1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:04,000 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercam. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,920 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of two and soon to be three 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,159 Speaker 1: and a practicing physician. We are two working parents who 5 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,479 Speaker 1: love our careers and our families. Welcome to best of 6 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:22,040 Speaker 1: both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:25,760 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,880 Speaker 1: This is Laura. I'm not sure when you may be 11 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 1: listening to this podcast, but it will be airing for 12 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:44,440 Speaker 1: the first time on Halloween on Halloween October thirty first, 13 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,839 Speaker 1: and so Halloween is one of those holidays that you 14 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 1: don't necessarily have to deal with all that much until 15 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: you are a parent, unless you want to dress up 16 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 1: as like a sexy bumblebee to whatever fun parties you're 17 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 1: going to as a young single person, as one does. 18 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,480 Speaker 1: I will not be a sexy bumblebe this year. Are 19 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:06,160 Speaker 1: you going to be one? Sarah? No, I've never been 20 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: a sexy bumblebee. I just remember seeing that as like 21 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,479 Speaker 1: the stupidest costume ever. It's like everything has to be 22 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,800 Speaker 1: you know, sexy whatever. It's like a bumblebee. Seriously, I 23 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:18,320 Speaker 1: think I'm lame, but I have never had a particularly 24 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:22,520 Speaker 1: like sexy costume. My favorite costume that I ever was 25 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,880 Speaker 1: was I did dress up as Sarah Palin. That's awesome, 26 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:29,200 Speaker 1: and I was pretty convincing. I had like an ID 27 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 1: and like I had her glasses and like I was 28 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:32,880 Speaker 1: really really proud of it. I think I was more 29 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 1: like Tina fey as but yeah, but it was awesome. Well, 30 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: so what are you guys doing this show? Do you 31 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 1: have yours? I mean, we're recording this prior to the 32 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,319 Speaker 1: thirty first, do you guys have your costumes yet? Or 33 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 1: we have them? We did, well, Cameron's has not come yet. 34 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: So I tried to be like, let's all do something 35 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 1: the same, you know, like in the same theme or something, 36 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,520 Speaker 1: but that the kids didn't want it. So I didn't 37 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 1: push it because I really didn't care very much. And 38 00:01:56,360 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: so Cameron is gonna be this show is called well 39 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 1: it's a little Lizard basically a little lizard costume. Oh, 40 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 1: PJ Max, there you go. And so he's gonna wear 41 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 1: the lizard costume, and I'm gonna just wear this black 42 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 1: shirt that has a little baby skeleton on the bottom 43 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,120 Speaker 1: so that I'm festive. I actually really don't like most 44 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,799 Speaker 1: Halloween costumes. Annabelle is going to be a giraffe with 45 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: a tutu, and Josh keeps changing his mind, so yeah, 46 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:25,280 Speaker 1: we're set. What about you guys, it's such a little 47 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,799 Speaker 1: girl costume. See everything with the two too, right, Yeah, 48 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 1: I think the two tube might have been the selling point, 49 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: but yeah, that was what she picked. And I am 50 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 1: all for, Like, look, if you enjoy doing DIY, then 51 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: please do DIY. But that is I do not, So 52 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, order from a catalog makes me so happy, 53 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:47,399 Speaker 1: it's done, it comes in the mail. It's just very 54 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 1: pleasurable and no stress, and I love it. I told 55 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,000 Speaker 1: the kids they have to choose by the end of 56 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 1: the week so I can order ahead of time for 57 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 1: Halloween and have those come because some of the catalogs, Yeah, 58 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 1: it takes a little longer than like Amazon Prime. With 59 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 1: the two days, Amazon can get kind of picked over 60 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 1: and not have the best stuff. Although we did get 61 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 1: this absolutely awesome inflatable dinosaur costume off Amazon last year 62 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 1: that I mean the head was huge. It was like 63 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 1: a sort of like an air mattress in that it 64 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 1: was like constantly blowing, so it stayed big. He was 65 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 1: seven then, but he it was the best costume I 66 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 1: think at his parade at school. I was definitely are 67 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: you guys able to like hand down and save costumes 68 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 1: or do they always want their own? Although that one 69 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,680 Speaker 1: may have broken just because it was so elaborate, we'll see, 70 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 1: but yeah, we can hand them down. So certainly if 71 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 1: you wish to be some sort of princess, we have 72 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 1: a wide but unfortunately I only have one girl and 73 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,600 Speaker 1: the others have not expressed a huge interest in being princesses, 74 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: so that's not gonna have it. We have a couple 75 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,680 Speaker 1: of Star Wars related things, but you know, it's part 76 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:55,400 Speaker 1: of the fun is getting a new one, right like yeah, 77 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: and doing what like you know, the kid has picked themselves, 78 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 1: Like you know, I'm sure it's really fun to get 79 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: to actually pick it out, whether you're gonna make it 80 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,880 Speaker 1: by hand, if you're that kind of family, or if 81 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 1: you're gonna pick it off of a picture from a 82 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 1: catalog or online. I have no ability to make a 83 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: Halloween costume for me. I read these magazines where people like, 84 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: look at this cute costume. I would never like look 85 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 1: at a pillowcase and think I could make that out 86 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 1: of that. I mean, it's just not not happening. If 87 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 1: my kids want to do it themselves when they get older, like, 88 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: if that's fun for them, I'm all for it, but 89 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 1: I'm not doing it not very crafty. But you're so 90 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,680 Speaker 1: we have our show notes here, and I'm just laughing 91 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 1: about Sarah's note. She says, I'm planning on handing out 92 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,520 Speaker 1: organic candy this year. Maybe you want to unpack that 93 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:43,480 Speaker 1: for us a little well. I so, again, this might 94 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 1: be a hazard of my job, but I feel kind 95 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: of hypocritical. I tend to be a little more stringent 96 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 1: than you are on things like I definitely let my 97 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: kids enjoy birthday cake if we're at a party, but 98 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 1: I try to avoid like GMOs and food coloring and 99 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. So I decided that it 100 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,880 Speaker 1: would be hypocritical to hand out what I don't typically 101 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,480 Speaker 1: buy to stock our home, like, because that feels wrong, like, oh, 102 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,040 Speaker 1: I buy the good stuff for us, but I hand 103 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 1: out the cheap crap. So I am going to order 104 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,720 Speaker 1: some and I need to do this soon. There are 105 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: some candy that is still like sweet and delicious, but 106 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:16,239 Speaker 1: made with like better ingredients. So that is my plan 107 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,360 Speaker 1: for this year. We'll see how it goes. The only 108 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:22,640 Speaker 1: problem is we are in Halloween Central, and when I 109 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,360 Speaker 1: say that, I'm not kidding like people. It feels like 110 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,160 Speaker 1: people get busted into my neighborhood. Like there are hundreds 111 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,840 Speaker 1: and hundreds of kids that come through. I mean, people 112 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 1: have joked about like selling parking spaces in our neighborhood. 