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Speaker 1: The frend show is on. It's stay or Go. So

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Speaker 1: this person didn't want to be on the air and

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Speaker 1: didn't want us to use her name. So I am

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Speaker 1: going to read it to you. Okay, we got this

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Speaker 1: spreadsheet radio on Instagram, I think in the DMS maybe

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Speaker 1: or maybe I got it. I or Kalin got it.

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Speaker 1: I can't remember. But anyway, so there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: here I can't say. But here's the scenario. Eight five

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Speaker 1: five three five. You guys are this group therapy here

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Speaker 1: when everyone's feedback is welcome. But I know this is

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Speaker 1: the email. I be my partner for almost nine years,

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Speaker 1: married for five. Recently, my partner and I have been

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Speaker 1: having a lot of issues. She has been incredibly secretive.

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Speaker 1: This is from a woman, by the way. Okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure if that matters, but anyway, just for full context, right,

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Speaker 1: She's been incredibly secretive, hiding her phone, always leaving the room,

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Speaker 1: rushing me to bed, staying late at work, going out,

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Speaker 1: and then lying about where she is. All the signs

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Speaker 1: point to her cheating. I confronted her about it and

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Speaker 1: accused her of cheating, but she did I my accusations.

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Speaker 1: She said she's been fake cheating to get my attention.

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Speaker 1: She basically deflected what I was saying and made me

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Speaker 1: feel like I deserve the treatment. This last word I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to read because it's I think it kind

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Speaker 1: of says too much. But anyway, basically it was, don't

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Speaker 1: I think I know what's going on, but don't use

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Speaker 1: my name because you know I don't. Yeah, so I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna I'm not gonna do that. But I've never

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Speaker 1: heard of this before. Fake cheating? Why would you fake cheat?

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Speaker 1: Like I mean, I guess you want to get someone's attention,

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Speaker 1: but you don't want the moral weight of actually committing

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Speaker 1: the infidelity, because I figure, if you're fake cheating, I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's not as bad as real cheating, but the repercussions

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Speaker 1: are similar. I mean, you're making somebody feel terrible.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's I don't know anybody that's really done this,

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Speaker 2: but just you know, I've heard, okay about people doing this.

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Speaker 1: You've heard of people doing something. What have you heard though?

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Speaker 2: I've heard that sometimes to shake up the relationship, like

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Speaker 2: she said, get somebody's attention.

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Speaker 3: You play these little stupid games to try to.

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Speaker 1: Get you've heard this, What would be an example of

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Speaker 1: of what somebody. Let's you say, let's me say Veronica, Veronica. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so your alter ego Veronica.

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Speaker 2: Let's just say Veronica was dating the guy and he

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Speaker 2: was not a good guy at the time, so to

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Speaker 2: shake it up, I would go pick him up.

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Speaker 1: And I mean, you got to get your pronouns and

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Speaker 1: your nouns and you're to get all right. Yes, I

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Speaker 1: do the same thing. We're talking about Ted. Sometimes I

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Speaker 1: mess up sometimes when we're talking about Ted.

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Speaker 2: But Veronica would go pick up the guy, her boyfriend, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and she would purposely let her passenger seat all the

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Speaker 2: way back.

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Speaker 3: Then when he would come to the car, he would

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Speaker 3: be like, who was here? Wasn't here? And I was like,

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Speaker 3: I would. I mean, she would be like, what are

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Speaker 3: you talking about? Oh?

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Speaker 2: You know, like and play dumb, knowing that I just

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Speaker 2: let that seat back before you got in here. Yes,

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Speaker 2: I don't know. So that you have to be a

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Speaker 2: special kind of like you got to be a special

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Speaker 2: type of crazy.

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Speaker 1: I do probably think that I would. In fact, I

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Speaker 1: have thought that before. I've gotten a people's car before

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Speaker 1: and been like, well, I had to put it all

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Speaker 1: the way back. But then that being said, I mean,

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Speaker 1: anybody would move their seat up, so because I put

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Speaker 1: the seat all the way back if I can from

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Speaker 1: a tall person. So I guess the only thing I've

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Speaker 1: thought before is if I left the seat in a

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Speaker 1: certain place and I wasn't to wear that anybody else

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Speaker 1: was in the car, then I'll be like, well, who

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Speaker 1: move the seed? But in my head, but I've never

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Speaker 1: said anything about it. Yeah, fake cheating.

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Speaker 3: Though, Do we believe it's fake cheating?

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Speaker 1: No? I think it's real cheating because.

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Speaker 3: What would be a good excuse. Oh, I was just

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Speaker 3: testing you, babe.

