. 65 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 4: I love hearing that, And I'm really excited to have 66 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,360 Speaker 4: Susie back today because she said something super memorable. I 67 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 4: can't get it out of my head. Your fear of 68 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 4: rejection is costing you money? How is it costing us money? 69 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:21,800 Speaker 3: You know? 70 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 4: It kind of makes me think of when I launched 71 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:28,120 Speaker 4: my card game, question everything, I had that fear. 72 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 3: I have never. 73 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 4: Been so nauseous as to when I created that product, 74 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 4: because it costs so much money to produce a physical product. 75 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 4: I put so much of my time, love and money 76 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 4: into it, and I thought, what if nobody buys it 77 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 4: except for my mom? And I think I bought like 78 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 4: only two hundred and fifty decks and thought, I'm not 79 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 4: going to sell any of these. 80 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 3: I'll never forget that feeling in my stomach. 81 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 4: And I'm on Shopify, and so I could see everybody 82 00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 4: who bought it, and I looked at the back end 83 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,960 Speaker 4: when I dropped the trailer for it, like the teaser 84 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:07,240 Speaker 4: ad kind of on my Instagram, and we sold out 85 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,320 Speaker 4: and I had to order more card games and my 86 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 4: mom didn't even purchase one. 87 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 3: But you know, it was cool. 88 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,160 Speaker 4: You know who purchased the first x other female founders 89 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,279 Speaker 4: because they knew how hard it was to create something. 90 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,840 Speaker 4: But you know, every time I try something new, when 91 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:24,279 Speaker 4: I launched the other podcasts that I do, when I 92 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,920 Speaker 4: created the card game, I even sometimes have fear in dating, 93 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:31,599 Speaker 4: like fear of rejection, you know, And so maybe my 94 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 4: fear of rejection in business is costing me money, and 95 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 4: my fear of rejection and dating is costing me a husband. 96 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 3: I don't know. 97 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 4: I guess we'll find out today, but I know I 98 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,840 Speaker 4: can't be the only one out there. I hear from 99 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 4: a lot of people on Instagram, especially that want to 100 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 4: start a business or a side hustle, or want to 101 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,040 Speaker 4: take a new class, or want to try something new, 102 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:53,280 Speaker 4: whatever that is, and that little voice of fear. Maybe 103 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,760 Speaker 4: it's in your heart, maybe it's in your throat, maybe 104 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 4: it's in your stomach. Usually we can feel it physically 105 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 4: where it is, but there's that little bit of trepidation 106 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 4: and it's holding us back. 107 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 2: Well that ends today because Susie is here with the 108 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,800 Speaker 2: tools that you need. We all need, honestly to unlock 109 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,960 Speaker 2: our potential and get rid of that nagging fear because 110 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,840 Speaker 2: at the end of the day, we all just want 111 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:18,479 Speaker 2: to feel empowered so that we can actually confidently go 112 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,479 Speaker 2: after what we want. 113 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:20,560 Speaker 3: I can't wait. 114 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 4: Let's bring her in, Susie. Welcome back to the right side. 115 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, Simon and Danielle butt Joy and talking 116 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,039 Speaker 5: about something that people love right. 117 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:33,200 Speaker 2: Yes, well, we loved your advice on networking, especially around 118 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 2: the holidays, and we're thrilled to beginning to talk to 119 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:39,920 Speaker 2: you about a different topic that is so universal, rejection. 120 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 2: I want to start with something that you said that 121 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 2: really stuck out to me. You said, quote your fear 122 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:49,479 Speaker 2: of rejection is costing you money. That's a really powerful statement. 123 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 2: What did you mean by that and how did you 124 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 2: arrive there? 125 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 5: Rejection? Rejection, rejection, I think it's one of the scariest words, 126 00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:01,840 Speaker 5: the scariest concepts that keeps us so small and in 127 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,440 Speaker 5: our assumption. I think that rejection is to be expected, 128 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:08,800 Speaker 5: and it's so scary. It just you know, it stings 129 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 5: and stings. We don't go for a lot of things. 130 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 5: We hold back, and it is costing us in so 131 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 5: many ways. There's the obvious ways, right like we don't 132 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 5: ask our boss for more money, or if we have 133 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 5: our own business, we're afraid to increase our rates. We 134 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:29,159 Speaker 5: don't negotiate when we're willing to ask for things, not 135 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,239 Speaker 5: assume that it's going to be a no. So much 136 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:36,440 Speaker 5: becomes available. I think possibilities that perhaps we don't even 137 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,480 Speaker 5: think of because we're not in the habits of it. 138 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 5: It seems too scary, very few people are modeling it, 139 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,839 Speaker 5: and I think when we understand that there is a 140 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:49,120 Speaker 5: financial cost, we're more willing probably perhaps to go for 141 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,039 Speaker 5: it because the payoff is certainly there in all of 142 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:52,800 Speaker 5: the ways. 143 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 4: How is it actually costing us money? And I'm wondering 144 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 4: if you can speak to women making their own way entrepreneurs. 