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Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garl.

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Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is

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Speaker 2: about choices, the big ones, the small ones, the impactful ones,

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Speaker 2: and how they mold us and shape us into the

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Speaker 2: people we become. My guest today is a celebrated former

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Speaker 2: professional volleyball player, a mother and a wife, and a

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Speaker 2: badass businesswoman. The first female athlete to ever design a

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Speaker 2: shoe for Nike.

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Speaker 1: You guys, that's huge.

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Speaker 2: This woman is also a model, having grace the covers

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Speaker 2: of Sports Illustrated, for Women, Vogue, and so much more.

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Speaker 2: She is a television host, a New York Times bestselling author,

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Speaker 2: and now the host of her very own podcast. She

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Speaker 2: also co founded with her husband a performance lifestyle system

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Speaker 2: focused on breath called XPT and Layered Superfood. Our laws

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Speaker 2: are weirdly paralleling. I can't wait to talk to her

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Speaker 2: about relationships, about motherhood, letting your kids graduate and fly

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Speaker 2: out of the nest, business. I want to know what

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Speaker 2: it's like to be a professional athlete. I'm so excited

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Speaker 2: for this conversation. Please welcome Gabby Reese.

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Speaker 1: To the podcast. Okay, first of all, how are you?

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Speaker 1: Because I know that both of our youngest just graduated

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Speaker 1: from high school, like our babies.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm good.

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Speaker 1: How was the experience for you? Like I was all

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Speaker 1: over the place with feelings and memories and all the things.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it's always bittersweet, right, And for me

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Speaker 3: to act like there isn't that element because it's also

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Speaker 3: the reflection of time, time passing, where I'm at in

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Speaker 3: my own how much runway I have left all of

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Speaker 3: these things. So I think it's a it's an accumulation

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Speaker 3: of things. But I'm definitely a person who scans. I

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Speaker 3: try to be as present as possible, but I'm a

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Speaker 3: definite scanner of the future landscape. So of course I'm

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Speaker 3: not surprised. You know, it's like she's in tenth grade,

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Speaker 3: now she's in eleventh, right, then.

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Speaker 1: Goes to twelfth.

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Speaker 3: Yes, So there's a part of me that I'm like,

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Speaker 3: this is the honor of being able to make it

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Speaker 3: to this stage because I have friends and not getting

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Speaker 3: you know, two morbid that have had children that passed.

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Speaker 3: And so I think what I've learned is it's even

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Speaker 3: like getting older, is that realization of oh yes, and

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Speaker 3: this with its own hardships is actually you're still have

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Speaker 3: a gift, which is that you're here and that they

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Speaker 3: did graduate and that they will be living their lives.

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Speaker 3: So I tend to look at it that way. But

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Speaker 3: also I have slowly packed more things onto my own

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Speaker 3: life so that there was momentum and places for me

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Speaker 3: to put my energy in focus.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, otherwise you'd just be standing there going what do

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Speaker 1: I do now?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: You actually have three daughters just like me.

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Speaker 3: Yes, my oldest is my stepdaughter, and that's not to

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Speaker 3: differentiate her, but it's to say that her mom. She

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Speaker 3: has a great mom. So my full time were two

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Speaker 3: girls at home, and then she was my only kid

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Speaker 3: for eight years. The oldest who's going to be thirty?

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Speaker 1: Wow, what a bond? What the oldest?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was interesting, and it's interesting when kids go

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Speaker 3: through things as adults, right, that's fascinating when people go, oh,

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Speaker 3: teenagers and I go, oh, yeah, wait till they're in

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Speaker 3: their twenties and all of a sudden they're going through

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Speaker 3: their own struggles or in her case, maybe she took

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Speaker 3: a sort of a separation. You know. I think a

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Speaker 3: lot of us do that. Where we go. I would

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Speaker 3: like to live my life more quietly without the input

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Speaker 3: of my family and sort of allowing that space. It's

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Speaker 3: really interesting.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it is, like I say, sometimes like I'd rather

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Speaker 1: go back to my girls being in diapers and toddling

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Speaker 1: around because that kind of parenting for me was so

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Speaker 1: natural and so easy, and I just loved every second

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Speaker 1: of it. And then they grow up and then they

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Speaker 1: become young women and everything shifts. There's like, now they

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Speaker 1: are they have all these emotional needs and they need

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Speaker 1: advice on like big things in life. And sometimes it's

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Speaker 1: just harder for me with the grown up girls now.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's a hard time.

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Speaker 1: It's a hard time on top of it to be

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Speaker 1: breaking out on your own. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: The world woman confusing, and I think that it's also

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Speaker 3: hard for us to put ourselves in their place. We

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Speaker 3: can remember being that age, but we're not navigating what

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Speaker 3: they're navigating. We didn't navigate they what they are navigating.

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Speaker 1: So when I say, say my kid has just gone

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Speaker 1: out for the night or wants to go out to

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Speaker 1: whatever club to dance or whatever, I say, oh no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: no no, because I recently, I mean, you know, thirty

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Speaker 1: or forty years ago, did that and I know what

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Speaker 1: it's like. But I can't say that anymore. I actually

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Speaker 1: don't know what it's like being out there as a

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Speaker 1: young woman.

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Speaker 3: I have a very specific philosophy on this, and it's

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Speaker 3: only because it got beat into me, not because I

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Speaker 3: arrived at it gracefully. Is I've always actually encouraged my

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Speaker 3: girls if they want to go out. For example, I'll

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Speaker 3: use my youngest daughter as an example. She graduated at seventeen.

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Speaker 3: She won't even be eighteen until next year, so she's

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Speaker 3: a younger kid for her grade. But my thing was,

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Speaker 3: get it all out of your system, kinda while you're

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Speaker 3: under my roof, because I'm here and your dad's here,

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Speaker 3: and we can be here even if it's weird, because

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Speaker 3: if they're prone to do, let's all them naughty things.

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Speaker 1: Just experiment.

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Speaker 3: Correct. I'd rather it's not the first time out in

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Speaker 3: college and who's looking after you, and so it's for

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Speaker 3: them to I almost want them to drive fast, but

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Speaker 3: when I'm around in the car still, because then what

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Speaker 3: I have seen is that they understand the way the

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Speaker 3: world is, they don't have quite an itch for it,

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Speaker 3: and then maybe they don't have to be so extreme.

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Speaker 3: So if they were going to experiment, maybe they don't

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Speaker 3: have to just lose their minds because it's the first

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Speaker 3: taste of freedom, and you know, in the moment, it's

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Speaker 3: always scary. Like I let my now seventeen year old

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Speaker 3: go to Europe with her friends in her after her

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Speaker 3: sophomore year and after her junior year to Europe with

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Speaker 3: her friends, and yeah, were they in France, probably having

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Speaker 3: you know, alcohol and other things because that was their choice,

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Speaker 3: I know, for real, Yeah, and you know, short skirts

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Speaker 3: and the whole nine yards. But then it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: but I'm still here and looking after you, and so

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Speaker 3: is your dad, and it doesn't mean to stop you,

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Speaker 3: but it means to be the set of people that

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Speaker 3: are really unconditionally looking out for you. And so in

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Speaker 3: the moment, it's it's more scary, you know, sleepless nights,

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Speaker 3: like okay, they got home at what time? But I

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Speaker 3: feel like with girls, especially because I always joke with

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Speaker 3: my husband, who is obviously not a girl, don't make

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Speaker 3: good liars. Girls are very conniving and shifty, and I

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Speaker 3: certainly was.

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Speaker 1: You were too well. I was a really good liar

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Speaker 1: of women.

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Speaker 3: I mean, people don't like it, but I think one

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Speaker 3: of our skills, not one of our good skills, is

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Speaker 3: I think we can really be deceptive much more than

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Speaker 3: men overall. I mean, obviously are there you know worst,

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Speaker 3: you know, the worst males and the worst of course,

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Speaker 3: but I'm saying in general, teenage girls are It's a

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Speaker 3: different breed. And so even like the walking out of

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Speaker 3: the house with the outfit on. I used to say

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Speaker 3: to Laird, no, be happy that that's the outfit, because

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Speaker 3: if that's not the outfit, it's the one in the purse.

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Speaker 3: So keep a beat on what's going on. And that

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Speaker 3: doesn't mean that there aren't times where you go, hey, no,

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Speaker 3: or that skirts ridiculous, But when you say it, there's

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Speaker 3: a little gravity because there is that room to express yourself.

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Speaker 1: You know, that's great advice. Would you say that's the advice?

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Speaker 1: That's more advice for parenting? What's the advice you send

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Speaker 1: your girls out into the world with.

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Speaker 3: I don't. I just try to be an example. They

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Speaker 3: know my values and how I conduct myself and how

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Speaker 3: I treat myself and my body. And I always say

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Speaker 3: to them though, like what are you selling? And when

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Speaker 3: you walk out of the house in a certain outfit,

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Speaker 3: and my girls I have smart girls. I'm like, understand

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Speaker 3: the what you're selling is how you look, and this

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Speaker 3: with this get up, what you say you're worth is

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Speaker 3: is this. But I also remember going through puberty and

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Speaker 3: being like, oh, new body. We'll call it the new car,

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Speaker 3: and you know, like people are looking at my car

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Speaker 3: and noticing my car. And I think young women need

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Speaker 3: to go through that process, hopefully safely, where they start

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Speaker 3: to understand who they are as young women and what

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Speaker 3: that is and the appropriate place when you know when

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Speaker 3: to use those things.

