1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,199
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

2
00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,920
Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host and we got some great stories

3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,920
Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

4
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:09,160
Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

5
00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:13,520
Speaker 2: My boyfriend belittled my biggest achievement, so why snapped at him?

6
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:14,320
Speaker 3: Oh wow?

7
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,680
Speaker 2: Top for a new boyfriend, right? I know? Right? Might

8
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:22,800
Speaker 2: be Last week, I female forty one, took my boyfriend

9
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:26,239
Speaker 2: Tony Mail forty two, five years together out on a

10
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:31,640
Speaker 2: date to celebrate a huge career milestone. Since twenty fourteen,

11
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:36,280
Speaker 2: I've been working towards a very comprehensive project from concept

12
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:40,760
Speaker 2: to reality. What would that be? From concept to reality?

13
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:44,360
Speaker 2: I'm thinking tech right now? Okay, I took all the steps,

14
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,720
Speaker 2: got into a better situation six years ago, and I

15
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:52,080
Speaker 2: got commitment from investors to make it into its next face.

16
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,680
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Mean Tackle ninety three

17
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,240
Speaker 2: And if you want to speak your own stories, go

18
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,720
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit.

19
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,240
Speaker 4: I'm Riley, Hey, I'm Casey, and I'm Carly.

20
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,720
Speaker 5: And today we have a very special guest joining us.

21
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,480
Speaker 5: We have Casey Lee, founder of a life Partner by

22
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:11,280
Speaker 5: Casey Lee and a woman's dating strategist based in Laguna Beach.

23
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:15,640
Speaker 5: She helps high achieving women attract emotionally available, commitment ready

24
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:20,399
Speaker 5: partners using a psychology based, intentional approach to dating. One

25
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,680
Speaker 5: she used to meet her own husband in just three months.

26
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:28,319
Speaker 5: Now through her Husband Attraction Mastery program, Casey helps women

27
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,399
Speaker 5: break unhealthy dating patterns and choose partners with clarity and confidence.

28
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:33,560
Speaker 4: We're excited to have you.

29
00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:37,559
Speaker 2: Yes, we have never had a dating coach on before.

30
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:38,080
Speaker 3: Mmmm.

31
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, so excity to be here. Good good, We're going

32
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,520
Speaker 2: to be getting so many good tidbits from you for

33
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,000
Speaker 2: our ladies here in the chat. And by the way,

34
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,240
Speaker 2: we're here to give good of ice scoofully. We do

35
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,760
Speaker 2: have an expert, so she's gonna help us. I'm gonna

36
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,800
Speaker 2: be goofy. And if you guys have anything we want

37
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,320
Speaker 2: to add, please add them in the comments down below.

38
00:01:55,720 --> 00:02:00,160
Speaker 2: So Tony is an engineer, so so real quick, we

39
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,520
Speaker 2: got Tony who's an engineer, op which is our author

40
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,680
Speaker 2: who's like seems like she's killing it in the workforce.

41
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,440
Speaker 2: They're both in their forties. Important to the story. We

42
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:13,640
Speaker 2: meant college and I've always considered him smart and a

43
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,200
Speaker 2: bit of my dream guy. I thought we would have

44
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:19,880
Speaker 2: a quiet dinner, reaffirm being there for each other, and

45
00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:23,600
Speaker 2: then go have spicy sleep. Instead, I had to hear

46
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:27,720
Speaker 2: him ranting saying, how unrealistic I am, that I'm biting

47
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:31,520
Speaker 2: more than I can chew off. Oh my gosh, Okay,

48
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:35,320
Speaker 2: that's so mean. Sounds like you can't handle a girl boss.

49
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,519
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean some insecurity there.

50
00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, what kind of insecurity would you say? Is here

51
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:40,639
Speaker 2: so far?

52
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,639
Speaker 3: Let's dive a little bit more into the store. I

53
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,440
Speaker 3: got a little more context before I can really diagnose.

54
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:49,280
Speaker 2: Gotcham not gonna make this too long, So the whole

55
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:52,800
Speaker 2: thing sounded like who do you think you are? From him,

56
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,320
Speaker 2: I had to explain, there's no way I'm trying to

57
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:59,040
Speaker 2: bite off too much. I've built my credibility, have worked

58
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,560
Speaker 2: very hard to dablish a decent track record, and acquired

59
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:07,400
Speaker 2: a solid associates to bring additional standing for a project. Still,

60
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,800
Speaker 2: he made very derogatory remarks, the kind of ones he

61
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:15,560
Speaker 2: does in disbelief or chronic disapproval. And nothing is going

62
00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:20,120
Speaker 2: to happen that I'm stuck and I compromise myself for

63
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,720
Speaker 2: which he is concerned. I am mad at myself for

64
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:26,840
Speaker 2: not saying anything on the spot. Instead, I've been overthinking.

65
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,720
Speaker 2: He and I had plans to get married, raise our

66
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:33,359
Speaker 2: kids in a blended family, and grow old together. He

67
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:37,720
Speaker 2: didn't congratulate me. He didn't even give me a celebratory kiss.

68
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,760
Speaker 2: I haven't cried yet because I'm numb. The things he

69
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:44,160
Speaker 2: said struck a chord in a bad way. So basically

70
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,120
Speaker 2: he thinks that I've been lucky. I did talk to

71
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,520
Speaker 2: him about it after I went to my place, and

72
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:53,080
Speaker 2: he doubled down with suspicions of cheating on my part.

73
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,000
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, should that even come from?

74
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,720
Speaker 4: Wasn't this a work related thing? Yeah?

75
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:03,000
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, a nice thank you? You know. Yeah, Well,

76
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,520
Speaker 2: whenever you and your partner like it's a big promotion

77
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,800
Speaker 2: at work, what's like your initial reaction.

78
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,760
Speaker 3: Happy for him? I mean, if you see yourself as

79
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,840
Speaker 3: part of a team, his wins are my wins. My

80
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,680
Speaker 3: wins are his wins, so there really shouldn't be any

81
00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:17,520
Speaker 3: competition in a healthy relationship.

82
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:21,480
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think it's because she's like she's killing it.

83
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,480
Speaker 3: So have they been together for five years?

84
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:25,200
Speaker 2: Five years?

85
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:29,159
Speaker 3: Okay? And she works in possibly tech. Got a large

86
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,080
Speaker 3: investment into her project, probably around a funding.

87
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's when I'm thinking.

88
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,640
Speaker 3: And he's saying that she got lucky.

89
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:39,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, doesn't sound like luck. And she's been working

90
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,680
Speaker 2: on this project for was it six or seven years?

91
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,280
Speaker 4: I'm looking right now. It's definitely up there.

92
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:47,400
Speaker 2: It's been a little bit longer than this relationship.

93
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:49,560
Speaker 3: Six years.

94
00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:53,719
Speaker 2: Six years, that's a long time. Yeah, lucky over six years.

95
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,000
Speaker 4: That's pretty hard work.

96
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:59,240
Speaker 2: Come on, Yeah, he says, there's no way I could

97
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,320
Speaker 2: get this far. I asked if he's mad because my

98
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:06,440
Speaker 2: project would also include his industry, which he's very proud of,

99
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,640
Speaker 2: and he denied it. This is like an eye bucket

100
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,479
Speaker 2: to my head. We tried to talk two nights ago

101
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:16,040
Speaker 2: at his place, and I left feeling worse. He said

102
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,920
Speaker 2: he wants a partner to enjoy life together, that I'm

103
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,640
Speaker 2: too old to dedicate myself to a massive project because

104
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,720
Speaker 2: I should have done it earlier. I don't understand since

105
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,400
Speaker 2: years ago he wanted a successful woman for himself. Interesting,

106
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,120
Speaker 2: he said, I needed to make up my mind between

107
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:36,600
Speaker 2: my reality, which is our tangible relationship, and my perceived

108
00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:40,560
Speaker 2: new developments. I reminded him about what he said, and

109
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,360
Speaker 2: that his words about me cheating or sleeping my way

110
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:48,640
Speaker 2: through my careers was especially disrespectful because he knows I

111
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,800
Speaker 2: had a bad situation early on at some point and

112
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:56,159
Speaker 2: was concerned for my safety. He says, I was being manipulative.

113
00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:02,000
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, no sympathy whatsoever. Right here. I could

114
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,560
Speaker 2: not I couldn't even continue this conversation if I was

115
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:04,920
Speaker 2: with them.

116
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,000
Speaker 3: Wow, those are some crazy revelations.

117
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,680
Speaker 2: The thing that confuses me literally on he said, I

118
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:15,359
Speaker 2: want a successful woman. What's this new thing here? It

119
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,440
Speaker 2: sounds like he wants someone. When he says the thing

120
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,760
Speaker 2: that kind of like got my mind to go crazy

121
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,760
Speaker 2: was I want someone to enjoy my life with. Sounds

122
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,520
Speaker 2: like he kind of wants someone that's not as ambitious

123
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,239
Speaker 2: towards their career.

124
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,880
Speaker 3: Okay, so it sounds like he has a little bit

125
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:34,120
Speaker 3: of anxious attachment style, like he's afraid of being abandoned

126
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,839
Speaker 3: by her by this new project. Right, so, for six

127
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,760
Speaker 3: years she had been working towards something, but there was

128
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,880
Speaker 3: always a chance that she may have failed. So he

129
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:46,560
Speaker 3: didn't quite show his true colors yet. But the moment

130
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:49,120
Speaker 3: she got a big investment or a big round of funding,

131
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,480
Speaker 3: all of a sudden, he's fearing like, oh, my gosh,

132
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,960
Speaker 3: she may leave me, or she may be so consumed

133
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,200
Speaker 3: by this project, and that fear of abandonment, that need

134
00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:01,119
Speaker 3: for reassurance is very typical of anxious attachment style.

135
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,760
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I did not know that there was

136
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:03,240
Speaker 2: a style.

137
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:07,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, So have you heard of the four attachment styles? No? Okay,

138
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,000
Speaker 3: So there are four attachment styles that most people fall into.

139
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,160
Speaker 3: And the first is the healthiest style. That's secure, a

140
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:18,320
Speaker 3: healthy attachment. That's the style that everyone wants to work towards.

141
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,320
Speaker 3: And that's when you feel comfortable with yourself, you feel

142
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,440
Speaker 3: like you have self worth, you feel that you can

143
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,040
Speaker 3: love someone else fully, you're not afraid of vulnerability, you

144
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:30,400
Speaker 3: can handle conflict in a very healthy way, and you

145
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:35,640
Speaker 3: can communicate clearly. The other three insecure, unhealthy attachment styles.

146
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:39,160
Speaker 3: Over fifty percent of adults fall into goodness, which yeah,

147
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,920
Speaker 3: I know, I did. Two A lot of people do.

148
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:46,560
Speaker 3: And it really springs from your childhood, your upbringing. Right, So,

149
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,480
Speaker 3: if you grew up in some kind of unhealthy, emotionally

150
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,760
Speaker 3: unsafe environment in some way that impacted you and then

151
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:57,160
Speaker 3: later was reinforced by your adult relationships, you will tend

152
00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:01,120
Speaker 3: to develop an unhealthy, insecure attachment. The three types of

153
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:05,600
Speaker 3: those are anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.

154
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:09,080
Speaker 2: I've never heard of disorganized before. The other two are familiar,

155
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,280
Speaker 2: but what's disorganized.

156
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:13,720
Speaker 3: Disorganized is a combination of both anxious and avoidant, and

157
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,200
Speaker 3: another term for it is called fearful avoidant. That's a

158
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,360
Speaker 3: synonym for disorganized. Yeah, but to kind of walk you

159
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,080
Speaker 3: through real quickly, like, what are the traits of each

160
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:27,400
Speaker 3: type of insecure unhealthy attachment. So anxious attachment is when

161
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,840
Speaker 3: you fear abandonment, when you need a lot of validation

162
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,880
Speaker 3: or reassurance, and when you also have a tendency to

163
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:39,600
Speaker 3: chase after emotionally unavailable partners. And then avoidant attachment is

164
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:43,640
Speaker 3: when you fear vulnerability, and so when you feel like

165
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,200
Speaker 3: you're getting too close to somebody emotionally, or when there's

166
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,880
Speaker 3: conflict and you can't get through to somebody, your instinct

167
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,960
Speaker 3: maybe to shut down or run. And then the third

168
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:58,000
Speaker 3: is disorganized, which is a combination of both anxious and avoidant,

169
00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,000
Speaker 3: which has a very much of a push pull behave.

170
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,280
Speaker 3: So you want love, you want to get close, but

171
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,520
Speaker 3: then once you get close, you get afraid and then

172
00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:06,240
Speaker 3: you push away.

173
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:10,440
Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh, I'm just looking back at all of

174
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,880
Speaker 2: the things I think. I think I'm in the the

175
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:17,599
Speaker 2: disorganized part there, but since being on the podcast, I

176
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,480
Speaker 2: feel like I'm more in the secure part. But I

177
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,840
Speaker 2: do remember like if I'd have like a conversation or

178
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,079
Speaker 2: something and I feel like I couldn't get through to someone,

179
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,520
Speaker 2: I would just shut down immediately. But you're saying this

180
00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:30,240
Speaker 2: person has an anxious attached out correct.

181
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,480
Speaker 3: It sounds like it's just based on the context of

182
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:36,600
Speaker 3: this story. Because a he is fearing abandonment, which is

183
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:41,000
Speaker 3: why the moment something great happens for her career that

184
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:44,200
Speaker 3: will monopolize a lot of her time, all of a sudden,

185
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,040
Speaker 3: he's saying, you know, like, you're not prioritizing our relationship,

186
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,800
Speaker 3: you're not prioritizing our future goals. And he's seeking that

187
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,880
Speaker 3: reassurance and that validation from her, And then you know,

188
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:58,600
Speaker 3: that's obviously an insecure, unhealthy way of communicating. I don't

189
00:09:58,600 --> 00:09:59,760
Speaker 3: know if he's recognizing that.

190
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,400
Speaker 2: It doesn't sound like it. Oh my goodness, he called

191
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,040
Speaker 2: me last night like nothing happened. I broke up with

192
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,040
Speaker 2: him and told him to look in the mirror and

193
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,640
Speaker 2: asked himself why he was dumped by all of his exes.

194
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,200
Speaker 2: He said, I was using very personal things that he

195
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:17,400
Speaker 2: told me against him and that it was disappointing. I

196
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:21,320
Speaker 2: texted him back and said, I'm not responsible for his

197
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:25,480
Speaker 2: reactions when he was so inconsiderate. I'm seeing if there's

198
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:29,760
Speaker 2: an update for this person, But I mean, you would

199
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,080
Speaker 2: break up with this person, right.

200
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,920
Speaker 3: I almost curious, like why whether or not she saw

201
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,640
Speaker 3: these red flags earlier on in her six years, because

202
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,760
Speaker 3: six years is a very long time to all of

203
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,920
Speaker 3: a sudden have this epiphany that this behavior is coming

204
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,640
Speaker 3: out of nowhere. There must have been signs earlier than

205
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,160
Speaker 3: now that perhaps she may have overlooked.

206
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of times when we read stories like this,

207
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:54,200
Speaker 2: they'll post it and then in their update it's like,

208
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,560
Speaker 2: oh yeah, this red flag, this red flag, this red flag,

209
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,760
Speaker 2: because they're like actually taking a second and a beat

210
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,599
Speaker 2: in it's like, oh my gosh, I was being mistreated

211
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,400
Speaker 2: throughout in these so many other areas. So it probably

212
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,720
Speaker 2: will hit her in like a week or so, but

213
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:11,280
Speaker 2: that's usually how it goes as like one bad conversation

214
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:15,400
Speaker 2: then oh my gosh, the red flags. So ope continues.

215
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,560
Speaker 2: He has been asking me to apologize since he woke up.

216
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,439
Speaker 2: He sounds weird and a bit depressed, and he says

217
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:25,480
Speaker 2: I used painful situations in his past for leverage. His

218
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,839
Speaker 2: ex wife divorced him, his ex fiance cheated and left

219
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,280
Speaker 2: him before the wedding. I don't feel like I owe

220
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:36,240
Speaker 2: him anything. I didn't mention anything specifically, but I just

221
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,120
Speaker 2: said it's his fault that his women run for the

222
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:43,240
Speaker 2: hill figuratively. Am I the a hole for refusing? Although

223
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:47,360
Speaker 2: I think it this affected him mentally? But didn't he

224
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,560
Speaker 2: also say something very personal that happened to you and

225
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,480
Speaker 2: accuse that whenever he's like, oh, you were just sleeping

226
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,280
Speaker 2: your way to the top.

