WEBVTT - Second Cup: Make time for friends

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<v Speaker 1>Good morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is about how to make more time for friends.

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<v Speaker 1>Most of us see our colleagues when we go to work,

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<v Speaker 1>we see our families when we go home, but getting

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<v Speaker 1>together with friends can be challenging. We're so busy with

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<v Speaker 1>everything else that they tend to fall to the bottom

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<v Speaker 1>of the list. And that's too bad, because friends are

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<v Speaker 1>a good use of time. Indeed, good friends can make

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<v Speaker 1>us feel like we have more time. A few years ago,

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<v Speaker 1>for my book Off the Clock, I asked nine hundred

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<v Speaker 1>busy people to track their time for a day. Then

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<v Speaker 1>I asked them questions about how they felt about their time.

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<v Speaker 1>I found that the people who felt time was most

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<v Speaker 1>abundant spent a far higher proportion of their time interacting

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<v Speaker 1>with friends than people who felt time was scarce. And no,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not because the people who saw friends had less

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<v Speaker 1>going on. People who felt starved for time had just

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<v Speaker 1>as much leisure time as everyone else. They simply spent

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<v Speaker 1>more of it watching TV or on social media. The

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<v Speaker 1>correlation was so strong that I formed this theory. Being

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<v Speaker 1>social makes time. Social media kills time, So let's spend

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<v Speaker 1>more time with friends and less time on social media. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sure we could agree that this would be great,

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<v Speaker 1>But of course there are reasons we drift toward the screens.

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<v Speaker 1>When you're building a career and raising a family, a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of your leisure time appears late at night, when

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<v Speaker 1>it's hard to seize, or it requires planning a head

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<v Speaker 1>or hiring a sitter, or trading off childcare duties with

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<v Speaker 1>your spouse. Your friends are just as busy, they face

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<v Speaker 1>the same challenges, but Twitter is ready anytime you are.

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<v Speaker 1>That said, I do think that even busy people can

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<v Speaker 1>make time for friends. One option is that you can

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<v Speaker 1>build what I call relationship planning into your life. In

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<v Speaker 1>an earlier episode of Before Breakfast, we talked about planning

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<v Speaker 1>your upcoming weeks on Friday Afternoons. I suggested listing priorities

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<v Speaker 1>in three categories, career, relationships, self. The reason to make

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<v Speaker 1>a three category list is that it reminds you to

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<v Speaker 1>put something in all three categories. It's hard to make

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<v Speaker 1>a three category list and then leave one of the

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<v Speaker 1>categories blank. This is a good way to nudge yourself

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<v Speaker 1>to have a more balanced life. Anyway, the relationship category

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<v Speaker 1>might naturally focus on your spouse or your kids. But

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<v Speaker 1>I'd challenge you to make a friend activity a priority

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<v Speaker 1>at least every other week. Think about whose company you

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<v Speaker 1>enjoy and which friendships you really value. Then use this

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<v Speaker 1>planning time on Friday to reach out and get something

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<v Speaker 1>on the calendar. It doesn't have to be elaborate. A

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<v Speaker 1>phone or video chat can work with someone who doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>live nearby, or you can plan to meet for coffee

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<v Speaker 1>or lunch. That's how you build relationship planning into your life.

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<v Speaker 1>But over years of studying people's time, I've realized that

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<v Speaker 1>the people who spend the most time with their friends

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<v Speaker 1>tend to structure their lives so they don't need to

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<v Speaker 1>plan really lifelationship time. It happens automatically. Here's what I mean.

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<v Speaker 1>Some things happen once. Other things fall into the category

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<v Speaker 1>of recurring events. You don't have to plan them. They

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<v Speaker 1>just happen over and over. This is neither good nor

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<v Speaker 1>bad on its own. It can be a bad thing.

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<v Speaker 1>With recurring meetings at work, people keep tramping to that

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<v Speaker 1>Tuesday morning staff meeting week after week just to report that, yep,

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<v Speaker 1>they're still doing their jobs. This meeting has long ceased

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<v Speaker 1>to earn its place on the calendar, but you keep

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<v Speaker 1>going because it's there. But the recurring event phenomenon can

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<v Speaker 1>be a good thing. When we're talking about getting together

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<v Speaker 1>with friends, it's often the planning that's the huge hurdle.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember one get together I was trying to plan

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<v Speaker 1>a few years ago. I sent out a doodle poll.

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<v Speaker 1>We had to move forward two months before we could

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<v Speaker 1>find a time that most people were available, and I

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<v Speaker 1>kept going back and forth with the venue as we

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<v Speaker 1>looked at different dates. It was a lot of work

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<v Speaker 1>for one night, and while it was really fun, it's

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<v Speaker 1>not something that inspired me to try again soon. Recurring events, though,

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<v Speaker 1>don't have this problem. If you know that your gang

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<v Speaker 1>gets together for drinks every Monday night at the same bar,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't have to plan each Monday. You can go

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<v Speaker 1>or you can not go. But people tend to become regulars.

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<v Speaker 1>You start to build your life around these anchors and

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<v Speaker 1>your calendar. You promise to pick up the kids on

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<v Speaker 1>Tuesday if your spouse will take Monday. When your colleagues

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<v Speaker 1>ask to schedule a meeting, you don't suggest Monday at

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<v Speaker 1>four thirty prem So, if you have a group of

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<v Speaker 1>friends you'd like to see regularly. Think about what kind

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<v Speaker 1>of recurring get together would work. Maybe it's a Friday

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<v Speaker 1>morning breakfast or an early Saturday morning run. Maybe it's

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<v Speaker 1>a first Thursday of the month book club, or you

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<v Speaker 1>could volunteer at a food bank. Together every other Sunday.

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<v Speaker 1>Think about the logistics required to make this happen. Take

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<v Speaker 1>some time today to work on your calendar, talk with

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<v Speaker 1>your spouse, maybe get help from an extended family member

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<v Speaker 1>or a babysitter. Whatever it is, if you make a

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<v Speaker 1>habit of it, it's more likely to happen. If you've

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<v Speaker 1>made a habit of getting together with friends, I'd love

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<v Speaker 1>to hear about it. You can email me at Before

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<v Speaker 1>Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com. In the meantime, this

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<v Speaker 1>is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making the

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<v Speaker 1>most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear

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<v Speaker 1>from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod that's b E the

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<v Speaker 1>number four than Breakfast pod. You can also shoot me

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<v Speaker 1>an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in

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<v Speaker 1>touch