1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,239 Speaker 1: If you can have faith that there are good things 2 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 1: ahead of you, no matter how dark it may be 3 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:12,000 Speaker 1: in the moment, then that that is where your power lies. 4 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:29,760 Speaker 1: Right Hey, everybody, Emily and body here, you are listening 5 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,239 Speaker 1: to Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where I connect with 6 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,519 Speaker 1: everyone from your favorite athletes to top experts and industry 7 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:41,400 Speaker 1: CEOs about their highest highs, toughest moments, and everything in between. 8 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: We all go through hurdles in life, and my goal 9 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:48,120 Speaker 1: through these discussions is to empower you to better navigate 10 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: yours and move with intention so that you can stride 11 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: towards your own big potential and of course have some 12 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,360 Speaker 1: fun along the way. 13 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 2: Today I. 14 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 1: Am talking about something that I have been keeping close 15 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,119 Speaker 1: to the vest, so to speak, for a really long 16 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,280 Speaker 1: time now, I guess to be a little bit more 17 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: specific since February of this year, and that is my 18 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:28,559 Speaker 1: journey navigating anxiety and depression. I knew that I wasn't 19 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:32,120 Speaker 1: going to record on this or talk about this until 20 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: I truly felt ready and good. 21 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 2: I say it all the time on the show. 22 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,560 Speaker 1: It's something that Ash Wilking said to me when we 23 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 1: sat down a few years back, and it's that you 24 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:46,399 Speaker 1: have to be careful that the sword you use to 25 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: help others isn't the one that you fall on. And 26 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 1: for me, I can truly say that now I have 27 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: come so far in my journey, and I have such 28 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 1: a deep and beautiful understanding of where I'm at, where 29 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: I was, the lessons that I've learned from this chapter 30 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,520 Speaker 1: in my life, and so much more, and I feel 31 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:16,440 Speaker 1: truly at peace and comfortable to speak on it. I 32 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 1: also feel very purposeful and speaking on it right now. 33 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 1: This episode originally coming out Thanksgiving week, and it's a 34 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:29,520 Speaker 1: time of year where we slow down and reflect a 35 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 1: bit and think about everything that's happened. And I am so, 36 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: so so thankful to be here having this conversation, thinking 37 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:44,520 Speaker 1: about how far I've come and how grateful I am 38 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:48,800 Speaker 1: to be out on the other side of what was 39 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,680 Speaker 1: a really difficult hurdle for me. 40 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 2: I'm happy to report. 41 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,399 Speaker 1: That these days, I do, genuinely, for the most part, 42 00:02:56,440 --> 00:03:01,799 Speaker 1: feel very very happy and very lucky, and I want 43 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,200 Speaker 1: you to know that I am truly good. 44 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 2: I'm so good. 45 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 1: I feel supported and loved and so sure that I 46 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: have the most wonderful people in my life, and I 47 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,960 Speaker 1: feel bright and that feels good. I also want to 48 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:24,880 Speaker 1: reiterate that I am not a licensed expert to help 49 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:29,640 Speaker 1: anyone else with their mental health journey. 50 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,519 Speaker 2: So with that said, although. 51 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 1: I can speak on my own experience, if you or 52 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 1: someone you know is struggling, I highly encourage you to 53 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 1: speak with a licensed therapist or psychiatrist and know that 54 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: there are other resources which I will list in the 55 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: show notes, including a few different national helplines. And the 56 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 1: last thing that I do want to say before I 57 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:58,360 Speaker 1: get into today's episode is that I am so grateful 58 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:02,280 Speaker 1: to everyone and every single person who has supported me 59 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 1: during this chapter. I know that there are going to 60 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 1: be people that listen to this that are in my 61 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: life and that I care about that maybe I haven't 62 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:19,440 Speaker 1: opened up to entirely about this chapter. And then also 63 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,600 Speaker 1: I am opening up about this for strangers to hear 64 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:28,560 Speaker 1: as well. And I'm doing this truly because I believe 65 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 1: that there were people that helped me along the way 66 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 1: that we're vocal about their journey, that helped me get 67 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,800 Speaker 1: over this hurdle, and I. 68 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,159 Speaker 2: Want to do the same for others. 