1 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the 2 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through 3 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and 4 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:26,120 Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. This episode is a rerun. 5 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 6 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in 7 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here. 8 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,120 Speaker 1: Back for another episode as we of course break down 9 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,920 Speaker 1: the Psychology of your twenties. Have you ever been told 10 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,080 Speaker 1: that you're too sensitive, or that you just shouldn't think 11 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,880 Speaker 1: so much, you're overreacting to something so small, you let 12 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: the world hurt you, or my all time favorite, you 13 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:58,040 Speaker 1: just take everything so personally. If you are a highly 14 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 1: sensitive person, these statements are definitely something that you've probably 15 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:06,560 Speaker 1: encountered and are most likely sick of hearing. Being a 16 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,039 Speaker 1: highly sensitive person is so much more than what people 17 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,800 Speaker 1: think it is. There is such a limited idea that 18 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: if you're sensitive, you must cry all the time, you 19 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 1: ever react, you take things too seriously that you make 20 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 1: it difficult for others. Sensitivity is often synonymous with fragility, 21 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 1: being easy to break and feeling like people need to 22 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,959 Speaker 1: walk on eggshells around you, and these misconceptions treat our 23 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 1: sensitivity like a character flaw, when in fact, being a 24 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 1: deeply sensitive, gentle feeling person simply means that you have 25 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:45,399 Speaker 1: a profound and rich inner emotional life that causes you 26 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,120 Speaker 1: to see, feel, perceive the world differently and with more 27 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: color and complexity. Everything is just heightened. The beautiful things 28 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 1: about the world are magnified, but so is a lot 29 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:59,160 Speaker 1: of the pain and the stress and the sadness. Sometimes 30 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,680 Speaker 1: that can be overwhelmed, But I honestly think it's better 31 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 1: to feel a lot than nothing at all. And you 32 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,399 Speaker 1: know who decided that being overly sensitive is a bad 33 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:13,280 Speaker 1: thing in comparison to being insensitive or completely numb to 34 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:15,679 Speaker 1: what you're experiencing. In my mind, there's one of those 35 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:19,800 Speaker 1: that is most certainly a better option. So today we 36 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,520 Speaker 1: are going to discuss what it means to be a 37 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:27,080 Speaker 1: highly sensitive person, breaking down some of the myths and 38 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:30,360 Speaker 1: the misconceptions that others might have. We're also going to 39 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: explore what actually makes us sensitive on a genetic level, 40 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:40,120 Speaker 1: on a parental level, on a childhood level, the hidden 41 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: powers and hidden talents of sensitive people when it comes 42 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 1: to intelligence, creativity, empathy, how to help people understand you 43 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: more as a highly sensitive person, and kind of just 44 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 1: having an overall conversation around how to make your sensitivity 45 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 1: fit into the world, how to make the world make 46 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: space for you as a sensitive person, and why the 47 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: world should be doing that, Why we need highly sensitive 48 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 1: people like you and I to keep the world spinning, 49 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 1: to keep people feeling, to bring empathy and intelligence and 50 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 1: a certain emotional vividness to situations that other people might 51 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,280 Speaker 1: not bring those things. So there is so much in 52 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,799 Speaker 1: this episode that I think might surprise you, so many studies, 53 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 1: research papers, fun facts that will hopefully allow you to 54 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,440 Speaker 1: know your own self even better as someone who is 55 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 1: deeply feeling, as someone who is very in tune with 56 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 1: the world and everything going on around them. Because I 57 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 1: just feel like highly sensitive people deserve to be seen, 58 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 1: they deserve to feel acknowledged. They are some of the 59 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: best people in the world. So I want to make 60 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 1: some space for them on this podcast and just talk 61 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: about it with you guys today. So there is so 62 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,680 Speaker 1: much on the agenda. I'm going to stop babbling and 63 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:03,080 Speaker 1: without further ado, let's get into the psychology of highly 64 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:07,080 Speaker 1: sensitive people and kind of answering that question, am I 65 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 1: just too sensitive? So starting off strong, what are the 66 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:20,919 Speaker 1: actual characteristics of a highly sensitive person in comparison to 67 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 1: someone who is of regular sensitivity? I don't know if 68 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 1: it's regular, let's just say average. With everything, what makes 69 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 1: someone sensitive, what makes something anything, really varies. It's probably 70 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: worth noting that there are two different types of sensitivity. 71 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 1: There is reactive or environmental sensitivity, and personality or internal sensitivity. 72 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 1: We all have times when we're just a little bit 73 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:51,960 Speaker 1: on edge and we're a little bit fragile, like when 74 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:56,360 Speaker 1: we're tired, or when our hormones are fluctuating, when our 75 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,720 Speaker 1: anxiety is biking because of you know, a really stressful 76 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 1: peer in our lives. These are all incredibly taxing experiences 77 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: and emotional states that are going to put a strain 78 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: on our limited cognitive and mental resources. That is why 79 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 1: we are so sensitive during those times, in particular, because 80 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:19,120 Speaker 1: we genuinely just have less energy in the tank to 81 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:23,720 Speaker 1: self regulate and to process our emotions. So that is 82 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:29,720 Speaker 1: environmental or reactive sensitivity. The opposite of this is internal 83 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 1: personality long standing trait sensitivity. This is the kind of 84 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,360 Speaker 1: hyper sensitivity that is part of who we are, part 85 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,800 Speaker 1: of our personality. These other people who we would call 86 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: highly sensitive persons HSPs. It literally has an acronym, and 87 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 1: this was a term that was coined by the psychologist 88 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 1: Elaine Aaron in the nineties, and she wrote probably one 89 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 1: of the most in depth books on this, titled very Appropriately, 90 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: It's called the highly sensitive person. That is, when this experience, 91 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:08,440 Speaker 1: this personality trait, this phenomena first got a name. She 92 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:11,799 Speaker 1: was the one who began to really observe it, began 93 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:15,200 Speaker 1: to draw patterns between people who were all expressing the 94 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:19,760 Speaker 1: same reactions and feelings and behaviors, and she labeled those 95 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 1: people highly sensitive persons. She also went on to develop 96 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 1: a questionnaire that can help people like you and I 97 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:33,360 Speaker 1: basically confirm or identify themselves as highly sensitive people. And 98 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 1: it's called the Highly Sensitive Person's Scale. It's free, it's online, 99 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: it's available to anyone who wants to use it. I'll 100 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 1: leave a link in the episode description, but essentially, her 101 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 1: assessment requires you to simply check some boxes, check the 102 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 1: boxes that apply to you based on statements that are said, 103 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 1: and at the end you receive a score. Some of 104 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,920 Speaker 1: the questions. Some of the boxes that you can tick 105 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 1: include rude things like other people's moods affect me deeply. 