1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Girl. Professional 2 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:40,720 Speaker 1: It's your girl, Ebena from the Professional Homegirl podcast, the 3 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,680 Speaker 1: only place where you would hear interviews from women of 4 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,199 Speaker 1: color anonymously on stories that were enlightened and expand on 5 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: taboo topics. Now, if you hear someone that sounds familiar, 6 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: mind the business that pays you child. Please support the 7 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: show by leaving a five star review by some merch 8 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: or simply share these stories with your Professional home Girl. 9 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: You never know these storylines can be someone else's lifeline. 10 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,480 Speaker 1: And now please keep in mind that all of my 11 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:11,560 Speaker 1: guests are anonymous. So let's begin this week's episode. Wow, 12 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: God bless your grandmother is a best site on anybody, 13 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: Like for your grandmother to see that, Like, I can't 14 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:26,200 Speaker 1: even imagine how this affected your family whole. Right, let's 15 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 1: see it. So he ran out, hum and he left, 16 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 1: and my brother had left, but you know he's outside 17 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 1: if he had laugh for me to man if he 18 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 1: was there, Yeah, so he wasn't there, so he by 19 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 1: the time he came back, the ambulance was for me 20 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: in in the He's like, what happened? Like if I 21 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: just left? Yeah, who's getting in the amulance like going on. 22 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: And then when he saw it was me, He's like, 23 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 1: what happened? What happens? Wow? So the next thing you 24 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,160 Speaker 1: remember was you woke up in the hospital where you 25 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 1: found out you were stabbed over thirty times, your right 26 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 1: armorous paralyzed, your skull fracture, and you were temporarily blind. 27 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:24,760 Speaker 1: So when they told you knew its like, did you 28 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:34,840 Speaker 1: believe it? No? I was. I, Oh my goodness. So 29 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:43,240 Speaker 1: it was so traumatizing that I have post traumatic teatures, right, 30 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,799 Speaker 1: so they had to just try and be so mindful 31 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: just even talking around me. Yeah, you know, like this 32 00:02:54,639 --> 00:03:00,200 Speaker 1: is for teatures, so right, Yeah, I had no idea. 33 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 1: I had no idea the road to recovery. And then 34 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,360 Speaker 1: he was also paralyzed for a mom So what happened 35 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 1: was because Okay, so initially when I got to the hospital, 36 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,800 Speaker 1: I suffered shocked and I was unconscious m hmm. So 37 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: after me no longer than un conscious, um, and just 38 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 1: from the shock and everything, I was always so heavily 39 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 1: medicating mm hmm. And it was it seemed like every 40 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,880 Speaker 1: time I woke up, it just felt like something else, 41 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 1: like oh my god, like what else? Like they be 42 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:47,720 Speaker 1: bringing me more pain, medicine and our mouth. Like I 43 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: woke up one day. I remember waking up and they 44 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 1: were like, we gotta wash it hair right right. I 45 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: in a hospital while they watching my hair, and I said, 46 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 1: for like back at this point, like seemed like a 47 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 1: lot of her injuries, but we never that's the really 48 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 1: like cleaning her up. And so they were like, you 49 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 1: don't understand your hand is covered in mm hmmm. No. 50 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,240 Speaker 1: I can remember, was like I just got my hair 51 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 1: done right, like went to the beauty father like a 52 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: few days before this. You know, Black women don't play 53 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,200 Speaker 1: about their hair, child, And they were like no, no, no, 54 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: trust me, and I'm like, how can it be covered it? 55 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 1: Like I didn't really realized the injuries, and um, I 56 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 1: guess the nurse was like, it's so fresh and shot. 57 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,599 Speaker 1: Explain to me. So so you was also out of it. 58 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 1: So when you came, yeah, she said, you know what, 59 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: let me just show her. So what she did was 60 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 1: she she took my hand and she said, feeling my 61 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: hand there in this whole all of this, so when happens, 62 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:08,240 Speaker 1: whole side was from he stopped. Okay, that's very close 63 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,719 Speaker 1: right right next to my jock. So all of this 64 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:16,640 Speaker 1: was terrible and so it's okay. So they gave me 65 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:21,920 Speaker 1: up and they gave me bad. I go by a mirror. 66 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. So I didn't realize this is the 67 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 1: first time you're going into the mirror. Didn't realize that 68 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:37,160 Speaker 1: he started writing and then he would stopped me here 69 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 1: and cut. I think there was a stitcher. Well, of 70 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,960 Speaker 1: course we've going by the mirror. All of this is 71 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 1: like stitches. And then he m Carrells like my list. No, 72 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,160 Speaker 1: it is a blessing that you are still here with us. 73 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: And this how long has just been like years ago? 74 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:10,119 Speaker 1: Already something now that wasn't Wow, that was in eighty six. Wow, y'all. 75 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 1: She still looked good, y'all. Ever anything happened, I got 76 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 1: my money on her. And I know he was calling 77 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,040 Speaker 1: you when he checked himself into the hospital. Do you 78 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 1: think the one of the main reasons why he didn't 79 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:25,599 Speaker 1: serve jail Thomas is because he came for money. Yeah, 80 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:29,279 Speaker 1: I think that that was it. I just recently on 81 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,599 Speaker 1: the last time of being show that I did, I 82 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:37,640 Speaker 1: met I detected that was on the force at that time. Wow. 83 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:42,600 Speaker 1: And he told me that they were given the instructions 84 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 1: of thing. That was when they had just started with 85 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: the war drugs mm hmm. And so you know, practice 86 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: just coming out, you know, kids and some more younger 87 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 1: people with drugs and drug trafficking and all of that. 88 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,960 Speaker 1: And so in my case, they basically looked at it. 89 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 1: They knew each other. It's probably just a lover's quarrel. 