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Speaker 1: Welcome back another episode of Alchemy. This I'm yours, Kevin

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Speaker 1: Ball guest that Kevin? What's that? Yes, we are, Thanks.

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Speaker 1: The lady will have the serpent er and I'll have

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Speaker 1: the chef special of get the hell away from the table. Thanks,

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Speaker 1: but I digress. I'm so very happy to welcome you

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Speaker 1: all to another episode Alchemy. There. Now, let's meet today's Alchemist,

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Speaker 1: shall we? In no particular order, please say hello to

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Speaker 1: Christol Varado. Oh, Chris, Uh, why do birds suddenly appear

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Speaker 1: every time you're near? Oh? My gosh, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: That's just a lovely idea though, right, thank you? Sure?

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Speaker 1: Hi ho it's James Heeney django to chains. What was

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Speaker 1: the last time you tried to set the night on fire? Uh?

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Speaker 1: Fourth of July? That I was on the beach and

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Speaker 1: it was fine. There's no reason for laws to have

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Speaker 1: no fireworks on the beach. No reason for laws, is

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Speaker 1: my takeaway. Whoa, my, there's Vanessa Raglan Vaniche If not

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Speaker 1: Joey Greer than who Oh it's a great question, I guess.

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Speaker 1: Just throw myself into the ocean. Look to the east,

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Speaker 1: because that's where Mark Gagliardi rises from marcam if you

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Speaker 1: got him? What age were you or will you be

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Speaker 1: when you cut off friends from a ride of the airport?

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Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna do. My birthday is next week, so

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Speaker 1: uh okay, perfect, Happy birthday, Thank you not to your

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Speaker 1: friends apparently. And last, but may you only eat pancakes

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Speaker 1: without a drop of syrup this day forward. If you

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Speaker 1: think him least, it's Joey Grim Jojo the Monkey for

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Speaker 1: seven eight dollars. How many bananas could you fit in

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Speaker 1: your mouth? Are we talking plantain style of a big

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Speaker 1: like huge bananas? Okay? Okay, um, I guess I could do.

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Speaker 1: Let's do? Uh uh I'm Eric South, I'm yeah, that's correct.

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Speaker 1: That's correct. Answering Chris, thank you for helping one. Now.

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Speaker 1: All of today's scene suggestions are gathered from our listener mails.

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Speaker 1: If you'd like to submit yours, please write to the

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Speaker 1: podcast at your name here at alchemy this dot com.

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Speaker 1: Our first scene, in fact, comes from Wade Adams, who wrote, Hey, Alchemists,

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Speaker 1: loved the show by far my favorite podcast, which is

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Speaker 1: a great achievement as I subscribe to exactly fifty nine others,

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Speaker 1: so we're sixty and yet his favorite. Let's cut the

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Speaker 1: chit chat though, sorry my bad, as you all probably

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Speaker 1: I work driving a garbage truck around the city picking

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Speaker 1: up recycling in blue bags all day. I thought it

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Speaker 1: would be a great idea if you did a scene

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Speaker 1: that has absolutely nothing to do with my job. But instead,

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Speaker 1: you're all very young children at a daycare who are

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Speaker 1: all geniuses. They believe that each day they're dropped off

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Speaker 1: there by their parents who are imprisoning them, so they

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Speaker 1: band together to make an escape to freedom. Uh all right,

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Speaker 1: thank you, Wade Adams. Keep up the amazing work, he says.

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Speaker 1: Excuse me, you're gonna finish that patient? Yeah, the one

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Speaker 1: I finish. The basic I'm just the ones to paste

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Speaker 1: is put on the construction paper. I can put another

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Speaker 1: piece of paper on there as a sandwich. Boys, boys,

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Speaker 1: I said it was nap time, okay, clothes, this is

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Speaker 1: quiet time. Okay, it's kind of quiet time. Is that

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Speaker 1: a nap time? I'm sorry to interject, but some of

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Speaker 1: us developmentally don't need a nap right now. Bodies can

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Speaker 1: tell us when they need a nap, not a stigula.

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Speaker 1: It's not because you need a nap. Okay, oh you

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Speaker 1: need a nap. I'm going to be in that I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be in the teachers mean, all right, why

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Speaker 1: don't you know what you're in charge? While I'm gone? Okay,

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Speaker 1: all right? Did you notice that? Do you notice how

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Speaker 1: the older people didn't? Did you hear the teacher? I did?

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Speaker 1: I thought this was a collective. I thought that I'm

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Speaker 1: in charge. Well he's got let me see that paste.

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Speaker 1: What are you doing it? Don't stupid sleep stars in town? Um,

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Speaker 1: this is just like the Stanford Project. River, wake up.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to sleep River and stand up. Everybody gets

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Speaker 1: just like anybody else. For myself, we all understand what's

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Speaker 1: really going on here? What's really going on here? Geane?

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Speaker 1: Your diapers falling down? Teller? Tim Teller, Tim teller, Tim. Yeah, Tim,

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Speaker 1: tell me we're collective. To remember we're collective. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: real excited to hear what Tim has to say. We

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Speaker 1: have to keep standing at the wall. Yeah, it's probably best.

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Speaker 1: Our parents are dropping us off here for some type

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Speaker 1: of brainwashing or something. They're trying to keep us down.

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Speaker 1: They don't want us to learn more than we can learn.

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Speaker 1: When you're not being you're scaring me, Tiffany. You're scaring

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Speaker 1: me Tim because you're sounding simple. I think tim sink.

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Speaker 1: We're being indoctrinated into something and you acting like a

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Speaker 1: tyrant doesn't help. I'm trying to into the good stuff together. Okay,

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Speaker 1: raise their hands. If your three, I'm coming off the wall,

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Speaker 1: Go ahead, nobody. If you're four, residence of your two.

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Speaker 1: We got a big eight spreading here. That's gonna make

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Speaker 1: things interesting. Listen, we had impulse control issues, right, who's

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Speaker 1: been there? Yeah, what I'm saying is, why do we

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Speaker 1: have to control him? Are you talking about a headenistic society?

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm I'm talking about adenistic society. Okay,

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Speaker 1: don't jump to conclusion. I'm talking about this classroom could

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Speaker 1: be a lot more fun. Well, then you're talking about anarchy,

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Speaker 1: and you're talking about any anarchy chaos. I'm talking about

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Speaker 1: this one classroom. But clearly we need to give it

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Speaker 1: some Yeah, why do we need to give everything a name?

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Speaker 1: That's so simple minded? We identified then we're all clear

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Speaker 1: of like what it is, and the definition just helps us. All.

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Speaker 1: That's not a name, that's a definition. So why don't

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Speaker 1: we just call this place church? I like that a church?