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Speaker 1: Fake cheating eight five one oh three five you can

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Speaker 1: call it text the same number. Not that you would

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Speaker 1: know anything about, you know, playing games to get a

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Speaker 1: reaction or anything.

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Speaker 3: That's my specialty.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I do that.

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Speaker 3: I was yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't know chet.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I was being facetious because everybody knows that you

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Speaker 1: you will take it to the What is again facetious? Yep,

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Speaker 1: that's what you're what I was being one facecious, That's

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Speaker 1: what I was being.

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Speaker 4: Fa cheated.

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Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna try and take it. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: cuss say something bad. But you know you've been known

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Speaker 1: to take it to the floor. I've been known how

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Speaker 1: people go low, you go lower. You've been known to

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Speaker 1: do that. You've been quoted as saying that, yes, quoted.

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Speaker 1: But but fake cheating though, would we go to that length?

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Speaker 5: Absolutely not, because my big thing with that is and

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Speaker 5: I'm going to use this as the opposite example, right, So,

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Speaker 5: if Hobby was fake cheating to get my attention, that's

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Speaker 5: only going to pull me away further.

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Speaker 3: It's gonna make me trust him less. And I know that.

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Speaker 5: I play my little games and I'll do the whole

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Speaker 5: Like if he doesn't call me back, I'll pretend like

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Speaker 5: I hurt my ankle or something, so he calls me back.

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Speaker 2: You never done that, No, So you fake emergencies, not cheating,

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Speaker 2: so you get in a fight with them, and then

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Speaker 2: you fake the you hurt yourself for sympathy.

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Speaker 3: Of course, what do you do? He comes home and

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Speaker 3: you're like, oh, well, this is before he gets home.

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Speaker 3: So I'll make sure that I call him so he

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Speaker 3: calls me back, because you know, we hang up whatever.

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Speaker 3: He's mad.

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Speaker 5: I know he's mad, and I'll be like call me

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Speaker 5: right now, like I just hurt my hand, or like

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Speaker 5: it'll call me right now.

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Speaker 3: I just drop something on my foone.

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Speaker 1: So you're hoping that he then feels bad about the

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Speaker 1: fact that you're in pain and then lets you off

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Speaker 1: the hook for whatever fight you started.

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Speaker 3: Correct, And the response I get is negative. That's Smar

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Speaker 3: sprouts that I get because he knows that I'm full

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Speaker 3: of it.

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Speaker 1: Oh, he says, yeah, he's on to you now, like

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Speaker 1: he knows, Like, no, you didn't. You're just trying not

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Speaker 1: to be accountable for the fight that Okay, it was nonsense.

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Speaker 1: I see you fake hurt yourself. Okay, Yes, he knows

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Speaker 1: what I'm up to. I mean, we all do. But again, well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you've told many stories about it. I just don't. I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't know about why fake cheat. You may as

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Speaker 1: well just cheat. I mean, because it looks the same,

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Speaker 1: like it's It makes someone feel bad, it makes them

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Speaker 1: not trust you. It has the appearance of cheating, so

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Speaker 1: all the bad things about cheating, except I suppose you

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Speaker 1: can live with yourself because you're not really doing it.

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, you know that you're playing somebody,

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Speaker 1: so you're lying, so you're being dishonest. Either way, you

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Speaker 1: may as well just get it in. Oh you know,

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Speaker 1: I mean honestly fake cheating. That's dumb. Okay, Because here's

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Speaker 1: the other thing. If I can't disprove or I guess

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Speaker 1: in this case, if I can't prove that I'm fake cheating,

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Speaker 1: then I'm cheating as far as the other person's concerned.

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Speaker 1: So I may as well get some you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, because I'm fake cheating, but no one's gonna

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Speaker 1: believe that. So then when I'm like, girl, I was

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Speaker 1: just fake cheating, like, no, you that's bs. I've never

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Speaker 1: heard this, Stephanie, We've never heard of this before. Fake cheating.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. I think that they're probably actually cheating, and I

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Speaker 4: think it's gas flighting at its finess.

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Speaker 1: This sounds like a case of the gas lighting.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely for sure. I was married to a gas

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Speaker 4: lighter for twenty two years and I'm finally free of that,

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Speaker 4: and it screams gas flighting. So they're definitely cheating. And

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Speaker 4: you want to do step to somebody that you love

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Speaker 4: on purpose anyway without having something behind it?

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Speaker 1: Is he not the best feeling, Stephanie, by the way,

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Speaker 1: to realize to come out of the cloud and realize

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Speaker 1: that you, in fact were not the crazy one like

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Speaker 1: to realize, like, when when you can actually step away

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Speaker 1: from the damage that these people do, the gas lighters

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Speaker 1: and the narcissist or whatever else. I'm being dead ass

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Speaker 1: sincere here and when you finally get out of the fog.

