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Speaker 1: Hey, it's Louise of I do part two jumping back

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Speaker 1: into the conversation with single guy JD. So, in the

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Speaker 1: world of dating, right, it is hard to know when

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Speaker 1: you're navigating a person that you're just talking to and

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Speaker 1: you don't know their baggage and they don't know yours, right,

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Speaker 1: So we're all just kind of coming with our own

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Speaker 1: kind of cloudy lens.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: So I find that there are some people that are

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Speaker 1: super kind of transparent. They came, they saw, they conquered, right,

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Speaker 1: They're just super direct.

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Speaker 3: And then I find that.

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Speaker 1: There's people out there that will you know, you know,

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Speaker 1: I would say not for our age, but basically a

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Speaker 1: version of sliding into our DM, right, that would be

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Speaker 1: for our kids age, But that version of like somebody

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Speaker 1: who's making the outreach and like dipping their toe in

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Speaker 1: and then doing the back and forth, and then they

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Speaker 1: like they like ghost you and they go quiet when

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Speaker 1: you weren't the one who reached out anyways.

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Speaker 4: Does that make sense?

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Speaker 3: Like, I don't know if that's a.

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Speaker 1: Function of these people are just you know, kind of

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Speaker 1: throwing a lot of balls against the wall and seeing

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Speaker 1: what sticks, or they are just you know, kind of

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Speaker 1: insecure you know people or it's interesting to see that.

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Speaker 1: And I hear a lot with friends of mine when

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Speaker 1: they go on kates with guys, and it's interesting to me,

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Speaker 1: And I would love to know, like what you think

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Speaker 1: about why there are people that literally make, you know,

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Speaker 1: outreach and then literally don't do anything with it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that's a I think it's a little

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Speaker 5: bit of a function of our time in the sense

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Speaker 5: that you can contact so many people so quickly that

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Speaker 5: it does allow people whether you're on DMS or Instagram

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Speaker 5: or whether you're on you know, bumble or match or something,

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Speaker 5: you have the ability to contact a lot of people

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Speaker 5: and reach out to a lot of people, right, And

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Speaker 5: so I think and sometimes people like they'll get a

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Speaker 5: response from somebody and that was the person who was

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Speaker 5: top of their list, and they'll just focus on that

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Speaker 5: and they won't they just will stop replying to the

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Speaker 5: other people, Like they just cast a huge net and

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Speaker 5: they got lucky.

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Speaker 2: And so there's some of that.

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Speaker 5: They got lucky that the person that was at the

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Speaker 5: top of their list responded and then they just stop

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Speaker 5: chasing others. But so that that I think is a

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Speaker 5: functions on other I think people are also just maybe

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Speaker 5: just looking for attention and flirting where they're not as interested.

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Speaker 2: As they they let on. Right, they enjoy the.

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Speaker 4: Flirtation, the game, They enjoyed the game.

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Speaker 5: They enjoy the game, They enjoy the flirtation, but when

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Speaker 5: it comes down to it, they don't have the energy

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Speaker 5: or the time or the interest in chasing two or

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Speaker 5: three women at once, and so they flirt with ten women,

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Speaker 5: but they only really pursue one or two because they

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Speaker 5: run out of time, and so they're but they're flirting

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Speaker 5: with ten and pursuing two.

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Speaker 2: It's a weird, but that can happen. Right.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's interesting because you know, there've been so and

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't do dating apps, but there's been

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Speaker 1: so many articles lately that people are you know, kind

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Speaker 1: of you know, basically moving off of the dating apps

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Speaker 1: because it's almost like thirty one flavors. Right, You go

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Speaker 1: on a date, you come home, you're like, yeah, it

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Speaker 1: was fun, but the next person could be better, So

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Speaker 1: you just keep swiping, swiping, swiping, so you're never, never

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Speaker 1: satisfied with what's in front of you.

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Speaker 3: So it feels like people are you know, trying to

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Speaker 3: make more.

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Speaker 1: Of a concerted effort to do old school meetups or

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Speaker 1: you know, join a running club or hire a matchmaker,

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Speaker 1: or a little more point and shoot. So you're hearing like,

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Speaker 1: you know, like bumbles letting or hinges letting go of

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Speaker 1: you know, employees or whatever.

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Speaker 3: So I think that would would be great.

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Speaker 1: Like I just think the numbers game is just it's

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Speaker 1: too It's like a sensory overload.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. I was well. Two things.

