WEBVTT - Dear J.D., Signed Hopelessly Single 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:16.400 Hey, it's Louise of I do part two jumping back 0:00:16.480 --> 0:00:21.759 into the conversation with single guy JD. So, in the 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:26.360 world of dating, right, it is hard to know when 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:29.880 you're navigating a person that you're just talking to and 0:00:29.920 --> 0:00:33.120 you don't know their baggage and they don't know yours, right, 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:35.240 So we're all just kind of coming with our own 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:37.479 kind of cloudy lens. 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:37.800 Right. 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:42.040 So I find that there are some people that are 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:47.640 super kind of transparent. They came, they saw, they conquered, right, 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:49.159 They're just super direct. 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:50.639 And then I find that. 0:00:50.560 --> 0:00:54.480 There's people out there that will you know, you know, 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:58.400 I would say not for our age, but basically a 0:00:58.480 --> 0:01:00.920 version of sliding into our DM, right, that would be 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:03.480 for our kids age, But that version of like somebody 0:01:03.480 --> 0:01:07.160 who's making the outreach and like dipping their toe in 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:11.520 and then doing the back and forth, and then they 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:14.560 like they like ghost you and they go quiet when 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:17.119 you weren't the one who reached out anyways. 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:17.440 Does that make sense? 0:01:17.520 --> 0:01:18.800 Like, I don't know if that's a. 0:01:18.760 --> 0:01:21.760 Function of these people are just you know, kind of 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:23.440 throwing a lot of balls against the wall and seeing 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:26.320 what sticks, or they are just you know, kind of 0:01:26.440 --> 0:01:30.560 insecure you know people or it's interesting to see that. 0:01:30.600 --> 0:01:32.920 And I hear a lot with friends of mine when 0:01:32.959 --> 0:01:38.319 they go on kates with guys, and it's interesting to me, 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:40.720 And I would love to know, like what you think 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:44.720 about why there are people that literally make, you know, 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:47.960 outreach and then literally don't do anything with it. 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:51.280 Yeah, I think that's a I think it's a little 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:53.000 bit of a function of our time in the sense 0:01:53.000 --> 0:01:56.040 that you can contact so many people so quickly that 0:01:56.480 --> 0:02:01.280 it does allow people whether you're on DMS or Instagram 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:04.720 or whether you're on you know, bumble or match or something, 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:07.640 you have the ability to contact a lot of people 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:09.160 and reach out to a lot of people, right, And 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:15.360 so I think and sometimes people like they'll get a 0:02:15.400 --> 0:02:17.280 response from somebody and that was the person who was 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:19.080 top of their list, and they'll just focus on that 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:21.519 and they won't they just will stop replying to the 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:24.400 other people, Like they just cast a huge net and 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:26.080 they got lucky. 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:27.240 And so there's some of that. 0:02:27.560 --> 0:02:29.160 They got lucky that the person that was at the 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:32.120 top of their list responded and then they just stop 0:02:32.280 --> 0:02:35.040 chasing others. But so that that I think is a 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:38.840 functions on other I think people are also just maybe 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:42.720 just looking for attention and flirting where they're not as interested. 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:46.160 As they they let on. Right, they enjoy the. 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:48.200 Flirtation, the game, They enjoyed the game. 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:51.000 They enjoy the game, They enjoy the flirtation, but when 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:52.799 it comes down to it, they don't have the energy 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:55.680 or the time or the interest in chasing two or 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:58.720 three women at once, and so they flirt with ten women, 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:01.520 but they only really pursue one or two because they 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:04.400 run out of time, and so they're but they're flirting 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:05.440 with ten and pursuing two. 0:03:05.560 --> 0:03:07.760 It's a weird, but that can happen. Right. 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:10.560 Well, it's interesting because you know, there've been so and 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:13.760 I don't I don't do dating apps, but there's been 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.760 so many articles lately that people are you know, kind 0:03:16.760 --> 0:03:20.720 of you know, basically moving off of the dating apps 0:03:20.760 --> 0:03:23.840 because it's almost like thirty one flavors. Right, You go 0:03:23.880 --> 0:03:25.560 on a date, you come home, you're like, yeah, it 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:27.440 was fun, but the next person could be better, So 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:30.119 you just keep swiping, swiping, swiping, so you're never, never 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:31.480 satisfied with what's in front of you. 