Speaker 1: Hey, it's Louise of I do part two jumping back
Speaker 1: into the conversation with single guy JD. So, in the
Speaker 1: world of dating, right, it is hard to know when
Speaker 1: you're navigating a person that you're just talking to and
Speaker 1: you don't know their baggage and they don't know yours, right,
Speaker 1: So we're all just kind of coming with our own
Speaker 1: kind of cloudy lens.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So I find that there are some people that are
Speaker 1: super kind of transparent. They came, they saw, they conquered, right,
Speaker 1: They're just super direct.
Speaker 3: And then I find that.
Speaker 1: There's people out there that will you know, you know,
Speaker 1: I would say not for our age, but basically a
Speaker 1: version of sliding into our DM, right, that would be
Speaker 1: for our kids age, But that version of like somebody
Speaker 1: who's making the outreach and like dipping their toe in
Speaker 1: and then doing the back and forth, and then they
Speaker 1: like they like ghost you and they go quiet when
Speaker 1: you weren't the one who reached out anyways.
Speaker 4: Does that make sense?
Speaker 3: Like, I don't know if that's a.
Speaker 1: Function of these people are just you know, kind of
Speaker 1: throwing a lot of balls against the wall and seeing
Speaker 1: what sticks, or they are just you know, kind of
Speaker 1: insecure you know people or it's interesting to see that.
Speaker 1: And I hear a lot with friends of mine when
Speaker 1: they go on kates with guys, and it's interesting to me,
Speaker 1: And I would love to know, like what you think
Speaker 1: about why there are people that literally make, you know,
Speaker 1: outreach and then literally don't do anything with it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that's a I think it's a little
Speaker 5: bit of a function of our time in the sense
Speaker 5: that you can contact so many people so quickly that
Speaker 5: it does allow people whether you're on DMS or Instagram
Speaker 5: or whether you're on you know, bumble or match or something,
Speaker 5: you have the ability to contact a lot of people
Speaker 5: and reach out to a lot of people, right, And
Speaker 5: so I think and sometimes people like they'll get a
Speaker 5: response from somebody and that was the person who was
Speaker 5: top of their list, and they'll just focus on that
Speaker 5: and they won't they just will stop replying to the
Speaker 5: other people, Like they just cast a huge net and
Speaker 5: they got lucky.
Speaker 2: And so there's some of that.
Speaker 5: They got lucky that the person that was at the
Speaker 5: top of their list responded and then they just stop
Speaker 5: chasing others. But so that that I think is a
Speaker 5: functions on other I think people are also just maybe
Speaker 5: just looking for attention and flirting where they're not as interested.
Speaker 2: As they they let on. Right, they enjoy the.
Speaker 4: Flirtation, the game, They enjoyed the game.
Speaker 5: They enjoy the game, They enjoy the flirtation, but when
Speaker 5: it comes down to it, they don't have the energy
Speaker 5: or the time or the interest in chasing two or
Speaker 5: three women at once, and so they flirt with ten women,
Speaker 5: but they only really pursue one or two because they
Speaker 5: run out of time, and so they're but they're flirting
Speaker 5: with ten and pursuing two.
Speaker 2: It's a weird, but that can happen. Right.
Speaker 1: Well, it's interesting because you know, there've been so and
Speaker 1: I don't I don't do dating apps, but there's been
Speaker 1: so many articles lately that people are you know, kind
Speaker 1: of you know, basically moving off of the dating apps
Speaker 1: because it's almost like thirty one flavors. Right, You go
Speaker 1: on a date, you come home, you're like, yeah, it
Speaker 1: was fun, but the next person could be better, So
Speaker 1: you just keep swiping, swiping, swiping, so you're never, never
Speaker 1: satisfied with what's in front of you.
Speaker 3: So it feels like people are you know, trying to
Speaker 3: make more.
Speaker 1: Of a concerted effort to do old school meetups or
Speaker 1: you know, join a running club or hire a matchmaker,
Speaker 1: or a little more point and shoot. So you're hearing like,
Speaker 1: you know, like bumbles letting or hinges letting go of
Speaker 1: you know, employees or whatever.
Speaker 3: So I think that would would be great.
Speaker 1: Like I just think the numbers game is just it's
Speaker 1: too It's like a sensory overload.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. I was well. Two things.
