Speaker 1: Welcome to Will You Accept This Rose? A production of
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. Oh my god, I'm so horny this
Speaker 1: fine Wednesday morning. I mean when I think hump day,
Speaker 1: first thing in the morning, man, I think, yeah, I
Speaker 1: accept your Rose. I'm feeling really random. These are really
Speaker 1: working out for me. Things are so good. I'm crazy busy.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of projects happening. I can't talk
Speaker 1: about it. I'm just crazy because I'm just blessed. I'm
Speaker 1: just really blessed. I'm just blessed to stress. Hello, my bunnies,
Speaker 1: Welcome to Will You Accept This Rose? My name is
Speaker 1: Art and Marine, and I'm coming to you from the
Speaker 1: fanciest studio. I have ever done this podcast, and it
Speaker 1: is so exciting. I'm in midtown Manhattan at the at
Speaker 1: the heart of my Heart Radio. There's posters of Miley
Speaker 1: Cyrus everywhere, which is just what I want to have happened.
Speaker 1: I am so excited. Tanna is on her way. Her
Speaker 1: Uber driver screwed her up. I don't know, but she's
Speaker 1: coming this guest. I actually I came to New York
Speaker 1: and I could have flown back last night, and I
Speaker 1: actually stayed because I wanted to talk bachelor with one
Speaker 1: of my favorite people with It's certainly one of my
Speaker 1: favorite comedians. She makes me laugh so hard. I also
Speaker 1: need to discuss an evening that I recently had with her.
Speaker 1: She hosts a radio show on Serious X. I'm she's
Speaker 1: a stand up comedian. You might know her from the view,
Speaker 1: you know her from everything, Michelle Collins. It's art and
Speaker 1: it's been a dream of mine to be in your podcast,
Speaker 1: and I just I'm so happy to have you. Um
Speaker 1: And I also worked at the Bachelor until I no
Speaker 1: longer do it. Now I can talk whatever I want
Speaker 1: to say, can I just I feel like I'm with
Speaker 1: like a true expert, and it's you're the expert. I mean,
Speaker 1: I didn't start until Caitlin season, so this is really
Speaker 1: like I feel really excited to break it down with you.
Speaker 1: And I know I said last a couple of days
Speaker 1: ago that Derek was going to be here. Allegedly, Derek
Speaker 1: is the only Bachelor who actually has a job. That's
Speaker 1: why he's the handsomest one though, because he works, doesn't
Speaker 1: he And he looks he's like he looks just like Derek,
Speaker 1: but he's like even hotter. He's really sweet. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna lie. I was like, oh, Derek's coming, I can't
Speaker 1: look like today. I'm not kidding. I was like, I
Speaker 1: gotta wake up earlier. You know what. I know he's
Speaker 1: not here. I should have warned you because last night
Speaker 1: when he canceled, I actually because I knew I wasn't
Speaker 1: going to get much sleep last night. And I felt
Speaker 1: really relieved that because I knew. I was thank you
Speaker 1: for I'm so found out when I got here, and
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm in a full little bo peep costume,
Speaker 1: I have a staff, you know what. I know, you
Speaker 1: know what? And he does have a thing for shepherdesses,
Speaker 1: and say so does America. And you know, we have
Speaker 1: some listeners in Australia who are so randy right now
Speaker 1: just thinking about that shadow still round, still rotted. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna cut the grass um that I watched about for Australia.
Speaker 1: And then when you when you cut somebody, when you
Speaker 1: when you pull somebody out, and like, can I steal
Speaker 1: you for a second, they call it cutting the grass. Really, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very exciting. Cut the place. I want to say
Speaker 1: before we get going, Michelle and I I'm going to
Speaker 1: say a dream evening. Side note one of the nice
Speaker 1: things about Derek not being here is I feel like
Speaker 1: we can speak more freely because he's probably friends with
Speaker 1: the people that are on the show. Our cycles will
Speaker 1: certainly sink faster if he's not here, exactly, Finally, and
Speaker 1: I would be like more like cash if he's not here.
Speaker 1: If you were here, I'd be like Derek Mish, which
Speaker 1: is a different miss No. I had cocktails with him
Speaker 1: last week and he said that you guys were friends
Speaker 1: and that you always text him when you're in his neighborhood.
Speaker 1: That's not true. Okay, that water I think went well.
Speaker 1: I know where he lives because I met him across
Speaker 1: the street from his apartment. And the thing that I
Speaker 1: remember about him, Hello, that's our producer, Anna, Hyanna, Yanna.
Speaker 1: I remember that he has red velvet curtains. That made
Speaker 1: me laugh because it was such a funny, like Burdella,
Speaker 1: and that he was like maybe going to chang him,
Speaker 1: and I said, he, I actually love velvet soccer for valves,
Speaker 1: tanks for the valves. Tom Hanks took seat to jacket.
Speaker 1: I mean Brad Pitt, Mad Pitt. Oh my god. You
Speaker 1: know what I also love about you, Michelle, because you're
Speaker 1: at different times on the May and I I feel
Speaker 1: like our comedy cycles are stinked because every time I'm
Speaker 1: about to record something that makes me laugh and film
Speaker 1: it to put on like an Instagram story, I see
Speaker 1: like I get there and you've already recorded it, and
Speaker 1: it's like the same things that make me laugh. I mean,
Speaker 1: my obsession as soon as watching the Oscars and watching
Speaker 1: Keano and Diane Keaton with him going hello, Diane. I
Speaker 1: love I love how weird he is. He's a good spirit.
Speaker 1: I have two friends. I have two friends that were
Speaker 1: in you know, they loved him. I have two friends
Speaker 1: that are in Bill and Heads and they loved I mean,
Speaker 1: I think he's everything you want Kana to be and
Speaker 1: he's fantastic. He's like a surfer like, free spirit, mentality,
Speaker 1: everything I will when I lived in l A. Though
Speaker 1: nothing frustrating me more, it actually made me hate live
Speaker 1: tweeting because once the show aired in the East Coast,
Speaker 1: it's a total um like spoiler blue balling, like just
Speaker 1: kind of you don't feel excited anymore. I know I
Speaker 1: should get into it, so that sucks for you, and
Speaker 1: I'm one of the reasons I happy to move back
Speaker 1: to New York is to beat you. Um greetings Anna. Hi. Okay,
Speaker 1: before I want to also just get before we get
Speaker 1: going over about to get the bachelor thing. I just
Speaker 1: need to say. Michelle invited me to be her date
Speaker 1: to the Dolomite premiere before the holiday. Can I say
Speaker 1: one funny thing? Yeah, I get invites here in New York,
Speaker 1: never in only New York to like. Premieres are beautiful,
Speaker 1: wonderful events, usually through cinema society. And I get this
Speaker 1: Dolemite premiere and I think, oh, Arden's in town. I
Speaker 1: never see you. Let's go together. I got to remember
Speaker 1: when I wore I looked like truly sharp into bed,
Speaker 1: like I wore this turtle night dress. I don't know. Well,
Speaker 1: the point is Arden, my date goes rent the runway. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's the size of a human doll, comes in lace,
Speaker 1: cut outs, the ribs out, the whole ship, and I'm
Speaker 1: there in a like you look great, obviously, but kind
Speaker 1: of upstage. Let me just say the fact that that's
Speaker 1: what you remember tells me that your brain is trying
Speaker 1: to kill you because you were the belle of the ball.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? And I just said it's true.
Speaker 1: A lot of people talk to me that I know.
Speaker 1: I just don't. I'm saying, like your brain is, don't
Speaker 1: meet you. Because Eddie Murphy. We both wanted to meet
Speaker 1: Eddie Murphy. And again we're gonna get to the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: I promise it's Eddie. We can wait. Eddie Murphy walks
Speaker 1: up and we were talking to Keegan Michael Key because
Speaker 1: I was on Mad TV with him. Give yourself credit
Speaker 1: for this because if not for you, this would not
Speaker 1: have happened to go on. So then Michelle and I
Speaker 1: were Our whole goal was to meet Eddie. So we
Speaker 1: positioned ourselves. We were near Keygan. Why yes, yes, because
Speaker 1: Eddie Murphy is tied with Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock
Speaker 1: would say comedy idols, nobody's funny or nobody's smarter it.
Speaker 1: So we were like, we have if I leave without
Speaker 1: just seeing him. Eddie's like a shy, shy guy. He's
Speaker 1: a billionaire and the most famous and he's been famous
Speaker 1: SINTI his nineteen Eddie walks up and we're talking to Keegan,
Speaker 1: and Keegan was like, oh Eddie, this is Ardi and
Speaker 1: Michelle and Eddie walks up like grinning, like a lighthouse
Speaker 1: beam drawn to Michelle Collins like and like even Keegan's
Speaker 1: face was like clearly he'd done dullly me, like he'd
Speaker 1: been around Eddie. I don't think he was like a
Speaker 1: kid in a can and chep just like delighted just
Speaker 1: walking up and as if he knew you you were
Speaker 1: making me. I'm like, I feel like I'm blushing right
Speaker 1: now and my lips are tucked into my guns because
Speaker 1: this is my the love of my life, like I
Speaker 1: and his beautiful wife was there before, were so amazing.
Speaker 1: And then also that got the other actor that Jean
Speaker 1: Carlos busy though took my number and never texted Gus
Speaker 1: Spring that's true you, but I feel like there was
Speaker 1: like multiple guys. Know, I was like doing something that night.
Speaker 1: I am a very good wing woman, so cut out
Speaker 1: or no cut out, like like you know, I am
Speaker 1: there to support and like I felt like magic was sprinkled.
Speaker 1: Well you any interaction. I looked back with delight and
Speaker 1: regret because I what do you say to this guy?
Speaker 1: It's like me and Queen Elizabeth, you go, you go,
Speaker 1: you kept talking. You're like, oh my god, oh my god,
Speaker 1: about a mother. Like he was tickled. He was just
Speaker 1: and he was. He was nice, he was drinking it
Speaker 1: all in. And then you were like, You're like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, this is your biggest night mare. You're just
Speaker 1: gonna say this tall white woman bothering you made me
Speaker 1: laugh for days, which is true, but that this type.
Speaker 1: But he loves a tall woman any kind. And I'm
Speaker 1: telling you that if they're open at all. Okay speaking,
Speaker 1: here's my question for you opening night of the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: You're one of the bachelorettes. You're in the limo. What's
Speaker 1: your opening outfit and theme getting out of the limit
Speaker 1: and dress with anything full turtle nightgown. Um, it would
Speaker 1: have to be just a turtle night up like jug
Speaker 1: headstyle to the nasties and then and a little crown
Speaker 1: and I'd walk over the brown. I like a turtle
Speaker 1: like dress with a crown that actually would be shake.
Speaker 1: I would have a real I would would say, I
Speaker 1: would have a stupid mullet dress because I would panic
Speaker 1: and I wouldn't know. I would want to. I would
Speaker 1: have a pilo. I would like. I would be like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wear a mini dress, but I want to
Speaker 1: be formal so that I have like a long train
Speaker 1: in the bag. It would be bad. Anna. How are
Speaker 1: you okay great? I'm trying to think of what my
Speaker 1: line would We'd have to be about my height, although
Speaker 1: he was tall. They usually pick a tall bachelor, so
Speaker 1: I think I wouldn't look freaking no no, I would
Speaker 1: for your stunny, but you could. You could be like Victoria,
Speaker 1: like Victoria f with her dry pussy joke that and
Speaker 1: she's still around, and she has a weird personality, and
Speaker 1: she looks like the queen ant from Ants with the Z.
Speaker 1: I think that she looks like I think that she
Speaker 1: looks like Jennius late if Jennius had a keen painting
Speaker 1: down of her with the people the Big Someone else
Speaker 1: tweeted at me that she looks like the woman from
Speaker 1: the Dark Crystal. There's like a muppet, a real bug
Speaker 1: lady from the Dark Crystal. She's very buggy. She's adorable.
Speaker 1: I have to say now I've been defending her, like
Speaker 1: as far as I've been trying to give her. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not defending her and trying. At first I was.
Speaker 1: I felt like she gave a good first date at
Speaker 1: the amusement park. But now I'm finding like and I've
Speaker 1: been trying to go, Okay, maybe she's just very young
Speaker 1: in her white lives matter thing like with the fish
Speaker 1: and a vegan and like, maybe it's just a really
Speaker 1: misguided young dumb dumb, but I'm starting to find her
Speaker 1: to be a real drip. She is a total Imagine
Speaker 1: knowing someone where every time you talk to them, you're like,
Speaker 1: are they going to cry? We're going They're going to
Speaker 1: go stand against a wall and cry in a corner.
Speaker 1: Do you know that? I? You know, I almost never cry.
Speaker 1: I mean when I do, it's like it's called rock bottom,
Speaker 1: Like I have to be at a breaking point, like exhausted,
Speaker 1: it's just done. I have never cried on a date.
Speaker 1: I never cried. Maybe that's why I'm alone. I maybe
Speaker 1: I have never cried on a date. Never. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's psycho not. I would rather move to Canada. Like
Speaker 1: if I cried, and I would move to another barbers
Speaker 1: And yeah, I would just move to another country. If
Speaker 1: I cried in front of you on a date, you
Speaker 1: would never see. I would be over, change my name,
Speaker 1: moved to a different national like, I just wouldn't be
Speaker 1: I would be gone. My question to you is with Peter,
Speaker 1: who to me looks like um like a beautiful wharf
Speaker 1: seal in San Francisco. I feel like because he's very
Speaker 1: hairless and he's like a good body, but it's not
Speaker 1: too good, which I like. I say, he's like the
Speaker 1: hottest improviser in class. That's so funny. And he's not
Speaker 1: going to be Home Team. He's not. He's gonna be good.