90 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 1: That's the hell of a lover's quarrel, you know. In 91 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: back in those days in May six, they didn't recognize 92 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:25,280 Speaker 1: domestic products, especially with black women, especially with black women 93 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 1: especially you're talking about young people, right, Like now we 94 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 1: see a lot more of team dating violence, right, partner violence, 95 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,600 Speaker 1: But back now we have the language too. Now we 96 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,440 Speaker 1: have the language and we know the signs and everything, 97 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,480 Speaker 1: but back then they really didn't. So they felt like, 98 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: oh they knew each other. Was probably a little bit 99 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: more to it, and it was just easier to dismiss it. 100 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,920 Speaker 1: Slap on the risk. He said he will never do 101 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 1: it again. That's scary, very scary, because he also went 102 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,920 Speaker 1: to he enlisted in the army, And I'm like, how 103 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 1: was that comfortable? Because what he did was, um, this 104 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:08,640 Speaker 1: is where um at that time, where the justice system 105 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: failed us. What they did was we kept coming back 106 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 1: and forth to court. They kept continuing it, you don't 107 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 1: know the laws and we don't know, um, the tricks 108 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 1: of the trade. And you got to think about he 109 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: had the best defense attorneys that when they could buy 110 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:32,720 Speaker 1: so I'm sure that they were more closer with the 111 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:38,439 Speaker 1: judge type of and my attorney was just like, oh, 112 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:44,160 Speaker 1: you know, well, we'll see what they say. And the 113 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,440 Speaker 1: final time that we were supposed to come to court, 114 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 1: the attorney, by this time back in New York, Um, 115 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 1: the attorney called my mom and told her there was 116 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: no need for us to come, that they would argue 117 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,160 Speaker 1: it down. And this is sec a year later, eater 118 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 1: and see what happened. And that attorney allowed them to 119 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: do a plea deal and not have a trial with 120 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:18,480 Speaker 1: the jury and let the judge a side. And that 121 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,680 Speaker 1: would have been an easier way out for him. Yes, 122 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,880 Speaker 1: and so that's what they did. It was so much 123 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: easier to what they did was they said, oh, he'll 124 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:29,360 Speaker 1: pay a little bit of restitution, he'll pay the court 125 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:34,840 Speaker 1: fines will give him um. I think it was like 126 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,679 Speaker 1: seven years probation or something. If he ever gets in 127 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: trouble again. They'll have to do the time. Um. And 128 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:48,200 Speaker 1: they knocked it down from where it would have been 129 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:53,079 Speaker 1: attempted murder. They knocked it down to a misdemeanor of 130 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:58,679 Speaker 1: unlawful of thought mm hmm, which means like if somebody 131 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:02,240 Speaker 1: just accidentally bumps and you know that's really nice, but 132 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:06,640 Speaker 1: it justifies or you hit somebody but didn't know how 133 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 1: they need it or whatever. Um. So that's how he 134 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:14,640 Speaker 1: was able to go into the military. Um, because they 135 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:19,680 Speaker 1: knocked it down and he went into the military. But 136 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,960 Speaker 1: from what I understand, he's still assaulted someone within that 137 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:30,880 Speaker 1: time frame of that probationary period for seven years, and 138 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: again he got a snap on the wrist. That victim 139 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:39,880 Speaker 1: never came forward when this all came out again. She 140 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,679 Speaker 1: didn't want to testify it because she felt like if 141 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 1: he got away with it with her back, then we 142 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 1: would complicate it again. Right. Do you think that the 143 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,040 Speaker 1: first because I don't think this is his first time 144 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,560 Speaker 1: doing it either. Do you think the first you do 145 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,720 Speaker 1: you think the people before him, because I'm surprised nobody 146 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 1: else has or how people came out. Previous survivors came 147 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 1: out and said that he did this to them as well. Okay. So, um, 148 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,520 Speaker 1: when I was in the hospital, his parents were at 149 00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 1: my hospital bed like every day. Wow. That's why I said, 150 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,679 Speaker 1: I know that I was at the first victim. They 151 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 1: were trying to make sure they don't catch a body. Yes, Um, 152 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,719 Speaker 1: what better place to be at to see what's going on. 153 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:28,680 Speaker 1: You can't hear what the doctors are saying. That is scary. 154 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:33,960 Speaker 1: And so my family not dealing with this ever before 155 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: they didn't know what they were up to, and they 156 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:44,360 Speaker 1: were there every day, and then finally and they they 157 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,800 Speaker 1: probably was willing to pay for stuff too. They were 158 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 1: so what they did was they were there every day 159 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,760 Speaker 1: and they pretended that they were not. They did not 160 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 1: condone what he did. They were like, oh, we can't 161 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 1: believe he did this is it's horrible. Oh my god, 162 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,760 Speaker 1: I hope she's gonna survive that type of thing. Wow. 163 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:10,280 Speaker 1: Once they started seeing I guess that, Okay, maybe she's 164 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 1: gonna survive this. They said to my mother one day, 165 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:19,440 Speaker 1: they said, well, maybe we give um because I just 166 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:25,720 Speaker 1: heard eighteen. They were basically the they were waiting to see, 167 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,840 Speaker 1: like does she want to press charges? Because I was eighteen? 