Speaker 5: One is I was talking to a a guy friend
Speaker 5: of mine who there was a service that women pay for,
Speaker 5: like for them to get introduced two men, and so
Speaker 5: they like curate dates with men for these women. This
Speaker 5: is like a high end, high price whatever thing. But
Speaker 5: so I think people are looking for a more point
Speaker 5: and shoot versus a shotgun. The other thing is I
Speaker 5: was talking to a platonic woman friend of mine who
Speaker 5: she was getting frustrated with the apps, and I said,
Speaker 5: you know, the nice thing about going to a bar
Speaker 5: is there's thirty guys there and you can quickly find
Speaker 5: that there's one or two that you might be just
Speaker 5: superficially attracted to, and then you can go stand near
Speaker 5: them and kind of hear them talk and their energy
Speaker 5: and by the end of that night. You might have
Speaker 5: someone that you talked to and connected to that you
Speaker 5: that you got a chance to see in person and
Speaker 5: talk to in person within an hour, Right, where's on
Speaker 5: the apps? And there was thirty or four people in
Speaker 5: the restaurant or the bar.
Speaker 2: In an app?
Speaker 5: The amount of time she was just saying, the amount
Speaker 5: of time it takes I got to go on ten
Speaker 5: dates to get to one person who I'm both interested
Speaker 5: that I'm interested in their looks because that doesn't act
Speaker 5: as a picture, or that I that I that the
Speaker 5: conversation was good right in person, not the text conversation,
Speaker 5: which doesn't always reflect how somebody's vibe really is in person.
Speaker 2: They can be much better on texts, especially right right.
Speaker 5: Right, And so so I was trying to convince to you,
Speaker 5: like you're you're what you can accomplish in two hours
Speaker 5: in a restaurant or a bar a happy hour is
Speaker 5: what's taking you two or.
Speaker 2: Three weeks in the apps?
Speaker 5: Right, So, like I was exactly advocating for that, like
Speaker 5: that old school where you go to two or three
Speaker 5: restaurants and you're around seventy five people who live in
Speaker 5: your town and are single, and you get to talk
Speaker 5: to two or three in person is actually in some
Speaker 5: ways better and faster than this longer drawn out You
Speaker 5: text for three weeks, you meet one person, you do
Speaker 5: that again, and now you've met ten people in ten
Speaker 5: weeks versus ten people in one weekend.
Speaker 2: Right, So, anyway, I'd like to see some of the
Speaker 2: old school stuff coming back for people.
Speaker 3: What do you think about the concept of recycling?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 3: So I love to do this, right. One woman's trash
Speaker 3: is another woman's treasure.
Speaker 1: Right So just because there was no kind of connection
Speaker 1: or love spark between me and something doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: there might be something between somebody else. So I'm always
Speaker 1: one who loves to do that, and I think women
Speaker 1: are very open to that. Are men open to that? Like,
Speaker 1: have you ever gone out with somebody that you're like,
Speaker 1: she's great, but she's not right for me. I think
Speaker 1: she's a better fit for this person.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, I agree with you.
Speaker 5: I'm a big fan of that idea because you've got
Speaker 5: to know the person enough to know they don't fit
Speaker 5: for you, but you also had a light bulb go
Speaker 5: off that they fit this other person that you know.
Speaker 2: I think it's fantastic.
Speaker 3: I think it's a compliment.
Speaker 1: It's like I liked you enough not for me that
Speaker 1: I want to introduce you to somebody who means something
Speaker 1: to me.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's a compliment, and if people take
Speaker 5: it the other way, then they're two sensitive. But I
Speaker 5: would say for the guys, I would say it needs
Speaker 5: to be early on, right, if you dated the if
Speaker 5: you went on one date with the person, it's great.
Speaker 5: If you went on if you dated for a month
Speaker 5: or two, they're less likely to man can get weird
Speaker 5: about that piece, right, Like now I'm dating your ex
Speaker 5: girlfriend I'm talking about.
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: I had been dating this guy for like.
Speaker 1: Six months or seven months and we broke up, and
Speaker 1: so my friend said, well, why don't you set him
Speaker 1: up with so?
Speaker 3: And so I go, no, he's an ex boyfriend, like boyfriend,
Speaker 3: that's like not happening.
