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Speaker 1: Hi. I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.

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Speaker 1: We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship and

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Speaker 1: what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling railvalry. No, no, sibling.

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Speaker 1: You don't do that with your mouth revelry. That's good, Oliver.

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Speaker 1: This was maybe one of my favorite episodes we've ever done.

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Speaker 1: Oh me too, so Doctor Gary Chapman wrote the five

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Speaker 1: Love Languages. Yes, and since we have had them on

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Speaker 1: which has literally been a week, I mean we did

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Speaker 1: this like a week ago. I got three of them.

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Speaker 1: I got the five I have Love Languages of Teenagers.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to read that one. I didn't even

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Speaker 1: know he did that. Neither did I. I got the

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Speaker 1: five Love Languages of Children, and then I got just

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Speaker 1: the regular one. It's so great. I bought a Mom

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Speaker 1: and Pa one too, and I love it. I think too.

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Speaker 1: It's almost like it's like one of the stories he tells,

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Speaker 1: which I'm not going to ruin, but it's one of

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Speaker 1: the stories he tells where you when he put it

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Speaker 1: in a way where you understand, it's like creating a

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Speaker 1: new dictionary of love, Like, oh, that's me. You can

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Speaker 1: relate to something that you didn't realize you could actually

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Speaker 1: categorize and look at and go, oh, I have a

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Speaker 1: love language. And now I didn't even know that that

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Speaker 1: was my love language. And that was what wasn't feeling

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Speaker 1: like it was being met, you know. And then and

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Speaker 1: then we you know, I remember when I first did

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Speaker 1: the quiz and with Danny and we both are. Number

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Speaker 1: one is quality time, which is why even when we

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Speaker 1: have sort of I mean, we don't have like like

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Speaker 1: rough patches sound stupid, but you know, when we have

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Speaker 1: our moments, it's sort of we know that we're really good.

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Speaker 1: We can reset really well when we spend time together

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Speaker 1: and we do something together and it's just us, you know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was Valentine's Day, I know, and Danny created this

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Speaker 1: picnic and it was so beautiful and he like put

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Speaker 1: it all out and did you know he loves doing

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Speaker 1: the picnics and we had wine, and I thought, like,

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Speaker 1: that's all I want is that time with him. You know,

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Speaker 1: that's just us. I know, that's so fun. I forgot.

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Speaker 1: I forgot that that five love languages Doctor Gary Chapman

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Speaker 1: is coming out in our Valentines. That's sort of like

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Speaker 1: our Valentine's Day week. Yes, it's the week of love

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Speaker 1: and he also we were talking about how you can

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Speaker 1: have more than one, and I'm I have two that

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Speaker 1: are really close together, right, So I'm quality time and

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Speaker 1: words of affirmation. You are like five hundred percent physical

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Speaker 1: touch okay? Oh no, no, no, I was waiting for

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Speaker 1: you to finish because I redid it after we had

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Speaker 1: him on. Yeah. Actually, honestly, I did it for the

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Speaker 1: first time. I just assumed that I was physical touch,

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Speaker 1: and I am. But I'm exactly even with quality time.

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Speaker 1: So I'm quality time and physical touch like like it

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Speaker 1: was like almost like thirty three percent. That's Danny. So

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Speaker 1: Danny is the same. He's quality time and physical touch.

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Speaker 1: What's Aaron? Oh, acts of service like one hundred percent okay,

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Speaker 1: and quality time time with you. No, it's quality time

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Speaker 1: and act and do things for me exactly. She doesn't

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Speaker 1: need me to be there just as long as I do.

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Speaker 1: Think physical touch is like her lease, Yeah, I isn't

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Speaker 1: that funny. It's it's it's and again it's because she

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Speaker 1: had so much of it. Exactly. It's really interesting how

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Speaker 1: you become or how your love language becomes your love

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Speaker 1: language yeah, it's a good point. I mean, did this

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Speaker 1: is it learned or is it is it nature or nurture.

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Speaker 1: I mean it's got to be a little bit of

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Speaker 1: both maybe. But I mean if you think about it,

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Speaker 1: we're both quality time and that like kind of focus

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Speaker 1: of energy means that we feel loved, which means we

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Speaker 1: probably needed more of that when we were younger, that

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Speaker 1: there was something that lacked in you know, it's a

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Speaker 1: little bit more quality time was a need, you know,

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Speaker 1: which then probably translate and translates into that as a

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Speaker 1: relationship that when you have that, it's what makes you

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Speaker 1: feel the most loved, you know. You know what's so

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Speaker 1: interesting is when when doctor Gary came on, I was

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Speaker 1: like shocked because I picturing some like rock and roll

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Speaker 1: guy or something like just love man, like like like

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Speaker 1: you know, some like like Bombware. He's like it's like

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Speaker 1: Phil Lesh, yeah, like and it was not. I mean,

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Speaker 1: he's he's just wearing the suit and the tie and

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Speaker 1: you know, yeah, he talks a bit about how this

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Speaker 1: came about for him, and oh I love it. And

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Speaker 1: you know what I realized too, it's like people love

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Speaker 1: love love love is not easy, and it's like something

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Speaker 1: that people like we take love for granted a lot

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Speaker 1: of the time, and it's also the one thing that

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Speaker 1: is the hardest. It's like when you look at people,

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Speaker 1: everyone's searching to feel loved and to give love and

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Speaker 1: to find love. And I mean love is like the

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Speaker 1: big subject matter of life. Well, I mean it's yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's it's it's the it's the foundation, right, I mean

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Speaker 1: that's it. Yes, and yet it and yet it seems

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Speaker 1: so challenging all the time, meaning like getting your heart

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Speaker 1: broken or chasing the wrong types of love, or with

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Speaker 1: your kids and having complicated relationships sometimes with your kids,

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Speaker 1: and I mean love seems to be at the center

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Speaker 1: of all of that. And he really does. He did

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Speaker 1: say one thing, and again, I don't want to ruin it,

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Speaker 1: but he but it made me really think and I

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Speaker 1: can't stop thinking about it, which is being heard, and

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Speaker 1: I think that's such a huge thing. Kids like listening

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Speaker 1: to your kids feeling like a big part of love

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Speaker 1: is trying to understand how someone else needs to feel loved.

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Speaker 1: Love is as selfless as it gets, especially with the kids.

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Speaker 1: That was a big thing for me because I always

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Speaker 1: put into my terms when I read his book, but

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Speaker 1: I never thought about my children because I sort of

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Speaker 1: loved them all the same way. And then after having

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Speaker 1: this conversation with him, like, oh shit, I never put

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Speaker 1: that into the children's perspective and loving your kids the

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Speaker 1: way that they need to be loved, you know. I

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Speaker 1: sat being down literally after we had the interview with

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Speaker 1: doctor Chapman, and I asked him flat out, I said,

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Speaker 1: what makes you feel the most loved? And he was like,

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Speaker 1: what do you mean? And I we had this really

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Speaker 1: cool conversation with this doctor talking about how we all

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Speaker 1: have love languages, and he was so engaged in the

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Speaker 1: conversation like he he loved it. And then we gave

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Speaker 1: him all of the love languages like and I said,

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Speaker 1: you know, where do you feel like you're the safest?

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Speaker 1: Like where do you feel like you're getting what you

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Speaker 1: need and it makes you feel like Mommy loves you,

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Speaker 1: you know, and you're so loved and everything is good?

