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Speaker 1: Hey guys, I'm Kaylie Short and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say, question it all to you. So this podcast

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Speaker 1: is all about over sharing and all about what's going

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Speaker 1: on in my week. And honestly, I've been very anxious

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Speaker 1: this week, and I feel like it's a good time

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Speaker 1: to talk to you about anxiety, the things I've done

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Speaker 1: to cope with my own. UM, understanding a little bit

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Speaker 1: about why your body does that to you and why

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Speaker 1: your brain does that to you, and just sharing my experience. Now,

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Speaker 1: everybody's experience with anxiety is completely different. It manifests in

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Speaker 1: different ways. Sometimes people get migraines. I personally get like

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Speaker 1: my stomach just hurts for like hours at a time.

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Speaker 1: But it's different for everybody. So this is just my

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Speaker 1: personal experience with it. UM. Hopefully you can see some

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Speaker 1: of yourself in this and use some of my tips

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Speaker 1: for calming the fun down to help you. So. I

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Speaker 1: grew up in a house that prioritized religion over mental health. UM,

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Speaker 1: and I definitely believe in the power of spirituality and prayer,

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Speaker 1: but it's not a replacement for therapy. Like Jesus made

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Speaker 1: therapy for a reason, and you know he made doctors

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Speaker 1: who can help you with this, like for a reason.

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Speaker 1: Medicine exists for a reason, and not everybody needs to

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Speaker 1: be medicated at all, but you know, for some people

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Speaker 1: that's something that they need and really improves their quality

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Speaker 1: of life. And completely discounting that and just saying that

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Speaker 1: you need to pray it away, that's like not great.

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Speaker 1: So when I had my first panic attack, I had

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Speaker 1: no idea what was going on. Like I was like,

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Speaker 1: do I have asthma? Like why can't I breathe? And

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Speaker 1: I was. I was in the car with my mom

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Speaker 1: and we were getting in a fight about something on

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Speaker 1: the way to school, and I literally just like my

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Speaker 1: heart of being really fascinating, just could not breathe, and

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Speaker 1: I was trying to catch my breath. And I think

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Speaker 1: that sometimes parents, I think that when a kid reacts

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Speaker 1: that way, that they're looking for attention or they're being dramatic.

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Speaker 1: But I legitimately, like, could not breathe, and that's something

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Speaker 1: you're supposed to know how to do pretty easily. So

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Speaker 1: when you can't breathe, it's really fucking scary. I've found

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Speaker 1: that my anxiety is mostly triggered by feeling out of

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Speaker 1: control of the things around me. And I'm not like

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Speaker 1: a huge control freak. I mean, maybe some people in

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Speaker 1: my life would disagree. I don't know, maybe it's a

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Speaker 1: self awareness problem, but I'm okay with like going with

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Speaker 1: the flow. But when people are making decisions that impact

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Speaker 1: my life recklessly and they're, you know, sucking up my

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Speaker 1: life for me, I'm like, honey, I can do that myself,

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Speaker 1: like please stop, and just feeling like a choice was

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Speaker 1: taken away from you. I think that's what really sets

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Speaker 1: me off. And that how been a lot when I

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Speaker 1: was a kid, and I have a song off my

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Speaker 1: EP Awake where I talked about this recurring dream that

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Speaker 1: I still have to this day. But I started having

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Speaker 1: it when I was about six and I would be

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Speaker 1: in the backseat of a car and somebody would be driving.

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Speaker 1: Usually it was one of my parents, and we'd be

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Speaker 1: driving down a hill and then all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: they would disappear and nobody was driving the car and

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Speaker 1: they had just gotten out and left me in the

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Speaker 1: backseat while the car is moving and I don't know

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Speaker 1: how to drive. I can't get there from the back seat,

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Speaker 1: like my seatbelt won't unbuckle, and I'm literally just forced

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Speaker 1: to go along for the ride, knowing that it's going

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Speaker 1: to crash. And it's so weird how our dreams can

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Speaker 1: be so intuitive like that because I was six years old,

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Speaker 1: and that's like a really powerful metaphor. But I should

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Speaker 1: you not. That's exactly like the dream I'd always had,

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Speaker 1: And it took me a long time to understand that,

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Speaker 1: but now I see it was me feeling like I

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Speaker 1: was being put in a in a really shitty and

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Speaker 1: dangerous place because other people we're making decisions around me

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Speaker 1: and then just like kind of being like, oh well whatever,

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Speaker 1: and not considering how it affected me. Um, that's definitely

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Speaker 1: something I felt with my family. That's something I felt

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Speaker 1: in relationships, and it's really something I felt in friendships.