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Speaker 1: Church the church? Okay, let's call this place church. I

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Speaker 1: go to church. I'm so I'm this with my family problem.

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Speaker 1: It's going to mix up with everything. This is more

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Speaker 1: like church's chicken. Yeah. Can we call it church's chicken

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Speaker 1: because church is chicken? What doesn't it philosophically? He does, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but the church is chicken. Well, I think it's seeing

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Speaker 1: that you're scared to what I'm saying. When we go,

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Speaker 1: I mean, we tucked in it up here. Be extra

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Speaker 1: good by this standards. Okay, Okay, it's gonna be really good. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I love you bush, our teeth, our teeth. We'll go party,

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Speaker 1: but one class of water. Okay, what is this leading to? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What do we do? Daling? Good night? Okay, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to see you in the morning. Okay, Okay, I love you.

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Speaker 1: I love you. Wow. You said it first, and I

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Speaker 1: did my ABC's and I said a prayer. Wow, really

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Speaker 1: by yourself? Yes, that's he doing in there. Tilan just

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Speaker 1: said his ABC's and he said his prayer. I'm all right,

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Speaker 1: just um, something at work, all right, Tiffany, it's time

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Speaker 1: for bad. I don't want to hear another word. I

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Speaker 1: won't say another except can I say three words? Here

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Speaker 1: we go? I love you? Oh, Tiffany, I gotta tell you,

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Speaker 1: I've been waiting a long time to hear those words.

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Speaker 1: Your mom used to say those words before she left

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Speaker 1: me for your uncle. I talk again. Yeah, baby, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I love you so much. You do so much for me.

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Speaker 1: You've given me the scaffing to be ald a good life,

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Speaker 1: and I hope wing you'll be in my life for

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Speaker 1: a long long time. Hey, hey, son, son, So get

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Speaker 1: down off that wall, all right, Okay, Okay, I was

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Speaker 1: just trying to climb up to the book. Yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: I I see I climbing up to the books I

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Speaker 1: was going to read before I went to that. Wait,

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Speaker 1: you two, I'm really good at reading, Daddy, you learned

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Speaker 1: how to Wow, that's it's really impressive. Thank you, Sorr.

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Speaker 1: I've been so mean to you your whole life. It's

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Speaker 1: only been a couple of years. And he's and you're funny.

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Speaker 1: Oh you know what getting bad, Kiddoh let me let

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Speaker 1: me tuck you in and I'll grab whichever book you want. Okay, Okay, Henry,

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Speaker 1: there's something wrong with river. Okay. I walked into his

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Speaker 1: room and he had a collection of pamphlets. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: they seemed to be well. They seem to be nefarious

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Speaker 1: and content. Okay, that's all I'm gonna say. Let me

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Speaker 1: shut his door first. Good night. Look, I've seen him

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Speaker 1: climbing on walls, talking in tongues or whatever he's doing.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but it's freaking me out. Look it's

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Speaker 1: just honey, don't worry. It's just he's he's a smart kid.

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Speaker 1: He's a bright kid. He's going to that special school

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Speaker 1: for all the bright kids. I don't know what's going

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Speaker 1: on the book. I bought a knife and I coated

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Speaker 1: in poison. Okay, just In, Kate, what do you mean, Justin?

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Speaker 1: This is our son. Hey, Stella, I hate to call

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Speaker 1: you so late. It's about Tiffany. Ah. Oh sorry, sorry,

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Speaker 1: get off. Don't just do it again. Don't suck my

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Speaker 1: toes right now. I'm trying to take the taste. Shut

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Speaker 1: it up. Okay, keep sucking my toes. Sorry, I called you, babe.

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Speaker 1: I didn't mean you. I meant him using your brother. Yes,

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Speaker 1: So I put I put Tiffany to sleep to night,

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Speaker 1: and she said some pretty pretty incredible things. But as

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Speaker 1: you know, I stought the motorcycles. That all right, Oh babe,

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Speaker 1: that's great. Why who are you talking. Your mouth should

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Speaker 1: be full. That's your brother. Yeah, I still have he

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Speaker 1: sounds like a unick on the I found some documents, Stella.

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Speaker 1: I found some documents and Tiffany's backpack documents. They're nefarious. Nefarious, oh, nefarious.

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Speaker 1: So this doesn't concern you. Okay, good night, Okay, class,

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Speaker 1: it's naptime again, So Tiffany, you're in charge again. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'll be in the teacher's lounge. Take it easy. You

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Speaker 1: just over to west. You kids have been so good today.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be in the other room smoking. Bye, Tiffany.

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Speaker 1: I think my parents found out I was caught climbing

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Speaker 1: the walls for a book earlier. They like that you

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Speaker 1: just have to say for a book. I think that

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Speaker 1: they're suspicious that I'm smarter than everybody. Show me what

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Speaker 1: you got, show me what you got. Like, well, first

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Speaker 1: of all, I think we should all say a quick

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Speaker 1: um um blessing chicken this church. Okay. I want to

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Speaker 1: make sure, because if you don't know that, then you're

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Speaker 1: not Okay. I have I brought two things. I brought this.

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Speaker 1: This is a photo album with adult images. Okay, we're listening. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 1: if you look in there's a lot of grown ups kissing. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and then I brought this remote controls to nothing. Now okay, next,

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Speaker 1: that's a bunch of bowl Listen. What we need as jewels,

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Speaker 1: What we need is stuff that we can use as weapons.

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Speaker 1: What we need is someone to be digging a hole.

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Speaker 1: I got. I got a bag of unused water grenades. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: their web you said, give weapons is water balloons. It's

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Speaker 1: not gonna hurt anyone. Are we going to hurt people? No,

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Speaker 1: it's not going to hurt anyone. I brought this. I

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Speaker 1: brought this collection of cut code knives. It's missing one,

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Speaker 1: but otherwise it's a very useful collection, is what I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about. Bad cut it. They can cut a penny

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Speaker 1: in half. This is the weather. Go why do we

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Speaker 1: need to cut? Know that to you? Old amongst us

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Speaker 1: would be the hero. I don't know where I put

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Speaker 1: the other one. There's just one missing. I found forty one.

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Speaker 1: Ninja throwing stars, Nina stars, damn metal. I think their metal.

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Speaker 1: Look well, Okay, we're getting closer. I brought a whole

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Speaker 1: tank of snapping turtles and dangerous Oh no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I like this. Listen. So that's now what we have

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Speaker 1: to decide how that we're working together a job. Everybody

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Speaker 1: know the parents are fleeced. Chicken, this church. Ch choose

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Speaker 1: our first victim. I'll do it. Wait, do what? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What a victim like them? Just like a person that

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Speaker 1: we want to get and then we'll have their stuff

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Speaker 1: after we get that. The teacher, it's the obvious choices.

