WEBVTT - Amazon Prime Suspect: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

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<v Speaker 1>Motherfucking many year soul, motherfucking many years sold. Yep, yep, yep,

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<v Speaker 1>there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome

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<v Speaker 1>to another spectacular mini episode of My Mama's Told Me,

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<v Speaker 1>the podcast where we died deep, deep into the pockets

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<v Speaker 1>of black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove

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<v Speaker 1>the theories that you the listeners have at home. That's right,

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<v Speaker 1>ladies and gentlemen. I don't know why I keep doing this,

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<v Speaker 1>this sort of midnight whisper sort of That's right, ladies

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<v Speaker 1>and gentlemen, just sexy. Let's get sexy with our conspiracy theories.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's fun while while the soft whispers of Lee Harvey

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<v Speaker 1>Oswald lay in the background. I don't know what why

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<v Speaker 1>would funk with Lee R. V. Oswald talking? It's probably

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<v Speaker 1>crazy talk. Who knows, Maybe he's an innocent man. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>sure there's some some white devil out there who wants

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<v Speaker 1>me to believe that Lee Harvey Oswald didn't absolutely nothing wrong.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know what, whitey can't trick me, can't trick me.

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<v Speaker 1>He was wrong by being a white man in America.

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<v Speaker 1>So even if he didn't kill JFKA or who are

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<v Speaker 1>it's Jakay. I'm pretty sure even if he didn't kill JFK,

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<v Speaker 1>I blame him. I blame him for a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>other things that he's done. I'm your host, Lengthening Kerman.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a long way to go to get me to

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<v Speaker 1>introduce myself. I guess either way, I'm excited to be

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<v Speaker 1>here because, as always I'm coming at you not with

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<v Speaker 1>my own conspiracy theories, not with the conspiracy theories of

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<v Speaker 1>my friends, but the conspiracy theories of absolute strangers who

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<v Speaker 1>for some reason continue to invest in the stupid ship

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm putting out in the world. Now, today's conspiracy

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<v Speaker 1>theory is a unique one because this coming. Usually when

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<v Speaker 1>people send me ship, it requires me to do a

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<v Speaker 1>fair amount of research. I have to go digging into

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<v Speaker 1>a pile of Google searches to make sense of this

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<v Speaker 1>whole thing. I have to be inquisitive and and and

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<v Speaker 1>curious in a way that takes a little bit out

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<v Speaker 1>of your boy, if I'm being honest, exapts my energy

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit. But that said, today's conspiracy theory comes

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<v Speaker 1>from a person who chose to remain anonymous coward, fucking coward,

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<v Speaker 1>but they chose to remain anonymous. But they sent me

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<v Speaker 1>a message where they had done quite a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>the research on their own, you know, where they had

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<v Speaker 1>already taken care of a lot of the work. Now

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<v Speaker 1>that doesn't mean it's legitimate, but it does mean they

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<v Speaker 1>did a bunch of work. And so I'm gonna read

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<v Speaker 1>you their message and then we'll jump into some of

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<v Speaker 1>the research that they've assembled for me to unpack with

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<v Speaker 1>you all, and and we'll talk about it. We'll see

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<v Speaker 1>how this goes. So this person, this anonymous coward, coward

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<v Speaker 1>said dear light skin links and not how I'm commonly

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<v Speaker 1>referred to, nor is that my preference. But here we

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<v Speaker 1>are dear light skin links and alternatively lengths and hughes

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<v Speaker 1>mixed misspelled hughes, but still hughes is what they were attempting.

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<v Speaker 1>I am writing with a conspiracy. I know your butter

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<v Speaker 1>scotch ass hasn't heard of because I made it up.

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<v Speaker 1>That's right, I'm the mama. I like that. I'm here

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<v Speaker 1>to tell you that the COVID nineteen virus was not

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<v Speaker 1>created by a government or by Chinese man eating a beat,

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<v Speaker 1>but by two corporations looking to increase their profits. Amazon invisor. Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>check with legal if you can use company names. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>you probably should have mentioned that before you listed the names.

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<v Speaker 1>As I re read the email, don't want to black

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<v Speaker 1>men going to jail for libel weds too late, because

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<v Speaker 1>now they're they're knocking at my door, anonymous coward. They're

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<v Speaker 1>kicking down my door to send me to jail for

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<v Speaker 1>saying Amazon and or viser. Oh no, I'm gonna attach

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<v Speaker 1>a paper, he says, or she who knows what this

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<v Speaker 1>person is. I'm going to attach a paper I wrote

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<v Speaker 1>on Amazon's expansion. Only read the Amazon Behemoth porchun because

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<v Speaker 1>it has all of the sources you need on Amazon's

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<v Speaker 1>growth in the midst of the pandemic. You'll have to

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<v Speaker 1>do your own research on fser unless you want to

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<v Speaker 1>give me a producer credit. I do not, in which

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<v Speaker 1>case I will demand five percent of your sponsorship earnings.