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Speaker 5: One is I was talking to a a guy friend

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Speaker 5: of mine who there was a service that women pay for,

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Speaker 5: like for them to get introduced two men, and so

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Speaker 5: they like curate dates with men for these women. This

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Speaker 5: is like a high end, high price whatever thing. But

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Speaker 5: so I think people are looking for a more point

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Speaker 5: and shoot versus a shotgun. The other thing is I

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Speaker 5: was talking to a platonic woman friend of mine who

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Speaker 5: she was getting frustrated with the apps, and I said,

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Speaker 5: you know, the nice thing about going to a bar

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Speaker 5: is there's thirty guys there and you can quickly find

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Speaker 5: that there's one or two that you might be just

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Speaker 5: superficially attracted to, and then you can go stand near

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Speaker 5: them and kind of hear them talk and their energy

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Speaker 5: and by the end of that night. You might have

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Speaker 5: someone that you talked to and connected to that you

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Speaker 5: that you got a chance to see in person and

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Speaker 5: talk to in person within an hour, Right, where's on

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Speaker 5: the apps? And there was thirty or four people in

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Speaker 5: the restaurant or the bar.

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Speaker 2: In an app?

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Speaker 5: The amount of time she was just saying, the amount

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Speaker 5: of time it takes I got to go on ten

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Speaker 5: dates to get to one person who I'm both interested

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Speaker 5: that I'm interested in their looks because that doesn't act

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Speaker 5: as a picture, or that I that I that the

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Speaker 5: conversation was good right in person, not the text conversation,

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Speaker 5: which doesn't always reflect how somebody's vibe really is in person.

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Speaker 2: They can be much better on texts, especially right right.

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Speaker 5: Right, And so so I was trying to convince to you,

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Speaker 5: like you're you're what you can accomplish in two hours

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Speaker 5: in a restaurant or a bar a happy hour is

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Speaker 5: what's taking you two or.

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Speaker 2: Three weeks in the apps?

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Speaker 5: Right, So, like I was exactly advocating for that, like

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Speaker 5: that old school where you go to two or three

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Speaker 5: restaurants and you're around seventy five people who live in

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Speaker 5: your town and are single, and you get to talk

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Speaker 5: to two or three in person is actually in some

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Speaker 5: ways better and faster than this longer drawn out You

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Speaker 5: text for three weeks, you meet one person, you do

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Speaker 5: that again, and now you've met ten people in ten

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Speaker 5: weeks versus ten people in one weekend.

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Speaker 2: Right, So, anyway, I'd like to see some of the

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Speaker 2: old school stuff coming back for people.

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Speaker 3: What do you think about the concept of recycling?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 3: So I love to do this, right. One woman's trash

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Speaker 3: is another woman's treasure.

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Speaker 1: Right So just because there was no kind of connection

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Speaker 1: or love spark between me and something doesn't mean that

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Speaker 1: there might be something between somebody else. So I'm always

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Speaker 1: one who loves to do that, and I think women

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Speaker 1: are very open to that. Are men open to that? Like,

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Speaker 1: have you ever gone out with somebody that you're like,

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Speaker 1: she's great, but she's not right for me. I think

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Speaker 1: she's a better fit for this person.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, first of all, I agree with you.

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Speaker 5: I'm a big fan of that idea because you've got

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Speaker 5: to know the person enough to know they don't fit

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Speaker 5: for you, but you also had a light bulb go

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Speaker 5: off that they fit this other person that you know.

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Speaker 2: I think it's fantastic.

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Speaker 3: I think it's a compliment.

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Speaker 1: It's like I liked you enough not for me that

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Speaker 1: I want to introduce you to somebody who means something

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Speaker 1: to me.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's a compliment, and if people take

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Speaker 5: it the other way, then they're two sensitive. But I

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Speaker 5: would say for the guys, I would say it needs

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Speaker 5: to be early on, right, if you dated the if

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Speaker 5: you went on one date with the person, it's great.

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Speaker 5: If you went on if you dated for a month

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Speaker 5: or two, they're less likely to man can get weird

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Speaker 5: about that piece, right, Like now I'm dating your ex

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Speaker 5: girlfriend I'm talking about.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: I had been dating this guy for like.

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Speaker 1: Six months or seven months and we broke up, and

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Speaker 1: so my friend said, well, why don't you set him

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Speaker 1: up with so?

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Speaker 3: And so I go, no, he's an ex boyfriend, like boyfriend,

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Speaker 3: that's like not happening.

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Speaker 1: Like you know what I'm saying, Like, and I don't

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Speaker 1: know if that was a function. I just want to

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Speaker 1: make sure I was, you know, I don't know what

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Speaker 1: it was, but something about that just did not feel it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, two dates is great, but yeah, when you get

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Speaker 5: into the months, it's a little less fun to hand

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Speaker 5: it off. I've actually gone and asked friends of mine

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Speaker 5: about girls they dated for three to six months, like

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Speaker 5: would you be okay if I asked her out?