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Speaker 1: And he was like, oh, physical touch, hands down, He's

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Speaker 1: like I just want to cuddle, like physical touch. Did

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Speaker 1: you did you tell him that there's a gift one

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Speaker 1: or did you did you hold that one back? Yeah? Yes,

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Speaker 1: yes I told him a gift, But I said four

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Speaker 1: language love. I told him about the gift one but

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Speaker 1: I but Danny reiterated, you know, gifts aren't about things.

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Speaker 1: Gifts are about like mommy picking you a flower and

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Speaker 1: bringing it to you in the morning, you know, or

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Speaker 1: something like that. You know, Yeah, I'm going to do

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Speaker 1: the kids. I'm gonna like, I'm going to sit them

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Speaker 1: down and do the quiz with them. Fun. It's fun.

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Speaker 1: And when when he said that, it's true because that's

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Speaker 1: how he shows love, like how he is with Ronnie.

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Speaker 1: He just wants to like make her feel loved by

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Speaker 1: holding her. And you know, Ronnie was having a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a melt a two year old meltdown and

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Speaker 1: being just like held heered today and he said it's okay,

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Speaker 1: You're fine, It's okay. And I was like, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Bing's nature is to touch totally. That's that's that's obvious,

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Speaker 1: I think because being hugs and comes up to you

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Speaker 1: and doesn't say anything. It just will hug you. And

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Speaker 1: you know, he's very touchy, feeling and writer is a

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Speaker 1: full words of affirmation, like you got he looks good,

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Speaker 1: you got every fine. You know, they're all different. It's

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Speaker 1: really interesting. I know, I think everyone needs this book,

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Speaker 1: like everyone at least needs to know what their love

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Speaker 1: language is and their partners. You know, yeah, it's important

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Speaker 1: and it will it helps. I mean it truly helps.

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Speaker 1: I mean it just helps you communicates. It's it's a fact.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, Yeah, this was such a love conversation. He

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Speaker 1: was so nice and lovely. He had such a calm. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know, I'm going to want to read My Therapist,

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Speaker 1: I know, just just for like the celebrity aspect, and like,

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Speaker 1: you know what my therapist is five love languages. Don't

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Speaker 1: be good chat guy, that's my guy. Oh all right,

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Speaker 1: well I love you. Oh wait, But we also didn't

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Speaker 1: mention that because I was going to say something I

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Speaker 1: was like about love languages and siblings and family. But

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Speaker 1: he also talked about the workplace, yes, which I think

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Speaker 1: is really interesting because there's so many people that feel

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Speaker 1: really unhappy in their in their work life and they

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Speaker 1: feel underappreciated and undervalued, and that's it's I think the

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Speaker 1: numbers were pretty shocking. So he also talks about how

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Speaker 1: you can you can take these love languages into the

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Speaker 1: art office place, and he does that to eliminating eliminating

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Speaker 1: physical touch. He talks about that clearly, this is not

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Speaker 1: you know, physical touch is not something that you just

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Speaker 1: go up to and and start touching someone who feels uncomfortable. Right,

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Speaker 1: But he talks about physical touch like asking himself, do

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Speaker 1: you feel left out when someone gives someone else a

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Speaker 1: high five? Is that something that you makes you feel

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Speaker 1: good when someone comes back gives you a high five

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Speaker 1: or kind of punches you on the shoulder a little bit,

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Speaker 1: like you know, there there is a language of physical

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Speaker 1: touch in the workplace that can be appropriate. Clearly. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: if you go up and, you know, touch somebody and

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Speaker 1: they're like, please don't touch me, then you don't touch them, sure,

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Speaker 1: Or or if you're like, uh, You're like Alan, look,

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Speaker 1: I just want to do some more high fives. I

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Speaker 1: just think that will make me feel feel more. I'll

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Speaker 1: just feel better in the office place, Like when you

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Speaker 1: pass me, just do me some high Yeah. And then

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Speaker 1: Alan's like that makes me uncomfortable, you know, Alan, is

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Speaker 1: there something else I can do? Maybe just tap my desk,

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Speaker 1: you know, like give me a just like the lock

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Speaker 1: on my desk. Yeah. Anyway, Well, this was great. I

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Speaker 1: hope he's amazing and it's not just the one book

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Speaker 1: I read a couple of them on the beginning of

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Speaker 1: this intro, but there are also a few other ones,

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Speaker 1: So pick them up, pick them up. Stuff all right,

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Speaker 1: love you, love you. We're so excited. Thank you for

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Speaker 1: joining us with you. We just have to say that

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Speaker 1: this book has been a part of our relationships now

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Speaker 1: for a long time. Yes, good, good. I am such

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Speaker 1: a fan of your work and what this has not

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Speaker 1: only created, but honestly, I think that there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of people out there who know this book, that it's

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Speaker 1: chained the way they see themselves in relationships. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: I guess I guess the first question off to bat

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Speaker 1: is I mean, I'm sure this is years of work

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Speaker 1: in the making, but what sort of prompted you to

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Speaker 1: start moving into talking about what a love language is?

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Speaker 1: You know, like, how did that come about? Yeah? Well,

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Speaker 1: it was not an idea that just jumped in my

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Speaker 1: mind one day. It really grew out of my counseling

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Speaker 1: and the first time I remember becoming aware of the

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Speaker 1: reality that what makes one person feel loved doesn't make

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Speaker 1: another person feel loved. It was a couple and I've

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Speaker 1: never seen them. I found out they've been married to

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Speaker 1: each other for thirty years, and she said in the

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Speaker 1: midst of the counseling the first session, she said, doctor Tamman,

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Speaker 1: the real problem in our marriage is I don't feel

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Speaker 1: any love coming from him. We're just like roommates living

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Speaker 1: in the same house. He does his thing, I do

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Speaker 1: my thing, and I just don't feel any love. She said.

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Speaker 1: It's just like I feel so empty. And she said,

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Speaker 1: I just can't go on like this. I looked at him,

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Speaker 1: and he said, I don't understand her. I do everything

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Speaker 1: I can to show her that I love her, and

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Speaker 1: she sits there and says she doesn't feel love. I said, well,

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Speaker 1: what do you do to show your love to her?

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Speaker 1: He said, well, I get home from work before she does,

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Speaker 1: so I start the evening meal and sometimes I have

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Speaker 1: it ready when she gets home, if not, she'll help me.

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Speaker 1: And then we eat. And after we eat, he said,

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Speaker 1: I wash the dishes. And he said on Thursday night

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Speaker 1: I vackum the floors, and every Saturday I wash the car,

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Speaker 1: I mow the grass. I help her with the laundry.

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Speaker 1: And he went on. And I was beginning to wonder,

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Speaker 1: what does this woman do. It sounded to me like

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Speaker 1: he was doing everything. And he said I do all

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Speaker 1: of that, and she says she doesn't feel love. Well,

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Speaker 1: I look back at her and she started crying, and

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Speaker 1: she said, doctor Chapman, he's right. He's a hard work

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Speaker 1: in men. But we don't ever talk. We haven't talked

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Speaker 1: in twenty years. He's always mowing the grass, washing the dish,

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Speaker 1: always doing something. And I realized here was a sincere

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Speaker 1: husband who was loving his wife and the best way

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Speaker 1: he knew how, and a wife who didn't get it.