Speaker 1: He's hot enough that you will he'll keep getting past,
Speaker 1: but he'll never get He's not the hottest pilot by
Speaker 1: a long shot. So there are some hot I dated
Speaker 1: a pilot ones, can I just say yes, hopefully doesn't
Speaker 1: want I did a hugely except the dress fan huge.
Speaker 1: I dated a pilot, Uh, you're when I lived in
Speaker 1: Actually we met at the airport. He was the pilot
Speaker 1: on my plane. It is one of the hottest stories
Speaker 1: that has ever happened. When you admit what airline Virgin
Speaker 1: with the hot Because they were the international waters they
Speaker 1: could discriminate when they hired an only higher attractive people.
Speaker 1: It was American. We were allowed to legally discriminate and
Speaker 1: higher attractive people. This was Virgin America before they tanked.
Speaker 1: But the point I love and he was very hot.
Speaker 1: He was a former fatty with abs now, and what
Speaker 1: he would do is show them everywhere, which I found embarrassing.
Speaker 1: It's like, please, we're, you know, Britless circle, like you know,
Speaker 1: come on. But I will tell you he wasn't very smart,
Speaker 1: and I'm just saying that's okay. I don't want to
Speaker 1: shun myself from the pilot community because I would ease.
Speaker 1: He did another pilot, but it frightened me because I'm
Speaker 1: like this, he was good with buttons, but you're not
Speaker 1: great right conversationally? But hot? How long did you guys
Speaker 1: make it? Well? He oh, make out, um a couple
Speaker 1: of months. He didn't really gonna livedect Louisiana. So when
Speaker 1: he was in town, thought we got to like the
Speaker 1: hills to l a X. It was fun. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's fine. I was like very slutty. It was really great.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love that. I really I used
Speaker 1: to be fun. Do you have does anywhere? If you
Speaker 1: know that's why do you ever wore an exciting lingerie?
Speaker 1: I have? I have a whole Why do you ask
Speaker 1: me that? Because most women, I feel like I need
Speaker 1: more excited. I feel like I went to a lingerie
Speaker 1: party and I felt like I'm not enough of a woman. Well,
Speaker 1: I would not wear it at a party because I
Speaker 1: would go in a flannel. Do you have exciting stuff?
Speaker 1: You know? Where about it? Because I've got big old
Speaker 1: teas and a big old as. I mean, I'm a
Speaker 1: curvy girl. You know why? Because the thing for Laingrea
Speaker 1: is this. It's not ever well made, even like Asian
Speaker 1: Asian provocateur. It's lace, so you just needed It's like
Speaker 1: a one and done. It's a question do you do
Speaker 1: you wear? And I'm I'm literally asking this because I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm not enough of a woman. Do you
Speaker 1: wear like a teddy? Do you wear like a bra panty?
Speaker 1: I love of matching brawn panty set big into that.
Speaker 1: I love beautiful brass I have that. I don't have
Speaker 1: any like nineties. I don't have anything like. I don't
Speaker 1: do nineties because I don't really see the point. And
Speaker 1: if I had a husband, maybe I would. The situations
Speaker 1: I'm involved in the nights are superos um. I tell
Speaker 1: you what I just got is this like two personal
Speaker 1: I love it. I just bought a velvet body suit,
Speaker 1: but it's like an underwired, very sexy body suit from
Speaker 1: Asos on sale that is so fucking killer that I
Speaker 1: actually might wear it even like under something that gets
Speaker 1: and it's sexy and it's really good. Nah do you wear?
Speaker 1: Do you wear lingerie? Really? I don't like good. I
Speaker 1: think it's fun. I think I feel like I need to.
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe for Valentine's dandy, But I also
Speaker 1: wear spanks, like I wear shape or almost every single day.
Speaker 1: I've even found shape where that's like lacy and not
Speaker 1: Mrs Doubtfire because I look like Mrs Dot if I
Speaker 1: have Baise shape wear on. The juggy kids are laughing
Speaker 1: me across the street when he's putting the face on.
Speaker 1: That's not good. That's not good. We don't do it either. Okay,
Speaker 1: here we are. We're in La Peru and we had
Speaker 1: to watch them walk run around and fake go whoa,
Speaker 1: this is so fun. But alpacas, I mean they're so
Speaker 1: I would love to go to Peru and the alpacas
Speaker 1: are so cute and like the like the is that
Speaker 1: where it is? I actually would love to go to Peru.
Speaker 1: My friend went instead. It was fantastic. Um So then Kelly,
Speaker 1: who I really loved, I feel like she either just
Speaker 1: gave up the will to live or the producers got
Speaker 1: to her like and like because I was actually rooting
Speaker 1: for her to be charming enough to become the next bachelorette,
Speaker 1: and this episode they got their hands on her and
Speaker 1: she was like, Peter, take me to the alpacas, which
Speaker 1: is how I felt. But it was like, that's not
Speaker 1: going to win you over. In the bat in the mansion,
Speaker 1: she came through with a fleet week energy, almost like
Speaker 1: a Samantha on Sex in the City, like, look, here's
Speaker 1: how it's gonna go. I'm gonna do this. First of all,
Speaker 1: they would never make her the bat. No, she's too smart.
Speaker 1: She's too smart. But even her look I had to
Speaker 1: tell you, but and I say that they would never
Speaker 1: make me either before people text me. Um, she didn't
Speaker 1: have to look for it. She was I don't know.
Speaker 1: Her look did not do anything for me. And her
Speaker 1: energy was so throwaway, which is actually fine. It's probably
Speaker 1: how we would all be. I mean, you can't do
Speaker 1: it on the show. I have to tell you, I've
Speaker 1: never seen somebody try less. It was amazing good, it
Speaker 1: was incredible. It was an incredible moment. So we see Peter.
Speaker 1: He's in his hotel room. He's face timing his Mom, Hi, posh,
Speaker 1: don't let her bring don't he Peter? Don't uncle? He
Speaker 1: who Westminster? By the way your photos in the Westminster.
Speaker 1: Let's not even. But Peter's mother love. It's the best.
Speaker 1: It's the best mom energy of It's better. It's better
Speaker 1: than JoJo's mom. She has a princess, she needs to
Speaker 1: be treated like a queen. And his brother's tongue kissing
Speaker 1: her on the mouth and their cow next letters, I
Speaker 1: will take Peter's mom, bring her home. Okay, she's so
Speaker 1: ready for her close up. I love it. I love
Speaker 1: Peter's mom. I'm there for it. And she's like, mom
Speaker 1: is down to the final six. It's a two weights free.
Speaker 1: They all have to say. My biggest fear is that
Speaker 1: this person I'm gonna feed feeling it and a person's
Speaker 1: gonna like me, but they're not gonna like me them.
Speaker 1: And she's like, you have to be tooth for Peter.
Speaker 1: You have to risk killing your truth. And then he's like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go talk to the girls. So he goes
Speaker 1: and he's like, little girls, my biggest fear is that
Speaker 1: I want to be like do you want to be
Speaker 1: with me? Do you see yourself having a family me
Speaker 1: with you one day. It's like they've been on one
Speaker 1: group like they're like, we just met, we went, we
Speaker 1: will hung out like a food court at a mall.
Speaker 1: And side note, the bomb that dropped Secret Virgin, Secret
Speaker 1: Virgin is a twist I didn't see coming because excuse me,
Speaker 1: you don't tell him. Isn't the whole thing that you
Speaker 1: let him know? So that the windmill stops it's swinging
Speaker 1: here and the door. I'm sorry, but that pissed me off.
Speaker 1: But okay, go on my mind and my mind. That's
Speaker 1: with the mom and my mind, and we've bobbed in
Speaker 1: my mind. Secret Virgin. She knows that he okay, we'll
Speaker 1: get there. Yeah, I'm sorry, No, no, I get it.
Speaker 1: I get it. So he picked her out and he goes,
Speaker 1: he takes Madison, and Madison goes, I am ready for marriage,
Speaker 1: and all the girls start talking. Natasha's piss that she
Speaker 1: didn't get another one on one, that Matty got a
Speaker 1: second one on one and um, she's he was like,
Speaker 1: this is kind of badass, and he's like, at first
Speaker 1: we started off really hot, but then he slowed down.
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, because you got distracted by like a
Speaker 1: Leiah and Champagne Gate like it's slowed down because of you.
Speaker 1: Bro Um, he's the most let me just say one
Speaker 1: thing about him. Um. This is like really cathartic for
Speaker 1: me because I've been watching the season and I have
Speaker 1: no weird about this is perfect. He's the most wishy, washy,
Speaker 1: nonsensical ghost in the night. He's like an Indonesian spirit,
Speaker 1: Like does he even exist? I'm like, this guy comes in,
Speaker 1: there's no I mean, and this isn't about like gender
Speaker 1: roles and about masculinity and feminine, but there's like no balls,
Speaker 1: like come in, what do you want? Who are you even?
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about this guy, But don't you
Speaker 1: find that generally the bachelors are like that. I felt
Speaker 1: like Colton was kind of like that. I didn't even
Speaker 1: watch Cold. I couldn't deal with Colton. I had to
Speaker 1: check out. They hire nice guy people, pleasers who are
Speaker 1: kind of politicians sort of. But even like Ari, who
Speaker 1: I did not like but I did watch the seasons,
Speaker 1: it was an unlikable guy. Peter's not unlikable. Peters very likable,
Speaker 1: but it's just like, do you have a shred of personality?
Speaker 1: It's like I see this guy, and I know he
Speaker 1: speaks Spanish. That's the one twist with him is that
Speaker 1: it's like the whitest man alive bust out with the Spanish.
Speaker 1: This is the biggest And I'm from Miami. I never
Speaker 1: sent Peter walking around. I've never seen anything man that
Speaker 1: looks like Peter with his wings on buying. That is
Speaker 1: the twist about him. That's like, oh, this is like
Speaker 1: he might be a demon. That is why they're bringing
Speaker 1: him to every Spanish speaking country in the world, because
Speaker 1: it's like it's That is the one panty dropper about
Speaker 1: him is he is a pilot who's this little like
Speaker 1: cherub turkey dude who can speak but then he can
Speaker 1: throw down with Spanish. And quite honestly, his scar made
Speaker 1: him a little more interesting that he can't stop talking about,
Speaker 1: like he got a band aid off, like a big
Speaker 1: boy gets band aid off. Sorry, I fell into a
Speaker 1: glass that was in my hand. That's some that would
Speaker 1: happen to me. That was the first thing he did,
Speaker 1: and I was like, wait, I feel that because it's
Speaker 1: like a high thing, like he didn't see it, and
Speaker 1: as a person everything is a hazard. I would do
Speaker 1: that just because I'm an awkward operator and why did
Speaker 1: they give him that weird band aid? Well, we were saying,
Speaker 1: it feels like it feels like a p a or
Speaker 1: like the person that was in this sort of like
Speaker 1: the year with the candles. It feels like they put
Speaker 1: is like like like a witch doctor with like sticks
Speaker 1: and mud and like like like dirty. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: a band and he's like he kel been like oh
Speaker 1: and they had to be like, oh, your scar is
Speaker 1: kind of hot. Not he had twenty you know, he's
Speaker 1: been in he's been getting sweatier and sweatier. His face
Speaker 1: is puffier. Omegup artists. They didn't get the clearance to
Speaker 1: go to Peruke. He is so schwitz ing in every
Speaker 1: single thing. He looks like the girl who does my
Speaker 1: bow talks to me shiny head. I'm going, does anyone
Speaker 1: have a modifier? Give him? You know, the paper writes
Speaker 1: paper you're in Peru. I'm wondering if his I think
Speaker 1: that is I think that he's imploding from the end.
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like his scar. We were
Speaker 1: staying last week that it was almost like you know
Speaker 1: when you watch like if you've seen the Nately news
Speaker 1: in less than years, like marketed towards nine year olds.
Speaker 1: It was all like the toe fungus ads in the
Speaker 1: tom It talks like that, the fungus talks to you
Speaker 1: like a cartoon. It felt like once that thing moved
Speaker 1: in and there's like a cartoon creature like live your
Speaker 1: true peat or like talking from as far head. But now,
Speaker 1: like I think he's like on pain meds, sweating. He
Speaker 1: wants to go bone Hannah like he's and he's just
Speaker 1: like I feel like starting to hit the wine, you know,
Speaker 1: like he's lousy's unraveling, he's unwrapped. Got that. And I
Speaker 1: also think he's a nice guy, people pleaser who like
Speaker 1: it's getting manipulated. He's in over his head. He just
Speaker 1: over It's like watching a seven year old on the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like a joke. It's it's a kid.
Speaker 1: It's a kid. It's a boy. It's like a big boy.
Speaker 1: He's like, oh you guys, pilot wings, It's Pinocchio, big boy.
Speaker 1: And Geppetto is Chris Harrison. Yes, I miss Ellen. It
Speaker 1: was better when Ellen was funny. I miss E. I will.
Speaker 1: I am enjoying this season. Yes, I'm really am, because
Speaker 1: I think they cast the right girls on it. But
Speaker 1: I do admit that Ellen was the only funny person
Speaker 1: who worked on the show, so he added humor to it.
