1 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,870 Speaker 1: What's up, everybody, and welcome to Hollywoodland as we once 2 00:00:05,930 --> 00:00:09,110 Speaker 1: again dip into our archive of stories from the intersection 3 00:00:09,150 --> 00:00:11,850 Speaker 1: of Hollywood and true crime. This week, we're bringing you 4 00:00:11,890 --> 00:00:14,940 Speaker 1: our episode on Tim Allen. It's one of the greatest 5 00:00:14,970 --> 00:00:18,340 Speaker 1: mugshots of a celebrity before they were a celebrity. It's 1978. 6 00:00:18,340 --> 00:00:21,419 Speaker 1: Tim Allen's rocking a big old mustache, and he's just 7 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 1: been busted at the Kalamazoo Battle Creek International Airport for 8 00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:28,550 Speaker 1: slinging coke. That's right. Before he was Tim, the tool 9 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: man tailor on Home Improvement or Buzz Lightyear, the in 10 00:00:31,820 --> 00:00:34,970 Speaker 1: the Toy Story franchise, comedian Tim Allen was a low-level 11 00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:38,590 Speaker 1: drug dealer in Michigan staring down a life sentence. What's 12 00:00:38,630 --> 00:00:41,370 Speaker 1: most fascinating about this whole story, however, is how Tim 13 00:00:41,430 --> 00:00:44,250 Speaker 1: Allen's time on the inside helped shape who he would 14 00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:47,390 Speaker 1: become and how he discovered the superpower that would not 15 00:00:47,450 --> 00:00:49,950 Speaker 1: only help him survive but carve out a new path 16 00:00:50,310 --> 00:00:53,450 Speaker 1: toward his own personal redemption. I hope you guys dig 17 00:00:53,490 --> 00:00:55,890 Speaker 1: this episode on Tim Allen and then I hope you 18 00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:58,230 Speaker 1: join me again here on Wednesday for the wrap party 19 00:00:58,630 --> 00:01:01,130 Speaker 1: where I'll answer your calls and emails and again on 20 00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: Friday for a new installment of The Screening Room, in 21 00:01:04,170 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 1: which I'll take a deep dive into the 2002 Spike 22 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,340 Speaker 1: Lee film, The 25th Hour. 23 00:01:09,740 --> 00:01:12,900 Speaker 2: This episode contains content that may be disturbing to some listeners. 24 00:01:13,459 --> 00:01:38,619 Speaker 2: Please check the show notes for more information. The stories 25 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 2: about Tim Allen are insane. Long before he starred in 26 00:01:42,740 --> 00:01:45,700 Speaker 2: the highest-rated television show in the country, he was a 27 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 2: small-time cocaine dealer in Michigan. It was a career opportunity 28 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:53,700 Speaker 2: that ended as quickly as it began. He was busted 29 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,770 Speaker 2: at the Kalamazoo County Airport after he attempted to sell 30 00:01:56,770 --> 00:02:01,310 Speaker 2: $ 40, 000 worth of blow to undercover cops. He began to 31 00:02:01,350 --> 00:02:04,870 Speaker 2: hone his comedy chops not in stand-up clubs, but in prison, 32 00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:07,250 Speaker 2: as a way to stay out of trouble and out 33 00:02:07,350 --> 00:02:10,910 Speaker 2: of harm's way. In order to avoid the mandatory life 34 00:02:10,950 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 2: sentence imposed by the state of Michigan for possession with 35 00:02:13,590 --> 00:02:16,500 Speaker 2: the intent to sell, he copped a plea deal and 36 00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 2: turned informant for the federal government. And despite an arrest 37 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:23,930 Speaker 2: that had the potential to ruin his life forever, Tim 38 00:02:24,030 --> 00:02:27,410 Speaker 2: Allen made a 180-degree turn and went on to make 39 00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:30,889 Speaker 2: great movies. Come on, you know you love the Santa Claus. 40 00:02:31,510 --> 00:02:33,389 Speaker 2: Unlike that clip I played for you at the top 41 00:02:33,430 --> 00:02:36,090 Speaker 2: of the show, that wasn't a clip from a great movie. 42 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,260 Speaker 2: That was a fair use sample from the Library of 43 00:02:39,340 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 2: Congress of Joe Arizona singing The Preacher and the Bear 44 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:47,460 Speaker 2: in 1919. I played you that clip because I can't 45 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 2: afford the rights to a clip from Randall Kleiser's Grease. 46 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,559 Speaker 2: And why would I play you that specific slice of 47 00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:59,589 Speaker 2: hopelessly devoted cheese could I afford it? Because that was 48 00:02:59,630 --> 00:03:04,370 Speaker 2: the number one movie in America on October 2nd, 1978. 49 00:03:04,370 --> 00:03:07,190 Speaker 2: And that was the day that Tim Allen's brief career 50 00:03:07,290 --> 00:03:10,780 Speaker 2: as a Kalamazoo Coke dealer ended when a dozen undercover 51 00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:16,790 Speaker 2: cops surrounded him in an airport terminal. On this episode, cocaine, comedy, 52 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:22,700 Speaker 2: mandatory life sentences, and Tim Allen. I'm Jake Brennan, and 53 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 2: this is Hollywoodland. Years later, he would relish a crowd. 