Speaker 1: I got buckets. It's we knows parenting. I'm Peter McNerney
Speaker 1: and I'm that Newell. We came back. We've been back.
Speaker 1: Can you believe it? We didn't really leave. I mean
Speaker 1: we did leave. We went to Thanksgiving, to the Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: We went to the famous, the world famous Thanksgiving. This
Speaker 1: version was in outside of Boston, Massachusetts, where your parents live.
Speaker 1: Had a delightful time. Can I say, unrelated to the trip,
Speaker 1: that a lot of people this year are getting more
Speaker 1: on board with actually listening to native people about cultural issues.
Speaker 1: And people are starting to talk about how Thanksgiving is
Speaker 1: credibly problematic and like as as a holiday, and I think,
Speaker 1: you know, it's one of those things. It feels like
Speaker 1: we just need to rebrand it a little bit and
Speaker 1: keep doing the big family meal and just yes, the
Speaker 1: messaging of it is is right, arm like it's But
Speaker 1: the funny thing is all of our all of our
Speaker 1: holidays are actually just appropriated pagan holidays that we that
Speaker 1: Christianity like tried to rebrand into different various lives and things. Well,
Speaker 1: I think that's that's not not just Christianity is thin
Speaker 1: right right right, But um our country has done this
Speaker 1: with Thanksgiving where what used to be sort of like
Speaker 1: giving thanks holiday in the fall where you would like
Speaker 1: reap the last harvest and then celebrate all the food
Speaker 1: and like you know, prepare for the winter and like
Speaker 1: enjoy a meal with your loved ones. It then became
Speaker 1: this holiday where we're like and that's when Native Americans
Speaker 1: forgave us for everything, and they actually were like, we
Speaker 1: want you here on our land and we want you
Speaker 1: to take all of relay. Well, yeah, that is the
Speaker 1: that's the origin of Thanksgiving. I mean, obviously the revisionist
Speaker 1: history of the perfect we invited the the Native Americans
Speaker 1: to this supper, which I just read a great article,
Speaker 1: but like things that are you believe about Thanksgivings that
Speaker 1: aren't true, And the only one I remember is we didn't.
Speaker 1: We the white people, the Pilgrims, did not invite the
Speaker 1: Native Americans when you were across the brook having their
Speaker 1: own festival. And they emerge when you actually look at
Speaker 1: American history and a lot of these things, or just
Speaker 1: world history, it's like we're talking about events that were
Speaker 1: like genocide on some level, like you know, like rape
Speaker 1: and murder of people, removing children from their parents. It's
Speaker 1: like these are like but like if you if you
Speaker 1: read the history in our history books, it's like, um,
Speaker 1: so we just kept expanding west into this beautiful land
Speaker 1: that was just sitting there waiting for it. Or the
Speaker 1: victors write the history books. I mean, the pilgrims had
Speaker 1: a had a you know, where they were living. They
Speaker 1: had fields that were prepared and tilled because all they
Speaker 1: were prepared by Native Americans who were all dead because
Speaker 1: of the small box. Yeah, anyway, fun start. Well, I
Speaker 1: think what is relevant about that to the podcast, not
Speaker 1: aside from the education point, is that, Um, one thing
Speaker 1: I think people have been more sensitive to this year,
Speaker 1: among other things culturally, is that kids are being given
Speaker 1: these sort of like reenacting things like plays or activities
Speaker 1: or head dress is like they're giving these activities in
Speaker 1: schools that are just like I know, in a lot
Speaker 1: of places, I feel like this is just like some
Speaker 1: old white teacher who's been doing this thing for years
Speaker 1: and like they didn't get the memo, like you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like they're still making Native American head
Speaker 1: dresses out of Yeah. In a lot of cases, it's
Speaker 1: like a very well meaning white person who really needs
Speaker 1: to like read an article, Um, but it's just anyway.
Speaker 1: Um well, I speaking of that, I went to pick
Speaker 1: up britain Is after school. Um program had a Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: party and I forgot that it was happening. So I
Speaker 1: showed up and he was just getting food and so
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you know what, I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: outside that you know, makes some phone calls so that
Speaker 1: he can enjoy his food. And he didn't haven't seen
Speaker 1: me yet. And as I walked out, I really I
Speaker 1: thought like, was he wearing a construction paper uh Native
Speaker 1: American head dress? Oh? Yeah? And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's not cool anymore, right, But then I went back
Speaker 1: an hour later and saw that it was turkey turkey
Speaker 1: hat but it had turkey feathers on a hat in
Speaker 1: a way that was like very reminiscent of you can
Speaker 1: tell whoever learned that learned it one way and then
Speaker 1: they go, let's make it a turkey and it was
Speaker 1: an appropriate shift. Yeah, but someone someone got very attached
Speaker 1: to the idea of putting like headbands on kids around
Speaker 1: fall like, yeah, it's it's moved in the right direction.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean, I mean Thanksgiving the core of
Speaker 1: it is the time to be thankful, and I think
Speaker 1: I'm behind that time to get together with family, Like
Speaker 1: we celebrate Christmas personally. I don't do it for Jesus anymore.
Speaker 1: I just it's about family. I just do it for
Speaker 1: the likes. I just do it for the tradition and
Speaker 1: the rules. Um, I'm so excited for Christmas this year.
Speaker 1: Brand he's he's he's ready for the big Christmas. Can
Speaker 1: we talk about the Advent calendar? Yeah? Sure, I mean
Speaker 1: the thing is I have another Advent thing coming? Or
Speaker 1: is that what it's called. No, it's not called it's
Speaker 1: just what are you talking about? What are you talking about? What?
