1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:04,440 Speaker 1: Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that 3 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,399 Speaker 1: the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those 4 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 1: of the hosts and guests and are intended for educational 5 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,960 Speaker 1: and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is 6 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,280 Speaker 1: off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can 7 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 1: be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to 8 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:26,240 Speaker 1: celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color, 9 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 1: providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will 10 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 1: be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a 11 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:37,919 Speaker 1: reminder that tough times don't last, but professional Homegirls do 12 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 1: enjoy the show. 13 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 2: This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener discretion is a viz. 14 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 2: What's up? Professional Homegirls? Is your beautiful love and amazing 15 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 2: favorite Professional Homegirl hair Ebena and we are back with 16 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 2: another conversation from our men series. Now, before we dive in, 17 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,680 Speaker 2: you know we got a key key about last week's episode. Child, 18 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:18,040 Speaker 2: Now listen, I receive all of your emails, your DMS, 19 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:22,479 Speaker 2: your texts, and I knew that each and every one 20 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 2: of you that's listening to my voice now would have 21 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,680 Speaker 2: plenty to say, and you certainly did not hold back 22 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,720 Speaker 2: with your thoughts on this one. And yes, I have 23 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 2: some opinions of my own, but I will share them 24 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 2: during our follow up episode with our guests, and our 25 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,959 Speaker 2: guests will be back with his wife. So if you 26 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 2: have any questions or comments that you would like for 27 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 2: me to include, send me an email to Hello at 28 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 2: thepsgpodcast dot com. And yes I do respond. And a 29 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:57,400 Speaker 2: big shout out to Rihanna for winning our giveaway as well, 30 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 2: so shout out to her. Also. I don't know about y'all, 31 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 2: but I am really loving the men's series. I'm enjoying 32 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 2: this so much that I'm even thinking about making it 33 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 2: a regular thing. So let me know how you feel 34 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:14,640 Speaker 2: about adding more men's stories throughout this season. Okay, now, 35 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,160 Speaker 2: this week's conversation is one that I felt compelled to 36 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 2: share because I believe that men are not treated the 37 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:26,359 Speaker 2: same as women when it comes to sexual assault. Reports 38 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,720 Speaker 2: indicate that one in six men have been sexually abused 39 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 2: or assaulted. This statistic is extremely difficult to hear because, 40 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 2: like me, I'm sure you know more than six men 41 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,679 Speaker 2: in your life, and after hearing this, you might even 42 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,799 Speaker 2: find yourself, wondering if any of them have ever been 43 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:48,200 Speaker 2: assaulted by a woman. Before my guest shares his story 44 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 2: about meeting his ex girlfriend and how everything went downhill 45 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,960 Speaker 2: within a matter of months. He opens up about his 46 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 2: past abusive relationship, the ridicule he faced from people who 47 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:03,000 Speaker 2: who made fun of him for sharing his story, and 48 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 2: the outcome when he went to the police. I ain't 49 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 2: gonna hold you. This episode made me angry, So prepare 50 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:14,360 Speaker 2: yourselves because I was sexually assaulted by a woman. Starts now. 51 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 2: All right, to my guests, thank you so much for 52 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 2: being on the show. How are you feeling, How you doing? 53 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,399 Speaker 3: I'm doing great. Thank you for having me here, of course. 54 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 2: Of course, thank you for going to be a part 55 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 2: of my first men series, and also from wanting to 56 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 2: share your story because I feel like this is not 57 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 2: discussed enough, especially just with men in general. So thank 58 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 2: you so much. Well, now, what misconceptions do you believe 59 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 2: people have about male survivors of sexual assault, especially when 60 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 2: a perpetrator is a woman. 61 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:52,680 Speaker 4: I think the biggest misconception is that it can't happen 62 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:56,600 Speaker 4: to men, right, you know, or that it's it's some 63 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,400 Speaker 4: way watered down because it's happening to a man. 64 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,920 Speaker 3: You know, when I think about my situation, it was just. 65 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 4: If the roles were reversed, you know, I probably wouldn't 66 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 4: be here right now. 67 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 2: Yeah. 68 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 4: So, you know, I think that's the biggest thing when 69 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,040 Speaker 4: they come to men. I think that's why most men 70 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,159 Speaker 4: don't say nothing. Yeah. 71 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:22,800 Speaker 2: I also feel like another misconception is the fact that 72 00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 2: people feel like men always want to have sex. 73 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:26,719 Speaker 3: Mm hmmm. 74 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 4: You know what's crazy about that? With my situation that day, 75 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 4: I literally did not go there for that. 76 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, I literally did not know. 77 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, there's nothing I can do about it now. 78 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 2: So do you know any other man that has been 79 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 2: sexually assaulted by a woman before your experience? 80 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:54,040 Speaker 4: No, Personally, I don't know anybody who's ever actually dealt 81 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 4: with it in my personal life. I'm the only one 82 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 4: that I know personally that has went through it on 83 00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 4: the male point of view. 84 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 2: And I feel like they don't portray it enough in 85 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 2: media either. So I feel like that plays a part 86 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,480 Speaker 2: of a lot of men, especially black men, don't feel 87 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 2: comfortable with speaking up. 88 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,440 Speaker 4: Mm hmmm, did you Yeah, it was pretty much like 89 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:20,719 Speaker 4: joked about yeah, along, you know, amongst men, you know, 90 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,919 Speaker 4: amongst each other as men, it's usually joked about with us, 91 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. 92 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 3: We usually joke about it with one another and stuff 93 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:27,920 Speaker 3: like that. 94 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,919 Speaker 4: But uh, I noticed that when I first told my 95 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 4: story to my people in my life, and it was 96 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:36,679 Speaker 4: just like a joke. 97 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 2: You know, who were they saying? What were they saying? 98 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 3: Uh? 99 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 4: Well, so a few of them didn't believe me, and 100 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,479 Speaker 4: they just thought, I you know, there was just thought 101 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 4: it was a story to be funny and laugh at, 102 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 4: and others just thought that, you know, that's really what 103 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,280 Speaker 4: I wanted. So that's why I wasn't you know, a 104 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 4: big deal to be taken so seriously. But you know, 105 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 4: obviously at the moment that I tell them this and 106 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:08,680 Speaker 4: they started laughing, I don't say anything, you know, I 107 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,599 Speaker 4: laugh with them, but I know deep down it's like 108 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,719 Speaker 4: I feel a certain way, you know, they think. 109 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 2: It's have any men came out and like thank you 110 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 2: for sharing your story and they shared their story with you. 111 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 4: Well, when I shared my story publicly, yeah, there was 112 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 4: a probably a must comments. You know, there was a 113 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 4: lot of people, you know, men and women that you know, 114 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 4: commented or direct message me. 115 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:40,120 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, told me how brave I 116 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,920 Speaker 3: am and all this, and you know, it's just it was. 117 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:46,280 Speaker 4: It was definitely something I wasn't expecting, you know what 118 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 4: I'm saying, story and actually getting support and you know, 119 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 4: some empathy. 120 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 2: So did you feel. 121 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,279 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I didn't expect to hear anything 122 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 4: about it or it to even go anywhere. 123 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,520 Speaker 3: Or anybody to say anything about it or anything. 124 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 4: But a lot of people, you know, man and women 125 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 4: on both sides, definitely was showing support. 126 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 3: So I definitely appreciate it. 127 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:14,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. Did you see the recent incident with Michael Rainey 128 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 2: Junior front Power He was sexually assaulted. Yeah, he's shaking 129 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,880 Speaker 2: his hair off, yes, yeah, on the Twitch livestream by 130 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 2: a woman. So what were your thoughts when you saw it? 131 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,720 Speaker 2: Because I thought that was fucking crazy. 132 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 4: I'm gonna be honest with you. At that moment, I 133 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 4: felt like I knew exactly what he was going through. Yeah, 134 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 4: you know, and the fact that it was children in 135 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 4: the room when it happened, you know, you know. Yeah, 136 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,840 Speaker 4: I don't know if the guys that saw it. 137 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 3: I believe it was one or two guys that saw 138 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 3: it happen. 139 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 4: I don't know if they were on you know, Michael 140 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 4: Rainey Junior side or the streamers side, but you know, 141 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 4: as far as friends go, but they saw it happening, 142 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 4: you know what I mean. And to look on his face, Yeah, 143 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 4: remember that that moment. You know, it's like a moment 144 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 4: of vulnerability that we never expect to even happen or have. Yeah. 145 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,240 Speaker 2: So yeah, I thought that was so First of all, 146 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 2: I was like, why is he there? Like I thought 147 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 2: that was so crazy because if the shoe was on 148 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 2: the other foot, that boy would be in jail somewhere, 149 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 2: his career would be over. Like, I'm just like, what 150 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 2: is going to be the outcome of this, because not 151 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 2: only did he have to experience, but everybody saw it. 152 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't you know, that's the messed up part 153 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 3: about it. 154 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 4: Just like we were talking about with my situation, I 155 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,000 Speaker 4: don't think anything's going to happen to her at all. 156 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 3: And it was being said that she's actually an adult. 157 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's crazy. Nothing's going to happen to this adult, 158 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:51,480 Speaker 4: which is a crime that she committed. But it's crazy 159 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,560 Speaker 4: because I felt the way he felt because I know 160 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,720 Speaker 4: nothing's going to happen to her, you know what I'm saying, 161 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:01,839 Speaker 4: it's something that just happens more than people think, and 162 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 4: nothing happens to the abuse her, you know what I'm saying. 163 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:08,840 Speaker 4: So I don't see nothing happening to her. I see 164 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,080 Speaker 4: it getting brushed under the rug, you know what I'm saying. 165 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 4: The streamer did come out, you know, with the statement. 166 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:17,680 Speaker 2: He had to protect himself. 167 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, he had a pr. 168 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,959 Speaker 2: Mom right, clean it up real quick. 169 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah yeah. And that's the thing. 