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Speaker 1: And after that, I heard similar stories over and over

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Speaker 1: in my office, and I knew there had to be

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Speaker 1: a pattern to this. So eventually what I did was

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Speaker 1: sit down and read several years of notes that I

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Speaker 1: made when I was counselor and asked myself the question

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Speaker 1: when someone said I feel like my spouse doesn't love me,

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Speaker 1: what did they want? What were they complaining about? And

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Speaker 1: the answer is full in the five categories. And I

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Speaker 1: later called them the five love languages, and I started

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Speaker 1: using that in my counselor. If you want her to

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Speaker 1: feel love, you've got to express love in her language.

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Speaker 1: If you want him to feel love, you've got to

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Speaker 1: use his language. And I would help couples discover their

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Speaker 1: love language, challenge them to go home and try it,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes they would come back in three weeks and say, Gary,

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Speaker 1: this is changing everything. I mean, the whole climate's different now.

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Speaker 1: And then I started using with small groups of couples,

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Speaker 1: and probably five years later, I thought, you know, if

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Speaker 1: I could put this concept in a book, write it

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Speaker 1: in the language of the common person, leave out the

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Speaker 1: psychological jargon, maybe I could help a lot of couples.

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Speaker 1: I would never have time to see my office. That's

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Speaker 1: how it all happened, and little er. Did you expect

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Speaker 1: this to be as massive as it became. Absolutely not.

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Speaker 1: I knew the concept would help people, but I had

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Speaker 1: no idea that it would sell. Now they told me

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Speaker 1: a week ago fifteen million copies in English and it's

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Speaker 1: been translated in over fifty languages. Wow, but it's so important.

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Speaker 1: You know, we talk a lot on our podcast about family,

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Speaker 1: but it all comes down to love and how you

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Speaker 1: feel loved. And you really did boil it down to

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Speaker 1: something that at least my brain can relate, like the

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Speaker 1: way that your book is written out. And then when

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Speaker 1: you take the quiz, you know, you take like a

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Speaker 1: love language quiz and everything and you hear it. You're like, yes,

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Speaker 1: I am definitely a words of affirmation person, right, I

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Speaker 1: need to communicate. Oliver is all physical. He just needs

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Speaker 1: people to like. You know, you can tell me how

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Speaker 1: great I am. It doesn't mean a thing, you know.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, you can do dishes, you can

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Speaker 1: take this that treat. I'm like, I just touch me.

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Speaker 1: That's all I care about. And it does change. It's

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Speaker 1: almost like it changes your brain chemistry. I mean, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to share something, honey, do you mind if I

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Speaker 1: share something about our experience? Okay? So we were arguing,

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Speaker 1: and we're always trying to figure out how we can

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Speaker 1: like love each other in the best way we know how.

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Speaker 1: And we were having an argument and I looked at Danny.

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Speaker 1: I could sense that he was feeling a so much anxiety,

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Speaker 1: and I realized that his love language is touch, and

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Speaker 1: I just went over to him and I kind of

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Speaker 1: just put my hand on him and I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, babe, I love you, and his whole body

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Speaker 1: chemistry shifted. And that's when I was really like, Wow,

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Speaker 1: for me, if Danny affirms something for me, tells me

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Speaker 1: I love you, I hear you, I understand what you're saying.

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Speaker 1: What you're saying is this, you're a very talented actor. No, no,

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Speaker 1: it's not even that businesswoman. It's more like I need

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Speaker 1: to know where Okay, can you have all of them?

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Speaker 1: Can you have all of that? I mean I have

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Speaker 1: people who say to me, you know, my wife has

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Speaker 1: all five of them or my husband has all five

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Speaker 1: of them, And I say, well, that may anything you do,

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Speaker 1: you get credit for it. But I think I find

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Speaker 1: that most commonly among people who are two kinds of people.

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Speaker 1: One people who always fell love growing up. Their parents

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Speaker 1: probably spoke all these languages, you know, more or less,

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Speaker 1: and they've always fell loved. They got married and their

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Speaker 1: spouse intends to speak all of them, and they feel loved,

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Speaker 1: and they don't know which one is more important than

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Speaker 1: the other. It's just they fill love. And in that case,

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Speaker 1: I say, don't worry about it. You know, if you

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Speaker 1: feel loved, that's that's the whole purpose. So uh. But

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Speaker 1: the other, the other typical thing is it's the person

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Speaker 1: who grew up who never felt loved. They didn't feel

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Speaker 1: loved by their parents. They grew up to adults not

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Speaker 1: feeling loved. Uh. Maybe they get married, maybe they don't

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Speaker 1: but they have relationships and they just they don't they

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Speaker 1: don't fill up and and and in their mind they

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Speaker 1: really they don't really know what what does it feel

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Speaker 1: like to feel loved? They don't know. And that's a

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Speaker 1: much deeper problem, of course, which you have to look

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Speaker 1: back and in their in their past and probably and

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Speaker 1: one of the things I've seen to be effective is

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Speaker 1: if they are stand the love language concept and they

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Speaker 1: look back on their childhood, they'll probably see that their

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Speaker 1: parents did speak one or more of these languages. It

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Speaker 1: says they didn't get it because that was not their language.

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Speaker 1: In fact, I had a young single adult I was

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Speaker 1: speaking in Angola prison in Louisiana, and about three hundred

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Speaker 1: men showed up, and I said, I just want to

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Speaker 1: explain to you, help you understand why you felt love

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Speaker 1: or didn't feel loved growing up. And I shared the

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Speaker 1: love language and that concept in that context. And the

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Speaker 1: young man stood up at the Q and A I

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Speaker 1: judged to be about thirty, and he said, I want

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Speaker 1: to thank you for being here today because for the

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Speaker 1: first time in my life, I understand my mother loves me.

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Speaker 1: He said, you gave those languages and I knew my

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Speaker 1: language as soon as I heard it was physical touch.

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Speaker 1: He said, my mother never hugged me. The only hug

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Speaker 1: I ever remember getting from my mother was the day

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Speaker 1: I left for prison. Then he said it, but you

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Speaker 1: gave those other languages, and I realized my mother spoke

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Speaker 1: acts of service. He said. She was a single mom.

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Speaker 1: She kept had two jobs, she kept food on the table,

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Speaker 1: She washed my clothes, she hired my shirts. But this

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Speaker 1: time he was crying and he said, Mama loves me.

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Speaker 1: Mama loves me. I cried right now. Yeah, the fund

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Speaker 1: the fundamental thing that will make it. We said, like

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Speaker 1: love is the answer, but like it really is the answer,

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Speaker 1: you know. You know what's interesting, though, is there is

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Speaker 1: sacrifice you have to make in trying to give your

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Speaker 1: partner the love language that they need. Because I find

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Speaker 1: that sometimes maybe if acts of service is not easy

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Speaker 1: for me, or you know, physical touch might not be

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Speaker 1: easy for me to give because it, you know, you

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Speaker 1: have to be vulnerable to do that, you know, so

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Speaker 1: there's a struggle there. I mean, do you find that

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Speaker 1: you have patience or clients who they know their love languages,

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Speaker 1: but it's just so difficult for them to act on it.

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Speaker 1: You know, it does take effort, There's no question about it.

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Speaker 1: And if your spouse or your friend, if they're number one,

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Speaker 1: is your number five, that is the least important to you.

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Speaker 1: There's a learning curve because first of all, you can't

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Speaker 1: imagine that they would be meaningful to them because it's

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Speaker 1: not meaningful to you. So you have to accept the

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Speaker 1: reality that we're different. And then it is a choice.