227
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, where did that come from? I mean, like, was

228
00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:01,200
Speaker 3: there solid evidence or any inclination that she did or

229
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,080
Speaker 3: is that just a defensive behavior that he just threw

230
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:08,679
Speaker 3: out so that she could stop accusing him of his behavior? Perhaps?

231
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,920
Speaker 2: I think so. And the way the conversation went is

232
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:16,199
Speaker 2: he accused her first and then said that and brought

233
00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:19,720
Speaker 2: up her past because she was harmed early on, and

234
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:22,040
Speaker 2: then it went back and forth. But yeah, it's just

235
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,920
Speaker 2: kind of crazy that the second the fingers pointed at him,

236
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:26,720
Speaker 2: he's like whoa, wait, you can't do that. You can't

237
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:30,160
Speaker 2: use my personal things against me. Oh my goodness, these

238
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:33,400
Speaker 2: people we haven't edit. He works the same job since

239
00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:37,480
Speaker 2: he graduated college, with a very well recognized company that

240
00:12:37,559 --> 00:12:41,560
Speaker 2: comes with status and stability. He has access to nice

241
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:46,360
Speaker 2: things and it's not like my project will affect his company. Yeah,

242
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,960
Speaker 2: that is so weird. So what would you say is

243
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,959
Speaker 2: the reason he acted this way? But like it is

244
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,320
Speaker 2: because of his attachment style.

245
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,120
Speaker 3: I think so. I mean, like it seems like the contacts,

246
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,160
Speaker 3: based on all the information she shared this post, he

247
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:05,480
Speaker 3: was abandoned by his ex wife, or he was divorced,

248
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,800
Speaker 3: and then he was abandoned by his ex fiance. So

249
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:12,560
Speaker 3: there's a pattern of him being abandoned by people that

250
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,840
Speaker 3: he loved, people that he thought he could stand beside

251
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:20,320
Speaker 3: for a very long time. And perhaps this is just

252
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:24,240
Speaker 3: another reminder that the people that he loves will leave him,

253
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,920
Speaker 3: because obviously starting a new venture a startup is very

254
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,120
Speaker 3: time consuming. It takes up majority of your energy and

255
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:35,240
Speaker 3: your time, and I would think that it does spring

256
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:39,959
Speaker 3: his anxious attachment style that is clearly unresolved because he's

257
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,959
Speaker 3: gone through multiple women and he still has this attachment

258
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:46,520
Speaker 3: style that he possibly unrecognized and he's not aware of

259
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:47,080
Speaker 3: it right now.

260
00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:51,080
Speaker 2: Someone mentioned actual drop Bear says, maybe he's taken the

261
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,360
Speaker 2: red pill. That could do you know what the red

262
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,880
Speaker 2: pill is? Yeah? Oh goodness, CALLI how would you like

263
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,319
Speaker 2: explain the red.

264
00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,679
Speaker 5: I don't even know how I'd start to explain that basically,

265
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:05,000
Speaker 5: just like has he been hearing from other people like

266
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:09,800
Speaker 5: a lot of I feel just like pro man things

267
00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:11,880
Speaker 5: is the best way to put it, Like men are

268
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,400
Speaker 5: better than women and stuff like that, and it if

269
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,280
Speaker 5: you get red pilled, it's gotten into your head so

270
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:18,560
Speaker 5: much that you believe it now.

271
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:23,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like this whole goodness is like Reddit, like

272
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,440
Speaker 2: that the toxic areas of Reddit or like four Chan,

273
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:30,840
Speaker 2: and it's like women haters.

274
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:33,960
Speaker 3: Cell stuff pop in a toxic masculinity, yes.

275
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,600
Speaker 5: To the max, And it's just like all they're hearings

276
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,200
Speaker 5: so then they get red pilled because then they're like,

277
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,080
Speaker 5: well if all these men are saying it.

278
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:45,560
Speaker 3: Like hmm, yeah, I mean gosh, I really am curious,

279
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,360
Speaker 3: like what has happened in these six years? And there

280
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,640
Speaker 3: has to have been a pattern before this, you know,

281
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:55,240
Speaker 3: like usually attachment styles really come out during conflict, that's

282
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:59,240
Speaker 3: when you really see them in full force, because during conflict,

283
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,160
Speaker 3: that's when you feel them most vulnerable. When you're with

284
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,160
Speaker 3: someone you love, you hit a wall, you hit a roadblock,

285
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,200
Speaker 3: you're not able to get through to them or communicate

286
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,840
Speaker 3: with them in an effective way, and then therefore you

287
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,240
Speaker 3: feel like your heart's just laying there on the line. Yeah,

288
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,480
Speaker 3: and you're seeing how they respond to your insecurities.

289
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm assuming you have a secure attachment style. But

290
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,360
Speaker 2: before you found your way to that, what kind of

291
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,520
Speaker 2: attachment style did you have?

292
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,880
Speaker 3: Yeah? I had an avoidant attachment style. Oh yeah, So

293
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,440
Speaker 3: you know, your attachment style is very heavily influenced by

294
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:34,440
Speaker 3: your upbringing, right, so observing your parents, your caregivers, the

295
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,120
Speaker 3: kind of home environment that you lived in, and then

296
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:41,400
Speaker 3: is later reinforced by your adult relationships. So, growing up,

297
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:45,520
Speaker 3: I witnessed, you know, a lot of unhealthy relationship dynamics

298
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:49,160
Speaker 3: between my parents, and I developed avoidant tendencies. I was

299
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,160
Speaker 3: afraid to fall in love with the wrong person because

300
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,560
Speaker 3: I knew that they would hurt me. I was afraid

301
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,960
Speaker 3: to truly trust someone because I've seen the pain that

302
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,960
Speaker 3: someone that you love could inflict upon you, and so

303
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,680
Speaker 3: I actually I knew that I had these trust issues.

304
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,040
Speaker 3: I didn't know how bad they were until I was

305
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,960
Speaker 3: dating my husband. He was the first man that I

306
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,840
Speaker 3: really saw a real future with.

307
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:11,480
Speaker 2: Wow.

308
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,680
Speaker 3: Yeah. And so even after like fifteen years of dating,

309
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,320
Speaker 3: I had been in relationships, but none to the extent

310
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:21,480
Speaker 3: where I was serious enough to seeing a real future

311
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:25,440
Speaker 3: with someone. And so it was only until he was

312
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:29,720
Speaker 3: the one actually that pointed out some of my conflict

313
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:34,080
Speaker 3: management skills that were underdeveloped while we were dating, and

314
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 3: that I had the tendency to shut down and run

315
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,920
Speaker 3: away when things got hard, and he was the one

316
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,160
Speaker 3: that encouraged me to work on them, because otherwise, how

317
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,600
Speaker 3: do you grow from that when someone is constantly shutting

318
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,080
Speaker 3: down and running away when things get hard? And so

319
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:51,440
Speaker 3: I really committed to therapy and with his encouragement and

320
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,840
Speaker 3: then just seeing how safe his love was, it really

321
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,800
Speaker 3: did help me develop into a secure attachment, which is

322
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:58,440
Speaker 3: what I have now.

323
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:02,240
Speaker 2: I love that how safe his love was. Wow, how

324
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,760
Speaker 2: did you take that whenever he first pointed it out?

325
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,040
Speaker 2: Or how did he bring that to you?

326
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,320
Speaker 3: I mean, it had happened over and over again, and

327
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:10,800
Speaker 3: I had recognized it as well. Because he, you know,

328
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,719
Speaker 3: pointed out to me that, hey, you know, like the

329
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,679
Speaker 3: way that you keep fighting is not healthy. You know,

330
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,000
Speaker 3: you can't keep running away when things get hard. How

331
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,960
Speaker 3: are we supposed to grow our relationship if you keep

332
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,199
Speaker 3: doing this? You know, we talk about building a future,

333
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,480
Speaker 3: we talk about marriage. You know, show me that you

334
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,960
Speaker 3: can actually work through these roadblocks. And so that's when

335
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,560
Speaker 3: I realized, you know, if I don't work through these things,

336
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:35,600
Speaker 3: I may lose this incredible man that I have been

337
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,720
Speaker 3: waiting for fifteen years to find. You know, I can't

338
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,760
Speaker 3: keep doing the same patterns I had been doing before.

339
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,880
Speaker 3: And so you know, he and I are both really

340
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:49,360
Speaker 3: growth oriented and really committed to evolving in our relationship.

341
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,800
Speaker 3: And so that's kind of when I really hunkered down goals.

342
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,879
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I want to be like you guys.

343
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,040
Speaker 2: That's so awesome.

344
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,960
Speaker 3: Thank you, But I do. I will say that, don't

345
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,399
Speaker 3: wait until you find the right partner to heal your

346
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:07,159
Speaker 3: attachment style, because if he wasn't patient enough, if he

347
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,920
Speaker 3: wasn't kind and empathetic and compassionate enough, I could have

348
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:11,520
Speaker 3: lost him.

349
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:12,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

350
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,520
Speaker 3: Right, you don't want to wait until you found the

351
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,240
Speaker 3: right person. Risk it all. And then realize he was

352
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:19,119
Speaker 3: the one that got away.

353
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,479
Speaker 2: Oh, and then you're like so many movies about that

354
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,359
Speaker 2: that I was watching The Great Gaspie. That's kind of

355
00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:27,040
Speaker 2: like his whole arc is like Daisy, the one that

356
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:29,240
Speaker 2: got away, and he's doing everything he can to relive

357
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,679
Speaker 2: the past. H No, No, could not do that. We

358
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:36,119
Speaker 2: do have some questions for you. A question I just

359
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:40,560
Speaker 2: thought of is when you were working with your clients,

360
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,280
Speaker 2: what it sounds like is this one of the things

361
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,399
Speaker 2: you work on them with or what what are some

362
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,120
Speaker 2: other aspects that you of their personalities that you work

363
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:48,640
Speaker 2: on them with.

364
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,560
Speaker 3: Usually when a new client comes to me, the women

365
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,320
Speaker 3: that I work with are naturally very growth oriented, which

366
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,960
Speaker 3: is why they seek mentorship from someone whose experience in

367
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,320
Speaker 3: my field. And so when they come to me, you know,

368
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,560
Speaker 3: first we go through her dating patterns. She walks me

369
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,720
Speaker 3: through her dating history. What are the struggles that she

370
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:09,200
Speaker 3: keeps encountering, whether it's not being able to get past

371
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:13,040
Speaker 3: the third day, not being able to attract quality men

372
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 3: that she wants to build a future with, or you know,

373
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:20,680
Speaker 3: either getting ghosted or finding herself in situationships. And then

374
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:24,200
Speaker 3: from there, once we kind of unveil her old dating patterns.

375
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,639
Speaker 3: Then I'm able to assess what could be her attachment

376
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,920
Speaker 3: pattern and we kind of talk through that. Usually most

377
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,080
Speaker 3: people have of over fifty percent of adults have developed

378
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:37,520
Speaker 3: some kind of unhealthy attachment pattern, so whether anxious, avoidant,

379
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:41,600
Speaker 3: or disorganized. And then from there she's able to come

380
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,480
Speaker 3: to these revelations like, Wow, maybe it's because of my

381
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:48,879
Speaker 3: anxious attachment style, that's why I keep chasing after emotionally

382
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:53,359
Speaker 3: unavailable men, or that's why yeah, I keep feeling like

383
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,159
Speaker 3: For example, I do work with widows and many of

384
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:01,640
Speaker 3: them do have anxious attachments because they have their husband

385
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:05,680
Speaker 3: who they loved left them, and so they fear that

386
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,800
Speaker 3: someone who I love is going to leave me and

387
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 3: leave me vulnerable. And so once we identify that, then

388
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,760
Speaker 3: we kind of determine how deep is her trauma, and

389
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:20,480
Speaker 3: either I recommend that she seeks therapy before we work

390
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,680
Speaker 3: together or alongside our work together, so that she can

391
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:27,679
Speaker 3: heal and heal the subconscious that could be holding her

392
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 3: back or repeating these same old patterns. And then from there,

393
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 3: once she's gotten to a better point of healing, then

394
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:39,399
Speaker 3: we work towards skill building and we work through learning

395
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,560
Speaker 3: the dating and healthy relationship skills that are required to

396
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:47,320
Speaker 3: navigate the dating stages with ease, and then also how

397
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 3: to learn what your non negotiables are and a partner

398
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:53,440
Speaker 3: because that's the only way that you can target him

399
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 3: and therefore attract him.

400
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow, that's pretty comprehensive right there. But with someone

401
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,840
Speaker 2: that has a growth mindset, that's probably like, oh, I

402
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 2: love this, this is perfect for me. So our first

403
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,240
Speaker 2: question from our audience is what is your favorite couple

404
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,680
Speaker 2: that got together through your work and why does their

405
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 2: story stand out to you.

406
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 3: I do work with widows, So one story that really

407
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 3: touched me was a widow that came to me. She

408
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,080
Speaker 3: had lost her husband seven years prior. She was a

409
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:28,639
Speaker 3: single mother to a young son, and she had experienced

410
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 3: multiple losses. So before her husband passed away, her parent

411
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:32,720
Speaker 3: also passed away.

412
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 2: Wow.

413
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 3: And so that compounding grief that you know, points to

414
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:42,159
Speaker 3: an anxious tendency, anxious attachment tendency where she feels like

415
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 3: the people I love will leave me. And so she

416
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,639
Speaker 3: then she described dating men who would ghost her. So

417
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:53,600
Speaker 3: it kind of points to chasing after emotionally unavailable men

418
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,679
Speaker 3: as well. So after you know, we started working together.

419
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 3: She also was seeking therapy alongside us coaching, and she

420
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,119
Speaker 3: found like a widow support group to help her, you know,

421
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 3: find like minded people who have gone through the same

422
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:11,480
Speaker 3: level of loss. And then from there we really worked

423
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:15,120
Speaker 3: on skill building. So from the very beginning, and I'm

424
00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 3: a huge advocate of online dating. By the way, I

425
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,880
Speaker 3: know a lot of people have bad things to say

426
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 3: about online dating. It is honestly one of the best

427
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,639
Speaker 3: ways to attract a quality partner. It is one of

428
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:25,959
Speaker 3: the most efficient ways.

429
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 2: Back I think, like one hundred I guess one hundred

430
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 2: and twenty years ago, I read that the way people

431
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 2: would meet their partners was through dancing, Like like, you know,

432
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,640
Speaker 2: they get together and they do dancing or whatever. That's

433
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 2: how they met like partners. But everyone seems to hate

434
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,120
Speaker 2: online dating. Why would you be such a big advocate

435
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:45,400
Speaker 2: of it.

436
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that it's mainly because most of us

437
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 3: were not taught how to date and build healthy relationships.

438
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:53,640
Speaker 4: Right.

439
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you look at our school system, our school

440
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,159
Speaker 3: system is really equipped to teach us the skills to

441
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,679
Speaker 3: find a job and to contribute to society professionally. But

442
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,640
Speaker 3: a huge other part of our life is our romantic partnerships,

443
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 3: and many times we're just wading through this dating maze

444
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,879
Speaker 3: through trial and error, repeated heartbreak. And that's why so

445
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 3: many people feel confused about modern dating is because there

446
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 3: was no formal way for us to educate ourselves and

447
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 3: learn the skills on how to date and navigate through

448
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 3: the dating stages with ease, with confidence.

449
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:31,959
Speaker 2: Wow, I never even thought of that. That's crazy. Yeah,

450
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,520
Speaker 2: we do need to school. I feel like my parents

451
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,560
Speaker 2: did a pretty good job because I grew up Christian

452
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 2: in a Christian household, and my mother was very, very

453
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,640
Speaker 2: adamant that anytime I talked to a girl or any

454
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 2: girl that I'm interested in, that I treat her like

455
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 2: my sister.

456
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 4: And she was like, and that helped you with dating?

457
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 3: That sounds weird, don't hold hands with your.

458
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,199
Speaker 2: Yeah, that put fear of me. And it took me,

459
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 2: like maybe till I was like sixteen to actually kiss

460
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 2: a girl because it's like, yeah, just what she did.

461
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 2: But uh, one of the biggest things she told me

462
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 2: was always be friends with her first before she's your girlfriend.

463
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,400
Speaker 2: And I've kind of like made this motto of when

464
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,119
Speaker 2: I'm with my partner, if there's ever anything that like

465
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 2: maybe conflicting because I'm your boyfriend. I'm your friend first,

466
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,440
Speaker 2: let's talk about that, and then let I'll be your

467
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 2: boyfriend and then you know, you can stack up to

468
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 2: that to whatever. But yeah, that's so crazy. What would

469
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:37,920
Speaker 2: you say, like the US government in your perfect world,

470
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 2: what could the US government do or like anything to

471
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:44,880
Speaker 2: do to implement, like, I guess, a healthier dating style.

