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Speaker 1: All from John, John? John?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what's up?

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Speaker 3: It is John? Oh Man, I'm on.

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Speaker 4: How does that make you feel to be on?

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Speaker 3: I feel very special right now?

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Speaker 4: Really, do you often feel unseen?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 3: Unheard?

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Speaker 1: Maybe?

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Speaker 4: What do you want people to hear? John?

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Speaker 3: I had a nightmare. I was like fifteen and I

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Speaker 3: had a dream that I was having anal sex with

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Speaker 3: my best friend Andrew, and I was given it to him.

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Speaker 3: And I'm straight and he's straight as far as I know.

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Speaker 3: And the next time I saw him it was real awkward.

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Speaker 4: Did you tell him about the dream?

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Speaker 3: I didn't tell him about the dream. I thought it

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Speaker 3: was a little weird. It took like a year for

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Speaker 3: me to stop tickets and thought, do.

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Speaker 4: You still talk to your friend that you had the

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Speaker 4: dream about?

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Speaker 3: He died like no joke. He died like ten years ago.

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Speaker 4: Sorry to hear that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was a bummer. He was a real nice guy,

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Speaker 3: real nice guy, and.

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Speaker 4: He died without every knowing that you had to stream

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Speaker 4: about him?

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Speaker 5: Is true?

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Speaker 3: That is true. It's probably for the best.

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Speaker 4: How old was he when he died? If you don't

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Speaker 4: mind me.

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Speaker 3: Asking, Oh, he was thirty, right about thirty?

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Speaker 4: Do you mind me asking what happens.

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Speaker 3: I believe he had a cancer.

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Speaker 4: Were you with him, were you like in contact with

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Speaker 4: him when he was dying?

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Speaker 3: Not really. He was like a childhood friend, you know,

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Speaker 3: and then I moved away when I was like a teenager,

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Speaker 3: and we still kept in touch but didn't see each

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Speaker 3: other a lot except every few years. So I you know,

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Speaker 3: it was a bummer, but you know, he wasn't a

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Speaker 3: close friend at that point.

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Speaker 4: You know, I think ultimately I agree with you. I

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Speaker 4: don't think that there would have been any situation in

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Speaker 4: which it would have been the right thing to do

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Speaker 4: to you know, on this man's deathbed, as he's slowly

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Speaker 4: dying of cancer, tell him that when you guys were kids,

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Speaker 4: you had a dream about having anal sex with him.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that time especially would have been poor. It would

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Speaker 3: have been poor timing, certainly. Yes.

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Speaker 4: Well, John, you made a good decision and I'm proud

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Speaker 4: of you.

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Speaker 3: Thank you. And you know what, you made a good

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Speaker 3: decision doing what you're doing. I loved your show, discovered

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Speaker 3: it on Friday, loving it, just loving it. Keep doing it.

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Speaker 4: Thank you, man. I appreciate that very much. Man. You

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Speaker 4: have a good night, John. And uh, you know what

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Speaker 4: if you have any dreams about me, You can tell

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Speaker 4: me if you want to.

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Speaker 3: Mind, I'll let you know, no matter how weird it is,

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Speaker 3: all right, man, I love you. I love you too,

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Speaker 3: stay weird.

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Speaker 4: Hello?

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Speaker 5: Hello?

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Speaker 4: What's your name?

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Speaker 1: Hello?

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Speaker 3: Isaiah?

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Speaker 4: Isaiah?

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Speaker 5: What's going on?

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Speaker 3: You know?

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Speaker 4: Not a whole lots going on with me?

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Speaker 5: You know the same thing over here?

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Speaker 4: What are you doing right now, Isaiah?

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Speaker 5: Well, right now, I'm just getting back from work, cooling

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Speaker 5: in the bed, you know, enjoying my day. Watch Eastory.

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Speaker 4: Where do you work?

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Speaker 5: Work in the tacoh the cashier?

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Speaker 4: All right, how thankful are you that you don't work

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Speaker 4: at a fucking McDonald's right now?

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Speaker 5: Actually, it's a funny story about that. See, I was

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Speaker 5: gonna go to the goddamn McDonald's across the street from

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Speaker 5: my taco bell, but uh, the boss of the taco

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Speaker 5: bell said that we have sort of a crusty crab

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Speaker 5: and a chump bucket type of rivalry with the McDonald's

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Speaker 5: across the street. He said that one of the managers

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Speaker 5: came over there and started a fight with him. So

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Speaker 5: now every time we see a McDonald's person, it's pretty

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Speaker 5: much broad in the street.

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Speaker 4: You know what, I'm saying, who usually wins Taco.

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Speaker 5: Bell because of the best look mine, it's on site.

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Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying. It Uh we say, we

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Speaker 5: say m DK, it's m DK. That's McDonald's killers, you

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Speaker 5: know what I'm saying. So if we see a McDonald's dough,

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Speaker 5: it's over with MCCA. You know you better not come

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Speaker 5: out to McDonald's if you see it's in the street,

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Speaker 5: cause it's over. That's some game.

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Speaker 4: Isa Do you see an end to the violence? Do

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Speaker 4: you see a light at the end of the time,

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Speaker 4: or do you think that this will wage on for indefinitely.

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Speaker 5: They need to go apologize to my manager, That's what

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Speaker 5: need to have apologize for What what do they do?

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Speaker 5: I don't even know. I don't even know, but I

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Speaker 5: know that my manager cool, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 4: So, Isaiah, you've gotten to Isaiah, you've gotten to a

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Speaker 4: critical point in your battle where you've forgotten what you

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Speaker 4: were even fighting about.

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Speaker 5: Man, I never knew, Okay, if.

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Speaker 4: You never knew what what has been driving you? I mean,

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Speaker 4: what has been motivating you to fight? Because you're you

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Speaker 4: sound like a valiant soldier. Soldier, Isaiah, you sound like

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Speaker 4: you you if I were building an army, I would

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Speaker 4: want you leading my front line. You valiantly defend the

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Speaker 4: honor of Taco Bell for absolutely no reason, and I

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Speaker 4: want I want to get to a reason, Isaiah.