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Speaker 1: And for you, it lasted twenty two years, so I

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Speaker 1: can't imagine how long it took or the process. But

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Speaker 1: then when you're like, wait a minute, everything I thought

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Speaker 1: made perfect sense and this person truly tried to make

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Speaker 1: me feel like I was crazy.

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Speaker 4: Amen, And you know what, on the twenty seventh will

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Speaker 4: be one year, and I am so happy with the

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Speaker 4: man that I'm with now that I literally have bump

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Speaker 4: good for you.

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Speaker 1: That makes me very very I'm being I'm being completely sincere,

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Speaker 1: and I'm very very happy for you, because thank you.

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Speaker 1: It's a bad thing. You fake cheating. I don't get it.

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Speaker 1: Have a good day. Thanks for listening and for texting.

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Speaker 2: Well thank god?

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Speaker 1: Oh see now, no, no, this is real cheating.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I guess she could be trying to get

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Speaker 4: her attention, but that's certainly not a healthy way to do.

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Speaker 1: Such a no. Very, it's a it's a really mean game.

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Speaker 1: It's an incredibly cruel game. If you're not cheating to

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Speaker 1: make someone think that you're cheating on the place in

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Speaker 1: the context of a relationship, Is there anything more defiling

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Speaker 1: than feeling like you're being cheated or then realizing that

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Speaker 1: you've been cheated on and then lie to on top

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Speaker 1: of that? Is there?

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Speaker 3: But what about the other side? What about what?

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Speaker 2: What does she do that may her partner get to

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Speaker 2: that point where she was so desperate for her love

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Speaker 2: and affection and attention that she she decided to fake

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Speaker 2: this life of cheating.

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Speaker 1: Are you ever of the mindset, Kiki, that it's someone

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Speaker 1: the treatment that they're receiving from someone else is their fault.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I maybe, like I think I think that

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Speaker 1: people if you treat them poorly and they react poorly,

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Speaker 1: then I think they're what. You can't then gaslight and

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Speaker 1: go why are you so mean to me? It's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I mean to you because that's a natural he reaction

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Speaker 1: to you treating me poorly. So like, for for this

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Speaker 1: woman to complain to her partner about her fake cheating,

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Speaker 1: it's like, no, you don't get to You know what

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Speaker 1: you're doing. You're trying to elicit a response out of

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Speaker 1: this person. That response is going to be negative, or

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Speaker 1: it's going to be insecurity or whatever else. You don't

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Speaker 1: then get to call the person You don't then get

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Speaker 1: to say, this relationship is dysfunctional and I find you insecure.

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Speaker 1: You're making me feel insecure. Right, I can own the feelings,

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Speaker 1: but I can also own the fact that you shouldn't

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Speaker 1: be doing this to.

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Speaker 3: Me and she but she owned up to it.

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Speaker 2: She said, I've been fake cheating because I want your attention.

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to wake you up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's I don't I guess that's what I'm

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Speaker 1: saying is I'm not sure that the wrongs justify when

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Speaker 1: or cancel each other out?

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Speaker 3: Like is that how you do it now is not

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Speaker 3: the right way? But you know, no, you know, I'll

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Speaker 3: say lever for this.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I mean, I think you got to really search

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Speaker 1: your soul here and try and figure out what you

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Speaker 1: think it might really be going on. But does it

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Speaker 1: really matter? Is my point? Like cheating not cheating? If

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Speaker 1: you feel that, if you feel that betrayal, if relationships

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Speaker 1: at a point where this these sort of games are

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Speaker 1: being played, does it really matter that?

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Speaker 4: Is it wrong trying to make your partner a little jealous?

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Speaker 3: Great? Go to the gas station together. Oh yeah, hit on.

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Speaker 3: If you want to get hit on as a woman,

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Speaker 3: go thank you. Yeah, I'm gonna ignore you.

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Speaker 5: And you just have a big head anyway, It's fine.

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Speaker 1: I've actually seen that. I have seen that more times

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Speaker 1: than not. We're douchebag guys can't call a woman, and

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Speaker 1: then when she doesn't react favorably, he's like, well you

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Speaker 1: ugly anyway at me before, Like I've seen it myself

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Speaker 1: where it's like, okay, I mean like I just the

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Speaker 1: stuff that people will say, and then you know, women

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Speaker 1: don't react for obvious reasons, and it's like, oh, I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't do it anyway, then what are you yelling? I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you idiot? Hey Jordan, hey man, good morning. Just

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Speaker 1: to recap here, this person wrote us then with somebody

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Speaker 1: for nine years and has felt very insecure in her

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Speaker 1: relationship and when she asked her partner to being coupled.

