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Speaker 1: Should I have said something when some random old guy

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Speaker 1: touched my hair?

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Speaker 2: You know that's not something you want old random guys touching.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the only thing you want them touching is the

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Speaker 1: space six feet under the ground. This happened last week. I,

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Speaker 1: fourteen female, was with my best friend Jules fourteen female

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Speaker 1: not a real name, and her twin sisters thirteen at

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Speaker 1: eighty Ears, a fast food place here in South Africa.

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Speaker 1: We were coming from the mall where we were with

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Speaker 1: some friends, just shopping and whatnot and what teenagers do.

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Speaker 1: While driving from the mall, Jewels mom suggested we go

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Speaker 1: get some ice cream. I was a bit skeptical and unsure,

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Speaker 1: as we had ice cream with lunch at the mall already,

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Speaker 1: and I, for one, am kind of chubbing. I constantly

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Speaker 1: have my parents on my back trying to get me

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Speaker 1: to eat better, which has now brushed off onto me.

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Speaker 1: I voiced my concerns, along with the fact that we

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Speaker 1: had to get home since it was pretty late in

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Speaker 1: the afternoon and my strict parents were bound to get worried.

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Speaker 1: Jewels and her mom told me not to worry, No,

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Speaker 1: it's all good and try to convince me. We eventually

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Speaker 1: pulled up to Steers to get the ice cream. After

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Speaker 1: much consideration, I decided, I'm just gonna get the ice cream.

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Speaker 1: It's not like my parents are going to force me

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Speaker 1: to vomit it out anyway. So Jewles, her sister, and

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Speaker 1: I got out of the car and ordered while her

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Speaker 1: mom waited for us in the car. Now, I had

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Speaker 1: an afro, as is my hairstyle that day. I am

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Speaker 1: very proud of my hair, and whenever I wear it naturally,

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Speaker 1: I take a lot of time to make sure it's perfect.

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Speaker 2: I also get a lot.

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Speaker 1: Of compliments from strangers when I wear my natural hair,

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Speaker 1: especially when it's in an afro subtle flex. I know

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Speaker 1: Op looks good, and she knows she looks good. So

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Speaker 1: I wasn't worried when a random guy about forty maybe

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Speaker 1: fifty years old approached me and.

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Speaker 2: Said, your hair is so amazing.

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Speaker 1: I look to Jewels to tell her it was okay.

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Speaker 1: We live in South Africa, which is statistically one of

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Speaker 1: the most dangerous places for women in the world, so

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Speaker 1: whenever a man comes up to us, we always feel

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Speaker 1: on edge. Oh wow, We thanked him and turned back

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Speaker 1: to the counter. We thought that was all you would

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Speaker 1: think that would be all, but no. This guy then

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Speaker 1: moves right next to me, grabs my hair in his

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Speaker 1: hands and starts moving his fingers it oh while asking you,

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Speaker 1: and I kid you not, is it real? I was

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Speaker 1: in shock. I did not know what to do. I

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Speaker 1: was angry, shocked, and confused all at the same time.

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Speaker 1: It felt like he had his hand in my hair

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Speaker 1: forever before he eventually took it out, took his order,

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Speaker 1: and walked away, muttering how nice my hair was. We

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Speaker 1: all know this dude's creepy. Jewels, her sisters, and I

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Speaker 1: just stood shocked in silence until we got ice creams

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Speaker 1: and got into the car. At this point I started

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Speaker 1: to laugh because the whole thing just felt real. Jewel's

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Speaker 1: mom asked us what happened, and we told her. She'd

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Speaker 1: been driving at this point and pulled over to look

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Speaker 1: at me as she told me, I should have done something,

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Speaker 1: maybe even shouted at him get hands out of my haircurls.

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Speaker 1: I'm not great with conflict in public, so for me,

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Speaker 1: this was not an option. Jewels and her sisters also agreed.

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Speaker 1: When they dropped me off at home, I told my

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Speaker 1: parents and they were just shocked. I personally don't have

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Speaker 1: much of a problem with this, since this happened to

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Speaker 1: me before. Girl, I do feel that it was disrespectful

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Speaker 1: for the guy to touch my hair without asking. I

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Speaker 1: don't like to let anyone touch my hair unless I

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Speaker 1: know them well. So that bothered me, but only a bit.

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Speaker 1: At some point, you just got to get used to

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Speaker 1: it and learn to ignore it. Sticks and stones may

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Speaker 1: break your bones, but someone tugging on your hair is

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Speaker 1: crossing the line. So should I have said something to

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Speaker 1: this guy when he touched my hair? Alrighty weird situation.

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Speaker 1: So my question is to you, some old dude goes

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Speaker 1: grabs a thick chunk of your hair and says, hmmm,

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Speaker 1: this feels so good. I love this. What are you

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Speaker 1: saying to this old dude? Put your answers in the commons?

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Speaker 1: But John, what do you think you know?

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Speaker 2: At the end of the day, it's whatever OPI feels,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Since it's her hair, it's like,

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Speaker 2: all right, if you want to just like, essentially, I

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Speaker 2: guess not deal with it. Is kind of like the approach.

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Speaker 2: It seems like, all right, just like let it pass. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: if that's what OPI wants to do, what he wants

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Speaker 2: to do.

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Speaker 1: Is really you could do whatever the frick you want

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Speaker 1: with it, and you also can have people not touch

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Speaker 1: it like that's allowed to That is very a loud,

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Speaker 1: very allowed. Yeah, let us know what you would do

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Speaker 1: in this situation.

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Speaker 2: Let us know later. My mom told me my dad

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Speaker 2: disowned me, but he's just bisexual. Ah, there's not many

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Speaker 2: words to say for this one.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't I don't even know. I don't

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Speaker 1: even know how to respond.