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Speaker 5: You know, I feel like it comes from uh my,

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Speaker 5: your backgrounds. You know what I'm saying. I didn't do

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Speaker 5: it my time. I'm getting out. I'm trying to do

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Speaker 5: my best, but you know, it seems that this, I

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Speaker 5: guess you could say gang ship has to follow me,

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Speaker 5: and I feel like this is one of the best

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Speaker 5: ways to do it. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 4: So, Isaiah, you this, I don't want I don't I

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Speaker 4: don't want you going back in there man, because of

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Speaker 4: some dumb because of some fucking McDonald's.

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Speaker 6: Dude.

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Speaker 4: It's not it's not worth it, Isaiah. I don't want

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Speaker 4: you going back.

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Speaker 5: Get get. I didn't choose the Taco Bell life. You

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Speaker 5: know what I'm saying. Taco Bell life chose me, man.

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Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 4: It's in your head, Isaiah.

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Speaker 5: Maybe it's in your head, Gig.

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Speaker 4: It is in my head. It's you know what it's

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Speaker 4: concerned Because I love you and I care about you,

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Speaker 4: and I don't want to see you get wrapped up

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Speaker 4: in you know, the Taco Bell gang crowd.

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Speaker 5: Man, I don't know. I'm through d night. I get

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Speaker 5: paid seventy five a hour, So who like dollar or

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Speaker 5: some sense I got?

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Speaker 4: Would you kill for eight twenty five an hour?

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Speaker 5: Man? Shit, I don't know. It depends on the the situation.

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Speaker 4: Isaiah, how have you send?

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Speaker 5: Well?

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Speaker 1: Uh?

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Speaker 5: One day, you know, I was with the armies, you

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Speaker 5: know what I'm saying. So we was calling who was

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Speaker 5: out on the block, you know what I'm saying, myn

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Speaker 5: own business. And the dude came and the he w

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Speaker 5: he was a dude from somewhere we had never seen.

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Speaker 5: We never seen him before, and you know, we lived

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Speaker 5: in a very smart community. We seen him everybody before

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Speaker 5: a lot of people come through. We know that my name.

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Speaker 5: And the dude came and he was talking a lot

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Speaker 5: of rob rock like hey, hey, fuck you, Like, why

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Speaker 5: why are you?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 5: Why are you looking at me? That's what he would

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Speaker 5: say to me and the homies. That's we were walking

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Speaker 5: down the street. He said, why are you looking at me?

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Speaker 5: Fuck you? I'll kill you. So of course me and

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Speaker 5: hoies we walk up to him and well, like, hey,

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Speaker 5: what's up? Like it's cranking. What you wanna do?

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Speaker 6: He like, I get last thing on here.

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Speaker 5: Ah, y'all ain't y'all ain't know nothing, you know what

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Speaker 5: I'm saying. So we jump on and we hitting 'em

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Speaker 5: and we beat. Now me keep mine.

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Speaker 1: I'm drunk.

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Speaker 5: I'm almost like a fucky you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 5: I'm going out my body, so I'm over exaggerating. I'm like, fuck, everybody,

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Speaker 5: get up off me. Everybody get up off me mind.

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Speaker 5: And then I can get on 'em and I'm on

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Speaker 5: top and I take out a knife for 'em.

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Speaker 3: Now, this.

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Speaker 5: This is where it gets bad because so basically I

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Speaker 5: called my initials into his forehead and uh, then of

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Speaker 5: course he told the police because you know. And then

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Speaker 5: now I'm currently serving a two year progressions or not

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Speaker 5: two year three year progressions centers and I've done two

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Speaker 5: years so far.

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Speaker 4: So so you're not in jail.

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Speaker 1: Well I was.

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Speaker 5: I only did two muths for it.

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Speaker 4: You're not out there carving tbs into McDonald's workers heads,

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Speaker 4: are you?

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Speaker 5: Nah? Nah na nah nah nah nah?

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Speaker 4: So what's nice?

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Speaker 5: Yet?

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Speaker 4: Ayay? Say yah?

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Speaker 5: Shit? Man? I wish I knew. You know, it's hard

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Speaker 5: anybody that say it's it's on the stream right now,

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Speaker 5: that's you know, younger and you know they probably going

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Speaker 5: down the same thing. I don't know, like i'm'a spit

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Speaker 5: some words of a knowledge of your life, gag. If

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Speaker 5: that's okay with you, Absolutely, yeah, it's not worth me.

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Speaker 5: I'm'a tell you right now, it's really not. Don't do it.

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Speaker 5: It's it gets real hard, especially when you get out

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Speaker 5: and then everybody looking at you like you're crazy, and

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Speaker 5: your family think you crazy and your friends think you crazy.

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Speaker 5: It really ain't worth me. Shit, I'm geeking like a

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Speaker 5: motherfucker trying to be cool, you know, and the guy

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Speaker 5: that allow him like them, well right now, well.

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Speaker 4: I'm I'm geeking too. Okay, all right, Isaiah, you know,

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Speaker 4: thanks for thanks for sharing all that ship and take care,

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Speaker 4: stay safe, don't don't walk around too hard with those

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Speaker 4: McDonald's kids.

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Speaker 5: So I appreciate you. Gud for.

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Speaker 1: Paul from Trill too, Frill, Yes, Trill is this get

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Speaker 1: it is?

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Speaker 7: Oh my god, it's so wonderful to.

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Speaker 3: Speak with you.

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Speaker 4: It's wonderful to speak to you as well, Phrill.

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Speaker 1: Yes, Prill.

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Speaker 7: So we're talking about aliens tonight, well.

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Speaker 4: Right now we're talking about, well, we were just talking

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Speaker 4: about if I was pronouncing your name right, and now

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Speaker 4: we're talking about if you were you know, we were

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Speaker 4: talking about what we're talking about. But that's the thing,

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Speaker 4: you know, what we're talking about. It changes with every

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Speaker 4: sentence we exchange between.

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Speaker 7: Each other exactly, and we both are and are not

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Speaker 7: and we're here and we're on the other side, and

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Speaker 7: it's where our consciousness takes us.

