Speaker 1: So much stickier than most people talk about. They're just like, oh,
Speaker 1: the social media, and I'm like, oh my god, not
Speaker 1: that easy. It's not that simple.
Speaker 2: There are no girls on the Internet. As a production
Speaker 2: of iHeartRadio and Unbossed Creative, I'm Bridgie Todd, and this
Speaker 2: is there are no girls on the Internet. I don't
Speaker 2: think I have to tell you that social media and
Speaker 2: the Internet has changed the way our relationships work and
Speaker 2: in turn, the way we feel about those relationships. Now,
Speaker 2: if you've ever been scrolling through social media feeling like
Speaker 2: everyone you know is out at brunch are going on
Speaker 2: a beautiful wine tour with their close knit group of
Speaker 2: girlfriends while you're home alone again, then you know exactly
Speaker 2: what I mean. But it's more than that too. The
Speaker 2: rising cost of everything can leave us feeling like we
Speaker 2: spend all of our time working, so that when we're
Speaker 2: not working, rather than spending time with friends, we just
Speaker 2: want to be recovering from all that work. Not to
Speaker 2: mention the pandemic, When COVID happened, I kind of felt
Speaker 2: like I forgot how to make friends. Everything that's got
Speaker 2: so much harder, and on top of it, we're all exhausted,
Speaker 2: so yes, it's social media, but it's also everything. This
Speaker 2: is Lane Moore's domain. Laine is a comedian and author
Speaker 2: whose work examines how people's relationships are shaped by the Internet.
Speaker 2: Her hit show Tinder Live recreates the chaos and calamity
Speaker 2: of swiping on a dating app irl in front of
Speaker 2: a live audience. Her book How to Be Alone is
Speaker 2: a bestseller, and her new book, You Will Find Your
Speaker 2: People examines the role meaningful relationships play in our lives.
Speaker 2: Because even though we're often told to build our whole
Speaker 2: selves and whole lives around romantic partnerships, what if you
Speaker 2: treated friendships as the center of our lives too? So, Lene,
Speaker 2: I have to sort of start by just generally where
Speaker 2: the work began for you. You make live comedy and art,
Speaker 2: and you write about things like connection, particularly online. How
Speaker 2: did this come to be? How did you come to
Speaker 2: be someone who thought critically about how we are for
Speaker 2: being relationships?
Speaker 1: Well, you know what they often say is true, which
Speaker 1: is that you know, there's that phrase. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you've heard it, but it's like the the healers
Speaker 1: wound is often their gift, and I feel like that's
Speaker 1: where it comes from. You know, there's no other way
Speaker 1: to sugarcoat it. It's not just like I always that
Speaker 1: connection was interesting. My relationships were always really easy and great.
Speaker 1: I never struggled. Ever. No, I was interested in it
Speaker 1: because you know, I had a really rough time growing up.
Speaker 1: I was on my own for almost my entire life,
Speaker 1: and so you know, I really longed for that sense
Speaker 1: of community and connection and this like sense of family
Speaker 1: and friendships and all these things that I was seeing
Speaker 1: on TV that I didn't necessarily feel in my life.
Speaker 1: And I felt so alone through most of my life
Speaker 1: because I was like, oh, I'm seeing on TV and
Speaker 1: in media and all these things. Everyone has the best
Speaker 1: family ever, everyone has the best friends ever, and you know,
Speaker 1: everybody has the best romantic partners. Of course I wasn't
Speaker 1: thinking about that maybe at six, but still, you know,
Speaker 1: you're seeing everybody has it but you And you know,
Speaker 1: I looked at it, fortunately from a place of curiosity
Speaker 1: as a kid, even where I was just like, hmm,
Speaker 1: how do other people's families work, How do marriages work?
Speaker 1: How do other people's friendships work. I just part of it,
Speaker 1: I think, was interested in just interested in how people connect,
Speaker 1: how they or they don't and you know, just wanting
Speaker 1: that very deeply. Also, I'm sure that's where that curiosity
Speaker 1: came from. So now, I so much of this work
Speaker 1: that I do is because now that I'm an adult,
Speaker 1: and now that I've written several books and comedy shows
Speaker 1: and all these things, I know, oh, I'm not the
Speaker 1: only one who has struggled like this and who has
Speaker 1: felt like nobody gets this and might just must just
Speaker 1: be me struggle with that kind of shame that Oh,
Speaker 1: if I'm the only one struggling with this, I'm bad.
Speaker 1: I'm unworthy all this stuff we do to ourselves that
Speaker 1: I've done to myself. Uh So, yeah, it really came
Speaker 1: from some real shit, so truly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I saw a picture on your Instagram that was
Speaker 2: like the balloons and it spelled out, You've got a
Speaker 2: funny personality. Thanks, it's all the trauma. Yeah, I think
Speaker 2: that's that's so spot on. So when you were young,
Speaker 2: maybe you felt like you didn't have the family connections
Speaker 2: that you saw on TV. You know, as you got older,
Speaker 2: did you feel the same thing about kind of the
Speaker 2: friendship connections and the romantic connections that you were seeing
Speaker 2: kind of all around you that didn't match what you
Speaker 2: actually felt like you had in your life.
Speaker 1: Absolutely for so long, I was just like and I
Speaker 1: wanted it so deeply. I was such a anesthetic, open
Speaker 1: person who just wanted these deep connections so much. So,
Speaker 1: you know, it was very strange for me, and especially too.
Speaker 1: You know. One of the things that I realized as
Speaker 1: well when I would go to school and I'd be like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna like make my chosen family here. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: heard that's real. And then you go there and you're like,
Speaker 1: oh no, everybody kind of needs you to act a
Speaker 1: certain way. There's all these unspoken ways that you're supposed
Speaker 1: to be a person. And I always felt like I
Speaker 1: was too too much. I was feeling like I was
Speaker 1: a little too much. I felt things very deeply, and
Speaker 1: I was very sensitive and very expressive. And uh, those
Speaker 1: people are not usually super popular at that age. That's
Speaker 1: not you know, you're supposed to be kind of cool
Speaker 1: and aloof and you know, never struggle with mental health.