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Speaker 1: Recognize that power.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And so it was sort of like be a

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Speaker 3: said fast example, occasionally you know, maybe talk about it

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Speaker 3: not to death because I think then they tune you out.

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Speaker 3: And I've also I also will ask permission, like hey,

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Speaker 3: can I say something? And then because if I see

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Speaker 3: it the cart, because I have seen the carts all

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Speaker 3: of them go off the tracks, I can see it coming,

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Speaker 3: I can feel it coming, I'm watching it, and so

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Speaker 3: then I might accelerate some of the things I'm trying

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Speaker 3: to say.

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Speaker 1: I mean, like we said, it's so tricky out there.

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Speaker 1: So what do you think your life with laired is

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Speaker 1: going to be like? As an emptiness?

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Speaker 3: Okay, so I heard a great term, not empty nest, open.

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Speaker 1: Nest openness exactly. Yeah, because it's never it's never empty.

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Speaker 3: It isn't And in this group, again going back to

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Speaker 3: it's a lot harder, I think you'll see sometimes a

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Speaker 3: lot of times kids rebounding back home because it is

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Speaker 3: expensive to go out on your own. And we could

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Speaker 3: do it, you know, when we were younger, and now

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Speaker 3: I think it's it's a lot harder, and they're assaulted

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Speaker 3: all the time with information and stimulation and all these things.

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Speaker 3: So you know, luckily Laird and I have worked or

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Speaker 3: made a pretty conscious effort to keep our relationship alive

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Speaker 3: and dynamic between us as who we are today, not

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Speaker 3: when we met and had kids and all of a

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Speaker 3: sudden we looked up and here we are twenty years

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Speaker 3: later and like, who the hell are you? So we

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Speaker 3: have a dynamic relationship, and I'm also looking forward to

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Speaker 3: I've said this where it's like I'm ready to take

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Speaker 3: my foot off the break now with my my own work,

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Speaker 3: because I realized I always have my foot on the gas,

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Speaker 3: but I also have my foot on the brake, and

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Speaker 3: so now part of that is with layered and part

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Speaker 3: of that is just for.

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Speaker 1: Me right, and that feels so good.

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Speaker 3: It does. And I don't know if you've experienced this.

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Speaker 3: I get tired of worrying about everybody else. I'm tired

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Speaker 3: of that, like it's never going to go away. But

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Speaker 3: there's a part of me that's like I call it

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Speaker 3: parental fatigue, where you're just like the nights you haven't slept,

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Speaker 3: the nights you're worried about this one and that one.

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Speaker 3: And now, of course they're always in my hearts and

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Speaker 3: I'm always concerned about them, But part of it is

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Speaker 3: going to also shift.

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Speaker 1: Is there something that you said shift? Things sort of

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Speaker 1: shift and we start to maybe learn lessons from our kids.

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Speaker 1: I know, for me, my girls have definitely been very

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Speaker 1: gently and kindly teaching me to let go, you know,

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Speaker 1: and and establish them as their own individuals. And it

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Speaker 1: was definitely challenging for me because they're just my baby

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Speaker 1: birds and I want to keep them so close and

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Speaker 1: I want to help them with everything, and I want

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Speaker 1: to be their number one call, you know, but you

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Speaker 1: have to let go, and that that for me has

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Speaker 1: been really hard of you have your girls taught you

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Speaker 1: any like great lesson about momming moving forward?

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Speaker 3: Well, my girls are definitely nothing gentle about them.

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Speaker 1: Oh, no, I like that girls. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Well, and just even when they do radical stuff, they

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Speaker 3: don't they don't you know, make little mistakes. They just

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Speaker 3: you know, break shit like they're They're very much like

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Speaker 3: Laird and I non compliant. And if I'm going to

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Speaker 3: miss make a mistake, oh yeah, I watch this one.

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Speaker 3: And so I have been tempered greatly. And you know,

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Speaker 3: people talk about faith or acceptance, uh not living in

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Speaker 3: what can happen, And what they have shown me is, yes,

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Speaker 3: it lurks, the shadow of worry will lurk, but I

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Speaker 3: realize it's really of no use. And so I have

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Speaker 3: tried my best and I fail, but to be disciplined

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Speaker 3: in I'm not going to worry about it until I

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Speaker 3: have something to worry about, because I don't want to

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Speaker 3: live in that state. It's not even productive. And you

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Speaker 3: can do that in your life. So I'm just trying

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Speaker 3: to expand that idea to parenting harder. But I realize,

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Speaker 3: me worrying is doing what good.

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Speaker 1: Just giving us wrinkles and lost sleep, yeah.

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Speaker 3: And more annoying. And then our antenna, our vibration is

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Speaker 3: you know, kind of scratchy and helter skelter. And I'm

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Speaker 3: not calling in the things that I really want in

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Speaker 3: my life. And so I just feel like they have

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Speaker 3: really shown me that I'm not in charge and I

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Speaker 3: am here to love them. I can throw down boundaries,

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Speaker 3: I can put up some rules, but ultimately, when they

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Speaker 3: talk about having faith, if I say, oh, I have faith,

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Speaker 3: these are the moments that I get to practice that

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Speaker 3: and say, hey, there is a plan for their life.

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Speaker 3: I don't see it. It worries me, and yes, I

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Speaker 3: have the faith to let them go absolutely.

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Speaker 1: Then that faith really gets tested and I think, oh,

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Speaker 1: my gosh, am I an idiot to have faith? My

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Speaker 1: daughter was just in Las Vegas and she got home

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Speaker 1: and then the news came out that there was a

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Speaker 1: shooting in the exact restaurant she had been in, at

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Speaker 1: the Bellaggio, And those are the moments where you're like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: that faith is really working. I'm so grateful and like

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Speaker 1: you just I don't even know how to express my

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Speaker 1: gratitude in knowing that she's protected somehow, you know, magically.

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Speaker 3: And sometimes they're not. Sometimes they're not, and we weren't

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Speaker 3: and we're here and we made it. Yeah, and it's listen,

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Speaker 3: it's called being a parent. That's I think really what

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Speaker 3: it is. And that's why all parents laugh at their

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Speaker 3: teenagers that have all the answers and know everything, because

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Speaker 3: in your mind you think, huh, yeah, wait to see have.

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Speaker 1: You ever pulled out the uh? You'll see what it's

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Speaker 1: like when you have your own children.

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Speaker 3: Not too much what I have done, because my girls

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Speaker 3: would scoff at me. For sure if I said.

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Speaker 1: That, yeah it didn't go well for you, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: They'd scoff at me. It might. You know. Sometimes if

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Speaker 3: I know I'm not getting through but it feels really important,

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Speaker 3: I'll say can you please look at me? And I go,

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Speaker 3: can you consider yourself warned? And they're like yes, I go, okay,

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Speaker 3: can you say that to me? You consider yourself warned?

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Speaker 3: And then that's all.

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Speaker 1: Eat.

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Speaker 3: What am I going to do? When I have a

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Speaker 3: club every day with the same whiny nagging, It's like,

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Speaker 3: look at me, I'm saying something. If I speak really

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Speaker 3: as seldom as I can control myself, can you understand that?

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Speaker 3: Because I believe this is important information for you.

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Speaker 1: So it's so beneficial not to be that nagging mom

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Speaker 1: that hover.

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Speaker 3: Everybody's different, Yeah, everybody has to do it how they

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Speaker 3: do it. One thing I have learned. There's sort of

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Speaker 3: universal principles to a lot of things in life, but

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Speaker 3: when it comes to parenting, it's like moms know their kids,

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Speaker 3: they know the dynamic, they know themselves, their cellular download.

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Speaker 3: It's like a million variables. So I think everybody has

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Speaker 3: to do it the way they have to do it.

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Speaker 1: So true, I guess, yeah, because there's no one way

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Speaker 1: to get through it.

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Speaker 3: No, and we're all so different, and so maybe one

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Speaker 3: kid something works and another kid it doesn't, and for

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Speaker 3: one parent it works. It's just it's that dance.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you got to figure out that dance before. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, it's really.

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Speaker 3: Hard to figure out. By the time my youngest is

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Speaker 3: twenty five, I'm like, wait a second, I have an

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Speaker 3: idea about how to parent, right. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Well, marriage is hard. I know. I've had a couple

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Speaker 1: of them.

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Speaker 3: Oh good, congratulations, thank you. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: It's one of the things though I admire about you

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Speaker 1: is that you and your husband Laird, who is a

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Speaker 1: pro surfer, like beyond right. So that's one thing. But

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Speaker 1: you guys have been married for twenty seven years.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we've been married a long time.

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Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, that is congratulations.

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Speaker 3: First of all. Oh, well, I listen. I'd like to

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Speaker 3: say that we're so smart. I think we got really

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Speaker 3: fortunate that we found each other and we made it

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Speaker 3: through a couple rough patches. And I really now that

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Speaker 3: i've been with laired this year, I will have been

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Speaker 3: with Laird for thirty years, I realized again, we're not

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Speaker 3: that smart, and he's a gift to me, you know,

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Speaker 3: he I was lucky or fortunate in it. You know.

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Speaker 3: That's another thing about marriage I say, is there's a

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Speaker 3: lot of ways that what success looks like could be

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Speaker 3: ten years, could be five, could be you know, till

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Speaker 3: someone passes away. And so I never think the success

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Speaker 3: of a marriage is like you stayed together and that

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Speaker 3: was that. It's like, hey, we did this for this time,

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Speaker 3: we learned these things, whatever it is. And so I

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Speaker 3: just think, for whatever reason, at least for today, Larry

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Speaker 3: and I we can dance pretty good.