145 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 5: So I work with a lot of female entrepreneurs and 146 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,960 Speaker 5: the women and men, but whoever it may be, who 147 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 5: are willing to say, Hey, I'm available. I'm a personal stylist, 148 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 5: I'm an interior designer, I'm a party planner, I'm a matchmaker. 149 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 5: Here's how you work with me. Here's why you want 150 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,880 Speaker 5: to do that, Here's why it's going to be good 151 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 5: for you. Here's what other people have to say about it. 152 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,560 Speaker 5: And also, if you do it before the end of 153 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 5: the month, there's something special for you. There's a bonus, 154 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 5: like a willingness to say it simply, even just to 155 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 5: your Facebook friends or to your Instagram community or a 156 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:36,120 Speaker 5: small LinkedIn group wherever you find yourself socially, Like I 157 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 5: always meet people socially and just by talking about what 158 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 5: I do make money. The willingness to just even if 159 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:47,240 Speaker 5: it's met with nothing or disinterest, or someone just plane 160 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 5: doesn't like it. That doesn't really hold any water for me. 161 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 5: There's nothing in it for me that is worth preventing 162 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 5: the risk of the potential upside. So when we're not 163 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 5: speaking about what we are for, when we're holding back 164 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 5: why it's special, when we are thinking, oh, other people 165 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 5: do it better, or there'll be a day that I'm ready. 166 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,680 Speaker 5: You're missing money now. We don't even know what the 167 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 5: dollar cost is. We never can know, and that's oh, 168 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,239 Speaker 5: to me, that's a complete tragedy. 169 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 2: There's this trend called museum of failures where people go 170 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 2: online and they share all the ways that they've failed 171 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 2: in their life or opportunities that they didn't get. And 172 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 2: I think we could apply that same model to rejection. Susie, 173 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 2: when you look back on your own museum of rejection, 174 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,840 Speaker 2: what's the story that stands out to you? 175 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 1: What was the turning point for you? 176 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,480 Speaker 5: Oh? I think there have been so many, right, And 177 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 5: I think that probably when most people look back, we've 178 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:48,520 Speaker 5: survived more rejections then we realize, or at least perceived rejections. 179 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 5: I love how you speak about the museum of failures. 180 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,440 Speaker 5: I joke that I collect rejections like trophies, like, oh 181 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 5: you hear all of my rejections, aren't they impressive? The 182 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 5: first one I think I felt big that really was 183 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,400 Speaker 5: painful was getting fired from the first full time job 184 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 5: that I had. I was working as a receptionist as 185 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,840 Speaker 5: like a kind of stepping stone in an organization, and 186 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 5: I really wanted to work in the sales team, and 187 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 5: in my reception role, I decided to focus my energy 188 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 5: on acting almost like a sales assistant. So instead of 189 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,599 Speaker 5: answering the phone and doing what I was supposed to 190 00:09:25,679 --> 00:09:28,800 Speaker 5: be doing, I was like shadowing the sales team, hopping 191 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 5: out speaking to their clients, stepping in wherever I could. 192 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 5: And when the boss asked for a meeting with me 193 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:39,199 Speaker 5: around two months in, I was like, this is it, 194 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 5: Like my promotion is here. I was like, you know, 195 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:48,800 Speaker 5: dabbing on my lip glass, thinking okay, remember negotiate, shoulders back, 196 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 5: be confident, like you know, walking up the stairs feeling 197 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 5: really like sure of myself, ready to celebrate, and as 198 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,160 Speaker 5: soon as I sat down, my high vibe was just 199 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,800 Speaker 5: like thrown off a cliff. And the boss at the 200 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 5: time said to me, look for letting you go. You're 201 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:08,199 Speaker 5: not doing the job that you were hired for. And 202 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 5: I was, of course like shocked. I mean, it's like 203 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 5: a numb feeling, right when something like that happens. I 204 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,280 Speaker 5: was too embarrassed to tell anyone, so I just left quietly. 205 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 5: And then when I called the recruitment agency, I think 206 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 5: in the US you call them headhunters what happened. And 207 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 5: I said, look, you know, I don't think I'm cut 208 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:28,120 Speaker 5: out for administration, not even really as a stepping stone. 