106 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:09,159 Speaker 1: I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input bright lights, 107 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:14,480 Speaker 1: strong smells, weird fabrics. I startle easily. I find it 108 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 1: hard and overwhelming to have a lot going on at once. 109 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things. 110 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,240 Speaker 1: I get annoyed when people try to get me to 111 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 1: do too many things at once. And then there are 112 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 1: also criteria like I am deeply moved by music, movies, 113 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 1: and art. I have a rich and complex inner life. 114 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 1: When I sense someone is uncomfortable, I tend to know 115 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: what needs to change in the environment to make them 116 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: more comfortable, like you know, like lighting or needing a pillow, 117 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: that kind of thing. I think it's really important to 118 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 1: highlight those elements of what it means to be a 119 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:58,040 Speaker 1: highly sensitive person, because the misconception is that sensitive people 120 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 1: are just too demanding, take things too personally, too highly strung. 121 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 1: The truth is is that they are actually highly attuned 122 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:10,440 Speaker 1: to others' needs, often deeply empathetic as well deeply feeling. 123 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 1: Because they exist so closely with their emotions, everything is 124 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,000 Speaker 1: on the surface for them, and so sadness is not 125 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:23,000 Speaker 1: just sadness, it's deep sorrow. Happiness is not just happiness, 126 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 1: it's pure ecstasy. Everything exists at the highest level for them. 127 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 1: That point about being deeply moved by music movies aren't 128 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:38,360 Speaker 1: as well. I find that really really compelling. I actually 129 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:41,439 Speaker 1: saw this video from someone the other day who talked 130 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 1: about what it's like to be a highly sensitive person 131 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:47,439 Speaker 1: watching the Olympics and how it's just like constant tears 132 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 1: because you feel everything that the athletes are feeling, even 133 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:56,440 Speaker 1: through the screen. And this just really highlights how human 134 00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 1: it really is to be highly sensitive, how connected we 135 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 1: feel to things around us that are beautiful, that move us, 136 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:07,240 Speaker 1: that make us feel something. Why is that the case. 137 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 1: It's because of an obscure region of the brain known 138 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:15,440 Speaker 1: as the vmPFC. Super random. That's all you need to know, 139 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 1: the vmPFC. It's the part of the brain that, among 140 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: other things, adds emotional resonance to our pure sensory data. 141 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,480 Speaker 1: So you know, you see a blanket on a couch, 142 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 1: if you didn't have your vmPFC, you'd be like, Oh, 143 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 1: that's just a random blanket, that's it. You don't really 144 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 1: have the same emotional attachment to maybe know that that 145 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,200 Speaker 1: blanket is you know the douna that your grandmother made 146 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 1: you for your fifth birthday, or you know the blanket 147 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: that you brought to college. That part of our brain 148 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 1: that sees things, applies meaning to them, applies emotion history 149 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:57,320 Speaker 1: to them. That part of our brain is heightened and 150 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 1: more active in people who are high sensitive. It's why 151 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 1: you feel something emotional when you see a flower rather 152 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 1: than just seeing a flower. This also means that people 153 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 1: who are highly sensitive, they experience the world with a 154 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 1: greater level of emotional saturation, more color, essentially more vividness, 155 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 1: and that can also make us more creative. One study 156 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 1: from NYU found in I think it was twenty seventeen 157 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: that higher sensitivity to our environment, highly sensitive people also 158 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: show higher emotional intelligence, greater emotional sensitivity, and all of 159 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: that is correlated with higher scores on a creativity test. 160 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 1: It all kind of comes together, right. Having that real 161 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 1: sense of our emotions, feeling like you can reach out 162 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 1: and touch them, also means that you can see those 163 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 1: emotions in other people. And it also means that you 164 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:05,319 Speaker 1: can take those emotions and funnel them into other activities 165 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 1: funnel them into a beautiful form like making art, and 166 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,960 Speaker 1: I really want that nuance to come through here. This 167 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:18,640 Speaker 1: is not a one dimensional experience only defined by feeling overwhelmed, 168 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,800 Speaker 1: only defined by crying all the time, or needing space, 169 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 1: needing distance. It is a vivid emotional and sensory state 170 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 1: that brings more color, movement, light, excitement to the world. 171 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,960 Speaker 1: Sounds like a good thing, but that can also be 172 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 1: really really overwhelming. So highly sensitive people are thought to 173 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: make up roughly twenty percent of the general population, which 174 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:50,520 Speaker 1: is probably higher than we would expect. Obviously, with everything, 175 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 1: it's a bit of a spectrum, but again, about one 176 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,920 Speaker 1: in five of us have the kind of brain, have 177 00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:00,160 Speaker 1: the kind of emotional regulation system that notices just a 178 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 1: little bit more about the world around us, that is 179 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 1: just a little bit more impacted by others feelings and 180 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:11,840 Speaker 1: also our own. An interesting fun fact, humans are not 181 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 1: the only species that can be classified or defined as 182 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:23,480 Speaker 1: highly sensitive. Elephants, for example, dolphins, horses, octopuses, they all 183 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:28,560 Speaker 1: show varying degrees of emotional and social sensitivity between them. 184 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 1: What's something that those animals all have in common. They're 185 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 1: also very, very smart, and they're very highly evolved compared 186 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 1: to your average reptile or mammal or marsupial, which goes 187 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,800 Speaker 1: to show that the more connections in our brain, the 188 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: more neurons, the more intelligent we are, perhaps the more 189 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:53,560 Speaker 1: capacity we have to be sensitive creatures. That might explain why. 190 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:57,800 Speaker 1: According to recent research by the University of Berkeley, highly 191 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:01,599 Speaker 1: sensitive people often have higher ic ues, not just eques. 