168 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,160 Speaker 1: And so they said to my mother they said, wow, 169 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:40,640 Speaker 1: maybe we can all discuss this and come up with 170 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:44,520 Speaker 1: some kind of agreements so she won't press charges. Wow, 171 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,440 Speaker 1: And my mother said absolutely not. I don't know what 172 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,720 Speaker 1: else she said. I'm sure it's probably some choice words, 173 00:12:53,640 --> 00:13:00,199 Speaker 1: but she said, absolutely not, and never come back here again. Yeah, 174 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 1: you can't put a price tag on my child's head. 175 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 1: What's raging at all. And so she told them, she 176 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,959 Speaker 1: basically told them you might as well get ready because no, 177 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 1: we're pressing charges. We're going to the fullest with this. 178 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:20,280 Speaker 1: And so that's how I know that, No, I wasn't 179 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 1: the first, and we know that it definitely wasn't the last. 180 00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:28,840 Speaker 1: I think the victim after me, I think they cursed 181 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:33,720 Speaker 1: that person into um letting it be a lesser charge 182 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,560 Speaker 1: or whatever. Um. Of course they didn't mention me, but 183 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,559 Speaker 1: they probably said, oh, you know, it's gonna ruin his 184 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 1: life and this and that he didn't mean it, it 185 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,679 Speaker 1: will never come around you again, or whatever they had 186 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,880 Speaker 1: to do to make this person feel like he's out 187 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,800 Speaker 1: of your life. Um, and he got away with it. 188 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,080 Speaker 1: And then wait, is this the one? Because I know 189 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: in two he attacked his ex girlfriend and he beat 190 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:04,680 Speaker 1: off aid her face. Is that the one. No, wow, 191 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,439 Speaker 1: this is one before her. That is crazy. He needed 192 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:14,200 Speaker 1: to be under the jail. So the next one he 193 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:21,680 Speaker 1: attacked her before. Wow, it's happed to her a few 194 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:27,280 Speaker 1: years before that. Okay, she pressed charges. Okay, he got 195 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:31,080 Speaker 1: away with it. It comes back a couple of years 196 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 1: later and he confronts her again. This time she's like, 197 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:44,800 Speaker 1: I already know you from the last time, right, So 198 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,280 Speaker 1: she knew not to run in the house because he 199 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,080 Speaker 1: came to her house unannounced. I was outside waiting for her. 200 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 1: So it takes you back to my situation. We're go 201 00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:00,480 Speaker 1: touch about the stocking like you didn't good? Where are you? Yeah? 202 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 1: Then freising full circle. So he once she saw that 203 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,760 Speaker 1: he had been sitting out there, she ran and jumped 204 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:14,800 Speaker 1: back in her car, and that's where he chased her down, 205 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: ramped her car part enough that he knocked the whole 206 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 1: pumper all what yeah, it jumped out, broke the door open. 207 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 1: This nigga over. She was at a red light thingcause 208 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 1: she had lost him, and meanwhile he is on her. 209 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: My god, yes, So when he when he yanked the 210 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: door open, she started like trying to punch and trying 211 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:49,560 Speaker 1: to fight him, and he was hitting her back and 212 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:53,560 Speaker 1: then he started he grabbed her and what did he 213 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 1: learn in the militant Wow, trying to try and goll 214 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 1: drop somebody's eye. So he was trying to balge out 215 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 1: her eyes and while he was doing that, she was 216 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 1: screaming and fighting hum when his pinky got in her 217 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:16,880 Speaker 1: mouth and she did it, and she beat him hard 218 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: enough that he got it got well. That's what made 219 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 1: him so mad that she had then to bite him, 220 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:30,360 Speaker 1: and so he decided, I'll bite you back. And then 221 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:34,800 Speaker 1: she put off her face. Oh my god, that is 222 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:39,160 Speaker 1: hard break here, and the same thing, he spit it 223 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 1: out on the ground. He jumped in his car and 224 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:52,520 Speaker 1: he went back home. Man, oh man, you really don't 225 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:57,120 Speaker 1: know people that are so scary when you heard the story, 226 00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 1: like with your story and still saying yeah, like this 227 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,840 Speaker 1: is crazy. So what they did was for his defense 228 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:13,280 Speaker 1: was they tried to blame it on the military, but 229 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:15,720 Speaker 1: he was like this before the military. That's the way 230 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: I come in at right, So I came in as 231 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: a surprise witness. No, I know he was shocked when 232 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:32,480 Speaker 1: he saw you. Definitely him and his parents were really shocked. 233 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 1: What do you think in cases like this? Do you 234 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:43,200 Speaker 1: think the parents should also be responsible. Um, yes, I do. 235 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,919 Speaker 1: Do you think that would ever happen eventually, like like 236 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 1: some type of law or something, because let's say, if 237 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 1: the parents didn't know after so many situations, something gonna 238 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,919 Speaker 1: be like, okay, we have a problem here. Yes, And 239 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,840 Speaker 1: the fact that you keep on making sure to get 240 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:04,000 Speaker 1: in the best defense lawyers, and you know, you're coming 241 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 1: out with all the reasons of why it wasn't his 242 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 1: fault and it was because this happened or that happened. 