209 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,320 Speaker 5: She said that she saw something in me, and she 210 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 5: offered me a job in sales in her company. And 211 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,839 Speaker 5: so I remember thinking, wow, like I was rejected into 212 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 5: a better job essentially like this. It wasn't a straight line, 213 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 5: but it wouldn't have happened. I don't think any other way. 214 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 5: No one would have thought of it, at least of 215 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 5: all me. And so that kind of like slap in 216 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,520 Speaker 5: the face feeling when someone's just like, we don't want 217 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:56,600 Speaker 5: you here anymore, You're not welcome here. It turned into 218 00:10:56,720 --> 00:11:00,680 Speaker 5: what became a decade long sales career and really the 219 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,080 Speaker 5: opportunity of my life what got me sauted as a 220 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 5: young professional. So as soon as that happened, I just 221 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 5: learned in my life not to take score too soon 222 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 5: of things that happen, calling them good or bad. And 223 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,560 Speaker 5: that's hard to do. Right soon, I'm write Danielle, we 224 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 5: think something bad happened. Oh, I'm so sorry you lost 225 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 5: your job. I'm so sorry you got dumped. I think 226 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,840 Speaker 5: we've all had these experiences. But with a bit of 227 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,840 Speaker 5: time passing, a lot of other things kind of become clear. 228 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,600 Speaker 3: I think of it as sorry, and because it does hurt. 229 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:35,240 Speaker 4: Like I've heard that phrase, rejection is redirection, I really 230 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 4: do believe that most of the time that's true. Yes, 231 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:42,040 Speaker 4: So I think rejection is something that we talk about 232 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 4: as external. 233 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 3: It's something that happens to us. 234 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,200 Speaker 4: Partner is rejecting us, an employer like in your case, 235 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,840 Speaker 4: is rejecting us. But you actually have reframed it. You 236 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,640 Speaker 4: said that it's self rejection. What do you mean by that? 237 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 5: This is a hard thing to kind of even play 238 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,960 Speaker 5: around with. Right If all rejection is self rejection, I 239 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 5: think it doesn't feel like it's true. But what I 240 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 5: mean when I say that is that rejection, like so 241 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:16,440 Speaker 5: much else, is an interpretation. So much is an interpretation, 242 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 5: and we're so quick to label things as negative, like 243 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:24,760 Speaker 5: We're so quick to feel afraid. We're so quick to panic, 244 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:30,920 Speaker 5: and when we take rejection personally, when we think that 245 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 5: it's outside of us, we're saying, oh, okay, something stopped, 246 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 5: there's an end of something. You know, this is now 247 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 5: cut short. I'm now limited. But where really are the limits? 248 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,320 Speaker 5: You know? If something is that okay, not this way, 249 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 5: not this store, or not this avenue, not this person, 250 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,959 Speaker 5: is that really a rejection or is that something that 251 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,560 Speaker 5: we can go, Okay, I need a refocus, I can 252 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,920 Speaker 5: put my energy somewhere else. Maybe I just need to 253 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 5: pause and breathe and be creative here. And so feeling 254 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:07,320 Speaker 5: rejected then is a feeling that we're deciding versus maybe 255 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 5: opening up our minds a bit, slowing down, not taking 256 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:15,120 Speaker 5: score so rapidly, and thinking, you know, what else? What else? 257 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,319 Speaker 5: Because there's not just one man, one job, one client, 258 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 5: one podcast, one column one editor. There are so many possibilities. 259 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 5: So where's the rejection? I mean, we're in a candy 260 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,559 Speaker 5: store and that's for me. That's such a fun, free 261 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 5: and easy way to hold life lightly. 262 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 4: We need to take a quick break, but we'll be 263 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 4: right back with advice columnists and life coach Susie Moore, 264 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,360 Speaker 4: and we're back with Susie Moore. Do you find that 265 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 4: it's a muscle for you? The more you get rejected, 266 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 4: the less it hurts, or does it hurt? And staying 267 00:13:57,559 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 4: every time? 268 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,360 Speaker 5: The sting of rejection, I think is a good feeling. 269 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:07,440 Speaker 4: No way, Susie, I'm sorry, I'm calling that one. 270 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,640 Speaker 3: There's no way that feels. 271 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 5: Good the way that I think about it. If I 272 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:15,720 Speaker 5: get the sting of rejection right, that's just a temporary emotion. 273 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,360 Speaker 5: The problem is when it sticks around, right, when it's 274 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 5: all day, it's also tomorrow. Now my husband's dealing with it. 275 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 5: Now I'm calling you because I need to moan about it. 276 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 5: Where let me call my mom, you know, I mean, 277 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:31,160 Speaker 5: then we start getting into trouble. But the sting of rejection, right, 278 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 5: it's like proof of something, right, something is happening. There 279 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 5: is some momentum here, something is happening, and that sting, 280 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 5: being temporary is it's fine, like it's not your favorite 281 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 5: thing in the world. But rejection stings. But regret like 282 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 5: that sticks Like I'd rather take a little sting and 283 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:54,320 Speaker 5: go okay, I'm comfortable, then have something that sticks with 284 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:59,160 Speaker 5: me forever. I mean, there is nothing more haunting than 285 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:04,040 Speaker 5: the regret. Ah, And so I'm with you on that 286 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,160 Speaker 5: that I agree with you. I'll take the sting of 287 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,680 Speaker 5: rejection over the pain of regret. But if I'm being 288 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:17,120 Speaker 5: truly candid, the rejection still stings me. Yeah, But when 289 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 5: I'm okay with that, Yeah, so that's the thing, right. 