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Speaker 1: So I had that one panic attack in high school

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Speaker 1: and I would have, you know, a pit in my stomach,

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Speaker 1: which is interesting because you know, you know a lot

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Speaker 1: of cliches like that, like you know, my heart is racing,

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Speaker 1: or I have a pin in my stomach or whatever,

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Speaker 1: and that's what they used to call it. But now

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Speaker 1: we know, after you know, lots of studies and medical

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Speaker 1: advancements and psychological advancements, like in the study of it,

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Speaker 1: we know that that's anxiety, and that that's a panic attack.

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Speaker 1: And it's so sad because I always think about this,

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Speaker 1: like when it comes to mental illness and you know,

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Speaker 1: developmental disorders and all of that, we we didn't know,

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Speaker 1: Like people used to think that dyslexic kids were just stupid,

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Speaker 1: and they're not at all. It's literally something in their

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Speaker 1: brain that they they're not seeing the same letters we're seeing.

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Speaker 1: And you know, people used to just think that autistic

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Speaker 1: kids were weird, and they're not. It's like they're on

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Speaker 1: this spectrum of development and there's just things in their

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Speaker 1: brain that operate differently than mine. Um, And you know,

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Speaker 1: people used to think that anxiety was just a you know,

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Speaker 1: if somebody was sick and they couldn't find a reason

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Speaker 1: why they were sick, they would call it hysteria, and

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Speaker 1: specifically with women, But a lot of that's anxiety. And honestly,

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Speaker 1: when they were diagnosing women with hysterias when they were

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Speaker 1: being completely controlled by their husbands in the sixties, I

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Speaker 1: don't know, and um, they were feel probably feeling out

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Speaker 1: of control. So maybe I have a lot more in

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Speaker 1: common with those women fainting on couches than I thought

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Speaker 1: I did. But I find, you know, my personal experience

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Speaker 1: with it is super physical. Like you can have a

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Speaker 1: mental response to anxiety, obviously, like mine is. I feel

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Speaker 1: like I got on a hamster wheel and I'm just

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Speaker 1: going in circles around the same thing and not solving anything,

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Speaker 1: and just thinking about this problem on a loop and

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Speaker 1: just getting angrier or getting more stressed out or getting sadder,

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Speaker 1: and i just can't get off the hamster wheel, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not accomplished anything. I'm not moving forward, I'm not

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Speaker 1: going anywhere. I'm literally just stuck and I'm out of

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Speaker 1: breath and my heart is raising and I'm running, and

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Speaker 1: I just, you know, I go to a place where

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Speaker 1: I assume everybody hates me and everybody's like against me,

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Speaker 1: and everybody's gonna leave me. And I don't normally have

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Speaker 1: those thoughts, so as soon as they pop up, I

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Speaker 1: know that, like I'm about to go to an anxious

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Speaker 1: place because I'm not the kind of person who worries

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Speaker 1: that much about what other people think of me. Like

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Speaker 1: I've really overcome that, and I kind of walk through

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Speaker 1: life blissfully unaware that there's people who dislike me, And

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Speaker 1: that's definitely ignorant. Because there's always gonna be people who

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Speaker 1: just like you, and there's probably several people who dislike

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Speaker 1: me um as seen in the comments section of iTunes

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Speaker 1: on the podcast. So as soon as those thoughts pop up,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, buddy, but my physical signs are so overwhelming.

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Speaker 1: Like that's really what makes it awful for me, is

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Speaker 1: I just my stomach hurts so bad and I get

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Speaker 1: like physically ill and I can't calm down. I literally

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Speaker 1: feel like I just ran a marathon and all I'm

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Speaker 1: doing is laying in bed staring at the ceiling. And

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Speaker 1: it's just so weird like that your body does that

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Speaker 1: to you. But the reason is when you're stressed out

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Speaker 1: like that, your body triggers a fight, flight or freeze response.

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Speaker 1: And so that's what we do when we feel like

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Speaker 1: we're in danger of something, Like it's super instinctual, it's

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Speaker 1: super primitive. But you either run away from whatever is

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Speaker 1: hurting you. You either fight whatever is hurting you, or

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Speaker 1: you freeze and you literally have no ideade, idea what

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Speaker 1: to do and you just stop everything. And I think

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Speaker 1: I've done all three of those things as a result

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Speaker 1: of anxiety. But it's like, you know, my heart's racing

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Speaker 1: and all of that, and and it's because my body

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Speaker 1: thinks I'm about to go fight for my life, like

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Speaker 1: there's a disconnect between my brain and my nervous system,

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Speaker 1: like for sure, but another thing like this is like

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Speaker 1: kind of kind of gross. But I feel like I've

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Speaker 1: talked to a lot of my friends about this, and

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Speaker 1: it's like we don't people don't normally talk about it.