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:34.000 So it feels like people are you know, trying to 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:34.519 make more. 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:36.960 Of a concerted effort to do old school meetups or 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:39.480 you know, join a running club or hire a matchmaker, 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:43.600 or a little more point and shoot. So you're hearing like, 0:03:43.640 --> 0:03:46.120 you know, like bumbles letting or hinges letting go of 0:03:46.280 --> 0:03:47.480 you know, employees or whatever. 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:49.960 So I think that would would be great. 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:52.760 Like I just think the numbers game is just it's 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:55.080 too It's like a sensory overload. 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:58.000 Yeah, I agree. I was well. Two things. 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:00.680 One is I was talking to a a guy friend 0:04:00.760 --> 0:04:05.560 of mine who there was a service that women pay for, 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:11.720 like for them to get introduced two men, and so 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:14.840 they like curate dates with men for these women. This 0:04:15.000 --> 0:04:17.400 is like a high end, high price whatever thing. But 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:21.559 so I think people are looking for a more point 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:24.160 and shoot versus a shotgun. The other thing is I 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:26.880 was talking to a platonic woman friend of mine who 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:30.400 she was getting frustrated with the apps, and I said, 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:32.599 you know, the nice thing about going to a bar 0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:38.760 is there's thirty guys there and you can quickly find 0:04:38.800 --> 0:04:40.600 that there's one or two that you might be just 0:04:40.640 --> 0:04:43.240 superficially attracted to, and then you can go stand near 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:44.960 them and kind of hear them talk and their energy 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:47.320 and by the end of that night. You might have 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:51.560 someone that you talked to and connected to that you 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:54.600 that you got a chance to see in person and 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:57.680 talk to in person within an hour, Right, where's on 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:00.479 the apps? And there was thirty or four people in 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:01.599 the restaurant or the bar. 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:02.960 In an app? 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:05.359 The amount of time she was just saying, the amount 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:07.400 of time it takes I got to go on ten 0:05:07.480 --> 0:05:10.239 dates to get to one person who I'm both interested 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:13.120 that I'm interested in their looks because that doesn't act 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:15.919 as a picture, or that I that I that the 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:19.240 conversation was good right in person, not the text conversation, 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:22.760 which doesn't always reflect how somebody's vibe really is in person. 0:05:23.000 --> 0:05:26.480 They can be much better on texts, especially right right. 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:28.440 Right, And so so I was trying to convince to you, 0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:31.000 like you're you're what you can accomplish in two hours 0:05:31.040 --> 0:05:33.360 in a restaurant or a bar a happy hour is 0:05:33.520 --> 0:05:34.719 what's taking you two or. 0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:36.080 Three weeks in the apps? 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:39.840 Right, So, like I was exactly advocating for that, like 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:43.240 that old school where you go to two or three 0:05:43.360 --> 0:05:47.160 restaurants and you're around seventy five people who live in 0:05:47.240 --> 0:05:49.960 your town and are single, and you get to talk 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:53.000 to two or three in person is actually in some 0:05:53.160 --> 0:05:58.360 ways better and faster than this longer drawn out You 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:01.040 text for three weeks, you meet one person, you do 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:03.520 that again, and now you've met ten people in ten 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:06.359 weeks versus ten people in one weekend. 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:08.880 Right, So, anyway, I'd like to see some of the 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:10.640 old school stuff coming back for people. 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:14.719 What do you think about the concept of recycling? 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:15.240 Right? 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:19.039 So I love to do this, right. One woman's trash 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:20.120 is another woman's treasure. 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:23.960 Right So just because there was no kind of connection 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:27.240 or love spark between me and something doesn't mean that 0:06:27.960 --> 0:06:32.360 there might be something between somebody else. So I'm always 0:06:32.440 --> 0:06:36.239 one who loves to do that, and I think women 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:39.520 are very open to that. Are men open to that? Like, 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:41.080 have you ever gone out with somebody that you're like, 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:44.240 she's great, but she's not right for me. I think 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:46.800 she's a better fit for this person. 