113 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 1: It's that crazy. It's actually overwhelming. So it could get 114 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 1: very expensive if you're doing the organic candy. Yeah, I mean, 115 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 1: because it's really this is this is not about like 116 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: filling up two pumpkins and handing them out like I 117 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 1: need to buy like probably twenty pounds of candy and 118 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,520 Speaker 1: we'll still probably run out. So we don't get any 119 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:55,360 Speaker 1: trick or treaders. I mean we don't. It's it's jealous. 120 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,520 Speaker 1: Partly it's that my road doesn't have sidewalks, and so 121 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 1: we bring we go to our neighbors and then we 122 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 1: go around the corner to a little subdivision that has 123 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 1: it's easier to walk through without risking getting hit by 124 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 1: a car, and and so that's where we go. And 125 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,279 Speaker 1: I assume that they get a fair amount of trick 126 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 1: or treats precisely from that rason. There's also another street 127 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,480 Speaker 1: in our neighborhood that's like that that also gets hundreds 128 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,159 Speaker 1: of trigger treaders. I think it's just where your house 129 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,159 Speaker 1: is has a lot to do with it, So it 130 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 1: doesn't really matter what we get. I mean, I'm going 131 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:29,120 Speaker 1: to buy a bag of candy at Costa. This is 132 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 1: this happens every year. We buy a big bag of 133 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,279 Speaker 1: candy at Costco. Whatever they have, some mix they have, 134 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 1: we put it out, nobody comes, so then we wind 135 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,839 Speaker 1: up with, you know, pounds of candy that so you 136 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,520 Speaker 1: better pick something you like. I know I'm gonna pick 137 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: something I like because I'll be eating it and my 138 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: kids will be eating it. So I've got to be 139 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,800 Speaker 1: something we actually enjoy. So I guess that's what we're 140 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 1: what we're going to do. And I'm also all about 141 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,040 Speaker 1: the selling it back to the dentist thing, which I 142 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,160 Speaker 1: think is awesome that a lot of dentists office are 143 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 1: doing that now, because to me, it's just like, oh, 144 00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 1: you know, I let them have some that like I 145 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,600 Speaker 1: think I last year, I said, you can keep. I'm 146 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 1: a jerk, so whatever, don't judge. I let them keep 147 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:07,360 Speaker 1: three pieces each, and then I was like, and we're 148 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,080 Speaker 1: gonna sell the rest back and get a toy, just 149 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,760 Speaker 1: because I don't want them eating that every night. I 150 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: can't say it's funny. What we do is, you know, 151 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 1: they can have some that night, and then we wind 152 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,560 Speaker 1: up putting the bags up and then they can take 153 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: out a few pieces each night for desserts or something, 154 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: but they kind of start forgetting that it's there, and 155 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,720 Speaker 1: especially after the first few days, their favorite pieces are 156 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 1: gone anyway. So within a week, like nobody's asking for 157 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 1: the bag anymore, and we wind up dumping a lot 158 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 1: of it anyway. So I mean, I won't judge you 159 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 1: on your three. We have more than three pieces of candy, 160 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: I will say, but it might have been five, I 161 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,679 Speaker 1: don't know, but it was like not a lot. But 162 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 1: they don't wind up eating all of it, and so 163 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 1: I mean, it is what it is. But it is 164 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 1: what it is. And I just don't put up too 165 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,800 Speaker 1: much of a fight either. I feel like if they 166 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,680 Speaker 1: know they're getting something out of it, and they might 167 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,400 Speaker 1: forget about it, but I'm sort of not willing to 168 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 1: risk it so or I might end up eating it 169 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 1: and then, you know, have a ten pound baby. Well, 170 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 1: I like my candies. Speaking of other fun things in life, 171 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: so our episode this week is on having fun as 172 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:14,360 Speaker 1: a working parent and whether life can actually be fun. 173 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 1: And this is based we had a question from a 174 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: listener come in. This is anonymous, so I'm trying not 175 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 1: to read many identifying details, but anyway, this woman is 176 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: an engineer and a mother of a fifteen month old 177 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: baby who we will call See for the purposes of 178 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:31,760 Speaker 1: this post or this episode. And she says she's been 179 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:35,320 Speaker 1: feeling constantly and extremely exhausted for the past you know time, 180 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:39,200 Speaker 1: since Sea has been born. She says the objective things 181 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 1: don't seem to be the issue. Like she eats healthy, 182 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 1: she exercises, she sleeps more than seven hours a night, 183 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 1: even though it's often tempting to sleep less to work more. 184 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,720 Speaker 1: Sea is a very active but other than that happy 185 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: and easygoing baby, her husband is great, Like he actively 186 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,720 Speaker 1: participates in childcare and home chores, and he took a 187 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 1: solo paternity leave when she went back to work. So 188 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,600 Speaker 1: we're not talking, you know, a husband who's pulling his 189 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,720 Speaker 1: weight around the house. They have a cleaning service. She's, 190 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,719 Speaker 1: you know, works in high tech industry, so of course 191 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,760 Speaker 1: it's one of those offices where they serve you breakfast 192 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,120 Speaker 1: and lunch and all that great stuff. She only has 193 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 1: a five minute commute, so like also pretty good stuff. 194 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 1: Daycare is convenient, she says, So obviously all this subjective stuff. 