192 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 1: They also are high in a particular kind of intelligence 193 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:13,400 Speaker 1: called sensory intelligence. Basically, we process information more deeply. We 194 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:18,199 Speaker 1: find that we reflect longer in our experiences. Notice kind 195 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 1: of subtle details were more affected by them. We draw 196 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:25,320 Speaker 1: links between more of our experiences. There was a recent 197 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:29,480 Speaker 1: article published by Psychology Today. Actually it was published just 198 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:33,439 Speaker 1: last year. It's funny it's the magazine is called Psychology Today, 199 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,720 Speaker 1: but the article within it published last year. Don't know 200 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:38,920 Speaker 1: if that needed clarification, but you got it anyways, And 201 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: this article linked sensitivity to brilliance. You need to be 202 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 1: smart to be as reactive or perceptive of your environment 203 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 1: as your sensitivity makes you. You cannot be a dumb 204 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:58,080 Speaker 1: highly sensitive person. That's basically what this article was saying. 205 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,800 Speaker 1: It's kind of a console prize you know, like, yes, 206 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: I find it hard to not break down. But at 207 00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:06,560 Speaker 1: least I might be a genius, or it might be 208 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:10,080 Speaker 1: a creative prodigy. I would love to hear from you, guys, 209 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,720 Speaker 1: if you are someone who is highly sensitive, do something 210 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,320 Speaker 1: that requires you to use your more creative side of 211 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 1: your brain? Or do you do something that is like 212 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:23,600 Speaker 1: someone perceived as like a highly emotional career, like a therapist, 213 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 1: like a psychologist, like maybe even a primary school teacher, 214 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: a kindergarten teacher. I really want to know, because I 215 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 1: feel like that would be very, very interesting to see. 216 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 1: So we spend a little bit of time in kind 217 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 1: of what makes a highly sensitive person? The criteria, the characteristics, 218 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,520 Speaker 1: how does it happen, How do we become this way 219 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 1: but actually contributes to this unique way of seeing the world. 220 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 1: It's a couple of things. Let's start with the big one. 221 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,920 Speaker 1: The big one is our innate temperament. Now, temperament is 222 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 1: kind of exists like one step back from personality. Temperament 223 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 1: is the nature that we were born with. You and 224 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,040 Speaker 1: I most likely have had the same temperament since we 225 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:09,360 Speaker 1: were just little kids. If you hear a parent say, 226 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,880 Speaker 1: you know, oh, my child is just so calm and curious, 227 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 1: or yeah, my new baby is so fussy and so 228 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 1: short tempered. They're probably not wrong. That kind of personality 229 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:26,480 Speaker 1: that a child has contributes to our future personality because 230 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 1: it's our temperament and the temperament of highly sensitive people. 231 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 1: There's four different types of temperaments. The one that highly 232 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 1: sensitive people most often sit in is the melancholic temperament. 233 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 1: Melancholic people are more reserved, They're more thoughtful, analytical, but 234 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:50,120 Speaker 1: also deeply feeling. Sometimes that can be confused with anxiety. 235 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: People with a melancholic temperament are also highly empathetic, and 236 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 1: we know that being an EmPATH and being highly sensitive 237 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:03,120 Speaker 1: often comes in hand because as someone with high empathy, 238 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 1: you are naturally going to feel subtle changes in people 239 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:12,120 Speaker 1: and your environment. You pick up on those invisible cues 240 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,800 Speaker 1: that others may not. You notice when someone is suddenly 241 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 1: going quiet, and you absorb the feelings and the emotional 242 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 1: states of those around you, which is what makes you 243 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 1: so reactive to them. Because once you've had that intuition 244 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,760 Speaker 1: that this is how someone's feeling, it can be difficult 245 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: not to respond, not to want to fix it, not 246 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 1: to want to reduce the discomfort, not just for yourself, 247 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:40,760 Speaker 1: but for others as well. This really explains why one 248 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 1: of the criteria for being a highly sensitive person is 249 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: needing more downtime, needing more time to decompress after those 250 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 1: big social days, after being around people for so long, 251 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:59,520 Speaker 1: because you're probably freaking exhausted if you've spent all those 252 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 1: hours literally just absorbing everybody else's feelings, taking on all 253 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:11,439 Speaker 1: of that, trying to mediate and manage how other people 254 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,639 Speaker 1: are coping as well as how you're coping on the 255 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 1: inside what you're actually feeling like. It's incredibly draining, I 256 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,119 Speaker 1: think to be that alert, even if it's not something 257 00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:26,239 Speaker 1: that you're consciously doing. So temperament is one of the 258 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,640 Speaker 1: first factors that just contributes to you being an innately 259 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: sensitive person. Another factor at play though, is of course genetics. 260 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,960 Speaker 1: So there is a developmental psychologist at Queen Mary University 261 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 1: of London, doctor Michael Plewis, and here's the one who 262 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,680 Speaker 1: has done a lot of research into this. He basically 263 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: has suggested that your genes account for forty seven percent 264 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 1: of how sensitive you are, nearly half. How he found 265 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,320 Speaker 1: this out he looked at twins and he looked at 266 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 1: twins who basically he was like, Okay, if I get 267 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,000 Speaker 1: two twins here and one of them is highly sensitive, 268 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,119 Speaker 1: what are the chances that the other one's going to 269 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,920 Speaker 1: be highly sensitive as well? And the chance was around 270 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,880 Speaker 1: fifty percent, And so that's how he kind of determined 271 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:14,600 Speaker 1: that that was the genetic influence behind this trait, behind 272 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,879 Speaker 1: this experience. The rest is environment. We're going to get 273 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 1: to that in a second. But the genetic blueprint that 274 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:25,080 Speaker 1: we receive from our parents is basically going to determine 275 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:28,600 Speaker 1: so much about who we become and who we become 276 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,160 Speaker 1: as a sensitive individual. It's going to determine our threshold 277 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 1: for simulation. It's going to really help determine our anxiety levels, 278 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:41,480 Speaker 1: our attentional systems, our level of alertness, all of which 279 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:45,960 Speaker 1: contribute I guess you can guess it to hypersensitivity. There 280 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,240 Speaker 1: is not just one gene at play here, though. There's 281 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 1: not just a single gene. If it's flipped or not, 282 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,639 Speaker 1: if it's switched or not, that's going to determine whether 283 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:58,720 Speaker 1: you emerge as a highly sensitive person. There's actually three 284 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: genes sensitivity gene, the dopamine gene, and the emotional vividness gene. 285 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:14,399 Speaker 1: So let's start off with the sensitivity gene first. The 286 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,439 Speaker 1: sensitivity gene is also known as the serotonin gene, and 287 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:22,800 Speaker 1: it controls how serotonin is transported in the brain. Serotonin 288 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:26,320 Speaker 1: is what helps balance our mood. People who are highly 289 00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:29,919 Speaker 1: sensitive often have a gene variant that means they have 290 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: less serotonin available in their brain. Less serotonin what does 291 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:41,400 Speaker 1: that normally mean? Less mood stabilization, less capacity to regulate 292 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 1: your emotional response to what's going on around you and 293 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:49,720 Speaker 1: within you. The second gene is somewhat similar. It's the 294 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 1: dopamine gene. A lot of us see dopamine as simply 295 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,479 Speaker 1: the happy chemical. It's the chemical that keeps us bright 296 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:01,280 Speaker 1: and bubbly and cheery, and to an extent, you'd be right. 