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Speaker 4: What are you talking about.

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Speaker 7: I'm not really sure.

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Speaker 4: That's okay, but hey, Phil, but I've.

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Speaker 7: Seen enough of you that I think that it's okay

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Speaker 7: to not know.

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Speaker 4: I'm glad that you feel comfortable not knowing the next

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Speaker 4: thing that you're gonna say to me. I think that that's,

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Speaker 4: you know, Phil, I don't know if you agree with this,

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Speaker 4: but I think that that's kind of I think that's

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Speaker 4: kind of, you know, a sign that you know, you're comfortable.

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Speaker 4: We're on someone you know you don't have to always

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Speaker 4: think about, you know, too hard about what you're gonna

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Speaker 4: say next.

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Speaker 7: If if you know what you're going to say next,

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Speaker 7: all the time, it seems like everything's too rehearsed. And

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Speaker 7: then it's like, are you in a play. Are you

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Speaker 7: even real yourself? And I'm not rehearsing this, I'm just

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Speaker 7: sort of it's sort of a stream of consciousness ramble,

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Speaker 7: which I feel comfortable consciously rambling with you.

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Speaker 4: Someone wants to know why am I a gecko?

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Speaker 7: Are you really a gecko? Is part of your consciousness?

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Speaker 7: Truly a gecko? Because that's okay. But in other respects,

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Speaker 7: you're a man in a gecko suit.

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Speaker 4: So you're implying that you know, physically, I'm a man

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Speaker 4: in a gecko suit.

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Speaker 7: It's possible that you're a man in a gecko suit.

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Speaker 7: But it's also possible that you could be a gecko

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Speaker 7: who has attained consciousness to the and the ability to speak.

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Speaker 7: It's not in a cheesy, I want to say, not

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Speaker 7: in a cheesy advertisement kind of way. Let's get that

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Speaker 7: out of the way. It could be a hallucination, but

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Speaker 7: then life itself.

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Speaker 4: Could be hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,

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Speaker 4: hold on. You said this could be a hallucination. It

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Speaker 4: could be frill Have you ever experienced a hallucination?

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Speaker 7: Yes, I have experienced hallucinations.

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Speaker 4: What was the last thing you hallucinated?

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Speaker 7: Well, the last thing I actually remember hallucinating was that

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Speaker 7: I could see the framework underneath the cement sidewalk, and

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Speaker 7: I thought that people walking at me were in Halloween costumes,

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Speaker 7: but they weren't.

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Speaker 4: What kind of Halloween costumes.

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Speaker 7: Just sort of distorted humanoid type Halloween costumes.

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Speaker 4: Do you think those are the aliens that we're talking about?

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Speaker 7: Ah, I don't know if I believe in aliens per se,

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Speaker 7: but it could be they could have been aliens. We

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Speaker 7: could all be aliens. I could be a fuck being alien.

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Speaker 4: I think you could be a fucking alien.

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Speaker 7: I think that would be pretty cool if I was

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Speaker 7: a fucking alien. But the only problem is, well, the

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Speaker 7: only problem is if I am an alien, I'm not

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Speaker 7: aware of it, and so I think.

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Speaker 3: That would be a bad thing.

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Speaker 4: Why would it be bad? Okay, I feel like we're

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Speaker 4: getting somewhere with this. So you're saying it would be

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Speaker 4: cool to be an alien, but it would be bad

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Speaker 4: to be an alien and not know you're an alien exactly.

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Speaker 7: It would be a matter of sort of being unaware

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Speaker 7: of my true self.

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Speaker 4: Do you think, actually this is a question I have

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Speaker 4: for you, Lady Frill, I don't know, I don't I

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Speaker 4: don't know if your name is Lady Frill. I think

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Speaker 4: I might have seen someone say that your name was

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Speaker 4: Lady Frill the chat. If your name is a lady Frill,

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Speaker 4: it'd be a cool name for like a you know,

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Speaker 4: a gamer tag or something. If you don't know if

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Speaker 4: to play call duty.

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Speaker 3: But Frill, I'll deal with that. Yeah, that's cool.

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Speaker 4: Do you think you could decide to be an alien

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Speaker 4: and then one?

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Speaker 7: I believe that if your will was strong enough, you

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Speaker 7: could decide to be whatever you wanted to be. Now,

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Speaker 7: it's not that the rest of society would accept you

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Speaker 7: for that, but.

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Speaker 4: Yes, if you could decide to be anything you wanted, Frill,

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Speaker 4: what would you want to be?

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Speaker 7: I think I'd like to be a mushroom growing in

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Speaker 7: a nice deciduous forest and some beautiful moss, maybe by

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Speaker 7: the side of a lake, with some trees towering above me.

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Speaker 7: Not necessarily a psilocybic mushroom, mind you, Perhaps just a beautiful,

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Speaker 7: benevolent mushroom, maybe a tasty mushroom.

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Speaker 6: It would all be It's great.

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Speaker 7: It would be a life cycle thing, the cycle of life.

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Speaker 4: Do you think there is a possibility that you are

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Speaker 4: a mushroom right now but you aren't aware?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 7: I do believe that I believe that anything is possible.

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Speaker 7: I believe that any part of our lives could be

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Speaker 7: a dream, and any part of our dreams could be

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Speaker 7: our actual lives. Or it could be a bunch of shit,

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Speaker 7: we could be nothing. It's all cool because it is

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Speaker 7: what it is, and nobody can know.

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Speaker 3: Exactly what it all is.

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Speaker 7: Except perhaps you, because you're the therapy gecko.

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Speaker 4: Well look, I don't know if you're a mushroom or

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Speaker 4: if you're an alien, or if you're if you are

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Speaker 4: the therapy gecko. Perhaps if you are, you know, a

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Speaker 4: man or a woman in a gecko suit. But but

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Speaker 4: I think you could be. It could be whatever you want.

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Speaker 4: And you know that's a good message to you know,

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Speaker 4: send home to the kids. I appreciate you bringing that

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Speaker 4: message onto the stream, sharing it with everyone here.

