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Speaker 1: What's Up Tribe.

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Speaker 2: I'm Erica and I'm Mila, and this is.

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Speaker 1: Good Mom's Bad Choices Podcast.

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Speaker 2: Beach season two. If you joined us for season one,

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Speaker 2: you got three hundred uncensored episodes.

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Speaker 1: But things are a little different in twenty twenty four.

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Speaker 3: Not only are we having new guests, new segments, but

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Speaker 3: we're going outside, y'all. We're getting out of our studio

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Speaker 3: and podcasting in the wild, So make sure you check

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Speaker 3: us out on YouTube to see where we're headed next.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is for all the good moms, all the

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Speaker 2: good dads, and even y'all hain't got no kids. Pull up.

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Speaker 2: Join us in season two as we deep dive into

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Speaker 2: even more uncensored topics like love, sex.

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Speaker 3: Dating, and just look at this as the ultimate group chat.

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Speaker 3: All the shit you're afraid to say out loud or

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Speaker 3: even try, We say.

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Speaker 2: It and do it for you because nothing's off limits here.

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Speaker 3: This is a judgment free zone to show up exactly

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Speaker 3: as you are, and let's be honest, we've all made

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Speaker 3: a few bad choices, so sit back, relax, and enjoy

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Speaker 3: the ride.

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Speaker 2: H m hmm. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 1: I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday, bitches. What it do?

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm great? I feel like Ariel. You look like Ariel.

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Speaker 1: It's giving Rihanna two thousand.

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Speaker 2: That was my favorite.

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Speaker 1: Seventeen.

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Speaker 2: That was my favorite. She was doing like kind of

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Speaker 2: house music and she was flirting with Drake.

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Speaker 3: Was this one when is this when I fell?

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Speaker 4: It was that?

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Speaker 2: It was also that other good one, like, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: that was.

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Speaker 3: The era right I was in the red hair was

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Speaker 3: Rihanna came out. It's also when she was like the

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Speaker 3: face of a Coco or her hair wasn't red then

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Speaker 3: it wasn't.

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Speaker 2: It just went black. She had just turned.

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Speaker 1: It was like like an ashy brown. She was.

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Speaker 2: She was almost done with Drake, but not quite.

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Speaker 3: She's still Could you imagine if Rihanna's was still with Drake,

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Speaker 3: she was gonna eat that man alive.

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Speaker 1: Remember that I ever got.

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Speaker 3: Award show where she was fucking so embarrassed by him,

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Speaker 3: where he went up and like was like saying all

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Speaker 3: this nice shit about her, and then she like he

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Speaker 3: was she was. He was giving her like a life

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Speaker 3: achievement award. I don't know why they had Drake do it,

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Speaker 3: and he was basically like blirting with her, blirting, like

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Speaker 3: just sucking her dick, and she was like thanks.

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Speaker 2: Probably the end, it probably would have done him some good.

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Speaker 2: I think she would have probably grounded him a bit.

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Speaker 2: And now I think there's no hope.

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Speaker 1: What is she is? She's a pissys She's a pissi.

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Speaker 1: He's a scorpio.

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Speaker 2: He is a scorpio.

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Speaker 1: It could have worked, but he's a toxic scorpio.

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Speaker 2: I feel well. I think he's toxic because he's had

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Speaker 2: too much pussy and has too much money, and he's

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Speaker 2: lost his ship. You know, I have I have, not

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Speaker 2: me having a Drake theory. I just feel like he's

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Speaker 2: too gone. You have to be so famous and have

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Speaker 2: so much money, and to be like mediocre cue and

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Speaker 2: have the best lyrics in the game for fucking fifteen

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Speaker 2: years straight. It goes to your head.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 2: He just want to ground his ass down, like chill

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Speaker 2: the fuck out, but it's too late.

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Speaker 3: No one's around him. Yeah, oh yeah. Rihanna was like,

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Speaker 3: I don't have I don't.

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Speaker 2: Have time for I'm a Hollywood strategist. I don't have

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Speaker 2: some from Hollywood. I know all the theories he's asked

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Speaker 2: me any theory. Ask me, which what do you want

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Speaker 2: to know?

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Speaker 4: Did?

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Speaker 1: Did he actually put it in Cat Williams? No, I'm

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Speaker 1: just kidding.

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Speaker 2: Cat Williams would never allow that.

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Speaker 3: Who did Cat Williams really not take the fifty million?

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Speaker 2: Never? He didn't take it. I know for a fact.

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Speaker 2: I know for a fact Cat Williams didn't take any.

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Speaker 1: Not even just the tip.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 1: All right, well, thanks for lady, thanks for clearing that up.

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Speaker 1: I really appreciate it.

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Speaker 2: You're welcome any any any more Hollywood true Hollywood uncensored

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Speaker 2: News asked.

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Speaker 1: Me make sure email production a good mom.

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Speaker 2: Ask me, I'm so excited to get the fuck out

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Speaker 2: of here and go to the fucking jungle.

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Speaker 3: Amen, Jesus, where God, where's my braids?

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Speaker 2: Pack my bags?

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Speaker 4: At?

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Speaker 2: I feel like excited to go away?

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Speaker 1: You know what?

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Speaker 2: You know what I feel? I realized what it is.

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Speaker 2: We haven't been to Costa Rica in a year, and

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Speaker 2: usually we're there at least every year. Yeah it's every

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Speaker 2: six months. But we haven't gone because we were in Mexico.

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Speaker 1: Wow, so that's where?

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Speaker 2: Like where was there?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: What's this? That's what it is?

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Speaker 1: I'm going four times this year? Like he I'm very excited.

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Speaker 3: God said you need to go four times, bitch, and

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Speaker 3: I am said, yes, God, I will be there.

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Speaker 2: You know as you When I was younger, I was like,

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Speaker 2: I want to be busy like the people like on TV.

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Speaker 2: And then now I'm an adult and I look at

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Speaker 2: my calendar, I'm like, oh, I could plan out the

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Speaker 2: whole twelve months. I can already see every month I'm

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Speaker 2: going to be out of town. I'm like, this is crazy.

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Speaker 2: And then today I sent you a beautiful video on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: Of Jamaican men massaging.

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Speaker 2: No, bitch, that was not Jamaican, that was African men.

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Speaker 2: They were in Ghana. They were in Ghana getting massaged

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Speaker 2: by beautiful Ghani and that they're all Ghanian men shirtless

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Speaker 2: by a waterfall. It was like the Jamaican men times up.

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Speaker 2: It was like Wakanda.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 3: So so we're going, yeah, but where in our calendar

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Speaker 3: do you figured it out? It's either going to be

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Speaker 3: maybe June fun I'm gonna I know it's going to

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Speaker 3: be from Costa Rica and Africa.

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Speaker 1: That might work, Okay.

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Speaker 2: It's either gonna be June, November, December. God, I can't

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Speaker 2: even do November. It's gonna be June or just so,

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Speaker 2: the heressage is Ghana July.

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Speaker 1: No, we have a retreat in July, no.

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Speaker 2: Doubt, it's in August. Okay, we will go from Africa anyway.

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Speaker 2: The point is the next retreats in Ghana. Because I

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Speaker 2: saw the men and they massage under a waterfall. That's

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Speaker 2: all you need to know.

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Speaker 1: Okay, perfect, I'm there, perfect.

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Speaker 2: Any new news you want to tell the people, any

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Speaker 2: pressing news that the people just must know about Erica

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Speaker 2: this week?

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Speaker 1: Pressing news?

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Speaker 2: Now, well, I learned something new this week. It's dark,

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Speaker 2: so just bear with me. We're gonna go dark and

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Speaker 2: go right back late. Okay, Erica in tests to be

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Speaker 2: start the I was hitay years old segment. So now

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Speaker 2: I'm when I learn new things, I'm like, let me

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Speaker 2: write this down. This week I learned that the Catholic

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Speaker 2: Church has spent like between three hundred and seven hundred

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Speaker 2: billion dollars in hush money b billion billion billion.

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Speaker 1: WHOA, I'm not shocked.

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Speaker 2: Where do they get all this money? Who's working?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 2: What are me in penance? They compared hourly for the Catholics.

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Speaker 2: The offerings, offerings, all the offerings of all around the world.

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Speaker 2: You know, that's a cult that made it. That is

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Speaker 2: a motherfucking successful cult. There, you got three hundred bill

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Speaker 2: to throw at the disgruntle employees or doing funck shit.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's dark, that's really dark.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, you should know that most mush it's going to

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Speaker 2: be dark. That I learned because I'm on the I'm

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Speaker 2: searching the dark web to get the news to you.

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Speaker 2: I'm on the dark web so I can get the

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Speaker 2: new to the people. You know, I'm with that fucking

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Speaker 2: what is it called conspiracy shit? But it's not conspiracy,

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Speaker 2: it's real. Okay, you're welcome, Thank you, Thank for sharing that.

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Speaker 1: You're welcome.

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Speaker 2: Now back to the light.

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Speaker 1: Okay, how are you.

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Speaker 3: I'm feeling better now we got out of there. Okay, well,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to bring a light onto our show right

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Speaker 3: now to do that.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 3: We have a special guest today, you guys.

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Speaker 4: We have.

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Speaker 1: Christa.

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Speaker 3: She is a spiritual teacher, a healer, and the founder

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Speaker 3: of almost thirty.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to our show. Christa.

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Speaker 4: My god, I was like biting my hands. I wanted

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Speaker 4: to speak sop. We have been talking for hours and

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Speaker 4: then you guys just talking on your own. I was like, guys,

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Speaker 4: I'm still here, let me get on this podcast laugh

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Speaker 4: and I was like, you can podcasters always Vatican fucking crazy.

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Speaker 4: I think the Vatican City is the most and the

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Speaker 4: Vatican is the most has the most wealth per capita

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Speaker 4: of anything else in the world, like any other country

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Speaker 4: in the world, like owns the most money, manages and

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Speaker 4: moves the most money.

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Speaker 1: Wow, it's so crazy printing money over.

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Speaker 5: There, printing money wow.

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Speaker 4: I mean because they own a lot of the banks

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Speaker 4: like they work with they don't get taxed for anything.

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Speaker 5: It's really so.

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Speaker 2: The Catholic Church owns a lot of the banks.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I told you.

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Speaker 1: The most successful cults in the world.

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Speaker 4: One hundred percent agree, And they do weird cult shit,

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Speaker 4: you like eat the body of Christ to drink the blood.

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 5: I mean Catholic in Ohio. It's weird.

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Speaker 2: I went to Catholic school and so does she. The

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Speaker 2: Christians are always coming for the witches. But it's very similar.

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Speaker 2: What do you mean, Yes, okay, I have a question

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Speaker 2: you guys. Do you believe in exorcism?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Do I believe that it should happen or that it

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Speaker 4: happens both.

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Speaker 5: I believe that it's real.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I was just wondering what I believe in it.

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Speaker 1: I believe you need I have a girl. I do

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Speaker 1: have a girl.

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Speaker 5: Actually he's in Mexico and she speaks no English.

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Speaker 2: I know someone also who does who does exorcisms, but

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Speaker 2: it's actually friends with camp. But I also have another

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Speaker 2: theory that I learned at Tantra school. And I know

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Speaker 2: you're in Tantras school right now, so you can tell

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Speaker 2: me in a year if you agree with this. But

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Speaker 2: I think that you can exorcist through the yoni or

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Speaker 2: the lingam like with like Yoni mapping or like Linga mapping,

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Speaker 2: I feel like you can like get release in like

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Speaker 2: dark spirits through the pussy, through the pussy.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean it sounds right.

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Speaker 1: I mean it sounds about right, Yeah right, yeah right.

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Speaker 5: I also think too, there's no put.

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Speaker 2: The things in there through the pussy, you put the darkness.

227
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Speaker 4: And on the same page, I do feel like with

228
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,800
Speaker 4: exorcisms is like there's levels because some people just have

229
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:35,280
Speaker 4: negative entities, thought forms, beings and they don't even really

230
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,480
Speaker 4: know it. You can have negative guides, you can have

231
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:42,360
Speaker 4: negative like spirits that are with you that aren't always bad,

232
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,480
Speaker 4: but aren't always good, and so the exorcism is kind

233
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,280
Speaker 4: of like the far end of demonic stuff.

234
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Speaker 5: But I've seen people where I'm like, oh, you're not

235
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,640
Speaker 5: a human, you're like a demon.

236
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,880
Speaker 2: You can see it, yes, Like you've.

237
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,280
Speaker 5: Seen their eyes where it's fucking weird.

238
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,360
Speaker 4: And I don't know if it's as far as like exorcism,

239
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,280
Speaker 4: but some people need them entities off their bodies.

240
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:05,040
Speaker 1: Yeah at someone like that. Yeah, and as healers like

241
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,800
Speaker 1: we want to like do like we want to like

242
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:07,240
Speaker 1: bring the.

243
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:11,199
Speaker 4: Light away whole thing where they get shot. Those hot demons,

244
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:12,719
Speaker 4: well they.

245
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:17,080
Speaker 1: Have to be high because they mixed hot demon.

246
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:25,960
Speaker 4: It kind of sounds of porn category exorcism demon category

247
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,959
Speaker 4: to dick demon. What Actually, Okay, there's this guy that

248
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,040
Speaker 4: I met on field App. Have you done Field App?

249
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:33,440
Speaker 1: Of course?

250
00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:35,199
Speaker 4: Okay, so Field App. And he's saying that one of

251
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,640
Speaker 4: the girls that he met on field App wants him

252
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,880
Speaker 4: to hold or she holds a Teddy Bear while he

253
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,800
Speaker 4: fucks her with the demon mask on Wait like she's

254
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:48,880
Speaker 4: holding yeah, Okay, I like, I'm gonna tell that story slower.

255
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:49,600
Speaker 1: Okay.

256
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:50,360
Speaker 5: So he's like met up.

257
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,320
Speaker 4: We're talking about like meeting up with people's I met

258
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,079
Speaker 4: up with this chicken. She her fetish was like me,

259
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,280
Speaker 4: she holds a teddy Bear? Well, he fucks her wearing

260
00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,080
Speaker 4: a demon mask.

261
00:10:59,320 --> 00:10:59,959
Speaker 2: So what did she say?

262
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:01,880
Speaker 1: Okay, I get it, No, I get it.

263
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,360
Speaker 3: It's because like she wants to be like a scared

264
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,880
Speaker 3: little girl like and then like the demon comes then

265
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,599
Speaker 3: creeps up like in her bed in the middle of

266
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:08,920
Speaker 3: the night, like creeps out of the closet.

267
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,520
Speaker 2: And I'm kind of with it. I'm kind of with it.

268
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,760
Speaker 1: I'm I'm kind of. But also, it doesn't have.

269
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,400
Speaker 2: To be October. I'm all your round.

270
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:16,400
Speaker 1: I don't need a teddy Bear?

271
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,360
Speaker 2: Though, what would you do then I had? What would

272
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:19,680
Speaker 2: you hold?

273
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:21,040
Speaker 4: Mom?

274
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:23,040
Speaker 2: So we have plenty, maybe a pill. I don't know.

275
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:24,640
Speaker 2: Maybe you can't go to the.

276
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:35,800
Speaker 1: Stop stop? You know when I when I.

277
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,240
Speaker 2: Say my real life, this is what we do. In

278
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,200
Speaker 2: real life, Me and Orlando do so much weird show.

279
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:39,839
Speaker 2: Do you know what?

280
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:43,760
Speaker 3: When I when I was doing lots of bondage worship

281
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,600
Speaker 3: with my ex, he had a demon mask. It wasn't

282
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:51,240
Speaker 3: a demonsily a demon, but it was a mask that

283
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:55,839
Speaker 3: must be dazzled all red. It was all red rhinestones,

284
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,480
Speaker 3: which gave devil energy. And I remember when you put

285
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,199
Speaker 3: it on, because I wasn't expecting it because I was

286
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,880
Speaker 3: like blindfolded. And then like he finally took my blindfold

287
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,800
Speaker 3: off and I looked back and he was like Rhyanstone.

288
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,640
Speaker 4: It's like a little too extra for me, rhinestones, like

289
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,359
Speaker 4: just he put on plastic.

290
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,040
Speaker 2: Either demoned or in Burgola.

291
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,440
Speaker 5: It's like either it's carnival or like you're.

292
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,760
Speaker 2: Confusing my mind the festivities he was.

293
00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:24,800
Speaker 1: He was sparkly, devil.

294
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:27,360
Speaker 4: Belt.

295
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,720
Speaker 1: Here's a student have a shirt on. I mean, yeah, probably.

296
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:33,920
Speaker 4: Rhone is hitting my skin too, Like I feel like

297
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:34,439
Speaker 4: he needs more.

298
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,560
Speaker 2: Muscles for that outfit.

299
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,640
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's just I mean at the time,

300
00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:39,240
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I was, I was in it.

301
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,319
Speaker 2: Did you like, did you like did she like growl?