297 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:04,440 Speaker 1: But the reason it makes us so happy is because 298 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:09,560 Speaker 1: it makes us feel rewarded by external stimuli. When that 299 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: gene is mutated or when it varies, it can make 300 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:17,440 Speaker 1: it so that we are almost overflowing with dopamine and 301 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,680 Speaker 1: a bunch of other neurochemicals in response to our environment, 302 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,639 Speaker 1: meaning that there's just almost too much. Our brain just 303 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:28,600 Speaker 1: can't cope. Everything is a bit unbalanced, and so we 304 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:33,359 Speaker 1: don't get the same leveled sense of reward or reinforcement 305 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,919 Speaker 1: from things that other people do, like bright lights, like 306 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:42,280 Speaker 1: busy environments, like loud pumping music, like intense smells. It 307 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 1: just all feels quite messy in our brains. It just 308 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:51,119 Speaker 1: feels quite overwhelming because there's just actually too much going 309 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,879 Speaker 1: on for your brain to really put together. But it 310 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 1: also sometimes feels really beautiful. If you've got this dysregulated 311 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 1: dopaminees is, yes, it does mean that you know things 312 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,960 Speaker 1: feel overwhelming at times, but it's also why we feel 313 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,600 Speaker 1: so moved by things that others might not, and moved 314 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:12,399 Speaker 1: by things that other people don't appreciate, like a beautiful view, 315 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 1: like a flower, like a TV commercial. Finally, we have 316 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 1: the emotional vividness gene goes without saying, but I'll say 317 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:25,879 Speaker 1: it anyway. Most highly sensitive people are keenly aware that 318 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 1: they have stronger emotional reactions than others, and they often 319 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:34,600 Speaker 1: notice those emotional undercurrents in other people. You pick it 320 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,119 Speaker 1: all up, You pick up what everybody else is putting 321 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:43,119 Speaker 1: down silently, unconsciously, implicitly. If you're highly sensitive, this is 322 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:47,680 Speaker 1: not your imagination. You actually have a brighter palette of 323 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:52,199 Speaker 1: emotional colors. So to speak, because of a variant in 324 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 1: a gene that controls how our bodies stress response, perception, 325 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 1: and sensory imaging is pro by our brain. So essentially 326 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,400 Speaker 1: what that means is that when we're looking at our environment, 327 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:10,680 Speaker 1: the highly sensitive person has more, like we said, emotional 328 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:14,920 Speaker 1: colors to deal with. It takes in more information from 329 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:19,879 Speaker 1: our environment. It takes in smaller details that overload our 330 00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:23,760 Speaker 1: brain and can make us feel again really really overwhelmed. 331 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,960 Speaker 1: So if you're feeling constantly kind of burnt out by 332 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:32,040 Speaker 1: the world, constantly like exhausted by it, you kind of 333 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 1: have your genetics to blame because there is a forty 334 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,159 Speaker 1: seven percent chance that they are what contributed to you 335 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:42,520 Speaker 1: being a highly sensitive person. But a crucial factor that 336 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:46,800 Speaker 1: really elevates all those prior to terminants and which we 337 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:51,280 Speaker 1: really have only scratched the surface on, is upbringing childhood 338 00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 1: trauma can create high sensitivity through learning, learning what we 339 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 1: need to do to survive in those early childhood environments 340 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:03,879 Speaker 1: us and also by activating our melancholic temperament or our 341 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:10,159 Speaker 1: genetic predisposition that kind of early environment that's heightened and 342 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 1: intense and rough that may have conditioned you to be very, 343 00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:20,080 Speaker 1: very alert and responsive to other people's emotions and also 344 00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,439 Speaker 1: what's going on around you, because you had to be 345 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,880 Speaker 1: You had to be able to pay attention to navigate 346 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,399 Speaker 1: that minefield. You had to know what will upset people, 347 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,600 Speaker 1: what won't. How can I tell if they're angry? What 348 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,280 Speaker 1: do I need to look out for? How do I 349 00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 1: stay on their good side by picking up on clues 350 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,960 Speaker 1: and small things from them that they are unhappy, that 351 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,200 Speaker 1: they are angry, and getting them back to that more 352 00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 1: neutral state where I'm not going to be hurt, where 353 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,800 Speaker 1: I'm not going to get the brunt of things that 354 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,639 Speaker 1: hyper alertness and anxiety carries on into adulthood and comes 355 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:57,399 Speaker 1: out as hyper sensitivity, when really it probably was a 356 00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: protective mechanism, a defense mechanism at some stage. It doesn't. 357 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,160 Speaker 1: You know, those childhood experiences don't even need to constitute 358 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: the kind of trauma that I think we're imagining. It 359 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,440 Speaker 1: can even come down to a lack of parental warmth 360 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:20,520 Speaker 1: or inconsistency from your caregivers. Warm, supportive, gentle parenting helps 361 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:26,199 Speaker 1: children develop healthy emotional regulation. Sounds super super simple, But 362 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,520 Speaker 1: if you have a parent who is going to see 363 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,560 Speaker 1: that you're upset or see that you're angry and sit 364 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,840 Speaker 1: with you and talk you through it, or acknowledge that emotion. 365 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,640 Speaker 1: You basically are able to find a place to put 366 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,400 Speaker 1: that feeling. You're able to find a way to move 367 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 1: it from that very instinctual moment where you're reacting and 368 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,239 Speaker 1: the emotion is very bright and in your face and 369 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 1: kind of taper it down, find a space for it, 370 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,679 Speaker 1: you know, really think it's through, and make that emotion 371 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:59,200 Speaker 1: more neutral. Essentially, what I'm kind of saying is that 372 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,159 Speaker 1: you have healthy coping strategies because someone showed you how 373 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:07,920 Speaker 1: to do it. Without those coping strategies, people children struggle 374 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,720 Speaker 1: to manage their emotions. And not only does that mean that, yes, 375 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,480 Speaker 1: our emotions feel more out of out control, but it 376 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:18,199 Speaker 1: also means that you're very sensitive to stress, to the 377 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,720 Speaker 1: stress of not being able to manage your emotions, to 378 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 1: criticism over not being able to manage your emotions, and 379 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,159 Speaker 1: unexpected social interactions where you don't really know how to 380 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,600 Speaker 1: behave you're not You're kind of stressed that like, what 381 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,439 Speaker 1: if I'm suddenly angry or upset or something triggers me, 382 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,959 Speaker 1: what do I do? Because I just actually don't know 383 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:40,280 Speaker 1: how to. So many parents tell their kids to just 384 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 1: suck it up, or to stop overreacting, or to come 385 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 1: back when you've calmed down, thinking that it's going to 386 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,320 Speaker 1: make their kids tougher. But if you are already a 387 00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:53,159 Speaker 1: sensitive child, how are you going to learn how to 388 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 1: process those feelings by yourself when you are just a child. 