Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 1: So I'm getting a dog in a week. You had
Speaker 1: to be close, right, So I'm I'm getting a dog
Speaker 1: in a week. Um. I'm so excited because I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm like ready now to have a dog. That
Speaker 1: makes sense. Yeah, I think you're ready. I mean, you're
Speaker 1: great with dogs. I love dogs. I've had dogs my
Speaker 1: entire life. I mean I I had Sandy when I
Speaker 1: was Jolie's age. No, I was Cocoa was Jolie's age,
Speaker 1: and then now and then I had you know, my dogs.
Speaker 1: I had both dogs like Sophie Dog Like, shoot, my
Speaker 1: my band guys are paid from Sophie Dog Like yeah,
Speaker 1: so um so I um yeah, no, I'm just like
Speaker 1: I'm really excited because it was hard in the very
Speaker 1: beginning too. I didn't want to separate the dogs. It's
Speaker 1: like Waffles was my dog, Chance was Mike's dog, and
Speaker 1: for me, I was kind of like, all right, I
Speaker 1: have seventy kids, and he's like, well, we can just
Speaker 1: like trade off the dogs. And then I'm like I
Speaker 1: don't want seventy kids and seventy dogs like I And
Speaker 1: that was like when I couldn't like take care of myself.
Speaker 1: And like the first month of like the divorce, so
Speaker 1: I was like, that's the last thing. Like we tried
Speaker 1: it for a week and I'm like I can't do it,
Speaker 1: like you have to take because like the dogs. And
Speaker 1: then I'm like falling apart. The kids are falling, you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I just the dogs. I don't even
Speaker 1: know if I've fed them for a week, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I mean I did, but you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, like they probably didn't have water
Speaker 1: like one full day because I just couldn't even think
Speaker 1: about them. Dogs just add as much as we love them,
Speaker 1: they just add another element that just makes your life
Speaker 1: a little bit difficult. As much as I love them,
Speaker 1: I have three, So don't come at me. Wait, what
Speaker 1: are you doing with your divorce and the dogs? Well,
Speaker 1: in theory, mostly the older bulldog is going to go
Speaker 1: back and forth because he is attached to Emmy and
Speaker 1: Emmy is attached to him. I don't know how that's
Speaker 1: gonna it's just the other two. I don't know how that.
Speaker 1: Oh you're keeping the other one, Macy, Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: she's so old, poor thing, like she can't go that
Speaker 1: surprises me. Well, I don't really have it. I mean,
Speaker 1: we all have choices, Kathe, Well, the reason I don't
Speaker 1: really have a choice is because he's renting and they
Speaker 1: didn't really want dogs anyway, and she sheds really bad,
Speaker 1: so that would not be very good. But she's easy.
Speaker 1: But speaking of this totally makes me think of something.
Speaker 1: So a couple of weeks ago, we got another leopard,
Speaker 1: Get go. Oh my god. Okay, so we have a leopard,
Speaker 1: Get go, Get go. Skippy love we love Skippy, least
Speaker 1: maintenance pet of all time. Yeah, they're so easy. But
Speaker 1: the agreement was that Skippy would I don't know kids
Speaker 1: who knows, I honestly don't know, um, but that Skippy
Speaker 1: would go with Nick okay, because he will only eat cricket.
Speaker 1: Worms are easy. Crickets I don't really do. Okay, it's
Speaker 1: a long story short. Worms you'll do crickets you want. Yeah,
Speaker 1: worms are easy because they're like, you keep them cold
Speaker 1: so they barely to move until they get in there,
Speaker 1: so it's like, you know, it's like a dead worm.
Speaker 1: Crickets are like all over the place if you like,
Speaker 1: we'll find them on Caden's wall. But anyway, so that
Speaker 1: was the agreement. He's like, yeah, that's great. He loves Skippy,
Speaker 1: he's easy. Whatever, that's fine. Skippy can come here. Fast
Speaker 1: forward like a week and we're like, all right, well
Speaker 1: we're going to get another leopard get go for my house. Okay,
Speaker 1: so because you just love Skippy so much, or because
Speaker 1: the kids love Skippy so much, or like both kind
Speaker 1: of both. And they're easy. Again, they're not expensive, they're easy.
Speaker 1: Where where does find a get go? Well, we just
Speaker 1: go to pet smart. You can find them all over
Speaker 1: the place, but they're like thirty bucks at pet Smart.
Speaker 1: We save them from pet Smart. So anyway you save them.
Speaker 1: I don't think anyone's gonna go after you like I am,
Speaker 1: like if anyone thinks they're gonna come after me, like
Speaker 1: I'm breeding, like I'm going to a breeder, Like I
Speaker 1: don't think there's I don't think there's rescue geckos. Well
Speaker 1: this is what makes emmy feel better, situation my, you know.
Speaker 1: So any who, fast forward we go and get another one. Okay,
Speaker 1: Skippy hasn't really hasn't hadn't left yet, but it's fine
Speaker 1: because they're easy. Is the new gecko's name, jis no
Speaker 1: his friends naming his j that's because of it. No,
Speaker 1: heyn miss sun chime you but listen to this. So
Speaker 1: I posted on Instagram. I know he's listening to this,
Speaker 1: but sorry Nick, oh he listens you think? Yeah? Still? Yeah? Hello?