290 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,520 Speaker 4: Well, you know what, when I was younger, I don't 291 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 4: think I had the tools to deal with it as much. 292 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 4: It would really throw me more more than it does now. 293 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 5: Yeah. 294 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,560 Speaker 2: You know what's funny, Danielle, I think I was better 295 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,360 Speaker 2: able to handle rejection when I was younger, when I 296 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 2: was fresh out of college. Really, Like, for example, I 297 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 2: studied broadcast journalism at the University of Florida. And what 298 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 2: you do when you're trying to get a job as 299 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 2: a reporter in the business is you send out This 300 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,400 Speaker 2: was back in the day, but you send out your 301 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 2: reels physically by mail to news stations and hope that 302 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,960 Speaker 2: someone offers you a job. I didn't get any responses back. 303 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,960 Speaker 2: I send out my reel to probably fifty places, but 304 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 2: it didn't phase me at all. I was just like, okay, fine, 305 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:02,400 Speaker 2: I was I had this intrepid spirit about me, and 306 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 2: you know, I eventually got an internship and got a 307 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:09,280 Speaker 2: foothold in the industry. But then towards the end of 308 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:14,280 Speaker 2: my twenties, I think as the rejections built upon one another, 309 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 2: and there were so many, it felt like I was 310 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,240 Speaker 2: kind of being crushed beneath the weight to them, and 311 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 2: crushed beneath the weight of you know, not measuring up 312 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 2: or comparing myself to other people. And then as I've 313 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:29,360 Speaker 2: gotten even older now I feel like I'm returning to 314 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 2: that intrepid sense of self that I had in my 315 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 2: early twenties, Like it's it doesn't sting me as much anymore. 316 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:39,320 Speaker 2: So it's been this weird cyclical journey for me. 317 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,120 Speaker 5: What do you think shifted with being okay, not being okay, 318 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 5: being okay again? 319 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:47,440 Speaker 2: I think it's just not caring what people think, you know, 320 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 2: and and a sense of self and a sense of 321 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 2: self worth, like knowing what I have to offer and 322 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 2: knowing that that's powerful, and also realizing that what's for 323 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 2: me for me and what's not for me is going 324 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:05,480 Speaker 2: to miss me. And that's been an easier truth to 325 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 2: hold on to in recent years. 326 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 4: One of the things that has shifted it for me 327 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,080 Speaker 4: is a reframe, and Susie, I know you like a reframe. 328 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,919 Speaker 4: Everybody has to find one that works for them. I 329 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:21,159 Speaker 4: don't think there's like a universal reframe that works, but 330 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,280 Speaker 4: I actually read about it years ago from a dating 331 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:29,679 Speaker 4: expert and I applied it to my life over Archingly, this. 332 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,000 Speaker 3: Woman was saying, instead of feeling. 333 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 4: Rejected, ever, she said, it's about compatibility. It has nothing 334 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 4: to do with you as a person. It's compatibility and 335 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,760 Speaker 4: you have to trust that and know that it is 336 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:47,200 Speaker 4: a something's not compatible, whether it's a job or a person. 337 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 5: I agree. 338 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,240 Speaker 2: Do you think that the compatibility can change or shift? 339 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,880 Speaker 4: Danielle, Yeah, I think people change, but if you don't 340 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,840 Speaker 4: meet them at the right time you're incompatible. 341 00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 3: Do you think it can change your shift? 342 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:01,200 Speaker 1: I do. 343 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,919 Speaker 2: I've actually seen how I don't have a lot of 344 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,439 Speaker 2: dating experience because Susie, I got married when I was 345 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,600 Speaker 2: so young, but I have more professional experience that I 346 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,560 Speaker 2: can speak to. But so I have actually seen, like 347 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,159 Speaker 2: I've been rejected by certain companies that I wanted to 348 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,960 Speaker 2: work for in my twenties, and to be honest, they 349 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,160 Speaker 2: should have rejected me. I was like so green and 350 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:24,200 Speaker 2: I didn't have the chops at that time, But time 351 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,680 Speaker 2: has passed and I've gotten to work for those companies. 352 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:30,320 Speaker 2: So I don't even think that rejection is permanent or 353 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,840 Speaker 2: that that lack of compatibility is permanent. 354 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:33,800 Speaker 1: I think it's fluid. 355 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,359 Speaker 5: And doesn't this also happen in the inverse all the 356 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,760 Speaker 5: time when you think about it, like, probably people feel 357 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,679 Speaker 5: rejected by you all the time, and this goes for everybody, 358 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,919 Speaker 5: Like have you ever not responded to a text? Have 359 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:50,200 Speaker 5: you ever counceled plans? Have you ever declined an invitation? 