195 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,520 Speaker 1: I feel rather lucky, but yet I feel so tired, 196 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: running behind at home and at work. No serious performance 197 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 1: issues yet, but it's really not like what I did before, 198 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 1: and certainly much less enjoyable. And she's saying, I am 199 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: not sure why this is so hard? What is going 200 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: on here? And so her schedule that she shared with 201 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 1: us is she wakes up at six every day to 202 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: play with the baby, drops him off at daycare around 203 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 1: seven to ten in the morning. She and her husband 204 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 1: exercise at the gym at work. Sorry I meant to mention, 205 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 1: they actually work like right by each other, possibly in 206 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 1: the same place, I'm not clear from this. They shower there, 207 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,480 Speaker 1: eat breakfast, work, eat at lunch. They leave by four 208 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 1: to ten to pick up their kid. After playing, eating 209 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,840 Speaker 1: and all that good stuff, doing bedtime, which is somewhere 210 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 1: around seven thirty, then their second shift starts. Because they 211 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,719 Speaker 1: didn't work the full eight hours during the day, they 212 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,720 Speaker 1: try to stop working by nine or nine thirty so 213 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 1: they can have some time to themselves. They're usually they 214 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: work until ten it's time to clean up, pack for daycare, 215 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,480 Speaker 1: and go to bed. She says their weekends are filled 216 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 1: with playing, eating, getting some chores done, going to church. 217 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,559 Speaker 1: They're kind of tiring because they have a fifteen month 218 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 1: old baby. But her question is, you know, is there 219 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 1: something I'm missing, some tip that can make this time easier. 220 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 1: Why does she feel so overwhelmed? When does it get better? 221 00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:26,800 Speaker 1: She says, I want a second child, but I can't 222 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,320 Speaker 1: imagine having one when I feel like I'm drowning with 223 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: one easy baby. What are your thoughts on man, this reader, 224 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,880 Speaker 1: and my heart went out to her. I just I 225 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 1: kind of I think a lot of what this is 226 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 1: coming from is sort of the morning period that people 227 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:51,880 Speaker 1: don't really talk about morning and yes that many people 228 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,320 Speaker 1: go through. When you go from being an independent person 229 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: with nobody who needs you all the time to someone 230 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:02,840 Speaker 1: who needs you all the time, even if they're in childcare, 231 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 1: you have that, you know, constant pull of like I 232 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,680 Speaker 1: am no longer just in charge of myself. And that 233 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 1: is such an incredibly hard adjustment, both from a mental 234 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:16,199 Speaker 1: standpoint and from a logistical standpoint, because even though her 235 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,200 Speaker 1: life actually objectively does sound like very nice and like 236 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 1: well ordered, I'm sure it's very very different than it 237 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:27,080 Speaker 1: was before. Yeah. No, I think that's a big chunk. 238 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,320 Speaker 1: I mean people always ask us who like, oh, well, 239 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,960 Speaker 1: it's going from two to three kids hard, or three 240 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: to four kids not compared to going from zero to one. 241 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:39,719 Speaker 1: I mean that's the real lifestyle adjustment, and all of 242 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,800 Speaker 1: a sudden, your life is a lot less fun. I mean, 243 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:46,400 Speaker 1: you can't just up and go to dinner if you 244 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:49,200 Speaker 1: want to without making arrangements. You can't just decide to 245 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 1: go to the beach for the weekend without making arrangements 246 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,280 Speaker 1: with the kid. You know how you pack up a 247 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 1: million stuff and all your bottles and toys and diapers, 248 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,160 Speaker 1: and you know you won't get to sleep in on 249 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 1: weekends necessarily, and you can't have downtime on weekends without 250 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: you know, deciding which one of you is with the 251 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,960 Speaker 1: baby and which one is not. And and so I 252 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 1: think that's really hard, and we don't necessarily talk about 253 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:16,200 Speaker 1: how hard it is because we assume that, you know, 254 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: parenthood is wonderful and like you're having a baby is 255 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,320 Speaker 1: a great thing, and everyone's there's there's this narrative. You know, 256 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,959 Speaker 1: you're always sharing those joyful moments, and there are joyful moments, 257 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 1: and I'm sure that this person really really loves her 258 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,320 Speaker 1: fifteen month old, as I did too. But at the 259 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:35,199 Speaker 1: same time, what you're getting back from a fifteen month old, 260 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 1: you know, it's beautiful, but it's not much. I mean, 261 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:45,000 Speaker 1: you know, I think it's this talk to you yeah, yeah, exactly, 262 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: and they're still screaming when they want stuff they may 263 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 1: not be I mean even if they are sleeping. Well, 264 00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 1: like it's you know, the half of getting them the 265 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 1: bad and you know, dealing with that and uh yeah, 266 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 1: I mean toddlers. I think, I honestly think that that 267 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 1: age is like all of the hard work and you know, 268 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 1: much less of the rewards than you get from even 269 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 1: like a three and a half or five year old. 270 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,160 Speaker 1: I should I would love to like go back in 271 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 1: my own blog because I don't think I suffered like this, 272 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:13,440 Speaker 1: but I think there was a little bit of an 273 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,840 Speaker 1: undercurrent of like Okay, like, I really worked hard for this, 274 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,199 Speaker 1: and I'm really excited for this, and I love my baby, 275 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:23,480 Speaker 1: But am I a great like toddler mom? And is 276 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,040 Speaker 1: this like truly fun? And you know, I feel more 277 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: comfortable answering that question now because I feel like, you know, 278 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,920 Speaker 1: that wasn't necessarily well, it wasn't my favorite time. Like, 279 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,839 Speaker 1: I am much happier parenting older kids who I can 280 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:40,480 Speaker 1: converse with and teach and read to. And the funny 281 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,880 Speaker 1: thing is, now that I'm having another one, I'm not 282 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: so dreading of that because it's like, well, I'm kind 283 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,760 Speaker 1: of already parenting and that one will just join into 284 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,720 Speaker 1: the mix. Versus back then, you were sort of expected 285 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 1: to put all of your focus into a fifteen month old, 286 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:57,120 Speaker 1: which is mentally and physically really really draining. Yeah, it's 287 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 1: definitely draining. And the other thing I would say is 288 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 1: I this, this woman's life doesn't necessarily sound like it 289 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,200 Speaker 1: has that much fun in it. I mean, you know, 290 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 1: even if it is one of those fun, high tech 291 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,280 Speaker 1: places where they have foosball tables or ball pits or 292 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 1: whatever it is that they do, you know, it's she works, 293 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: she does chores, she takes care of her baby and 294 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:22,920 Speaker 1: she flaps and that's about it, and that's not really 295 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,560 Speaker 1: actually all that fun, and you are, yes, that is. 296 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 