170 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 4: Now, even though he did that, I don't see nothing 171 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:32,959 Speaker 4: happening her. 172 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 2: Yeah. And then I also feel like, if you're that 173 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 2: comfortable to do that with somebody, and I'm assuming she 174 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,800 Speaker 2: don't know him, I can only imagine how she give 175 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,520 Speaker 2: it up to people, you know what I'm saying, behind 176 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 2: closed doors like that was boo. 177 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 3: Yeah. 178 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, So one of the earlier clips, when I guess 179 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 4: she first got introduced to him, she was like all 180 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 4: over him, hugging on him and stuff like that, you know, 181 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,240 Speaker 4: And the way she was hugging him was just like 182 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:05,439 Speaker 4: she was infatuated with this guy. Which I get it, 183 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,680 Speaker 4: you know, yeah, I understand, I get it. You know, 184 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,520 Speaker 4: he's just a lebrity. You like him, you know, and 185 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 4: all that, But. 186 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:15,199 Speaker 2: You bies right, Yeah, this. 187 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 3: Is an adult. 188 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,439 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. It is an adult, Like 189 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 4: this is somebody, This is a human being, This is 190 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,880 Speaker 4: an individual. Like you can't just don't touching people because 191 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,679 Speaker 4: you want to touch them. And then where you touched 192 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,600 Speaker 4: him was the worst part about. 193 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:31,400 Speaker 2: It, Like you could have touched him anywhere else. 194 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,200 Speaker 3: Like why it was like why touch him at all? 195 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 2: That part, you know what I'm saying, Why. 196 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 3: Touch him at all? That was the crazy part. It 197 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 3: was like why touch him at all? 198 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 2: Now? What if he would have reflexed? 199 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 4: Now, see not, then it would have went left with 200 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 4: him and all them guys in that room. If he 201 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 4: would have reflexed and you mean like physically did something. 202 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 2: To her, Yeah, because if he if somebody's grabbing you 203 00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 2: and it catches you off guard, he could have put 204 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,760 Speaker 2: He could have did anything physical just to be like yo, 205 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 2: like what's up were you doing? Like but you can 206 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,400 Speaker 2: tell he froze. 207 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:13,120 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely uh uh he had that if 208 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,680 Speaker 4: you you remember that look on his face. 209 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:15,400 Speaker 3: He didn't know what to do. 210 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, just like you said. 211 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, but what can you do? Because you I probably 212 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,440 Speaker 2: would have frozen something like that would have happened to me, 213 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,440 Speaker 2: especially something so unexpected. It's like, girl, you can't be 214 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:26,320 Speaker 2: serious right now? 215 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 4: Mm hmmm, yeah, you know what I'm thinking, what possess 216 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,079 Speaker 4: her to do that? 217 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,400 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Like, what do you do 218 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 3: on a daily. 219 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:42,239 Speaker 4: Basis that make you? Yeah, you just met a celebrity. 220 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,079 Speaker 4: You just met like is this the first celebrity you 221 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 4: ever been around or something? Yeah, you know, you don't 222 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:52,680 Speaker 4: how to conduct yourself, control yourself. Yeah, that's unfortunately, it'd 223 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,080 Speaker 4: be different if they knew each other and. 224 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,240 Speaker 3: They were on that kind of level. 225 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:56,439 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I'm saying. 226 00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 2: I don't think they knew each other like that. 227 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I'm saying. 228 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 4: And I'm pretty sure he definitely didn't expect that to 229 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 4: happen with kids right in front of him. 230 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:06,840 Speaker 3: You know. 231 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:14,079 Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't think this will happen, but I would 232 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:18,720 Speaker 5: hope like things like you know, protective services don't get 233 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 5: involved and police start to get involved, you know, stuff 234 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 5: like that, just for all of their sake in there, 235 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,240 Speaker 5: especially for the children's sake. 236 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 4: I don't know that household. I can't you know, say 237 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,079 Speaker 4: anything about the household. I don't know any of them 238 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,800 Speaker 4: It's just I don't expect that to be something done 239 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:35,840 Speaker 4: in the presence of. 240 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,480 Speaker 2: Children, right, you know, yeah, I agree. Now, how did 241 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:45,680 Speaker 2: you meet your ex girlfriend? At the time, So, I was. 242 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,840 Speaker 4: On the deployment, believe it or not, I was on 243 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 4: a nine month deployment in the Navy. We were coming home, 244 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,560 Speaker 4: and we're coming back home. We had about two weeks 245 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:58,720 Speaker 4: left before we come back home. I contacted a family 246 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 4: member of mine. We frequently, you know what I'm saying, 247 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,760 Speaker 4: went out, you know, we were younger in our twenties 248 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,720 Speaker 4: and stuff, so we frequently, you know what I'm saying, 249 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 4: went out before the Navy and even after the Navy 250 00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 4: or whatever. And I asked him to book a section 251 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,160 Speaker 4: in the club and one of our favorite clubs. 252 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 3: So when he did that, I had I came home and. 253 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 4: I had got like a hotel room for like two 254 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,720 Speaker 4: weeks until I got my apartment. So while we're in 255 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,640 Speaker 4: that hotel, the first night was supposed to be the 256 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:33,560 Speaker 4: night of the outing. Him and a couple more cousins, 257 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,760 Speaker 4: you know, family members came and a couple more friends 258 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,600 Speaker 4: came that we grew up with, and then she was 259 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 4: one of a friend of a friend I did not 260 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,160 Speaker 4: know her at all until that, you know, that night 261 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 4: I met her that night, you know, not the night 262 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:52,640 Speaker 4: that that happened, but I mean, yeah, that. 263 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:53,840 Speaker 3: Was the first night me and her. 264 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 4: Was the like a couple of hours before the club 265 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,079 Speaker 4: at the hotel, you know what I'm saying with everybody, 266 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 4: and we didn't say anything to each other. 267 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,840 Speaker 3: That was the strange part when we first met. 268 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 4: We didn't say anything to each other, didn't speak an 269 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:08,400 Speaker 4: nothing was strange. Well because it was like you're coming 270 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:12,240 Speaker 4: into my hotel room and you're coming to the You're 271 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 4: coming with us, so you're coming into the section that 272 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 4: I'm paying for that you know. Yeah, it was like 273 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 4: you at my hotel room going to my party, like 274 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 4: about to have money in my section, You're about to 275 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 4: drink off from my alcohol, you know what I'm saying. 276 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 3: So it was I didn't think nothing of it, you 277 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. 278 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 4: And then when we got there, what was even more 279 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 4: strange when she was dancing with said family member that 280 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 4: that you know, booked the section for me. 281 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 2: So you were, they was together, they were trying to get. 282 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 4: To Yeah, I thought that was doing something, you know 283 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 4: what I'm saying. I thought they had some kind of 284 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 4: like relationship, you know what I'm saying, because they were 285 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,320 Speaker 4: all on each other, you know. 286 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:50,320 Speaker 2: Right there. 287 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So I'm I'm not 288 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 4: even you know, I'm not a jealous person, done of that. 289 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 4: So I'm just thinking, Okay, my cousin, you know, my 290 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,240 Speaker 4: family member doing this thing. 291 00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:58,560 Speaker 2: Right. 292 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 4: What happened was, I think I bought the fourth bottom 293 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 4: in my section. Once I paid for the fourth bottle, 294 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 4: that's when she gave me this look like you know 295 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 4: that look and you look somebody up and. 296 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 2: Down he got money. 297 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 4: Yea, the look she gave me after the fourth bottle, 298 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,120 Speaker 4: she looked me up and down. And where I'm from 299 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,240 Speaker 4: is either two things. Either you want to do that 300 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 4: or you want to fight somebody like that, you know 301 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 4: what I'm saying. But right after that, she started to 302 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 4: dance on me. So my initial thought was, Okay. 303 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 3: This girl is just going wherever the money at or something. 304 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 2: Is your cousin. 305 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 3: I don't know, we never talked about it. I don't 306 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 3: think he felt the way because apparently they never did 307 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:49,280 Speaker 3: anything beyond that level, so I don't think. 308 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:54,720 Speaker 2: He did now. So looking back, at this point, the 309 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 2: relationship progressed. So when did you start to know some 310 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 2: red flags? 311 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 3: So it is going to be I don't even know 312 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 3: if I can say this. 313 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 4: Okay, So that night, right up the club, right, we 314 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,440 Speaker 4: get back to the hotel where in the parking lot 315 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 4: where two cars deep, right, my car and the family 316 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 4: member's car. So I'm telling my family member that set 317 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,080 Speaker 4: up the whole thing, telling him to take whoever he 318 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,560 Speaker 4: needed to take home because he was going to stay 319 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:28,240 Speaker 4: in the hotel with me. 320 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,520 Speaker 3: So I told him to take home whoever he needed 321 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:32,000 Speaker 3: to take home. 322 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 4: When I got out the car and was walking towards 323 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:38,440 Speaker 4: the hotel, she got out the car to come with me, right. 324 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 3: So I'm like, all right, whatever, good night. 325 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 4: Some think it's whatever, right, So but when we get. 326 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,200 Speaker 3: Into the room. 327 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,360 Speaker 4: I went shopping that day with the same family member 328 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 4: right at the mall right. And what was weird was 329 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 4: as soon as she got in, she went to like 330 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:56,560 Speaker 4: one of my shopping bags and I had like some 331 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 4: polo underwear I had bought or whatever, you know, stuff 332 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,880 Speaker 4: like that, and she immediately put some more. 333 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 2: She put the polo on her arm. 334 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, I ain't even want them yet. Immediately go through 335 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 3: my bags and she found him and put them on. 336 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 2: Dress up there, yeah, dress. 