Speaker 1: Like you know what I'm saying, Like, and I don't
Speaker 1: know if that was a function. I just want to
Speaker 1: make sure I was, you know, I don't know what
Speaker 1: it was, but something about that just did not feel it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, two dates is great, but yeah, when you get
Speaker 5: into the months, it's a little less fun to hand
Speaker 5: it off. I've actually gone and asked friends of mine
Speaker 5: about girls they dated for three to six months, like
Speaker 5: would you be okay if I asked her out?
Speaker 2: And some of them said yes, and some of them
Speaker 2: said no.
Speaker 1: Right, that probably has to do with who ended it
Speaker 1: right and if it's resolved or not resolved.
Speaker 2: Well exactly, So, yeah, you got to make the handoff quickly.
Speaker 3: Yes you do, okay, So let's move on to a
Speaker 3: question from Teresa.
Speaker 1: So Teresa is asking a question about is it important
Speaker 1: for you to have a sense of her body count
Speaker 1: the number of guys that she slept with. So I
Speaker 1: would assume Teresa has probably slept with a lot of people,
Speaker 1: which is why she's asking this question.
Speaker 3: So is that a topic that you want to have
Speaker 3: a conversation about or is it weird? Is it invasive?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I don't.
Speaker 5: I've never asked a woman that in my entire life.
Speaker 5: I've had women offer it up to me and share
Speaker 5: it during because they were actually sharing it so they
Speaker 5: could ask me about mind. So they were doing it
Speaker 5: as a lead in, which was fine. But unless a
Speaker 5: woman led me into that conversation, I'm not going to
Speaker 5: ask a woman that. I think you you get to
Speaker 5: know somebody you get a sense.
Speaker 2: If they are.
Speaker 5: I don't know, are you going to get a sense
Speaker 5: organically whether it's four or forty, If it's four hundred
Speaker 5: or four thousand, you'll probably start to figure that out
Speaker 5: from I don't know her friends or or her you
Speaker 5: know her her social media, but I don't. I think
Speaker 5: it's a personal thing, and I don't think it's super
Speaker 5: relevant to whether the two of you are connecting or not.
Speaker 5: And if it's a real big outlier where it's one
Speaker 5: person or it's five thousand, you're going to sense that anyway.
Speaker 5: Like you, if you can't read that, there's probably something
Speaker 5: wrong with your your.
Speaker 2: Ability to read people.
Speaker 5: But for most people it's in a normal range and
Speaker 5: it's all fine, and it's all going to work out.
Speaker 2: You don't have to get into numbers.
Speaker 4: I mean that's my view, right, So two responses to that.
Speaker 3: So and again we all navigate in our own way, right.
Speaker 3: So for me, you know, I only.
Speaker 1: I'm only sleeping with one person at one time, and
Speaker 1: if I'm only sleeping with that, we're totally exclusive, right,
Speaker 1: So then I take it a step further, which is
Speaker 1: really interesting, And I've never gotten pushed back on this, right,
Speaker 1: but I actually make a guy get an STD test
Speaker 1: period and I've never.
Speaker 3: Gotten pushed back. And so for me, I have a
Speaker 3: boundary that's super super clear.
Speaker 1: And you know, I have other friends who you know,
Speaker 1: they'll you know, do whatever all the time, no condoms, whatever, Right,
Speaker 1: So I just am terrified of getting something, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And so, and I also want to
Speaker 1: know that if I'm going to I want it to
Speaker 1: just be with us and I'm in it. What happens
Speaker 1: when you just start dating somebody and they're just out
Speaker 1: of their divorce and you learn that the only person
Speaker 1: she has ever slept with in her entire life is
Speaker 1: her ex husband. Is that a nerve wracking thing for you?
Speaker 1: Is that like a step up to the challenge and
Speaker 1: let me thing? Is it give you pause that she
Speaker 1: hasn't experienced in nothing. You don't necessarily want to be
Speaker 1: the first one out of the gate and all of that,
Speaker 1: Like what would what would go through your mind in
Speaker 1: that scenario?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 5: It is definitely something to ponder for a minute, in
Speaker 5: the sense that if you're not interested in her, if well,
Speaker 5: let me say this, first of all, there's unless she
Speaker 5: met the person and married them at twenty one.
Speaker 2: There's a good chance that she dated people before him,
Speaker 2: But let's say she didn't.