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Speaker 1: You know, we choose to communicate love in their language

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Speaker 1: or not. I had a husband say to me sometime ago.

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Speaker 1: He said, Gary, my wife and I read your book

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Speaker 1: and we took the quiz, and she tells me that

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Speaker 1: her language is acts of service. But I'm going to

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Speaker 1: tell you and her, if it's going to take my

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Speaker 1: washing dishes and my vacuuming floor is for her to

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Speaker 1: feel love, she can forget that, right Yeah. And I said,

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Speaker 1: that's your choice. I said, love is a choice. I said,

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Speaker 1: if you choose to live with a wife who has

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Speaker 1: what I call a empty love tank, then that's your choice.

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Speaker 1: I said, I'm much prefer to live with a wife

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Speaker 1: who has a full love tank. I've lived with both

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Speaker 1: same woman, the early years empty love tank, later years

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Speaker 1: full love tank. I said, I much prefer the latter woman.

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Speaker 1: I said, that's why I washed the dishes, and I

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Speaker 1: vacuum the floor and I take out the trash, and

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Speaker 1: she tells me that I'm the greatest husband in the world. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so she likes an active service. That's my wife too.

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Speaker 1: I mean, if I'm doing dishes or or or you know,

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Speaker 1: vacuuming or just cleaning in general, it's she loves it.

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Speaker 1: I mean, she actually feels amorous and it's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's funny how that sexuality does translate into

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Speaker 1: love language as well, because there's a connectedness that you feel,

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Speaker 1: and it's a turn on as well, no, no question

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Speaker 1: about it too. And particularly if a wife does not

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Speaker 1: feel loved by the husband, that can be a little

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Speaker 1: desire for intimacy, you know, But if she feels loved,

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Speaker 1: it's far far easier and far more likely she's drawn

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Speaker 1: to him because she's he feels his love. Yeah, it

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Speaker 1: affects all the rest of life, Doctor Chapman. For the

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Speaker 1: listeners that don't know what the five languages are, can

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Speaker 1: you just quickly go through what the five are? Sure?

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Speaker 1: And these are no particular order of importance. One is

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Speaker 1: words of affirmation, which we've been talking about, you know,

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Speaker 1: just looking for things about your spouse or your friend

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Speaker 1: that you appreciate and verbalizing it. There's an ancient Hebrew

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Speaker 1: proverb that says life and death is in the power

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Speaker 1: of the tongue. You can kill people by the way

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Speaker 1: you talk to them, or you can give them life.

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Speaker 1: For some people, words is what makes them feel love.

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Speaker 1: And then there's acts of service, which we've been talking about,

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Speaker 1: doing things for the other person. Remember the old saying

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Speaker 1: action speak louder than words. If this is your language,

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Speaker 1: they will speak louder than words. If it's not your language,

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Speaker 1: they may not speak louder than words. And then there's gifts.

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Speaker 1: It's universal to give gifts as an expression of love.

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Speaker 1: The gift says they were thinking about me, Look what

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Speaker 1: they got from me. And the gift doesn't have to

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Speaker 1: be expensive. We've always said it's the thought that counts,

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Speaker 1: but I remind people it's not the thought left in

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Speaker 1: your head that counts. It's the gift that came out

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Speaker 1: of the thought in your head. Okay. And then quality

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Speaker 1: time giving them your undivided attention. And I do not

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00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,679
Speaker 1: mean sitting on the couch. WA's in television together, someone

427
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 1: else is your attention. TV is off, computers are down,

428
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,640
Speaker 1: We're not answering our phone. We're looking at each other.

429
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 1: We're listening, we're talking, we're sharing thoughts and ideas and feelings.

430
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 1: We're really giving them your undivided attention. And it doesn't

431
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,479
Speaker 1: always have to be a sit down conversation. And there

432
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,440
Speaker 1: are many dialects within all of these languages. It can

433
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:46,879
Speaker 1: be planning a flower garden in the front yard. But

434
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 1: the thing important thing is not the flower garden. The

435
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: important thing is you're giving your time here with me

436
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 1: to do something I enjoy doing so quality time. And

437
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 1: then physical touch. And we've long known the power of

438
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,959
Speaker 1: physical touch, the emotional power. That's why we pick up

439
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 1: babies and hold them and kiss them and cuddle them

440
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 1: long before the baby understands the meaning of the word love.

441
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 1: The baby feels love by physical touch. So and the

442
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 1: basic idea, of course, is that out of the five,

443
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 1: each of us has a primary love language. Listen, we're

444
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 1: not gonna we're not gonna reject any one of these.

445
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 1: We can feel love in any one of these, but

446
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,320
Speaker 1: one of them is primary. And if we don't get

447
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 1: the primary, we will not feel loved even though the

448
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 1: other person is speaking some of the other languages. Now,

449
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 1: was there a sixth that didn't make the cut? You know?

450
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 1: I did. I only discovered the five and I wasn't dogmatic.

451
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: And since then people have told me. You know, one

452
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 1: guy said, Doc Chiman, there is a six love language.

453
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:46,400
Speaker 1: I said, what is it? He said, chocolate. I said, well,

454
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,879
Speaker 1: if they bought it, it's a gift. If they made it,

455
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 1: it's an act of service. When I did the survey,

456
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 1: it was actually the number count was tied, so I

457
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: was quality time and then words of affirmation. So when

458
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 1: that happens, is it because just two things are as

459
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:10,199
Speaker 1: important as the other. Usually, yeah, there are people for

460
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 1: whom number one and number two are very very close.

461
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 1: I call them bilingual okay to me, And in a

462
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 1: sense that makes it easier for the other person because

463
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 1: there's two things they can do and either one of

464
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 1: them is going to really speak loudly to the other person.

465
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 1: Is there any follow up? You know? I mean, is

466
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,160
Speaker 1: there any way to expand on this book or bring

467
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 1: something else out? You know? Or well, you know, I've

468
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 1: written a whole series of books. That was the original

469
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:41,680
Speaker 1: book and then the second one was the Five Love

470
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 1: Languages of Children. It's written to parents of elementary age children.

471
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,880
Speaker 1: Oh that's great and it is powerful. God, I say

472
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,159
Speaker 1: to parents, the question is not do you love your children?

473
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 1: The question is do your children feel loved? Yes? Yeah?

474
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 1: I mean parents by nature love their children. You know,

475
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,359
Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say, do you like

476
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 1: your kids? Yeah. Then the next in the series was

477
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 1: the five Love Language of Teenagers, because teenagers are different,

478
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 1: they're going through a different stage of life, and how

479
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,879
Speaker 1: do you effectively love them? There? And then for single

480
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:19,200
Speaker 1: adults Five Love Languages for singles, and there I apply

481
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 1: the concept to their relationship with their parents, their siblings,

482
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:30,879
Speaker 1: their college roommates, their dating partners, their work associates. And

483
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 1: then I wrote one for military couples called the Military Edition.

484
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: And I wrote that because so many I spoke on

485
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 1: many many military bases, and so many military chaplains and

486
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 1: others said, yeah, you got to write one for the

487
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 1: military and deal with how do we express love when

488
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:50,959
Speaker 1: we're deployed? Love that? And we interviewed scorers and scores

489
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: of military couples to get ideas. Because the military has

490
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 1: been using the original book for years. We got great ideas.