337 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 3: And get into bed. 338 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:24,720 Speaker 4: Like I've never had that amable. I never like, you 339 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,440 Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, I don't. I didn't know people 340 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 4: did that, you know, but whatever, So more red flags 341 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 4: were when I realized I think the first time she 342 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,119 Speaker 4: you know, hit me, I think that was the first 343 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 4: red flag. Like I come to learn that she was 344 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,680 Speaker 4: one of those people that believe that because you're in 345 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,919 Speaker 4: a relationship, she has the right to put hands on here, 346 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,520 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying, because that's what she frequently 347 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 4: did whenever we got into an argument. You know what 348 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:57,040 Speaker 4: I'm saying, it's, uh, she'll she'll go to do that. 349 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,920 Speaker 4: That was like the first red flag. That was pretty 350 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:03,199 Speaker 4: much like a few weeks because so I come to 351 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 4: find out later that she lied to me because I 352 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,600 Speaker 4: don't I wouldn't usually. 353 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,360 Speaker 3: Just move somebody in, you know what I'm saying. 354 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,399 Speaker 4: After a few weeks of you know what I'm saying talking, 355 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,480 Speaker 4: you know, but apparently she had lied to me and 356 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:20,479 Speaker 4: told me she was being kicked out by her her 357 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:24,680 Speaker 4: child's father, and that she was had nowhere to go. 358 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,959 Speaker 3: So I was like I always been, you know, I 359 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 3: grew up with a single mother. 360 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,600 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I'm saying, So I always want 361 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 4: to help, you know what I'm saying, And you know 362 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:34,960 Speaker 4: what I'm saying. 363 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,120 Speaker 3: I'm always you. 364 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:43,720 Speaker 4: Know, fast though, yeah and really fast. Uh literally too. 365 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 4: After I got the hotel, the hotel only had for 366 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:49,120 Speaker 4: two weeks, I got my apartment, and maybe two weeks 367 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,560 Speaker 4: after I got into the apartments when she came. 368 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,320 Speaker 2: She moved down two weeks her. 369 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 4: And her child. 370 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 3: Her and her child was probably two weeks after. 371 00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,320 Speaker 2: Did you like her like that? During that time? 372 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,440 Speaker 4: I'm being honest, I think I was desperate. I had 373 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:07,879 Speaker 4: went nine months with no girlfriend on deployment, so you know, 374 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 4: I think I was just desperate and wanted something in 375 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,240 Speaker 4: the house, you know what I'm saying. And I always 376 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:16,280 Speaker 4: wanted a family and stuff like that. So it seemed 377 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,400 Speaker 4: perfect at the time, you know what I mean, until 378 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,040 Speaker 4: I realized I was the only one paying any of 379 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:26,520 Speaker 4: the bills in the department, you know, and we're just, 380 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,399 Speaker 4: you know, fine, like you know, it's just fine. But 381 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,639 Speaker 4: it's like if as long as it's being reciprocated and 382 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,200 Speaker 4: I'm being appreciated, that's fine. But I wasn't getting any 383 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:39,280 Speaker 4: of that, you know, and then especially so we get 384 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 4: to the point where we wound up getting arrested together. 385 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:51,160 Speaker 2: Wait, was this the point where why are you laughing? 386 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,560 Speaker 2: Is it? Is it hard for you to tell the story? 387 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:56,000 Speaker 3: No? 388 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,679 Speaker 4: No, no, it's just me thinking about the decisions I 389 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:02,119 Speaker 4: made at that time. I just unbelievable. 390 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 2: But you was also young though, because you were how 391 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 2: are you in your early twenties right. 392 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,639 Speaker 3: Yeah, I was probably in my early twenties, and you was. 393 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:12,399 Speaker 2: Also vulnerable, like you just came back home like you know, 394 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,679 Speaker 2: sometimes people play on your vulnerabilities like that. 395 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 4: So yeah, definitely, it definitely happened. 396 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:19,960 Speaker 2: And I ready, you go through this in your twenties 397 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,120 Speaker 2: and go through it in your forties. 398 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:34,119 Speaker 6: Yeah, oh right, This episode contains sensitive topics. 399 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:41,480 Speaker 2: Listener discretion is a vice. So after the first incident, 400 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 2: this is when she y'all got into a really bad 401 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,920 Speaker 2: argument and she started punching you. 402 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, so we got into a bad argument and I 403 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,600 Speaker 4: walked past her and I was I was pretending to 404 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 4: call the police. I wasn't on the phone with anybody, 405 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,000 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. I just had the phone 406 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,160 Speaker 4: unto my ear and I was like, you know, can 407 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,959 Speaker 4: I get a squad car, you know what I mean, 408 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,680 Speaker 4: And I'm walking past her walk into the bedroom. You 409 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 4: know what I'm saying. 410 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,400 Speaker 3: Uh, And then I put the phone there. 411 00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:13,640 Speaker 4: So as I got to the room because I wasn't 412 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,679 Speaker 4: on the phone with anybody, And as soon as she 413 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,080 Speaker 4: walked into the bedroom, she was like, oh, you want 414 00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:19,639 Speaker 4: to call the police, I'll give you a reason. 415 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,480 Speaker 3: And she hit me like five times, same spot in 416 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 3: my joke. 417 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:28,639 Speaker 4: And I went to work the next day and I 418 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,159 Speaker 4: couldn't chew on like, I couldn't choose, So for like 419 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,200 Speaker 4: four or five days at work, I could only eat 420 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 4: like soft things, apples, stars put in and stuff like 421 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 4: that for like four or five days. You know. And 422 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,439 Speaker 4: where I come from, you don't really call the police 423 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,920 Speaker 4: on your you know what I'm saying, you know, significant other. 424 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:46,800 Speaker 4: So it was like that wasn't in my mind, you 425 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,440 Speaker 4: know what I'm saying. It was just to get through 426 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:49,320 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. 427 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:50,879 Speaker 2: That was Wait, how old was she? 428 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 1: Was? 429 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:51,960 Speaker 2: She the same age as you? 430 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:59,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, we run the same age. She honestly, she's about 431 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,919 Speaker 4: the same size, if not way a little more than 432 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:04,199 Speaker 4: I do. 433 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 2: Wow. 434 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 3: So it wasn't like this was some little crowning little 435 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:07,720 Speaker 3: person or something. 436 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,240 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. It was somebody like my equal, 437 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:11,400 Speaker 4: Like you know what I'm saying. 438 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,360 Speaker 2: Physical You know what were you thinking because I can 439 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:18,600 Speaker 2: only imagine like the emotions you were feeling, like especially 440 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 2: the fact that you couldn't eat for almost a week. 441 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,359 Speaker 4: So you know, this is the weird thing about that 442 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,199 Speaker 4: is that wasn't the first female to put hands on 443 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:28,120 Speaker 4: me in a relationship. 444 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:29,480 Speaker 2: Wow? 445 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,399 Speaker 4: Yeah, she wasn't the first girlfriend I had to put 446 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,120 Speaker 4: hands on me. And I mean like literally really punching 447 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,359 Speaker 4: and kicking and stuff like that. I got kicked in 448 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,879 Speaker 4: the chest by some timberling boots by the female before 449 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,080 Speaker 4: I got a female cousin. She's way older, you know, 450 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 4: She's like she's always been like fifteen to twenty years 451 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,480 Speaker 4: older than me, So she's not gonna fight, you know 452 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:51,560 Speaker 4: like that. 453 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 2: And what happened. 454 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 4: I don't have no sisters, and what happened with that situation. 455 00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:01,760 Speaker 3: Nothing. I just wound up leaving that apart artament. That 456 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:02,160 Speaker 3: was it? 457 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:03,800 Speaker 1: And was she. 458 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,359 Speaker 2: Beys towards you more than one sort? 459 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 4: More than one? 460 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:08,240 Speaker 3: Yeah? 461 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 4: Wow, like I seen I seen to back then in 462 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:16,439 Speaker 4: those ages, I was finding women for some reason that 463 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,720 Speaker 4: have no problem putting hands on their boyfriends. Where do 464 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:20,200 Speaker 4: you think. 465 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,399 Speaker 2: That's stem from that you was continuously in this space 466 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:26,200 Speaker 2: where you was it attracting these type of women. 467 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,919 Speaker 4: Well, I think one thing they had in commented they 468 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:34,520 Speaker 4: both were single mothers, So I thought there was a 469 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:37,400 Speaker 4: lot of things that they held inside that you know, 470 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:42,040 Speaker 4: they really didn't have an outlet for, you know, And 471 00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:46,040 Speaker 4: I'm not you know, I'm not giving them an excuse, 472 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,640 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying, because they did what they did, 473 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,080 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. 474 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 2: But you canna understand what they was probably going through 475 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:54,600 Speaker 2: because you was raised by a single mother. 476 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,439 Speaker 4: Yeah, So it's like, on top of that, maybe the 477 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,800 Speaker 4: kind of guys they were running into that's not me, 478 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:03,480 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. We probably worse than I was, 479 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,159 Speaker 4: you know, and stuff like that. So you know, it 480 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,919 Speaker 4: was a lot that played into it. I guess I 481 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:12,119 Speaker 4: don't know why what actually made them start throwing the 482 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 4: first punches though, you know, because I'm not that violent person. 483 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,679 Speaker 4: I'm never throwing you know what I'm saying, Just the 484 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,399 Speaker 4: halling off, hitting a woman or nothing like that. I 485 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,239 Speaker 4: don't know what made them think or I could hit him. 486 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 4: Maybe because I was a nice guy, you know, I 487 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 4: don't know. Maybe that was the thing because I was nice, 488 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,560 Speaker 4: you know. I don't really don't know why what made 489 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 4: the actual physical happen? 490 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, And what happened with that situation? You just broke 491 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,560 Speaker 2: op with her? Or like, how did y'all end the 492 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:40,680 Speaker 2: first one? Yeah, with the first girlfriend? 493 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 3: We just broke up when I left the apartment. We 494 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:44,760 Speaker 3: had broke up. 495 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:49,120 Speaker 4: What was weird about it is that we had stayed 496 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:50,480 Speaker 4: in communication after that. 497 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:52,520 Speaker 3: We was like cool after that. 498 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:56,399 Speaker 4: It was crazy. Yeah, So I don't know if we 499 00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:00,399 Speaker 4: just have just like love toxicity or something. I I 500 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,600 Speaker 4: don't know what it is that that kept drawing us, like, 501 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,960 Speaker 4: you know, towards each other, tea at the minimum, be friends, 502 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,600 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. We don't speak to this day. 503 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:13,520 Speaker 4: You know, you know the good so right, But I 504 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,480 Speaker 4: don't know what the reason was. But uh, yeah, we 505 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,280 Speaker 4: broke up someone like I left right after that fight. 506 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 4: I left the apartment and it was ended right then? 507 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,800 Speaker 2: Did you are you? Are you your mom close? 508 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:27,240 Speaker 3: Yeah? Extremely? 