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Speaker 7: I appreciate the opportunity, and I send all my best

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Speaker 7: thoughts and my love to you. And I feel like

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Speaker 7: I've taken enough of your time, so I will I

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Speaker 7: will leave so that somebody else can avail themselves of

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Speaker 7: your your knowledge.

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Speaker 4: I love you very much, Phril. I'll talk to you soon.

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Speaker 1: Take care O Caul.

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Speaker 2: From Wednesday, when's they can ask you a question.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, man, have you ever had a vision? Dude?

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Speaker 8: That's why I called.

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Speaker 4: Hit me Wednesday?

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Speaker 8: Okay, okay, stay with me.

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Speaker 4: I'm with you.

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Speaker 8: I never left I. I've always had this theory that

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Speaker 8: I'm a witch. Okay, So a couple of times I've

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Speaker 8: thought about people and then that day I learned that

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Speaker 8: they're dead. So, like, one time there was this there

342
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Speaker 8: was this young girl on vine. Her name was Emma,

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Speaker 8: not Emma, I think Emma Greer. She went by Greer mostly.

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Speaker 8: She had cancer. I followed her for a long time.

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Speaker 8: Knew she had cancer, you know, but she was doing okay.

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Speaker 8: Kind of kind of fell off of her for a minute,

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Speaker 8: and then one day I just randomly thought about her,

348
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Speaker 8: and I like went to her Instagram and she had

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Speaker 8: died that same day.

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Speaker 2: Who's the other one.

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Speaker 8: I was like in class just talking to my friends

352
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Speaker 8: about my grandpa because he was really weird. I was

353
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Speaker 8: just telling him lots of stories about him. One time

354
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Speaker 8: he ran into a steak and shake with his car,

355
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Speaker 8: and I like, I like telling that story because that's funny.

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Speaker 1: Shit.

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Speaker 6: We were just.

358
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Speaker 8: Talking about him whatever whatever, And then I go home

359
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:41,080
Speaker 8: and that day my dad is like, got some bad news.

360
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Speaker 8: Grandpa died and like he wasn't that big of a

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Speaker 8: part of my life, Like I didn't really talk about

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Speaker 8: him normally, but that day I spent an entire class

363
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Speaker 8: period talking about my grandpa. And then same day, no

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Speaker 8: many died.

365
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Speaker 4: And so because of these you think you're a witch

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Speaker 4: or that you might be a witch.

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Speaker 8: This is where's gonna fall off, and everyone's gonna think

368
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:17,679
Speaker 8: that it's crazy. But I have had two boyfriends who

369
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:22,359
Speaker 8: I've gotten messy breakups with, and both of them, within

370
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Speaker 8: like a week after us breaking up, have wrecked their cars.

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Speaker 4: So you're making me like scared to talk to you.

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Speaker 4: I'm scared, Like now I feel like something's going to

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Speaker 4: happen to me.

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Speaker 8: No, don't worry, I won't manifest it. I think I

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Speaker 8: think that's the problem.

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Speaker 4: Okay, well hold on now, Well now I'm a little

377
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Speaker 4: Now I'm a little freaked out because what do you

378
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 4: mean you won't man Does that mean no?

379
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 8: No, no, no Nocause you're.

380
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Speaker 4: Saying you won't manifest it implies that you have some

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Speaker 4: control over this.

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Speaker 8: No, that's that's my fear. That's my fears. I just

383
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Speaker 8: think of these things that might just happen. But so then.

384
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Speaker 4: You don't have controls. You can't promise me anything.

385
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,479
Speaker 8: So I also have a really bad OCD. So if

386
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,919
Speaker 8: I just I've convinced myself, if I just do my

387
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 8: OCD stuff, then you won't die. So tonight I'll just

388
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Speaker 8: do my OCD stuff and you're all good.

389
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Speaker 4: Wednesday, you know what. I'm pretty I'm confident that I'm

390
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Speaker 4: not gonna die.

391
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Speaker 1: I'm confident, do you.

392
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,199
Speaker 4: You know, look, if you're about to flip a light

393
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 4: switch on it off twelve times, and open and close

394
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,800
Speaker 4: a folding chair four times, and stop your feet and

395
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,879
Speaker 4: clap your hands you know you don't have to do

396
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 4: that stuff for me. I'll I'll be fine either way.

397
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 4: But I appreciate the sentiment.

398
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:57,440
Speaker 8: Yeah, no, that was mostly a joke, but I would

399
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 8: have done I would have done a little OCD tick

400
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 8: for you.

401
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,720
Speaker 2: You just a little one, all right?

402
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 4: Maybe maybe phill a fill a bathtub with water and

403
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:10,160
Speaker 4: then drain it immediately after. Can you do that?

404
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 8: Uh, that's a lot of work. I was just gonna go,

405
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 8: like go like walk the front door again.

406
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 4: Yeah that's fine too.

407
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 8: Not the train not worth it? But you know, all right?

408
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:26,639
Speaker 1: All right?

409
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 4: GEG love you, Love you too, good night Wednesday.

410
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 1: Bye Caul from Taylor, Taylor, WHOA, I actually got through.

411
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Speaker 4: I know it's I'm surprised. I'm as surprised as you are.

412
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,440
Speaker 6: So I had a little bit of an issue about

413
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 6: a month ago hit my my fiance and I. We

414
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:58,080
Speaker 6: went camping with some friends and they brought some edibles

415
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,000
Speaker 6: and we all took probably took a little bit too much,

416
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 6: and then I lost all perception of time and had

417
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 6: a high panic attack. But a part of me kind

418
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 6: of wants to try it again, to relive that moment.

419
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 4: What do you feel like was enjoyable to you about

420
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 4: having this panic attack? What were the aspects of it

421
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 4: that you found endearing, Like.

422
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Speaker 6: Just realizing like that time is such a weird thing,

423
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,080
Speaker 6: Like how in our free time we have so much

424
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 6: of it, but really there's not enough of it. It

425
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 6: sounds kind of weird, But that's how I felt at

426
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Speaker 6: the time, So I wanted to relive that feeling. Am

427
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:47,199
Speaker 6: I weird for that?