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Speaker 2: All right, let's let's let's let's get to the bottom

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Speaker 2: of this one. For most of my life, I was

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Speaker 2: raised by just my mother, since my father left us

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Speaker 2: when I was three, and my mom and I are

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Speaker 2: very close. But my mom has always been vague about

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Speaker 2: the details of the divorce, just that it was very

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Speaker 2: painful and sudden, and that he never had any interest

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Speaker 2: of getting custody of me. That's sad, damn. A couple

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Speaker 2: months ago, I was going through documents looking for my

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Speaker 2: birth certificate and I came across the divorce papers. Oh crash,

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Speaker 2: she found out what was going on. Surprisingly, my mom

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Speaker 2: was listed as the one who filed for divorce, completely

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Speaker 2: contradicting her story that he left us huh, Yeah, so

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Speaker 2: she's she's starting starting to see the crack.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the holes are being poked in the story.

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Speaker 2: I figured there must have been a reason for this,

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Speaker 2: like him being abusive or something, but I know that

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Speaker 2: my mom is sensitive about the topic, so I didn't

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Speaker 2: want to bring it up. I asked my aunt, who

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Speaker 2: is her sister, but I was told to just drop it.

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Speaker 2: It's been bugging me. So I decided to look for

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Speaker 2: him and I found him on Facebook.

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Speaker 1: She found Ope, she found her dad.

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Speaker 2: She found her.

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Speaker 1: Dad Facebook just bringing families together for real. Thanks Mark.

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Speaker 2: His profile was completely private, but his profile picture showed

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Speaker 2: him with a little boy who must.

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Speaker 1: Be my brother? What so she has a brother now

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Speaker 1: that she didn't know about? Wait, so from the same marriage,

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Speaker 1: we're about to find out, I guess. I found his

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Speaker 1: business email online, and against my better judgment, I decided

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Speaker 1: I was going to email him asking if he wanted

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Speaker 1: to meet for coffee, and he agreed.

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Speaker 2: Last week, we met and he was completely not what

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Speaker 2: I was expecting at all. He was thrilled to see

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Speaker 2: me and even almost cried and wanted to hear everything

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Speaker 2: I'd been up to for the past fifteen years. I

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Speaker 2: asked why he left, and that's when I started getting

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Speaker 2: his side of the story. Towards the end of their marriage,

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Speaker 2: my father confessed to my mom that he is bisexual

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Speaker 2: and that during high school and college he had a

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Speaker 2: serious boyfriend. He was ashamed of his sexuality, which was

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Speaker 2: why he hid it from my more traditional mom. My

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Speaker 2: mom was angry, but didn't divorce him because of it.

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Speaker 2: After the divorce, he began dating his boyfriend again, and

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Speaker 2: my mom freaked out over me being quote unquote exposed to.

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Speaker 1: This, exposed to a healthy, happy relation.

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Speaker 2: Healthy happy relationship. Oh my god, jeez, how dare you?

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Speaker 2: My mom petitioned for full custody and was granted it

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Speaker 2: by the court. Over the years, my father has attempted

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Speaker 2: to reach out to my mom about me, but she

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Speaker 2: has never budged and never let him see me. I

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Speaker 2: asked my mom about what really happened, nobs, no holding back.

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Speaker 2: That's when I told her dad's side of the story. Oh,

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Speaker 2: the truth, the truth.

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Speaker 1: Comes out, finally comes out. I want to hear that truth.

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Speaker 1: I can handle it, John, tell me the truth.

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Speaker 2: Can't handle the truth. Let's get to it. She started

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Speaker 2: choking up and tearfully admitted that everything was true. She

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Speaker 2: insists that it wasn't out of anger or bigotry, but

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Speaker 2: because she genuinely believed that it was best for me

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Speaker 2: to stay with her. I don't know if I'm following

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Speaker 2: your timeline, Mama. There's no other evidence of anything else

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Speaker 2: that has been If that's the case, give me one

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Speaker 2: other reason.

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Speaker 1: How is it best for your child to grow up

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Speaker 1: without their father?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Why does he have that option? Like, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: feel like you should take it, especially if the father.

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Speaker 1: It seems like the father is like a gay guy.

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Speaker 2: It seems he wants to be involved. He's been asking

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Speaker 2: over the past fifteen years. It doesn't really makes sense.

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Speaker 2: I am just so shocked. Still, she lied to me

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Speaker 2: for years, making me think my own father didn't want me.

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's honestly. The craziest part is that she

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Speaker 2: told her like the father abandoned.

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Speaker 1: Them, yeah, and never wanted custody.

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Speaker 2: Dude.

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Speaker 1: Like, it's like, hey, not only where did your father

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Speaker 1: leave but didn't even try to see you.

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Speaker 2: That's that's unacceptable. My dad and I are reconnecting now,

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Speaker 2: but I've just missed so much of my life with him.

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Speaker 2: Next week, I'm going to meet his husband and my

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Speaker 2: seven year old half brother. I live with my mom,

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Speaker 2: but I cannot speak to her right now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, she lied. She important part of your life

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Speaker 1: for so long.

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Speaker 2: Terrible. She is begging me, begging me to forgive her.

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Speaker 2: But I'm so angry and I don't know how I'll

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Speaker 2: ever not be angry with her. Dude, that's tough. You know,

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Speaker 2: you had this great relationship prior, like you know, you thought, oh,

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Speaker 2: it's just the two of us, and then it's like, wow,

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Speaker 2: she's been hiding.

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Speaker 1: So much this, you know, it's like, how can you

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Speaker 1: trust anything she says?

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Speaker 2: How can you? Truly?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Insane, insane,