69 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:45,239 Speaker 1: Know that if we are close irl and we haven't 70 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 1: spoken about this, it has nothing to do with you 71 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 1: and everything to do with me, and that's it. 72 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,840 Speaker 2: Okay, here goes nothing with that. 73 00:04:54,839 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 3: Let's get to it, Let's get to hurdling. 74 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:17,440 Speaker 1: It was Monday, January thirty first, the first time that 75 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 1: I wondered if maybe I was depressed. I had just 76 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 1: finished up my workday and I was looking forward to 77 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,039 Speaker 1: quote unquote meeting up with friends to take a Peloton class. 78 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 1: And something happened with the system and there was a 79 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:40,280 Speaker 1: glitch and I couldn't log in. I remember feeling really 80 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:46,920 Speaker 1: frustrated a little more than the situation should warrant, and 81 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 1: I made the decision to cook myself a nice dinner 82 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,359 Speaker 1: instead of working out, which sounded great at the moment. 83 00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,960 Speaker 1: I went over to my cat minute to get a 84 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:06,320 Speaker 1: pan out of the bottom area, and when I pulled 85 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:10,799 Speaker 1: out the pan that I wanted to use, it triggered 86 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:14,640 Speaker 1: an avalanche of all of the pans in the cabinet, 87 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:21,240 Speaker 1: and as they all clamored and fell onto the floor 88 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 1: around my feet, I fell on the floor too, and 89 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:34,839 Speaker 1: I sat there beside myself, crying, overwhelmed, overwhelmed with so 90 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 1: many feelings that I can barely articulate right now. I 91 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 1: felt alone and frustrated and angry and so many things, 92 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: And in this moment, I knew that. 93 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 2: Something was off. 94 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:59,080 Speaker 1: Now to premise what I had been navigating up until 95 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:03,440 Speaker 1: this point, I would for maybe six weeks to two 96 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: months by the beginning of February, I had been feeling off. 97 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 1: I had been feeling stuck. I was sitting at my 98 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 1: computer during the workday and nothing was happening, and I 99 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,480 Speaker 1: would feel as though hours and hours would go by, 100 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 1: and I'd ask myself, where did the time go. I 101 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 1: felt incapable of doing the things that I was once 102 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:36,160 Speaker 1: thriving at doing small tasks, felt absolutely like I was 103 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: gearing up to climb everest. And I keep going back 104 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 1: to the words stuck because I recall that earlier that day, 105 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: I had been watching a video on social media and 106 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 1: someone who was speaking on the topic of anxiety and depression. 107 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:58,760 Speaker 1: She said that for her, when it came to identifying 108 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,200 Speaker 1: her symptoms, the word that she kept coming back to 109 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: was that it was. 110 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 2: That she felt stuck. 111 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,360 Speaker 1: At this time in my life, I had worked with 112 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 1: a therapist, in fact, a couple of different therapists. I 113 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:17,960 Speaker 1: had recently started working with a life coach, and I 114 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:22,080 Speaker 1: feel as though I had a good grasp on a 115 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:28,280 Speaker 1: routine that typically in lives prior it felt like, helped 116 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 1: me come back to come and navigate what was often 117 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 1: unpredictable days, a busy schedule, traveling, and all the feelings 118 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 1: that go hand in hand with being a woman in 119 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:46,360 Speaker 1: your mid thirties. And so back to that evening, I 120 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,960 Speaker 1: get up off the floor and I text one of 121 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 1: my dearest friends who happens to also be a doctor, 122 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 1: and I asked her to give me a call when 123 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 1: she had some time. She this never happens, this is 124 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,840 Speaker 1: one of those like this happens for you in retrospect moments. 125 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:07,760 Speaker 1: But she called almost right away, and I said to 126 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: her when she picked up the phone, I said, I 127 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,080 Speaker 1: need to talk to you as both my best friend 128 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: and a doctor. 