Speaker 1: But then sometimes that even went a little overboard from
Speaker 1: me too, I like trying to be too funny. And
Speaker 1: it's like, all right, I love the editing of Bachelor
Speaker 1: in Paradise the best. I'll put my earrings, okay, so
Speaker 1: that we have um. So he goes on the boat
Speaker 1: with Madison and he goes, this is she feels like
Speaker 1: my best friend, my best friend that I could also
Speaker 1: fall in love it. I'm like, So then we watched
Speaker 1: them kissing and she's like, it feels so good when
Speaker 1: we're together. Peter, this is confusing. It's difficult with families
Speaker 1: coming up. I know how I work, and I feel
Speaker 1: like there's no going back about this. And then she goes,
Speaker 1: I'm here for you. I like you, like, I'm so
Speaker 1: glad you told me that. I mean, this is so
Speaker 1: boring reading this, but I'm like, this is a conversation
Speaker 1: that people have. I have never ever been told by
Speaker 1: anyone that they're here for me, and I've never been
Speaker 1: here for anybody. I've never said it. I've never been like,
Speaker 1: I'm here for you know, my god, no, because I'm not. No,
Speaker 1: I'm a selfish man. I don't even like that it's
Speaker 1: implied if I'm out with someone that I'm here for them.
Speaker 1: I mean, why am I here? And then we watched
Speaker 1: them lying around kissing on the boat, and that should
Speaker 1: have been warning that she's secret virgin because when you
Speaker 1: think about like that, he's a horny dude. And when
Speaker 1: you think about the chemistry that he had Hannah and
Speaker 1: that sauna getting at it and that sauna last in
Speaker 1: the windmill hot, that was that was hot, super horny,
Speaker 1: and like they're kind of kissing and like he wants
Speaker 1: to like her. I feel like he's just talking himself
Speaker 1: into a nice person. So we find out they gone
Speaker 1: the thing Madison has quite so we're back. Meanwhile, back
Speaker 1: at the ranch, Kelsey starts talking shit and she loves
Speaker 1: I love her. I also love like. She got accused
Speaker 1: of drinking too much and at first I was like,
Speaker 1: why are her teeth blue? And then I see this
Speaker 1: huge glass of red wine. I'm like, oh, she's got
Speaker 1: wine teeth. It's full wine. Te Kelsey, let me tell
Speaker 1: you something. That's who they should make the bachelor. I
Speaker 1: would love my man said she has Michael Jackson nos, No,
Speaker 1: she had. She has no nostrils. They're like two narrow slits.
Speaker 1: We had a fan email in US. There was an
Speaker 1: old photo of her. She had a cute as a
Speaker 1: button nose. Did not need to alter it. Well, her
Speaker 1: mother you saw in the hometowns. Her mother has a
Speaker 1: natural cute nose. But she was so she off with
Speaker 1: her nose. And she's getting a little m j Okay,
Speaker 1: she's still a stunner, little never landy, but you know what,
Speaker 1: that's fine, still gorge and but she's so funny and
Speaker 1: she's so her perfectly nuts nuts that she would be
Speaker 1: the best batch because she would be so hurt but
Speaker 1: like manipulated. She's she has the look she's manipulative but
Speaker 1: also easily hurt. Oh my god, Michelle, thank you. So
Speaker 1: I've been wondering. I'm like, who's gonna be your absolutely?
Speaker 1: And she's got star power because you want to you
Speaker 1: like looking at her, watching her, I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: watching one of the gals from like Austin Powers, like
Speaker 1: Box the Adderall on birth Control Ship. I was like, yes,
Speaker 1: I loved that. I love the Adderall. Although it was
Speaker 1: McKenna's lip licking adderall. What was all? The lift said
Speaker 1: it was something worse than adderall. There was something up
Speaker 1: with McKenna that night. Okay, what do you think? What
Speaker 1: is worse than adderall? I don't know. I wouldn't honestly
Speaker 1: look at me physically, I wouldn't know. Okay, great. So
Speaker 1: Kelsey starts talking shit and she was like, everyone loves Madison,
Speaker 1: but she if she I don't want her to come back.
Speaker 1: And then Josha was like, I'm hopeful that bit doesn't
Speaker 1: come back, which I loved. And then Madison, He's and
Speaker 1: Peter and they're like dancing there at some real concert
Speaker 1: for the first time that actually felt like they stumbled
Speaker 1: into a real little club. And She's like, this is
Speaker 1: so really vulnerable and raw. And there they go for
Speaker 1: dinner under the stars, and then she says the following,
Speaker 1: which I would never want to hear from somebody. I
Speaker 1: look up to my dad so much, like I don't
Speaker 1: want like I don't want somebody to be like, you're
Speaker 1: just like my mom, And I've always wanted to make
Speaker 1: out with my mom. Can I say one thing? Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm six on my dad is five eight. I've never
Speaker 1: looked physically up. I mean, he's a little man with
Speaker 1: Peter's mom. But um, I don't know if I'm I
Speaker 1: just got to get him out. You're getting a five
Speaker 1: gold star reviews. I guess I just cannot wait. There
Speaker 1: is a parental obsession people have, and I love my parents. Creepy,
Speaker 1: continue I agree with you, that's exactly creepy. But she
Speaker 1: was like, I look up to my dad and I
Speaker 1: watched her. My dad has loved my family and me
Speaker 1: and my mom. They have a strong relationship. He's also
Speaker 1: got a strong relationship with the Lord. Faith is my
Speaker 1: whole life and all of who I am. And I
Speaker 1: want a man that also has a relationship with the
Speaker 1: Lord and we can grow in that way together. Now,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's nice that that's what she knows and
Speaker 1: that's what she wants, and that's what she was raised in.
Speaker 1: It's odd to see it in the context of a
Speaker 1: man that's boned somebody four times in a windmill? Do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like if you've left your hometown.
Speaker 1: She's cute as a button. She clearly is a nice family.
Speaker 1: There's a certain like and it works for her and like,
Speaker 1: But to then go onto the Bachelor. Did that strike
Speaker 1: you as like he had a silence in it? And
Speaker 1: then he stared at her and we always and then
Speaker 1: he said, I'm falling in love with you. He said,
Speaker 1: I'm totally here that and I want a family one
Speaker 1: day more than anything, and inspires me so much. I
Speaker 1: was raised in a Christian household. I do feel my
Speaker 1: faith could be stronger. I'm not proud of it. It's
Speaker 1: important to me. I've always been a believer. But you
Speaker 1: know it. And she's like, and then he goes, I
Speaker 1: feel so good about you. He looked puffy and bored.
Speaker 1: And then he goes, I know, I know that I
Speaker 1: am falling in love with you, which might be the
Speaker 1: first time I've heard the guys say it first Michelle.
Speaker 1: People love her, they love Madison of all the girls left.
Speaker 1: I think the Twitter consensus is she's the front runner.
Speaker 1: I think she's very pretty, she's sweet. I have nothing
Speaker 1: against her at all. I like the lordship great. Whatever
Speaker 1: you like to do. I say, God bless but um
Speaker 1: and the dad thing. Even find a lot of girls
Speaker 1: are like that with their dads, and I love my dad,
Speaker 1: but I think that's okay. I I don't get you
Speaker 1: know the term no salt, no pepper. Yes, she just
Speaker 1: doesn't have like for me, spice. Well, and I feel
Speaker 1: like he was written. His bell was really rung by
Speaker 1: Hannah b like like his bell was. She's a nuts.
Speaker 1: Anna's got a nutty vibe. He clearly likes a handful,
Speaker 1: like like that he has keeping around some of the
Speaker 1: cuckoo nuts and like he clearly likes his situation. And
Speaker 1: like I'm wondering if Madison is too balanced. Well, she's
Speaker 1: twenty three, she's a really good basketball player. She can
Speaker 1: dribble a bee ball. And she wants to then put
Speaker 1: an inside her and then have it as a baby.
Speaker 1: Like she wants kids. I think she's one of those girls.
Speaker 1: She wants to have kids a sap. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: know when you mean, in a reality show like this,
Speaker 1: if the best idea is to immediately get married and
Speaker 1: have kids, I just think you need to wait. And
Speaker 1: in twenty three, you know, different cultures. I mean I
Speaker 1: was like watching SpongeBob, just different people. But I um,
Speaker 1: good luck to her. I don't know what to say.
Speaker 1: I just feel like this is it doesn't seem right
Speaker 1: to me. I do get freaked out when people want
Speaker 1: to date their dad personally. Now granted I didn't have
Speaker 1: a great dad, but it was still like, I just
Speaker 1: think in general, branch out, what's my dad's bald? And
Speaker 1: I love bald guys, so we have our things. Um
Speaker 1: that issues. I'm joking. I love a bald though I
Speaker 1: love my friend. My best friend loves are bald. You
Speaker 1: know they have more testosterone. There's something about it. Really.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's why Stanley Tucci top's bald number one
Speaker 1: for you? Um No, what's your top like? If if
Speaker 1: you could pick its? God, bald is up there. I'm
Speaker 1: honestly like body and height. I mean, I'm very shallow
Speaker 1: and I do nothing. I don't go to the gym.
Speaker 1: I look what I'm wearing. But I love I do
Speaker 1: love the height thing. But I do date shorter if
Speaker 1: they have body to make up for the hype. I
Speaker 1: love all of this. This is exciting. I love a
Speaker 1: salt and pepper too. Yeah, I have daddy issues. Listen,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sit here everything well, Amy, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be and and midday on a Wednesday talking about the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: I'm superficial, That's what I'm trying to say. Like they
Speaker 1: just have to be overall I'd say, like top handsome. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm really I'm just gonna tell it like it is. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick ad break and we'll be
Speaker 1: right back. I don't know about you, but things are
Speaker 1: getting so hot in here, I think I gotta take
Speaker 1: your break. Okay, we're back. Before we get back to
Speaker 1: the Bachelor, I just wanted to think. We have so
Speaker 1: many awesome people that have emailed in that you guys
Speaker 1: got your pre orders for your book, and I can't
Speaker 1: tell you how much I appreciate that. Um it actually
Speaker 1: on Amazon is for new releases in comedy. It was
Speaker 1: number one on new releases in comedy, which is so exciting.
Speaker 1: And it's like, so I had somebody, like one of
Speaker 1: the book people emailed me and they're like, do you
Speaker 1: think that's from Watch What Happens Live? And Partner was like, no,
Speaker 1: like it's my podcast, Like it's thank you. So it's
Speaker 1: like and it really I for all the people that
Speaker 1: are out there listening, like you know, you just know,
Speaker 1: this has been quite a journey the lot. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna I'm not gonna overshare right now because there's a
Speaker 1: lot of new listeners, and I don't want to freak
Speaker 1: you out, so I'll tell you more later on. But
Speaker 1: the old listeners know the journey that this has been
Speaker 1: and a lot of that is on the page and
Speaker 1: um and it just really means a lot. And you
Speaker 1: guys have there's been so many amazing emails. And so
Speaker 1: when we get back to l A next week, we're
Speaker 1: gonna put everybody who's sent in their receipts. We're going
Speaker 1: to be picking five people were gonna send t shirts too,
Speaker 1: And honestly, like, I don't know how much the publisher,
Speaker 1: if they're gonna send me on tour or whatever, but
Speaker 1: like I feel, I really feel like the podcast people
Speaker 1: are going to make this thing a freaking hit. And
Speaker 1: it's like, I appreciate you guys to a podcast book tour,
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, but that would be a blast. I actually
Speaker 1: part of me was like, if we actually because my
Speaker 1: dream is to be a New York Times bestseller, you
Speaker 1: can about eight thousand copies. It's all about the pre order.
Speaker 1: You can do that. I feel like we've sold I
Speaker 1: don't know fifty. Can I get your tour? Yeah? You're
Speaker 1: gonna really love it? Will you accept this prosing is
Speaker 1: it well? I was thinking like if we actually made
Speaker 1: it an if we actually if we actually made it
Speaker 1: a best seller. I had this vision yesterday for the
Speaker 1: Will You Accept This Prose Tour shout out Michelle College
Speaker 1: that I would want to do a free live podcast
Speaker 1: slash book signing in my mom's yard in Rhode Island.
Speaker 1: That'd be fine. I don't know where anybody would. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm sure at the beach kimp out of
Speaker 1: my mom's, but like I would want to go to
Speaker 1: JJ's house and have everybody go to JJ's house if
Speaker 1: we to celebrate if we got to be a New
Speaker 1: York Times bestseller. So we just have seven thousand, nine
Speaker 1: hundred and fifty copies to sell, that's not true. You're
Speaker 1: gonna sell so many. I'm hoping. I'm hoping when we did.
Speaker 1: But that would be my present to you guys. If
Speaker 1: we make it a best seller, We'll go do a
Speaker 1: live podcast at j J Show tomorrow. That would be amazing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you. Okay, we're back. We're back. Um Okay. So
Speaker 1: they're on Cloud nine and he tells her, were you
Speaker 1: surprised that he said I love you first? To her?
Speaker 1: I don't think his brain is screwed on, right. I
Speaker 1: think that he's I just don't know what if he
Speaker 1: knows what he's doing. It's like watching someone unzipped their
Speaker 1: jeans after Thanksgiving, where it's just like what is going on?
Speaker 1: Like you know, there's just no fault. I don't know
Speaker 1: if he thinks, yes, Anna has here. Hi. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know. First of all, I don't know if I'm
Speaker 1: starting to fall in love with you really means anything.
Speaker 1: I feel like like kind of like I'm into it
Speaker 1: or like I'm still considering. I think in the terms
Speaker 1: of Bachelor, it's a big moment. Yeah, it's so weird.