Speaker 1: So I post on Instagram, which we already kind of
Speaker 1: told him we're gonna do it, and he was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's a bad idea, but whatever decision because I don't know.
Speaker 1: So Catherine is wired up right now. He texts Cayden
Speaker 1: and he's like, what did y'all do? Basically? And he
Speaker 1: was like, I wish y'all would have ran a run
Speaker 1: it past me? But okay, I was like run what
Speaker 1: past you? Getting sunshine? Yeah? Why first? Like big? Like
Speaker 1: not doing so well the moment. Caden's like, don't text
Speaker 1: him because I don't want him to get mad at me.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, definitely won't. Why would you say
Speaker 1: something like no? No? I want like, like, can you
Speaker 1: can tell me what they said about me? I want
Speaker 1: to texting me like how the why would you say
Speaker 1: that about me? Like not something that has to be
Speaker 1: run by you. He's like, well, you leave town all
Speaker 1: the time, and I'm like, and you have like eight pets,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, um, it's still the same amount you're taking, Skippy,
Speaker 1: I have sunshine, Like I have to get a house
Speaker 1: sitter anyway, you know. Anyway, I just lost my mind.
Speaker 1: And then it moved into like, you know, all the
Speaker 1: figuring out money, and it went just great. Wow. I'm
Speaker 1: first of all, I'm shocked for sharing this a little no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's like it's a it's a it's interesting that because
Speaker 1: it's about control, right, which I didn't think he was
Speaker 1: really like a control person, but he lost control, right,
Speaker 1: And so when someone loses control in a divorce, you
Speaker 1: see where they are like kind of going to put
Speaker 1: their hands in because you're right, you didn't, you do not.
Speaker 1: And I did not have to tell Mike that I
Speaker 1: was getting a dog. I did just because like, hey,
Speaker 1: if the kids mentioned Leo like I'm going to get
Speaker 1: a puppy, and he's like, oh my god, that's so awesome,
Speaker 1: like so happy for you. Um so like, but I
Speaker 1: don't need his permission. You do not need Knick's permission
Speaker 1: to get running it by get go nor a pig,
Speaker 1: a dog or a donkey. Do you know what I
Speaker 1: wanted to do after that? What literally like a monkey,
Speaker 1: Like you know what, take that monkey and any shove
Speaker 1: it up your ass. I'm gonna believe it. That is.
Speaker 1: I just want to know someone's reasoning, like why, Like
Speaker 1: I I couldn't imagine calling my ax and saying like
Speaker 1: you can't, how dare you get goldfish? Because that to me,
Speaker 1: even like a cat, Like I thought for sure Mike
Speaker 1: was going to get a cat because I can't have
Speaker 1: cats because my whole entire family is allergic to them,
Speaker 1: and like my my mom's husband could never come, so
Speaker 1: we were going to get a cat. We ended not
Speaker 1: getting cats. I'm like, oh, I bet you, Mike's probably
Speaker 1: gonna get them like a kitten or something. And because
Speaker 1: Joey has been like begging and like a little part
Speaker 1: of me was like a little jealous thinking about it. Um,
Speaker 1: but I can't control it. I don't think it's his jealousy.
Speaker 1: Then what is that? What is it? Then? Like what
Speaker 1: is the what is the like rational rationalization behind his
Speaker 1: issue with it? I think let's call him. I would
Speaker 1: love to know. I think he still sees it more
Speaker 1: like not as separate is it gonna be? And so
Speaker 1: he still kind of sees it as like a family
Speaker 1: in a way. And that's why I'm kind of like marrying.
Speaker 1: We gotta get this legal process going, like I needed
Speaker 1: to be separated at no offense. It's just like that's
Speaker 1: not how I function. He's being a sweet man by
Speaker 1: being like, you know, he thinks it's gonna fall on
Speaker 1: him end of the day. He thinks I'm gonna call
Speaker 1: him and say, hey, can you take a responsibility more? No,
Speaker 1: that's what they have to pay for them. You can
Speaker 1: ask like I would. I would never ask Mike too,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, if I got into a hunch, you
Speaker 1: can always ask, and they have a right to say no. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: And I just got a sitter a couple of weeks
Speaker 1: ago when we're in Chicago, like I have somebody that
Speaker 1: does it again. It's going to be the same amount
Speaker 1: of pets. But when I get the monkey, I'm going
Speaker 1: to be calling him. Oh my gosh, that's just so funny.
Speaker 1: But I think that's why I said to you the
Speaker 1: other day, like, you guys have been amazing through this
Speaker 1: divorce process. Like you guys have been so good and
Speaker 1: letting things and co parenting. Everything's been great. Like actually,
Speaker 1: how it's been the last. However, many guys have been
Speaker 1: You've been doing this for a long time, but it's
Speaker 1: almost like you sometimes have to do like the legality
Speaker 1: of like this is out, this is actually what it is.
Speaker 1: It's separate because it's like almost like the two kosher
Speaker 1: feels the same, because it does feel the same in
Speaker 1: a sense. We're hitting that point. We're definitely hitting that point.