302
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:41,840
Speaker 1: Did he growl?

303
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,400
Speaker 5: Was it like a like a yeah, like what kind

304
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,439
Speaker 5: of what does a demon do? No?

305
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,600
Speaker 1: No, there was no growling. It was he didn't really

306
00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:49,120
Speaker 1: talk much.

307
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,200
Speaker 3: It was more about like just but like making sure

308
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,480
Speaker 3: that I was like restraint quiet.

309
00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:56,440
Speaker 5: He put on the mask. You turned around the news

310
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:56,640
Speaker 5: like this.

311
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,559
Speaker 2: I couldn't see. I mean, I don't know what his

312
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:00,199
Speaker 2: face like.

313
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:06,400
Speaker 1: I don't know.

314
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,400
Speaker 3: It was great though, and it was they gave me

315
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,440
Speaker 3: devil energy and I was into it. Okay, I mean

316
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,480
Speaker 3: I kind of resonate with this girl's fantasy. I'm not

317
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,560
Speaker 3: gonna lie literally, Yo, hey, I feelve you guys.

318
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:17,760
Speaker 2: Is that what field is for?

319
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,400
Speaker 4: Like field is crazy?

320
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:19,800
Speaker 3: No?

321
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,920
Speaker 2: I know, I know field, but I didn't even I.

322
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,360
Speaker 3: Didn't have any luck on field, but I was on

323
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,240
Speaker 3: there with my part. I've never been on well. I

324
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,280
Speaker 3: have been on field by myself and it was interesting,

325
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,719
Speaker 3: but I've never been on a I've never been out

326
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,559
Speaker 3: on a date. But recently some like a few different

327
00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:36,640
Speaker 3: people were like, you have to join field. I'm having

328
00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:37,920
Speaker 3: the best experiences.

329
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,880
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh really, Krista, I'm kind of

330
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,679
Speaker 2: surprised that you were on field. I didn't know you

331
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,079
Speaker 2: had like a freaky side, So I can you tell us.

332
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:46,360
Speaker 1: You're like what caud you know they have all those

333
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,080
Speaker 1: you don't have to have be freaky to be on field.

334
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,079
Speaker 1: There's vanilla over there too.

335
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:53,640
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that those were one of the box Why

336
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,400
Speaker 2: barn white girl too on field? Why would you go

337
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,360
Speaker 2: over there to be a plane for? Like, why would

338
00:13:59,360 --> 00:13:59,800
Speaker 2: you go there?

339
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,240
Speaker 4: That's what I realized. Okay, So I was I got divorced.

340
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,120
Speaker 4: It's been a year, and I'm like, girl, need to

341
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,760
Speaker 4: get back in my groove. And I'm feeling and I'm

342
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,840
Speaker 4: back in the groove. But so now I'm like, yo,

343
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,360
Speaker 4: all I want to do is like fuck, Like I

344
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,240
Speaker 4: don't want to be in a relationship, Like I don't

345
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,040
Speaker 4: want to be married. I don't want to do that.

346
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,120
Speaker 4: So I'm like, all I want to do is like

347
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,679
Speaker 4: fuck people. And so my friends were like, you should

348
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,680
Speaker 4: get on field. So I get on field, and yeah,

349
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,520
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm like all I want to do is fuck,

350
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:24,640
Speaker 4: and then like you want to fuck, I'm like, no,

351
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,880
Speaker 4: take me out. I want to and then I want

352
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,920
Speaker 4: to like I want you to see me as your

353
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,120
Speaker 4: wife like, and that's my thing. I have this problem

354
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,840
Speaker 4: where I want every man to see me as like

355
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,960
Speaker 4: his wife, even if I don't want to see him

356
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:36,560
Speaker 4: as my husband.

357
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:40,320
Speaker 2: I have this like thing, you want my girlfriend treatment

358
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,560
Speaker 2: all the time wife treatment.

359
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,400
Speaker 4: I want like wife like. I want you to be like, oh,

360
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,120
Speaker 4: take me out and all this stuff. And so I

361
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,760
Speaker 4: was like trying to break that on field. I was

362
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,120
Speaker 4: like I want him to just see me as like

363
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,920
Speaker 4: a fuck. So I went on one date and we

364
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,640
Speaker 4: like made out and I was like, he's like, you

365
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:52,080
Speaker 4: want to go home?

366
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,600
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, were you giving fuck energy? Like where

367
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,320
Speaker 3: did you go in there? Like the pep talk like energy.

368
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:58,160
Speaker 5: I was trying.

369
00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,440
Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, we're going to do this, but

370
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,680
Speaker 4: like he was really short, and I just don't fuck short.

371
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:04,880
Speaker 4: I don't keep sure I would I've done it, to

372
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,520
Speaker 4: be honest, everyone's got their own thing for me. It's

373
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:11,240
Speaker 4: just I'm tall, I'm not little, so it's just my preference.

374
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:13,400
Speaker 4: So I didn't end up doing it. You know what

375
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:18,160
Speaker 4: they say about the little guys what big big songs? Sometimes, yeah,

376
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,080
Speaker 4: I would love that.

377
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,240
Speaker 2: Sometimes they surprise you and you're like, oh, you know what,

378
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:22,080
Speaker 2: I love them short.

379
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,040
Speaker 1: It's fact, Yeah, I get it.

380
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,400
Speaker 4: It was interesting too to meet up and be like, yo,

381
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,720
Speaker 4: we're talking about what we like in bed the whole time,

382
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,360
Speaker 4: like we talked about it was like really nice to

383
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:31,200
Speaker 4: be open about that.

384
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:32,800
Speaker 5: But I was like, I don't know if this.

385
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:33,880
Speaker 4: Is for me yet.

386
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:35,360
Speaker 1: He thought he was gonna get some pussy.

387
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, bitch, he was like every time I talked, he

388
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,320
Speaker 4: was like, tell this bitch to shut up. You know,

389
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,200
Speaker 4: when they're just looking at you.

390
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,000
Speaker 1: I don't care about anything.

391
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:43,000
Speaker 5: We made down.

392
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,120
Speaker 4: He was literally grabbing my titties. I was like, is

393
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,600
Speaker 4: this what you do when you like make out in

394
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:47,320
Speaker 4: a parking lot.

395
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:49,400
Speaker 2: Whatever?

396
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,720
Speaker 5: But yeah, I want to be like more freaky, but

397
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,400
Speaker 5: I'm like easing my way into it.

398
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,360
Speaker 3: So you said you you were divorced. You've been divorced

399
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:56,800
Speaker 3: for one year?

400
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:57,280
Speaker 5: One year?

401
00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:00,720
Speaker 3: What has been like the process of like getting coming

402
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,680
Speaker 3: back from divorce because you were in your relationship for

403
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:03,000
Speaker 3: how long?

404
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,240
Speaker 5: Ten years? One dick for ten years?

405
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:05,720
Speaker 3: Wow?

406
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:14,920
Speaker 2: So you never never liked cheat, never been out or

407
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,440
Speaker 2: never fell onto it?

408
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:20,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was like, no, I never This was the

409
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,280
Speaker 4: only boyfriend I never cheated on. I was always in

410
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,560
Speaker 4: my vibe with that, and he became my husband. But like,

411
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:29,200
Speaker 4: and when you're with someone you're like fucking You're just

412
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,480
Speaker 4: in each other's energy so much you're responding to each other.

413
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,280
Speaker 4: That I was just different, Like I was so much

414
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 4: more shut down sexually than I think I ever had been.

415
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,360
Speaker 4: And I loved our sex, but it wasn't like as

416
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,680
Speaker 4: deep or as soulful or as curious as.

417
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:43,160
Speaker 5: I wanted to be.

418
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,800
Speaker 4: And I didn't realize until I got older. I was like, oh,

419
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,280
Speaker 4: I want to try a lot of new things. But

420
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,040
Speaker 4: where I grew up in Ohio and where he grew up,

421
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,080
Speaker 4: it's like, you don't do that.

422
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,200
Speaker 2: He's also from Ohio, yeah, or he's.

423
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,400
Speaker 4: From the East coast, like small town, like there'd be

424
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,480
Speaker 4: can there be times where he'd come and he'd be

425
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,560
Speaker 4: like sorry, you know, like you have shame and.

426
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,120
Speaker 2: Guilt because it came too fast and not just because

427
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,320
Speaker 2: you have shame and guilt. Well, there's a lot of

428
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,439
Speaker 2: religious xactly, and a lot of men are not up

429
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,000
Speaker 2: for the like they don't even I guess was the

430
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,760
Speaker 2: shame and guilt shows up differently. They're not as like

431
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,159
Speaker 2: they're not digging deep into like let's go explore some

432
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,399
Speaker 2: shit because there's so many walls put up. They're supposed

433
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,080
Speaker 2: to be good at it already, they're supposed to be freaky,

434
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:21,560
Speaker 2: like even to discuss anything outside of the heteronormative whatever, like,

435
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:25,040
Speaker 2: especially if you're coming from like religious family, it's hard.

436
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:26,560
Speaker 2: It's hard to think about those, yes.

437
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:30,000
Speaker 4: And like Midwest is just very you know like that.

438
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,399
Speaker 4: So it was like I didn't have that much. So

439
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:33,600
Speaker 4: now that I'm like back and I took like a

440
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,919
Speaker 4: I was like we've probably been divorced for a year

441
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,199
Speaker 4: and a half and I took like a year when

442
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,720
Speaker 4: I was like just wanted to be me and be

443
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,040
Speaker 4: in my own energy and heal and do all that.

444
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,080
Speaker 4: Now that I'm back, I like, Yo, it is the

445
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,160
Speaker 4: fucking best dating.

446
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,199
Speaker 2: Do you think do you think that when you decided

447
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,960
Speaker 2: to get married, Like, because that was like what three

448
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,479
Speaker 2: two and a half years ago, did you know at

449
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,480
Speaker 2: that point there's I'm there's something more that I want

450
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,240
Speaker 2: to explore that I'm not not being fulfilled here and

451
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,760
Speaker 2: then you did it despite knowing better.

452
00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think he would say the same thing,

453
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,359
Speaker 4: like respect for him. I think we both thought we

454
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,240
Speaker 4: were so when you're together for ten years, you have

455
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,560
Speaker 4: ebbs and flows in any relationship. I just thought we

456
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,600
Speaker 4: were in a bad, bad moment. When we got married.

457
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,160
Speaker 4: I was like, Oh, we're gonna be better. It's gonna

458
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,120
Speaker 4: be fine. But there was a lot that I wasn't

459
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,880
Speaker 4: fulfilled in. But also I didn't see relationships that were

460
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,960
Speaker 4: like deeply fulfilling on all levels.

461
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,040
Speaker 1: I don't think most people do.

462
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,679
Speaker 4: Most people do, Like my parents like fucking hated each other.

463
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:23,440
Speaker 4: They're they're like, oh, this is this is me and

464
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,359
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, we hate this is perfect, we

465
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,640
Speaker 4: hide ourselves. This is right, like paying out sundays watch football.

466
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,880
Speaker 4: So I didn't understand too that like what I wanted

467
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,320
Speaker 4: in relationships was different and I could change it. And

468
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 4: I had a lot of shamer on my sexuality too,

469
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,399
Speaker 4: Like I had a lot of sexual trauma that I

470
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,879
Speaker 4: didn't really address and didn't really heal, and that was

471
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,880
Speaker 4: something I really had to go into before I felt

472
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,880
Speaker 4: like I could be in my own body in relationship

473
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,680
Speaker 4: to a man and feel like safe with my yes,

474
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,159
Speaker 4: safe with my no, safe with my pleasure and everything

475
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:51,359
Speaker 4: like that.

476
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,680
Speaker 2: Mm, that's so true. And I think a lot of

477
00:18:54,680 --> 00:19:00,320
Speaker 2: people underestimate like having examples of healthy relationships that that

478
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,280
Speaker 2: you want to like even if you're not in a relationship,

479
00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:04,920
Speaker 2: like having friends or having like examples of relationships that

480
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,040
Speaker 2: you want you you want to at least like resemble,

481
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,399
Speaker 2: because I think sometimes too, like even I feel like

482
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,240
Speaker 2: prior to my relationship, I would be on you know this,

483
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,959
Speaker 2: I talk about this. So we talk about this a lot,

484
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,600
Speaker 2: like online bitches online, like I'm so in love, But

485
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,760
Speaker 2: that's I think it's because it's curated and it's fake

486
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:25,160
Speaker 2: and it irritated me, and I'd like, he's cheating on you, literally,

487
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:29,159
Speaker 2: and then I break up like knew it. But I

488
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:32,040
Speaker 2: also notice just because I I've been there, and I

489
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,720
Speaker 2: think because a lot of sometimes it is fake and

490
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,520
Speaker 2: probably my own personal things, but I and like our

491
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,360
Speaker 2: parents not having healthy relationships, not being able to we're

492
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,200
Speaker 2: just thinking like, oh, you get married and you stop fucking,

493
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,199
Speaker 2: and that's the norm. But I think like also as

494
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 2: like single women, because I feel like there's maybe like

495
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 2: it feels like there's a scarcity of good guys. Women

496
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,400
Speaker 2: don't really want to be around people and help happy relationships,

497
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,440
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. It's like even being in

498
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,560
Speaker 2: this relationship that I'm in and it feels super healthy

499
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,360
Speaker 2: and happy, and I feel like huge about it. I'm

500
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 2: like my boyfriend, and I realized like maybe like even

501
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,040
Speaker 2: in my friend circles, when things are not going good

502
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 2: for everybody, I'm like, let me just keep my ship

503
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 2: to myself, because you know what I mean, because there's

504
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,240
Speaker 2: so many people choose to be in problematic relationships so

505
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:17,919
Speaker 2: often because it's our norm.

506
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 5: It's the norm. And then you talk about it as friends.

507
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,680
Speaker 2: Yeah the best, and you're like, oh, who's got their issues.

508
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,240
Speaker 4: And we're all like coming together talking about when you have.

509
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,400
Speaker 4: When you come in, you're like, everything's really good.

510
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,439
Speaker 5: I love my man.

511
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,320
Speaker 2: He's really good to me. It's like boring, Yeah, I

512
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:34,920
Speaker 2: come back later, don't invite them, Yeah, come back. But

513
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 2: I'm like I realize, like that is something we have

514
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,760
Speaker 2: to kind of like shift our mind around, because like

515
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,640
Speaker 2: some that's crazy. Yeah, it's absolutely crazy that we're that way.

516
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,920
Speaker 2: And like, and I was hanging out with a couple

517
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:50,240
Speaker 2: that literally like changed, like I had this whole week long,

518
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 2: Like I thought they were trying and three wade me,

519
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 2: but it was like a spiritual awakening. Like but I

520
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:57,159
Speaker 2: really she was like when I when I was single,

521
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,320
Speaker 2: I was always with I was a unicorn for this

522
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,159
Speaker 2: really healthy cut and they were always giving me this

523
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 2: energy and I really enjoyed that. And I realized I

524
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,280
Speaker 2: was like, oh, I need to be around a couple

525
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:07,919
Speaker 2: that I really want to mirror that relationship. And then

526
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 2: literally like a week later, my boyfriend came to and

527
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,399
Speaker 2: met me there and that's been how it's been. But

528
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 2: I realized, like our our mind frames around that are

529
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 2: so skewed. As women. It's like we watched the movies.

530
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 2: I mean, watch Disney movies. I'm like that, I want that.

531
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 2: I want that. I'm like yeah. But then around in

532
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 2: personal settings, we're like it's and I've done it, you know,

533
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,160
Speaker 2: like do you think they're really happy?

534
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,720
Speaker 4: Well, we always like women are always kind of checking

535
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 4: each other, you know, like it sucks. But and I

536
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 4: don't feel like I'm in that now. But like so

537
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,440
Speaker 4: much of our lives is like, don't be too much,

538
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,640
Speaker 4: you know, like don't be Oh, she's talking so much

539
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,920
Speaker 4: about her work, like she's got out, like talking so

540
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,720
Speaker 4: much about a relationship. And it's so sad because we

541
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 4: should be able to meet with women that we love

542
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 4: on like their joy and their happiness. And like it's

543
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 4: only since I've gotten older that I've been able to

544
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,239
Speaker 4: be in relationship with women that like are almost as

545
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,200
Speaker 4: happy or even.

546
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:58,200
Speaker 5: Happier for me than I am. Like it's like the

547
00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 5: best feeling.

548
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,720
Speaker 4: And when my friend, it's like one of my friends

549
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 4: called me yesterday something happened that was so good for

550
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:04,879
Speaker 4: I was like bawling. I couldn't even believe it. I

551
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,879
Speaker 4: was like, I can't believe how good God is. And

552
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 4: you want that, you know what I mean? You want that,

553
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,680
Speaker 4: because you're never gonna have a relationship in your life

554
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 4: that you love if you can't support your friends in

555
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 4: like a good one.