509 00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:28,640 Speaker 2: Did you tell what was going on? 510 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:29,920 Speaker 4: Yeah? 511 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,840 Speaker 3: She knew all the stuff of the way. 512 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 4: She thought we were both crazy because at one point, 513 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,080 Speaker 4: I don't know what we argued about or whatever, but 514 00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:43,240 Speaker 4: she came over with like her brother and her best 515 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,960 Speaker 4: friend to try to like fight me or whatever, you 516 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,480 Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, And my mom's in the middle 517 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,480 Speaker 4: trying to stop it from happening, you know, and stuff 518 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,200 Speaker 4: like I don't know, That's what I was saying. I 519 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:51,000 Speaker 4: don't know why we. 520 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,760 Speaker 3: Were drawn to this toxic environment. I don't I don't 521 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,600 Speaker 3: know why, you know. So my mom she knew I 522 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:57,919 Speaker 3: didn't really have to. 523 00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,720 Speaker 4: I didn't really pick really good at women, you know, 524 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 4: until now, you know what I'm saying. I wasn't good 525 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,199 Speaker 4: at picking women. Uh, I felt like those women in 526 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,960 Speaker 4: those ages. I was picking women who looked like they 527 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 4: needed saving. 528 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:11,320 Speaker 1: You know. 529 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,080 Speaker 2: I was going to ask you that, like, have you 530 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,600 Speaker 2: ever seen your mom in a relationship, in a healthy 531 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:19,120 Speaker 2: relationship before, because maybe that has something to do with it. 532 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:26,000 Speaker 4: I haven't seen her in a healthy relationship until my stepfather, 533 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:27,920 Speaker 4: who I just call father. 534 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:29,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I'm saying. 535 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,280 Speaker 4: Once he stepped in a picture when I was about 536 00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,680 Speaker 4: high school, uh, middle school to high school or something 537 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:38,639 Speaker 4: like that, about almost fifteen years ago, if not fifteen 538 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,880 Speaker 4: years ago, So that was This has been the longest 539 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:43,679 Speaker 4: and healthiest relationship I've seen her in. 540 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 2: So yeah, so maybe that's it. 541 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:52,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, probably did Yeah, yeah, probably probably right. 542 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,439 Speaker 2: Well, listen, I know you with somebody now, So if 543 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,880 Speaker 2: she put hands on you, you called me I seen somebody? 544 00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,480 Speaker 2: Who were you? Because because I can tell you nice 545 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 2: god like yeah, like you have good energy. So and 546 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:08,520 Speaker 2: that's very unfortunate that you keep being in situations where 547 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,400 Speaker 2: women feel comfortable with abusing you, Like that's not cool 548 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 2: because if she was on the other foot, you would 549 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:13,800 Speaker 2: be in jail somewhere. 550 00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:15,919 Speaker 3: Yeah. 551 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,880 Speaker 4: And I was at one point with the second one, 552 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,479 Speaker 4: the one with the whole story is about, yeah, with her, 553 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:24,760 Speaker 4: but I wasn't in jail. 554 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:28,479 Speaker 3: I was arrested and held for like maybe eight hours 555 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:28,840 Speaker 3: or whatever. 556 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:29,919 Speaker 2: And what were you arrested for? 557 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:35,960 Speaker 4: So it was a symbol assault on both of us 558 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:39,680 Speaker 4: because to be honest, like, at some point, you get 559 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:40,719 Speaker 4: tired of you fight back. 560 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you, respectfully, 561 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:45,959 Speaker 2: like that you're trying to like, yeah. 562 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, at some point, you know, you fight back, You 563 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,800 Speaker 4: get tired of getting hit on. You know what I'm saying. 564 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,000 Speaker 4: You get tired of get you get tired of getting choked. 565 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,200 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm being abused, 566 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 4: you know what I mean. So you fight back. And 567 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:02,040 Speaker 4: when the police came to the door, she ran into 568 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,560 Speaker 4: the room, you know what I mean, to hide herself 569 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,880 Speaker 4: and you know, stuff like that With me. I went 570 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:12,000 Speaker 4: straight to the police, went straight to the door, opened 571 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:13,879 Speaker 4: the door and told the police everything that happened. I 572 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,879 Speaker 4: told him what she didn't what I did, you know 573 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,760 Speaker 4: what I'm saying. So I was like, they were real 574 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:21,199 Speaker 4: respectful to me though, you know what I'm saying. Even 575 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,159 Speaker 4: though doing their job, they still had to take me 576 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:27,280 Speaker 4: as well, which is, you know, it started the beginning 577 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:27,960 Speaker 4: of the end. 578 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,679 Speaker 3: So yeah, I had to take it. 579 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,640 Speaker 2: So how long was it? But when you got arrested 580 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:34,800 Speaker 2: to y'all breaking up? 581 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:42,120 Speaker 4: Well, as soon as I got built out, I was 582 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,680 Speaker 4: still in the Navy, so my chain of command pretty 583 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:47,920 Speaker 4: much wanted me to move out of my apartment and 584 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:49,400 Speaker 4: moved back into my mother's. 585 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:50,400 Speaker 2: House, right because. 586 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,800 Speaker 4: Yeah, and luckily they loved me because like I said, 587 00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:56,640 Speaker 4: I'm a nice guy. 588 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,400 Speaker 3: Everybody loves me, you know what I'm saying. 589 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 4: So they wanted me to move out to my mother's 590 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 4: house until she moves and we they like they were 591 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:07,760 Speaker 4: there with me when we had an eviction notice, like 592 00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,520 Speaker 4: you know, hand delivered to her. She ripped it up, 593 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,920 Speaker 4: she didn't care, you know, and all that stuff, and 594 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,560 Speaker 4: she took like the whole thirty days before she moved out. 595 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 4: So so we was pretty much broken up. 596 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:21,200 Speaker 3: That night we got arrested. 597 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 2: Wait how long were y'all together doing this? 598 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:26,600 Speaker 4: This was all in the span of maybe two two 599 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:34,120 Speaker 4: and a half months. What, Yeah, because we met the 600 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,920 Speaker 4: very end of November and the jail stuff and all 601 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:41,120 Speaker 4: that happened around maybe towards the middle end of January. 602 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:48,120 Speaker 2: Wow, I'm thinking this is the span of like a 603 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 2: year or something. 604 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 3: It was like two two and a half months, sooner 605 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:53,560 Speaker 3: than later. 606 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, you know it had to happen, you know, 607 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,360 Speaker 4: in that situation, that had to happen, you know, for 608 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:04,840 Speaker 4: us to get out of it. You know, there was 609 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,080 Speaker 4: no other way for me to get out of it, 610 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,560 Speaker 4: you know, because she literally was not going to leave 611 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:12,920 Speaker 4: and in that state for some reason, in my home state, 612 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:16,640 Speaker 4: for some reason, even if because she lives there, even 613 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,280 Speaker 4: though she was served their viction, not that she didn't 614 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,200 Speaker 4: have to leave after the thirty days if she didn't 615 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 4: want to. 616 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,640 Speaker 3: Honestly, Yeah, Like that's how. 617 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,240 Speaker 4: Crazy it was, Like she really did not She legally 618 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,680 Speaker 4: did not have to leave if she didn't want to. 619 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:33,240 Speaker 3: Just yours, No, just mine. I had that apartment before her. 620 00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:34,720 Speaker 2: Oh wow. 621 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, I got that apartment by myself. My name was 622 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 4: the only one of the lease. I was the only 623 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,719 Speaker 4: one paying the bills. But she lived there. So she 624 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,760 Speaker 4: really didn't have to leave after the thirty day eviction 625 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 4: if she didn't want to go. 626 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:48,040 Speaker 2: Where were the kids? Where was her child at? 627 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:50,920 Speaker 3: Her son was there the night we got to rest. 628 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:51,800 Speaker 3: Her son was there. 629 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,200 Speaker 4: He was in the bedroom. He just he didn't see it, 630 00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,040 Speaker 4: but he was there in the same house when it happened. 631 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 4: How old was he He was maybe about three or 632 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:03,920 Speaker 4: four at the time. 633 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:06,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, he was a little Yeah. 634 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:10,200 Speaker 2: So what was So what was the situation where so 635 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,040 Speaker 2: at this point you moved out with your mom, she 636 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,360 Speaker 2: stayed in the house. She stayed there until like thirty 637 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,840 Speaker 2: thirty days. So what was the situation with you saying 638 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 2: that she stole seven hundred dollars worth of merchandise from you? 639 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,360 Speaker 3: Yeah? So when I was on deployment. 640 00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,480 Speaker 4: You know, we had no really good time and Amazon 641 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,080 Speaker 4: and stuff, so we ordered a lot of stuff. I 642 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 4: had ordered about seven hundred dollars worth for So this 643 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,920 Speaker 4: is at a time where it was just like, you know. 644 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:40,200 Speaker 3: People were big on DVDs and stuff, you know what 645 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 3: I'm saying. 646 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,480 Speaker 4: So I literally ordered like seven hundred dollars worth of 647 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:44,680 Speaker 4: v Amazon. 648 00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:48,040 Speaker 3: You know, all the black. 649 00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:52,080 Speaker 2: Classes, right, what's your favorite hood movie. 650 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:53,920 Speaker 4: Boys in the Hook. 651 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:54,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good one. 652 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, all time classes, you know what I'm saying. 653 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:04,600 Speaker 4: So when she left, I noticed she she pretty much 654 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:08,840 Speaker 4: jumped up the apartment when she left, and I noticed, yeah, 655 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,240 Speaker 4: you know, and I noticed all those movies were gone, 656 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:18,000 Speaker 4: like all of them, and obviously she took them stuff. 657 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:18,640 Speaker 3: You know. 658 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 4: So at first that you know, we had got you know, arrested, 659 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:29,280 Speaker 4: and we went to court, uh right at the court 660 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:33,600 Speaker 4: for some reason, like there was no problem communicating between 661 00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:35,400 Speaker 4: the two. So all I did was one of those 662 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:36,680 Speaker 4: was can I get my stuff back? 663 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:39,840 Speaker 2: Right of DVDs is crazy? 664 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:41,080 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. 665 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:42,640 Speaker 4: I didn't have cable at the time, you know what 666 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,040 Speaker 4: I'm saying. All I had was DVD. You know what 667 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,480 Speaker 4: I'm saying I wanted those back, and that's when she 668 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,640 Speaker 4: agreed to let me come over and get them. Because 669 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:54,959 Speaker 4: she because in those three four months, she wasn't she 670 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,120 Speaker 4: never had her own apartment at those times, so she 671 00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:00,000 Speaker 4: was just saving her checks up, you know what I'm say. 672 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:01,920 Speaker 4: So when she moved out, she had got her. 673 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:04,480 Speaker 2: Own place where, yes, she had the money. 674 00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:06,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, so it was like, good, you out of my place. 