54 00:03:51,420 --> 00:03:53,930 Speaker 2: Every time a paying audience would laugh in a collective 55 00:03:53,990 --> 00:03:56,730 Speaker 2: moment of amusement, a moment brought on by one of 56 00:03:56,830 --> 00:04:00,650 Speaker 2: his jokes, he would feed off their energy and then 57 00:04:00,730 --> 00:04:03,870 Speaker 2: turn that energy into something new and make them laugh again. 58 00:04:03,890 --> 00:04:07,350 Speaker 2: Whether it was a live audience watching his stand-up in 59 00:04:07,370 --> 00:04:10,750 Speaker 2: the 1980s or a studio audience watching a taping of 60 00:04:10,810 --> 00:04:14,620 Speaker 2: his sitcom in the 1990s or an audience taking an 61 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:17,120 Speaker 2: animated ride with him in a darkened movie theater at 62 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,670 Speaker 2: the turn of the century Crowds were his bread and butter. 63 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:26,210 Speaker 2: Crowds were what he did. But in 1978, long before 64 00:04:26,230 --> 00:04:29,830 Speaker 2: he discovered that the exaggerated grunt of a power-tool hungry 65 00:04:29,890 --> 00:04:32,940 Speaker 2: male could be parlayed into the most popular television show 66 00:04:32,980 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 2: in the world, Timothy Allen Dick faced the first and 67 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:40,740 Speaker 2: toughest crowd of his life. The crowd was enlarged, only 68 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,810 Speaker 2: about ten people. They were all locked up in one 69 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:47,310 Speaker 2: room together. And not just any room, but a holding cell. 70 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 2: inside a jail in Michigan. There was one toilet in 71 00:04:51,220 --> 00:04:55,219 Speaker 2: the middle of the room. One toilet for all ten men. 72 00:04:56,790 --> 00:04:59,460 Speaker 2: The floor was wet, and so was the toilet seat. 73 00:04:59,810 --> 00:05:02,030 Speaker 2: And there was piss everywhere because men can't hit a 74 00:05:02,089 --> 00:05:04,409 Speaker 2: fucking target no matter how many times you remind them. 75 00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:06,950 Speaker 2: And they're either too lazy or too stupid or too 76 00:05:06,990 --> 00:05:10,669 Speaker 2: directionally challenged, or they just don't give a shit. Inmates 77 00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:13,630 Speaker 2: gave less of a shit than dudes on the outside. Yeah, 78 00:05:13,650 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 2: I pissed all over the floor. Fuck you looking at. 79 00:05:15,870 --> 00:05:17,490 Speaker 2: You should be thankful that I don't piss that dumb 80 00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:20,890 Speaker 2: fuck look right off your face. Timothy Allen Dick knew 81 00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:24,170 Speaker 2: what made guys like this tick. Takes one to know one. 82 00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 2: He knew what made them angry and what got them excited. 83 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,260 Speaker 2: What they revealed and what they kept hidden. And they 84 00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 2: can't do three things at once, he'd tell sold-out crowds 85 00:05:32,740 --> 00:05:35,600 Speaker 2: a decade later. Ever notice how your old man can't eat, 86 00:05:35,779 --> 00:05:37,900 Speaker 2: watch TV, and talk to you at the same time? 87 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,540 Speaker 2: He'd tell them how his mom would say that the 88 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,700 Speaker 2: only reason men are alive is for lawn care and 89 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,370 Speaker 2: vehicle maintenance. And that one got a lot of laughs. 90 00:05:46,089 --> 00:05:47,690 Speaker 2: So did the bit about how men couldn't help but 91 00:05:47,770 --> 00:05:50,390 Speaker 2: lie all the time. They lied to women because they 92 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:53,070 Speaker 2: hated getting caught for making shit up, even if the 93 00:05:53,110 --> 00:05:55,650 Speaker 2: real reason the women were angry was because the men 94 00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:59,250 Speaker 2: were lying so much. But there were other things that 95 00:05:59,290 --> 00:06:02,429 Speaker 2: men were capable of doing. Some of those things, perhaps, 96 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,530 Speaker 2: they never would have actually thought themselves capable of until 97 00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:08,010 Speaker 2: they had spent a few days, weeks, months in a 98 00:06:08,050 --> 00:06:12,470 Speaker 2: cramped holding cell with ten other guys. It was amazing 99 00:06:12,490 --> 00:06:15,270 Speaker 2: to get used to on the inside. and it didn't 100 00:06:15,310 --> 00:06:17,650 Speaker 2: matter if there were a dozen other dudes watching while 101 00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 2: it happened. Tim didn't want to think about what was 102 00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:24,060 Speaker 2: possible when men were at their lowest and most desperate. 