556
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,399
Speaker 5: But it is easy to be like.

557
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:15,320
Speaker 2: Fuck the fuck.

558
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:15,679
Speaker 4: I mean.

559
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,719
Speaker 2: But also I realized because I'm really happy even when

560
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 2: things are like not the greatest, but I'm around people

561
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 2: who I love but are constantly complaining about the same shit.

562
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 2: It's almost like I have a time I'm like okay,

563
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 2: and then I start to check out one hundred percent

564
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,440
Speaker 2: and then I'm trying to leave and I feel bad

565
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,240
Speaker 2: about it. But it's like the frequency thing, you know.

566
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 4: I always think like a lot of people don't want

567
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 4: to have their problem solved, Like a lot of people

568
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 4: have the same neural pathways of complaining and bitching about

569
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 4: whatever the fuck forever, and they actually don't want to

570
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:50,439
Speaker 4: have a solution.

571
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,720
Speaker 5: They actually like to be in that problem.

572
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 4: So it's like they're just bitching about their husband, boyfriend,

573
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:57,480
Speaker 4: whatever for a hundred years, and it's like their norm,

574
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 4: and I don't think they realized that they could probably

575
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,400
Speaker 4: change it, but it's like just how they live.

576
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 2: I grew up in a household like that my mom.

577
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,119
Speaker 2: I saw my mom do that for years and I

578
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 2: was like, you've got to shut the fuck up. And

579
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,440
Speaker 2: I think I became a woman that was like I'm

580
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 2: not getting married and I'm not gonna complain about the

581
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,879
Speaker 2: same shit, and I'm I'm very like, what's the solution?

582
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 2: So what are you gonna do? I only have like

583
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 2: a three limit conversation pattern, Like I really don't. I'm lying,

584
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 2: you know, take switches more than three conversations. But I

585
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,440
Speaker 2: realize that that's where that like, come on, let's hurry

586
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,440
Speaker 2: up and move out of this cycle, because I see

587
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,919
Speaker 2: I see women fuck themselves so often and fuck up

588
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 2: their potential staying in relationships too fucking long that diminish

589
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 2: them and then they are dead, you know, spiritually. So

590
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 2: like even for you after ten years, what was like

591
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,399
Speaker 2: the final straw? That was like, okay, you know what,

592
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 2: I know, it's been ten years.

593
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, I want to hear yours two of your long

594
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,359
Speaker 5: one that was like a deep thing.

595
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 4: And it's interesting too because it's maybe similar where your

596
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,159
Speaker 4: friends see but you don't see, and you really have

597
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,879
Speaker 4: to see for yourself. And that's what I've I'm grateful

598
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 4: for my relationship ending because it's given me grace for

599
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,359
Speaker 4: that because I literally didn't see the patterns we were

600
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 4: in until the very last years, and I was like,

601
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 4: what the fuck, Like this is so bad. But I

602
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,159
Speaker 4: remember one time we it was like our anniversary, and

603
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,159
Speaker 4: you know how fucking when you're in a relationship on anniversaries,

604
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,200
Speaker 4: Valentine's Day, vacations.

605
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 5: You fight. Is that normal? Is that just me?

606
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:17,640
Speaker 1: Oh my god?

607
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 3: No, I remember, Oh my god, my baby, Like the

608
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 3: the first ship after my I had my daughter, we

609
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 3: went on this beautiful trip and we got in like

610
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 3: most epic fight ever.

611
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 1: I threw a lamp at the door. I think maybe

612
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: he tried to strangle me. I don't know. It was crazy,

613
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 1: but if.

614
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 2: You can fight on it telling it was.

615
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 4: Remember it was all the times that were supposed to

616
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:38,520
Speaker 4: be really good, we would fucking fight.

617
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 1: I think maybe because there's riddles with expectation.

618
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 2: Too, and the pressure like and.

619
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 4: I just remember like it was always a situation where

620
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:49,159
Speaker 4: I felt like I had to be perfect, like I

621
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:50,919
Speaker 4: had to say the perfect thing or say the right thing.

622
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:52,479
Speaker 5: I never felt like I could just be myself.

623
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 4: And I was like sitting on the edge of my

624
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 4: bed and it was just like God spoke to me,

625
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,399
Speaker 4: and God was like I was bawling, and at the

626
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,480
Speaker 4: end of our relationship, I had committed to being super

627
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 4: open hearted. I was like, I'm gonna fucking go for it.

628
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go so hard when we sue open hearted

629
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 4: and try and make this work. And God was like,

630
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,080
Speaker 4: for the right person, you don't have to be perfect

631
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,159
Speaker 4: and just have to be yourself. And it was like,

632
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 4: you know those moments where it's so clear. I was like,

633
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 4: that's not my voice, that someone else's and I just

634
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,440
Speaker 4: felt like that. I was like, yeah, there's something where

635
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 4: I'm trying so hard for something that should be easier

636
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:22,639
Speaker 4: and relationships don't have to be easy.

637
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 5: But it was too much of that, and I knew

638
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 5: in that moment.

639
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 4: I was like, you know what, we've been trying a

640
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 4: little bit too hard because you guys know, in relationships

641
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:33,640
Speaker 4: it's like what is normal hard?

642
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 5: Because relationships are hard? Like what is not? What is

643
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 5: when you're not compatible? Like what is too much hard?

644
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:39,439
Speaker 1: Right?

645
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:39,879
Speaker 3: You know?

646
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 5: So we were trying to figure that out. But yeah,

647
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 5: that was probably the moment where I was like, Okay,

648
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:43,159
Speaker 5: we need to move on.

649
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:43,840
Speaker 1: What was yours?

650
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:49,119
Speaker 3: We got someone else pregnant? Stop, Yeah, he just just

651
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 3: got someone else pregnant.

652
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:50,640
Speaker 5: Ho did you find out?

653
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 3: She sent me a damn, I'm like God talking and

654
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,720
Speaker 3: you're like, actually, Instagram talked to me and said, then, God,

655
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:04,200
Speaker 3: I'm bad, that's yours. I mean, there was many signs

656
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 3: before this moment, obviously, but actually our relationship had gotten

657
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 3: much better, Like we had been through a hell of

658
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 3: a time in our relationship, and then we had actually

659
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 3: I felt, I felt we had turned a leaf, but

660
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 3: I didn't know he had already you know, planted a

661
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:20,040
Speaker 3: seat in someone else.

662
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 1: And so I was planning our wedding, and so we.

663
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,439
Speaker 3: Had been engaged for a good amount of time at

664
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,159
Speaker 3: that point, and I hadn't planned our wedding because we

665
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 3: weren't in a good place. And then I finally did

666
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 3: feel like we were in a good place, so I

667
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 3: started planning it. And then God was like, no, bitch, sorry,

668
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 3: we're not going to let you do that. And so

669
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 3: that was really obviously, that was that was the straw

670
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 3: that broke the camel's back for me. Yeah, pregnancy, And

671
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 3: did you know the woman, No, No, she didn't live

672
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 3: in the state. She lived in a whole other state.

673
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,400
Speaker 3: And of course, like totally different vibe than me. Completely

674
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:56,239
Speaker 3: different human than me totally, and you know, spoke more

675
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 3: volumes about where he was at in his life and

676
00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:00,399
Speaker 3: what he needed, what he needed, and you know they

677
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 3: have a beautiful son now out of it, and I have,

678
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 3: honestly like, I'm grateful for that. And I'm actually grateful

679
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 3: for her, even though I've actually never spoken to her ever,

680
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 3: because had that not happened, I probably would not have

681
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 3: left him. I probably I wouldn't have this platform at

682
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 3: all because all of that really created this whole hamster

683
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 3: wheel of like where I'm at now from that very moment.

684
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 1: So I believe that God was like how much more like,

685
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:32,880
Speaker 1: how how much of a writer?

686
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:33,200
Speaker 5: Die?

687
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: Are you going to be? Bitch? Because you've been riding?

688
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:36,239
Speaker 1: And I did.

689
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 3: I rode with him through a lot of pain, through

690
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 3: a lot of loss. Through I mean, I talk about.

691
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:42,400
Speaker 1: This in my book.

692
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:44,680
Speaker 3: Make sure you check my book, A Good Mom's Guide

693
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,879
Speaker 3: to Making Bad Joys. This you can get on Amazon

694
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 3: link this episode. Shout out to HarperCollins.

695
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:56,440
Speaker 1: Oh wait, agent, your whole proposal.

696
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,479
Speaker 2: We did our book, thank you, Oh my God.

697
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:05,160
Speaker 3: But yeah, so I if I ever meet her one day,

698
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 3: I would like to thank her, because it really it

699
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 3: really opened me up and got me out of a

700
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 3: situation that I was like in a loop and nothing

701
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 3: or no one was.

702
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,439
Speaker 1: I was so dedicated and so.

703
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 3: Loyal for years and years and years and like you like,

704
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:26,679
Speaker 3: very very loyal sexually all those things, and so when

705
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,160
Speaker 3: I did start dating, it was like a whole new

706
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 3: motherfucking world opened up and it's been it's been life

707
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 3: changing for me. It was like the first time I

708
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 3: really chose myself and I needed to do that, especially

709
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 3: as a mom too, because I was so concerned and

710
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 3: the reason I hadn't left even before that moment was because.

711
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 1: Of my daughter. It was like, we're a family. This

712
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 1: is what we decided, we're doing this. I'm black.

713
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 3: I'm not going to be a fucking baby mama. I'm

714
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 3: not going to be a statistic even though I am

715
00:28:53,720 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 3: dating a gangster rapper. I've got somebody else pregnant, which

716
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 3: it's very much giving love and hip hop, but not me,

717
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 3: not me.

718
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 1: We're going to be So that was that was the difference.

719
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 4: And crazy how like if you don't do the ship,

720
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 4: God will be like, yo, I'm gonna destroy your life

721
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:17,040
Speaker 4: to make you move.

722
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,719
Speaker 2: We talked about that shit in the book. I was like, listen, bitches,

723
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 2: there's one prayer and everyone avoids it. And it's like, God,

724
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 2: make this ship so clear if this is not right,

725
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 2: make it so clear that not even my dumb ass

726
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 2: can deny. Yep, and then wait twenty four hours to

727
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 2: seven days, bitch, and your answer will be coming around

728
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 2: the mountain.

729
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 4: When you could say, God, make it clear and kind,

730
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 4: God said, bitch, you ain't said the prayer.

731
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 1: So I'm like, oh, God, make you pray.

732
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 2: God knows if you're saying, hey, God, it can't be

733
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 2: clear and kind, bitch, because I've been kind and bitch,

734
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 2: you ain't been moving, So let me make it so clear.

735
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 2: It's gonna hurt so bad and your probably is going

736
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 2: to be so pressed that not nothing can make you

737
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,760
Speaker 2: return to this bullshit. And that's general. As women were

738
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,239
Speaker 2: so loyal, it has to be like, yeah, God has

739
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 2: God has a bitch slap. Yes, you're like, God, please

740
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 2: send me my bitch slap in whatever form you see fit.

741
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 2: Bitch needs to be bitch slap literally maybe acting so due.

742
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 4: I was thinking about even just so like, because I've

743
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 4: just started dating, I've had like really good connections with men.

744
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 4: One of them was in London and I was like,

745
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 4: after we left, I was like, I think we should

746
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 4: not talk anymore. And then a week later I was

747
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 4: like we should talk and we should do this, and

748
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 4: I'm like this man is not my man, and I'm

749
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 4: like trying to make this work.

750
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,320
Speaker 5: And I could just feel myself the connection.

751
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 1: You feel the habits of your past coming.

752
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 5: I had one man in New York was like, I

753
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,120
Speaker 5: have a terminal disease. I'm not gonna I was.

754
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 2: Like, I will be at your bedside, babe.

755
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 4: Chris, I know literally. He was like I'm I'm gonna

756
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 4: maybe live till fifty. I don't think I can have kids.

757
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 5: And I'm like we can wear this out.

758
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 4: Like this man had a roommate like I was just like, girl,

759
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 4: what the fuck. He's like, I need to end this

760
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 4: because you need to move on.

761
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 1: Because is it not him releasing to you?

762
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 4: Man released me and many like we're gonna stay with

763
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 4: me to he kept like he kept like dropping hints

764
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 4: like the first time we fucked.

765
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 5: I texted him. I was like I just got home.

766
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,160
Speaker 4: He's like, thanks for hanging out with the poor person tonight.

767
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 4: That was what this man said. He sucked me good

768
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 4: and that's what this man said.

769
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 2: And he was like, people can always fuck it.

770
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: That's true.

771
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 2: That is a fact they have to that's true.

772
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 4: But I like, girl, you gotta you gotta check your attachment,

773
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 4: like you gotta because I am just like, no the standards.

774
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 4: I have my fucking list that's like houses all over the.

775
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,520
Speaker 5: World successful on purpose. I'm like, this man does a

776
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 5: roommate is dying.

777
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 3: I'm like you, we're gonna change the world, baby, We'll

778
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 3: start a charity. I know.

779
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 2: Some scientists told me.

780
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 4: Was like I've got this and I was like holding

781
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 4: his hand. I was like, wow, said you know what

782
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:45,560
Speaker 4: that is?

783
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 2: Was like, no, it's terminal.

784
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 5: It's like okay, and I think everyone's lying to me.

785
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 5: So I was like, are you lying?

786
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 4: Because I think everyone's lying.

787
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 5: I'm like, you're lying.

788
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 2: And he had to like show me his card. There's

789
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 2: a terminal card, like I'm to die for his medication.

790
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 3: Oh.

791
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 4: It was like, here's my card from my medications that

792
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 4: I use because there's like literally expensive medication bubbles. Even

793
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 4: my guy in London, he got sick one weekend when

794
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:11,600
Speaker 4: I was there and I was like, send me your

795
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 4: or ring data to show me that your temperature is

796
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 4: raised pitch.

797
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 2: You got divorced, so you can't figure out what is it.

798
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 2: I can freak out these men, but I also feel

799
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 2: like that people don't give enough. People don't give enough

800
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 2: credit to like the hoe phase of when you are

801
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 2: like not just hoeing to be hoeing aimlessly, but when

802
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 2: you're starting to get to a place of self awareness

803
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,600
Speaker 2: and you ho you're inevitably going to find the route

804
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 2: to your own shit because you can be like, I'm crazy.

805
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 2: I know it's true. I literally I was like, I

806
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 2: don't want to be alone.

807
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 4: I mean not to be like corny, but every man

808
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 4: has been like a lesson for me. Like every like

809
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 4: the London man, I was like, I want to feel desire.

810
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 4: I felt desire. The next man, I was like, I

811
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 4: want to feel like myself. But it's like, oh where

812
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 4: am I and I where could I negotiate who I am?

813
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 4: Because I could find myself going to dates and I'm like, oh,

814
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 4: this guy's super surface, he can't talk. I'm just gonna

815
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 4: talk about bullshit all fucking night and he's gonna like me.

816
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 4: But I'm not gonna feel satisfied because I'm not being

817
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 4: my full self. But it's easy for me to fall

818
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 4: into that with men, where I can be whatever they

819
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 4: want me to exactly. So I just have to watch

820
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:13,959
Speaker 4: myself do that now where I'm like, okay, where am

821
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 4: I like being fake for like his comfort and enjoyment.

822
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 2: Well, you've done it for ten years. I know that

823
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 2: is that's your program. I had to to chill and

824
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 2: to like, oh, let me present for this person, because

825
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 2: this is how you've used to shown up. Yeah, but

826
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 2: like how did he feel about the podcast.

827
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 5: Which which one my cousin.

828
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know when we started, I wasn't doing that.

829
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 4: I was in corporate, so he wasn't down.

830
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:37,520
Speaker 5: Really.

831
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 4: He did some stuff with me, but like in the

832
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 4: end didn't like it, and I respect that, like it

833
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 4: is what it is. And I don't talk about much detail.

834
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 4: I just kind of keep it surface and I should

835
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 4: probably talk less. But yeah, he wasn't down with it.

836
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 4: I don't think a lot of men are.

837
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 2: No, because women talking is an abomination.

838
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 4: Men are also very fucking concerned about how they're perceived.

839
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, because they it's their their egos are on the line.

840
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 3: It's all because that's all they have is how we

841
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 3: perceive them or how they're perceived publicly.

842
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, they want to. I mean, men want to be

843
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,359
Speaker 4: seen good more than any of us.

844
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:12,799
Speaker 1: You think so, you think more than women?

845
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 5: I think so.

846
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,880
Speaker 2: The reputation, you know, that's a big thing or that

847
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 2: was mine? Would they get embarrassed easy?

848
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,360
Speaker 1: I think. I don't know. I think I think women.

849
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 1: I don't know.

850
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:25,839
Speaker 3: I would beg to differ and think that women want

851
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:27,400
Speaker 3: to be perceived more than men.

852
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:28,800
Speaker 1: I feel like men kind of don't really give a

853
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 1: fuck a little bit. I think their egos.