675 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:10,680 Speaker 4: It's all I care about. But when I was asked 676 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,280 Speaker 4: to come over and grab those things, she said, yes, 677 00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:15,040 Speaker 4: no problem. 678 00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:18,760 Speaker 3: And then that's when the nightmare happened. Ye. 679 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:25,360 Speaker 2: So yeah, can you describe what happened that night and 680 00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,760 Speaker 2: as much as little wherever you feel comfortable with. 681 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll tell you the whole story. Back. 682 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 4: So I her hit her up maybe in the afternoon, 683 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 4: so it's probably around I want to say, maybe noon 684 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:40,400 Speaker 4: to two o'clock, somewhere in that timeframe. 685 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:42,320 Speaker 3: She said, yeah, come get them. 686 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,400 Speaker 4: So I drove over and this is like a fifteen 687 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:46,440 Speaker 4: to twenty minute drive from my apartment to her. 688 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,400 Speaker 3: Right, So I go over there, no problem, knock on 689 00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:49,920 Speaker 3: the door. Right. 690 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,720 Speaker 4: The first ran flag was she let me in. 691 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:54,320 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. 692 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,160 Speaker 4: She didn't just bring the movies to the door and 693 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,480 Speaker 4: hand them and say, here you go. It was like 694 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:02,640 Speaker 4: she could have she let me in second red flag. 695 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:04,320 Speaker 4: As soon as she let me in, she locked the 696 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:08,440 Speaker 4: door behind me. So I'm like, okay, I'm not I'm 697 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,759 Speaker 4: trying not to think much of it. You know, I'm thinking, 698 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:12,919 Speaker 4: I'm gonna get my movies and i can go back home. 699 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:16,360 Speaker 4: Because I had a girlfriend at the time. Oh that 700 00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,600 Speaker 4: was quick, since I moved on quick from that was 701 00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 4: because that's why I was telling me, I don't think 702 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:22,280 Speaker 4: I really loved her. 703 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,280 Speaker 2: I mean, I don't think you really knew her either. 704 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:25,600 Speaker 3: Yeah I did. 705 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,239 Speaker 4: I didn't know her. I didn't love her, you know, 706 00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:30,440 Speaker 4: so it was easy to move past her, right. So 707 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,920 Speaker 4: I had a different girlfriend at the time because this 708 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,440 Speaker 4: all happened quick, like it was all back to back stuff. 709 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:37,640 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. This is then the span 710 00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:39,440 Speaker 4: of those few months still, you know what I'm saying. 711 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:42,840 Speaker 4: So this maybe three is when this happens, you know 712 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:46,879 Speaker 4: what I'm saying. So, so after that first time in court, 713 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,840 Speaker 4: we're already both on probation. We're both on probation for 714 00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:54,040 Speaker 4: two years. Two years, yeah, two years probation. Both of 715 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,959 Speaker 4: us after that first time we got arrested. Two years 716 00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,440 Speaker 4: probation for both of us when we got with the court. Right, 717 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,359 Speaker 4: all right, so MORNI is supposed touch each other or 718 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,799 Speaker 4: put hands on each other, nothing crazy or getting any kind. 719 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:09,279 Speaker 2: Of troubleposed to be in the same vicinity, right, Well, 720 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:09,839 Speaker 2: we can talk. 721 00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,640 Speaker 4: We didn't have like a you know, like a restraining 722 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,600 Speaker 4: order or nothing like that between the two and no 723 00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:16,960 Speaker 4: protection orders, so we could we could talk, you know 724 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,400 Speaker 4: what I'm saying, and all that and be around it. 725 00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:21,319 Speaker 3: Right. 726 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:27,640 Speaker 4: So, uh, immediately she starts talking about the relationship, and 727 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:29,239 Speaker 4: you know, the first thing in my mind is a 728 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,440 Speaker 4: I didn't come here for that. I'm gonna go, you 729 00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:32,520 Speaker 4: know what I'm saying. If you're not gonna give me 730 00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,480 Speaker 4: the movies, I'm gonna just go. So she's she's stands 731 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:36,920 Speaker 4: in front of the door. Now I don't want to 732 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:40,160 Speaker 4: touch her because we're already on probation, right, But she 733 00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:43,880 Speaker 4: started pushing me. She's pushing me, and remember, mind you, 734 00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:45,920 Speaker 4: she's about the same size, it's not a little bigger 735 00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,440 Speaker 4: than me. So she's pushing me. I don't want to 736 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:52,000 Speaker 4: touch it. We're on probation. She's pushed me until I 737 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:56,160 Speaker 4: noticed she's pushing me into the bathroom. She pushes me 738 00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 4: into the bathroom and she locks the door. She's in 739 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:04,759 Speaker 4: front of it. There's no window, so that door is 740 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:05,640 Speaker 4: my only exit. 741 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:06,880 Speaker 2: Were you scared? 742 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,440 Speaker 4: So? I wasn't scared that she was going to like 743 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,279 Speaker 4: beat me up or nothing. At that time, I wasn't 744 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:16,680 Speaker 4: scared that she was gonna hit me or beat me 745 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,120 Speaker 4: up or nothing. I started to get scared when she 746 00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:23,080 Speaker 4: said what she said. So she's in front of the door, 747 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,719 Speaker 4: she's locked it. I don't want to touch her. I 748 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:29,360 Speaker 4: can't get out. She looks at me and she says, 749 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:33,160 Speaker 4: give me what I want before I take it. Wow, 750 00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:36,080 Speaker 4: And like my mouth literally dropped because I ain't never 751 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,000 Speaker 4: had nobody say that to me. You know what I'm saying. 752 00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:40,839 Speaker 3: So in the moment, my mouth dropped and I'm like, 753 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:41,680 Speaker 3: what did you say? 754 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:45,560 Speaker 4: And she repeats it right, So I'm like, I didn't 755 00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,719 Speaker 4: come here for that, Like, let me go up and 756 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,360 Speaker 4: let me out. I'm not doing that with you today. 757 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:53,319 Speaker 4: We're not doing that. No, I like, I don't know. 758 00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:55,680 Speaker 4: I can't stress to you how many times I said no, 759 00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,080 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying and to me. It's what's 760 00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:01,320 Speaker 4: crazy is because even though I said no, she kept 761 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,359 Speaker 4: grabbing and trying to pull down, you. 762 00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:05,440 Speaker 3: Know, all this other stuff. 763 00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:08,640 Speaker 4: And I'm like, now, if the road was reversed and 764 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,880 Speaker 4: I was saying that to her and she said no, 765 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:15,440 Speaker 4: and I kept grabbing, pulling down and all that, I 766 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,279 Speaker 4: ain't no telling where I'd be writing. You know what 767 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,120 Speaker 4: I'm saying. That's a fact, Like, ain't no tell me, 768 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:23,359 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. So I'm literally fighting with 769 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,160 Speaker 4: her for ten minutes, like playing tug of war with 770 00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:31,319 Speaker 4: my pants, playing tug of war. After a while, I. 771 00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,520 Speaker 3: Just stopped and just let it happen. Wow. 772 00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:39,879 Speaker 4: So when she got up, she unlocked the door. So 773 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:41,839 Speaker 4: we walk out of the bathroom and her her son 774 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:43,879 Speaker 4: is in the room, in his room or whatever. Right 775 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:47,680 Speaker 4: at that time, the entire time that's happening, we go 776 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:50,279 Speaker 4: to the living room and I'm and I don't know 777 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:55,600 Speaker 4: what it was, but I felt defeated, you know what 778 00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:58,600 Speaker 4: I'm saying, Like, I really like my if you saw 779 00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:00,480 Speaker 4: me at that time, I hold the me and changed 780 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:03,279 Speaker 4: from the time I came to the door to the 781 00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:06,160 Speaker 4: moment I walked out that bathroom. You know what I'm saying, 782 00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,960 Speaker 4: like something obviously changed, you know what I'm saying. So 783 00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:10,640 Speaker 4: I just looked at him, was like, can I get 784 00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:15,799 Speaker 4: my movies right? And she was like no. She was like, 785 00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:18,399 Speaker 4: my cable, the cable man hasn't cave in and turned 786 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,719 Speaker 4: on my cable. You can't get your movies yet. So 787 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,520 Speaker 4: you you baited me to come all the way over 788 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,239 Speaker 4: there because you know what I wanted to get to 789 00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:28,520 Speaker 4: do that to me. 790 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:35,040 Speaker 3: So I started to leave. I was like, okay, no, 791 00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:36,960 Speaker 3: I'm done with whatever. I'm leaving. 792 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,440 Speaker 4: I go to leave. She's gets in front of the 793 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:42,440 Speaker 4: door again, like I unlocked the door and almost have 794 00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,880 Speaker 4: it open. She pushes it, clothes locks it, hits me 795 00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:49,919 Speaker 4: in my face, puts me in the headlock. Right while 796 00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:52,480 Speaker 4: she got me in his headlock, her son runs out 797 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:55,160 Speaker 4: the room into the living room where we are. Now 798 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,640 Speaker 4: I'm in a headlock. We're at the back of the sofa. 799 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,480 Speaker 4: We're behind the couch. She has me bent over in 800 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:05,160 Speaker 4: the headlock. He runs jump, saying, jumps on my back. Now, 801 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,879 Speaker 4: I don't know if he thought we were playing. If 802 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:09,960 Speaker 4: he thought, I don't know what he thought, but he ran, 803 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:12,040 Speaker 4: jumped in, jumped on the couch, jumped on my. 804 00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,920 Speaker 3: Back and he started hitting me, this little four year old. 805 00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:22,520 Speaker 4: Hitting me, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, she tells 806 00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,360 Speaker 4: him to get off, you know what I'm saying, and 807 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:25,480 Speaker 4: he gets offt. 808 00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,200 Speaker 2: Of me because he could have got hurt as well. 809 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:33,319 Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, I'm like so in my mind the entire time, 810 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:35,400 Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm not gonna hit her. I'm not gonna 811 00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:37,920 Speaker 4: hurt her, none of that because nest thing. You know, 812 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:40,640 Speaker 4: we're back in court again. You know what I'm saying, 813 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:43,279 Speaker 4: I'm arrested again. So I'm not gonna hit her. None 814 00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,279 Speaker 4: of that give her no reason to say I put 815 00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:48,560 Speaker 4: hands on her. So what I started to do is 816 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,759 Speaker 4: to put her over the couch so she'll lay on 817 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:53,520 Speaker 4: the seat of the couch, her back and laying on 818 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:54,320 Speaker 4: the seat of the couch. 819 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:55,760 Speaker 3: Which happened. 820 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,200 Speaker 4: She I wound up pushing over so she is on 821 00:39:58,280 --> 00:39:59,680 Speaker 4: the seat of the couch, her back is on the 822 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:01,879 Speaker 4: seat of the couch, her legs are on the back 823 00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,320 Speaker 4: of the cat, and I'm standing up. The only problem 824 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:09,040 Speaker 4: is when that happens, she grabbed my shirt. So now 825 00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:09,880 Speaker 4: she still has me. 826 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:12,560 Speaker 2: Where is this girl from? 827 00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:14,640 Speaker 3: Like she's from my city? 828 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:21,480 Speaker 4: Same city the same We're from Virginia. She grew up 829 00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,799 Speaker 4: like that, I guess because I'm gonna tell you something 830 00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:27,680 Speaker 4: that's even worse than that. But uh so, the only 831 00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:29,160 Speaker 4: thing I can think to do is come out of 832 00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:33,640 Speaker 4: my t shirt and run to my car as I can. So, 833 00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:36,080 Speaker 4: while she has my shirt like this, I come from 834 00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:37,239 Speaker 4: out of my shirt. 