1: She's very practical and you can tell because by like 297 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 1: fitting in the workout, like she's very regimented. And I'm 298 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,240 Speaker 1: not saying that it's spontaneity that she necessarily needs, because 299 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 1: like for me, spontaneity is not necessarily fun. But it's 300 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,720 Speaker 1: more like that personal like just what's the word, like 301 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 1: I don't know, like luxurious stuff that's just for her 302 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 1: that she needs some treats, She needs some treats in 303 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,520 Speaker 1: her life. Yeah, And so I think that's the first 304 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 1: thing we would suggest in this situation for any you know, 305 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,000 Speaker 1: new parents who are listening to this and are struggling 306 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,240 Speaker 1: with this new identity and new schedule and new life 307 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 1: with actually as the kids are in that toddler stage, 308 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 1: is how can you have your stuff still happen and 309 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 1: your fun still happen. We have all these narratives about like, oh, well, 310 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,040 Speaker 1: mothers need to sacrifice themselves for their families, and it's 311 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 1: not actually really all that true, Like you don't have 312 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 1: to get rid of everything you want to do, and 313 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 1: there's all kinds of things people say, well, moms can't 314 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 1: do X. I mean, there's very few things that X 315 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,880 Speaker 1: actually is true. So you know, if you wanted to 316 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: go to skydiving, go skydimmer. I mean, if you want to. 317 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 1: But it does have to even stuff like that. If 318 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,840 Speaker 1: you want to join a book club with your friends, 319 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,720 Speaker 1: do that. If you want to go out to lunch 320 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,040 Speaker 1: some day with friends instead of you know, being efficient 321 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 1: about getting it done at work, like go for it. 322 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 1: You know, if you want to go out with your 323 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 1: husband some night, get a babysitter. It's okay, even if 324 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,480 Speaker 1: your kid is in childcare all day, It's okay to 325 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 1: have a babysitter afterwards, Like it will be all right, yes, 326 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 1: because remember, you know, get rid of it. First of all, 327 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:55,600 Speaker 1: a fifteen month old is not going to remember if 328 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,400 Speaker 1: you spend one night a week or two nights a 329 00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 1: week out with your friends. They're gonna they're gonna absorb 330 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 1: the love that you give them the rest of the time, 331 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 1: especially in this person's schedule, Like just objectively one hundred 332 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 1: and sixty eight hours, right, there is time for both here, 333 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,320 Speaker 1: Like this is a wonderful situation and that we have 334 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:14,800 Speaker 1: a willing husband, we have the ability to hire extra 335 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 1: help if we need to getting in some dedicated time 336 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,320 Speaker 1: for things that are just pure joy, or even couples 337 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,120 Speaker 1: time too, which can it's they sound like they may 338 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,360 Speaker 1: be missing a little bit. I think is really doable, 339 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:30,760 Speaker 1: but there's there might be something stopping her. And I 340 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,200 Speaker 1: wonder if it's again that sort of cultural analogy narrative 341 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 1: that like I'm not allowed. Yeah, are that because I'm 342 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: the kind of mom who's, you know, putting my kid 343 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 1: in daycare from eight to four point thirty every day. 344 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: Therefore that's all the time I get. And I think 345 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 1: part of it, you know that she is doing their 346 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 1: workouts during the day and somebody that's just convenient that 347 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: the place has a gem. So yes, that makes sense, 348 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,960 Speaker 1: but it doesn't have to be all about that efficiency. 349 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 1: Like their time is vast, as you said, and there 350 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 1: is space for other stuff too, And she's obviously very 351 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: in a dutiful too. I mean thinking about the fun 352 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,480 Speaker 1: stuff she's doing, she's exercising at work, she's going to church. 353 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 1: I mean you could do other stuff too, That is 354 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,119 Speaker 1: how I would, you know, think about weekends not just 355 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:17,880 Speaker 1: being chores, weekends being time for adults to have fun. 356 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 1: Stuff as well, and if it's feasible now that the 357 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,640 Speaker 1: child is I'm okay. So two things about breastfeeding, because 358 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,680 Speaker 1: I'm assuming that this mom is she didn't mention breastfeeding, 359 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,639 Speaker 1: so I'm assuming that that's over for her. Number One, 360 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 1: Hopefully it may be if she's recently shifted from breastfeeding, 361 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,679 Speaker 1: that she's having some hormonal shifts. Could because while you 362 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:41,120 Speaker 1: are breastfeeding a little under chronology lesson, your prolactance very high, 363 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:44,280 Speaker 1: and that suppresses the hormones in your brain that tell 364 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,439 Speaker 1: your ovaries to make estrogen, so you're sort of like, 365 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 1: you know, you have less like sexual drive. You may 366 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,679 Speaker 1: sort of feel things less intensely like it is kind 367 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,679 Speaker 1: of an altered state. So maybe she's going through some 368 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,159 Speaker 1: flux there. The other thing is that if she's no 369 00:17:56,240 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 1: longer tethered to the baby, based on that, it seems 370 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,200 Speaker 1: it's like a great time to maybe think about a 371 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: week and away with her husband and whether you know, 372 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,719 Speaker 1: having no a lot of times I'll hear people say, well, 373 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 1: I have no family around, so there's two options. You 374 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,080 Speaker 1: could fly the kid or drive the kid to where 375 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,719 Speaker 1: the family is so that you can leave them there 376 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:18,159 Speaker 1: and then travel from there, or you could hire a 377 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,639 Speaker 1: responsible and caring person to help care for your fifteen 378 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 1: month old, who again may have some initial separation anxiety, 379 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 1: but like is not going to remember it well. Fifteen 380 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,880 Speaker 1: months is a rough time for separation. And that's true, 381 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 1: a clingy toddler thing, it's true. But it also I mean, 382 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 1: maybe you can talk about this too, that the adjustment 383 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 1: to parenthood, the altered mental state. I mean a lot 384 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 1: of people do go through this, yes, in terms of 385 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:46,040 Speaker 1: like postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression. Now, fifteen months is 386 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,639 Speaker 1: a little late. Usually there's two peaks, like right after 387 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,480 Speaker 1: the baby and then I think within like six to 388 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:54,120 Speaker 1: twelve months, but it certainly could occur later, and it's 389 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,880 Speaker 1: incredibly common, and I think it's it really is partially 390 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:02,040 Speaker 1: situational and partially very bio logical and hormonal based. And 391 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,399 Speaker 1: this person also might benefit even though she seems very 392 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,680 Speaker 1: stable and very functional, there's no reason that adding in 393 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:12,520 Speaker 1: a therapist appointment or even you know, formal check ins 394 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,679 Speaker 1: with a friend that can sort of serve the same purpose, 395 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:18,280 Speaker 1: similar purpose, not the same purpose, might be really beneficial 396 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:22,359 Speaker 1: to her. I am really pro therapy. I have I 397 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,400 Speaker 1: only went once in my life, but there are definitely 398 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 1: not one session but like one period. But there have 399 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 1: been other times that I look back and I'm like, duh, 400 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,760 Speaker 1: Like when I was struggling with infertility, it was so 401 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,120 Speaker 1: clear in retrospect that that would have been very helpful 402 00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 1: for me, and I didn't do it. And I'm sure 403 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:39,320 Speaker 1: it's because of that stigma. You know, you're superwoman, You're 404 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,840 Speaker 1: supposed to do everything. But as I've gotten older and 405 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:46,840 Speaker 1: maybe less caring what other people think, I did seek 406 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,679 Speaker 1: out when I was going through a similar challenge and 407 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 1: it was just a several sessions, but it made me 408 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 1: feel a million times better. So I highly encourage others 409 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:59,439 Speaker 1: to get a professional voice involved if they think that 410 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,439 Speaker 1: that would help at all. And the other thing is 411 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 1: that the toddler stage is short and it really does 412 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,479 Speaker 1: get better. I mean, yes, there are tough things with 413 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,399 Speaker 1: kids later on, with teenagers and all that, but in 414 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:17,600 Speaker 1: terms of the sheer exhausting physical nature of caring for children, 415 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 1: that definitely improves within a few years. So she's really yeah, 416 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:24,960 Speaker 1: like you've experiencing that now, right, Like, think about your 417 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: life now versus a year ago. What's different? Oh? No, 418 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,600 Speaker 1: it's definitely. I mean, well, some things are depressing in 419 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 1: the sense that I read through an old journal entry 420 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,680 Speaker 1: from almost exactly a year ago. I'm like, when will 421 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,880 Speaker 1: these sleep issues with my toddler every Apparently not within 422 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,159 Speaker 1: the next year, So whoops on that one. But on 423 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,679 Speaker 1: the other hand, I can do things while he's in 424 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:48,359 Speaker 1: the house and I can not be watching him constantly, 425 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,600 Speaker 1: and I think that is huge. Like this weekend, I 426 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,439 Speaker 1: had some you know, my husband took the older two 427 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 1: kids to go see a football game out of town, 428 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,480 Speaker 1: and so I had the two little kids for big 429 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,600 Speaker 1: chunks of the weekend, and I was able to actually 430 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,479 Speaker 1: run on the treadmill in our basement while they were 431 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 1: watching a TV show. That is amazing a zone. It's 432 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 1: a milestone, or that he can just you know, play 433 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,040 Speaker 1: in the basement by himself for a few minutes without 434 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,120 Speaker 1: it being a total disaster. Like I trust that he's 435 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 1: not going to eat something at this point, because he's 436 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 1: getting towards almost three years old, and you know, little 437 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:27,080 Speaker 1: things like that really change the nature of caring for 438 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 1: a kid. Like you can catch your breath, you can read, 439 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,919 Speaker 1: because it's true with a fifteen month old, it's you 440 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,920 Speaker 1: literally you can't even go to the bathroom. I mean, 441 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 1: like there's not really a second unless you have somebody 442 00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:40,520 Speaker 1: else helping you at that moment, Like there's there's no downtime, 443 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,920 Speaker 1: and that the stairs, like if they work on the table, 444 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,160 Speaker 1: they'll stick it in their eye, Like I mean, there's nothing. 445 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 1: I mean everything is turned into something dangerous. With a 446 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:53,119 Speaker 1: child that age, it's really a rough time. But the 447 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:57,160 Speaker 1: months from twelve to twenty four only last a year. Well, 448 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,639 Speaker 1: and she was mentioning about having possibly another child, and 449 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 1: I think I love the way you put this in 450 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 1: our notes that there is actually not gonna be a 451 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,240 Speaker 1: whole lot of difference between having a fifteen month old 452 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:13,119 Speaker 1: and then having another kid, because it's still all all consuming. Yeah, no, 453 00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:15,679 Speaker 1: absolutely she might as well, I mean go ahead and 454 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,879 Speaker 1: have twins. And I'm just kidding, but like, yes once you. 455 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,960 Speaker 1: In fact, I did it this way the first time around, 456 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,240 Speaker 1: where like I was pregnant by the time my first 457 00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:27,919 Speaker 1: was thirteen months, so I never actually had that like 458 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,399 Speaker 1: real freedom because she wasn't even two when he was born. 459 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,760 Speaker 1: But really two wasn't any harder than the one fifteen 460 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,640 Speaker 1: month old, because how can you do more than everything. 461 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,639 Speaker 1: You know, how can you be more engaged than one 462 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:39,879 Speaker 1: hundred percent? You can't. You're only one of you. And 463 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 1: then you realize that you actually sort of can handle 464 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,240 Speaker 1: both at once, you know. I actually it's gonna be 465 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,119 Speaker 1: much more of a shock this time around, because I 466 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 1: have had a break from those hard years. But in 467 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:51,680 Speaker 1: her particular case, I don't think she needs to fear 468 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,399 Speaker 1: adding another. I say, if she want the only thing 469 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:54,919 Speaker 1: I would say is if she feels like mentally she 470 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,560 Speaker 1: just needs a break and she wants the kid to 471 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,800 Speaker 1: age out. But I don't know. In some ways that 472 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,520 Speaker 1: might be. Yeah, I mean, there's no need to rush that, 473 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 1: you know, especially if people want to have a family 474 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,840 Speaker 1: with two kids. You don't have to pack them all 475 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:10,320 Speaker 1: into two years. You can definitely unless you started at 476 00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:12,080 Speaker 1: you know, age thirty eight, thirty nine or something, you 477 00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:13,720 Speaker 1: can probably wait a year or two if you wanted 478 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,000 Speaker 1: to and have that break. I mean, there's upsides. We've 479 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,280 Speaker 1: talked in previous episodes of having them close together, there's 480 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 1: upsides and having them farther apart. So that's really a 481 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:22,920 Speaker 1: person But I do feel like that. But the setup 482 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,200 Speaker 1: that this person has, like adding another to the mix 483 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 1: isn't really going to change. No, it's not going to 484 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,040 Speaker 1: change anything that she's she's doing really so, and you 485 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 1: said you you'd write a book. I'd certainly heard of 486 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:34,920 Speaker 1: this book in the pot What was it that? All 487 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:38,159 Speaker 1: All Joy, All Joy, and No Fun by Jennifer Senior. 