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Speaker 1: But okay, let's look at this through the lens of

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Speaker 1: a gladiator, like somebody who is literally about to go

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Speaker 1: fight for their life, and you know, they will probably

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Speaker 1: get physically ill right before they go, because your body

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Speaker 1: knows that if you have to go fight for your life,

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Speaker 1: you can't like have to pee, you know. Like that's

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Speaker 1: so if you're ever nervous and you feel like you

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Speaker 1: have to do that, because your body is like, okay,

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Speaker 1: let's get this out now so they can run faster

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Speaker 1: and they're not thinking about it and like whatever. Um,

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Speaker 1: And that's why like sometimes like kids with their pants

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Speaker 1: when they're scared. Isn't that weird? Isn't that so weird? Um?

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Speaker 1: Just that your body can literally have such a physical

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Speaker 1: response to something that's in your head. So I just

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Speaker 1: get sick and I hate it, and I just like

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Speaker 1: and it feels like sometimes it happens over something that's

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Speaker 1: like relatively small, but it really triggers me, and I'm

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Speaker 1: just like, why am I throwing up right now? You know, like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, calm down. But I find that my

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Speaker 1: triggers are obviously feeling out of control, but even more

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Speaker 1: specifically than that, being lied to and and knowing I'm

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Speaker 1: being lied to but not having the person tell me,

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Speaker 1: like I just want to know. I just want to

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Speaker 1: know the truth. I'm so that kind of person who's

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Speaker 1: just like, please just shoot it to me straight. I

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Speaker 1: would rather know what's going on then feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: on the outside of something I need to know and

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Speaker 1: something that affects me. Like it's just really it's really upsetting.

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Speaker 1: And I mean being lied to sucks, and that's a

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Speaker 1: big one for me. Definitely being betrayed and having a

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Speaker 1: moment where you lose trust for somebody that you care about,

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Speaker 1: that one really sucks and that definitely will trigger a response.

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Speaker 1: Life changes for sure, like you know, getting ready to

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Speaker 1: move or questioning if you're in the right place, or

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Speaker 1: you know, even releasing my album, like I got really

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Speaker 1: nervous about that, but even little things have set me off, Like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: so there was the one time this guy I was

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Speaker 1: talking to and I don't even think I liked him

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Speaker 1: that much. I just he was smarter than whoever the

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Speaker 1: funk I've been wasting my time with that I met

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Speaker 1: on Tinder. This was like two years ago, two and

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Speaker 1: a half years ago. And also he was Scottish, and

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Speaker 1: I don't know if there was just like a cultural

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Speaker 1: difference in the way he communicated. I can't imagine Scotland's

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Speaker 1: that much different than the United States. And he also

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Speaker 1: had an accent, so it's very easy to just get

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Speaker 1: caught up in that. But he was really a weird,

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Speaker 1: bizarre Texter. And I'm not the kind of person who

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Speaker 1: wants to talk to somebody twenty four seven, Like, I'm

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Speaker 1: actually kind of leave me the funk alone. But I would,

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Speaker 1: you know, text him or trying to make plans and

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Speaker 1: he'd just be so weird about it. But I do

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Speaker 1: feel like at the time he was into me, but

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Speaker 1: I would make it the biggest deal on the planet,

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Speaker 1: like in my head, like I would seem super chill

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Speaker 1: over texted in person, but like before we would make

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Speaker 1: plans or I was waiting on him for something, I

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Speaker 1: would just get so sick and I just lay in

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Speaker 1: bed and have to stare up at the ceiling, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, why am I reacting this intensely to a

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Speaker 1: guy that I really don't care about that much and

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Speaker 1: if it doesn't work out, like, I'm going to be fine.

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Speaker 1: I'm not in love with this person. And I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: it's because this is the first person I've gone on

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Speaker 1: like actual dates with, like several dates with since my breakup,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like, if this person is rejecting me,

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Speaker 1: it means I'm not worthy of love, which is really

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Speaker 1: not his fault at all. That I'm struggling with that.

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Speaker 1: So it's really important to try to look back and

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Speaker 1: and trace why you're having this response, because a lot

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Speaker 1: of times it goes all the way back to childhood.

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Speaker 1: Like child we learned so many different things. We learn

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Speaker 1: how to read, we learned how to ride a bike,

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Speaker 1: but we're also learning how to love, and we're learning

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Speaker 1: how to tell people that we disagree with them, and

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Speaker 1: we're learning how to you know, we're learning how to

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Speaker 1: how to do everything, and so the root of every

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Speaker 1: problem is almost always in childhood because you know, your

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Speaker 1: first time feeling anger was in so it just impacts

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Speaker 1: you so much. And a lot of times we repressed

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Speaker 1: those memories and it's really hard to go back and

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Speaker 1: dig in your brain and find out what it is.