491
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 1: For example, you would think that physical touch would impossible

492
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 1: if you're half world away. One lady said, Gary, I

493
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 1: knew his love language is physical touch. So while he

494
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 1: was deployed, I put my hand on a sheet of paper,

495
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 1: I trace my hand, and I mailed it to him

496
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 1: with a note that said, put your hand on my hand.

497
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 1: I won't hold your hand. Oh God, And he said, Gary,

498
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 1: every time I put my hand on that paper, I felter.

499
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 1: So it's not literal, but it's that's too much. That's

500
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: too much for me. Oh God? Now are are? Are

501
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: the languages the same within the book? It's just about

502
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 1: how they're perceived by the teenage the same language. It's

503
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 1: just applying it in different settings jail and more recently,

504
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 1: I've done several co author books. One how this works

505
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 1: in a blended family because parent step parent is there's

506
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 1: different dynamics there than in a biological family, so we

507
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 1: deal with that. One is how to love languages applies

508
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,479
Speaker 1: when you lose a baby, because that puts a stress

509
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 1: on a marriage. Often the grieving processes are different, and

510
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 1: so forth. And then how this works with special needs

511
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 1: children because again the dynamics are different, but so in

512
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 1: all of these basically have come by requests of people,

513
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 1: and I teamed up with someone who had had used

514
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 1: the love language in all of these settings, you know.

515
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 1: And so if I do a co author, I'm going

516
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: to author with somebody that knows more about the subject

517
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 1: than I do. And they've taken the five Love Days

518
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:34,320
Speaker 1: and applied it, you know, in that area. And so yeah,

519
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 1: we just we're just trying to touch people where they

520
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 1: are and help them out in the various wonderful with

521
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 1: the kid with kids, I got to read that one

522
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 1: because it makes so much sense now, I mean, I

523
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 1: never applied it to my children for some reason. My

524
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 1: oldest wilder, you know, he's sort of sensitive in physical

525
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 1: like you touch him and he gets a little squirmy,

526
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 1: and for me, I get frustrated. I'm like, let me

527
00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:01,479
Speaker 1: just fucking love you. But now I'm realizing that's not

528
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 1: his thing, you know what I mean, Like that physical

529
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 1: is not his the way that he wants to feel

530
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 1: love well, or my question would then be two or

531
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 1: is it that he doesn't he's not understanding how to

532
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 1: receive it. I don't, I don't know. We gotta you

533
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: gotta go into therapy answered to this, Well, you know,

534
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 1: you can actually discover a child's love language by the

535
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 1: time they're four years old by just observing their behavior. Yeah,

536
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 1: when my son was at age and I would come

537
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 1: home from work, he would run to the door, grab

538
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: my legs and climb on me. He's touching me because

539
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 1: he wants to be touched. My daughter never did that

540
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 1: at that age. She would say, Daddy, come into my room.

541
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 1: I want to show you something. She wanted quality time,

542
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 1: undivided attention. And of course they're grown that. But don't

543
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 1: touch me her daughter, my daughter, no, no, no, no no, no,

544
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 1: don't touch don't touch me. Two and a half. Yeah,

545
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: two and a half. She wants she might be a

546
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 1: words of affirmation. It is a beer that is made

547
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 1: chi to chill. So these days everything is go, go, go, go,

548
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 1: go go go. Everything right, it's non stop. You're hustling

549
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 1: all the time. You got to hit the reset button

550
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 1: and that's when you reach for a course light. The

551
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: mountains are blue. That means it's time to get your

552
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,480
Speaker 1: chill on and get your drink gone. It's all about

553
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: being cold, and it's a it's a cold loggered, cold,

554
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 1: filtered cold package. It's just you look at it and

555
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: it just kind of makes you feel good. It feels

556
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 1: like you're in the right place. It's also a Colorado beer.

557
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 1: That's where we're from. I know where we are from.

558
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 1: There's only one beer out there that is literally made

559
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 1: to chill, and that is Cores Light. So Corslight is

560
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 1: the one that we choose when we need to unwind.

561
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,960
Speaker 1: Just so everyone knows that out there, get course Light

562
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 1: in a new look delivered straight to your door Drizzley

563
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 1: or Instacarta, Celebrate Responsibly Cores Brewing Company, Cold color Op Cicara.

564
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 1: I'm actually thinking of doing a Sacara. I need to

565
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 1: do a Cicara. I need a little reset. Oh, I

566
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 1: need a huge reset. I was just reading this book

567
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 1: called Plant Paradox, which then got me thinking about plant

568
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 1: based foods. What Sacara is is a plant based food

569
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 1: delivery system. It's a great way to restart your eating

570
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 1: habits and one of my favorites, maybe my favorite one.

571
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 1: And what I love about it is that it has

572
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: all of the things that you need, including supplements, tea,

573
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 1: herbal teas, and even their you know, super powder that

574
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: they use. It's great for metabolism and bloating kind of community.

575
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 1: Got hell. I really say to everyone out there, if

576
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:15,439
Speaker 1: you want an easy way to get your body kind

577
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 1: of healthy, this is it. You know, it's a good

578
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 1: jump start, you know what I mean. It's a great

579
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 1: jump start. You do it and then boom, you know

580
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 1: you can you can jump struck. This a lifestyle change.

581
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 1: With Sakara. You be more mindful of what you're eating,

582
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: what you're putting into your body. And this is a

583
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 1: great way to start that, to begin that mindfulness. So

584
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:41,759
Speaker 1: right now, Sakar is offering our listeners twenty percent off

585
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 1: their first order when they go to Sakara dot com

586
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 1: slash sibling or enter code sibling at checkout. That's Sakara

587
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 1: s A k A r a dot com slash sibling

588
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 1: to get twenty percent off your first order Sikara dot

589
00:34:55,520 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: com slash sibling. One thing I really want to know,

590
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 1: because I talk about this all the time, when you're

591
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,719
Speaker 1: in an argument or when you're in a place where

592
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:13,400
Speaker 1: you're not able to give your partner what they need

593
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,319
Speaker 1: to feel better, Like if we're both not receiving the

594
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: love language, what do you do, Like if you're so

595
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,359
Speaker 1: shut down? Because I know what happens to so many

596
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 1: people where it's like I just need you to touch me,

597
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,320
Speaker 1: or you know, I need you to tell me something

598
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:29,799
Speaker 1: that I don't want to you know, I don't I'm

599
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:33,959
Speaker 1: not there. Yeah. Well, first of all, we can't demand love.

600
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 1: I mean, you can demand it, but you're not lucky

601
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 1: to get it by demanding it. Yeah, you know, love it.

602
00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 1: Love is a choice that everyone must make, and love

603
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 1: starts with an attitude that I want to enrich your life.

604
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 1: You know, how can I make your life easier? How

605
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 1: can I help you accomplish your goals in life. It's

606
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 1: an attitude and it's also an emotional need. But we

607
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 1: don't start with the emotions. But there are times that

608
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 1: we don't emotionally like we want to love them. But

609
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 1: if we understand this concept and how important it is,

610
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 1: we choose to speak their love language, even though we're

611
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:13,839
Speaker 1: not emotionally pushed to do so, because we know, if

612
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 1: I'm going to help them, the first, deepest, one of

613
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 1: the deepest needs they have is the need to fill up.