389 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,919 Speaker 1: All that it's going to do is make your emotions 390 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,840 Speaker 1: feel even less manageable, and you're going to feel even 391 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 1: more fearful about talking about it. You're going to feel 392 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,320 Speaker 1: so isolated and like you just need to stuff it 393 00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:15,160 Speaker 1: all down otherwise you'll get yelled at. Otherwise you'll get criticized, 394 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:19,280 Speaker 1: Otherwise you will be told that you're too sensitive. We 395 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,560 Speaker 1: also talk a lot about attachment style on this podcast. 396 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:27,200 Speaker 1: Of course, children who don't receive consistent warmth and affection 397 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:31,240 Speaker 1: from their parents will also often develop insecure attachment styles. 398 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:36,400 Speaker 1: This can also contribute to hypersensitivity, because we become very 399 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:41,760 Speaker 1: overly anxious about our relationships, and not just our romantic relationships, 400 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,879 Speaker 1: but the relationships we have, you know, with our friends, 401 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:48,240 Speaker 1: when we're casually dating, with our parents, with our family, 402 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:52,639 Speaker 1: because we are hyper alert to once again rejection or 403 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:56,320 Speaker 1: criticism because we fear abandonment, We fear that someone is 404 00:26:56,359 --> 00:27:01,760 Speaker 1: disappointed or anchory with us, and so we become hyper 405 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:05,679 Speaker 1: vigilant to any small sign that that is the case, 406 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,880 Speaker 1: and that is what change. That kind of trains our 407 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:13,639 Speaker 1: hyper sensitivity. And that hyper sensitivity to rejection in particular 408 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,720 Speaker 1: is something that we haven't really spoken about in this episode, 409 00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:20,800 Speaker 1: but a lot of people who identify as highly sensitive 410 00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:26,600 Speaker 1: feel that very intensely. They feel that rejection insensitivity incredibly intensely. 411 00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,320 Speaker 1: When they get even the slightest feeling that someone is 412 00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:36,040 Speaker 1: pulling away or that a relationship is under threat. That 413 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:40,120 Speaker 1: is scary for anyone, but if you're highly sensitive, it's 414 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,200 Speaker 1: so much at all at once. It's so much having 415 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:48,080 Speaker 1: to think about someone else's emotions, your emotions, whatever environment 416 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:51,000 Speaker 1: you're in, and so it can lead to behaviors that 417 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: we don't feel so proud of later on, lashing out, 418 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:59,640 Speaker 1: completely shutting down as like our brain's final defense line 419 00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:01,480 Speaker 1: of defense. It's like, let's just shut this down so 420 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,080 Speaker 1: we don't have to deal with this, pushing someone away 421 00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 1: even more, because at least that's going to take the 422 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,440 Speaker 1: source of our stress away. Then if you are feeling 423 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,760 Speaker 1: so on edge, so overwhelmed. Sometimes all you want to 424 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,040 Speaker 1: do is just escape and just not deal with it, 425 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,000 Speaker 1: and so you push, or you run away, or you 426 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:25,199 Speaker 1: just find a way to avoid. When we finally had 427 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 1: had the space in the alone time to really work 428 00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,159 Speaker 1: through our perspective and our reaction, you know a lot 429 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 1: of highly sensitive people do need that time. Sometimes we 430 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,800 Speaker 1: do feel like the damage is done or that we 431 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 1: can't even go back and apologize or confront them again 432 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,200 Speaker 1: because it's just too much. It's just way too much. 433 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 1: And in that way we also see a cycle of 434 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:52,959 Speaker 1: conflict aversion of course. Conflict is going to be so 435 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:59,120 Speaker 1: hard for you if you're highly sensitive, because everything is elevated, magnified, heightened, 436 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,800 Speaker 1: your set seeing subtle shifts that they don't. You're perceiving 437 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 1: their emotions, you're trying to manage your own reactions. It 438 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:10,560 Speaker 1: can feel very overwhelming because of that sensory overload. Sometimes 439 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,920 Speaker 1: you can say the wrong things. You just want it 440 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:16,240 Speaker 1: to end. You can't always process everything that's coming together 441 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 1: at once. It's hard even when we actually do try 442 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:23,600 Speaker 1: our hardest, especially when people, the people that we're communicating 443 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,800 Speaker 1: with just don't get it, like we're not trying to 444 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,960 Speaker 1: be difficult. We're not reading too much into what you're saying. 445 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,440 Speaker 1: We're not trying to get frustrated. We're trying really hard 446 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,320 Speaker 1: not to cry because we don't want you to dismiss 447 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:39,680 Speaker 1: us as just being overly sensitive. But there is so 448 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:43,600 Speaker 1: much buzzing around in our brains. We feel this so deeply. 449 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,800 Speaker 1: The emotion is so intense. What else are you meant 450 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,600 Speaker 1: to do if you find yourself in that pattern with 451 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,720 Speaker 1: a partner, with a parent, with a friend who just 452 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:57,480 Speaker 1: doesn't understand, who thinks that maybe you're using tears as 453 00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,880 Speaker 1: like a guilt mechanism, or that you just can't stay 454 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,880 Speaker 1: and it's and you know it's because you're choosing not to. 455 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:06,360 Speaker 1: Please send them this episode because I think once people 456 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,800 Speaker 1: have more information about how your brain is working and 457 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:14,960 Speaker 1: operating differently to them, there is more empathy and understanding 458 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:19,800 Speaker 1: and adjustment. They also can kind of hopefully lean in 459 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 1: and understand the fact that this isn't a choice. There 460 00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:26,800 Speaker 1: is this amazing TED talk called The Gentle Power of 461 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:31,400 Speaker 1: Highly Sensitive People. Highly recommend that talk, and in it, 462 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:35,880 Speaker 1: the speaker talks about how telling a sensitive person to 463 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,920 Speaker 1: just tone it down, to not let the world hurt them. 464 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,920 Speaker 1: To be less sensitive is like telling a person with 465 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 1: blue eyes to make their eyes less blue. No matter 466 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,760 Speaker 1: how many times you tell them, chances are you're still 467 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:51,760 Speaker 1: going to see those blue eyes staring back at you. 468 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,560 Speaker 1: And the same goes for sensitivity. It's not something that 469 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,239 Speaker 1: you can just switch off, and to be honest, I 470 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:01,920 Speaker 1: don't even think that it's something that you should switch off. 471 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:04,560 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go backwards here for a second because there's 472 00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 1: one more element explanation for this that we need to discuss. 