243 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,960 Speaker 1: And I feel like this, like nobody wants to admit 244 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: that their child is a monster. But if you don't 245 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:23,480 Speaker 1: do anything but one the other person, right, That's what 246 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:28,359 Speaker 1: I think. So, wow, what did your recovery look like? 247 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,199 Speaker 1: Because I know also you have to relearn your like 248 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:40,439 Speaker 1: your basic motor skills, yes, basic motor skills, UM, reading, writing. Um, 249 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,640 Speaker 1: it was really it was really hard. It was really 250 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 1: hard because they told me I would always have migraines 251 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 1: for the rest of my life. Um it was hard. Yes, 252 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 1: it was hard. With the memory laws, that was really difficult. 253 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:03,520 Speaker 1: Um everything not knowing I'll never be able to learn 254 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 1: how to dance. It was just difficult. It was really hard, 255 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:17,479 Speaker 1: aching and so many and depression and ETSD and you know, 256 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,639 Speaker 1: you go through the emotions of my fault. But I 257 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:27,119 Speaker 1: didn't see what I did see. You know it's hard. Yeah, 258 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,199 Speaker 1: it's hard. How did this affect your family? Because I 259 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,160 Speaker 1: know your mom was probably like, oh yeah, my whole 260 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:37,919 Speaker 1: family was devastated. My parents they were just like, oh 261 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,160 Speaker 1: my goodness, Like she was in New York where you think, why, 262 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:45,600 Speaker 1: you know, one of the roughest neighborhoods to go and 263 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:50,000 Speaker 1: move to another state Downsauth. People love to stay the 264 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:54,639 Speaker 1: North is crazy to go down south and get tacks 265 00:19:54,720 --> 00:20:01,000 Speaker 1: and they're like wait, what right? But yeah they were, Um, 266 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:05,680 Speaker 1: I think for my brothers being raised to always protect me, 267 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,439 Speaker 1: that really hurt them. Even though one of my brothers 268 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:15,720 Speaker 1: was still in Newark but still to this day see 269 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:21,120 Speaker 1: him so upset. It is this, it's the story my 270 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: father alf male, really huge in stature. Um, that devastated 271 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,159 Speaker 1: him that like he couldn't protect me and they couldn't 272 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 1: get at him. You know, they wanted to, you know, 273 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:39,880 Speaker 1: you want to revenge. I don't put hands on the parents. Yes, yes, 274 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,199 Speaker 1: I know, right, I think my mother afters was just 275 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:46,200 Speaker 1: like here it is I was being nice and these 276 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:53,919 Speaker 1: people really had yeah. So yeah, but my whole family 277 00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: just devastated just to see me as a different person. 278 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,200 Speaker 1: And I bless your grandmother, my god, my grandmother who 279 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,439 Speaker 1: saved my life. Let me tell you a few years 280 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 1: ago they are in Virginia. They gave Pon award. Oh 281 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:20,200 Speaker 1: that was beautiful. Yeah, and then just citizen and beautiful. No, 282 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 1: that's because you know, some people would have probably like 283 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,720 Speaker 1: reacted and she and some people would probably like try 284 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,960 Speaker 1: to get him off of you. But that's why you 285 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,280 Speaker 1: have to like really like take your time and think 286 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,520 Speaker 1: and think what's the best solution. Because they could have 287 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 1: went left. It surely could have went And that that's 288 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,879 Speaker 1: what I try and tell people. As much as you 289 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,119 Speaker 1: want to be involved, the most important thing is to 290 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:47,920 Speaker 1: first protect yourself. Right. You have to protect because if 291 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,639 Speaker 1: you don't, how are you gonna get help for the 292 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 1: other person? Right? And we we somebody gotta be around. 293 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: Somebody gotta be around, somebody. Nobody gonna make it right 294 00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 1: to tell what happened, right, because nobody would probably believe it. Right. 295 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,960 Speaker 1: You gotta know that there's a difference between someone just 296 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:13,760 Speaker 1: being you know me, and then there's crazy, right, it's psychotic. 297 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:18,560 Speaker 1: What someone's meaning is psychotic. That's a whole different level 298 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:25,600 Speaker 1: of people. Yeah. Wow. In twelve he was sentenced to 299 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,840 Speaker 1: thirty five years in prison at the age of fifty. 300 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:33,680 Speaker 1: Do you feel like you receive your closure? Yeah, she's 301 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:42,000 Speaker 1: smiling hard. Thank you, not just for me, but for 302 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 1: other people as well. Yeah, and that you know that 303 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:52,280 Speaker 1: particular day, like who knew? So many years, so many years, 304 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 1: so many years. I never would have ever guessed in 305 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:03,359 Speaker 1: my life because I went on all those years from that. 306 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 1: Let me not get a mution, from the day that 307 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:10,840 Speaker 1: him and I went to court to the day that 308 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,879 Speaker 1: they called us and said like this was the final 309 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 1: symptoms that injustice. To me, felt like I wish I 310 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,400 Speaker 1: had died, right, And I felt like that's the only 311 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,679 Speaker 1: way that that would have gotten justice because if I 312 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,960 Speaker 1: were have died, because they have to prove it. Unfortunately, 313 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:38,119 Speaker 1: So for twentysomething years I didn't talk about it was 314 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,400 Speaker 1: just like who kids, Who's gonna listen. I felt like 315 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,400 Speaker 1: in the beginning, I said, oh, I want to tell 316 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,919 Speaker 1: other people so they won't have to cook what I 317 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:49,480 Speaker 1: went through. But after a while I felt like I 318 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,239 Speaker 1: didn't get justice. So how am I gonna talk to 319 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 1: somebody about