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<v Speaker 1>Give me the coriander from your Hello Fresh Box nigger. Look, man,

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<v Speaker 1>I hate I hate that you guys want to be

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<v Speaker 1>so funny in your goddamn emails. Just tell me the

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<v Speaker 1>ship that's interesting, you pieces? God damn it, all right,

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<v Speaker 1>one interesting fact, Oh, here he goes, that's the interesting part.

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<v Speaker 1>One interesting fact to add to the Amazon notes. While

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<v Speaker 1>it is the largest e retailer in the US, it

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<v Speaker 1>is the second largest in the world, behind the Chinese

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<v Speaker 1>company Ali Baba blaming Covid on China to deflect question

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<v Speaker 1>mark question mark question mark, great strategy, You better exacerbate

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<v Speaker 1>those geopolitical tensions. I like that I can talk more

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<v Speaker 1>at length about why I think a company would want

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<v Speaker 1>to start a global pandemic. But it's late here and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm tired. I hope you enjoyed this email to light skinned,

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<v Speaker 1>brown skin and dark skinned solidarity anonymous coward. Oh and

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<v Speaker 1>they also said, and don't you dare use my real

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<v Speaker 1>name or my fake name. Don't need the FEDS on

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<v Speaker 1>my case like whiteness on a biracial man's conscience. Okay, bye, bitch.

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<v Speaker 1>Is the sign off this that that's what this person

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<v Speaker 1>wrote to me. Now, the aforementioned study, the the case

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<v Speaker 1>study that this person assembled is not a small assemblage.

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<v Speaker 1>It's actually a fifty four page document that they sent

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<v Speaker 1>my way, ten thousand words that they sent to me expecting,

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<v Speaker 1>I guess, for me to to read a small portion

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<v Speaker 1>of it. Certainly I wasn't planning on reading the whole thing.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll be honest, I don't care for reading at all,

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<v Speaker 1>which is why I'm so bad at it. But at

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<v Speaker 1>the core of their argument, and this is where they

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<v Speaker 1>tell me to go to the Amazon Behemoth section, which

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<v Speaker 1>I did read. I read the entire Amazon Beheman section,

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<v Speaker 1>and afterwards I felt very proud of myself. I sat

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<v Speaker 1>back and I said, you did it, big man. You're big,

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<v Speaker 1>and you're strong, and and you know nobody can tell

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<v Speaker 1>you otherwise. But the core of the argument that this

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<v Speaker 1>person is making is that Amazon grew exponentially during the pandemic,

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<v Speaker 1>both Amazon, the the corporation, as well as Amazon's chief face.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess that now he is no longer sort of

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<v Speaker 1>like the the the main guy, but at the time

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<v Speaker 1>was the main guy, which is Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos

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<v Speaker 1>basically doubled his billions in the pandemic because of the

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<v Speaker 1>sales from Amazon. Now, one of the things that that

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<v Speaker 1>I think I immediate lea latched onto and hearing this

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<v Speaker 1>conspiracy theory because it is an interesting one. There's something

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<v Speaker 1>interesting in the suggestion that corporations might intentionally introduce a

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<v Speaker 1>type of problem. Let's let's let's be careful with our words,

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<v Speaker 1>they might introduce a type of problem into the world

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<v Speaker 1>that only their corporation could solve and or benefit from.

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<v Speaker 1>That's an interesting conversation. Where it starts to fall a

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<v Speaker 1>little short for me, or where the the connection isn't

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<v Speaker 1>quite landing in my mind, is that there's not a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of evidence of the actual of Amazon cooking up viruses.

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<v Speaker 1>There is a fair amount of evidence of Amazon benefiting

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<v Speaker 1>from the virus. And I think it's one of those

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<v Speaker 1>things that that we we as people might do better

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<v Speaker 1>if we finally reach a point where we acknowledge that

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<v Speaker 1>a lot, a lot, a lot of the people who

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<v Speaker 1>are in power are very very dumb. They're not smart people.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think for years and this is what the

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<v Speaker 1>Illuminati suggests. This is what sort of like that deep state,

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<v Speaker 1>all the bullshit trigger words that people have about all

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<v Speaker 1>of these things. It suggests that there there's like these

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<v Speaker 1>masterminds sitting behind these giant tables coming up with with

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<v Speaker 1>beautiful conspiracy theories that are almost like like three D

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<v Speaker 1>chess games that played out with with poor people. And

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<v Speaker 1>the reality is it's a bunch of dumb fucks. Nobody's

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<v Speaker 1>smarter than George W. Bush. You know what I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>nobody's nobody's a brilliant person. But when introduced to the

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<v Speaker 1>opportunity to take advantage of poor people, to make money