103 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:28,120 Speaker 2: He was too busy dwelling on his own desperation, which 104 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 2: is exactly what had landed him on the inside in 105 00:06:30,460 --> 00:06:34,600 Speaker 2: the first place. He had fucked up. He was a fuck-up. 106 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:39,930 Speaker 2: Big-time fuck-up. The guy he'd sold cocaine to turned out 107 00:06:39,970 --> 00:06:43,820 Speaker 2: to be a narc, deep undercover. Should have just stood 108 00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:46,000 Speaker 2: to hooking up college kids with the little bag he's 109 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,430 Speaker 2: bought on Daddy's time, but Tim got greedy. Saw the 110 00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:52,250 Speaker 2: chance to make bigger bucks and went for it, to 111 00:06:52,270 --> 00:06:55,590 Speaker 2: infinity and beyond. But he had apparently forgotten that you 112 00:06:55,630 --> 00:06:58,570 Speaker 2: can't get there from Michigan, at least not as a 113 00:06:58,589 --> 00:07:01,670 Speaker 2: drug dealer. Because of all the years to get busted 114 00:07:01,710 --> 00:07:04,330 Speaker 2: for selling coke in the state of Michigan, 1978 was 115 00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:12,910 Speaker 2: the worst year. Only a month earlier, Michigan state legislators 116 00:07:12,970 --> 00:07:15,610 Speaker 2: had passed a new law that made possession with intent 117 00:07:15,650 --> 00:07:20,150 Speaker 2: to distribute over 650 grams of cocaine or heroin punishable 118 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:24,990 Speaker 2: by a mandatory life sentence. No possibility of parole. The 119 00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:27,310 Speaker 2: only other crime in the state with an equally harsh 120 00:07:27,370 --> 00:07:30,870 Speaker 2: penalty was murder. It was the toughest drug law in 121 00:07:30,890 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 2: the United States. 650 grams, just under a pound and 122 00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:39,350 Speaker 2: a half. That was the exact amount that Tim had 123 00:07:39,390 --> 00:07:41,490 Speaker 2: in the Adidas gym bag that he brought to the 124 00:07:41,570 --> 00:07:44,970 Speaker 2: setup with the undercover cops at the Kalamazoo County Airport. 125 00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:48,630 Speaker 2: And now, sitting on a cold metal bench against the 126 00:07:48,670 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 2: wall of a holding cell in jail, surrounded by men 127 00:07:51,420 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 2: who were far more grisly and hardened than he could 128 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,940 Speaker 2: ever be in his wildest dreams, Tim worried he'd get 129 00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:01,440 Speaker 2: busted again. And this time, it would be his head, 130 00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:05,420 Speaker 2: his face, and Jesus Christ, maybe even worse. He'd heard 131 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 2: the stories about the inside, What happens when men do 132 00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:12,140 Speaker 2: what they have to do simply to survive? Half of 133 00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 2: the dudes here were certifiable. Just say one wrong thing, 134 00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 2: one wrong word, and you were done. Not even a 135 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,260 Speaker 2: few days had gone by when he came to the 136 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:24,470 Speaker 2: realization that he couldn't do it. He wasn't cut out 137 00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:27,150 Speaker 2: for doing time. He could be there for days or 138 00:08:27,190 --> 00:08:30,030 Speaker 2: weeks waiting for his arraignment. He wasn't built for this, 139 00:08:30,150 --> 00:08:33,950 Speaker 2: wasn't cut out for jail. He just couldn't hang. Or 140 00:08:33,990 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 2: maybe he could hang. He could hang himself. in one 141 00:08:37,780 --> 00:08:40,679 Speaker 2: of the bars of the holding cell. The higher the better. 142 00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:44,100 Speaker 2: He could use the shirt off his back. He pictured 143 00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:47,900 Speaker 2: it in his mind. His long-sleeved shirt, one end tied 144 00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:50,540 Speaker 2: around the dirty metal bar and the other around his neck. 145 00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:55,229 Speaker 2: Who is he kidding? Knowing himself, he'd probably fuck that 146 00:08:55,309 --> 00:08:58,350 Speaker 2: up too. He'd wind up dangling just off the ground, 147 00:08:58,370 --> 00:09:01,350 Speaker 2: the shirt not tight enough to actually constrict his airway. 148 00:09:01,990 --> 00:09:05,570 Speaker 2: Stuck in Gallo's humor limbo, looking like an asshole who 149 00:09:05,590 --> 00:09:08,820 Speaker 2: couldn't even take his own life. He'd probably dangle there 150 00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:10,559 Speaker 2: for a good hour or more while the rest of 151 00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:13,200 Speaker 2: the guys in the holding cell laughed and took pot shots. 