472
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 3: Just basic knowledge about how to find a compatible life partner,

473
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,879
Speaker 3: because you know, physical intimacy, a lot of it is

474
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 3: driven by instinct, right, But at the same time, a

475
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,160
Speaker 3: lot of people get hurt when they enter into physical

476
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 3: intimacy to se and they emotionally attach with the wrong

477
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 3: person and they end up dating them for far longer

478
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,680
Speaker 3: than they should. So really, the skill of learning how

479
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,120
Speaker 3: to date for a compatible life partner, I feel like, yeah,

480
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 3: there should be courses on this, there should be classes.

481
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:17,639
Speaker 3: But because relationships are so complex, because everyone has a

482
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,200
Speaker 3: different attachment style, that it really does take a long

483
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,200
Speaker 3: time to teach these skills. I mean not a long time,

484
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 3: but it takes time to teach these skills. So in

485
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 3: my program, which is the Husband Attraction Mastery, it takes

486
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 3: about a month to learn the dating and relationship skill

487
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,160
Speaker 3: set for you to really feel confident, but to kind

488
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,680
Speaker 3: of go back to your first question or the audience's

489
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:42,080
Speaker 3: first question about my favorite story with the widow and

490
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 3: my favorite client story, so to kind of talk you

491
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 3: through the framework of how to learn these kinds of

492
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 3: skill sets. So first she really understands herself, she learns

493
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,640
Speaker 3: what's important to her, her values, her lifestyle, her future

494
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 3: long term life goals, and then from there she's able

495
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 3: to to come up with a list of non negotiable

496
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 3: traits that she needs to have in a life partner and.

497
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,320
Speaker 2: That would look like or what's like the most common one.

498
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 3: Very common ones are kind, empathetic, compassionate, loyal, patient, But

499
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 3: also you really want to look into backgrounds, right like,

500
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 3: if you know that you want a life partner from

501
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 3: a certain cultural standpoint or a certain faith based standpoint,

502
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 3: then that should be part of your non negotiables. If

503
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:32,400
Speaker 3: there is, for example, if you want to have kids,

504
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 3: if you want to have marriage, if you don't believe

505
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 3: in prenups, these are part of your non negotiable traits

506
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 3: that you need to be very specific about, and that

507
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 3: requires really knowing yourself well, otherwise you'll come up with

508
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 3: these broad terms which most people do kind, empathetic, patient, loyal,

509
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 3: that's the very baseline of what you want your life

510
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 3: partner to be. So then after she comes up with

511
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 3: this non negotiable traits, then we are able to curate

512
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 3: a dating profile to target specifically that man. Because what

513
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 3: most people end up doing and why most people hate

514
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 3: online dating, is that they curate dating profile to attract

515
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 3: attention from the masses.

516
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 2: So it sounds like you're creating hunters.

517
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 3: We're targeting very specific people, right, because the psychology of

518
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:21,360
Speaker 3: a casual dating man or someone who just wants casual

519
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 3: connections will be very different from the psychology of a

520
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 3: man who's ready for marriage, having a family, kids. That

521
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 3: requires a whole different level of thinking, of commitment, of readiness,

522
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 3: of emotional availability. And so when you're targeting those types

523
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 3: of men, your profile will look different, will speak differently,

524
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 3: will naturally weed out the casual men because he'll look

525
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 3: at your profile and be like, oh, you know, I

526
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 3: don't think she's down for a one night stand, you know,

527
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,400
Speaker 3: and it will speak to the men who are like, oh,

528
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:58,120
Speaker 3: she's really talking about building a family, wanting a life partner,

529
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,439
Speaker 3: you know, building a meaningful relationship that will last the

530
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,800
Speaker 3: test of time. So once we create that, create that

531
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 3: dating profile, then right off the bat, she's able to

532
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 3: attract quality men that she never was able to before. Yeah,

533
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:14,479
Speaker 3: because before she was attracting attention from the masses, So

534
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 3: she was filtering through casual men hookups, you know, men

535
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 3: who and then out of that group, then she has

536
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 3: to find the most compatible out of these incompatible men.

537
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 3: So right off the bat, she's already not hitting her target.

538
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:30,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then.

539
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:34,480
Speaker 3: She will find herself repeating the cycle of attracting emotionally

540
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 3: unavailable men, men who don't want what she wants, men

541
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 3: who don't have the core compatibility that she wants, and

542
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,360
Speaker 3: then she'll keep encountering heartbreak.

543
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:45,239
Speaker 2: Oh my god, can we like say her name or

544
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 2: can we make up a fake name for her? Lucy Lucy?

545
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 2: Okayy call her Lucy. So you get Lucy, you get

546
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 2: her non negotiables, you get all all this stuff she

547
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 2: hits the day. And the first thing that she does

548
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 2: after she gets all that she hits the day as right, well.

549
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 3: I mean concurrently with skill building in other areas, Like

550
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 3: she's got to learn how to be an eloquent conversationalist.

551
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 3: She's got to learn how to be an attractive and

552
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 3: desirable in person data right, So she's got to learn

553
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 3: those confidence building strategies and what to expect when you're

554
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 3: conversing with men online, what to expect, how to navigate

555
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 3: the first, second, third date without feeling awkward, without second

556
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 3: guessing yourself, without making the man uncomfortable. You know, these

557
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 3: are all skills that you learn in order to navigate

558
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 3: these stages with ease and not trip up yourself.

559
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 2: Gotcha, So she's on the dating profiles learning and Lucy,

560
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 2: how did she find her life partner?

561
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 4: Yeah?

562
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 3: So then you know, after she was able to start

563
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 3: attracting quality men, then she would have learned the skill

564
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 3: set to filter out the wrong ones quickly, which is

565
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 3: something that a lot of women struggle with. The second

566
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 3: guess themselves. They see red flags, but they don't actually

567
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 3: act upon on them, and they keep giving more and

568
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 3: more chances to the wrong men. And so she's able

569
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 3: to filter them out quickly. When she's able to find

570
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 3: one that is most compatible with her that she feels

571
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:13,719
Speaker 3: comfortable entering a relationship with, then she embarks on a

572
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 3: healthy relationship and she's able to connect with him on

573
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 3: a level that she wasn't able to with prior men. Yeah,

574
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 3: and he is wanting the things that she wants because

575
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 3: she's choosing based off of core compatibility, whereas most people

576
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 3: are choosing purely based off of chemistry, which is short

577
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 3: term interesting.

578
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 2: So compatibility and chemistry. With compatibility, that looks like things

579
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 2: in common, values in common, and what would chemistry kind

580
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 2: of just look like.

581
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, So a healthy relationship needs both chemistry and core compatibility.

582
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 3: So chemistry is when you're physically attracted to someone and

583
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,200
Speaker 3: when you have a strong emotional connection with them. That's

584
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 3: when you're like, wow, I have that spark, I have

585
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 3: that something that's drawing me to this person. That's chemistry,

586
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 3: and that will take you into the infatuation phase. But

587
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 3: what happens after the infatuation phase, after that passion eventually regulates,

588
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,959
Speaker 3: then you really look at the substance of the relationship

589
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 3: and that falls to core compatibility. So there are three

590
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 3: main components of core compatibility. It's aligned life values, aligned

591
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:24,160
Speaker 3: a lifestyle, and aligned long term life goals. So those

592
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 3: three things are the strongest predictors of long term happiness

593
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 3: and success in relationships.

594
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 2: Oh wow, so with Lucy, she's weeding out them in

595
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 2: finding the ones that are compatible. How many dates did

596
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 2: she go on before she was able to, like find

597
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 2: the one I.

598
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 3: Think she was dating for I want to say eight months? Okay, yeah,

599
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 3: before she found someone that she wanted to be in

600
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 3: a relationship with and really see where it could go.

601
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 3: And that takes a lot of discernment, right, is that

602
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 3: a you need to be patient, but also be if

603
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 3: you're dating the right way. Dating is not exhausting or draining.

604
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 3: It's fun. Actually, it's light, it's enjoyable, it's an adventure.

605
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,880
Speaker 3: So and on top of that, she's dating quality men,

606
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 3: So she's not dating men who are ghosting her, who

607
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 3: are misleading her, who are you know, not wanting the

608
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 3: same things as her, And she's learning not to chase

609
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 3: after these men. You know, part of learning the skill

610
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 3: set is a knowing when to stop projecting a fantasy

611
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 3: onto somebody. Because a lot of women, you know, they

612
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 3: first of all kind of rewinding a little bit, right.

613
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 3: Most people learn about dating and relationships through these avenues.

614
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 3: It's mainly watching our caregivers, our parents, dynamics, the media

615
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 3: which is like TV and movies, and then peer anecdotes

616
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 3: or peer observations, and then personal trial and error. So

617
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 3: these are the main ways that people learn. And you know,

618
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 3: a lot of us grew up in unhealthy homes, you know,

619
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 3: unhealthy relationship dynamics, and we absorb that, so that off

620
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 3: the bat kind of sets you off on a disadvantage.

621
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 3: And then if you're learning through the media like rom comms, Disney.

622
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 2: Movies, oh goodness, Disney movies don't even started on that.

623
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, like those are great to watch because

624
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 3: they're dramatized and they're exaggerated. But if you actually take

625
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:25,680
Speaker 3: those concepts and apply them to your real life, you're

626
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 3: going to experience a lot of heartbreak because those movies

627
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 3: and TV shows tend to show an impossible situation and

628
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 3: then someone has blind faith and love or blind hope

629
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 3: and then miraculously, with enough hard work or effort, it

630
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,680
Speaker 3: becomes a fairy tale. But a lot of times it

631
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 3: doesn't show that whether or not these two people were

632
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 3: compatible in the first place, because if you're chasing after

633
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 3: someone who's incompatible, yeah, you might be in a relationship,

634
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 3: but it will eventually end in heartbreak. You will eventually

635
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 3: get your heartbroken. It doesn't show that. And then of

636
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 3: course peer anecdotes, you know, a lot of us are

637
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 3: kind of like the blind leading the blind. You know,

638
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:06,520
Speaker 3: you're just kind of hearing what your friends have to say,

639
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 3: hearing about their dating horror stories, trying to learn from that. So,

640
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 3: going back to Lucy, she learned to stop projecting fantasies

641
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,800
Speaker 3: onto men. She learned to observe who they were. Clearly,

642
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 3: she learned to date multiple men simultaneously. That's a way

643
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:31,879
Speaker 3: to prevent premature fixation or premature obsession on any one person, right,

644
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 3: spreading out your energy, spreading out your focus. And then also,

645
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,960
Speaker 3: if you're someone who tends to emotionally attach very quickly

646
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 3: after physical intimacy, then practicing that restraint, waiting until you

647
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 3: have found a compatible boyfriend who wants commitment, who wants

648
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 3: to build a real life with you, and then entering

649
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 3: into a safe relationship where you can allow your emotional

650
00:34:55,920 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 3: connection to deepen after intimacy. All of these stratag are

651
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 3: what prevents you from getting your heartbroken.

652
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, because really, when you're getting out there finding your

653
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 2: life partner, you've really got to like embrace the toughness

654
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:12,840
Speaker 2: of it. And it sounds like these strategies are like

655
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 2: a perfect way of you know, kind of dodging those

656
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,680
Speaker 2: things so you're not heartbroken like every other weekend.

657
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, for sure. And you know a big part

658
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 3: of finding your life partner is protecting that optimism, protecting

659
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 3: that hope and that belief that true love exists, true

660
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:31,800
Speaker 3: love is real, right because otherwise, if you keep getting

661
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:35,240
Speaker 3: your heart broken again and again, or you keep entering

662
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 3: and exiting marriages again and again, you will then become

663
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 3: one of those cynics who sometimes you hear like true

664
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,880
Speaker 3: love doesn't exist, it's a lie. Don't ever get married

665
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 3: marriage will you know, slowly drain your energy and you'll

666
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:51,720
Speaker 3: be like an empty shell.

667
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 4: Right.

668
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,959
Speaker 3: You hear those people who are so cynical in love,

669
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 3: and you don't want to become those people.

670
00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I see, I'm gonna get out our chat. I

671
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,440
Speaker 2: do see sometimes with our chat or people that watch

672
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 2: our show, they're at a point where like all dating

673
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 2: is just not for me, or like things don't happen

674
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 2: because I believe they've been through so many like bad

675
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 2: relationships or bad things that they've been through were like

676
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 2: their hope's gone, and you really is it hard to

677
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 2: get your hope back together after being like heartbroken for

678
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 2: so long.

679
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 4: Yeah.

680
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 3: I mean, anyone who's been through a bad breakup knows

681
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:27,840
Speaker 3: how emotionally destabilizing that is. You know how painful that

682
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:33,480
Speaker 3: is to your emotional and physical well being. So heartbreaks,

683
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 3: you know you need to take time to heal. You

684
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:39,760
Speaker 3: need to take time to feel comfortable being alone, finding

685
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:43,360
Speaker 3: other passions and happiness in your life apart from a

686
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 3: romantic relationship. I honestly feel that the ones, the people

687
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 3: who are able to find their life partner quicker feel

688
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:55,360
Speaker 3: comfortable being on their own. They really have connected to

689
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,399
Speaker 3: their inner self. They feel grounded and authentic and who

690
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 3: they are, and they go in with the belief that

691
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 3: if I'm able to find my life partner, amazing, but

692
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 3: if not, then at least I could still build a

693
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:09,879
Speaker 3: fulfilling life on my own.

694
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 2: Wow.

695
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 3: Right, instead of chasing after a relationship after a relationship

696
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:18,920
Speaker 3: and fearing being alone or fearing you know, sitting in

697
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 3: that aloneness, I guess right being single. There are a

698
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 3: lot of people.

699
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 2: Like that in life. I have seen some people where

700
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 2: them and their partner are like two peas in a pot,

701
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,239
Speaker 2: like each one of them are each other's halves, and

702
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:35,919
Speaker 2: then they see other people where they're like two individuals,

703
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:39,400
Speaker 2: but each person's sort of like the whipped cream and

704
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 2: the cherry on top, Like they just make life a

705
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 2: little bit sweeter. And I find that those people that

706
00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:46,920
Speaker 2: are like two individual things and they just make each

707
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 2: other's a life sweeter lasts longer than the ones that

708
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,120
Speaker 2: are like two peas in a pod are like half

709
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 2: and half. Because I've seen like two breakups recently where

710
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 2: they're like two peas in a pod and they were

711
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 2: together for like five years, four years, maybe six years,

712
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 2: but then something just like it happened and it comes

713
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 2: out that they were like very codependent on each other

714
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 2: or like you know, things like that came out of it. Yeah.

715
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,239
Speaker 3: I mean, when you're so comfortable with someone and you

716
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 3: have ingrained your life so deeply with them, sometimes you

717
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:19,760
Speaker 3: stay in relationships just out of familiarity, not necessarily based

718
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:22,720
Speaker 3: on the fact that you both share long term life

719
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 3: goals together, but it's more like you're coasting. And a

720
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 3: lot of times I hear about these kind of relationships

721
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 3: where people stay for six years and then they break

722
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:35,240
Speaker 3: up and it's mainly because either they were first dating

723
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 3: casually right, they were just dating for companionship. They weren't.

724
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 3: They hadn't learned how to date with intention, They didn't

725
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,359
Speaker 3: have an end goal in mind, per se. They were

726
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 3: just looking for someone to spend time with. Companionship, you know,

727
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,720
Speaker 3: be physically intimate with. But if someone is truly ready

728
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 3: to find their life partner, dating with intention will get

729
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 3: you there much faster, right, You will find your partner

730
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:01,279
Speaker 3: within less than a year.

731
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow, so Lucy was able to find her partner

732
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,880
Speaker 2: within eight months. How are they now? What are they

733
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 2: looking like today?

734
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,360
Speaker 3: Yeah? The last time I spoke to her, she was engaged.

735
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 2: Wow, Oh my gosh, congrats to her.

736
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so you know, I'm so proud of her,

737
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 3: and I'm so honored that, you know, she entrusted me

738
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 3: with guiding her in such an emotionally raw journey for her.

739
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 3: Right for someone to have experienced such profound loss that

740
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 3: no one really you wouldn't want to wish that on anyone,

741
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:35,720
Speaker 3: And then for her to grow and develop and gain

742
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 3: that confidence and that belief that I do deserve love.

743
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 3: You know, even though I'm in my fifties and I

744
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 3: have a child, you know, it's not too late for

745
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 3: me that I can still find a right partner for me.

746
00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:48,800
Speaker 3: So she found a man who is a single father,

747
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:52,279
Speaker 3: was you know, willing to blend their families together, raise

748
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 3: their children together. And she finally found that joy and

749
00:39:56,640 --> 00:40:01,720
Speaker 3: peace and love again that she an experience for almost

750
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:02,280
Speaker 3: a decade.