0:06:47.320 --> 0:06:47.520 Yeah. 0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:49.360 Well, first of all, I agree with you. 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:52.360 I'm a big fan of that idea because you've got 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:54.960 to know the person enough to know they don't fit 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:56.720 for you, but you also had a light bulb go 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:58.520 off that they fit this other person that you know. 0:06:58.920 --> 0:06:59.880 I think it's fantastic. 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:01.159 I think it's a compliment. 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:03.160 It's like I liked you enough not for me that 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:05.960 I want to introduce you to somebody who means something 0:07:06.000 --> 0:07:06.160 to me. 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:08.280 Yeah, I think it's a compliment, and if people take 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:09.920 it the other way, then they're two sensitive. But I 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:12.520 would say for the guys, I would say it needs 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:14.800 to be early on, right, if you dated the if 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:16.280 you went on one date with the person, it's great. 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.160 If you went on if you dated for a month 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:21.880 or two, they're less likely to man can get weird 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:24.520 about that piece, right, Like now I'm dating your ex 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:26.200 girlfriend I'm talking about. 0:07:27.360 --> 0:07:28.880 Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. 0:07:30.400 --> 0:07:31.760 I had been dating this guy for like. 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:34.920 Six months or seven months and we broke up, and 0:07:35.600 --> 0:07:39.000 so my friend said, well, why don't you set him 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:39.280 up with so? 0:07:39.400 --> 0:07:45.040 And so I go, no, he's an ex boyfriend, like boyfriend, 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:46.520 that's like not happening. 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:47.960 Like you know what I'm saying, Like, and I don't 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:49.360 know if that was a function. I just want to 0:07:49.400 --> 0:07:51.080 make sure I was, you know, I don't know what 0:07:51.200 --> 0:07:53.480 it was, but something about that just did not feel it. 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:55.840 Yeah, two dates is great, but yeah, when you get 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:57.920 into the months, it's a little less fun to hand 0:07:58.000 --> 0:08:01.160 it off. I've actually gone and asked friends of mine 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:04.600 about girls they dated for three to six months, like 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:06.880 would you be okay if I asked her out? 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:09.440 And some of them said yes, and some of them 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:09.800 said no. 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:11.720 Right, that probably has to do with who ended it 0:08:12.000 --> 0:08:14.320 right and if it's resolved or not resolved. 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:16.960 Well exactly, So, yeah, you got to make the handoff quickly. 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:20.680 Yes you do, okay, So let's move on to a 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:21.920 question from Teresa. 0:08:22.480 --> 0:08:28.480 So Teresa is asking a question about is it important 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:32.520 for you to have a sense of her body count 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:34.719 the number of guys that she slept with. So I 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:36.880 would assume Teresa has probably slept with a lot of people, 0:08:36.920 --> 0:08:38.480 which is why she's asking this question. 0:08:39.320 --> 0:08:44.439 So is that a topic that you want to have 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:50.079 a conversation about or is it weird? Is it invasive? 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:51.440 Yeah? I don't. 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:55.800 I've never asked a woman that in my entire life. 0:08:55.840 --> 0:09:00.240 I've had women offer it up to me and share 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:04.000 it during because they were actually sharing it so they 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:06.360 could ask me about mind. So they were doing it 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:09.959 as a lead in, which was fine. But unless a 0:09:10.040 --> 0:09:12.199 woman led me into that conversation, I'm not going to 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:15.040 ask a woman that. I think you you get to 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:16.599 know somebody you get a sense. 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:17.640 If they are. 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:20.880 I don't know, are you going to get a sense 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:24.199 organically whether it's four or forty, If it's four hundred 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:26.800 or four thousand, you'll probably start to figure that out 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:30.280 from I don't know her friends or or her you 0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:34.800 know her her social media, but I don't. I think 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:37.240 it's a personal thing, and I don't think it's super 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:41.160 relevant to whether the two of you are connecting or not. 