Speaker 1: It's a they do split it though. There's like I
Speaker 1: think I could fall in love with you, I'm starting
Speaker 1: to fall in love with you, and then I'm in
Speaker 1: love with you. If somebody told me that they were
Speaker 1: starting to fall in love and in my mind they
Speaker 1: just declared their love. But it's not fully that. It's
Speaker 1: like a promise frame. But aren't they not allowed to
Speaker 1: say I love you until after they pick? That's what
Speaker 1: I mean. They're not supposed to, but like that's the rule.
Speaker 1: I think Ben Higgins blow it with my number one bachelor.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I got to do. Actually, I have
Speaker 1: been Higgins, he wasn't in person, we skyped with him.
Speaker 1: I would have stormed out. I just you know, because
Speaker 1: you know, he's my number one and I've met him.
Speaker 1: He's so sweet and hot. He was so sweet and
Speaker 1: then Nick Ville recently asked me to do his podcast.
Speaker 1: I don't have a date yet, but everybody says he's
Speaker 1: like super hot and person. You've never met Nick, have
Speaker 1: you many times? You know it's going to shock the
Speaker 1: ship out of you. He's huge, Like Nick is so
Speaker 1: big that when it sounds like he's come by serious
Speaker 1: a bunch of times, he's got bed. He feels like
Speaker 1: he's got bed, he's got b B B b D.
Speaker 1: He's he's just and you know how you know, because
Speaker 1: he doesn't really have to even talk. He's just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: things great? Are they great? That I'm like so excited,
Speaker 1: like tell me everything. He's like six Derrek Darren's yeah,
Speaker 1: oh he's six four. Nick is a big boy, and
Speaker 1: I was, and so is Ben. Ben. It's like six
Speaker 1: five six four. When I meet these guys who have
Speaker 1: to understand on TV, everybody looks normal and these are,
Speaker 1: let's stop talking about it. Depending on the size of
Speaker 1: the furniture. It's a long story anyway, but I guess
Speaker 1: big your brain is crazy because the fact that all
Speaker 1: you remembered about our evening is my dress and your dress.
Speaker 1: Not only because I was laughing, the only reason because
Speaker 1: Arden is doll shaped. So when you show up but
Speaker 1: in efent, just let me finish. Yeah, because I had
Speaker 1: to quit runt the runway because everything I got was
Speaker 1: either hold on, I quit it to I did well.
Speaker 1: It was I was becoming obsessed, and it was like
Speaker 1: not it was shopping too much. I was. It was bad.
Speaker 1: I either had loose bootholes and I have big old teeth.
Speaker 1: But it was even stuff was like a little too
Speaker 1: loose or like ripping tight and I couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: But it was like such a pretty dress too, That's
Speaker 1: why I was jealous. And it was a really good dress.
Speaker 1: It was the best round of the round. It was
Speaker 1: a self portrait road the runaway. Great dress, but no,
Speaker 1: it was it was like watching and you spent a
Speaker 1: lot of time getting ready. Don't pretend like I'm being weird.
Speaker 1: Your hair makeup already came. I did my own hair
Speaker 1: and makeup. I can tell I heard Eddie move, I
Speaker 1: heard dole on my premiere, but I was watching him
Speaker 1: walk up to it was like it was like like
Speaker 1: a joyful docking station. It was like he was finally home,
Speaker 1: like he literally this event but didn't am I wrong?
Speaker 1: Did it like that? Because I was a witness, it
Speaker 1: was like truly because because he's I felt warm, you know,
Speaker 1: I felt like the sun was shining on me. And
Speaker 1: everyone at the party wanted a piece of Eddie and
Speaker 1: he just was like in chance. He was like not
Speaker 1: getting dragged away from Michelle. You know why, because I'm
Speaker 1: a genuine girl. I loved it. I've got a good heart.
Speaker 1: I loved it. You're vulnerable. I'm I'm not often vulnerable,
Speaker 1: but with Eddie, I like put my walls down a
Speaker 1: little bit and uh and I and I'm genuine and
Speaker 1: you know what's funny as I also know timing, so
Speaker 1: I was happy to just say hello, I literally worship you,
Speaker 1: thank you. And then when he stayed longer, that's when
Speaker 1: I started the spiral because I haven't planned on because
Speaker 1: he was just standing smiling at you, and then he
Speaker 1: wasn't he wasn't walking away and then I didn't know
Speaker 1: where to go because he wasn't saying much. He was
Speaker 1: just looked. He wasn't adding things, he was just he
Speaker 1: was clearly delighted. It was so great. And then we
Speaker 1: got our picture. I know, I know, I know, I know,
Speaker 1: I know we did it. Thank you Ke. What about
Speaker 1: iced tea that night? Oh my god, come on, we mete.
Speaker 1: Coco was there. Coco was there, iced tea, iced tea,
Speaker 1: like he was like giving us comedy advice. And it
Speaker 1: was the best. We had a ted talk, we had
Speaker 1: a tea talk. We had iced tea talk. He was
Speaker 1: so great. No, really, he was there. He had like
Speaker 1: the pieces. It was such a And also I met
Speaker 1: the guy that you already knew from Kimmi Schmidt. Oh Titus.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, what a dream. I'll plug him. I
Speaker 1: just saw Titus Purchase at Carnegie. Tell me what is
Speaker 1: his show? He was singing Stephen Sondheim. But he has
Speaker 1: a singing voice. He has a face by the way,
Speaker 1: one glance and you're on the floor dying laughing. He's
Speaker 1: so expressive and so but he has such an amazing
Speaker 1: gift to sing that I'm telling you. In the main
Speaker 1: hall Carnegie hall. I love it, brought the roof down.
Speaker 1: Andrew Garfield was there. I love what a r Peter.
Speaker 1: I gotta come back and be your number. I gotta
Speaker 1: be your plus one. I'm the best person to plus
Speaker 1: one with. I always have fun. Okay, great, Okay, I
Speaker 1: mean I gotta come be your plus I'm saying we
Speaker 1: were coming. Okay, So there we go, there we go.
Speaker 1: So then he's like, so then he gets a date.
Speaker 1: Finally Natasha gets a date. She looked great. I love Natasha.
Speaker 1: I thought she looked in her white jeans and her
Speaker 1: long sweater and her little white tank top and her
Speaker 1: cute little scar friend her hips like. She looked cool
Speaker 1: and sexy and like I'm like an adult. Yeah, she
Speaker 1: didn't look like a high school she never read any
Speaker 1: notes on like a dot for the Yeah. And so
Speaker 1: they go out there like eating. I hated that he
Speaker 1: made her like eat food to the lips, like nobody.
Speaker 1: I would break up with somebody if they made me
Speaker 1: do that, like leading the trumpet. Yeah, I don't really
Speaker 1: do in the trumpet, particularly if I don't know you,
Speaker 1: like even I would just never do that, although and
Speaker 1: now it makes me want to do that with you.
Speaker 1: I want to like share a de reader, I have
Speaker 1: um and then we have so. Then I loved They
Speaker 1: put on a headband that had all the little dolls
Speaker 1: on it, and she goes, this is are all your
Speaker 1: girlfriends two weeks ago? It was great. It was great
Speaker 1: and it actually felt like it was her and not
Speaker 1: like a producer. Okay. So then meanwhile there's a gymnast
Speaker 1: in the street and he goes, there's never a dull
Speaker 1: moment with her. It's like, what, there's always a dull
Speaker 1: moment with you, sir, Like it's just he's dull, okay.
Speaker 1: So then Kelsey, Kelsey's like her teeth were gray and
Speaker 1: she was like she was like kind of back and
Speaker 1: ship with Hannah Ann, who was like, wasn't that her
Speaker 1: champagne gate front of me? Where are they hanging out? Now?
Speaker 1: I don't get Hannah Ann is to me the phoniest
Speaker 1: bitch in the house. Hannah and is I like given
Speaker 1: all the old things, but Hannah just has phony means
Speaker 1: like she just doesn't there. I think Victoria F is
Speaker 1: meaner but blatantly but abruptly. So Victoria F is like
Speaker 1: a whirling like she's not whereas Hannah is very composed.
Speaker 1: It's scary, but it's scary suspicious. Yeah, it's no one's
Speaker 1: that composed. She's really taken her pageant lessons, like she's
Speaker 1: the star pupil of the pageant and that's you want
Speaker 1: to avoid that person. Yes, So so they're back and
Speaker 1: so there. She's like, my brothers are a lot. I've
Speaker 1: I've got three strong men. They're so cute. If I
Speaker 1: take you home, there's three brothers. And they go and
Speaker 1: she looks so cute at dinner and um and and
Speaker 1: he was like. She was like, I wouldn't be here
Speaker 1: if I didn't want to be here. And he's like, okay,
Speaker 1: so you feel good. I feel good because I feel
Speaker 1: good and I feel stay safe when I'm with you.
Speaker 1: And she's like, how do you feel? And he just
Speaker 1: like was like glowering at her and just like glaring,
Speaker 1: and he was like, I feel like I can see
Speaker 1: potential romantic Yeah, oh my god, stop art in you.
Speaker 1: I see even like a real workhorse. Yeah. And you're like,
Speaker 1: can you now fetch me my things? Thank you. Natasha
Speaker 1: has a lot of the qualities that I'm looking for
Speaker 1: in a mate, but more of a friendship quality than
Speaker 1: a romance. Mate, hate that word, mate a mate. I mean, Ernie,
Speaker 1: what do you think so far? Does it make you
Speaker 1: want to watch the Bachelor's fun? I'm checking on. He's laughing,
Speaker 1: having more fun than he thought he was going. He
Speaker 1: thought I was going to be a long two hours,
Speaker 1: and it is, but it's no like a long hour.
Speaker 1: But along three and have our the Irishman if you
Speaker 1: don't mind dor Irishman. They love it. We just do
Speaker 1: the whole movie. Hello, Diane canue, Oh my god, Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: So then um so that he's like, I owe you
Speaker 1: the honest day. I can't give you this Rose. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry about that, and she goes, I hope be fine.
Speaker 1: What you're looking for? I know I will. And I
Speaker 1: thought that's a good answer. It wasn't too rude. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: she's an idiot. She was too good for him from
Speaker 1: the get go, and let's be just have a real
Speaker 1: frank conversation because it has to be said he was
Speaker 1: going to end up with a little white girl. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it has to be said, and that is
Speaker 1: that is. Unfortunately with the show, one of my biggest
Speaker 1: issues with me is they have never actually picked a
Speaker 1: bachelor who I thought to myself, Oh, he's actually really
Speaker 1: open to keep to like everybody. Yes, And I knew
Speaker 1: from the second the season started and I'm sorry, maybe
Speaker 1: that's like the bias of this country, but I was like, this,
Speaker 1: he is never going to end up with a non little, young,
Speaker 1: skinny white crawl. Am I wrong? I feel like they
Speaker 1: always picked bachelors like this. All of it's never not happened,
Speaker 1: which is crazy. With Rachel, she ended up with Brian,
Speaker 1: which was and I think maybe one of the few
Speaker 1: well know, because shan Low with Catherine were talking like
Speaker 1: you know, things like that, but but there was no
Speaker 1: and you know, the truth is for the best because
Speaker 1: she can literally do so much better than Peter that
Speaker 1: it's like, oh my god, a blessing on her. She's
Speaker 1: beautiful and smart and funny and great. But I just
Speaker 1: was like this show, they still are like going through
Speaker 1: the motions of making us like maybe, but I know,
Speaker 1: I don't know that. I mean, watching it is so
Speaker 1: uncomfortable because you know, it's like every year you hope
Speaker 1: that somebody might stand a chance, and it's like and
Speaker 1: it's it does feel particularly it got on Paradise, I
Speaker 1: felt like this year Paradise was the first year it
Speaker 1: actually felt like it didn't it was open you should
Speaker 1: always be like that, and yes, that was like the
Speaker 1: first time that was like, oh my god, it actually
Speaker 1: felt alright cool but like Western guys who were like,
Speaker 1: you know, these religiously kind of just I'm looking, I'm
Speaker 1: going I would love for him to like actually be
Speaker 1: open minded, but I and I let him shock me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know, and he didn't. He didn't like why
Speaker 1: did he get rid of what? Really? Did he ever
Speaker 1: really open himself up to a connection with her? I
Speaker 1: didn't feel it. No, never, never, And he cut Sydney
Speaker 1: last week. Who we know, he's probably a little nutty,
Speaker 1: but like they sure made out in the grotto, why
Speaker 1: not keep Sydney around? Wasn't she the best kisser there?
Speaker 1: Number one and number too? Stunning and like also funny, cool,
Speaker 1: smart again, too sophisticated for him though she was she
Speaker 1: was herself in the third person though, look, Michelle does
Speaker 1: that stens too, and like look mish Instagram, mish call,
Speaker 1: I feel like I didn't now fully give I would
Speaker 1: like to backtrack for a second, because micheal she threw
Speaker 1: out something earlier that I want to give that that
Speaker 1: I felt like I sped up to and then like
Speaker 1: I didn't give full attention, and I want to talk
Speaker 1: about the secret virgin thing a little bit. I agree. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not shocked because we saw, like in the beginning
Speaker 1: of the season there was previews of like, she didn't
Speaker 1: tell Peter she's a virgin, so it sort of felt
Speaker 1: like with her, but like but like, I mean, I
Speaker 1: guess they've only been on one day. How do you
Speaker 1: tell him? But but I thought secret virgin. I mean
Speaker 1: I I thought she well, I thought she should have
Speaker 1: brought up how religious she was way earlier as well,
Speaker 1: and I think, like, bring up how religious you are
Speaker 1: on the first date, because like that's pretty big. It
Speaker 1: sounds like that's like a make or break for her,
Speaker 1: and then the virgin thing, like at least bring that
Speaker 1: up on the second date, like that I'm saving myself.