614
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 1: So I'm going to choose to speak that love language

615
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:22,879
Speaker 1: even though I don't feel it. Now. That doesn't mean

616
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 1: but when a person says, you know, I need you

617
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 1: to do this. I need you. They're they're they're begging

618
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,800
Speaker 1: you to speak their love language. And something has happened

619
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,279
Speaker 1: in the relationship that's caused you to be cold or

620
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 1: hurt or you know, there's a fracture between you. Uh.

621
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 1: I think two things. One is to say, you know, honey,

622
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying, but I have to be

623
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 1: honest with you. I'm feeling a lot of hurt. I'm

624
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 1: feeling a lot of disappointment. And and if you're open,

625
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:55,440
Speaker 1: I'll share with you why and we can work through this.

626
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:58,319
Speaker 1: And so if they're open, then you say, you know,

627
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 1: last night or last week whenever, da da da da da,

628
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 1: this is how I felt. And it's almost like I

629
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 1: just shut down. And I don't know if you meant

630
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:09,200
Speaker 1: it meant it that way, but that's what I heard

631
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,799
Speaker 1: and that's what I felt. And then they have a

632
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:16,879
Speaker 1: chance to either apologize or to explain it that from

633
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 1: their perspective, that was not what they were trying to

634
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 1: communicate because us, you know, we can't read minds. And

635
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 1: that's why I suggest a couples every day have us

636
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 1: sit down and listen time then it might just be

637
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes and notice I say it, sit down and listen,

638
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,319
Speaker 1: not sit down and talk, because if I say let's

639
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:37,799
Speaker 1: sit down and talk, it means I want to tell

640
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 1: you something, but I want to sit down and listen.

641
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:43,760
Speaker 1: I want to hear what your thoughts have been today.

642
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 1: What are some of the things you've been thinking, What

643
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 1: have you been feeling today? What could I do that

644
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 1: might rich your life or help you or make life

645
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 1: better for you? Yeah, And I'm listening to you as

646
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 1: you said that, and then you you listen to me

647
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 1: as I share you do that on a regular basis.

648
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:03,720
Speaker 1: They connected you keep the barriers, you know, from building

649
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 1: you think. Do you think it's more difficult for men

650
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 1: to do that than it is for women? As far

651
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 1: as I think it is for some men. It all

652
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,880
Speaker 1: depends on how you were raised, you know, and I

653
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 1: mean some men were raised where you're not supposed to

654
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 1: have feelings. You know, you start crying and don't cry,

655
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 1: you know, you're a big boy. Don't cry. You know, well,

656
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 1: humans cry if they're hurt. You know, I don't care,

657
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 1: male or female. Yeah, So a lot has to do

658
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 1: with how you know, we're raised. What happens if you

659
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 1: have a son who cries too much. It's a good question, though,

660
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:39,720
Speaker 1: I mean it we're making a joke, but it's true.

661
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 1: I think that the important factor, important thing if he

662
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 1: is crying is to listen, ask questions and listen what

663
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,880
Speaker 1: what what made you crist What made you coy? Honey? Yeah,

664
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 1: something I said or something, and listen to what they say,

665
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 1: because then you will also learn something of what's going

666
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:02,360
Speaker 1: on in their minds if you're asking questions and listening

667
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 1: to what stimulated the tears, And that's the only way

668
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:09,320
Speaker 1: we can address it. If we know what's stimulating the tears,

669
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 1: then we can address the underlying thing. I mean, you're

670
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 1: saying something right now to me that I'm hearing, And

671
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 1: it's all about listening and how you're listened to. And

672
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 1: I think that generationally, the world we're living in now

673
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 1: versus one hundred and fifty years ago, to sit and

674
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 1: to listen was like a privilege. The working you know, survival,

675
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 1: we don't have time to listen to our issues. It's

676
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 1: a very interesting concept that out of like love, I mean, really,

677
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,919
Speaker 1: I just want to be hurt. And there's the old

678
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,720
Speaker 1: idea on the part of some parents is that children

679
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 1: are to be seen and not heard. I don't want

680
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 1: to hear what you have to say. I'm the parent here,

681
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 1: You're going to do what I say. So the kid

682
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: grows up feeling like, you know, they don't have a

683
00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:00,719
Speaker 1: right to say anything. And I remember when our son

684
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 1: was coming along and he was a teenager at this time,

685
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 1: and he said to me, he said, Dad, I know

686
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,440
Speaker 1: you have the final word. I just want you to

687
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,799
Speaker 1: hear me. And that was that was a wake up

688
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 1: call for you know, yeah, and I okay, son, I

689
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 1: hear you. And so I started asking him questions, you know,

690
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: about whatever the topic was, you know, his feelings, his thoughts,

691
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 1: his perceptions, and why he felt what he felt. And

692
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 1: because I listened to him, and he was going to

693
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:32,760
Speaker 1: open to listen to me as I explained the reasons

694
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 1: why I was, you know, suggesting what we're going to do.

695
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:39,479
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean, no question about it. Parent parents

696
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 1: are the authority figures in a home, and we have

697
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,239
Speaker 1: to make decisions. I mean, we hopefully we know more

698
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:46,360
Speaker 1: than our kids, and we want to make decisions that

699
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 1: are going to be for their good and their benefits.

700
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:49,920
Speaker 1: So we don't do everything they want us to do,

701
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 1: but we do need to treat them as individuals and

702
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: persons of worth. And if they grow up feeling like

703
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 1: that they're loved by their parents and that they can

704
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,920
Speaker 1: talk to their parents about anything, we're preparing them to

705
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 1: have good adult experiences. What about applying these sort of

706
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 1: love languages to your work I mean, or to your

707
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:18,280
Speaker 1: relationships with people that aren't necessarily loving intimate relationships, but

708
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 1: but your friendships and even the sibling dynamic, because it's

709
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,360
Speaker 1: a very different kind of relationship, Like all of our

710
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:27,359
Speaker 1: needs physical touch, Like I'm not going to come up

711
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:30,719
Speaker 1: and touch him all the time to feel weird, right,

712
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 1: you know? Like how do you apply those things? Just

713
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:40,840
Speaker 1: don't touch me? Like? I think? I think the concept

714
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:44,960
Speaker 1: does apply in the workplace and workplace or relationships. In fact,

715
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 1: I wrote a book with the doctor Paul White, who

716
00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:49,960
Speaker 1: was a psychologist who had twenty years experience in business,

717
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:55,080
Speaker 1: called the Five Languages of Appreciation in the workplace. We'll

718
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 1: use the word appreciation because it's the same need. It's

719
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:03,319
Speaker 1: the need that I'm valued as a person. I'm not

720
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 1: just a cog in the machine in this company. My

721
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 1: colleagues and my supervisor, they value me as a person,

722
00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 1: and we simply took the love language to work. Now,

723
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 1: the one place we got pushed back from the HR

724
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:18,839
Speaker 1: people's on physical touch and they say, oh, we don't

725
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 1: touch it work. Yeah right, exactly. So yeah, so we

726
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:26,360
Speaker 1: discussed in that book, you know, the whole thing of

727
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 1: physical abuse and sexual abuse and all that stuff. But

728
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 1: what we did find is that almost no one had

729
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 1: physical in the workplace, had physical touch as their primary

730
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:41,360
Speaker 1: appreciation language. It might be their love language and other relationship,

731
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 1: but not not at work. But so what we said

732
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,359
Speaker 1: in the book was, if you see a colleague that's

733
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:50,839
Speaker 1: giving people high fives, great, give them a high five.