360 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,639 Speaker 5: Have you ever forgotten to invite someone to a meeting 361 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,320 Speaker 5: just because you know, you just feel you re tired, 362 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,120 Speaker 5: like you forgot all You've zoned out in a conversation, 363 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,240 Speaker 5: or maybe you see someone, like a really person and 364 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,080 Speaker 5: it's really early and you're in a coffee shop and 365 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:04,679 Speaker 5: you just you just don't want to look right in 366 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,880 Speaker 5: that sense. Yeah, what if someone's spewing over your rejection 367 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,200 Speaker 5: right now and you're like, I'm just trying to get 368 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:11,879 Speaker 5: it through the day with my period, Like you're just 369 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 5: living your life. So when I remember that every day 370 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,560 Speaker 5: you're rejecting, I'm rejecting. It's not a personal attack. I 371 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,200 Speaker 5: don't even care enough. You're just going through your life. 372 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 5: So why would it be so innocuous when I do it? 373 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:29,000 Speaker 5: But when someone does it to me, Oh, I'm gonna 374 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:29,919 Speaker 5: remember that sting. 375 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,520 Speaker 2: I really like that framing, Susie, because I think it 376 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:37,679 Speaker 2: deflates the venom or, it deflates the like potency of 377 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:41,080 Speaker 2: rejection and it and it kind of minimizes the harm 378 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 2: and the impact if we think about it in that context. 379 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,600 Speaker 2: So I want to talk about resilience too, because I 380 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,720 Speaker 2: think that we've all spoken to that just now, you know, 381 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,760 Speaker 2: like the ability to kind of build up this thick 382 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,840 Speaker 2: skin and let the rejection bounce off of us, Susie. 383 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 2: From your perspective, what is the connection between rejection and resilience. 384 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 5: So I'm an investor, and I have said a few 385 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,400 Speaker 5: times now that if I want to invest in somebody 386 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:14,080 Speaker 5: or something, I will take a resilient person, someone who's 387 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:17,400 Speaker 5: willing to just persevere, who's committed, over someone who's super 388 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 5: super talented, who's just not there, who hasn't got the 389 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:24,359 Speaker 5: ability to keep coming back. Are you familiar, either of you, 390 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:25,440 Speaker 5: with the book The Third Door? 391 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 3: You're kidding silly. One of my best friends wrote that 392 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:30,640 Speaker 3: I have it on my shelf. 393 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:35,280 Speaker 5: Oh my, this is a man to be. So the 394 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 5: third Door put simply and it is a great book, 395 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 5: and I love that you love it to Danielle, it's 396 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,919 Speaker 5: you know, essentially, the way that he describes life is 397 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,879 Speaker 5: imagine there's like a really like like a hot event 398 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,480 Speaker 5: that you know, there are three doors where you can 399 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,920 Speaker 5: access this event, right, this cool spot. The first line 400 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,919 Speaker 5: is full of most people, right, they kind of go 401 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,640 Speaker 5: through all the steps, follow follow kind of the traditional path, 402 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:02,160 Speaker 5: maybe go to college, get an internship, get a job, 403 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,680 Speaker 5: get you know, you take the traditional steps, right, the 404 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:10,480 Speaker 5: regular path. That's most people. The second door is for 405 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:14,320 Speaker 5: people who are privileged, right, so maybe their royalty, they're Rockefellers, 406 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:18,200 Speaker 5: they have access of some kind. You can go into 407 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,840 Speaker 5: that line, but it's going to be harder. Often it's 408 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:24,000 Speaker 5: reserved for people. You might marry into it, but it's 409 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:28,000 Speaker 5: not easy. And there is a third door that is 410 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,639 Speaker 5: always open, but you have to find it. And most 411 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:35,119 Speaker 5: people are not willing to step out of line. Step 412 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 5: out of line one, lose their spot and see where 413 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,680 Speaker 5: that third door might be. And he interviewed and research 414 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:46,200 Speaker 5: lady Gaga Arren Buffett Stephen Spielbug, I'm thinking. I mean 415 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,159 Speaker 5: it was mayor Angelou. It was an incredible mix of 416 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 5: people who he studied, research interviewed. They all took the 417 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,639 Speaker 5: third door. And the common theme is their ability to 418 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:59,040 Speaker 5: be rejected again and again, to be resilient no matter what. 419 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:04,679 Speaker 5: And it's not leaning into really anything but that like 420 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:08,000 Speaker 5: we have to be creative. And he says to you 421 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,160 Speaker 5: know quite clearly that that door is always there, It's 422 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,400 Speaker 5: always open, but most people don't even see it. And 423 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,240 Speaker 5: so when you're willing to go for it, when you're 424 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:21,240 Speaker 5: willing to find shortcuts, when you're willing to ask for things, wow, 425 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 5: like that their door. It you just see it everywhere. 