1 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 1: Hello, my loves, Welcome to the bonus episode of Give 2 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,600 Speaker 1: Them La La. I'm super hyped. We were sitting here 3 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: going like, what should the topic of this bonus episode be? 4 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 1: And I was like, wait, I feel like me and 5 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,160 Speaker 1: jess and even Teach have been talking about like guilt 6 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,640 Speaker 1: we've been feeling. And I was like, I know that 7 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:30,440 Speaker 1: we can't be the only people who on a regular 8 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 1: basis feel guilt about being a mom, or a bad 9 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 1: friend at the moment, or not the greatest wife. Like 10 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 1: Stossy is constantly telling me like I could definitely have 11 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:45,559 Speaker 1: sex with Boemore. Yeah, that's a guilt for me. So 12 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: that is the topic today. You guys wrote in It 13 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 1: was really fantastic. I can't wait to talk about what 14 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 1: you guys wrote in about your little guilts, not little 15 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: they but you know, yeah, sometimes it is the smallest moment. 16 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 1: That's what I saw. 17 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 2: Many people wrote in such common everyday things that it's like, 18 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 2: I feel guilty. 19 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel guilty that I had an extraciice of 20 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,399 Speaker 1: cake when I told myself that I wouldn't. And you 21 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,840 Speaker 1: obsessed and obsess and obsess, Jessica, what's your guilt? 22 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 2: My guilt is friendship guilt, which is I've been struggling 23 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 2: with lately being feeling like a bad friend because. 24 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,319 Speaker 3: Last year I really focus. 25 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,959 Speaker 2: I remember Lala and I used to talk about I 26 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 2: was not socializing at all, like to an un I 27 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 2: guess maybe not unhealthy, but it was just like it 28 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:35,360 Speaker 2: was home work, and that's it. 29 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 3: That's all I wanted. 30 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:40,479 Speaker 2: And I told myself, I'm gonna socialize with friends. 31 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 3: I have to, I have to get out. 32 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:44,040 Speaker 2: So I really focused on that, and I think other 33 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 2: areas suffered for a little bit. 34 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 3: And now I'm focused. 35 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm focusing on work, my relationship and activity 36 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 2: jiu jitsu right now. I shock it, I know, and 37 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,760 Speaker 2: now I feel like and I feel so good and 38 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 2: hopeful and excited, and I love it. This is like 39 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 2: where I thrive is when I focus on those things. 40 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:12,799 Speaker 2: But my friendships are now suffering. I'm getting like I've rescheduled, 41 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:16,079 Speaker 2: you know, four times with my friend Alexis shout out, 42 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,960 Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, just like brunchure and thank god I 43 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,680 Speaker 2: have good friends are also patient. But like Adam and 44 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 2: Cole sent us an engagement gift of like pasta making 45 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 2: kids months ago, and we're like we'd love to do 46 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 2: it with you, and I've just like push been pushing 47 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 2: it off. And thank God, like I said, I have 48 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:34,639 Speaker 2: understanding friends. 49 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,960 Speaker 3: Nick and Joe. We were like after Hawaii, they're the 50 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 3: guys we went to Hawaii with. 51 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 2: I'm like, we gotta go get food and they check 52 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 2: in and I'm like, I'm so sorry. 53 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 3: I just I've not been a good friend. 54 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,200 Speaker 2: Texts are going unread and I just feel very guilty 55 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 2: and I need to be better at that. 56 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,680 Speaker 3: I do. I need to find a balance. 57 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 1: No, it's very hard when you come home from work 58 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 1: and you're exhausted and you know that you also need 59 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 1: to like get workouts in and you don't want certain 60 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,120 Speaker 1: emails to go on read. And by the time the 61 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 1: day is over, it is like I can't even form 62 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: a sentence. 63 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:13,960 Speaker 4: Please do this, we. 64 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:19,079 Speaker 1: Get another screen right, It's like this can this will 65 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 1: be looked at tomorrow. 66 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,400 Speaker 2: And I think I had to talk with Laala about 67 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 2: this like last year, just about balance and stuff, and 68 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna find a balance with the friendships. 69 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 2: The positive is when I focus on what I'm focusing 70 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 2: on now, it is where I thrive. 71 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:35,560 Speaker 3: So I'm happy. 72 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 2: But I also would never want my friendships to suffer, 73 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 2: especially friendships that I really help to create last year. 74 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: So do you think that if instead of like like, 75 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 1: I'm not a texter and if you text me more 76 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,800 Speaker 1: times than not, like unless you're my family or it's 77 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 1: a work text, I will not respond to you. I'm 78 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:02,680 Speaker 1: much more I'm like a caller, Like, let's just say 79 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 1: what we need to say. Get it on the books, And. 80 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,720 Speaker 2: That's a great that's a great solution because it's like, yeah, 81 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 2: on the. 82 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 4: Phone, you to tell me. That's the other thing, but 83 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 4: we don't need to talk. 84 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 1: Like do you know how annoying it is to sit 85 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 1: there and be like, hey, how are you? I'm so sorry, 86 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:20,920 Speaker 1: and then you wait for the text coming and then 87 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 1: you respond, what is your plan tomorrow night? We can 88 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: get on the phone it's like what is your plan 89 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:28,599 Speaker 1: tonight or tomorrow night and get an immediate response. 