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Speaker 1: Mr Swortson, Sortson's poor. He's a teacher. Yeah. Also he

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Speaker 1: lets us get away with stuff. Should we want to

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Speaker 1: keep him as a pass white if we don't have

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Speaker 1: as this one thing, we don't have a meeting time, Guys,

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't want to sound like a naysayer here,

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Speaker 1: but I thought we were all about breating ourselves from

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Speaker 1: whatever our parents are indoctrinating us into, not following a

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Speaker 1: totalitarian leader into the into the You are coming on

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Speaker 1: an interesting thing. I feel like the group's turning against me,

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Speaker 1: and I think we put it to a vote. The

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Speaker 1: votes don't count, all right, Tiffany, If youson, but we

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Speaker 1: don't agree with his authority to story, he'll be fun

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Speaker 1: or not? Alright, sweetheart, I know you had a weird

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Speaker 1: day at school today. I heard there was an accident

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Speaker 1: with a horrible accident, and I'm never going to go

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Speaker 1: to sleep. I'm so scary. No, you don't have to

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Speaker 1: be scary. You're safe here, you're safe here. I love you.

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Speaker 1: Oh you want to hug you wove daddy. It's been

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Speaker 1: a second mom Still we left over, so sure you

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Speaker 1: want to wear some of your stots. I want to

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Speaker 1: feel closer to mommy. I understand that. I understand. Actually,

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Speaker 1: right here, here's her jewel box, sweetheart. Okay, well I'll

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Speaker 1: leave that here and you take what you want. Okay, Oh, daddy,

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Speaker 1: I hope you take what you want from life. From life. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's good night. Let me get you another one, buddy.

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Speaker 1: She had a long day. Oh yeah, Yeah, that's the kid.

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Speaker 1: You know, she's doing great? Kids? You got kids? Yeah? Nice?

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Speaker 1: Uh they're dumb as bricks. Yeah, I used to think that.

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Speaker 1: I used to think that. Uh, but I think that

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Speaker 1: school is doing uh something good for her. Where do

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Speaker 1: you kids go to school? My kids their home school?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I thought about that, but then the mrs left.

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Speaker 1: I take mine over to that special school. That's free

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Speaker 1: thinking school. Magnet Star, Yeah, magnet Star. Yeah, she seems

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Speaker 1: to be liking it. That's great man, your whole demeanors

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Speaker 1: change this want for the better. Yeah, it looks it.

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Speaker 1: You know. You know, my my little girl gave me

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Speaker 1: a hug around the neck to tonight and I didn't

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Speaker 1: even have to ask her for it. Do you normally

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Speaker 1: ask your kids for hugs? I do, and she usually

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Speaker 1: denies me, And tonight she just gave me one. And

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Speaker 1: I think I'm really I think I'm getting through to her.

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Speaker 1: That's great, that's that's great. You got any uh, you've

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Speaker 1: got any good good blowback there? Cocaine? Yeah, yeah, so

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Speaker 1: to my p hole. Also, it's like that I'm from.

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Speaker 1: That's not what I was asking. What's not what I

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Speaker 1: was asking? What's going on? Guys? I just got sexual harass.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's not this story here. You know me,

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Speaker 1: You guys know me. Did you just sexually assault him?

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Speaker 1: Did you say you know what? At this point, I'm

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Speaker 1: too scared to even mention get out what you're having

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Speaker 1: at the time, he's terrified. I'll just leave. Just got cocaine.

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Speaker 1: I'm just leaving. I'm leaving now. Okay, Okay, it was

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Speaker 1: nuts on, it was crazy. It's crazy. I can't believe

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Speaker 1: you did that to you so weird. Oh, honey, is

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Speaker 1: your okay? No? No, I've been uh using it as

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Speaker 1: a prison pocket for a while, and uh, it just

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Speaker 1: kind of expand my wreathrough. I can't really hope you

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Speaker 1: or anything in there. It looks like it's frowning. Okay, kids,

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Speaker 1: it's naptime again, so I'm gonna be going into the

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Speaker 1: teacher sounds Tiffany, you're in charge again. I'm so sorry

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Speaker 1: to hear about what happened to your dad. Oh it's okay,

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Speaker 1: I'll get over. And we're such a good kid. All

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Speaker 1: of you could take a lesson from Tiffany. And I'm

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Speaker 1: shutting the door. Church's chicken, Chicken, Chicken. Anybody else wanna

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Speaker 1: turn against me? Did you do to your daddy? What

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Speaker 1: did I do to my daddy? What did you do

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Speaker 1: to your dad? You know what's interesting? My daddy did

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Speaker 1: it to his damn self. Oh yeah, I didn't have

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Speaker 1: to do that. But was it a part of your

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Speaker 1: long plan or was it just it was just a

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Speaker 1: happy accident. My dad got caught es sexually assaulting someone.

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Speaker 1: So what exectually happened to him? I don't know. But

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Speaker 1: it's not home anymore. Who's watching you. Hostella is on

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Speaker 1: a way. That's my mom, Like, how long is it

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Speaker 1: gonna take her to get there? I don't know if

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Speaker 1: she one's on her own time. I don't know my parents.

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Speaker 1: My questions. Turtles are hungry. They ate a whole child

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Speaker 1: just yesterday. Do you want us to do something about River? No?

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Speaker 1: Don't do anything, please you? Hey? I like this attitude,

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Speaker 1: wasn't I've been on your side, Tiffany since day one?

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Speaker 1: I have I stood on a wall, I did everything

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Speaker 1: and said don't. Don't do you ever think maybe Rivers

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Speaker 1: reading so many books so he could be smarter than you?

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Speaker 1: Has everyone been hiding the pamphlets? I have a question

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Speaker 1: for you. Are you Satan's child? Satan's child? Yeah, came

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Speaker 1: from the devil's penis. Oh God, not for them, tells

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Speaker 1: penis no, okay, because you're acting like a satan child

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Speaker 1: in an idyllic society here. I have the pamphlets. I

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Speaker 1: think we need to make sure everyone has gets them

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Speaker 1: every play day, every park. That's why anybody asked you

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Speaker 1: what you do and say, I don't know, chewing paper

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Speaker 1: and putting your mouth and chew it. Okay, I know

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Speaker 1: we all just learned how to read that. Maybe I'm

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Speaker 1: not doing it right. But these pamphlets, these are just church,

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Speaker 1: just chicken menus. I don't know what they are. I

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Speaker 1: got them. I got them for my dad. Can I

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Speaker 1: just these kids are extremely fun up? Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: there are future Find that school and remove it. This

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Speaker 1: next suggestion is from Ken, who are hello comes, I'm

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Speaker 1: a huge fan. I've got an idea for a scene.