426 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,359 Speaker 5: And when you say, but you know you ask for 427 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:30,520 Speaker 5: Danielle is rejection and muscle. I think also possibility thinking 428 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:34,719 Speaker 5: and spotting opportunities is a muscle. The more you do it, 429 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,760 Speaker 5: the more it appears like the you know, doors open 430 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,959 Speaker 5: more and more doors. So I have to say, like 431 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,400 Speaker 5: he speaks so much in the book about resilience, and 432 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,480 Speaker 5: for me, that's just being rejection proof. It's being willing 433 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,280 Speaker 5: to just keep coming back, keep coming back. And the 434 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,720 Speaker 5: best news is anyone can decide to do that. You 435 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 5: don't have to look a certain way, be from a 436 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:58,200 Speaker 5: certain family, have a certain education, but you can be willing. 437 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:00,720 Speaker 1: I agree. 438 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:04,800 Speaker 4: We've talked on the show about confidence and competence. I 439 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 4: heard that once from a child psychologist and it just 440 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:10,359 Speaker 4: always stuck with me. But you've talked about the confidence 441 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 4: competence circle, and I've never heard that before. 442 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:14,600 Speaker 3: So what is that? 443 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,119 Speaker 5: So when coaching, it's a term that's it's a loop, 444 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:22,359 Speaker 5: like the confidence confidence loop. And this is what we 445 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,920 Speaker 5: sometimes refer to as the accountability loop versus a victim loop. 446 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:31,480 Speaker 5: So if you are confident, right, and confidence is a 447 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,119 Speaker 5: willingness to do something, that's it right, a willingness to 448 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:37,800 Speaker 5: be uncomfortable, you're going to become competent because you're going 449 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,479 Speaker 5: to do a lot of things, Like even if you're 450 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,879 Speaker 5: terrible at playing tennis, but you keep showing up to 451 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,679 Speaker 5: play tennis, you're going to get better just by virtue 452 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,400 Speaker 5: of practice. And then the better you get at tennis, 453 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,919 Speaker 5: the more confident you'll become a tennis the more you 454 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:53,160 Speaker 5: want to play, and the better you'll keep getting. It's 455 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,439 Speaker 5: like this really lovely cycle, but it's very easy to 456 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,359 Speaker 5: miss out on because you think, oh, I don't feel 457 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,639 Speaker 5: very confident about that, so I'm just not going to 458 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,120 Speaker 5: But if you think, gosh, I'm just going to introduce 459 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:07,200 Speaker 5: myself to more people and share how I can help. Yeah, 460 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,720 Speaker 5: it might be a little awkward right in the beginning. 461 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 5: It'll take some time to find your footing. But the 462 00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,919 Speaker 5: more you do it right, the better you'll get, the 463 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:18,280 Speaker 5: smoother you'll sound, the more natural and like you you'll sound. 464 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,359 Speaker 5: Then you'll feel like the same way that you just 465 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,040 Speaker 5: like press the elevator. It will become that natural, and 466 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:25,960 Speaker 5: then you'll do it more and more in front of 467 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 5: probably bigger groups, in front of people who see more 468 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 5: and more intimidating or used to. So by taking more 469 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,080 Speaker 5: regular action kind of going back to practice, Danielle, like 470 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 5: you referenced before, we get better and we feel better 471 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:41,840 Speaker 5: about it. So it just you know, our world keeps expanding. 472 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,000 Speaker 5: But then the opposite. It's also true, right like, if 473 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,040 Speaker 5: we don't if I'm not willing to do something, then 474 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:48,360 Speaker 5: we can't get good at anything. 475 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 2: It's time for another quick break. We'll be right back 476 00:24:51,960 --> 00:25:01,119 Speaker 2: with Susie Moore and we're back with advice calumnist and 477 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:05,280 Speaker 2: life coach Susie Moore. Okay, let's talk about payoff, because 478 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,240 Speaker 2: you've got some practical tools that we want to walk 479 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,359 Speaker 2: through right now. You've actually turned rejection into a game 480 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,919 Speaker 2: that we can play in our real lives. Will had 481 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,640 Speaker 2: teachers how to play this rejection game. That's the concept. 482 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,159 Speaker 5: It's the best game, Oh my god. It is the 483 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:23,240 Speaker 5: game worth playing. Is the game that when you lose, 484 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:27,800 Speaker 5: you win, which I think is the only game maybe 485 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,600 Speaker 5: where when you lose you win. But what we do 486 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,280 Speaker 5: we do this in my community, we have to we 487 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 5: have these periodic rejection challenges where you have to get 488 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:45,439 Speaker 5: ten rejections in one week, and wins don't count. So 489 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:49,080 Speaker 5: if you took ten actions and three how to say 490 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,360 Speaker 5: wanted result, like a positive result, you have to keep 491 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:58,719 Speaker 5: going until you get ten rejections. So it's terrifying to 492 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,640 Speaker 5: begin with for most people. But it's amazing how your 493 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,040 Speaker 5: brain opens up when you think, gosh, I've got to 494 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,359 Speaker 5: get rejected ten times in the next seven days. Where 495 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 5: do I begin? I mean, even just that question, like 496 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:14,679 Speaker 5: to brainstorm, you have to get ten rejections, Like can 497 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,480 Speaker 5: you even think about what you'd start asking for? I mean, 498 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,639 Speaker 5: it could be ludicrous. Stuff, or it can be stuff 499 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,640 Speaker 5: that you want that you're a bit scared to do already, 500 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:23,879 Speaker 5: but you've been thinking about. 