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:43.839 And if it's a real big outlier where it's one 0:09:43.880 --> 0:09:47.400 person or it's five thousand, you're going to sense that anyway. 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:52.600 Like you, if you can't read that, there's probably something 0:09:52.679 --> 0:09:54.680 wrong with your your. 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:56.200 Ability to read people. 0:09:56.320 --> 0:09:59.400 But for most people it's in a normal range and 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:01.679 it's all fine, and it's all going to work out. 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:03.679 You don't have to get into numbers. 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:17.760 I mean that's my view, right, So two responses to that. 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:21.000 So and again we all navigate in our own way, right. 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:24.479 So for me, you know, I only. 0:10:26.280 --> 0:10:28.760 I'm only sleeping with one person at one time, and 0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:31.520 if I'm only sleeping with that, we're totally exclusive, right, 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:34.120 So then I take it a step further, which is 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:36.960 really interesting, And I've never gotten pushed back on this, right, 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:40.360 but I actually make a guy get an STD test 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:43.120 period and I've never. 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:45.520 Gotten pushed back. And so for me, I have a 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:47.120 boundary that's super super clear. 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:50.800 And you know, I have other friends who you know, 0:10:51.000 --> 0:10:55.040 they'll you know, do whatever all the time, no condoms, whatever, Right, 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:58.880 So I just am terrified of getting something, you know 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:00.360 what I'm saying. And so, and I also want to 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:02.439 know that if I'm going to I want it to 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:05.520 just be with us and I'm in it. What happens 0:11:05.600 --> 0:11:10.840 when you just start dating somebody and they're just out 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:15.960 of their divorce and you learn that the only person 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:19.400 she has ever slept with in her entire life is 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:24.920 her ex husband. Is that a nerve wracking thing for you? 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:27.400 Is that like a step up to the challenge and 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:30.920 let me thing? Is it give you pause that she 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:33.599 hasn't experienced in nothing. You don't necessarily want to be 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:36.079 the first one out of the gate and all of that, 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:38.360 Like what would what would go through your mind in 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:39.040 that scenario? 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:40.640 Yeah, I mean. 0:11:42.040 --> 0:11:45.079 It is definitely something to ponder for a minute, in 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:50.000 the sense that if you're not interested in her, if well, 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:54.000 let me say this, first of all, there's unless she 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:55.920 met the person and married them at twenty one. 0:11:56.360 --> 0:12:01.400 There's a good chance that she dated people before him, 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:04.200 But let's say she didn't. 0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:07.880 The first boyfriend she's ever had and the only person 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:09.240 she's ever been with is her husband. 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:13.520 I would say, I would say, if you're. 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:18.640 Interested as a guy, the chances are you're actually I 0:12:18.679 --> 0:12:20.760 don't think it's intimidating as much as you're likely going 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:24.559 to get that much of a better like instead of 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:28.600 being stressed about it, you're actually more likely to get 0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:32.080 compliments because she's had this bad thing for so long 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:35.199 that has been dragging out for so long that that 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:37.560 it's just going to make you look good as a guy. 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:40.000 And also obviously it means something to her that she's 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:41.599 just not throwing a cat at all the time. So 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:43.959 if she's willing to take that step with you, it's 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:46.240 almost validation too that she really likes you. 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:46.600 Right. 0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:49.160 Yeah, one is she takes her relationship seriously. She hasn't 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:51.480 stupp with a lot of people, so yeah, that just 0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:54.120 shows she's interesting, which is a compliment. And there's no 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:56.400 reason to be intimidated as a guy like in that, 0:12:57.080 --> 0:12:59.079 why are you, like, why would you be intimidated by it? 0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:00.320 But I do think it's a compliment. 0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:05.160 So uh, and I have since might worst dated people 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.719 who kind of fall into your category, and it was 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:10.760 I thought it was a compliment. I didn't find it stressful, 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:13.480 but I could see how someone might have to think. 