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Speaker 1: When she asked her partner if she was cheating, she said,

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Speaker 1: I'm fake cheating to get your attention. What do you

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Speaker 1: think I think you need to go because of like this.

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Speaker 3: We're too old for childer's games.

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Speaker 4: But I get that you're.

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Speaker 6: Trying to get your partner's attention and everything, but.

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Speaker 1: It's other ways to do it.

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Speaker 6: It's like other ways to sit down and actually talk

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Speaker 6: to him about it and be like, hey, I feel

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Speaker 6: like you're not giving me an attention, Like what's up?

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Speaker 6: Like what can like explain to what you need? Like

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Speaker 6: you And when you're in a relationship, you have to

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Speaker 6: explain your needs and want to somebody. And if you

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Speaker 6: can't do that, then that may not be the person

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Speaker 6: for you. So if you want to play child's games

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Speaker 6: and tell me and go fake cheat, then and get

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Speaker 6: me all out of my character to make me feel

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Speaker 6: like you're cheating and giving me anxiety, heart racing and

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Speaker 6: I'm out here just like losing my mind. But at

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Speaker 6: the same time you tell me your fake cheating, I

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Speaker 6: think that was a bunch of bs.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean again, I'm not sure if it matters.

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Speaker 1: But Jordan's thank you have a good day?

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Speaker 3: Yeah too?

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Speaker 1: You right, we don't know the other side of the

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Speaker 1: story here, We don't. We don't know, but I don't. Again,

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure that that justifies the reaction. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: not right, Like maybe this woman who wrote us did

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Speaker 1: something really bad that and this is where we're at

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Speaker 1: you know, is it the payback or the get back?

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Speaker 1: Is this this this ploy? Either way, it's someone just

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Speaker 1: texted one hundred percent of form of abuse. So maybe

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Speaker 1: maybe she's an abuser. This girl's an abuser. Maybe they

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be together. So I don't know that it matters

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Speaker 1: what the other side of the story is. This is

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Speaker 1: toxic and dysfunctional. Yeah, and again I'm not saying that

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Speaker 1: this girl's innocenter, that girl's innocent or whatever. But regardless,

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Speaker 1: they're both playing Let's assume they're both playing nasty games

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Speaker 1: at worst, right, So peace? O, Man, it's over. So

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Speaker 1: I got it, It's gotta be done.

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Speaker 3: Hey Maritza, Hi, good morning.

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Speaker 1: Hey, how you doing fake cheating?

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Speaker 4: Fake Chad?

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Speaker 1: Why what fake cheating? Why are we doing that.

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Speaker 3: So I can to stop playing my games with her partner?

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Speaker 3: To me, it sounds like a BF excuse.

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Speaker 4: She probably is cheating and she just says an excuse.

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Speaker 4: But if there's something that's bothering both of them, they

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Speaker 4: need to sit down and talk about it like adults

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Speaker 4: and stop playing these games because.

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Speaker 3: This is just going to push your partner.

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Speaker 4: It's just going to keep pushing her partner away from her,

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Speaker 4: and yeah, they just told me to sit down and

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Speaker 4: talk about their issues and what's bothering them, because fake

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Speaker 4: cheating is not going to solve anything.

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Speaker 1: No, I agree, I agree. Thank you. Have a good day.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Christine. Hi, Christine, good morning, Welcome to the

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Speaker 1: Friend Show. How are you good?

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Speaker 4: How are you good morning?

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Speaker 1: Harry? Well stare go this fake cheating lady. The woman

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Speaker 1: is staying her partner. She's fake cheating. You'd stay, Yeah, No,

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Speaker 1: I would say go oh you say go okay, ye yeah, because.

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Speaker 4: It's point blank she's going to the extreme anyway to

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Speaker 4: say I'm big cheating, So it's point blank.

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Speaker 1: Go yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so too. Thank you, Christine,

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Speaker 1: have a good day.

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Speaker 5: Thank you too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Automatically divorced real cheating manipulation. When people were saying, Justine,

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Speaker 1: I'm going through all these uh its abuse. What's the

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Speaker 1: incentive to stay if you're just making up scenarios to

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Speaker 1: force a response? Yeah, I don't know. It's like clear

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Speaker 1: communication or not or whatever. And then we're done with

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Speaker 1: this man. You need to talk to your friend Veronica.

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Speaker 4: Well I have.

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Speaker 2: She doesn't do that anymore, but it's got quite the response.

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Speaker 1: Once she did it you need to straighten her out or.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, or or cheap for real, That's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: You may as well because because if it looks like

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Speaker 1: it, it smells like it, you may as well. Friends show