152 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:18,450 Speaker 2: The image of his own botched suicide did make him snicker. 153 00:09:18,929 --> 00:09:21,930 Speaker 2: Just a little. It's so fucking funny. One of the 154 00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:24,530 Speaker 2: big guys in the holding cell wanted to know. He 155 00:09:24,570 --> 00:09:28,670 Speaker 2: was huge. Twice Tim's size. He walked up to Tim, 156 00:09:28,710 --> 00:09:31,080 Speaker 2: got in his face. He had a scar over his 157 00:09:31,140 --> 00:09:33,079 Speaker 2: nose and another down the left side of his chin. 158 00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:36,559 Speaker 2: His right eye was lazy. He spat on the floor. 159 00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:41,319 Speaker 2: probably marking his territory. He repeated the question. I said, 160 00:09:41,820 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 2: what's so fucking funny? Tim panicked. He tried not to 161 00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:49,030 Speaker 2: let it show. Should he tell the truth? Just say 162 00:09:49,050 --> 00:09:51,690 Speaker 2: it was nothing? He stammered. There was nowhere to go, 163 00:09:51,809 --> 00:09:54,030 Speaker 2: no way out. The rest of the guys in the 164 00:09:54,070 --> 00:09:56,330 Speaker 2: cell were now gathering around to see how many punches 165 00:09:56,350 --> 00:09:57,790 Speaker 2: it was going to take for this guy to knock 166 00:09:57,809 --> 00:10:00,600 Speaker 2: Tim on his ass. And why? There didn't have to 167 00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 2: be a why. It was fucking prison. The place was 168 00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:04,219 Speaker 2: full of guys who were bored and looking for an 169 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:08,900 Speaker 2: excuse to create a little excitement. Finally, Tim responded. But 170 00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:10,680 Speaker 2: he didn't say what he had been thinking about that 171 00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:12,980 Speaker 2: made him laugh. And he didn't say it was nothing. 172 00:10:14,540 --> 00:10:19,290 Speaker 2: He said, It's pretty close to closing time. In this 173 00:10:19,390 --> 00:10:22,569 Speaker 2: moment of peak crisis, Tim chose to deliver a straight-up 174 00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:27,780 Speaker 2: perfect impression of Elmer Fudd. The big guy's muscles relaxed. 175 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,400 Speaker 2: He unclenched his fists. The look on his face softened. 176 00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:35,559 Speaker 2: He chuckled. You're a funny motherfucker, he said, laughing louder now. 177 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,900 Speaker 2: And then he left Tim alone. How many stand-up comedy 178 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:42,949 Speaker 2: careers were born in prison as a method of survival? 179 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:47,130 Speaker 2: Timothy Allen Dick had no clue. At the moment, however, 180 00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 2: He wasn't thinking about a career in stand-up. He was 181 00:10:50,390 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 2: just thinking about the ways in which he could rig 182 00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:54,820 Speaker 2: it so he didn't die, whether it be at the 183 00:10:54,860 --> 00:10:58,300 Speaker 2: hand of another inmate or by his own shirt wrapped 184 00:10:58,480 --> 00:10:59,260 Speaker 2: around his neck. 185 00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:04,670 Speaker 1: The End. 186 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 2: The car crossed two lanes of traffic before it flipped over. 187 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,780 Speaker 2: The other car, traveling in the opposite direction, didn't have 188 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,080 Speaker 2: time to get out of the way. There was no warning, 189 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:36,970 Speaker 2: no way out. Brakes squealed, tires gnawed the pavement. The 190 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:42,970 Speaker 2: shriek of metal on metal was ear-splitting and soul-rattling. Timothy 191 00:11:43,030 --> 00:11:45,150 Speaker 2: Allen Dick didn't go with his parents and a few 192 00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:47,990 Speaker 2: of his siblings to the University of Colorado football game 193 00:11:48,030 --> 00:11:50,350 Speaker 2: that day. So he wasn't in the car with them 194 00:11:50,390 --> 00:11:53,410 Speaker 2: when a drunk driver's car literally flopped on top of 195 00:11:53,450 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 2: their car. His mother and siblings survived. His father, however, 196 00:11:58,179 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 2: wasn't so lucky. He was killed in the crash. It 197 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:06,429 Speaker 2: was November 23rd, 1964. The Dick family of eight had 198 00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:10,189 Speaker 2: suddenly become a family of seven. Tim was 11 years old. 199 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,830 Speaker 2: He was angry. He was angry that his father had 200 00:12:12,850 --> 00:12:14,949 Speaker 2: been taken away from him. He was angry that a 201 00:12:15,010 --> 00:12:17,770 Speaker 2: drunk man could crash into a sober man, and that 202 00:12:17,809 --> 00:12:21,179 Speaker 2: the drunk man wasn't the one to die. Life was 203 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,819 Speaker 2: fucking unfair like So what do you do when life 204 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:29,340 Speaker 2: is patently unfair? When your anger about one thing metastasizes 205 00:12:29,380 --> 00:12:33,500 Speaker 2: into anger about everything? You game life. You don't listen 206 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,990 Speaker 2: to anyone else, especially adults. But you don't let the 207 00:12:37,030 --> 00:12:40,610 Speaker 2: adults know you're not listening. You smile. You say please. 