751
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I had a question for you about that.

752
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, where we did to go? But that

753
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 2: is so that is so awesome for Lucy. Ah, it

754
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:12,760
Speaker 2: was a good one. Oh my gosh.

755
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:13,800
Speaker 3: Okay, it might come.

756
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 2: Back to you hopefully, hopefully, Dan, I gotta stop mulling over.

757
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:18,800
Speaker 2: But I have the next question for you. What should

758
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 2: women stop blaming themselves for when dating doesn't work out?

759
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean women should stop blaming themselves for not

760
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,799
Speaker 3: knowing what they were never taught. Right. So it kind

761
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:34,280
Speaker 3: of goes back to how we learn about dating and relationships.

762
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 3: We weren't taught formally, how to navigate through dating in

763
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:46,240
Speaker 3: a very confident, calm way, how to date with intention,

764
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:49,680
Speaker 3: how to find a compatible life partner. We weren't taught

765
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 3: these things, So don't beat yourself up. What I would

766
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 3: then focus on is focusing on skill building, right, learn

767
00:40:57,160 --> 00:41:00,879
Speaker 3: these skills, learn how to be a good learn how

768
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 3: to attract quality men, learn how to build a healthy

769
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 3: relationship from the ground up. I always tell the women

770
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 3: I work with that success in dating comes down to

771
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 3: three things. First is preparation, right learning the skill sets

772
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:18,520
Speaker 3: that you were never taught. Second is authenticity, knowing who

773
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 3: you truly are, staying true to your core and not

774
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 3: shape shifting to become someone else just to feel chosen.

775
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:31,760
Speaker 3: And then third is your intuition. Trusting your intuition, trusting

776
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 3: that what you bring to the table, who you are

777
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 3: at your core, your authentic self, is good enough to

778
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 3: attract the kind of man that you want to build

779
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 3: a life with, and then stop second guessing yourself. So

780
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:46,680
Speaker 3: once you feel prepared, once you are confident in who

781
00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 3: you are, in your authentic self, you then trust your intuition,

782
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 3: so you'll see the red flags much sooner. You'll realize

783
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 3: which men are wrong and exit those interactions much quicker

784
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:01,439
Speaker 3: than giving too many chances the wrong men, And then

785
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:04,160
Speaker 3: that will take you down the path of the right

786
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:05,720
Speaker 3: man much much sooner.

787
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 2: I found out my question while you were talking, are

788
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 2: you ever like your client's therapists at times? Because we're

789
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 2: like getting to you or like getting on the real

790
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 2: and then you're like, Okay, this is what we can

791
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 2: work with.

792
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 3: I mean, I would say that therapy is more so

793
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 3: about healing past wounds and healing the subconscious, and my

794
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 3: work strategy coaching is more so identifying attachment patterns, identifying

795
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 3: old dating patterns, and then finding a plan forward. So

796
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 3: and then building a skill set to find that plan forward. Right. So,

797
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 3: if someone has deep emotional trauma, whether it's abuse, whether

798
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 3: it's something that grief, profound loss, I could help to

799
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 3: some extent, but really that work needs to be from

800
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:55,880
Speaker 3: a therapist to really work on the subconscious, the root cause.

801
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 3: And then from there, once she's regained a certain level

802
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 3: wholeness again, where she feels like she's more grounded, she's

803
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:06,359
Speaker 3: on more steady footing, that's when my work can really

804
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:06,919
Speaker 3: take off.

805
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 2: Wow, I've never thought of a therapist working solely on

806
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:13,719
Speaker 2: just past things. I guess that that is really what

807
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 2: they do in your forward therapist maybe like preparing people

808
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:19,880
Speaker 2: for the future. Yeah, I gotta play with that. I

809
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 2: gotta play with that. So I have their next question.

810
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:26,680
Speaker 2: When clients first come to you, what specific situation usually

811
00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 2: pushes them to Finally, ask for help.

812
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:32,879
Speaker 3: Usually it's a repeated cycle of disappointment.

813
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 2: And frustration, losing that hope, yes.

814
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 3: Well losing that hope, but also recognizing that even though

815
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:42,439
Speaker 3: I'm going through these different men, it's the same outcome. Right,

816
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 3: I'm still ending up not any closer to finding a

817
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 3: meaningful relationship. I'm still attracting emotionally unavailable men, and I'm

818
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 3: confused as to why this keeps happening, And that recognition

819
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:58,239
Speaker 3: is what really propels change, right, is recognizing that this

820
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 3: is a pattern, and I want to get out of

821
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:04,719
Speaker 3: this cycle. So many times it's you know, women who

822
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 3: can't get past the third date and they don't know why,

823
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:11,839
Speaker 3: or women who keep finding themselves in situationships or in

824
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 3: committed relationships with emotionally unavailable men who are not able

825
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 3: to truly be vulnerable with them, or they can't attract

826
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:22,960
Speaker 3: quality men and they don't know why. They don't know

827
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:25,720
Speaker 3: where these men are hiding, why she can't find them,

828
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 3: and how to get there. And so it's usually that recognition,

829
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,800
Speaker 3: like there's a cycle. I want to stop it, and

830
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 3: I want to find guidance and a mentorship, and that's

831
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:37,799
Speaker 3: usually when they seek me out. And usually you know,

832
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 3: we work through the dating patterns, you know, recognizing the

833
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 3: dating the old dating patterns that she wants to break,

834
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 3: recognizing her attachment style, and then working on her dating profile,

835
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:53,360
Speaker 3: and through there she's able to make progress a whole

836
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 3: lot faster than when she was navigating it alone.

837
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:58,839
Speaker 2: Yeah. The next question I have for you is, Hey,

838
00:44:58,840 --> 00:44:59,919
Speaker 2: it's Sam, I'm your OG host.

839
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three

840
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:03,000
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

841
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:06,840
Speaker 2: How do clients begin to recognize that they are stuck

842
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,240
Speaker 2: in the unavailable man cycle?

843
00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:09,919
Speaker 4: Yeah?

844
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 3: They usually find themselves trying really hard. So I tend

845
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:18,880
Speaker 3: to see trends like overgiving, sacrificing too much of her needs,

846
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:22,960
Speaker 3: shrinking herself so that she's easier to get along.

847
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,320
Speaker 2: With, yeah, to feel desirable.

848
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:28,719
Speaker 3: Yes, m or trying to bland out her personality so

849
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 3: that he'll be more attracted to whatever is the common

850
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 3: you know, commonly attractive thing, right right, So, in essence,

851
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 3: she loses herself in the process. So she'll change who

852
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:45,839
Speaker 3: she is and shape shift to become someone that will

853
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 3: win him over because either he doesn't want commitment, he

854
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:53,720
Speaker 3: doesn't want to define the relationship, or he doesn't want marriage,

855
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:57,160
Speaker 3: and she'll think that if I try hard enough, I'll

856
00:45:57,239 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 3: change his mind.

857
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 2: Little project, a fixer upper.

858
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 3: Right, So that's really dangerous, you know. That's these are

859
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:08,400
Speaker 3: the types of tropes that you see in movies, you

860
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 3: see in in TV shows, right that if you try

861
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 3: hard enough, you'll get the man or you'll get the girl.

862
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 3: But first, the only way that effort will get you

863
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 3: to a life partner, a compatible life partner, is if

864
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 3: there's first alignment.

865
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:22,960
Speaker 4: Right.

866
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 3: You have to look at not just chemistry, which is

867
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,720
Speaker 3: what most people overly focus on, is whether you're physically

868
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 3: attracted to somebody or you have that spark through emotional connection,

869
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 3: and they don't put as much emphasis on life values,

870
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 3: your lifestyle, your long term life goals.

871
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 2: You have the long game, right, Yeah, And.

872
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:45,960
Speaker 3: When you date with intention, you can weave these questions

873
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:49,040
Speaker 3: very casually in a first date, right, It's different when

874
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,720
Speaker 3: you're casually dating, people will be like, WHOA, that's too serious.

875
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:53,919
Speaker 3: I'm not going to ask those questions. But when you're

876
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:56,040
Speaker 3: at the stage in life where you're ready to get married,

877
00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:57,879
Speaker 3: you're ready to have a family, you just are looking

878
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:01,359
Speaker 3: for the right person, and that includes men and women. Right,

879
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 3: there are men out there looking for the exact same thing,

880
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:06,920
Speaker 3: like I'm ready for that next stage in life. Yeah,

881
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:09,400
Speaker 3: and so you can very casually weave in on a

882
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:11,879
Speaker 3: first date like you know, hey, like in the next

883
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 3: few years if you meet the right person, like, is

884
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:16,839
Speaker 3: marriage and kids like something that you're interested in?

885
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 2: Yeah? I always ask on the first date. I find

886
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:21,719
Speaker 2: a way to do it is how many kids do

887
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 2: you want?

888
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 4: Oh?

889
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, yeah. I did that to Angie and she

890
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 2: my current girlfriend. She was like, I did it, like

891
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 2: in a good way, but I'm just like she brought

892
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 2: up her niece and I was like, so, how many

893
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 2: kids would you want? You know, it seems like a

894
00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:36,239
Speaker 2: good time kids in the mix. What are the like

895
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 2: questions would you say, like you should probably have on

896
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:40,640
Speaker 2: the first date?

897
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like that's a good question. You were able to

898
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 3: find a very natural way to weave it in conversationally

899
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 3: without just like sparking it as like an interview question.

900
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:55,880
Speaker 6: Right natural, Right, it was, I can call it right now,

901
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 6: and she would say that, right.

902
00:47:58,200 --> 00:47:59,880
Speaker 3: And part of dating is being able to put the

903
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 3: other person at ease, being able to be eloquent in conversation,

904
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 3: and being able to naturally create topics of depth while

905
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,279
Speaker 3: still making it feel comfortable for the other person. So

906
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:14,959
Speaker 3: another question might be, you know, like, do you see

907
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:17,840
Speaker 3: yourself living here in the next few years, right, because

908
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:20,480
Speaker 3: a lot of relationships, they may start out great and

909
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:22,839
Speaker 3: then one person moves to another state for a job

910
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:25,279
Speaker 3: and then the other person doesn't want to move. So

911
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,319
Speaker 3: knowing ahead of time, like whether or not you see

912
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 3: yourself staying here even if another job opportunity comes up

913
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:34,400
Speaker 3: in another state, that you probably won't take it. Yeah,

914
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 3: because you've built roots here.

915
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 2: I definitely asked you that one.

916
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 3: Too smart too dating for a life partner, that's what.

917
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:46,239
Speaker 2: I usually do. I when I I don't know, I

918
00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 2: don't really like like there's this new like demisexual term

919
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:51,040
Speaker 2: out there where it's like you need to make an

920
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 2: emotional connection before you can like become physical with a person.

921
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 2: And I've always been that way. I never did it

922
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 2: one night stand, never did anything like that because it's

923
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 2: just like, I don't know, I feel like I got

924
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:04,080
Speaker 2: to meet your parents first before we can like do

925
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 2: anything like that. I know that sounds crazy wild, but yeah,

926
00:49:07,160 --> 00:49:10,479
Speaker 2: that's always something I go for, is like I guess

927
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 2: a life partner trying to fump my wife.

928
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean clearly you're a man of depth, right, clearly.

929
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:18,719
Speaker 2: Did you guys? Hear that?

930
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 3: Right? You want to build an emotional connection first, because

931
00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 3: that's when physical intimacy really means something. That's when it

932
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:32,280
Speaker 3: really is amazing versus like just a very surface level connection.

933
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:35,840
Speaker 3: And then there's always awkwardness after the fact because it's like, Okay,

934
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:40,839
Speaker 3: what was your name again? Or like sea whenever? Right, Yeah,

935
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:45,360
Speaker 3: you shared something so intimate, so deep with someone, and

936
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,920
Speaker 3: then all of a sudden it's like, all right, Sea, Yeah,

937
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 3: I'm the same way, you know, Like I've always needed

938
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 3: to really connect with someone on a deep level in

939
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:55,479
Speaker 3: order to feel comfortable in a physical way.

940
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:57,360
Speaker 2: The safe love, safe.

941
00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:59,280
Speaker 3: Love, and that's a way of protecting your heart. Yeah,

942
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 3: especially if you I know that you're someone who emotionally

943
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:05,200
Speaker 3: attached quickly after physical intimacy.

944
00:50:05,239 --> 00:50:10,080
Speaker 2: I'm feeling so affirmed right now, right now, Oh my gosh.

945
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:13,640
Speaker 2: Another question after you. What belief keeps women emotionally invested

946
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:15,880
Speaker 2: in men who are not commitment ready?

947
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:21,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, feeling that you can fix somebody her upper Yeah,

948
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:24,439
Speaker 3: projecting a fantasy onto him. I see this a lot,

949
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 3: a lot of women. They have high hopes on a date. Right,

950
00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:29,760
Speaker 3: they have all these anxious nerves. They get really nervous.

951
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 3: And it's because she puts so much pressure on herself

952
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 3: that he could be the one.

953
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:34,799
Speaker 4: Right.

954
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:36,759
Speaker 3: She plays it over and over in her head. Can

955
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 3: he be the one? Could this be the one? You know?

956
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,840
Speaker 3: Could I stop dating after this? And she's so focused

957
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:44,680
Speaker 3: on the outcome of the date that she doesn't actually

958
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:47,800
Speaker 3: get to know him as a person and actually clearly

959
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:51,600
Speaker 3: observe him for who he is. And she's so focused

960
00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 3: on projecting a fantasy of what she wants him to be.

961
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:57,440
Speaker 3: And what ends up happening is she'll she'll miss a

962
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:00,319
Speaker 3: lot of early red flags. She'll be living in this

963
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,080
Speaker 3: fantasy of who he could become instead of observing him

964
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:06,280
Speaker 3: for who he is. And then when she finds herself

965
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 3: in a misaligned relationship because he doesn't have the core

966
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:13,759
Speaker 3: compatibility of what she's looking for, most likely because she

967
00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:17,920
Speaker 3: focused too heavily on chemistry alone, then she'll realize, like,

968
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 3: things aren't working, So I gotta try harder, I gotta overgive,

969
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 3: I gotta sacrifice my needs more. I to have to

970
00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:28,279
Speaker 3: shrink myself so that the relationship can continue, the relationship

971
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 3: can survive, but in the process, she's losing who she

972
00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:34,520
Speaker 3: really is at her core. And a lot of times

973
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 3: in these kinds of relationships, when they eventually end, she's

974
00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:42,520
Speaker 3: not only heartbroken because she lost the fantasy of what

975
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 3: this could have become, she lost her partner, but she

976
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:49,239
Speaker 3: also feels lost in who she is, a lot of

977
00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:51,279
Speaker 3: times she'll be like, I don't even know who I

978
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 3: am anymore, Like I spent so much time becoming someone

979
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:58,239
Speaker 3: that I thought he wanted that I don't even know

980
00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:00,319
Speaker 3: who I am anymore. I don't feel ground.

981
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:03,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, that definitely happened to me in my last relationship,

982
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:06,040
Speaker 2: where I was like, oh my gosh, I was like

983
00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:08,800
Speaker 2: nineteen twenty. Her parents didn't think I was gonna be

984
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 2: much of anything, didn't think I was gonna earn enough

985
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 2: being a videographer or like whatever I was doing at

986
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 2: the time, and I was doing so much of whatever

987
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 2: I could at that time to prove to her no,

988
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:24,360
Speaker 2: like I am that guy. Look like I'm I'm started

989
00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 2: in my own company. I like am getting clients, I'm

990
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:31,600
Speaker 2: doing this, I'm doing that, And I gave up. I

991
00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:35,440
Speaker 2: kind of gave up, like working out basketball didn't really

992
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:37,960
Speaker 2: hang out with my friends much. My family didn't really

993
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:40,759
Speaker 2: like me at the time because I was just so

994
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:43,759
Speaker 2: stuck up anytime I was around her because anything I

995
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:47,000
Speaker 2: could say or do would make her mad. And I stopped.

996
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:48,760
Speaker 2: And I think the most important thing is I stopped

997
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:52,239
Speaker 2: being goofy. And that took a little bit for me

998
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:55,839
Speaker 2: to find. And I thought that if I like prioritize her,

999
00:52:55,960 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 2: I'm gonna lose her and myself rather than just losing her.

1000
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 2: So in this next go around with the relationship, I'm

1001
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:05,759
Speaker 2: super goofy. Angie brings out the best in me. I

1002
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:07,640
Speaker 2: love her so much. I love her so much. I

1003
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:09,520
Speaker 2: was like, dude, you should like come on the podcast

1004
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:12,239
Speaker 2: and like, you know, work here, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah,

1005
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:13,440
Speaker 2: Carly likes so you like it, right?