90 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,839 Speaker 3: That's so true, or just like I could FaceTime every. 91 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,159 Speaker 5: Time I do that though they're like, well let me 92 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,240 Speaker 5: check my schedule. Well this night doesn't work. 93 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: Great, I love check your schedule. Get back to me. Yeah, 94 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,520 Speaker 1: I love a ball in your court. 95 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,599 Speaker 3: Yeah, like last night yes for me, no, but this. 96 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 5: Night I want to do something, let me know, call me, 97 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,200 Speaker 5: and now it's up to you to call me. I 98 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,560 Speaker 5: always do. I really will do that because I'm not 99 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:52,960 Speaker 5: one that wants to call you and. 100 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 4: Figure this shit out. I hate planning. 101 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 5: But what I will do is I'm going here it 102 00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 5: this time. Let me know your schedule, call me if 103 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,479 Speaker 5: it works. If I don't hear from them, I did 104 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 5: my part. If you call me, I'll answered. 105 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,000 Speaker 2: That's the thing, though, I'm they're doing their part because 106 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,400 Speaker 2: it's just last night I canceled. 107 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,240 Speaker 3: I was supposed to go to dinner with a Lexus. 108 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:15,480 Speaker 1: Three weeks ago. 109 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,800 Speaker 2: I rescheduled it three times, and last night she goes 110 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 2: and I was texting her and then she's like, do 111 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 2: you want to just reschedule again? It's totally fine, like 112 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 2: I said, thankfully I have And I said, yeah, I 113 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,560 Speaker 2: want to do a brunch and I didn't. 114 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 1: Want to daytime. I love daytime stuff. 115 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 3: I was on four hours asleep, you know that. 116 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,679 Speaker 1: So I'm just like, eleven to three is my window, babe. 117 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:36,160 Speaker 2: See, so we're going to do that. I'm going to 118 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 2: be a better friend. And I love a good cancel, though, 119 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 2: oh I love a good reschedule. That is constantly being 120 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 2: pushed and they all know it. 121 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:47,600 Speaker 1: It's a cancel and they're all like, do you want 122 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 1: to I've started? 123 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:50,600 Speaker 4: That was my other thing. I've just started. Can you go. 124 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,719 Speaker 4: I'll let you know, I'll let you know. I never 125 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:53,839 Speaker 4: give them a firm. 126 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, I've give me a few hours to decide that. 127 00:05:58,279 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 1: I feel like that's something. 128 00:05:59,200 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 4: I want to do. 129 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 5: You could ask me right now and I feel like, 130 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 5: yeah tomorrow and I am so down. But when I 131 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,400 Speaker 5: wake up or with I could wake up and still 132 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 5: want to do it in minutes before I could go, 133 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 5: why am I doing this? And then I don't want 134 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 5: to do it, So then I cancel. 135 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,839 Speaker 2: And I'm excited to get into because a lot of 136 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 2: people say they cancel for mental health, and it's like, 137 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,159 Speaker 2: well where do you Yeah, you feel mentally, but law 138 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 2: you said you've been feeling guilty about something. 139 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 1: Oh, I have the worst mom guilt right now. It's insane. 140 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: Why because I I feel like I really like I 141 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 1: really kill it at being a mom. I feel like 142 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,159 Speaker 1: I'm a pretty good mom right. 143 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:40,719 Speaker 4: But my daughter. 144 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,720 Speaker 1: As I've told you, guys like, I don't want to 145 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,040 Speaker 1: sugarcoat it. I'm never the type of person where it's 146 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,840 Speaker 1: like she's incredible, She's so magical. Do I love my 147 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,720 Speaker 1: child more than anything? Yeah? She a bad bitch, let 148 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:56,839 Speaker 1: me tell you what. And I'm so, like insanely obsessed 149 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,280 Speaker 1: with her. But it is extremely difficult right now. She 150 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 1: is not easy. She kicks my ass, and it's hard 151 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: because I don't have her full time. I have her 152 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:12,200 Speaker 1: the majority of the time, but there are times where 153 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 1: it's like I need a break from you. And I know, 154 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,560 Speaker 1: and I hate saying this to my friends who have 155 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 1: their kids all the time. They're like, you need a break, 156 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 1: Like you get a break sometimes, you know. But when 157 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 1: I have her, I'm like, this is exhausting. And sometimes 158 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: when the morning comes, I'm like, no, right, we have 159 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 1: to do this again, because it is a constant battle. 160 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 1: It is a battle brushing her teeth, it is a 161 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:41,560 Speaker 1: battle getting her dressed, it's a battle getting her to 162 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 1: eat something. Everything is a friggin battle right now. She 163 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 1: doesn't listen, she doesn't She cusses a lot, and I 164 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,400 Speaker 1: try to correct it, and I try to discipline. 165 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 4: Terrible twos. 166 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,880 Speaker 5: Terrible twos, that's the thing. She's got to get it 167 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 5: out now, and she's gonna be fine, Like I rather 168 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 5: have her cussing now and getting it out than starting. 169 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 4: To cuss at six seven. 