Speaker 1: We kind of had a you know, we're working on
Speaker 1: the legal stuff. It's not going to great as a
Speaker 1: lot it would, but we'll get there. But that's because
Speaker 1: the emotions are still there and you're still and because
Speaker 1: it's run so smooth. It's like, unfortunately there's illegal. There's
Speaker 1: a legal um portion for a reason because the law
Speaker 1: is going to protect both of you, just like the law,
Speaker 1: yeah there, it's going to protect both of you, guys.
Speaker 1: So sometimes it's doesn't. But yes, and I am learning
Speaker 1: that how I say things is definitely triggers and I'm trying.
Speaker 1: I've been so good, but I made the mistake of
Speaker 1: saying what I'm owed as like being in a marriage
Speaker 1: for fifteen years, and that did not go over well.
Speaker 1: But what I meant was, when you calculate, it's based
Speaker 1: on how long you're married, looking at mirror right there,
Speaker 1: you're looking at the frame, and tell him what do
Speaker 1: you want to say? I hope he doesn't listen to
Speaker 1: this one, but anyway, maybe you can say that all
Speaker 1: my time. If if you're so, alimony is based on
Speaker 1: how long you're married, you're going to get a little
Speaker 1: bit more or for a longer length of time, the
Speaker 1: longer you're married. Um, so that's what I was trying
Speaker 1: to say, because he doesn't understand it. So what I
Speaker 1: was trying to say is, you know, like what I'm
Speaker 1: based on the amount of time we were married. But
Speaker 1: it came back with what you're owed from being married,
Speaker 1: and I was like, who I mean, I get it,
Speaker 1: I understand And I was like, that's not how I
Speaker 1: meant it. I'm just trying to explain it to you.
Speaker 1: But that just where it went out for a minute.
Speaker 1: I could see that, I mean, I get both sides
Speaker 1: for sure. And let me just say this too. You
Speaker 1: don't have to like I always say, like, well, I
Speaker 1: have to be nice, and my amy our therapist always like,
Speaker 1: you don't have to. You don't have to manage his
Speaker 1: emotions about how you say you shouldn't be mean and like,
Speaker 1: but like, you don't have to. You don't have to
Speaker 1: skirt around issue. You can be directions. I remember the
Speaker 1: one time in the very beginning of our divorce. Again
Speaker 1: we're great now in this season and stuff, but the
Speaker 1: it was, you know, very fresh after our divorce. It
Speaker 1: was the parent teacher conferences or like the like kindergarten
Speaker 1: registration or whatever where you go and see the classrooms
Speaker 1: and stuff. And I said hello, but I was like hi,
Speaker 1: you know, and it was very just whatever. And he
Speaker 1: was just like, why are you so cold? When we left,
Speaker 1: and I was like, and I went to Amy and
Speaker 1: I talked about that, and she was just like, you
Speaker 1: get to be however you want to be, like, don't
Speaker 1: make him feel bad. I was like, I wasn't be mean.
Speaker 1: I just like I don't need to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: my like in that moment, and I don't want like
Speaker 1: I didn't want to. She's like, and you don't have to, like,
Speaker 1: you can be however you want to be. But then
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, now he's gonna think I'm like a
Speaker 1: bitch or this, that and the other, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I just it was hard being there. She's going to
Speaker 1: kindergarten were divorce. Now this is this feels weird. It
Speaker 1: was our first like function as like a divorce family.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that I didn't, you know, wrap my arms
Speaker 1: around you and say like, hey, this is a great
Speaker 1: our daughter's one kindergarten and worked up force, you know,
Speaker 1: and he was just like, get over it. We're divorced.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, it's been two months, Like give me
Speaker 1: a second, you know, And I just remember, like I
Speaker 1: feel like sometimes guys to like they want to like
Speaker 1: rush your process, and it's like it takes time to
Speaker 1: like walk through emotions and like now I see like
Speaker 1: the other side of it, and you guys will go
Speaker 1: through that same thing. Like it's it's probably nice. Now
Speaker 1: you're going to hit a bump and then you'll you'll
Speaker 1: find your groove where Mike and I find found outs.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's definitely like and again you can say
Speaker 1: even though you can say it right, it's okay you
Speaker 1: said it how and if you think it was wrong,
Speaker 1: then say, hey, I'm sorry. Like the other day, I
Speaker 1: I was really flustered with Joel because she was sick,
Speaker 1: and I texted Mike saying or I called them and
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, I really need your help. He couldn't.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, never mind, Like I knew I shouldn't
Speaker 1: have asked, and then I'll like, oh, crap, I shouldn't
Speaker 1: have said it like that. So I called back. I
Speaker 1: was like, hey, I'm sorry. I was just really frustrated
Speaker 1: and I just feel like overwhelmed right now with some stuff,
Speaker 1: and so it would have been nice, you know, for
Speaker 1: the help, but I get it, like, you know, you're
Speaker 1: busy too, so if you feel like there's something you
Speaker 1: should apologize and apologize, yeah, I mean I think yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean we're just not getting into that. We've been
Speaker 1: like getting along really well and now I'm like, okay, um,
Speaker 1: and it'll be fine, like you said, it'll be ups
Speaker 1: and downs, but like you know, it's also been interesting
Speaker 1: because it's like I totally hijacked this conversation, but I
Speaker 1: love this, So you're kidding me. This is like not
Speaker 1: but it's like, you know, I can remember, you know,
Speaker 1: you a year ago going out of town and then
Speaker 1: coming back home and then being down and you know
Speaker 1: all that, and it's like I kind of had that
Speaker 1: first like experience after Chicago, and I've had the kids,
Speaker 1: so it wasn't necessarily around that as much. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but like it's like weird. It's like a weird it's
Speaker 1: like a depressing kind of feeling. Again, I know I
Speaker 1: asked for this, I know, you know all of those things,
Speaker 1: but yeah, it's like kind of hitting me and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh god, I'm starting to understand Jannah a little more.