488 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,640 Speaker 1: I think it came out maybe twenty fourteen or so's 489 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,920 Speaker 1: It talks a lot about this, and it does focus 490 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,359 Speaker 1: a lot on the early years of parenting. And you 491 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:50,440 Speaker 1: know how you see all these joyful Instagram Instagram pictures 492 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 1: and but no one's having any fun and why is that? 493 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,359 Speaker 1: And how have things changed over the years. And I 494 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,040 Speaker 1: think that this reader and anybody else going through something 495 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,919 Speaker 1: similar could definitely benefit from reading this book, because her 496 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,560 Speaker 1: tone is not that that's how it should be, but 497 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:08,159 Speaker 1: that maybe a lot of that self imposed and the 498 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 1: nature of parenting has changed a bit in the recent decades, 499 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,040 Speaker 1: and with every change, it's generally made things harder on 500 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,520 Speaker 1: the parents and not necessarily better for the kids. So 501 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,320 Speaker 1: I think kind of looking at that and looking at 502 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 1: what our expectations are can be really broadening to maybe 503 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,800 Speaker 1: think about how things were done thirty years ago and 504 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:30,800 Speaker 1: people still turned out okay. Yeah, you know, not all 505 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,560 Speaker 1: moments will be great. And part of the issue of 506 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,920 Speaker 1: going from zero to one kids is these expectations that 507 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,880 Speaker 1: I don't know, people grow up with Hallmark cards around 508 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:44,040 Speaker 1: then that motherhood is going to be this fabulously wondrous, fulfilling, 509 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:49,320 Speaker 1: you know, angels and choir singing. Social meanings not helping 510 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:52,840 Speaker 1: because people do not really post pictures of like the 511 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:57,119 Speaker 1: bad moments. They post the highlight reel, and so not 512 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,600 Speaker 1: all aments are great. But on the other hand, not 513 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,320 Speaker 1: all moments should suck either. So if they do, then 514 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:06,200 Speaker 1: you know, that's something to definitely address because life can 515 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:08,120 Speaker 1: still have fun moments. I think there will be more 516 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,880 Speaker 1: fun moments when you don't have a fifteen month old 517 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,440 Speaker 1: baby around, but there certainly can be some. And so 518 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 1: it's a question of figuring out what do I need 519 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:19,600 Speaker 1: to get through this with, you know, feeling like my identity, 520 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,200 Speaker 1: my life, my joy for living is intact. How can 521 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,879 Speaker 1: I make that happen and then know that in a 522 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 1: couple of years things may look different. Yeah, so this 523 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,320 Speaker 1: podcast will be really interesting as we see my descent 524 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,199 Speaker 1: back into the descent, back into the carriers. I'll have 525 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: to revisit this post in approximately seventeen months, so when 526 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:44,840 Speaker 1: I have a fifteen month Well, so again, since we're 527 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:48,000 Speaker 1: airing this on Halloween, going to our love of the week, 528 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,399 Speaker 1: you have a specific candy that is your love of 529 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,840 Speaker 1: the week. Yeah, and I'm not going to give us 530 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 1: out on Halloween because it would bankrupt me. But I'm 531 00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:00,880 Speaker 1: really obsessed with the maddic Cass brand and m ad 532 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:05,120 Speaker 1: c Asse of dark chocolate. It's from Madagascar. It is amazing. 533 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,280 Speaker 1: They have all kinds of different flavors, including like really 534 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:09,240 Speaker 1: dark ones and ones that have like sea salt and 535 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,440 Speaker 1: nibs in it. And I like it better than all 536 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 1: of the other ones right now, so I recommend checking 537 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,439 Speaker 1: it out of you like really intense dark chocolate. And 538 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,160 Speaker 1: I also wanted to give a shout out to those 539 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: little squares of the endangered species ones with the animals 540 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 1: on it. You can get them like a you know, 541 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,440 Speaker 1: regular grocery store or whole foods, but they're actually really good. 542 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,439 Speaker 1: They're good ingredients and my kids like them too. So 543 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,159 Speaker 1: when do you are you one of those people has 544 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,160 Speaker 1: the single square of dark chocolate at night after dinner? 545 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,600 Speaker 1: When is your something? Well, especially now I have something 546 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 1: every night I mean lately I've been more in the 547 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: ice cream coick. But if I'm not eating ice cream, 548 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,879 Speaker 1: then yes, I'm usually eating like a piece of dark chocolate. 549 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,080 Speaker 1: And I've trained, not trained, but my kids have picked 550 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,200 Speaker 1: up on the habit, so they will ask for milk 551 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,760 Speaker 1: and peace like that's their dessert before bedtime. It's like 552 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,240 Speaker 1: piece of dark chocolate with milk, so they love it now. 553 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:58,840 Speaker 1: I remember every time I've been pregnant, I've been heavily 554 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,680 Speaker 1: into chocolate ice cream, chocolate, peanut butter ice cream. Oh, 555 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:06,040 Speaker 1: we have some of the under freezer right now. The 556 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:09,120 Speaker 1: intense craving ever, like driving out to wah Wah if 557 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,480 Speaker 1: we didn't have it. Well, my love of the week 558 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:16,840 Speaker 1: is these similarly dark chocolate covered frozen bananas. So and 559 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,840 Speaker 1: you can find there's these that like they're sold is 560 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,359 Speaker 1: like one hundred calorie packs. I think dull. I'm gonna 561 00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:24,680 Speaker 1: say it's dull. I could be wrong, but they're sold 562 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,080 Speaker 1: as Dippers is the name of the brand, and they're 563 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,199 Speaker 1: in the freezer case at major supermarkets. But it's like 564 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:34,439 Speaker 1: four slices of frozen banana covered in dark chocolate in 565 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:35,879 Speaker 1: a package. And one of the things that I like 566 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:37,399 Speaker 1: about them is it's kind of this ritual because they 567 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,439 Speaker 1: actually have to thaw for five minutes for them to 568 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:43,680 Speaker 1: be the best experience. So you take out your package 569 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,680 Speaker 1: of these frozen bananas and then you have to sort 570 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,320 Speaker 1: of wait for a few minutes to for it to 571 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,200 Speaker 1: warm up a little, so it's not retipation, adds to 572 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,639 Speaker 1: the anticification, adds to the experience, and sometimes that's what 573 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 1: you need with a dessert with