129 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 2: And she listened and. 130 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: I told her how I had been feeling and what 131 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 1: was going on, and how for the first time in 132 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 1: my life, I was wondering if this was something bigger 133 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,559 Speaker 1: than me, if this was something that maybe I had 134 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 1: never navigated before. And trust me, I have been in 135 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: situations that have felt emotionally challenging, ranging from your oh 136 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:50,080 Speaker 1: so typical breakup to losing my job. But Never has 137 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:55,720 Speaker 1: it felt so completely out of my control. Never have 138 00:09:55,840 --> 00:10:01,200 Speaker 1: I ever been able to not implement habit or speak 139 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:08,320 Speaker 1: to someone and notice a measurable shift. And after speaking 140 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:12,760 Speaker 1: to her, I asked her, I said, do you think 141 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,760 Speaker 1: that maybe it's time I look into going on medication? 142 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:21,320 Speaker 1: And she said, as your best friend, I hate to 143 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:26,000 Speaker 1: hear that you feel this way, and it's also completely 144 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: understandable that you feel how you feel. 145 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:32,079 Speaker 2: She totally totally validated my feelings. 146 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,959 Speaker 1: She said, as a doctor, if you were my patient, 147 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: I would probably ask you some more questions. And since 148 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 1: I'm not your doctor, what I would recommend to you 149 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: is that maybe for the next two weeks you do 150 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,400 Speaker 1: the things that you know you have in your toolbox, right, 151 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 1: you commit some time to actively trying to get out 152 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:58,800 Speaker 1: of this funk as we've described it, not trying to 153 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 1: downplay your feelings, but just saying, like, let's give this 154 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:07,480 Speaker 1: one more go before you make the decision to lean 155 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:10,319 Speaker 1: into medication. And should that be an avenue that you 156 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: want to pursue. I'm here to answer whatever questions you 157 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:17,560 Speaker 1: might have. And since she doesn't live in New York State, 158 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:22,480 Speaker 1: I would have to then seek out a physician who 159 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,839 Speaker 1: would be able to sit down with me and then 160 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: prescribe me said medication. Now, for those of you who 161 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 1: may not be familiar with treatment for anxiety and depression, 162 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,199 Speaker 1: there are a few different avenues that you can go 163 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 1: down for treatment, including talk therapy, psychotherapy, and then of 164 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:46,920 Speaker 1: course medications. There are a lot of different types of antidepressants, 165 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:53,640 Speaker 1: and I decided to look into an SSRII, which stands 166 00:11:53,640 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 1: for a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. Generally speaking, as ex me, 167 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 1: these can be safer and cause fewer side effects. And 168 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,160 Speaker 1: I'll say this, like after that night, that night was 169 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,360 Speaker 1: It's like an inflection point for me. Right, It's a 170 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: moment that I think back on and it feels so 171 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:20,600 Speaker 1: like it was just yesterday. But I did notice that 172 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:25,440 Speaker 1: opening up about how I was feeling was a really 173 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:30,200 Speaker 1: big help. But as the days went on, a couple 174 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:35,600 Speaker 1: weeks down the road, I realized that I was still stuck. 175 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,760 Speaker 1: I was still sitting and staring at my computer. I 176 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,840 Speaker 1: still felt unproductive, I still felt as though I wasn't capable. 177 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:49,319 Speaker 1: I felt a lack of hope. And I, notably, despite 178 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,960 Speaker 1: implementing and being really strict on the habits that otherwise 179 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 1: are used to make me feel really good in my body. 180 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,960 Speaker 2: It just it wasn't the same. 181 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 1: I went out on a Thursday in mid February and 182 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 1: drank a bottle of wine with friends, and I woke 183 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 1: up the next morning feeling really foggy. But bigger than that, 184 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:21,560 Speaker 1: I woke up feeling beside myself and so alone and 185 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: not in a good place. And I knew in that 186 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:31,440 Speaker 1: moment that something needed to change. And I typically go 187 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:33,200 Speaker 1: for a walk with a friend of mine on Friday 188 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,880 Speaker 1: mornings who lives in the neighborhood. I texted her and 189 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: I said I need to meet earlier. And we met earlier, 190 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:42,480 Speaker 1: and I remember distinctly like walking down Fourth I think 191 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,080 Speaker 1: it's Fourth Avenue, and she was walking up Fourth Avenue 192 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,079 Speaker 1: and when I got to her, I just melted into 193 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:52,680 Speaker 1: her arms like sobbing. And this was not all that 194 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:57,440 Speaker 1: long after Omercron was really wild in New York, and 195 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 1: so I was wearing a mask, and I remember she 196 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 1: said to me, take off the mask so you can breathe. 