Speaker 1: It's weird. Yeah, it's like, yeah, even if you have
Speaker 1: the kids or you don't, but i mean, yeah, when
Speaker 1: you come back to from a trip and it's like
Speaker 1: you're you know, when we do our wind down tours,
Speaker 1: like we're on the highest of highs. We laugh constantly,
Speaker 1: we have so much fun, and then you come home
Speaker 1: and it's like to an empty house that feels very
Speaker 1: strange because you're like, where's my family? And then like
Speaker 1: the other time, it's like with your kids kind of
Speaker 1: like where is my family? Because it doesn't feel how
Speaker 1: we are used to it. So yeah, I mean I definitely.
Speaker 1: I not that I'm glad that you understand that, but
Speaker 1: then you understand now kind of like the steps and
Speaker 1: you're gonna be okay. It's just but I'm still I
Speaker 1: still struggle with that even you know, a year out
Speaker 1: of my divorce. Yeah, for sure. Well, and I've always
Speaker 1: been one to kind of like, at first my emotions
Speaker 1: don't hit. It takes a little while, so I'm definitely
Speaker 1: I mean with deaths, with anything like, at first, I'm
Speaker 1: going to seem cold and numb to it. But give
Speaker 1: me a couple of weeks, they'll be fall in a bedroom.
Speaker 1: It's fine, I'm there now. Good. Have you had any regrets? No? Okay,
Speaker 1: well that's good. No, I haven't to check in with
Speaker 1: yourself around that. No, I'm good there. It's just like
Speaker 1: the overwhelming and change and all that. Okay, okay, hey,
Speaker 1: way back to the dog. No, are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: This is I'm there's there's nothing else to say. I'm
Speaker 1: just I love how this combo went, and I'm proud
Speaker 1: of you for I'm proud of both of you guys
Speaker 1: for you know, taking a step back when you when
Speaker 1: you need to step back, when you know that the
Speaker 1: motions are getting high, and you know, um, I'm yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm just happy that you're also putting a boundary in
Speaker 1: there too, because I think that's where I failed a
Speaker 1: year ago, as I didn't put good boundaries around communication.
Speaker 1: And you guys pushed really hard for me to be like,
Speaker 1: don't communicate if it's an X, Y and Z, and
Speaker 1: it's like I just had a really tough time with that,
Speaker 1: and you're having great boundaries because I would probably be
Speaker 1: apologizing for getting a donkey. I supposed to be like no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, no, no no, So my farm exactly. Yep, sorry, Nick,
Speaker 1: We're about to get a farm with horses and I
Speaker 1: can't wait for you to take care of it. Um.
Speaker 1: But anyways, we're gonna take a break and we've got
Speaker 1: an amazing comedian on. He actually has a book. Um
Speaker 1: it's called How to Be Married to Melissa, which is
Speaker 1: Melissa is his wife. So, um, you can't wait to
Speaker 1: get a dot combo and chat soon. Hello, Justin, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry, don't be very Oh well, I know, but
Speaker 1: still are you? I mean you've been married to Melissa
Speaker 1: for how many years? Now? So so many? Almost eighteen
Speaker 1: something like that? Eighteen years? What? What? What great did
Speaker 1: you meet her in? I was, Um, I was a
Speaker 1: junior and she was a senior at a different school,
Speaker 1: which is a pretty big flex in high school relationship. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you just called your wife out for being older.
Speaker 1: I get it, which, you know, I don't even think
Speaker 1: that's frowned upon anymore. I think anymore, that's that's to
Speaker 1: be celebrated. You know. I feel like though it's one
Speaker 1: of those things where I mean, I look at now,
Speaker 1: it's like my last few have been younger, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I just need I don't know, Like it's what whether
Speaker 1: you go older or younger, guys are just always around
Speaker 1: the same age, right, I mean, you went full Matthew
Speaker 1: McConaughey there on me. Oh we did. I would Matthew say,
Speaker 1: that's the old line to from What's I can't believe
Speaker 1: forgot the movie That was his kind of quotes his
Speaker 1: first big role. You know. The great thing about it's
Speaker 1: it's in hindsight, it's a very creepy quote. You know.
Speaker 1: The best thing about high school girls is no matter
Speaker 1: how old I get, they all stayed the same age.
Speaker 1: You know, which A get is not an outline that's aged. Well, uh,
Speaker 1: but it did feel You're like guys they all feel
Speaker 1: like they're the same age constantly. And I get it.
Speaker 1: I understand what you mean. Well, actually we just got
Speaker 1: It's dazed and confused is what it was. Of course. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever is that bad that I
Speaker 1: don't even think I've seen the entirety of days and Confused? No,
Speaker 1: I think you're okay. I think that that. Uh. That's
Speaker 1: one of those things that you're like, uh uh. It's
Speaker 1: like when someone like sometimes like I'll tell friends like like,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't I don't smoke pot and they'll
Speaker 1: be like, really, if you ever like you want to?