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Speaker 1: I love that you've both been open about how giving

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Speaker 1: each other space and freedom has been integral in the

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Speaker 1: success of your relationship. How do you keep your sense

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Speaker 1: of identity? You're a mom to three girls, that's a lot.

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Speaker 1: You are a wife and you have a partner, and

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Speaker 1: you're also your own individual, like how do you keep

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Speaker 1: your individuality? How do you not get in the life

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Speaker 1: by the process exactly.

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Speaker 3: Being all these things for other people?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, all thats.

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Speaker 3: I had a pretty robust sense of self at twenty five,

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Speaker 3: and that's the age I met Laired, So I think

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Speaker 3: that was helpful. I had some momentum about like what

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Speaker 3: I liked and what I liked to do, and I

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Speaker 3: had a career and I made my own living and

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Speaker 3: things like that. But what I will say is that

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Speaker 3: it's pretty hard to do. But it's something that in

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Speaker 3: these couple spaces I'm ruthless about, which means no matter what.

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Speaker 3: And it's such an interesting dance because as I get older,

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Speaker 3: I'm actually trying to lose identity, right, I'm trying not

356
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Speaker 3: to be defined by my roles. I'm trying not to

357
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Speaker 3: be like my ego and I do this and this

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Speaker 3: is who I am. And you know, all these labels

359
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Speaker 3: and titles, you know, like oh, actress or athlete or whatever.

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Speaker 3: The things are so simultaneously of trying to be more

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Speaker 3: holy and fully who I am within my sense of

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Speaker 3: self as a human being, I'm trying to offload being

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Speaker 3: attached to well, this is what I do and I'm

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Speaker 3: that mother and I'm his wife. So it's this weird

365
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Speaker 3: thing of doing both a lot and stripping down to

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Speaker 3: like I guess, for lack of a better word, your essence,

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Speaker 3: and not allowing other people, including Laird or my daughters,

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Speaker 3: to infringe so deeply on me that I lose that.

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Speaker 3: So I guess a little bit of selfishness is maybe

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Speaker 3: what it comes down to. I mean, I talk a

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Speaker 3: lot about choosing yourself. I choose me.

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Speaker 1: I want women to choose themselves. It's like everything I'm

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Speaker 1: all about. And there are oftentimes when I come up

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Speaker 1: on that word, that selfish word, and there are some

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Speaker 1: people that are just really uncomfortable choosing themselves or allowing

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Speaker 1: themselves to choose themselves, and they see it as an

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Speaker 1: act of selfishness. How do you feel about that.

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Speaker 3: I think it's your duty. I really think it's your

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Speaker 3: your it's your obligation to yourself and to the life

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Speaker 3: that you're here to live. And luckily I can understand

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Speaker 3: where a lot of people don't get this idea that

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Speaker 3: it's okay, because think about when you're a young woman,

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Speaker 3: especially to be nice. Right my least probably my least

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Speaker 3: favorite word I'd switch out. I'd swap out and put

385
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Speaker 3: kind for nice all day long. Oh well that's not nice,

386
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Speaker 3: and don't say that that's not nice, that's not nice acting.

387
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Speaker 3: So we've wrapped up, I think more so than men

388
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Speaker 3: as women that to be a good person, which I

389
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Speaker 3: think most of us are hoping to try to be

390
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Speaker 3: that we have to be nice or we have to

391
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Speaker 3: please people. And coming I think from sport, you sort

392
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Speaker 3: of learn all other gears and languages, which is like, hey,

393
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Speaker 3: part of this isn't personal. So if you and I

394
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Speaker 3: are playing against each other, it's like my goal and

395
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Speaker 3: your goal is to win. Someone's not going to be happy.

396
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 3: So I don't like it has nothing to do with

397
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Speaker 3: how I feel about you or how I am as

398
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Speaker 3: a human being. It's like, this is what I'm doing.

399
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Speaker 3: And so if a woman's in the workplace and she

400
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 3: is in the position where maybe she's the boss, part

401
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:18,200
Speaker 3: of that job is going to probably make people feel

402
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 3: uncomfortable or they're not going to like you because you're

403
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,640
Speaker 3: going to say, hey, here is the standard at our business.

404
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 3: This is what we're doing. So I would just encourage

405
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:36,719
Speaker 3: people to not farm that out some to the world,

406
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Speaker 3: to say well, I'm just going to do what I'm told.

407
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Speaker 3: So I'll go to school, maybe I'll meet somebody that

408
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 3: i'll get married, maybe i'll have a kid, whatever that is,

409
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Speaker 3: and then I'm going to be somehow pissed that I

410
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Speaker 3: did what I was told and then I got left

411
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Speaker 3: behind and everybody's still doing their thing, but what about me?

412
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Speaker 3: And so within it. That's why I'm such an advocate

413
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Speaker 3: of taking care of yourself because I think it makes

414
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 3: holding that space for yourself a little easier because you

415
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,359
Speaker 3: feel a little better, your mind's a little more clear,

416
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 3: and you can go, yeah, that's not going to work

417
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 3: for me, and you do these tweaks all along the way.

418
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 3: But it isn't easy. Listen, there's days I do feel

419
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 3: swallowed up by my schedule and my family and my work.

420
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Speaker 3: But I course correct really quickly because I know in

421
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Speaker 3: the long run, it's not only going to be better

422
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 3: for everybody, but guess who also it's going to be

423
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 3: better for me. That's right, and that's on us because

424
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Speaker 3: I think with women sometimes too, we take on this

425
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Speaker 3: like very caregiver thing, which is great, but it can

426
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Speaker 3: easily turn to victimhood, which I think should we should

427
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Speaker 3: definitely try.

428
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Speaker 1: To avoid what do you mean by victimhood?

429
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Speaker 3: Well, because then it's not fair. And then theyre he's

430
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,920
Speaker 3: playing golf this weekend, and they laughed, and I did

431
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 3: the thing. It's like, listen, if we get ourselves in

432
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Speaker 3: those situations, even if we were well intended, it's still

433
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Speaker 3: on us.

434
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:56,960
Speaker 1: You got yourself there.

435
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so I know, it's like a really brutal

436
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,360
Speaker 3: thing because you're doing again, you're following the rules, you're

437
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 3: being of service, you're doing all these things that you

438
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 3: think are the right thing. And then somehow fast forward

439
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 3: a few years and when you really listen to how

440
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 3: you speak or you're vernacular, sometimes it's connected to victimhood.

441
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 3: And one thing I am really intense about is I

442
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:24,360
Speaker 3: am not here to be the victim of any relationship

443
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 3: or my story. And shit's unfair everywhere, and that is true,

444
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 3: and that's just kind of the way it is. But

445
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,359
Speaker 3: it's like that for men, it's like that for everybody.

446
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,920
Speaker 3: We just sometimes don't realize it because they speak up,

447
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 3: I want to go do this, it's going to be

448
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 3: fun for me, or da da da da da, And

449
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,920
Speaker 3: the fact that they don't have biological responsibility of being

450
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,639
Speaker 3: pregnant and giving birth and nursing and trying to juggle

451
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 3: all that. Their brain doesn't work the same way, so

452
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,960
Speaker 3: they have a different story than we do most times.

453
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's just a different vocabulary, it's a

454
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 1: different it's a different brain.

455
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, we all we live in a world where everybody's

456
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 3: trying to make everybody the same. And one thing that

457
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:10,160
Speaker 3: I have learned through being in movement, fitness, wellness, whatever

458
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 3: the terms are now, there is certain biology that if

459
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,960
Speaker 3: I can understand my biology where it's working for me,

460
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 3: maybe where it's not like, for example, advocating for myself

461
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 3: or rocking the boat is actually typically for women less biological.

462
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 3: So I have to learn. Oh I don't have that skill.

463
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 3: That doesn't come as easy for me. So I'm going

464
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,919
Speaker 3: to develop it. I'm going to try it. It's going

465
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 3: to be uncomfortable. I'm going to piss some people off.

466
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:46,919
Speaker 1: It's worth it. It's always worth it. You speak in your

467
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 1: book about how you thought that you had to suck

468
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:54,120
Speaker 1: it up when it came to your relationship and someone

469
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 1: usually your spouse, is being an ass. Yeah, and you

470
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 1: you said that you probably I learned that from being

471
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,919
Speaker 1: an athlete, and coming up in that world. I am

472
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 1: not an athlete, and that's one of the things that

473
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 1: I've done too. I stopped speaking up and I didn't

474
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 1: want to rock the boat, like you just said, peace.

475
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,560
Speaker 1: Can you tell me what you've learned about communication in

476
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:21,400
Speaker 1: a relationship?

477
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 3: Yes, you know, listen, it takes courage. The courage I

478
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 3: didn't have because also, what was tricky about let's say

479
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 3: my dynamic is I was very stoic. So it could

480
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:37,159
Speaker 3: be perceived as strength, but it was really a fear

481
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 3: of being able to make like I didn't want to

482
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 3: deal with, like if there was going to be a

483
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:48,679
Speaker 3: hassle or I was going to show my vulnerability of

484
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 3: what I really wanted and needed. So there was a

485
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,119
Speaker 3: couple things wrapped up so it looked quite strong, but

486
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:56,480
Speaker 3: it was really me just being like, oh, and what

487
00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,479
Speaker 3: I have learned is because I got myself into some

488
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 3: uncomfortable situations by not speaking up, was I'd rather deal

489
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 3: with ten minutes, thirty minutes, a couple of hours of

490
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 3: conflict doesn't have to be radical, right. It's also how

491
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 3: you present You know, you can say to somebody it's

492
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 3: not an attack on you. I just got to share

493
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 3: my feelings. So sometimes people have to realize you can

494
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 3: be in a relationship and the other person is not

495
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 3: wrong because you have feelings about something that you don't like.

