1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,880 Speaker 1: And you got to go to counseling and you have 2 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: to open up to your husband and say this happened 3 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: twenty years ago, and I'm so sorry, And hopefully any 4 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:13,160 Speaker 1: decent guy would be like, Babe, it's okay, it's okay. 5 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 1: Everyone listening to this podcast is going to say, it's 6 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 1: not your fault. What's up, guys. Welcome to the Granger 7 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 1: Smith Podcast, Week two of having my guest Bernie Calcot 8 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:39,240 Speaker 1: with us Grizz and Burns, longtime frien together. Someone asked, 9 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,440 Speaker 1: a long time ago, why do you call me Griz? 10 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,120 Speaker 1: I don't really remember. If if you have gotten to 11 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: know me at all, you know that I can be 12 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:50,599 Speaker 1: very serious, but most of the time I'm pretty silly, right, playful, 13 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,600 Speaker 1: very playful. And I think we were in Nashville on 14 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: one day. I just started calling you Griz because it's 15 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 1: kind of like Granger Smith Grizz. I just missed them together. 16 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 1: I was like, what, Grizz, I was like, I guess 17 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: I'm calling you that. Now twenty years later, I still 18 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 1: call him that. So no real you know, meaningful reason, 19 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:14,200 Speaker 1: just people being people people. If you want to ask 20 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:18,040 Speaker 1: a question to be real people, email Grangersmith Podcast at 21 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,600 Speaker 1: gmail dot com will answer it. On this podcast, we 22 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,279 Speaker 1: go through it like we're just sitting around campfire talking. 23 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:26,480 Speaker 1: Not always right, but we're gonna give you the best 24 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 1: advice we can. Let me give a shameless plug from 25 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 1: my friend Griz real quick, though, Guys, I know y'all 26 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,679 Speaker 1: love him the way that I love him, and I 27 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,759 Speaker 1: want to get him to number one on the charts. Dude, 28 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,120 Speaker 1: what do we need to do to do that? You 29 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,839 Speaker 1: kinta review, share it, wouldn't think we've been number four, 30 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 1: but never never higher than four. Bro, Let's go number one. Man. 31 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: You guys, only you can make it happen out there, 32 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 1: so your friends, tell your friends, listen to it, share it, 33 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: review it, whatever else there is to do to it. 34 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 1: All right, let's go. First question, no notes, nothing prepared. 35 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: We don't even know we're getting into, so here it goes. 36 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:08,400 Speaker 1: First question. Subject Cline says, never feeling like enough. Hey, Grange, 37 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,240 Speaker 1: I'm twenty one and I struggle a ton. I constantly 38 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:14,080 Speaker 1: feel like I'm never enough. It may seem dumb, but 39 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,799 Speaker 1: all my friends are successful and have great relationships. Yet 40 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,040 Speaker 1: here I am never able to find anyone. I fear 41 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,679 Speaker 1: it's because of my weight, because I've always been put 42 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,880 Speaker 1: down for that. Do you have any advice on loving 43 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: myself and how to feel okay without having a boyfriend 44 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: when everyone else around me is happy. I feel like 45 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:35,640 Speaker 1: the only guys I talk to just want pictures of 46 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 1: me or sex. And I don't like that culture at all. 47 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,360 Speaker 1: I want a godly man. But I have no clue 48 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 1: where to start. Thank you, love you and your music dead. 49 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:52,080 Speaker 1: There's a lot of ways we can go at this. Yeah, 50 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:59,519 Speaker 1: but let's just go practically here. There's some comparison we 51 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 1: start probably, let's start there. Let's start there. And Bernie 52 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 1: and I have talked about this very recently through a 53 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,760 Speaker 1: text thread. We send each other a voice memo text 54 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,639 Speaker 1: it's in the morning. Cool. Yeah, it's like a long 55 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: voice text like, hey man, something I've been thinking about, 56 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,800 Speaker 1: see what you think, and then you just lay into it. 57 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 1: Is that like an old man thing, because like we 58 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,079 Speaker 1: don't want to like textas is. I'm just going to 59 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 1: talk to you, man, and then you can like listen 60 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: to it and then talk back to me. So comparison, 61 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: the only reason I'm gonna assume does I'm assuming that 62 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,400 Speaker 1: most of where this is coming from. When you say 63 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 1: everyone else around me is happy. That's coming from social media, 64 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: right right, probably, And even if you say you go 65 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 1: to a party and people seem happy, maybe that's ten 66 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,160 Speaker 1: percent of it, but I believe ninety percent of it 67 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: this is coming from you on Facebook or Instagram or 68 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 1: TikTok and seeing everyone is so happy wow, which we 69 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:02,120 Speaker 1: can both say everybody out there that you're seeing that 70 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 1: seems so happy, they are struggling just like you are. Okay, 71 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,840 Speaker 1: I think you said it on maybe the last episode 72 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:12,760 Speaker 1: or that you did by yourself, like social media really 73 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: is like the very best filtered version of that moment possible, 74 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:25,040 Speaker 1: and it's not reality. So comparison is the thief of joy. 75 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,280 Speaker 1: Don't let it take your joy. It sounds like it is. 76 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 1: And secondly, I've been through counseling. I think grain your 77 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 1: neighbor have done it, Me and my wife have done it. 78 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,840 Speaker 1: I don't think that there I still meet up with 79 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: somebody that counsels me. I don't think there's anything taboo 80 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: or weird or wrong about meeting with somebody to talk 81 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,000 Speaker 1: through these things. Especially you say you're looking for a 82 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 1: godly person, meet with a mentor that's older that you 83 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:55,480 Speaker 1: feel like, man, this person is godly. I really respect 84 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,320 Speaker 1: them and seek wise counsel from them. They're going to 85 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:02,280 Speaker 1: help you work through some some of these issues that 86 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:06,880 Speaker 1: you have with loving yourself and accepting yourself the way 87 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 1: that you are and recognizing accepting the fact that God 88 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,280 Speaker 1: loves you exactly how you are and that he's not 89 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,520 Speaker 1: wanting you to be those other people. He wants you 90 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:20,200 Speaker 1: to be you and love you for you. That's so 91 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,839 Speaker 1: good to expound a little bit on God loves you 92 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,520 Speaker 1: exactly the way you are. This will blow your mind 93 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 1: if you think about it in this term, and you 94 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,080 Speaker 1: have to really think about it. It's deep thinking, but 95 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 1: you have to think, how does God love me the 96 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:37,919 Speaker 1: way I am? Because He made you. Every piece of you, 97 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 1: every bit of your future and your past and your 98 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:45,280 Speaker 1: present was created and knit together in the way that 99 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,240 Speaker 1: He wanted you to be. So when you have a 100 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 1: vulnerability and you bring it to God, God thinks, I 101 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,640 Speaker 1: know I made it that way, and I like for 102 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 1: you to come to me with that vulnerability because now 103 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,360 Speaker 1: you're recognizing that I built you this way. So then 104 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: you think, well, why did you build me this way? 105 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,920 