Speaker 1: That's a part of my religion. I thought it was
Speaker 1: she she took too long to bring it up. It's
Speaker 1: so awkward, Like how do you bring it up though?
Speaker 1: How do you say it out of like piece of
Speaker 1: pink paper? Things you should know? Sacred virgin? Do you
Speaker 1: guys watch another one of my favorite shows, Married at
Speaker 1: First Sight. I literally I love it because, you know what,
Speaker 1: it's like gritty Bachelor because people have to marry right
Speaker 1: away and then they hate each other. Did anybody ever
Speaker 1: like each other? Sometimes? And honestly, that can be a
Speaker 1: little boring. It's like better when they don't, but sometimes
Speaker 1: they hate each other from the get go, and it's uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: But they have people who are visions, and I go,
Speaker 1: why would these experts? And it just reminds me of
Speaker 1: this take. The last season, there was a gorgeous couple
Speaker 1: Keith and I can't remember her name. She was like
Speaker 1: a supermodel. Okay, I had never had sex. Why would
Speaker 1: you then pair her with a guy? This hot guy?
Speaker 1: He had clearly walked around, he had like condoms with
Speaker 1: him for the honeymoon. Because they immediately go on their honeymoon.
Speaker 1: Why would they torture him that way? Because he's sexually active?
Speaker 1: And I feel sort of the same way about this show,
Speaker 1: where it's like, look great for her, do whatever, I
Speaker 1: free country, save yourself till death, but don't then put
Speaker 1: him or put her with this guy who in the windmill. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's a horny guy. He's warning it's like, just be
Speaker 1: fair to everybody involved. And obviously this creates some dramatic tension,
Speaker 1: which is why the show is good. But I don't
Speaker 1: think it's fair really to either of them to put
Speaker 1: her in the situation, especially if he doesn't know, which
Speaker 1: he doesn't. Uh, it's unfair, that's all because maybe he
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be her first. You know, there's that
Speaker 1: theory that men want to be the first. That's a lot.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's an adult they do. I think
Speaker 1: maybe in high school, but like or college, eighth grade, yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe like junior high yeah, but um so, I know,
Speaker 1: married at first sight. You can read in my book
Speaker 1: my grandparents got married after knowing each other for one day.
Speaker 1: And then my parents were co workers and never dated
Speaker 1: and they got married on a dare and both of
Speaker 1: them married to Are you kidding me? That's how it starts.
Speaker 1: Can you tell me this? I am so in love
Speaker 1: with this. I'm like, I'm out of my chair. My
Speaker 1: grandparents met my my grandpa thought she seemed fun. They were.
Speaker 1: They met in Philadelphia. You couldn't get married without a
Speaker 1: blood test in Philadelphia, so they drove to Maryland and
Speaker 1: they got They got married to Maryland after winning each
Speaker 1: other one day. They had five kids and they stayed
Speaker 1: married for life. And then my parents were co workers
Speaker 1: on Wall Street. Everybody got um two weeks vacation, but
Speaker 1: if you went on a honeymoon, you got two extra weeks.
Speaker 1: They were out drinking, they had like a gamer and
Speaker 1: then they they were like, we're gonna go. They dare
Speaker 1: to each other, you get married. My dad was like,
Speaker 1: I'll take you to South America for a month. We'll
Speaker 1: come back and we'll get it annulled. And then my
Speaker 1: mom the next day up as auntie and she was like,
Speaker 1: I'll do it, but I don't want to get it annulled.
Speaker 1: She had a date that night with another guy. She
Speaker 1: went on and I think she might have boned, and
Speaker 1: I think she finally at bone and then and then
Speaker 1: they both they stayed married for fifty years. Superficial because
Speaker 1: you're beautiful, right, I assume parents are both hot, because like,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? No? No, my dad
Speaker 1: looked like John Belushi. He looked just like John Belushi.
Speaker 1: My mom was a cutie pie. Your mom had to
Speaker 1: be so cute. Come on, I'm like, my mom is
Speaker 1: a cutie pie. My mom was a cutie story. My
Speaker 1: dad looked like John Belushi. My grandpa looked like John Belushi.
Speaker 1: So I think the ladies were the good jeans. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, but I have the full building blocks and
Speaker 1: my dad, I'm all torso no leg We're all corky
Speaker 1: dogs in the Marine family. Can I tell a ten
Speaker 1: second start about my grandparents who were also married till death,
Speaker 1: beneted each other. So this was not to bring the
Speaker 1: moon down, World War change, Okay, survived. They were put
Speaker 1: in this house and situation after the camps? Are we
Speaker 1: still on podcast the camp anyway? But listen to and
Speaker 1: my grandfather was like selling stuff to you know, food
Speaker 1: or whatever to people, and he went into the wrong
Speaker 1: house because they all looked the same. And that was
Speaker 1: my grandmother's house. So and she was like twenty three
Speaker 1: or something and her parents are like, please, you know,
Speaker 1: some young guys com for dinner. And he used to
Speaker 1: come over for dinner. She never liked him. Also laughs
Speaker 1: to the great your guy, wait and then he says, listen,
Speaker 1: there was like one train leaving to his home city,
Speaker 1: said why don't you come? Um, I need to be married,
Speaker 1: Like I can't go back after all this without a wife,
Speaker 1: you know, so please, can't I marry your daughter? And
Speaker 1: they go yes. Her parents were like yes, and she
Speaker 1: was like absolutely not. I'm saving certain details for my book,
Speaker 1: which I've not written. Anyway, my book agent wants to
Speaker 1: meet you, by the way, is that true. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: had starts. He's great, he's here, he's great, he's here,
Speaker 1: he's here. Opened that door. Oh, I'm holding like a
Speaker 1: huge parchment full up my thoughts. I'm like, what are
Speaker 1: the odds I brought my parchment? Just so he says,
Speaker 1: you guys up, that's nice, thank you. Okay, wait, so
Speaker 1: he goes sam saving good parts which are like kind
Speaker 1: of Sharon Stony psychoparts. Anyway, so my grandmother was forced
Speaker 1: to marry him hate like furious. Listen, they go to
Speaker 1: the train station to take the famous train back to coaching,
Speaker 1: and train got canceled and they stay married like she
Speaker 1: got fun and the train got canceled and then they
Speaker 1: just were married and I don't even know when the
Speaker 1: next train left, but that's and they had my poor
Speaker 1: father and this is, oh my god, this is how
Speaker 1: the family trauma gets carried. That's trusted in that if
Speaker 1: the pain bodies. Why do you think I'm so big?
Speaker 1: I have the pain bodies have glued themselves to me.
Speaker 1: What I have a good person to go to in
Speaker 1: l a that on hood. I have like a I
Speaker 1: have a person that like hooks the bodies and that
Speaker 1: actually like like straightens off the garden hose of the
Speaker 1: pain bodies. I got. I really believe in this. No.
Speaker 1: I went to one and it actually was like very
Speaker 1: weird in healing. Is it like the Julian and Huff
Speaker 1: like asked exorcism? Because I don't want it like table?
Speaker 1: Did you see that good show on the group Labs?
Speaker 1: You didn't see Julian and Julian and I would say,
Speaker 1: Juliane Huff where this guy just like flicks his hands
Speaker 1: over her and she had a full body like orgasm.
Speaker 1: Exorcism on the on the table? Are gonna watch you
Speaker 1: watch it? Okay? Wait, okay, go on, Okay, okay, I'll
Speaker 1: hook you up with that, all right. I can't wait. Okay,
Speaker 1: So we're back, what a journey with? I just got
Speaker 1: a book, you guys got a book. I got. I
Speaker 1: gotta come. Whatever we'll talk about, you know, I'll come
Speaker 1: next time. I'll let you know some Yeah, I love
Speaker 1: doing it, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So then so
Speaker 1: then they go out and so he cuts Natasha and
Speaker 1: we see my favorite character on The Bachelor, p A
Speaker 1: suitcase p A suitcase p A goes to get the suitcase.
Speaker 1: Don't they call him suit Barstool Trent. That's apparently who
Speaker 1: it is on Twitter and Instagram, But I barstool well
Speaker 1: because Barstool Sports has like a Bachelor thing, and I
Speaker 1: think his name is Trent and he I don't know
Speaker 1: if this is true or not, but I think he's
Speaker 1: a person who works at Barstool. I might be making
Speaker 1: this up video of him watching himself. That is a block.
Speaker 1: I love when I love when the man gets sent
Speaker 1: I love it. I love and I love them being
Speaker 1: like raw raw, like like so shocked. It's somebody's good.
Speaker 1: How disappointing was the two on one last week? It's
Speaker 1: the worst two one when I've ever seen this. There's
Speaker 1: no helicopter leaving on the side of a mountain. I
Speaker 1: just Max luggage they went with. I'm like, purple, it's
Speaker 1: the purple leg I could never fit everything in went
Speaker 1: bag like that stuff. Okay, So then so then the
Speaker 1: p A gets the suitcase and the and then we
Speaker 1: have Natasha's gone and um, and that means that we
Speaker 1: have Hannah and Victoria f and also who oh crazy
Speaker 1: oh and Kelly go on there, Kelly, Kelly go on
Speaker 1: the three on one and Kelly all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: oh no, I'm sorry. Kelsey has her date next. And
Speaker 1: Kelsey is manic, and she runs down the hill manically
Speaker 1: and like jumps on him and they go on their
Speaker 1: a t V on the mountain thing, and um, and
Speaker 1: she was waiting for her. She was nervous and anyone
Speaker 1: else horrified that he made her run up a hill.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, he was knowing to run all the way.
Speaker 1: I also like I went to college in Colorado and
Speaker 1: which was not the right school for me. Also on
Speaker 1: the bug. But but it's like I remember being forced
Speaker 1: to climb like a fourth like a fourteen thousand foot mountain,
Speaker 1: and I got like altitude sickness, like the air gets
Speaker 1: really up there and I'm gonna guess it's thin and
Speaker 1: Peru and running up the hill like I bet you
Speaker 1: are dizzy and like oxygen deprived, and she and he
Speaker 1: was like, we know, you have to run up the
Speaker 1: I won't do a workout date. No, I won't do
Speaker 1: a workout date with a professional. Does that make sounds
Speaker 1: like someone I won't sweat. I'll sweat when the time
Speaker 1: is right. It's intimate. Yes, I don't want to work
Speaker 1: out even I don't want to go on like a
Speaker 1: hiking flunch date with a friend. Like it's a soul shame.
Speaker 1: It's like a shame. It's like a shame hole going
Speaker 1: to alone. I'm not going to be like huffing and
Speaker 1: puffing in front of a trainer, h hot gay guy
Speaker 1: who when he put me on a treadmill and he
Speaker 1: was like to die for but also like you would
Speaker 1: never work. I told him you have to leave because
Speaker 1: if I'm gonna pant, I'm embarrassing him to be standing
Speaker 1: there as I'm like huffing and puffing. It's I have
Speaker 1: a weird thing with that. I'm not normal. I felt
Speaker 1: like I don't want I was never athletic as a kid.
Speaker 1: I was never on sports teams. I was never in
Speaker 1: like forced to do and I was always picked last,
Speaker 1: and like I just get a shame, like let me
Speaker 1: just do my own pace, my own I'm not that coordinated.
Speaker 1: Just like let me do my thing and don't watch
Speaker 1: me because I feel ashamed. Don't watch me. We need
Speaker 1: I need to go that pain body guy. The more
Speaker 1: you're talking about like I need that ship. It's angle,
Speaker 1: it's really weird and good. You're gonna love it. You
Speaker 1: standing like these footprints and like it's weird. Okay, it's
Speaker 1: really weird. Okay. So um so, so they go and
Speaker 1: they run up the hill and he was like, this
Speaker 1: is what I want. This is what I want to
Speaker 1: do every day for the rest of my life. I
Speaker 1: just want And I just thought this sounds so boring,
Speaker 1: like what you want? Like she clearly didn't want to
Speaker 1: run up the hill, She really didn't want to a TV, Like,
Speaker 1: this is what you want? And also what does that mean?
Speaker 1: This is what you want? You want to travel all
Speaker 1: the time, like you're on a very like you're in
Speaker 1: a special situation where you can go to all these
Speaker 1: places like the real world, you're gonna be working. He
Speaker 1: wants to be in Like what are those cars that
Speaker 1: kids got, those like little moving cars like a little
Speaker 1: a TV, which was another culture. I don't know from
Speaker 1: at all. I've never been on any I literally have
Speaker 1: never I think once in the Middle East. It happens.
Speaker 1: I've never I went on one in the Middle East
Speaker 1: as well. I mean it's cute, scary. I mean it
Speaker 1: wasn't like Vicky and Tamar when they flipped that ship
Speaker 1: over in the desert and I never got But I'm
Speaker 1: just like bringing up other shows. It's like my thing.
Speaker 1: I love it. No, but he doesn't make any sense. Okay,
Speaker 1: So they go up. So she was like, well, what
Speaker 1: do you want? And I actually feel like, again going
Speaker 1: back to you, Michelle, why she would be a great
Speaker 1: bachelor When she said, I want to work a couple
Speaker 1: of days a week, like you never it's always like,
Speaker 1: oh she was to work, Like I want to work
Speaker 1: a couple of days a week. I want to be home.
Speaker 1: I want to find balance, I want to be involved
Speaker 1: in my kid's lives, but I still want something for me.
Speaker 1: It was like, that's actually the most reasonable answer, Like
Speaker 1: she's good. I feel like they're women are on this
Speaker 1: show are not fully allowed to have any ambition beyond influencer.