496
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,840
Speaker 3: And so I think learning those two things together more direct,

497
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:35,320
Speaker 3: but also learning how to position things and say it

498
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:37,719
Speaker 3: in a way that I'm not coming here to attack you.

499
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 3: I'm coming here to share with you, but I'm doing

500
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 3: it in a way that's also maybe in a language

501
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,879
Speaker 3: you're going to understand. So typically I do it sooner

502
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 3: than later, so I'm not hysterical.

503
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,359
Speaker 1: Because that like, it doesn't fester, because that's.

504
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 3: What happens, right, We flip our lids and we finally

505
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 3: say it, and then the other person's like, WHOA can't

506
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,199
Speaker 3: handle that. It's just like I don't even know what

507
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 3: this is or where this is coming from. So but

508
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 3: sometimes that harsh because I do that and I'll say

509
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 3: it like really direct, and I can see for a

510
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 3: second Lair's eyebrows kind of go oh because they're not

511
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,880
Speaker 3: used to that either, Right, So it's this funny thing

512
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 3: where you kind of got to pick a side and

513
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 3: deal with it. Now, if someone has to talk to

514
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 3: their partner, what I would say that is quite nice

515
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 3: is you could go for a walk. They even talk

516
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 3: about it with teenagers. You don't have to always be

517
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:25,199
Speaker 3: face to face. You could be walking side by side

518
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:27,360
Speaker 3: and just say, hey, you know, i've been going through

519
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 3: this or I've been thinking about this and I just

520
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 3: want to share it with you and see where it goes.

521
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 3: And usually we don't give them enough credit that they

522
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 3: could they could work with us.

523
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 1: On a lot of this, right we assume. I think

524
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 1: I probably assumed younger younger me that this is going

525
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 1: to make a big thing and he's going to be

526
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 1: defensive or he's not going to see it the way

527
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:53,239
Speaker 1: I see it. But I haven't even talked about it

528
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: to him.

529
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 3: Yeah. I almost got divorced for that because I didn't

530
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 3: say anything, didn't say anything, didn't say anything, and then

531
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:02,640
Speaker 3: I left, and then that created a whole other set

532
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 3: of complications and then I'll never forget. And I've shared

533
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 3: this before because Laird is like the best person to

534
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 3: say uncomfortable things too, no problem. He could be like,

535
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 3: oh okay, like he can think about his job. Yeah, no,

536
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 3: it's stressful, it feels threatening. He's totally calm. Is he

537
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 3: said to me, well, why didn't you say anything, and

538
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 3: I thought, oh yeah, and by the way, if your

539
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 3: partner can't handle it, that's kind of their problem.

540
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

541
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 3: And if you do it round and round, after a while,

542
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 3: you might be like, maybe we're not meant to be

543
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 3: in this partnership, or wow, amazing, we can grow together.

544
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 3: We've learned new things about each other. There's greater intimacy.

545
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 3: I can show you my cards and you can be like, yeah, okay,

546
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 3: I'll take them. So it's I mean, you might as

547
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 3: well get to it.

548
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 1: I mean, you might as well get to it because

549
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to get to it with somebody if

550
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 1: you want to it be in a relationship. It's gonna

551
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 1: come up. It's gonna keep coming up until you fix it,

552
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 1: get it right, yeah, or just get it better, get

553
00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: it better, get it better. I mean, that's been the

554
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:05,760
Speaker 1: challenge of my life relationships. And I too, am a

555
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: very direct person, and it is some people can handle

556
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 1: it and some people can't. And I never mean anything

557
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 1: by it. It's just who I am, you know how

558
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 1: I So I do work at softening the delivery of things.

559
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: I do think about that. I do think about my

560
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 1: husband as an individual now, not like you know, my

561
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: therapist that I had a while back taught me about

562
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 1: circle square circle, where you're two circles and then there's

563
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 1: that square in the middle that's the relationship and you're

564
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 1: putting stuff into it, but the lines aren't crossed. There's

565
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 1: no like you know, and the rings for a wedding

566
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: you always see like the intertwined real I hate that

567
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 1: because you complete me. Yeah, I don't. We're not Yeah,

568
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 1: we are not one. No, we have a thing going,

569
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 1: but we're not one.

570
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,520
Speaker 3: Yeah. And there's these moments we're sort of lighting and

571
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 3: doing these things together as one.

572
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 4: You know.

573
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 3: It's it's interesting too though. Women have the impulse to mother, right,

574
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 3: so we're always trying to sort of get our partner

575
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 3: to be how we think they should be. So if

576
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 3: we're saying, hey, we are two individuals, we also have

577
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 3: to be willing to be like and I accept your

578
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 3: loud talking, inappropriate jokes, whatever, you know. So I think

579
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 3: the other thing was very helpful for me as I

580
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 3: have a husband who will not be mothered. So it

581
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 3: really got me off the hook from that impulse.

582
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 1: It broke that pattern for you, yeah.

583
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 3: Because I was like, oh, we should act all.

584
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 4: Be like this, you know, and Lard was like, yeah, no,

585
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 4: I had a mom and I was like, got it noted, Yeah,

586
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 4: which was great for me because it liberated me from

587
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 4: even thinking that I was going to spend time and

588
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 4: energy doing that.

589
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:52,600
Speaker 1: What sign are you?

590
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 3: I'm a capricorn?

591
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 1: Okay, mom, we both have ok yeah, it's good. She's

592
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:00,720
Speaker 1: a great lady. We both have three girls. We both

593
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 1: almost got divorced. As the directness, yeah, but.

594
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 3: It's so feminine. It's so.

595
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 1: It seems like, oh no, it's you're tall.

596
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I really intimidated. Well, yours are so shiny

597
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 3: and sparkly voice.

598
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 1: Thank god.

599
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 3: That's great.

600
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: But it does it does come across as abrasive to

601
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,120
Speaker 1: some people, people that take things personally. I don't take

602
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,520
Speaker 1: things personally, and I try not to. That's one of

603
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 1: the naughty things.

604
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 3: You don't take them personally.

605
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: Well, I actually read I learned it from a book.

606
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:39,480
Speaker 1: I learned it from the Four Agreements, and it's one

607
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 1: of the core the things that I live by and

608
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 1: I try to remember all the time. It's got nothing

609
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 1: to do with me. It has everything to do with

610
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 1: the other person, what they're going through, how they're feeling,

611
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,480
Speaker 1: what their day has been, like you know, and it's

612
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: important to like remember that before you speak sometimes.

613
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I think being being direct doesn't mean

614
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 3: not being thoughtful, right. I am very thought kind about

615
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 3: what I'm going to say, and I will even wait

616
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 3: for a fertile ground. I won't just be like, oh,

617
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 3: we're in traffic and we have nine thousand things going,

618
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 3: this is the time, so I want to be clear.

619
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 3: I'm also like very you know, thoughtful in when is

620
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 3: the best time.

621
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:25,640
Speaker 1: I do that a lot too now, where I never

622
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 1: used to do that. I used to be so indulgent,

623
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 1: self indulgent and like do me and how I needed

624
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 1: to do it and when I needed.

625
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:33,959
Speaker 3: To do it.

626
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, But now I'm much more thoughtful about is this

627
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: a good time for both of us to have this

628
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: conversation and then having to control the ability to wait,

629
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 1: whereas I don't think I have that for a very

630
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: long time. Yeah.

631
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 3: And I think when you are younger sometimes you do

632
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 3: wait too long, right. And the idea is I'm going

633
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 3: to enter all of these conversations with an idea of

634
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:04,200
Speaker 3: finding a solution, not in trying to be right. And

635
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 3: I think when we're younger, because we just sort of

636
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 3: are getting our voice. It makes perfect sense that the

637
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:12,879
Speaker 3: only way I'm going to be heard is if I'm right,

638
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 3: And so as you get older, you like, oh yeah, man,

639
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:17,360
Speaker 3: right wrong.

640
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: It's like it's.

641
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 3: All in the gray. Let's get to the solution. And

642
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 3: if I need to apologize for part of this too,

643
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 3: I can live with that.

644
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 1: Yeah. So interesting. I just had a pretty big argument

645
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:35,760
Speaker 1: with one of my daughters, which is very rare for us,

646
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 1: and my ego was flaring. It was like, you've got

647
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 1: to see it my way, and she was very set

648
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 1: in You've got to see it my way, and ultimately

649
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,840
Speaker 1: we were just like, let's walk away. I need She said,

650
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 1: I need space from you. I was like ouch, But

651
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 1: then I thought, okay, she needs space. I'm proud of

652
00:34:57,239 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 1: her for saying that. I'm proud of her for like

653
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 1: taking care of herself. Yeah. But it's so interesting as

654
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 1: this version of me having those conflicts with people that

655
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 1: mean more to me than anything in anyone in the world,

656
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 1: and I'm able to just kind of step out of

657
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 1: it and watch it. Yesterday, I wasn't proud of what

658
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 1: ended up. Can you know happening between the two of us.

659
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:27,279
Speaker 1: And I've had a lot of time to think about it,

660
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 1: and so I feel really good about going back to

661
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:35,760
Speaker 1: her and saying, hey, I see where you're coming from.

662
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 1: I want you to know I heard you. And there's

663
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 1: got to be a middle you know, let's fix this.