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Speaker 2: And some of them said yes, and some of them

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Speaker 2: said no.

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Speaker 1: Right, that probably has to do with who ended it

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Speaker 1: right and if it's resolved or not resolved.

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Speaker 2: Well exactly, So, yeah, you got to make the handoff quickly.

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Speaker 3: Yes you do, okay, So let's move on to a

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Speaker 3: question from Teresa.

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Speaker 1: So Teresa is asking a question about is it important

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Speaker 1: for you to have a sense of her body count

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Speaker 1: the number of guys that she slept with. So I

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Speaker 1: would assume Teresa has probably slept with a lot of people,

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Speaker 1: which is why she's asking this question.

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Speaker 3: So is that a topic that you want to have

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Speaker 3: a conversation about or is it weird? Is it invasive?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I don't.

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Speaker 5: I've never asked a woman that in my entire life.

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Speaker 5: I've had women offer it up to me and share

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Speaker 5: it during because they were actually sharing it so they

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Speaker 5: could ask me about mind. So they were doing it

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Speaker 5: as a lead in, which was fine. But unless a

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Speaker 5: woman led me into that conversation, I'm not going to

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Speaker 5: ask a woman that. I think you you get to

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Speaker 5: know somebody you get a sense.

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Speaker 2: If they are.

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Speaker 5: I don't know, are you going to get a sense

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Speaker 5: organically whether it's four or forty, If it's four hundred

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Speaker 5: or four thousand, you'll probably start to figure that out

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Speaker 5: from I don't know her friends or or her you

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Speaker 5: know her her social media, but I don't. I think

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Speaker 5: it's a personal thing, and I don't think it's super

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Speaker 5: relevant to whether the two of you are connecting or not.

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Speaker 5: And if it's a real big outlier where it's one

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Speaker 5: person or it's five thousand, you're going to sense that anyway.

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Speaker 5: Like you, if you can't read that, there's probably something

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Speaker 5: wrong with your your.

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Speaker 2: Ability to read people.

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Speaker 5: But for most people it's in a normal range and

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Speaker 5: it's all fine, and it's all going to work out.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to get into numbers.

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Speaker 4: I mean that's my view, right, So two responses to that.

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Speaker 3: So and again we all navigate in our own way, right.

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Speaker 3: So for me, you know, I only.

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Speaker 1: I'm only sleeping with one person at one time, and

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Speaker 1: if I'm only sleeping with that, we're totally exclusive, right,

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Speaker 1: So then I take it a step further, which is

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Speaker 1: really interesting, And I've never gotten pushed back on this, right,

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Speaker 1: but I actually make a guy get an STD test

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Speaker 1: period and I've never.

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Speaker 3: Gotten pushed back. And so for me, I have a

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Speaker 3: boundary that's super super clear.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I have other friends who you know,

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Speaker 1: they'll you know, do whatever all the time, no condoms, whatever, Right,

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Speaker 1: So I just am terrified of getting something, you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And so, and I also want to

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Speaker 1: know that if I'm going to I want it to

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Speaker 1: just be with us and I'm in it. What happens

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Speaker 1: when you just start dating somebody and they're just out

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Speaker 1: of their divorce and you learn that the only person

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Speaker 1: she has ever slept with in her entire life is

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Speaker 1: her ex husband. Is that a nerve wracking thing for you?

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Speaker 1: Is that like a step up to the challenge and

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Speaker 1: let me thing? Is it give you pause that she

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Speaker 1: hasn't experienced in nothing. You don't necessarily want to be

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Speaker 1: the first one out of the gate and all of that,

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Speaker 1: Like what would what would go through your mind in

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Speaker 1: that scenario?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean.

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Speaker 5: It is definitely something to ponder for a minute, in

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Speaker 5: the sense that if you're not interested in her, if well,

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Speaker 5: let me say this, first of all, there's unless she

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Speaker 5: met the person and married them at twenty one.

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Speaker 2: There's a good chance that she dated people before him,

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Speaker 2: But let's say she didn't.

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Speaker 5: The first boyfriend she's ever had and the only person

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Speaker 5: she's ever been with is her husband.

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Speaker 2: I would say, I would say, if you're.

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Speaker 5: Interested as a guy, the chances are you're actually I

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Speaker 5: don't think it's intimidating as much as you're likely going

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Speaker 5: to get that much of a better like instead of

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Speaker 5: being stressed about it, you're actually more likely to get

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Speaker 5: compliments because she's had this bad thing for so long

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Speaker 5: that has been dragging out for so long that that

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Speaker 5: it's just going to make you look good as a guy.