Speaker 1: I was talking about the Advent calendar? But you said
Speaker 1: that you have another Advent thing coming, another Advent calendar
Speaker 1: sort of. It's like, Um, this is so mysterious. What
Speaker 1: are you talking about. It's like this wooden Advent calendar
Speaker 1: where you like put it's like a Christmas tree with
Speaker 1: all these little circle holes. And then yeah, I was
Speaker 1: trying to find something like when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: I had this thing that I loved that I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone really makes something like it right now. Maybe
Speaker 1: they do, But it was like it hung on the wall.
Speaker 1: It was made of cloth, and there was all these
Speaker 1: little pockets for each day of the month with a
Speaker 1: number on it, and then that you would move this
Speaker 1: little mouse from pocket to pocket. I've seen that too.
Speaker 1: I loved that. I love all of these. These are
Speaker 1: the kind of holiday activities that are great. Like I
Speaker 1: think if you remember that so much of the joy
Speaker 1: of Christmas is like the lead up to Christmas, then
Speaker 1: I feel like you can kind of like tone down
Speaker 1: the consumerism and stress of like gift by I love
Speaker 1: the build up is everything. Yeah, that's why I love
Speaker 1: Christmas Morning and we have a lot of traditions and
Speaker 1: things because it's all about just extending that moment of excitement. Um.
Speaker 1: But bring up we got written at You got brittan
Speaker 1: advant calendar, a simple one, and you think that would
Speaker 1: be really into it because he loves the calendar and
Speaker 1: crossing off the days of the month. He really didn't
Speaker 1: get it, and well he does love it, but he
Speaker 1: immediately opened all of the doors and then lied about it.
Speaker 1: It was too tempting. You know. It's funny because they
Speaker 1: have ones like that that have candy in them. But
Speaker 1: I used to get some of those. I know. I
Speaker 1: could never trust him with something like that. Well, that's
Speaker 1: the type of thing though that he couldn't possibly lie about.
Speaker 1: He'd he'd be surprised. So let's talk about We took
Speaker 1: them to Thanksgiving. It was nice and easy. Um the
Speaker 1: drive there. The drive back was not. We had a
Speaker 1: lot of traffic. Actually, I thought the drive back was
Speaker 1: more peaceful in a weird way, even though it was eternal.
Speaker 1: Here's something I'm really proud of. It was eternal. It
Speaker 1: was six and a half hours instead of three. Um,
Speaker 1: so Brent head a major league melt down in the
Speaker 1: parking lot when you guys went into that restaurant. And
Speaker 1: I've been really trying to just ride the wave instead
Speaker 1: of trying to block the wave, you know, because I've
Speaker 1: you know, I pride myself on putting my foot down,
Speaker 1: and when I put my foot down, I don't back off.
Speaker 1: But I've been hitting the gas, hitting the brake too hard,
Speaker 1: too quick, m and so I've just been trying to
Speaker 1: find that balance of if I say a thing, I
Speaker 1: mean it, but I'm toning down this sternness. And in
Speaker 1: that parking lot when he was having a major league
Speaker 1: freak out, Um, oh my god. So this was in
Speaker 1: reaction to target okay, we gotta go back. On the
Speaker 1: way there, we had to go to Target to buy
Speaker 1: him a jacket because he lost his jacket. So it's
Speaker 1: been a great trip. We go into the Target and
Speaker 1: we get there and we get to find the jacket
Speaker 1: section and there's one coat that's for four to five
Speaker 1: years old, and so I go, oh, look at this,
Speaker 1: and I put it on him and it fits perfectly,
Speaker 1: and then I go great. And then I look in
Speaker 1: the next size up, which is six seven, and I go,
Speaker 1: let's try this on just in case, because it was
Speaker 1: a nice jacket and it might last. So he puts
Speaker 1: one arm in the new jacket and his fingers don't
Speaker 1: go to the end, so in my mind like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is probably too big. And then he takes it
Speaker 1: off and he goes, this is the one. I want
Speaker 1: this one, And I go, well, try it on so
Speaker 1: that I can see how big it is, because I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna buy this. It might be too big. And
Speaker 1: he then he refused, uh, and I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: well just try it on. And then suddenly he got
Speaker 1: really progressive quickly, and he was really embarrassed, and I
Speaker 1: didn't notice it, so suddenly I was pushing against somebody
Speaker 1: that was freaking out, and I didn't notice yet, and
Speaker 1: so then I was like, okay, all right, let's get
Speaker 1: the other one. And then I tried. I tried to
Speaker 1: get the other one, and he started freaking out that
Speaker 1: we weren't buying the big one. So then I said, okay,
Speaker 1: we can get the big one if you try it on.