208 00:12:40,650 --> 00:12:42,890 Speaker 2: You say thank you. You sit politely at the dinner 209 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:46,349 Speaker 2: table with perfect posture, with your napkin folded neatly in 210 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:50,500 Speaker 2: your lap. You demonstrate manners that would make Emily fucking post-proud. 211 00:12:50,910 --> 00:12:53,120 Speaker 2: And but the manners are just for show. Because when 212 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,300 Speaker 2: the adults turn their backs, you take them for all 213 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,400 Speaker 2: they're worth. You nick hooch from the liquor cabinet. You 214 00:12:58,420 --> 00:13:00,510 Speaker 2: grab the keys off the kitchen counter and take the 215 00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:02,950 Speaker 2: station wagon for the ride of your life. You give 216 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:06,730 Speaker 2: off the illusion that you are paying attention, following rules, listening, 217 00:13:06,770 --> 00:13:10,270 Speaker 2: and being respectful. But in reality, you aren't doing anything 218 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,780 Speaker 2: of the sort. Because there's pain and anger gnawing away 219 00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:17,119 Speaker 2: at your insides. And this is how you deal with it. 220 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:21,020 Speaker 2: And you keep dealing with it. Even when your mother 221 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 2: remarries and moves your family halfway across the country, from Denver, 222 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:29,830 Speaker 2: Colorado to a Motor City suburb, Birmingham, Michigan. Cars are 223 00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,950 Speaker 2: the shit, and at least in Birmingham, you're in Big 224 00:13:31,990 --> 00:13:35,550 Speaker 2: Three territory. Dad loved cars, so you do too, but 225 00:13:35,850 --> 00:13:39,059 Speaker 2: the anger doesn't go away. It gets worse, actually, because 226 00:13:39,460 --> 00:13:41,220 Speaker 2: now you have to learn how to be a Midwesterner. 227 00:13:41,580 --> 00:13:43,780 Speaker 2: You didn't ask to live there. The air is more 228 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,810 Speaker 2: dense than back in Denver. You drink pop, not soda. 229 00:13:47,270 --> 00:13:49,670 Speaker 2: The pizza's a fucking rectangle and the kids are different. 230 00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:51,570 Speaker 2: No one knows you because you're the new kid. Maybe 231 00:13:51,590 --> 00:13:54,709 Speaker 2: they care, maybe they don't. You manage to go through 232 00:13:54,730 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 2: the motions, graduate high school, then Western Michigan University. The 233 00:13:58,860 --> 00:14:01,020 Speaker 2: bachelor's degree is nice to hang on your wall when 234 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,319 Speaker 2: your mom comes by for a visit, but what's it 235 00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 2: going to get you? And those philosophy classes you took 236 00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:09,410 Speaker 2: aren't going to help you flip burgers any faster. There's 237 00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:12,440 Speaker 2: bigger opportunities out there. Especially if you can put up 238 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:16,540 Speaker 2: a good front, look presentable and all clean cut. But underneath, 239 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:21,060 Speaker 2: you gotta give zero fucks, be ruthless, feel invincible, answer 240 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,500 Speaker 2: the phone when it rings after midnight, hop in your 241 00:14:23,540 --> 00:14:25,380 Speaker 2: Chevy Nova at the drop of a hat to make 242 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 2: a delivery, be a goddamn Johnny on the spot. Don't 243 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,660 Speaker 2: tell a soul about what you're doing, because what you're 244 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:33,580 Speaker 2: doing is highly illegal. You thrive on the thrill of 245 00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:36,850 Speaker 2: doing something highly illegal. You thrive on risks, and the 246 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,730 Speaker 2: risks you'll take are major fucking risks, because no one 247 00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:41,890 Speaker 2: ever made a ton of cash by going the easy way. 248 00:14:42,190 --> 00:14:47,570 Speaker 2: It's the hard way, or no way. In the summer 249 00:14:47,610 --> 00:14:51,390 Speaker 2: of 1978, Timothy Allen Dick was 25 years old and 250 00:14:51,430 --> 00:14:54,750 Speaker 2: living with a friend, Gerald Mead, in Kalamazoo, Michigan. They 251 00:14:54,790 --> 00:14:58,750 Speaker 2: weren't just roommates, they were business partners. Tim and Gerald 252 00:14:58,770 --> 00:15:02,990 Speaker 2: were small-time Kalamazoo cocaine dealers. The coke came up to 253 00:15:03,050 --> 00:15:06,230 Speaker 2: Michigan from Florida, where a local wholesaler would front Tim 254 00:15:06,290 --> 00:15:09,650 Speaker 2: and Gerald large quantities of white powder. They'd empty the 255 00:15:09,690 --> 00:15:12,410 Speaker 2: coke on a table, split it up into smaller piles. 