473 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:12,880 Speaker 1: It would be so shortsighted to not mention neurodivergence. So 474 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:15,840 Speaker 1: often someone is told that they are just too sensitive 475 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 1: when it's actually them masking their autism or their ADHD, 476 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 1: because the pattern of behaviors are really really similar, and 477 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,800 Speaker 1: they're often comorbid, so you can have both at once. 478 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,960 Speaker 1: But what's really frustrating is when people are just seen 479 00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:32,360 Speaker 1: as too sensitive or too emotional, or told that they 480 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:35,800 Speaker 1: need to toughen up, when their sensitivity is actually a 481 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:40,480 Speaker 1: sign of something bigger and larger. People with ADHD often 482 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:43,920 Speaker 1: find it takes less stimulation for them to be overwhelmed, 483 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:46,400 Speaker 1: so in that way, they are going to present as 484 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,959 Speaker 1: highly sensitive. The same goes for people with autism. Right Like, 485 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:54,320 Speaker 1: sometimes new environments, new situations, even new feelings can just 486 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 1: feel like a lot. Or in situations where it's just 487 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 1: really hard to tell what people have thinking, you're not 488 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,280 Speaker 1: picking up on those cues, it's going to make it 489 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 1: seem like you're being really sensitive or reactive. Actually you 490 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:10,360 Speaker 1: just don't really know what's going on, and that's totally okay. Sometimes, 491 00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:13,840 Speaker 1: like human emotion is not like an open and closed book. 492 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:17,240 Speaker 1: Or whether you have a diagnosable disorder that's co morbid, 493 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:21,120 Speaker 1: or you are just someone who is highly sensitive, I 494 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:24,120 Speaker 1: think it's all the same. It's still going to be 495 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 1: difficult to manage your emotional reactions, and you're still going 496 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:31,920 Speaker 1: to feel like people have some kind of stigma around 497 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:35,960 Speaker 1: high sensitivity. People think that you're weak, or that you're 498 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,960 Speaker 1: fragile or whatever. I'm gonna be super honest with you all. Now. 499 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:44,360 Speaker 1: My perspective on this is very anti shame, very anti 500 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,720 Speaker 1: Let's find a cure for all us highly sensitive people. 501 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,720 Speaker 1: Let's make us normal. I don't want us to suppress 502 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:53,800 Speaker 1: our emotions. I don't want us to try and chameleon 503 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,120 Speaker 1: or try and blend in with the eighty percent of 504 00:32:56,120 --> 00:33:00,840 Speaker 1: people who quote unquote have average sensitivity levels because firstly, 505 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,800 Speaker 1: it backfires, we feel even more overwhelmed, so not only 506 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:07,320 Speaker 1: does it not work, it makes us feel worse. And secondly, 507 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,240 Speaker 1: I just don't see a reason why you should. I 508 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:14,520 Speaker 1: really think that sensitivity is kind of a superpower. Being 509 00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,600 Speaker 1: gentle and emotional, in a tune and in tune with 510 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:24,880 Speaker 1: others is quite gorgeous and quite special to have. You know, 511 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:28,080 Speaker 1: this trait isn't going to change. It's a lifelong thing. 512 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:30,800 Speaker 1: Hopefully that's not too hard to hear. But I think 513 00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,760 Speaker 1: the earlier we come to terms with that, the easier 514 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:37,440 Speaker 1: life feels, the more freeing. It's like the weight of 515 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:41,320 Speaker 1: needing to dim down is lifted because once we acknowledge like, 516 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:43,480 Speaker 1: this is part of who I am, it's not going away, 517 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,800 Speaker 1: it's not going to change. It's kind of at that 518 00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,560 Speaker 1: point that you realize how exhausting is going to be 519 00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:52,640 Speaker 1: to keep, you know, to keep up the facade for 520 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,800 Speaker 1: the rest of your life, and eventually you realize that 521 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:59,000 Speaker 1: maybe you just shouldn't. Maybe it's not worth it. Maybe 522 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:02,959 Speaker 1: life isn't all about trying to make other people feel 523 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,800 Speaker 1: comfortable with you and it's about trying to make your 524 00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:09,120 Speaker 1: life feel comfortable for yourself. So I want to talk 525 00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:12,320 Speaker 1: about all of that and more how to really make 526 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,680 Speaker 1: the world fit your sensitivity rather than the other way 527 00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:24,799 Speaker 1: around after this shortbreak. Highly sensitive people are some of 528 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,080 Speaker 1: my favorites to be around because they make the people 529 00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:31,880 Speaker 1: around them see the world more beautifully. They are also 530 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:37,680 Speaker 1: incredibly gentle and empathetic. They are creative, and they just 531 00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:42,520 Speaker 1: bring big heart and big love to everything that they do, 532 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:46,760 Speaker 1: like nothing is small for them. Your highly sensitive friend 533 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,200 Speaker 1: is probably going to be the one who remembers your birthday. 534 00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:52,520 Speaker 1: They are probably going to be the one who makes 535 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,480 Speaker 1: you feel safest, who is going to introduce you to 536 00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:58,480 Speaker 1: new music, who wants to go on long nature walks 537 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,839 Speaker 1: with you, Who will, you know, point out small things 538 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:03,640 Speaker 1: that you didn't notice. They are the ones who are 539 00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:07,279 Speaker 1: going to make you feel comfortable in their space. Who 540 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:10,040 Speaker 1: is going to give you so much love in a relationship. 541 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,799 Speaker 1: I just don't understand why we don't want more of 542 00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:16,480 Speaker 1: that in the world. Feeling everything so deeply might sometimes 543 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,879 Speaker 1: feel like a curse, but compared to feeling nothing at 544 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,600 Speaker 1: all and never being touched by that joy and never 545 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:27,480 Speaker 1: feeling deeply human. Sometimes I do think it's a privilege. 546 00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:31,560 Speaker 1: Like I have met people who just don't care about anything. 547 00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,160 Speaker 1: They don't have any sense of justice, they don't have 548 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:39,160 Speaker 1: any sense of beauty or wonder or or excitement, And 549 00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:43,319 Speaker 1: it's a pretty land life. That on top of the 550 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,759 Speaker 1: fact that you know the research and the science will 551 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:49,640 Speaker 1: tell you your IQ, your EQ, your creative intelligence, your 552 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:54,040 Speaker 1: emotional vividness, your sensory intelligence is probably higher than the 553 00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:57,440 Speaker 1: average person. I think that keeps us really focused on 554 00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,920 Speaker 1: the strength that comes with being a highly sensitive person, 555 00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,600 Speaker 1: even during the times when we're told that we're too much. 556 00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:08,320 Speaker 1: Those people who say that, I'm gonna be completely honest, 557 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,960 Speaker 1: they can get over it. They can get over it. 558 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:14,040 Speaker 1: Your purpose in life is not to make others comfortable 559 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:17,040 Speaker 1: with you. If someone thinks that you are too intense, 560 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:21,440 Speaker 1: feels too strongly, if they think that you overreact, their 561 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,600 Speaker 1: opinion is a reflection of the level of empathy that 562 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:28,160 Speaker 1: they are prepared to show others, not a reflection of 563 00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:31,200 Speaker 1: you and what needs to change in your life. I 564 00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:33,319 Speaker 1: just don't like who made the rules that said that 565 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:36,359 Speaker 1: being too sensitive is a bad thing. I heard from 566 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,800 