Speaker 1: Stuff like that is not an age to be different
Speaker 1: or way too mature for your age. None of that
Speaker 1: stuff is appreciated.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I often think about how much time in my
Speaker 2: life I spent pretending to be like really chill or
Speaker 2: to even not have feelings, you know, both in my
Speaker 2: relationships with family and friends and then especially in romantic
Speaker 2: relationships when you're like in your twenties. I don't know
Speaker 2: who out there is telling women like what men want
Speaker 2: is someone who is super aloof doesn't make attachments, is chill,
Speaker 2: and that's what you need to be, even if everything
Speaker 2: inside of you is screaming that how you're not chilled,
Speaker 2: and how you do want attachments, and how you do
Speaker 2: care a lot about this and so you want to
Speaker 2: you have expectations, you have needs. Heaven forbid you be
Speaker 2: a twenty year old woman looking for a man and
Speaker 2: have needs that you have articulated. It's like the worst,
Speaker 2: Like you may as well climb into a graven die.
Speaker 1: Yes no, and it's it's so so. I talk about
Speaker 1: this in my first book was called How to Be
Speaker 1: Alone If you want To and even if you don't,
Speaker 1: and explored so much of this, And there's a whole
Speaker 1: chapter where I literally go on a rant that is
Speaker 1: exactly in line with everything you're saying, because it is
Speaker 1: so correct. And the thing that I talk about is
Speaker 1: how ridiculous that is for multiple reasons. One, because we
Speaker 1: should be allowed to be the totality of ourselves and
Speaker 1: be lovable. That's ridiculous, and we're tolding that we're told
Speaker 1: that that's true, but also be smaller, be less, be
Speaker 1: less of you. But the other thing that's so crazy
Speaker 1: to me when I was writing that that rant with
Speaker 1: just as much justified passion, is I realized that we're
Speaker 1: showing women and people all these TV shows and movies
Speaker 1: where they're like swept away on this like romantic, super
Speaker 1: over the top, you know, vacations and flowers and courting,
Speaker 1: and yet we get to adulthood and so many men
Speaker 1: are just like what, I'm not gonna do that stuff.
Speaker 1: You're gonna come to my roof and you're gonna eat
Speaker 1: an old burrito and you're gonna love it. And if
Speaker 1: you don't, I'm going to break up with you. Like what? No, Yeah,
Speaker 1: what about you? Crazy and needing? Sorry, I've been raised
Speaker 1: to believe that there would be courting and love like
Speaker 1: this is something I've been ranting about for so long
Speaker 1: because I was always a hopeless romantic. I think most
Speaker 1: people are, like, even when you're cynical, I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people are cynical because they were really romantic
Speaker 1: and they got disappointed a lot. That's fair, But who
Speaker 1: doesn't want love. Who doesn't want somebody to gush and
Speaker 1: be excited and try to make you feel really loved
Speaker 1: and special. Like, it's so disgusting how many men have
Speaker 1: tried to make you feel like you're a demon for
Speaker 1: wanting basic care.
Speaker 2: How much unrealistic expectation do you think that we absorb
Speaker 2: from media and the internet, and like, you know, all
Speaker 2: of that just out in the air, so much.
Speaker 1: So much, And that's you know, that's so much of
Speaker 1: what that's so much of what I talk about, you know,
Speaker 1: in the first book, that's what that's so much of
Speaker 1: what I talk about, and when it comes to your
Speaker 1: family members, and also what it means to be alone,
Speaker 1: what it means to be a woman who is alone,
Speaker 1: because we see, know, we say two things. We're like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's so independent, and we're also like and a loser.
Speaker 1: Like it's it's like we're saying all these things. You
Speaker 1: can't pretend we're not saying them. And then in the
Speaker 1: second book, you know, talking about friendship and all this stuff.
Speaker 1: So much of what I learned from friendship was from
Speaker 1: pop culture. I was told that, you know, we were
Speaker 1: all gonna Me and my friends were all gonna meet
Speaker 1: up every single day at the latest hot restaurant at
Speaker 1: noon and we never needed a calendar. Like on Sex
Speaker 1: and the City. I was told that, you know, we
Speaker 1: were all going to live together or at least really
Speaker 1: close by, like in Living Single or New Girl. Like
Speaker 1: that doesn't happen. We live in different neighborhoods. It could
Speaker 1: take you an hour to get to your friends like there,
Speaker 1: And it's hard not to internalize that because you see
Speaker 1: that as a kid or as an a adult, and
Speaker 1: you're like, I want that. I'm sure I'll get that soon.
Speaker 1: And then it doesn't happen like that, and you're like,
Speaker 1: what did I do wrong? And I don't think we
Speaker 1: did anything wrong. I really don't. I think, you know,
Speaker 1: there's always things you can do to improve that. But
Speaker 1: that's so much of Yeah, I've internalized a lot of
Speaker 1: shame about that stuff. And I would keep watching those shows.
Speaker 1: I still watch those shows. I love watching them because
Speaker 1: we love I love watching Friends. I love not the
Speaker 1: show Friends, but like I love watching shows about friends
Speaker 1: where they're they love each other and they support each
Speaker 1: other like, who doesn't love that? But it can get
Speaker 1: really hard when you're like, it's great to watch this,
Speaker 1: but I want to live this. I want to experience
Speaker 1: it for real, not just through a TV.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, let's talk about that so you will find
Speaker 2: your friends. As about making friends as an adult and
Speaker 2: how fraught hard it can be in some ways to
Speaker 2: sort of break out of that. Why do you think
Speaker 2: it can be so hard to make adult friends.
Speaker 1: I think it's a lot of reasons, you know. One
Speaker 1: of them is that it can't be denied. Like, our
Speaker 1: current state of capitalism sucks, It really sucks. We're being
Speaker 1: asked to work like sixty hours a week maybe more,
Speaker 1: just to just to get by. That's really leaving us
Speaker 1: very little time to take care of ourselves, to find
Speaker 1: community to I mean, that's supposed to be that's supposed
Speaker 1: to be the point of life. I really think the
Speaker 1: point of life is to have these communities, to have
Speaker 1: to feel like we have backup on backup. How can
Speaker 1: you do that when you're trying to work just to survive.
Speaker 1: I think that that can't be discounted. That is that
Speaker 1: is part of it. And also so many of us,
Speaker 1: you know, don't live as close to each other as
Speaker 1: maybe like previous generations did where you all lived in
Speaker 1: you know, maybe a little bit closer. I know, I
Speaker 1: don't live that close to a lot of my friends.
Speaker 1: A lot of my friends are long distance. That's harder.