428
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 4: You said that you don't have enough time? What don't

429
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:50,120
Speaker 4: you have enough time to do?

430
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 6: I mean, like life is so short, none of us

431
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,120
Speaker 6: have enough time. And I think that's why I went

432
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Speaker 6: into a panic attack.

433
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:00,480
Speaker 4: Enough time?

434
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 6: What I want to travel?

435
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:04,919
Speaker 4: Where do you want to go?

436
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 6: I'd really like to go to like Japan?

437
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 4: How old are you?

438
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:13,160
Speaker 6: Twenty six?

439
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,639
Speaker 4: All right, so you'll be alive by the time that

440
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 4: you can go to Japan without you know, getting coronavirus.

441
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 4: So you'll get to do that, all right. What else

442
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 4: we can get? We can keep going. We can plan

443
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,640
Speaker 4: out your whole life right here. I think you've got

444
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Speaker 4: time to.

445
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Speaker 6: Do it, though.

446
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, what what what do you want to do? You

447
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:36,200
Speaker 4: don't have time to do?

448
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:38,679
Speaker 3: See, I don't know.

449
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,639
Speaker 6: That's like the crazy thing is you start thinking about

450
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 6: like people who die young, and it's like, what if

451
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,920
Speaker 6: I get hit by a bus tomorrow, then I didn't

452
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:49,640
Speaker 6: have enough time?

453
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 4: You know what? What have you already done?

454
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:55,160
Speaker 3: I feel like not a lot.

455
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 4: Well, you had friends because you went camping with them.

456
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:05,400
Speaker 3: So that's yeah, that's true.

457
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:10,359
Speaker 4: You got to experience camping. The only thing that I

458
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 4: know about you is that you went camping with your

459
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 4: friends once. That's the only information I have about you.

460
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 4: But even within that, there's there's plenty of stuff. Okay,

461
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 4: what's another what's another thing that you have done?

462
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 6: Uh? I went to college, did you enjoy it.

463
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 3: No, I hated it?

464
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 4: Okay, well you got you got to hate something, that's true.

465
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:43,479
Speaker 4: That's a feeling. That is, you got to experience rage

466
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:49,520
Speaker 4: and frustration upon applying for financial aid. That's a visceral

467
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 4: human emotion that you've got to experience as a person

468
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 4: who is alive. All Right, you got to be pissed off.

469
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 4: You got to go camping, You got to have friends.

470
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,200
Speaker 4: That's like three things.

471
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, what else?

472
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:08,680
Speaker 4: What else do you want to do?

473
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 5: Uh?

474
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 6: I want to have if you.

475
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 4: Could do anything, you want to have kids. Yeah, you

476
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 4: got time to do that, that's true. I don't think

477
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:25,399
Speaker 4: that you can. Can this conversation be a substitute for

478
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,560
Speaker 4: you giving yourself a panic attack intentionally to discover that

479
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 4: you have time? Can we sub this in for you

480
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 4: intentionally drugging yourself and causing your self physical harm? Can

481
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 4: we just can we slide that out and slide this in?

482
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:43,160
Speaker 3: Yeah?

483
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 6: I think that's a good idea.

484
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 1: All right?

485
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 4: Cool? Well, Taylor, I love you and you've inspired You've

486
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 4: inspired me. I col'm I go camping now too.

487
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 6: I love you too, man, Thank you?

488
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 4: Take care of Taylor.

489
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 9: All right?

490
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 1: Bye?

491
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 4: I think I think we got time some people don't.

492
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:06,199
Speaker 4: Actually they don't have time. Some people have a defined

493
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,879
Speaker 4: amount of time left to live right now. Yeah, those

494
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 4: people don't have time. But Taylor has plenty of time.

495
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 4: That guy's already done a bunch of things. And I'm

496
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 4: and he's only told me like two things that he did,

497
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,360
Speaker 4: So I'm sure that within all the other stuff that

498
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 4: he's done that he didn't even talk about, you know,

499
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 4: there's like he's got to have done at least seven

500
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:29,639
Speaker 4: other things with his life. Then just have friends go

501
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 4: camping and send a fourth goddamn email to Financial Aid. Hello, Hello,

502
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 4: what's up?

503
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 10: Hey, I gotta I got a story I need. I

504
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 10: just need to talk to someone about kind of weird

505
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 10: all right?

506
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 4: Hit me.

507
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 10: So when I was a kid, I uh I had

508
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 10: I had this friend that lived down the road right

509
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 10: and uh, and we would always go reach each other's house,

510
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 10: and uh it was weird. But but one day I

511
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 10: had him over and and uh, you know, we kind

512
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 10: of live out and uh, I wouldn't say the country,

513
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 10: but you know with places with a little a little

514
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 10: more property, and uh, there's a snake, dude, and the

515
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 10: snake did my friend right, And so I just got mad.

516
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 10: And picked up the snake, and and I naturally hated snakes.

517
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 10: So I just started whamming this thing around and uh,

518
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 10: you know, just trying to kill it, and uh, the

519
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 10: thing wouldn't.

520
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 3: Die, man.

521
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 10: So I got up on my roof where I had

522
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 10: my basketball goal, and I just started whamming this thing

523
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 10: against the back of my basketball goal, and uh, I

524
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 10: killed it. But the blood was all over the back

525
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 10: of my basketball goal. And my friend was no longer

526
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 10: friends with me anymore because he thought I was a

527
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 10: serial killer, and my parents thought I was weird, and

528
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 10: it kind of scarred the both of us as kids.

529
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 4: Have you told anyone else this?

530
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 10: No, not besides my friend.

531
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 4: You mean the friend that was in the story, or

532
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 4: a different.

533
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 10: Friend the friend that was in the story, So.

534
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 4: No one else knows about this. You haven't told anyone

535
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 4: else in your private life about this?

536
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 10: No.

537
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 4: I was too scared, man, What are you scared of?

538
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 10: I was scared people would think I was weird. I

539
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 10: just I was just trying to protect my friend.