Speaker 1: When I was like, I mean why now, why would
Speaker 1: now be the same with Dazed and Confused? Like this,
Speaker 1: this is this the time that you need to stop
Speaker 1: everything you're doing and like, hude, I gotta I gotta
Speaker 1: prioritize watching Dazed and Confused. Okay, so you have your
Speaker 1: book out now, and I'm I'm curiously did you feel
Speaker 1: like you had to just because you are edian? Was
Speaker 1: it hard for you to kind of find the balance
Speaker 1: between like, okay, being real and not I mean, not
Speaker 1: that you're not real as a comedian, but like where
Speaker 1: you had to I feel like you had to be
Speaker 1: funny in your book, even though it was it was
Speaker 1: the goal of the book just to be funny and
Speaker 1: just kind of like talk about marriage in that sense,
Speaker 1: like from from your stand up show to the book,
Speaker 1: or was there something else that you were wanting to
Speaker 1: bring to the book that you want other people to
Speaker 1: see a different side of you. Yeah. I think that's
Speaker 1: a great question. I I the goal of the book
Speaker 1: was is to help relationships, but I do believe that
Speaker 1: the best way to do that personally. Really, the only
Speaker 1: way that I can do it is to be funny,
Speaker 1: is to try and make it relatable, to try and
Speaker 1: make it approachable. You know, one of the big problems
Speaker 1: with marriage books is they're primarily read by women who
Speaker 1: are working actively trying to you know, stay invested in
Speaker 1: the marriage. So that was part of the goal of
Speaker 1: just like, well, what if we wrote one where they
Speaker 1: could say, like, hey, the guy wrote it, and it's
Speaker 1: he's funny. It'll you know, it's it's essentially handing the
Speaker 1: husband's a coloring book at times and saying like you
Speaker 1: can do this, right. So I think that humor is
Speaker 1: relatable and it's uh, you know, if nothing else, I
Speaker 1: think that I hope that people can look at this
Speaker 1: book and just see the wild dysfunction of our marriage
Speaker 1: and if nothing else, feel better about their own relationship. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm you know, what, what do you think is like
Speaker 1: the biggest no as an issue, but the dysfunction as
Speaker 1: you say in your marriage that you that you have
Speaker 1: a hard time as a husband. M M yeah, there's
Speaker 1: um gosh, I wish I could. It's so hard to
Speaker 1: choose one to narrow it down to the many problems. UM.
Speaker 1: I think that, UM, I think that the for for
Speaker 1: our that we go out of our way in this book,
Speaker 1: you know, to say, like, this is not an advice book,
Speaker 1: this is not how to be married book, This is
Speaker 1: how to be married to Melissa. The whole point is
Speaker 1: we're just talking about one relationship, and the constant thing
Speaker 1: that comes up in our relationship is to remember when
Speaker 1: your partner, your spouse, your significant other, whatever relationship that
Speaker 1: is in your life, when they do something and they
Speaker 1: act out at you in some way, that is almost
Speaker 1: always not about you. It's about what they're going through,
Speaker 1: It's about what they're feeling, It's about the pressures that
Speaker 1: they're under. Right now. I mean the biggest I the
Speaker 1: biggest fight that my wife and I ever had was
Speaker 1: about three years ago, and it had nothing to do
Speaker 1: with what we were fighting about. They had to do
Speaker 1: with how busy we were. It had to do that
Speaker 1: we had family healths ruggles going on, It had to
Speaker 1: do with money and pressures of career and all and
Speaker 1: and so the things that were said had nothing to
Speaker 1: do with what we were actually fighting about. The analogy
Speaker 1: that we I make is it's like when you walk
Speaker 1: through uh and you see it when you're walking on
Speaker 1: the sidewalk and you see cracks in the sidewalk, that's
Speaker 1: because the tree roots, right, the roots caused this problem.
Speaker 1: You just see the crack here, you just see your
Speaker 1: broken sidewalk, But it's because of the stuff that's underneath there.
Speaker 1: So that that's the one that comes up for us
Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah, that's so interesting that you said that.
Speaker 1: And I love that analogy too with the cracks and
Speaker 1: the and the cement, because it's so true. It's like
Speaker 1: it's not it's not just the crack and the cement,
Speaker 1: it's it's what's underneath that. Yeah. I love that, Like
Speaker 1: that's such a great way to look at it. And
Speaker 1: it's so funny too. Remember with my ex husband and I,
Speaker 1: one of our biggest fights was it was it was
Speaker 1: we were fighting over a lamp and it was like
Speaker 1: it was not about the lamp, you know, it was
Speaker 1: it wasn't about that lamp at all. It was just
Speaker 1: you know, well I would just drain the lamp off,
Speaker 1: and it's like, you know, it's it was just it
Speaker 1: was like at the end of the day, it was
Speaker 1: like we end up laughing about it. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: six months later, but we're like, remember that time we
Speaker 1: fought about a lamp. It's like, it wasn't about the lamp.