Speaker 5: The first boyfriend she's ever had and the only person
Speaker 5: she's ever been with is her husband.
Speaker 2: I would say, I would say, if you're.
Speaker 5: Interested as a guy, the chances are you're actually I
Speaker 5: don't think it's intimidating as much as you're likely going
Speaker 5: to get that much of a better like instead of
Speaker 5: being stressed about it, you're actually more likely to get
Speaker 5: compliments because she's had this bad thing for so long
Speaker 5: that has been dragging out for so long that that
Speaker 5: it's just going to make you look good as a guy.
Speaker 1: And also obviously it means something to her that she's
Speaker 1: just not throwing a cat at all the time. So
Speaker 1: if she's willing to take that step with you, it's
Speaker 1: almost validation too that she really likes you.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, one is she takes her relationship seriously. She hasn't
Speaker 5: stupp with a lot of people, so yeah, that just
Speaker 5: shows she's interesting, which is a compliment. And there's no
Speaker 5: reason to be intimidated as a guy like in that,
Speaker 5: why are you, like, why would you be intimidated by it?
Speaker 2: But I do think it's a compliment.
Speaker 5: So uh, and I have since might worst dated people
Speaker 5: who kind of fall into your category, and it was
Speaker 5: I thought it was a compliment. I didn't find it stressful,
Speaker 5: but I could see how someone might have to think.
Speaker 2: About it for a minute.
Speaker 1: Well, the best is when they'll call me and they'll
Speaker 1: be like, guess where I was today, and they're sending
Speaker 1: me a picture of their arm with like a blood
Speaker 1: test you know what I'm saying, like getting their sc
Speaker 1: tests as in. And I'm like, they're like right on it,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So so then we kind
Speaker 1: of have Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2: Look, it's it's that you're you're letting them know that like, hey,
Speaker 2: I'm excited to be exclusive with you. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 2: that's it's all good.
Speaker 1: And at the same time, if they say no, then
Speaker 1: it sheds like to me that they're just not that
Speaker 1: into me, So why would I want to go down
Speaker 1: that road anyway.
Speaker 3: So it's a really good kind of litmus test.
Speaker 5: It is right when you when you when it's the
Speaker 5: right time, it's a perfect time to have that conversation.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I agreed, So let's okay, So let's talk
Speaker 1: about this so a lot of the men that I've dated,
Speaker 1: including like my ex husband and different people, like supposing
Speaker 1: they're dating these younger girls and they have had vasectomies.
Speaker 1: So all of a sudden, you see a couple of
Speaker 1: things happen. You see that all of a sudden, you know,
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, the lifestyle on the bags wears off,
Speaker 1: and you know, little teeny bopper wants to become missus
Speaker 1: and she wants to have a baby, right yeah, And
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, the guy is in this position
Speaker 1: of like, wait a minute, do I want to reverse
Speaker 1: my best sectomy?
Speaker 3: Do I not?
Speaker 1: And it's interesting because a lot of times, all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, what I would assume would be so sexy
Speaker 1: with a young thing is that she's probably you know,
Speaker 1: you know, you know, for lack of a better word,
Speaker 1: banging you six ways to Sunday every which direction, and
Speaker 1: you're like, this is the greatest thing in the world
Speaker 1: and not my uptight wife, And all of a sudden, she.
Speaker 3: Wants to do it. She's going to get the cankles
Speaker 3: and she's going to get all this and you're like,
Speaker 3: oh no, no.
Speaker 1: So I've seen people like break up with that situation
Speaker 1: and like literally move into another situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, well, I want to make sure I
Speaker 2: understand the question.
Speaker 5: But yeah, I've seen I've seen guys that said they
Speaker 5: said they didn't want to have any more kids, but
Speaker 5: then they were they still had like sperm stored and
Speaker 5: they were dating this one and they said, no, I'm
Speaker 5: not having any more kids, and then a letter came
Speaker 5: in the mail and their girlfriend was like, I thought
Speaker 5: you didn't want to have any more kids, right, So
Speaker 5: there are guys who are having trouble being honest.
Speaker 2: Through that process. For sure, I would say.
Speaker 5: If the guy is serious about the girl and he's
Speaker 5: and he says I don't want her, I don't want kids,
Speaker 5: then she she would know he doesn't want kids, or
Speaker 5: he's getting a reverse vasectomy, or they hope.