making sure that you speak out? When I 320 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,720 Speaker 1: did speak up, I did testify, I did press charges, 321 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,879 Speaker 1: They did every right, and you just said, got like 322 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,639 Speaker 1: nothing to happen. But I think that's why your story 323 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,040 Speaker 1: is so beautiful, because unfortunately a lot of women can 324 00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:10,440 Speaker 1: relate to that they do everything right and they still 325 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,800 Speaker 1: don't get the justice that they deserve. Yes, And I 326 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 1: just feel like for those I know that everybody, um 327 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,639 Speaker 1: sometimes can't find the strength and they don't have the 328 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,080 Speaker 1: support system that I had to tell them, no, go 329 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:29,960 Speaker 1: ahead and press two charges, No go ahead regardless, because 330 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:33,160 Speaker 1: I do feel like now like it'll catch up. Had 331 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:36,119 Speaker 1: I not press charges or anything when he went to 332 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,800 Speaker 1: court this last time, it would have been another step 333 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 1: on the wrist because they went history right and um, 334 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:47,960 Speaker 1: So it was hard because, like I said, for for 335 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,520 Speaker 1: all those years, those twenty twenty five years, when I 336 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: went to court and his lawyers said that was twenty 337 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,359 Speaker 1: five years ago, we really shouldn't even be visiting this. Wow, 338 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:03,160 Speaker 1: I suffered for twenty five I sat for twenty five 339 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:06,119 Speaker 1: years knowing it. I couldn't join the military, wasn't a 340 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:10,600 Speaker 1: Nottion because my injurance no military was gonna taken with 341 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 1: a fracture skull that I had a fracture sco with 342 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:14,879 Speaker 1: a blood to my brain and they had to take me. 343 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 1: Then I gonna take me that I used to have teatures, right, 344 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:24,800 Speaker 1: I struggled to take basic college courses sometimes because I'm 345 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:30,840 Speaker 1: loving my like so and like that affected me in 346 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,240 Speaker 1: in other relationships and everything. So did you just see 347 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:38,400 Speaker 1: twenty five years ago? No, but for twenty five years 348 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,240 Speaker 1: to go in day in and day out when nobody 349 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:46,120 Speaker 1: else knowing how many times I wished I wasn't here, right, 350 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:54,080 Speaker 1: and so um on that day I didn't know. I 351 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,560 Speaker 1: knew testifying I was doing it to try and help others, 352 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:02,240 Speaker 1: but I didn't know that that was where my playing 353 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:06,479 Speaker 1: and my purpose would would be revealed to me. And 354 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:11,560 Speaker 1: so what happened was when I once I testified, I 355 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 1: went back into the courthouse. I went back into the 356 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,160 Speaker 1: court room, I got left out, and then I came 357 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 1: back came and when I came back in, it was 358 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:22,159 Speaker 1: a lady. She walked in when I first walked in, 359 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,720 Speaker 1: and she was sitting on the edge. And now I 360 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,480 Speaker 1: was really hoping that she would move over so I 361 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:31,880 Speaker 1: could really hear because suggestion, he's so kind of like quiet, 362 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:35,359 Speaker 1: he wasn't allowed and I wanted her to kind of 363 00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,040 Speaker 1: like move over, but she didn't, so I just had 364 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: to sit next to her and hear what they were saying. 365 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,680 Speaker 1: And come to find out that lady was a news 366 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:51,439 Speaker 1: reporter mm hmm. And because the victim didn't come to court, 367 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:57,239 Speaker 1: they asked me if I would give an interview. So 368 00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:01,199 Speaker 1: I was like, uh, I was speaking out about it. 369 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,159 Speaker 1: So I was just like, it is in the newspaper, 370 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:05,520 Speaker 1: and they were like yeah, And I was like, okay, 371 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,400 Speaker 1: I'll do it. It's in the newspaper. No one will 372 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,160 Speaker 1: really be able to affiliate a lot of people don't 373 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:15,480 Speaker 1: read the newspaper. So I was like, okay, I'll do it, right, 374 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,960 Speaker 1: What do you know? I know right? So I was like, okay, 375 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,080 Speaker 1: I'll do it, and so I did that. I did 376 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:26,560 Speaker 1: the interview right afterwards, and then I got home. No, 377 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,320 Speaker 1: I got to my grandmother's to go tell how what happened, 378 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,120 Speaker 1: because for the whole year and a half I didn't 379 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:36,080 Speaker 1: tell my grandmother mm hmm. Nobody knew that I was 380 00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:39,439 Speaker 1: gonna be a surprise of witness. So I went to 381 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,680 Speaker 1: her house and I said, um, I just left court 382 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,480 Speaker 1: and she was at court and I was like, yeah, 383 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:47,479 Speaker 1: with Kevin, and she was like, what what did he do? 384 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,919 Speaker 1: And that's that he attacked somebody else and she was 385 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 1: like uh. And then I started telling her, you know, 386 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:59,159 Speaker 1: like I knew about this for a whole year m hm, 387 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,879 Speaker 1: and you're in the half like I just stayed silent. 388 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,840 Speaker 1: And then I told her and she was like a 389 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:09,520 Speaker 1: little worried about like what if they would have his 390 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:13,640 Speaker 1: friends or family want to retaliate and things like that. 391 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,400 Speaker 1: And I was like, well, that's why I didn't tell 392 00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:20,120 Speaker 1: nobody for a year and a half because it would 393 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:24,160 Speaker 1: have made me always be winning that before time to testify. 394 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,560 Speaker 1: I told her. I said that that's why theyn't tell anybody. 