Speaker 1: Like that she actually wanted a job, she wanted to
Speaker 1: go do it, she wanted some balance, but she didn't
Speaker 1: want to give up herself just to be I like that.
Speaker 1: I really, I'm telling you, Kelsey for bachelorette people don't
Speaker 1: want to I love now. I really am all in
Speaker 1: now I agree with you. Well, we'll get to it.
Speaker 1: I was going to. I just feel like she she
Speaker 1: should know better than to tell producers. But this is
Speaker 1: a Dean situation to her, they took Rachel home. When
Speaker 1: we see the dad in the in the turban and
Speaker 1: then and then and eating the moong beans with a
Speaker 1: new wife. And I've never been hotter for Dean than
Speaker 1: when I saw that dad in that turban. I was like,
Speaker 1: are you fucking kidding? I'm in? I mean, is my
Speaker 1: number one? Are you kidding? I met him in person once,
Speaker 1: have you? Yeah, he's also hot and movie start handsome
Speaker 1: where he actually makes you feel like you have a chance,
Speaker 1: like I have. He touches you when you're like that
Speaker 1: meant more than just that. I remember we did it
Speaker 1: outside lands and like so we had to get him
Speaker 1: like to send in his W nine and like he
Speaker 1: was like trying to wringle bachelor contestants to like email
Speaker 1: W nine is like trying to get like a flock
Speaker 1: of kittens a bath and so so like what's the
Speaker 1: social so Dean. So we were just trying to get
Speaker 1: them their money, you know. And so like Dean was
Speaker 1: dealing with one of the ladies that was like the producer.
Speaker 1: There was like in the trailer, she's like an adult woman,
Speaker 1: like a mom of two, and so he like pulled
Speaker 1: she pulled him aside and was like Dean, like you
Speaker 1: have to sign this, and he was like, what even
Speaker 1: is a signature? It was like he was like but
Speaker 1: like he looked at her like he was like, I'm around.
Speaker 1: I'm like literally he looked at it. He was like
Speaker 1: he was like, you've got beautiful eyes. So the woman
Speaker 1: and like like you just feel like you had a chance,
Speaker 1: Like am I kind of fuck? Like this happened mustache.
Speaker 1: I don't know this new Dean with the I'm out
Speaker 1: of the mustache. I'm not mad. I'm gonna be honest,
Speaker 1: I don't love the new look for me. I just
Speaker 1: slapped so hard. I just got God slapped Mike. But
Speaker 1: when I met him, which was years ago and Facebook
Speaker 1: watch with Ashley I and him to gorgeous. He sent
Speaker 1: next to me and he kept like not rubbing my
Speaker 1: back the way I'm like worrying about this, but he
Speaker 1: kept his massive hands. He's also huge, is not so
Speaker 1: tall and the only dig on him, which is like
Speaker 1: funny because I like literally wear the same like house
Speaker 1: dress every day. Is that he wore like real forever
Speaker 1: twenty one clothes. And I was like, oh, he's a
Speaker 1: baby boy, Like this is a child like he was Caprice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you got it. But he's probably one of the best
Speaker 1: looking men I ever laid eyes on in my life period.
Speaker 1: You know who. I just was watching some back seasons
Speaker 1: of Below Deck and that kid that was the British
Speaker 1: kid from two years ago. Okay, he they're all British
Speaker 1: and hot. Connor Connor he dated was like a dorky
Speaker 1: he was. He was the hottest guy he dated. He
Speaker 1: maybe not Connor. He dated the lady that was um
Speaker 1: the He dated Hannah and he was and he was
Speaker 1: the he was the Boson and he was too young,
Speaker 1: he was like three, not having a memory. Here you
Speaker 1: go go on, and he was the hottest way Connor
Speaker 1: he used on my show, So hold on, fucking hot.
Speaker 1: You know what though, he's hot, like a one direction
Speaker 1: hot when he came to serious yea, yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't want to brag Instagram. I don't want to say anything.
Speaker 1: He in person is like literally you're like, you know
Speaker 1: he looks like the little boy from Jojo Rabbit grown. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's like kid faced, you know he's that. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: say he's like like I want to, He's not, He's not.
Speaker 1: He's I had a crush and when he laughed, but
Speaker 1: it was like cute crush, not like the Dean crush
Speaker 1: my body. I was like I had to walk him
Speaker 1: from one side of the festival to the comedy tend disgusting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just like it took me like five minutes, like every girl.
Speaker 1: I was like, that was like, it's like we were
Speaker 1: the schedule us. We were the earliest show the festival
Speaker 1: was noon and then like and we thought nobody's going
Speaker 1: to come. It was so crowded, and I was like
Speaker 1: women like like like the height of Titanic Leo Dicarte,
Speaker 1: DiCaprio or like on the deck when we're all sinking.
Speaker 1: That's what I was picturing, like the height of this
Speaker 1: boat sinking. Like names were like we're like Twilight with
Speaker 1: like like it was like probly like girls like cling
Speaker 1: like like claying a Dean to get actually gross, honestly,
Speaker 1: it's a little it's like, look at us, like ladies,
Speaker 1: get it together. Meanwhile, my pants in there just closed,
Speaker 1: water coming out. I couldn't get please say that. Tonight
Speaker 1: at the Symphonies class, I'm like, you got it where
Speaker 1: my housewater girls got an email in advance that there's
Speaker 1: going to be an older she's doing his show tonight,
Speaker 1: and they were like, can you please be elegant, And
Speaker 1: it's like, I'm elegant. I never work blue. You know
Speaker 1: that's how you think it like offended, Like what do
Speaker 1: you think I do? I say water, classic pose water.
Speaker 1: I hear some time my pants are at my ankles. Water.
Speaker 1: I was literally masturbating throughout the Tracy when I was little.
Speaker 1: I even know what I was doing. I just had
Speaker 1: a feeling and I said I gotta go. So then
Speaker 1: we have some Kelsey. Kelsey makes the error of telling them, look,
Speaker 1: you know it's going to be emotional for me. I
Speaker 1: have to warn him next week his hometown to my family.
Speaker 1: I felt for her, like like, look, if you have
Speaker 1: a quirky family, I get like I had a quirky
Speaker 1: I had a really odd dad, and like I had
Speaker 1: this great mom, but like I had to kind of
Speaker 1: warn some people like, hey, he's just like an odd dude.
Speaker 1: Like and you wonder if people are going to think
Speaker 1: that you're fun at a party, but then then where
Speaker 1: they get to know you, Like, it's complicated if you
Speaker 1: have a complicated family, and her complication was really serious
Speaker 1: acts And by the way, because it's like a family
Speaker 1: secret that she revealed clearly on television that her mom
Speaker 1: is now going to know where she'd been talking to
Speaker 1: her strange father but wasn't telling the mother. It's it
Speaker 1: was obviously going to be there. There's no way dad's
Speaker 1: not popping in next week. There's going to be really weird. Actually,
Speaker 1: no way Dad's not popping in. And then we hear
Speaker 1: that it was really hard, hard, that her mom was
Speaker 1: really sweet, her dad wanted to be there when she
Speaker 1: was miss Iowa. Um, he started reaching out. There was
Speaker 1: red flag and he goes, what were the red flags?
Speaker 1: And he's like, God told me to leave. God told
Speaker 1: me to go to Mexico. And then there I then
Speaker 1: of times, the Lord has sent me to Camcoon. I
Speaker 1: can't even care. Jersey go to Costa later. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: it's the Lord. Okay, go on, gotten a zip car
Speaker 1: with you and humpson New Jersey. That was like our
Speaker 1: first friend date. Okay, so that we have UM and
Speaker 1: he was like, I want you to make your own decision.
Speaker 1: I want I don't want outside influences. I don't know
Speaker 1: what that is. Um. But so then the mom doesn't
Speaker 1: know and UM, and I felt like he's like, you're
Speaker 1: really special to me. You mean a lot to me.
Speaker 1: And she's like, that's what scares me. I'm really excited
Speaker 1: about us. He's like, please, don't ever be scared. He
Speaker 1: likes protecting a gal. I feel like she's going to
Speaker 1: make it at least past hometowns. She'll be at least
Speaker 1: top three. She'll get boned in a windmill. Oh, he's gone.
Speaker 1: He'd be a fool not to. I'll tell you he's
Speaker 1: an idiot if he doesn't exactly compared to Victoria or
Speaker 1: Hannah Hann, it's got to be key. He's got to
Speaker 1: be Kelsey Hannah. And I feel like it's like she
Speaker 1: brings wet ones into that. Does that make sense. It's
Speaker 1: like she's not a virgin. I mean like like she
Speaker 1: feels like, okay, we don't know that though we don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe she's also her virgin, So then we have she
Speaker 1: would take one more break before we go. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: did not they did not? Oh yes I did. And
Speaker 1: we're back. Guys were in the home stretch. Here, we're
Speaker 1: on the three on one. Kelly. Kelly's annoyed. She's given
Speaker 1: her she she was giving him some two just just
Speaker 1: coming in hot. She's annoyed to be on the three
Speaker 1: on one. They drive up, She's like, thanks for Megan
Speaker 1: us walk all the way across the wand do you
Speaker 1: like that? She was like bringing her worse? Like they
Speaker 1: all sit on the bed. She's like, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: take a nap, Like she's lost the will to even
Speaker 1: pretend that she's writis you know where it's at the end.
Speaker 1: And she's just like, I just don't want to do
Speaker 1: the thing. Please pick me and let's just do this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And she's like what, I'm here with a child, Just
Speaker 1: like think about it. I'm a fucking lawyer. We've got
Speaker 1: Hannah and want to stick in a lawyer. Yeah, come on,
Speaker 1: I've as to say, yeah, like, come on, I'm a lawyer.
Speaker 1: Why are we mean about these other girls? Are like
Speaker 1: dear Peter, like with a crayon, come on. So I'm
Speaker 1: just saying, Hannah, and he pullside and she realized that
Speaker 1: his panty dropper is tears, like I didn't I get
Speaker 1: like I did, Daddy. I wrote you a note and
Speaker 1: my so my favor Laurie. Actually it literally had reasons
Speaker 1: I love Peter, and I had like a heart shaped eye. However,
Speaker 1: so Laurie sent me. There was a screen grab of
Speaker 1: what she said, what she wrote, what she wrote, I
Speaker 1: gotta find it. If they're better be grammatical errors, because
Speaker 1: I will be honestly disappointing when you make time for
Speaker 1: what I love about Peter, you make time for me.
Speaker 1: I'll just pick a number. There's like third, okay, six,
Speaker 1: do you make me feel beautiful even with hot dog
Speaker 1: on my pies? Pick another number? Filthy dirty? What a lot? Okay,
Speaker 1: So we've got twenty. Pick three more numbers, five, five, Uh,
Speaker 1: you make me feel like the only girl here. One
Speaker 1: more number, got to go deep eighteen eighteen eighteen. You
Speaker 1: allow me to be myself number twenty because you were
Speaker 1: you and there is no one else like you. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. And he was like I'm in his dick,
Speaker 1: like busted through the paper, like the like the cool
Speaker 1: aid man. Oh yeah, Mr Clean Clean. Finally, finally, but again,
Speaker 1: think back to Hannah Brown, like, this is a horny
Speaker 1: guy and these are children. Hannah was a woman. Hannah
Speaker 1: was a woman. Hannah was a crazy woman. But I
Speaker 1: like Hannah, but she had some spice at least. Yes,
Speaker 1: I agree with you. It's Hannah Brown coming back. Do
Speaker 1: you think Mitch call her you you go get her
Speaker 1: and you do it? Or are we talking about the
Speaker 1: rumors yet or not? Okay, let's talk about because I
Speaker 1: think before we get into if we're going to talk
Speaker 1: about what makes Peter's mother cry, like, let's do it.
Speaker 1: At the end, we'll finish. I'm sorry, okay, right, I
Speaker 1: don't know if Hanna Brown's come back, Okay, okay, so
Speaker 1: then we have so then so then he's like, okay,
Speaker 1: and let me go put you in an suv and
Speaker 1: sid you away, right, So then he's like down to two.
Speaker 1: I also loved at the beginning of this how Kelly
Speaker 1: was like, I wish I could just push you both
Speaker 1: in front of a It's funny. I know she's just
Speaker 1: getting She's like, oh, I'll just take a nap. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously I'm gonna get it. I'm like, la, la, lav
Speaker 1: But imagine how annoying these girls are when you're in
Speaker 1: the mansion with them or wherever, and you're in a
Speaker 1: Marriott Machu Pichu marychich garden and you have to be
Speaker 1: stuck there with these morons, and you actually are a lawyer, um,
Speaker 1: and you're just like, are you kidding me? Like this?
Speaker 1: I mean right by the time there's no magazines, by
Speaker 1: the time the date rolls around, it's like, please, I
Speaker 1: am literally begging you let us get Like I could
Speaker 1: see why her mindset as a smart person is like,
Speaker 1: get me out of here. Already. She went right to
Speaker 1: tears and then and then we have um a child
Speaker 1: wrote it and he was like, that is the sweetest
Speaker 1: thing ever. Victoria f is running hot. She's already piste off.
Speaker 1: She's already you know, she's going it's annoying to be
Speaker 1: around me. I'm gonna have to agree. Her antenna were
Speaker 1: she's all over the place, little antenna. Just say. She
Speaker 1: reminds me of how I used to speak to my
Speaker 1: dad at sixteen. Okay, okay, okay, alright, alright, okay, why
Speaker 1: are you in such a mood? Playing her pinky her
Speaker 1: pinky going down her pinky, and then she was like,
Speaker 1: you're always a mood and he was like, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm not always. This bitch is in a mood literally constantly.
