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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. We'll welcome to stuff

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Speaker 1: one ever told you production, but I heeartt you and

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Speaker 1: welcome again to another edition of Spiny Fiction. This is

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Speaker 1: a once a month thing that has a bit more

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Speaker 1: sound effects thanks to the amazing Christina, our super producer.

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Speaker 1: It is ongoing. We are in the second of a trilogy,

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Speaker 1: and this one was originally called Big Things Start Small,

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Speaker 1: but I just called them all Terminus, Part one, Part two,

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Speaker 1: Part three because otherwise I don't know what's going to

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Speaker 1: happen here. It's confusing enough when I'm titling things. So yeah, this,

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Speaker 1: I would suggest you listen to the other ones first,

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Speaker 1: but you too what you want. I can't tell you

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Speaker 1: what you do. This is something that I wrote for

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Speaker 1: National Novel Writing Month and twenty eleven, I believe is

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Speaker 1: when you try to write a novel in a month,

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Speaker 1: and it's a very dystopian end of the world thing

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Speaker 1: that looking back now, I'm like, oh, little did you

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Speaker 1: know what was to come? But I don't really edit

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Speaker 1: them that much because I like looking back at it

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Speaker 1: and talking about it. What was going on in my

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Speaker 1: head at the time. I remember exactly where I was

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Speaker 1: when I wrote this, which I wrote it on pin

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Speaker 1: I wrote with a pin on paper, and then I

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Speaker 1: had to submit it. You got to type it up.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I was thinking, but if you

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Speaker 1: heard the last chapter, it was a very introspective chapter.

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Speaker 1: They had just had this really traumatic experience. This one

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Speaker 1: is them talking that out. So content learning for descriptions

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Speaker 1: of violence, description of murder, nothing too in depth memories

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Speaker 1: of violence, non explicit descriptions of panic and anxiety. I

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Speaker 1: would say of like low self worth, illness into the world,

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Speaker 1: projecting not a healthy not the healthiest relationship. I think

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Speaker 1: in light of the world they live in, it's understandable

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Speaker 1: and I'll talk about this a little bit more at

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Speaker 1: the end, but like, yeah, not the healthiest of relationships.

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Speaker 1: So a recap. Yes, there's this virus that's really decimated

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Speaker 1: the human population. It turns out it was released purposely

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Speaker 1: by the religious component of the US government, and they

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Speaker 1: had a vaccine, but they destroyed it all because they

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Speaker 1: were really they would rather have power than help people.

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Speaker 1: And they did have two vaccines. They saved one for Madison,

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Speaker 1: who is their grandson, and Tilda managed to get him

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Speaker 1: the vaccine and broadcast Tilda his mom broadcast to the

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Speaker 1: world like what they had done, and they flee and

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Speaker 1: now they're on the run, and they have recently been

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Speaker 1: confronted by a rogue group who attacked them and Tilda

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Speaker 1: was forced to kill them with the help of Madison.

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Speaker 1: It's the first time Madison has had to do something

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Speaker 1: like that, So they're dealing with the fallout of all

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Speaker 1: of that. On top of that, they've got this call

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Speaker 1: from the leader of this underground rebellion who's saying like, hey,

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Speaker 1: we need you to come back to DC because we

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Speaker 1: can make a vaccine, but we need your son, Madison

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Speaker 1: to do it. And Tilda and Madison have been on

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Speaker 1: the run their whole lives because she illegally in this world,

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Speaker 1: conception is controlled, children are controlled. So she ran away

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Speaker 1: with him, and so they've been on the run this

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Speaker 1: whole time, and she's really struggling with like trust and

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Speaker 1: I don't know what to believe about any of this.

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Speaker 1: They've found this place. They're exhausted, they're gonna stay the

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Speaker 1: night there. Tilda has been putting off this conversation she

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Speaker 1: needs to have with Madison about what happened, and that

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Speaker 1: is where we are. Let us get into the fiction.

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Speaker 1: Outside was brittle and crisp, the air sharp in her lungs.

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Speaker 1: The grass crunched beneath her feet as she crossed over

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Speaker 1: to the barn, unlatching the fence. Inside were two rows

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Speaker 1: of stables, outfitted with tools and pails and saddles. On

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Speaker 1: the other side was a big pen that looked like

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Speaker 1: ed once been used for and cows and other livestock,

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Speaker 1: long troughs. No feed, though one of these times she

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Speaker 1: hoped they'd find something for Scout in one of these barns.

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Speaker 1: Tilda went around the back of the farmhouse to the

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Speaker 1: silo on the opposite end. It was a looming, ominous structure,

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Speaker 1: menacing against the horizon. Tilda had never been inside a silo.