Speaker 1: With this kind of issue? And he says I want 106 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 1: you to find that out. I'm trying to show you this. 107 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,520 Speaker 1: I want to show you this, that the good that 108 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 1: can come out of the way that I built you 109 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:16,520 Speaker 1: in your scenario. And he painted a huge canvas when 110 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,800 Speaker 1: he built the universe, and it's all different, everything is 111 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 1: completely different. But it's a beautiful thought to think, I 112 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: feel messed up. And then you think, but I was 113 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,480 Speaker 1: built this way by a creator that I could talk 114 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:32,920 Speaker 1: to about it. And that will blow your mind when 115 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:38,599 Speaker 1: you really really think about that. So, besides social media, 116 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:45,599 Speaker 1: besides comparison, is the thief of joy. Let's talk about 117 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:49,680 Speaker 1: something that's very counter cultural. A lot of people will 118 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 1: disagree with me on this, but I'm going to bring 119 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 1: the foundation in of the Bible itself, saying that you're 120 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 1: worried that you're never enough, and I'll tell you you're not, 121 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 1: and you're worried. You're trying to figure out how to 122 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: love yourself, and I'm trying to tell you that's not biblical. 123 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: That's crazy because we live in a world that says 124 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 1: love yourself, you are enough, but the Bible says you 125 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 1: aren't enough. You need Him to renew you. And loving 126 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: yourself is a myth, because you do love yourself enough 127 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: to worry about it constantly. You love yourself so much 128 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: that you write the podcast wondering how to love yourself more. 129 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: That's how much you love yourself. You didn't write this 130 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,720 Speaker 1: email about your mom, or your sister or your dog. 131 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: You wrote it all about you because you love yourself. 132 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 1: We don't need any extra help loving ourself now. Love 133 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:53,320 Speaker 1: is caring and worrying and put it and pouring into something. 134 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 1: And that's what you're doing to yourself. So disregard the 135 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 1: thought of how do I love myself? Because you already do. 136 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: And so the problem of thinking how do I love 137 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:07,000 Speaker 1: myself is just conflicting, and you're ending up in this 138 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,800 Speaker 1: never ending loop of trying to love something that you 139 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 1: already love more than anything else, yourself. You want your 140 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 1: happiness more than anything else. You want to find someone, 141 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 1: and you want to lose weight, and you want to 142 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 1: be happy more than you want anything else from anybody else. 143 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: You do love yourself. That's so good, man, I've never 144 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 1: thought about that. Piper has a whole sermon about this. Yeah, 145 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:35,200 Speaker 1: stop saying you want to love yourself. You already do, right, Yeah, Yeah, 146 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:40,319 Speaker 1: that's good. So so where do you go with that information? Like, well, 147 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 1: what do I do with I already love myself and 148 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 1: I'm not good enough? What do I do with that information? Well, 149 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,640 Speaker 1: that's when we realize that the Bible tells us that 150 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:55,240 Speaker 1: we need him. We need God, we need to be renewed, 151 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,640 Speaker 1: we need our strength from him, we need our wisdom 152 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:00,680 Speaker 1: from him, we need to learn correctly how to love 153 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 1: from him. And then he makes us enough only because 154 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 1: of him, not because of anything we could do on 155 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 1: our own, and not because of who we are inherently 156 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:15,439 Speaker 1: in ourselves. But he makes us enough. So together we're enough. 157 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: Me and God are enough together. But me alone, I'm 158 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,800 Speaker 1: never enough. So if I think that I can be 159 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 1: one day, I will never achieve it. I'll be constantly 160 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 1: feeling like I'm never enough because I'll never get there. Yeah, 161 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,040 Speaker 1: that's good, So to make that your prayer. God, I'm 162 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,880 Speaker 1: not enough by myself, so I need you. So what 163 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:40,439 Speaker 1: would happen? Let's stress test us a little bit, which 164 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,640 Speaker 1: I love doing this with you. What happens if she 165 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:49,199 Speaker 1: finds somebody she's still in this same heart posture, finds 166 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:55,319 Speaker 1: somebody and goes into a relationship with kind of that 167 00:09:55,400 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 1: same feeling. What happens in that relationship, Then she's trying 168 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:04,679 Speaker 1: to complete herself with that new person and get all 169 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: the attention and make herself feel better and enough because 170 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: of the other person, which leads to disastrous relationships, trying 171 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 1: to be satisfied in that get the satisfaction from that relationship. 172 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:21,680 Speaker 1: Look at it in terms of we're sheep, God's the shepherd. 173 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:26,640 Speaker 1: The sheep says to yells out, I'm not enough, and 174 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:31,400 Speaker 1: the shepherd goes, I know, that's why I'm here. But 175 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: you're But then what you said earlier, you're perfect the 176 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 1: way you are. That's what the shepherd tells the sheep. No, 177 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,679 Speaker 1: you're you're a sheep. Be your sheep. You're be a sheep. 178 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,480 Speaker 1: You're eating grass and you're in the pasture. I'm watching 179 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:46,079 Speaker 1: out for the wolves. I'm making sure the stray ones 180 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 1: come back. I'm keeping you around around me. So maybe 181 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 1: that's the problem is you're not enough and I'm not 182 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:58,400 Speaker 1: enough to be something that I'm not. Yeah, does that 183 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: make sense? Like God has created me to be a 184 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 1: sheep in this way and to look to the shepherd, 185 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 1: and if I was running around as a sheep trying 186 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 1: to be a wolf, he'd be like, dude, what are 187 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,600 Speaker 1: you doing like that? And I'm like, I'm never going 188 00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 1: to catch these other things. I'm not fast enough. He's like, well, 189 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,559 Speaker 1: you're not a wolf. Her sheep like be my sheep. 190 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,559 Speaker 1: And the same way, one sheep doesn't look at another 191 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:24,079 Speaker 1: sheep and say, but you make me enough. The sheep 192 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,480 Speaker 1: is not capable of making the other sheep enough either, 193 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,959 Speaker 1: Only the shepherd can't. That's good together with the shepherd. 