Speaker 3: They're going to change his mind.
Speaker 4: And I see that a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, bad, bad idea.
Speaker 5: If a guy says no, I don't want kids, for
Speaker 5: the women out there, just listen to that, and uh,
Speaker 5: don't assume you're going to change his mind.
Speaker 2: That is not a great strategy.
Speaker 1: So a woman named Nancy wrote a question, and I
Speaker 1: know we are this last time, but I do think
Speaker 1: it's something that's on a lot of people's minds. So
Speaker 1: she writes, I can't cook.
Speaker 4: Is that a turn off?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Not to me.
Speaker 5: I mean I said, I think maybe if we dial
Speaker 5: it back, maybe to the fifties or something, and people
Speaker 5: were like, oh gosh, the most attractive thing to me
Speaker 5: about a woman is you know, a great home cooked meal.
Speaker 5: I just I don't know how that can be in
Speaker 5: the top twenty things that attracts you to the woman.
Speaker 5: Like for me, there's a lot of other reasons to
Speaker 5: be attracted to somebody. They make you laugh, you do
Speaker 5: things together, you are, you have chemistry, you have whatever
Speaker 5: friendship connection. There's just there's it's about, you know. The
Speaker 5: cooking is like item twenty five on the list, So
Speaker 5: I don't think it matters at all.
Speaker 2: It's a nice little plus.
Speaker 5: It's like it's like it's like a cherry on top,
Speaker 5: But if you don't have the cake and the icing,
Speaker 5: the cherry is irrelevant, I guess, is the best way to.
Speaker 3: Put totally agree. So you're in your fifties, your kids
Speaker 3: are older.
Speaker 1: Do you and your friends want to get married again
Speaker 1: or do you feel like you just want a partner
Speaker 1: that maybe wears a promise ring, Like, do you feel
Speaker 1: the need to if you're not going to have children
Speaker 1: and maybe not necessarily share money, do you feel the
Speaker 1: need to get remarried?
Speaker 3: Is that something you're looking for? Collectively your friends are
Speaker 3: looking for? What's the marriage conversation?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have.
Speaker 5: I mean I have friends that are in both camps
Speaker 5: that are in their fifties. I would say there are
Speaker 5: some who are like, you know what, I've got kids,
Speaker 5: they have kids. We're just gonna kind of, you know,
Speaker 5: like you said, be promised ring, engaged forever and not
Speaker 5: worry about the marriage part. And they're happy as a clam.
Speaker 5: And both people are happier at least they say they are.
Speaker 5: But then I have other folks that I know that they,
Speaker 5: you know, three years out of their divorce, got remarried
Speaker 5: and we're super excited get right back into that.
Speaker 2: The being married part really was.
Speaker 5: Like an important way to solidify their commitment to each
Speaker 5: other and like show that to the world. And they
Speaker 5: both were super into it. So they're both camps. You know,
Speaker 5: I don't know there's a right or wrong answer there.
Speaker 5: It's only wrong when the two of you have a
Speaker 5: different a different plan, right.
Speaker 3: I didn't think right or wrong. I was just more
Speaker 3: curious what the temperature is. You know.
Speaker 1: It's interesting because one of the things, you know, so
Speaker 1: my kids are in their twenties, and one of the
Speaker 1: things that everybody's talking about, you know right now, which
Speaker 1: kind of makes a lot of sense, is is having
Speaker 1: everybody sign a prenup right, like even though they might
Speaker 1: be you know, making two dollars if they even have
Speaker 1: a job, which is hard to get right now, and
Speaker 1: they're getting a full allowance from their parents. Is actually
Speaker 1: when people are getting married prepping a prenup right, nobody
Speaker 1: knows kind of what's going to happen. And I actually
Speaker 1: think it makes a lot of sense. Where it's tough
Speaker 1: is if there's somebody who's basically stayed home and their
Speaker 1: full time career, which is no easy thing is to
Speaker 1: like run the household. So the husband is teed up
Speaker 1: to go out and make the money, and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden they get divorced and there is like
Speaker 1: no protection and they've been out of the job for
Speaker 1: us for twenty years, Like you don't get a six
Speaker 1: figure you know salary back right like you just it's
Speaker 1: just almost impossible. So that's where there has to be
Speaker 1: a little bit of a kind of a flexibility where
Speaker 1: collectively you have that conversation or there's some sort of
Speaker 1: a clause.