Speaker 1: And then you know, the other thing is is a
Speaker 1: lot of us have been hurt a lot by past friends,
Speaker 1: and so when we get older, it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: when you scrape your knee as a kid, it hurt,
Speaker 1: but like not necessarily as much as it hurts when
Speaker 1: you get older, because like I don't know, like your
Speaker 1: body's different, all these things, like it just that feel
Speaker 1: like that stuff hurts so much more and that lasts
Speaker 1: so much longer. And I think that that's true for
Speaker 1: like relational pain. So like we've had so many cuts
Speaker 1: and scrapes. I guess essentially our in our friendships as well,
Speaker 1: where a lot of our past friendships have left us
Speaker 1: feeling really scared to try again and really hurt, and
Speaker 1: understandably we're like, yeah, I don't want to do that again.
Speaker 1: Whereas I think when you're you know, eight fifteen, you're like,
Speaker 1: I'll try again, Sure it'll get better. But then I
Speaker 1: don't know. After twenty thirty years of that, you're like,
Speaker 1: maybe I won't. Maybe this is you know, And so
Speaker 1: it's I think a lot of it is our culture.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of it is, and also a
Speaker 1: lot of it is our own pain and our own
Speaker 1: healing that we have to kind of do around that
Speaker 1: and rewire how we choose people, what we allow. It's
Speaker 1: so much stickier than most people talk about. They're just like, oh,
Speaker 1: the social media, and I'm like, oh my god, it
Speaker 1: can't It's not that easy. It's not that simple.
Speaker 3: Let's take a quick break at our back.
Speaker 2: My parents were what you might call keep to themselves types.
Speaker 2: We didn't have a house full of friends, and it
Speaker 2: just wasn't something I saw a lot of growing up.
Speaker 2: You could have acquaintances, sure, but we weren't really encouraged
Speaker 2: to really let people in literally and metaphorically. It's something
Speaker 2: that still shapes the way I understand friendship today as
Speaker 2: an adult. There are so many things that we have
Speaker 2: to unlearn, interrogate, baggage we have to put down that
Speaker 2: kind of keeps us from showing up the way that
Speaker 2: we want. I know, for me, I kind of was
Speaker 2: one of those like my parents. They were the kind
Speaker 2: of people who didn't have friends. They had family, and
Speaker 2: so we had family around a lot, but they didn't
Speaker 2: really have any friends. They didn't really have people over
Speaker 2: that we were not blood relatives, and so I grew
Speaker 2: up on a household where the norm was keeping to yourself.
Speaker 2: It was unusual to have non blood people in your
Speaker 2: life popping over. And so that is the default that
Speaker 2: I always find myself going back to, and I have
Speaker 2: to really work to catch myself to unlearn it and say,
Speaker 2: you know, well, if somebody wants to come over, why
Speaker 2: is my default being like, no, they can't. Or if
Speaker 2: if somebody wants to get a drink somebody I don't
Speaker 2: know very well. I just feel this, what feels familiar
Speaker 2: is saying no, and I have to really step out
Speaker 2: of myself to interrogate why that is and interrogate if
Speaker 2: that is getting me to what the life that I
Speaker 2: actually want or a life that just feels like what
Speaker 2: I deserve.
Speaker 1: So that's you know, I'm so glad that you said that,
Speaker 1: because there's two things about that that are so important.
Speaker 1: One is, we're only for the most part, we're only
Speaker 1: going to have friendships that are what we're modeled for us. So,
Speaker 1: you know, for many of us, the only friendships we
Speaker 1: saw were on TV, which or we saw our friend
Speaker 1: our parents' friendships, if they had them or if they didn't,
Speaker 1: if they were good or if they were bad. So
Speaker 1: we're modeling that same thing if our if our parents
Speaker 1: had weird friendships or didn't have a lot of friends. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's going to feel harder for us to navigate that.
Speaker 1: You know, we talk about that a lot when it
Speaker 1: comes to romantic relationships, where we're like, oh, you learn
Speaker 1: what you know about romantic relationships from watching your parents' relationship.
Speaker 1: It's the same thing from friendships. It's the exact same thing.
Speaker 1: And then the other thing about that is that you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's that's another part of those like old wounds,
Speaker 1: Like so much of the ways we interact with our
Speaker 1: friends are still reacting from that child place of like
Speaker 1: those wounds that we have around our attachment styles and
Speaker 1: the way that we were able to attach to our
Speaker 1: parents and the way that our parents interactive with us.
Speaker 1: We're still doing that. I wish it wasn't true because
Speaker 1: it feels rude, but it's true. I feel like such
Speaker 1: a really mad.
Speaker 2: You mentioned earlier that it's very easy to be like, oh,
Speaker 2: the problem is social media, and I completely agree with
Speaker 2: you that it's so much more complicated than that. We're
Speaker 2: all living in we're all exhausted, we're all burnt out,
Speaker 2: there's just so much going on. It's just so hard
Speaker 2: to be a fucking person these days. But do you
Speaker 2: think that the Internet and social media complicates, you know,
Speaker 2: the way that people are building relationships or not building
Speaker 2: relationships right now?
Speaker 1: I do absolutely, And so you know, I only reference that,
Speaker 1: and you probably already you know, knew this. But because
Speaker 1: so often when we talk about people struggling with things
Speaker 1: in our in our world, the people who are weighing
Speaker 1: in just make it like the simplest thing. They're not
Speaker 1: looking any deeper, and then it's just like, oh, just
Speaker 1: go do this. This is really easy. And I just
Speaker 1: hate that advice so much because there's all these pieces.
Speaker 1: You have to look at all of them. All I
Speaker 1: have to look at all of them. So yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, social media is a double edged sword for friendships,
Speaker 1: I think, because on one hand, you can make friendships
Speaker 1: of people who live far away who you might not
Speaker 1: have met, which is particularly vital for marginalized people who
Speaker 1: might not meet a lot of other people who are
Speaker 1: like them. I mean, that's a huge, huge thing, so
Speaker 1: I can't discount that. I think that's also why I
Speaker 1: hate when people are like social media is bad. I'm like,
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't know anyone like them in
Speaker 1: their areas. This is a huge tool. You can't say
Speaker 1: that it's all bad. But on the other side of that,
Speaker 1: I know social media can also be this horrible source
Speaker 1: for comparison, where we're constantly seeing people post their perfect,
Speaker 1: perfect friend group, having their perfect, perfect birthday parties and
Speaker 1: their perfect perfect girls trips and all these things. And
Speaker 1: again that shame comes back in and I'm like, they
Speaker 1: have it too, everyone has it. Oh like it's and Nate.