Speaker 1: It's a reflective mood. Dummy, Oh my god, dum. She's
Speaker 1: never like oh my god, hi, like she's away. Was like,
Speaker 1: oh in the vocal fry with this fucking all, I'm like,
Speaker 1: what is this? Mcmillions? Are we still on and we
Speaker 1: recording it? I was like yeah, and he was like,
Speaker 1: you have given me to reason to down. I am
Speaker 1: not in a mood like you're out. It's just like
Speaker 1: so spun out advance, like I have committed. It's oh,
Speaker 1: you could just slap her truly. She's like, I don't
Speaker 1: want it to end. I just don't want to lose you.
Speaker 1: It's just easier just not to have you than to
Speaker 1: lose you. And he's like, oh bull, and her fever
Speaker 1: busted right through the paper again. I'm okay, she's manipulated.
Speaker 1: I think she's pretend ending to be insecure, because do
Speaker 1: you see in those I t M s when she
Speaker 1: pulls up she's like yeah, like so I was really
Speaker 1: embarrassed to buy that and It's like, why can you
Speaker 1: talk now? And you couldn't talk to him? I love
Speaker 1: any talk producer, I know. I was like actually going, like,
Speaker 1: what is in the moment? Is that? How do you know?
Speaker 1: They say, but what is it stand for? I think
Speaker 1: the moment? Yeah, that I had the confessional? Yeah, can
Speaker 1: I say I'm glad I am that Derek's not here
Speaker 1: because I feel like I look so haggard and tired
Speaker 1: that I'm so glad that I can't let Dirk see
Speaker 1: me like that. I put on my best lung black
Speaker 1: dress and my best but like we wouldn't have been
Speaker 1: able to talk like freely. I wouldn't have talked about
Speaker 1: the hose. That water would not have made it. Ernie,
Speaker 1: while I was like calling hr about I feel good
Speaker 1: about it. I'm not worried about it. Your favorite podcast
Speaker 1: this week? The Best is the Best. I wish you
Speaker 1: would come back with us to Los Angeles? Will you
Speaker 1: come home me? You? Ernie? Is your mic on? Are
Speaker 1: you able to talk to us? Have you ever want
Speaker 1: to talk? Have you ever watched The Bachelor? Ernie? He doesn't,
Speaker 1: he really doesn't want to talk to us. Okay, okay, great, okay, great?
Speaker 1: So then Ernie's like hiding under his test Ernie cute.
Speaker 1: I felt like with Victoria f like, I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, they're the worst. They're the couple that you
Speaker 1: hate to hang out with. She's like, you're in a mood. No,
Speaker 1: you're a funk. I'm gone against the wall. And they're like, okay, no,
Speaker 1: you're right, I love you like I girls like that
Speaker 1: isn't a mother thing where they I think it's like
Speaker 1: they I think they love a situation like I think
Speaker 1: a guy wants to feel like they're chasing. She's the chase.
Speaker 1: She's like headche to me, like a lot of guys
Speaker 1: like him. I'm telling you my real problem. I am
Speaker 1: a low maintenance. Yeah you were listening to that. I'm
Speaker 1: a nut, but I'm low maintenan I'm like I read, Yeah,
Speaker 1: everyone's uber in me. Yeah truly, I'm reliable, sturdy ship.
Speaker 1: I've put a lot of people in the back seat.
Speaker 1: Yeah I have, you know now, I'm telling you I'm
Speaker 1: people love being in me. I'm comfortable. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: you know, it's just nice like, but I'm not. I'm
Speaker 1: very low maintenance. You never have to take me to
Speaker 1: the shop. No, no no, no, I'll take myself because I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'll feel so broken if I'll go to my
Speaker 1: own shame hole far away, and I will go deal
Speaker 1: with it myself, with the with the person who's going
Speaker 1: to fix my family ancestry. Like I'll deal with it myself.
Speaker 1: So you don't have to, like you don't have to
Speaker 1: do with that. You know, it's funny though it's probably
Speaker 1: not that I'm learning from these girls a little bit,
Speaker 1: never too late to learn, so we have to. We
Speaker 1: have so they're the worst couple. And then um, so
Speaker 1: then we have Kelly, who's like, look, Peter, it's an
Speaker 1: easy decision. Look at me, I'm an attorney. I'm ready
Speaker 1: for a rose. Give it to me. She got less fun.
Speaker 1: She also let's listen. Yeah, please look I have my
Speaker 1: face hasn't ever been founder in my life. So no,
Speaker 1: say nothing so that when I'm talking, like know that
Speaker 1: like the shame hall are and I are co renting
Speaker 1: and we do love that really cute tiling and we
Speaker 1: have the free beer, open open open shelves at our
Speaker 1: shame hall. But real talk of the three. Yes, let's
Speaker 1: say you never heard from him a blind taste test
Speaker 1: except where you can only see them. Kelly would be
Speaker 1: the one to go because just superficially speaking, she actually
Speaker 1: did need to work a little harder. Sorry, and I
Speaker 1: say this as someone I would be thrown out day one,
Speaker 1: so like that this is but she just didn't have
Speaker 1: that cute, cute, cute look that the other girls have.
Speaker 1: It's like, honey, you have to work, but I will.
Speaker 1: He had a boner for her for a second. He did,
Speaker 1: and he was like whatever, Like he was so entranced
Speaker 1: by the destiny of like grinding in the lobby at
Speaker 1: the lobby of the Four Seasons Westlake Village, Like he was, actually,
Speaker 1: don't you just said, I'm like that's nice. I like,
Speaker 1: like I love lobbies. I love lobby. I love a lobby.
Speaker 1: I love a four Seasons. I do feel like, um,
Speaker 1: he was way more into heard than I would have.
Speaker 1: Like he was really aroused by her early on, and
Speaker 1: she didn't give him anything. Yeah, well she felt like
Speaker 1: from day one, like, oh maybe I shouldn't be here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm I have a job and I
Speaker 1: actually have my client. Shouldn't find me like this and
Speaker 1: like whatever she was wearing, like lingerie or whatever was
Speaker 1: the pillow fight, and then I think from then on
Speaker 1: she was just kind of like he either wants me
Speaker 1: or doesn't, and I'm not giving, like I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: off or I'm not you know, I gotta tell you something.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm having a moment right now. Obviously this
Speaker 1: would never happened. But if I were on the Bachelor, Like,
Speaker 1: how would I be? I certainly would to be crying.
Speaker 1: I would be the funny one. I'd be like the
Speaker 1: joke hacker, because that's how I deal with my insecurities.
Speaker 1: But I think I would almost take that. It's not
Speaker 1: I wouldn't win, but I would do that too, where
Speaker 1: I'm like, look, I'm obviously the best one because I
Speaker 1: know that I'm smart and I'm not self confident, but
Speaker 1: I am you know, I'm weird that or sometimes and
Speaker 1: I have my issues, but um, I get it. I like,
Speaker 1: thinking back, I'm like, you know, she actually did the
Speaker 1: right thing. It's like, look look at me, I'm accomplished.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty this, that and the other. If you want
Speaker 1: these girls, then this was never going to work to
Speaker 1: begin and so I kind of respect it now that
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about it. I don't think I have enough
Speaker 1: confidence to hold myself in regard that, I think I
Speaker 1: would fold in and go I am an animal. I
Speaker 1: think I would completely ruined. Oh no, no no, no, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, I would tell him don't pick me. I'm like, honestly, why,
Speaker 1: I'm still going to like court Jester, like the neutered
Speaker 1: court Jester of the hot girl, I like Dinklaging from
Speaker 1: the Limo. Yeah, I'd be in full Jester. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: think I pulled the full Jess. So then we have
Speaker 1: We've got so then again, Hannah and and Kelsey, you're
Speaker 1: they're so excited that each other walks through the door
Speaker 1: again and they pull out champagne and like didn't explode
Speaker 1: the bottle into Kelsey's face. The funniest Hello Diane, But
Speaker 1: that if I could watch the champagne gate and Kiano
Speaker 1: greeting Diane Keaton for like the next of my favorite things.
Speaker 1: All right, let's talk about the gossip. So there's a
Speaker 1: rumor going around on the internet that Peter that the
Speaker 1: reason nobody knows who's one is because Peter's actually fallen
Speaker 1: in love with his producer, who's actually very cute. By
Speaker 1: the way, she's so cute. Why would you have her
Speaker 1: as the producer if you didn't want him to fall
Speaker 1: in love with her, like, obviously he's with her more
Speaker 1: than anyone. She's just confident. She's probably cool, like she's smart. Obviously,
Speaker 1: it's a smart, fun show to work on. Why would
Speaker 1: you hire her if you didn't want any bachelor to
Speaker 1: fall for her? Honestly, like hiring a hot man walk
Speaker 1: my hot many maybe where I feel like we're thinking,
Speaker 1: why would you? Why would you do that? Of course
Speaker 1: she's cute, smart, she's exactly. She's the one who he
Speaker 1: really intimately, they're together literally all day long. That's why
Speaker 1: a lot of people fall for the nanny or their assistants.
Speaker 1: Like she's the one that helps me. She protects me.
Speaker 1: The rest of them don't protect me. She's the one
Speaker 1: that has my real person. Yeah, do you let's talk
Speaker 1: about it. I think it happened. I really think it happened.
Speaker 1: And I want you to know something. You like it?
Speaker 1: I love it. I really like it. It makes me
Speaker 1: actually feel excited, Like I really liked this season because
Speaker 1: I didn't watch Bolton, I couldn't watch him, but I
Speaker 1: loved the season and was a fence jump which was amazing,
Speaker 1: and I watched it and I was like, great, Uh,
Speaker 1: it would make me feel really good about how the
Speaker 1: season ended. How do you feel unless you would ended
Speaker 1: up with Kelsey? She's going to eat him alive? All
Speaker 1: give me a break. I love Kelsey for Bachelorette for sure?
Speaker 1: Okay Anna, do you wait? Do you think it's gonna
Speaker 1: be I would like get to be that because that
Speaker 1: person seems like I don't like I don't see any
Speaker 1: of the girls on this season for him. I would
Speaker 1: like that, but I also don't understand if that, if
Speaker 1: that would actually like how it would work out, because
Speaker 1: it part of me feel like, wouldn't you shold be fired?
Speaker 1: Or like, no, are you kidding me? Best twist? Best twist?
Speaker 1: And you don't want to I'll tell you this, judging
Speaker 1: by how stressed he is, I think it's gonna this
Speaker 1: is what. This is my theory only I don't spoil myself.
Speaker 1: But because like reality, Steve has tweeted this is not true,
Speaker 1: and you know he actually does have inside info, although
Speaker 1: who knows. I think that he's going to on camera
Speaker 1: say like something has happened here and it's going to
Speaker 1: be a big moment. It's going to be exciting if
Speaker 1: it's true. Reality Steve is saying that that's not true.
Speaker 1: So Reality Steve, who I never read, by the way,
Speaker 1: because I like to enjoy things, has tweeted it's not true.
Speaker 1: But here's my question with Reality Steve. Somebody was tipping
Speaker 1: him off. I would never understand why I showed want
Speaker 1: there to be spoilers, because you know, why would you
Speaker 1: want it to be out there? Whatever. Maybe that person
Speaker 1: doesn't work there anymore. I don't know. It's possible he
Speaker 1: has lost to his connection and this is just my
Speaker 1: stupid I love it, I love it, I love it,
Speaker 1: I love but I really I wanted to be true
Speaker 1: because he hasn't. I don't think he's spoiled the season
Speaker 1: for anyone. They're saying that they haven't done the final
Speaker 1: rows yet. Okay, so question because it's a producer. Oh. Also,
Speaker 1: Rob Mills, the ABC person, he put out an article
Speaker 1: saying that he cannot confirm or deny that. Okay, that
Speaker 1: was like, I'm wondering, Well, it's also if he did,
Speaker 1: because because he had to get stitches. Stitches and I
Speaker 1: sort of feel like they're two on one. Was so
Speaker 1: lame because I feel like they might have had to
Speaker 1: have a break in production because his head was really
Speaker 1: messed up. So perhaps well he was injured, he really
Speaker 1: got more alone time with this producer like you mentioned.
Speaker 1: Did you notice like how quickly does he heal? Because
Speaker 1: when they took Avantage off, it was really what there
Speaker 1: was no Frankenstein. That's good. I'm really wondering because I
Speaker 1: bet there was a breather and they're like stuck in Purdue.
Speaker 1: Maybe he's hanging out with this lady. It's exciting. There's
Speaker 1: like two alpockets who know we'll never know. They're like okay, okay,
Speaker 1: and then okay, So then what about do we think?
Speaker 1: I don't think we've seen the last of Hannah Brown.
Speaker 1: I agree it would be a mistake not to bring
Speaker 1: her back. Okay, So thoughts, how is she going to
Speaker 1: come back? When she's going to come back, who's going
Speaker 1: to be the final two? Who's getting cut next week? Michelle?
Speaker 1: And who's gonna win Michelle? I don't even remember their names? Okay,
Speaker 1: So we have Victor, we have Victoria f we have Hannah,
Speaker 1: and we have Victor Madison without a doubt, Madison make
Speaker 1: it tough to um and then honestly, I think it's
Speaker 1: Madison and Hannah. I think he's going for the good
Speaker 1: girl because for his image, whether he's into them or not,
Speaker 1: he cannot go Those other two girls are like fast girls.
Speaker 1: He especially after the Chase Rice thing, he cannot pick.