835 00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:40,920 Speaker 3: Open the door, started running. As soon as I started 836 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:41,160 Speaker 3: to run. 837 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:43,319 Speaker 4: As soon as I crossed that threshold, I feel her 838 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,960 Speaker 4: hit me in the back. I just keep going. I 839 00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,160 Speaker 4: don't even think about it, just keep going. I'm running 840 00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:54,200 Speaker 4: from her apartment shirtless to my car. So I get 841 00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:57,000 Speaker 4: in my car, I drive all the way home and 842 00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:59,640 Speaker 4: at the time, my girlfriend at the time comes the 843 00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:04,480 Speaker 4: next night. The next night, she comes over and immediately 844 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:08,000 Speaker 4: she's like, we have a problem that girl. And contacted 845 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,560 Speaker 4: my girlfriend at the time and told her we was 846 00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:11,000 Speaker 4: doing this. 847 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:14,200 Speaker 3: We were doing that earlier that day. Your friend was 848 00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:19,560 Speaker 3: I do not maybe Facebook? I'm thinking Facebook. I'm thinking Facebook. 849 00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,080 Speaker 2: And what did your girlfriend say? Well, when when you 850 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,319 Speaker 2: got in a car and you was driving home, did 851 00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,000 Speaker 2: you call anybody, like, did you tell anybody what happened? 852 00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:30,279 Speaker 3: No? I took off because of I took off. I 853 00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:31,360 Speaker 3: didn't tell nobody. 854 00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,799 Speaker 4: I was like, nobody's gonna believe me, and I'm not 855 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:36,399 Speaker 4: going to the police, you know, none of that. I 856 00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:40,680 Speaker 4: was like, I just went home and she told my 857 00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:42,879 Speaker 4: girlfriend at the time when she told her, and when 858 00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:45,120 Speaker 4: she came over, I I just came out and told 859 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:45,720 Speaker 4: her what happened. 860 00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:47,880 Speaker 3: I told her exactly what happened. 861 00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,840 Speaker 2: And what did she say? 862 00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,360 Speaker 4: I don't I don't really remember. 863 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,320 Speaker 3: I honestly don't think she really. 864 00:41:56,520 --> 00:42:01,040 Speaker 4: I think she halfway believed me because it sound crazy, 865 00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:03,200 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. But if you were there, 866 00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:05,200 Speaker 4: you would see exactly how it happened, you know what 867 00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:05,680 Speaker 4: I'm saying. 868 00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:07,719 Speaker 3: So I think it sounded crazy to her. 869 00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:10,360 Speaker 4: But I think the more because they got on the 870 00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:13,880 Speaker 4: phone together that night, So I think the more she 871 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:18,759 Speaker 4: listened to her, the more she understood what happened. So 872 00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:21,120 Speaker 4: at that point, she was telling me she was just 873 00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:24,880 Speaker 4: trying to get the girl to incriminate herself. But the 874 00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:27,600 Speaker 4: girl shortly hung up after telling her that there's a 875 00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:31,359 Speaker 4: warne out for me. So I ran from her house, 876 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:36,360 Speaker 4: certainly after getting assaulted, and she calls the police on me, 877 00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:39,440 Speaker 4: saying that I assaulted her and I fleet the scene. 878 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:40,640 Speaker 2: Wow. 879 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,000 Speaker 4: So we me and my girlfriend at the time on 880 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:45,520 Speaker 4: the couch on her phone, looked it up. 881 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:47,840 Speaker 3: There was an actual assault warm for me. 882 00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,920 Speaker 2: So can see my face? Well, y'all can't see my 883 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:54,400 Speaker 2: face my YouTube channel. 884 00:42:54,760 --> 00:43:00,520 Speaker 4: I was just like wow, once again, my chain of 885 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:05,759 Speaker 4: command had to take me down to the precinct and 886 00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:07,520 Speaker 4: they didn't arrest me or nothing. They just had me 887 00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:09,799 Speaker 4: signed affter David saying I would have appeared in court. 888 00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:11,759 Speaker 2: He wanted to get ahead of it because he knew 889 00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:15,680 Speaker 2: this could have really Lilihood. Yeah. 890 00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:19,600 Speaker 4: So what happened with that situation was I told my 891 00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,240 Speaker 4: family at that point. At this this point, I didn't 892 00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:25,759 Speaker 4: tell friends, like any male friends or anything like that, 893 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:29,840 Speaker 4: or really male family. I told my female family. I 894 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,720 Speaker 4: told my mother and my aunt's you know what I'm saying, 895 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:36,880 Speaker 4: And they they were always been on my side, you 896 00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,319 Speaker 4: know what I'm saying. I always have my back and 897 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,560 Speaker 4: all that. So they were the ones who convinced me 898 00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:42,439 Speaker 4: to go down to the police station and. 899 00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:47,200 Speaker 3: File my own absolutely, you know, so fire my own charges. 900 00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:49,840 Speaker 4: So I was like okay, and I went down to 901 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:54,600 Speaker 4: the police station. I talked to some detectives. The only 902 00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:57,799 Speaker 4: problem was that they really Still to this day, I 903 00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:01,279 Speaker 4: don't fully understand why. I think I know why, but 904 00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:05,040 Speaker 4: I don't understand why is that when I've told them 905 00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:08,239 Speaker 4: exactly what happened, and you know, I would say that 906 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:09,960 Speaker 4: they got to go to the magistrate and you know 907 00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:12,320 Speaker 4: what I'm saying, get the charges filed that the magistrate 908 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:15,480 Speaker 4: is willing to file. And they came back telling me 909 00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:19,960 Speaker 4: that they couldn't get her for you know, like raping me. 910 00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,520 Speaker 4: They couldn't get her for them because they were saying 911 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:27,080 Speaker 4: that I'm a man and I allowed it to happen. Well, 912 00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:30,359 Speaker 4: there exact words from the detectives, exact words, I'm a man, 913 00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:34,560 Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying. I was like, I know what 914 00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:37,160 Speaker 4: they're saying, but I don't understand why they're saying it, 915 00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:40,680 Speaker 4: because it's like it's like if you it's like you 916 00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:42,759 Speaker 4: don't believe me when you tell me you can't get 917 00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:45,160 Speaker 4: her from that because I'm a man, Like it made 918 00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:48,040 Speaker 4: me feel like you don't believe that that's really what happened. 919 00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,680 Speaker 2: Situations exactly right. 920 00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:55,880 Speaker 4: I'm like, I don't understand why when when a man 921 00:44:55,920 --> 00:45:00,080 Speaker 4: tells somebody no and that person goes through with it. 922 00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:02,400 Speaker 4: It's not the same as when the roles are reversed. 923 00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:04,839 Speaker 4: I was like, when the woman says knowing, the man 924 00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:08,600 Speaker 4: keeps going like, I don't understand why that's different. I'm 925 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:11,839 Speaker 4: like cause I can't express how many times I said no, 926 00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:14,480 Speaker 4: I don't want to I'm not doing this, Like to 927 00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:17,880 Speaker 4: the point where playing tuger war with my pants for ten. 928 00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,080 Speaker 2: Minutes, right, did anybody did one of the officers even 929 00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:23,560 Speaker 2: trying to like explain what that meant like or was 930 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:24,200 Speaker 2: that just it? 931 00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:26,880 Speaker 3: That was just it? They said, you're a man, and 932 00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:27,960 Speaker 3: you allowed it to happen. 933 00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:30,959 Speaker 4: Like he looked at me in my face and said, 934 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,040 Speaker 4: we can't get her on that because you're a man 935 00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:34,759 Speaker 4: and you. 936 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:35,600 Speaker 3: Allowed it to happen. 937 00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,480 Speaker 4: Wow, I don't know how you allowed that to happen 938 00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:42,239 Speaker 4: to yourself, don't I don't know, Like, and my whole 939 00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:45,440 Speaker 4: mind was not touching her, pushing her off, or none 940 00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:49,359 Speaker 4: of it, because we were on probation already. I don't 941 00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:51,440 Speaker 4: want to give her any reason to tell the cops 942 00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:52,359 Speaker 4: that I put hands on. 943 00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:53,319 Speaker 3: Her, you know what I'm saying. 944 00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:57,319 Speaker 4: So when we did go to court, like they got 945 00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:59,200 Speaker 4: her for still in the movies, you know, and all 946 00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,920 Speaker 4: that or whatever. So she owed me like seven hundred 947 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:05,040 Speaker 4: dollars in restitution or whatever or to return to movies. 948 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,440 Speaker 4: So she returned to movies obviously because she didn't want 949 00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:10,240 Speaker 4: to pay me seven hundred dollars. So she returned to movies. 950 00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:12,520 Speaker 4: And they threw out the assault charge that she put 951 00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:14,360 Speaker 4: on me because it was my word. 952 00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:17,600 Speaker 3: Versus hers so, and I obviously wasn't gonna admit to 953 00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:18,840 Speaker 3: doing that. I didn't punch you, I. 954 00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:21,319 Speaker 4: Didn't need you right, you know, like you did me. 955 00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:22,120 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. 956 00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:23,799 Speaker 4: I didn't put you in the headlock like you did me, 957 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,960 Speaker 4: you know, and all that. So it was my word 958 00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:27,759 Speaker 4: versus herds, so they threw that out. 959 00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:39,400 Speaker 2: This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener discretion is a vice. 960 00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:45,560 Speaker 2: I'm just curious because if they're saying that you allowed 961 00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:48,680 Speaker 2: it to happen, then how can they prove that you 962 00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:50,640 Speaker 2: did not allow it to happen? Like, I just don't 963 00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:53,680 Speaker 2: understand the wording with that exactly. 964 00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:57,160 Speaker 4: Like exactly how that's what I'm saying. It's made it 965 00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,719 Speaker 4: sound like you don't believe me when you say out 966 00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:00,600 Speaker 4: loud to happen. 967 00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:05,080 Speaker 2: So what are men supposed to do? In this case, there's. 968 00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:08,040 Speaker 3: Nothing we can do. I don't think there's anything we 969 00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:08,400 Speaker 3: can do. 970 00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:11,879 Speaker 4: Because I mean, as much as people like like to say, 971 00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:15,520 Speaker 4: you know, evidence and stuff like that, I'm like, if 972 00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:18,680 Speaker 4: you don't go there expecting that to happen, you're not 973 00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:20,600 Speaker 4: thinking to pull out a phone. Like in the moment, 974 00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:22,520 Speaker 4: I'm not thinking to pull out a phone to record. 975 00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:25,200 Speaker 4: I'm thinking to keep my pants up, you know what 976 00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:27,480 Speaker 4: I'm saying, get her off of me, you know what 977 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:30,960 Speaker 4: I'm saying, Like you know, and hope she doesn't go 978 00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:32,960 Speaker 4: through with this, you know what I'm saying. And I'm 979 00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:35,279 Speaker 4: not thinking pull out my phone and record, you know 980 00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:35,719 Speaker 4: what I'm saying. 981 00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:39,640 Speaker 3: It was just yeah, I don't think there's anything man 982 00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:40,680 Speaker 3: can do legally. 983 00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:44,120 Speaker 2: Wow, I'm so sorry that happened to you, because I 984 00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:46,400 Speaker 2: can tell just like you sharing a story and like 985 00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:48,520 Speaker 2: I can see you visualize it because I can see 986 00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:52,000 Speaker 2: it in my head and that's that's that's No, It's seriously, 987 00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:53,000 Speaker 2: that's that's really messed up. 988 00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:54,239 Speaker 1: No. 989 00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:56,759 Speaker 2: Yeah, because when you're describing it, I can just imagine 990 00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:59,960 Speaker 2: like you have a restraint not to want to physically hard, 991 00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:04,120 Speaker 2: but then also you want to protect yourself and it's 992 00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,759 Speaker 2: like she's constantly like pressuring you to a point where 993 00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:10,400 Speaker 2: she took advantage of you, and that's fu And then 994 00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:14,080 Speaker 2: you go to the authorities and they tell you you 995 00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,520 Speaker 2: allowed it to happen, Like why do you tell somebody that, 996 00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:18,040 Speaker 2: especially like a person. 