Speaker 1: The thing is, they might not even have it. They
Speaker 1: might not their friendships might be full of resentment and
Speaker 1: gossip and backbiting and and unsaid things. It's very likely
Speaker 1: that they are. But if you're just scrolling through your phone,
Speaker 1: you're like, ugh, another reminder of what I want to
Speaker 1: have that I don't have, and they have it.
Speaker 2: It exists, you know, Yeah, I think I hadn't really
Speaker 2: even thought about that. Of the way that that comparison
Speaker 2: aspect of social media really can make you feel more
Speaker 2: dug into your shame because you feel like you're alone.
Speaker 2: You feel like everybody else is hanging out without me,
Speaker 2: having brunch or on a girl's trip to roam or whatever.
Speaker 2: They're wrong on the boat and I'm in my apartment.
Speaker 2: And yeah, it really keeps us dug into the experience
Speaker 2: that we are the only people like experiencing these painful
Speaker 2: feelings when everybody, it doesn't matter who you are, everybody
Speaker 2: feels alone. Sometimes everybody feels disconnected and disengaged.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's true, it's true. And it's also like, you know,
Speaker 1: the people who don't have that aren't going to post that,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not gonna, you know, post a photo of
Speaker 1: me with you know, the friends I wish I was
Speaker 1: hanging out with are just dead space. I'm like me
Speaker 1: with my best friends on this boat. It's just like
Speaker 1: me alone. Like people who struggle with that aren't going
Speaker 1: to do that because there's no way to really effectively
Speaker 1: do that. And also, you know, some people feel their
Speaker 1: own shame from not having that that they don't want
Speaker 1: to necessarily broadcast it. But I think that's it too,
Speaker 1: you know, I always know that's the hardest thing, right.
Speaker 1: It's like the people who don't have something are not
Speaker 1: going to post that they don't have it. But I
Speaker 1: think the other thing that's tough about it, too, is
Speaker 1: that so many people are posting it as sort of
Speaker 1: like a keeping up with the Joneses thing, where they're like,
Speaker 1: I have to post that I have really great friends.
Speaker 1: I have to do this. And it's so funny because
Speaker 1: when I did a TV appearance for this book, and
Speaker 1: my book publisher was like, was like, hey, like the
Speaker 1: this like morning show wants you to give us some
Speaker 1: photos of you and your friends so that we can
Speaker 1: put them up there. And I was like, fun, fact,
Speaker 1: I have no photos of me with my friends. I
Speaker 1: don't even know where I would like I maybe have some,
Speaker 1: like after comedy shows or something like that. But when
Speaker 1: I'm hanging out with my friends, we don't take photos.
Speaker 1: I don't really do that, and so some people like
Speaker 1: to do it. I'm not saying that people who do
Speaker 1: that are it's like put upon, but I don't think
Speaker 1: to do that when I'm hanging out with a group
Speaker 1: of people. I'm like, all right, photo approved. This happened
Speaker 1: like I I don't. But then when you don't have
Speaker 1: those photos and you don't have those posts, you're like,
Speaker 1: and I don't. I don't know if that one is
Speaker 1: if other people feel like that. But then you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't have those photos? Are those friendships real? And
Speaker 1: it's like, of course they are, You're just not, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's it's a.
Speaker 2: Absolutely yeah, I know. For and again I'm not knocking
Speaker 2: anybody who is someone who likes to document there, Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's fine.
Speaker 1: And it's just not what I do. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: why do I Why don't I do that? And why
Speaker 1: don't I have those Why don't I have proof? Why
Speaker 1: can't I show this proof that I have friends?
Speaker 2: Yeah, if I'm having a truly good time with friends,
Speaker 2: I'm probably my phone is probably deep in my bag
Speaker 2: and I'm not thinking about it. Like that's like to me,
Speaker 2: that is the marker of me that I'm really engaged
Speaker 2: is that I wasn't even thinking about at the document this.
Speaker 2: I'm just like fully present And so if there's ever
Speaker 2: an event where there's tons of photos taken by me,
Speaker 2: that's probably a signal that I maybe wasn't as engaged
Speaker 2: or as present. Yeah, otherwise again.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, absolutely, But again it's like, that's why I
Speaker 1: love talking about things like this, because I think there
Speaker 1: are a lot of us out there who feel like that.
Speaker 1: But if nobody talks about it, then you're just sitting
Speaker 1: there being like everyone's having fun with their friends, everyone
Speaker 1: remembers take photos. Everyone's having so much fun they can't
Speaker 1: help but take photos. Like you tell yourself these stories
Speaker 1: and you're like, well, I had a lot of fun
Speaker 1: and I was very present, and I didn't take photos
Speaker 1: for I felt like it'd be awkward to take a photo,
Speaker 1: or I don't know, I overthought it in some way.
Speaker 1: And then you're like, was I not having enough fun
Speaker 1: to necessitate photos? And why didn't like you? Again? Does
Speaker 1: this like trying to be this version of normal that
Speaker 1: doesn't really exist because you feel this way, I feel this,
Speaker 1: like other people feel this, but we're still holding ourselves
Speaker 1: up to like what we see.
Speaker 2: Everyone feels lonely sometimes, and according to a twenty twenty
Speaker 2: survey from the insurance company Sigma, gen Z is lonelier
Speaker 2: than older generations, with seventy three percent of gen Z
Speaker 2: respondents reporting that they feel alone either sometimes or always
Speaker 2: the highest level of any generation. Now it's easy to
Speaker 2: blame smartphones and social media, and that might be part
Speaker 2: of it, but Lane says it's more complicated than that.
Speaker 2: Your book is about making friends as an adult. But
Speaker 2: I often wonder the younger generation, like teenagers, how are
Speaker 2: they navigating this incredibly fraud dynamic that we navigate. I mean,
Speaker 2: I'll speak for myself, I navigate poorly as an adult.
Speaker 2: I wonder how the younger generation who has grown up
Speaker 2: seeped in this, this has been their reality for most
Speaker 2: of their lives. How are they navigating it? Do you think?