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:14.120 About it for a minute. 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:16.280 Well, the best is when they'll call me and they'll 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:18.600 be like, guess where I was today, and they're sending 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:20.439 me a picture of their arm with like a blood 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:22.600 test you know what I'm saying, like getting their sc 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:25.240 tests as in. And I'm like, they're like right on it, 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:27.760 you know what I'm saying. So so then we kind 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:28.800 of have Yeah, that's good. 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:31.800 Look, it's it's that you're you're letting them know that like, hey, 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:34.360 I'm excited to be exclusive with you. Yeah, I mean, 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:35.160 that's it's all good. 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:37.240 And at the same time, if they say no, then 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:39.000 it sheds like to me that they're just not that 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:40.559 into me, So why would I want to go down 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:41.280 that road anyway. 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:43.480 So it's a really good kind of litmus test. 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:46.439 It is right when you when you when it's the 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:49.119 right time, it's a perfect time to have that conversation. 0:13:49.320 --> 0:13:53.800 And yeah, I agreed, So let's okay, So let's talk 0:13:53.800 --> 0:13:56.520 about this so a lot of the men that I've dated, 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:02.400 including like my ex husband and different people, like supposing 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:06.240 they're dating these younger girls and they have had vasectomies. 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:09.640 So all of a sudden, you see a couple of 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:12.360 things happen. You see that all of a sudden, you know, 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:15.040 all of a sudden, the lifestyle on the bags wears off, 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:18.240 and you know, little teeny bopper wants to become missus 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:21.080 and she wants to have a baby, right yeah, And 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.800 all of a sudden, the guy is in this position 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:26.560 of like, wait a minute, do I want to reverse 0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:27.360 my best sectomy? 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:28.280 Do I not? 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:30.040 And it's interesting because a lot of times, all of 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:32.800 a sudden, what I would assume would be so sexy 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:35.720 with a young thing is that she's probably you know, 0:14:36.520 --> 0:14:40.520 you know, you know, for lack of a better word, 0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:43.560 banging you six ways to Sunday every which direction, and 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:44.960 you're like, this is the greatest thing in the world 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:46.600 and not my uptight wife, And all of a sudden, she. 0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:48.320 Wants to do it. She's going to get the cankles 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:50.080 and she's going to get all this and you're like, 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:50.560 oh no, no. 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:52.960 So I've seen people like break up with that situation 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:55.440 and like literally move into another situation. 0:14:56.360 --> 0:14:59.480 Yeah, I mean, well, I want to make sure I 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:00.480 understand the question. 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.360 But yeah, I've seen I've seen guys that said they 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:05.560 said they didn't want to have any more kids, but 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:10.120 then they were they still had like sperm stored and 0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:11.720 they were dating this one and they said, no, I'm 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:14.000 not having any more kids, and then a letter came 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:16.680 in the mail and their girlfriend was like, I thought 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:18.080 you didn't want to have any more kids, right, So 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:23.800 there are guys who are having trouble being honest. 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:25.640 Through that process. For sure, I would say. 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:29.560 If the guy is serious about the girl and he's 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:31.920 and he says I don't want her, I don't want kids, 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:34.120 then she she would know he doesn't want kids, or 0:15:34.440 --> 0:15:37.480 he's getting a reverse vasectomy, or they hope. 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:38.520 They're going to change his mind. 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:39.520 And I see that a lot. 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:43.640 Yeah, bad, bad idea. 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:47.040 If a guy says no, I don't want kids, for 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:50.640 the women out there, just listen to that, and uh, 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:52.920 don't assume you're going to change his mind. 