194 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,480 Speaker 1: So we look to the shepherd. And when you realize 195 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: that your life is going to just radically change. The 196 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,439 Speaker 1: issues you're having with your weight and the issues you're 197 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:43,200 Speaker 1: struggling with of being alone and away from everyone else, 198 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:48,199 Speaker 1: not being happy, not being content, comparing yourself, all those 199 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,439 Speaker 1: just will slowly drift away when you realize the shepherd 200 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:56,199 Speaker 1: is keeping you in the pasture. Guys, let me just 201 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,400 Speaker 1: be honest with you for a second. I listened to 202 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,559 Speaker 1: this podcast the same way that you'll do most of 203 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,120 Speaker 1: the time. I don't listen when I'm on because I 204 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:06,480 Speaker 1: feel like it's weird. But I listen to Granger all 205 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,200 Speaker 1: the time, and I hear him saying these things that 206 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 1: I just believe and I know there's some of y'all 207 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,439 Speaker 1: out there that believe, Man, these things are so true 208 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 1: and this could change my life if only I could 209 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,080 Speaker 1: do it. And I think that a lot of times 210 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,079 Speaker 1: we hear these things and they you know, they kind 211 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,960 Speaker 1: of sound a certain way to us, and we're in 212 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 1: this culture of wanting it to be like a pill, 213 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:38,560 Speaker 1: and we want it to be like magic. Whenever he says, 214 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,640 Speaker 1: just being a sheep and looking to the shepherd. This 215 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:48,920 Speaker 1: is not something that changes your life dramatically in a heartbeat, 216 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 1: although it can. Most of the time. This house that 217 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: we're building is just one brick at a time. And 218 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: I think the these things that Granger says a lot 219 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: of times, if you can really just form these really 220 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: healthy habits of getting in the word, of being in community, 221 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 1: you know, all these things he talks about, it takes. 222 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,320 Speaker 1: I just wanted to say, like I hear you, like 223 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:19,719 Speaker 1: I understand hearing these things and feeling sometimes like it 224 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:23,440 Speaker 1: too much. But if you just start small, I really 225 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,400 Speaker 1: believe what he's saying, over a longer period of time 226 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 1: absolutely can change your reality and your life as you 227 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 1: know it. And you'll look back in a couple of 228 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 1: years and be like, Wow, man, it was one thing 229 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,360 Speaker 1: that I heard on that podcast, and I just started 230 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 1: laying that single brick, and then each morning I did that, 231 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 1: and I look back at the last two years and 232 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,200 Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, I can't believe where I was and 233 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,719 Speaker 1: where I am now. Yeah, and two years go by 234 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,560 Speaker 1: and you still slip up, but then you start over. 235 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 1: And so let's go practically speaking to her last question, 236 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 1: I want a godly man, but I have no clue 237 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:04,520 Speaker 1: where to start. So first of all, you're twenty one, 238 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:08,240 Speaker 1: super young. As super young, you got plenty of time. 239 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:13,440 Speaker 1: And secondly, what we said in the last podcast, run 240 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:17,200 Speaker 1: after Christ as fast as you can. And eventually you 241 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:18,960 Speaker 1: look to your left or your right you said this 242 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,840 Speaker 1: in the last podcast, and you see someone that's on 243 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,160 Speaker 1: the same path, go in the same direction, and you say, hey, 244 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 1: you want to grab some coffee. It's really that easy. 245 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 1: So where do you find that? Well, church is a 246 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 1: great place to you say, I don't have no clue 247 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: where to start for a godly man. Church is a 248 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 1: great place to start. Plugging into your local church in 249 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,760 Speaker 1: your community, finding a good one that meets your personality, 250 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: and pouring into the church, serving the church, entering activities, 251 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 1: going on a mission trip with the church. Eventually, this 252 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 1: shouldn't be the goal. But an outcropping of that is 253 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 1: you look around and you go that guy's I'm actually 254 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 1: really attracted to him, and he's doing he wants the 255 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 1: same things I want. We should go on a date. 256 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 1: It's not that hard. We try to make it rocket science. 257 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: But if you're looking for a godly man, start at 258 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,760 Speaker 1: a church. It really comes down to doing the stuff. 259 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,440 Speaker 1: Like the things that you're saying, you can say them 260 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 1: all day long, and they can hear them all day long. 261 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 1: I can hear them all day long. But it comes 262 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 1: down to trusting and doing the stuff. Yeah, yeah, guys, 263 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:28,200 Speaker 1: I struggle with this stuff. Bernie does too. I'm not 264 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 1: sitting on a pedestal telling you these things like I've 265 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,640 Speaker 1: done them all and look at me, I've accomplished it all. 266 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,560 Speaker 1: I haven't, so I have to keep doing this stuff. Faith. 267 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 1: People ask all the time, how do I get grow 268 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,760 Speaker 1: my faith? Well, that's like to me, I think of 269 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,920 Speaker 1: it like a in baseball. It's like a batter saying 270 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: I'm going to slump. How do I get a better swing? 271 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,160 Speaker 1: Why don't just give it to you? I would say, 272 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,560 Speaker 1: what are you going to the batting cage? Are you 273 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 1: filming yourself and watching your technique? How many? How many reps? 274 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:04,960 Speaker 1: What's the struggle? Is it a low ball? Is it 275 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 1: a curveball? Like, let's work on that. Let's get a 276 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 1: curveball pitcher to throw at you all the time. I 277 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 1: would say what are you doing to help your swing? 278 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,320 Speaker 1: Because it's a verb. It's action doing the stuff. So 279 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: when you say how do I grow my faith? Or 280 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:23,560 Speaker 1: I would say what are you doing? Because it's an action. Yeah, 281 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:30,320 Speaker 1: you're right man, all right, you're right. Next question. Next 282 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,119 Speaker 1: question says hey grandeer, my name is Troy. I'm from Nottingham, 283 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,320 Speaker 1: New Hampshire. I would like to hear your opinion on debt. 284 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,200 Speaker 1: Is being debt free worth it? Do you believe in 285 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 1: credit cards or having any debt? Thanks? This comes from 286 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 1: Troy shout out to New Hampshire. Great question. Yeah that's awesome, 287 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:55,640 Speaker 1: love that. Yeah my opinion on debt is debt free 288 00:16:55,640 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 1: worth it? Well? Yeah? Absolutely? What is it? Though? It 289 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,440 Speaker 1: Is it worth sacrificing? I think like what the ultimate 290 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 1: question would be is it worth having debt over not 291 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:14,600 Speaker 1: having debt? Yeah? Yeah it is? Credit cards do I 292 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,879 Speaker 1: believe in credit cards. Well, yeah, today's in today's world, 293 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 1: I believe that having the convenience of not having a 294 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,879 Speaker 1: wad of cash with you all the time is very convenient. 295 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 1: In fact, I use Apple Pay a lot, Like I'm like, oh, 296 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,840 Speaker 1: I left my wallet at home. I'll just two clicks 297 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,440 Speaker 1: on the side of the iPhone and I can pay 298 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 1: for pay for the bottle of water I got at 299 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 1: the gas station while I'm filling up gas. Okay, So 300 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:44,400 Speaker 1: that's convenient. Now do I worry about getting carried away 301 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,560 Speaker 1: with that? Because that's that's money, that's just disappearing. I 302 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,440 Speaker 1: don't see that transaction happening physically like I would with cash. 303 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:53,199 Speaker 1: So yeah, it's something to be concerned about. Is that 304 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,960 Speaker 1: a credit card attached to Apple Pay or your debit card? 305 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,080 Speaker 1: It's a credit I have a credit card attached to it, Okay. 306 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 1: And I try to answer the question better. I tried 307 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 1: to keep my credit card at zero every month. That's important. 