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Speaker 1: And also obviously it means something to her that she's

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Speaker 1: just not throwing a cat at all the time. So

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Speaker 1: if she's willing to take that step with you, it's

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Speaker 1: almost validation too that she really likes you.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, one is she takes her relationship seriously. She hasn't

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Speaker 5: stupp with a lot of people, so yeah, that just

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Speaker 5: shows she's interesting, which is a compliment. And there's no

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Speaker 5: reason to be intimidated as a guy like in that,

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Speaker 5: why are you, like, why would you be intimidated by it?

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Speaker 2: But I do think it's a compliment.

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Speaker 5: So uh, and I have since might worst dated people

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Speaker 5: who kind of fall into your category, and it was

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Speaker 5: I thought it was a compliment. I didn't find it stressful,

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Speaker 5: but I could see how someone might have to think.

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Speaker 2: About it for a minute.

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Speaker 1: Well, the best is when they'll call me and they'll

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Speaker 1: be like, guess where I was today, and they're sending

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Speaker 1: me a picture of their arm with like a blood

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Speaker 1: test you know what I'm saying, like getting their sc

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Speaker 1: tests as in. And I'm like, they're like right on it,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So so then we kind

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Speaker 1: of have Yeah, that's good.

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Speaker 2: Look, it's it's that you're you're letting them know that like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I'm excited to be exclusive with you. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 2: that's it's all good.

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Speaker 1: And at the same time, if they say no, then

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Speaker 1: it sheds like to me that they're just not that

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Speaker 1: into me, So why would I want to go down

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Speaker 1: that road anyway.

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Speaker 3: So it's a really good kind of litmus test.

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Speaker 5: It is right when you when you when it's the

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Speaker 5: right time, it's a perfect time to have that conversation.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I agreed, So let's okay, So let's talk

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Speaker 1: about this so a lot of the men that I've dated,

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Speaker 1: including like my ex husband and different people, like supposing

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Speaker 1: they're dating these younger girls and they have had vasectomies.

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Speaker 1: So all of a sudden, you see a couple of

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Speaker 1: things happen. You see that all of a sudden, you know,

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, the lifestyle on the bags wears off,

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Speaker 1: and you know, little teeny bopper wants to become missus

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Speaker 1: and she wants to have a baby, right yeah, And

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, the guy is in this position

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Speaker 1: of like, wait a minute, do I want to reverse

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Speaker 1: my best sectomy?

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Speaker 3: Do I not?

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Speaker 1: And it's interesting because a lot of times, all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden, what I would assume would be so sexy

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Speaker 1: with a young thing is that she's probably you know,

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Speaker 1: you know, you know, for lack of a better word,

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Speaker 1: banging you six ways to Sunday every which direction, and

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Speaker 1: you're like, this is the greatest thing in the world

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Speaker 1: and not my uptight wife, And all of a sudden, she.

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Speaker 3: Wants to do it. She's going to get the cankles

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Speaker 3: and she's going to get all this and you're like,

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Speaker 3: oh no, no.

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Speaker 1: So I've seen people like break up with that situation

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Speaker 1: and like literally move into another situation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, well, I want to make sure I

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Speaker 2: understand the question.

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Speaker 5: But yeah, I've seen I've seen guys that said they

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Speaker 5: said they didn't want to have any more kids, but

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Speaker 5: then they were they still had like sperm stored and

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Speaker 5: they were dating this one and they said, no, I'm

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Speaker 5: not having any more kids, and then a letter came

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Speaker 5: in the mail and their girlfriend was like, I thought

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Speaker 5: you didn't want to have any more kids, right, So

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Speaker 5: there are guys who are having trouble being honest.

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Speaker 2: Through that process. For sure, I would say.

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Speaker 5: If the guy is serious about the girl and he's

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Speaker 5: and he says I don't want her, I don't want kids,

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Speaker 5: then she she would know he doesn't want kids, or

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Speaker 5: he's getting a reverse vasectomy, or they hope.

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Speaker 3: They're going to change his mind.

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Speaker 4: And I see that a lot.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, bad, bad idea.

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Speaker 5: If a guy says no, I don't want kids, for

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Speaker 5: the women out there, just listen to that, and uh,

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Speaker 5: don't assume you're going to change his mind.

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Speaker 2: That is not a great strategy.

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Speaker 1: So a woman named Nancy wrote a question, and I

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Speaker 1: know we are this last time, but I do think

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Speaker 1: it's something that's on a lot of people's minds. So

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Speaker 1: she writes, I can't cook.