664
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 3: Well, you're modeling to them. And also it's really powerful

665
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,839
Speaker 3: to let another person who's saying what they really think

666
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:56,440
Speaker 3: and feel and saying and yes, you're right, so that

667
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:58,880
Speaker 3: the next time they want to say what their opinion is,

668
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 3: what they think and feel, they're not worried that they're

669
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 3: going to be shut down. And ultimately, that's you're doing

670
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 3: your job as their mom, which is to send them

671
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 3: into the world being willing to stand up for what

672
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 3: they think and feel, whether they're right or wrong, not

673
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 3: to be silent.

674
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:19,359
Speaker 1: Because speaking your mind is right.

675
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 3: It's always right. It's always right, Yeah it is, and

676
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:24,839
Speaker 3: to be open, right, Like, that's what it is. It's

677
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 3: the dialogue, it's the learning. It's seeing it from another

678
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 3: person's point of view. It's taking a new input and

679
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:32,319
Speaker 3: being like, oh, well, you know I thought this, but

680
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 3: now with that information, maybe I can adapt. Because that's

681
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 3: where people get in trouble, is well, no, this is

682
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 3: how it is. It's like okay, but if we're not

683
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 3: growing and changing and changing our mind forever, I think

684
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 3: we're dead.

685
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:47,720
Speaker 1: That sounds pretty boring.

686
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's what a lot of people do.

687
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of people, A lot of people. You

688
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:57,919
Speaker 1: were saying that you almost got a divorce. How long

689
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 1: were you separated, because Dave and I almost got a

690
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 1: divorce two we're separated for I call it twelve months. Yeah,

691
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 1: a good year. Yeah, And the divorce papers were ready.

692
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 1: It was happening really and then one day it wasn't happening.

693
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 1: Like we came to this aha moment individually and it

694
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,399
Speaker 1: just I don't know what happened, but it just worked again.

695
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 1: And I think that's so interesting. I'm curious. So when

696
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 1: you do, like your anniversary number, did you count that

697
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:28,719
Speaker 1: year or not? Because I don't count that year. We've

698
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: been married for ten years, but I call it nine.

699
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 3: Oh no, I count it all.

700
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:37,600
Speaker 1: Hell, yeah, I counted all because that was some hard times.

701
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 3: I count I was never more married than when I

702
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 3: was almost getting divorced. What do you mean, like, you know, well,

703
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 3: you know, and it was early in our marriage, was

704
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 3: it was it was twenty five years ago, so it

705
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 3: was the first few years of our marriage, I was

706
00:37:54,560 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 3: not willing to to be vulnerable, and I hadn't ever

707
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 3: really learned the safety of a relationship. I didn't learn

708
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 3: it from my parents, and so I was always alone,

709
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 3: kind of wolf, even though I was married. And it

710
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 3: was Lard who There was two things that happened that

711
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:18,919
Speaker 3: were really poignant. We were broken up and Lard came

712
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 3: to the house. He was back in Hawaii. I was

713
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:25,440
Speaker 3: in California, and he came to get snowboarding gear. And

714
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 3: he's very generous with his emotions and his affection and

715
00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:33,719
Speaker 3: love and like really there. And I remember he was

716
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:37,759
Speaker 3: going down a staircase and the staircase is kind of

717
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,880
Speaker 3: round at our house, and so he was there and

718
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:44,319
Speaker 3: then he rounded the corner and he wasn't and I realized, oh,

719
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 3: he was being generous. He has the choice to be

720
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 3: that present, that loving, that kind, and now that I'm

721
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 3: not reciprocating, he has then taken that back because it's inappropriate.

722
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,720
Speaker 3: And we went we went through some stuff and Lard

723
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:04,719
Speaker 3: said to me, you know, do you want And I

724
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:07,840
Speaker 3: had divorce papers. He said, drop divorce papers. That was

725
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 3: him being chivalrous. And you know, in California, you have

726
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 3: to wait a little bit. That's why we weren't. And

727
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 3: he's like, do you want it? Are you really you

728
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 3: want to throw this all away? Or do you really

729
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 3: want to give it? Do you want to try? He

730
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:26,280
Speaker 3: was the one who was way more courageous, and I thought,

731
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 3: and then seeing the difference of somebody who could be

732
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 3: so loving and saying like, oh you don't want this,

733
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 3: then I'll I have to. I'm not just going to

734
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,080
Speaker 3: let it sit here like an idiot. I'm going to

735
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 3: move on. I remember thinking, oh, that's right. There is

736
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 3: strength in being loving that weakness.

737
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 1: How did you come to allowing yourself to be vulnerable

738
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:50,480
Speaker 1: in a relationship?

739
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 3: You just realize, what's the point if you're not going

740
00:39:55,480 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 3: to risk? And and it's all scary, loving somebody having kids,

741
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:08,880
Speaker 3: going for a dream, trying, you know, starting a business,

742
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:13,880
Speaker 3: like it's all has a risk element, But what's the point.

743
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,800
Speaker 3: And so when that was so clear to me, I thought,

744
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 3: why would you half asset? And you have somebody right

745
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,800
Speaker 3: on the other side of you who doesn't half asset

746
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 3: and most people do. And you really like him. He

747
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 3: has all these traits, like he's honest and hard working,

748
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:35,440
Speaker 3: and he's smart and funny and like all these things.

749
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 3: And I was like, you might really be blowing it

750
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 3: and missing an opportunity of a lifetime that you may

751
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 3: never get again. And so I had an awakening of like,

752
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 3: because you know, my dad died when I was five,

753
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,239
Speaker 3: and I my mom left when I was two and

754
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 3: came back when I was seven. This is not bagging

755
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 3: on her, but the point is is sometimes when that

756
00:40:56,480 --> 00:41:02,480
Speaker 3: happens when you're young, you don't learn how to feel safe.

757
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,799
Speaker 3: And I thought, yeah, but you're not a seven year

758
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 3: old kid anymore. You know, you're a thirty year old woman.

759
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 3: You're and it's like you're playing an old game, you know,

760
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 3: but you're in a different life. And so it was

761
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 3: really this idea of why would I hold on to

762
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 3: that story and why would I not live in them

763
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 3: in the actual moment that I'm in with the person

764
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 3: that I am with, and it's on Chartered Waters. I

765
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 3: don't have the language. Maybe I could do better.

766
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 1: That's very inspiring for anybody listening. I think, who's struggling

767
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 1: with that? Being vulnerable?

768
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, but pick a person. No one's perfect. People were

769
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 3: going to disappoint each other, but pick a person that

770
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 3: you can really show them and they won't hold it

771
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 3: against you or bring it up later.

772
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 4: You know.

773
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 3: That's the great thing. I had a partner and I

774
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,839
Speaker 3: have taken on the trade myself where I could show

775
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 3: them all the ugly stuff sides of the good stuff

776
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 3: and he'd be like, oh okay, and it was safe. And

777
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 3: so I try to do that with my kids. I

778
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 3: definitely try to do that with my friends. Is be

779
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:27,320
Speaker 3: that person that someone can really reveal themselves and you say, oh, okay.

780
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 1: I want to go on to talking about entrepreneurship with you,

781
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:28,360
Speaker 1: because I can tell this is something we also have

782
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 1: in common. A drive, yes, a strong drive to be

783
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: who we are and be successful and make a difference

784
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 1: where we can.

785
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, And I think when people hear that,

786
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:45,240
Speaker 3: it feels daunting, right, Like I could hear someone else's

787
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 3: story and think, oh, should I be like that? No,

788
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 3: you shouldn't. You should figure out like kind of what

789
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:52,399
Speaker 3: turns you on? And I used to joke with my friends.

790
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 3: I used to teach a dollar class on kwai three

791
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:57,480
Speaker 3: days a week. As a dollar, Probably eighty to one

792
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 3: hundred people will come to the class, and I'm like, listen,

793
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 3: if I baked cookies. I can make you cookies, but

794
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:04,320
Speaker 3: this is kind of what I can do. This is

795
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 3: how I can contribute. This is what I'm passionate about.

796
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 3: This is what excites me. So this is what I'm doing.

797
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:13,280
Speaker 3: And so I think the idea of really drilling into

798
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 3: who you are. What would you authentically want to spend

799
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,800
Speaker 3: your time doing. What problems do you want to be solving.

800
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 3: If it's a product, for example, would you wear it

801
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:25,360
Speaker 3: for me? Would I eat it or drink it or

802
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 3: use it? And as long as you keep lining up

803
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:33,719
Speaker 3: those things, I think even in the idea of being successful,

804
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:38,920
Speaker 3: you already are. We measure success by okay, this, you know,

805
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 3: what are your margins? How many millions have you sold?

806
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 3: How many skews?

807
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 1: You know?

808
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:45,880
Speaker 3: Eba like, where how deep do you want to go?

809
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,880
Speaker 3: But for me, the idea that I even get the

810
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:54,360
Speaker 3: chance to spend my time doing it, there's a success

811
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:58,480
Speaker 3: in that. And so I've learned to really trust that

812
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 3: over the years, the.