308 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 1: Me and Amber try to keep it, try to keep 309 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:13,440 Speaker 1: it paid at zero every single month. So yes, yes, 310 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:17,480 Speaker 1: we Amber and I work relentlessly to stay debt free. 311 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,880 Speaker 1: And how do we do that. We don't buy things, 312 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 1: We can't afford. So that is the it right there, 313 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 1: That is the is it worth it? You have to 314 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:31,680 Speaker 1: ask yourself being debt free, not buying these things right 315 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,439 Speaker 1: now that I want. Yeah, And I would say the 316 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,399 Speaker 1: exact same thing. Leslie and I don't even have credit cards, 317 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 1: so we we and we just started that whenever we 318 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,400 Speaker 1: first got married because we were super broken. I don't 319 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,919 Speaker 1: even think we got approved for one. So we just 320 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:51,760 Speaker 1: started that way, and we use them for business for sure, 321 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 1: and we've kind of flirted with the idea of getting 322 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 1: a credit card because what I learned is every retailer, 323 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,200 Speaker 1: and you probably know more about this, they're charging you 324 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,680 Speaker 1: whatever product you're buying, they're charging they're up charging you 325 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,639 Speaker 1: at least that two to three percent because they have 326 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:12,200 Speaker 1: to pay a fee for accepting credit cards. So if 327 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 1: you're not using a credit card, you're usually still playing 328 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:19,320 Speaker 1: paying that credit card fee. But if you're using a 329 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,160 Speaker 1: credit card and keeping it zero like you are, credit 330 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,400 Speaker 1: card companies have the Southwest miles or the Capital One 331 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,919 Speaker 1: cash back or that's not a plug. They're not a sponsor, 332 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,119 Speaker 1: but right so you're getting you're kind of getting the 333 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 1: benefits from them as long as you're like kind of 334 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,760 Speaker 1: keeping it in check. And then I would also say, 335 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 1: like big purchases like homes and investment properties. I mean 336 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:49,480 Speaker 1: that kind of debt I think is fine, right, I mean, yeah, absolutely, 337 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,280 Speaker 1: And so you could kind of look at credit cards 338 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: like you would gambling, Like is gambling okay, Well, how 339 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,160 Speaker 1: are you looking at gambling? Are you going and you're saying, 340 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 1: I've got I've got sixty dollars and I'm gonna go 341 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 1: play black jack and if I lose it all, it's 342 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: worth the fun. It's entertainment. But if you're thinking, I 343 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,400 Speaker 1: got to make some cash to pay these bills, and yeah, 344 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: gambling's bad for you. So look at credit cards the 345 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 1: same way. Are you looking at it like this is 346 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 1: a convenience because I don't I don't want to carry 347 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 1: a lot of cash on this road trip, But I'm 348 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 1: not needing it because I don't have the money and 349 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,560 Speaker 1: I need a little float, a little extra and I'll 350 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:28,400 Speaker 1: catch up with it in six months. That's a problem. 351 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:33,680 Speaker 1: You have to read Dave Ramsey baby Steps. You have 352 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:39,040 Speaker 1: to Troy Dave Ramsey baby Steps, and his mentality on 353 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:43,320 Speaker 1: this is basically aiming small, starting low with your goals 354 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,680 Speaker 1: to eventually get debt free, but you're going to start 355 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,440 Speaker 1: with one thousand dollars in the bank, is what he says. 356 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 1: That's like the starting point. Get one thousand dollars in 357 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,679 Speaker 1: a savings account. Start with that. That's you're called your 358 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,159 Speaker 1: emergency fund. And then once you do that and a 359 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,680 Speaker 1: lot of other steps, then then you're going to keep 360 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 1: three months of your income three to six I think 361 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,200 Speaker 1: three to six months of your income in a savings account. 362 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,320 Speaker 1: Once again as an emergency. Find that happens if you 363 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:14,560 Speaker 1: have a you have an injury and you need a surgery, 364 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 1: and the surgery costs six thousand dollars and you need 365 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,560 Speaker 1: that cash, and you luckily you have an emergency fund 366 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,119 Speaker 1: for that. Then the other thing is if you have 367 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:28,080 Speaker 1: multiple credit cards or multiple pieces of debt, you start 368 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,679 Speaker 1: at the lowest number. You don't pay them all at 369 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,680 Speaker 1: the same time. You pay the minimum on all of them, 370 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:38,080 Speaker 1: and on the lowest number. So one credit card is 371 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 1: one hundred and twenty eight dollars debt, one credit card 372 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,360 Speaker 1: is five hundred dollars debt, and one credit card is 373 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 1: seven thousand. Start with the one that's one hundred something 374 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,080 Speaker 1: and pay that off till it's done and then close 375 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,840 Speaker 1: the card or just keep it at zero if that's 376 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:56,359 Speaker 1: going to hurt your credit score, so you start at 377 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,680 Speaker 1: the lowest number and you work your way up. In 378 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,679 Speaker 1: the meantime, you look at what you're driving. That's like, 379 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 1: the biggest thing is your car? Are is your car 380 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,400 Speaker 1: payment ridiculous? Like are you paying over five hundred dollars 381 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,440 Speaker 1: a month for a car? It's ridiculous, and you're thinking 382 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,959 Speaker 1: about being debt free. Sell the car, get out of it, 383 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,840 Speaker 1: and go get you a Honda a Cord for twenty 384 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:23,040 Speaker 1: five hundred dollars and drive the clunker car. Dave always 385 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,159 Speaker 1: talks about that, what are you driving drive the clunker now? 386 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:29,479 Speaker 1: Having a house mortgage? That's if that's understandable, that should 387 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,919 Speaker 1: that should be part of your monthly payment. But for 388 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 1: everything else where are you eating That's a huge one. 389 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,240 Speaker 1: Are you eating out? You know you could eat at 390 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 1: a grocery store and get and make cheap meals every day. 391 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:45,760 Speaker 1: That's huge. Yeah, there's a lot of things that credit 392 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:50,440 Speaker 1: cards give us access to that we don't necessarily. I mean, 393 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:55,560 Speaker 1: everybody is pre approved for everything nowadays, yep. And it 394 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 1: could be a great tool but it can also be 395 00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:02,400 Speaker 1: a terrible master, and you could wake up one day 396 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,160 Speaker 1: really easily and be thirty thousand dollars in debt and 397 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 1: not have what happened. So living below our means is 398 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,439 Speaker 1: a principle that I don't know if many people still 399 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,880 Speaker 1: live by, but I think it's one to consider for sure. Yep, 400 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,360 Speaker 1: great question, Troy. We're gonna take a break and we're 401 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:30,000 Speaker 1: going to be right back. Podcast today is sponsored by 402 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 1: Better Help. You know, life could be overwhelming and many 403 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 1: people get burned out without even knowing it. Symptoms can 404 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:40,119 Speaker 1: include lack of motivation, feeling helpless or trapped, detachment, fatigue, 405 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,760 Speaker 1: and more. You know, I've got so many things going 406 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,720 Speaker 1: on in my life between the radio show and the 407 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:48,560 Speaker 1: podcast and touring the movie and now I'm writing a book, 408 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,520 Speaker 1: so I know about being overwhelmed. You know, we associate 409 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,880 Speaker 1: burnout with work, but that's not the only case. Any 410 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,120 Speaker 1: of our roles in life could lead to feeling burned out. 411 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,480 Speaker 1: And Better Help Online Therapy wants to re mind you 412 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:04,359 Speaker 1: to prioritize yourself. Talking with someone can help you figure 413 00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:07,639 Speaker 1: out what is causing the stress in your life. Amber 414 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,360 Speaker 1: and I have been a therapy it helped tremendously through 415 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 1: our PTSD and through different issues that we've had together. 