1006
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:14,640
Speaker 4: I love Angie.

1007
00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:17,839
Speaker 2: Its yeah, she's amazing, awesome, happy for you. But yeah,

1008
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 2: I totally resonate with that where you have to stay

1009
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:24,160
Speaker 2: true to yourself or you just set yourself up for failure.

1010
00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 3: Absolutely. And you know, I think that when you're in

1011
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:31,000
Speaker 3: your twenties or even younger, you're still discovering who you are, right,

1012
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:35,280
Speaker 3: You're still grasping yourself of your concept of self. Yeah,

1013
00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 3: and you're finding you know who you are as a person,

1014
00:53:37,719 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 3: what your purpose in life is, what career you want

1015
00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 3: to do, a lot of these unknowns, and so it's

1016
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,920
Speaker 3: only natural to make some missteps along the way. But

1017
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 3: you know, once you get to a point where you're sure,

1018
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:52,319
Speaker 3: more sure of who you are and what you want

1019
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 3: out of this life and what you want out of

1020
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:59,280
Speaker 3: a partner, that's when you'll start everything will become aligned.

1021
00:53:59,440 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 4: Right.

1022
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:03,680
Speaker 3: You're personal life will feel at peace, your professional life

1023
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:07,240
Speaker 3: will feel at peace. And that's when you're following your intuition.

1024
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 3: That's when you've learned to really listen to yourself and

1025
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:12,640
Speaker 3: to stop second guesting yourself and to stop questioning whether

1026
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 3: I'm doing things the right way.

1027
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:18,120
Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow, And everyone who just joined this is Casey Lee.

1028
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:20,920
Speaker 2: She's a dating coach. We are asking her some Q

1029
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 2: and A questions. I have another one here, what dating

1030
00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:26,360
Speaker 2: behavior causes women to waste the most time with the

1031
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 2: wrong partner.

1032
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:30,400
Speaker 3: Don't beat yourself up, Like I said, right, most of

1033
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:34,279
Speaker 3: us didn't learn how to date and build a healthy relationship,

1034
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 3: And through a lot of trial and error, you're starting

1035
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 3: to learn these things. And so if you're following what

1036
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 3: movies have taught you or what TV has taught you,

1037
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:45,719
Speaker 3: and you're only choosing based off of chemistry and you

1038
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:48,680
Speaker 3: haven't learned how to date with intention and you know,

1039
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:52,480
Speaker 3: learn to create dating profiles to attract and appeal to

1040
00:54:52,560 --> 00:54:56,040
Speaker 3: the masses instead of curating it for the man that

1041
00:54:56,120 --> 00:54:59,840
Speaker 3: you're targeting. Right, don't beat yourself up. That's part of

1042
00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:03,600
Speaker 3: what dating is frustrating is because you're you know, following

1043
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:06,879
Speaker 3: things that have misled you. And this is great that

1044
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:10,839
Speaker 3: you know, you guys are teaching women these skills and

1045
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:14,200
Speaker 3: you know, having experts on to share the news that

1046
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,360
Speaker 3: there are avenues and there are ways to formally learn

1047
00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:20,560
Speaker 3: the skill set. Yeah, to help you, you know, reduce

1048
00:55:20,640 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 3: your heartbreak, to find who you are, to build confidence

1049
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 3: to not second guess yourself. Ultimately, you know, when you

1050
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:30,680
Speaker 3: find out who you are and you know what your

1051
00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:33,359
Speaker 3: life values are, you know what lifestyle aligns with who

1052
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:35,879
Speaker 3: you are, You know what your long term life goals are,

1053
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:39,359
Speaker 3: then live them, live them, don't be afraid to show

1054
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:41,840
Speaker 3: them on your dating profile, and you will attract a

1055
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:42,840
Speaker 3: like minded man.

1056
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:47,320
Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow. Another question before learning your framework, what pattern

1057
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:49,680
Speaker 2: do your clients repeat across relationships?

1058
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I kind of touched on that a little bit,

1059
00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:55,520
Speaker 3: just finding themselves and relationships with emotionally unavailable men. But

1060
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:58,120
Speaker 3: I want to say that, you know, before I got

1061
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 3: into this work, I was one of these women.

1062
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 2: Really yeah.

1063
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:02,919
Speaker 3: This is part of the reason why I got into

1064
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:05,319
Speaker 3: this work is because I was so lost, I was

1065
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:09,439
Speaker 3: so confused. I was so disappointed and frustrated at where

1066
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:12,959
Speaker 3: my life was personally, you know, professionally, I was working

1067
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 3: in corporate finance. I was doing really.

1068
00:56:14,880 --> 00:56:17,480
Speaker 2: Well, girl boss, thank you.

1069
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 3: And I was asking myself, like, I have fifteen years

1070
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:24,480
Speaker 3: of dating experience, like why am I still struggling so

1071
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:26,759
Speaker 3: much with finding a quality husband? Right? What am I

1072
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:32,719
Speaker 3: doing wrong? And so I really dove into researching dating psychology.

1073
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:37,680
Speaker 3: I dove into understanding dating attraction dynamics. I dove into

1074
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 3: learning specifically the psychology of how quality men thought, especially

1075
00:56:42,719 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 3: those that wanted a wife, you know. And because the

1076
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:49,160
Speaker 3: psychology of those men is very different than the psychology

1077
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:53,319
Speaker 3: of casual minded men. And because I couldn't find the

1078
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 3: mentor that I wanted, I became that mentor for myself

1079
00:56:56,640 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 3: solely so that I could find my husband. So then

1080
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 3: after I learned all of those skills and I, you know,

1081
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:08,239
Speaker 3: use the analytical strategic mindset from my finance career. I

1082
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:11,839
Speaker 3: created a framework to help myself and once I, you know,

1083
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 3: through a lot of trial and error, I refined that

1084
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:17,680
Speaker 3: framework and then once I implemented it, I immediately started

1085
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:20,840
Speaker 3: attracting much higher quality men that I wasn't able to before.

1086
00:57:21,360 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 3: And I it's almost like I unlocked a key. Right.

1087
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 3: Dating with intention is like unlocking a key that you

1088
00:57:26,800 --> 00:57:30,400
Speaker 3: didn't weren't able to unlock before. And so I was

1089
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 3: dating these quality men that I was excited about, that

1090
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:36,400
Speaker 3: I was enjoying dating. Dating was lighter and more fun.

1091
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:40,480
Speaker 3: And within three months of implementing this framework, I attracted

1092
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:41,720
Speaker 3: my husband online.

1093
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:42,600
Speaker 2: Oh wow.

1094
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 3: And it was very quick, right like after fifteen years

1095
00:57:46,120 --> 00:57:47,880
Speaker 3: of struggling, and then all of a sudden, the framework

1096
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:50,280
Speaker 3: was in place, unlocked the key. Met my husband in

1097
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:50,880
Speaker 3: three months.

1098
00:57:51,120 --> 00:57:51,560
Speaker 2: Wow.

1099
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:54,680
Speaker 3: And so you know, I want to share that it

1100
00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:55,440
Speaker 3: is a struggle.

1101
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 4: Right.

1102
00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:59,920
Speaker 3: Dating is very complicated in many ways. Relationships are complicated.

1103
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:03,440
Speaker 3: But if you learn how to date with intention, you

1104
00:58:03,560 --> 00:58:05,920
Speaker 3: feel more confident in the process. You were able to

1105
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:08,720
Speaker 3: date with ease, You were able to see clearly a

1106
00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 3: step by step framework on how to handle certain situations

1107
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:15,000
Speaker 3: so that you're not anxious, you're not nervous, you're not

1108
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 3: second guesting yourself.

1109
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:20,480
Speaker 2: You're becoming your true self in attracting your lifelong partner. Wow,

1110
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:24,760
Speaker 2: and your husband, How so you guys? How long ago

1111
00:58:24,760 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 2: did you guys meet?

1112
00:58:25,720 --> 00:58:26,680
Speaker 3: Almost a decade ago?

1113
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:28,880
Speaker 2: A decade ago? And how long have you guys been

1114
00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:29,840
Speaker 2: married for.

1115
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:33,000
Speaker 3: Most of that? Yeah, we dated for a year and

1116
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:34,480
Speaker 3: a half before he proposed.

1117
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 2: How's that going for you guys?

1118
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:40,000
Speaker 3: Awesome? Yeah, I mean, like you know, as I hinted

1119
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:43,720
Speaker 3: to you before, I grew up in an emotionally tricky

1120
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:47,080
Speaker 3: dynamic with my parents. I grew up as their marriage counselor.

1121
00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:50,720
Speaker 2: Oh wow, yeah, oh do you have good rates?

1122
00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:54,520
Speaker 3: Or I was their only marriage counselor because they wouldn't

1123
00:58:54,520 --> 00:58:55,720
Speaker 3: seek help outside of the house.

1124
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:56,280
Speaker 2: Wow.

1125
00:58:57,080 --> 00:59:01,000
Speaker 3: You know, they had a very unhealthy relationship dynamic. They

1126
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 3: didn't really know each other well before they got married,

1127
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:07,240
Speaker 3: and then they stayed together for the kids, that kind

1128
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:10,760
Speaker 3: of thing, and they didn't seek a formal marriage counselor

1129
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:19,000
Speaker 3: until decades later after I quit. So, you know, I

1130
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 3: was determined to build that healthy relationship, that healthy marriage

1131
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,320
Speaker 3: that I knew that I wanted. I didn't want to

1132
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:29,640
Speaker 3: repeat the dynamics that I witnessed growing up, and so

1133
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:32,200
Speaker 3: I truly believe that I found true love.

1134
00:59:32,560 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 5: Right.

1135
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 3: I'm so happy in my marriage. I'm so happy that

1136
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:38,680
Speaker 3: I found the man that I want to grow old with,

1137
00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:41,480
Speaker 3: who supports my dreams, who I love dearly, who I

1138
00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:44,920
Speaker 3: cherish and respect and trust. And we have, you know,

1139
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:48,120
Speaker 3: a toddler together, a little girl who we absolutely love.

1140
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:51,880
Speaker 3: And I made the dreams that I once had so

1141
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:55,240
Speaker 3: many years ago into my reality. And I want to

1142
00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:58,840
Speaker 3: offer and inspire other women that true love does exist.

1143
00:59:59,160 --> 00:59:59,360
Speaker 5: Right.

1144
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:03,320
Speaker 3: Most people have witnessed a lot of unhealthy dynamics. They

1145
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:07,440
Speaker 3: may question whether true love is real. But when you

1146
01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:11,240
Speaker 3: again date with intention, you're able to find that true

1147
01:00:11,280 --> 01:00:15,280
Speaker 3: love and nurture it and learn the healthy relationship skills

1148
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:18,480
Speaker 3: to grow it and to continue it for a lifetime.

1149
01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:22,600
Speaker 2: Casey has like you got the real deal too, right

1150
01:00:22,800 --> 01:00:24,240
Speaker 2: with your with your husband.

1151
01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:27,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm very blessed and very grateful to have him.

1152
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:31,880
Speaker 2: She told me an interesting story that you didn't know

1153
01:00:31,960 --> 01:00:35,080
Speaker 2: everything about him until a year in. Is that right?

1154
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:39,040
Speaker 3: Yeah? So, I mean he had a very respectable career

1155
01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:41,400
Speaker 3: When I met him. He was an entrepreneur. He had

1156
01:00:41,440 --> 01:00:44,200
Speaker 3: built small companies and sold them and so that's what

1157
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 3: I knew him as, you know, just an entrepreneur that

1158
01:00:46,160 --> 01:00:49,880
Speaker 3: I really respected and admired. And then it was I

1159
01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:52,160
Speaker 3: found out through his mom actually, because we were having

1160
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:54,560
Speaker 3: a family dinner with my parents and his parents, and

1161
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:58,040
Speaker 3: I overheard his mom telling my parents that, you know,

1162
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:00,760
Speaker 3: he also had a career as a surgeon in the past,

1163
01:01:01,160 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 3: and that you know, he was like a Harvard grad

1164
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:07,320
Speaker 3: and PhD all that stuff. And I was like, wait,

1165
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 3: who are they talking about, and he was like, I'll

1166
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:12,640
Speaker 3: tell you later. And then I was like, well, you know,

1167
01:01:12,800 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 3: like why didn't you tell me you used to be

1168
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:18,440
Speaker 3: a surgeon and you graduated from a very respectable university

1169
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:20,400
Speaker 3: and stuff like that. And he was like, well, I

1170
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 3: mean it was I had many careers and this is,

1171
01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:26,000
Speaker 3: you know, being an entrepreneur is my current career. I'm

1172
01:01:26,040 --> 01:01:29,560
Speaker 3: not someone who openly brags about all of my life

1173
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:32,200
Speaker 3: achievements and stuff like that, and it was almost like

1174
01:01:32,240 --> 01:01:34,800
Speaker 3: a past life for him. But yeah, he's someone that

1175
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:39,840
Speaker 3: really enjoys learning. Yeah, he's always excelled in academia and

1176
01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:42,400
Speaker 3: did really well in school and loved the challenge, and

1177
01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:46,760
Speaker 3: so for him, like obtaining those degrees and accolades were challenging,

1178
01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:50,040
Speaker 3: but you know that's not they don't define who he is. Yeah,

1179
01:01:50,120 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 3: but yeah, I'm really proud of him.

1180
01:01:51,520 --> 01:01:54,560
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. If I was a past surgeon, that's

1181
01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:58,439
Speaker 2: definitely coming up on like the second date now that Yeah,

1182
01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:00,960
Speaker 2: you know, when I was a surgeon, I would do

1183
01:02:01,080 --> 01:02:02,880
Speaker 2: this as a hobby blah blah blah blah blah. But

1184
01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 2: I realized recently that surgeons get a bad rap. Why

1185
01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:08,960
Speaker 2: we had a guest on on Monday, she Oh my gosh,

1186
01:02:08,960 --> 01:02:11,400
Speaker 2: she told us this crazy first date she had with

1187
01:02:11,440 --> 01:02:11,920
Speaker 2: a surgeon.

1188
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

1189
01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:15,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was insane. It was literally insane. But she

1190
01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:19,440
Speaker 2: was just saying that most surgeons are narcissis or sociopaths.

1191
01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 2: Just to give you a little bit of that story.

1192
01:02:23,080 --> 01:02:25,120
Speaker 4: It was pre cell phones, pre.

1193
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:26,080
Speaker 2: Cell phone in the nineties.

1194
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:29,320
Speaker 4: Because she got into this dude's car.

1195
01:02:29,840 --> 01:02:32,120
Speaker 2: They went on a nice first date. Picked he picked

1196
01:02:32,120 --> 01:02:34,919
Speaker 2: her up in a porche. It was a really nice dinner,

1197
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:35,240
Speaker 2: right too.

1198
01:02:35,600 --> 01:02:37,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, a lovely date.

1199
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:40,200
Speaker 5: And then he just like emphasized over and over though, like, oh,

1200
01:02:40,240 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 5: you should really meet my mom, Like I think you'd

1201
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:42,960
Speaker 5: really love my.

1202
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:45,479
Speaker 2: Mom, like remmy so much of my mom, so.

1203
01:02:45,480 --> 01:02:47,640
Speaker 5: Much of my you should really meet my how about

1204
01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:48,720
Speaker 5: we go meet my mom?

1205
01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:51,280
Speaker 2: And then in Chicago, he lives like an hour and

1206
01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:53,400
Speaker 2: a half away from her mom. So they both get

1207
01:02:53,400 --> 01:02:57,200
Speaker 2: in the car again not with cell phones around, and

1208
01:02:58,080 --> 01:02:59,720
Speaker 2: he doesn't tell her that it's hour and a half

1209
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:02,880
Speaker 2: away until like they get in the car. So they

1210
01:03:02,920 --> 01:03:06,680
Speaker 2: go and they get to the house. Beautiful estate, big house,

1211
01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:07,720
Speaker 2: all that stuff, mini.

1212
01:03:07,560 --> 01:03:09,640
Speaker 4: Rooms, butler everything, meeting.

1213
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:12,000
Speaker 2: Them right there and he's like, yeah, my mom's like

1214
01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:13,680
Speaker 2: in the backyard. You want to go see her. And

1215
01:03:13,680 --> 01:03:17,560
Speaker 2: it's like pitch black. So she's like okay. So they're walking.

1216
01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:20,880
Speaker 2: There's a big yard, hedges and everything. She's walking and

1217
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:24,040
Speaker 2: the butler stops back at the house. She's like walking,

1218
01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:25,920
Speaker 2: walk on and then they stop and then went they

1219
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:27,919
Speaker 2: look down, and then he starts talking to her mom.

1220
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 2: She's dead. Yeah, she's in the grave.

1221
01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:32,840
Speaker 4: They got a grave right, talking to a gravestone.