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Speaker 4: Is that a turn off?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Not to me.

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Speaker 5: I mean I said, I think maybe if we dial

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Speaker 5: it back, maybe to the fifties or something, and people

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Speaker 5: were like, oh gosh, the most attractive thing to me

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Speaker 5: about a woman is you know, a great home cooked meal.

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Speaker 5: I just I don't know how that can be in

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Speaker 5: the top twenty things that attracts you to the woman.

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Speaker 5: Like for me, there's a lot of other reasons to

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Speaker 5: be attracted to somebody. They make you laugh, you do

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Speaker 5: things together, you are, you have chemistry, you have whatever

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Speaker 5: friendship connection. There's just there's it's about, you know. The

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Speaker 5: cooking is like item twenty five on the list, So

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Speaker 5: I don't think it matters at all.

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Speaker 2: It's a nice little plus.

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Speaker 5: It's like it's like it's like a cherry on top,

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Speaker 5: But if you don't have the cake and the icing,

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Speaker 5: the cherry is irrelevant, I guess, is the best way to.

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Speaker 3: Put totally agree. So you're in your fifties, your kids

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Speaker 3: are older.

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Speaker 1: Do you and your friends want to get married again

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Speaker 1: or do you feel like you just want a partner

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Speaker 1: that maybe wears a promise ring, Like, do you feel

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Speaker 1: the need to if you're not going to have children

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Speaker 1: and maybe not necessarily share money, do you feel the

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Speaker 1: need to get remarried?

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Speaker 3: Is that something you're looking for? Collectively your friends are

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Speaker 3: looking for? What's the marriage conversation?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I have.

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Speaker 5: I mean I have friends that are in both camps

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Speaker 5: that are in their fifties. I would say there are

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Speaker 5: some who are like, you know what, I've got kids,

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Speaker 5: they have kids. We're just gonna kind of, you know,

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Speaker 5: like you said, be promised ring, engaged forever and not

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Speaker 5: worry about the marriage part. And they're happy as a clam.

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Speaker 5: And both people are happier at least they say they are.

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Speaker 5: But then I have other folks that I know that they,

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Speaker 5: you know, three years out of their divorce, got remarried

380
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Speaker 5: and we're super excited get right back into that.

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Speaker 2: The being married part really was.

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Speaker 5: Like an important way to solidify their commitment to each

383
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Speaker 5: other and like show that to the world. And they

384
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Speaker 5: both were super into it. So they're both camps. You know,

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Speaker 5: I don't know there's a right or wrong answer there.

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Speaker 5: It's only wrong when the two of you have a

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Speaker 5: different a different plan, right.

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Speaker 3: I didn't think right or wrong. I was just more

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Speaker 3: curious what the temperature is. You know.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting because one of the things, you know, so

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Speaker 1: my kids are in their twenties, and one of the

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Speaker 1: things that everybody's talking about, you know right now, which

393
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Speaker 1: kind of makes a lot of sense, is is having

394
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Speaker 1: everybody sign a prenup right, like even though they might

395
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Speaker 1: be you know, making two dollars if they even have

396
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Speaker 1: a job, which is hard to get right now, and

397
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Speaker 1: they're getting a full allowance from their parents. Is actually

398
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Speaker 1: when people are getting married prepping a prenup right, nobody

399
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Speaker 1: knows kind of what's going to happen. And I actually

400
00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:57,760
Speaker 1: think it makes a lot of sense. Where it's tough

401
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Speaker 1: is if there's somebody who's basically stayed home and their

402
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Speaker 1: full time career, which is no easy thing is to

403
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Speaker 1: like run the household. So the husband is teed up

404
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,240
Speaker 1: to go out and make the money, and then all

405
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Speaker 1: of a sudden they get divorced and there is like

406
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Speaker 1: no protection and they've been out of the job for

407
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Speaker 1: us for twenty years, Like you don't get a six

408
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,480
Speaker 1: figure you know salary back right like you just it's

409
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Speaker 1: just almost impossible. So that's where there has to be

410
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Speaker 1: a little bit of a kind of a flexibility where

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Speaker 1: collectively you have that conversation or there's some sort of

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Speaker 1: a clause.

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Speaker 2: I would think, yeah, yeah, I I mean, I agree

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Speaker 2: with you.

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Speaker 5: I think people that spent you know, decades together and

416
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Speaker 5: raise kids together, one person can't come out of it,

417
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Speaker 5: you know, happy as a clam and you know, financially,

418
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Speaker 5: you know, just live in their best life and the

419
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Speaker 5: other person's feeling stressed and struggling.