997 00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:20,799 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there's a. 998 00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:25,359 Speaker 4: I haven't seen any like disrespectful comments or anything like that, 999 00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:28,200 Speaker 4: but I think there was still some some men out 1000 00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:31,799 Speaker 4: there that didn't believe me. You know, it was it 1001 00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:33,640 Speaker 4: was it's people when you know, they start laughing at 1002 00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:35,360 Speaker 4: it and stuff like that. You know what I'm saying 1003 00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:38,160 Speaker 4: Like this, it's like right now, like now I can 1004 00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,280 Speaker 4: laugh about the situation, you know what I'm saying, because 1005 00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:42,600 Speaker 4: I didn't came to the acceptance that nothing's going to 1006 00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:44,840 Speaker 4: happen because of it. You know, she's not going to 1007 00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:47,399 Speaker 4: face any you know what I'm saying, any punishments because 1008 00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,440 Speaker 4: of it. You know what I'm saying. I've noticed that 1009 00:48:49,719 --> 00:48:51,560 Speaker 4: years ago, you know what I'm saying a few years ago, 1010 00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:55,520 Speaker 4: So I've accepted she's not getting any trouble for it, 1011 00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:58,880 Speaker 4: you know. So it kind of helped me move on 1012 00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:01,520 Speaker 4: just accepting that point. But when it gets to guys 1013 00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:04,600 Speaker 4: that don't know me, Like when they start laughing at it, 1014 00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:08,560 Speaker 4: and it's just like or saying, like, man, you wanted it, 1015 00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:09,840 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying, stuff like that, And it 1016 00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:11,759 Speaker 4: was like I had a girlfriend at the time. I 1017 00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:14,640 Speaker 4: didn't need it, you know what I'm saying, Like I 1018 00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:18,240 Speaker 4: didn't need it. Like I literally went there for one thing, 1019 00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:19,919 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying, which I didn't even get. 1020 00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:22,000 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, I. 1021 00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:24,959 Speaker 4: Got assaulted again instead of that, you know what I'm saying. 1022 00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:28,919 Speaker 4: So it was just like I didn't lie on any 1023 00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:30,839 Speaker 4: of that story, you know what I'm saying. So it's 1024 00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:33,200 Speaker 4: just like when they say something like that sometimes it 1025 00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:35,799 Speaker 4: make it seems like they think I'm lying when I'm 1026 00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:38,600 Speaker 4: saying what my mindset was and what the idea was 1027 00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:40,319 Speaker 4: going there and all this other stuff, And it was 1028 00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:42,080 Speaker 4: just like I really didn't. 1029 00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:44,680 Speaker 3: I didn't lie the entire time, you know. 1030 00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:47,040 Speaker 4: What I'm saying. The entire story was true. I didn't 1031 00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:48,560 Speaker 4: lie about any of it, you know what I'm saying. 1032 00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:49,840 Speaker 4: I'm an open book. 1033 00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:53,399 Speaker 2: Yeah, how were you able to move forward after this 1034 00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:55,280 Speaker 2: after your assault? 1035 00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:01,720 Speaker 3: To be honest with you? 1036 00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:04,120 Speaker 4: Uh, you know, I get to a point where like 1037 00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:06,759 Speaker 4: if I shared some tears about something, you know what 1038 00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:08,000 Speaker 4: I'm saying, I can pretty much. 1039 00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:08,680 Speaker 3: Move on from it. 1040 00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:10,680 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, at the time, so it was just 1041 00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:12,600 Speaker 4: like you know, once I shared a few tears about 1042 00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:15,120 Speaker 4: the situation once the time it did happen. 1043 00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,040 Speaker 3: You know, I think time just helped me move on 1044 00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:18,480 Speaker 3: from it. 1045 00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:22,279 Speaker 4: And you know what I'm saying, My fiance today helped 1046 00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:23,920 Speaker 4: me move on from it for sure, you know what 1047 00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:26,160 Speaker 4: I'm saying, because we've talked about it quite a few times, 1048 00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:28,719 Speaker 4: and I've told her a lot about my past, you know, 1049 00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:32,600 Speaker 4: past relationships quite a few times. So you know, I think, 1050 00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:37,040 Speaker 4: you know, I think my family I have now, my 1051 00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:39,200 Speaker 4: fiance and my son, you know what I'm saying, just 1052 00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:41,759 Speaker 4: helped me not think about it at all. 1053 00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:43,840 Speaker 3: So, you know what I'm saying. They've helped me throughout 1054 00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:44,640 Speaker 3: this entire time. 1055 00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:45,600 Speaker 4: Yeah. 1056 00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:50,080 Speaker 2: Was it difficult for you to be in relationships after this, 1057 00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:53,799 Speaker 2: just to be able to trust women and especially when 1058 00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:54,640 Speaker 2: it comes to intimacy. 1059 00:50:56,840 --> 00:51:02,319 Speaker 4: Yeah, because even up to my thirties, not so long ago, 1060 00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:05,840 Speaker 4: I still got to a point where I still allow 1061 00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:07,439 Speaker 4: myself to be used. 1062 00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:11,560 Speaker 3: And taking advantage of. 1063 00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:16,720 Speaker 4: Even in my thirties, you know what, I'm saying maybe 1064 00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:20,399 Speaker 4: two years ago. So like up to two years ago, 1065 00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:22,959 Speaker 4: I was still allowing myself to be used for taking 1066 00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:23,520 Speaker 4: advantage of. 1067 00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:26,520 Speaker 3: So I think it. I think it's still hard for 1068 00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:27,480 Speaker 3: relationships for me. 1069 00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:32,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, now, you can't be letting people do this. Man, 1070 00:51:32,280 --> 00:51:34,320 Speaker 2: you you gotta be ready to fight. 1071 00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:39,279 Speaker 4: If I tell you, in my thirties, it got it 1072 00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:42,640 Speaker 4: ain't get worse than being actually physically assaulted and stuff 1073 00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:44,959 Speaker 4: like that, but it got worse for like being used 1074 00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:47,800 Speaker 4: and taken advantage of, like you know what I mean. 1075 00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:50,839 Speaker 2: Like, yeah, but you can't be like you gotta know 1076 00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:54,800 Speaker 2: that you are worth being in a healthy, happy relationship 1077 00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:56,520 Speaker 2: and somebody that really wants to be with you. I mean, 1078 00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,120 Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure you have that now with your fiance, 1079 00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:01,680 Speaker 2: but like, you can't. You can't let people do that 1080 00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:05,480 Speaker 2: to you, especially with you being so nice and thankfully 1081 00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:08,640 Speaker 2: this didn't, you know, turn you into the complete opposite, 1082 00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:10,960 Speaker 2: you know, so thank god that you're not like that. 1083 00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:12,279 Speaker 2: That could have really like scoring you. 1084 00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:17,480 Speaker 3: I think my mom had a lot to do with that. Yeah, 1085 00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:18,160 Speaker 3: I think just. 1086 00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:21,360 Speaker 4: From the way she raised me, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, 1087 00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:23,919 Speaker 4: she was, you know, trying to be the good guy. 1088 00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:26,319 Speaker 4: You know, she always raised me like. 1089 00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:27,000 Speaker 3: That, you know. 1090 00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:30,120 Speaker 4: But yeah, you're right, because I'm to be honest with you, Like, 1091 00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:33,160 Speaker 4: even in my I was thirty thirty one years old 1092 00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:36,640 Speaker 4: crying over female that then took advantage of it. You 1093 00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:38,680 Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, like a thirty thirty one years 1094 00:52:38,680 --> 00:52:41,319 Speaker 4: old You know what I'm saying, just because like it was, 1095 00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:44,239 Speaker 4: I don't know if it's tough to like put my 1096 00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:49,279 Speaker 4: foot down in those situations and or you know, it 1097 00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:51,279 Speaker 4: was just me being blind, you know what I'm saying, 1098 00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:53,720 Speaker 4: and to being taken advantage of and being used. 1099 00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:57,759 Speaker 2: Yeah, wait, what was you about to say? Earlier? You 1100 00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:00,600 Speaker 2: was like you it was something crazy about her that 1101 00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:01,399 Speaker 2: you found out. 1102 00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:05,759 Speaker 4: Yeah, so come to find out, even after you know, 1103 00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:09,080 Speaker 4: we were done and over with and some time goes by, 1104 00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:15,920 Speaker 4: she got arrested multiple times after that for assaulting her mother. Yeah, 1105 00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:19,040 Speaker 4: it's fighting with her mother on several occasions, to the 1106 00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:22,120 Speaker 4: point where the courts gave her mother custody of her son, 1107 00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:25,040 Speaker 4: and then eventually she got custody back. 1108 00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:26,200 Speaker 3: You know. 1109 00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:29,040 Speaker 4: But yeah, I was like, so this was somebody that 1110 00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:33,000 Speaker 4: was just from the beginning just not so good. 1111 00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:33,360 Speaker 3: Of a person. 1112 00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:35,200 Speaker 2: Right, Where is she at now. 1113 00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:39,480 Speaker 4: I think she's still in the same city, my home city. 1114 00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:40,840 Speaker 4: I think she's still back there. 1115 00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:47,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, she trying to reach out to you anything, especially 1116 00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:49,640 Speaker 2: with you being vocal about your story. 1117 00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:52,920 Speaker 3: No, I'm not sure if she saw it or not. 1118 00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:55,560 Speaker 4: She hasn't said anything to me about it, and that's 1119 00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:57,520 Speaker 4: why I didn't name drop either. 1120 00:53:57,680 --> 00:53:58,200 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. 1121 00:53:58,239 --> 00:53:59,920 Speaker 4: So only the people that's really close to me know 1122 00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:02,440 Speaker 4: who i'm talking about, You know what I'm saying. So 1123 00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:04,840 Speaker 4: because I didn't, that's why I didn't name drop or anything. 1124 00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:07,400 Speaker 4: So I'm not sure if she saw it or not, 1125 00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:09,640 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. I don't know, but she 1126 00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:12,160 Speaker 4: hasn't say anything about it. She did reach out a 1127 00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:16,280 Speaker 4: few months ago, but that was because she was working 1128 00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:20,160 Speaker 4: with a lawyer because she still had owed me that 1129 00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:23,600 Speaker 4: seven hundred dollars restitution all these years that she didn't pay, 1130 00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:26,000 Speaker 4: so she had. 1131 00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:27,879 Speaker 2: At this point. 1132 00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:31,000 Speaker 4: Well no, well, so shortly after that she gave me 1133 00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:33,880 Speaker 4: the movies back after she the judge gave her the 1134 00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:35,920 Speaker 4: choice of either give me the movies back or give 1135 00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:38,520 Speaker 4: me seven hundred dollars. She gave me the movies back 1136 00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:42,759 Speaker 4: shortly after. But I was in contacting anybody to verify that. 1137 00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,719 Speaker 4: So she just now had this lawyer a couple months 1138 00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:50,680 Speaker 4: ago contact me to let her know that I did 1139 00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:52,920 Speaker 4: receive those items, so they can take that off of 1140 00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,480 Speaker 4: her as far as the court system goes, so she 1141 00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:57,640 Speaker 4: can you know, get her license or whatever the case 1142 00:54:57,680 --> 00:54:57,880 Speaker 4: may be. 1143 00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:01,880 Speaker 2: Right, So, what do you think needs to change the 1144 00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:08,120 Speaker 2: society when it comes to society better support than male survivors. 