197 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:08,240 Speaker 1: And I just stood there, sobbing and trying to come 198 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:13,240 Speaker 1: up with words to articulate how I felt. And we 199 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,440 Speaker 1: started to walk and I think We walked for three 200 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 1: or four miles before we sat down and we had breakfast, 201 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,480 Speaker 1: and I looked at her and I just knew in 202 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 1: that moment that I needed to make a change and 203 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 1: I needed to figure this out. And so that day 204 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 1: I made a doctor's appointment that was two weeks out 205 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 1: because I couldn't find one before then, and I, at 206 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 1: least in that moment, knew that I had an avenue 207 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 1: that I could pursue to hopefully talk to someone to 208 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 1: get the help that I needed. The day of the 209 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:56,960 Speaker 1: doctor's appointment arrives, and that morning I get a call 210 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,840 Speaker 1: that the doctor had to call out that the next 211 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:06,520 Speaker 1: available appointment wasn't for three more weeks. And if you 212 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: had seen me in that moment, I was beside myself, 213 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:15,160 Speaker 1: frustrated about my lack of access, frustrated about how much 214 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,440 Speaker 1: this was going to cost me to try to see 215 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:21,520 Speaker 1: someone at my wits end, knowing that and this is 216 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,680 Speaker 1: something that I'll get into shortly. But if I was 217 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 1: to get on medication literally that day, SSRIs take a 218 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:32,520 Speaker 1: moment to start working to build up in your system. 219 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 1: So even if I had gone to the doctor that day, 220 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 1: God prescription filled the prescription it could be between two weeks, 221 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,440 Speaker 1: and gosh, for some people it can take as much 222 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 1: as two months to truly feel relief, right, And so 223 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 1: I'm crying and texting my life coach, and she says 224 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,960 Speaker 1: to me, bless her, how can you think about if 225 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,400 Speaker 1: this is working for you right now? And I said, 226 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 1: I was like, I know where you're going with this, 227 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: and I hear you, but right now, I just need 228 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: to feel truly sad in this moment, because I am 229 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:13,360 Speaker 1: so frustrated. In that moment, I remembered that a friend 230 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 1: of mine told me she got her prescription when she 231 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 1: had her own similar hurdle moment of sorts, navigating her 232 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:28,200 Speaker 1: mental health through one medical and it was during the pandemic, 233 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 1: and that was when you couldn't go in person to 234 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,640 Speaker 1: see a physician, I believe, And so she did it 235 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 1: in a virtual online on the phone consultation. And so 236 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:42,360 Speaker 1: I said, effet, if I can throw two hundred dollars, 237 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 1: I'm very lucky that I had this capability throw two 238 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 1: hundred dollars at this and join one medical and get 239 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 1: a same day doctor's appointment, which wasn't available to me otherwise, 240 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 1: and get this prescription that I'm all in, and so 241 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,680 Speaker 1: that's what I did. I joined one medical I got 242 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:03,520 Speaker 1: an appointment later that day with a nurse practitioner, and 243 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 1: I sat down in her office and I just sobbed, 244 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,639 Speaker 1: and I was so frustrated and tired of having to 245 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 1: chase my tail around my legs to get help for 246 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:21,359 Speaker 1: this thing. And how broken is our system that I 247 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:25,320 Speaker 1: couldn't talk to anyone, I couldn't find someone who could 248 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:25,840 Speaker 1: help me. 249 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,440 Speaker 2: Get the help that I needed. 