395 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,159 Speaker 1: I didn't want anybody trying to change my mind. I 396 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: didn't want this heavy on my mind. So she said okay, 397 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:41,560 Speaker 1: she said, well, she said, she said, whatever you have 398 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,880 Speaker 1: to do in order to hear, because this is your 399 00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:50,239 Speaker 1: story exactly. And so from that point they called and 400 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:54,640 Speaker 1: said that they needed um. They that they wanted to 401 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:59,760 Speaker 1: have me in the news that night m hm. And 402 00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's gonna be a whole different viral. 403 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 1: Let's see my face. And that's what happened. I didn't 404 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:11,960 Speaker 1: and it went viral, and that's how the television show 405 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:17,960 Speaker 1: came about. It went viral. Um. But that was the beginning. 406 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:26,400 Speaker 1: From that point on, after the television show, I started 407 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:32,840 Speaker 1: realizing that this is much bigger than just testifying at 408 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:37,480 Speaker 1: court and to really help somebody. It's a lot more. 409 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:44,440 Speaker 1: So I started uh studying about domestic violence. I started 410 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:48,800 Speaker 1: started studying laws, I started started studying everything I could 411 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:53,320 Speaker 1: learn about signs. I started of course it leads to 412 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:57,600 Speaker 1: sexual assault, it leads to about childhood US and I 413 00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,640 Speaker 1: just started studying any and everything that I good. And 414 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:07,239 Speaker 1: I started volunteering at the shelter and then just different organizations. 415 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 1: I became an advocate and here I am just I um. 416 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:22,520 Speaker 1: God has showed me that everybody, it's not gonna be 417 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:26,600 Speaker 1: at a conference. It's not where your victims are. Because 418 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,800 Speaker 1: when God gave me the first television show, I was 419 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,960 Speaker 1: like Wow. So I prayed and said God, please continue 420 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,680 Speaker 1: to blow my mind. So I guess he said, okay, 421 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,240 Speaker 1: you want me to blow your mind, so you gave 422 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 1: me a second Wow, and then he gave me a 423 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:49,360 Speaker 1: third Yeah, you are like everywhere. I'm like, come on now, 424 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:52,680 Speaker 1: it's so it's just oh my god, I'm just so grateful. 425 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:56,240 Speaker 1: And I kept saying, well, you know, I started realizing 426 00:30:56,280 --> 00:31:01,920 Speaker 1: that different ones showed different areas. Thank God for repeats, 427 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,720 Speaker 1: because everybody is to see it all at one time. 428 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,080 Speaker 1: So even for them to still keep showing it, I'm 429 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 1: so grateful because people will still see it and reach 430 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,240 Speaker 1: out say I just saw it right, right, And you 431 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,160 Speaker 1: know what, maybe at the time you might have even 432 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,720 Speaker 1: seen it the first time, but it didn't affect you, right, 433 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:24,120 Speaker 1: But then you know, years later, you see it again 434 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,000 Speaker 1: and it may be a family member, may be a friend, 435 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,959 Speaker 1: and maybe a child and maybe you that sees it 436 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:36,960 Speaker 1: and they reach out to me, and and then that's 437 00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,520 Speaker 1: where we go. I I just had to e d 438 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:43,440 Speaker 1: S yesterday that reached out to me that our neat 439 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:45,920 Speaker 1: So I'm like, okay, now, this is what we gotta do. 440 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,040 Speaker 1: This is what you gotta do, this is what should 441 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 1: have happened. And I just found out where they would 442 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,240 Speaker 1: stayed they're in. I don't care where you are in 443 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:57,520 Speaker 1: this world. I would find out the information. I'll send 444 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 1: it to you. I'll get you in touch with whatever 445 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:04,920 Speaker 1: organizations are in your area, whatever I gotta do. But um, 446 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 1: I had one young lady sat my daughter. Now, she 447 00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:13,920 Speaker 1: just went opened my eyes because sometimes we be so 448 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:18,480 Speaker 1: involved in what's right in front of our face. She 449 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:22,120 Speaker 1: reached out to me and she said, I saw I 450 00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:26,080 Speaker 1: saw your television shot, right. I saw you on TV. 451 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,800 Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, that's great that or that 452 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:33,320 Speaker 1: you know. And while I was helping her, she didn't 453 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 1: see it on TV. She saw it on YouTube. I 454 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 1: was like, she st on YouTube, okay. And what happened 455 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:45,920 Speaker 1: was she wasn't allowed to take at TV at home. Wow, 456 00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:50,480 Speaker 1: she saw it, um Wi. She was at work. That 457 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:54,960 Speaker 1: was the only place that she could. But why she 458 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 1: can't watch TV? Was she working so like on her break, 459 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 1: I guess she watched her her oh gohead, but he 460 00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:08,000 Speaker 1: regulated watching oh she I'm thinking she living home with 461 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:12,440 Speaker 1: her parents. She lived at home with a man. Wow, 462 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:19,040 Speaker 1: that's crazy. So she wouldn't have never been able to 463 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:26,880 Speaker 1: watch anything like that, right, Wow? Yo, Then I don't 464 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:30,280 Speaker 1: want to bash these men. She escaped that situation, but 465 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,760 Speaker 1: um and I never saw her face until the day 466 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:38,560 Speaker 1: she got to the air Wow, God, bless her face. Time. 467 00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:46,160 Speaker 1: It's like, wow, listen, not all superheroes were cakes. Many 468 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:48,640 Speaker 1: we have a few more questions that I would let 469 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,200 Speaker 1: you go ahead. No, no, no, no, you're good, You're good. 470 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,719 Speaker 1: But that's crazy. I'm really thinking that she at home 471 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:56,520 Speaker 1: with her parents. It didn't even dawned on me that 472 00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,880 Speaker 1: she's with her partner. And if he's not even allowing 473 00:33:59,920 --> 00:34:01,400 Speaker 1: her in the worsh TV that you know something, what 474 