416 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:17,760 Speaker 1: Betterhelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone and 417 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,800 Speaker 1: even live chat sessions with your therapist, so you don't 418 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,600 Speaker 1: even have to see anyone on camera if you don't 419 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,520 Speaker 1: want to. It's more affordable than in person therapy, and 420 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 1: you could be matched with a therapist in under forty 421 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:31,640 Speaker 1: eight hours. Granger Smith podcast listeners get ten percent off 422 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:35,600 Speaker 1: their first month at betterhelp dot com slash Granger that's 423 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:39,520 Speaker 1: better h e LP dot com slash granger. You know, 424 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 1: if you want to find me, if you want a 425 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,199 Speaker 1: personal shout out, maybe a video shout out, Cameo is 426 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,520 Speaker 1: the best way to do it. Go to cameo dot 427 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,840 Speaker 1: com slash Granger Smith. You could also download the cameo 428 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 1: app and you can get a personal shout out from 429 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:56,960 Speaker 1: me Birthday, anniversary, graduation, Mother's Day, Father's Day, or just 430 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,439 Speaker 1: a piece of encouragement. Whatever you want, I'll give you 431 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 1: a personal video message. Go to cameo dot com slash 432 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 1: Granger Smith. All right, we're back. So if if you 433 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,720 Speaker 1: want to ask a question on this podcast, email a 434 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,399 Speaker 1: Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. We'll sit through it 435 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,040 Speaker 1: like we're sitting around a campfire, talk about it like 436 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:23,560 Speaker 1: this next one here, Subjecline, five Am Club said, Hey, 437 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 1: I'm really trying to find the motivation to wake up 438 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,640 Speaker 1: early every day before work and get some exercise. I'm 439 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,000 Speaker 1: just wondering if you had some advice on digging deep 440 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,240 Speaker 1: to find that fire. It's comes from Anna the fire. 441 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:41,400 Speaker 1: Anna wants the fire, so she wants to be there, 442 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,280 Speaker 1: but she's not. She wants to be in the club, 443 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,760 Speaker 1: the five Am Club. Well, what do you got man, Yeah, 444 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,640 Speaker 1: let's just walk through it. So practically, this is all 445 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,400 Speaker 1: practical stuff Anna, we're going to talk talk about here. 446 00:25:53,480 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 1: So practically speaking, how do you wake up and respond 447 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: to the alarm? Well, you have to do it once. 448 00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,439 Speaker 1: You have to do it once in order to go 449 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:10,239 Speaker 1: to bed earlier, because staying up late is not going 450 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,960 Speaker 1: to be effective. So if you're staying up till midnight, 451 00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:15,000 Speaker 1: you're not going to want to get up at five 452 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 1: until you do it one time, and then the next 453 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 1: night you're like, it's nine o'clock and I've got to 454 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,320 Speaker 1: go to bed. I'm so tired. So that reset your clock. 455 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,040 Speaker 1: You got to start with one wake up and then 456 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:31,479 Speaker 1: you're tired enough to not go to bed. Secondly, so 457 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,000 Speaker 1: how do you get up the first time? So there's 458 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:40,000 Speaker 1: different ways to do this practically, and one way is 459 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,199 Speaker 1: put your phone. If that's your alarm most people use 460 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,920 Speaker 1: that as an alarm, put it away from your nightstand. 461 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,879 Speaker 1: So you have to get up to shut this loud 462 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,440 Speaker 1: noise off. You have to get up out of bed. 463 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,800 Speaker 1: So put it across the room or in another room 464 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:57,439 Speaker 1: and turn it up. Turn up the volume all the 465 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:01,480 Speaker 1: way so that you hear and you're like, oh, I 466 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:05,240 Speaker 1: can't snooze, like I have to get up and walk 467 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 1: over here. But then once you take those first couple 468 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,680 Speaker 1: of steps out of the bed, you're like, already, I'm 469 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:14,440 Speaker 1: already up. Okay, I might as well do the thing. Secondly, 470 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 1: you're talking about exercise. Here, have your clothes ready, like 471 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:23,840 Speaker 1: your shoes and your socks and your shorts laid out 472 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,720 Speaker 1: and ready. So it's like, now I'm up to turn 473 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:31,040 Speaker 1: off this alarm, and there's my shoes and there's my clothes. Okay, 474 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,600 Speaker 1: I'm doing this. Sleep in your clothes if you have to, 475 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:37,520 Speaker 1: you're in your workout clothes. Thirdly, let's go Jordan Peterson 476 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,639 Speaker 1: on him and say, aim low on your exercise. So 477 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,760 Speaker 1: say tomorrow, I'm gonna get up at five am. I'm 478 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:47,399 Speaker 1: literally gonna work out only for ten minutes. It's not 479 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,040 Speaker 1: an hour, it's not a mile, it's not three miles. 480 00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:53,360 Speaker 1: It's I'm gonna jog for ten minutes. And then I'm 481 00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:56,440 Speaker 1: gonna reward myself go with going to Starbucks and getting 482 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,879 Speaker 1: that drink. Yes, because what Granger's talking about is a keystone. 483 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,200 Speaker 1: You're trying to form the keystone habit of which you 484 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:06,119 Speaker 1: can start building the other things. One other thing I 485 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,840 Speaker 1: would suggest too, because I know this works for me, 486 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 1: is if I know my buddy Andy is meet me 487 00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:14,280 Speaker 1: at six fifteen, It's like, man, I got to be 488 00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:17,080 Speaker 1: up because I know before that I need to spend 489 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:18,879 Speaker 1: my time in the word, I need to spend my 490 00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,600 Speaker 1: time you know, have my coffee whatever. And I still 491 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,879 Speaker 1: got to be at the gym at six fifteen. So 492 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,399 Speaker 1: it maybe there's somebody else that you know that wants 493 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,760 Speaker 1: to exercise and say, hey, let's meet at five thirty 494 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,639 Speaker 1: or six o'clock, and you know, in order to do that, 495 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:36,480 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to wake up at five am. In 496 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,280 Speaker 1: order to wake up at five am. I'm gonna have 497 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,120 Speaker 1: to go to bed earlier. I'm gonna have to lay 498 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 1: out my clothes, and you know, the preparation and all 499 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:44,720 Speaker 1: that stuff just kind of takes over. Yeah, grade you 500 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:48,040 Speaker 1: were saying, So that's accountability, buddy, Yeah, that's so good. 501 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,160 Speaker 1: So when you think about the reward too, it's like 502 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 1: to go to the grocery store and get one of 503 00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:56,520 Speaker 1: like one of those really good overnight oats or something, 504 00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: your favorite cinnamon or whatever flavor it is, and get 505 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:02,720 Speaker 1: that overnight oat and put it in the fridge. It's 506 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,840 Speaker 1: like it's ready for me. All I gotta do is 507 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,080 Speaker 1: work out for ten minutes and I'm coming back to 508 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,239 Speaker 1: the fridge. I'm getting this amazing overnight oats, and I'm 509 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 1: gonna reward myself instead of being like I'm hungry, No, 510 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,160 Speaker 1: there's nothing to eat, and it just it just creates 511 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 1: this bad loop that you're in. Another thing you could do, 512 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,840 