Speaker 1: Victoria is also like unbearable. And then Kelsey is like
Speaker 1: funny to us and yeah, yeah she's not. It's going
Speaker 1: to be those two. He needs a good girl because
Speaker 1: he's like a quote unquote good guy. Okay, what do
Speaker 1: you think for the final thing? I agree with that.
Speaker 1: I think next week, I think Kelsey is actually going
Speaker 1: to go home because the way they're playing Victoria f up.
Speaker 1: That's I think like the Red Herring. And then and
Speaker 1: then when does Hannah Brown come back? Yeah? I think
Speaker 1: the end. Yeah, and that scene where when he's lying
Speaker 1: on the beds like, oh we just learned this off.
Speaker 1: What did you learn? I don't know? Yeah. Who is
Speaker 1: the mother because this is for me, the biggest blank
Speaker 1: to fill. Who is the mother crying about it would
Speaker 1: either be Hannah it's someone she knows Madison or Hannah Brown. Listen,
Speaker 1: unless the mother has like some real mental illness issues,
Speaker 1: why would she be crying about Madison for five minutes.
Speaker 1: I think Madison might have been a virgin who left
Speaker 1: because he boned Kelsey and he's not going to cut
Speaker 1: Kelsey because he's gonna want a bone, or in the
Speaker 1: windmill Victoria f he does cut Hannah and no way can't.
Speaker 1: I don't think the mother is crying about any of
Speaker 1: the girls that are on the show unless she seriously
Speaker 1: needs help. You think it's going to be handed unless
Speaker 1: he's like, I'm not or that other girl, because here's
Speaker 1: the other thing in a lot of the conspiracy theories,
Speaker 1: I think her name is Julia, but I might be wrong.
Speaker 1: Um with the producer. There are pictures of the mother
Speaker 1: with hanging with Peter and the producer of Instagram photos.
Speaker 1: The mother knew her, so I think the mother loves
Speaker 1: her and that's who she's crying. I got chills. I
Speaker 1: just trusted her with his entire family. I just got hills.
Speaker 1: So I can't believe I cared this much. I'm can
Speaker 1: I just say I am so delighted that I chose
Speaker 1: to stay to do this podcast. I've been dying to
Speaker 1: do your podcast. This really means the world to me.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I hope to do I will probably be
Speaker 1: in New York a bunch of the spring and we'll
Speaker 1: definitely do more. I will you please come back well
Speaker 1: and also come to Serious XMA Michelle Collin shows seven
Speaker 1: to ten money through Friday. I'll plug it Serious x
Speaker 1: on one O nine and Arten has been on. You
Speaker 1: can find us on mine anyway. But I love you
Speaker 1: and Laura Lattis with the best time, and um, I'm
Speaker 1: going to Will you help us pick a tweet of
Speaker 1: the week? Yes, okay, So for the new listeners out there,
Speaker 1: you can tag me or Anna Hostna on Twitter art
Speaker 1: marine air d e n M y r I n
Speaker 1: anna A n n A h O s s n
Speaker 1: I e h and um then you do hashtag w
Speaker 1: y A t R. I feel like I always pronounced
Speaker 1: your last name differently, say it properly. That's not okay, great, Um,
Speaker 1: all right, let's see here we go. Um, all right,
Speaker 1: we have a bunch of these are there's so many
Speaker 1: good ones it's hard. So we've narrowed it down to
Speaker 1: like seven, Lynn shre At, Alexandrovna. We've narrow down to
Speaker 1: two and then we picked the final Madison. I'm so
Speaker 1: excited to find out what work. Oh this when they're fishing, Madison.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to find out what we're catching. My
Speaker 1: husband s t ds pretty good okay, Jazz at Thorium
Speaker 1: Underscore Dragon. How exciting. It's great that Natasha finally gets
Speaker 1: to meet Peter. Like, okay, let's say, oh, this is funny.
Speaker 1: This is like, this is more of a visual. Do
Speaker 1: you know how they added in the swimsuit? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 1: So this is from the seth Vat at Basebone one,
Speaker 1: Peter my number one quality. What do I want my wife?
Speaker 1: I want someone with a huge heart shaped dumper that
Speaker 1: gets blurred on primetime television is unflattering because these women
Speaker 1: have like good bodies and it gives them my body,
Speaker 1: which makes me feel good. It's amazing. Weird blobs on
Speaker 1: their not even trying. This is from three D Dorito.
Speaker 1: Um at j a shaw uh. The amount of time
Speaker 1: she's talking about how he won't be there, He's gonna
Speaker 1: be there. That was Kelsey talking about her dad. Um
Speaker 1: three D Dorito, Kelsey, I haven't seen my dad in
Speaker 1: twelve years. Producers rub hands together until now. Um okay.
Speaker 1: Chaz at three M Underscore Dragon. Yep. That is definitely
Speaker 1: how a real human person cries Hannah and nailed it.
Speaker 1: That's hilarious. Yes she is simone. Um, this is three.
Speaker 1: I don't watch The Good Doctor, but based on the
Speaker 1: fifteen seconds I see every week after The Bachelor, he's
Speaker 1: got more game than Peter. By the way, the Good
Speaker 1: Doctor Fox I also only watched the first fifteen seconds
Speaker 1: of it, and he was like, can you wake up?
Speaker 1: I want to have sex now. I thought he was
Speaker 1: a kid doctor. I was like, excuse me. Our final
Speaker 1: one Megan Corbett back at meg Corps. Peter one thousand
Speaker 1: percent uses tears as lubricants. That's funny. Okay, So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say for our final two, Um, I have a
Speaker 1: favorite three. Okay, all right, I'm gonna do. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: throw Okay, give me your favorite three. The first two
Speaker 1: in the last one, okay, great Land Troyer at Electa
Speaker 1: Drovna Madison. I'm so excited to find out we're catching
Speaker 1: my husband STDs excute Chazz at three. Um, Dragon, how exciting.
Speaker 1: It's great that Natasha finally gets to meet Peter. I
Speaker 1: like that one because it's true. I like that. And
Speaker 1: then Megan Corbin backs at mag Corbes Peter one thousand
Speaker 1: percent uses tears as lubricant. I'm gonna let you pick
Speaker 1: the winner. Yes, I almost want to give it to
Speaker 1: three D to Rito because they sent so many and
Speaker 1: I love doritos so and they asked me, said the
Speaker 1: good doctor, and they did a get good. I like
Speaker 1: the one. The Natasha tweet made me laugh because it's
Speaker 1: dark and true, like it's real. It's it's terrible that
Speaker 1: they waited so long and then he got rid of her. Yes, exactly, like, okay,
Speaker 1: three D either you know what. Three D deserved it.
Speaker 1: I was worse because he remember he picked up the
Speaker 1: rose as if he was going to give it to her,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, oh but no way. Also,
Speaker 1: even if producers tell you to do that, don't touch it,
Speaker 1: they never used to touch it back when they would
Speaker 1: send you home. That was so rude, Fonds, That's exactly it, Michelle.
Speaker 1: Where can people find you? You're the best. First of all,
Speaker 1: I've had literally the best time. I could sit here
Speaker 1: for another seven hours. The most fun thing that's your flight.
Speaker 1: Let's keep doing this, Okay, it's my favorite thing that
Speaker 1: I do. I'm on Instagram at miss call m I
Speaker 1: C h CEO L L Also, I live tweet Bachelor
Speaker 1: with you guys every East Coast time, every Monday, whenever
Speaker 1: the it's on for nine hours. I have no life.
Speaker 1: Miss call also on Twitter, She's so funny. Follow this person,
Speaker 1: she just is so funny. And also her series X
Speaker 1: show She's so funny. And I have a live show
Speaker 1: at Joe's Pub March on my calendar. Please I love watching.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, if you're here, please let me know
Speaker 1: because if I am, I would let you know. We
Speaker 1: can do a duet or something. Already. Yeah, let me fun.
Speaker 1: So that's on March thirty one, Joe's Pub. You can
Speaker 1: go to my Instagram. It's a really fun show. I sing,
Speaker 1: I do. There's it's giveaways. I got a new prop.
Speaker 1: I know that I'm turning into Carra Top. Please say nothing,
Speaker 1: but I have a new hilarious single I about yesterday
Speaker 1: for my show that I am like sweating with excitement
Speaker 1: a talk when we're not on air. I need to
Speaker 1: know what it is. And I wanted to just say,
Speaker 1: you know, like this is one of my favorite live
Speaker 1: perform I mean, it just makes me laugh so hard. Um,
Speaker 1: you can see Insatiable is on Netflix. But my book
Speaker 1: pre order little Miss Little Compton, wherever you get books,
Speaker 1: support your local bookstore, get it through there, wherever you
Speaker 1: want to find it. Um and and I'm going to
Speaker 1: be doing giveaway. I'll be doing all stores of giveaways
Speaker 1: between now and them. But I really appreciate Apparently it's
Speaker 1: all about the pre orders, so I appreciate it. And
Speaker 1: I'm on Instagram. I'm on Twitter, but I don't really
Speaker 1: look at that much. I like Instagram art Marine and
Speaker 1: I lost a hundred followers last week. I lost a
Speaker 1: hundred followers, So if you want to follow me, that'd
Speaker 1: be great, right Wow? What yeah? How dare they okay? Tanna?
Speaker 1: I'm at Anna hostening on Twitter. I guess just keep
Speaker 1: tweeting me every Bachelor night. I can't look at my
Speaker 1: my Twitter because there's so much coming in that I
Speaker 1: have to get. I go through one by one in
Speaker 1: bed when I'm covered in my cats, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. We appreciate We really appreciate your emails.
Speaker 1: We appreciate your your reviewing us on iTunes. It really
Speaker 1: means a lot, you guys. We love hearing from you.
Speaker 1: You can like us on iTunes. We love your reviews
Speaker 1: on iTunes. We let's see. We just got one yesterday
Speaker 1: by Loud and Swained fan number one. That's Rob Benedict's
Speaker 1: band More Rob More Rob More Rob five stars art
Speaker 1: and I absolutely adore this podcast and I have not
Speaker 1: watched any Bachelor related shows since the Emily Mater Bred
Speaker 1: Womax seasons. Wow. I love that you listen to the
Speaker 1: podcast without watching the shows. The only negative I can
Speaker 1: think of with your hilarious podcast is the greatest Bachelor.
Speaker 1: Your Rob Benedict is not on every episode. Well, I
Speaker 1: hear you. He was on the last episode, But I
Speaker 1: mean I would love to have Rob on every episode.
Speaker 1: You know, last week I was in New York. This
Speaker 1: week I'm in New York. But if it was up
Speaker 1: to me, I would clone Rob Benedicts and bring him
Speaker 1: with me be because he is the most wonderful thing ever.
Speaker 1: We also got a five star review. Fuck yes, Mary
Speaker 1: kraw Krawsick. I haven't laughed this hard in months. Sharp, smart,
Speaker 1: hilarious and perfect. And Jerry is fucking excellent, the perfect
Speaker 1: partner material at least for me. So good. Thank you
Speaker 1: for listening, Mary, We appreciate it. We also love your emails.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sit here and act like I don't
Speaker 1: love your emails. I love your emails. We got one
Speaker 1: from Samantha Win. Hello, Arden and I, Katie and all
Speaker 1: the guest stars. My name is Samantha. I love listening
Speaker 1: to your podcast. Well, thank you for listening. Samantha. Um,
Speaker 1: she's a junior in college. I have three things she
Speaker 1: wants to write about. One, I think Peter is so
Speaker 1: obsessed with square dancing and hoedowns because he went to
Speaker 1: Baylor and Wake. Um, that's interesting. I did not I
Speaker 1: did not know that. Number Two, I saw thread on
Speaker 1: Twitter about how Peter may end up with one of
Speaker 1: the producers. As you heard earlier in the podcast, we
Speaker 1: discussed that, and that is in a banana pants proposition.
Speaker 1: And three have been so excited to share this one.
Speaker 1: I'm on the dance team and our coach told us
Speaker 1: about an event that we're doing on campus next week
Speaker 1: after Valentine's Day. Basically it's sort of a dating game. However,
Speaker 1: Mike Johnson from last season we'll be there em seeing
Speaker 1: the event. Okay, I need you to get a photo
Speaker 1: of Mike. I need you to tell me everything. I
Speaker 1: need to know everything. Um, if you want to email us.
Speaker 1: We're at Rose podcast at gmail dot com. There's just
Speaker 1: been so many, like I can't even tell you the
Speaker 1: most wonderful emails that we received. We received one from
Speaker 1: a nice gentleman who was saying that, um, this podcast
Speaker 1: actually was helping bringing he and his wife together. That
Speaker 1: one of the things was that they weren't having common
Speaker 1: interests and that she liked The Bachelor and she liked
Speaker 1: the podcast and now that they actually listened to it together,
Speaker 1: that they can discuss it and discuss the podcast. So
Speaker 1: we're giving you a shout out, and we appreciate you
Speaker 1: emailing in and we love hearing from you. So again,
Speaker 1: Rose Podcast at gmail dot com. And uh, and that's it.
Speaker 1: You guys were getting to the final, the final, What
Speaker 1: do we say? Down with the fine old bone down?
Speaker 1: I don't get as they should play when they get
Speaker 1: to fantasy sweet all right, my name is Arna Brand.
Speaker 1: I'll tell to you later. Goodbye. Oh yeah, you want
Speaker 1: to get all up in you tonight. It feels so good.
Speaker 1: I just got one little questions figure where you read
Speaker 1: your word rules word? Will you accept this? Rose is
Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcast on
Speaker 1: iHeart Radio, visit the I heart radio, app, Apple podcast,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.