a special food, is 574 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:00,960 Speaker 1: that it has this kind of bill in Ooh, I'm 575 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 1: about to get this and ooh, I'm going to make 576 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:06,040 Speaker 1: a whole event out of it, which I actually appreciate 577 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 1: for these. So do your kids like that too, because 578 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:09,960 Speaker 1: mine would. I'm going to look for it because they 579 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:13,920 Speaker 1: would love so I haven't told them about it because 580 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,879 Speaker 1: then they would eat mine out of the freezer. So 581 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,600 Speaker 1: I put them high up in the freezer and no 582 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,119 Speaker 1: one has figured it out yet. They go for easier 583 00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:24,480 Speaker 1: stuff to find, like popsicles or something like that. So 584 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 1: that's my stash. Yeah, so our Q and A this week, 585 00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,440 Speaker 1: I'll read it because I think this was addressed to 586 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 1: Sarah in particular, which gets us back to the whole 587 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,120 Speaker 1: infant thing, which I guess maybe we should have done 588 00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:40,320 Speaker 1: the order of this differently. Well anyway, so our listener 589 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 1: writes in Hi, Sarah, you look great, which she does 590 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 1: by the way, if anyone's get her bump photos on 591 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:49,120 Speaker 1: her blog, she looks so cute. She says, I hope 592 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:51,280 Speaker 1: everything goes smoothly great for the rest of your pregnancy. 593 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 1: I have a podcast topic request that might be relevant 594 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,640 Speaker 1: to you in a few months. I would love to 595 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:58,400 Speaker 1: know how you and Laura have dealt with the challenges 596 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: that's in quote marks of infant sleep, especially when choosing 597 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,200 Speaker 1: to breastfeed. Do you split night wakings or do you 598 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,080 Speaker 1: have any other strategies for coping with loss to sleep? 599 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 1: Did you eventually sleep train or did you do anything 600 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,320 Speaker 1: different with subsequent children? So I guess, Sarah, for you, 601 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,760 Speaker 1: what what did you learn with rounds one and two 602 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 1: about this that you are going to implement with number three? Yeah? 603 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:23,080 Speaker 1: I mean I assume you know they were fairly similar, 604 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:25,200 Speaker 1: and so I don't plan on like making big changes. 605 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,600 Speaker 1: I feel like what we did worked. But okay, so 606 00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:31,800 Speaker 1: number one, I didn't really split night wakings per se. 607 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:34,160 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm the one with the breasts and has 608 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,600 Speaker 1: them with the milk and the one with the maternity leave. 609 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:40,440 Speaker 1: So generally I would get up to feed, like you know, 610 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 1: to every two to three hours. That's the kind of 611 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 1: kids mine were. I tend to be very paranoid about 612 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,440 Speaker 1: milk supply, especially when I'm starting to get ready to 613 00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:50,400 Speaker 1: get back to work, because pumping is hard for me. 614 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,760 Speaker 1: So I sort of can't ever rationalize sleeping through a 615 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 1: feed if it's been a couple hours and my baby's hungry, 616 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,000 Speaker 1: because I know that biologically, hey guess what, that's how 617 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:02,480 Speaker 1: your body knows to make more milks. So I didn't 618 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 1: have Josh wake up if it were feeding time. However, 619 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 1: we did keep our babies in our room for about 620 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 1: four or five months each time, and if they were 621 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:13,520 Speaker 1: to wake up like thirty minutes after a feed screaming, 622 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,440 Speaker 1: which didn't happen very often, I'm jinxing myself. But then 623 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,560 Speaker 1: that would be something that I'd be like, please help, 624 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:20,800 Speaker 1: because I know I'm gonna have to get up in 625 00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,240 Speaker 1: two hours anyway, so now it's your turn. So that's 626 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,160 Speaker 1: the way I would say we split, But I did 627 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,440 Speaker 1: the bulk with them because I was fairly I'm really 628 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:30,480 Speaker 1: am jinxing myself but I was lucky and that usually 629 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:32,320 Speaker 1: like they would wake up, they'd make a little whimper, 630 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:36,360 Speaker 1: they would eat pretty quickly ten fifteen minutes, and then 631 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:38,120 Speaker 1: they would fall asleep in the end of the feed 632 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: and then sleep for another two three hours. So it 633 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,480 Speaker 1: wasn't like there was like much to do other than feed. 634 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:45,400 Speaker 1: And again, I'm kind of the one that can do that, 635 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,040 Speaker 1: and for me, pumping's very slow and laborious, so I 636 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 1: know some people would rather get up and pump and 637 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,640 Speaker 1: sort of share those duties, but no way, like I 638 00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,560 Speaker 1: would take a baby on me any day rather than 639 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,280 Speaker 1: the pumps, So that made sense for me. Sleep training 640 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,640 Speaker 1: we did do it with my my older one, because 641 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,520 Speaker 1: she was like seven months old at the time and 642 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:07,400 Speaker 1: liked was clearly growing very very well, and it felt 643 00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,080 Speaker 1: like it just felt right, like it was felt like, oh, 644 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,080 Speaker 1: she's trained us like to be waking up, not that 645 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,200 Speaker 1: she needed it, and so I think we did like 646 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:15,960 Speaker 1: two or three nights that were difficult and then she 647 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,880 Speaker 1: was okay. I kind of anticipated maybe having to do 648 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,320 Speaker 1: that with Cameron, my younger one, but he sort of 649 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,440 Speaker 1: did it on its own on his own around the 650 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:25,880 Speaker 1: same time, like he just sort of started sleeping, so 651 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 1: that made it easier. And again, everything in those days, 652 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:32,320 Speaker 1: and I'm sure it will be the same way with 653 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:37,040 Speaker 1: this one is centered around like feeding them milk supply. 