Speaker 2: I would think, yeah, yeah, I I mean, I agree
Speaker 2: with you.
Speaker 5: I think people that spent you know, decades together and
Speaker 5: raise kids together, one person can't come out of it,
Speaker 5: you know, happy as a clam and you know, financially,
Speaker 5: you know, just live in their best life and the
Speaker 5: other person's feeling stressed and struggling.
Speaker 2: I don't, I don't. I don't think that is a
Speaker 2: is a good outcome.
Speaker 5: Right, So when people are getting married in their twenties
Speaker 5: and thirties, you know, it doesn't seem like the prenup
Speaker 5: is necessary unless itch, unless it has you know, unless
Speaker 5: it changes over time. Right, if you spend two years
Speaker 5: with somebody, it's one thing, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, it
Speaker 5: has to evolve over time versus just this is the agreement,
Speaker 5: no matter when we split up.
Speaker 2: I don't know that that works very well. I will
Speaker 2: say the reason that, like my father got remarried you know,
Speaker 2: late in life. I guess he was in his sixties, right,
Speaker 2: and and he in order to kind of protect his
Speaker 2: kids and grandkids, like so you see a lot of
Speaker 2: people doing it in their sixties and you know, fifties
Speaker 2: sixties having prenups mostly because they have kids and they
Speaker 2: want to make sure things kind of go to their
Speaker 2: kids if it doesn't work.
Speaker 5: But I would say for people in their you know,
Speaker 5: twenties and thirties, make sure that the prenup has has
Speaker 5: kind of time based changes.
Speaker 3: So I have two more questions from two different listeners.
Speaker 3: Number one is.
Speaker 1: Thoughts on you know, so one of the trends that is,
Speaker 1: you know, kind of big right now is not just
Speaker 1: separate bathrooms, which I actually think makes a lot of sense,
Speaker 1: separate bedrooms.
Speaker 4: There's been a.
Speaker 3: Lot of articles of that.
Speaker 1: And I also think once you've been divorced and you
Speaker 1: haven't slept in the same bed, you know, seven days
Speaker 1: a week with somebody, kind of hard to kind of
Speaker 1: go back to that, right, Like my friends and I
Speaker 1: joke around about it all.
Speaker 3: The time, like you know what I'm saying, like I
Speaker 3: want to turn on my TV in the middle of
Speaker 3: the diet or whatever. So what is your feeling on that?
Speaker 1: And do you think the sleeping in the same bedroom
Speaker 1: for you know, the relationship health and and all that
Speaker 1: is really important, Like what's your opinion on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't, I don't. I don't think it's critical
Speaker 2: of all.
Speaker 5: I mean people I know people who are they live
Speaker 5: three minutes apart in two different houses, right, and they've
Speaker 5: been dating for ten twenty years. I know people that
Speaker 5: have separate bedrooms and you know, they come in and
Speaker 5: you know, come in and cuddle the person in the morning,
Speaker 5: and it's very kind of romantic and bonding and there's
Speaker 5: no like So I don't think it has to be
Speaker 5: look like it's not the big a deal if and
Speaker 5: it can be very romantic in the sense you're kind
Speaker 5: of inviting somebody in or they're surprising you, versus they're
Speaker 5: lying next to me because they have no other bed
Speaker 5: to sleep in and they have it.
Speaker 1: They're so far apart the bed and there's like pillows
Speaker 1: between them and they're like literally like I was dating
Speaker 1: this guy and I was just I needed sleeping the
Speaker 1: same bed as I mean, if I was like waking
Speaker 1: up at five am, I was like running downstairs, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like I couldn't gone out that
Speaker 1: that's fast enough.
Speaker 3: So that's the other thing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I actually think there's almost you can probably do
Speaker 5: a study to prove that you have more chemistry and
Speaker 5: more run if you're in different bets. Right, So I
Speaker 5: probably lean a little bit towards that. But yeah, not
Speaker 5: I think whatever works, But I would say people should
Speaker 5: try it. They might find that it's kind of it's
Speaker 5: kind of fun to be invited in or have somebody
Speaker 5: sneak in who you didn't eangeable visits.
Speaker 3: It's like conjugal.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's it adds a little element of surprise versus
Speaker 5: just the same thing every day.