Speaker 1: I think it's one of those things like from people
Speaker 1: that I've talked to, even just like on this book tour,
Speaker 1: like you know, having people's parents be like, hey, can
Speaker 1: you I bought this book for my daughter or my
Speaker 1: son who's really struggling with their friendships right now now,
Speaker 1: can you sign it to them? And I was like,
Speaker 1: oh God, yes, Like can I send a hug with this?
Speaker 1: Because I just I think some things change and somethings
Speaker 1: stay very much the same, you know, where it's like
Speaker 1: they're still bullying, there's still people being too weird to
Speaker 1: have friends, too different to have friends, there's still and
Speaker 1: then I think you have the added thing that I
Speaker 1: truly can't imagine, which is social media. Of that I
Speaker 1: can't imagine being a teenager or around that age and
Speaker 1: feeling like I had to follow all the popular kids
Speaker 1: on social media. Like when I think about it, I'm
Speaker 1: just like I would, and then like if one of
Speaker 1: your friends unfollowed you, like that feels bad now as
Speaker 1: an adult, but at fifteen, I think I would have
Speaker 1: lost it. Like you know, we had our own versions
Speaker 1: of this stuff, but I think it's so added it
Speaker 1: And also, you know, filters, like if there's so many
Speaker 1: things that I just feel like can warp, you know,
Speaker 1: and it's I'm not it's not being like, oh, you're
Speaker 1: grasping at straws to say that filters are really affecting children,
Speaker 1: Like you know, we know that there are like more
Speaker 1: and more like kids like people under eighteen or like
Speaker 1: getting classic surge and stuff. There's no way that's not
Speaker 1: because they're like, oh I look better with this filter,
Speaker 1: Like you know, there's just I feel like it's it's
Speaker 1: got to be really rough, but you know, I don't.
Speaker 1: I still feel like I understand it, Like as much
Speaker 1: as it's easy to be like, oh, it's probably so
Speaker 1: different from when we were kids, I don't know. I've
Speaker 1: talked to teenagers and kids and stuff about their friendships
Speaker 1: and things like that, and a lot of the stuff
Speaker 1: that's not really what they necessarily bring up the most.
Speaker 1: I think it's a lot of the stuff just stays
Speaker 1: the same where it's like, you know, their friends were
Speaker 1: their friends and then they suddenly all turned on them
Speaker 1: and started bullying them. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I've
Speaker 1: been through that. Like, you know, a lot of this
Speaker 1: stuff stays the same. You wish it didn't, you wish
Speaker 1: it would get better, But I don't know. So I
Speaker 1: feel like, yeah, if that makes sense, Like I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of ways it's the same stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that happened.
Speaker 2: It speaks back to your point about how it's easy
Speaker 2: to cling to the simplistic answer of like, it's social media,
Speaker 2: that's what's doing it right. Yeah, more after a.
Speaker 3: Quick break, let's get right back into it.
Speaker 2: I was thinking back to a memory when I was
Speaker 2: in junior high at camp. But our version of following
Speaker 2: the popular people on social media was after somebody had
Speaker 2: a wild weekend out, they would bring like a like
Speaker 2: a stack of physical photos of like all the memories.
Speaker 2: I remember being on a lunch table and there was
Speaker 2: a girl doing that and she had like a stack
Speaker 2: of photos and all of her friends were sitting around
Speaker 2: her looking through these photos laughing thinking oh so great.
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, can I see And she
Speaker 2: said to me, if I wanted everybody to see, I
Speaker 2: would be passing them around. And so like it's like that.
Speaker 2: I think kids are probably having that same vibe on
Speaker 2: social media and it probably feels inflamed or heightened. But
Speaker 2: it's not new. You know, everybody's experienced that. It's just
Speaker 2: like social media makes you so much more hyper aware
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's that's really all it is. You can see
Speaker 1: more tangible stuff because you know, when I was a
Speaker 1: kid and someone was like not talking to me or
Speaker 1: giving me the cold shoulder or whatever, Like I didn't
Speaker 1: need to see that they'd like unfollowed me or whatever.
Speaker 1: It was like, Oh you could feel that they'd unfollow you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, you've this is wild cool, cool cool cool,
Speaker 1: like the irl unfollow Yeah, like you knew, you knew
Speaker 1: when you'd been unfollowed, and you're like, what did I,
Speaker 1: and you like can't. You want to ask what you did,
Speaker 1: but you can't. And it's like, you know, when you
Speaker 1: look at it that way, you're like, you know, stuff
Speaker 1: at a basic human level, stuff hasn't changed that much,
Speaker 1: and you know, it's all the same, it's all the
Speaker 1: same stuff that it was. Where it's like those are
Speaker 1: people who have their own pain and they're trying to
Speaker 1: have power over somebody else and you know, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: and it's boringly human. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2: You touch on this in the book. But one of
Speaker 2: the things that I find so interesting is the ways
Speaker 2: that the way that we build friendships is really gendered.
Speaker 2: And so I think, you know, women are sort of
Speaker 2: told you can make friends, but this is just like
Speaker 2: a placeholder. You'll meet then you'll meet your romantic partner.
Speaker 2: Y'all will get married and that's the real prize. You know.
Speaker 2: In what ways do you think that the way the
Speaker 2: way that like we that different genders are told to
Speaker 2: think about friendships in their life, how do you see
Speaker 2: this as as all a gendered thing that's playing out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, it's just it's just the way that
Speaker 1: we're we're socialized, you know, I know, there are so
Speaker 1: many men out there who men men when it comes
Speaker 1: to their friendships, like they're they're told that, like, it
Speaker 1: can't be that emotional, it has to just be like
Speaker 1: watching the game together and all of that stuff and
Speaker 1: this like you know, you don't hug and you don't cry,
Speaker 1: and you don't we don't talk about our feelings. Oh
Speaker 1: like we don't do any of that stuff. And so
Speaker 1: where what are men doing with those feelings? Because men
Speaker 1: have feelings, All genders experience emotions. Like it's just so
Speaker 1: so harmful, so unnecessary, you know, And so then a
Speaker 1: lot of those men are going and there they're trying
Speaker 1: to do that with their female partners because that's the
Speaker 1: only they know. Women understand that. But that's a lot
Speaker 1: of pressure to put on the women in your life.