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<v Speaker 1>off of those who are most vulnerable susceptible, God damn it,

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<v Speaker 1>do they lean in If there's an injured deer walking

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<v Speaker 1>on the side of the road, You goddamn right there,

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<v Speaker 1>gonna beat it with the back of their gun and

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<v Speaker 1>put it in their truck and hang that motherfucker on

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<v Speaker 1>the wall. Do you know what I mean? That that's

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<v Speaker 1>their thing. They love to see the weakest of us struggling,

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<v Speaker 1>and then they take advantage of it. More so so

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<v Speaker 1>I I say all of this to say, do I

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<v Speaker 1>personally believe that these corporations have cooked up a magical

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<v Speaker 1>poison to put out in the atmosphere and kill off

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<v Speaker 1>all of our people? Probably? Not. Probably, I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>Jeff Bezos is that savvy. He hasn't even learned to

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<v Speaker 1>fix his eye, folks. His eyes still fucked up, and

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<v Speaker 1>he has the most money, literally the most money any

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<v Speaker 1>human being has ever had in the history of this planet,

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<v Speaker 1>and he still cannot get his eye working the way

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<v Speaker 1>that regular eyes are meant to work. You're telling me

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<v Speaker 1>this motherfucker thought of COVID. I don't think so. I

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<v Speaker 1>think what he did think of is the fact that

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<v Speaker 1>a bunch of people were at home and stranded and

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<v Speaker 1>without communication and without resources, and his company, which he

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<v Speaker 1>had already sort of like laid out and had working perfectly,

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<v Speaker 1>was in a great position to take advantage of that.

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<v Speaker 1>Jeff Bezos, he's a monster. Let's not not even for

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<v Speaker 1>a second do I want to suggest that he's not

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<v Speaker 1>a monster. I just don't know if he's as intelligent

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<v Speaker 1>as some of the monstrosity that we sometimes attached to

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<v Speaker 1>these these figures. There aren't that many criminal masterminds. A

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<v Speaker 1>lot of these people are just sort of like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>they're limping, they're limping along and just taking advantage of

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<v Speaker 1>our us in our weakest form. Yeah, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>This didn't I didn't really get into any of his research.

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<v Speaker 1>He has so much, so much detailed reass he or

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<v Speaker 1>she has so much detailed research here about the the

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<v Speaker 1>thirties seven point six to percent increase that Amazon saw

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<v Speaker 1>in sales over over the course of end and the

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<v Speaker 1>the ways in which Jeff Bezos hit it all the

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<v Speaker 1>way into the two hundred and twenty billion dollar point,

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<v Speaker 1>like he's he's a he's a two hundred billionaire, and

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<v Speaker 1>all of this ship is very valuable information, but it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't really introduce very much connective tissue to accuse this

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<v Speaker 1>man of cooking up COVID. That said, I think he's

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<v Speaker 1>cooked up a lot of fucked up things that are

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<v Speaker 1>maybe worse than COVID. I think there's an argument to

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<v Speaker 1>say that the way that uh that people are misusing

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<v Speaker 1>and misusing is a probably a weighted word here. The

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<v Speaker 1>way people are taking advantage of capitalism at this point

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<v Speaker 1>might be worse than than whatever could have happened with COVID.

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<v Speaker 1>Capitalisms kill way more people than a fucking pandemic did,

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<v Speaker 1>and will continue to kill a lot more people afterwards.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's neither here nor there. I don't know. This

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<v Speaker 1>didn't end up being as fun of an episode as

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<v Speaker 1>I imagined, and I apologize to this anonymous coward for

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<v Speaker 1>not giving more length to their to their very thought

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<v Speaker 1>out research, although probably extremely dangerous research if it were

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<v Speaker 1>ever to be published in a in a peer reviewed space.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I can't imagine that Jeff Bezos is

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<v Speaker 1>being chill about people accusing him of creating COVID. Either way,

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<v Speaker 1>if you want to accuse a billionaire of creating a

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<v Speaker 1>uh A world ending virus, then please send your conspiracy

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<v Speaker 1>theories to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. I

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<v Speaker 1>would love to hear from you, and as always, subscribe

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<v Speaker 1>to the podcast. Come on, say something nice, say something mean.

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<v Speaker 1>I just need more of you to say something, say something.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm giving up on you. It's that that classic song

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<v Speaker 1>that that I don't know which which white sung it,

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<v Speaker 1>but but I liked it. I secretly liked it quite

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<v Speaker 1>a bit. And maybe that means I'm part of the problem,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. Maybe that means I've got to do some

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<v Speaker 1>work on myself. Anyway, that's it, Okay, bye, bitch. Motherfucking

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<v Speaker 1>miny years, so many years, so motherfucking mini EPs, so

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<v Speaker 1>motherfucking Mini years, so many episode motherfucking Mini ever so