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:56.280 That is not a great strategy. 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:59.200 So a woman named Nancy wrote a question, and I 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:01.440 know we are this last time, but I do think 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:05.120 it's something that's on a lot of people's minds. So 0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:08.080 she writes, I can't cook. 0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:10.080 Is that a turn off? 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:10.960 Yeah? 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:11.600 Not to me. 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:13.960 I mean I said, I think maybe if we dial 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:16.960 it back, maybe to the fifties or something, and people 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:19.880 were like, oh gosh, the most attractive thing to me 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:22.760 about a woman is you know, a great home cooked meal. 0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:25.680 I just I don't know how that can be in 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:28.040 the top twenty things that attracts you to the woman. 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:30.400 Like for me, there's a lot of other reasons to 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:32.160 be attracted to somebody. They make you laugh, you do 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:36.720 things together, you are, you have chemistry, you have whatever 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:39.440 friendship connection. There's just there's it's about, you know. The 0:16:39.520 --> 0:16:42.200 cooking is like item twenty five on the list, So 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:44.320 I don't think it matters at all. 0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:45.960 It's a nice little plus. 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:49.160 It's like it's like it's like a cherry on top, 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:50.720 But if you don't have the cake and the icing, 0:16:50.800 --> 0:16:52.680 the cherry is irrelevant, I guess, is the best way to. 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:59.360 Put totally agree. So you're in your fifties, your kids 0:16:59.360 --> 0:16:59.840 are older. 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:06.160 Do you and your friends want to get married again 0:17:06.560 --> 0:17:10.160 or do you feel like you just want a partner 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:13.440 that maybe wears a promise ring, Like, do you feel 0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:16.240 the need to if you're not going to have children 0:17:16.280 --> 0:17:18.600 and maybe not necessarily share money, do you feel the 0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:19.680 need to get remarried? 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:24.240 Is that something you're looking for? Collectively your friends are 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:26.480 looking for? What's the marriage conversation? 0:17:28.040 --> 0:17:28.840 Yeah, I have. 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:31.639 I mean I have friends that are in both camps 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:33.280 that are in their fifties. I would say there are 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:37.560 some who are like, you know what, I've got kids, 0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:40.560 they have kids. We're just gonna kind of, you know, 0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:43.159 like you said, be promised ring, engaged forever and not 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.800 worry about the marriage part. And they're happy as a clam. 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:49.040 And both people are happier at least they say they are. 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:54.240 But then I have other folks that I know that they, 0:17:55.359 --> 0:17:57.960 you know, three years out of their divorce, got remarried 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:03.000 and we're super excited get right back into that. 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:05.520 The being married part really was. 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:09.480 Like an important way to solidify their commitment to each 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:12.919 other and like show that to the world. And they 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:17.320 both were super into it. So they're both camps. You know, 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:20.160 I don't know there's a right or wrong answer there. 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:23.159 It's only wrong when the two of you have a 0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:25.360 different a different plan, right. 0:18:25.560 --> 0:18:27.080 I didn't think right or wrong. I was just more 0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:29.000 curious what the temperature is. You know. 0:18:29.080 --> 0:18:31.760 It's interesting because one of the things, you know, so 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:33.560 my kids are in their twenties, and one of the 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:36.520 things that everybody's talking about, you know right now, which 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:38.720 kind of makes a lot of sense, is is having 0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:41.399 everybody sign a prenup right, like even though they might 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:43.760 be you know, making two dollars if they even have 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:45.080 a job, which is hard to get right now, and 0:18:45.119 --> 0:18:47.960 they're getting a full allowance from their parents. Is actually 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:51.720 when people are getting married prepping a prenup right, nobody 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:54.080 knows kind of what's going to happen. And I actually 0:18:54.119 --> 0:18:57.760 think it makes a lot of sense. Where it's tough 0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:01.920