854
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 3: I think their egos won't allow them to show that

855
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 3: they give a fuck oh mostly, whereas women were going

856
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 3: to fucking shatter totally. But I think I think humans

857
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:42,359
Speaker 3: just in general care care.

858
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:44,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think, And maybe I'm thinking too.

859
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 4: And you guys probably have this, like after a while,

860
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 4: you don't give a fuck of people say am I

861
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 4: You're like, okay, whatever you're gonna say. But I think

862
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 4: the first time you hear feedback, it fucking shatters you.

863
00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 4: Like you know, the first time you had someone talk

864
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 4: shit about you or write a better review or whatever.

865
00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 4: It hurts and you'll never forget. But after a while,

866
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 4: you're like, people are going to say what they're going

867
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,479
Speaker 4: to say, So I think for men it's the first

868
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 4: times that they hear feedback.

869
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:05,279
Speaker 1: That's hard.

870
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, it takes practice too. Like we're all here talking

871
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 2: about not giving a fuck over three bitches who talk

872
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 2: honestly every week on thousands of minutes for thousands of people,

873
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 2: and we say all types of shit and they're like, okay, bye,

874
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 2: and we've been practicing that.

875
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 1: It's a ritual of release constantly, over and over and over.

876
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,480
Speaker 2: No, I have attachment. Still, I'm like, Tamas, that's I'll

877
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 2: be over.

878
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:27,880
Speaker 1: Erica was like she was that.

879
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 2: She's coming at me like like, bitch, what are you

880
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 2: just thinking about?

881
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 1: Stop?

882
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 2: And it's psycho And I'm like, nobody is thinking about you, bitch,

883
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:36,960
Speaker 2: but it's a And then I have to check myself,

884
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 2: what the fuck are you thinking about? Why are you

885
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 2: even thinking this shit?

886
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:40,799
Speaker 5: You know what I mean?

887
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 2: And so it's like we can say it all the time,

888
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 2: but it's the practice of consciously releasing the negative thought

889
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 2: because it doesn't just happen. I think it happens less

890
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:50,880
Speaker 2: of the strangers. I don't give a fuck what a

891
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,800
Speaker 2: stranger you're looking at me, listening to me, bitch, I

892
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 2: don't know, but it's in our circles when we meet

893
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 2: people for the first time and we think there's this

894
00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 2: expectation of how we're supposed to show up, Like, yeah,

895
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,400
Speaker 2: what is that mean? Like that come off me? Or

896
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:02,839
Speaker 2: I was like was that like was it too hype?

897
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 2: Or like you know what I mean. It's just like

898
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 2: all these ridiculous and I think women deal with that

899
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 2: more because there's more like more pressure to show up

900
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 2: and like a dainty like I think we're.

901
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 5: More psychic too.

902
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:15,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love I love women, my work as women,

903
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 4: like it's you know, that's my life. But it's like

904
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 4: I love fucking hanging out with men because there's no

905
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 4: psychic energy. No. Women are just like fucking TV, fucking phones,

906
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:27,759
Speaker 4: like whatever, and it's just nice.

907
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm just relaxing too.

908
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:32,319
Speaker 2: I was just talking to my friendsterday too little are

909
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 2: you gotta?

910
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 1: I was talking about looking at me.

911
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,320
Speaker 3: I was talking to my friend yesterday and she was

912
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,880
Speaker 3: saying she said something pretty like I don't know's It

913
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,799
Speaker 3: was profound to me because I never really considered this, but.

914
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:42,480
Speaker 5: She was like, should just take credit for her?

915
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 3: She was like, actually, I said this that women get

916
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 3: the downloads and men are just there to protect us,

917
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,719
Speaker 3: like they're there to protect the download and I was like,

918
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 3: it's so true, Like she's like, Nick, men don't get

919
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 3: the fucking downloads. We get the downloads, and that's why

920
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 3: we get in the red tents and that's why we

921
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 3: had circles, and like let me tell them, and they

922
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 3: help me tell them, and that's why they have to

923
00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:04,279
Speaker 3: protect us so that we get the downloads.

924
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 4: Yes, And I was like, Wow, there's a such really

925
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,440
Speaker 4: amazing book called Enter Her Vortex.

926
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 5: It's actually a really good read. It's by this author

927
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 5: named Malik.

928
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 4: I forgot what his last name is, but in it

929
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 4: he talks a lot about like women are like the

930
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 4: unseen realm aspect of the relationship, like the psychic awareness,

931
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,439
Speaker 4: the emotional awareness, like the caretaking, like we all work

932
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 4: in that way, and men is like material it's like

933
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:27,759
Speaker 4: working in the material plane, like working in the world,

934
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,840
Speaker 4: holding the foundation for the women to like be whatever

935
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 4: it is that you want to be. And that's what

936
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 4: I want in my next relationship, Like I want to

937
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:38,400
Speaker 4: be able to be like just fucking responsible for everything

938
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:40,479
Speaker 4: that's in my power and not so much like holding

939
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 4: the masculine frame of everything that I feel like I

940
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 4: was doing in the past, you know, like making sure

941
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 4: everything was done, like overfunctioning on everything, like running our

942
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,320
Speaker 4: entire life, feeling like I was like alone doing it.

943
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 2: We're not supposed to function like that. We are supposed

944
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 2: to be like get the downloads do which he's the

945
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 2: shit with our friends Dan, and they're supposed to kind

946
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,919
Speaker 2: of provide us, provide for us, and make us feel

947
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 2: safe in that space.

948
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 5: Also says women are multipliers.

949
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 1: We are. Absolutely, I'm going to make it.

950
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 3: That is literally what I've been telling that. I've been

951
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 3: selling that to this person that I've been seeing, and

952
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,200
Speaker 3: I'm like, we are multipliers.

953
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 5: You don't understand.

954
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:19,760
Speaker 1: I'm a multiplier.

955
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 3: So if you treat me well, you nurture me, I

956
00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:24,799
Speaker 3: will whatever is that you want for yourself, I'm going

957
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 3: to help multiply.

958
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:27,839
Speaker 1: So if you want to make more money, fuck with me, yes,

959
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 1: but not yet.

960
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 3: If you want more babies, obviously I'm gonna I'm the

961
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:33,399
Speaker 3: only one that can give that to you. But like, yes,

962
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,360
Speaker 3: we are the multipliers of all things and even in nature.

963
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 4: So it's just that's what femininity is, like fertility, like

964
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 4: we help expand our help.

965
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 2: We help nurture them bloom the seed water.

966
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 4: But what's hard is that women, like we kind of

967
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 4: get stuck where it's like women are multipliers.

968
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 5: Girls are.

969
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:53,600
Speaker 4: Try and be their mothers. So it's like, how do

970
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 4: you be a man's multiplier and be his equal, but

971
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 4: not be his mother? Because I think a lot of

972
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:01,319
Speaker 4: men right now want mothers. They want women that are

973
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,360
Speaker 4: going to take care of them like a mother. And

974
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:07,839
Speaker 4: so it's been interesting to also come into the dating

975
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:10,319
Speaker 4: world and be like very acutely aware of that, Like I.

976
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 5: Actually don't want to be a mom.

977
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,360
Speaker 4: I don't want to be with a man that's like

978
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 4: not actually gonna hold it down like a real man.

979
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:17,799
Speaker 5: But they all play like their men.

980
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 2: It's crazy.

981
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:21,839
Speaker 3: Well, I'm super excited for your dating journey. I think

982
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,600
Speaker 3: about my own when I first became saying advice do

983
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 3: you have for me?

984
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 1: Just have fun? Just to have fun, you know, and

985
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:32,279
Speaker 1: like yeah, check.

986
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 3: Just maybe keep a journal and like as I know,

987
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:38,360
Speaker 3: I'm as I'm assuming you Briby do, and just like

988
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 3: taking notes of like each person that you're dating and

989
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 3: the trends that you find and the men that you date, because.

990
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 1: You will clar up because because it's it's.

991
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 3: Kind of crazy because it took me a long time

992
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 3: in my dating journey to realize I was still dating

993
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 3: different versions of my ex for a while until I

994
00:39:56,360 --> 00:40:00,080
Speaker 3: did meet someone that was very different and that that

995
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 3: was kind of like the turning point in my dating

996
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 3: experience where I kind of went to a different direction.

997
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:05,279
Speaker 1: But you will, you'll.

998
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 3: You are attracted to what's comfortable, and sometimes what's comfortable

999
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:12,320
Speaker 3: is dressed in different forms. So sometimes you need to

1000
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 3: like have mental clarity. And sometimes it's like these are

1001
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 3: the pros and the cons. Oh wow, these cons all

1002
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 3: seem very similar.

1003
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:22,760
Speaker 4: That's what's interesting about types is I'm like, I actually

1004
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:24,439
Speaker 4: with dating, am dating outside my type?

1005
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 1: What is your type? Do we have?

1006
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:28,479
Speaker 4: I'll say it, I'm like, do we have types because

1007
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:30,920
Speaker 4: it's the only thing that we've had access to, or

1008
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:34,319
Speaker 4: do we have types because it's true? And my type

1009
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:35,520
Speaker 4: is like pretty boys?

1010
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 2: What do you mean?

1011
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 5: It's like really pretty boys?

1012
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:39,160
Speaker 2: Its tall pretty boys?

1013
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,319
Speaker 5: Tall pretty boys? Really nice?

1014
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: What about personality type?

1015
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 4: Funny, charismatic, confident, really emotionally in tune.

1016
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:48,400
Speaker 5: I need a good listener.

1017
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 4: Like if I go on even a second with a

1018
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:51,239
Speaker 4: man and I feel like he's not.

1019
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 5: Listening them out.

1020
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 4: Emotionally, where funny is probably the biggest thing, because if

1021
00:40:58,120 --> 00:40:58,919
Speaker 4: you're funny, you're smart.

1022
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 1: You know m about you. My type is changing.

1023
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:06,759
Speaker 5: I'm not a different type.

1024
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 1: I mean physically normally it's like tall, dark and bald

1025
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:12,160
Speaker 1: with a beard.

1026
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 5: But we know the type, we know the vibe.

1027
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:23,280
Speaker 3: I would say, I think for a long time because

1028
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 3: I didn't really fully understand what an alpha was, I

1029
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:32,880
Speaker 3: definitely was leaning into overly confident men and a lot

1030
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 3: of that and a lot of that comes from my dad,

1031
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 3: And I think it's because my dad when he enters

1032
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 3: a room, he shifts the energy in the room.

1033
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:42,240
Speaker 1: He's that's it's it's his presence.

1034
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 3: And so I'm attracted to men that also do that

1035
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,280
Speaker 3: because for some reason, it feels like some sort of protection.

1036
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:53,400
Speaker 3: And I also like a man that has like a

1037
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:55,719
Speaker 3: bit of a dark side. So like, if I can't

1038
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 3: quite figure you out, even better because I am a

1039
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 3: quick read of people most of the time, especially men,

1040
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 3: and so if I can't read you, then I'm all in,

1041
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:07,080
Speaker 3: which usually equates to like.

1042
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 1: You're a fucking liar.

1043
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,280
Speaker 2: It's not like he's.

1044
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 3: Deep and like you got a life that's really unearthed layers,

1045
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:17,400
Speaker 3: No nigga here just a liar. So I've had to

1046
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 3: really in my dating really kind of explore what that

1047
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 3: means to me and why it is that I'm attracted

1048
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,400
Speaker 3: to that and trying to heal the root of that,

1049
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 3: and like even this year, like and at the end

1050
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 3: of last year, me revisiting my daddy issues and thinking like, oh,

1051
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 3: I'm over it, Like me and my dad have a

1052
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 3: good relationship and so like we're fine, it's cool, Like

1053
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 3: I forgive him, and then like things came up and

1054
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:44,399
Speaker 3: I realized, oh no, we're not okay, there's still more there.

1055
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 4: Ye.

1056
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 3: So I think now that I'm in the process of

1057
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:51,719
Speaker 3: still doing that, Like I know that even now, like

1058
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 3: my what my type is could potentially still be shifting.

1059
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so true.

1060
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 5: It's like, what's your healed type? Yeah, you know what

1061
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 5: I mean, your type is like your own version, Like

1062
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 5: what's my heeled type? I don't know.

1063
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 3: So now I don't really I don't necessarily need the

1064
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:09,920
Speaker 3: man that comes into the room and shifts the energy

1065
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:10,760
Speaker 3: like I'm.

1066
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 1: Cool, I'm good.

1067
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 3: It's fascinating that whereas before that was like my thing. Yeah,

1068
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 3: because I feel like I have a powerful energy as well.

1069
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,319
Speaker 1: So I want I want you want that. I want

1070
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 1: that mad Yeah, that X factor. Yeah, I feel that.

1071
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:23,400
Speaker 5: That's the thing with what we do.

1072
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 3: It's like you want, But now I'm like, no, I

1073
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:26,800
Speaker 3: could just change. I could shift the energy in the

1074
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 3: room and then you can support me in that. That's

1075
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 3: that's actually more helpful and it feels better to me

1076
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,280
Speaker 3: than and both of us like being in competition.

1077
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,840
Speaker 5: You're gonna shift it more. Yeah, I'm gonna take off

1078
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:38,239
Speaker 5: my shirt.

1079
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 4: You're watch now.

1080
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:43,800
Speaker 2: But it does require someone because of what we do.

1081
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,640
Speaker 2: It does require someone who can handle that, because I'm

1082
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:50,920
Speaker 2: sure we've all experienced that too, like people who say

1083
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 2: they can handle it and then they can't.

1084
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,399
Speaker 4: And I mean, this man, yeah the best, He's the best,

1085
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 4: this man King, We're probably we're probably about him.

1086
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,600
Speaker 2: A lot of things. I'm very lucky. I really came

1087
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 2: up and like I have a very supportive, phenomenal committed

1088
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:10,800
Speaker 2: like about the business, like this is what we're gonna do,

1089
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:19,360
Speaker 2: like open, honest, like committed to to growth and evolution. No, literally,

1090
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 2: it's like he's loyal, he's freaky, you know, Like it's

1091
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,760
Speaker 2: like literally all the shit I asked for, and honestly,

1092
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 2: it didn't show up exactly how I thought I was

1093
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 2: going to show up. You know.

1094
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 5: I was like, that's not my type.

1095
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 2: It's not my type. And I'm like, damn, Orlando, just

1096
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 2: forget that last part. I mean, he's heard it a

1097
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 2: lot of times because I was just like, eh, but

1098
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:41,600
Speaker 2: you know, like you can't deny someone who is like no, this,

1099
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:44,759
Speaker 2: I want you, you know, and like also like an

1100
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,959
Speaker 2: wanting to reciprocate, like reciprocal and like even with my daughter,

1101
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 2: like super serious about the role as you know, being

1102
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 2: a like a bonus parent or a stepdad and just

1103
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 2: has always been very serious about it. And like they're

1104
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:59,640
Speaker 2: very close and we can be very honest and he's

1105
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 2: like emotionally mature, which helps. But oh yeah, I'm like

1106
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:07,400
Speaker 2: I'm very satisfied and happy. And I feel like, like,

1107
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 2: so what you said earlier about relationships are easy. I

1108
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 2: used to always say that, but it's true. It's like

1109
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 2: they're not easy because of course people are get on

1110
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 2: your nerves. And I think the longer you with someone,

1111
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 2: it's like you have to push for it not to

1112
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,839
Speaker 2: be mono, you know, to grow and to like still

1113
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:24,920
Speaker 2: do freaky ship and still and like we're fun people.

1114
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,800
Speaker 2: But I do think that the kind of issues you

1115
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 2: run into are not the issues you run into when

1116
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 2: you're dealing with just a toxic person they shouldn't be with.

1117
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:34,799
Speaker 2: I think when someone you're supposed to be with, it's

1118
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:37,800
Speaker 2: just it's easy issues.

1119
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 3: And I want to say as someone, I want to

1120
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:45,760
Speaker 3: say that I have something to say because I'm listening

1121
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:47,439
Speaker 3: to her talk and like she's you know, she said

1122
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:49,320
Speaker 3: this to me when I was in a relationship, and

1123
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:53,319
Speaker 3: for people that are listening that are in really difficult relationships,

1124
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 3: hearing her tell me that was hard for me to

1125
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 3: hear because I was like, oh, that's.

1126
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 1: It was like I was like, well, that's easy for

1127
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:01,360
Speaker 1: you to.

1128
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:04,400
Speaker 3: Fucking say, Like that's just not that's not my storyline here,

1129
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:06,160
Speaker 3: Like that's not real. It's not always like that's not

1130
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 3: always going to be someone's storyline. It's not like I

1131
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 3: don't get to narrate my story, you know. And and

1132
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 3: I've also said that, like my storyline maybe not look

1133
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:14,800
Speaker 3: like your storyline.

1134
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: Maybe my storyline starts a little bit fucking.

1135
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 2: Hard and gets so I love it.