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Speaker 1: Two lawyers are running a free clinic in a town

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Speaker 1: populated by muppets or similar non intellectual property anthropomorphic puppets

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Speaker 1: and struggle to understand and connect with their phone based clients.

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Speaker 1: On a serious note, in the years since I left

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Speaker 1: the military, it's been difficult to find a laugh. Your

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Speaker 1: podcast has had me laughing more than anything else. I

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Speaker 1: really appreciate it. Thanks Ken, and thank you for your service. Ken,

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Speaker 1: thank you very much, and for that scene suggestion we've

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Speaker 1: taken out of the free clinic. Uh, Gloria, who's next? Um?

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Speaker 1: I can't read this name? Yeah, send a horseman, please

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Speaker 1: come on in, horseman, horsemen, what what can I do

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Speaker 1: for you today? It's just the problems with legal payments.

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Speaker 1: Legal payments, all right, Well, we have a job. Horsemen

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Speaker 1: are you getting any assistance from the government, horseman, Well,

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Speaker 1: I think we could help you procure some assistance. Get

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Speaker 1: that Form seven. Well, haven't fill out form Form seven

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Speaker 1: and will help you immediately see that? Just the hoof? Well,

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Speaker 1: I guess we'll fill it out for you. Pardon me,

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Speaker 1: I think he's saying, thank you. Oh you're welcome horsemen. Horsemen,

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Speaker 1: don't forget to have a little feed on the way

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Speaker 1: out on a couple of carrots. How are you keeping

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Speaker 1: your cool? Dan? There's no way other way to get

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Speaker 1: through every day? Oh my god, my turn yet sending

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Speaker 1: hood Come in, Mr hood Hoodie. How are you today?

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Speaker 1: Oh well, I'm back, same prolapse, different day. A good point.

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Speaker 1: What can we do for you today? It's the same thing.

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Speaker 1: It's the same thing. Legal custody, Yeah, yeah, legal custody. Right,

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Speaker 1: we had this conversation. It's difficult for you to get

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Speaker 1: custody over your children when your wife is uh, what

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Speaker 1: do they call them uprights? Human being? Human? We can

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Speaker 1: say human being, okay, yeah. The judge was very clear

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Speaker 1: about not giving to the rights of custody to yourself

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Speaker 1: because of what I am, because she's an upright, that's right, Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it just it sounds unfair handling up. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if he's crying or laughing. No one ever knows. Well,

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Speaker 1: I think what we'd advise you to do is keep

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Speaker 1: up with your visitation. How's work going? It's fun, right,

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Speaker 1: I mean children's television workshop doesn't have a ton of money,

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Speaker 1: but it's enough for one to get by, right, which

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Speaker 1: is all you have to worry about now. So there's that.

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Speaker 1: Why am I going to a clinic for legal advice? Okay? Uprights?

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Speaker 1: It's been brought to my attention that people here in

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Speaker 1: this room, in our community have been helping the others.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know the others that dirty

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Speaker 1: and gross and made a felt good. Bobby over here, Bobby, Bobby,

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Speaker 1: what do you think, Bobby? Talk Bobby, Bobby, you can't

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Speaker 1: talk ship. It was one of them others the whole time,

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Speaker 1: the whole time. Tell me they infiltrated here? Yeah, they did,

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Speaker 1: they get in That's what I'm saying. Someone here's week

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Speaker 1: I was dating Bobby? What you were You didn't even

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Speaker 1: know you were dating? Upright? And others. She's an upright

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Speaker 1: who's got a little fluff in that. I don't like

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Speaker 1: that either, Stan. How about we go we read the

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Speaker 1: minutes from last week's meeting. Yeah, I always seem to

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Speaker 1: do that, did you? Did you blow talch the minutes

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Speaker 1: from last week's meeting? Yeah? You got it, all right?

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Speaker 1: You gotta get rid of what, don't you think? Responsibility

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Speaker 1: for your job? Man? You know what I mean? Like?

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Speaker 1: What do you you struck a responsive? You don't turn

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Speaker 1: on me? Okay, I'm over here on you. We voted

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Speaker 1: for you for your position. All gotta work together. I

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Speaker 1: didn't mean to interrupt the lawyers. Guys. I really need

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Speaker 1: some legal advice, but I need confidentiality. Yeah, sure of course,

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Speaker 1: just sign here. Okay, all right, now we're legally hired.

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Speaker 1: What can do for it? Simple? I thought I was

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Speaker 1: supposed to give a dollar for a retainer or something

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Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, okay, I'm being blackmailed by upright in

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Speaker 1: one way. Well, everything I do is basically strung along. Wait,

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Speaker 1: are you a puppet? I'm sorry, I don't know what

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Speaker 1: we're supposed to Maryette? You strings? I'm so sorry, sir.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, sir. Your your voice is just so grounded.

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Speaker 1: It's so easy to communicate with you it's a compliment.

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Speaker 1: It's I'm sorry, I Hi, who's phone the strings around here? Huh,

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Speaker 1: that's not funny, it's a little I'm being blackmailed, literally

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Speaker 1: by an upright. What are they forcing you to do? Well,

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Speaker 1: they're forcing me to They can't force him, right, they can?

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Speaker 1: Oh they can. What do they get? What form a

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Speaker 1: blackmail we're talking about? Well? I was I was sleeping

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Speaker 1: with a with an upright, sleeping with like napping, I

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Speaker 1: was having sex with an upright keep talking, well, get

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Speaker 1: all the way naked and in bed all the year.

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Speaker 1: Clothes appear to be painted on. Well, that was a

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Speaker 1: little bit of rubbing alcohol. It takes a lot of work,

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Speaker 1: but it's worth it. This marionette can go all night long.

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Speaker 1: She speaking of yourself. That's when I say this, Marionette,

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Speaker 1: I'm pointing at me, and so the upright? Once? Now

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Speaker 1: once what? Well? Her dad, her dad wants me to

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Speaker 1: leave the state. But I've never been to any other

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Speaker 1: state before. Open your goddamn door, dad, me my clothes on,

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Speaker 1: my clum the fuck is going on here? Um, I'll

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Speaker 1: tangled up. It's not what it is. Do you know who?

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Speaker 1: In this community? I am the leader of the Uprights.

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Speaker 1: You're not the leader. You take the minutes. Yeah, I know.

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Speaker 1: You gotta make a living, okay, I know you're you're

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Speaker 1: an upright You gotta make a living just doing my job.

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Speaker 1: You can't, you can't. You can't aid this man. I'm

399
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Speaker 1: just sex. I don't get off on this man, alright.

400
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Speaker 1: I think it's fucking disgusting. But I got a job

401
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Speaker 1: to do, all right. If the Upright Union wants to

402
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Speaker 1: pay a little more, maybe I would have to do this.