256 00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:15,690 Speaker 2: Then they'd cut the coke with baking soda, which gave 257 00:15:15,730 --> 00:15:18,310 Speaker 2: them twice the volume of their product than they started with. 258 00:15:19,140 --> 00:15:21,620 Speaker 2: Tim and Gerald would sell the diluted coke for about 259 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:24,340 Speaker 2: two grand an ounce, pay back the wholesaler what he 260 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 2: was owed, and walk away with a couple hundred bucks 261 00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:30,140 Speaker 2: to split between the two of them. Beats waxing philosophical 262 00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,700 Speaker 2: at a burger joint. But one of the sales that 263 00:15:32,740 --> 00:15:35,040 Speaker 2: Tim and Gerald made in August of that year was 264 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:38,320 Speaker 2: to a man named Michael Pfeiffer. They met Michael through 265 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 2: their wholesaler. Michael had reached out because he wanted to 266 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:44,220 Speaker 2: buy two ounces. So he met Tim and Gerald at 267 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,580 Speaker 2: their house and bought the two ounces with a handshake 268 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,940 Speaker 2: and $ 3, 980 in cash. And then he left with his drugs. 269 00:15:53,340 --> 00:15:56,360 Speaker 2: Neither Tim nor Gerald nor the wholesaler knew that Michael 270 00:15:56,400 --> 00:16:00,290 Speaker 2: Pfeiffer was actually an undercover Michigan State cop. Michael had 271 00:16:00,310 --> 00:16:03,350 Speaker 2: been spending his summer posing as a coke buyer in 272 00:16:03,410 --> 00:16:06,430 Speaker 2: order to infiltrate the Michigan drug trade. And it was 273 00:16:06,490 --> 00:16:10,330 Speaker 2: no coincidence that his undercover mission dovetailed nicely with the 274 00:16:10,390 --> 00:16:13,710 Speaker 2: recent enactment of the Michigan State Lifer Law that could 275 00:16:13,730 --> 00:16:15,910 Speaker 2: get you put away for good when caught with more 276 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 2: than 650 grams of coke. Michael Pfeiffer set up numerous deals, 277 00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 2: not just with Tim and Gerald, but with other dealers, distributors, 278 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:28,740 Speaker 2: and wholesalers. At first, Michael's target wasn't just Tim Allen 279 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:32,840 Speaker 2: Dick and Gerald Mead. They were low-level, small fries. He 280 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 2: wanted the wholesalers, the distributors, The guys who controlled the 281 00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:39,380 Speaker 2: planes and cars that brought the filthy white powder up 282 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:43,340 Speaker 2: north from Florida. He hoped that by interacting with Tim 283 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,110 Speaker 2: and Gerald and others, that one of those interactions would 284 00:16:46,150 --> 00:16:49,290 Speaker 2: lead to a big get. But that moment never seemed 285 00:16:49,330 --> 00:16:52,370 Speaker 2: to happen. And the more deals that Michael Pfeiffer set up, 286 00:16:52,770 --> 00:16:55,970 Speaker 2: the more he worried that he'd get made. And then 287 00:16:56,130 --> 00:16:58,990 Speaker 2: Michael thought of another way. He just needed a little 288 00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:06,640 Speaker 2: leverage with one of the low-level guys. October 2nd. 1978, 289 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:11,700 Speaker 2: Kalamazoo County Airport. Michael Pfeiffer waited impatiently inside the terminal. 290 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,340 Speaker 2: He looked at the clock up on the wall, and 291 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:17,159 Speaker 2: they were late. Travelers hustled in and out of the 292 00:17:17,230 --> 00:17:20,690 Speaker 2: airport terminal, some running to catch departing flights and others 293 00:17:20,730 --> 00:17:23,950 Speaker 2: just looking to get home after a long flight. Michael 294 00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:26,490 Speaker 2: hoped that the guys hadn't gotten cold feet, that we 295 00:17:26,510 --> 00:17:28,830 Speaker 2: couldn't fault them. This had to be one of the 296 00:17:28,869 --> 00:17:31,820 Speaker 2: biggest deals of their nascent drug-dealing careers and one of 297 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:35,919 Speaker 2: the biggest risks they'd taken today. Michael Pfeiffer had scheduled 298 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,180 Speaker 2: a meet-up with Tim and Gerald at the Kalamazoo County 299 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,639 Speaker 2: Airport to buy a pound and a half of cocaine. 