Speaker 1: And then they don't really know how to be friends
Speaker 1: with a woman because they're told that women are not
Speaker 1: your friends. They are supposed to be sex objects and
Speaker 1: in this way or romantic. I'm just all these things
Speaker 1: you can't women can't be people. So you know, there's
Speaker 1: all these conflicting messages that they're given and I really
Speaker 1: I really empathize with it because I empathize with the
Speaker 1: men who are doing their best to unlearn that shit,
Speaker 1: because it's not it's not anyone's fault that these ideas
Speaker 1: have been placed in the world, but it is our
Speaker 1: responsibility to unlearn them. That's just the way it is. So,
Speaker 1: you know, I have a lot of empathy for men
Speaker 1: who are like, this is a really lonely existence. I
Speaker 1: want to have close friendships. I want to have friendships,
Speaker 1: like women are allowed to have friendships, and it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this kind of thinking limits everybody. And then you know,
Speaker 1: women again, yeah exactly are told the same the same
Speaker 1: thing in a different way where it's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: you can be like close and intimate, but like really,
Speaker 1: your partner should be your whole world and like he
Speaker 1: should get which if you think about what those two
Speaker 1: genders are being told, so like we're supposed to save
Speaker 1: all our energy for our male partner who doesn't know
Speaker 1: how to talk about his feelings, So like what is
Speaker 1: this who doesn't know how to have a friendship outside
Speaker 1: of chest bumps, Like and you know, like what it's
Speaker 1: just all it's not working for us. And you know,
Speaker 1: that's why it was important for me to talk about
Speaker 1: things like this in the book, because to take it
Speaker 1: from this personal you know, this personal thing that we're
Speaker 1: making bad choices, this personal shame, and it's like, no, no,
Speaker 1: we have a bunch of things constructed here that are
Speaker 1: really flawed and difficult to navigate. It makes sense that
Speaker 1: people are struggling.
Speaker 2: In my other life, I do a lot of work
Speaker 2: around combating extremism and how people kind of like fall
Speaker 2: down dangerous rabbit holes online. Like that is definitely if
Speaker 2: you're an adult, like it is your responsibility to not
Speaker 2: do that. But time and time again, the research indicates
Speaker 2: that loneliness when you combine men who are or even
Speaker 2: anybody really, but people who are lonely with the internet,
Speaker 2: people who don't have strong connections in their lives, that
Speaker 2: is like a recipe for people falling down dangerous ideologies online.
Speaker 2: And so all of this is important not just for
Speaker 2: the people that you know want to have fulfilling, meaningful
Speaker 2: relationships and full lives, but it's important to all of us,
Speaker 2: Like it makes us less safe as a culture when
Speaker 2: people are social when men especially are socialized to not
Speaker 2: have those connections, because the research is just very clear
Speaker 2: that it opens up a pathway to much more dangerous
Speaker 2: and potentially harmful, violent ways of thinking and being in
Speaker 2: the world.
Speaker 1: Yes, no, absolutely, I mean I think that's why we
Speaker 1: have to stop looking at it like, you know, it's
Speaker 1: everyone for themselves. I mean, and I that was something
Speaker 1: that had frustrated me my whole life because I think
Speaker 1: I just I as this like very soft hearted little kid.
Speaker 1: I was like, but aren't we like all supposed to
Speaker 1: like help each other. And like I look back at that,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, you're in for a rough throat. And
Speaker 1: then you're thinking like that at like seven, that's not
Speaker 1: before thinking. But there is this idea of like that's
Speaker 1: your business and this is my business, and well, I
Speaker 1: don't know if you doesn't you know, have any help,
Speaker 1: that's not my problem. And it's like if we had
Speaker 1: a sense of community, no one would be left behind,
Speaker 1: no one would be ostracized, no one would be like
Speaker 1: you're different from me, you're bad. We wouldn't see each
Speaker 1: other as as a competition. We would see each other
Speaker 1: as you know it It sounds kind of hippie. But
Speaker 1: does it sound kind of you know, hippie's had a
Speaker 1: lot of good points, I you know, I mean, it's
Speaker 1: like it's I'm not trying to sound too like WU,
Speaker 1: but I think it's it's really true. I think if
Speaker 1: we had more compassion and less limits and we know
Speaker 1: why those limits were put there, they were put there,
Speaker 1: and I think that's something I have to remind myself of.
Speaker 1: I'm like, we know that you know all of these like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm different from this person, and this person's different and
Speaker 1: they're bad, and like all this stuff was not created
Speaker 1: by us and was created, you know, to sell us
Speaker 1: stuff to make people mad, to distract people from other issues.
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, I don't want to go down
Speaker 1: that rabbit hole either, but it's it's something that helps
Speaker 1: me when I think about it, because I'm just like,
Speaker 1: how did we get these ideas that like each other
Speaker 1: are the problem? You know what I mean? And it's
Speaker 1: like the men you're talking about who go down this
Speaker 1: extremest place.
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, what if you could be angry at
Speaker 4: the systems that created this, how much more productive would
Speaker 4: that be and how much more community positive community would
Speaker 4: you have?
Speaker 1: Like the men who are like women are the problem,
Speaker 1: I hate this, blah blah blah. It's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: if you could see that, like the ways that you
Speaker 1: have been socialized that think that men have to be
Speaker 1: this way, women have to be like that. That's the problem.
Speaker 1: You're putting it on the wrong person. Man, you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's it's tough because we can't you know,
Speaker 1: we can only do so much work on that. And
Speaker 1: again that that really is when it's like, hopefully everybody's
Speaker 1: doing that own work and gets to that realization as
Speaker 1: soon as they can, because like, more divisiveness, more hatred,
Speaker 1: more rage, more violence, it's never going to bring you
Speaker 1: more joy. It's never going to bring you more community,
Speaker 1: not in a not a good way.
Speaker 2: Like, so, what tips do you have for folks listening
Speaker 2: on how to make friends as an adult?