250 00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 1: And that is as someone who, like I, despite the 251 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,680 Speaker 1: hurdles that I faced, like feel privileged with my access 252 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:40,680 Speaker 1: to care anyway, anyway, I mean, that's a whole other conversation. 253 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:47,800 Speaker 1: But I left that day and had a prescription and 254 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:52,400 Speaker 1: filled my prescription. And I don't necessarily feel like it's 255 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,880 Speaker 1: important for me to tell you what I ultimately went on, 256 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 1: and I won't talk about the dosage that I went on, 257 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,160 Speaker 1: but what I will I'll say is that within two 258 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:06,840 Speaker 1: weeks I felt different, and the words that came back 259 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:13,399 Speaker 1: into my vocabulary were capable and hopeful, And instead of 260 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 1: sitting on the kitchen floor crying tears that I felt 261 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 1: like I had no control over, I felt, for the 262 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:24,760 Speaker 1: first time in so long, like truly present in my 263 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:30,480 Speaker 1: body and joyous and capable and hopeful and good and relieved. 264 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 1: And it kills me when I think I that word relief, right. 265 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,920 Speaker 1: I spoke with Kelsey Plumb a week or two ago 266 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,440 Speaker 1: on the show. She's a WNBA player, and she talks 267 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:47,720 Speaker 1: about how during the what should have been I hate 268 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,680 Speaker 1: the words should, but what should have been by popular standards, 269 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,159 Speaker 1: the most joyous time in her life the first n 270 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 1: WNBA draft pick twenty seventeen. She was in the darkest 271 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:02,479 Speaker 1: place and no one around her new and that it 272 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 1: took her years through therapy and different medications until she 273 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:14,560 Speaker 1: finally found relief. And so I feel truly blessed, like 274 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 1: truly absolutely blessed that for me, in a time that 275 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:28,680 Speaker 1: felt so difficult, that I was able to have access 276 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,159 Speaker 1: to something that could help me feel better in my 277 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:35,119 Speaker 1: body in a shorter amount of time. With that said, 278 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:42,280 Speaker 1: everyone is different, and this is the journey that felt 279 00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:43,679 Speaker 1: right for me. 280 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 2: A note on side effects. 281 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:50,160 Speaker 1: Just with any medication, of course, there's room for something 282 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:54,439 Speaker 1: to happen as a byproduct. For me, I gained a 283 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 1: little bit of weight, I would say, between like eight 284 00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:00,159 Speaker 1: and ten pounds and that was definitely it. It was 285 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,200 Speaker 1: challenging for me, as someone who has a history of 286 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:08,639 Speaker 1: weight loss, navigating how that made me feel. But ultimately 287 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,320 Speaker 1: I knew that I felt better mentally, so much better 288 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,720 Speaker 1: than I had before, and I would gain those eight 289 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 1: to ten pounds all over again if it meant that 290 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:21,199 Speaker 1: I could find that relief. Of course, this was just 291 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:25,960 Speaker 1: my situation I as I mentioned, no other people on 292 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:32,880 Speaker 1: medication for depression that did not experience weight gain or 293 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: other side effects. It's so interesting for me reflecting back 294 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,480 Speaker 1: on it, because I think about some of the things 295 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:45,960 Speaker 1: that happened in December and January leading up to this 296 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:51,320 Speaker 1: big hurdle moment for me. I similar to some of 297 00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:55,360 Speaker 1: the years when I felt truly unhappy in my body 298 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:59,439 Speaker 1: in early college and high school. I don't have a 299 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 1: lot of memories from December twenty one in January twenty two. 300 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,080 Speaker 1: There are parts of that period of time that I 301 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,840 Speaker 1: have totally blacked out, and things that I have said 302 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 1: and things that I did that I struggle with that, 303 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:25,359 Speaker 1: but what I know is that I did the best 304 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:29,680 Speaker 1: I could at the time with what I had. I 305 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:36,679 Speaker 1: also think about that time and my experience, knowing that 306 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: my personality was that I didn't want to burden the 307 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:48,520 Speaker 1: people that cared about me with these feelings. But when 308 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 1: I say that now and I think back to that 309 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,879 Speaker 1: period of time, the reality is is that I know 310 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 1: that the people that care about me would have wanted 311 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: to know, because they would have wanted to help me. 312 00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 1: I think I have so much much pride in being 313 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:06,200 Speaker 1: this woman, single in my mid thirties, an entrepreneur, doing 314 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: this thing, trying to just like thrive to the best 315 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:15,320 Speaker 1: of my ability, that I never want to. 316 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,720 Speaker 2: Show like a weakness, right. 