170 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:17,560 Speaker 5: And but I feel like you, I think you do 171 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:18,680 Speaker 5: put a lot on you. 172 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:24,200 Speaker 1: I think it's less about that, and it's like, I like, 173 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 1: I want to enjoy her, and I feel like I'm 174 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 1: constantly having to like discipline her and it breaks my heart. Right, 175 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 1: I have to like put her in time out constantly, 176 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 1: and like even that's not helping. And it's hard because 177 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:46,200 Speaker 1: there's no consistency, you know, and like I don't have 178 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 1: a co parent, it's impossible to like have consistency. And 179 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 1: I like, I feel bad, And. 180 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 2: You know that's not on you, but it doesn't it 181 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 2: doesn't negate you feeling bad. 182 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 3: You feel bad. It makes you feel bad, feel that 183 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 3: you feel. 184 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,840 Speaker 2: Even though you you know a lot of people say 185 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:11,280 Speaker 2: you shouldn't and you're such an amazing mother and I 186 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,800 Speaker 2: know you know that, Thank you, producer John. But you 187 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 2: are feeling bad about it, and that's gonna go away, 188 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 2: Like your mom says. 189 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,440 Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like every mother goes through this, this 190 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,800 Speaker 5: guilt or this feeling, no matter if your child. 191 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 4: Is two, three four. 192 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,880 Speaker 5: I feel like every mother kind of goes through this 193 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:33,120 Speaker 5: because I've seen moms talk how you talk the stand 194 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:37,000 Speaker 5: up comedian talking about the five. You're not alone, and 195 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 5: you do a lot, and I feel like you you 196 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,280 Speaker 5: don't give yourself enough credit. 197 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,600 Speaker 1: I try to give myself credit. And Ocean. Let me 198 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 1: tell you something about Ocean. She's two and a half, 199 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 1: but that girl is so intelligent, Like she doesn't seem 200 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: like a two and a half year old, Like we 201 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 1: have full conversations. She talks like an adult. She understands 202 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:02,560 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And I think that's what also makes 203 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:07,319 Speaker 1: it difficult is sometimes I'll like discipline her, and then 204 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 1: I'll ask my mom, like was I too tough on her? 205 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: But then like I feel like I have to be 206 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: tough on her because it's not ending and she's gonna 207 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,320 Speaker 1: go to school someday and I don't want the school 208 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: calling me being like your daughter did X, Y and Z. 209 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm trying to fix it, but I 210 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: don't really know how. 211 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:26,520 Speaker 3: There's no fixing it. 212 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,800 Speaker 4: Hearing like, here's the other thing. 213 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,560 Speaker 5: You can't stress about something that hasn't happened yet, so 214 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:34,719 Speaker 5: you can't worry about her going to school and you 215 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,480 Speaker 5: getting these phone calls, because you have to think what 216 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 5: if you go what if you get the phone calls 217 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 5: of we love your daughter being here and the way 218 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 5: she's playing with others is me Yeah, So you know, 219 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,319 Speaker 5: why can't that be your mindset instead of you feeling 220 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,560 Speaker 5: like this is it. Yeah, she's not learning, but she 221 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 5: I want you. 222 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 4: To know she is. 223 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:54,080 Speaker 1: That's the thing though, is I'm like, I know, you know, 224 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,200 Speaker 1: you're not supposed to say this. Like the other day 225 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,719 Speaker 1: she had like pretty much cussed me out, went to 226 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: time about four hundred and fifty seven times, told me 227 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 1: that she hated me. 228 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 4: Whatever. 229 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,560 Speaker 1: And then we're driving and randomly she goes, it gonna 230 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 1: be nice the rest of the day to you, mom, 231 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: And I was like, that is so great, and she goes, yep, 232 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,080 Speaker 1: I don't hate you, I don't hate Gigi. I'm gonna 233 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,600 Speaker 1: be nice the rest of the day. Mom. I'm like, 234 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 1: you know that you're making my life difficult right now, 235 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 1: I think. And then I take her out in public. 236 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,520 Speaker 1: I take her out in public. Oh freaking gem angel, 237 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,560 Speaker 1: Angel Angel. I take her to the doctor's office and 238 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:38,680 Speaker 1: they're like obsessing over her. She's the sweetest little. 239 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:39,840 Speaker 3: Thing, Thank you so much. 240 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 5: The other thing like that I want you to see, 241 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:45,640 Speaker 5: Like in her little ballet class, in her tab class, 242 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 5: I think all of those things. She went up and 243 00:11:48,679 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 5: they were touching the same thing. She kind of pulled 244 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 5: the girl's hand down. 245 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:53,480 Speaker 1: She certainly did. She did. 246 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:57,079 Speaker 5: The teacher went up, did it. She didn't do it again. 247 00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 5: Sometimes you're gonna need a teacher or someone else to go. 248 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 5: I do need to fall in line and understand because 249 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 5: I can't do I can't talk back to them. She 250 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,360 Speaker 5: will start to understand that we have She's going into 251 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 5: her she's two and a half. She's going into these classes. 252 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,400 Speaker 5: She's going to be playing with other kids. She's going 253 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,960 Speaker 5: to see other kids sharing. She's going to start imitating. 254 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,079 Speaker 1: My kid's a great share. 255 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:19,040 Speaker 4: Your kid is unreal. 