300 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:46,300 Speaker 2: The set price, $ 40, 000. The plan was that Tim and 301 00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:48,669 Speaker 2: Gerald would walk into the terminal with the coke in 302 00:17:48,710 --> 00:17:51,410 Speaker 2: a bag, place the bag in one of the lockers 303 00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:54,010 Speaker 2: designed for people storing winter coats while they flew to 304 00:17:54,050 --> 00:17:57,649 Speaker 2: warmer climates, and let's be honest, designed for drug deals. 305 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,480 Speaker 2: and then bring Michael Pfeiffer the key, upon which Michael 306 00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:04,179 Speaker 2: would unlock the locker, grab the drugs, and replace them 307 00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:09,459 Speaker 2: with the money. Then, they'd go their own ways. But 308 00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:13,110 Speaker 2: they wouldn't be going separate ways that day. Michael Pfeiffer 309 00:18:13,130 --> 00:18:15,490 Speaker 2: would drive away from the airport with the dealers in 310 00:18:15,570 --> 00:18:18,550 Speaker 2: cuffs in the backseat of the cruiser. And Michael sure 311 00:18:18,570 --> 00:18:21,739 Speaker 2: as shit wasn't carrying $ 40, 000 on him. He had no 312 00:18:21,780 --> 00:18:25,389 Speaker 2: intention of giving Tim or Gerald any money. What he 313 00:18:25,490 --> 00:18:28,170 Speaker 2: did have was about a dozen other undercover state troopers 314 00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:30,710 Speaker 2: blending in with the crowds at the terminal, ready to 315 00:18:30,790 --> 00:18:35,149 Speaker 2: jump on his mark. Michael Pfeiffer breathed a sigh of 316 00:18:35,170 --> 00:18:38,910 Speaker 2: relief when Tim and Gerald finally arrived. Tim was carrying 317 00:18:38,950 --> 00:18:41,369 Speaker 2: a brown Adidas gym bag. He walked it over to 318 00:18:41,390 --> 00:18:44,669 Speaker 2: the lockers, stuffed it inside one, closed it up, and 319 00:18:44,730 --> 00:18:48,620 Speaker 2: locked it, just as they had planned. Michael tried not 320 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,899 Speaker 2: to get too excited, not yet at least. Next, the 321 00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:55,429 Speaker 2: key handoff. Michael walked over to the locker, unlocked it, 322 00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:58,230 Speaker 2: opened the door, and pulled the brown Adidas gym bag out. 323 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,960 Speaker 2: He unzipped the bag and examined the contents inside. Jackpot. 324 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,619 Speaker 2: Michael Pfeiffer put a hand in the air and the 325 00:19:05,660 --> 00:19:08,219 Speaker 2: next thing Tim and Gerald knew, a dozen guys were 326 00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:12,060 Speaker 2: coming at them from every direction with loaded sidearms. On 327 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:16,490 Speaker 2: the fucking ground now! Just like that, Timothy Allen Dick's 328 00:19:16,570 --> 00:19:20,260 Speaker 2: career as a low-level coke dealer was over. and the 329 00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:23,060 Speaker 2: cops had gotten one step closer to taking down the 330 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:29,680 Speaker 2: guys that they were really after. We'll be right back 331 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:30,679 Speaker 2: after this. 332 00:19:30,609 --> 00:19:32,090 Speaker 3: Word, word, word. 333 00:19:37,450 --> 00:19:41,590 Speaker 2: The spotlight was on. Now was no time to bomb. 334 00:19:42,310 --> 00:19:44,950 Speaker 2: Either the next joke would kill, or the audience would 335 00:19:44,990 --> 00:19:49,109 Speaker 2: kill him. The audience of one. It was a fellow 336 00:19:49,190 --> 00:19:51,140 Speaker 2: inmate who had him in a corner and was about 337 00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:55,200 Speaker 2: to go full Leon Spinks on his face. Timothy Allen 338 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,580 Speaker 2: Dick figured he had less than 30 seconds before the 339 00:19:57,619 --> 00:19:59,550 Speaker 2: back of his head became a permanent part of the 340 00:19:59,609 --> 00:20:03,670 Speaker 2: concrete behind him. Ironically, it was comedy that got Tim 341 00:20:03,710 --> 00:20:06,689 Speaker 2: into this situation in the first place. And the inmate 342 00:20:06,730 --> 00:20:09,629 Speaker 2: was the outgoing president of the Toastmasters Club inside the 343 00:20:09,670 --> 00:20:13,159 Speaker 2: prison and Tim was picking up the mantle. They had 344 00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:16,479 Speaker 2: a little ceremony to celebrate the shift, which included a roast. 345 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,760 Speaker 2: Tim was in his element. Sisingon, he didn't hold back. 346 00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:23,359 Speaker 2: Tim roasted the inmate like he was Don Rickles, and 347 00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:25,980 Speaker 2: the guy was just some sitting duck sap in the audience. 