1136
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:20,399
Speaker 4: You're just like me and Orlando's relationships easy.

1137
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:21,319
Speaker 1: You're like, well, bitch, that's.

1138
00:46:21,239 --> 00:46:22,080
Speaker 5: Not my storyline.

1139
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not saying it, but it's not

1140
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:26,799
Speaker 2: going to be this hard bitch.

1141
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 4: No, no, And but so there is a part of spirituality,

1142
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:32,799
Speaker 4: in our spiritual path where some of us shoes fucking

1143
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 4: harder shit. You know, Like You're like, I actually want

1144
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 4: the deeper, more intense learning and lesson in relationship. But

1145
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:39,880
Speaker 4: I do believe, like I do believe it.

1146
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:41,680
Speaker 1: No, No, I believe her. I believe it.

1147
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 3: I believe now that I'm out of it, and I'm like, see, clearly,

1148
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 3: I can see that, but when you're in it, it's

1149
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:49,200
Speaker 3: very hard to see that because you're committed to the journey.

1150
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:51,399
Speaker 1: You're committed to making it work. So you don't want

1151
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 1: to hear that shit.

1152
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 3: You're like, no, I get yes, but also like I'm

1153
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:58,120
Speaker 3: in the midst of hardship right now and I'm committed

1154
00:46:58,320 --> 00:46:59,279
Speaker 3: to getting to the light.

1155
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:02,320
Speaker 1: So you telling me that is not helpful and so

1156
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 1: and it hurts.

1157
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:05,560
Speaker 3: And like even going back to what we're talking about,

1158
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 3: even going back to what we're talking about before, like

1159
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:09,920
Speaker 3: a while ago, like I think about and this is

1160
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,480
Speaker 3: something me and me live talked, I've talked candidly about

1161
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:14,840
Speaker 3: on our show on other people's show, is that like

1162
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:17,880
Speaker 3: to be Like when being when I was in my

1163
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 3: relationship and I was going through hardship, which was like

1164
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:24,840
Speaker 3: almost most of the time, being around Jamila and Orlando

1165
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 3: was extremely triggering for me, Like it was really hard

1166
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:29,560
Speaker 3: for me to be around them. I was like it

1167
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 3: was a mirror to everything that I wasn't experiencing. But

1168
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,360
Speaker 3: I was still committed to like making it work because

1169
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 3: I had glimpses of that and I was like, I

1170
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:39,920
Speaker 3: know that it's there. I know that I can feel that,

1171
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:43,959
Speaker 3: And I felt immense guilt for that feeling too, because

1172
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:45,799
Speaker 3: I was because I am so happy for my friend

1173
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:48,480
Speaker 3: and I know that her and her partner are supposed

1174
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:52,440
Speaker 3: to be together, and like I championed their relationship. So

1175
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:55,400
Speaker 3: it was really I felt so much shame that I

1176
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:58,359
Speaker 3: would feel like I wanted to remove myself from being

1177
00:47:58,440 --> 00:47:59,880
Speaker 3: around them because it was.

1178
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:01,320
Speaker 1: Hard for me, you know.

1179
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 3: And I think a lot of people can resonate with

1180
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:06,320
Speaker 3: that idea and there and and they feel ashamed by it,

1181
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:08,279
Speaker 3: and it's something that you don't want to say out loud,

1182
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:09,960
Speaker 3: And it was something I didn't even know how to

1183
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 3: tell her for a long time, you.

1184
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 2: Know, how to tell me, girl, i' psych How did

1185
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 2: you feel about that? I mean, I'm super I'm a

1186
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 2: super fucking impath, so I and I am kind of psychic,

1187
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 2: and I this is my fucking wife.

1188
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 5: I was going to say, I know her.

1189
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:24,600
Speaker 1: I don't think you needed to be psychic for me.

1190
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:29,640
Speaker 1: I think it's just I don't kind of wear everything

1191
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 1: on there on.

1192
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 2: But you didn't say like I don't want to be

1193
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:33,719
Speaker 2: around here in Orlando. I mean maybe have. But I

1194
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 2: think it's also like just like intuitively knowing if your

1195
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 2: friend is going through something that is pertaining to a

1196
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 2: relationship that she's fighting for and kind of everyone knows

1197
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 2: like this is going to be something she's gonna have

1198
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:47,439
Speaker 2: to like play out in her own terms. Of course,

1199
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,320
Speaker 2: it's extremely frustrating. It's hard. I love my friend and

1200
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 2: I see her struggling, and I see that this is

1201
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:54,920
Speaker 2: not what it needs to be. And I think that's

1202
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:57,880
Speaker 2: another thing too. It's just like obviously we all have

1203
00:48:58,000 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 2: to learn our lessons on our own time. But it

1204
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 2: was I internalize it sometimes and I was very like,

1205
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 2: get the fuck off me, like chill out, like doing

1206
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 2: too much, you know what I mean? Because we are

1207
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 2: together a lot all of us.

1208
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,799
Speaker 3: You know, it's very And that's what it was too,

1209
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,719
Speaker 3: is that we are together so much that it was like, oh,

1210
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:14,480
Speaker 3: I felt like suffocated.

1211
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:17,799
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, And honestly, probably was a little

1212
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 2: bit necessary so it to be like come because there

1213
00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:22,000
Speaker 2: was a time where we were all like like, we're

1214
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 2: always trying to live the same life at the same time,

1215
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 2: like mirror, so it could be perfect. But there was

1216
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:27,800
Speaker 2: a time where it seemed like, oh my god, this

1217
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,719
Speaker 2: might be. I were both in relationships, We're gonna be

1218
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 2: so having so much fun. And then I was like,

1219
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:34,520
Speaker 2: you're fucking up. You gotta go, and she was still

1220
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:36,719
Speaker 2: holding on to it and I and I, of course

1221
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 2: I felt the shift and I and the shift and

1222
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:41,480
Speaker 2: every that's the thing like when you when one person

1223
00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 2: is not right, you feel that you know, and it

1224
00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:45,400
Speaker 2: was hard for me to watch you go through that,

1225
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 2: But I also knew I also know my friend, and

1226
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:50,120
Speaker 2: it was only a matter of time before she woke

1227
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:52,880
Speaker 2: the fuck up, which is huge. But I think that sometimes,

1228
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 2: like I honestly wish that I I think there's a

1229
00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:58,120
Speaker 2: couple of times where I was like, listen, you know

1230
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 2: that this is not what you need, right now, and

1231
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:03,440
Speaker 2: sometimes I'm like, maybe I should have been more like, bitch, no,

1232
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:05,560
Speaker 2: you are tripping.

1233
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 4: God.

1234
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 2: I was like, was I too soft on her?

1235
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:14,600
Speaker 4: Like I think I know I am like such a fan,

1236
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:17,560
Speaker 4: Like I remember in my process, like I had one

1237
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 4: friend that was like, right away the first time I

1238
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:20,759
Speaker 4: ever told her about anything, I didn't open up. She's like, well,

1239
00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 4: what about divorce. I wasn't divorced in my mind yet.

1240
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:24,680
Speaker 4: I was like, bitch, I haven't even told you about

1241
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 4: our problems. Like it bothered me because it was like,

1242
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:29,200
Speaker 4: you're trying to get me to a solution that feels

1243
00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 4: good for you and that feels easy, and I'm not

1244
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 4: there yet. And I think being friends is like being

1245
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:36,320
Speaker 4: with them through the process.

1246
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:37,680
Speaker 1: Of it, all of letting them come to their own

1247
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:39,200
Speaker 1: Like you have to trust.

1248
00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:40,759
Speaker 4: That your friends are going to come to their own shit,

1249
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 4: like I trust you. I'm here for you, like I

1250
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,319
Speaker 4: will ride for you. And that means through the times

1251
00:50:45,360 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 4: where you were like yes and no and up and

1252
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:48,719
Speaker 4: down and blah blah blah, because you don't want to

1253
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:51,319
Speaker 4: be with someone that every time something happens, you're like, yeah, bitch,

1254
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:52,279
Speaker 4: I know he sucks.

1255
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:54,399
Speaker 2: Like I know you're going to be soft with yeah.

1256
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:57,080
Speaker 2: But then there's also like, is there a time limit?

1257
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 2: Because I'm thinking about my mom right, My mom told

1258
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:01,000
Speaker 2: me that her friend from like fucking kindergart My mom

1259
00:51:01,120 --> 00:51:04,120
Speaker 2: is literally in her fifties, been married to my dad forever.

1260
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:07,200
Speaker 2: I'm literally most everyone in her life, including myself, knows

1261
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 2: they're not supposed to be together, but they are codependent.

1262
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 2: They love each other. Maybe they are supposed to be

1263
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 2: the other.

1264
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:12,759
Speaker 1: Fuck I don't know.

1265
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:15,480
Speaker 2: But she's like, you know so and so my godmother

1266
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,439
Speaker 2: stop talking to me. I'm like, what she's like because

1267
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,320
Speaker 2: your dad, I was like, girl, because she's tired of

1268
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:23,279
Speaker 2: listening to the same shit, and so am I. But

1269
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:26,320
Speaker 2: I fuck, You're my mom, so I can't really have

1270
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 2: to so, like, I just want like for you guys,

1271
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 2: is there a time limit that you're willing to support

1272
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:35,000
Speaker 2: a friend through something questions? Or is there a hard no?

1273
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 2: Because I'm wondering about my godmom who gave my mom

1274
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:38,200
Speaker 2: a hard note?

1275
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 4: With a mom, I'm not sure if a mom you

1276
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 4: could change.

1277
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:43,520
Speaker 2: No, I can't give her a hard note, but her

1278
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:45,000
Speaker 2: friend stop fucking with her?

1279
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 1: Her friend of like, like, are you going to abandon

1280
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:47,919
Speaker 1: your friend?

1281
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:48,799
Speaker 5: Because hurt.

1282
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:51,440
Speaker 4: I do remember my best friend from home growing up,

1283
00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:54,439
Speaker 4: like she was in a toxic relationship for over fifteen years,

1284
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:56,960
Speaker 4: and I remember one point and I was like in

1285
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 4: bed crying so fucking hard. I was like, I don't

1286
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 4: think I can do this anymore, Like I don't think

1287
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 4: I can watch you in this, And I just remember

1288
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:06,080
Speaker 4: I was like I need to do something. I need

1289
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:08,320
Speaker 4: to tell her that I'm like unavailable for this actually,

1290
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:10,279
Speaker 4: like and I was like unavailable for it for the

1291
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 4: next couple of years because I'm like, I cannot, like

1292
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:14,839
Speaker 4: you care, it'll take you down.

1293
00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:17,920
Speaker 2: It's also about the trusting, the trust you have in

1294
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:20,520
Speaker 2: your friendships. And I think this is important because I

1295
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:23,160
Speaker 2: was talking to Eric about this yesterday. Is like in

1296
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:26,120
Speaker 2: all relationships, after a certain amount of time, right, you're

1297
00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:27,840
Speaker 2: really used to them. You know they're you know the

1298
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 2: shit that gets on your nerves, you know how, you

1299
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:31,760
Speaker 2: know how they respond, you know, like you know everything

1300
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:34,480
Speaker 2: about them. So it's easy sometimes to get annoyed. But

1301
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:37,080
Speaker 2: I also think like at the core of it, always

1302
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 2: reminding yourself, this is my friend that loves me, and

1303
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:41,879
Speaker 2: I know she loves me, even if it's not coming

1304
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:44,080
Speaker 2: off that way. Because I think we forget that and

1305
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:47,040
Speaker 2: you know, and like because we let moments be bigger

1306
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 2: than what's what you've grown. And even when she was

1307
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 2: in that relationship, I was like, oh my god, what

1308
00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:53,480
Speaker 2: if this bitch, what if I've lost her for good?

1309
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:53,800
Speaker 1: You know?

1310
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:56,439
Speaker 2: And it scared me, and I think I started letting

1311
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:59,800
Speaker 2: that fear kind of like that the fear impossibility like

1312
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 2: linger and it would make me have like and she's

1313
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:04,480
Speaker 2: gonna always be my friend or best friends, but like

1314
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:06,760
Speaker 2: it would make me be like short with her because

1315
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 2: I'm frustrated with her situation. But on the on the

1316
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 2: flip side, when I first started dating Orlando, Erica was

1317
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:15,680
Speaker 2: the one who told me, like, I think that's your husband,

1318
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 2: and I had was having feelings of that, but when

1319
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:19,800
Speaker 2: she told.

1320
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:21,839
Speaker 5: Me, it was just hard as in that room, we've

1321
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:23,279
Speaker 5: been just gassing this man up.

1322
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:24,400
Speaker 4: This is this is what this is.

1323
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:27,360
Speaker 2: This is his like love language. He loves to guess Aquarius.

1324
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:30,520
Speaker 2: I don't know, like this is what man doesn't? I mean,

1325
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:33,920
Speaker 2: that's true. I have to remember that in my regular life, yes,

1326
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,840
Speaker 2: because I'm not like a gas rupper, so I have

1327
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:37,960
Speaker 2: to be like, gass your man up.

1328
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 5: But when she told me that.

1329
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:42,920
Speaker 2: I was like, then I could believe it, like I

1330
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 2: might have had those feelings here, But when she said

1331
00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:46,320
Speaker 2: it because she's my friend and she loves me and

1332
00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:49,120
Speaker 2: she knows me, I was like, oh, okay, like I

1333
00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:51,279
Speaker 2: maybe those feelings were right, and I feel like the

1334
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:53,719
Speaker 2: same bit like because I know she loves me the

1335
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:57,560
Speaker 2: same ability I had to take that information. Friends should

1336
00:53:57,560 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 2: be able to really listen when their friends were like,

1337
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 2: I don't think this is for you, because I love you,

1338
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:04,319
Speaker 2: and a lot of times, especially as a women, it's

1339
00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:07,400
Speaker 2: like she's jealous or she doesn't understand or you know

1340
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:09,759
Speaker 2: what I mean, we have we are justifying our own

1341
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 2: fucked up actions towards ourselves because a lot of times

1342
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:14,319
Speaker 2: our friends are loving our loving us more than we're

1343
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 2: exemplifying loves to ourselves. And so I just feel like

1344
00:54:18,120 --> 00:54:21,800
Speaker 2: applying that lens to everything. What is the core of

1345
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:25,280
Speaker 2: this relationship instead of letting these negative voices and things

1346
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:27,440
Speaker 2: come up is super important.

1347
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:27,719
Speaker 1: You know.

1348
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:30,080
Speaker 2: It's like, this is like this relationship is not the

1349
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 2: fucking who this person is and the end all be

1350
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 2: all or how she's how she's showing up in this

1351
00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:37,319
Speaker 2: relationship is not who she is and so like reminding

1352
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:41,360
Speaker 2: putting that part first, just like you know, when the

1353
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 2: positive information comes. I was welcoming of it because I

1354
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:46,759
Speaker 2: was already feeling that way, and when I was saying

1355
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:48,320
Speaker 2: shit to her, she was already feeling that way. But

1356
00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:49,759
Speaker 2: it was it was she was hard for her to

1357
00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:53,239
Speaker 2: to to really resonate with because she wasn't ready to

1358
00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 2: let go yet.

1359
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:55,279
Speaker 1: I was resonating.

1360
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:56,080
Speaker 4: I just was.

1361
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 1: I heard you. It was just I wasn't it was

1362
00:54:59,360 --> 00:55:00,080
Speaker 1: I was, it was I.

1363
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 3: Know, you know, it's it's it was also a long

1364
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:07,160
Speaker 3: distance relationship, so it's easier to like make so much sense.

1365
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:09,359
Speaker 4: It's you're just in lime turn that turn the other

1366
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:10,359
Speaker 4: fantasy world.

1367
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:14,800
Speaker 1: It's fantasy world, and it's like there's a longing.

1368
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:16,280
Speaker 5: There's this there's one of my girlfriends.

1369
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:20,480
Speaker 3: There's an intense longing that's always existing, and so it's

1370
00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 3: always like, well maybe if you wouldn't hear be different.

1371
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 1: So it's like this waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, and then

1372
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 1: it's like, no, bitch.

1373
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:28,279
Speaker 4: It's just just I had to I had to like

1374
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:31,640
Speaker 4: do inner child work too, like not to get too haling,

1375
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:34,439
Speaker 4: but on that because I always had that desire where

1376
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 4: I felt like, what is that part of me that's

1377
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:43,759
Speaker 4: always like longing and wanting more and always like desiring. Yeah,

1378
00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:45,759
Speaker 4: that is always in that state with men that are

1379
00:55:45,800 --> 00:55:47,680
Speaker 4: avoidant or whatever. And it was like, oh, because my

1380
00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:50,520
Speaker 4: parents would like neglectful, they weren't around.

1381
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 2: So you're longing for someone to care for you and

1382
00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:52,600
Speaker 2: pick you up.

1383
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 5: Yep.