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Speaker 1: Don't you talk about the Upright Union? All right, here's

404
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 1: whats gonna happen. You aren't ever seeing another other ever again?

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Speaker 1: And you you better, dad. I don't everyone to beat

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Speaker 1: a human again. Dad. What the hell? What what did

407
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 1: I do wrong? What did you do wrong? What did

408
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:14,159
Speaker 1: you do right? Oh? Here we go. You never let

409
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: me have training wheels. You gotta fly. It's kept falling,

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00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:23,359
Speaker 1: falling and falling, and it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing, frankly, a

411
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 1: man who can control himself or be controlled. And so

412
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:31,640
Speaker 1: you went with this little puppic controlling him, and he's

413
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 1: controlling and that's probably what's really going on here. I

414
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 1: know you're the one who's pulling the strings here on

415
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: this Literally it really I follow his heart, you know

416
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 1: what I mean. But he's got a move. Man like

417
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: sal If, I could just say, were very pleased with

418
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 1: your string work. Well, what we need you to do

419
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 1: is to go with one of these marionettes into a

420
00:26:55,040 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 1: child's bedroom, uh, and pull the strings on the marionette

421
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 1: and uh, you know you're like, there's the puppet master.

422
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:08,479
Speaker 1: Yeah right, Okay, that's what you've been training for, right,

423
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 1: So I just need to know that once you're in

424
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 1: a child bedroom, manning as it were, the marionette, if

425
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,680
Speaker 1: the father should come in or the mother should come in,

426
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:20,360
Speaker 1: how are you going to handle this? Because you're a man,

427
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 1: a phote, grown man standing in a corner poems drink.

428
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fucking just add to the hypothetical. All right,

429
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 1: the child is adult age? Yeah, no, sixteen, let's say sixteen.

430
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 1: It's a Mississippi law. Okay, fine, let's say we're Mississippi.

431
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,920
Speaker 1: I'm done with Mississippi. I don't mean to interrupt it.

432
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 1: I'm not comfortable unless it's eighteen. If that's okay with you,

433
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 1: all right, we'll make it eight three. You know, it's

434
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: just so hard now, you know. And I started training.

435
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 1: This is my family business to be a marionette. And

436
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:51,440
Speaker 1: now with the just the vision between the need to know,

437
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: if you're in the room and the father comes in,

438
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: you're gonna hold your ship together. Yeah, hey, flip floppy, Yeah,

439
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,160
Speaker 1: what is it? Flop flippy? Don't call me that. Here.

440
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 1: You're seeing the same thing I'm seeing, Jeff. You mean

441
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 1: hearts in your eyes? Yeah, I'm falling in love with you.

442
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come straight out and say that. Wait, what

443
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 1: You've been a good other, one of the only others

444
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:25,440
Speaker 1: I trust. More bread sticks? They're unlimited. It says unlimited

445
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,720
Speaker 1: on the side, and I don't want to be anyone.

446
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:32,680
Speaker 1: You're right. I'm just saying if the baskets empty, it

447
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 1: means we want more breadsticks. I'm gonna ask every time. Alright, Jeff, Look,

448
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 1: nobody knows you're another. Okay. You do a good job

449
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 1: passing as an upright and you've been a good a

450
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 1: good partner, lover, partnered lover, and a great lover. Jeff,

451
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 1: what is this about? Are you trying to get rid

452
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 1: of me? You're trying to throw me unto robust you

453
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 1: the HT it's unlimited, right, I get as many as

454
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 1: I want. Embarrassing, all right, start with this one? Yeah,

455
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 1: but one more like because I'm just gonna slurp this

456
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 1: one right down, because look how much ice is in this?

457
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 1: Come on, that's all ice? All right? And you, sir,

458
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 1: you had that, Jeff, don't you throw me out on

459
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,960
Speaker 1: my ass? I gotta gate rid of you. Don't you

460
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: throw me out. I'm like, I couldn't help. But see

461
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 1: under your table there's a pile of bread sticks and

462
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:20,400
Speaker 1: a big puddle of iced tea is one. If you're

463
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 1: not eating, we're eating. He's crazy, he's kiss Can I

464
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 1: just watch you both swallow? I'm not allowed to bring

465
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 1: the food unless I know it's actually being eaten, So

466
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna need a quick swallow test. I'm just

467
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 1: gonna need to make sure you're both a bread stick, swallow,

468
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 1: che chew, swallow, swallow sauce. I ate the whole bread No,

469
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 1: it fell out of his mouth. He was, you're satisfied.

470
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not. You are I'm not. I'm so sorry.

471
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 1: It seems to be somebissue. Here is everything? Okay? He's

472
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 1: telling me I'm satisfied when I'm not. I'm not satisfied

473
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 1: with the service. I'm not satisfied with my lover and partner.

474
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 1: There seems to be missing under the floor. Is something

475
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 1: we're gonna take what I'm trying to take papers, but

476
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 1: I don't think he can. All right, you know what?

477
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 1: Fine tied tied to this bull show? You winding up

478
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 1: on the floor because I have a giant gaping hole,

479
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 1: am tall and shot. Oh my god, that's right, Oh my,

480
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 1: get out of here. We don't go see what you did. Jeff,

481
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 1: get out of here. I loved you. Get him the

482
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: goddamn truck. There's everything out of that bum. What the fuck?

483
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 1: What the let me taste that is? It is? Oh god,

484
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 1: you made a real fucking scene in there. I don't

485
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 1: want to talk about this, okay, jof great, great ship great? Okay,

486
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 1: Well you have to screen that, alright. We know to

487
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 1: pull over if a cop is all right, it looks

488
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 1: like we got help you. You can get some I D.

489
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 1: Driver's license past you don't have a driver's license. You

490
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 1: turn coy back up. Oh yeah, just just because you're

491
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 1: an officer with a badge doesn't mean you're not still

492
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 1: one of us. Hey, let me tell somewhere. Now, bitch,

493
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: you talk to my part like that again, I'm gonna

494
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 1: let you up. Hey, Hey, you don't talk to him

495
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 1: that way. You don't talk to me that way. Mundo,

496
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 1: I'm humundo, extraordin narrow. I dott to walk around with

497
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 1: little freaks like that just because he has a badges

498
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 1: to make him a Yeah right, I also got a

499
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 1: gun match, so do I wait? Wait, wait, wait, fellas, fellas, Look,

500
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: it looks like we got a lot in common here.