Speaker 1: Then he wouldn't try it on and the biggest public
Speaker 1: melton I've ever been a part of. And so I
Speaker 1: tried to just back away, and I go, okay, I
Speaker 1: riled him up. I didn't realize that, and I stayed calm,
Speaker 1: and I just sat there and I waited and I
Speaker 1: let him be alone. I let him calm down, I
Speaker 1: changed the subject. We just talked and all that, and
Speaker 1: then finally we had to go. So I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, and then I called and I was like,
Speaker 1: I started like threatening him. We got donuts. If you
Speaker 1: don't do this, you're gonna get a donut. And I
Speaker 1: called you and I was like, are you gonna eat
Speaker 1: Britain's doughnut? And this is when I blew it, And
Speaker 1: then finally wasn't already. I finally finally just said we
Speaker 1: have to go, and so I grabbed the one that
Speaker 1: I knew that fit. I said, let's go, and I
Speaker 1: started walking away, and he exploded with rage and started
Speaker 1: running in front of me, and he threw himself down
Speaker 1: in front of me on the ground, and I just
Speaker 1: like stepped over him, and everyone was looking. And then
Speaker 1: we got into the cell off checkoutline and he started
Speaker 1: hitting me, and it was so crowded and I was
Speaker 1: so embarrassed, and I was trying to make jokes, so
Speaker 1: the people around me and I as I was checking out,
Speaker 1: he was grabbing the coat and pulling it away and
Speaker 1: screaming goes, I don't want it, I don't want it,
Speaker 1: and I just put my head down and walked out
Speaker 1: of the store. And as soon as he got into
Speaker 1: the parking lot, I lost it. And we put him
Speaker 1: in the car, and he wouldn't put a seatbelt on,
Speaker 1: so I slammed the door and then I get in
Speaker 1: the car and I drive to go pick you guys
Speaker 1: up at Dunk of Donuts and he starts kicking the
Speaker 1: back of my seat as hard as he can, and
Speaker 1: he dumps out an entire box of animal crackers and
Speaker 1: I'm going five miles in the parking lot and I
Speaker 1: hit the brakes really hard and he sort of stumbles
Speaker 1: and I scream, Oh my God, and I was so
Speaker 1: enraged and I lost my mind. Okay, can I talk.
Speaker 1: This is the longest story in the world. UM. I
Speaker 1: feel like we have this conversation every single time we
Speaker 1: have a car trip where I beg you not to
Speaker 1: lay down the discipline at the beginning of a three
Speaker 1: hour car The thing is, I didn't no becauld use you.
Speaker 1: From the very beginning. You were like, I need you
Speaker 1: to put this code on, Like, here's how this would
Speaker 1: have played out for me. How it started. He said,
Speaker 1: I need you to try it on anyway, and then
Speaker 1: you continue to lay down ultimatum after ultimatum, a drawing
Speaker 1: lines in the sand for him to get upset about.
Speaker 1: Can I say how I would have done this interaction?
Speaker 1: I'm upset at how much you keep trying to describe
Speaker 1: a thing that you weren't there for it. But go ahead,
Speaker 1: you just described it in great detail for five minutes straight.
Speaker 1: I think I have a pretty good gist of what
Speaker 1: went down. Well, the point of that setup was to
Speaker 1: talk about how I've reacted him since then, which I
Speaker 1: appreciate that it has been at the start of every
Speaker 1: single trip we take. Um, here's how this would have
Speaker 1: played up for me. I'm a mom, I'm planning a trip,
Speaker 1: I'm packing, I'm trying to get things to car, snacks,
Speaker 1: all these things, trying to keep everyone in my family
Speaker 1: happy and calm. Because I have three miserable hours stuck
Speaker 1: with them in a car. I realize we need a coat.
Speaker 1: I go into target. My son starts being difficult. I say,
Speaker 1: I distract. I say, hey, do you think if we're good,
Speaker 1: we could maybe get a pack of gum on the
Speaker 1: way out of here? You are so condescending. And then
Speaker 1: I leave to target. Oh, oh yeah, you just bail
Speaker 1: on the jacket. You know what should I would buy
Speaker 1: the jacket, but I would just distract him from his stubbornness. Ah, well,
Speaker 1: you might have done it. You might have nailed it.
Speaker 1: We'll never know. As a result, he had a freak
Speaker 1: out on the way back. And boy, I handled it great.
Speaker 1: You know what tonight? I am was incredibly overwhelmed today
Speaker 1: with a bunch of things, and I shut down at
Speaker 1: a certain point, and you very dramatically shut down. Yes,
Speaker 1: it was really bad, and I literally just had to
Speaker 1: go lay down. Can I say what happened? I came home,
Speaker 1: I came early from work because it's like stormy outside,
Speaker 1: and I walk in the front door. The kids are
Speaker 1: directly in front of the door, blankets spread out. There's
Speaker 1: like toys ulster and all over the place, and like
Speaker 1: a lot of like weird messes, like where they got
Speaker 1: into things that are not for kids. And they're like
Speaker 1: just I'm like what were they doing? Why is this
Speaker 1: thing here? And like where is my husband? And then
Speaker 1: I go and you're laying down in the dark in
Speaker 1: the bedroom, clearly overwhelmed by something. Uh, And so I
Speaker 1: closed you in there and and you cleaned up the night.
Speaker 1: You don't know how much I appreciate it, because it
Speaker 1: was me trying to start unloading the dishwasher after making
Speaker 1: dinner that caused me to snap, and I said, I'm
Speaker 1: way down. But I'll tell you what. I was so
Speaker 1: defeated by the day that I had no energy to
Speaker 1: be confrontational with my kids, and I just let them
Speaker 1: sort of pass through me. See that's me a lot
Speaker 1: of the time. I'm just like I'm so tired, and
Speaker 1: like I need this Sunday to involve rest and just
Speaker 1: eat lunch meat, whatever you want. The thing that was
Speaker 1: great is that I had no I had no frustrations
Speaker 1: with them, I had no anger towards them. I had
Speaker 1: just was going through a personal crisis and anything they
Speaker 1: were doing, I just remained completely calm. And there was
Speaker 1: almost zero fighting all night in bedtime. You know, you
Speaker 1: saw them freaking out of bedtime. I had to lay
Speaker 1: down the law and do ultimatums, but I did it
Speaker 1: with zero attitude and zero aggression and it was easy.