1384
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 4: I wanted someone to carry you like a baby up

1385
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:56,719
Speaker 4: and pay attention to me, carry me like a baby.

1386
00:55:56,719 --> 00:55:58,920
Speaker 4: And that's where I got the Teddy Bear and then

1387
00:55:58,960 --> 00:55:59,719
Speaker 4: the demon mask.

1388
00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:04,719
Speaker 2: But I just wanted to see what you guys thought,

1389
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:10,440
Speaker 2: so it's cool er you to me too.

1390
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:13,600
Speaker 4: But I had to look back at my childhood and

1391
00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:15,840
Speaker 4: be like, yeah, I used to long for someone to

1392
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:17,880
Speaker 4: you know, when I was little, and I like.

1393
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:18,880
Speaker 5: Didn't have anybody.

1394
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:20,120
Speaker 1: What was your childhood like?

1395
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 4: My mom struggled a lot with mental health, and she

1396
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 4: was suicidal a lot in my whole life and had

1397
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:29,160
Speaker 4: her own things, and my parents were not around a lot,

1398
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 4: so we were kind of hanging around with babysitters or whoever.

1399
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:35,920
Speaker 4: And but it was it was, you know, outside fine,

1400
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:38,600
Speaker 4: and I'm grateful, obviously, I'm who I am because of it,

1401
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:41,960
Speaker 4: but it was mentally and emotionally really hard, you know,

1402
00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:44,880
Speaker 4: to feel like Mom's also a little bit of a nurse.

1403
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:49,439
Speaker 4: So I've always attracted narciss too, like a Narses favorite person.

1404
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I love a narcissist.

1405
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:54,920
Speaker 2: I'm sure you fucking narcissist lovers I left narcissis. Get

1406
00:56:54,920 --> 00:57:04,040
Speaker 2: your shirt, like I didn't new idea. You know, it's

1407
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:09,799
Speaker 2: very well, Oh my goodness, why do you love a nurse? Okay, well,

1408
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:12,799
Speaker 2: I think I formally loved narcissists manipulators.

1409
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:15,560
Speaker 3: I think I'm finally done. I don't do you think

1410
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:17,640
Speaker 3: my ex was a narcissist. I don't think he was

1411
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:18,240
Speaker 3: a narcissist.

1412
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 2: I think so you do. Absolutely. I think everybody is

1413
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 2: a narcissist, you and everybody on the internet, everyone but me.

1414
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:28,120
Speaker 2: I saw a lot, a lot, a lot of that.

1415
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 3: I mean, because I mean I'm not I think there

1416
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:32,439
Speaker 3: was negative things, but I don't.

1417
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:34,560
Speaker 1: That's what I think that that term gets thrown around.

1418
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:35,520
Speaker 5: Definitely know what it is.

1419
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:39,440
Speaker 2: I don't think it was as blatant as your initial one.

1420
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:41,280
Speaker 2: I don't think this is a blatant. I think his

1421
00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:45,000
Speaker 2: is heightened because he has public influence. I feel like

1422
00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:48,600
Speaker 2: his shows up differently because he's in deeply insecure because

1423
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:51,000
Speaker 2: he does not have public influence but wishes he did.

1424
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:53,320
Speaker 2: So it comes off very differently because you have to

1425
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:55,440
Speaker 2: be narcissistic in a different way.

1426
00:57:55,680 --> 00:57:56,240
Speaker 5: I know exactly.

1427
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:58,360
Speaker 2: You can't be like all loud and proud, because I

1428
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 2: could easily be like nigga. You're not that nigga. I

1429
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 2: can see right now while you're not. So you have

1430
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 2: to kind of be a little bit like, oh, I

1431
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 2: like it. It looks it's like when they get to

1432
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:11,240
Speaker 2: know you. Yes, it's a pulling that like they do

1433
00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:12,960
Speaker 2: it quietly. It's not so here.

1434
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:15,840
Speaker 3: I think that when you ask me a while of narcissist,

1435
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:18,320
Speaker 3: it's the same idea of why I love I loved

1436
00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:22,480
Speaker 3: Alpha man. It's it's that it's that grandiose confidence totally

1437
00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:26,800
Speaker 3: is that's massed in deep deep trauma and and security.

1438
00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 1: Deep deep, deeply, deeply unwell.

1439
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:34,240
Speaker 4: I was gonna say when you we're like, he changed

1440
00:58:34,240 --> 00:58:35,000
Speaker 4: the energy of the room.

1441
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:35,520
Speaker 5: I'm scared.

1442
00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:35,919
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1443
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:38,280
Speaker 1: And then and that's the thing too, is that I

1444
00:58:38,360 --> 00:58:40,800
Speaker 1: did like that too. I love a man that people fear.

1445
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:43,000
Speaker 3: I've loved a man that people fear a little bit

1446
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:45,080
Speaker 3: because again, the safety thing.

1447
00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:47,080
Speaker 1: It's the safety thing because.

1448
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 5: He's going to kill everyone for me kind of thing,

1449
00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:50,680
Speaker 5: like it's not even hill.

1450
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 1: He would, he could, he would, but he also just.

1451
00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:58,480
Speaker 2: Might kill perfect just for fun. So you're like a

1452
00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:00,840
Speaker 2: murders have a potential murder.

1453
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 3: We planned not only because maybe they're coming from him,

1454
00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:07,400
Speaker 3: they're coming for him.

1455
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:10,440
Speaker 5: He's doing it to protect his defense. He's protecting though

1456
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 5: we need alpha.

1457
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:12,360
Speaker 1: He's too bitch for you.

1458
00:59:12,880 --> 00:59:14,160
Speaker 5: Defense kill is boring.

1459
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 1: This is done.

1460
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:18,200
Speaker 3: We need the ex Erica. Okay, this is not me anymore.

1461
00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:20,160
Speaker 3: Christ this is I'm talking about my former self.

1462
00:59:20,240 --> 00:59:21,240
Speaker 5: Okay, we're healed, and.

1463
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:22,120
Speaker 1: I'm not healed.

1464
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:23,560
Speaker 5: She's a healed he I do.

1465
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:25,600
Speaker 2: I do feel like and this might happen.

1466
00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:26,640
Speaker 5: I don't know how.

1467
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:27,840
Speaker 2: I don't wish the heal.

1468
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:32,080
Speaker 4: We have there can.

1469
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 1: I was going to run that back. What were we

1470
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 1: going to say?

1471
00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:38,480
Speaker 4: Narcissist trauma?

1472
00:59:39,280 --> 00:59:41,000
Speaker 1: She was what about him?

1473
00:59:41,040 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 2: Oh? I was going to say. I feel like there

1474
00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 2: comes a time in every witch's life and I don't

1475
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:49,720
Speaker 2: wish this on you. Christa, however, scared, I know, I

1476
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:53,040
Speaker 2: feel like there's a time like as you go through these,

1477
00:59:54,360 --> 00:59:56,880
Speaker 2: teach me your way, these vore texas of like your healing.

1478
00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:58,800
Speaker 2: As you as you come clear with your healing and

1479
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:02,200
Speaker 2: your and your magic and like your mystical power personally

1480
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:05,680
Speaker 2: and you become super intuitive and you're doing all this work,

1481
01:00:06,640 --> 01:00:11,720
Speaker 2: there's going to be a man that tests you for sure,

1482
01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:14,840
Speaker 2: and it's going to test you high, and it's gonna

1483
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:17,600
Speaker 2: test you hard, because it's like, bitch, you've done all

1484
01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:18,000
Speaker 2: this work.

1485
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 1: Are you ready? Are you gonna do it?

1486
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:22,640
Speaker 2: Are you gonna choose yourself? Are you going to go

1487
01:00:22,760 --> 01:00:25,840
Speaker 2: this this unhealed route? And I think it's a grand

1488
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:30,200
Speaker 2: hose thing in the middle of the healing, so you

1489
01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:32,640
Speaker 2: can so it can be like, got you, bitch.

1490
01:00:32,480 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 1: That's exactly what happened.

1491
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:37,360
Speaker 3: And God gives you tests and it's like, that's what's

1492
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:39,600
Speaker 3: going to happen for you in this process.

1493
01:00:40,120 --> 01:00:43,400
Speaker 1: I was hoping if it hasn't already happened.

1494
01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:46,960
Speaker 4: I think my last thing was a test the guy

1495
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:47,880
Speaker 4: who's dying.

1496
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:52,520
Speaker 2: And your friends were going to let you do that.

1497
01:00:52,720 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 1: You slappy, I know, But the thing is.

1498
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:04,160
Speaker 2: Which just have to be tested by their mystic supreme power.

1499
01:01:04,280 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 2: I do think that there's a dark.

1500
01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:12,600
Speaker 4: The dark masculine, like there's a type of masculine that's

1501
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:13,720
Speaker 4: like super.

1502
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:17,120
Speaker 5: I don't know, can just like pull a really.

1503
01:01:16,960 --> 01:01:19,680
Speaker 4: Powerful woman down that you have to pass the test of.

1504
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:21,680
Speaker 2: But then I feel like dark feminine is like what

1505
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:23,720
Speaker 2: we are Like that's it's like I don't know what

1506
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 2: is dark Lilith. Lilith is not like evil. I think

1507
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:28,680
Speaker 2: the dark dark speak.

1508
01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:33,480
Speaker 5: Is Lilith is biblically evil, like you know, because she

1509
01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:33,800
Speaker 5: was like.

1510
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:38,960
Speaker 4: Cast out but everybody evil, yeah, yeah, but evil compared

1511
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:41,320
Speaker 4: to whatever, and she like what was it she could

1512
01:01:41,400 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 4: like consume a bunch of demons every single year or something.

1513
01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:44,800
Speaker 5: She was whatever.

1514
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:46,760
Speaker 4: But it was a dark masculine, not in the way

1515
01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:48,919
Speaker 4: of like a cool sexy one, but like one that's

1516
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:52,680
Speaker 4: like there to like be for themselves and to serve themselves,

1517
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:54,720
Speaker 4: I think, rather than serve the feminine, because there's a

1518
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:56,320
Speaker 4: dark masculine that could be like in service to the

1519
01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:57,880
Speaker 4: feminine of her healing.

1520
01:01:57,960 --> 01:02:00,280
Speaker 5: But I think there's like a really fucking demonic.

1521
01:02:00,520 --> 01:02:03,800
Speaker 2: Ype, you know, and it comes for us, specifically for

1522
01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 2: women like us. There's there there are human men that

1523
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:11,880
Speaker 2: are here to come to test women in places of

1524
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 2: power like us because we hum, I don't love the

1525
01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:18,760
Speaker 2: human either. I made that up entities that are here

1526
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:21,600
Speaker 2: to test women like us because we have great we

1527
01:02:21,720 --> 01:02:25,960
Speaker 2: have great duties. Our purpose is so high that we

1528
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,160
Speaker 2: have to be tested to make sure, bitch, you're on

1529
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,480
Speaker 2: your ship to check your work, because you can't be

1530
01:02:30,520 --> 01:02:33,760
Speaker 2: out here healing the women and on some bullshit. And

1531
01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:36,600
Speaker 2: I think it comes when you're like conscious, cognitive conscious

1532
01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:38,240
Speaker 2: enough to be like, I know I'm fucking up, and

1533
01:02:38,320 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 2: also like like when you're fucking up, when you're fucking

1534
01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:45,120
Speaker 2: up consciously yes, and then you say okay, and now

1535
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:47,440
Speaker 2: we will part ways because a bitch is done here.

1536
01:02:47,800 --> 01:02:50,120
Speaker 2: And then I think right after that relationship, you get

1537
01:02:50,200 --> 01:02:50,840
Speaker 2: your Orlando.

1538
01:02:51,080 --> 01:02:53,480
Speaker 5: I know, I don't even know if I want my

1539
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:54,240
Speaker 5: Orlando men.

1540
01:02:55,200 --> 01:02:56,680
Speaker 2: I want to like because you're not ready. I wasn't

1541
01:02:56,680 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 2: ready when I met Orlando took me. I was like,

1542
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:00,880
Speaker 2: that's not my guy. He's cool. Yeah, we've dated like

1543
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:01,680
Speaker 2: long distance.

1544
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:03,520
Speaker 4: Like everyone always say they're always like when I met him,

1545
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:04,400
Speaker 4: I was like, he's not my guy.

1546
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:05,960
Speaker 5: I'm like, I know, I knew I.

1547
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:09,280
Speaker 3: Loved him because we're so married to the love story,

1548
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:12,840
Speaker 3: because we have specific you want to.

1549
01:03:12,840 --> 01:03:14,600
Speaker 2: Save him and to go by his bedside as he's

1550
01:03:14,640 --> 01:03:17,440
Speaker 2: done it's story.

1551
01:03:17,760 --> 01:03:19,440
Speaker 1: This is not the hole on my road.

1552
01:03:21,280 --> 01:03:24,440
Speaker 5: Like he's not like a NFL superstar, It's not it.

1553
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:27,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, where is my cured this disease?

1554
01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:32,080
Speaker 4: Me? Like he just hasn't met a healer yet.

1555
01:03:32,480 --> 01:03:36,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, it's it's it's so true.

1556
01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:38,160
Speaker 3: And I think I think I was having this conversation

1557
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:40,480
Speaker 3: with with my friend and we're talking about romanticism and

1558
01:03:40,560 --> 01:03:44,240
Speaker 3: how like the Western world has like created this whole

1559
01:03:44,480 --> 01:03:48,160
Speaker 3: narrative around what romances and what a love story looks like.

1560
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:50,760
Speaker 3: And then I was thinking, well, is it the Western world?

1561
01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:53,200
Speaker 3: Because I still feel like I think some of like

1562
01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:56,760
Speaker 3: the biggest scholars and like philosophers weren't from the Western world,

1563
01:03:56,840 --> 01:03:57,120
Speaker 3: So is it?

1564
01:03:57,400 --> 01:03:59,000
Speaker 1: So is it over there? And then they brought it

1565
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:00,680
Speaker 1: over here? Like who's fault is this?

1566
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:02,720
Speaker 4: Yeah? Because what was I I was writing in our

1567
01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:04,840
Speaker 4: book about soulmates and I don't even know if it

1568
01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:07,720
Speaker 4: was like Plato Aristotle, but they basically talked about how

1569
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:10,480
Speaker 4: we're halves of a soul and we have to find

1570
01:04:10,520 --> 01:04:11,040
Speaker 4: our soulmate.

1571
01:04:11,120 --> 01:04:12,880
Speaker 1: I thought that was the soul and that's where we

1572
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:13,480
Speaker 1: took the flame?

1573
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:14,360
Speaker 2: Is that what that is the other thing?

1574
01:04:14,400 --> 01:04:14,800
Speaker 5: That's a twin?

1575
01:04:14,880 --> 01:04:16,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's the idea of a twin flame. But they

1576
01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:18,280
Speaker 4: said they had it a soulmate, and that is like

1577
01:04:18,320 --> 01:04:20,240
Speaker 4: what a twin flame is. But it's funny because like

1578
01:04:20,280 --> 01:04:22,480
Speaker 4: our souls are complete. So for us to think that

1579
01:04:22,640 --> 01:04:24,680
Speaker 4: like we're half, we're half is insane.

1580
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:27,840
Speaker 1: So who wrote that? Like one of those man there,

1581
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:30,520
Speaker 1: It was like they they fucked us up.

1582
01:04:30,640 --> 01:04:33,120
Speaker 4: Also, you know what I was thinking about is Disney Movies.

1583
01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:36,800
Speaker 4: I was thinking about fucking Little Mermaid. Little Mermaids baby,

1584
01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:39,280
Speaker 4: she left her whole fucking family and she had to

1585
01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:42,000
Speaker 4: give up her voice. She had to sell her voice,

1586
01:04:42,600 --> 01:04:47,520
Speaker 4: and she was mute to meet her man and get legs.

1587
01:04:48,840 --> 01:04:50,760
Speaker 4: You guys, we have to sell our voices to meet

1588
01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:52,400
Speaker 4: our Prince Charming and get legs.

1589
01:04:52,480 --> 01:04:53,560
Speaker 2: But you know, Mermaids are.

1590
01:04:53,440 --> 01:05:00,080
Speaker 4: Like, we're gonna get our voice back in these and

1591
01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:01,600
Speaker 4: be like, I don't know if I signed up for this.

1592
01:05:01,800 --> 01:05:02,600
Speaker 5: My girl was mute.

1593
01:05:03,440 --> 01:05:04,919
Speaker 2: That's why I want us mute, because you're like, Little

1594
01:05:04,960 --> 01:05:06,600
Speaker 2: Mermaid was mute and she left her whole family, and

1595
01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:08,800
Speaker 2: you're talking bit you have family, Like what the fuck

1596
01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:09,680
Speaker 2: is that, dude?

1597
01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:12,000
Speaker 4: But the kids are what you guys have kids Like

1598
01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:14,760
Speaker 4: they're watching this those twenty four seven.