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Speaker 2: I don't, I don't. I don't think that is a

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Speaker 2: is a good outcome.

422
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Speaker 5: Right, So when people are getting married in their twenties

423
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Speaker 5: and thirties, you know, it doesn't seem like the prenup

424
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:05,960
Speaker 5: is necessary unless itch, unless it has you know, unless

425
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 5: it changes over time. Right, if you spend two years

426
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:12,119
Speaker 5: with somebody, it's one thing, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, it

427
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Speaker 5: has to evolve over time versus just this is the agreement,

428
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Speaker 5: no matter when we split up.

429
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Speaker 2: I don't know that that works very well. I will

430
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:23,840
Speaker 2: say the reason that, like my father got remarried you know,

431
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:28,639
Speaker 2: late in life. I guess he was in his sixties, right,

432
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:33,920
Speaker 2: and and he in order to kind of protect his

433
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,879
Speaker 2: kids and grandkids, like so you see a lot of

434
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,680
Speaker 2: people doing it in their sixties and you know, fifties

435
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:42,479
Speaker 2: sixties having prenups mostly because they have kids and they

436
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,480
Speaker 2: want to make sure things kind of go to their

437
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 2: kids if it doesn't work.

438
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Speaker 5: But I would say for people in their you know,

439
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 5: twenties and thirties, make sure that the prenup has has

440
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 5: kind of time based changes.

441
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 3: So I have two more questions from two different listeners.

442
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:11,359
Speaker 3: Number one is.

443
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,800
Speaker 1: Thoughts on you know, so one of the trends that is,

444
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,159
Speaker 1: you know, kind of big right now is not just

445
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,160
Speaker 1: separate bathrooms, which I actually think makes a lot of sense,

446
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:24,120
Speaker 1: separate bedrooms.

447
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:25,919
Speaker 4: There's been a.

448
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 3: Lot of articles of that.

449
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,879
Speaker 1: And I also think once you've been divorced and you

450
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,440
Speaker 1: haven't slept in the same bed, you know, seven days

451
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,639
Speaker 1: a week with somebody, kind of hard to kind of

452
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:40,119
Speaker 1: go back to that, right, Like my friends and I

453
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 1: joke around about it all.

454
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 3: The time, like you know what I'm saying, like I

455
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,920
Speaker 3: want to turn on my TV in the middle of

456
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 3: the diet or whatever. So what is your feeling on that?

457
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:53,640
Speaker 1: And do you think the sleeping in the same bedroom

458
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:57,080
Speaker 1: for you know, the relationship health and and all that

459
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,919
Speaker 1: is really important, Like what's your opinion on.

460
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't, I don't. I don't think it's critical

461
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 2: of all.

462
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 5: I mean people I know people who are they live

463
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 5: three minutes apart in two different houses, right, and they've

464
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 5: been dating for ten twenty years. I know people that

465
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 5: have separate bedrooms and you know, they come in and

466
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,399
Speaker 5: you know, come in and cuddle the person in the morning,

467
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:21,240
Speaker 5: and it's very kind of romantic and bonding and there's

468
00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 5: no like So I don't think it has to be

469
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,399
Speaker 5: look like it's not the big a deal if and

470
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 5: it can be very romantic in the sense you're kind

471
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 5: of inviting somebody in or they're surprising you, versus they're

472
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 5: lying next to me because they have no other bed

473
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,280
Speaker 5: to sleep in and they have it.

474
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,400
Speaker 1: They're so far apart the bed and there's like pillows

475
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 1: between them and they're like literally like I was dating

476
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 1: this guy and I was just I needed sleeping the

477
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,399
Speaker 1: same bed as I mean, if I was like waking

478
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,399
Speaker 1: up at five am, I was like running downstairs, you

479
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like I couldn't gone out that

480
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 1: that's fast enough.

481
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:52,879
Speaker 3: So that's the other thing.

482
00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, I actually think there's almost you can probably do

483
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 5: a study to prove that you have more chemistry and

484
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,399
Speaker 5: more run if you're in different bets. Right, So I

485
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:07,879
Speaker 5: probably lean a little bit towards that. But yeah, not

486
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,160
Speaker 5: I think whatever works, But I would say people should

487
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,119
Speaker 5: try it. They might find that it's kind of it's

488
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 5: kind of fun to be invited in or have somebody

489
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 5: sneak in who you didn't eangeable visits.

490
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:18,160
Speaker 3: It's like conjugal.

491
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's it adds a little element of surprise versus

492
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,120
Speaker 5: just the same thing every day.

493
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:27,360
Speaker 3: It becomes so formulae and it just becomes so banilla.