Speaker 1: And I didn't and I was like, I need to
Speaker 1: remember what this feels like, minus the defeated, exhausted apart
Speaker 1: and just be be liquid not a wall. Does that
Speaker 1: make sense? Yeah, I'm drinking vodka cranchon. What am I? Nineteen?
Speaker 1: That was? That was a very specific college thing I
Speaker 1: got drunk on once that it's real gross to me. Now,
Speaker 1: what's yours? You made? You made a drink that you
Speaker 1: now think it's gross. Um, it's something I drank excessively
Speaker 1: one night before I knew what that meant. And so
Speaker 1: now that vodka is ruined for me. The thing that
Speaker 1: I think is a gross that I would drink when
Speaker 1: I was like underage, like or people around me. I
Speaker 1: would drink is like, um, oh my god, what's it
Speaker 1: called in the Big Lebowski with the kohlua and milk?
Speaker 1: Right Russian? White Russian? Um, we would drink those for
Speaker 1: some reason. It's like you and I went through a
Speaker 1: white white Russian kick in two thousand. It's like it
Speaker 1: just makes you feel gross after a while, Like you're like,
Speaker 1: why am I drinking all this like sugar and milk?
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's not you're it's like a milkshake,
Speaker 1: Like why it's so delicious? I mean I do stuff
Speaker 1: like that. I think it's fine if you're at like
Speaker 1: a holiday party or something and you have like one drink,
Speaker 1: but like you just it's not like something you should
Speaker 1: This is my tenth white Russian, so gross, but one
Speaker 1: is yummy? Yeah? Should we get back into white Russian?
Speaker 1: What if that's where this goes? Next week? You guys,
Speaker 1: when you hear this clinkety clanketty, it's gonna be a
Speaker 1: white Russian And now it's time for do you know
Speaker 1: what they're saying? This is where we talked about shit.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, ships our kids say, so we're
Speaker 1: talking about our kids saying we used to have on
Speaker 1: that was like, we knows why they're saying the darndest thing.
Speaker 1: Do you remember um because intro it's a different title. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we can't remember anything. Um. So tonight I was pulling
Speaker 1: out Brent's school photos because I was going to cut
Speaker 1: some up for to give out to people, and um,
Speaker 1: the class photo was out and Brian saw it and
Speaker 1: he was like, I mean, first of all, he got
Speaker 1: mad at me because he was like, he was like,
Speaker 1: I was talking about how we're going to give some
Speaker 1: of the photos to his grandparents, and he was like,
Speaker 1: we can't give them this one because it's like all
Speaker 1: of his friends. And he's like and I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: it's okay, We're not going to give him that one.
Speaker 1: And then he was like holding the photo over by
Speaker 1: himself and looking at the kids, and he was looking
Speaker 1: at this girl, Reagan, and he was like whispering to
Speaker 1: himself and he goes, don't forget about me, Reagan. I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know if he saw that on
Speaker 1: like an X Men cartoon or something like don't forget
Speaker 1: about it. Just feels like he saw someone like wistfully
Speaker 1: staring at like a photo, Like, where did he come
Speaker 1: up with that? Because he left the room. He was like,
Speaker 1: I was like, what are you saying? And he's like,
Speaker 1: what nothing? And then he left the room and as
Speaker 1: he was walking away, he did it again. He was like,
Speaker 1: don't forget about me, right, listen, I don't want to
Speaker 1: project anything onto Mike into my children. Um, but he
Speaker 1: had inklings if he talks about how cool she is, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean he he likes a lot of kids in
Speaker 1: his class. Yeah. So it's it's hard to tell because
Speaker 1: he was talking about having girlfriends. But then it became
Speaker 1: clear that he just thought girls, you're friends. What are
Speaker 1: called girlfriends? Um? So he doesn't idiot. He does love
Speaker 1: like romantic love stuff though. Oh so we watched Home Alone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm doing Thanksgiving break And it's the first time I
Speaker 1: think he would transition this into we knows what they're watching?
Speaker 1: We already did, okay, And I think it's the first
Speaker 1: time you sat through an entire live action movie. Maybe
Speaker 1: that might not be true. It feels like the first
Speaker 1: time our kids have watched like a classic live action
Speaker 1: kids movie. Like, I'm sure they've seen other things, but
Speaker 1: it's a pretty rare that they sit still and like
Speaker 1: like watching the whole movie. They watched the whole thing.
Speaker 1: They loved it. I love he keeps going. Remember when
Speaker 1: Kevin put the soap on his face and said, trying
Speaker 1: to keep explaining what after shave is that it's pointless.
Speaker 1: But they love it. They love the violence. This sort
Speaker 1: of actually the Maven sometimes she the um robbers will
Speaker 1: come on, she goes, I don't like the bad guys.
Speaker 1: She got scared. She got a little scared during parts
Speaker 1: of it, and she left the room during Home aloan too,
Speaker 1: but Come Alone one, which is an excellent movie. There's
Speaker 1: some rough language in there for five year old. They
Speaker 1: were very violent. They used the word ass more than once.
Speaker 1: In Homeland who they They literally show a clip from
Speaker 1: a black and white film where a woman is shot
Speaker 1: to death on screen, like it's they do that in one,
Speaker 1: but it's like I know both times it's very violent.
Speaker 1: Keep the change of fealthy animal. I love one. There's
Speaker 1: all the so I wish they could replace those scenes
Speaker 1: like they should do an edit. It's just like no, no,
Speaker 1: don't touch the thing. So that house so violent. There's
Speaker 1: also one scene where I was tempted to cover Maven's eyes,
Speaker 1: which is like, because I hate watching people get hurt.