540
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 4: I feel like you went a little overboard, though. I

541
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 4: feel like you protected your friend and then you went

542
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 4: a little too far because I feel like, here's what

543
00:30:53,840 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 4: I think happened in that scenario. You started with one

544
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 4: set of intentions and you ended with another. You know

545
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 4: what I'm saying. Yeah, the intentions that you started out

546
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 4: with were to protect your friend, and in the heat

547
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:17,400
Speaker 4: of the moment you grabbed that snake. I believe you

548
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 4: grabbed that snake with the true, pure purpose of protecting

549
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 4: your friend. But halfway into your first whale of the snake,

550
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 4: halfway into your first pure intention led whale of this snake,

551
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 4: it a switch immediately flipped because you felt a sense

552
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 4: of power as you inflicted pain upon the snake. And

553
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 4: as soon as you felt that first bit of power,

554
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 4: the intention that you initially had to protect your friend vanished,

555
00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 4: and in its place grew a new and tension, the

556
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 4: intention of proving to yourself that you are more powerful

557
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 4: than a snake, out of possibly some form of insecurity

558
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 4: that you feel when you look at snakes.

559
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 10: Yeah, I think you're right.

560
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 4: M I think you should tell a therapist about this.

561
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 10: Yeah, it's just it's just so weird, you know, man.

562
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 10: Like I'm I'm genuinely not a weird kid, you know,

563
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 10: Like I have lots of friends, I do a lot

564
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 10: of normal stuff, you know, and I have a normal life,

565
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 10: but it's just just this one story. I don't know,

566
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 10: it's like the one thing you know, that set separates

567
00:32:56,680 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 10: you from from other kids. You know, it's just weird.

568
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 4: I think the only way you're going to get past

569
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 4: this is to tell other people, uh yeah, preferably you know,

570
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 4: you know, uh uh, you know specialists, and you should

571
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 4: follow whatever council they give you after you tell them. Yeah,

572
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 4: what'd you say? Your name was?

573
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,240
Speaker 10: Casey?

574
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 4: All right, Casey. Look, I wish you're the best of

575
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 4: luck in your future endeavors. And I appreciate you calling

576
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 4: into the show.

577
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 10: I appreciate your time. Thanks you share you too, man.

578
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 10: Bye bye.

579
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 11: Call from Jackie Jackie, Jackie, you're at a party?

580
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 4: Or Jackie? Are you're at a party right now?

581
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 11: Hello?

582
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 4: Are you at a party right now? You're sounding like

583
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:54,480
Speaker 4: you're at a party.

584
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 6: I am not.

585
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:56,720
Speaker 11: Well, see, I'm not at a bar.

586
00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:57,600
Speaker 1: I'm so this.

587
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 4: So why are you at a bar right now? Jackie?

588
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 4: Why are you doing that?

589
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 1: Hello?

590
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 11: I'm out at the bar now?

591
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 4: All right, you're out at the bar now?

592
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 11: I am out?

593
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 6: Yes?

594
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:09,880
Speaker 4: So why are you on like a patio or something?

595
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 11: Well? Yes, like it's outdoors? You know, so I'm not

596
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 11: I'm not inside.

597
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,959
Speaker 4: Wait, so what do you mean you're out? Both of ways?

598
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 4: How are you? How can we? How can you be out?

599
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 4: If you are were If you're out now, that means

600
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 4: that you must have at one point been in.

601
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 11: Well, so there you know you have to go inside

602
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 11: and get a get a drink, right, So I went

603
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 11: in siding out the drink and then I'm outside now.

604
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 4: And so you're walking down the street.

605
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 11: Now, I'm just yeah, I'm just perusing, you know, if

606
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 11: one does, how are you?

607
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 4: You know? I'm okay, that's good, I'm glad. What what

608
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,320
Speaker 4: made you want to go out to a bar this evening?

609
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:55,800
Speaker 11: It's socializing?

610
00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 1: You know?

611
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:00,839
Speaker 4: Did you meet did you meet any new who? Did

612
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 4: you meet any new people?

613
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 2: I know.

614
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 11: You're not supposed to No, No, I'm just meeting the

615
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:09,359
Speaker 11: people I know.

616
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 4: So you're socializing with people that you already know.

617
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,400
Speaker 11: Yeah, And there's like a man and sitting sitting in

618
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 11: a in a truck bed across the street from me,

619
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,400
Speaker 11: looking at me like, why are you talking to a getcko?

620
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 4: But he doesn't know what you're talking to it. He

621
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 4: doesn't know you're talking to a ge.

622
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:26,919
Speaker 11: He doesn't yet No, not yet.

623
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:28,400
Speaker 4: What do you mean are you gonna tell? Are you

624
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 4: gonna tell him?

625
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 11: I might yell across the street and seek he knows

626
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 11: about therapy, get go, you know, during the GEK squad.

627
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 11: Whatever you are.

628
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:39,920
Speaker 4: I appreciate the sentiment of that, but I don't want

629
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:40,880
Speaker 4: you to bother that guy.

630
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 11: No, they're just chilling. I'm gonna let them. I'm gonna

631
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 11: let them vibe, you know.

632
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:47,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, don't you know? Don't bother them with that.

633
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:49,879
Speaker 11: No, they're just in their look.

634
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 4: If he find if he finds it, that's great, but

635
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:53,360
Speaker 4: he I don't want to push it on them.

636
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 11: Oh it's okay, Yeah, No, no pure pressure for the gag.

637
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 4: Are you okay? Right now? You seem you seem.

638
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:08,439
Speaker 11: Oh, I am, But that's just my personality. I'm I'm

639
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 11: not drunk. This is just who I am as a person.

640
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 11: And that's actually true. You're really good at the long silences.

641
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:24,840
Speaker 11: I'll give you that. I wish my therapist.

642
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 5: Did that.

643
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:27,239
Speaker 4: Tell me about your therapist.

644
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 11: Oh, she's cool. Her name is Carrie. We talk about

645
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 11: conspiracy theories and TikTok all the time.