Speaker 1: this really amazing person when I was researching this episode 567 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,320 Speaker 1: who said, when someone tells me I'm being too sensitive, 568 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,319 Speaker 1: I always come back to them and say, well, maybe 569 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:50,200 Speaker 1: you're being too insensitive. Just because my way of seeing 570 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,279 Speaker 1: the world is more rare doesn't make it worse and 571 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,840 Speaker 1: it doesn't make it the one that needs fixing. So 572 00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,640 Speaker 1: that rant aside, let's talk about some tips about how 573 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:04,200 Speaker 1: to make an insensitive world more suitable for your beautiful, 574 00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:08,040 Speaker 1: sensitive soul. First off the bat, if you want to 575 00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:11,400 Speaker 1: get more comfortable with being a highly sensitive person, you 576 00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:15,400 Speaker 1: really need to honor your sensitivity by learning what in 577 00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:19,120 Speaker 1: your life makes things easier for you and lighter for you, 578 00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:23,640 Speaker 1: and what makes things feel harder. Highly sensitive people just 579 00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,840 Speaker 1: need more time than others to process the things that 580 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:30,520 Speaker 1: happen in their day, in their environment, in their relationships. 581 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,840 Speaker 1: So give yourself that time. Rather than trying to overload 582 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,880 Speaker 1: yourself to fit in, notice your limits and put yourself 583 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:41,920 Speaker 1: in environments that aren't going to make things more difficult 584 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,560 Speaker 1: for you. So, for example, if you've got a big 585 00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:48,880 Speaker 1: call with your boss tomorrow morning, don't schedule an intense 586 00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,839 Speaker 1: catch up with an old friend in the same day. 587 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:56,080 Speaker 1: Space things out, give yourself time to return to that normal, steady, 588 00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:59,760 Speaker 1: stable state before you throw yourself into the next situation. 589 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,840 Speaker 1: I think adjusting to being a highly sensitive person, or 590 00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:07,359 Speaker 1: just adjusting to your acknowledgment and your respect of your 591 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:12,120 Speaker 1: identity as a highly sensitive person, means appreciating and finally 592 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:15,360 Speaker 1: accepting that maybe you can't do everything the way that 593 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:18,240 Speaker 1: everyone else does it. It doesn't mean that you can't 594 00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:20,080 Speaker 1: do it though, It just means that you have to 595 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:23,680 Speaker 1: find a way for it to work with you, otherwise 596 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:27,719 Speaker 1: it's just going to be really unenjoyable. My second piece 597 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:31,040 Speaker 1: of advice is to practice the kind of self care 598 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:34,120 Speaker 1: that works for you, because it's probably going a little 599 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,279 Speaker 1: different from the self care that eighty percent of the 600 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,560 Speaker 1: world likes to do. You know, For some people, self 601 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:45,240 Speaker 1: care of socializing it's treating themselves, going shopping, letting loose. 602 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:49,320 Speaker 1: For you, it's probably going to involve slowing down, resting, 603 00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:52,040 Speaker 1: and saying no, you know, no, sorry, I don't want 604 00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:55,200 Speaker 1: to go to dinner at that crowded restaurant. No, I 605 00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:57,239 Speaker 1: don't want your friend, I don't like to join us 606 00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:59,320 Speaker 1: for dinner. Sorry, I don't want to have this conversation 607 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:03,279 Speaker 1: right now. Self care is as much about adding things 608 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,239 Speaker 1: to your life as it is about saying no and 609 00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:10,719 Speaker 1: subtracting things in your life. To give yourself adequate downtime 610 00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,880 Speaker 1: to emotionally regulate, To give yourself time to rest and 611 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:19,280 Speaker 1: to think. You know what else is like a profoundly sweet, 612 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:24,080 Speaker 1: simple but overlooked form of self care. Just giving yourself 613 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:27,560 Speaker 1: more time to get places, giving yourself more time to 614 00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:30,799 Speaker 1: organize your day, finish up your work, you know, just 615 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:34,000 Speaker 1: five minutes earlier, even if you feel drawn to keep working, 616 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,160 Speaker 1: you know that you'll need that five minutes to separate 617 00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:39,920 Speaker 1: your real life from your work life and to really 618 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:43,799 Speaker 1: get back into a stable, steady state. Give yourself the 619 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:47,040 Speaker 1: extra ten to fifteen minutes to get somewhere, even if 620 00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:50,040 Speaker 1: it means getting there early, because you don't want to 621 00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:53,000 Speaker 1: be flustered. You don't want to be hot, sticky, overwhelmed. 622 00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:55,560 Speaker 1: You don't want to hate the texture of your outfit. 623 00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:57,480 Speaker 1: You know right when you're meant to be leaving and 624 00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:01,600 Speaker 1: then feel rushed to change. Give yourself a bit more time. 625 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:06,040 Speaker 1: I think the crucial rule when it comes to self care, 626 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:10,000 Speaker 1: the golden rule, is make smart choices that will help 627 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:13,480 Speaker 1: your future self based on what has hurt or overwhelmed 628 00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,719 Speaker 1: your past self. I had a friend tell me about 629 00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:18,759 Speaker 1: a technique she uses that it's kind of similar to 630 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,120 Speaker 1: that idea, and it's called What she does is she 631 00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,160 Speaker 1: creates relaxing zones in her house and even at her job, 632 00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:28,560 Speaker 1: and having been to her home, it is like walking 633 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:32,160 Speaker 1: into the most comfortable and homely therapist office that you've 634 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:34,160 Speaker 1: ever been in. She's not even a therapist. It's just 635 00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:38,279 Speaker 1: so calming. It always smells like lemon and honey. There 636 00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,640 Speaker 1: are never any like really big overhead lights on. She 637 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:45,600 Speaker 1: has cozy surfaces. Everywhere you look, she has beautiful things, 638 00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,960 Speaker 1: and walking into that environment, it's just like so obvious 639 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:54,040 Speaker 1: that she has intentionally made this a safe space for 640 00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,719 Speaker 1: herself and that she has gone out of her way. 641 00:40:56,840 --> 00:41:00,880 Speaker 1: She's put in the effort before to you know, provide 642 00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:03,359 Speaker 1: this gift to every future version of her who needs 643 00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,960 Speaker 1: to walk into her home after a big, long day 644 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:09,200 Speaker 1: where she's been absorbing everyone else's emotions and everything around 645 00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:11,640 Speaker 1: her and she just wants to calm down, and she 646 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,319 Speaker 1: has given that to herself. And the reason why I 647 00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:17,480 Speaker 1: really like that she's done this is because when you 648 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:21,320 Speaker 1: walk into her house, you just feel like your body 649 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,120 Speaker 1: your mind, your soul, whatever it is, is being cleansed. 