256 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 5: She just does a couple of things to irritate you 257 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 5: and me. And the thing that is irritating and frustrating 258 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:26,080 Speaker 5: for you that I don't think you give yourself credit on. 259 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,679 Speaker 4: She knows she's doing it. 260 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 5: She's so everything that you should be doing smart, is 261 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 5: so smart, and she doesn't know the apple does not 262 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:35,440 Speaker 5: fall far from the tree. 263 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,679 Speaker 3: But that's at the end of the day. You are 264 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 3: an amazing, amazing. 265 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 5: I just want you to give yourself some credit because 266 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 5: when I see you crying and things like that, Like 267 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 5: I went to the nine to five jobs, I saw 268 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 5: the moms have to do what they did. You spend 269 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 5: an incredible amount of time, even heavy. 270 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:56,320 Speaker 1: But I don't even think it's about that I'm a 271 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,120 Speaker 1: working mom. There's a lot of working moms. It's about 272 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:04,000 Speaker 1: like just feeling guilty where it's like ocean. Please just 273 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,960 Speaker 1: listen to me so we can enjoy each other. I 274 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 1: don't want to put you in time out. I don't 275 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,840 Speaker 1: want to be tough on you smart, So I just 276 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 1: hope that like my kid likes me. 277 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, And that's. 278 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 4: That's the thing. 279 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,400 Speaker 5: I was driving when I'm always when I was driving 280 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 5: her every time, I'm just with me and her walking 281 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 5: to your place, walking to mine because he wants to 282 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 5: go see the dogs. 283 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,080 Speaker 4: I want my mama. Well we're going to see the 284 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 4: dogs like you wanted to. Well, is my mama. She's 285 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 4: at home. We didn't have to leave her. Let's go back. 286 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,079 Speaker 2: And also, by the way, it's just from two to five, 287 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,560 Speaker 2: I was a nightmare for my dad, best friends with 288 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:42,400 Speaker 2: my mom and then and then I became best friends 289 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 2: with my dad from I think, oh god, from nine 290 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 2: to twelve, and he wouldn't mind me saying this. From 291 00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:49,959 Speaker 2: nine to like thirteen, my brother Jason and my I mean, 292 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 2: it was like awful. 293 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:56,400 Speaker 3: They never got along. Now best friends, just happy, yes. 294 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: All right, yeah, but what are other people? I love you, guys, sorry. 295 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 5: And I just want you to give yourself a little 296 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,400 Speaker 5: bit of credit here, And I do want you for 297 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,959 Speaker 5: you to give yourself credit where credit is due. 298 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 4: You're an amazing mother. 299 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,199 Speaker 5: Yes, she's difficult. Guess what else? Every other two and 300 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 5: a half year old is difficult. You're not alone. You're 301 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 5: doing everything that every other mother is doing. Crying on 302 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,280 Speaker 5: how the hell do I do this? Yeah, you're not alone. 303 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 1: And I just want you just watching credit other kids 304 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,760 Speaker 1: who are two and a half being like whiny and 305 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: two and a half year old, where my child is 306 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 1: sitting here saying what the fuck is this? He's stupid batch, 307 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 1: I'm like what what? Who's talking this way? Like? Yes, 308 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 1: I talk this way, but are you listening to the podcast? 309 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:49,320 Speaker 1: I don't understand. It's like boss baby, like I don't 310 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 1: talk this way around you. I actually make sure like 311 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,160 Speaker 1: I don't even have adult conversations when you're like in 312 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,400 Speaker 1: the vicinity. 313 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,320 Speaker 3: In the same building. I do have to tell you. 314 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,240 Speaker 2: A ton of people just mom, gil, mom Gail everywhere. 315 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 2: This is one I sometimes have the guilt of being 316 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 2: a single parent for my son, having to always be 317 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 2: good cop, bad cop. 318 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 3: So I wanted to read that just because of what 319 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 3: you just Who sent that? This is one thing I 320 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,240 Speaker 3: do want to say. There's some personal stuff in here. 321 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:19,800 Speaker 3: Do we read? 322 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 1: Okay, we don't need to. I'm just gonna say, like, 323 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:26,320 Speaker 1: whoever sent that, I so feel you. It is Annie, Annie. 324 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 1: It is the hardest. It's by far the hardest job 325 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,360 Speaker 1: I've ever had in my entire life. It is exhausting. 326 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,680 Speaker 1: You don't get to tap out. You have to show 327 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,760 Speaker 1: all the love in the world, yet you have to 328 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 1: be tough as nails. I so see you. 329 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 3: Wanting to eat alone. I have two kids and a man. 330 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 3: This is so common. 331 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:57,840 Speaker 2: This is so common wanting because I saw also wanting 332 00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 2: down here somewhere. 333 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:00,040 Speaker 3: But I'll just say it. 334 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 2: Wanting to be alone even though I'm in a happy relationship. 335 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,840 Speaker 2: A lot of guilt for people just wanting their alone time. 336 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 1: I think that is so totally normal to feel guilty. 337 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,120 Speaker 1: But how freaking healthy, are you guys? That's the thing 338 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 1: I was to be like, I just want to be 339 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 1: alone and you. 340 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,080 Speaker 5: Have to Here's the thing I feel like, if you 341 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 5: like you want to be alone, I feel like you 342 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 5: have to do that for yourself and you have to 343 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 5: tell your partner because you are in a healthy relationship. 