646
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:33,799
Speaker 4: How long have you been seeing a therapist? For?

647
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 11: Oh like six months? Probably I think everybody could benefit

648
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:39,319
Speaker 11: from it.

649
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 4: You know, do you feel like you have issues in

650
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 4: your life that are worthy of being talked through with

651
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 4: a therapist?

652
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 11: I mean probably we all do. We all have life

653
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 11: experiences and nobody has like one hundred percent great life.

654
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 4: What percent would you say your life is at right now? Jackie?

655
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 11: Oh, it is wonderful. I am so happy. I adopted

656
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 11: a cat and everything.

657
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 4: So you got a cat at home? Why why are you?

658
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:13,439
Speaker 4: Why are why are you going out? Jackie? You sound

659
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 4: like you have you sound like you have a good

660
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 4: life at the house.

661
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 1: Well, so.

662
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 11: We're we're hanging out with my boyfriend's old roommate and

663
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 11: his girlfriend and they're great. We're having fun.

664
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie, that sounds pretty boring. But but

665
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 4: it sounds mainly boring to me because I don't know

666
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 4: your boyfriend and his college roommate's friends. It might be

667
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 4: interesting to you because you know them.

668
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:36,799
Speaker 11: Yeah, I know that's that wouldn't.

669
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 4: I wouldn't risk going out to a bar to meet them.

670
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:43,239
Speaker 11: Well, so there's a small portion that's inside, and then

671
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 11: they're outside and I'm outside.

672
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 4: You know, jack I think you should go back to

673
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 4: your friends.

674
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 11: Okay, and like I'm not. I'm good, but yes, I

675
00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,760
Speaker 11: appreciate that you are. You are correct?

676
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 4: All right, you know, tell them, tell them, I said,

677
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 4: If you don't, don't, I don't really want to talk

678
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 4: to him, no offense, all right, Jackie, I love you

679
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:13,279
Speaker 4: and I'll talk to you.

680
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:16,359
Speaker 11: Oh you get ci.

681
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little worried about Jackie.

682
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,319
Speaker 4: I'm actually less worried about Jacket. No, actually I'm not. Now, No,

683
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 4: I'm not worried about Jackie at all. I don't think

684
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 4: that there exists anything on this earth that could give

685
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 4: Jackie a bad day. I'm significantly more worried for everyone

686
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:44,280
Speaker 4: that Jackie comes into contact with for the next two weeks.

687
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 4: That's a little bit more what I'm worried.

688
00:38:46,360 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 2: About, all right, how from Dan, Dan Banjie.

689
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 3: Angie, Angie Angie.

690
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm calling because I was dropped on

691
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 9: my head as a kid and not as a joke

692
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 9: like legitimately, and so I have memory issues, long term

693
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:23,520
Speaker 9: memory issues. So anything like more than like six weeks,

694
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 9: I'll completely forget. I was in a like one of

695
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 9: those high backed bar chairs when I was like two, supposedly,

696
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 9: and I was pushed back, fell in the back of

697
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 9: my head on some tile.

698
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 4: I can't have met. Like, how did your parents react

699
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:42,920
Speaker 4: when that happened?

700
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 3: I don't know too.

701
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:48,440
Speaker 4: Have they, I mean, have they told you? Have you

702
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 4: talked to them about it at all? Since since then?

703
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:52,760
Speaker 3: Yeah?

704
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 9: Yeah, well, I mean, uh, they were worried. So they

705
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 9: they called an ambulance and shit, and and I had

706
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 9: to have like staples put in the back of my

707
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 9: head to like piece my skull together, and so I

708
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 9: still have like scars from that on my hairline. So

709
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 9: they were worried. I think, I guess I'd assume.

710
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,239
Speaker 4: I'd assume as well.

711
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 9: Have you ever watched I can't remember what the movie

712
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:26,320
Speaker 9: is called, like one hundred First Dates or something, where

713
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,399
Speaker 9: Adam Sandler goes on and state with his shick who

714
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 9: forgets everything the next day. You know it is Okay.

715
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:40,479
Speaker 9: I watched that, and it's such bullshit, I should say,

716
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,800
Speaker 9: based on my own experience, because there's no way you

717
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,360
Speaker 9: can remember something and then you fall asleep in the boom,

718
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,839
Speaker 9: it's all gone. It's more of like a gradual thing.

719
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 9: But the other day I was hanging out with my

720
00:40:55,160 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 9: girlfriend and I was going on about this new game

721
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:04,040
Speaker 9: among us, and I was like telling her how awesome

722
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,320
Speaker 9: it was, and I was like, we should play it sometime,

723
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:08,759
Speaker 9: and she looked at me dead in the eye and

724
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,879
Speaker 9: she's like, Angie, we were playing that two days ago.

725
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 9: I was like, no way, because that's too soon for

726
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 9: me to forget, Like my memory is pretty good short term.

727
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,839
Speaker 9: And she convinced me, and she like pulled out her

728
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 9: phone and showed me that she had the app and

729
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:34,760
Speaker 9: I don't know, I kind of just sat there and walked.

730
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 9: I kind of like looked at her. I'm like, is

731
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 9: this shit getting worse? Am I gonna forget?

732
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:44,960
Speaker 4: Everything? Happen?

733
00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 9: Well, things things that quickly. Not often. It's like normally

734
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 9: it'll be, uh, someone will talk about something we did

735
00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:00,359
Speaker 9: last year, right, so a long enough time and where

736
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 9: my hippocampus, which is what was messed up, kind of

737
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,840
Speaker 9: just deletes it all, right, So they'll be talking about

738
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,279
Speaker 9: or I'll see myself in like a picture from a

739
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:13,479
Speaker 9: camping trick I took three months ago something like that,

740
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:18,160
Speaker 9: and it'll be me like, I can recognize myself in

741
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:22,719
Speaker 9: the picture, but I don't know, I can't recall any

742
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 9: memories from that event or like anything leading up to it.

743
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 4: How long ago was was was the among us thing

744
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 4: between when you forgot it and when it happened.

745
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 9: When we talked about it, it was two days.