1599
01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:16,080
Speaker 2: I talk about like this is how I talked to

1600
01:05:16,120 --> 01:05:19,560
Speaker 2: my daughter, like, girl, this is stupid. She's stupid. Moment

1601
01:05:19,680 --> 01:05:21,800
Speaker 2: I can't even talk and she got legs. She's stupid.

1602
01:05:24,040 --> 01:05:24,760
Speaker 1: Oh my yeah, I know.

1603
01:05:24,800 --> 01:05:27,160
Speaker 3: Those Disney movies are very dangerous. They are I think

1604
01:05:27,200 --> 01:05:30,840
Speaker 3: as parents were. I think we're very aware of the

1605
01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:34,840
Speaker 3: of the detriment that that's played in our lives, because

1606
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:37,520
Speaker 3: I think it's only been a conversation recently in the

1607
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:41,600
Speaker 3: last maybe ten fifteen years, really reflecting on Disney and

1608
01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:45,560
Speaker 3: the malice that it's and like the chaos that it's

1609
01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:49,360
Speaker 3: caused in the minds of children, specifically girls. Yes, you know,

1610
01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:52,520
Speaker 3: and me too, Like I love the damn romance.

1611
01:05:52,800 --> 01:05:55,120
Speaker 2: I love saved me from the Castle.

1612
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:56,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, I want to be saved. That's what I had

1613
01:05:56,680 --> 01:05:58,440
Speaker 4: to realize and get honest with myself too. I was like, oh,

1614
01:05:58,480 --> 01:05:59,720
Speaker 4: there's a part of me that wants to be saved

1615
01:05:59,720 --> 01:06:00,000
Speaker 4: by mind.

1616
01:06:00,440 --> 01:06:02,480
Speaker 2: But what do you think you're being saved too, because

1617
01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:04,360
Speaker 2: like what would you be getting saved?

1618
01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:05,880
Speaker 4: Would be like it's funny because I do well and

1619
01:06:05,960 --> 01:06:08,360
Speaker 4: I feel, you know, like money is not It's like

1620
01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:11,120
Speaker 4: but I still like there's ever enough and I'm like,

1621
01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:12,720
Speaker 4: if I get saved by a man, then I can

1622
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:14,400
Speaker 4: finally he can.

1623
01:06:14,360 --> 01:06:15,280
Speaker 2: Invest in my businesses.

1624
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:17,439
Speaker 5: I'm looking for a bank would go a half?

1625
01:06:17,600 --> 01:06:19,800
Speaker 3: We can do half on half if I if you

1626
01:06:19,880 --> 01:06:21,520
Speaker 3: paid half, and if half we'd be rich.

1627
01:06:21,680 --> 01:06:24,040
Speaker 4: Yes, I'm like, I feel like it's like I feel

1628
01:06:24,040 --> 01:06:25,560
Speaker 4: like a man is my only pathway to like a

1629
01:06:25,640 --> 01:06:27,960
Speaker 4: home or like a like what is that I know

1630
01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:29,320
Speaker 4: that programming?

1631
01:06:29,760 --> 01:06:30,000
Speaker 2: H it is.

1632
01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:34,760
Speaker 3: It is and I think that is so many women's idea,

1633
01:06:34,960 --> 01:06:37,680
Speaker 3: including my own, and like that has been too Like

1634
01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:38,360
Speaker 3: I just moved.

1635
01:06:38,360 --> 01:06:39,600
Speaker 1: So I just moved into a new house.

1636
01:06:39,840 --> 01:06:41,680
Speaker 3: And I've lived in my house for nine years, and

1637
01:06:41,760 --> 01:06:44,840
Speaker 3: I most of the time thought the only way I'm

1638
01:06:44,840 --> 01:06:46,200
Speaker 3: going to be able to move out of this house

1639
01:06:46,320 --> 01:06:48,640
Speaker 3: is if I move with like I get a boyfriend

1640
01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:51,439
Speaker 3: and that we move, and then finally I'll be able

1641
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:54,360
Speaker 3: to have the upgrade that I want and that I deserve.

1642
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,760
Speaker 3: Like that was literally my mindset for over and over

1643
01:06:57,800 --> 01:07:00,440
Speaker 3: and over again. And even when I finally signed my

1644
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:02,720
Speaker 3: lease into this house that is my own, that is

1645
01:07:03,120 --> 01:07:07,040
Speaker 3: what I've been wanting and it's and I'm paying for it, Like,

1646
01:07:07,160 --> 01:07:10,040
Speaker 3: there was still this fear of like how am I

1647
01:07:10,040 --> 01:07:12,560
Speaker 3: gonna maintain this. I'm gonna like they're like that I

1648
01:07:12,720 --> 01:07:14,200
Speaker 3: make did I make a mistake? Like I should have

1649
01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:16,240
Speaker 3: done this with someone else? Like he was supposed to

1650
01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:17,960
Speaker 3: do this with me, Like I kind of did this

1651
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:20,320
Speaker 3: for us, you know, like in my own psycho thought,

1652
01:07:20,440 --> 01:07:23,880
Speaker 3: like that was my whole thought process. And I'm still

1653
01:07:24,160 --> 01:07:26,440
Speaker 3: like working through that. But every morning that I wake

1654
01:07:26,480 --> 01:07:28,280
Speaker 3: up there, I'm like, I'm like, I did this. Even

1655
01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:29,680
Speaker 3: today I was walking to my house, I was like,

1656
01:07:29,720 --> 01:07:32,040
Speaker 3: I did this. I'm doing this and I'm gonna pay

1657
01:07:32,080 --> 01:07:34,320
Speaker 3: my rent next month and I'm gonna fucking pay it

1658
01:07:34,680 --> 01:07:37,800
Speaker 3: and it's gonna get done, you know. And it's been

1659
01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:43,160
Speaker 3: I think it's it is society. It's our mothers, because

1660
01:07:43,240 --> 01:07:45,360
Speaker 3: our mother's telling us that, like when are you gonna

1661
01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:47,400
Speaker 3: get a husband? Why the fuck do I need a husband?

1662
01:07:47,440 --> 01:07:49,919
Speaker 3: Besides what to take care of me? Are you gonna

1663
01:07:49,920 --> 01:07:52,280
Speaker 3: take care of my daughter? That's always the narrative too,

1664
01:07:52,360 --> 01:07:54,800
Speaker 3: of like around even when in all movies, like the

1665
01:07:54,880 --> 01:07:57,600
Speaker 3: parents meet the guy and they're like, are you gonna

1666
01:07:57,600 --> 01:07:58,120
Speaker 3: take care.

1667
01:07:58,000 --> 01:07:59,400
Speaker 1: Of my daughter? You know, how are you?

1668
01:07:59,440 --> 01:08:01,560
Speaker 3: And we all know what they mean, you know, they

1669
01:08:01,640 --> 01:08:04,000
Speaker 3: mean like don't hurt her and like take care of

1670
01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:07,840
Speaker 3: her financially. So there is this like deep, deep seated

1671
01:08:08,120 --> 01:08:10,840
Speaker 3: like feeling that we get from as women, like we're

1672
01:08:10,880 --> 01:08:13,680
Speaker 3: hit in all different directions, whether it's media, whether it's

1673
01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:17,240
Speaker 3: our parents, whether it's what we're reading, what we're seeing,

1674
01:08:17,320 --> 01:08:20,599
Speaker 3: and our other friends, relationships, like you kind of can't.

1675
01:08:20,600 --> 01:08:21,080
Speaker 1: Scin I know.

1676
01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:23,880
Speaker 4: I feel like women like the modern woman is in

1677
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:27,400
Speaker 4: you guys, even more like as moms, like are doing

1678
01:08:27,760 --> 01:08:31,479
Speaker 4: so much and it's like we just and we and

1679
01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:33,639
Speaker 4: you guys even again as mothers, Like I'm not a mother,

1680
01:08:33,760 --> 01:08:35,439
Speaker 4: so I don't even know, Like we just want to

1681
01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:39,160
Speaker 4: fucking break. Like it's like I'm responsible for my business,

1682
01:08:39,320 --> 01:08:41,840
Speaker 4: for my team, for like all of my finances, for

1683
01:08:41,920 --> 01:08:44,720
Speaker 4: all my friendships, for like my family, for like my

1684
01:08:44,880 --> 01:08:47,120
Speaker 4: social life. It's like all of these things that we do,

1685
01:08:47,240 --> 01:08:48,920
Speaker 4: and then if you add motherhood on it, it's another thing.

1686
01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:51,880
Speaker 4: And then your relationships, like we're holding so much and

1687
01:08:51,960 --> 01:08:55,200
Speaker 4: it's like you just want a fucking second to be like, Okay,

1688
01:08:56,000 --> 01:08:58,880
Speaker 4: can I like relax somehow? And that's I think the

1689
01:08:59,000 --> 01:09:01,719
Speaker 4: feeling that I want on a day to day basis.

1690
01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:03,400
Speaker 4: I feel really good about my life and everything that's

1691
01:09:03,439 --> 01:09:04,720
Speaker 4: going on. But there is a part of me that's

1692
01:09:04,760 --> 01:09:07,560
Speaker 4: like I want to relax into like the support of

1693
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:13,599
Speaker 4: a man financially, I want to relax in this sort

1694
01:09:13,600 --> 01:09:14,679
Speaker 4: of fifty million dollars.

1695
01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:17,360
Speaker 3: I want to relax to what does it feel like

1696
01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:21,679
Speaker 3: to wake up knowing there's fifty million that say yeah,

1697
01:09:21,960 --> 01:09:24,200
Speaker 3: maybe that should be like are they on hinge?

1698
01:09:24,280 --> 01:09:29,000
Speaker 2: Or feel like maybe y yeah right? But maybe that's

1699
01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:31,880
Speaker 2: the meditation that like that's the affirmation we need every morning,

1700
01:09:31,960 --> 01:09:34,120
Speaker 2: because I just that's what it is. I just realize

1701
01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:36,439
Speaker 2: is right now, it's like I would like to wake

1702
01:09:36,520 --> 01:09:38,600
Speaker 2: up knowing there's fifty million dollars in my account? What

1703
01:09:38,680 --> 01:09:40,080
Speaker 2: the fuck does that feel like? Because it has nothing

1704
01:09:40,120 --> 01:09:41,439
Speaker 2: to do with a guy, and I think we think

1705
01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:43,880
Speaker 2: we associate security with a man, but no, it's literally

1706
01:09:43,920 --> 01:09:46,200
Speaker 2: a number and it's fifty million. Knowing it's there, that

1707
01:09:46,280 --> 01:09:49,719
Speaker 2: it's coming with ease, because like even my relationship, I realized,

1708
01:09:49,760 --> 01:09:52,000
Speaker 2: like when he came and he's like finally moved here,

1709
01:09:52,040 --> 01:09:54,840
Speaker 2: I was like, what the fuck? No one's supposed to

1710
01:09:54,880 --> 01:09:57,080
Speaker 2: do this alone? This is crazy, Like how was I

1711
01:09:57,160 --> 01:09:59,200
Speaker 2: doing this alone? Now I'd be like, I he can

1712
01:09:59,280 --> 01:10:02,000
Speaker 2: never live for me. It could never happen. I don't

1713
01:10:02,040 --> 01:10:03,160
Speaker 2: know how the fuck you lived away from me that.

1714
01:10:03,160 --> 01:10:06,080
Speaker 2: I don't know how it was meant, But it's true.

1715
01:10:06,320 --> 01:10:09,040
Speaker 2: It's like on a personal just a regular household level,

1716
01:10:09,120 --> 01:10:13,360
Speaker 2: like even there's women who are monetarily supported but not

1717
01:10:13,560 --> 01:10:16,280
Speaker 2: really supported, and that shit feels miserable too.

1718
01:10:16,720 --> 01:10:17,360
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.

1719
01:10:17,439 --> 01:10:19,600
Speaker 2: It's like it's like now it's like everything's on you

1720
01:10:19,760 --> 01:10:21,880
Speaker 2: and it's not financial. How does that ship feel?

1721
01:10:21,920 --> 01:10:22,120
Speaker 4: Wait?

1722
01:10:22,160 --> 01:10:24,120
Speaker 5: How do you guys? Are your friends? Most of my

1723
01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:25,320
Speaker 5: friends are the breadwinners?

1724
01:10:28,760 --> 01:10:29,000
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1725
01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:32,479
Speaker 1: I mean most of my friends are not. I'm not married.

1726
01:10:33,479 --> 01:10:34,040
Speaker 1: Are they.

1727
01:10:35,560 --> 01:10:35,840
Speaker 2: Friends?

1728
01:10:37,080 --> 01:10:37,280
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1729
01:10:37,880 --> 01:10:38,599
Speaker 1: Like half and half?

1730
01:10:38,760 --> 01:10:40,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, half and half. A lot of most of our

1731
01:10:40,280 --> 01:10:40,680
Speaker 2: friends are not.

1732
01:10:41,600 --> 01:10:42,040
Speaker 1: Are we like?

1733
01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:44,200
Speaker 2: Are we like the single single circle?

1734
01:10:44,960 --> 01:10:46,320
Speaker 1: Most of my friends are the breadwinners?

1735
01:10:46,560 --> 01:10:46,800
Speaker 2: Wow?

1736
01:10:47,320 --> 01:10:49,439
Speaker 1: Isn't that crazy? I would say, like even the ones

1737
01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:50,960
Speaker 1: that are single that are dating.

1738
01:10:51,280 --> 01:10:55,800
Speaker 3: I'm saying because I know, let me shut up, But yeah,

1739
01:10:55,800 --> 01:10:57,840
Speaker 3: I would say, but that's what that's a fact though,

1740
01:10:57,960 --> 01:11:00,880
Speaker 3: that women are actually like becoming the pain, I mean,

1741
01:11:00,880 --> 01:11:03,760
Speaker 3: the bread winners in most household statistically, like that is

1742
01:11:04,240 --> 01:11:07,560
Speaker 3: what's occurring, which is great but also scary because that

1743
01:11:07,640 --> 01:11:10,080
Speaker 3: lets me know that women are working so hard hard.

1744
01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:18,000
Speaker 4: Are most of your friends married, I'd say like most,

1745
01:11:18,200 --> 01:11:21,840
Speaker 4: yeah now at this point, but better single thirty five.

1746
01:11:22,280 --> 01:11:24,240
Speaker 4: I have a good amount that a single though, which

1747
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:26,200
Speaker 4: is really nice and it's so fun, like how you

1748
01:11:26,320 --> 01:11:30,720
Speaker 4: read you like how your relationships recalibrate, because it's like

1749
01:11:30,760 --> 01:11:32,640
Speaker 4: my girls that are married, like I'm always down, like

1750
01:11:33,320 --> 01:11:35,479
Speaker 4: I don't I don't have a feeling of like wanting

1751
01:11:35,520 --> 01:11:36,120
Speaker 4: anything that they have.

1752
01:11:36,320 --> 01:11:38,000
Speaker 5: But then your single girlfriends, you just are on.

1753
01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:40,120
Speaker 4: Another level because you're both in a different phase of

1754
01:11:40,160 --> 01:11:42,280
Speaker 4: your life, which is so fun. But in the book

1755
01:11:42,360 --> 01:11:43,920
Speaker 4: enter Her of Vortext two, he talks about he's like,

1756
01:11:43,960 --> 01:11:46,000
Speaker 4: men want to be fifty to fifty with women, but

1757
01:11:46,120 --> 01:11:47,519
Speaker 4: they want one hundred percent of the woman.

1758
01:11:47,920 --> 01:11:50,400
Speaker 5: And he's like, they want her to cook, clean, like fuck,

1759
01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:51,360
Speaker 5: like do everything.

1760
01:11:51,439 --> 01:11:53,720
Speaker 4: He's like, so you can't like expect her to be

1761
01:11:53,760 --> 01:11:56,120
Speaker 4: one hundred and you be fifty to fifty, right, you know,

1762
01:11:56,280 --> 01:11:57,240
Speaker 4: especially with hey.

1763
01:11:57,360 --> 01:11:59,960
Speaker 5: But I don't know. I don't know what's right or wrong.

1764
01:12:00,200 --> 01:12:04,000
Speaker 5: Like I I desire to be had the option, but

1765
01:12:04,760 --> 01:12:05,519
Speaker 5: it feels like hard.

1766
01:12:07,840 --> 01:12:09,720
Speaker 1: I've done fifty to fifty and I don't prefer it.

1767
01:12:09,880 --> 01:12:10,640
Speaker 1: I would rather not.

1768
01:12:11,600 --> 01:12:13,720
Speaker 3: I would rather I mean financially, like I've done the

1769
01:12:13,760 --> 01:12:17,519
Speaker 3: fifty to fifty thing. I've also within that relationships which

1770
01:12:17,640 --> 01:12:19,360
Speaker 3: to less than fifty to fifty, where he was taking

1771
01:12:19,400 --> 01:12:20,519
Speaker 3: care of me more.