494
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:27,679
Speaker 2: Right.

495
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 1: Okay, so my final question, Okay, how long have you

496
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,440
Speaker 1: been single for?

497
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 2: Yeah?

498
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 5: I have been.

499
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:43,439
Speaker 2: Single for about four years since my divorce.

500
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 1: Is that a function of you've had a lot of

501
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 1: different experiences, all of which have value, right? Or have

502
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,640
Speaker 1: you just not met the right person that has made

503
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 1: you want to lock down? And what would you say

504
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:02,440
Speaker 1: in the four years, has been your longest relationship or

505
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,360
Speaker 1: has it just been these like kind of situation ships.

506
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I I don't. I guess I would

507
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 2: say I don't.

508
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 5: I don't subscribe to the theory that if there's somebody

509
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:18,680
Speaker 5: single in their fifties that they are necessarily doing something wrong.

510
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,159
Speaker 5: I think we all kind of grow and evolved differently

511
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 5: at different times, and I would say, you know, it

512
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,159
Speaker 5: kind of takes what it takes to get you to

513
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:31,120
Speaker 5: the different parts of your life where you're into things

514
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 5: that fit you better at different parts of your life.

515
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,919
Speaker 5: So I don't I don't think it matters if someone's

516
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 5: single in their fifties, if they've never been married, or

517
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:39,359
Speaker 5: they've been married twice.

518
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,239
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't think any of those things are

519
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,919
Speaker 2: a black mark. Yeah. For me personally, I would say

520
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:45,720
Speaker 2: I am being.

521
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 5: You know we talked about this in the last episode,

522
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:51,880
Speaker 5: is that I think having boundaries and setting a low

523
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 5: bar are are things that can get you into real

524
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 5: trouble in life. It did for me and uh, and

525
00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 5: maybe it did for other people out there that are

526
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 5: that are listening. So yeah, I would say for me,

527
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 5: I'm I don't think being in a rush is as

528
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 5: important as having boundaries, having a very high bar for

529
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 5: your like for your partner. You should be excited about them.

530
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 5: You shouldn't be saying, gosh, they are good on paper.

531
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 5: You should be just really excited that they are in

532
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 5: your life and that they're somebody you get to spend

533
00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 5: time with, and so yeah, I think I think for

534
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,440
Speaker 5: me being patient and being picky and having boundaries, it's

535
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 5: not being against commitment because I'm very into having a

536
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:40,680
Speaker 5: exclusive relationship that is definitely the best. That's my goal.

537
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 5: In a lot of people's goals, I think that are

538
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 5: dating and it's mine as well. But I think I

539
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 5: don't think being in a hurry is nearly as important

540
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,720
Speaker 5: as making sure you really get to know somebody deeply

541
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:54,880
Speaker 5: and that you have that you've spent the time really

542
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 5: understanding that connection and that partnership versus trying to push

543
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 5: it to you quickly to the next level. I mean,

544
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:03,920
Speaker 5: so I'm I might be a little gun shy, but

545
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:07,440
Speaker 5: I think that's something everyone should be picky and moving

546
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 5: slow that whether you're twenty thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, that

547
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 5: should be a mantra for everyone, which is like, it's

548
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,200
Speaker 5: not about speed here, it's about it's a it's a marathon.

549
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 4: It's a marathon.

550
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:20,920
Speaker 5: This is not a spread like if you have someone

551
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 5: who super connected to you, it's going to work out,

552
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,640
Speaker 5: Like you don't have to worry, like you've like there's

553
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:29,200
Speaker 5: no rush like, you found this person, it's going to

554
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 5: work out. Your connection is amazing. So so you know,

555
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 5: rushing it or going slow is not what determines success.

556
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 5: It's finding that right person that determines the success. So

557
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 5: it's like, yeah, for me, it's not about timeline or strategy.

558
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 5: It's about getting the right person in front of you,

559
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 5: and that takes a little time.

560
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 3: I totally agree when I see people, you know, things

561
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 3: out start fast typically end fast.

562
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:54,719
Speaker 2: Right.

563
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,959
Speaker 1: So I'm watching a friend right now who just starting

564
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 1: dating somebody on an app and and I tell you,

565
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 1: like they've met the kids, and it's like it's like

566
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: the love bombing. And by the way, both of them,

567
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 1: it's like they've literally fused on some sort of a

568
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 1: wound where they're like imprinted on each other. And I'm

569
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 1: sitting there and I'm like whoa. And I'm you know,

570
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 1: no judgment to each his own. I hope it goes

571
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 1: the distance.

572
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 3: For sure.