344 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,480 Speaker 4: For me to be the to continue to be. 345 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 5: The best me, I need alone time, whether that be 346 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,560 Speaker 5: going to dinner by yourself or getting in the tub 347 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,200 Speaker 5: and putting a TV on with a dinner tray and 348 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,280 Speaker 5: eating it like a sloppy mess in the tub. 349 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 4: Do you taking that time? 350 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,200 Speaker 5: Because honestly coming from somebody, like if I were in 351 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 5: a relationship and my significant other came up to me 352 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,440 Speaker 5: and was like, hey, to get the best me, I 353 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:56,880 Speaker 5: need a little me time. 354 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,520 Speaker 1: Well, to be fair, even though you're not do to 355 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 1: get that right, But even though you're not in a relationship, 356 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,520 Speaker 1: we have a very unconventional thing going on. But our mother, 357 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 1: for example, oh yeah, wants constant time. Oh she's extrovert. 358 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:15,440 Speaker 1: She does not she does not want to be alone ever. Ever, Wait, 359 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,720 Speaker 1: you're going out to dinner. Maybe I'll call Easton, Maybe 360 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 1: maybe I'll go with a friend I'm like, why don't 361 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,440 Speaker 1: you take a hot bathroom, light a candle and watch 362 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:23,000 Speaker 1: a good show? 363 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:23,399 Speaker 2: Right? 364 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:27,520 Speaker 1: Like, However, I don't know what it's like to have 365 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,919 Speaker 1: my husband die. And I remember someone saying to me 366 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,800 Speaker 1: it is easy to be alone when you know you're 367 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:38,480 Speaker 1: not alone. Okay, I a couple weekends ago didn't have ocean. 368 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,879 Speaker 1: Over the weekend, Easton and my mom were going to 369 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:45,080 Speaker 1: Palm Springs. I was invited. I said, why did you 370 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:50,359 Speaker 1: guys go? And I had the best weekend ever. It 371 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 1: is so important, I think saying exactly what Easton said, 372 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,719 Speaker 1: save your partner. In order for me to be the 373 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,520 Speaker 1: best version for you, you've got to leave me like 374 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:04,680 Speaker 1: I need however many hours and then to just do you. 375 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 3: And say it kindly. Kyle and I, by the way, 376 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:07,360 Speaker 3: do this all the time. 377 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 2: We're both extroverted introverts highly highly and we need our 378 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:16,320 Speaker 2: alone time up into uh, Kyle will We'll each tell 379 00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 2: each other all the time. 380 00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:18,119 Speaker 3: I'll say, hey, I'm gonna go. 381 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,920 Speaker 2: That's a lot of times too, like I'm gonna go 382 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,000 Speaker 2: read a book for a couple hours. 383 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:22,920 Speaker 3: I'm gonna Oh. 384 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,600 Speaker 2: We understand, but he will go as far and I'm 385 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,480 Speaker 2: fine with this, some people might be horrified. 386 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,120 Speaker 3: He's such an extroverted introvert. 387 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,040 Speaker 2: He'll say if I'm if he comes home and I'm talking, 388 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,639 Speaker 2: he goes, hey, this is I'm gonna need like a 389 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 2: good forty five minutes to decompress, So can we not 390 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 2: talk for forty five minutes? 391 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,360 Speaker 1: And I go, great, what a dream cut? 392 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:46,199 Speaker 3: I love that too, because I'm like, okay, great, and 393 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,000 Speaker 3: he goes write it. 394 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,200 Speaker 2: Down if you have something important, and I'm like, great, 395 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:50,640 Speaker 2: I say that to him now too. 396 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, about to. 397 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,679 Speaker 5: Say somebody like it starts paving a road of like 398 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 5: so nice. 399 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,280 Speaker 4: I'm gonna do this for myself. 400 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,879 Speaker 5: You kind of are like, holy shit, I can do 401 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,400 Speaker 5: that too, and then you kind of like I don't 402 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,120 Speaker 5: want to talk. You kind of give them the upper 403 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 5: hand of like if you don't want to talk either, 404 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:07,399 Speaker 5: you can tell me. 405 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,199 Speaker 4: I'm mean, if I can do it to you, you 406 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:09,919 Speaker 4: can do it to me. 407 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:10,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. 408 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,000 Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm driving with my mom and I just want 409 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: to listen to music, so we'll turn it up to 410 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:19,520 Speaker 1: give her like a hint to please be quiet, and 411 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:23,880 Speaker 1: she'll go, oh my gosh, did you see this. I'm 412 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 1: like over the music and I'll turn it down and 413 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,320 Speaker 1: I'll be like, I don't want to talk. I just 414 00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 1: want to listen. I just want to listen to music. 415 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 1: If I just want to listen to music, I don't 416 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:36,720 Speaker 1: want to have a conversation. That is they're being rude. 417 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,440 Speaker 5: I was just about to say the best part is 418 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,840 Speaker 5: this will happen and I'm in the back just like 419 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:41,720 Speaker 5: here you go. 420 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:45,479 Speaker 4: And then Lisa will just wasn't she just like really 421 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 4: rudies with your music backup. 