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Speaker 1: She wasn't entirely sure what one would look like. On

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Speaker 1: the inside. She located a discrete metal door in front

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Speaker 1: of the metal cylinder, having to use her weight to

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Speaker 1: leverage it open, not that it was that heavy, but

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Speaker 1: that it had been so long since it had been opened.

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Speaker 1: The creak of it wrenching open echoed loudly in the

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Speaker 1: metal canister. It released a breath of stale air. Tilda

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Speaker 1: blinked at the darkness within, not knowing what to expect.

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Speaker 1: It was empty, just a metal container of nothing. Everything

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Speaker 1: was muted, her footsteps on crystal granules of dirt, swallowed

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Speaker 1: by the emptinss she just released from its cage. She

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Speaker 1: felt like if she screamed, there would be no sound.

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Speaker 1: She tread a careful path to the center, spinning in place,

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Speaker 1: looking at the gleaming metal walls. The light from her

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Speaker 1: flashlight was absorbed by the rounded sheets of metal, and

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Speaker 1: what wasn't bounced meagerly around shimmered, almost like water on

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Speaker 1: a calm day. Claustrophobia welled up within her, and she

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Speaker 1: desperately sought out the door, retreating out and closing it

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Speaker 1: behind her. Hugging her middle, she could feel the nothingness

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Speaker 1: contained insides silently howling behind her. Trapped once again in

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Speaker 1: its box. She hurried back to the farmhouse, sliding the

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Speaker 1: lock into place behind her and striding back into the

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Speaker 1: main room, where Madison was finishing up with a makeshift

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Speaker 1: bed of especially comfy proportions from the blankets tilt it

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Speaker 1: had tossed down the flashlight she'd given him. Balancing on

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Speaker 1: a table, Scout had already closed her eyes, looking comfortable

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Speaker 1: under the handstown quilt tucked around her. Madison sat back

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Speaker 1: on the couch, sinking into the pile of blankets, watching

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Speaker 1: her intently, Tilda plopped down warily in the love seat adjacent.

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Speaker 1: Slipping off her pack, she pulled out a water bottle

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Speaker 1: and tossed it to Madison once she'd caught his attention,

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Speaker 1: and then a bag of trail mixed for him and

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Speaker 1: jar of canned fruit for herself. She thought it'd be

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Speaker 1: easiest on her throat. They worked their way through their

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Speaker 1: meals silently, Tilda parsing what she wanted to say, or

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Speaker 1: trying to at least her thoughts kept screeching to a halt.

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Speaker 1: Unable or unwilling to face what addressing them would mean.

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Speaker 1: Madison broke the festering silence. First, Are we safe? Tilda

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Speaker 1: couldn't lie as safe as we can be for now?

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Speaker 1: He bowed his head of shaggy hair, accepting her answer.

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Speaker 1: His place is really big, he tried, yeah, Tilda agreed roughly.

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Speaker 1: Madison inspected her, appraising. Are you all right? He asked,

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Speaker 1: his voice wavering delicately tilt. His throat tightened immediately in response,

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Speaker 1: I'm fine. Her voice was staggered with cracks and fissures. Look, Madison,

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Speaker 1: we need to talk about what happened. His wide gaze

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Speaker 1: held hers, wanting her to explain it, to make it

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Speaker 1: make sense. You killed them to protect me, Madison asserted

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Speaker 1: in a brave voice. Yes, Tilda agreed. I didn't want to,

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Speaker 1: but I had no choice. They were going to take

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Speaker 1: us in. She broke off on able to give voice

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Speaker 1: to what they had planned for Madison. They were dangerous,

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Speaker 1: she supplied, after she'd caught her breath. Her heart was

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Speaker 1: thumping violently. They would have killed us first. Those are them,

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Speaker 1: I know, Madison whispered quietly, staring at his feet. He

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Speaker 1: was hurting you, he was. I thought he was going

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Speaker 1: to kill you, Madison. Words became mangled, broken collisions of phrases.

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Speaker 1: He was sobbing, Tilda realized, and doing his best to

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Speaker 1: hide it from her. Cautiously, Tilda stood and approached him.

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Speaker 1: Sitting next to her son, the blankets comfortable and mushy

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Speaker 1: beneath her, He crawled into her lap almost the second

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Speaker 1: she sat down, surprising her. Stiffly, she started stroking his back,

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Speaker 1: kissing his forehead. It's okay, it's okay, she murmured, hot

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Speaker 1: tears soaked into her jacket. Tilda screwed up her courage.

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Speaker 1: She had to ask, are you are you afraid of me? Madison?