734
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:53,320
Speaker 1: If they hit people on the shoulder, hit them on

735
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:55,279
Speaker 1: the shoulder. But if you don't ever see them touch

736
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 1: anybody else, don't touch them. And if you do touch

737
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:02,799
Speaker 1: them and they stiffen up, don't ever touch them again. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

738
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 1: but yeah, it does have an application in the workplace.

739
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: Seventy percent of the people who have a job in

740
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 1: this country say they feel little to no appreciation coming

741
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 1: from the people with whom and for whom they work.

742
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,319
Speaker 1: Sixty four percent of the people leave a job and

743
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:20,839
Speaker 1: go to another job say they left primarily because they

744
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 1: didn't feel appreciated where they were. It's a huge area. Wow. Workplace. Wow,

745
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 1: that's really interesting. Yeah, I mean when you think about

746
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 1: creating workplace environments, I mean I think about this all

747
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 1: the time and constantly like putting the effort towards creating

748
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:43,319
Speaker 1: a positive work environment where people feel like they're I

749
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,840
Speaker 1: mean to me, I know that I'd want to be heard,

750
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: you know, and like great to me, A great leader

751
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 1: is a great listener. Right. It's also interesting when you're

752
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:53,600
Speaker 1: dealing with a lot of people and how you make

753
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 1: everybody feel good, because you can't always make everybody happy

754
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,759
Speaker 1: or feel good. You know, that's right, And you know,

755
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 1: the larger the group, the more difficult it is going it.

756
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:05,759
Speaker 1: We only have so much time. And so but what

757
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 1: we did before we wrote that book, doctor White would

758
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 1: go into a business and give a job satisfaction test,

759
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,799
Speaker 1: and then he would share the concept and everybody would

760
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,239
Speaker 1: take a quiz it was a different quiz for this one,

761
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 1: and take a quiz and learn each other's primary and

762
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:24,319
Speaker 1: secondary and one that's least important. And then he would

763
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,239
Speaker 1: challenge them to implement that. And I think he sent

764
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:29,400
Speaker 1: out an email maybe every six weeks, just getting it

765
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:32,239
Speaker 1: back on the front burner. A year later, he went

766
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:34,879
Speaker 1: back in the company and gave another job satisfaction test,

767
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:38,839
Speaker 1: and in every case it was statistically improved. Wow. So

768
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:42,719
Speaker 1: it does make a huge difference when this is applied. Yeah,

769
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 1: you can apply this literally everything and anything. Where have

770
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:50,960
Speaker 1: you found the most I'm sure it's relationships. Everybody wants

771
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:53,360
Speaker 1: a good relationship. But other than the relationship, where have

772
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:57,239
Speaker 1: you found the most traction in the different areas that

773
00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:01,360
Speaker 1: your books have focused on. It really depends on where

774
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:04,919
Speaker 1: the individual, or the couple or the family where they are.

775
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,919
Speaker 1: For example, if you have a special needs child, that's

776
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:10,880
Speaker 1: the book you want to read, you know, that's that

777
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 1: we want to learn how to communicate love to this

778
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 1: child effectively and also how to keep our relationship, you know,

779
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:20,680
Speaker 1: going while we're dealing with a special needs child because

780
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:24,120
Speaker 1: it's just super, super stressful. So a lot depends on

781
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 1: where a person is, you know. I mean, the military

782
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 1: has been very, very satisfying to me to say so

783
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 1: many military couple say, you know, Gary, that that book

784
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 1: really saved their marriage because it was a way to

785
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:40,360
Speaker 1: help us keep connected emotionally while we were deployed. And

786
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 1: you know, some couples are deployed a lot, and they're

787
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:46,640
Speaker 1: they're away from months and months, and so if you

788
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,440
Speaker 1: can stay connected emostly while you are deployed, then when

789
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 1: you come back it's much easier. The re entry is

790
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:55,439
Speaker 1: much easier. You know, this quarantine period a year where

791
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 1: everybody's lives are very different. Every more people are at

792
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:01,920
Speaker 1: home with each other. And what happens if you're speaking

793
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 1: each other's love language too much? Stop touching? So what

794
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:12,320
Speaker 1: happens when you're kind of you know, because being together.

795
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 1: A lot of people are saying, you know, this isn't

796
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 1: the way it's supposed to be. We're supposed to have

797
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:19,880
Speaker 1: more independent lives and have our friends and be able to,

798
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 1: you know, go to the workplace and come home, or

799
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:26,399
Speaker 1: go out for the night with your friends and then

800
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,919
Speaker 1: come you know, yeah, no, no question about it. It's

801
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:33,160
Speaker 1: a whole different playing field. One the two of you

802
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 1: are at home together basically all the time, and if

803
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 1: you have kids in their home not going to school,

804
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 1: it's a whole new playing field. In fact, I wrote

805
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 1: a little book in the middle of the pandemic call

806
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:47,240
Speaker 1: five semple Ways to strengthen your marriage when you're stuck

807
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 1: at home together. I can't believe I didn't know this,

808
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 1: but I'm getting it immediately. It's just a little it's

809
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:58,319
Speaker 1: just a short little book, you know, with some suggestions

810
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:01,440
Speaker 1: on that. But of them is and here's what I

811
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 1: have found. If couples had a fairly healthy marriage before

812
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 1: the pandemic, they're probably doing okay. In fact, they may

813
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:12,400
Speaker 1: be even better now. But if they were fractured already

814
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:16,040
Speaker 1: before the pandemic, it's probably worse now than it was.

815
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: So one of the first suggestions I make is, what

816
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:23,400
Speaker 1: if we call a truce on throwing verbal bombs at

817
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:28,279
Speaker 1: each other? Because fractured couples are throwing bombs at each other,

818
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 1: verbal bombs at each other, and bombs explode in the

819
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:34,839
Speaker 1: heart and mind of the other person, and we might

820
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 1: we're just making things worse by, you know, criticizing them,

821
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:41,759
Speaker 1: putting them down, you know. And so why don't you say,

822
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:45,120
Speaker 1: let's talk a three week truce that for three weeks

823
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:47,280
Speaker 1: we're going to really try not to throw a verbal bomb.

824
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:50,680
Speaker 1: And after the first week, we're going to try to

825
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 1: give each other one compliment every week. For the next

826
00:47:55,200 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 1: two weeks, it's two compliments. Understand what we're doing. We're

827
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:03,360
Speaker 1: we're trying to change the climate from shooting, throwing bombs

828
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 1: at each other to throwing, you know, words of affirmation

829
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,880
Speaker 1: to each other. And this is just that, especially for

830
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:12,240
Speaker 1: couples that are troubled, this is just the starting place.

831
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 1: The second idea is to tear the walls down, because

832
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 1: the trouble marriage has walls. They've got a history and

833
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:22,040
Speaker 1: they built a wall between them with all the failures.

834
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 1: And this involves apologizing and forgiving. You're not gonna get it.