422 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:52,800 Speaker 1: It's like I'm trying, yes, but I love my mom, 423 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:53,840 Speaker 1: but I'm like, girl. 424 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 2: Girl, yes, no, but if saying it, just saying it 425 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:01,280 Speaker 2: is a thing. And also you do it with I 426 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 2: do it with I've had if Kyle's had a long 427 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,679 Speaker 2: day and he's bitching to me about something, and in 428 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,000 Speaker 2: my mind, I go, I could see where the other 429 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,520 Speaker 2: person was right. I'll then ask him, I'll say, hey, 430 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 2: do you need to vent? Or are you looking for 431 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 2: a solution? And he'll go, oh, I just need to 432 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 2: vent because I you know, okay, yeah, but this one's 433 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 2: very deep. So survivor's guilt. I survived cancer twice and 434 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:28,280 Speaker 2: many I know have not. I know I'm lucky. Yeah, 435 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,399 Speaker 2: so they struggle. I've heard this is this is a 436 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,399 Speaker 2: lot with a lot of things. 437 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:39,040 Speaker 1: So obviously I cannot I've never had an illness like that. 438 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 1: I can only relate to when I go into my 439 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:52,399 Speaker 1: AA meetings and I hear the rock bottoms of other people, 440 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:58,679 Speaker 1: some who you know multiple d wys. Someone was killed, 441 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:05,920 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I've had drinks and decided to drive 442 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:10,159 Speaker 1: home hundreds of times and nothing ever happened to me. 443 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: Why I don't under like what was so special about me? 444 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:19,200 Speaker 1: But this person's rock bottom who did the exact same 445 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:23,119 Speaker 1: shit that I've done. So I can understand that that guilt, 446 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:27,000 Speaker 1: and I think the way to like get past that 447 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,360 Speaker 1: is to maybe talk to a professional or people who 448 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:35,120 Speaker 1: are struggling in the same way that you are, because 449 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 1: that is that is a tough one, Like I can't 450 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 1: imagine surviving cancer, But then you look at all of 451 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 1: these people who weren't as lucky, and you're like, but 452 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,720 Speaker 1: I don't understand, like I'm not superior in any way. 453 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 1: Why me? That's a really tough one. And I'm actually 454 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,280 Speaker 1: really grateful that she felt comfortable to write that. 455 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, so many of you have written such personal, beautiful things, 456 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,679 Speaker 2: which by the way is why we're not reading the 457 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:04,240 Speaker 2: names just in case, but thank you. So a lot 458 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,240 Speaker 2: of these, so I'm just gonna read one, but a 459 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:10,840 Speaker 2: lot of these not being present enough when spending time 460 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,320 Speaker 2: with my parents while they're still here. 461 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,920 Speaker 1: So I'm gonna get mad at you. Okay, I know, 462 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,959 Speaker 1: I know you feel guilty, But that's one that you 463 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:28,280 Speaker 1: can that you can absolutely change. If there's one thing 464 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:32,359 Speaker 1: that I'm so grateful about, it's that when my dad 465 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,439 Speaker 1: passed away, I had zero guilt. I didn't think I 466 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,399 Speaker 1: should have spent more time with him. I should have 467 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,679 Speaker 1: called him more, should have checked in more, like I 468 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:46,800 Speaker 1: felt fabulous. Nothing went unsaid. Ever, So if you're feeling 469 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:50,040 Speaker 1: guilty about something like that, that is a change that 470 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:54,240 Speaker 1: you can absolutely make. You say, Okay, every night, at 471 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:58,879 Speaker 1: five pm or or later, whatever, I'm putting my phone away. 472 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:04,160 Speaker 1: This is when you had landlines, though, so you don't. 473 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,639 Speaker 1: You wouldn't put your phone away, you'd actually pick it up. 474 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 1: Don't put them on speaker, because now that's the annoying 475 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 1: thing is you could be on speaker and scroll whatever 476 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:16,680 Speaker 1: you want in Google. You don't even have to be present. 477 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:22,440 Speaker 1: Make a conscious effort to put your phone up to 478 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 1: your freaking ear and don't do anything except for participate 479 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,359 Speaker 1: in a conversation with your mom and dad, put the 480 00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:33,440 Speaker 1: phone away when they come over. I cannot imagine having 481 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:37,040 Speaker 1: guilt about not spending time with someone who is no 482 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:38,439 Speaker 1: longer here and you can't change it. 483 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,919 Speaker 5: I will say that was one thing about Whitney Rose 484 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,120 Speaker 5: that I liked and are talking after sixteen years. 485 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:48,200 Speaker 1: Yes, very beautiful, very beautiful, very beautiful. 486 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:53,160 Speaker 2: But yeah, no, I think yeah, yeah, yes, a lot 487 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:58,160 Speaker 2: of guilt over depression or I'm just sort of there's 488 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,280 Speaker 2: a lot of these, So not being able to get 489 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:03,719 Speaker 2: out of bed all day, guilt over watching TV all 490 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,560 Speaker 2: day in bed, guilt over. 491 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 3: Just basically not getting up. And what I say to 492 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,480 Speaker 3: that is sometimes being. 493 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,880 Speaker 2: Alive is the best you can do for a day, 494 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 2: and bravo, you fucking did it. 495 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:16,919 Speaker 1: I love that jazz. 496 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,280 Speaker 3: Well, sometimes that's all. 497 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:22,640 Speaker 2: If you're alive and you've you've survived another day, Bravo, 498 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,400 Speaker 2: that's all you can do. 499 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,040 Speaker 4: My homie Taylor app good after dad passed. Yeah, he 500 00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:28,560 Speaker 4: was the one. 501 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,120 Speaker 5: He was like, dude, I was like, I feel terrible, 502 00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 5: like I'm not doing anything, and he was like, you 503 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:33,360 Speaker 5: woke up. 504 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,760 Speaker 4: You walked up the stairs and you had a bagel. 