Speaker 1: But people just get stuck. I can't I can't think
Speaker 1: of a better synopsis of relationship fights than that quote.
Speaker 1: It's not about the lamp. We're obviously not fighting about
Speaker 1: the lamp. We're fighting up about the history and the
Speaker 1: tension and everything that's happening right now and that's leading
Speaker 1: up into this moment right here. But I will fight
Speaker 1: over a lamp, There's no doubt about that. We've had
Speaker 1: lamp fight not that long ago. We've had lamp fights.
Speaker 1: You know. It's another Another good fight that I've heard
Speaker 1: is men and their ceiling fans. Like a man wants
Speaker 1: to have a ceiling fan, a woman wants to have
Speaker 1: a chandelier. It's like, that's actually a fight that's actually
Speaker 1: that's not just about the underneath stuff that is just
Speaker 1: like is that for you to like, why do men
Speaker 1: have to have a ceiling fan? Yeah? I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is. That is a great question. I guess
Speaker 1: it's just they need something to tinker with their like
Speaker 1: just something or or there were were you know, it's
Speaker 1: something to like look at something when we get bored
Speaker 1: to just I will say that one of the one
Speaker 1: of the great simplicities of just being just you know,
Speaker 1: a dumb man is you can sometimes just sit there
Speaker 1: and look at a fan and and kill an hour.
Speaker 1: And if somebody comes up and just go, what are
Speaker 1: you thinking about? Nothing? I'm thinking about this fan, and
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about nothing else. I like the way it moves.
Speaker 1: I like the way the air fields on me. Don't
Speaker 1: try and take this fan away and put diamonds there.
Speaker 1: Just let me have the fan. Uh yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: we get it. Just let us have our chandelier. You know.
Speaker 1: As a comedian, though, how do you because I gotta
Speaker 1: I feel like the comedians that I've met. Um, I
Speaker 1: did a movie with Adam Sandler way back in the day,
Speaker 1: and I've met like Smashing Maniscalco and every every comedian
Speaker 1: i've met, they've always been very a lot shyer than
Speaker 1: I thought they would, be more quiet, more reserved. And
Speaker 1: is that because do you guys feel like you have
Speaker 1: to put so much of yourself out there on stage
Speaker 1: that you're just like by the time that you're done,
Speaker 1: because because you're putting on such a like you want
Speaker 1: people to laugh, you have to be um, maybe exaggerate
Speaker 1: a little bit more like do you come back and
Speaker 1: you're just like, is it is it safer to just
Speaker 1: like not be as Yeah, I do think that there's
Speaker 1: absolutely an element of that is that you are, you know,
Speaker 1: you're the show in a lot of ways. You're you know,
Speaker 1: you're why people are coming out. You are or even
Speaker 1: if you're not the reason they came out, you're there
Speaker 1: kind of for their entertainment, and you have to, you know,
Speaker 1: you have to operate on kind of such a high
Speaker 1: capacity during that that sometimes you're a little drained. I
Speaker 1: also think that, you know, the majority of comics that
Speaker 1: I've met are very introverted, and a lot of it
Speaker 1: is just because we aren't super comfortable in the world.
Speaker 1: We don't you know, there's that's a that's the real question.
Speaker 1: We're all trying to figure out why do we need
Speaker 1: to get on stage and have strangers validate us each night.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I think there's there there. I mean,
Speaker 1: the reality is is there's a validation proof there, there's
Speaker 1: you know, there's a kind of from the majority of
Speaker 1: comedians would attest to something, whether it's childhood or trauma
Speaker 1: or just uh, you know, mental illness or whatever may
Speaker 1: be that that that's kind of ultimately like for me personally,
Speaker 1: if we want to get deep on it, like I had, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know. I mean, my my parents split when I
Speaker 1: was five. I was an incredible mama's boy. Uh my
Speaker 1: mom was immediately out of the picture for the majority
Speaker 1: of my childhood, and the thing that I loved most
Speaker 1: and validated me the most was no longer there and consistently.
Speaker 1: And I was raised by a single parent, so long
Speaker 1: before I got on stage to go do stand up comedy,
Speaker 1: was always seeking for validation, was always looking for someone
Speaker 1: to tell me that I'm worth something, you know, And that,
Speaker 1: by the way, is stuff that goes into the relationship too,
Speaker 1: because my my wife has said many times, like I
Speaker 1: understand that, and I want to be here for you,
Speaker 1: But I also can't heal that. I can't I can't
Speaker 1: make you love yourself more. I can't make you value
Speaker 1: yourself more. That there's the amount of own work that
Speaker 1: you have to do there. So the good news is
Speaker 1: a stand up comedy is a nice outlet for that.
Speaker 1: And I have a friend who says, you know, those
Speaker 1: laughs a lot of time are just tiny hugs, hugs
Speaker 1: from strangers each night, you know, so there is That's
Speaker 1: just me though. I do think that each of them,
Speaker 1: you know, Um, I would never name names because it's
Speaker 1: there to tell them, but um, even of the ones
Speaker 1: that you've named so far, I know there is a
Speaker 1: history of similar stories like that for them. Um, so
Speaker 1: you know. And we also just kind of uh and
Speaker 1: and like there is sometimes that when you operate on
Speaker 1: such like a high level of adrenaline like that, you know,
Speaker 1: the just like you're I'm in front of strangers and
Speaker 1: people are looking at me and saying, dance, joke, monkey dance,
Speaker 1: Like that's such a high pressure thing that sometimes, you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes people are gonna be a little boring after that too.