501 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 2: Do you have a template or a script that kind 502 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:30,720 Speaker 2: of guides your community members through the language for these asks. 503 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,440 Speaker 5: So the asks are so varied, but we have a 504 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,560 Speaker 5: I like to always give a few different examples. So 505 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:40,359 Speaker 5: asking for discounts is very uncomfortable for a lot of people. 506 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,600 Speaker 5: For one of my part time jobs, when I was 507 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,359 Speaker 5: a teenager who was in a department store in fine 508 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:50,320 Speaker 5: Fragrance and Chanel, and never on promotion. They're never on sale. 509 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 5: It's just the price is the price. And so when 510 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:55,960 Speaker 5: I go to a department store now, my husband rolls 511 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,520 Speaker 5: his eyes because he's kind of embarrassed. But I will 512 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:02,040 Speaker 5: go to the Schanelle counter and I'll try anyway, knowing 513 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,159 Speaker 5: they're going to say no, knowing they'd be like sorry, 514 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,520 Speaker 5: I'll say, can I have a sample? What can you 515 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:08,679 Speaker 5: do for me? I love this question? Is there anything 516 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,399 Speaker 5: you can do for me? Like? Ask for it? Always 517 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:14,200 Speaker 5: ask for a late checkout, ask for a discount, Always 518 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,159 Speaker 5: ask for a discount for volume. If you're buying more 519 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,040 Speaker 5: than one of the same thing. I mean, you can't 520 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,080 Speaker 5: do that at Target, right, But in a lot of 521 00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,159 Speaker 5: places you can, and as a buyer you have power. 522 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,560 Speaker 5: So I love to ask for discounts. I love to 523 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:31,760 Speaker 5: ask for business opportunities or collaborations. So many amazing things 524 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:35,720 Speaker 5: happen when, especially women collaborate, and often women think, oh, 525 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:40,160 Speaker 5: she's father ahead than me, or that person seems intimidating. 526 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,119 Speaker 5: So gosh, this is what self rejection is. It's like 527 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:45,800 Speaker 5: I won't ask her because she's going to say no, 528 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,520 Speaker 5: so I'll just move along. So that's in very essence, 529 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:53,359 Speaker 5: self rejection, missing out, missing out. So whatever it is 530 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:56,240 Speaker 5: that you're going for, maybe it's business, maybe it's fun, 531 00:27:56,280 --> 00:28:01,159 Speaker 5: maybe it's dating. Ten rejections, can you guess what starts 532 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,800 Speaker 5: to happen in these challenges? Like can you just have 533 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,200 Speaker 5: like any random I kind of guess what happens. 534 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 1: I mean, I would assume that that rejection gets easier. 535 00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:17,120 Speaker 5: Right, yeah, it does, and anything else like I don't know, 536 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,480 Speaker 5: you tell me. They get a lot of wins. So 537 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,440 Speaker 5: if you know, if I ask for ten different things 538 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:28,680 Speaker 5: in the next seven days, probably one will be okay, 539 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,800 Speaker 5: I'll be met with one win and then people are 540 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,880 Speaker 5: so I will say alarmed that they get a yes. 541 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,600 Speaker 5: In some cases they're shocked. They don't expect it. They're 542 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,719 Speaker 5: hoping for a rejection to meet the challenge requirements, and 543 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:44,920 Speaker 5: then they go oh ooh, it's been twenty years I've 544 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 5: been living in this building and no one that I've 545 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,840 Speaker 5: never asked for anything? What have I been missing out 546 00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:50,760 Speaker 5: on this whole time? 547 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:51,360 Speaker 2: Right? 548 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:54,960 Speaker 5: Or someone in our group her friend is a TV 549 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:58,120 Speaker 5: producer in London, and she was like, I've always wanted 550 00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,880 Speaker 5: to shadow her. I want to get into the entertainer business. 551 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,480 Speaker 5: And she's like, but I'd never ask her. That would 552 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:07,320 Speaker 5: be so inappropriate, it'd be so embarrassing. She'd be like, 553 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,280 Speaker 5: of course you can't shadow me at work. That I'd 554 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 5: be so weird, Like you know, I'm too old. And 555 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,880 Speaker 5: she said, hey, I just I've always admired your career 556 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,600 Speaker 5: and if you're ever able to like bring a friend 557 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 5: to work and I could just observe you for a day. 558 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:20,920 Speaker 5: And she's like, yeah, what about like tomorrow, in fact, 559 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:25,200 Speaker 5: Xyz is coming on the show a UK celebrity and 560 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:28,680 Speaker 5: she was like, She's like, for fifteen years I was 561 00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:32,240 Speaker 5: thinking like this friend would like laugh at me or 562 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,160 Speaker 5: tell our other kind of mutual friends, like can you 563 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,800 Speaker 5: believe that? She asked me, Like that's such a you know, 564 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,800 Speaker 5: that's such an imposing and she's like yeah, yeah. She 565 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,360 Speaker 5: was like really quite proud to show where she worked. 