Speaker 3: It becomes so formulae and it just becomes so banilla.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: Okay, so my final question, Okay, how long have you
Speaker 1: been single for?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: I have been.
Speaker 2: Single for about four years since my divorce.
Speaker 1: Is that a function of you've had a lot of
Speaker 1: different experiences, all of which have value, right? Or have
Speaker 1: you just not met the right person that has made
Speaker 1: you want to lock down? And what would you say
Speaker 1: in the four years, has been your longest relationship or
Speaker 1: has it just been these like kind of situation ships.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I I don't. I guess I would
Speaker 2: say I don't.
Speaker 5: I don't subscribe to the theory that if there's somebody
Speaker 5: single in their fifties that they are necessarily doing something wrong.
Speaker 5: I think we all kind of grow and evolved differently
Speaker 5: at different times, and I would say, you know, it
Speaker 5: kind of takes what it takes to get you to
Speaker 5: the different parts of your life where you're into things
Speaker 5: that fit you better at different parts of your life.
Speaker 5: So I don't I don't think it matters if someone's
Speaker 5: single in their fifties, if they've never been married, or
Speaker 5: they've been married twice.
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't think any of those things are
Speaker 2: a black mark. Yeah. For me personally, I would say
Speaker 2: I am being.
Speaker 5: You know we talked about this in the last episode,
Speaker 5: is that I think having boundaries and setting a low
Speaker 5: bar are are things that can get you into real
Speaker 5: trouble in life. It did for me and uh, and
Speaker 5: maybe it did for other people out there that are
Speaker 5: that are listening. So yeah, I would say for me,
Speaker 5: I'm I don't think being in a rush is as
Speaker 5: important as having boundaries, having a very high bar for
Speaker 5: your like for your partner. You should be excited about them.
Speaker 5: You shouldn't be saying, gosh, they are good on paper.
Speaker 5: You should be just really excited that they are in
Speaker 5: your life and that they're somebody you get to spend
Speaker 5: time with, and so yeah, I think I think for
Speaker 5: me being patient and being picky and having boundaries, it's
Speaker 5: not being against commitment because I'm very into having a
Speaker 5: exclusive relationship that is definitely the best. That's my goal.
Speaker 5: In a lot of people's goals, I think that are
Speaker 5: dating and it's mine as well. But I think I
Speaker 5: don't think being in a hurry is nearly as important
Speaker 5: as making sure you really get to know somebody deeply
Speaker 5: and that you have that you've spent the time really
Speaker 5: understanding that connection and that partnership versus trying to push
Speaker 5: it to you quickly to the next level. I mean,
Speaker 5: so I'm I might be a little gun shy, but
Speaker 5: I think that's something everyone should be picky and moving
Speaker 5: slow that whether you're twenty thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, that
Speaker 5: should be a mantra for everyone, which is like, it's
Speaker 5: not about speed here, it's about it's a it's a marathon.
Speaker 4: It's a marathon.
Speaker 5: This is not a spread like if you have someone
Speaker 5: who super connected to you, it's going to work out,
Speaker 5: Like you don't have to worry, like you've like there's
Speaker 5: no rush like, you found this person, it's going to
Speaker 5: work out. Your connection is amazing. So so you know,
Speaker 5: rushing it or going slow is not what determines success.
Speaker 5: It's finding that right person that determines the success. So
Speaker 5: it's like, yeah, for me, it's not about timeline or strategy.
Speaker 5: It's about getting the right person in front of you,
Speaker 5: and that takes a little time.
Speaker 3: I totally agree when I see people, you know, things
Speaker 3: out start fast typically end fast.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So I'm watching a friend right now who just starting
Speaker 1: dating somebody on an app and and I tell you,
Speaker 1: like they've met the kids, and it's like it's like
Speaker 1: the love bombing. And by the way, both of them,
Speaker 1: it's like they've literally fused on some sort of a
Speaker 1: wound where they're like imprinted on each other. And I'm
Speaker 1: sitting there and I'm like whoa. And I'm you know,
Speaker 1: no judgment to each his own. I hope it goes
Speaker 1: the distance.
Speaker 3: For sure.
Speaker 1: And there are those, you know, fairy tale situations, but
Speaker 1: I'm watching this thinking that would terrify me.