813
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:04,560
Speaker 1: World knows you as a former volleyball player, right, I've

814
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 1: always been curious as an athlete when you work and

815
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 1: train so long for something to perfect your game and

816
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:15,200
Speaker 1: then it's time to retire from the sport. What goes

817
00:44:15,239 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 1: into making that choice? How do you face that? I

818
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: think for a lot of athletes it's your body just physically, Yeah,

819
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:24,400
Speaker 1: you just kind of know, well, I don't maybe have

820
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,480
Speaker 1: the juice. I think for me it was a combination

821
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 1: of my body and I knew I wanted to build

822
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 1: other things, and I knew those take time. Because anyone

823
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 1: who talks about being an entrepreneur, let's just start it

824
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:40,840
Speaker 1: five years, right, Everyone's like, oh, I'll put together a

825
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 1: business plan and you know, family and friends around, and

826
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 1: then in six months it's like, yeah, no, just to

827
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: start it's five years. Kind of yeah, it can be

828
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:51,360
Speaker 1: for sure, So what's the hall and how long is

829
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 1: that going to take? So I knew I had so

830
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:54,560
Speaker 1: many other things that I was going to be interested

831
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 1: in doing, so that combination and then also starting a

832
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 1: family really informed my decisions. But going back to earlier

833
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:10,319
Speaker 1: of I sort of scanned the horizon. You know there's

834
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: an end now. I will say if I was a

835
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 1: tennis player and I was really good, I would have

836
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 1: just done that till the wheels came off. Because it's

837
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 1: a big platform. It's the time spent versus the return

838
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:25,520
Speaker 1: it makes a lot of sense.

839
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 3: Beach volleyball it doesn't. So there's the over practical side

840
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:32,760
Speaker 3: of me that was like measuring all of that out

841
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 3: and saying, yes, I love this game. I'm going to

842
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 3: have a lot of life to live after this. What

843
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 3: do I think I want to be doing? And I

844
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 3: have a lot of ways I want to express myself

845
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 3: and so you better start creating some momentum in some

846
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:52,720
Speaker 3: other ways as well. So I think that that really

847
00:45:54,239 --> 00:45:58,000
Speaker 3: informed my decisions. It was all of the variables. You know,

848
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 3: if I was a guy and I was playing baseball, yeah,

849
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:03,720
Speaker 3: do it to you're thirty, you know, eight if you can,

850
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 3: and then you'll do the next thing, and you could

851
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 3: find your own project by then. Beach volleyball is just

852
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 3: a different, different deal. It's a small platform.

853
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:13,960
Speaker 1: Right. How old were you when you decided to.

854
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:16,839
Speaker 3: Well, I officially like was done at about thirty one

855
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 3: or two. I did come back one more time at

856
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:22,839
Speaker 3: thirty seven. I was pregnant with my youngest daughter.

857
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:23,839
Speaker 1: Oh I got to remember this.

858
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:25,720
Speaker 3: It was great, really sexy.

859
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:27,280
Speaker 1: No, it's a moment's pregnant.

860
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 3: You're just like really, because they were going to try

861
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:32,720
Speaker 3: to bring back this discipline that I loved very much

862
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:36,439
Speaker 3: four and four beach volleyball, and it's a natural game

863
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:38,239
Speaker 3: for me, and I thought, yes, I would love to

864
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:40,360
Speaker 3: see the next group get to play this discipline, so

865
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 3: I'll come and play for a little bit. But yeah,

866
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 3: pretty much not long ago. Wow, lives ago.

867
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 1: And your body, did you feel that your body was like, uh.

868
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 3: No, No, I could handle it because I was trained,

869
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:57,280
Speaker 3: so I was in shape. I was just pregnant.

870
00:46:58,400 --> 00:46:59,320
Speaker 1: It's a little extra.

871
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had a couple of beers. I don't really

872
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 3: I'm not a drinker. So the joke I was like, oh, Gabby,

873
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 3: she's like really been letting it out, you know. And

874
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:13,360
Speaker 3: but no, I I My body was was fine. And

875
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,440
Speaker 3: your brain, you know, you've done it so many times.

876
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:18,440
Speaker 3: Your first step is in is quite as good, but

877
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 3: you sort.

878
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 1: Of know, yeah, thirty seven, you still got it going on.

879
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:27,280
Speaker 3: Absolutely. I think women and men for that matter, especially

880
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 3: a game like beach volleyball, it's not the end, you know.

881
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 3: It's not the NFL where you get taking hits or

882
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 3: gymnastics or something. Beach volleyball is weirdly like you're getting

883
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 3: stronger because of the surface and the impact is less

884
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:42,080
Speaker 3: because of the sand. So there's a lot of room

885
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:44,880
Speaker 3: in there for your experience and as long as you

886
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:46,920
Speaker 3: stay in shape, right, Yeah.

887
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 1: The endurance of beach volleyball, Yeah yeah, volleyball in the

888
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:56,520
Speaker 1: sand gets me every time. I'm really loving this concept

889
00:47:56,560 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 1: that I'm hearing from you of scanning the horizon. I

890
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: think there's something there and I think that's such a

891
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:09,200
Speaker 1: good tip hack, whatever you want to call it, advice

892
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 1: to give other women other people.

893
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 3: Well, not too much.

894
00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:14,719
Speaker 4: You know.

895
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:17,320
Speaker 3: It's like this thing about like my middle daughter, who's

896
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 3: very wise. We were talking about my youngest and how

897
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 3: you know, she's always trying to make everything perfect. She's

898
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 3: very smart kids trying to and also you're in a

899
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 3: group of you know, TikTok and Instagram where they're all

900
00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:30,359
Speaker 3: trying to make everything perfect, every event perfect. It's all

901
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 3: monumental and it's the veneer of it. And my middle

902
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 3: daughter goes doesn't she doesn't, doesn't she know? The only

903
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,320
Speaker 3: perfect moment is in the is the when you're present,

904
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 3: and so there within lies that, you know, rack focus

905
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:53,560
Speaker 3: of just checking in you know, every day, who am

906
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 3: I today? Am I heading in the direction or my

907
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 3: relationships heading in the direction that I want that it

908
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,480
Speaker 3: feels like still represents me. Is my job doing that?

909
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 3: All these things, and then kind of living being present,

910
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:11,680
Speaker 3: and then every once in a while looking up, because

911
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:14,360
Speaker 3: you have to have a target. If you're orienting the

912
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 3: ship somewhere and it's like, yeah, I don't think I

913
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 3: want to go there. I think I need to do

914
00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:22,280
Speaker 3: certain things, whether it's changed my thinking or my daily

915
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 3: habits or practices, to kind of set the course a

916
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 3: little bit, a couple of degrees over here or over here,

917
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:33,760
Speaker 3: and only use it as an indication. Because a bullseye

918
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:37,879
Speaker 3: often is very hard to hit, so I often think

919
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:40,799
Speaker 3: it's building a sort of I always say head that way,

920
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:43,759
Speaker 3: you know. It's like even with health, when everyone's like, well,

921
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:45,880
Speaker 3: I'm doing my macroism, I go, oh, give me a break,

922
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 3: Like you can't. You're not you haven't gotten off the

923
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:51,440
Speaker 3: couch yet, and you're talking to me about this, you know,

924
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:53,440
Speaker 3: like my heart rate variability. It's like, no, let's just

925
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:57,319
Speaker 3: head that way, let's walk, let's eat real food. Then

926
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 3: if you get really good, okay, we can start to

927
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:02,800
Speaker 3: te it up. And then when we're in the position

928
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:05,279
Speaker 3: of a bulls eye where we can take a real shot,

929
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:07,920
Speaker 3: then okay, get the bulls eye. But I think we

930
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:11,800
Speaker 3: are always setting up bulls eyes way too soon, yeah,

931
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:12,440
Speaker 3: way too.

932
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:15,640
Speaker 1: Soon, and it can be disappointing, disappotening.

933
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:19,479
Speaker 3: We never make it, we give up. So I think,

934
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 3: you know, head that way, like today, I'm going to

935
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 3: be you know, thoughtful or kinder to my partner or whatever,

936
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:28,239
Speaker 3: you know, not all this monumental.

937
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:33,799
Speaker 1: Every day, every morning is a new opportunity to go

938
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:34,279
Speaker 1: that way.

939
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:35,120
Speaker 3: Just have that way.

940
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:39,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, so true. And if unless you break it down

941
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:44,720
Speaker 1: to that simple formula, it's all too complicated.

942
00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:46,320
Speaker 3: It is. We call it majoring in the minors.

943
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 4: You know.

944
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 3: It's like people get like all that and they use

945
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:50,959
Speaker 3: that actually as an excuse to not do the thing,

946
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 3: not do the thing because the thing is hard and

947
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 3: the thing is unknown because we don't really know. And

948
00:50:57,320 --> 00:51:00,239
Speaker 3: sometimes head that way is a lot more achievable and

949
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:02,880
Speaker 3: doable because it's like, well I don't have to know,

950
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 3: but I could. I sort of have a sense that

951
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 3: if I did these couple little things, that would be

952
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:11,000
Speaker 3: one step in that direction. But you believe in goals,

953
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:14,040
Speaker 3: like oh yeah, I mean, I'm a.

954
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:17,839
Speaker 1: Do you see it? Do you imagine you achieving the goal?

955
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:22,399
Speaker 1: In your mind and then you go for it.

956
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:25,840
Speaker 3: I talk a lot about we all have a whisper,

957
00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:29,640
Speaker 3: a personal whisper. I hadn't when I was a kid.

958
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:32,080
Speaker 3: I followed my whisper through my life and it has

959
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 3: led me to the places. So it shows up usually

960
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:38,799
Speaker 3: first as a whisper, as like, hey, this would be

961
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:42,880
Speaker 3: interesting to do, or call that person, or do you

962
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:45,520
Speaker 3: want to build that thing? And then it's like okay.