746
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 4: Two days and you and before that you'd never forgotten

747
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 4: something that was only two days old.

748
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 9: I mean, shit, I've forgotten things that are like I

749
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 9: can't remember what I ate for dinner last night unless

750
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:53,400
Speaker 9: I really think about it. But uh, you know, my

751
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:56,440
Speaker 9: girlfriend she's a great Yeah, she's a great She's a

752
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 9: great chick. And like I remember almost everything we do

753
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 9: for like a pretty long time, so that I feel

754
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 9: like should have lasted longer.

755
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,360
Speaker 4: Did you talk to a doctor about this? About like

756
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 4: the like about that the feel that it's getting worse.

757
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 9: Not about it's getting worse. I kind of have a

758
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:20,879
Speaker 9: thing with doctors, man, right, So a lot of times

759
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:24,359
Speaker 9: people have to remind me how, uh like why I

760
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:28,360
Speaker 9: feel certain ways, But like doctors scare me, and so

761
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 9: my parents basically.

762
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 1: Keep you know.

763
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 9: I have this book that I basically keep and I

764
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 9: like read it often to remember remind myself about certain things,

765
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:43,719
Speaker 9: and like the one entry a half for doctors, it's

766
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 9: just like they tried fixing me. I guess with psychotherapy

767
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:51,360
Speaker 9: it's kind of like normal therapy, except they try to

768
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 9: like access your memories, kind of like hypnosis, right, but

769
00:43:55,080 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 9: that shit doesn't work, and instead it's just like imagine

770
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 9: if you were put under hypnosis and they're trying to

771
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 9: bring you back to a memory, but instead of a memory,

772
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:10,719
Speaker 9: it was just emptiness, like darkness. There's nothing there, right,

773
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:15,760
Speaker 9: So you still go there, but instead of remembering stuff,

774
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 9: you're just non existent.

775
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 4: So it's like a corrupt file where like you can

776
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 4: see the file, but you can't open it.

777
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:30,400
Speaker 9: You know something's there, right, It's like it's it's like

778
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 9: an emptiness in a box. Right, something's supposed to go there,

779
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,360
Speaker 9: and maybe you can see the outline of it. You

780
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 9: can't actually like take out the lego set and build it.

781
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:47,359
Speaker 4: How does memory therapy? What do they do to try

782
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 4: to access your memories?

783
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 9: Basically, I was supposed to get all relaxed, close my

784
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 9: eyes and just like breath deeply, and then they'll they'll

785
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:01,240
Speaker 9: like walk me through my memory by going like, okay,

786
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:07,439
Speaker 9: remember last Thursday night was two days ago, think back

787
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,600
Speaker 9: to that night. They just have their little stickies on

788
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:12,719
Speaker 9: my forehead and on the back of my head, and

789
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:16,319
Speaker 9: so they measure. I don't know, brain waves, I don't know,

790
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 9: and they basically like, look at that, ask me stupid questions,

791
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 9: and then I start saying like nothing, right, and they're like, well,

792
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 9: just think harder, remember harder. I'm like, the fucks how

793
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:30,840
Speaker 9: you do that? It's impossible. Start walking through a wall,

794
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 9: it doesn't work, Try.

795
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:35,920
Speaker 4: Harder, right, this kind of this might be a corny question,

796
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 4: and maybe it comes from this weird place, but do

797
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 4: you feel like the fact that you can't access your

798
00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:48,280
Speaker 4: past as well as most people can gives you allows

799
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:49,880
Speaker 4: you to live better in the present.

800
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:54,759
Speaker 9: Sometimes sometimes I listen to people and they'll like, tell

801
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:58,400
Speaker 9: me a traumatizing story from their past, right, will be

802
00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 9: any number of things. And when I think of being

803
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 9: in their shoes and like having to remember that every day, Jesus.

804
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 4: So you're I mean, so you're kind of like would

805
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:15,240
Speaker 4: you say you're more or less like medically impervious to trauma?

806
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:18,359
Speaker 9: So yes?

807
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 4: And no? Right?

808
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,719
Speaker 9: So, like I was talking about with doctors, like going

809
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 9: into a doctor's office or or talking to someone that

810
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 9: I know the doctor like gives me anxiety even though

811
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 9: there's no reason for me to have anxiety, right, Like,

812
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 9: because I can't remember all these tests they do besides

813
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,799
Speaker 9: the weekly thing. And like Sarah's who's the person I

814
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:44,319
Speaker 9: see each week. She's like chill, She's just you know,

815
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 9: she's not that bad. But for whatever reason, like when

816
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 9: I go on the call, and when I go and

817
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 9: I sit down, like my hands are all clammy and

818
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 9: I like kind of start to shake and like breathing

819
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 9: is hard and and all that, according to them, is

820
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 9: like past trauma. So it's not that I don't have it,

821
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 9: it's just like instead of knowing why it's happening, it's

822
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:07,000
Speaker 9: just kind of just happening, you know.

823
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 4: Interesting, So you're so you you're not impervious to trauma.

824
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:16,760
Speaker 4: You just kind of feel it without knowing, without having

825
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 4: like a place to bring it back to.

826
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 9: Yeah yeah, yeah. Like so if you watch it moving in,

827
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:27,920
Speaker 9: they're like, oh shit, something something bad is gonna happen.

828
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 9: Like that's that's exactly the feeling. It is, like you

829
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,240
Speaker 9: don't know what's behind the dark door in the basement,

830
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 9: but like you know, if you open that ship, there's

831
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 9: gonna be something that pops up and bites you. And

832
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:41,279
Speaker 9: I know people want to get on the phone line,

833
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 9: So I'm gonna hop off. Let let some people that

834
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,400
Speaker 9: can actually remember ship get on here. But I just

835
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 9: want to think you get You're amazing. Whoever's on here,

836
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:52,480
Speaker 9: you guys are amazing. If I remember you later on,

837
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 9: I'll say hi and uh have a good Winday all

838
00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 4: Right, you have a good night too, Angie, take care man,

839
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 4: peach out guys, Thanks again for gone goodness.