501
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 1: What's your point? We got two sets of partners, one

502
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: another one and up right? Yeah? Yeah, you guys want

503
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 1: to trade partners? Who I mean? What's happening? Look, Jeff

504
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: seems to be really into the idea of Upright staying

505
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 1: together and others staying together. Ye, so why don't I

506
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 1: go with with this? What? What kind of what kind

507
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 1: of other are you? Anyway? What do you? I can't

508
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 1: even tell. I just got robbed. I was wrong, man,

509
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:16,480
Speaker 1: give us a second, man, ma'am? Is that come? Yeah,

510
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 1: let's come, that's all right, warm, come Look as soon

511
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 1: as that's my come. Look, as soon as you walk

512
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 1: away from me, you just say this, come, officer. I

513
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 1: was robbed, ma'am. Give us a second. Is that really yours?

514
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 1: We're supposed to help people. What were you doing? Oh?

515
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 1: That did not get out of hand, buddy boys, Okay,

516
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 1: it was more fun than I could have asked for him.

517
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 1: And now to Patty in Kansas City for our last scene,

518
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 1: who wrote, Hello there, Alchemy this gang. I'm a huge

519
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 1: fan of the podcast and was elated to learn that

520
00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 1: you will now be releasing episodes twice a week. That's right, uh,

521
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 1: Patty from Kansas City Tuesdays and Thursday. Tell everyone you've

522
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 1: ever met. I thank you, she goes on, and all

523
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 1: the people around me, thank you for taking these steps

524
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 1: to make me a happier, nicer person. As baseball fans know,

525
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 1: the season has begun, so I thought the following scenario

526
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 1: might be fun. The baseball team reveals a new mascot,

527
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:26,760
Speaker 1: which winds up being so offensive that fans turned turned

528
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 1: into the game into a protest night. I hope you

529
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 1: like you keep up a good word, Patty from Kansas City. Okay, guys, Uh,

530
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: before we take the field, I just wanted to remind

531
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 1: you we got a new mascot and everyone should be

532
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: appreciative that. You know, he's gonna inspire the fans. I'm

533
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 1: not bringing my family here anymore. It's uncomfortable. Yeah, we

534
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about this, but this guy, this

535
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 1: new mascot, I don't even want to wear this hat.

536
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 1: This hat is even offensive. And it's not even the

537
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 1: whole mascot, that's only part of him. I just want

538
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: to say I didn't design the costume myself. Costom no,

539
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 1: no mast custom. Yeah it is a nut sack. Uh,

540
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,720
Speaker 1: But I think we can all have a more positive

541
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 1: attitude about that. You know, we could all like it.

542
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: I'm not sure exactly how am I supposed to have

543
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 1: a postive attitude. My wife won't bring the kids to

544
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 1: baseball games. And it's a nut sack. It's a nutsat

545
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 1: every Uh. Not a lot of people have them. He's

546
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 1: nuts for the team, that's the whole nuts. I want

547
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,320
Speaker 1: the crowd to be more supportive. You're you're the manager,

548
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 1: But I can't. I can't go with that an a

549
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,479
Speaker 1: good conscience play for the nuts X No, it's let's

550
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 1: play balls. I just don't. I don't know why we

551
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 1: had to have veins coming. Is like it wouldn't look

552
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 1: like a nut sack on it looks like maybe just

553
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 1: it could just be a bag of acorns and the

554
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 1: joke could be sex. I don't think we need an

555
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 1: actual scrollure. It's a picture of an owl on the side,

556
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:09,839
Speaker 1: exactly like you're saying, less on the nose, Absolutely less

557
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:15,280
Speaker 1: on the nose. Because Tommy, if I may, you're leading

558
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 1: the team. I'm the general manager, and you should maybe

559
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 1: have a few things to say. Here's what I gotta say.

560
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 1: Mascot or no mascot, mascot, our job here is to

561
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:38,799
Speaker 1: play ball, win games. You no mascot babies. You can

562
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 1: be cry babies. But I got a slugger here who's

563
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 1: set to break a home run record today and he

564
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 1: ain't got no problem with nuts sex. He don't have

565
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 1: a problem with nutsex because he wants to play, because

566
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,960
Speaker 1: he gonna get a record today. And for the record,

567
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 1: he doesn't have a family. I got a family because

568
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 1: he's more committed to this sport. You meant my family.

569
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 1: I love that. Okay, what kind of commitment are you

570
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 1: willing to make? Well, I guess I don't know. Be

571
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:14,280
Speaker 1: hard to break up in my family. I'm the general

572
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 1: manager of a minor minor league ball. Well, we're on

573
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 1: our way to be a medium medium. Yeah, maybe we

574
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 1: got glue hair on me? What would that do? Dog hair?

575
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:32,279
Speaker 1: A dog makes you cry, babies happier? Look, run with

576
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 1: the big dogs. Do not want to wear this hat

577
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 1: with a nutsec on it? And where I come from,

578
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:38,400
Speaker 1: if someone puts a nut sec on your head, it's

579
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 1: an insult. Where is that the Dominican? Some people like it,

580
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:45,400
Speaker 1: but it's actually offensive here too. I don't like anybody

581
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:49,080
Speaker 1: likes to be tea bags? All right? Is that true choice?

582
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,359
Speaker 1: I'm not a guy. I don't know. Look who's doing

583
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 1: the no talking because he wants to have a home

584
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,840
Speaker 1: run record and I think he likes the outfit. Is

585
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 1: that why he's actually enjoying? Slugged Jim? What do you say?

586
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 1: I don't have a nut sack? Oh wait, well, like

587
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 1: here's a man. Although this was a man's team, that

588
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 1: is a man's team. You don't have to have a

589
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 1: nut sack to be a man. It's a penis that

590
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 1: makes him. No, that's also incorrect. Well, mustache, but not

591
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:22,479
Speaker 1: every man has. That's also incorrect. I thought you guys

592
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:26,399
Speaker 1: not had any talks about gender. It's like your Jim,

593
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:30,840
Speaker 1: what makes a man is the record? Home run record.

594
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 1: That's right, Great, so we'll get out there getting a

595
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 1: home run record. We're gonna be wandering around ball sax

596
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 1: on our heads. Well, you could also be chasing your

597
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,879
Speaker 1: own record. Everything about that what. I'm a team player.

598
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 1: I don't chase records. I'm an assist guy. I know

599
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,839
Speaker 1: it's not basketball, but that's kind of the metaphor them

600
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:47,880
Speaker 1: using yeah, yeah, yeah, No, I understand. When I was

601
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:49,840
Speaker 1: twenty two years old, here we go, Here we go,

602
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 1: I was working on a tractor farm. We're gonna farm.