963
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 3: The other part of that is learn enough about what

964
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:53,839
Speaker 3: you're trying to do first, then create the strategy, because

965
00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:56,560
Speaker 3: you don't know enough about it to actually create a

966
00:51:56,600 --> 00:52:00,800
Speaker 3: real strategy. So whether it's a business or or getting

967
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:04,480
Speaker 3: in shape or whatever it is, it's like, you know,

968
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:06,720
Speaker 3: kind of move that way, start to get a sense

969
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:10,200
Speaker 3: of what it is, and then you'll be informed enough

970
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:13,560
Speaker 3: to really start to lock in a real strategy to

971
00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:16,919
Speaker 3: make a not these whimsical like I'm gonna do this thing.

972
00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:19,520
Speaker 3: It's like what does that mean? And what's the first step?

973
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:21,719
Speaker 3: And what's the second step, and what's the third and

974
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 3: what's the fiftieth And sometimes you have no shot of

975
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:26,360
Speaker 3: even knowing the ninth or tenth until.

976
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:28,400
Speaker 1: You take the first or second exactly, So you.

977
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:31,279
Speaker 3: Got to get pushed by your whisper, you know, never

978
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:34,360
Speaker 3: be too proud to do like the junk work. I

979
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:37,879
Speaker 3: always say I've been a rookie because that's very sports oriented.

980
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 3: We used to say it when I went to Florida

981
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:42,920
Speaker 3: State to play volleyball. The freshman all carried the medical kit,

982
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:46,160
Speaker 3: so when you traveled, it was like the kind of

983
00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:50,400
Speaker 3: the crap job. You know, that's what rookies do. And

984
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:52,560
Speaker 3: then when you're not a rookie, the next group does it.

985
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:54,880
Speaker 3: And so the other thing I've learned about being an

986
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,760
Speaker 3: entrepreneur or starting new or a new dream is always

987
00:52:57,760 --> 00:53:00,799
Speaker 3: be willing to do the grunt work, never above it. Well,

988
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 3: well I was really good at that. It's like, yeah,

989
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:05,520
Speaker 3: but you're not doing that anymore. You're doing this and

990
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:08,480
Speaker 3: you're at the bottom starting over. And when you get

991
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:11,760
Speaker 3: the comfort with that and knowing, like also the power

992
00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 3: of your own like I pick up the phone and

993
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:16,920
Speaker 3: call myself if I want to meet somebody or talk

994
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:18,839
Speaker 3: about an idea or learn something.

995
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:21,360
Speaker 1: I thought you I do, Like, wait, you call yourself?

996
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:23,160
Speaker 1: How do you do that? But you're saying I will.

997
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:25,200
Speaker 3: Pick up the phone and just be like hey, like

998
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 3: you were never above or too big or too prideful. Now,

999
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:31,720
Speaker 3: then there comes another point in my career in certain

1000
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 3: areas where it's like, that's not worth my time. My

1001
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,719
Speaker 3: time will be better spent over here, so I can

1002
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 3: have delegating something. Yes, yeah, but sometimes part of learning

1003
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 3: the thing and how to make the real plan and

1004
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:48,000
Speaker 3: the real strategy and creating the real goal is you

1005
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:48,839
Speaker 3: got to do it too.

1006
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 1: Absolutely. Yeah, I love that. That's just that's it. That's

1007
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:54,320
Speaker 1: the real deal right there.

1008
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:54,600
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1009
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:57,440
Speaker 3: And then when you really get deep into your businesses,

1010
00:53:57,680 --> 00:54:00,960
Speaker 3: then you have much smarter people around you because I'm

1011
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 3: not going back to business school. I'm not going to run,

1012
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 3: I'm not going to be the CEO, and you know,

1013
00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:10,759
Speaker 3: worry about manufacturing. So it's like in and out and

1014
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:13,840
Speaker 3: you go, oh, I'm out of my depth. But the

1015
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:16,680
Speaker 3: business is matured, so now we need some grown ups.

1016
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:18,320
Speaker 3: And so it has all these phases.

1017
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:21,960
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, How do you you spoke about the whisper?

1018
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 1: How do you hear your whisper? Like? When do you

1019
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:29,800
Speaker 1: hear it? Because sometimes the world is so noisy.

1020
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:35,120
Speaker 3: That's where my physical fitness practice comes in place, because

1021
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:40,239
Speaker 3: then I stay in tune with how I'm feeling and

1022
00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:43,759
Speaker 3: then I just check in. And so every day, whether

1023
00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:47,000
Speaker 3: it's the shower or I'm alone in my car, I

1024
00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:51,640
Speaker 3: just kind of, you know, hit the flywheel. How's my family?

1025
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:56,839
Speaker 3: They're always first? How my girls? And then it goes

1026
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 3: to like, what's happening in work? What's not happening? Do

1027
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 3: I need to kick someone in the ass? Do I

1028
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:03,239
Speaker 3: need to kick myself in the ass? Who haven't I

1029
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:07,480
Speaker 3: called back? Why haven't I called them back? And just

1030
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:10,000
Speaker 3: always and pull the weeds. You know, Laryer has really

1031
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,480
Speaker 3: taught me that where I don't let things go go

1032
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:16,480
Speaker 3: and go. It's sort of like when that weed shows up,

1033
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:18,279
Speaker 3: I just pull it right away. Whether it's like I

1034
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,640
Speaker 3: don't really want to work with that person or I

1035
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:23,360
Speaker 3: really need to call them and ask for help, whatever

1036
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:26,160
Speaker 3: that is, I try to do it quickly because then

1037
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:29,600
Speaker 3: it leaves room to hear the whisper instead of you

1038
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:34,120
Speaker 3: get buried under your own to do list or other things.

1039
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:37,880
Speaker 3: So I also try to be pretty on it with

1040
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 3: those things. But the whisper is your instincts, and your

1041
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:46,279
Speaker 3: whisper is the dreamer in you. And just let that

1042
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:50,359
Speaker 3: person thrive and live and trust them, and why not

1043
00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:53,560
Speaker 3: have some audacity. Yeah, you know, and that's why we

1044
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:56,440
Speaker 3: got to let go of the identity part, because then

1045
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:59,360
Speaker 3: we never give ourselves permission to be something new and different.

1046
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:01,640
Speaker 3: I'm not that person.

1047
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:02,879
Speaker 1: I don't do that.

1048
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:05,160
Speaker 3: I do that right, It's like, no, you can't yet,

1049
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 3: and and light yourself if you're sincere. You know, if

1050
00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:11,440
Speaker 3: it's just well because so and so is doing it,

1051
00:56:11,560 --> 00:56:14,640
Speaker 3: or that seems to be popular, that's not usually a

1052
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 3: good night now.

1053
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:17,240
Speaker 1: For that for me was the one of the biggest

1054
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:22,200
Speaker 1: deterrens of going for the thing. Other people were doing it,

1055
00:56:22,280 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 1: and I was like, Okay, they're great. Everything's they're doing great.

1056
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: I don't need to get in that space or do

1057
00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 1: what I really want to do. It's it's very very

1058
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:35,799
Speaker 1: hard to find the whisper though sometimes, but you're right,

1059
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:39,200
Speaker 1: it's in the in between spaces, and it's so important

1060
00:56:39,239 --> 00:56:40,799
Speaker 1: to pull the weeds. I love that too.

1061
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:42,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, you got to pull them. It's like, you know,

1062
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:44,640
Speaker 3: when you have a little kid, that's like let's say

1063
00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:46,600
Speaker 3: three or four, right, and you have a friend visiting

1064
00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:51,000
Speaker 3: whoever it is. I always used to say to my girls,

1065
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:55,279
Speaker 3: and my youngest daughter is at times not the most

1066
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:58,400
Speaker 3: polite person I've ever met. She's very polite, like you.

1067
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:00,240
Speaker 1: Ticul to a restaurant right out in the world.

1068
00:57:00,760 --> 00:57:02,799
Speaker 3: But if someone comes over and she's not good at

1069
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:05,520
Speaker 3: small talk and she doesn't want to feel she doesn't

1070
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:07,160
Speaker 3: feel like it right. So I used to say, hey, listen,

1071
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:12,719
Speaker 3: just the basics of your manners, just the basics, like, hey,

1072
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:14,560
Speaker 3: how are you nice to see you? You can walk away,

1073
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 3: I don't care. But the other thing I learned is

1074
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:20,240
Speaker 3: if my kids did not lean into somebody, even if

1075
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 3: I loved the person, I never was like, give them

1076
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:27,400
Speaker 3: a hug. Because the whole thing is to teach everybody

1077
00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:32,600
Speaker 3: young listen to your whisper because you're getting messages all

1078
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:35,000
Speaker 3: the time about the world around you and what works

1079
00:57:35,040 --> 00:57:38,760
Speaker 3: for you and what we do. Sometimes, whether it's in

1080
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:44,120
Speaker 3: school or as their parents, is we teach them not

1081
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:48,520
Speaker 3: to trust that because we're so worried about how it looks.

1082
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:51,920
Speaker 3: Or they'll be like, oh, you know that Hamilton kid,

1083
00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:55,080
Speaker 3: is you know, kind of rude or not well raised? Right,

1084
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:57,400
Speaker 3: I'll take it.

1085
00:57:57,880 --> 00:57:59,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you start to believe in yourself.

1086
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:02,880
Speaker 3: And it's scary every second. Right the whole time, you're like,

1087
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:04,880
Speaker 3: I don't know, I hope this works out, but I

1088
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:07,000
Speaker 3: feel compelled. I got to go, you know, And so

1089
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:09,560
Speaker 3: I think it's it's knowing too that yes, you never

1090
00:58:09,640 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 3: know for sure.