1222
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:37,720
Speaker 5: Whoa yeah, And like expected back and forth conversation, like

1223
01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:39,800
Speaker 5: he'd be like ask her how she is, and she'd

1224
01:03:39,840 --> 01:03:41,840
Speaker 5: ask and he'd be like she says she's doing well,

1225
01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:44,200
Speaker 5: Like wow.

1226
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:46,880
Speaker 2: Twenty minutes just like talk someone passed away.

1227
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:48,360
Speaker 4: Wow, that is weird.

1228
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:51,200
Speaker 3: That's that's one of those dating horror stories that becomes

1229
01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:53,560
Speaker 3: funny after you meet your life partner and you tell

1230
01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:54,240
Speaker 3: it all the time.

1231
01:03:54,640 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my gosh. So I'm glad you didn't get

1232
01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:58,080
Speaker 2: one of those surgeons.

1233
01:03:58,320 --> 01:04:01,880
Speaker 3: No, I mean I can under stand. I actually ask

1234
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:04,640
Speaker 3: my husband that question. You know, like, do doctors and

1235
01:04:04,680 --> 01:04:09,040
Speaker 3: surgeons develop a god complex because people's lives are in

1236
01:04:09,080 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 3: their hands, like life or death decisions, And you know,

1237
01:04:12,360 --> 01:04:15,320
Speaker 3: he like, I've heard that before, you know, other people saying, oh,

1238
01:04:15,400 --> 01:04:18,960
Speaker 3: doctors have such God complexes? But I can understand. You

1239
01:04:18,960 --> 01:04:21,560
Speaker 3: know that you need to develop that level of confidence

1240
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:24,240
Speaker 3: in order to make split decisions in the moment so

1241
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:28,560
Speaker 3: that you don't kill somebody, right, But oftentimes if it's unchecked,

1242
01:04:28,880 --> 01:04:33,600
Speaker 3: then yeah, it could be a very narcissistic, sociopathic tendency

1243
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:35,720
Speaker 3: that is unattractive.

1244
01:04:36,040 --> 01:04:37,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know if the rich estate and the

1245
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:40,760
Speaker 2: Porsche could like, you know, get my chills over that part.

1246
01:04:41,120 --> 01:04:43,600
Speaker 2: I get few more questions for you here. What internal

1247
01:04:43,680 --> 01:04:47,080
Speaker 2: shift happens when a woman walks away early instead of

1248
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:48,760
Speaker 2: waiting for potential.

1249
01:04:49,120 --> 01:04:52,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, her confidence will grow. So when she learns to

1250
01:04:52,480 --> 01:04:55,439
Speaker 3: trust her instincts, when she learns to see those red

1251
01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:58,720
Speaker 3: flags early and bypass them, when she stays true to

1252
01:04:58,760 --> 01:05:01,400
Speaker 3: herself and she doesn't say and guess herself, her confidence

1253
01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:05,040
Speaker 3: will grow because otherwise the alternative is that she will

1254
01:05:05,040 --> 01:05:09,000
Speaker 3: lose herself in an incompatible relationship and she will become

1255
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:12,480
Speaker 3: a shell of herself. So when you are able to

1256
01:05:13,160 --> 01:05:16,680
Speaker 3: assess compatibility early and you're able to filter out the

1257
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:20,600
Speaker 3: wrong men early, then you're able to grow that confidence

1258
01:05:20,600 --> 01:05:24,040
Speaker 3: instead of leaning into self doubt, knowing that you made

1259
01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:28,200
Speaker 3: a sound decision based on data, based on evidence, based

1260
01:05:28,200 --> 01:05:31,800
Speaker 3: on seeing someone clearly, instead of a decision based on

1261
01:05:31,880 --> 01:05:35,640
Speaker 3: fear of being fearful of being alone, fearful of not

1262
01:05:35,720 --> 01:05:39,400
Speaker 3: being chosen, fearful of not being wanted, or an impulsive

1263
01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:43,160
Speaker 3: decision based off of you know, someone's job title, or

1264
01:05:43,200 --> 01:05:47,760
Speaker 3: someone's status or anything that will not lead to long

1265
01:05:47,840 --> 01:05:51,240
Speaker 3: term success in a relationship. So when you know what

1266
01:05:51,320 --> 01:05:55,720
Speaker 3: to look for, you feel confident in your decision, and ultimately,

1267
01:05:55,760 --> 01:05:57,680
Speaker 3: when you find the right person, you will know for

1268
01:05:57,760 --> 01:05:59,840
Speaker 3: sure that all those decisions led up to.

1269
01:05:59,800 --> 01:06:02,200
Speaker 2: Hear, Yeah, here's another question.

1270
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:04,400
Speaker 1: HET's johnio Ogos here we're going to get back to

1271
01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:06,040
Speaker 1: the stories, but he's a quick three minute break of

1272
01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:06,960
Speaker 1: ass from our sponsors.

1273
01:06:07,480 --> 01:06:10,400
Speaker 2: Can you share a client story that shows how dating

1274
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:13,800
Speaker 2: feels different, wants, healthier patterns are in place.

1275
01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:18,480
Speaker 3: So the story was a single mom. She was in

1276
01:06:18,520 --> 01:06:21,440
Speaker 3: her thirties, and she came to me when she was

1277
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:24,840
Speaker 3: already in a relationship for a year. Okay, the X

1278
01:06:24,920 --> 01:06:26,760
Speaker 3: was no longer in the picture. So she was raising

1279
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:30,080
Speaker 3: these kids on her own. And yeah, she was two kids,

1280
01:06:30,120 --> 01:06:34,640
Speaker 3: a lot of responsibility, right, And she went into online dating,

1281
01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:38,200
Speaker 3: found this guy, got into a relationship relatively quickly, and

1282
01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:41,160
Speaker 3: then a year in she was really questioning whether she

1283
01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:43,720
Speaker 3: should stay. And so we were talking through kind of

1284
01:06:43,760 --> 01:06:47,840
Speaker 3: her dating patterns and for example, a common issue was

1285
01:06:48,400 --> 01:06:50,640
Speaker 3: he would get easily upset if she didn't respond within

1286
01:06:50,680 --> 01:06:53,440
Speaker 3: two hours. Oh he would, you know, if she was

1287
01:06:53,480 --> 01:06:55,880
Speaker 3: taking care of her kids, if she you know, was

1288
01:06:55,920 --> 01:06:57,960
Speaker 3: so tired she took a nap and she didn't respond,

1289
01:06:58,000 --> 01:07:00,280
Speaker 3: he would get really upset. And when he got up set,

1290
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:03,440
Speaker 3: he would leave. He would like say like, I need space,

1291
01:07:03,760 --> 01:07:06,120
Speaker 3: and then she would say, well how much space? When

1292
01:07:06,160 --> 01:07:08,280
Speaker 3: will I hear from you? And then he would say,

1293
01:07:08,440 --> 01:07:11,120
Speaker 3: I don't know, it could be days, weeks, or months, right,

1294
01:07:11,160 --> 01:07:13,480
Speaker 3: So he would just leave her hanging, and he would

1295
01:07:13,480 --> 01:07:17,760
Speaker 3: do this repeatedly, and so eventually she felt emotionally unsafe

1296
01:07:17,880 --> 01:07:20,880
Speaker 3: in this relationship. But she would also say, like, I

1297
01:07:20,960 --> 01:07:23,680
Speaker 3: love him and he loves me. I know he loves me,

1298
01:07:24,320 --> 01:07:26,560
Speaker 3: and I want to work this out, but like, I

1299
01:07:26,760 --> 01:07:29,800
Speaker 3: keep trying, and I keep giving him what he wants,

1300
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:32,120
Speaker 3: but it's never good enough. And I feel like I'm

1301
01:07:32,160 --> 01:07:35,640
Speaker 3: always walking on eggshells about to make a mistake about to,

1302
01:07:35,920 --> 01:07:38,680
Speaker 3: you know, have him want space again. And I don't

1303
01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:41,920
Speaker 3: know whether like I'm asking for too much, And you know,

1304
01:07:41,960 --> 01:07:44,560
Speaker 3: I explained to him that what I'm observing is that

1305
01:07:44,640 --> 01:07:47,560
Speaker 3: he seems to have avoidant tendencies when things get hard,

1306
01:07:47,600 --> 01:07:50,520
Speaker 3: when there's conflict, and actually he might have a little

1307
01:07:50,560 --> 01:07:54,600
Speaker 3: disorganized too, like fearing abandonment right when she doesn't respond.

1308
01:07:54,640 --> 01:07:58,360
Speaker 3: He needs that reassurance and that validation that she's there, yeah,

1309
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:02,840
Speaker 3: you know, she's available. So it sounded more like disorganized actually,

1310
01:08:03,360 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 3: But she realized that what she was asking out of

1311
01:08:05,680 --> 01:08:09,320
Speaker 3: this relationship wasn't very much. She was just asking for consistency,

1312
01:08:09,720 --> 01:08:14,400
Speaker 3: communication and to feel safe in the relationship. And I

1313
01:08:14,400 --> 01:08:17,640
Speaker 3: think Ultimately she came to the conclusion that, you know,

1314
01:08:17,720 --> 01:08:20,080
Speaker 3: like this was impacting her well being, It was impacting

1315
01:08:20,120 --> 01:08:23,240
Speaker 3: her caregiving to her kids. Her kids weren't getting the

1316
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:26,280
Speaker 3: best version of their mom. So she ended up choosing

1317
01:08:26,320 --> 01:08:29,840
Speaker 3: to leave the relationship. And then she also ended up

1318
01:08:29,920 --> 01:08:32,479
Speaker 3: you know, spending time to grieve the loss of the

1319
01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:36,400
Speaker 3: relationship become whole in herself. So then fast forward, she

1320
01:08:36,479 --> 01:08:39,360
Speaker 3: ended up reaching back out. We started working together, and

1321
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:42,439
Speaker 3: you know, she never really learned the dating and relationship skills,

1322
01:08:42,720 --> 01:08:46,120
Speaker 3: she never really learned them, and so we embarked on

1323
01:08:46,320 --> 01:08:49,680
Speaker 3: building the skill set and then I think within a

1324
01:08:49,800 --> 01:08:55,200
Speaker 3: year she found a single dad again and was able

1325
01:08:55,240 --> 01:08:58,559
Speaker 3: to feel like herself right. She was confident in who

1326
01:08:58,560 --> 01:09:01,679
Speaker 3: she was. She wasn't walking on eggs. She finally realized

1327
01:09:01,720 --> 01:09:03,519
Speaker 3: what it was like being in a relationship with a

1328
01:09:03,600 --> 01:09:09,400
Speaker 3: quality man who was emotionally available, emotionally vulnerable, and could

1329
01:09:09,439 --> 01:09:12,840
Speaker 3: work through issues together instead of always picking up and

1330
01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:15,840
Speaker 3: leaving and shutting down and running away. And so she

1331
01:09:16,040 --> 01:09:19,519
Speaker 3: was able to really grow and blossom that relationship into

1332
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:22,720
Speaker 3: something that would eventually lead down to a life partnership.

1333
01:09:23,479 --> 01:09:26,120
Speaker 3: So it's really you know a lot of women come

1334
01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:29,799
Speaker 3: to me when they're feeling uncertain, anxious, nervous, second guessing themselves,

1335
01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:34,439
Speaker 3: and then through our work together, they're able to become confident, assured, certain,

1336
01:09:35,000 --> 01:09:38,679
Speaker 3: stop doubting herself, trusting her intuition, knowing that what she's

1337
01:09:38,720 --> 01:09:42,400
Speaker 3: asking isn't too much, not needing to shrink herself, and

1338
01:09:42,520 --> 01:09:45,720
Speaker 3: from there she could really grow and attract the right

1339
01:09:45,760 --> 01:09:46,400
Speaker 3: person for her.

1340
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:51,479
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, wow, just really holding true to your true self. Yeah,

1341
01:09:51,560 --> 01:09:52,200
Speaker 2: valuing that.

1342
01:09:52,600 --> 01:09:54,680
Speaker 3: Yeah. And there was even something he said, he was

1343
01:09:54,760 --> 01:09:57,680
Speaker 3: like playing to her fears as a single mom. He

1344
01:09:57,800 --> 01:09:59,840
Speaker 3: was saying, like, I'm the best you're ever going to have,

1345
01:10:00,360 --> 01:10:02,519
Speaker 3: And I was just like, oh my gosh, Like that

1346
01:10:02,680 --> 01:10:06,519
Speaker 3: is such insecure behavior, right, And it's not that he's

1347
01:10:06,560 --> 01:10:10,320
Speaker 3: a bad person, right, People with these insecure, unhealthy attachments

1348
01:10:10,360 --> 01:10:14,320
Speaker 3: aren't bad people. They're the way they are because they've

1349
01:10:14,360 --> 01:10:18,120
Speaker 3: experienced past hurt themselves. But that doesn't give you an

1350
01:10:18,160 --> 01:10:21,320
Speaker 3: excuse to hurt other people. Yeah right, I'm sure you've

1351
01:10:21,320 --> 01:10:25,360
Speaker 3: heard the term hurt people. Hurt people, right, So everyone

1352
01:10:25,400 --> 01:10:30,439
Speaker 3: needs to first have some self awareness and acknowledge areas

1353
01:10:30,439 --> 01:10:33,240
Speaker 3: of yourself that need improvement, that need working on, and

1354
01:10:33,280 --> 01:10:35,719
Speaker 3: then healing on that past trauma on that past hurt

1355
01:10:35,920 --> 01:10:38,439
Speaker 3: so that you stop hurting other people and repeating the

1356
01:10:38,439 --> 01:10:41,560
Speaker 3: same old patterns that are holding you back in your personal.

1357
01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:45,000
Speaker 2: Relations shopping the cycle. Yeah, exactly, Yeah, because if you

1358
01:10:45,040 --> 01:10:47,599
Speaker 2: hurt people, hurt people, everyone's going to be super hurt.

1359
01:10:47,680 --> 01:10:49,479
Speaker 2: I do have a question from one of our fans.

1360
01:10:49,520 --> 01:10:51,679
Speaker 2: It's kind of like story based, not just like a question.

1361
01:10:52,120 --> 01:10:55,280
Speaker 2: Okay me. The ask Sealdr. I'm a thirty ish female

1362
01:10:55,280 --> 01:10:57,720
Speaker 2: who keeps dealing with men who seem to only know

1363
01:10:57,760 --> 01:11:01,120
Speaker 2: how to show intimacy by being of a sexy I

1364
01:11:01,120 --> 01:11:04,200
Speaker 2: immediately shut down and lose interest when there's any mention

1365
01:11:04,360 --> 01:11:08,040
Speaker 2: of physical intimacy right away. I often don't feel valued

1366
01:11:08,080 --> 01:11:12,120
Speaker 2: for more than that, and thus have been celibate for

1367
01:11:12,200 --> 01:11:14,680
Speaker 2: a few years now. It has been even limited to

1368
01:11:14,720 --> 01:11:17,719
Speaker 2: me going out to meet people, because the immediate thought

1369
01:11:17,880 --> 01:11:20,760
Speaker 2: is you don't truly like me, but you want to

1370
01:11:20,880 --> 01:11:24,320
Speaker 2: f me. No plans, made, no interest in my interests,

1371
01:11:24,360 --> 01:11:27,400
Speaker 2: et cetera. I guess my question is what can I

1372
01:11:27,439 --> 01:11:30,479
Speaker 2: do to change that trajectory. I know I need to

1373
01:11:30,520 --> 01:11:33,720
Speaker 2: go out and meet people, but the trauma.

1374
01:11:33,560 --> 01:11:38,360
Speaker 3: I mean sounds like she's only able to attract emotionally

1375
01:11:38,439 --> 01:11:42,480
Speaker 3: unavailable men or men who are not ready for a relationship.

1376
01:11:43,160 --> 01:11:47,400
Speaker 3: So if she's meeting these men, you know, casually in person,

1377
01:11:47,680 --> 01:11:51,719
Speaker 3: that's one thing. But I would say if she's meeting

1378
01:11:51,720 --> 01:11:55,800
Speaker 3: these men online, then really curating your dating profile so

1379
01:11:55,920 --> 01:12:00,360
Speaker 3: that you're only attracting relationship minded men and you're actually

1380
01:12:00,360 --> 01:12:03,920
Speaker 3: weeding out the casual minded men because you know, a

1381
01:12:04,000 --> 01:12:06,600
Speaker 3: relationship minded quality man is not going to lead with

1382
01:12:06,680 --> 01:12:10,080
Speaker 3: physical intimacy. He's gonna make you feel comfortable, want to

1383
01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:13,160
Speaker 3: understand who you are as a person. First, build that

1384
01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:17,200
Speaker 3: emotional connection, and then you know, go at a pace

1385
01:12:17,360 --> 01:12:20,960
Speaker 3: that will make you comfortable. And so you know, like,

1386
01:12:21,080 --> 01:12:24,719
Speaker 3: for example, a lot of unfortunately women in their dating profile,

1387
01:12:24,760 --> 01:12:27,880
Speaker 3: they use a lot of pictures that attract a lot

1388
01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:31,880
Speaker 3: of attention. So whether it's bikini pictures or clubbing pictures

1389
01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:35,880
Speaker 3: or really overly pose glamour pictures that don't show who

1390
01:12:35,960 --> 01:12:38,880
Speaker 3: she really is, they just show that she's physically attractive.