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Speaker 1: For a minute, he wept quietly. Tilda thought she might

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Speaker 1: dissolve into sobs as well, But then he said thickly, no,

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Speaker 1: you protect me, you you, you saved me. Tilda sagged

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Speaker 1: and shocked relief, and then hugged him more tightly, fiercely,

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Speaker 1: so grateful at the gift he'd given her. I stabbed him.

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Speaker 1: Madison choked out into her jacket. I stabbed him. Oh, honey,

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Speaker 1: Tilda breathed, you saved me. Ellis would have killed me

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Speaker 1: if not for you. She gave him a gentle shake.

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Speaker 1: You didn't kill him, just distracted him. He didn't kill him, baby,

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Speaker 1: She emphasized. Why they do that? He asked her, heart broken.

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Speaker 1: Why couldn't they just leave us alone? The world's a

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Speaker 1: dark place. People have been hammered and roughened into creatures

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Speaker 1: of survival, often depraved things driven by instinct. Kindness is

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Speaker 1: the exception, not the rule. They weren't safe. Safety didn't

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Speaker 1: exist anymore, not for them. There were people who wanted

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Speaker 1: to hunt them down and hurt them, and those people

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Speaker 1: were everywhere, lying in wait, watching, dying, and willing to

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Speaker 1: kill to have a child like Madison, someone untainted by

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Speaker 1: HSB five. Everyone's so scared. This is what fear does.

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Speaker 1: It strips away everything else and leaves a monster, and

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Speaker 1: it's awake, mindless. But of course she didn't say that,

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Speaker 1: she couldn't. She just stroked his hair. I'm sorry. I

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Speaker 1: wish things were different. You shouldn't have to grow up

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Speaker 1: in a world like this. It was worthless sentiment, but

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Speaker 1: Madison quieted a bit. I Tilda started and then stopped,

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Speaker 1: wondering how much she should confide in my Madison. He

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Speaker 1: was her only companion, the only person she could talk to,

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Speaker 1: and the fact that she had murdered two men in

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Speaker 1: cold blood earlier that day was eating her alive from

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Speaker 1: the inside out. Her skin was crawling with the memory

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Speaker 1: of it. But at the same time, and more importantly,

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Speaker 1: she was his mother. She shouldn't place her burdens on

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Speaker 1: her child, But where then could she place them? I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to kill them, She finally settled on a compromise.

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Speaker 1: Killing should always be the last resort. It takes something

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Speaker 1: from you, You lose a piece of yourself. He climbed

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Speaker 1: out of her lap to sit next to her so

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Speaker 1: he could better look her in the eye. He lost

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Speaker 1: a piece, Madison asked innocently, Yeah, I did, and it

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Speaker 1: was true. She did feel as though something inside her

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Speaker 1: had broken off. She'd felt the same way when she'd shot,

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Speaker 1: and if she was straight with herself, most likely killed

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Speaker 1: the man in Chicago. Madison seemed to think for a second,

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Speaker 1: I guess maybe I did too. He pulled his knees

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Speaker 1: up to his chest and rested his chin on top

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Speaker 1: of them. I feel different, and I'm worried if I

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Speaker 1: don't help with a vaccine, he specified, I'll just feel

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Speaker 1: guilty for the rest of my life. I'll be a bad,

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Speaker 1: selfish person responsible for the death of the human race

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Speaker 1: till the thought. But shoved the thought away. They had

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Speaker 1: a vaccine, she reminded herself forcefully. They were trying to

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Speaker 1: manipulate her Madison into coming back, but she wasn't going

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Speaker 1: to put Madison into any more danger than they were

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Speaker 1: already clearly in. You're a good kid, you know that,

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Speaker 1: she said fondly, and he flashed her a bewildered look.

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Speaker 1: You're so kind hearted, and you're always thinking of other people.

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Speaker 1: She paused, pondering the best way to frame what she

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Speaker 1: was going to say. You're not a bad person, you

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Speaker 1: are not selfish. They have a vaccine, and last time

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Speaker 1: we were here with Mark and his friends, they betrayed us.