Speaker 1: We'll disclosure. No, I mean, I I can kind of
Speaker 1: get that. I mean, Cat, you could probably attest to
Speaker 1: it too, where it's like after I come off a
Speaker 1: show or something, or if I'm on stage, it's like
Speaker 1: you have all this adrenaline and then you kind of
Speaker 1: just like you want to be quiet, you know, and
Speaker 1: you want because you have so many people like that.
Speaker 1: You know, you have a hundred people meeting greets, and
Speaker 1: you've got all these are things and you're just kind
Speaker 1: of like you don't really have much left to give.
Speaker 1: So it's like you're kind of um like before, like
Speaker 1: a lot of times, for example, like what I'm filming
Speaker 1: a movie, like I've I've I've always eaten my lunch
Speaker 1: in my trailer, and people are like, why don't you
Speaker 1: eat lunch with everyone? Like it's not that I'm trying
Speaker 1: to be rude, It's like that's just my one time
Speaker 1: to just be quiet and like not have to like
Speaker 1: make conversation because I'm like I'm drained, Like I got it.
Speaker 1: I want to save it for for X, Y and Z,
Speaker 1: you know, and so yeah, you end up living for that.
Speaker 1: The best part of my day every day is after
Speaker 1: I dropped my youngest off at school and then I
Speaker 1: come home and I sit quietly on my phone drinking
Speaker 1: that first cup of coffee or usually about thirty to
Speaker 1: sixty minutes and do my word all and and just
Speaker 1: casually graze the internet, not work version of the internet,
Speaker 1: because you know, you know the exact difference. There are
Speaker 1: there are places that I can go onto the internet
Speaker 1: that are going to be worked for me, and there
Speaker 1: are other places. And I'm just I'm grazing, I'm just consuming. Hey,
Speaker 1: what's happening in the world. And that is like a
Speaker 1: total Like I go to bed looking forward to that
Speaker 1: in the morning. I can't wait for it. It's better
Speaker 1: than sleep for me. I love that. Well. I mean,
Speaker 1: you wrote a book, you know, how to be married
Speaker 1: to Melissa, your wife, but how how how do you
Speaker 1: be married to you? Like? What do you do for yourself? Um?
Speaker 1: That makes you happy? M hmm. Besides the coffee in
Speaker 1: the world. I mean, that's a big part of it.
Speaker 1: That if I were marrying me, I would put that
Speaker 1: in my wedding vows. But what's a what's a what's
Speaker 1: a guide for Melissa? Because you you know, for for you,
Speaker 1: because I mean you you gave the guide for her. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we we do talk a lot about that in the book.
Speaker 1: There is um uh my, I have, so I have
Speaker 1: a d h D. I'm I'm scattered constantly, I'm losing stuff,
Speaker 1: I'm forgetting stuff. I am just uh, you know, like
Speaker 1: to have a conversation with me. I've I've every once
Speaker 1: in a while, I've I've wanted to see like a
Speaker 1: math of just how I bounce around, Like if we're
Speaker 1: like on a hike or something like that, and you're like,
Speaker 1: I think I just covered a thousand topics in an
Speaker 1: hour and you just had to sit there and receive it,
Speaker 1: and and then the other part of that is like
Speaker 1: it's then, but it can be hard to have deep
Speaker 1: conversations with me. And my wife is just a well,
Speaker 1: my wife like wants more so than anything in her
Speaker 1: heart and soul, her main desire is to feel understood.
Speaker 1: She wants she wants her friends, her family, her partner,
Speaker 1: her kids, she wants them to understand her. Which is
Speaker 1: one of those things. It's like if you were to say,
Speaker 1: like I want to feel respected, Like that's hard to quantify.
Speaker 1: There's no metric of like whether or not you feel.
Speaker 1: But like one thing that we learned really early on,
Speaker 1: like we we talked about this in one of the
Speaker 1: communication or in the communication chapter is you know we
Speaker 1: always do that have routine. You know, you get the
Speaker 1: kids down and then you come and you it's time
Speaker 1: to talk, it's time to vege, it's time to do
Speaker 1: whatever Mel needs. That time of where are you at,
Speaker 1: what are you thinking about? What? And and that would
Speaker 1: be like draining to me because I'm tired sitting down
Speaker 1: and having just an intentional conversation. It's like when you
Speaker 1: have a d h D. It's like just pulling, you know,
Speaker 1: like hair. I don't know why I reached a pull
Speaker 1: hair out of my back brokes. Yeah, that's disgusting. But
Speaker 1: we one night, very unintentionally, I was on my phone
Speaker 1: just dinking around doing a brainless game. I was playing
Speaker 1: Angry Birds. It is the years two thousand and seven
Speaker 1: and and unintentionally I proceeded to have probably the most
Speaker 1: deep heartfelt conversation with her I've ever had while never
Speaker 1: looking up, because this was like a little brain trigger
Speaker 1: for me that you know how they say like you
Speaker 1: have your best ideas in the shower, and it's because
Speaker 1: you're kind of occupied but not fully occupied. That's what
Speaker 1: having a d h D is like for me, is
Speaker 1: that if I can, if I can do something on
Speaker 1: my phone that's slightly an attaining me, But I don't
Speaker 1: have to think about it. I'm actually pretty great right here.