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Speaker 1: But that's always a really important thing to do. And

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Speaker 1: that's why therapy is always like, okay, so tell me

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Speaker 1: about your dad. You know, like you're talking about something

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Speaker 1: completely different and then you're like, oh my god, wait,

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Speaker 1: that's like why I'm doing that, And that's important because

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Speaker 1: you also need to separate, like when you're putting too

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Speaker 1: much pressure on somebody or you're being too angry with somebody,

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Speaker 1: when really it's just that you're really triggered and you're

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Speaker 1: I don't want to say necessarily projecting, but it's like

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Speaker 1: you're putting those emotions on a situation that reminds you

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Speaker 1: of that, but you're actually really upset about, you know,

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Speaker 1: your parents or something that happened in your childhood. And

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Speaker 1: I really believe in the power of intuition. I definitely,

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Speaker 1: you know, my my gut is is usually right. My

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Speaker 1: panic attack that I had last week that was like

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Speaker 1: lasted for like seven days, I mean I knew. I

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Speaker 1: knew I was being lied to, and I knew that

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Speaker 1: in my gut. I literally figured it out. I texted

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Speaker 1: this person and was like, hey, um, you're not doing

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Speaker 1: this thing that I think you're doing right now right

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Speaker 1: and they're like no, And I was like, okay, so

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Speaker 1: if that, if that situation arises, like please don't do it.

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Speaker 1: And they were like okay, yeah, yeah at door and

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Speaker 1: then they did it twenty minutes later, and I knew

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Speaker 1: what was happening, Like literally was laying in bed. I

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Speaker 1: couldn't fall asleep till four thirty in the morning, and

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Speaker 1: I was just sitting there like super sick. And I

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Speaker 1: woke up the next morning with my heart racing and

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Speaker 1: like why I was just sleeping, Like what what the funk?

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Speaker 1: But I just like knew, and um, I had figured

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Speaker 1: everything out. And then I called the person and was like, hey, um, so,

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Speaker 1: so what was up with last night? And just got

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Speaker 1: completely lied to. And this was somebody that was really

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Speaker 1: really important to me, and it just set off this

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Speaker 1: panic attack that lasted for seven days, and I really

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Speaker 1: needed to focus on the facts and and separate, you know,

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Speaker 1: times I've been hurt before that reminded me of this

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Speaker 1: situation and what I was being triggered by and what

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Speaker 1: was actually this person's fault, And to be honest, like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was definitely triggered, but I don't I did not

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Speaker 1: have an unreasonable response to this. Also, I would like

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Speaker 1: to say a little disclaimer, like this nebulous situation I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about, my boyfriend did nothing. It had nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with him. Um, he's great because the person that like,

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Speaker 1: I texted my manager. I was like, hey, I'm kind

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Speaker 1: of having a weird day, Like I don't want to

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Speaker 1: go into it, but like something happened and he was like,

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Speaker 1: it's not Sam, right, And I was like no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: no, no no, I know absolutely not. Like he's amazing. Um,

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Speaker 1: but I just wanted to clear that up in case

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Speaker 1: anybody was, you know, because I get tweets after I

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Speaker 1: do these episodes, and I know that like a lot

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Speaker 1: of my really close fans that have followed me for

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Speaker 1: a long time, Like when you hear me talking about

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Speaker 1: something on this podcast, a lot of time you know

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Speaker 1: that person's name because you've just figured it out or whatever.

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Speaker 1: I mean, if you go back far enough, you'll find

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Speaker 1: out who my ex boyfriend was, so you know, I

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Speaker 1: just want to clear that up. But it really really

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Speaker 1: fucking sucked, and I just had to really find ways

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Speaker 1: to cope with it, and I found those over the years.

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Speaker 1: I've had several epiphanies over time that have led to

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Speaker 1: you know, me figuring it out. And so I'm going

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Speaker 1: to read to you a couple of journal entries of

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Speaker 1: times that I had an epiphany that really helped me.

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Speaker 1: So in December, so two years ago, I was I

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Speaker 1: had been seeing this guy and things were going so well,

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Speaker 1: and I really we were friends for a really long

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Speaker 1: time before anything happened, and so it made things a

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Speaker 1: lot harder when he ended things because it was a

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Speaker 1: friendship ending too. And this was actually my first time

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Speaker 1: like being in anything close to a relationship since my breakup.

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Speaker 1: So this was like right after Scottish guy, and I

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Speaker 1: was just like putting my entire self worth on what

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Speaker 1: this man thought of me. And this man can't even

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Speaker 1: figure out what the funk he wants from life, so

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Speaker 1: how how does his opinion matter? I mean, he lied

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Speaker 1: to me about having a car, So that's how bad

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Speaker 1: it was. I was literally putting my entire self worth

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Speaker 1: on someone like that. I mean, bless his heart, but seriously,

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Speaker 1: And I had this book of fan letters that amazing

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Speaker 1: fan named Ali Lamarca put together for me, and she

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Speaker 1: had a bunch of fans like write down things, and

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Speaker 1: she put them all in one place. And I was

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Speaker 1: literally just like crying and just doing so terribly. And

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Speaker 1: I remember that book and I was like, I just

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Speaker 1: need to remember that, like there's people out there who

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Speaker 1: like me. Um. There was someone who said in the book,

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Speaker 1: I wish I could remember who was. I could probably

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Speaker 1: go find it, but whoever did this, thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: And one of the girls run in the book and said,

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Speaker 1: don't let anyone take you for granted. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, that's literally what I'm letting someone do.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm giving this man all of my energy, all

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Speaker 1: of my time. I would have dropped anything and just

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Speaker 1: ran if he told me to like jump how high

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Speaker 1: like one of those situations, and he just didn't appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: And I don't hold that against him. I mean it

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Speaker 1: literally just wasn't right. But at the time I was

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Speaker 1: like this, it really clicked for me. I was like,

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Speaker 1: this person is taking me for granted. So in the

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Speaker 1: in the journal entry I said that really hit me.

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00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:07,920
Speaker 1: I let Blank do that and obviously many others. He

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00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,439
Speaker 1: should be lighting up the way I do when he

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Speaker 1: texts me. He should realize that we had something really great.

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Speaker 1: He shouldn't be afraid that people would know about this.

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Speaker 1: He should want to show it off. I've made so

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Speaker 1: many excuses for him, but the truth is he's not

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Speaker 1: into me enough to change. He's insecure, closed off, indecisive,

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Speaker 1: and honestly a little passionless. He's got it all in him.

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Speaker 1: But it's not my job to teach him those things.

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Speaker 1: I already had someone learned those lessons on me. There's

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Speaker 1: someone out there who won't take me for granted. I've

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Speaker 1: worked really hard to build this life for myself and

348
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Speaker 1: learn who I am. I know that I'm kind and driven.

349
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Speaker 1: I know this. I'm not going to let a man

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Speaker 1: make me question that. And you know, sometimes you just

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Speaker 1: need to write it out and like tell yourself that

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Speaker 1: you're worth it. And that was that was a really

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Speaker 1: big epiphany for me. So thank you so much, Ali

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Speaker 1: for putting that together. Thank you so much who ever

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Speaker 1: said that, if you you're listening, please tweat me so

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Speaker 1: I can actually thank you, thank you. But that was

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Speaker 1: a big that was a big one for me, and

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Speaker 1: so I learned how to deal with anxiety in different

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Speaker 1: ways just because I had to. And the summer of nine,

360
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Speaker 1: I was going through something really rough, and up until then,

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Speaker 1: anxiety was just like an emotional response for me to

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Speaker 1: something that happened. But this like took over my life, Like, um,

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Speaker 1: this situation was like probably one of the worst things

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Speaker 1: that happened to me. And I've never really talked about it, um,

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00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:36,040
Speaker 1: like not even my friends, no, but um, I use

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Speaker 1: your imagination. I'm sure you guys don't know what I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about. I just don't feel ready to like stay

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Speaker 1: it out loud. But something really really bad happened, and um,

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Speaker 1: I had someone make a choice for me that I

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Speaker 1: did not want. So that was a really tough time.

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Speaker 1: And my body had such a physical response to that,

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Speaker 1: Like I mean I was throwing up for weeks, and

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Speaker 1: not in an eating disorder way like in it, I

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00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:01,280
Speaker 1: was literally sick. And I would just have these um

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Speaker 1: weird flashbacks and just tense up and I'd be driving

376
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Speaker 1: and I'd black out for like five seconds to ten seconds,

377
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Speaker 1: And that's terrifying and I couldn't do anything to control it.

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Speaker 1: And I have this anxiety medication that I take as needed,

379
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Speaker 1: and it's it's this thing called the Beta blocker. And

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Speaker 1: this is not me like telling you to go do

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Speaker 1: that at all, Like this is just what I found

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Speaker 1: that works for me. So um. But it just slows

383
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Speaker 1: your heart rate a little bit. And it's like something

384
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Speaker 1: that they give public speakers who have stage right, like

385
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Speaker 1: it's it's something that's really it's just it's not like

386
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Speaker 1: a big anti anxiety thing with a lot of you know,

387
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Speaker 1: side effects that I take every day. It's something I

388
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Speaker 1: take as needed, like when I'm like really freaking out.

389
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Speaker 1: But I was like, oh my god, I took more

390
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Speaker 1: in that month than I had taken in like the

391
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:52,640
Speaker 1: two years I'd had the prescription for it. And it

392
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Speaker 1: was just it gave me so much more empathy because

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Speaker 1: I saw how bad anxiety can be, and I saw,

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Speaker 1: you know, how debilitating it was and how much it

395
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Speaker 1: affected me and how I could not pull myself out

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Speaker 1: of bed and it was just the weirdest feeling. And

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Speaker 1: so now like when somebody's like, oh, I have an

398
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Speaker 1: anxiety disorder or I really struggle with that or I

399
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:19,399
Speaker 1: take anti anxiety medication. I'm like, oh my god, like

400
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Speaker 1: I know how terrible can be. And I definitely feel

401
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,920
Speaker 1: like there were people around me in my life, specifically

402
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 1: in high school, who were struggling with that, and I

403
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:31,240
Speaker 1: just was like, oh, you're not going to work, you're lazy,

404
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,520
Speaker 1: but really like they could not move and they were sick.

405
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 1: So it's it's pretty it's really bad. And so I

406
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:37,960
Speaker 1: hope that if you have somebody in your life like

407
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:42,160
Speaker 1: that and you haven't fully experienced anxiety, you're patient with them.

408
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,400
Speaker 1: And I know it's hard if you haven't felt it yourself,

409
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,879
Speaker 1: but and I honestly I hope you never do. I

410
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,639
Speaker 1: hope you never have to go through something like that.

411
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 1: But it just felt like, um, it felt like I

412
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 1: was shivering seven like just like that kind of like

413
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,360
Speaker 1: cringe thing, but I was just like tensed up like that,

414
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Speaker 1: Like it was like a perpetual cringe. It's so weird,

415
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,159
Speaker 1: And um, I think that, you know, like that's what

416
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,959
Speaker 1: I'm saying about. When you're not in control of your

417
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,360
Speaker 1: own life and the person who took that away from you,

418
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 1: they get to just go do their fucking thing and

419
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 1: you're stuck there with the consequences and like they might

420
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,400
Speaker 1: just go to the gym the next morning and you're

421
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:25,880
Speaker 1: like throwing up and you know, ignoring every single phone

422
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:30,439
Speaker 1: call an email for a weekend. Alf And uh, this

423
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,119
Speaker 1: happened on my birthday in twenty nine, So that was

424
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:37,000
Speaker 1: a that was not fun, that was very not fun.

425
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Speaker 1: And thankfully I was already in therapy and I'd already

426
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 1: really been working on a lot of stuff. So I

427
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 1: handled that trauma better than I've handled anything. I think, Like,

428
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,680
Speaker 1: I didn't go back to any of my bad habits.

429
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,520
Speaker 1: I wasn't going out partying, I wasn't drinking. I literally

430
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 1: was like doing yoga and journaling, and then I was

431
00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 1: able to throw myself into releasing the album. And I,

432
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,359
Speaker 1: you know, does anybody ever fully heal from their trauma?

433
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,680
Speaker 1: Probably not, but I definitely did a lot of work

434
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 1: to get myself out of there. But my advice for

435
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 1: dealing with anxiety and calming yourself the funk down is

436
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 1: it's all sounds so simple, you know, like like just breathe.

437
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,879
Speaker 1: Like that sounds like the stupidest advice, but it's cliche

438
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 1: for a reason, Like people say these things a lot

439
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 1: for a reason. People say be yourself for a reason.

440
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:36,159
Speaker 1: It's because it's good advice. You just have to figure

441
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 1: out how to practice that in your own life and

442
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 1: see what being yourself look looks like, and see what

443
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: just breathing looks like for you. So yoga has been

444
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 1: really great for me having had an eating disorder. Yoga

445
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,200
Speaker 1: is really healthy for me because it's not like going

446
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,639
Speaker 1: to the gym and you know, worrying about my body.

447
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 1: It's just literally something that centers me mentally. It's something

448
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: I can go to for an hour and put my

449
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:04,880
Speaker 1: phone in the other room and just check out and

450
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 1: not think about anything else. And that's really an awesome thing.

451
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,760
Speaker 1: Now yogays for everybody, but I really like that, and

452
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 1: that's been really great for me. And I prefer the

453
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:18,680
Speaker 1: kind of like I don't like hot yoga because I

454
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 1: just like it's just if I'm having a bandic attack.

455
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 1: I don't want something that's like physically difficult. I just

456
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: want to, like, you know, do the kind of more

457
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,719
Speaker 1: mental stuff that comes with yoga. But I really and

458
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,159
Speaker 1: it's also but it is cool to know like my

459
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 1: body can do more than just like I don't my

460
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 1: body can do more than just look good. Like I

461
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 1: don't need to fucking worry about that. Like if I

462
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 1: don't feel like I look good, but I can do

463
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,640
Speaker 1: a headstand, that's really cool. You know. It's just nice

464
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,399
Speaker 1: to know that that can happen. So it's just really

465
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 1: good in many different ways. So I love yoga. Journaling

466
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 1: is great, Like when I get angry and upset, I

467
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 1: know that I have the power to say something that

468
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: could really hurt somebody, and even if they hurt me,

469
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,400
Speaker 1: that's not the right move. Fighting fire with fire has

470
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:11,959
Speaker 1: never put out a fire. And I typically withdraw when

471
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: I'm angry and kind of pull back and go either

472
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: into myself or into my room, or you know, kind

473
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,000
Speaker 1: of isolate myself for a few days or a few hours.

474
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 1: And that's frustrated people in the past. And I talked

475
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 1: about that with my ex boyfriend, like how I was

476
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 1: upset that he had cheated on me, you know, and

477
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:37,200
Speaker 1: then wanted me to rush into making a decision. Because

478
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 1: journaling is so great because you can write down everything

479
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 1: you think, you don't have to filter it. You can

480
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,359
Speaker 1: say something really fucking mean if you want, like you

481
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,119
Speaker 1: really can, and then you figure out what it is

482
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 1: that you actually mean and you actually need to say

483
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:54,119
Speaker 1: to the person that would actually help the situation. I

484
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: told my little sister Chloe, who is my sister's daughter

485
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: who my dad adopted after she passed away, so she's

486
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 1: like my sister niece. I told her when I gave

487
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 1: her a journal, I was like, I know you're eleven

488
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 1: years old, but like, if you literally just need to

489
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,359
Speaker 1: write an entire page that says fun to get it

490
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,639
Speaker 1: out because you're angry at the world, which you have

491
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 1: every right to be, I'm like, you can do that,

492
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 1: and she was like, oh really. I was like, yeah, dude,

493
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 1: like literally write anything you want and uh you that's

494
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,840
Speaker 1: great advice for adults to like you don't have to

495
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 1: You don't have to filter the thoughts that go on

496
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:28,960
Speaker 1: your journal, and that's why they're private. That's why you

497
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 1: should never read anybody's journal. But turning my phone off

498
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,199
Speaker 1: is also like the best thing. Like all text the

499
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 1: people that I know would be trying to reach out

500
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 1: to me and be like, hey, I'm turning my phone

501
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,679
Speaker 1: off for self care reasons. Um, if you need something

502
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,199
Speaker 1: like send me an email or I don't know, like

503
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,439
Speaker 1: text my roommate or whatever. But like sometimes you just

504
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,360
Speaker 1: have to do that. And it's so crazy that we're

505
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 1: reachable at all times now and people expect you to

506
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 1: respond to a text within five minutes. But like just remember,

507
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,120
Speaker 1: like that was never a thing in until like literally

508
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,919
Speaker 1: less than ten years ago, Like it was not expected

509
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 1: that you were that accessible. So if you need to

510
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: turn off your phone for three hours to make sure

511
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 1: that you don't explode, that's fine, Like that is completely fine.

512
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:17,959
Speaker 1: You really like you'll be okay, they'll be okay. Just

513
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 1: do what you gotta do. I really like going outside

514
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,719
Speaker 1: and going for a walk and just sounds so cheesy,

515
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 1: but looking up at the sky is really helpful for

516
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,640
Speaker 1: me because it's just it's always so pretty, even when

517
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 1: it's like rainy and cloudy, Like this guy is always

518
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 1: really gorgeous no matter what. And it always blows my

519
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 1: mind that we are on a rock hurtling through space

520
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 1: at a very very fast rate, and we're all just

521
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 1: trying to figure out how we're here, you know, And

522
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:53,119
Speaker 1: it sort of brings me to an existential place in

523
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 1: a good way where I'm like, okay, like my problems

524
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:59,480
Speaker 1: are really small and I'm here in this world to

525
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 1: put love in it. And two find love and to

526
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:09,920
Speaker 1: make things better. That's why everybody's here, and it's our

527
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 1: our job to do that. So having that little moment

528
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 1: of perspective where you just go outside, walk outside in

529
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:16,920
Speaker 1: your front yard and just like look up at this

530
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,880
Speaker 1: guy like that can really be centering. Also, reading is great,

531
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 1: Like I have a hard time with TV because like

532
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,560
Speaker 1: when I'm having an episode or panic attack or whatever

533
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:31,880
Speaker 1: you want to call it, because I'm still thinking about

534
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 1: other things, like I can't just fully immerse myself. But

535
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:36,199
Speaker 1: if you're thinking about something else while you're reading, you

536
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 1: you're not getting anything. So you'll correct yourself really quickly.

537
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:41,800
Speaker 1: You'll be like, oh wait, I was I didn't get

538
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: any of that paragraph because I was thinking about, you know,

539
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,320
Speaker 1: if he's going to text me back or not. And

540
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 1: so reading is really great, like just being away from

541
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 1: a screen, not to mention how much we look at

542
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 1: them every day, Like I'm not being preachy. I'm on

543
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 1: my phone. I realized that. But when ship gets bad,

544
00:28:57,920 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: that's the first thing I need to I need to

545
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 1: get rid of. And just like lighting a candle and

546
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 1: finding those little things that make you happy, like I

547
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 1: really like my Yankee candle pink sands like that ship

548
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: smells so good and when I light it and I

549
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 1: just like sit there and breathe for a second, it

550
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: just feels really good. And it's super simple and it's

551
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: super easy, and it costs fourteen dollars, So I mean,

552
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,360
Speaker 1: like that's a really easy fix. Love that. But just

553
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 1: you know, little things, and I think it having anxiety

554
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 1: and having to find your way through that will really

555
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 1: put things in perspective and teach you that the little

556
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 1: things are the big things. Because I can be having

557
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 1: the worst day of my life and if I just

558
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 1: sit there with my cat and light a candle and

559
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 1: read a book like it can really it can really

560
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 1: help you. Know. Those are things I love and they

561
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: make me happy and even in the darkest time, they'll

562
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 1: cheer you up, even if it's only a little bit.

563
00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 1: So find those things, write them down. I of a

564
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: note that I wrote stuck on my walls, so if

565
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 1: I'm ever anxious, I can like look at that list

566
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: and be like, Okay, which of these things do I

567
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: want to do? Do I want to take a bath

568
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 1: with a bath bomb that has cbdo all in it,

569
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 1: you know, Or do I want to read a book?

570
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 1: Or do I want a journal or do I want to,

571
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 1: you know, play guitar and learn a new song? Do

572
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 1: I want to do any of those things? And I

573
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: just pick one and go with it. And sometimes when

574
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 1: you're super anxious, like nothing sounds good, like nothing sounds fun,

575
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 1: and that's that's really real, and you're just like everything's pointless.

576
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 1: Why am I doing this bout? But just like try

577
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 1: just pick one, just like literally close your eyes, point

578
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 1: to one and do that and just see what happens.

579
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 1: Like you owe it to yourself to just try. And

580
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 1: if it doesn't fix it and you're still anxious, like

581
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 1: that's fine. Your body's feeling something, you're feeling something, you're

582
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 1: going through something, But sitting in it and not trying

583
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: even just a little bit, that doesn't help anybody. That

584
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,719
Speaker 1: doesn't help you move forward. And I think a lot

585
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 1: of anxiety is about feeling trapped. And so if you're

586
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 1: literally just sitting there, you're you're going to feel trapped

587
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 1: because you're not moving forward or doing anything else. And

588
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: in that book that I just finished, called you Should

589
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: talk to Someone. It's so good, there's a metaphor that

590
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 1: her therapist tells her about he brings up this cartoon

591
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 1: that he saw one time where there's this guy behind

592
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: these prison bars and he's holding onto them and he's

593
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 1: looking out and he wants to get out of there,

594
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 1: and then it zooms out in the next one and

595
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: it's just a wall, Like he could just walk around

596
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 1: the wall. But he's more afraid of moving forward than

597
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 1: he is of being trapped, and that is not a

598
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 1: real thing. Like moving forward is always going to be

599
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 1: good for you. Sometimes you have to leave things behind.

600
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to leave bad people behind or leave

601
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 1: you know, bad habits behind. But most of our like

602
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 1: there's that line in the there's a song off Folklore

603
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 1: where it's like all of my cages were mental. I

604
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,479
Speaker 1: got wasted, like all my potential. And I love that

605
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:09,959
Speaker 1: line so much because it's true. A lot of our

606
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 1: cages are mental and a lot of them are made up.

607
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 1: So learn when to recognize when you're imprisoning yourself. So

608
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope maybe it helped.

609
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: I know that anxiety is at an all time high

610
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 1: for many people. The election was really hard. The holidays

611
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 1: are really hard, whether you were with family, and you

612
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 1: know they were triggering because even the best families, can

613
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 1: they're triggering, you know, it just takes you back to

614
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 1: that place, or you're anxious because you're alone and you

615
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 1: couldn't see them, any of those things. This is a

616
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 1: really hard time and I hope you're taking care of yourself.

617
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 1: I hope you try at least one thing to cheer

618
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 1: you up next time you're feeling like that. Anna, thank

619
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:54,960
Speaker 1: you guys so much for listening. My name is Kaylee Shore.

620
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: This is too much to say. We got new episodes

621
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 1: every Wednesday and can't wait to see you next week.

622
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 1: Don't go ask me questions you do answer soon. I've

623
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 1: got to say, and I'll turn it out of you.

624
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 1: You