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Speaker 1: Madison studied her intently. He had probably always suspected that,

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Speaker 1: but not known for sure. They were willing to use

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Speaker 1: you once, and they'd do it again. But if if

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Speaker 1: things change, if something happens that proves to me and

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Speaker 1: be safe to go back to DC, that they really

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Speaker 1: need us and we'd help by going back, then we'll

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Speaker 1: go back. I promise. She hoped she wouldn't regret making

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Speaker 1: that promise some day. But until then, I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to put you at risk again. We are in enough

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Speaker 1: danger as it is, and I don't think we can

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Speaker 1: trust Mark. Madison processed all of this, his brow wrinkled

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Speaker 1: with deep thought, his cheek smushed against his knee. Tilda

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Speaker 1: took a final swig from her water bottle, her throat

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Speaker 1: painfully dry. After her rather uninspiring speech. Okay, he finally said,

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Speaker 1: He looked back over to her. But how will we

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Speaker 1: ever know we can trust someone? Tilda exhaled, slowly, her

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Speaker 1: swollen face, giving a rather painful throb. Trust comes with time,

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Speaker 1: with actions. We'll have to wait and see what they do.

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Speaker 1: More shiny words that amounted to very little, but they

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Speaker 1: were true. He pressed the heels of his hands to

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Speaker 1: his eyes, a very adult gesture. He sucked in a

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Speaker 1: shaky breath. I'm sorry, he hiccuped, I'm so sorry. Tilda

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Speaker 1: cupped his cheeks, tilting his face toward hers. For what, baby,

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Speaker 1: for what? He stopped for a moment, fighting an internal battle,

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Speaker 1: before he burst out with you've lost the peace. You've

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Speaker 1: lost peace. His voice morphed into a bangled whisper. You

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Speaker 1: lost the piece because of me tilt. His eyes welled up. No, no,

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Speaker 1: I didn't. None of this was your fault. You're not

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Speaker 1: responsible for the actions of others. Madison looked away, sobbing quietly,

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Speaker 1: trying to shield her from his grief. But she wouldn't

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Speaker 1: let him escape her so easily. This she couldn't turn

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Speaker 1: away from you. Give me something to hold on to,

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Speaker 1: You make me whole. I would have lost everything, every piece.

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Speaker 1: She gave him a gentle shake of the shoulders. If

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Speaker 1: not for you, you gave me that, You give me that

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Speaker 1: something to live for, in a way to piece myself together.

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Speaker 1: Those bright blue eyes stared at her, an entire universe

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Speaker 1: contained behind their glassy surface, the universe to be lost in.

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Speaker 1: They watched her in that way that told her what

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Speaker 1: she was saying was something he was going to remember,

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Speaker 1: something he was trying to take in and figure out

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Speaker 1: the truth of how it fit in and assimilated into

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Speaker 1: what he knew and what he was shifting pieces, rearranging

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Speaker 1: the responsibility of it unnerved her. She pushed down the crawling,

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Speaker 1: insidious unworthiness that lived in her very skin. Without you,

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Speaker 1: I'd be nothing, I'd have nothing. So don't you dare

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Speaker 1: blame yourself for the actions of those two men. That's

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Speaker 1: giving them power they don't deserve. Tears cascaded over her fingers,

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Speaker 1: but he held her gaze, his hand coming up to

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Speaker 1: touch her face, taking in the bruising and the puffiness.

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Speaker 1: I'll be fine, til de reiterated, cursing the scratchiness of

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Speaker 1: her voice. What if they find us the people he

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Speaker 1: was talking about, he whispered to fear, like a stark

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Speaker 1: candle casting light on his face. We'll keep moving, We'll

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Speaker 1: take smaller roads. We've got scout, she indicated the sleeping

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Speaker 1: horse with a smile. They won't find us. She prayed

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Speaker 1: that was the case. Madison nodded hesitantly, wanting to believe.

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Speaker 1: Let's get some sleep, okay, Tilda suggested, even though they

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Speaker 1: both knew that any sleep they got would be haunted

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Speaker 1: with ghosts. Madison tightened his grip at her suggestion, a

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Speaker 1: spark of fear igniting behind his eyes. It's okay, she repeated,

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Speaker 1: switching off his light and gently laying him down on

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Speaker 1: the mountain of pillows and blankets. He dissembled, pulling him

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Speaker 1: close to her chest and tugging a comforter down over

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Speaker 1: both of them. Neither of them shut their eyes, each

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Speaker 1: staring into the darkness. The comforter pulled heat around them,

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Speaker 1: a net of warmth cocooning them. Tilda fought asleep, encroaching

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Speaker 1: upon her her brain buzzing until something heavy settled behind

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Speaker 1: her eyes and her brain shut off like a light switch.

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Speaker 1: She dreamt that Madison was gone. She didn't know where

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Speaker 1: he was or how long he had been missing, just

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Speaker 1: that he was gone and she needed to find him.

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Speaker 1: She'd been reduced to an automaton with only one purpose,

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Speaker 1: her need to find Madison, her compass, her being, everything,

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Speaker 1: her singular universe. It was cold, but she didn't notice

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Speaker 1: her body was dead. Her limbs hung limply and swung

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Speaker 1: as she stumbled forward in the never ending sea of nothing.