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:03,440 Speaker 1: else he's not allowing her to do? What are you 475 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:05,760 Speaker 1: doing her? The only thing she could do was to 476 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:11,440 Speaker 1: go to work. Wow, that's heartbreaking. I'm just curious. Do 477 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,120 Speaker 1: you think that domestic balance is going to ever come 478 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:21,640 Speaker 1: to an end? No? Mm hmm, I don't know. Wow. 479 00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:25,960 Speaker 1: I would love for it to come to it. I 480 00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 1: don't know if it ever will. But I think the 481 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,200 Speaker 1: one thing, I think the two things that need to 482 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:38,279 Speaker 1: happen first and foremost, it has to be more awareness, right, 483 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:46,640 Speaker 1: and definitely differ sentences supper laws right, right, Um, But 484 00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:51,759 Speaker 1: a lot of times was so sad about it is 485 00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:58,080 Speaker 1: regardless of the of the time, jail sentences a lot 486 00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:03,600 Speaker 1: of times something that triggers in their mind. They don't care, right, 487 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 1: They don't care. And we see so many how muside 488 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:12,600 Speaker 1: suicides mm hmm, where they killed They'll kill the woman, 489 00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:17,160 Speaker 1: they'll kill the children, and then they kill themselves. Seeing 490 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:23,280 Speaker 1: now a lot more. I am seeing it a lot too, Yeah, 491 00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,160 Speaker 1: a lot more. And then there's a lot of them 492 00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:28,640 Speaker 1: that's like, I'm gonna kill you. No, no, I'm going 493 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:37,279 Speaker 1: to check. I'm okay, right, Yeah, that's scary unfortunately. So 494 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,000 Speaker 1: you know, people often say that this can never happen 495 00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:49,000 Speaker 1: to them. What are your thoughts on that domestic violence 496 00:35:50,880 --> 00:36:02,240 Speaker 1: does not discriminate right on age, race, religion, creed, economic status. 497 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,960 Speaker 1: Of course, we all think that it will never happen 498 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:12,680 Speaker 1: to a lot of times people think that they they 499 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,640 Speaker 1: think that domestic violence is black and white. They think 500 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:20,360 Speaker 1: that it's gonna be so um. They think that the 501 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:24,000 Speaker 1: signs are so blatant, and a lot of people are 502 00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:30,000 Speaker 1: unaware of all of the signs. That That's why I 503 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:33,359 Speaker 1: try and raise the awareness. That's why that's the most 504 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:37,800 Speaker 1: important pieces, the weirdness to know the different signs, to 505 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:41,799 Speaker 1: know a lot of I just had a woman tell 506 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:46,000 Speaker 1: me yesterday, I didn't even know I was a victim 507 00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:50,560 Speaker 1: mm hmm until they actually had it on the paper 508 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,440 Speaker 1: and said, you know, I was a victim and I 509 00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,759 Speaker 1: didn't feel like I was a big mm hmm. So 510 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,440 Speaker 1: a lot of people don't even know the signs, so 511 00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:01,120 Speaker 1: of course everybody feels invisible. Oh, I would never letting 512 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:02,640 Speaker 1: me and do that to me. I would never let 513 00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:07,080 Speaker 1: a woman do that to me. Of course, nobody wakes 514 00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,120 Speaker 1: up and says, oh, yeah, just take advantage of me 515 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:13,120 Speaker 1: and treat me wrong and everything. But there's so many 516 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:16,440 Speaker 1: different types. It's not just the physical right, and it 517 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:26,000 Speaker 1: doesn't happen. There's a grooming process. H m hm. Whoever, 518 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:28,520 Speaker 1: when people say that I would I would never wish 519 00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:33,759 Speaker 1: for it, they happened to them, right, good man. I'm 520 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:36,719 Speaker 1: just curious, how does this affect your your relationships with men? 521 00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:38,399 Speaker 1: Like is it hard for you or was it hard 522 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:45,799 Speaker 1: for you to trust men? Oh? Absolutely? Mm hmm. And 523 00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,840 Speaker 1: when you have because I know you have three beautiful kids, 524 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,479 Speaker 1: how has this affected them or what do you hope 525 00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:57,440 Speaker 1: that they will receive from your story? I hope they'll 526 00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:09,920 Speaker 1: receive to uh advocate with me. Yeah um, and definitely 527 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:15,080 Speaker 1: not do it themselves, whether they're the perpetrator or a victim. 528 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,920 Speaker 1: I don't want to keep the side of that fence. 529 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:25,279 Speaker 1: I don't know, I guess just but I'm not here 530 00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:31,560 Speaker 1: any longer. Just just keep my legacy gone right now, 531 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:36,680 Speaker 1: they definitely will. I mean you are everywhere so and last, 532 00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:38,640 Speaker 1: not least, what does an advice you would give to 533 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:42,080 Speaker 1: someone who feels that they might be in a dangerous relationship? 534 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,919 Speaker 1: And the first thing that came around and still out 535 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:56,960 Speaker 1: right the answer that's something not the answer I would say, Um, 536 00:38:57,160 --> 00:39:02,799 Speaker 1: seek help. M hmm, I needn that's very dangerous. It's 537 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:07,120 Speaker 1: sounds so easy, Oh, get girl, get help, boy, get help. No, 538 00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,759 Speaker 1: that's not easy because like the victim I told you 539 00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:17,719 Speaker 1: about where your every move is mm hmm, it's not 540 00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:24,120 Speaker 1: easy to get It's not easy. Um, because they study 541 00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:28,120 Speaker 1: you so much that they know changes. You know that 542 00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:34,200 Speaker 1: it's something different. But if you can get help and 543 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:38,680 Speaker 1: figure out a way of how you get are able 544 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:42,799 Speaker 1: to get out of this situation. Um. But you just 545 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:46,759 Speaker 1: have to be very strategic and how you do that 546 00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:51,840 Speaker 1: and who you takes right. And then the reason I 547 00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:56,959 Speaker 1: say that it's because that's important, yes, But the reason 548 00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,719 Speaker 1: I say that is because a lot of times these perpetrators, 549 00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:05,040 