835
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 1: You don't give, You're not going to get ahead until

836
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:34,359
Speaker 1: you tear the wall down. And I don't care if

837
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 1: in your mind you think your spouse is ninety five

838
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 1: percent of the problem and that only leaves five percent

839
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:43,440
Speaker 1: for you. You deal with your five percent because you

840
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:45,960
Speaker 1: can't tear the wall down on their side, but you

841
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 1: can't apologize for your five percent. Maybe they forgive you,

842
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:50,799
Speaker 1: maybe they don't, but at least they're going to walk

843
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: away and say, man, this is different. Never heard them

844
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 1: do that before. All I've ever heard is how bad

845
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:59,280
Speaker 1: I am. So you know you can open the door

846
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:01,680
Speaker 1: to get in the all to him down. Then the

847
00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 1: love language just kicks in and it's much more meaningful

848
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 1: now because you know, we've stopped the battle and we're

849
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 1: we've torn down the walls. Now we're beginning to think,

850
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:15,799
Speaker 1: maybe we could make this better, maybe we couldn't make

851
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:18,920
Speaker 1: it different, you know. So yeah, and I think also

852
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 1: another thing when we're stuck at home together is let's

853
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 1: reassess who does what, because you know, we had it

854
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:29,560
Speaker 1: all kind of worked out when the kids were going

855
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:31,120
Speaker 1: to school and one of us is going to work

856
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:32,960
Speaker 1: at this time and this time, and we had it

857
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:35,240
Speaker 1: all kind of worked out. But now the whole field

858
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:38,879
Speaker 1: has changed, and what we need to reassess. Maybe mom

859
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,320
Speaker 1: who got up and cooked breakfast before she went to work,

860
00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 1: and Dad got the kids ready and then took them

861
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 1: to school, maybe that one's working. But now Mom's really

862
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:48,839
Speaker 1: not a morning person and she would like to use

863
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:51,919
Speaker 1: this opportunity to sleep an hour later. So maybe Dad

864
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 1: ought to did the breakfast in the morning because he's

865
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:55,799
Speaker 1: a morning person. Let him work with the kids, those

866
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:57,800
Speaker 1: first little wives. You know, I mean to be open

867
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 1: to shifting. We're a team and we want to use

868
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 1: the best team members, you know, and we may have

869
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:05,960
Speaker 1: to change a little teamwork during this During this time,

870
00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:11,319
Speaker 1: a lot of ideas. Wow, I love it doesn't ever

871
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:13,960
Speaker 1: call you the love doctor. I mean you the love doctor.

872
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 1: I have been called that. Yeah, I figured it's fine.

873
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 1: I don't know that it's true, but I mean, obviously

874
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 1: I care about love, and I really believe that, as

875
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:27,279
Speaker 1: you said earlier, love is the most powerful influence in

876
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:30,319
Speaker 1: the world. If you choose an attitude of love toward

877
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 1: the people you encounter, you're going to make a positive

878
00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:37,160
Speaker 1: impact on the world. If we live as nature as

879
00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 1: naturally in terms of being selfish, which we all are

880
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:43,799
Speaker 1: by nature, and we think of everything in terms of

881
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 1: what am I going to get out of this? You know,

882
00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:50,239
Speaker 1: then you're not going to enrich the world. Uh. You

883
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:52,759
Speaker 1: may accomplish a lot of good things and you feel

884
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:54,960
Speaker 1: good about yourself and all that, but you're not going

885
00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 1: to enhance enhance the world very much with a selfish attitude,

886
00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:01,839
Speaker 1: but a loving attitude what make to the world. It's true,

887
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:03,560
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess you would believe that right like

888
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 1: love is contagious in a sense. Thank you, doctor. I'm

889
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 1: taking that with me. Wow, this was awesome. Thank you

890
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:17,799
Speaker 1: so much. With you keep on helping people and I'm

891
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 1: going to read. I'm going to get all the books. Now,

892
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 1: I honestly didn't even realize there were so many. I know,

893
00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 1: picking up the I'm going to get the children's one

894
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 1: for sure. I need. I need the children and the team.

895
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:30,600
Speaker 1: I mean, I have the children, but the team one

896
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 1: team interesting. I've got to set. It's actually also one

897
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:38,239
Speaker 1: for the teenager, call a Teen's Guide to the Five

898
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 1: Blood Language, small small book. So if they read that

899
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 1: and they're getting the idea on their side, well you

900
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 1: read the one for parents, then you can really talk

901
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:50,719
Speaker 1: about it. I am not only going to do that,

902
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 1: I am going to post it to every teen mother

903
00:51:54,400 --> 00:52:00,080
Speaker 1: out there. We all know what we're talking about. I

904
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:04,080
Speaker 1: have the opposite. My son is very funny and self deprecating,

905
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:06,400
Speaker 1: and anytime I walk away from him, he's like, well,

906
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:08,279
Speaker 1: I guess you don't really love me that much. I'm like,

907
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:13,680
Speaker 1: what is happening. I'm just you did that last night.

908
00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:15,680
Speaker 1: I didn't do it last night. He came and he

909
00:52:15,719 --> 00:52:17,360
Speaker 1: sat down and I had to go do something and

910
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:19,400
Speaker 1: I got up and he's like, oh, is that what happens?

911
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:23,160
Speaker 1: When I sit down and was walking away without looking back.

912
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:29,479
Speaker 1: She goes, I love you for quality time. Kids. Yeah,

913
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 1: that's the read that's the way they read it. Something

914
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:35,400
Speaker 1: out there is more important, exactly, exactly. Well, thank you

915
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:38,879
Speaker 1: so much, doctor Chapman. Thank you for everything you do.

916
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:42,440
Speaker 1: You have made the world a better place with your

917
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:46,960
Speaker 1: really mean you really seriously, that's I'm not hyperbolic. I

918
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:50,240
Speaker 1: mean this is it's what you have written is real

919
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 1: and it's simple, but it's real. And people from all

920
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:56,560
Speaker 1: over the world, as you know, are following this and

921
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:58,640
Speaker 1: all my friends know about it. And you know what's

922
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:01,480
Speaker 1: even more amazing about when you have something and you

923
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,640
Speaker 1: tap into something and then it has the kind of

924
00:53:03,719 --> 00:53:06,640
Speaker 1: reception that it does. What it says to me and

925
00:53:06,640 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 1: what I'm I'm I'm sure it says to you is

926
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:14,719
Speaker 1: that people want to love better and be loved. This

927
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,799
Speaker 1: is something that we desire and that we want, and

928
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:20,400
Speaker 1: it's so interesting that we find it so hard to

929
00:53:20,440 --> 00:53:23,560
Speaker 1: attain and achieve. And this is sometimes you need a

930
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:26,640
Speaker 1: simple guideline and that's what this is, a simple guideline.

931
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:29,319
Speaker 1: That's why that makes so much sense. It's sort of

932
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:31,960
Speaker 1: like it's like it's like the big flashing red light,

933
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 1: like how did I not know? Yeah, it's very gratifying.

934
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:39,319
Speaker 1: It really is very gratifying to say the way the

935
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,520
Speaker 1: book has helped so many people in so many contexts. Well,

936
00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:44,360
Speaker 1: so you know, all all of us are gifted in

937
00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 1: different ways and we just want to use our abilities

938
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:50,759
Speaker 1: to enrich the world and if if everybody did that,

939
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:54,359
Speaker 1: it would be a great place to live. Well, thank

940
00:53:54,440 --> 00:54:03,280
Speaker 1: you again, Bud, thank you, thank you, Okay Rights Sibling

941
00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:06,680
Speaker 1: Revelry is executive produced by Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson.

942
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:11,040
Speaker 1: Producer is Alison Presnik. Editor is Josh Wendish. Music by

943
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 1: Mark Hudson aka Uncle Mark.