1091
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:16,400
Speaker 1: No, everything's a risk. Love, loving your children endlessly, Yeah, it's.

1092
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 3: All risk, starting a new business, asking for help, all

1093
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:22,919
Speaker 3: of that. But the other thing, and people have talked

1094
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:24,520
Speaker 3: about this, why not and why not you?

1095
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:27,480
Speaker 1: That's what I said to myself. Yes, they're doing it.

1096
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:30,920
Speaker 3: Why not me? Yeah, as long as we're genuine about

1097
00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:33,840
Speaker 3: our reasons. Why even if we say to ourselves, I

1098
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:36,360
Speaker 3: just want to make money, Okay, that's genuine and honest,

1099
00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:38,400
Speaker 3: right if people. I love when people are like, I'm

1100
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 3: trying to do good in the world, but really there

1101
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:42,400
Speaker 3: reasons they want to make money or get attention. I'm like, listen,

1102
00:58:42,520 --> 00:58:45,080
Speaker 3: just be honest about whatever it is. And it could

1103
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 3: be all of the all three. But I love when

1104
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:51,480
Speaker 3: people feel like they have to house it in. Oh,

1105
00:58:51,520 --> 00:58:53,680
Speaker 3: well this is going to be It's like, okay, but

1106
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:57,360
Speaker 3: why you're doing it is you've whiteboarded this, you see

1107
00:58:57,400 --> 00:58:59,880
Speaker 3: that there's space here, you think you can make money here.

1108
00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:02,120
Speaker 3: But the question is do you really believe it and

1109
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:05,080
Speaker 3: are you willing to do it when it really sucks

1110
00:59:05,720 --> 00:59:10,160
Speaker 3: because doing especially businesses, you know, new businesses, it's a

1111
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:10,880
Speaker 3: bit of a lift.

1112
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 1: Have you had to do that, have you had to

1113
00:59:13,240 --> 00:59:18,640
Speaker 1: make decisions you probably wouldn't have just for security or

1114
00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 1: money or forward movement or whatever.

1115
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:24,800
Speaker 3: It is not too often. You know, Lard and I

1116
00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:27,840
Speaker 3: both are hardwired. I think a little bit like this.

1117
00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 3: Lard always says, the best the only time to say

1118
00:59:30,040 --> 00:59:33,280
Speaker 3: no is when you can't. The only time it really

1119
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 3: counts is when you can't, when you can't afford it,

1120
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:41,040
Speaker 3: when you can't whatever. So I've really tried to adhere

1121
00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:46,240
Speaker 3: to my compass. And even when I was like, oh

1122
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:49,439
Speaker 3: I really like to take that job, it's like, that's

1123
00:59:49,440 --> 00:59:54,720
Speaker 3: not really me. And so yeah, you listen to that.

1124
00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:58,080
Speaker 3: It is and you just know that gets baked into

1125
00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:01,840
Speaker 3: your cake and your big cake and it's always going

1126
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:05,080
Speaker 3: to be better in the long run for you. And

1127
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:07,920
Speaker 3: everybody has a different gauge of success. So for some

1128
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:11,840
Speaker 3: people it's like, well, zero's is the success. For me,

1129
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:13,720
Speaker 3: it's I can look at myself in the mirror, I

1130
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:15,800
Speaker 3: can look at laired in their eyeballs, and I know

1131
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:20,320
Speaker 3: my kids know, and so I start there, yeah, and

1132
01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 3: then then yeah, I want to win. I want my

1133
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:26,120
Speaker 3: companies to thrive and make money and grow and do

1134
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 3: all that. But we always say not at any cost.

1135
01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:33,160
Speaker 1: That's true. Yeah, we want to win. We're just hardwired.

1136
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:35,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to win, but I don't want to

1137
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 3: win and not play by the rules because I tell

1138
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:45,040
Speaker 3: my girls this, play by the big rules, right, So

1139
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:50,280
Speaker 3: tell the truth, work hard, treat people with kindness, whatever

1140
01:00:50,320 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 3: those big rules really are, and then break every other rule.

1141
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:57,480
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter, right, Like, go for it, Yeah.

1142
01:00:57,640 --> 01:01:00,160
Speaker 3: Go for it, but always play by the big rule.

1143
01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:04,640
Speaker 3: Because I think we do need a north star because

1144
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:06,880
Speaker 3: it's easy to then you just be all over the place.

1145
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:09,760
Speaker 3: So create your north star, whatever that is for you.

1146
01:01:10,280 --> 01:01:14,040
Speaker 3: So I think it's like our company like so, for example,

1147
01:01:14,280 --> 01:01:16,480
Speaker 3: we have a guardrails, and one of the guardrails is

1148
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:19,880
Speaker 3: we don't use natural flavors. So when we can't make

1149
01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:24,280
Speaker 3: a vanilla creamer because we can't get the flavor right

1150
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:27,400
Speaker 3: and there was a bad crop in Madagascar of real

1151
01:01:27,480 --> 01:01:31,080
Speaker 3: vanilla because it was and now it's too expensive, well

1152
01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:33,240
Speaker 3: we're gonna are we gonna use natural flavors. It's a

1153
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:35,120
Speaker 3: really easy decision. And let me tell you what the

1154
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:40,160
Speaker 3: most popular flavor of creamers is Vanilla. So we were

1155
01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:41,880
Speaker 3: in business for five or six years before we could

1156
01:01:41,880 --> 01:01:44,280
Speaker 3: do vanilla. So that's the point. You have your guardrails,

1157
01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:47,200
Speaker 3: so when it gets you get squeezed, you know what

1158
01:01:47,200 --> 01:01:49,560
Speaker 3: you're doing and not doing just makes it easier.

1159
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:53,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're staying true to your standards. Memrals, so so

1160
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:57,120
Speaker 1: good before I let you go. Yes, Gaby Reese, what

1161
01:01:57,160 --> 01:02:01,240
Speaker 1: was your last I choose mean? Moment's cool question. It

1162
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:02,600
Speaker 1: can be big, it can be small.

1163
01:02:03,800 --> 01:02:06,040
Speaker 3: I'm more of like a small I choose me like

1164
01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:09,480
Speaker 3: and usually it has to do weirdly with like beauty

1165
01:02:09,520 --> 01:02:11,960
Speaker 3: things like getting my hair done, which because I put

1166
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:14,360
Speaker 3: all that stuff way back on, I don't It's not

1167
01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:17,880
Speaker 3: that I don't care, but I mean, it is what

1168
01:02:17,920 --> 01:02:20,480
Speaker 3: it is, right like even I'm fifty five, like I am,

1169
01:02:20,560 --> 01:02:22,760
Speaker 3: I look how I look. It is what it is.

1170
01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:25,160
Speaker 3: So it's when I say I choose me, it's like

1171
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 3: my fitness for me is my I choose me, and

1172
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:33,760
Speaker 3: it's you know, absolutely often. But I also know when

1173
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:36,600
Speaker 3: I get I go too far, I just tell everyone

1174
01:02:36,600 --> 01:02:38,120
Speaker 3: I'm out, I'm going to get my hair done, I'm

1175
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:40,760
Speaker 3: going to get my nails done. I don't apologize I

1176
01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:43,160
Speaker 3: don't wiggle around. I just look at everybody like that's

1177
01:02:43,160 --> 01:02:48,120
Speaker 3: what I'm doing. And so yeah, I think that that's

1178
01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:52,400
Speaker 3: like self care. Yeah, and just if it gets too far,

1179
01:02:52,520 --> 01:02:54,520
Speaker 3: I go, why is it too far? Because I haven't

1180
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:58,280
Speaker 3: taken care of it? But really it's it's the training.

1181
01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:04,640
Speaker 3: Training is the I choose me every week. Absolutely.

1182
01:03:04,760 --> 01:03:09,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're a great role model. You are inspiring.

1183
01:03:09,680 --> 01:03:09,800
Speaker 4: Oh.

1184
01:03:10,280 --> 01:03:14,320
Speaker 1: I feel like we are twin flames somehow. I want

1185
01:03:14,320 --> 01:03:17,160
Speaker 1: to be friends with you. But I just want to

1186
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:19,840
Speaker 1: say thank you so much for driving to the studio

1187
01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:22,520
Speaker 1: and being here today and being so open and honest.

1188
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:25,480
Speaker 3: Well, thank you, and I drove here because I do

1189
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:28,840
Speaker 3: really appreciate your message. And I think, you know, I

1190
01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:33,120
Speaker 3: always say like all hands on deck, and so if

1191
01:03:33,160 --> 01:03:35,360
Speaker 3: we can all help each other and being in small

1192
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:40,000
Speaker 3: ways and encourage each other and say like, yep, it's messy,

1193
01:03:40,480 --> 01:03:43,439
Speaker 3: don't know what we're doing the best we can. I think,

1194
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:45,440
Speaker 3: because we live in a world where everyone's trying to

1195
01:03:45,480 --> 01:03:48,400
Speaker 3: make it like it's perfect. What's wrong? I mean, down

1196
01:03:48,440 --> 01:03:52,520
Speaker 3: to like a gender reveal, It's like that's not real life.

1197
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:56,000
Speaker 3: And so I really appreciate that you're sort of saying, hey,

1198
01:03:56,520 --> 01:03:59,320
Speaker 3: remember if you're going to be doing all these things

1199
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:02,080
Speaker 3: for everybody that it is important to make sure you're

1200
01:04:02,080 --> 01:04:03,000
Speaker 3: taking care of yourself.

1201
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:04,360
Speaker 1: Thank you,