Speaker 1: You arrived when he steps on the nail, when he
Speaker 1: says something nails so gross. Me didn't disturb me until
Speaker 1: I was older. Yeah, probably, but me, I think maybe,
Speaker 1: and I are sensitive to watching people get hurt. Well,
Speaker 1: she seemed like overall she loved it. People falling down here.
Speaker 1: I think when the falls are really comical and it's
Speaker 1: like slipping like that's funny, Like that's funny for most people.
Speaker 1: It's when it looks like like when you're seeing an
Speaker 1: iron get dropped on someone's face and like they're burned skin.
Speaker 1: That's when I'm like that favorite part. She described it
Speaker 1: in a weird way if she didn't know what it was,
Speaker 1: but she thought it was really well there. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: parts of it where they don't understand what's happening, But
Speaker 1: as you get older, it's disturbing. What is it? What
Speaker 1: does buzz say? I wouldn't I wouldn't let you sleep
Speaker 1: in my room if you were growing on my ass.
Speaker 1: The tension between Kevin and his family is so well done.
Speaker 1: When she takes when Katherine Harritt takes upstairs, he goes
Speaker 1: up to the attic, you really feel her like making
Speaker 1: some not necessarily empathetic choices, but you feel her exhaustion
Speaker 1: as a mom who's trying to pack like a bajillion
Speaker 1: kids for a trip. Well, when he says, I hope
Speaker 1: I'd never see any of you ever her again, and
Speaker 1: she goes, I hope you don't mean that. I do,
Speaker 1: Like I teared up. Yeah, when you become a parent,
Speaker 1: suddenly you have to rewatch every movie you've ever watched,
Speaker 1: and now there's a whole new layer where you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: now I get it. I got teary during that fight
Speaker 1: scene in him saying that he wished they had all disappeared.
Speaker 1: You'd be pretty sad if you woke up to morrow
Speaker 1: morning and you had no family. No, I wouldn't. Oh,
Speaker 1: this is another funny and at the end, but at
Speaker 1: the end when she comes home, it's very emotional. And
Speaker 1: Brand cried when he hugged his mom and she was back,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to hug him and cry toive. I
Speaker 1: do think it's like a really primal thing to make
Speaker 1: kids movies about like not having a mom around, Like
Speaker 1: it's so like kids are like that's the worst. Um,
Speaker 1: I just started reading reading James the Giant Peach tonight,
Speaker 1: and the first two chapters are harsh, like Aunt's aunts
Speaker 1: Spiker and on Sponge are terrible and they just make
Speaker 1: him cry. And the end of the second chapter he
Speaker 1: runs off and just sobs into his hands. So Bryn
Speaker 1: had another do you know we know's what they're saying
Speaker 1: moment after the movie where I was like, so, Bryan,
Speaker 1: what was your favorite part? And he was like, remember
Speaker 1: when they left him alone. It's like he's just so
Speaker 1: casual about it. He's like, do you remember the part
Speaker 1: where they left him alone? His favorite part was the
Speaker 1: full premise of the movie thing when he was home alone.
Speaker 1: He has a good point that like that's sort of
Speaker 1: the crux, Like that's really what's driving the movie. So
Speaker 1: I grew up in the same town as to where
Speaker 1: that movie was filmed. I know, well, it's it feels
Speaker 1: like a very weird set up for going there for Christmas,
Speaker 1: because I was like, there's multiple airport scenes in O'Hare
Speaker 1: and I was like, we're gonna be there, Yeah, We're
Speaker 1: gonna be at this airport and they go their house,
Speaker 1: We're gonna be four blocks from that house. I just
Speaker 1: gave you a hint tist to where you can find us. Um,
Speaker 1: the poor people that own that house now they had
Speaker 1: to put up a big fence because now that the
Speaker 1: Internet has happened, there's fucking weirdo idiots like sneaking into
Speaker 1: their backyard. They have all these signs up. That's like
Speaker 1: no trespassing because clearly people go around the back of
Speaker 1: their house and take pictures and ship It's like, don't
Speaker 1: don't do that. Don't do that. People don't go into
Speaker 1: other people's yards. Never although has there ever been a
Speaker 1: movie where a house was a more central character, Like
Speaker 1: I know every room in that house, the story telling
Speaker 1: Satanic room. I don't remember what handeck room, have it?
Speaker 1: On the hill? I don't remember the physical space cabin
Speaker 1: on the hill, pork drop Bay, what's the one inferno?
Speaker 1: Towering inferno? I mean you're naming movies where buildings are locations,
Speaker 1: But what movies have buildings in which you could describe
Speaker 1: the relationship of all the rooms or you can visually
Speaker 1: picture how everything connects. I don't think you can visually
Speaker 1: picture how everything connects in the home alone. I could
Speaker 1: draw you a picture. No, you couldn't I'm if it
Speaker 1: wasn't so late, I would I would demand that we pause,
Speaker 1: and I would draw a picture, and then we'd google
Speaker 1: it and compare. Well, because you lived in a town
Speaker 1: where this house was, you've seen it from all angles. Well,
Speaker 1: I've not been inside it. There are plenty of movies
Speaker 1: where people are iconically familiar with this set at location.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying there aren't other movies. Downtain Abbey. I
Speaker 1: couldn't tell you how that thing's put together because he
Speaker 1: didn't watch the show closely, not as closely as you've
Speaker 1: watched Home Alone. It's true. I've seen Home Alone times
Speaker 1: best Christmas movie. Just think about movies before you make
Speaker 1: grants sweeping statement. I'm thinking about all the other ones,
Speaker 1: all the other one. You're thinking all the other ones,
Speaker 1: the Millennium Falcon, I don't even know that as well. Nope, Hogwarts,
Speaker 1: I don't know how it's connected. Well, that's partly because
Speaker 1: they changed those locations between movies. Gimmy started. But could
Speaker 1: you could you say where the shire is in location
Speaker 1: in relation to um bag End? A bag End is
Speaker 1: in the shire? Yeah, come on, I meant the town
Speaker 1: of Bree. It's the next stop the riven Dad, I
Speaker 1: don't even got those forest elves. And then we got
Speaker 1: to go down that river, that waterfall and Florian Gondorum.