348 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 2: And that guy, the inmate, he didn't think it was funny, 349 00:20:29,660 --> 00:20:31,520 Speaker 2: which was more than obvious by the way he now 350 00:20:31,580 --> 00:20:34,730 Speaker 2: had Tim backed into a corner. Everyone had a reason 351 00:20:34,790 --> 00:20:36,950 Speaker 2: for why they were in the joint, and this guy's 352 00:20:37,010 --> 00:20:38,929 Speaker 2: reason was that he couldn't take a joke at his 353 00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:42,570 Speaker 2: own expense. Tim had made a joke, many jokes, all 354 00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:45,869 Speaker 2: of them at the guy's expense. Thus, Tim was a 355 00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:50,840 Speaker 2: dead man. Just as the inmate was winding up to 356 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 2: send Tim's nose all the way through to the back 357 00:20:52,859 --> 00:20:55,619 Speaker 2: of his neck, Tim chuckled. He was thinking of an 358 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,900 Speaker 2: old memory when he was hiking with one of his brothers, 359 00:20:58,540 --> 00:21:00,830 Speaker 2: and his brother let him slip on purpose simply so 360 00:21:00,869 --> 00:21:04,050 Speaker 2: that he could laugh at Tim's fall. Shit, if his 361 00:21:04,109 --> 00:21:06,590 Speaker 2: brother could see him now, this pickle Tim had found 362 00:21:06,630 --> 00:21:09,149 Speaker 2: himself in would really give his brother the fucking giggles. 363 00:21:10,150 --> 00:21:13,470 Speaker 2: and the inmate paused his windup. Was this guy laughing 364 00:21:13,510 --> 00:21:17,050 Speaker 2: about getting his ass kicked? Tim stopped laughing and got 365 00:21:17,070 --> 00:21:20,530 Speaker 2: himself under control. No, no, no. Go ahead. Hit me. 366 00:21:21,090 --> 00:21:22,800 Speaker 2: He told the guy he was about to clobber him. 367 00:21:23,190 --> 00:21:27,580 Speaker 2: I didn't mean to be rude. Total deadpan. Dry. No smile. 368 00:21:27,900 --> 00:21:31,100 Speaker 2: The delivery. The timing. It was perfect. And as the 369 00:21:31,140 --> 00:21:34,139 Speaker 2: inmate cracked a smile and walked away, it may have 370 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,740 Speaker 2: been so perfect that it saved Tim's life. Years later, 371 00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:42,850 Speaker 2: on stage for his wildly popular stand-up show, Men Are Pigs, 372 00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:45,889 Speaker 2: which in turn became a Showtime special that would directly 373 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:49,169 Speaker 2: lead to the creation of his first television sitcom, Home Improvement, 374 00:21:49,930 --> 00:21:52,369 Speaker 2: Tim would get men and women alike to laugh at 375 00:21:52,410 --> 00:21:56,350 Speaker 2: an impersonation of a grunting American male who made pilgrimages 376 00:21:56,369 --> 00:21:58,889 Speaker 2: to the craftsman section of Sears like it was Mecca. 377 00:21:59,630 --> 00:22:01,859 Speaker 2: But in the joint, the men didn't want to be 378 00:22:01,890 --> 00:22:07,020 Speaker 2: laughed at, so Tim made them laugh. Funny voices, funny observations. 379 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,179 Speaker 2: Anything to take their minds off the fact that they 380 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:12,879 Speaker 2: were inside of a prison, fate unknown. Day by day, 381 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:16,330 Speaker 2: things got a little easier on the inside. Tim adapted. 382 00:22:16,730 --> 00:22:19,629 Speaker 2: To the cold metal benches, to the one toilet, to 383 00:22:19,650 --> 00:22:22,050 Speaker 2: the bad food that somehow seemed to taste a little 384 00:22:22,130 --> 00:22:24,590 Speaker 2: better by the end of the week. Most of all, 385 00:22:24,710 --> 00:22:27,190 Speaker 2: being funny gave Tim a sense of relief that he 386 00:22:27,230 --> 00:22:30,890 Speaker 2: wouldn't be held down and beaten. Plus, he had other 387 00:22:30,930 --> 00:22:34,719 Speaker 2: things to worry about. Like how embarrassed and disappointed his 388 00:22:34,780 --> 00:22:37,119 Speaker 2: family was going to be. and what had happened to 389 00:22:37,180 --> 00:22:42,020 Speaker 2: Gerald Mead after the Kalamazoo County airport bust. But the 390 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,940 Speaker 2: thing to worry about the most was the mandatory life 391 00:22:44,980 --> 00:22:49,230 Speaker 2: sentence that the state of Michigan had passed earlier in 1978. 392 00:22:49,230 --> 00:22:56,030 Speaker 2: Life in prison. No parole. No mercy. Tim made bail 393 00:22:56,090 --> 00:22:59,230 Speaker 2: while his lawyer continued to work his case. It offered 394 00:22:59,270 --> 00:23:02,659 Speaker 2: a reprieve. The air smelled a little sweeter and the 395 00:23:02,700 --> 00:23:06,139 Speaker 2: sun shone a little brighter on the outside. For Tim, 396 00:23:06,180 --> 00:23:09,260 Speaker 2: the entire ordeal of getting arrested and thrown in prison 397 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,780 Speaker 2: was a wake-up call. But what the fuck was he 398 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,790 Speaker 2: even doing? Slinging coke in Kalamazoo? He'd been wrong all 399 00:23:15,830 --> 00:23:18,929 Speaker 2: these years. He'd been too stubborn and too emotionally stunted 400 00:23:18,970 --> 00:23:21,310 Speaker 2: to see the truth. You weren't supposed to hold onto 401 00:23:21,430 --> 00:23:23,330 Speaker 2: anger for years. You had to let that shit go. 402 00:23:23,790 --> 00:23:26,470 Speaker 2: You also had to listen to other people. