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Speaker 1: H okay, Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,

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Speaker 1: a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all

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Speaker 1: the small decisions we can make to become the best

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Speaker 1: possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard

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Speaker 1: and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more

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Speaker 1: information or to find a therapist in your area, visit

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Speaker 1: our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While

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Speaker 1: I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast,

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Speaker 1: it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship

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Speaker 1: with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so

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Speaker 1: much for joining me for session two forty three of

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Speaker 1: the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into

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Speaker 1: the episode after a word from our sponsors. The beginning

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Speaker 1: of a year often results in us taking stock of

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Speaker 1: our rituals and habits to see what's working and what's not.

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Speaker 1: And while sometimes it can be an easy process to

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Speaker 1: pick up a new routine, it isn't always. Joining us

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Speaker 1: for part three of our January Jump starre series to

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Speaker 1: help us figure out what kinds of new routines we

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Speaker 1: may want to develop and how to stick with them

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Speaker 1: is Kristen Fienster. Kristen is a licensed marriage and family therapist,

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Speaker 1: fitness coach, and the founder of B three based out

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Speaker 1: of Charlotte, North Carolina, with a mission of moving women

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Speaker 1: toward freedom. Kristen offers wellness programs to support women in

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Speaker 1: shifting unhealthy patterns and habits to create a sustainable lifestyle.

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Speaker 1: Kristen and I chatted about the importance of having a routine,

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Speaker 1: how therapy might help us develop and stick two routines,

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Speaker 1: and how to give ourselves grace and start over with

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Speaker 1: routines if necessary. If there's something that resonates with you

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Speaker 1: while enjoying our conversation, please share with us on social

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Speaker 1: media using the hashtag tv G in Session. Here's our conversation.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us again, Kristen, Thank

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Speaker 1: you for having me. So excited to be back for

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Speaker 1: a new year and glad to be speaking about routines.

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Speaker 1: I'm exciting. I think a lot of people do some

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Speaker 1: intentions setting and thinking about what different things they might

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Speaker 1: want to be doing as we embark on a new year,

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Speaker 1: and so we wanted to chat with you today about

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Speaker 1: like how people can get established with some of these

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Speaker 1: new routines that they're thinking about. So can you start

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Speaker 1: by just telling us what a routine is and what

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Speaker 1: are some of the different aspects we may want to

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Speaker 1: think about establishing routines for in our lives. Sure, I

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Speaker 1: think the first thing to highlight is that we all

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Speaker 1: have routines now, whether they're serving us well or not.

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Speaker 1: We all have some routines that we function out of.

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Speaker 1: So it's not that we need to necessarily invent something

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Speaker 1: that we've never done before. We may just need to

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Speaker 1: tweak the way we're living our day to day lives

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Speaker 1: as is and make changes. And so when I think

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Speaker 1: of a routine, I think of just a formula, a

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Speaker 1: group of behaviors, a group of tasks that, when combined,

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Speaker 1: help with overall functioning, help you to be your best

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Speaker 1: self and help you to stay well. So you mentioned

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Speaker 1: that we all have routines. Now, whether they are serving

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Speaker 1: us or functioning is a different story. How might we

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Speaker 1: decide whether, like a routine that we're doing isn't actually

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Speaker 1: serving as well? For me, it comes down to is

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Speaker 1: it getting in the way of my potential? And I

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Speaker 1: think that's a big one, and that covers a broad

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Speaker 1: spectrum of things, because sometimes we're motivated by external factors.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes we're motivated by our own personal mental emotional struggles

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Speaker 1: when we're not taking care of ourselves and staying on

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Speaker 1: top of things that we need to do. But I

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Speaker 1: think the question that is overarching with that is is

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Speaker 1: it getting in the way of my potential? Do I

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Speaker 1: find myself desiring to change things, desiring to do better

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Speaker 1: in one area or another? And so you're questioning that

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Speaker 1: if you're having that like emotional experience, I think that's

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Speaker 1: the most important part. In addition to your life could

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Speaker 1: be not together, could be falling apart, there could be

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Speaker 1: other things that signal to hey, something's got to change here.

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Speaker 1: But ultimately, I think, especially for when it comes to

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Speaker 1: implementing a new routine, the most important voice is yours.

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Speaker 1: And if you feel like it's getting in the way

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Speaker 1: of your potential or your happiness, then it's perhaps time

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Speaker 1: to make a change. Got it? And what if some

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Speaker 1: of the benefits of having a routine, Oh man, there's

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Speaker 1: so many, And like I think that for a lot

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Speaker 1: of people, there's security and comfort in having a routine.

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Speaker 1: And so if you're someone that's struggling to find your

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Speaker 1: bread and butter, your flow, for any area of life.

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Speaker 1: I think that when you find that formula that works

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Speaker 1: for you, and it can definitely bring a sense of control,

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Speaker 1: and we like to keep that in a healthy space

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Speaker 1: of having control. But I do think it's okay to

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Speaker 1: feel secure in our routines. And also if you have

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Speaker 1: goals and intentions that you set for the year or

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Speaker 1: just any particular time, your routines or what are going

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Speaker 1: to support that, and those are the action steps. Those

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Speaker 1: are the day to day things that we do, the

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Speaker 1: hour to our minute to minute things that we do

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Speaker 1: that actually get us to the things that we desire

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Speaker 1: most in our lives. And so those are some benefits.

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Speaker 1: And then of course around mental and emotional health, with

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Speaker 1: my clients who struggle with anxiety and depression, your routine

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Speaker 1: isn't always taking a bubble bath. Sometimes it's implementing your

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Speaker 1: coping skills on a regular basis, and so the benefits

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Speaker 1: from that come from just improved symptoms and quality of life. So, Christen,

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Speaker 1: I think, very early on in the pandemic and still

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Speaker 1: largely as things continue to change, this is one of

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Speaker 1: the things that I think a lot of people struggle

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Speaker 1: with because our routines did get up ended, so commute

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Speaker 1: didn't look the same, drop off for childcare didn't look

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Speaker 1: the same, and like everything was all over the place,

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Speaker 1: and so a lot of people talked about feeling a

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Speaker 1: sense of being lost in time, so not really knowing

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Speaker 1: when the day ends. And I wonder if you have

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Speaker 1: some suggestions around what routine looks like, given that there

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Speaker 1: are so many like external changes that can kind of happen. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think what I noticed a lot at the beginning

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Speaker 1: of the pandemic is that sometimes we think we're under routines,

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Speaker 1: but really we're being drug by business. And so it's like,

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Speaker 1: I think I had some routines that were really distractions

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Speaker 1: and kind of overcrowding my lifestyle. On one hand, I

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Speaker 1: did hear of a lot of people who were struggling

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Speaker 1: with how to find a rhythm and a routine with

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Speaker 1: a lot of their day to day stuff taken away.

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Speaker 1: But I also heard a lot of people saying that, wow,

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Speaker 1: I was distracted and busy with things and wasn't necessarily

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Speaker 1: facing the things that I needed to or addressing the

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Speaker 1: things that I needed to out of business and being

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Speaker 1: overworked and being externally focused. And so I think that

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Speaker 1: for the pandemic and working from home war and just

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Speaker 1: thinks just being in house a little bit more. I

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Speaker 1: think that's a great metaphor for where your routines can

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Speaker 1: really be focused in house, How are you taking care

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Speaker 1: of your mind? How are you taking care of your body,

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Speaker 1: your living space, the people that you are closest to emotionally,

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Speaker 1: How are you taking care of and nurturing those relationships?

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Speaker 1: And so instead of it being about getting to this

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Speaker 1: meeting and getting to that meeting outside the house and

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Speaker 1: dropping the kids off here outside the house, those routines

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Speaker 1: could look like more so, what are our family traditions

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Speaker 1: in the evening time? What else can we do to

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Speaker 1: stay connected? Besides taking the kids to sports and the

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Speaker 1: things that pre pandemic were fairly normal. We're having to

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Speaker 1: like really establish a new normal. And I don't think

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Speaker 1: that it's been all bad. I think that it's just

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Speaker 1: an element of acceptance around the changes, identifying some areas

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Speaker 1: that you can maintain your routine. In particular, for me

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Speaker 1: being a fitness coach as well, continuing to move and

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Speaker 1: exercise on a day to day basis was really important

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Speaker 1: and it was something that I could do from home.

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Speaker 1: Now it looked different, but it was something that I

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Speaker 1: could revamp and do from home. And so I think one,

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Speaker 1: it's accepting that some things just aren't going to be

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Speaker 1: the same, and maybe that's a good thing in some areas.

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Speaker 1: And then too, what are some important areas that I

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Speaker 1: really want to maintain and what does that look like

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Speaker 1: in this new norm? So you mentioned that for some

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Speaker 1: of your clients who struggle with things like anxiety depression,

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Speaker 1: you helped them to look at routines that could be

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Speaker 1: helpful for them. Can you say more about how therapy

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Speaker 1: or a therapist might help to set up routines or

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Speaker 1: help you to discover where our routine might be helpful. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think that in therapy, I think one, a lot

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Speaker 1: of people don't realize their symptoms, and I know that's

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Speaker 1: pretty standard that sometimes we don't see what's happening to us.

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Speaker 1: And so first and foremost, I think therapy can be

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Speaker 1: a helpful tool for mirroring and reflecting back what's actually happening.

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Speaker 1: I had so many clients coming in with racing thoughts

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Speaker 1: and difficulty sleeping and tents, muscles and different things, and

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Speaker 1: they were sharing them as little individual symptoms and then

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Speaker 1: as a therapist, I was able to say, if you

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Speaker 1: put all those symptoms together, it sounds like you're experiencing anxiety.

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Speaker 1: Would that be accurate? And they'll say, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I didn't really, I just thought this was normal, or

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Speaker 1: I just I don't know. I thought I was just stressed.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, it's been a while. We've been working

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Speaker 1: for a while, and so I think that having a

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Speaker 1: therapist be able to come in and conceptualize what you're

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Speaker 1: going through in a different way helps us refrain what

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Speaker 1: the goals are. And so sometimes I'll have clients come

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Speaker 1: in for one reason and then once we get to

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Speaker 1: work two three months down the road, we're like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: so we got to shift our goals now because the

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Speaker 1: needs look different than what I thought they did coming in,

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Speaker 1: And so I think a therapist can be helpful for

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Speaker 1: establishing that, and then also the psycho education around what

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Speaker 1: real coping skills look like. On the day and age

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Speaker 1: of social media, I really do appreciate all the information

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Speaker 1: that therapists and other mental health advocates and other people share,

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Speaker 1: but it's not a one size fits all, and so

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Speaker 1: the Instagram posts may look really cool and all the

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Speaker 1: coping skills or self care task to do list that

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Speaker 1: they have may seem very cool or something that would

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Speaker 1: be nice, but is that going to address your mental health?

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Speaker 1: And what do those coping skills look like? What does

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Speaker 1: that routine look like? And I think that's the difference

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Speaker 1: between self help and having a therapist step in sometimes

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Speaker 1: and those nuanced areas of making sure that what you're

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Speaker 1: doing is actually addressing the root issue. Got it? But

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Speaker 1: I think you've already mentioned people who struggle with sleep,

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Speaker 1: and we talked about this on the podcast around how

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Speaker 1: important sleep routines are. Are there certain times of the day,

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Speaker 1: like a morning time routine or a bedtime routine that

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Speaker 1: are really important for us to pay attention to. I

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Speaker 1: still think that it's not a one size fits all thing,

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Speaker 1: but I definitely think there is some level of benefit

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Speaker 1: for anybody to have a way of starting your day

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Speaker 1: and hopefully to have a way of end of your

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Speaker 1: day to just for peace of mind, just for continuity

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Speaker 1: of one day to the next and being intentional with

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Speaker 1: our time. And so I think, sometimes, like we said,

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Speaker 1: especially now and a lot of things are at home,

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Speaker 1: the days start running together. I don't know if it's Monday,

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Speaker 1: or if it's Saturday, or if it's Sunday morning or

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Speaker 1: Thursday night, and some of those routines can really frame

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Speaker 1: up our headspace for the day. And so I think

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Speaker 1: that is very important and can be very beneficial. Now,

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Speaker 1: the other side that I'll say, just as suggestions for people,

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Speaker 1: is that there's no set way that it has to

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Speaker 1: look some people's morning routine, particularly say, if they're struggling

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Speaker 1: with depression in this season, it may not be getting

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Speaker 1: up and writing in your journal and listening to worship

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Speaker 1: music and making a full course breakfast and smoothie and

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Speaker 1: all of that. It may look like actually getting up

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Speaker 1: out of bed, brushing your teeth, washing your face, and

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Speaker 1: getting to work on time, virtually. And so I think

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Speaker 1: that's the area where it depends on the person and

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Speaker 1: it doesn't have to look a certain way, but I

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Speaker 1: do think it can help again with intentionality and again

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Speaker 1: the comfort of having those routines for sure. So you

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Speaker 1: bring up a really good point, Christa, and I want

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Speaker 1: to hear from you where you see people make mistakes

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Speaker 1: with developing the routines, right, because you just pointed out

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Speaker 1: this example of somebody's routine might look like waking up

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Speaker 1: at six thirty and doing some stretches and doing some movement,

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Speaker 1: and then I take a shower, and then I write

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Speaker 1: for twenty minutes and a devotional and then I get

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Speaker 1: the kids up right And for somebody else that could

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Speaker 1: be really overwhelming. But if you are trying to manag

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Speaker 1: you a routine to somebody else's, it may not actually

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Speaker 1: work for you because you're not actually at that place.

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Speaker 1: And so what are some of the kind of mistakes

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Speaker 1: that people make when they are trying to develop a

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Speaker 1: new routine for themselves. Yeah, I think exactly what you

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Speaker 1: said is spot on. That's my number one go to

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Speaker 1: when I'm helping somebody with a routine and it's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: what are you doing? What are you trying? Let's look

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Speaker 1: at that a little bit more. And most times people

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Speaker 1: are starting with too much going on at one time.

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Speaker 1: And so my first role is we need to simplify us.

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Speaker 1: You've got to prioritize what you want to do, and

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Speaker 1: there is a time and place to do it all.

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Speaker 1: But today may not be the best time to implement

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Speaker 1: all ten of those things. And so the best way

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Speaker 1: to do this is probably gonna be too slowly. Build

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Speaker 1: acclimate yourself to one or two things, and then once

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Speaker 1: you get the hang of those things, then you can

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Speaker 1: go on and add a third or fourth. But yes,

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Speaker 1: most of the time it is just an overwhelming structure

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Speaker 1: and almost like a perfectionism around what I should be doing.

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Speaker 1: I should be able to like you said six thirty,

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's late. I should be getting up at

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Speaker 1: five am, because that's what entrepreneurs do, and that's when

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Speaker 1: you get your work done, and that's when you read,

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Speaker 1: and that's when you pour back into yourself spiritually. I

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Speaker 1: get that that's the ideal, but let's look at the

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Speaker 1: realistic circumstances that you're under and let's find a happy

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Speaker 1: medium with that. And then also, I mentioned earlier the

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Speaker 1: routine not necessarily supporting the things that they want to

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Speaker 1: do better with. So one of my routine means is

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Speaker 1: around nutrition and making sure I get quality meals in

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Speaker 1: during the day. Maybe my morning is spent if I

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Speaker 1: didn't get to it another time in the week. Maybe

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Speaker 1: I have a set time in the morning where I

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Speaker 1: prepare my breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the day. So

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Speaker 1: if I wake up and I start journaling and I'm

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Speaker 1: doing exercising, and I'm cleaning and all of that, and

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Speaker 1: I don't leave time for what I'm actually trying to

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Speaker 1: work on. Then now what's the point. And so I

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Speaker 1: think that's another area that sometimes can be confusing, is

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Speaker 1: what actually will get me what I'm looking to actually experience.

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Speaker 1: I think they would be helpful to play with an

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Speaker 1: example for people. So let's say one of my goals

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Speaker 1: for this year is to get more movement into my schedule. Right,

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Speaker 1: maybe I'm pretty sedentary. I'm sitting at the desk most

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Speaker 1: hours of the day, right, and I really feel like

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Speaker 1: I need to do more movement this year. What kinds

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Speaker 1: of things might you suggest for someone who's wanting to

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Speaker 1: have that as one of their goals. First, I would

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Speaker 1: want to ask before we start implementing different behaviors and

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Speaker 1: lifestyle changes, I would want to know what's your why

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Speaker 1: Why do you want to start moving more? Because I

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Speaker 1: think that ultimately is going to help sustain you and

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Speaker 1: support and motivate you on days when it's gonna be

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Speaker 1: hard to get that routine going. And so sometimes I'll

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Speaker 1: have clients come to me, particularly for exercise needs, fitness

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Speaker 1: goals and that sort of thing, and their goal will be, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to lose weight for my birthday in March,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, well, let's back up and regroup

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Speaker 1: on some other reasons why that can be maybe one

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Speaker 1: of them, but let's go back and regroup on some

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Speaker 1: other reasons why this movement and this routine is going

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Speaker 1: to be important to you. What are the mental health

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Speaker 1: benefits of that, And always try to get the foundation

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Speaker 1: around a solid why that's sustainable, because routines are hard.

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Speaker 1: You know, change is hard, and if you have an unstable,

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Speaker 1: shaky foundation around why you're doing what you're doing, your

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Speaker 1: alarm is gonna go off on Thursday morning and you're

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Speaker 1: gonna be like, you know what, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: go today. I don't know why I'm doing this. What's

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Speaker 1: the point? And so that's the step. And then the

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Speaker 1: second step, I would say again is simplifying. So many

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Speaker 1: times it's I'm signing up for the gym, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to cross fit, I'm gonna work out an hour every

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Speaker 1: morning at five thirty am doing boot camp, and then

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get home and go to work and all

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Speaker 1: of this and I usually recommend as a starting place

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Speaker 1: Let's start out with three times a week for fifteen

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Speaker 1: to thirty minutes. Let's see how that goes for a month.

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Speaker 1: Let's see how that goes for two months. And then

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Speaker 1: once you've gotten into that routine and you've shown yourself

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Speaker 1: that you can commit to that, then we can always

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Speaker 1: make those sessions longer. Then we can add in a

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Speaker 1: fourth day and a fifth day, and so making sure

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Speaker 1: to start small and be realistic about we're going from

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Speaker 1: zero to thirty or fifty instead of zero to a hundred.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean. I'm not playing the all

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Speaker 1: or nothing game. And then the last thing I would

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Speaker 1: say is adding in variety and doing what you actually

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Speaker 1: enjoy doing. So if I'm a boot camp person and

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Speaker 1: I just love to do birbies and spread and do

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Speaker 1: push ups and pull ups and all that kind of stuff,

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Speaker 1: then the CrossFit gym or the boot camp classes will

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Speaker 1: work for me. But if I'm a zoomba girl, or

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Speaker 1: if I'm a yoga person, let me go find some

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Speaker 1: movement that's actually things that I enjoy doing one so

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Speaker 1: that I'll get all the benefits that I want to

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Speaker 1: out of it and I hate it, and then too

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Speaker 1: so that hopefully I'll be able to sustain this six

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Speaker 1: months a year, two years from now and not feel

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Speaker 1: burned out from my routine. Or there some resources that

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Speaker 1: you suggest the clients or that might be helpful for

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Speaker 1: people who are starting new routines, So stuff like putting

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Speaker 1: it on your calendar, are working with an accountability buddy.

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Speaker 1: What kinds of resources helped to support our new routines.

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Speaker 1: I would definitely say there's a lot of different things

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Speaker 1: that could help, and I think it just depends on

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Speaker 1: in what order to implement them. But the first and

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Speaker 1: foremost thing that I think is most beneficial is some

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Speaker 1: sort of community or support or accountability. And so for

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Speaker 1: some people, the community is sinking up apple watches and

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Speaker 1: everybody is gonna be able to see everyone's and I'm

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Speaker 1: using movement as an example for that. But that could

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Speaker 1: be a source of community for someone else. That might

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Speaker 1: be talking to your therapist about some goals that you

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Speaker 1: have and seeing and asking and talking about what accountability

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Speaker 1: at least between from therapy session that therapy session could

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Speaker 1: look like. It could be another accountability partner, or joining

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Speaker 1: a devotional with a friend. There's a lot of apps

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Speaker 1: where you can be friends with each other and share

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Speaker 1: what you're focusing on and what you're reading and that

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Speaker 1: sort of thing. So I think any level of community

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Speaker 1: that you can grasp onto is gonna be the best

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Speaker 1: starting place because it's hard to do it anyway, and

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Speaker 1: it's hard to make changes and implement new routines alone,

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Speaker 1: and so our default settings are going to be calling

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Speaker 1: for us for a while when you're trying to do

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Speaker 1: something new around your routine, and sometimes you need to

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Speaker 1: hear more than just your voice talking back to that urge,

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Speaker 1: to that temptation. So I would say that first, and

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Speaker 1: then everybody has a different way of holding themselves accountable structurally,

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Speaker 1: I guess you could say. So that mean for some

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Speaker 1: people that's a calendar, For some people, that's alarms. For

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Speaker 1: some people that can be attaching the new habit that

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Speaker 1: they want to implement with something that they already do.

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Speaker 1: So if I'm a mom and I have young kids

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Speaker 1: that I take to ballet practice on Wednesdays, I'm already

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Speaker 1: going somewhere. I'm already gonna be waiting in my car

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Speaker 1: for an hour, hour and a half waiting on my kids.

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Speaker 1: So now I'm going to make that time a time

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Speaker 1: where I established maybe a new routine to do some

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Speaker 1: reading during that time in a specific area, or to

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Speaker 1: look at my budget in that moment, or I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: go to the gym while they are in class. And

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Speaker 1: so I think attaching it to something that you're already

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Speaker 1: doing can give you a better chance. But it's really

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Speaker 1: again a formula of all those things to help yourself

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Speaker 1: be the most successful that you can. More from my

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Speaker 1: conversation with Kristen after the break, as you were talking

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Speaker 1: about the idea of bringing kids to a ballet class,

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Speaker 1: and then you have that time like you're usually sitting

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Speaker 1: in the car or in the libby or whatever, Right,

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Speaker 1: that could be a time where you could do some

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Speaker 1: reading or maybe get some movement in while they are

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Speaker 1: in class. Right. I think a lot of times what

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Speaker 1: happens is that we don't look at our calendars and

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Speaker 1: like our automatic responses go, I want to do this thing,

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Speaker 1: but I don't have time. And so I wonder if

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Speaker 1: a helpful step when we're trying to establish these new routines,

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Speaker 1: it is actually like a time audit, so that we

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Speaker 1: are actually looking at how much time we are spending

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Speaker 1: doing things that we might be able to now devote

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Speaker 1: to this thing that we're saying that we want to do. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: I think that's a great exercise, and I think that's

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Speaker 1: also where the accountability comes into. A lot of times

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Speaker 1: I've done those time audits with my clients, and sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's someone else saying you don't have time, really, you know,

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Speaker 1: just in a living supportive way, but calling it out

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Speaker 1: and being like, you know what, Yeah, I say that

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Speaker 1: to myself a lot, because we will justify, we will rationalized,

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Speaker 1: we will deny all of our different ways of our

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Speaker 1: defense mechanisms can sometimes come out around this, and it's

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Speaker 1: to be expected. We usually like to stay the same.

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Speaker 1: We find comfort and whatever just is sometimes just the

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Speaker 1: routine and the safety of it. And so to change

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Speaker 1: you have to have somebody or something that's calling that

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Speaker 1: mindset out for you. And sometimes it is, like I said,

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Speaker 1: the accountability piece of someone else saying, let's sit down

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Speaker 1: and let's actually go through how you're spending your time now,

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Speaker 1: so that we can plan for how you're going to

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Speaker 1: implement this, and also so that you can get out

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Speaker 1: of your own way around using your time or lack thereof,

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Speaker 1: as an excuse. For sure, other defense mechanisms are defensive

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Speaker 1: that you've seen come up for people Kristen who are

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Speaker 1: trying to start new routines. I think that any justifications

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Speaker 1: could be like you said, saying I don't have enough time,

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Speaker 1: I would if only this would change, or deferring the

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Speaker 1: responsibility for change onto something else, like I would read

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Speaker 1: more if only my kids would go to bed at

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Speaker 1: a certain time, or I would do this if only

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Speaker 1: deferring it. Once that changes, then I'll have more time

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Speaker 1: to be able to do it instead of empowering ourselves,

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Speaker 1: which is also hard to do to take that time

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Speaker 1: to make that time and prioritize it. It could also

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Speaker 1: be denying that there's an issue around our routines or

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Speaker 1: denying what the actual root causes. So, for example, for

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Speaker 1: someone who is struggling with some sort of addiction or

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Speaker 1: compulsive issue, they may say, oh, well, I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: get it together over here, and I'm not sure why

434
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,160
Speaker 1: I can't wake up on time and get to work

435
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,240
Speaker 1: on time. But they're not willing to address that they

436
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 1: have been drinking at night or taking a medication that

437
00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,400
Speaker 1: makes them sleepy, and so it's like, let's get down

438
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 1: to the root of what's really causing the issue so

439
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 1: that when we're implementing these tools, you can actually be successful.

440
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,920
Speaker 1: So I think those are two examples of how we

441
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,359
Speaker 1: can get in our own way. And the last one

442
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:16,640
Speaker 1: I mentioned is once you've established a routine, maybe you've

443
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,639
Speaker 1: kept it for a couple of days, a couple of weeks,

444
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 1: whatever the case may be, and then you get off

445
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 1: track and then say, oh, well, I might as well

446
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 1: just not even worry about it now I'm already two

447
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,919
Speaker 1: days off my routine. I'll just start over on Monday,

448
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,880
Speaker 1: or I'll just start over on Wednesday, or I'll pick

449
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 1: up the class again next year. That kind of stuff

450
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 1: can all really be detrimental to a new routine. I'm

451
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 1: glad you brought that up because that was one of

452
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 1: my questions because undoubtedly, right when you are starting something new,

453
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:46,239
Speaker 1: there will be days where there will be missteps. Right,

454
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 1: so you missed the ZOOMA class, or you don't read

455
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,200
Speaker 1: when you thought you would. What is the best suggestion

456
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 1: for like how to get yourself back on track, as

457
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 1: opposed to saying and go I missed up Because I

458
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 1: think that's where that critical voice sometimes gets very powerful,

459
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 1: Like here, I can't do anything right like drive this thing,

460
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 1: and look, I can't do it again, and so what

461
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,640
Speaker 1: is the gentlest, kindest way we can kind of get

462
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 1: ourselves back on drag. I think this is where you

463
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 1: have to realize that this is a long term commitment.

464
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: You know, it's not gonna happen overnight. And so sometimes

465
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:19,679
Speaker 1: when we have those perfectionistic ideals for how we should

466
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,960
Speaker 1: do things and we fall short of that on any level, now,

467
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:24,919
Speaker 1: it's like just throw the whole thing away. And so

468
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 1: I think going in with the mindset that this is

469
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: gonna have ebbs and flows, This is gonna take six

470
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 1: months to a year in most cases to really get

471
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: to where it's almost second nature for me to do this,

472
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 1: and even then I might still need to be very

473
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 1: intentional about my schedule. So I think it's just having

474
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 1: the compassion and empathy for yourself to know that may happen.

475
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 1: And then the second thing I'll say, if you do

476
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 1: have a community or support system, accountability partner, being honest

477
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 1: with yourself and with them when you can when there's

478
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 1: a trusted situation to say hey I need some support

479
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,120
Speaker 1: work now, some people can't give that kind of support.

480
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,240
Speaker 1: So I think you really have to be careful about

481
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,880
Speaker 1: who you're getting that I need to bounce back support from,

482
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,960
Speaker 1: because sometimes people can be a little harsh. We're all

483
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 1: just trying to work it out, and sometimes you have

484
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 1: to make sure that the person you're going to is

485
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 1: a gentle support system, but being honest with them. I

486
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,400
Speaker 1: know with my coaching clients, I can tell when they've

487
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:26,439
Speaker 1: gotten off from their routine that we've established because I

488
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 1: won't hear from them as much. They'll start messaging me

489
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,480
Speaker 1: less than the app that I use, and I'll be

490
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 1: reaching out and it's just slow to respond and I

491
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 1: can already tell. And let's go back to the people

492
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,879
Speaker 1: who are trying to support you in doing this and

493
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,879
Speaker 1: allow them to help you. So I say, in those moments,

494
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:44,399
Speaker 1: that's when you need to reach out to me the

495
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 1: most so that we can get you out of this cycle.

496
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:50,920
Speaker 1: So I would say that, and then after that, revisit

497
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:54,400
Speaker 1: your goals, regroup on your why, because sometimes we lose

498
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 1: sight of that and that can really be what gets

499
00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 1: us off track, and then simplify again and take action.

500
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: Do that for a while, revisit your goals, adjust them,

501
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,359
Speaker 1: simplify them, and then take action. That would be just

502
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 1: my three step go to for regrouping. Yeah, I'm really

503
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 1: glad you said that, Chrisin, because I think what happens

504
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 1: for people is that shame gets activated. Right, So I

505
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: came to you with these big goals that I wanted

506
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 1: to do, and now I didn't do it until I

507
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 1: feel really embarrassed. I feel ashamed. And so that is

508
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 1: when you see people like even in clients and therapy,

509
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 1: right like you have a particularly difficult session and then

510
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: they missed the next session. And so it's really important,

511
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: like you mentioned, to go back, even if you didn't

512
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:35,959
Speaker 1: do the homework, even if you didn't do the thing

513
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: that we talked about, to just come back and say

514
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 1: I had a really hard time not doing this and

515
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 1: let's talk about that. Those are some of the most

516
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: powerful sessions I find Even more than like talking about

517
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: and processing the homework, is you being able to say,

518
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 1: I didn't do this thing, and I want to talk

519
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 1: about why it was so difficult for me to get

520
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 1: into it exactly, because that will come up in and

521
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 1: so let's process that and come up with a different

522
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,440
Speaker 1: plan of how you can fond And when you keep

523
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: it to yourself, you don't get that support and you

524
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: don't get that opportunity, which is why I highlighted that

525
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,359
Speaker 1: who you go to for that support is very important

526
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,639
Speaker 1: and therapy you'll have a trusted relationship where you know

527
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,199
Speaker 1: you won't be met with someone who's gonna meet your

528
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 1: shame with judgment or criticism. And that's kind of the

529
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 1: dance that we do is finding someone who can hold

530
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 1: us accountable and pull us along in ways that we

531
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 1: need to be, but also be a gentle sounding board

532
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 1: to talk through what happened. Okay, what happened, Let's learn

533
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: the lesson from it. There's got to be a lesson

534
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 1: either way you go. Let's look at learning it so

535
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 1: that you can do differently next time. So I think

536
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 1: it is also important for us to talk about how

537
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 1: mental health conditions can sometimes get in the way of

538
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 1: us being able to establish and sustained routine. So we

539
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: know that with things like depression, right, there's difficulty with motivation, right,

540
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 1: And so even though I may have these great goals

541
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 1: for myself, depression makes it so that I can't feel motivated.

542
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 1: So can you just share a little bit about like

543
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 1: what kinds of things we need to be paying attention

544
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,199
Speaker 1: to so that we are not even more critical all

545
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:08,600
Speaker 1: ourselves as we're trying to establish routine. Yeah, I think

546
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 1: it all goes back to realizing that you're gonna have

547
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 1: to start small and to start with something that's most

548
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 1: realistic for you to do. And so if I'm dealing

549
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:21,359
Speaker 1: with depression, it may not be realistic for me to

550
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 1: have a five to ten step morning routine. And that's okay,

551
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: because simple is best anyway. And so that's where you

552
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 1: can meet yourself where you are and realize that my

553
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,960
Speaker 1: morning routine, my goal maybe just getting out of bed

554
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 1: and getting some slight. I'm just gonna focus on that.

555
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 1: When I take my head and I think, oh, I

556
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 1: remember five years ago when I wasn't depressed and I

557
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: used to do this, and that when you start comparing

558
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 1: yourself to older versions of yourself or disregarding the fact

559
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 1: that there is a mental health condition, I think that's

560
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 1: where it can be the most harmful. And so when

561
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: we acknowledge I'm in a different space right now, I'm

562
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 1: going to have to address and handle myself with a

563
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 1: different type of care. And then also, what is something,

564
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 1: even the smallest thing that I can do to help

565
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 1: myself get out of this situation? And that also definitely

566
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 1: comes with support. I would say the routines that are

567
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 1: most important for someone with depression. How are you sleeping?

568
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 1: How can we do something to change the quality of

569
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 1: your sleep? Are you showering regularly? Are you eating regularly?

570
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: Are you in contact with anyone on a regular basis?

571
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 1: And usually with depression, we isolate lack of motivation, loss

572
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 1: of interest, We start to feel hopeless, and with that

573
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 1: usually our day to day just upkeep can kind of

574
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 1: go with it. So that's where I like to start

575
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 1: with depression, and anxiety can mirror some of that too,

576
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 1: but I like to note with anxiety sometimes it can

577
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: be more focused on mindfulness and soothing routines. What are

578
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 1: things that you have on your day to day basis

579
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 1: that are helping you decrease your anxiety. There's in the

580
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 1: moment anxiety coping skills, and then there's like day to day,

581
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 1: longer term maintenance coping skills that I think could be important.

582
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:10,960
Speaker 1: But it starts with starting very small, getting used to that,

583
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 1: seeing if it works or not, going back to the

584
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,600
Speaker 1: drawing board if you have to, and then moving forward

585
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 1: from there. Each step leads to the next one. You

586
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 1: don't need to know the answer to start more from

587
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 1: my conversation with Kristen after the break. So, Christen, you

588
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:35,600
Speaker 1: bring up a good point, and this is something I've

589
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:37,719
Speaker 1: actually been working on with my own therapist, is like

590
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 1: increasing mindfulness activities, right, And because there's so much chaos,

591
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 1: it feels like on the outside world, she's always talking

592
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 1: to me about lend control all of that. What can

593
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 1: you control, like in your inner experience? And I wonder

594
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 1: if you have some tips that you might share for

595
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 1: people who that may be a goal, because I think

596
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: as this year continues, I don't see the stress going anywhere, right,

597
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 1: and so I do think mine to give you something

598
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 1: that could help a lot of people. Would things might

599
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 1: you suggest for someone that is a goal to get

600
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 1: in touch with more mindfulness activities. For some people who

601
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 1: are pretty regimented already and are maybe their type A personalities,

602
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 1: our person already has a regimented lifestyle, it may be

603
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 1: easier to implement a regular meditation practice or deep breathing,

604
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 1: deep stretching yoga into their routine to help with that soothing.

605
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: It could be taking a bath, and so those are

606
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 1: all self soothing things. Anything that's gonna calm the central

607
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: nervous system down and release the tension that you're under.

608
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 1: That could also be exercise to release that tension, but

609
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 1: we really just want to look at whatever is going

610
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 1: to bring you back down. Anxiety as a high alert state,

611
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,960
Speaker 1: and deep breathing and getting back to your body are

612
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 1: gonna be some of the best ways to be present

613
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 1: and then also reduce that anxious level as you go

614
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 1: through the grounding exercises or what have you. Now, if

615
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 1: it's someone who is struggling with their routine in other

616
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: ways and it's really just trying to find something to

617
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 1: grab onto to get started, I say, whatever you're doing,

618
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 1: just slow it down. Okay. When I'm rushing in the morning, man,

619
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 1: I throw the spinach and those bananas in my protein

620
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 1: powder and my blender so fast, turn it on, pour

621
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 1: it out. I'm chugging it on the way out the door,

622
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 1: and it's just high intensity all the time. And so

623
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 1: I say, in that moment, just say I'm gonna slow down,

624
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna take five minutes to do this. I'm

625
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: gonna take ten minutes to do this. I'm just gonna

626
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 1: whatever it is, it doesn't matter typing an email. I'm

627
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 1: gonna reread it and make sure that there's no spelling errors,

628
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 1: and just be really intentional with my words instead of

629
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 1: rattling it off and then hitting sin and so again,

630
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 1: it's got the same elements as the other ones, but

631
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 1: it's not necessarily having to recreate one. How I gotta

632
00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 1: go find a meditation ap Nope, you can just do

633
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: exactly what you're already doinging and just slow it down

634
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 1: and pay attention to your senses. What do you see

635
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 1: when you slow it down? What do you smell when

636
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 1: you slow down? Oh, my smoothie smells pretty good. Actually

637
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 1: I didn't notice that because I was just gulping it

638
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: down and moving on. What does my skin feel like?

639
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 1: What is the temperature in the room. You can start

640
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:21,239
Speaker 1: to notice all those things when you slow down. So

641
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 1: what about for people who already maybe have pretty well

642
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 1: established routines but maybe need to dost some things off

643
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,360
Speaker 1: or shake some things up. What suggestions would you have

644
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,480
Speaker 1: for somebody who maybe needs to breathe some new air

645
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 1: into a routine. Yes, I'm glad you asked that because

646
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 1: I mentioned earlier that sometimes routines can be about control,

647
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,239
Speaker 1: which could work in our favor or could keep us

648
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 1: too rigid, you know, on t boxed in. So if

649
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 1: for anyone who's got a rhythm for a routine and

650
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:50,480
Speaker 1: you're looking to switch it up, or you're realizing that

651
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 1: you're getting too hyper focused, obsessed, whatever word you might

652
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 1: use on a particular routine going a certain way, I

653
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 1: would say that area of wellness and an ideal situation.

654
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 1: We like to take care of ourselves in the areas

655
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:12,080
Speaker 1: of wellness, which our mental, physical, emotional, intellectual, occupational, we have, social,

656
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:15,319
Speaker 1: and spiritual, right, I think that was all of them.

657
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 1: And so if you have routines around those areas already,

658
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:22,360
Speaker 1: what I would suggest is knowing, Okay, I'm going to

659
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 1: do something for my mental health today, but it doesn't

660
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:27,760
Speaker 1: have to be the same journaling book that I started

661
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 1: this time last year. Let me buy a new book.

662
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 1: Let me switch it up, and instead of being a

663
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: free riding journaling session, I'm gonna follow some prompts that

664
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:38,359
Speaker 1: maybe will take me down a different road. But when

665
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 1: I frame it up as I'm gonna do something for

666
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 1: my mental health today instead of I've got to do

667
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 1: these four things otherwise I'll go crazy, type of thing

668
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 1: that has more flexibility to it, and variety to it

669
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 1: the same thing for physical exercise and activity, but doesn't

670
00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:58,839
Speaker 1: have to be the same regimented type of movement each day.

671
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 1: One day could be a walk, one day could be stretching,

672
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:04,240
Speaker 1: one day could be a class, one day could be swimming.

673
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:05,759
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. But when you frame it

674
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 1: up as I'm gonna do something for my physical health today,

675
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 1: what is that thing going to be. You're still on

676
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,960
Speaker 1: a routine, You're still addressing that area each day, it

677
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:17,800
Speaker 1: just looks different. And so I would say for anybody

678
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 1: that's like that tickety breath, it's gonna be okay. Variety

679
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 1: is good for you, and let's see what else could

680
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,280
Speaker 1: work in case life changes and you need something else. Anyway,

681
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 1: I love that. Thank you for the Kristen. So there

682
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:33,840
Speaker 1: are some resources, any books or podcasts or other things

683
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 1: that you find yourself frequently recommending to clients that you

684
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 1: work with for establishing routines. Actually, on my website, I

685
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 1: have a freebee that anybody can download just by visiting

686
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 1: my website and I'll leave that information with you guys.

687
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 1: But it's a four Steps to New Habits workbook. It's

688
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,799
Speaker 1: very short, but it's something that I use a lot

689
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,280
Speaker 1: with my clients or even just for people who engage

690
00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 1: with my content to do exactly what we've talked about today,

691
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:04,319
Speaker 1: which is, let's regroup on your way. Let's regroup on

692
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,959
Speaker 1: your goal setting and what this looks like, and let's

693
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,799
Speaker 1: really help you establish a firm foundation so that when

694
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 1: you are implementing the things that I know your heart

695
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:17,279
Speaker 1: wants to do, you actually have a plan that aligns

696
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 1: with what that is. And so that's a great starting place.

697
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 1: I also like to highlight this is more in the

698
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 1: theoretical side of things, but there is stages of change

699
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 1: theoretical model, and so I want to highlight that, and

700
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 1: you can look up articles and information on the stages

701
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 1: of change, because I think that people underestimate what it

702
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 1: takes to actually change and implement something new. I think

703
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:41,920
Speaker 1: that information of kind of knowing where you are on

704
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 1: the stages of change spectrum can help with what you

705
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 1: actually need to be doing at those different stages. And

706
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 1: so once you've got into the action stage, which there's

707
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:56,240
Speaker 1: pre contemplation, contemplation, preparation, and action, those other three steps

708
00:36:56,239 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 1: happened before any change even occurs, and then what we've

709
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 1: been in action for about six months, then we hit

710
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 1: a maintenance piece, where there's a completely different perhaps type

711
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 1: of lifestyle and intention that has to go along with

712
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 1: long term maintenance is something and most people think that.

713
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,240
Speaker 1: When you google habit change, it says twenty one days

714
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,479
Speaker 1: to a new habit, ninety days to a new habit,

715
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,279
Speaker 1: And so when I tell them it's six months long

716
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 1: and that model, they're like, really, I gotta do this

717
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: same thing for six months. And I'm like, yeah, but

718
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 1: that's okay. That gives you some time and some grace,

719
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So I would recommend looking

720
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:36,279
Speaker 1: into information around that just to better understand yourself and

721
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,760
Speaker 1: also when it comes to making that plan of action,

722
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 1: you'll know what you actually need. I like that, And

723
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:44,720
Speaker 1: I'm sure the stages of change has been around so long.

724
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 1: I'm sure they are more like easier to understand versions

725
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 1: of everything, probably what we have to learn grad school, right,

726
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 1: the very theory heavy thing. But you're right, I think

727
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 1: it is important for people to understand, like you having

728
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:58,719
Speaker 1: the idea that you want to do something, in the

729
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 1: process of it actually happening, there are a lot of

730
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 1: steps in the meeting, right, and sometimes people stay in

731
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 1: the pre contemplation stage for a long time, and it's

732
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 1: so it is important not to beat up on yourself

733
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 1: or be too critical because it's all a part of

734
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: the process. Absolutely, absolutely, So where can people find you, Kristen?

735
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 1: What is your website as well as any social media

736
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:22,320
Speaker 1: handles you'd like to share? My website is B three

737
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 1: by Kristen dot com and so that's the letter B,

738
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:28,399
Speaker 1: the number three by Kristen dot com and that's where

739
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 1: you can find information on my therapy services, on my

740
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 1: coaching services, the freebees that I mentioned, any events or

741
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 1: things that I'm having. That's really like a great hub

742
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:42,480
Speaker 1: for getting connected with me, and you could subscribe to

743
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:46,319
Speaker 1: my website through there as well. Social media Instagram is

744
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 1: my name at Kristen Fenster. On Instagram, I give information

745
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 1: and I also switch it up and share a little

746
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:55,840
Speaker 1: bit more of my personal life and just connect with

747
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:58,279
Speaker 1: people there. So that's a great platform. And then I

748
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 1: do have a Facebook which is space book dot com

749
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:04,279
Speaker 1: backslash B three by Kristen that will take you to

750
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 1: my page where you'll also be able to get all

751
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 1: the same goodies that I post on my website and

752
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,319
Speaker 1: my Instagram. So either of those would be great and

753
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 1: I would hope to see you guys come show some support.

754
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 1: Perfect will definitely include all of those in the show notes.

755
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 1: This episode is a part of our January Jump Start series.

756
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 1: And so what words of encouragement do you have for

757
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 1: people who are listening who want to start new routines

758
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 1: to achieve their goals. I would just say, take your time.

759
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,479
Speaker 1: It's a lifestyle change, whatever it is that you're trying

760
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 1: to implement, take your time, and it's worth your time. Well,

761
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 1: I think that when we rush the process, we maybe

762
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 1: don't value it as much as we would have we

763
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,799
Speaker 1: been intentional and slow down. So take your time and

764
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 1: make sure that your routines are for you. Okay, your

765
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,440
Speaker 1: routine may look different than someone else's and that's perfectly okay.

766
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:57,320
Speaker 1: Only you know what's best for you, and so listen

767
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,800
Speaker 1: to that and honor that and the things that you pursue.

768
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,360
Speaker 1: And then also if you have to start over, giving

769
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,399
Speaker 1: yourself grace. Sometimes we have to start over, and that's

770
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: okay too, but never give up, never give up on yourself.

771
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 1: I love it. Thank you, Kristen. I'm so glad Kristen

772
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: was able to share her expertise with us today. To

773
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:21,720
Speaker 1: learn more about her and her work, visit the show

774
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:24,360
Speaker 1: notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash Session

775
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 1: to three, and be sure to text two of your

776
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 1: girls this episode right now. If you're looking for a

777
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 1: therapist in your area, be sure to check out our

778
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 1: therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory.

779
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 1: And if you want to continue digging into this topic

780
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 1: or just be in community with other sisters, come on

781
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 1: over and join us in the Sister Circle. It's our

782
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: cozy corner of the Internet design just for black women.

783
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,919
Speaker 1: You can join us at community dot Therapy for Black

784
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:52,720
Speaker 1: Girls dot com. Thank you all so much for joining

785
00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:55,279
Speaker 1: me again this week. I look forward to continue in

786
00:40:55,320 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 1: this conversation with you all real soon. Take it care.

787
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: The best bet to bet just Wood