317 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:21,560 Speaker 1: But I know now, and I've known for so long, 318 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,439 Speaker 1: that there is so much grace to be had, and 319 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: that vulnerability is relatable. It's part of the reason why 320 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,200 Speaker 1: I'm telling you this story, why I'm opening up here. 321 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:41,000 Speaker 1: Perfection is not relatable, period, And I knew in telling 322 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,040 Speaker 1: this story that I wanted to make sure that I 323 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:50,120 Speaker 1: was offering concrete, actionable takeaways to whoever's listening to this, 324 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:57,920 Speaker 1: and hopefully that those takeaways from my journey can help 325 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:01,720 Speaker 1: you on yours. So the first thing I'll say, the 326 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,199 Speaker 1: first lesson is that I know we say this all 327 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,480 Speaker 1: the time, but you really have absolutely no f. 328 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,640 Speaker 2: And clue what someone is going through on their own time. 329 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:15,600 Speaker 1: It could literally even be your closest friend who is 330 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:21,360 Speaker 1: struggling in some capacity at this point. Genuinely, like even 331 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,760 Speaker 1: some of my closest friends, and for sure like maybe 332 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:27,119 Speaker 1: my extended family. You know, they don't know to the 333 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,920 Speaker 1: extent that I've just described what I went through, and 334 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,440 Speaker 1: I want to make sure that I reiterate that again 335 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,600 Speaker 1: that had nothing to do with you, and everything that 336 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,200 Speaker 1: had to do with me and how I needed to 337 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 1: navigate that situation at the time. I also say the 338 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 1: you don't know what someone's going through tidbit because I 339 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:52,920 Speaker 1: hope that that encourages everyone and anyone to approach all 340 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 1: situations with grace. You never know who was sitting on 341 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,879 Speaker 1: their kitchen counter the night before with their head in 342 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,679 Speaker 1: their hands, just trying to cope and get to the 343 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:07,080 Speaker 1: next breath the next day, the next to do right. 344 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 1: And so yeah, that grace is it's really important. Like 345 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:19,199 Speaker 1: I said, the second takeaway really is that if you 346 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:25,040 Speaker 1: decide that going on a medication might be right for you, 347 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 1: know that it will take time to kick in. And 348 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:32,679 Speaker 1: that was something that was really difficult for me as 349 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 1: I had to navigate all these different doctor's appointments, because 350 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,119 Speaker 1: all I wanted so badly was that relief that I 351 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 1: knew was already so far away. 352 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,120 Speaker 2: So have some. 353 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:47,560 Speaker 1: Patience and perhaps find other strategies. Make sure you have 354 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:53,520 Speaker 1: people to talk to to discuss how you're feeling as 355 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,640 Speaker 1: perhaps that kicks in. And also let it be known 356 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:58,880 Speaker 1: that like medication may be something that you think will 357 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,760 Speaker 1: work for you, and then and it's just not the 358 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,919 Speaker 1: right fit. You might not like how you feel on it. 359 00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 1: There are so many different things that can happen. My 360 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,440 Speaker 1: third takeaway, and these kind of go together, is that 361 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,359 Speaker 1: you would probably be very surprised if you knew how 362 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:18,080 Speaker 1: many people around you are taking something to navigate anxiety 363 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:28,679 Speaker 1: and depression. I so many people, so many people, And 364 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,800 Speaker 1: it wasn't until I vocalized what I was going through 365 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:37,399 Speaker 1: that people in my life that I have extremely open 366 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:41,840 Speaker 1: and beautiful relationships with mentioned that they too were on 367 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:48,000 Speaker 1: something and I just didn't know. And to talk to 368 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 1: those people and hear their experiences with being on an 369 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:57,159 Speaker 1: SSRI and the good and for a few the bad 370 00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:02,080 Speaker 1: and things to be cognizant of it was so helpful. 