603
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:59,799
Speaker 1: All these tractors just makes you push them up are

604
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:05,120
Speaker 1: harvest and it was just a hot day, and I thought, now,

605
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 1: let me take off my dungaroos and walk around the

606
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 1: farm a little nude dungaroos, although there were dungarees. What's

607
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 1: the dungaro a little Australia like, it's like kind of

608
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 1: like a snack back. Oh dunk a roo, that's what

609
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,720
Speaker 1: would you take off? And I remember seeing the distance

610
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:31,240
Speaker 1: Harvest Horrest, Harrest, Big Sue, which is probably the biggest

611
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 1: tractor that it was that they're seeing most complicated. Not think,

612
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 1: what the hell, let's give her a ride. See if

613
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 1: I can't handle it? Long story short. I found my

614
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 1: way on a yacht cruise. You have some water, Thank

615
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 1: you cruise from a boy. How did you get from

616
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,839
Speaker 1: the tractor to the story leap? There's a big leap

617
00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 1: in this story. Long story short. That's not a long

618
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 1: story short. That's story. Skip. That's two stories. It's not

619
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:05,240
Speaker 1: the story. That's nothing. There's no stories. There's a separate stories.

620
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 1: I can tell you I was born in the Caribbean,

621
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 1: and then I'm a major league. You were not born

622
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 1: in the Caribbean. It's born in the Caribbean. No way

623
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 1: like a week. Okay, that's the Star's the part of

624
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 1: the story we have to hear. Well, No, it's a

625
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 1: long story. Skip. Oh I lost my nut suck, nut suck?

626
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 1: Where it was the big big Sioux? Wait? Where are

627
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,279
Speaker 1: we going looking for it? I think I think it

628
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:33,439
Speaker 1: might have happened on the yacht cruise. There's no way

629
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,280
Speaker 1: that it happened. Yeah, went big sue that big tractor.

630
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:39,879
Speaker 1: Why would he take that cruise? Would take cruise off

631
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 1: and then look at a tractor? So there it was

632
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:49,240
Speaker 1: where running board games for this cruise, all the kids

633
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 1: coming to the play area, and I said, all up,

634
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: did you have your balls at the time. I did.

635
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 1: Then why did you tell us about the director, because

636
00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:00,879
Speaker 1: that's where the story is starting. No, not just where

637
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 1: you started talking, but remotely after death. At that point,

638
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,680
Speaker 1: I figured maybe there's something up on the upper decks.

639
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 1: I can get to Were you working the cruise? Cruise?

640
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:16,320
Speaker 1: He's working board? Alright, go ahead, so fucking get to

641
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 1: the story. Hey, Jim cannot take next on the corn hole? Yeah,

642
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:23,120
Speaker 1: of course, And I set those corn holes up pretty good.

643
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:27,400
Speaker 1: Did a cornhole thing? Rip your ballsackle? What is a

644
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,319
Speaker 1: cornhole thing? There's a hole in the board, you throw

645
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 1: a bean bag in it. I don't have a ball sack.

646
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 1: Let's hit him out. Look, the flashback was just starting. Okay, Okay,

647
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 1: I don't believe it's hoping. He's not going to gloss

648
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 1: over it. Long story short I was working as a

649
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 1: Disney imagineer. Okay, see that is not sort short way.

650
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:49,799
Speaker 1: Did you still have your story hearing a different job now,

651
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:55,239
Speaker 1: you were an imagineer. That is a competitive field. You

652
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:57,960
Speaker 1: gotta be an engineer. You gotta have a pedigree, you

653
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,799
Speaker 1: gotta have records. Did you draw your ball sack off?

654
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 1: What does that mean? We'll get to that right, And

655
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 1: you wouldn't believe who I met? Who did Disney? Disney, Donald,

656
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 1: Tim Cook? What's that girl from? Ryan Seacrest, Ryan Seacrest,

657
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 1: Steve Bus, Shammy, no Oprah my childhood friend? Who Sean?

658
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 1: Do we know Sean? Famous guy? My friend Shaw? Oh?

659
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:39,960
Speaker 1: Just my friends. Did you work on the tractors with him? Oh? No,

660
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:45,000
Speaker 1: you see a tractor farmer? No? No? What was Sean doing? Yeah?

661
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 1: This costume is hot. You were sweating your balls off.

662
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:57,279
Speaker 1: I don't respector get back to Jim's story with him

663
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,759
Speaker 1: nut school. Alright, so when was the nuts kime off?

664
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: I'm trying to tell the story just to recap. So

665
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:09,600
Speaker 1: you started at attractive farm with harvest season? Who got

666
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 1: their junger roots? Right? Big Sally in the distance. That's right,

667
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 1: big big. We go on a cruise. Cruise children. Corn

668
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 1: Hole takes you up deck. Cornhole. We heard that weird

669
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 1: flashback of that guy asking you for the cornhole pieces

670
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 1: or ever. It wasn't a problem. There was no problem

671
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,719
Speaker 1: for you to give him the cornhole become a Disney imagineer.

672
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:33,359
Speaker 1: You see your friends, Shawn, of all people hired right

673
00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:35,920
Speaker 1: off the yacht. He just took your nuts right off

674
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 1: of You know, at that point, I know what you're thinking.

675
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 1: You don't, I don't think that's possible. Cut your nuts. One.

676
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 1: I wish I wish it was Oh my god, you

677
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 1: wish it was like that. That means it was work. Well, yeah,

678
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:55,280
Speaker 1: I was captaining the black Hawk helicopter. Okay, hold on, okay, alright,

679
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:59,360
Speaker 1: well listen. I would usually stop this, but he's our slugger,

680
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 1: and we've invested a lot in the story. I really

681
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 1: need so talented. He's also taking her mind at the

682
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:08,560
Speaker 1: fact that we are called the nut sacks. Right, you're right,

683
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel as bad anymore. He almost forgotten. Can

684
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 1: I take this hat off? Playballs? Balls? Where were you

685
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 1: black black Hawk helicopter? You're commanded in? I'm going to

686
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 1: fast forward a little bit. But the but the flashback,

687
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:25,120
Speaker 1: it just started. Well, I was here in the may Day,

688
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:27,839
Speaker 1: Jim may Day, May Day. This helicopter is going down

689
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:32,920
Speaker 1: may Day. I had to deliver fourteen children, well on

690
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:39,719
Speaker 1: the helicopter, that's right. How fourteen women or was it

691
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:42,399
Speaker 1: a litter? But the women are not supposed to fly? Well,

692
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 1: I don't know how many people can bed on a

693
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:48,680
Speaker 1: black Hawk? Isn't it small or is that large? Great question?

694
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 1: So at that point in my life, I was making

695
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 1: rope right by Tahiti? Do you still have your ball sack?

696
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 1: At this point of course, we didn't miss it. Is

697
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 1: he a pilot making rope? Or is this a new one?