573
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,920
Speaker 1: And there are those, you know, fairy tale situations, but

574
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 1: I'm watching this thinking that would terrify me.

575
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 2: Yeah it is.

576
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,520
Speaker 5: And I could say I had I've been in that

577
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 5: situation where you you've been in kind of an accelerated

578
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 5: relationship like you said, love bombing and things are happening

579
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 5: too fast, and it's a it's an addictive it's a

580
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:44,119
Speaker 5: high that that merging and that kind of love bombing

581
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 5: and moving too fast can be really it can be

582
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 5: really attractive and a toxic. It's intoxicating. It's like a drug.

583
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:53,119
Speaker 5: But just like drinking too much, it is not the

584
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 5: recipe for success. It feels pretty good. I mean, it's

585
00:27:56,640 --> 00:28:01,440
Speaker 5: very intoxicating, but I don't it is not is a

586
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 5: little bit. It's a little bit of you, you know,

587
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 5: kind of pushing your own dopamine button versus just relax,

588
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 5: let it happen.

589
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 2: That's that's my two cents.

590
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:15,000
Speaker 1: Well, I have to tell you this has been so informative,

591
00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 1: and I'm sure our listeners agree, and I'm hoping that

592
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,760
Speaker 1: we can do this again because as we're all continuing

593
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:25,399
Speaker 1: to navigate this new situations, new questions, and to have

594
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,879
Speaker 1: the ability to you know, kind of dial into you

595
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 1: and actually get the you know, we all sit there

596
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 1: and we're like, well, what do you think this means?

597
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 1: And let's analyze this and why is why does he

598
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 1: goes to me?

599
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:37,639
Speaker 3: And why didn't he call me? And why did he

600
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 3: say this? It's you're not going to call the guy, right,

601
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 3: You're not like, oh, why didn't you call me?

602
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 1: Or like it's better for us to call you and

603
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 1: say hey, like try to you know, dissect for me

604
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 1: what was what happened here? Or what's going on in

605
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 1: this guy's head? Right, and so I don't make the

606
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 1: same mistake or or we understand where did I go wrong?

607
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 5: Well, now it's super fun to me for me and

608
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 5: I love being a part of the conversation giving the

609
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 5: guys perspective. It actually shouldn't be that complicated, but unfortunately

610
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 5: it is. So I'm very happy to be part of it.

611
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 2: So thank you.

612
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 1: Thanks for It's all kind of fun, right, I mean,

613
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 1: you think about it like, it's it's all opportunities, the

614
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: people we meet. It's never a waste of our time.

615
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 1: Our time is just you know, it's we have time

616
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 1: to meet good people and have interesting conversations.

617
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 3: We never know why.

618
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 4: We meet somebody.

619
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 1: You know, maybe all of a sudden you meet somebody

620
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 1: and they're not for you, but all of a sudden,

621
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 1: you know your child was looking for a job in

622
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 1: that field and there's an introduction there, or.

623
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 5: You know, it's yeah, I agree I think, uh, I agree,

624
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 5: getting just getting out there and trying things, learning from them,

625
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 5: trying new things. Just the only, the only, the only

626
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 5: mistake you can make is just is not not putting

627
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 5: it out there and not trying like, don't don't you know,

628
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 5: hol up and read a book every day.

629
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 2: You got to get out there and make it happen if.

630
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 3: It's important to you.

631
00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 1: Right, A lot of people, I have a lot of friends,

632
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 1: they just been burned and they just feel safer at

633
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 1: home and they're just not looking, you know, to kind

634
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 1: of put their out there.

635
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 3: But my dad once taught me better to have loved

636
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:11,120
Speaker 3: a little than never to have loved.

637
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:11,239
Speaker 4: It at all.

638
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree.

639
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 5: Look, there's bad people out there in the world, but

640
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 5: they're equally as many kind, generous, beautiful people out there.

641
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 5: So getting burned is no reason to stay out of

642
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 5: the game. You've got to there's tons of beautiful people

643
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 5: out there that are super kind and supportive, and go

644
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 5: out there and find them.

645
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,959
Speaker 1: On that note, you will definitely attract one of those

646
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 1: people because you are a really special, really special guy.

647
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 1: So JD, I want to thank you for coming back

648
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: on again to give our listeners some more insight and

649
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 1: tidbits on how men think super cool to hear very informative.

650
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: Do you have a question or need some advice from

651
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: a single man, Email us or call us. All of

652
00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 1: the information is in the show notes. Follow us on socials.

653
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 1: Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do

654
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:08,560
Speaker 1: part two in iHeartRadio podcasts where falling in love is

655
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 1: the main objective