Speaker 1: This is movie crush. Chuck Bryant, Um, Chuck Bryant. We
Speaker 1: need to plug at least once every podcast. It's true.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so Check texted me because um, we mentioned him,
Speaker 1: but he also wanted to say that I said something
Speaker 1: that I didn't realize I said, which is I meant
Speaker 1: to And even as he was texting me, as I
Speaker 1: didn't understand what he was talking about why it was
Speaker 1: so funny, But I meant to say, um, all presses,
Speaker 1: any press is good press. All press is good press.
Speaker 1: But I said all news is good news and that
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense. Yeah, well, we get tired when we're
Speaker 1: recording this podcast, but you know, all news is good
Speaker 1: news in my book. Oh boy, this is empty. How's
Speaker 1: that white Russian? It's hey man, the dude abides And
Speaker 1: now it's time for Did you notice this is where
Speaker 1: we share some stuff that we read or learned recently. Beth,
Speaker 1: you got one, take it away? Okay, So there's an
Speaker 1: article from the New York Times by Jessica Gross. It's
Speaker 1: called Early motherhood has always been miserable. Um. And then
Speaker 1: they quote this thing says, I declare, if I thought
Speaker 1: I was to be thus occupied for the rest of
Speaker 1: my life, one new mom wrote in eight I would
Speaker 1: lie down and die. Um. And so the article sort
Speaker 1: of like goes on to explain that like traditionally middle
Speaker 1: ages and earlier people people considered babies to be basically
Speaker 1: hell beasts, and they acknowledged how exhausting they are. Um.
Speaker 1: And then around the Victorian age and and afterwards they
Speaker 1: started creating sort of this idealized version of motherhood to
Speaker 1: sort of like keep these as. As society industrialized in
Speaker 1: middle class white women were no longer being put to
Speaker 1: work all the time, they had to shift their focus
Speaker 1: to exclusively child rearing and um, so they created this
Speaker 1: sort of like fiction of how mothers are so constantly
Speaker 1: loving being around their children, their precious, beautiful children, and
Speaker 1: it's so easy and it's it just comes so naturally
Speaker 1: to us, and we love it. I like this article
Speaker 1: set it up. Set it up that in juxtaposition of
Speaker 1: non juxtaposition, in mirroring today's sort of the idealized Instagram
Speaker 1: version of motherhood. Look at my perfect family, I lay
Speaker 1: my baby out and see the here's the three month picture,
Speaker 1: and they've got an elaborate you know, all that stuff.
Speaker 1: If you do that, that's fine, that's great. But and
Speaker 1: then also the you know, the comedians and writers of
Speaker 1: the Parenting as Hell, down in the down in the
Speaker 1: muck um and this article is a really interesting job
Speaker 1: of painting a picture of around this time. You're describing
Speaker 1: as that's always been true, just in a different media format. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: and it's interesting because I think when it's one of
Speaker 1: those weird paradoxes where when women were sort of doing
Speaker 1: more like exclusively child rearing and like maintain the household
Speaker 1: and stuff, they almost feels like in some ways they
Speaker 1: got more respect for it. And then as we've started
Speaker 1: like making up like these various um standards for women
Speaker 1: to live up to, where we sort of just like
Speaker 1: devalue them all and like, uh, don't give credit for
Speaker 1: the effort that goes into them. That's interesting. I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just very how do you feel let's talk about
Speaker 1: how do you feel about ah, how how do you
Speaker 1: how do you present yourself as a mother to the world. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously today I'm doing this podcast, and I
Speaker 1: wrote a book about pregnancy called There's No Manual. You
Speaker 1: can pre order now out February fourth, um. But I
Speaker 1: when I first became pregnant, I feel like in the
Speaker 1: I think this is a general thing, but especially like
Speaker 1: in New York thing, I kind of felt like everyone
Speaker 1: was like, Wow, what a lame choice you've made. Why
Speaker 1: would you want to have children? I guess you're someone
Speaker 1: who just loves children and is boring and bad. Like
Speaker 1: that's sort of the vibe I got from people that
Speaker 1: I feel like men don't get that reaction. Like I
Speaker 1: had moments where I would like be getting drink, like
Speaker 1: drinks like in sort of like a networking type of
Speaker 1: comedy setting, and like some guy would be like talking
Speaker 1: to me, like very interested, and then like I would
Speaker 1: say something about being pregnant when I guess I was
Speaker 1: not like visibly pregnant, and like their reactions on people
Speaker 1: faces and like how they're regard for me just fell
Speaker 1: so swiftly and like it was just but it's like
Speaker 1: such a weird thing because it's like I thought you
Speaker 1: were a sex object and now you're a mom. Like
Speaker 1: it's just like this weird, Like or do you also
Speaker 1: feel like maybe you've got some of the like, oh
Speaker 1: maybe now you're fragile, and I don't know, it's a
Speaker 1: lot of things, but it's just like I don't think people.