1391
01:12:39,200 --> 01:12:41,400
Speaker 3: And then in her written bio she might just list

1392
01:12:41,600 --> 01:12:45,400
Speaker 3: very general things like I love yoga, I love the beach,

1393
01:12:45,479 --> 01:12:46,280
Speaker 3: and I love.

1394
01:12:46,400 --> 01:12:49,280
Speaker 2: Reading right books that kind of thing.

1395
01:12:49,479 --> 01:12:52,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, so it's very general, and so casual minded men

1396
01:12:52,760 --> 01:12:55,240
Speaker 3: are gonna slip through the cracks because they're like, Okay,

1397
01:12:55,280 --> 01:12:58,160
Speaker 3: well she didn't say anything about wanting a life partner

1398
01:12:58,240 --> 01:13:01,479
Speaker 3: or a relationship, so maybe she's open to what I want.

1399
01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:05,000
Speaker 3: Versus if you are showing who you really are, you're

1400
01:13:05,040 --> 01:13:09,160
Speaker 3: showing substance in your pictures like lifestyle pictures. If you

1401
01:13:09,400 --> 01:13:12,639
Speaker 3: enjoy murder mystery novels, for example, then ask your friend

1402
01:13:12,680 --> 01:13:15,080
Speaker 3: to go to a bookstore with you, hold up the

1403
01:13:15,080 --> 01:13:17,519
Speaker 3: book that you're reading and take a picture and post it.

1404
01:13:17,880 --> 01:13:20,639
Speaker 3: Right a man who also is interested in that genre

1405
01:13:20,760 --> 01:13:23,640
Speaker 3: is gonna instantly connect on that topic, and then you

1406
01:13:23,720 --> 01:13:28,439
Speaker 3: can banter online about your interests. If you really enjoy traveling,

1407
01:13:28,479 --> 01:13:30,799
Speaker 3: for example, then take a picture of a recent travel

1408
01:13:30,800 --> 01:13:34,479
Speaker 3: destination where someone can immediately see where you are and

1409
01:13:34,840 --> 01:13:38,400
Speaker 3: spark a conversation about that destination or your travel bucket list.

1410
01:13:39,000 --> 01:13:41,280
Speaker 3: If you love playing tennis, go take a picture of

1411
01:13:41,320 --> 01:13:45,080
Speaker 3: you playing tennis, but basically show, don't tell, who you are,

1412
01:13:45,640 --> 01:13:48,640
Speaker 3: and then that way quality men can connect on that substance.

1413
01:13:49,280 --> 01:13:52,599
Speaker 3: Same thing with the written bio, like be descriptive, paint

1414
01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:55,640
Speaker 3: a picture like if we're using an example of the

1415
01:13:55,680 --> 01:13:58,960
Speaker 3: reading and the murder mystery, say like I'm engrossed in

1416
01:13:59,080 --> 01:14:02,240
Speaker 3: Dan Brown's or book I can't put it down, or

1417
01:14:02,720 --> 01:14:05,960
Speaker 3: my bucket list is traveling to Patagonia in Chile and

1418
01:14:06,040 --> 01:14:09,960
Speaker 3: climbing an Andy's Mountain. Right, be very specific about what

1419
01:14:10,120 --> 01:14:14,080
Speaker 3: values or interests align with you, and then in there

1420
01:14:14,120 --> 01:14:17,919
Speaker 3: as well, specify that I'm looking for something meaningful, lasting,

1421
01:14:18,080 --> 01:14:21,040
Speaker 3: like a life partnership to build a life with, you know,

1422
01:14:21,080 --> 01:14:24,479
Speaker 3: with someone special. Immediately you're gonna weed out men who

1423
01:14:24,560 --> 01:14:26,400
Speaker 3: are like, you know, that's not low hanging fruit. I'm

1424
01:14:26,400 --> 01:14:28,760
Speaker 3: going to pass on her like I'll swipe write on

1425
01:14:28,800 --> 01:14:34,120
Speaker 3: a bikini picture next time. Yeah, exactly. You want to

1426
01:14:34,280 --> 01:14:38,040
Speaker 3: target the kinds of men that are compatible with you,

1427
01:14:38,439 --> 01:14:41,160
Speaker 3: and you have to be very specific in targeting him,

1428
01:14:41,400 --> 01:14:44,120
Speaker 3: because right now you're just attracting men who just want

1429
01:14:44,120 --> 01:14:47,400
Speaker 3: physical intimacy, a casual connection, and that's disappointing you and

1430
01:14:47,439 --> 01:14:48,080
Speaker 3: frustrating you.

1431
01:14:48,320 --> 01:14:50,479
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's turning you off. I love that you

1432
01:14:50,520 --> 01:14:53,120
Speaker 2: said show don't tell you should be a movie writer,

1433
01:14:53,240 --> 01:14:55,400
Speaker 2: because I feel like, do you watch Stranger Things? I

1434
01:14:55,439 --> 01:14:58,599
Speaker 2: do did season five for like a lot of talent

1435
01:14:58,680 --> 01:15:02,040
Speaker 2: and not showing a little Yeah, I agree, But I

1436
01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:05,280
Speaker 2: think that is incredible because you kind of like you

1437
01:15:05,320 --> 01:15:07,760
Speaker 2: get that picture better. It translates to you better, rather

1438
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:10,160
Speaker 2: than a PowerPoint slide with all the words and you're

1439
01:15:10,160 --> 01:15:12,840
Speaker 2: just reading off the PowerPoint kind of vibe. Uh. We

1440
01:15:12,880 --> 01:15:15,320
Speaker 2: have another fan question for you. This is anonymous sinner.

1441
01:15:15,800 --> 01:15:17,800
Speaker 2: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for

1442
01:15:17,840 --> 01:15:20,360
Speaker 2: the better part of a decade. We both have our

1443
01:15:20,400 --> 01:15:23,200
Speaker 2: fair share of issues that we've had to work through,

1444
01:15:23,560 --> 01:15:26,439
Speaker 2: but we've managed to come through it together. We are

1445
01:15:26,479 --> 01:15:31,200
Speaker 2: not interested in marriage or kids, just closeness and being together. However,

1446
01:15:31,280 --> 01:15:33,920
Speaker 2: we don't live together and I want to change that.

1447
01:15:34,400 --> 01:15:36,519
Speaker 2: He can't seem to decide if he does or not.

1448
01:15:37,000 --> 01:15:40,280
Speaker 2: It's like the idea overwhelms him and he shuts down.

1449
01:15:40,720 --> 01:15:43,960
Speaker 2: How can we talk about this without him falling apart? No,

1450
01:15:44,160 --> 01:15:47,000
Speaker 2: he may be undiagnosed and on the spectrum.

1451
01:15:47,080 --> 01:15:48,320
Speaker 3: I'm curious how old they are.

1452
01:15:48,680 --> 01:15:51,920
Speaker 2: Been together for a decade. I want to say, maybe

1453
01:15:52,200 --> 01:15:55,280
Speaker 2: we'll just assume thirties, like late twenties, thirties.

1454
01:15:55,360 --> 01:15:58,080
Speaker 3: If you're together for a decade, I would think that

1455
01:15:58,080 --> 01:16:01,280
Speaker 3: you would have learned how to communicate uncertain sensitive topics

1456
01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:07,080
Speaker 3: or issues that you know, maybe touchy for the other person.

1457
01:16:07,240 --> 01:16:09,439
Speaker 3: But if you're unable to get through to him and

1458
01:16:09,479 --> 01:16:13,439
Speaker 3: he keeps shutting down. I mean, I would say even

1459
01:16:13,560 --> 01:16:16,439
Speaker 3: consider a couple's therapists or couple's counselor. I mean, if

1460
01:16:16,479 --> 01:16:20,400
Speaker 3: you've repeatedly tried to communicate with him, he walks away

1461
01:16:20,560 --> 01:16:22,200
Speaker 3: or shuts down and says, I don't want to talk

1462
01:16:22,240 --> 01:16:25,479
Speaker 3: about it, then you have to decide, you know, how

1463
01:16:25,520 --> 01:16:28,000
Speaker 3: to move this forward, whether or not this relationship is

1464
01:16:28,040 --> 01:16:30,679
Speaker 3: going in the direction that you want ultimately with your

1465
01:16:30,720 --> 01:16:33,040
Speaker 3: long term goals. You know, if you want to build

1466
01:16:33,080 --> 01:16:36,519
Speaker 3: a life partner with with someone, then usually you're living together,

1467
01:16:36,680 --> 01:16:39,759
Speaker 3: sharing a home together. But if that's not what he wants,

1468
01:16:40,320 --> 01:16:44,280
Speaker 3: then clearly that's a misalignment in long term goals and

1469
01:16:44,400 --> 01:16:48,280
Speaker 3: long term values. So if you can't get through to him,

1470
01:16:48,479 --> 01:16:53,240
Speaker 3: try to suggest a couple's therapists or counselor if he's unwilling,

1471
01:16:53,920 --> 01:16:57,400
Speaker 3: then unfortunately, you have to decide what's more important to you,

1472
01:16:57,560 --> 01:17:00,720
Speaker 3: Whether it's staying with him and having that companionship, or

1473
01:17:01,240 --> 01:17:03,720
Speaker 3: if it's really feeling unfulfilling and you want to make

1474
01:17:03,760 --> 01:17:07,120
Speaker 3: that next step and live with somebody and share life together,

1475
01:17:07,240 --> 01:17:09,439
Speaker 3: then you have to ask yourself that hard question whether

1476
01:17:09,479 --> 01:17:10,720
Speaker 3: this is the right person to be.

1477
01:17:10,720 --> 01:17:13,639
Speaker 2: With Yeah, I love that. And we have our last

1478
01:17:13,720 --> 01:17:17,040
Speaker 2: question from a fan. It's anonymous sender, they say me

1479
01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:20,479
Speaker 2: twenty five and a half female. Last relayship, if you

1480
01:17:20,479 --> 01:17:23,400
Speaker 2: can call it, that held the most amount of red

1481
01:17:23,439 --> 01:17:26,599
Speaker 2: flags I ever ignored. We went to the same school

1482
01:17:26,800 --> 01:17:29,360
Speaker 2: and know many of the same people, but we never

1483
01:17:29,479 --> 01:17:33,080
Speaker 2: met in person. He doesn't drive, but he would never

1484
01:17:33,160 --> 01:17:36,000
Speaker 2: tell me his address to meet me or pick him up.

1485
01:17:36,360 --> 01:17:39,639
Speaker 2: Every time I told him something that bothered or upset him,

1486
01:17:39,920 --> 01:17:43,400
Speaker 2: his response to me was along the lines of, oh, dang, babe,

1487
01:17:43,760 --> 01:17:46,160
Speaker 2: that must suck. I'm sorry. I actually have to have

1488
01:17:46,200 --> 01:17:49,160
Speaker 2: a talk with him so he would stop sending booty picks.

1489
01:17:49,479 --> 01:17:51,840
Speaker 2: He thought they were funny. He would shower me with

1490
01:17:51,920 --> 01:17:55,559
Speaker 2: compliments and adoration and say all the things were right.

1491
01:17:55,840 --> 01:17:58,120
Speaker 2: But I ended things because it felt like the relationship

1492
01:17:58,320 --> 01:18:01,880
Speaker 2: was stuck. While I'm trying to advance in life after

1493
01:18:02,200 --> 01:18:05,760
Speaker 2: Kevin Sapiris or therapist, I am becoming more confident about

1494
01:18:05,760 --> 01:18:08,800
Speaker 2: getting back out there. What does an emotionally mature man

1495
01:18:08,880 --> 01:18:12,000
Speaker 2: look like? What are the major red flags that indicate

1496
01:18:12,120 --> 01:18:15,360
Speaker 2: emotional immaturity? And do I need to start with dating

1497
01:18:15,360 --> 01:18:18,679
Speaker 2: apps instead of finding men in the wild? Oh? My gosh,

1498
01:18:18,880 --> 01:18:22,799
Speaker 2: sounds like that last relationships. Ooh yeah, well.

1499
01:18:22,640 --> 01:18:24,840
Speaker 3: She never met him, right, is that what she said?

1500
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:27,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, they never actually met in person, but they had

1501
01:18:27,520 --> 01:18:30,200
Speaker 5: classes or they had school together. Someone er if it

1502
01:18:30,240 --> 01:18:32,240
Speaker 5: was like an online school situation.

1503
01:18:32,640 --> 01:18:35,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, she did say a last relationship. If you can

1504
01:18:35,760 --> 01:18:37,160
Speaker 2: call it that, that makes sense.

1505
01:18:37,280 --> 01:18:40,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean a lot of people try to

1506
01:18:40,720 --> 01:18:43,519
Speaker 3: meet others in the wild, right in the natural, old

1507
01:18:43,520 --> 01:18:47,640
Speaker 3: fashioned way. It's possible. It just takes time and investment

1508
01:18:47,760 --> 01:18:50,599
Speaker 3: and energy because not only do you have to ingrain

1509
01:18:50,600 --> 01:18:52,960
Speaker 3: yourself in the environment, in the community, then you have

1510
01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:56,120
Speaker 3: to see who's who you're interested in. Then you have

1511
01:18:56,200 --> 01:18:59,479
Speaker 3: to find the dl of what that person situation is like,

1512
01:18:59,520 --> 01:19:02,800
Speaker 3: whether there's single in a relationship, what their sexual orientation is.

1513
01:19:03,120 --> 01:19:04,960
Speaker 3: All of that takes time and energy, and whether or

1514
01:19:05,000 --> 01:19:08,479
Speaker 3: not they even are interested and attracted in you. Versus

1515
01:19:08,479 --> 01:19:12,400
Speaker 3: online dating, all of that intent is already there, right

1516
01:19:12,560 --> 01:19:16,600
Speaker 3: Online dating is I describe it like an online marketplace.

1517
01:19:17,080 --> 01:19:20,160
Speaker 3: People are there to already want connection. It just depends

1518
01:19:20,200 --> 01:19:22,559
Speaker 3: what kind of connection they want, whether it's casual, whether

1519
01:19:22,600 --> 01:19:25,880
Speaker 3: it's long term relationship minded. So it's your job to

1520
01:19:25,960 --> 01:19:29,760
Speaker 3: filter out the wrong people and only attract and talk

1521
01:19:29,800 --> 01:19:32,639
Speaker 3: to the right people. So that's why I say that

1522
01:19:32,680 --> 01:19:35,800
Speaker 3: online dating is so efficient when you use the tool

1523
01:19:35,840 --> 01:19:38,880
Speaker 3: the right way, and that's what it is, a tool, right,

1524
01:19:39,000 --> 01:19:42,439
Speaker 3: just like AI, people get frustrated with AI when AI

1525
01:19:42,720 --> 01:19:45,720
Speaker 3: comes out as aislop. Right, the output is not what

1526
01:19:45,800 --> 01:19:48,920
Speaker 3: you want. But many times, if we're using chat GPT

1527
01:19:49,040 --> 01:19:52,280
Speaker 3: as an example, your input needs to be very specific.

1528
01:19:52,439 --> 01:19:54,679
Speaker 3: It needs to be hyper specific to what you want

1529
01:19:54,720 --> 01:19:57,200
Speaker 3: and instruct AI to give you what you want, and

1530
01:19:57,280 --> 01:19:59,400
Speaker 3: usually when you do that, the output is exactly what

1531
01:19:59,439 --> 01:20:02,479
Speaker 3: you want the time. Online dating is very similar. Your

1532
01:20:02,520 --> 01:20:06,360
Speaker 3: input is your online dating profile. If you're very specific,

1533
01:20:06,680 --> 01:20:10,719
Speaker 3: you will attract that specific person. If you're very general

1534
01:20:10,840 --> 01:20:12,960
Speaker 3: or you're just trying to appeal to the masses, you're

1535
01:20:13,000 --> 01:20:15,679
Speaker 3: gonna get a mixed bag of all different types of people,

1536
01:20:15,760 --> 01:20:18,000
Speaker 3: mostly the wrong people. And then you're gonna have to

1537
01:20:18,000 --> 01:20:20,719
Speaker 3: filter through all this disappointment and frustration because all you're

1538
01:20:20,880 --> 01:20:24,240
Speaker 3: filtering through are incompatible people who are disappointing you or

1539
01:20:24,240 --> 01:20:28,840
Speaker 3: frustrating you. So I say, give dating apps a shot. Yeah, right,

1540
01:20:29,200 --> 01:20:31,599
Speaker 3: And I always say, like, there's so many dating apps

1541
01:20:31,600 --> 01:20:35,400
Speaker 3: out there. There's faith based, there's you know, race based,

1542
01:20:35,560 --> 01:20:38,960
Speaker 3: there's everything, So find what it is that's important to you.