1145 00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:15,240 Speaker 4: For us supporting male survivors, I think, just be equal, 1146 00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:18,200 Speaker 4: you know, like, let it be fair. Like if you're 1147 00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:23,520 Speaker 4: gonna believe every woman that says this happened to them, 1148 00:55:23,680 --> 00:55:26,919 Speaker 4: which you can't take away from that at all, then 1149 00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:30,880 Speaker 4: mentally have the same respect, you know when they explain 1150 00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:34,719 Speaker 4: their truth and their stories. You know, Like I don't 1151 00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:40,240 Speaker 4: know why it's this whole these sensus that it can't 1152 00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:42,799 Speaker 4: happen to a man, you know what I'm saying, and 1153 00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:45,240 Speaker 4: that they just should be able to take it because 1154 00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:47,959 Speaker 4: we're men, you know what I mean. Like you can't 1155 00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:49,600 Speaker 4: say that and on the other hand say right is 1156 00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:52,399 Speaker 4: right and wrong is wrong, you know, like the two 1157 00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:54,640 Speaker 4: don't they don't go together, you know what I mean. 1158 00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:57,920 Speaker 4: If someone is wrong, they're wrong, whether they're men or women. 1159 00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:00,800 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, if they've been wrong, whether 1160 00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:04,280 Speaker 4: that man or women, they should get the same justice, right, 1161 00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:07,680 Speaker 4: you know, and it doesn't happen. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen 1162 00:56:07,719 --> 00:56:11,080 Speaker 4: because even at that time when we were arrested, before 1163 00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:13,880 Speaker 4: the you know, sexual assault happened. 1164 00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:15,880 Speaker 3: When we arrested the first time. 1165 00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:19,040 Speaker 4: I had to be bailed out. She was let go 1166 00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:22,360 Speaker 4: of her own R and R m M, yeah, she 1167 00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:24,399 Speaker 4: was let go on her oh or R. I had 1168 00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:28,040 Speaker 4: to get bailed out by my chain of command, you see. 1169 00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,319 Speaker 4: So even then, it wasn't the same justice. And I 1170 00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:33,879 Speaker 4: was just defending myself, right, Like I knew it wasn't 1171 00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:35,440 Speaker 4: gonna be looked at us defending myself. 1172 00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:36,120 Speaker 3: I knew it. 1173 00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:39,720 Speaker 4: Yeah, But it was like, even when we were getting released, 1174 00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:42,840 Speaker 4: it wasn't even equal. This person's been arrested before. That 1175 00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:46,680 Speaker 4: was my first time ever being arrested. When I had 1176 00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:48,560 Speaker 4: to get bailed out and this person gets let it go, 1177 00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,720 Speaker 4: it was just it's just it's crazy, it's sickening. 1178 00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:56,600 Speaker 2: Do you think it would have been different if it 1179 00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:59,480 Speaker 2: was a man that I saw to you opposed to 1180 00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:02,120 Speaker 2: a woman, you think the outcome would have been different? 1181 00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:10,200 Speaker 4: I can't say that it would have been because I 1182 00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,439 Speaker 4: think if it was the man I think it would 1183 00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:15,279 Speaker 4: have been. I think I would have been less likely 1184 00:57:15,320 --> 00:57:17,040 Speaker 4: to come forward. You know, I would have been less 1185 00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:20,080 Speaker 4: likely to say something right. You know, that probably would 1186 00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:22,240 Speaker 4: be something I would have took to my grave. I'm 1187 00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:25,160 Speaker 4: not gonna lie. There probably be something that nobody would 1188 00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:30,120 Speaker 4: have ever known. But if I was to say something, 1189 00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:32,880 Speaker 4: I don't think so, I think it would have been 1190 00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:35,240 Speaker 4: the same because it would have been my word versus 1191 00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:37,040 Speaker 4: you know, so I think it would have. 1192 00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:37,600 Speaker 3: Been the same. 1193 00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:41,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so fucked up. I feel like men got 1194 00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:46,360 Speaker 2: it hard, man, I really do. And that's why I'm 1195 00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:48,720 Speaker 2: so happy I'm doing this men series because I feel like, 1196 00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:52,560 Speaker 2: you know, there's so many conversations that men want to 1197 00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:54,440 Speaker 2: be a part of. They want to share their stories, 1198 00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:57,240 Speaker 2: but like you said, a lot of people make fun 1199 00:57:57,280 --> 00:57:59,960 Speaker 2: of them. They don't feel comfortable or nobody believe them. 1200 00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:06,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's hard. It's hard. 1201 00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:09,240 Speaker 4: It took me, like, it took me a long time 1202 00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:11,280 Speaker 4: to get over that, and like I even said, now, 1203 00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:16,120 Speaker 4: I think it's been affecting my relationship up to my thirties. Yeah, 1204 00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:18,640 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying, I was still letting those 1205 00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:22,200 Speaker 4: kind of women take advantage of me, and usually up 1206 00:58:22,280 --> 00:58:25,120 Speaker 4: til I'm thirty one, up to the time I was 1207 00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:27,360 Speaker 4: thirty one, I'm thirty three down, but up to the 1208 00:58:27,360 --> 00:58:29,160 Speaker 4: time I'm thirty one, I'm still. 1209 00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:34,680 Speaker 3: Allowing those like minded women to you know. So it was. 1210 00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:38,960 Speaker 2: Would you ever go to therapy or have you been 1211 00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:44,160 Speaker 2: to therapy. 1212 00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:44,560 Speaker 3: For that situation? Though? 1213 00:58:45,680 --> 00:58:49,480 Speaker 4: I had to do mandatory therapy after we first got 1214 00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:55,240 Speaker 4: arrested for like a one was like a victims class, 1215 00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:57,920 Speaker 4: another one was like an aggressive's class. So it was 1216 00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:00,800 Speaker 4: like I had to you know, I had to do 1217 00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:05,200 Speaker 4: mandatory therapy, but it wasn't for the sexual thing at all. 1218 00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:07,120 Speaker 3: I didn't get any kind of therapy for that. 1219 00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:09,080 Speaker 2: Would you want to live? 1220 00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:15,040 Speaker 3: Would I want to do therapy? I really don't have 1221 00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:15,439 Speaker 3: the time. 1222 00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:19,920 Speaker 4: That's another big thing, because it's like two jobs, you 1223 00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:22,320 Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, A son's family, you know what 1224 00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:22,720 Speaker 4: I'm saying. 1225 00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:26,440 Speaker 3: So it's like I don't know when I have the time, right, 1226 00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:27,400 Speaker 3: you know. 1227 00:59:27,640 --> 00:59:29,560 Speaker 4: So it's like this entire time, I just had to 1228 00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:33,360 Speaker 4: keep going, you know what I'm saying, And hope at 1229 00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:36,640 Speaker 4: some point, at some point in my life, I forget 1230 00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:38,480 Speaker 4: about it or can block it out in some way. 1231 00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:42,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, so well, you know, I'm gonna keep 1232 00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:44,800 Speaker 2: you in my prayers. I'm gonna ask guys, I know 1233 00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:47,480 Speaker 2: you are hard working black man, so I'm gonna ask 1234 00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:50,280 Speaker 2: God to give you some time to for yourself so 1235 00:59:50,360 --> 00:59:52,640 Speaker 2: you can really like because I feel like you are 1236 00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:55,080 Speaker 2: in a better space, but just hearing your story and 1237 00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:57,480 Speaker 2: just like seeing your facial expression stuff like, I know 1238 00:59:57,520 --> 00:59:59,680 Speaker 2: it still bothers you, and I mean it will still 1239 00:59:59,680 --> 01:00:01,960 Speaker 2: bother me too, especially the fact that nobody believe you. 1240 01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:04,120 Speaker 2: So you know, I think that helping them talk to 1241 01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:06,280 Speaker 2: somebody because I went to therapy, and therapy has taught 1242 01:00:06,320 --> 01:00:08,800 Speaker 2: me a lot. So I really am gonna pray that 1243 01:00:08,880 --> 01:00:11,200 Speaker 2: you find some time and just you know, talk to 1244 01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:14,240 Speaker 2: a black woman or a black man or whatever you 1245 01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:16,800 Speaker 2: feel is comfortable with and you know, just help you 1246 01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:20,040 Speaker 2: through some things and help you figure some things out. 1247 01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:23,240 Speaker 3: I really appreciate that, you know. 1248 01:00:23,320 --> 01:00:25,720 Speaker 4: I love what you're doing here with the podcast to 1249 01:00:25,800 --> 01:00:29,440 Speaker 4: show and everything, So thank you. Thank you. You're pretty 1250 01:00:29,520 --> 01:00:32,080 Speaker 4: much the first one that I've ever got to sit 1251 01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:34,920 Speaker 4: down and this kind of setting and talk about it. 1252 01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:38,480 Speaker 3: So I really appreciate you doing that, Thank you, Thank you. 1253 01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:41,400 Speaker 2: And last but not least, what would be some advice 1254 01:00:41,440 --> 01:00:44,080 Speaker 2: you would give to our male listeners who might be 1255 01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:47,560 Speaker 2: hesitant to come for about their sexual assault. 1256 01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:50,000 Speaker 4: It's not gonna hurt you. 1257 01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:54,880 Speaker 3: I'll say that, it's not gonna hurt you. It may help. 1258 01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:58,640 Speaker 4: Even if it doesn't, it still can be therapeutic to 1259 01:00:58,680 --> 01:01:00,680 Speaker 4: get it off. M you know what I'm saying. 1260 01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:01,240 Speaker 2: And just. 1261 01:01:02,640 --> 01:01:05,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, it can be therapeutic just doing that, you know, 1262 01:01:05,720 --> 01:01:07,760 Speaker 4: and it can't hurt you. You know what I'm saying. 1263 01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:10,200 Speaker 4: The worst is over, you know what I'm saying. After 1264 01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:13,520 Speaker 4: that situation happened, that was the worst of it. You know. 1265 01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:18,000 Speaker 4: So even if you end up in my situation and 1266 01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:21,520 Speaker 4: you don't get any kind of justice for that particular situation, 1267 01:01:23,080 --> 01:01:25,560 Speaker 4: you know, if you can get to a point where 1268 01:01:25,600 --> 01:01:29,400 Speaker 4: you can forgive and let go, yeah, it's really all 1269 01:01:29,440 --> 01:01:31,640 Speaker 4: the justice I need. I done got to a point 1270 01:01:31,640 --> 01:01:34,240 Speaker 4: where I forgave and let it go, where I'm not 1271 01:01:34,280 --> 01:01:36,680 Speaker 4: even seeking justice for it no more, because I know 1272 01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:40,040 Speaker 4: it wasn't gonna happen in the first place. But I mean, 1273 01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:44,800 Speaker 4: like spiritually, I wasn't even seeking any kind of harm 1274 01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:47,880 Speaker 4: or justice or you know, anything to be done to 1275 01:01:47,920 --> 01:01:48,480 Speaker 4: this person. 1276 01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:50,920 Speaker 3: So I don't wish them the best. 1277 01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:55,080 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. I don't wish them the best, 1278 01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:57,280 Speaker 4: but I don't wish them the worst, and I don't 1279 01:01:57,280 --> 01:02:00,520 Speaker 4: wish ill or death. So yeah, I'm just happy to 1280 01:02:00,560 --> 01:02:03,160 Speaker 4: move home with my life. That's what I'm doing. 1281 01:02:03,440 --> 01:02:06,760 Speaker 2: And now you have a beautiful family. You got a fiance, 1282 01:02:07,360 --> 01:02:10,360 Speaker 2: so I'm happy for you. 1283 01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:14,800 Speaker 3: I really appreciate that. Have fun when you come to Seattle. 1284 01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:16,920 Speaker 2: I am, I am, I am. 1285 01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:17,320 Speaker 3: Well. 1286 01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:19,760 Speaker 2: By time to hear this, I will be in Seattle, 1287 01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:21,680 Speaker 2: so this will be my first time business. 1288 01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:21,960 Speaker 4: Yeah. 1289 01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:25,400 Speaker 2: I'm super excited about it because I'm in New York. 1290 01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:27,520 Speaker 2: So I'm like, you know, you just need a change 1291 01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:32,320 Speaker 2: of scenery, you know, if I need to change of scenery, Like, yeah, 1292 01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:34,840 Speaker 2: they got. 1293 01:02:34,720 --> 01:02:35,240 Speaker 4: To New York. 1294 01:02:36,720 --> 01:02:39,240 Speaker 2: They got everything whatever you looking for. New York got it. 1295 01:02:39,280 --> 01:02:41,640 Speaker 4: Okay, I need to change agree too. 1296 01:02:43,240 --> 01:02:44,040 Speaker 3: Yeah. 1297 01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:47,320 Speaker 2: Yeah. To the listeners, if you have any questions call 1298 01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:49,840 Speaker 2: this concerns. Please make sure to email me a hello 1299 01:02:49,920 --> 01:02:52,760 Speaker 2: at the PSG podcast dot com. I hope you get 1300 01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:56,400 Speaker 2: something from this story because, if anything, it is important 1301 01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:58,440 Speaker 2: to share your storyline because you never know how it 1302 01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:01,640 Speaker 2: can be someone else's lifeline. So thank you so much 1303 01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:08,160 Speaker 2: to my guests and until next time, everyone later, thank you. 1304 01:03:09,400 --> 01:03:12,600 Speaker 3: I enjoyed this, so thank you. I appreciate thank. 1305 01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:23,880 Speaker 2: You of course. All right, y'all later. The Professional Homegirl 1306 01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:27,080 Speaker 2: Podcast is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network. 1307 01:03:27,240 --> 01:03:31,800 Speaker 2: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 1308 01:03:31,880 --> 01:03:34,200 Speaker 2: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget 1309 01:03:34,240 --> 01:03:37,160 Speaker 2: to subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect 1310 01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:40,000 Speaker 2: with me on social media at the PAHG podcast