Speaker 1: if you don't have a spouse that you're sleeping with, 513 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,000 Speaker 1: you could you can get lights that turn on at 514 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,960 Speaker 1: a certain time. That's good. You're in your room and 515 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,479 Speaker 1: so you want to get up at five. Hey, by 516 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:33,200 Speaker 1: the way, I don't get up at five. I'm like 517 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,600 Speaker 1: a five thirty guy, five forty five, five thirty, like 518 00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:40,240 Speaker 1: depending on when I go to bed. But I don't 519 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:44,720 Speaker 1: do five necessarily, So if I didn't have amber there, 520 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,800 Speaker 1: I would definitely set my lights to turn on at 521 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,960 Speaker 1: five thirty, full blast in the room. Yeah, you know 522 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,920 Speaker 1: it strange is I'm a five thirty, five thirty alarm guy. 523 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:56,000 Speaker 1: And I kept thinking, man, I need a little bit 524 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:57,920 Speaker 1: more time in the word, Like, I just want to 525 00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,640 Speaker 1: stay there a little bit longer. I'm gonna switch to 526 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:06,120 Speaker 1: five fifteen. It was so hard. I couldn't do it. 527 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:09,240 Speaker 1: I don't know what it was. I could not do it. 528 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:14,600 Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe that's crazy. Anybody out there feel that. 529 00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,320 Speaker 1: Like I tried to change it, and I did it 530 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 1: for like two weeks, three weeks. I tried. I was like, dude, 531 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,600 Speaker 1: five thirty is fine, Like I'm just gonna push everything 532 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 1: else in my day back because I feel good about 533 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,640 Speaker 1: my bedtime by my wake up time. Don't need to 534 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,600 Speaker 1: mess with something. If stot Bro don't fix it, that's good. 535 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,160 Speaker 1: So all this is good stuff. I would say. I 536 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,760 Speaker 1: would say the night routine that you have is just 537 00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,200 Speaker 1: as important as the morning routine for setting up the 538 00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:44,920 Speaker 1: morning routine. Yeah, so so if your night routine is 539 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,960 Speaker 1: all jacked up, then you could I've heard people will 540 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:53,479 Speaker 1: journal what they're doing all day for a week, and 541 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:57,479 Speaker 1: you'll say at three fifteen, you know, I checked my 542 00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:01,120 Speaker 1: Instagram and I was on there until three forty five pm, 543 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,480 Speaker 1: and then at four I did this. And you write 544 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:05,960 Speaker 1: it and then you go back and look at it 545 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 1: and you go, oh my goodness. Every night at ten 546 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:13,640 Speaker 1: point fifteen, I'm laying in bed looking at Facebook. I 547 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,560 Speaker 1: have to stop that. I didn't realize I was doing it, 548 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,760 Speaker 1: but I have to stop it because if you don't, 549 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 1: you're not going to get up at five. You're not 550 00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,720 Speaker 1: going to want to too hard. Yeah. That reminds me 551 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:28,280 Speaker 1: of something that Gary Keller I believe is his name, said, 552 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:36,840 Speaker 1: do the thing that makes the next thing easier or unnecessary. 553 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 1: So if you're doing all that stuff the night before 554 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:45,560 Speaker 1: laying out your clothes, then it's not necessary the next 555 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:47,720 Speaker 1: day to do it. It's already done, or it makes 556 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 1: getting out of bed easier. So I always try to, 557 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,960 Speaker 1: you know, think that way, like, man, what can I 558 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,240 Speaker 1: do if I have this space? What can I do? Now? 559 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,959 Speaker 1: That's going to make you know later on easier, or 560 00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,680 Speaker 1: the things out I have to do, I don't have 561 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,840 Speaker 1: to do it. You could also read Can't Hurt Me 562 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:06,600 Speaker 1: by David Goggins. Yeah that'll Yeah, that'll get you. That'll 563 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,640 Speaker 1: get you out of bit and make you quit snooze 564 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,440 Speaker 1: in two. But another reward you could do, I've done 565 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:14,600 Speaker 1: this before. If you're gonna do your workout for a week, 566 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,080 Speaker 1: and you tell yourself, if I do this for seven 567 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,920 Speaker 1: days in a row, I'm gonna go to the sporting 568 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,880 Speaker 1: good store and get some really good tennis shoes, like 569 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,880 Speaker 1: the best ones, Nike, Hazard, Rebocker, INDEEDA is whatever. I'm 570 00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,560 Speaker 1: gonna get the best ones. And having those brand new 571 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,800 Speaker 1: shoes sitting out there is kind of nice. You're like, oh, 572 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 1: I hate getting up, but I got these brand new sneakers. 573 00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:39,160 Speaker 1: They're really good. Yeah. So once you get into it, 574 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:44,959 Speaker 1: you're gonna feel the benefits of it, and it'll make 575 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,520 Speaker 1: it a little bit easier for you. Is it still 576 00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 1: you can wake up at five thirty and it's like 577 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:53,520 Speaker 1: no problem, Like you're now like up? Or is it 578 00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:56,480 Speaker 1: still kind of I go for coffee pretty soon after 579 00:32:56,520 --> 00:33:00,680 Speaker 1: I get up. Okay, but that's an they're just loop 580 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:04,800 Speaker 1: that I formed. But I will say that obviously y'all 581 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,760 Speaker 1: know with my schedule, I play music. Sometimes sometimes we 582 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:12,280 Speaker 1: don't even start till ten thirty PM. So I try 583 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,400 Speaker 1: to keep at least consistently get seven hours. So if 584 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,080 Speaker 1: I go to bed at midnight, I'm setting my alarm 585 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,760 Speaker 1: for seven. If I go to bed at one am, 586 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,440 Speaker 1: I'm setting my alarm for eight, so that I've still 587 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,880 Speaker 1: I'm still not sleeping in ever until and I figured 588 00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:31,800 Speaker 1: out that seven is what I need. Just from years 589 00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:34,160 Speaker 1: of doing this, I figured out, okay, I need seven. 590 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 1: Eight's cool, but six is not enough. I feel groggy 591 00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 1: during the day for six, so I need seven. So 592 00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,880 Speaker 1: I'll try to set my alarm for seven hours after 593 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,440 Speaker 1: I go to bed. If it's not a normal night 594 00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:50,360 Speaker 1: for me, that's good man. What was this person's name? Anna? 595 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:56,160 Speaker 1: And I think to this, just the thing of not 596 00:33:56,240 --> 00:34:01,040 Speaker 1: snoozing and getting up will have a ripple effect into 597 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,680 Speaker 1: other areas of your life too. I remember that video 598 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 1: that Tyler had sent me from Ben Newman about standards 599 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,200 Speaker 1: and feelings. So once you realize that you have set 600 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,520 Speaker 1: a standard of waking up at five point thirty and 601 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,560 Speaker 1: that's the standard. But when you wake up and you're cold, 602 00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 1: you're cold and it's warm in your bed and it's 603 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:24,880 Speaker 1: cold out there and you're tired, you have the choice 604 00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,640 Speaker 1: to base your action on your feeling or the standard. 605 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,920 Speaker 1: And if you get out of bed instead of hitting snooze, 606 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:36,160 Speaker 1: then you're choosing the standard, and that definitely opens up potential. 