1543
01:20:39,160 --> 01:20:42,439
Speaker 3: Try a few out, find too that you enjoy the most,

1544
01:20:42,479 --> 01:20:44,800
Speaker 3: that have the types of men that you're looking for.

1545
01:20:45,400 --> 01:20:47,760
Speaker 3: Subscribe to the paid version. I know people don't like

1546
01:20:47,840 --> 01:20:49,760
Speaker 3: hearing that, but that's the way for you to have

1547
01:20:49,840 --> 01:20:53,760
Speaker 3: full access to all the filters that you need to

1548
01:20:53,840 --> 01:20:56,519
Speaker 3: quickly filter out the wrong people. Instead of it being

1549
01:20:56,600 --> 01:20:58,680
Speaker 3: you know, time based, or you have certain restrictions on

1550
01:20:58,720 --> 01:21:00,719
Speaker 3: how many swipes you have a day, all that stuff.

1551
01:21:00,920 --> 01:21:05,479
Speaker 3: Remove those restrictions. Therefore you have full authority over the

1552
01:21:05,479 --> 01:21:08,240
Speaker 3: matches and you're able to choose what you want.

1553
01:21:08,439 --> 01:21:12,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, they got farm based too, I have.

1554
01:21:12,160 --> 01:21:15,440
Speaker 3: Heard of that, like Farmers Farmers Yeah, yeah.

1555
01:21:15,200 --> 01:21:18,160
Speaker 2: Dude, that commercial would run so many times while would

1556
01:21:18,160 --> 01:21:21,599
Speaker 2: be at my grandparents' house. But subscribe to the paid version.

1557
01:21:21,880 --> 01:21:23,000
Speaker 2: It's worth it.

1558
01:21:22,880 --> 01:21:25,120
Speaker 3: I think. So once you narrow down the top two

1559
01:21:25,160 --> 01:21:28,320
Speaker 3: that you enjoy using, subscribe to the paid version. That

1560
01:21:28,320 --> 01:21:32,160
Speaker 3: way you have unfiltered access to further narrow down your

1561
01:21:32,280 --> 01:21:34,880
Speaker 3: pool of men that you're interested in talking to.

1562
01:21:35,479 --> 01:21:38,360
Speaker 2: Now, I will say this is this advice is more

1563
01:21:38,360 --> 01:21:40,360
Speaker 2: for women. I feel like if I, as a man,

1564
01:21:40,439 --> 01:21:42,680
Speaker 2: went and got the paid version, it'd be harder for

1565
01:21:42,720 --> 01:21:43,960
Speaker 2: me because I feel like I feel like it's a

1566
01:21:43,960 --> 01:21:46,519
Speaker 2: different ballgame for men on dating apps than it is

1567
01:21:46,600 --> 01:21:47,720
Speaker 2: for women. Is that right?

1568
01:21:47,960 --> 01:21:50,519
Speaker 3: I have heard that, you know, women get inundated with

1569
01:21:50,560 --> 01:21:53,559
Speaker 3: so many messages, right, so they get a lot of volume,

1570
01:21:53,680 --> 01:21:56,759
Speaker 3: but whether it's quality volume is a completely different story.

1571
01:21:57,400 --> 01:22:00,040
Speaker 3: So they're sifting through all these men, they're like nop, nope, nope, no,

1572
01:22:00,200 --> 01:22:02,080
Speaker 3: no, no no, and then they're getting like burnt out because

1573
01:22:02,080 --> 01:22:05,040
Speaker 3: all they're doing is swiping no versus men. You know,

1574
01:22:05,080 --> 01:22:07,599
Speaker 3: I hear it's a slightly different version. It's not always

1575
01:22:07,600 --> 01:22:11,040
Speaker 3: about volume, but it's more so going after the quality.

1576
01:22:11,439 --> 01:22:14,160
Speaker 3: I will say though, at least from speaking to my husband,

1577
01:22:14,360 --> 01:22:16,760
Speaker 3: you know, he actually used the two dating apps I

1578
01:22:16,840 --> 01:22:20,000
Speaker 3: was using, which were Bumble and Coffee Meats Bagel, and.

1579
01:22:19,960 --> 01:22:21,040
Speaker 2: He Coffee meets Bagel.

1580
01:22:21,120 --> 01:22:21,400
Speaker 3: M M.

1581
01:22:22,160 --> 01:22:22,599
Speaker 2: What's that?

1582
01:22:22,720 --> 01:22:25,439
Speaker 3: Coffee Meats Bagel? Is you know, a dating app that

1583
01:22:25,840 --> 01:22:29,000
Speaker 3: tends to gear towards relationship minded people? M M?

1584
01:22:29,479 --> 01:22:32,799
Speaker 2: Does it work better? And like I was, like in Tennessee,

1585
01:22:32,920 --> 01:22:35,000
Speaker 2: whenever I used apps, like in a very small town

1586
01:22:35,000 --> 01:22:38,280
Speaker 2: in Tennessee, is that like popular in like bigger cities.

1587
01:22:38,320 --> 01:22:39,240
Speaker 2: Coffee meets Bagel?

1588
01:22:39,320 --> 01:22:43,080
Speaker 3: I think so in like larger metropolis. Yeah, but like

1589
01:22:43,240 --> 01:22:46,280
Speaker 3: at least from his experience, you know, like he was

1590
01:22:46,360 --> 01:22:49,280
Speaker 3: meeting quality women. Like he didn't have a tough time

1591
01:22:49,520 --> 01:22:52,439
Speaker 3: meeting women. It was more so just finding the right woman.

1592
01:22:52,760 --> 01:22:55,160
Speaker 3: So you know, he said, like maybe there was one

1593
01:22:55,200 --> 01:22:58,240
Speaker 3: instance where he felt like the woman looked much older

1594
01:22:58,240 --> 01:23:00,439
Speaker 3: in person than her pictures. So it was a little

1595
01:23:00,479 --> 01:23:03,280
Speaker 3: bit of a catfish situation, but not too much. But

1596
01:23:03,320 --> 01:23:05,679
Speaker 3: for the most part, he didn't have any dating horror

1597
01:23:05,760 --> 01:23:08,840
Speaker 3: stories or you know, women that he just wanted to

1598
01:23:08,920 --> 01:23:09,479
Speaker 3: run from.

1599
01:23:09,800 --> 01:23:13,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had one. Oh my gosh, I used tender once.

1600
01:23:13,439 --> 01:23:15,120
Speaker 2: It was pretty bad. It was bad. It was like

1601
01:23:15,560 --> 01:23:18,840
Speaker 2: a girl in college and she wanted to hang out

1602
01:23:18,880 --> 01:23:21,360
Speaker 2: at her apartment in her apartment room, and I was like,

1603
01:23:22,200 --> 01:23:23,559
Speaker 2: and I go to the door, and I was greeted

1604
01:23:23,560 --> 01:23:25,880
Speaker 2: by her roommate and then she was like, she'll be

1605
01:23:25,920 --> 01:23:27,200
Speaker 2: ready here in a second. So I had to like

1606
01:23:27,240 --> 01:23:30,080
Speaker 2: sit in their living room and like wait, and then

1607
01:23:30,600 --> 01:23:31,960
Speaker 2: she was like, I'm ready, you want to we can

1608
01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:33,439
Speaker 2: hang out, And I just like sat on her floor

1609
01:23:33,479 --> 01:23:34,920
Speaker 2: and she had a bunny. The bunny was cute. She

1610
01:23:35,000 --> 01:23:36,640
Speaker 2: was like, we were playing with the bunny and just

1611
01:23:36,680 --> 01:23:39,920
Speaker 2: talking back and forth, but she was nervous and everything,

1612
01:23:40,080 --> 01:23:41,880
Speaker 2: which I was like, oh, it's okay, and I was

1613
01:23:41,880 --> 01:23:43,600
Speaker 2: like trying to be nice, but I don't know, it

1614
01:23:43,680 --> 01:23:46,120
Speaker 2: was just like, we want to do that again. I

1615
01:23:46,160 --> 01:23:48,880
Speaker 2: felt like I wanted like I made up a fake meeting.

1616
01:23:49,120 --> 01:23:50,800
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, John, you have a meeting with

1617
01:23:50,840 --> 01:23:54,680
Speaker 2: me in ten minutes. Oh dude, I want to date

1618
01:23:54,720 --> 01:23:56,360
Speaker 2: right now. Let me. I'll get right back to you.

1619
01:23:56,760 --> 01:23:58,400
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, I have to go.

1620
01:23:58,680 --> 01:24:00,160
Speaker 3: Pay Your phone didn't even ring.

1621
01:24:01,600 --> 01:24:06,679
Speaker 2: It buzs it bus. But I pulled that and then left.

1622
01:24:06,800 --> 01:24:08,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like first dates, it's always good to

1623
01:24:08,800 --> 01:24:11,439
Speaker 3: do public spaces. That way, it's not like you're in

1624
01:24:11,479 --> 01:24:15,360
Speaker 3: someone's intimate space and you know, it's a very neutral setting,

1625
01:24:15,640 --> 01:24:21,080
Speaker 3: and especially like someone's personal apartment. And like, one of

1626
01:24:21,080 --> 01:24:24,000
Speaker 3: my tips that I tell women that I work with

1627
01:24:24,280 --> 01:24:26,920
Speaker 3: is always suggest a dating venue that you would be

1628
01:24:27,000 --> 01:24:29,880
Speaker 3: excited to go to even if the date was a flop. Right,

1629
01:24:30,000 --> 01:24:33,040
Speaker 3: So go to that bar, restaurant or lounge that would

1630
01:24:33,080 --> 01:24:35,040
Speaker 3: be like, oh wow, I wanted to come here for

1631
01:24:35,080 --> 01:24:37,160
Speaker 3: a while, and I wanted to try the food. I

1632
01:24:37,200 --> 01:24:39,439
Speaker 3: wanted to try the drinks, even if the date was

1633
01:24:39,439 --> 01:24:40,880
Speaker 3: a flop. I'm still glad I came.

1634
01:24:41,120 --> 01:24:44,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good point. Well, sweet, this has been amazing.

1635
01:24:45,040 --> 01:24:48,240
Speaker 2: Where could people find you or get in contact with you?

1636
01:24:48,600 --> 01:24:52,120
Speaker 3: Yeah? Well thanks for having me. People if they are interested,

1637
01:24:52,240 --> 01:24:55,040
Speaker 3: can find me on my website at life Partner by

1638
01:24:55,160 --> 01:24:59,719
Speaker 3: Caseylee dot com. I have a free virtual dating workshop

1639
01:24:59,760 --> 01:25:03,679
Speaker 3: for women and also an introductory strategy session for women

1640
01:25:03,720 --> 01:25:06,400
Speaker 3: who want more personalized guidance. And then you can also

1641
01:25:06,439 --> 01:25:09,559
Speaker 3: find me on Instagram at life Partner by Casey Lee,

1642
01:25:10,120 --> 01:25:13,880
Speaker 3: and I offer common tips or very regular tips and

1643
01:25:14,120 --> 01:25:20,200
Speaker 3: insight on ground and modern dating strategies insight for women.

1644
01:25:20,439 --> 01:25:22,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, she has great reels. I was looking at your

1645
01:25:23,000 --> 01:25:25,720
Speaker 2: reels and there. I love them so much. Do you

1646
01:25:25,760 --> 01:25:27,040
Speaker 2: have any other questions or anything?

1647
01:25:27,240 --> 01:25:29,360
Speaker 4: I'm still taking it all in. This was wonderful.

1648
01:25:29,880 --> 01:25:30,080
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1649
01:25:30,400 --> 01:25:32,280
Speaker 2: I almost stopped midway to go get my notebook, but

1650
01:25:32,360 --> 01:25:33,200
Speaker 2: I was like no, I'm.

1651
01:25:33,000 --> 01:25:35,360
Speaker 5: Like I'm gonna have to look back at it and

1652
01:25:35,400 --> 01:25:38,160
Speaker 5: like be like, oh my god. Yeah, like that's something

1653
01:25:38,160 --> 01:25:40,360
Speaker 5: that me and Keon did or something that like I

1654
01:25:40,520 --> 01:25:44,000
Speaker 5: haven't asked him yet kind of thing is there? Like

1655
01:25:44,280 --> 01:25:46,320
Speaker 5: you mentioned the two apps that you use, Bumble and

1656
01:25:46,439 --> 01:25:48,920
Speaker 5: Coffee Meats bagel. Are there other ones that you find

1657
01:25:49,080 --> 01:25:51,519
Speaker 5: are like best for your clients that work out the most.

1658
01:25:52,120 --> 01:25:55,559
Speaker 3: Yeah, the ones that I've had client success stories, whether

1659
01:25:55,600 --> 01:26:00,480
Speaker 3: they found their boyfriend, their fiance, or husband. It's coffee meatpagel,

1660
01:26:00,640 --> 01:26:08,880
Speaker 3: bumble hinge e harmony and uh okay.

1661
01:26:08,600 --> 01:26:10,719
Speaker 2: Keep it okay, I've heard of that one.

1662
01:26:10,840 --> 01:26:13,599
Speaker 3: So, I mean it really depends on you, know you

1663
01:26:13,640 --> 01:26:17,759
Speaker 3: as a person, right. If you're looking for culture based dating,

1664
01:26:17,800 --> 01:26:21,439
Speaker 3: there's cultural based apps. If you're looking for faith based dating,

1665
01:26:21,479 --> 01:26:23,680
Speaker 3: there's faith based apps. If you're looking for more of

1666
01:26:23,720 --> 01:26:28,439
Speaker 3: a general mix than I think those the ones I listed, yeah,

1667
01:26:28,479 --> 01:26:30,639
Speaker 3: a good shot, and then try them out find your

1668
01:26:30,680 --> 01:26:31,280
Speaker 3: favorite too.

1669
01:26:31,439 --> 01:26:33,720
Speaker 2: I would love to hear if like farmers only ever

1670
01:26:33,800 --> 01:26:34,880
Speaker 2: works for one of your clients.

1671
01:26:34,880 --> 01:26:37,040
Speaker 3: One days you have to talk to farmers and see

1672
01:26:37,360 --> 01:26:39,080
Speaker 3: how how good their success rates are.

1673
01:26:39,200 --> 01:26:39,920
Speaker 2: I will, I will.

1674
01:26:40,439 --> 01:26:43,160
Speaker 5: I know, I feel like that's gotta when you're when

1675
01:26:43,160 --> 01:26:44,839
Speaker 5: you're just looking for another farmer.

1676
01:26:45,600 --> 01:26:47,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, right, I kind of want to get on that

1677
01:26:48,120 --> 01:26:50,800
Speaker 6: I'm whistling, but I just wouldn't see like what like

1678
01:26:51,320 --> 01:26:54,240
Speaker 6: theos look like, or like how do the guys like,

1679
01:26:54,280 --> 01:26:56,000
Speaker 6: We'll do a woman one so we can see what

1680
01:26:56,040 --> 01:26:57,320
Speaker 6: the guys look like and how they like.

1681
01:26:57,840 --> 01:26:59,840
Speaker 4: Let's put Savannah on Farmers Only there.

1682
01:27:00,400 --> 01:27:02,320
Speaker 2: It's another one of our single hosts. We use it

1683
01:27:02,400 --> 01:27:06,240
Speaker 2: as a guinea pig. But thank you so much for

1684
01:27:06,280 --> 01:27:09,519
Speaker 2: coming on and you Yeah, this was, this was amazing.

1685
01:27:09,560 --> 01:27:10,040
Speaker 2: I love this.

1686
01:27:10,560 --> 01:27:11,960
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me. I had It's

1687
01:27:11,960 --> 01:27:12,559
Speaker 3: such a good.

1688
01:27:12,360 --> 01:27:13,639
Speaker 2: Time, good good, good good.

1689
01:27:13,800 --> 01:27:15,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, happy to be here. You're so welcome.

1690
01:27:16,360 --> 01:27:19,519
Speaker 2: So if you love us, make sure to subscribe. We

1691
01:27:19,600 --> 01:27:22,040
Speaker 2: love you and see you tomorrow.