1772
01:12:20,400 --> 01:12:22,840
Speaker 5: Which was the eighth time I've cheated. I guess I'll

1773
01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:23,240
Speaker 5: be sixty.

1774
01:12:23,520 --> 01:12:24,479
Speaker 2: No, now you're pregnant.

1775
01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:25,679
Speaker 1: Oh you're pregnant.

1776
01:12:26,040 --> 01:12:28,600
Speaker 3: Okay, Oh you finally got I finally did it, so

1777
01:12:28,800 --> 01:12:30,479
Speaker 3: now okay.

1778
01:12:30,320 --> 01:12:31,280
Speaker 1: Yes, he got me pregnant.

1779
01:12:31,400 --> 01:12:31,559
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1780
01:12:31,560 --> 01:12:33,920
Speaker 1: And then he was like, you can quit your job, sweet,

1781
01:12:34,320 --> 01:12:35,840
Speaker 1: which I was serving tables, so.

1782
01:12:37,720 --> 01:12:45,080
Speaker 2: If you promise, pop, yeah, can't I really? Yeah? I

1783
01:12:45,200 --> 01:12:46,360
Speaker 2: was like, I'm been on my feet all day.

1784
01:12:46,479 --> 01:12:48,439
Speaker 3: I was serving tables, and I was like, you know,

1785
01:12:48,600 --> 01:12:50,040
Speaker 3: trying to do my asta. I was trying to do

1786
01:12:50,120 --> 01:12:51,800
Speaker 3: my acting thing. But I was doing my acting thing,

1787
01:12:51,880 --> 01:12:54,160
Speaker 3: but you know how that goes. So that was really

1788
01:12:54,240 --> 01:12:55,600
Speaker 3: uncomfortable for me though, Like I was.

1789
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:57,880
Speaker 5: Like what, Like that's the thing. You have to be

1790
01:12:57,920 --> 01:12:58,760
Speaker 5: able to tabolize him.

1791
01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:01,120
Speaker 1: And I felt guilty of it all the time, Like

1792
01:13:01,200 --> 01:13:05,040
Speaker 1: I felt guilty about it. I didn't feel I felt bad.

1793
01:13:05,360 --> 01:13:07,720
Speaker 3: I felt bad that I wasn't contributing, but I also

1794
01:13:07,720 --> 01:13:10,960
Speaker 3: felt bad about myself because I am such a producer

1795
01:13:11,040 --> 01:13:13,360
Speaker 3: in my life, like I like to have control over

1796
01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:17,639
Speaker 3: my life, and I've also I guess i've in my childhood.

1797
01:13:17,640 --> 01:13:21,800
Speaker 3: I remember certain moments specifically where I knew, like, wow,

1798
01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:24,720
Speaker 3: I've given someone something, or I've I've allowed someone to

1799
01:13:24,800 --> 01:13:27,240
Speaker 3: help me with something and then they've like used it

1800
01:13:27,320 --> 01:13:29,080
Speaker 3: against me in some way. And I never wanted to

1801
01:13:29,120 --> 01:13:31,800
Speaker 3: feel that way again. And it's been with money. It's

1802
01:13:31,840 --> 01:13:34,840
Speaker 3: been with certain different things, but that money won that

1803
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:37,519
Speaker 3: money wound in general, like that one was deep. So

1804
01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:39,519
Speaker 3: when it came with a man, I was like, oh,

1805
01:13:39,600 --> 01:13:41,160
Speaker 3: absolutely not like I got it, don't worry.

1806
01:13:42,280 --> 01:13:47,639
Speaker 1: But now I feel like I've definitely not opposed. I've done.

1807
01:13:47,680 --> 01:13:48,560
Speaker 1: I've really worked on that.

1808
01:13:48,640 --> 01:13:52,800
Speaker 3: I'm good, I'm available, I'm available, you can pay for things.

1809
01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:58,240
Speaker 2: When I was in high school, like throughout like much

1810
01:13:58,400 --> 01:14:01,200
Speaker 2: most of adult, like my young adultshood, I was really

1811
01:14:02,520 --> 01:14:04,600
Speaker 2: relying on the fact that I was just going to

1812
01:14:04,760 --> 01:14:07,560
Speaker 2: marry rich and like get dressed up and like have

1813
01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:09,479
Speaker 2: dinner ready, and like the house would be clean, and

1814
01:14:09,560 --> 01:14:11,160
Speaker 2: like maybe i'd have a hobby that made some money

1815
01:14:11,200 --> 01:14:11,719
Speaker 2: on the outside.

1816
01:14:11,760 --> 01:14:14,479
Speaker 4: But like I was like, I'm gonna have a dope shot.

1817
01:14:16,040 --> 01:14:16,400
Speaker 1: Drinks.

1818
01:14:16,880 --> 01:14:19,200
Speaker 2: Literally super attached to that I was going to be

1819
01:14:19,320 --> 01:14:21,840
Speaker 2: like a trophy wife. That was like my goal and

1820
01:14:22,200 --> 01:14:23,920
Speaker 2: it just didn't happen. And then I was like to

1821
01:14:23,960 --> 01:14:25,920
Speaker 2: be a sugar baby, and then that didn't happen, and

1822
01:14:25,960 --> 01:14:30,599
Speaker 2: I was like, am I ugly? And now we're here?

1823
01:14:30,880 --> 01:14:33,480
Speaker 2: But I got said now I'm sorry.

1824
01:14:33,280 --> 01:14:36,519
Speaker 5: For everyone on the microphone. That was my real laugh.

1825
01:14:37,080 --> 01:14:40,240
Speaker 2: God said no, like a fucking muppet.

1826
01:14:40,439 --> 01:14:44,800
Speaker 5: I said in my pitch, what do you mean?

1827
01:14:45,160 --> 01:14:47,000
Speaker 4: But see that I could never be a sugar baby

1828
01:14:47,040 --> 01:14:48,320
Speaker 4: because I can't be a room people.

1829
01:14:48,360 --> 01:14:53,400
Speaker 2: I don't like that. I thought you're gonna be rusty

1830
01:14:53,479 --> 01:14:56,920
Speaker 2: and crunchy, fine sugar daddy like the ones in the movies. Yeah,

1831
01:14:57,000 --> 01:14:59,000
Speaker 2: like a like it just alba we.

1832
01:14:59,080 --> 01:15:02,400
Speaker 5: Want Oh my god, that's yum yum, yum yum.

1833
01:15:02,600 --> 01:15:03,840
Speaker 2: But yeah, that never happened.

1834
01:15:04,560 --> 01:15:05,880
Speaker 3: Anyway, I can sit here and talk to you for

1835
01:15:06,040 --> 01:15:09,680
Speaker 3: hours and hours and guys, So on our show, we

1836
01:15:09,720 --> 01:15:11,920
Speaker 3: always ask our guests to share an affirmation. Is there

1837
01:15:11,920 --> 01:15:15,040
Speaker 3: any affirmation that you feel called to share with our tribe.

1838
01:15:15,680 --> 01:15:17,000
Speaker 5: I'm entitled to miracles.

1839
01:15:17,600 --> 01:15:18,800
Speaker 1: I'm entitled to.

1840
01:15:18,960 --> 01:15:22,719
Speaker 2: Miracles and fifty million dollars in my bank account.

1841
01:15:22,840 --> 01:15:25,680
Speaker 4: The miracle baby, I'm entitled to motherfucking miracles.

1842
01:15:26,360 --> 01:15:27,519
Speaker 1: Motherfucking miracles.

1843
01:15:27,600 --> 01:15:31,719
Speaker 2: As a child of God, as a child of guys. Yes, miracles,

1844
01:15:32,200 --> 01:15:32,880
Speaker 2: God's children.

1845
01:15:32,960 --> 01:15:35,240
Speaker 5: I'm also this is my year of miracles. I'm like, God,

1846
01:15:35,320 --> 01:15:38,679
Speaker 5: show me how good it can get. It can surprise me, Show.

1847
01:15:38,560 --> 01:15:42,479
Speaker 2: Me how good it can get God. I'm available for miracles.

1848
01:15:42,560 --> 01:15:44,800
Speaker 2: Got to do my reading? Yes? Are you ready?

1849
01:15:44,960 --> 01:15:45,120
Speaker 4: Yes?

1850
01:15:45,200 --> 01:15:45,760
Speaker 2: Tarot time.

1851
01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:47,960
Speaker 5: Guys, I did I pulled page of Ones?

1852
01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:51,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got it. The page of this was my

1853
01:15:51,160 --> 01:15:51,720
Speaker 2: date last night.

1854
01:15:51,760 --> 01:15:52,559
Speaker 5: He was page of ones.

1855
01:15:53,920 --> 01:16:01,720
Speaker 2: Inspiration, ideas, discovery, limitless potential, free spirit, single. I like

1856
01:16:01,760 --> 01:16:06,599
Speaker 2: that ghosting you with the page of Wands. You are

1857
01:16:06,640 --> 01:16:09,400
Speaker 2: inclined to give anything and everything a go. You embrace

1858
01:16:09,439 --> 01:16:12,200
Speaker 2: the opportunity to start out on a new journey or

1859
01:16:12,360 --> 01:16:14,320
Speaker 2: project and see where it takes you. You do not

1860
01:16:14,439 --> 01:16:16,680
Speaker 2: necessarily have a solid plan in place, nor do you

1861
01:16:16,800 --> 01:16:19,880
Speaker 2: really know where you're headed, but you are excited about

1862
01:16:19,920 --> 01:16:22,400
Speaker 2: the possibilities. You have the gift. You have a gift

1863
01:16:22,479 --> 01:16:25,560
Speaker 2: for dreaming up a new creative ideas, unfettered by the

1864
01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:28,639
Speaker 2: burdens of everyday life. Nothing will get in the way

1865
01:16:28,800 --> 01:16:31,679
Speaker 2: of your dreams. And while the appearance of the page

1866
01:16:31,680 --> 01:16:36,040
Speaker 2: of Wands indicates that you're experiencing creative relentlessness. Notice that

1867
01:16:36,160 --> 01:16:38,639
Speaker 2: the page is standing still and his staff is firmly

1868
01:16:38,720 --> 01:16:41,960
Speaker 2: planted on the ground. He is not going anywhere just yet.

1869
01:16:42,400 --> 01:16:44,439
Speaker 2: You still need to take your creative spark and ground

1870
01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:46,519
Speaker 2: it down into reality so that it is ready to

1871
01:16:46,600 --> 01:16:49,400
Speaker 2: be implemented into the physical realm. You may need to

1872
01:16:49,439 --> 01:16:51,320
Speaker 2: map out your strategy, or you may need to test

1873
01:16:51,360 --> 01:16:55,400
Speaker 2: your ideas or create a few experiments before committing. You

1874
01:16:55,479 --> 01:16:57,280
Speaker 2: have some some things you're trying to plant.

1875
01:16:58,920 --> 01:16:59,600
Speaker 5: I'm doing my thing.

1876
01:17:00,000 --> 01:17:02,840
Speaker 2: Actually makes as it could be helpful to run your

1877
01:17:02,840 --> 01:17:04,920
Speaker 2: thoughts through a filter so you only act on those

1878
01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:07,040
Speaker 2: most aligned with your broader goals.

1879
01:17:08,600 --> 01:17:11,000
Speaker 5: Big money, big money, baby, Yeah, big money.

1880
01:17:11,120 --> 01:17:12,280
Speaker 2: Maybe that was a good one.

1881
01:17:12,320 --> 01:17:13,840
Speaker 5: I love you all. This was so much fun. I

1882
01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:16,160
Speaker 5: just like respect you and admire you so much.

1883
01:17:16,800 --> 01:17:18,160
Speaker 4: They loved to get in to know you more at

1884
01:17:18,200 --> 01:17:21,880
Speaker 4: Debbie's obviously, like you looked so hot that night.

1885
01:17:22,000 --> 01:17:24,040
Speaker 5: I was like, this is my girl being with you today.

1886
01:17:24,040 --> 01:17:26,240
Speaker 5: It's been so much fun, Like it's the best.

1887
01:17:26,400 --> 01:17:27,719
Speaker 1: Wait, so I have a confession.

1888
01:17:28,360 --> 01:17:30,400
Speaker 2: I knew I was saying. I think it's the same one.

1889
01:17:30,640 --> 01:17:31,360
Speaker 1: Probably. Yeah.

1890
01:17:32,160 --> 01:17:34,600
Speaker 3: So when we first started our podcast, we like you

1891
01:17:34,680 --> 01:17:36,760
Speaker 3: were like, your brand was one of the brands that

1892
01:17:36,840 --> 01:17:38,200
Speaker 3: we were like, Oh my god.

1893
01:17:38,040 --> 01:17:40,400
Speaker 1: Who are these women? They're doing it right? Look at

1894
01:17:40,439 --> 01:17:41,360
Speaker 1: all these templates.

1895
01:17:41,520 --> 01:17:47,280
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Yeah, bitch. The podcast on our first

1896
01:17:47,439 --> 01:17:50,559
Speaker 2: press was beautiful because we stole your media cat.

1897
01:17:50,960 --> 01:17:51,360
Speaker 1: We bought it.

1898
01:17:51,360 --> 01:17:54,479
Speaker 2: We didn't steal out there. It got us, it got

1899
01:17:54,560 --> 01:17:54,840
Speaker 2: us far.

1900
01:17:55,640 --> 01:17:57,840
Speaker 5: It really did whatever you need. So thank you.

1901
01:17:58,400 --> 01:18:02,120
Speaker 3: Thank you for yeah, for being inspiration to us and

1902
01:18:02,320 --> 01:18:05,320
Speaker 3: for existing and doing what you do. And I hope

1903
01:18:05,360 --> 01:18:07,680
Speaker 3: that twenty twenty four. I know that twenty twenty four

1904
01:18:07,800 --> 01:18:11,000
Speaker 3: is going to bring you a lot of juicy, beautiful experiences.

1905
01:18:11,320 --> 01:18:13,240
Speaker 5: They can't wait. So same, y'all.

1906
01:18:14,160 --> 01:18:16,200
Speaker 3: Post, thank you so much for coming on the show.

1907
01:18:16,320 --> 01:18:18,080
Speaker 3: Can you tell our people where to find you?

1908
01:18:18,479 --> 01:18:20,680
Speaker 5: Yep? Almost thirty podcast is my podcast that I do

1909
01:18:20,760 --> 01:18:21,320
Speaker 5: with my best friend.

1910
01:18:21,320 --> 01:18:23,840
Speaker 4: It's spirituality and wellness, and then you can find me

1911
01:18:23,920 --> 01:18:26,880
Speaker 4: on Instagram it's it's Krista, It's itsk ri I s

1912
01:18:26,960 --> 01:18:29,120
Speaker 4: t A and then it's Krista dot com. I work

1913
01:18:29,160 --> 01:18:30,800
Speaker 4: one on one with people, I speak and I do

1914
01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:31,680
Speaker 4: retreats as well.

1915
01:18:31,920 --> 01:18:34,519
Speaker 3: I love that And we'll list everything in this episode description.

1916
01:18:35,000 --> 01:18:37,400
Speaker 3: Make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel, make sure

1917
01:18:37,400 --> 01:18:39,439
Speaker 3: you follow us on Instagram. Make sure you come to

1918
01:18:39,560 --> 01:18:41,800
Speaker 3: the Good Vibe Retreat. We're doing our first Mother's Day

1919
01:18:41,840 --> 01:18:45,160
Speaker 3: Retreat in Atlanta May ten through the twelfth. It's a

1920
01:18:45,240 --> 01:18:48,639
Speaker 3: creative retreat mixed with wellness, So we're going to get witchy,

1921
01:18:48,840 --> 01:18:50,640
Speaker 3: We're going to get creative, we're going to finish our

1922
01:18:50,680 --> 01:18:54,160
Speaker 3: project because bitch, it's time. And then we're also going

1923
01:18:54,240 --> 01:18:56,320
Speaker 3: to go on tour and we're going to be in

1924
01:18:56,360 --> 01:19:02,280
Speaker 3: a city near you Philly, New York, DC, Charlotte, Atlanta, Atlanta, Houston,

1925
01:19:02,360 --> 01:19:02,919
Speaker 3: and Houston.

1926
01:19:03,400 --> 01:19:06,360
Speaker 1: And make sure you check us out in your cities.

1927
01:19:06,920 --> 01:19:10,000
Speaker 2: We love you and you can catch us on Instagram

1928
01:19:10,040 --> 01:19:11,639
Speaker 2: at Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choice.

1929
01:19:11,680 --> 01:19:12,680
Speaker 4: She needs to wrap it up.

1930
01:19:13,240 --> 01:19:19,240
Speaker 5: We're done done, Our girl's done me and.

1931
01:19:19,400 --> 01:19:22,200
Speaker 2: You find us on Instagram at Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices.

1932
01:19:22,520 --> 01:19:23,439
Speaker 2: Bye Bye,