607 00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,360 Speaker 1: If you choose the feeling, then it kind of goes 608 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,960 Speaker 1: the other way. So I think that there is this 609 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,880 Speaker 1: kind of loop that starts to happen, this energy that 610 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:52,080 Speaker 1: starts to happen when you choose the standard. No, I'm 611 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,920 Speaker 1: going to do it even though I'm tired or I 612 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,880 Speaker 1: don't feel like doing it. This is the standard. I'm 613 00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:01,200 Speaker 1: going to do it. So good. One more book recommendation 614 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:05,160 Speaker 1: for your fire Anna is called the Miracle Morning, and 615 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,880 Speaker 1: it's just about a morning routine. It's building a consistent 616 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:13,680 Speaker 1: morning routine that you actually love. So you get to 617 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,000 Speaker 1: the point where you're like, I can't you go to bed, 618 00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,759 Speaker 1: and you go, I can't wait till that alarm goes 619 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,399 Speaker 1: off because I love my mornings and I do. Now 620 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,399 Speaker 1: I know you do too, Like that's my favorite time 621 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:25,840 Speaker 1: of day, the mornings. Are my time. It's no one else's. 622 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:29,000 Speaker 1: It's not my kids or my wife. That's my time. 623 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:32,880 Speaker 1: And sometimes many times it's my only time for myself. 624 00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 1: I'll do my routine. Ye. So yeah, it's huge. It's 625 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:38,600 Speaker 1: something to build if you're young, it's something to build 626 00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:42,520 Speaker 1: early because you might never get that back. It's right, 627 00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:46,200 Speaker 1: go get that fire. Anna. Next question says, how do 628 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:49,440 Speaker 1: I ask a shy girl out? Hey, Ganel, my name 629 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:51,640 Speaker 1: is Aaron. I'm twenty one. I'm from Lincoln County, Tennessee, 630 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,520 Speaker 1: about an hour and a half from Nashville. So there's 631 00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:57,399 Speaker 1: this girl at church and she's very pretty, but she's 632 00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,279 Speaker 1: very shy, and we were both homeschooled. How do I 633 00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,799 Speaker 1: ask her on a date? You're my hero. I listen 634 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:04,719 Speaker 1: to your music every day. I wear yee shirt and 635 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,399 Speaker 1: hat everywhere. Go. I also listen to your podcast every 636 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,479 Speaker 1: Monday morning. You're an amazing arts keep up the work. 637 00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:11,879 Speaker 1: And then here's the very end. It says, by the way, 638 00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:17,839 Speaker 1: we both have food allergies, you and him. I think 639 00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:22,520 Speaker 1: it's him and the shy girl. Uh. That's got to 640 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:26,160 Speaker 1: feel pretty good, man, right, This dude is like man, 641 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,759 Speaker 1: I listen to your podcast every Monday. I can listen 642 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:33,359 Speaker 1: to your music. I wear your gear a lot of pressure. Man. 643 00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:38,719 Speaker 1: Sorry if I'm I'm not always right, y'all. Just try 644 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:42,080 Speaker 1: my best here, but it's meaningful. I love doing things 645 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:47,920 Speaker 1: that are that matter. Yeah, this matters. So how do 646 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:54,719 Speaker 1: you ask? If I girl out, you ask her? Yeah, 647 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,400 Speaker 1: you gotta do it. You find a restaurant that that 648 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:01,080 Speaker 1: works with both of y'all's food out. Geez, you'd be like, 649 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:05,200 Speaker 1: did he say the girl's name? No, No, hey, Jessica, 650 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,759 Speaker 1: there's this restaurant and man, we can both eat there 651 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,120 Speaker 1: and don't have to worry about it. So yeah, sure 652 00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:16,400 Speaker 1: we go check it out. She's shy, so so acknowledge 653 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:20,880 Speaker 1: that and use that in your first date as a 654 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:23,320 Speaker 1: You're not going to go to someplace wild and crazy 655 00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:25,960 Speaker 1: and loud. You're going to go to something, you know, 656 00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,120 Speaker 1: like a coffee shop that's pretty empty, and y'all just 657 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:33,120 Speaker 1: going to go get a coffee together or whatever, and 658 00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:38,040 Speaker 1: and just talk and just acknowledge that. You don't have 659 00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:39,840 Speaker 1: to tell her she's shy. I know you're shy. You 660 00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:43,080 Speaker 1: don't have to say that, but just just understand that 661 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:46,080 Speaker 1: maybe you're going to carry some of the conversation and 662 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,560 Speaker 1: let her open up and then listen to her. Yeah, 663 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,200 Speaker 1: and that could be something really special. Yeah, and if 664 00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:55,719 Speaker 1: she's shy, then maybe just go into it knowing that 665 00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:58,520 Speaker 1: she may not know how to respond in the moment, 666 00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:02,359 Speaker 1: you know, and so well maybe you know that going 667 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:07,319 Speaker 1: in and you can leave it. Hey, I'm gonna I 668 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:10,359 Speaker 1: just heard of this new place. I'm gonna go over 669 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,200 Speaker 1: there and grab a cup of coffee. If you'd love 670 00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:14,160 Speaker 1: to join, Uh, just let me know. I'd love to 671 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:15,840 Speaker 1: sit and talk with you. And then there's not a 672 00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:17,480 Speaker 1: lot of pressure on her, but you can kind of 673 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:20,400 Speaker 1: see like if she wants to whatever. Yeah, So to 674 00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,480 Speaker 1: answer your question, how do I ask her on a 675 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:30,080 Speaker 1: date with your words? Which is actually kind of interesting, 676 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,920 Speaker 1: like don't text her? Yeah, that's what I was just 677 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,239 Speaker 1: about to sa joking, but that's kind of serious too, 678 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:37,680 Speaker 1: Like don't text her? I mean, is it just me 679 00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:41,279 Speaker 1: or is this like like has our culture has just 680 00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:44,000 Speaker 1: gotten out of control with how we communicate. It's all 681 00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:48,200 Speaker 1: dms and text messages and even when it's like things 682 00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:52,799 Speaker 1: that are meant to be in person and things that 683 00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:55,759 Speaker 1: are conflicts, it's like, hey, I didn't like the way 684 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:59,520 Speaker 1: that you looked at me. It's like, cool it what 685 00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:03,040 Speaker 1: it what it takes to do that? And I'm sorry 686 00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:06,000 Speaker 1: I moved on. What it takes for him to do 687 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:11,040 Speaker 1: this is courage and vulnerability, right, And the more that 688 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:14,239 Speaker 1: we rely on the just text messages and those kind 689 00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:19,000 Speaker 1: of communications, we're losing that memory of what and that 690 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:22,880 Speaker 1: ability to be courageous and put ourselves out there in real, live, 691 00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:30,000 Speaker 1: three dimensional reality and so do it so good. Next 692 00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:35,920 Speaker 1: question is about to go deep, says Granger Smith. That's 693 00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:37,640 Speaker 1: when you know it's serious when they say the full name. 694 00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,360 Speaker 1: How do you learn to forgive and let go? I 695 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,560 Speaker 1: was sexually assaulted when I was or twenty years ago. 696 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,560 Speaker 1: Certain circumstances held me from speaking out, and now it 697 00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:49,360 Speaker 1: simply hangs over my head. People say you just have 698 00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:53,319 Speaker 1: to forget it, but it's never that easy, feeling like 699 00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,520 Speaker 1: a failure to God or not fighting hard enough to 700 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,680 Speaker 1: keep my virginity and it gets taken away from me. 701 00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,440 Speaker 1: How do I keep this from ruining my marriage and 702 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,399 Speaker 1: affecting my life with my husband when no one can 703 00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:09,360 Speaker 1: help me with the judgment? Thanks Megan, So she was 704 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:13,239 Speaker 1: sexually assaulted twenty years ago, but she feels like that 705 00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:16,560 Speaker 1: is now affecting her marriage because she lost her virginity 706 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:21,440 Speaker 1: and she didn't speak out at the time. That's what 707 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:25,480 Speaker 1: she's dealing with. She didn't speak up. Do you think 708 00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:29,239 Speaker 1: that that's that pressure is coming from somebody or that 709 00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,839 Speaker 1: expectation that she should have done that's coming from her 710 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:35,080 Speaker 1: husband or from somebody else, maybe, But I don't see 711 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,760 Speaker 1: that in this email. I feel like this is something 712 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:41,319 Speaker 1: she's battling personally, feeling like a failure to God for 713 00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:48,200 Speaker 1: not fighting hard enough to keep my virginity. So twenty 714 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:52,720 Speaker 1: years ago, I'm assuming she's not that old. I'm assuming 715 00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:57,080 Speaker 1: Megan is. I'm gonna just guess and say she's in 716 00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:02,239 Speaker 1: her forties, fifties maybe maybe, meaning this happened like late teens. 