Speaker 1: but they you do this, they isolate you, but they 550 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:12,000 Speaker 1: also know termed mm hm. So if if I was 551 00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:16,239 Speaker 1: in a relationship and my partner knew that I'm best 552 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:24,040 Speaker 1: friends with happening and I told you, I could be right, 553 00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:27,799 Speaker 1: because that's gonna be the first PDAs that he's gonna go. 554 00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:30,840 Speaker 1: And let's just say that I happen to not tell me, 555 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:42,040 Speaker 1: but he still doesn't still put fine. Just so, just 556 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:50,040 Speaker 1: was really about a case where the best friend kind 557 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:58,640 Speaker 1: of help to the other lady and she didn't even 558 00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:03,839 Speaker 1: know that she was being a stark. H mm hmm. Yeah, 559 00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:09,640 Speaker 1: they will watch it. They put a try on first. Wow. 560 00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:17,279 Speaker 1: So it's just I think I would just say, don't decides, 561 00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:25,640 Speaker 1: try and see some type of how if they are 562 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:32,160 Speaker 1: trying to me, don't make an announcement, that would be 563 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:40,000 Speaker 1: don't make don't make the announce me, don't make friends, 564 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:46,160 Speaker 1: and don't don't be like, oh, I'm gonna leave, I'm 565 00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,040 Speaker 1: gonna go get my brother, I'm gonna pull my thought 566 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:54,160 Speaker 1: like sometimes you're getting so enraged because you've been fighting 567 00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:56,919 Speaker 1: for so long day it gives you just superpower type 568 00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:00,520 Speaker 1: of strength. I'm not gonna take this anymore. Are you been? 569 00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,400 Speaker 1: This is the last time you're gonna ever put your 570 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,399 Speaker 1: hand told me I'm gonna call please, so I'm gonna 571 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:07,880 Speaker 1: do this something, and you're letting him know exactly what 572 00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:11,640 Speaker 1: you're gonna planning on doing and domestically about power and controls. 573 00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,400 Speaker 1: Once you put that out there, believe the power in 574 00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:18,239 Speaker 1: a sense losing your power because now you know that's 575 00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:20,239 Speaker 1: what you're playing on doing. So I'm gonna beat you 576 00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:23,279 Speaker 1: before you can get to that. Right, Let's beat you, 577 00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:27,080 Speaker 1: beat you, beat you like the punchline. Right, said that 578 00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:29,600 Speaker 1: before you can call somebody before you think you do 579 00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,760 Speaker 1: some before you can do that. And my other advice 580 00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:41,279 Speaker 1: would be whatever he tells you, m yeah, delete it, 581 00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,640 Speaker 1: not only to be I think that people need to 582 00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:50,920 Speaker 1: be somebody told him that this is going on, and 583 00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:54,800 Speaker 1: I think that victims and perpetrate it. Tells you something. 584 00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:57,279 Speaker 1: If he's that type of person that's always threatening and 585 00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:05,799 Speaker 1: saying to me, I'll see your whole fing right, take 586 00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:10,880 Speaker 1: it as an I don't he needs. If he tells 587 00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,759 Speaker 1: you I have her best friend and he told her, 588 00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:20,279 Speaker 1: I'll set you on fire, years went by, he sat 589 00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:27,360 Speaker 1: on the time for what that was to Regassi, Wow 590 00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:34,719 Speaker 1: is she okay? She she's alive. Wow, God is good man. 591 00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,759 Speaker 1: That is crazy. He told her that for years of 592 00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,240 Speaker 1: the day. It's just one of those things that keeping 593 00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:43,440 Speaker 1: like I do this, I'll do that, I'll set you 594 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:48,000 Speaker 1: on fire, I'll do that, and he always stow it like, Okay, 595 00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,680 Speaker 1: I'm man. When people hear your story, you want people 596 00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:55,359 Speaker 1: ain't gonna be dating no more to think about your home. 597 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:59,560 Speaker 1: Girl with the fire man, really tell you just believe 598 00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:04,720 Speaker 1: it can be safe if you do plan on leaving, 599 00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:09,880 Speaker 1: don't don't take it as um like I'll just be 600 00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:12,279 Speaker 1: able to walk out, because that's the most dangerous time, 601 00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:18,400 Speaker 1: right And I always used to tell people like nothing 602 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:22,440 Speaker 1: good happens late at night and I don't want to 603 00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:26,359 Speaker 1: be alone and things like that. But in my situation, 604 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:31,600 Speaker 1: he knew, we learned alone. He was just different. He 605 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:38,799 Speaker 1: was that was a demon. That's just pure evilness. Well, 606 00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,120 Speaker 1: I appreciate you for sharing your story. I know when 607 00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:44,319 Speaker 1: people hear this story, they are just gonna be an 608 00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:49,959 Speaker 1: amaze and just just wow, like for it to take 609 00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:52,919 Speaker 1: this long for you to get justice. And I'm telling you, y'all, 610 00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:56,800 Speaker 1: she looked good at y'all skins glowing, teeth is white. 611 00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:00,719 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I really you appreciate you for 612 00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:02,800 Speaker 1: telling your story. I'm so happy that we connected, and 613 00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,680 Speaker 1: I'm definitely gonna keep in contact with you so we 614 00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:09,439 Speaker 1: can work on other things. But you know, I really 615 00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:12,759 Speaker 1: do hope that these stories encourage people to, like, really 616 00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:15,560 Speaker 1: pay attention. Something don't feel right. That means it is 617 00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:21,040 Speaker 1: not right. Yes, you got that instinct for a reason. 618 00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:29,480 Speaker 1: So I got instinct that told me to turn around. Yeah. Crazy, crazy. 619 00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:32,880 Speaker 1: But if you have any questions, comments, to concerns, please 620 00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:34,640 Speaker 1: make sure to email me a hello at the PhD 621 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:38,959 Speaker 1: podcast dot com. And until next time, everyone, Happy New Year. 622 00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:50,040 Speaker 1: Until next time, everyone, later, you're not gonna say bye,