371 00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:05,719 Speaker 1: It was so helpful, the things that I didn't know 372 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: beforehand about it taking time to kick in, or that 373 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,199 Speaker 1: when you start, you're probably going to want to go 374 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,360 Speaker 1: up in dosage, but you have to start at one 375 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,239 Speaker 1: place and then communicate with your physician before they can 376 00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:19,680 Speaker 1: up you to that next level. These were things I 377 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:23,719 Speaker 1: would have had no clue about, hadn't I found someone 378 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 1: to speak to about this. Anxiety and depression does not discriminate. 379 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,560 Speaker 1: So just because someone looks like they have it all together, 380 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:36,399 Speaker 1: perhaps on your social media, that means absolutely nothing because 381 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: maybe they too now have the tools that I've expressed 382 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,800 Speaker 1: that have been helpful for me, like medication and a 383 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,399 Speaker 1: therapist and a life coach, and a regular wellness routine 384 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:48,280 Speaker 1: and a regular fitness routine. 385 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 2: Maybe they have done all of this. 386 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: Work so they can show up as a better, happier 387 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,960 Speaker 1: version of themselves, which empowers them to be there for you. 388 00:26:56,080 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 1: And you, again, had no idea that this legwork even happened. 389 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:05,439 Speaker 1: You know, I've had so much empathy for everyone that 390 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,880 Speaker 1: has given me their time and come on the show 391 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 1: and talk to me about their experience navigating anxiety and depression. 392 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:18,000 Speaker 1: But it wasn't until I went through this hurdle moment 393 00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:22,640 Speaker 1: on my own that I really understood, and we hear 394 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: that saying you know frequently, right, It's like I might 395 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:31,720 Speaker 1: not understand, but I stand, And it kills me that 396 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:37,600 Speaker 1: there is such a stigma about asking for help, help 397 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:42,199 Speaker 1: that can make you enjoy your life, because we all 398 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:47,160 Speaker 1: deserve that, we deserve the joy I mentioned earlier when 399 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,639 Speaker 1: my life coach asked me if I could think about 400 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,199 Speaker 1: the doctor canceling on me as something that maybe was 401 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 1: happening for me, and in that moment, it was completely 402 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:57,280 Speaker 1: impossible for me to think that way because I was 403 00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:01,919 Speaker 1: just so beside myself. But in retrospect, I felt really 404 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:06,480 Speaker 1: grateful that it happened because I ended up seeing a 405 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:10,920 Speaker 1: great expert, a great nurse practitioner at one medical who, 406 00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:14,439 Speaker 1: as I mentioned, I had to follow up with multiple times, 407 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,480 Speaker 1: and she had a care and concern for me that 408 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:20,600 Speaker 1: I am convinced the woman at the walk in clinic 409 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:25,760 Speaker 1: just would not have had. And that I think is 410 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,840 Speaker 1: the biggest through line of all of this for me 411 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:32,920 Speaker 1: now when I look back on the last year almost 412 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:36,199 Speaker 1: of navigating this is that it did happen for me, 413 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 1: and just like every hurdle moment, it is so hard 414 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,560 Speaker 1: to see the bright side to look for the sun 415 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,760 Speaker 1: when you feel like the curtains are drawn and you're 416 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,840 Speaker 1: sitting in the dark. But the reality is is that 417 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 1: if you can have faith that there are good things 418 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 1: ahead of you, no matter how dark it may be 419 00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:02,400 Speaker 1: in the moment, then that that is where your power lies. 420 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:11,959 Speaker 1: Right no matter how lost, stuck, hopeless, not capable, I felt. 421 00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:17,920 Speaker 1: I always trusted that I would find a way out. 422 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:25,160 Speaker 1: I really really did, and I had to come to 423 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,240 Speaker 1: terms with and be okay with the fact that it 424 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:31,120 Speaker 1: wouldn't happen in a snap of my fingers. 425 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,720 Speaker 2: Right, it wouldn't. 426 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,440 Speaker 1: But if I had patience and I did the best 427 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,320 Speaker 1: I could to surround myself with people that truly cared 428 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 1: about me, like truly cared about me. 429 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,920 Speaker 2: I I remember. 