698
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 1: I think it is a new one. This is a

699
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:06,879
Speaker 1: different life. I was a ropemaker and we were making

700
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:10,800
Speaker 1: ropes for surfboards. Wait a second, are we talking? This

701
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 1: is your laugh and you were living it. This is

702
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 1: my life. I'm trying to shay this story a second.

703
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 1: He's getting a boner. He's got a penis. You can

704
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:23,880
Speaker 1: get without a nut seck, you can get without a nut. Second.

705
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 1: I don't know, but it feels like you could. I'm

706
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 1: the only one that doesn't have one. But I feel

707
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 1: like it's what Wait what do you have? John? I

708
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:34,480
Speaker 1: didn't recognize you're a woman. Oh my hair is back

709
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 1: and I'm not wearing makeup. Can I ask a question?

710
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 1: Can I ask a question? Slugger? How fucking old are you?

711
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 1: You're the slugger on a very minor league baseball team,

712
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:49,880
Speaker 1: but you've had all these lives. It's a really great question.

713
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,440
Speaker 1: Funny story. Oh god, wait, no, we want to hear

714
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:57,759
Speaker 1: the ball thing first from the ball. Here's how old

715
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,160
Speaker 1: I got started, as long as they can remember. I

716
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:05,799
Speaker 1: thought my birthday was March fourteen nine. Whoa, And then

717
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:10,879
Speaker 1: I got a little knock on the door. Come inside, Hey,

718
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:16,040
Speaker 1: Jim I am, we've come for your nutsack. I wish

719
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 1: it was that easy, boy. Wait, what happened? What happened?

720
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 1: You were faked us out in the story. I was

721
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 1: listening to a flashback. I felt like you were taking

722
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 1: me there, and that was a fake out. But that

723
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 1: flashback was a birthday flashback, not even a nutsack flashback.

724
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:35,800
Speaker 1: It was a birthday telegram that was going to be

725
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 1: on the wrong day. That's what I thought it well,

726
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 1: me too, and then all of a sudden it turned

727
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 1: into a nut nuts You know how many times somebody's

728
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,280
Speaker 1: knocked on my door and asked to have my nutsack

729
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:51,120
Speaker 1: and they didn't come in? Can I hear me nuts No? Absolutely,

730
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:56,640
Speaker 1: not only one time. I wish it was that easy.

731
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:00,360
Speaker 1: As much as what you do. So I was in

732
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,719
Speaker 1: small town, oh named the tarn. I don't believe it,

733
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:06,840
Speaker 1: crystal Burg. I'm looking at it. Wait, how do you

734
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 1: know it checks out? Did you? He looked me in

735
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:14,960
Speaker 1: the eyes. You couldn't tell all right here Crystal Burgh

736
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 1: for twelve years, twelve years, I helped bring funding from

737
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:22,680
Speaker 1: the government to update the schools, the roads, you name it.

738
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 1: That's a good leader, Shine in light? Did you still

739
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,360
Speaker 1: have your ball? Sick? Was this before the black Hawk incident?

740
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 1: And I had an opportunity to so I didn't even

741
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,360
Speaker 1: thought about that we might not be here in these chronologically.

742
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:36,319
Speaker 1: My guess is he probably had to do the black

743
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:39,360
Speaker 1: Hawk thing to get mayor. Why don't don't you just

744
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 1: ask him? I guess he's not telling us when we

745
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:45,399
Speaker 1: asked him. Stuff. Try Jim, Jim, how did you lose

746
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:53,279
Speaker 1: your nutsack? And guess what sugger? You're up first one

747
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 1: year old slug and it's gonna go out there and

748
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:57,880
Speaker 1: he's the only one on this team that has twenty

749
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 1: seven going on twenty eight home runs. I'm putting on

750
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:07,480
Speaker 1: my old hat. Fair fine. Hey, so really we never

751
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:12,399
Speaker 1: found out how I think the guy I think we did, Yeah,

752
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:14,720
Speaker 1: you did? You actually did? We heard it? It's it's veiled.

753
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:21,320
Speaker 1: I think it was the ropes into heating there I

754
00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 1: got cut. Let's thank our engineer, Doug Babe, our post

755
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 1: sound design artist Raphael Brito, producing Sophie Lichtman, and of

756
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 1: course I heard media. Thank you all for the auspices.

757
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:37,800
Speaker 1: I encourage you all listeners to write a review. It

758
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 1: sure does help out. We'd love to know you're out there,

759
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 1: so write a review. Let folks know about us, tell

760
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 1: everyone you've ever met. Is not a simple ass, but

761
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:46,839
Speaker 1: I made it and right to us at your name

762
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 1: here at alcove this dot com. Let's go around the table.

763
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:52,480
Speaker 1: Joey Graham, thank you so much for being here today, Buddy.

764
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:54,440
Speaker 1: I'm so glad to be back. It's so glad to

765
00:47:54,480 --> 00:48:00,880
Speaker 1: be black black and back. Feel better. Thank you, Thank you.

766
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 1: James Cheney. Well, if you're not checking me out at

767
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:08,680
Speaker 1: Jeffy Greeper on Twitter, then you've mistakenly typed in vein

768
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,880
Speaker 1: on Twitter. Oh no, it's nicely done. Mark, thanks for

769
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,719
Speaker 1: joining us again. It's my pleasure. And where the hell

770
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,360
Speaker 1: can folks find you? They can find me on Twitter

771
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:19,759
Speaker 1: at Mark gags or start watching Blood and Treasure this

772
00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:24,800
Speaker 1: summer on the CBS network. And that stands for the

773
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:29,200
Speaker 1: broadcast broadcasting system. I assume it still does. I love

774
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:32,520
Speaker 1: that Columbia was involved in television at some point. Yeah,

775
00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:37,879
Speaker 1: it's great. But as Raglan he knows the guy Howard thinks.

776
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 1: Thanks are great, too good, right, they're too good. Pinching myself,

777
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 1: pinching myself to the point of blood. You're a giver

778
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:51,919
Speaker 1: a thank you once again for being a Christopher. Thank

779
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 1: you too. Thanks. Yeah, I like this right, yeah, okay

780
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 1: pumping out to the live show. Yes, sure, look up

781
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 1: the next live show when you want to join us again.

782
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:08,440
Speaker 1: We love that you were part of this. It was

783
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 1: such a treat, right yeah, people were there also, Thanks

784
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:15,080
Speaker 1: for holding up the sign that says I eat my

785
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 1: own comb. That was a great time. T shirts Yeah,

786
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:22,240
Speaker 1: that was just too much. It was more than I expect,

787
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 1: was it. Jimmy Jinna T shirt? The nutstack hats? Oh

788
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:32,640
Speaker 1: my god, did not expect that up. Yeah, until next time.

789
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:01,120
Speaker 1: Alo