Speaker 1: Yeah, So one of the things that I talk a
Speaker 1: lot about in the book is things like attachment styles
Speaker 1: and love languages, which we talk so much about in
Speaker 1: romantic relationships, but we don't talk about it when it
Speaker 1: comes to our friendships because again, we have this idea
Speaker 1: that your romantic relationships should take work and your friendship
Speaker 1: should just be easy and have no communication, and that
Speaker 1: is garbage. So really looking at the ways that you
Speaker 1: give and receive love and the ways that your friends
Speaker 1: give and receive love. Really just trying to understand people
Speaker 1: a little bit more, because your friendships are relationships. I know,
Speaker 1: it's really easy to want that friend who just gets
Speaker 1: you and you never have to explain it. I've wanted
Speaker 1: that my whole life, where I'm like, I want everyone
Speaker 1: to know what I need and I never want to
Speaker 1: talk about it ever. But you know, part of growth
Speaker 1: is realizing like I could keep doing that and expecting that,
Speaker 1: or like, what are the ways I need to communicate
Speaker 1: a little bit more, What are the ways I need
Speaker 1: to say even if it sucks, even if I've done
Speaker 1: it before and it didn't go well. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of it is trying things in new ways, trying
Speaker 1: to relate to people in new ways, trying to relate
Speaker 1: to the people in your life in new ways, trying to,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe meet different kinds of people than the
Speaker 1: ones that Going back to what we were talking about earlier,
Speaker 1: so many of us have this set pattern where we're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm always this friend and like, you know, I'm always
Speaker 1: the one who gives more. I'm always the one who
Speaker 1: like takes care of them and they don't take care
Speaker 1: of me. And then we repeat these patterns to like
Speaker 1: prove it's true. It's not conscious I've done it's it's
Speaker 1: not coming from a place of like, oh you stupid,
Speaker 1: unhealed people do this. No, no, all, It's like it's
Speaker 1: extremely because that's how people talk about it, you know,
Speaker 1: like a lot of experts are like, well, if you're
Speaker 1: an idiot, then you're doing this, and I'm like, be quiet, Beth,
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it. But like it's just
Speaker 1: so lacks any empathy, Like, you know, everything I'm talking
Speaker 1: about is something I've like lived and struggled with and
Speaker 1: had to learn because I've done it. So it's you know,
Speaker 1: but we have to take a look at that and say, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: maybe there's more work that I have to do on myself.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's more boundaries that I have to set up.
Speaker 1: So I think that, you know, obviously I could give
Speaker 1: the advice like people love to give the throwaway avice
Speaker 1: of like go to a bar or talk to somebody.
Speaker 1: I don't think the reason I don't give that advice
Speaker 1: other than I just think it's oversimplified and kind of worthless,
Speaker 1: is that is that I don't think people's problem is
Speaker 1: meeting people. I don't think that's it. I don't think
Speaker 1: the hard thing about making friends is that you're not
Speaker 1: meeting someone. I think the hard thing often comes with
Speaker 1: finding people who are compatible. You want to be their friend,
Speaker 1: maybe they don't want to be yours, whatever, having better
Speaker 1: dynamics in that friendship, communicating better, having somebody who can
Speaker 1: meet your needs. I think it's all these things, and
Speaker 1: then growing and changing with that friend, knowing how to
Speaker 1: let it go when it happens. So I think it
Speaker 1: really is just a lot of work that you're doing
Speaker 1: on yourself and then a lot of work you're doing
Speaker 1: with that other person, not necessarily bad work, but I
Speaker 1: just again, I don't think it stops as like, oh,
Speaker 1: you need to meet people. It's like, well, yes, but
Speaker 1: what do you do when you meet people? How do
Speaker 1: you change what you do when you meet people? Because
Speaker 1: we all have our own little patterns, So like we
Speaker 1: can meet someone and then we still do the little
Speaker 1: thing that we do with them that might not be
Speaker 1: good for us, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it really comes back to like being curious and
Speaker 2: introspective about your patterns, how you show up if that's
Speaker 2: working for you, I.
Speaker 1: Think, yes, I think that's so much of it, and
Speaker 1: it's like it sounds like we want the easy answer.
Speaker 1: I think that that is why so many of those
Speaker 1: experts who are like, oh, i'll tell you right now,
Speaker 1: go to a bar, go to this specific bar. That's
Speaker 1: why people love stuff like that, because people, so many
Speaker 1: people have been conditioned, because I don't blame them, have
Speaker 1: been conditioned to want the like, cheapest, simplest answer because
Speaker 1: we want something that's like, you know, we want to
Speaker 1: be able to say I'm lonely. I want to be
Speaker 1: able to take something right now that'll make me stop
Speaker 1: being lonely. We want something that's easy and you know
Speaker 1: that's it and so, but that's not true. That's not real.
Speaker 1: And the real truth of it is that it's messier
Speaker 1: than that, it's more personal than that, and it's harder
Speaker 1: than that. But I'd rather do the real, true healing
Speaker 1: around that to have better friendships than to do kind
Speaker 1: of like a band aid that covers up the wound
Speaker 1: and you just have to keep getting more band aids
Speaker 1: mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Yeah, speaking of wounds I have about Tender Live. Yes,
Speaker 2: that was my first forrite into your work. Uh nice,
Speaker 2: I am obsessed with it. So here's my question for
Speaker 2: people who are on the apps like Tinder Live, it
Speaker 2: really shows you how horrible online meeting can be. The
Speaker 2: piece I mentioned, the piece about going on Tinder in
Speaker 2: San Francisco especially, or was like, oh, I lived there
Speaker 2: for a while. I know exactly that, you know, like
Speaker 2: I own a tech company, but I also go hiking up.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I'm not like the other men.
Speaker 2: I'm out, I'm out in nature. Honey. Yeah, what do
Speaker 2: you what advice do you have for someone who justlike
Speaker 2: cannot swipe past another bad tender or hinge profile. They're
Speaker 2: just fucking done. I know somebody out there is like
Speaker 2: that is me. What should that person do?
Speaker 1: You don't have to, you don't have to. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that's that's really so much of it. Like
Speaker 1: you know, I love I love doing Tender Live because
Speaker 1: it makes people feel less alone in that it makes
Speaker 1: people realize they're not the only one getting the bad messages.
Speaker 1: They're not the only one doing these things. But uh,
Speaker 1: if someone's not getting something out of that, they're allowed
Speaker 1: to stop. Like there's this idea that we have and
Speaker 1: and this is put on everybody, but it's put on
Speaker 1: women especially where like you have to keep trying. If
Speaker 1: you stop, If you stop trying, You're never gonna find
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? And it's
Speaker 1: like there's so many of us out there. I've been
Speaker 1: there many times myself, where you know, I mean, it's funny,
Speaker 1: it's funny to say, but like I'm only on those
Speaker 1: apps for work. I'm only as for a Tender Live.