Speaker 1: We live in the society that devalues women. Therefore, women
Speaker 1: doing some of the most valuable and intrinsically female behavior
Speaker 1: of procreating, are are essentially devalued the most because if
Speaker 1: we've valued what is being done by women in terms
Speaker 1: of bearing and raising children, we would have to acknowledge
Speaker 1: that all of society needs to be restructured around this
Speaker 1: like incredibly hard, crazy thing that people are doing. Like
Speaker 1: it's just like it's um, I don't know, it's very
Speaker 1: it's like just so weird. Do you live in a
Speaker 1: world where when you look around at your mom friends
Speaker 1: and you're like, wow, these people are raising kids or
Speaker 1: holding down jobs there helping their husband with his various
Speaker 1: health issues. They're like they're just like the like, it's
Speaker 1: some of the most capable people I know, and it's
Speaker 1: not just at home, but like in their jobs and
Speaker 1: there whatever. And then to know that they're being treated
Speaker 1: like they're lesser than when in situations when they're actually
Speaker 1: more capable is very frustrating because it's like we devalue
Speaker 1: any kind of emotional labor, anything that requires intuition, anything
Speaker 1: that requires like sensitivity, where like, oh, that's just dumb,
Speaker 1: bad work, like you know, Like, yeah, I also feel
Speaker 1: I think you're right you you mentioned this, but you know,
Speaker 1: in our social article at the time, do we really
Speaker 1: have any close friends with babies and so on? On
Speaker 1: top of that are very specific scenarios people like I
Speaker 1: don't I don't know, it's not a real thing until
Speaker 1: we did it, and they especially didn't know how to.
Speaker 1: I also think when you live in a world that
Speaker 1: operates all around all of these different structures and schools
Speaker 1: and daycares and whatever, like, it's I think it's very
Speaker 1: hard for a lot of people to not like when
Speaker 1: you experience a life change like this, like you get
Speaker 1: married or something like suddenly you're part of like the
Speaker 1: marriage industrial complex. If you're not thoughtful or like, or
Speaker 1: if you're you like, don't even notice necessarily that you're
Speaker 1: aware of all these pressures on you to behave a
Speaker 1: certain way as you're experiencing this thing that like are
Speaker 1: not necessary, like and you know what, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: as usual just sort of swing this into an endorsement
Speaker 1: for Elizabeth Warren. But what I love about her candidacy
Speaker 1: so much is that she really understands the struggles real
Speaker 1: people are facing, real women, real moms, women trying to
Speaker 1: have jobs so they can both support their children and
Speaker 1: be there for their children. Like I just I like
Speaker 1: when she she had this really beautiful moment on the
Speaker 1: campaign trail this week where this young girl who was
Speaker 1: nearly in tears was asking her what she's done when
Speaker 1: someone she loved didn't like respect her thought decision or
Speaker 1: thoughts about something. I don't remember the question exactly, but
Speaker 1: it was like, have you ever been in a position
Speaker 1: where somebody really cared about, like, did not support you?
Speaker 1: And Elizabeth Warren starts like also kind of like tearing
Speaker 1: up and talking about her mom. Her mom had raised
Speaker 1: her to believe that she needed to marry well and
Speaker 1: that that was the goal. And I'm sure that was
Speaker 1: not an uncommon thing for a mother of Elizabeth Warren's
Speaker 1: mother generation to try to steer their daughter towards because logistically,
Speaker 1: she wants her daughter to have a good life, and
Speaker 1: she comes from a generation where women didn't work. And
Speaker 1: Elizabeth Warren when she was divorcing her first husband in
Speaker 1: the marriage wasn't working out. Her mom was really disappointed
Speaker 1: in her to not make it work, and she's like,
Speaker 1: I just couldn't make it work, and like that's what
Speaker 1: I love about her candidacy is she understands like real life,
Speaker 1: Like she will weave stories like this and stories about
Speaker 1: her dad having a heart attack and her mom having
Speaker 1: to go to work for the first time like shell.
Speaker 1: She understands the things that real people are going through
Speaker 1: and the ways that the structures that we have set
Speaker 1: up in our society are not allowing people to live healthy,
Speaker 1: happy lives. There was some some stories this weekend of
Speaker 1: those those same generational expectations that seems so crazy to
Speaker 1: hear now that you mean, like from my mom whose
Speaker 1: father wanted her to get married and not he was like,
Speaker 1: he'll just get a man to take care of you.
Speaker 1: You don't need to go to nursing school. And it's
Speaker 1: and it's that was not that long ago, where well
Speaker 1: it's funny because it's not just like offensive and like
Speaker 1: you know, limiting, but it's also just bad life advice.
Speaker 1: Like my my mom is always like in retrospect, if
Speaker 1: I hadn't had a job, I don't know how we
Speaker 1: would have survived, Like she needed a job. Like it's
Speaker 1: just it's but like he didn't have any other reference.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I can't relate to um growing up in
Speaker 1: a place in time where like, yeah, that there, you
Speaker 1: didn't see other options, and so it's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's how people do it, right, But it's detached
Speaker 1: from reality, and it's detached from women's reality, and it's
Speaker 1: detached from like the like observing the women around you
Speaker 1: and what they're experiencing. Because like my grandfather said that
Speaker 1: to my mom. His his dad died of tuberculosis when
Speaker 1: he was like a baby, Like he didn't like his
Speaker 1: mom obviously was supporting him. He grew up poor, he
Speaker 1: had jobs, like after school jobs from a very young
Speaker 1: age to like support the family, Like he it shouldn't
Speaker 1: be a mystery to him that like work is not
Speaker 1: a thing to like deny yourself, Like I'm sure his
Speaker 1: mom was working. Um, it's just we uphold these ideas
Speaker 1: of like, especially with white women, this like form of
Speaker 1: white womanhood that is like the purest best way of
Speaker 1: being and it's like it's narrow and limiting but also
Speaker 1: too many boxes to check at the same time, like
Speaker 1: it's it's an impossible standard. Well, I think we can
Speaker 1: all agree that we're glad your mom went to nursing school.