654 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,920 Speaker 1: It's like that ends up dictating so much of what 655 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:46,000 Speaker 1: happens that it's almost like the rest becomes like fades 656 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,520 Speaker 1: into the background. So that's why I never like hired 657 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:51,160 Speaker 1: outside help or did anything else, because it was like, 658 00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:53,160 Speaker 1: how would that really be a help to me? What 659 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 1: about you? Yeah, I mean, I it was a long 660 00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,880 Speaker 1: time ago. With the first two, I'm having trouble even 661 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,320 Speaker 1: remember I was just young, stupid. I didn't know any 662 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,880 Speaker 1: at the time. I mean, certainly the first one. I 663 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:06,640 Speaker 1: mean I breast that all of them. It was a 664 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,400 Speaker 1: lot harder with the first one because I didn't know 665 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,680 Speaker 1: the whole you know, mechanics of milk supply, and so 666 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:15,320 Speaker 1: we started giving him a bottle pretty early to supplement, 667 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,640 Speaker 1: and so that was, you know, something that that could 668 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:21,840 Speaker 1: be split if I needed to, but for you know, 669 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:26,200 Speaker 1: something to consider. And I didn't have any idea how 670 00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 1: this worked. When you know, I had my first few kids, 671 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,719 Speaker 1: but then some of my friends had kids and had 672 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,720 Speaker 1: hired a baby nurse or a night nurse to help out, 673 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,080 Speaker 1: and so just to explain how this works for people 674 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,400 Speaker 1: if they are considering that, especially if your partner travels 675 00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,560 Speaker 1: a lot for work, which is definitely what I was 676 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:46,280 Speaker 1: dealing with, and you know, then you can't split it 677 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 1: with a partner because that person's not there. But what 678 00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,480 Speaker 1: I did, especially for number four, since this is the 679 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,200 Speaker 1: most recent I can remember, this, we hired a night 680 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,240 Speaker 1: nurse to come a couple of nights a week, usually 681 00:32:56,240 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 1: coinciding with when my husband would be gone. She would 682 00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,760 Speaker 1: come like nine thirty ten, so I'd just fed the baby. 683 00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 1: If he was still awake, she could put him down, 684 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:08,280 Speaker 1: but I could go to sleep, and then she would 685 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,959 Speaker 1: feed him a pumped bottle at you know, the one 686 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:15,880 Speaker 1: thirty feeding or whenever that was. And then she would 687 00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,600 Speaker 1: wake me up at like four, the four four thirty feeding, 688 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:20,320 Speaker 1: and I'd do that. And then what I would do 689 00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:23,840 Speaker 1: is I would get up before the next feeding, like 690 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:25,800 Speaker 1: so I'd get up at six ish or something like 691 00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,880 Speaker 1: that and pump so I had, you know, some supply 692 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,680 Speaker 1: come in and you know, overnight make more milk as 693 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,520 Speaker 1: it is, so i'd pump, so i'd have that bottle 694 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:37,800 Speaker 1: then for one thirty in the morning, pumped at six 695 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 1: in the morning of the day, and so I'd have 696 00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,240 Speaker 1: that milk ready to go then for the next night 697 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:45,560 Speaker 1: because then I could still feed maybe an hour or 698 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,480 Speaker 1: two hours after that when he was ready for his 699 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,120 Speaker 1: next feeding. And so that's how I sort of shifted 700 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:54,120 Speaker 1: it slightly, but was able to often sleep from nine 701 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,800 Speaker 1: thirty to four thirty, which is pretty awesome when you 702 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,200 Speaker 1: have an infant to be able to get that. Now, 703 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,280 Speaker 1: that didn't obviously happen every night. We didn't have her 704 00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:05,320 Speaker 1: every night because it is an expense. Of course, you know, 705 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 1: I could try to get naps during the day because 706 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:11,840 Speaker 1: we did have the childcare during the day. As with Sarah, 707 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,960 Speaker 1: just because you're on maternity leave doesn't mean you need 708 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,680 Speaker 1: to not have your childcare. Yeah, I think that's that mean. 709 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:18,640 Speaker 1: And maybe I would have done things differently with the 710 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:20,520 Speaker 1: night if I didn't have the help during the day. 711 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:23,160 Speaker 1: But we had our nanny the with cameraon the whole 712 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:26,279 Speaker 1: time that I was on maternity leave, So I mean that, yeah, 713 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,239 Speaker 1: and it's incredibly Yeah, I would there are there are 714 00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,680 Speaker 1: places to economize in life, but I would I would 715 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 1: not necessarily cut back on that during your maternity leave 716 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:35,799 Speaker 1: just because you want to be able to nap during 717 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,719 Speaker 1: the day. Also, like I mean, it's if you want 718 00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:40,279 Speaker 1: the same caregiver, it's just not going to work. Like 719 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,359 Speaker 1: who wants to take a sabbatical like for two months 720 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:45,560 Speaker 1: then come back Like that's just not going to happen. 721 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,920 Speaker 1: It's a retistical thing too. Yeah. Yeah, so so then 722 00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:51,360 Speaker 1: you can you know, use some of that time to 723 00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:55,879 Speaker 1: n apple somebody else has the kid during the day, yes, yes, yes, 724 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,279 Speaker 1: yes yeah. I was also just going to put a 725 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,520 Speaker 1: shout out for going to bed really really early because 726 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,000 Speaker 1: that quality sleep and the usually that's your baby's longest 727 00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:07,040 Speaker 1: stretch is probably I mean, maybe not, but I would 728 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:08,680 Speaker 1: have no shame in like going to bed at eight 729 00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:12,000 Speaker 1: thirty when the baby goes to sleep for that long stretch, 730 00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:15,360 Speaker 1: because then if the baby like miraculously sleeps till twelve thirty, 731 00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:17,279 Speaker 1: like you've already gotten four hours, Like how bad can 732 00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 1: the rest of the night possibly be. I recognize that 733 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,480 Speaker 1: takes away from like time with spouse, but during those 734 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:24,480 Speaker 1: that you know, that early period when the baby's like 735 00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,839 Speaker 1: six to twelve weeks old, I'm willing to let other 736 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:30,359 Speaker 1: things go in order to sleep. Otherwise I'll turn into 737 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:34,600 Speaker 1: a psycho basically, and I mean obviously once you go 738 00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:36,919 Speaker 1: back to work. This has the issues of then you're 739 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,879 Speaker 1: tired and you have to perform at work during the day. 740 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:46,440 Speaker 1: But you know, definitely weekends, you know, asking your spouse 741 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:48,600 Speaker 1: or family to help with the other kids and the 742 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,000 Speaker 1: baby so you can sleep some on the weekends is 743 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:55,520 Speaker 1: key as well. Yes, definitely. All right, Well, hopefully that 744 00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:57,360 Speaker 1: was helpful. We'll see how Sarah deals with us in 745 00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,799 Speaker 1: a couple of months. Yeah, I'll have much more first 746 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:05,680 Speaker 1: and experience. I'll have to really a memory. It'll be 747 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,760 Speaker 1: backly all right. Well, this has been Best of Both 748 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:13,520 Speaker 1: Worlds episode thirteen, where we're talking on about the joys 749 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,440 Speaker 1: and fun of parenthood haha, when you have toddlers and 750 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,279 Speaker 1: how to have more fun in your life. But we'll 751 00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:24,320 Speaker 1: be back next week, so please tune in then. Thanks 752 00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,360 Speaker 1: for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox 753 00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:31,799 Speaker 1: dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and 754 00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:35,919 Speaker 1: you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 755 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:39,239 Speaker 1: This has been the Best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please 756 00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,920 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 757 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:43,160 Speaker 1: life work together.