505 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,480 Speaker 1: He gets it's a win. 506 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:38,000 Speaker 4: You're up. 507 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,439 Speaker 5: He goes tomorrow, maybe you'll do one more thing. But 508 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,200 Speaker 5: like you think, as long as you can get up, 509 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,240 Speaker 5: and even if you go and brush your teeth, that 510 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 5: day you did something. Yeah you did something. Tomorrow, brush 511 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,199 Speaker 5: your teeth and then do something else. Yeah, I'm just 512 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,000 Speaker 5: making things up, obviously, but yeah, go outside, take a 513 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 5: two minute walk, doesn't have to be a mile, Yeah, 514 00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:58,400 Speaker 5: walk around somewhere. 515 00:24:58,480 --> 00:24:58,760 Speaker 4: It's what. 516 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, But sometimes I like the thing when I'm doing 517 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,320 Speaker 1: things like that, I'm like, there are people that would 518 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,080 Speaker 1: kill to have a day in bed. Like I'm going 519 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:09,120 Speaker 1: to enjoy this because it doesn't happen that often. 520 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:10,200 Speaker 4: But it's a mental thing. 521 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:14,400 Speaker 1: It's completely mental. It's completely mental. 522 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 4: Because I would like today. Yeah, obviously, I don't know. 523 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,440 Speaker 5: If you can hear it in my nose, you will, 524 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,359 Speaker 5: but I would have loved for another bed day. I 525 00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:26,040 Speaker 5: don't know, but that's the thing. Yeah, I don't know 526 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 5: until you you know, until you're in that other word. 527 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I just want to day. I just want 528 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 1: to lay in bed all day. Yeah. And then you 529 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:38,119 Speaker 1: get that and you're like I'm a lazy fuck you 530 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,880 Speaker 1: feel good, get out of here. No, you cannot win. 531 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: That's why I say being a person is so freaking hard. So, 532 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 1: like Jessica said, sometimes just being alive is the best 533 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,359 Speaker 1: you can do. And you know what, take the w 534 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:49,919 Speaker 1: and move on. 535 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:52,639 Speaker 2: Yes, and on the days that you only have five 536 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,360 Speaker 2: percent to give, if you give five percent, you give. 537 00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:58,160 Speaker 1: I love that too. 538 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,880 Speaker 2: That's a meme that I saw, so I can't take 539 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,160 Speaker 2: credit for that. Kyle shared it. 540 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,439 Speaker 1: Okay, I only have five percent to give, and I 541 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,200 Speaker 1: gave five percent. So technically. 542 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 2: Spending time with my partner doing things and not just being. 543 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,200 Speaker 3: In the same room with them, that's a good one. 544 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,399 Speaker 1: Okay, Well, you're in a productive and healthy partnership. 545 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:20,600 Speaker 3: Thank you. 546 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,200 Speaker 1: You shed it light on this. 547 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:25,160 Speaker 2: Something that we getting in the new year twenty twenty 548 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 2: four is exactly what we're focused on. 549 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,119 Speaker 3: Last year I did a lot of that. 550 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,480 Speaker 2: I was in the same room as Kyle, but we're 551 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,040 Speaker 2: both on our phones emailing, not paying attention to one another, 552 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,440 Speaker 2: and I thought, well, it's fine because we're in the 553 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:36,920 Speaker 2: same room. 554 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 3: No, you have to be proactive in your relationship. 555 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,880 Speaker 2: So now we're doing the thing where we do this 556 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 2: on and off, but I love when we do it. 557 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:47,159 Speaker 2: We schedule the date, nights, we schedule no phones, talking 558 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:48,280 Speaker 2: to each other, no TV. 559 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,080 Speaker 3: So that is to me very important. 560 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,399 Speaker 1: I love that to connect. I love that so much. 561 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:59,560 Speaker 2: A lot of saving money guilt, So saving money in 562 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:03,120 Speaker 2: my twenty and thirties, I just want to experience life. 563 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,399 Speaker 2: But I do feel guilty not saving. That's a good one. 564 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,040 Speaker 1: I know. It's such a hard thing to do because 565 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:12,320 Speaker 1: you're like, life is so short, and like, no matter 566 00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:18,080 Speaker 1: how much I save, like me and Kim Kardashian and 567 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,119 Speaker 1: the guy who sits outside of seven to eleven and 568 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,679 Speaker 1: asks me for a hot dog, We're all going to 569 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,920 Speaker 1: the same place, right, Like the end game is all 570 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,240 Speaker 1: the same for everybody. So sometimes you're like, screw it, 571 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,119 Speaker 1: But we do have to save because there's gonna be 572 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,160 Speaker 1: a day where you don't want to work anymore, right, 573 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,879 Speaker 1: and you have to have something to lean on, Like 574 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,840 Speaker 1: I obviously have the luxury of having a team behind 575 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,960 Speaker 1: me help me. You know, the money comes in, they 576 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,960 Speaker 1: see it, they place it where it needs to go. 577 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,720 Speaker 1: But my dad always told me to like take x 578 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:59,640 Speaker 1: amount percent that you can afford out of your paycheck, 579 00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,320 Speaker 1: and save that. So you look, you know how much 580 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:04,600 Speaker 1: you make. You say, Okay, I can spend x amount 581 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,880 Speaker 1: on meals, I can shop this, spend this much on shopping. 582 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 1: This is what I have to live on, and then 583 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,000 Speaker 1: whatever is left over you save. 584 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:15,240 Speaker 5: Yeah. 585 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:19,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, for me, that is like, uh, I know you 586 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:19,880 Speaker 2: want to. 587 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 3: Live because I do that too. I'm like, but I 588 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:22,800 Speaker 3: want to go on trips. 