Speaker 1: I don't you know. I'm like, I do my comedy show,
Speaker 1: that's it. But it is funny because like when I
Speaker 1: go on tour with Tinderlive, I'll be in like a
Speaker 1: coffee shop in like Chicago, and I'm like swiping ferociously
Speaker 1: and I feel like there's probably someone behind me being
Speaker 1: like wow, she's just like really horny this morning, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm here, this is for work. And
Speaker 1: then but like how would I even explain what that
Speaker 1: work is with that? Like I don't even know. But
Speaker 1: you know, it's okay to be like maybe this isn't
Speaker 1: for me, this doesn't feel good. I'm going to stop
Speaker 1: doing it. I can. It's it sounds simple and it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it is simple to do. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't I don't agree with that, Like hustle harder mindset
Speaker 1: of like I don't know, just do it twice as much.
Speaker 1: It's like, what, No, it's someone doesn't feel good, so
Speaker 1: you should stop. You're allowed, I think knowing you're allowed
Speaker 1: to stop, and it doesn't mean you're gonna definitely die
Speaker 1: alone now because you stop doing something that didn't feel
Speaker 1: good for you. I think that's such a toxic notion.
Speaker 1: And also, you know, if you're a romantic at all,
Speaker 1: or you believe in fate at all, which you know
Speaker 1: I do to some extent, Like I don't know, my
Speaker 1: stulmay can find me some other way then like figure
Speaker 1: something out, babe. I'm taking a break, maybe at a
Speaker 1: coffee shop. I don't know.
Speaker 2: We are in what feels like a very weird time
Speaker 2: when it comes to the internet technology social media apps stating,
Speaker 2: what do you see as the future of connection as
Speaker 2: it pertains online, especially like we're in this in this
Speaker 2: weird moment, how do you think that's going to affect
Speaker 2: the way that people connect or don't connect?
Speaker 1: I really don't know. I really don't know, because you know,
Speaker 1: I talked to a lot of gen X people, especially
Speaker 1: you haven't like been on dating apps and stuff. A
Speaker 1: lot you know a lot of them have, but people
Speaker 1: who've like never been on dating apps and only knew
Speaker 1: what it was like, because like, you know, I've been
Speaker 1: on like I've had the Internet my whole life, so
Speaker 1: it's like, to me, like, that's not that strange. But
Speaker 1: if you didn't have the Internet your whole life and
Speaker 1: you only met people in person ever, Like I've had
Speaker 1: long distance friends as a child, So to me, it's
Speaker 1: not that weird. But when I talk to them, they're like,
Speaker 1: I don't understand. Why can't you just go talk to
Speaker 1: someone at a bar? If you see someone hot, just
Speaker 1: go up to them. And I'm as someone who's grown
Speaker 1: up so much on the internet, I'm like, uh like,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure that's gonna be the future generation as well.
Speaker 1: It's just like, are you kidding me? No, you know,
Speaker 1: when you've grown up with that. So I don't know
Speaker 1: where it's going because do I think that they're right
Speaker 1: in that it is better to meet people in person,
Speaker 1: of course, but like I don't know, social anxiety, being
Speaker 1: tired again, the same kinds of problems. So I don't know.
Speaker 1: I really don't know where it's gonna go. I hope
Speaker 1: it goes somewhere good. It probably will be some kind
Speaker 1: of return to something in person, because I don't know.
Speaker 1: Technology has made our lives better in a lot of ways,
Speaker 1: but it's also just like I think it makes it
Speaker 1: worse in others. It just does. It's like you can't
Speaker 1: I don't know that you can. Yeah, I don't know
Speaker 1: that you can make it easier necessarily, and I think
Speaker 1: even the ones that like promise to do that, it
Speaker 1: still just feels exhausting to so many of us. So
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, no, this makes it better, And I'm
Speaker 1: like not if me and everyone I know feels really
Speaker 1: tired when they use it.
Speaker 2: You know, yeah, everyone is so exhausted.
Speaker 1: Yeah, other app is it? I don't think that's like it.
Speaker 1: I don't know. And also, you know, if it was,
Speaker 1: it wouldn't make any money because people would be like
Speaker 1: I found a friend, I'm.
Speaker 2: Good, I'm done.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, Like that's so it would have to be
Speaker 1: like some billionaire philanthropist who like made a really good
Speaker 1: app he didn't need to make money on, like yeah,
Speaker 1: and I don't know that we're going to get that
Speaker 1: anytime soon.
Speaker 2: But yeah, the book is he will find your people.
Speaker 2: Where can folks pick up and learn more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you can get it at any local bookstore.
Speaker 1: I have links on my website lanemore dot org and
Speaker 1: in all my social media links to at Hello Lane Moore.
Speaker 1: And then it's available on hardcover and also there's an
Speaker 1: audiobook that I read as well, so you can.
Speaker 2: With great like impressions and stuff like, Yeah, a lot
Speaker 2: of the vocal flourishes in the audio book for you.
Speaker 1: Yes, I love I love doing those little impressions of
Speaker 1: like being able to you know, if I had some
Speaker 1: in my past who was like kind of a dick,
Speaker 1: be like voice sounded, it feels like a little win,
Speaker 1: you know, like that is how you sounded to me.
Speaker 2: I love it, Lane. Is there anything that I did
Speaker 2: not ask that you want to make sure it gets included?
Speaker 1: I'll tell people because I always, uh, I was always
Speaker 1: forgetting to say this, and I'm like, no, for remember
Speaker 1: to say this. I have a podcast I do on
Speaker 1: Patreon called I Thought It Was Just Me where people
Speaker 1: can call in and ask questions and we answer them.
Speaker 1: On the show, I do bits of Tinder Live where
Speaker 1: I review chaotic profiles, and we do a really cool
Speaker 1: segment called what are We where people can call in
Speaker 1: and tell me about all their weird situationships and I
Speaker 1: give you a very legally binding judges ruling about why
Speaker 1: you are just so fun. And I started it recently
Speaker 1: and I was like, you need to be telling people
Speaker 1: about this more because it's so great and there's a
Speaker 1: really great community of people on there, and we just like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's really wonderful.
Speaker 2: Got a story about an interesting thing in tech. I
Speaker 2: just want to say Hi. You can reach just at
Speaker 2: Hello at tangodi dot com. You can also find transcripts
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