Speaker 1: So it's a lot of like little things like that
Speaker 1: that we've just got to learn along the way of
Speaker 1: like you know what, actually I know from the outside
Speaker 1: looking in that that looks like I'm being rude and
Speaker 1: disrespectful and how dare you be on your phone? But
Speaker 1: Melissa gets out of that what she wants, which is
Speaker 1: me being engaged and you know, going deep with her.
Speaker 1: And I get what I wanted to because I do
Speaker 1: it desire to have that conversation, but it's in a
Speaker 1: way that isn't isn't pulling out my back hair? Right? Well,
Speaker 1: that makes sense, So are you? I guess like for
Speaker 1: the people that have been married a long time too,
Speaker 1: I mean being a high school sweetheart, how do you guys,
Speaker 1: like what's been the thing to keep you guys? Because
Speaker 1: I can imagine through that getting married so young, like
Speaker 1: you're kind of going in and out of like you're
Speaker 1: growing right right, that's like what how how have you
Speaker 1: guys managed to stay together? And now we we go
Speaker 1: out of like our way in our life and I
Speaker 1: go ruight Away in this book to say, I don't,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't define a successful marriage is one
Speaker 1: that like last or don't last. I hate that. I
Speaker 1: hate every piece of that. I hate the shame that
Speaker 1: comes with that. I hate that words like failure and
Speaker 1: success are thrown around in the terms of relationships because
Speaker 1: they're not. They're living organisms that have a lifespan to them,
Speaker 1: and some last longer and some don't. And some it's
Speaker 1: the best thing, like every other relationship in our life.
Speaker 1: Some it's the best thing that it could end. That's
Speaker 1: the that's what that thing needed to do. It's it
Speaker 1: had run its course. So we I really do think that,
Speaker 1: and I only talked about this. There is, especially having
Speaker 1: getting married so young, there is a dumb luck to it.
Speaker 1: There's a good there is for we have grown in
Speaker 1: ways that have remained compatible and not combatible, like we are,
Speaker 1: our personalities meshed well then then and even though we've
Speaker 1: changed into you know, when you look at those old pictures,
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't even think I am that person anymore,
Speaker 1: But we have still we were fortunate and again just
Speaker 1: lucky enough in a lot of ways that we still
Speaker 1: kind of we we meshed together nicely. And I don't
Speaker 1: think it's because we did this, this and this. I
Speaker 1: just think that there was an amount that of of
Speaker 1: just our life's kind of went that way, and um,
Speaker 1: you know we were of course we put in the
Speaker 1: work and that other than you know, we have the
Speaker 1: communication all that kind of stuff. But I I know
Speaker 1: that's not the answer that a lot of people want,
Speaker 1: but I will say that for us, I do think
Speaker 1: that there is an element of just you know, dumb
Speaker 1: luck to it. That's your next book, dumb luck, dumb luck. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it's so good. I think that's I think that's like
Speaker 1: I was just texting Cat because you know, she's gonna
Speaker 1: going through a divorce right now because she married very young,
Speaker 1: and as a cat, I was a cat. Yes this
Speaker 1: like this is so interesting, you know, and she's like, yes,
Speaker 1: it is so interesting. He says. It's like it's it's
Speaker 1: not a failure that you know, I've gotten divorced, You've
Speaker 1: gotten divorce, and it's like it's just it's don't like
Speaker 1: not to look at it in that way. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's such a good reminder. It's something's work, something's don't
Speaker 1: and um, something's last and some things won't you know.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that turned into a beautiful little Doctor SEUs.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I didn't even I didn't even plan that.
Speaker 1: I've like now just I've quoted Doctor SEUs and apparently
Speaker 1: Matthew McConaughey. This is just really touch in there. That's
Speaker 1: when you try. Um, well you are so so I
Speaker 1: can't wait to read the book because it sounds like
Speaker 1: it's going to be just entertaining to which you know
Speaker 1: is good. Where can our listeners find you? And just um,
Speaker 1: do you have tour dates? Are you coming out to
Speaker 1: on the road? What's going on? Yeah? Yeah, so anything
Speaker 1: that As far as I know, I'm the only Dustin
Speaker 1: Nickerson in show business. So Dustin Nickerson and I see
Speaker 1: k r SO and Ductor that'll have show dates on there.
Speaker 1: Uh when my seasonal headline outs tour is we stop
Speaker 1: next in San Diego and then I'm out really until
Speaker 1: midfall and then my specials on there and then also
Speaker 1: links to the book wherever you want to buy it
Speaker 1: if you want to, you know, bite at uh local
Speaker 1: indie bookstore or Amazon, whatever you want to do wherever
Speaker 1: books are sold on the internet. At least you can
Speaker 1: get him there. Well, Thank you, Dustin, I really appreciate
Speaker 1: you coming on Wine Down and thank you for being
Speaker 1: vulnerable as well. So it's it's very nice to see
Speaker 1: when I when a guy can get there, so well,
Speaker 1: thank you for having this nice of course, thank you
Speaker 1: Justin