Speaker 1: Good morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is about how to make more time for friends.
Speaker 1: Most of us see our colleagues when we go to work,
Speaker 1: we see our families when we go home, but getting
Speaker 1: together with friends can be challenging. We're so busy with
Speaker 1: everything else that they tend to fall to the bottom
Speaker 1: of the list. And that's too bad, because friends are
Speaker 1: a good use of time. Indeed, good friends can make
Speaker 1: us feel like we have more time. A few years ago,
Speaker 1: for my book Off the Clock, I asked nine hundred
Speaker 1: busy people to track their time for a day. Then
Speaker 1: I asked them questions about how they felt about their time.
Speaker 1: I found that the people who felt time was most
Speaker 1: abundant spent a far higher proportion of their time interacting
Speaker 1: with friends than people who felt time was scarce. And no,
Speaker 1: it's not because the people who saw friends had less
Speaker 1: going on. People who felt starved for time had just
Speaker 1: as much leisure time as everyone else. They simply spent
Speaker 1: more of it watching TV or on social media. The
Speaker 1: correlation was so strong that I formed this theory. Being
Speaker 1: social makes time. Social media kills time, So let's spend
Speaker 1: more time with friends and less time on social media. Right.
Speaker 1: I'm sure we could agree that this would be great,
Speaker 1: But of course there are reasons we drift toward the screens.
Speaker 1: When you're building a career and raising a family, a
Speaker 1: lot of your leisure time appears late at night, when
Speaker 1: it's hard to seize, or it requires planning a head
Speaker 1: or hiring a sitter, or trading off childcare duties with
Speaker 1: your spouse. Your friends are just as busy, they face
Speaker 1: the same challenges, but Twitter is ready anytime you are.
Speaker 1: That said, I do think that even busy people can
Speaker 1: make time for friends. One option is that you can
Speaker 1: build what I call relationship planning into your life. In
Speaker 1: an earlier episode of Before Breakfast, we talked about planning
Speaker 1: your upcoming weeks on Friday Afternoons. I suggested listing priorities
Speaker 1: in three categories, career, relationships, self. The reason to make
Speaker 1: a three category list is that it reminds you to
Speaker 1: put something in all three categories. It's hard to make
Speaker 1: a three category list and then leave one of the
Speaker 1: categories blank. This is a good way to nudge yourself
Speaker 1: to have a more balanced life. Anyway, the relationship category
Speaker 1: might naturally focus on your spouse or your kids. But
Speaker 1: I'd challenge you to make a friend activity a priority
Speaker 1: at least every other week. Think about whose company you
Speaker 1: enjoy and which friendships you really value. Then use this
Speaker 1: planning time on Friday to reach out and get something
Speaker 1: on the calendar. It doesn't have to be elaborate. A
Speaker 1: phone or video chat can work with someone who doesn't
Speaker 1: live nearby, or you can plan to meet for coffee
Speaker 1: or lunch. That's how you build relationship planning into your life.
Speaker 1: But over years of studying people's time, I've realized that
Speaker 1: the people who spend the most time with their friends
Speaker 1: tend to structure their lives so they don't need to
Speaker 1: plan really lifelationship time. It happens automatically. Here's what I mean.
Speaker 1: Some things happen once. Other things fall into the category
Speaker 1: of recurring events. You don't have to plan them. They
Speaker 1: just happen over and over. This is neither good nor
Speaker 1: bad on its own. It can be a bad thing.
Speaker 1: With recurring meetings at work, people keep tramping to that
Speaker 1: Tuesday morning staff meeting week after week just to report that, yep,
Speaker 1: they're still doing their jobs. This meeting has long ceased
Speaker 1: to earn its place on the calendar, but you keep
Speaker 1: going because it's there. But the recurring event phenomenon can
Speaker 1: be a good thing. When we're talking about getting together
Speaker 1: with friends, it's often the planning that's the huge hurdle.
Speaker 1: I remember one get together I was trying to plan
Speaker 1: a few years ago. I sent out a doodle poll.
Speaker 1: We had to move forward two months before we could
Speaker 1: find a time that most people were available, and I
Speaker 1: kept going back and forth with the venue as we
Speaker 1: looked at different dates. It was a lot of work
Speaker 1: for one night, and while it was really fun, it's
Speaker 1: not something that inspired me to try again soon. Recurring events, though,
Speaker 1: don't have this problem. If you know that your gang
Speaker 1: gets together for drinks every Monday night at the same bar,
Speaker 1: you don't have to plan each Monday. You can go
Speaker 1: or you can not go. But people tend to become regulars.
Speaker 1: You start to build your life around these anchors and
Speaker 1: your calendar. You promise to pick up the kids on
Speaker 1: Tuesday if your spouse will take Monday. When your colleagues
Speaker 1: ask to schedule a meeting, you don't suggest Monday at
Speaker 1: four thirty prem So, if you have a group of
Speaker 1: friends you'd like to see regularly. Think about what kind
Speaker 1: of recurring get together would work. Maybe it's a Friday
Speaker 1: morning breakfast or an early Saturday morning run. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: a first Thursday of the month book club, or you
Speaker 1: could volunteer at a food bank. Together every other Sunday.
Speaker 1: Think about the logistics required to make this happen. Take
Speaker 1: some time today to work on your calendar, talk with
Speaker 1: your spouse, maybe get help from an extended family member
Speaker 1: or a babysitter. Whatever it is, if you make a
Speaker 1: habit of it, it's more likely to happen. If you've
Speaker 1: made a habit of getting together with friends, I'd love
Speaker 1: to hear about it. You can email me at Before
Speaker 1: Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com. In the meantime, this
Speaker 1: is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making the
Speaker 1: most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear
Speaker 1: from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod that's b E the
Speaker 1: number four than Breakfast pod. You can also shoot me
Speaker 1: an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com.
Speaker 1: That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in
Speaker 1: touch