589 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:24,679 Speaker 2: I'm saving, and Kyle and I are saving for a 590 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,560 Speaker 2: house eventually, but I also want to go to Europe. 591 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,160 Speaker 2: Like we should just yellow and spend money on Europe. 592 00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,119 Speaker 2: But it's like what I do to kind of curb 593 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,879 Speaker 2: that craving right now. Once a month, I allow myself 594 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 2: to get a new and it changes all the time, 595 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 2: but a new workout outfit because that's what I'm in 596 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,160 Speaker 2: right now, comfies and cozy. So like once a month 597 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,840 Speaker 2: I will get a full like a new hoodie and 598 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,640 Speaker 2: new sweatpants, and I feel like I'm treating myself and 599 00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,200 Speaker 2: still living. Or like twice a month, Kyle and I 600 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:52,959 Speaker 2: go on a date. We're going out to eat and like, 601 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,840 Speaker 2: so you're doing little things that allow you to save, 602 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,480 Speaker 2: but you're not like blowing it all and going on. 603 00:28:58,440 --> 00:28:59,800 Speaker 3: A trip and then maybe once a year you do 604 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:01,200 Speaker 3: go on a trip live and. 605 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 1: Say, but again, that's how you that's it's all about 606 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,160 Speaker 1: the budget and the balance. Yeah, you know how much 607 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 1: you make and you say, you know what, this is 608 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 1: the year that I'm going to blow it out the ass. 609 00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:17,480 Speaker 1: So I need to shove money away before we get 610 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,600 Speaker 1: to that year, you know, like planning it out twenty 611 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,440 Speaker 1: twenty five. I want to go to Europe, So twenty 612 00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,520 Speaker 1: twenty four, I need to shove this much away. Yeah, 613 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 1: in order to do that. I don't know. Money's just tough. 614 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:29,400 Speaker 3: And it's hard. 615 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 2: No, it's hard to because you save and then hit 616 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,360 Speaker 2: comes up all the time, and like the second I 617 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 2: feel ahead and I'm like. 618 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 4: My car fixed right, well, like I need I want 619 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:39,560 Speaker 4: to go to Europe. 620 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,240 Speaker 5: I need to save X amount. It's like, well, I 621 00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 5: only get paid X amounts. I got to get a 622 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:44,800 Speaker 5: second job. And then when I have the money to 623 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:45,880 Speaker 5: do it, are they going to even. 624 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:46,800 Speaker 4: Let me go to on the job. 625 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,719 Speaker 5: It's all fuck, I know, I know what you can, 626 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,760 Speaker 5: but it's like you are just up for grabs on anything. 627 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 4: It's like you got the money to do it, well, 628 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:55,080 Speaker 4: now we'll they. 629 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:59,240 Speaker 6: Oh, no, I just wanted to come in tribute to 630 00:29:59,280 --> 00:29:59,840 Speaker 6: the conversation. 631 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:05,400 Speaker 1: Oh hey, guys, you were saying the mics were too close. 632 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:07,640 Speaker 1: I was like, well, we're at thirty minutes. You couldn't 633 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:08,400 Speaker 1: have told us before. 634 00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:11,959 Speaker 6: One thing my grandma told me. Set up a separate 635 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,520 Speaker 6: bank account and take money out of that check so 636 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 6: you never see it. Oh, just get that check. Yeah, 637 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,200 Speaker 6: money goes into the out into the other account. You 638 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 6: don't even know. You know, two hundred dollars, one hundred 639 00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,720 Speaker 6: and fifty dollars, however much it is, you won't even 640 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,200 Speaker 6: know you have it. Just in a separate account. Have 641 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,440 Speaker 6: someone you trust run that account, Make sure it's in there, 642 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:35,080 Speaker 6: make sure everything's there so in case an emergency comes up. 643 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:38,360 Speaker 6: Boom boom, See I want you're good. 644 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:39,880 Speaker 1: What would grandma do? 645 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:40,240 Speaker 4: Wait? 646 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:43,440 Speaker 1: Thank you, Johnny, thank you. 647 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:45,880 Speaker 3: Kylie. You're about to be running that account for I. 648 00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,760 Speaker 4: Know you're about to say, Gigi, I were doing this. 649 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:51,800 Speaker 1: Gigi would be a good one to watch. She's great 650 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 1: with money. 651 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 5: Actually, I don't know how what do you mean like 652 00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,040 Speaker 5: she's very because what do you mean? 653 00:30:58,080 --> 00:30:58,800 Speaker 1: What you mean? 654 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,080 Speaker 5: She's up in the night every other day, But when 655 00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:04,320 Speaker 5: it comes to numbers, she becomes goodwill hunting. 656 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:06,840 Speaker 3: Oh oh god, she. 657 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,240 Speaker 4: Becomes very different. Trust me, I know. 658 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:14,560 Speaker 1: Someone's been watching Seinfeld a lot. All right. I think 659 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:18,000 Speaker 1: this was a very productive episode. Thanks for letting me 660 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:21,800 Speaker 1: sob That was beautiful. I totally needed that. Thank you 661 00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:24,400 Speaker 1: guys for being vulnerable and writing in. It's so nice 662 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:28,600 Speaker 1: to know that, like, you're not alone in your guilt 663 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:29,160 Speaker 1: and misery. 664 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:29,680 Speaker 4: Yeah. 665 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:30,360 Speaker 3: Love that. 666 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:34,760 Speaker 1: Love when we're all guilty and miserable together altogether. Again, 667 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,120 Speaker 1: if you're listening to this, you can also watch it 668 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,120 Speaker 1: today on YouTube and it's going to be in the 669 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,400 Speaker 1: same place that you find all the other give them 670 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,000 Speaker 1: Lalla podcast episodes. I love you, guys, and I will 671 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:48,480 Speaker 1: catch you on the next Honerific bonus episode. 672 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:51,240 Speaker 3: Oh