566 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,880 Speaker 5: And look, you're not going to get a yes each time, right, 567 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 5: that's why you have to go for ten and it 568 00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:50,240 Speaker 5: has to be seven days because I mean, I wish 569 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,280 Speaker 5: it were three days, but that's not always feasible because 570 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,800 Speaker 5: the less time, the less thinking, right, the less nonsense, 571 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:01,880 Speaker 5: the less I suck. She's too cool, that's not answer ruminating. Yes, 572 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:06,840 Speaker 5: yes exactly. So when people start getting these surprising wins, 573 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:12,040 Speaker 5: it's almost like a tiny bit painful in the sense 574 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:15,680 Speaker 5: that you know, like something's always been there, like that 575 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 5: third door, and you're like, fuck, I didn't see it, 576 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 5: Like I've been shivering in line one in the call, 577 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:26,600 Speaker 5: like my coat isn't doing its job, Like I've just 578 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,560 Speaker 5: been out here and that door has been there. I mean, 579 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,800 Speaker 5: it's never too late to realize this as soon as 580 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,800 Speaker 5: the bets are obviously, but what else have we been 581 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,840 Speaker 5: missing out on? Like nothing spurs you on, like I 582 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:42,560 Speaker 5: think more than just like the delicious surprise of oh, 583 00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 5: like huh and the fact that you have to get 584 00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,520 Speaker 5: ten challenges and that's how you win, right, how you 585 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,360 Speaker 5: win the game is so permission giving because we also 586 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,600 Speaker 5: just don't take it seriously. We don't take it seriously. 587 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,480 Speaker 5: We just have fun and we high five every rejection. 588 00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 3: I like that doing it together feels better. 589 00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:02,480 Speaker 5: Yeah, it does. And people encourage each other. We need 590 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:04,840 Speaker 5: a bit of moral support in this world, you know. 591 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,040 Speaker 5: And that's why too. If you're willing to be rejected, 592 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:11,400 Speaker 5: you're doing it. You're performing a generous act because other 593 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,000 Speaker 5: people see you haven't even been that person on the plane. 594 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:17,360 Speaker 5: Can I have some extra biscuits? Like I know I'm 595 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,200 Speaker 5: only supposed to have one? Or like someone else like, 596 00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,360 Speaker 5: oh actually, can I have some extra biscuits? Or like 597 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:27,080 Speaker 5: can I? So you're actually showing people, you're demonstrating possibilities. 598 00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:30,240 Speaker 5: And that's of course good for you because you in directly, 599 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:33,560 Speaker 5: but other people pay attention to and people with kids, 600 00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:36,600 Speaker 5: I think they're in a very powerful position to be 601 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:38,960 Speaker 5: role model. Sport's available in the world. 602 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,520 Speaker 2: Well, I think that's a beautiful note to end on 603 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,080 Speaker 2: a very hopeful note. Thank you so much, Susie. 604 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:46,520 Speaker 5: I don't want to go. 605 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 3: You have to come back. 606 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:52,760 Speaker 5: Oh oh, don't you worry. You know you'll be hearing 607 00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,720 Speaker 5: from me. Thank you so much, ladies, Simone Danielle, what 608 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:56,640 Speaker 5: an amazing convent. 609 00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:58,400 Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you so much. 610 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,920 Speaker 4: Susie Moore is an advice columnist and life coach, and 611 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 4: she's the podcast host of Let It Be Easy, which 612 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,840 Speaker 4: you can find everywhere you get podcasts. 613 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:15,080 Speaker 1: That's it for today's show. 614 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:17,880 Speaker 2: On Monday, we're talking all things workplace culture with hosts 615 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:21,880 Speaker 2: of the new podcast Let's Talk Offline. It's Gianna Prudente 616 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:23,440 Speaker 2: and Jimmy Jackson Gadson. 617 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,400 Speaker 4: Listen and follow the bright Side on the iHeartRadio app, 618 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:32,720 Speaker 4: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The bright 619 00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:36,120 Speaker 4: Side is a production of Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts 620 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,120 Speaker 4: and is executive produced by Reese Witherspoon. 621 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,719 Speaker 1: Production by Arcana Audio. 622 00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:44,520 Speaker 2: Our producers are Jessica Wank, Krista Ripple, and Amy Padula. 623 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,160 Speaker 2: Our senior producers It's I Kin Tania, and our engineer 624 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:48,680 Speaker 2: is PJ. 625 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:49,640 Speaker 1: Shahamat. 626 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,920 Speaker 4: Arcana's executive producers are Francis Harlowe and Abby Ruzka. 627 00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:56,600 Speaker 3: Arcana's head of production is Matt Schultz. 628 00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:00,160 Speaker 2: Natalie Tulluck and Maureen Polo are the executive producers for 629 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:01,160 Speaker 2: Hello Sunshine. 630 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:04,640 Speaker 4: Julia Weaver is the supervising producer, and Ali Perry is 631 00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:09,320 Speaker 4: the executive producer for iHeart Podcasts. Tim Palazzola is our showrunner. 632 00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:13,200 Speaker 4: This week's episodes were recorded by Graham Gibson and Joel Morales. 633 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:16,600 Speaker 2: Our theme song is by Anna Stump and Hamilton Lighthouser. 634 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,360 Speaker 3: Special thanks to Connell Byrne and Will Pearson. 635 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:22,320 Speaker 2: I'm Simone Boyce. You can find me at Simone Boyce 636 00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:24,000 Speaker 2: on Instagram and TikTok. 637 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:27,640 Speaker 3: And I'm Danielle Robey on Instagram and TikTok. That's ro 638 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:28,760 Speaker 3: b a y. 639 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,840 Speaker 2: We'll see you Monday, y'all keep looking on the bright side.