430 00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,720 Speaker 1: When things started to get better and I was coming 431 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:57,640 Speaker 1: out of a fog, the friends that knew truly like 432 00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:01,240 Speaker 1: what was going on with me at my core when 433 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 1: they check on me as a single thirty four year 434 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:11,560 Speaker 1: old woman, I'm like sitting here shaking my head because 435 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:17,440 Speaker 1: it felt I felt so blessed, like so truly fortunate 436 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:20,880 Speaker 1: to have people in my life that wanted so much 437 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:24,360 Speaker 1: good for me, And how dare I ever think that 438 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 1: my feelings to those people would ever be a burden. 439 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:31,200 Speaker 1: You will never be a burden to people who genuinely 440 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:34,320 Speaker 1: care about you. And anyone who ever makes you feel 441 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,640 Speaker 1: that way, anyone who ever makes you feel othered, They're 442 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,400 Speaker 1: not your person. Now. Of course, I say that with 443 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:44,360 Speaker 1: a caveat that things happen, and apologies can happen too, 444 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 1: But know that on a regular basis, you deserve to 445 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:52,040 Speaker 1: feel loved, You deserve to feel joy. 446 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:53,520 Speaker 2: I can't say that enough. 447 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:58,280 Speaker 1: And you truly truly have so much value and worth, 448 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:02,320 Speaker 1: no matter what that little voice in your head is 449 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 1: saying otherwise. I do want to also make sure that 450 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,880 Speaker 1: I note that in my experience, I'd never had any 451 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:14,920 Speaker 1: sort of suicidal thoughts. But of course I mentioned Kelsey Plum. 452 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:18,400 Speaker 1: She speaks on navigating those other people I've had on 453 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 1: the show. I know Alex silver Fagan talks so beautifully 454 00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,479 Speaker 1: and openly about her mental health struggles as well. I 455 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:27,040 Speaker 1: also can't forget Alexi Papas. I mean, these are just 456 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,920 Speaker 1: some of the great conversations I've had that touch on 457 00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 1: a lot of the themes and the things that I've 458 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:39,960 Speaker 1: spoken about throughout this episode. Regardless of what symptoms or 459 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,800 Speaker 1: your experience may be, know that you are not alone 460 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:46,880 Speaker 1: in how you feel, and that there is light at 461 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:51,280 Speaker 1: the end of the tunnel. Again, I'm including in the 462 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 1: show notes some resources if this really rings true for you, 463 00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:59,760 Speaker 1: I'm happy to do that. And I hope man that 464 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,560 Speaker 1: my story helps someone else, and I hope that my 465 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,600 Speaker 1: story encourages you to be kind, and I hope that 466 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,440 Speaker 1: you know. It's so crazy as I sit here and 467 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:11,640 Speaker 1: think about the different types of people that could be 468 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,720 Speaker 1: listening to this right now, and I thought that I'd 469 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,880 Speaker 1: feel a little anxious about it, but mostly I just 470 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:22,240 Speaker 1: feel at peace. I'm better for what I went through, 471 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 1: and I'm better for knowing what I know now. To 472 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,880 Speaker 1: wrap up maybe some loose ends. Like I said in 473 00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:34,280 Speaker 1: the intro, I truly just feel I feel like a 474 00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 1: light inside of me these days, and I feel confident 475 00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:46,920 Speaker 1: and happy and like I'm back to feeling good in 476 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:52,640 Speaker 1: my body. While I'm still at this point taking medication 477 00:32:53,000 --> 00:33:00,320 Speaker 1: for this, I have had conversations about eventually weaning off 478 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:03,240 Speaker 1: of the medication and seeing how that feels. Now that 479 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:07,360 Speaker 1: I do genuinely just feel a lot more homeostasis in 480 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,560 Speaker 1: my life. It's something I'm interested in, but not something 481 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:14,800 Speaker 1: i'm necessarily running to, so I'll do the best I 482 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,560 Speaker 1: can with what i have. I'll keep using the tools 483 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:22,600 Speaker 1: in my toolbox, and I just want to say thank 484 00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:27,880 Speaker 1: you for the space, for listening and for encouraging me, 485 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:35,640 Speaker 1: even maybe without knowing, during some really difficult days, I'm 486 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:41,200 Speaker 1: better because of you. And I mean that another hurdle conquered. 487 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:43,160 Speaker 1: Catch you guys next time.