Speaker 2: Yeah it is.
Speaker 5: And I could say I had I've been in that
Speaker 5: situation where you you've been in kind of an accelerated
Speaker 5: relationship like you said, love bombing and things are happening
Speaker 5: too fast, and it's a it's an addictive it's a
Speaker 5: high that that merging and that kind of love bombing
Speaker 5: and moving too fast can be really it can be
Speaker 5: really attractive and a toxic. It's intoxicating. It's like a drug.
Speaker 5: But just like drinking too much, it is not the
Speaker 5: recipe for success. It feels pretty good. I mean, it's
Speaker 5: very intoxicating, but I don't it is not is a
Speaker 5: little bit. It's a little bit of you, you know,
Speaker 5: kind of pushing your own dopamine button versus just relax,
Speaker 5: let it happen.
Speaker 2: That's that's my two cents.
Speaker 1: Well, I have to tell you this has been so informative,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure our listeners agree, and I'm hoping that
Speaker 1: we can do this again because as we're all continuing
Speaker 1: to navigate this new situations, new questions, and to have
Speaker 1: the ability to you know, kind of dial into you
Speaker 1: and actually get the you know, we all sit there
Speaker 1: and we're like, well, what do you think this means?
Speaker 1: And let's analyze this and why is why does he
Speaker 1: goes to me?
Speaker 3: And why didn't he call me? And why did he
Speaker 3: say this? It's you're not going to call the guy, right,
Speaker 3: You're not like, oh, why didn't you call me?
Speaker 1: Or like it's better for us to call you and
Speaker 1: say hey, like try to you know, dissect for me
Speaker 1: what was what happened here? Or what's going on in
Speaker 1: this guy's head? Right, and so I don't make the
Speaker 1: same mistake or or we understand where did I go wrong?
Speaker 5: Well, now it's super fun to me for me and
Speaker 5: I love being a part of the conversation giving the
Speaker 5: guys perspective. It actually shouldn't be that complicated, but unfortunately
Speaker 5: it is. So I'm very happy to be part of it.
Speaker 2: So thank you.
Speaker 1: Thanks for It's all kind of fun, right, I mean,
Speaker 1: you think about it like, it's it's all opportunities, the
Speaker 1: people we meet. It's never a waste of our time.
Speaker 1: Our time is just you know, it's we have time
Speaker 1: to meet good people and have interesting conversations.
Speaker 3: We never know why.
Speaker 4: We meet somebody.
Speaker 1: You know, maybe all of a sudden you meet somebody
Speaker 1: and they're not for you, but all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: you know your child was looking for a job in
Speaker 1: that field and there's an introduction there, or.
Speaker 5: You know, it's yeah, I agree I think, uh, I agree,
Speaker 5: getting just getting out there and trying things, learning from them,
Speaker 5: trying new things. Just the only, the only, the only
Speaker 5: mistake you can make is just is not not putting
Speaker 5: it out there and not trying like, don't don't you know,
Speaker 5: hol up and read a book every day.
Speaker 2: You got to get out there and make it happen if.
Speaker 3: It's important to you.
Speaker 1: Right, A lot of people, I have a lot of friends,
Speaker 1: they just been burned and they just feel safer at
Speaker 1: home and they're just not looking, you know, to kind
Speaker 1: of put their out there.
Speaker 3: But my dad once taught me better to have loved
Speaker 3: a little than never to have loved.
Speaker 4: It at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 5: Look, there's bad people out there in the world, but
Speaker 5: they're equally as many kind, generous, beautiful people out there.
Speaker 5: So getting burned is no reason to stay out of
Speaker 5: the game. You've got to there's tons of beautiful people
Speaker 5: out there that are super kind and supportive, and go
Speaker 5: out there and find them.
Speaker 1: On that note, you will definitely attract one of those
Speaker 1: people because you are a really special, really special guy.
Speaker 1: So JD, I want to thank you for coming back
Speaker 1: on again to give our listeners some more insight and
Speaker 1: tidbits on how men think super cool to hear very informative.
Speaker 1: Do you have a question or need some advice from
Speaker 1: a single man, Email us or call us. All of
Speaker 1: the information is in the show notes. Follow us on socials.
Speaker 1: Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do
Speaker 1: part two in iHeartRadio podcasts where falling in love is
Speaker 1: the main objective