717 00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:11,279 Speaker 1: And so there's an idea first of all that just 718 00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:13,719 Speaker 1: on the surface level, just digging into this. This is 719 00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:17,160 Speaker 1: a long time ago. You're a new person, and you 720 00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:21,320 Speaker 1: are You've been renewed many times and you've been forgiven. 721 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,640 Speaker 1: I say these words because you said you feel like 722 00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:25,920 Speaker 1: a failure to God. That's what you said. Not you 723 00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,359 Speaker 1: didn't say like I feel like a failure to my husband. 724 00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,200 Speaker 1: You feel like a failure to God. Well, if that's 725 00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:34,239 Speaker 1: what you mean. If that's what you really feel, then 726 00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:37,400 Speaker 1: my answer to you is, you're not a failure to God. 727 00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:44,080 Speaker 1: Through repentance and through prayer and through his acceptance and 728 00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:50,279 Speaker 1: through the renewal, you're a new person. Now, you have 729 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:53,319 Speaker 1: a new new idea of life. And on top of 730 00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:56,600 Speaker 1: all that, everyone listening to this podcast is going to say, 731 00:41:56,719 --> 00:42:01,239 Speaker 1: it's not your fault. You were sexually assaulted against your will. 732 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:05,360 Speaker 1: That cannot be held against you. It doesn't change the 733 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,440 Speaker 1: fact that you still think about it and it still 734 00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:12,120 Speaker 1: affects you. So how does she deal with this? How 735 00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:15,279 Speaker 1: does Megan deal with this today, with her marriage in 736 00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:20,759 Speaker 1: her life today, something that happened twenty years ago. I 737 00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:24,640 Speaker 1: would hope that she and her husband maybe together or 738 00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:28,080 Speaker 1: in some kind of professional counseling. Yeah, because that is 739 00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:36,000 Speaker 1: a very traumatic event that more than likely emotionally stunted her. Yeah, 740 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:39,719 Speaker 1: twenty years ago, and that can manifest itself, it can hide, 741 00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:43,160 Speaker 1: and then it can manifest itself within a relationship a 742 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:46,960 Speaker 1: long time from the time that happened. And man, that's 743 00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,719 Speaker 1: above our pay grade. So yeah, I think you need 744 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:54,560 Speaker 1: to be I would recommend being in counseling of some kind. 745 00:42:54,640 --> 00:43:00,880 Speaker 1: To really dig into this. There's no amount of fighting 746 00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:04,640 Speaker 1: that you should have had to do like that, Like 747 00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:07,720 Speaker 1: Granger said, you shouldn't feel any shame that you didn't 748 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:12,839 Speaker 1: fight hard enough. If you were sexually assaulted, there's absolutely 749 00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:18,920 Speaker 1: no excuse for that. That's not your fault. I hope 750 00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:22,560 Speaker 1: that you can take that burden and lay it down 751 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,640 Speaker 1: and start to receive some healing for a very very 752 00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:33,480 Speaker 1: traumatic and unfortunate thing that happened to you. And just 753 00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,560 Speaker 1: in case, Megan, just in case you're hearing us and 754 00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,040 Speaker 1: you're like, no, y'all don't understand, like I was drinking 755 00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,319 Speaker 1: or there was something else involved that I could have 756 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,279 Speaker 1: stopped myself, like I could have been sober, or I 757 00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:49,480 Speaker 1: could have not been with that guy alone. So maybe 758 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,520 Speaker 1: that's what you're thinking, Oh, that's okay, that's okay too. 759 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:55,160 Speaker 1: You could have told me I murdered someone twenty years ago, 760 00:43:55,200 --> 00:44:00,120 Speaker 1: and we're going to give you the same answer. You're forgiven. 761 00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:02,920 Speaker 1: You've got to have a repentant heart, and you got 762 00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:04,759 Speaker 1: to go to counseling, and you have to open up 763 00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,439 Speaker 1: to your husband and say this happened twenty years ago, 764 00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:11,759 Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry, and hopefully any decent guy would 765 00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:16,680 Speaker 1: be like, Babe, it's okay, it's okay. You're not the 766 00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:20,160 Speaker 1: same person you were twenty years ago. You're not. Yeah, 767 00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:22,840 Speaker 1: when you come with a repentant heart, I feel like 768 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:27,960 Speaker 1: everything can change. When you come with pride and arrogance 769 00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:33,359 Speaker 1: and like trying to stay protected, I don't think there's 770 00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:35,680 Speaker 1: healing that can happen. But if you like you're saying, 771 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:41,439 Speaker 1: and that's regardless of what you've done or what you've encountered, yeah, 772 00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:44,279 Speaker 1: you have to come with a repentant heart for sure. 773 00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:50,000 Speaker 1: Yeah that's good man. Yeah, Yeah, that's a tough spot. Megan. 774 00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,920 Speaker 1: Thank you for being so vulnerable on this podcast and 775 00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:57,839 Speaker 1: opening that up. And there is there is so much 776 00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:01,080 Speaker 1: healing that's possible through this, and it feels like there's 777 00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:04,120 Speaker 1: not when you're in it and it's overwhelming you. But 778 00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,879 Speaker 1: through this communication with your husband, through counseling, and through 779 00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:11,560 Speaker 1: a lot of prayer, you are a new person. Maybe 780 00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:14,640 Speaker 1: some girlfriends. It sounded like, you know, like getting involved 781 00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:16,920 Speaker 1: if you're not already involved in a church, a community, 782 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:20,279 Speaker 1: group of other godly women that can just kind of 783 00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:23,719 Speaker 1: help you and guide you and listen to you. Those 784 00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:27,439 Speaker 1: kind of things can be really helpful too. Yeah, yeah, 785 00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:30,040 Speaker 1: all right, Well, remember that your relationship with God is 786 00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:33,120 Speaker 1: not based on works too. It's not a checklist. He's 787 00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:35,920 Speaker 1: not Santa Claus. He's not looking at like all right, Megan, 788 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:37,839 Speaker 1: you have a lot of good things I've checked off 789 00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:39,839 Speaker 1: on your list, but you got one really bad one. 790 00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:42,440 Speaker 1: So I'm still kind of wondering if we're going to 791 00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:45,960 Speaker 1: invite you to eternal life. I'm not really sure. Remember 792 00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:50,960 Speaker 1: that is not how this works. It's literally not work based. Okay, 793 00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:53,840 Speaker 1: So God does the work for you. All you have 794 00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:59,080 Speaker 1: to do is believe and repent. The Gospel is that's 795 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:04,400 Speaker 1: your salvation. Understanding that freeze up so much pain and 796 00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:07,719 Speaker 1: anxiety and suffering and depression when you just give it 797 00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:11,879 Speaker 1: to Him. And that's all the time we have. All Right, 798 00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,239 Speaker 1: love you guys, See you next Monday. All right, see you. 799 00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:17,560 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate 800 00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:19,799 Speaker 1: all of you. Guys. You could help me out by 801 00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:23,719 Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe 802 00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:26,440 Speaker 1: to this channel. Hit that little like button and the 803 00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:30,200 Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload 804 00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:32,680 Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that 805 00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:36,719 Speaker 1: you would like me to answer. Email Grangersmith Podcast at 806 00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:39,240 Speaker 1: gmail dot com, Yigi