650 00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:27,680 Speaker 1: And as a highly sensitive person, it's kind of like 651 00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:31,200 Speaker 1: walking outside in really really sticky shoes, and like you 652 00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:33,040 Speaker 1: pick up so many things. You pick up the gum, 653 00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:34,759 Speaker 1: you pick up the cigarette butts, you pick up the 654 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,319 Speaker 1: pigeon poop, and you take it all home with you, 655 00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:39,919 Speaker 1: and you know, you pick up the emotions, you pick 656 00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:43,600 Speaker 1: up the sensory overload, you pick up the exhausting conversation 657 00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:45,800 Speaker 1: someone was having on the train and the loud lights 658 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,680 Speaker 1: and whatever it is, and you take that all home 659 00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:49,040 Speaker 1: with you. And when you get home, you need to 660 00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,520 Speaker 1: clean out the filter. You need to clean off the shoes, 661 00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:56,319 Speaker 1: because you are not like everyone else. You are a 662 00:41:56,400 --> 00:42:00,880 Speaker 1: collector of information. Like that's what your brain has developed 663 00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:04,080 Speaker 1: to do, based on your genetics, based on your childhood, 664 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:07,439 Speaker 1: based on whatever is contributed to your high sensitivity. All 665 00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:09,360 Speaker 1: of that has just made everything much louder of for you. 666 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:11,279 Speaker 1: So you need a space that allows you to turn 667 00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,720 Speaker 1: it down and to kind of clean off the junk 668 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:17,120 Speaker 1: and clean out the junk from your brain. As a 669 00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,239 Speaker 1: highly sensitive person, I also think it's worth being selective 670 00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:23,279 Speaker 1: about the people you choose to be around. You're like 671 00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,960 Speaker 1: a sponge. You are perpetually in a state of osmosis 672 00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,400 Speaker 1: with the people around you. You absorb their emotions, their reactions, 673 00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:33,080 Speaker 1: their fears, their joy. If the people around you, your 674 00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:38,680 Speaker 1: friends are super reactive or really unpredictable, dramatic, always really 675 00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:42,000 Speaker 1: high high high or extremely low gyues, how you're going 676 00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:46,920 Speaker 1: to be feeling the exact same way. I see so 677 00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:50,280 Speaker 1: many people try really hard to be friends with people 678 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:53,080 Speaker 1: they are just you know, just simply shouldn't be friends with, 679 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,880 Speaker 1: not because those people are toxic or for any of 680 00:42:56,920 --> 00:43:00,000 Speaker 1: those labels, they just shouldn't be friends because their emotional 681 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:03,960 Speaker 1: energies don't in ligne, And it ends up going sour 682 00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:09,000 Speaker 1: because everything they feel you feel, And so it becomes 683 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:12,680 Speaker 1: hard not to take things personally, or to leave every 684 00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,200 Speaker 1: hangout feeling super drained and like you just don't want 685 00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:17,799 Speaker 1: to see them again, or feeling really on edge and 686 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:21,359 Speaker 1: snapping or saying something you don't mean. Now, this piece 687 00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,640 Speaker 1: of advice isn't to say drop all your friends start 688 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:27,319 Speaker 1: from scratch, but really assess who do I leave interactions 689 00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:31,640 Speaker 1: with feeling calm, serene and seene? Who do I leave 690 00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:38,120 Speaker 1: interactions with feeling on edge? Exhausted, highly strung. Maybe those 691 00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,359 Speaker 1: people become a once in a while friend rather than 692 00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:45,439 Speaker 1: an everyday friend. On that note, I want to say 693 00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:49,680 Speaker 1: one final boundary. Anyone again who says you are too emotional, 694 00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:52,839 Speaker 1: who says that you take things too personally, that you 695 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:56,960 Speaker 1: need to come down, those people should be never friends. 696 00:43:57,480 --> 00:44:00,399 Speaker 1: They don't. They don't deserve you, and it's too bad 697 00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,239 Speaker 1: for them because they don't get to be touched by 698 00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:09,440 Speaker 1: your gentleness and your extreme appreciation for beauty and empathy 699 00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:13,440 Speaker 1: and kindness. They don't get the gift of this aspect 700 00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:17,360 Speaker 1: of you. But I honestly think that it is their loss, 701 00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,960 Speaker 1: because if they're not willing to accept every single part 702 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,600 Speaker 1: of you, including the part of you that honestly I 703 00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:27,160 Speaker 1: think is so unique and beautiful, they're just not it. 704 00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,279 Speaker 1: They don't deserve to be in your life. And you 705 00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,000 Speaker 1: know that you will end up picking up on how 706 00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:34,080 Speaker 1: they're feeling about you, and it's just gonna always keep 707 00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:36,440 Speaker 1: you in a heightened state. If someone says, you know, 708 00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,640 Speaker 1: you're just so sensitive, it's also worthwhile just saying back 709 00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,000 Speaker 1: to them, like, you know, I know, it's great. I 710 00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:43,719 Speaker 1: love it. I love that I get to feel so 711 00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,960 Speaker 1: much stop trying. Like you know, they're not allowed to 712 00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:50,360 Speaker 1: make you feel bad if they say you're overreacting, literally 713 00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,880 Speaker 1: just be like, so what would an appropriate reaction be? 714 00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:56,880 Speaker 1: Or I just don't think that you're seeing the situation 715 00:44:57,000 --> 00:45:00,279 Speaker 1: in the same way I think you're underreacting. You're you're 716 00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:03,399 Speaker 1: allowed to assert yourself just because your sensitivity has been 717 00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:09,520 Speaker 1: labeled as weakness. It's not, firstly, but you're allowed to disagree. 718 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:12,040 Speaker 1: You're allowed to say, actually, no, I really like this 719 00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,759 Speaker 1: part of me. I actually really like who it makes me. 720 00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:17,200 Speaker 1: I like that I notice things. I like that, I 721 00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:20,359 Speaker 1: love the world, So I'm gonna keep it that way. 722 00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:24,480 Speaker 1: Thank you for your opinion. Moving on, I really do 723 00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,520 Speaker 1: hope that this episode has helped you in some way. 724 00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,239 Speaker 1: I hope that it's normalized and emotional experience that you're 725 00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:33,600 Speaker 1: having or a perspective. I hope that you feel seen. 726 00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:35,759 Speaker 1: I hope that you feel heard. I hope that you 727 00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:39,640 Speaker 1: feel held, and that you feel loved, because I really 728 00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:43,640 Speaker 1: do love highly sensitive people. They're my favorites. You're my favorite. 729 00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,240 Speaker 1: I just think that they make the world so special. 730 00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:50,680 Speaker 1: Without them, the world would be so cruel and so ugly. 731 00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:53,680 Speaker 1: So thank you for doing us all the service by 732 00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:57,759 Speaker 1: existing as always, if you enjoyed this episode, send it 733 00:45:57,800 --> 00:45:59,680 Speaker 1: to a friend. I'm sure that they would love to 734 00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:01,920 Speaker 1: hear it. Send it to someone who maybe just doesn't 735 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:03,960 Speaker 1: get your sensitive brain so that they can learn a 736 00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:06,759 Speaker 1: little bit more. I'm sure they would appreciate being able 737 00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:09,279 Speaker 1: to be on your level. Make sure that you leave 738 00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:12,480 Speaker 1: a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify wherever you 739 00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:15,440 Speaker 1: are listening right now, and that you are following along 740 00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:18,520 Speaker 1: for more episodes coming out soon. Also, if you have 741 00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:21,120 Speaker 1: an episode suggestion, if you're a highly sensitive person and 742 00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,000 Speaker 1: you want to tell me a little bit more about 743 00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:26,280 Speaker 1: your experience, maybe for a follow up episode for something 744 00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:28,879 Speaker 1: that I might post on Instagram, please dm me on 745 00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:32,160 Speaker 1: Instagram at that psychology podcast. I would love to hear 746 00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:35,880 Speaker 1: from you. And until next time, stay safe, stay kind, 747 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:40,000 Speaker 1: be gentle to yourself, be gentle to your sensitive little soul. 748 00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:42,000 Speaker 1: You deserve it, and we will talk soon.