Speaker 1: We're very glad um And uh, would I have would
Speaker 1: I know you if she hadn't? Um? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe who does I mean? So thank you best mom
Speaker 1: for not listening to that advice. And thanks for the
Speaker 1: heart surgery that my mom had at a very young
Speaker 1: age that had inspired her to be a nurse. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you. Your mom's the best mom. We had one
Speaker 1: of the, as I understand, one of the very early
Speaker 1: first open heart surgeries before it was a common thing.
Speaker 1: It was like, yeah, it was very one of they
Speaker 1: were it was very new for them to be doing
Speaker 1: open heart surgeries, specifically on children I believe, but probably everyone,
Speaker 1: and they it was one of those things where they're like,
Speaker 1: we don't know if it's gonna work. So then when
Speaker 1: it did work, they would like parade her around like hey,
Speaker 1: look at that. They would literally throw parades like they'd
Speaker 1: have like a miss Art fun thing and like have
Speaker 1: these like little girls who had hearts are like March
Speaker 1: March girls stands around and proved to people that healthcare
Speaker 1: is a worthy thing. Um. Yeah, well, I'm glad that
Speaker 1: worked out. I'm glad she's alive and that I was
Speaker 1: able to be an alive person. I'm glad that you
Speaker 1: were able to be an alive person, because this podcast
Speaker 1: would be real awkward if you weren't one. Welcome back
Speaker 1: to Peter and uh make Believe Corpse, an awkward show
Speaker 1: that nobody likes and makes everyone uncomfortable because I'm gonna
Speaker 1: stop it explaining this. Um anyway, babies are actually terrible.
Speaker 1: Get their records straight for the rest to live with
Speaker 1: the baby they are. My favorite quote in this article
Speaker 1: is in the Middle Ages, they referred to them as,
Speaker 1: as you said, hell beasts. I'm like, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes our kids are a little hell beasts, you know, argurt. Well,
Speaker 1: I think also back then they were like, well, that
Speaker 1: woman probably have like ten babies. We don't need to
Speaker 1: value this one specifically. We'll start valuing it when it
Speaker 1: lives past two. I mean, half of these aren't going
Speaker 1: to make it. Yeah, they were like, let's not invest
Speaker 1: too much in the agricultural revolution. When everyone sat down
Speaker 1: and started farming, they produced so much food that you
Speaker 1: could have a bunch of babies, but way more of
Speaker 1: them die because we're all unhealthy. Can I tell you
Speaker 1: one of the funniest things one of my midwife said
Speaker 1: to me after I think while I was pregnant or afterwards,
Speaker 1: after the baby. I can't remember. One of the midwives
Speaker 1: who is this really no nonsense woman who I kind
Speaker 1: of love, but she's like, can be very curt um.
Speaker 1: She was talking to me about breast feeding and talking
Speaker 1: about like trying to get like a not painful latch,
Speaker 1: because you know, no one wants a painful latch. You
Speaker 1: got to force these kids to learn how to do
Speaker 1: it or it's not killing you. But she was saying
Speaker 1: she would should be like if you were like living
Speaker 1: in like cave times or something, and this baby is
Speaker 1: like gnawing you're nipple off, you just leave him under
Speaker 1: a bush. Like she was just like, you wouldn't put
Speaker 1: up with that. Like she's like, and it's really funny
Speaker 1: to hear that because you're just like, oh, yeah, like
Speaker 1: if this is if I was just going on primal
Speaker 1: instincts and I was like, this thing came out of me.
Speaker 1: It's sucking the life out of me. And it's incredibly
Speaker 1: painful and I'm tired and sore and i just want
Speaker 1: to like not like you can see how in certain
Speaker 1: situations of like desperation, like it makes sense why like
Speaker 1: women literally experienced psychosis and maybe under bush. But that's
Speaker 1: why that cry, that cry gets you back. You're you're
Speaker 1: run out of the cave and you're like, I'm through
Speaker 1: with that. Then you hear but you're like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: other emotions, but you have to bond with the baby first,
Speaker 1: and that doesn't always happen. There's a lot of conflicting
Speaker 1: rewards system was in your brain. And that's why if
Speaker 1: you're a postpartum woman in the modern world, if you're
Speaker 1: experiencing difficulties, you should seek help from a mental health
Speaker 1: professional because it's very common to feel horrible for help. Okay,
Speaker 1: have you talked enough about the hell beasts? Yeah, dude,
Speaker 1: this has been another episode of We Know his parenting.
Speaker 1: We love you, um. But also, if you want to
Speaker 1: reach out, ask a question, send us some advice, share
Speaker 1: some cool send us an email We Knows pod at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com, or call our voicemail number at three
Speaker 1: four seven three eight four seven three. Right, it's a review.
Speaker 1: Leave us a rating wherever you get your podcast. Subscribe,
Speaker 1: subscribe and my baby's we'll see you next time. A
Speaker 1: fish