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Speaker 1: In her brain was a constant refrain, her catechism, Home

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Speaker 1: is where you are. Home is where you are, Home

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Speaker 1: is where you are, looping constant. A whimpering dredged her

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Speaker 1: from her sleep with a breathy gasp. It was dark,

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Speaker 1: the darkest part of the night. Madison was whippering, softly, squirming,

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Speaker 1: caught in the throes of a nightmare, her head heavy

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Speaker 1: and confused. Tilda murmured comforting words in Madison's ears, clumsily

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Speaker 1: petting his hair in his arm. Lost at sea, that's

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Speaker 1: how she felt, caught in the waves, not sure which

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Speaker 1: way was which, unable to catch her breath, dehydrated it

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Speaker 1: hungry and shriveled, seasick and homesick and desperate for solid ground,

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Speaker 1: And Madison was lost with her. She wondered what nightmares

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Speaker 1: haunted him tonight. She imagined Ellison Jake played a large role,

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Speaker 1: impossibly even herself. Her throat seared, her body throbbed, her

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Speaker 1: face burned. She felt weak and flimsy, stiff in some

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Speaker 1: places and soupy in others. Madison quieted and snuggled deeper

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Speaker 1: under the covers. Tilda shut her eyes but felt dizzy,

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Speaker 1: as though she was on a raft, rocking and careening

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Speaker 1: over cresting and troughing waves. She swallowed back the nausea

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Speaker 1: rising in her throat, the pain like a shard of glass.

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Speaker 1: She wheezed, opening eyes that were hot and her swollen face.

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Speaker 1: She could see shapes, shadows darting through the room, but

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Speaker 1: she knew she was hallucinating in her exhaustion, her tired

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Speaker 1: and stress added brain firing with all the excess nerves

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Speaker 1: generated by the day's events. Her eyes closed, a time

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Speaker 1: would pass and she'd open them again, not truly achieving

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Speaker 1: sleep for the rest of the night. And that brings

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Speaker 1: us to the end of this edition of spenty fiction.

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Speaker 1: I hope that you enjoyed it. As I hinted that before,

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Speaker 1: I apologize for my bad acting. I'm trying not to

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Speaker 1: like go overboard, but sometimes I feel like I go

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Speaker 1: underboard in a way. It's like kind of a mess. Really,

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Speaker 1: I'm just trying to narrate it in a way that

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Speaker 1: is not jarring, right, So apologies for that, thinks is

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Speaker 1: always to super producer Christina, who makes these amazing And

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Speaker 1: I did as I mentioned, I did want to say

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Speaker 1: before you yell at me, before you write in, I

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Speaker 1: know that this is not the healthiest relationship. I know.

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Speaker 1: And actually I've said this before. I'm really excited for

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Speaker 1: us to get to the ending of this story because

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Speaker 1: it's examined, it's like talked about, because she's basically defining

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Speaker 1: all of her worth through her son, all of her

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Speaker 1: everything is about Madison, and that will be dealt with later.

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Speaker 1: But I just want you to know I do know. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's not the healthiest thing. And I think in terms

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Speaker 1: of the apocalypse, in the life they've lived, it makes

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Speaker 1: sense that they don't have the healthiest copying mechanisms. They're

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Speaker 1: very attached to each other in a way that's not

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Speaker 1: the healthiest thing. I think it makes sense, but it

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Speaker 1: will be confronted. We will get to it. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: this was a pretty It had a pretty intense conversation

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Speaker 1: in this one, and I had forgotten about how they

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Speaker 1: really talked it out. So I hope that you all

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Speaker 1: enjoyed it. I hope that you're continuing to enjoy this.

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Speaker 1: I love hearing from you all about it. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: if there's anything that is in this realm of fiction

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Speaker 1: that we could do that's in the public domain you

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Speaker 1: would like us to try, we do like doing these.

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Speaker 1: You can email us at Stephanie moms Stuff at iHeartMedia

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Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom

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Speaker 1: Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok at Stuff I've

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Speaker 1: Never told you. We're on YouTube, we have a tea

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Speaker 1: public store, and we have a book you can get

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Speaker 1: wherever you get in your books. Thanks as always too,

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Speaker 1: our super producer Christina are executive for us to Maya

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Speaker 1: and our contributor Joey, thank you and thanks to you

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Speaker 1: for listening Stuff I Never Told You the protection of

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Speaker 1: my Heart Radio. For more podcasts or my heart Radio,

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Speaker 1: you can check out the heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

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Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. You're only

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Speaker 1: on you t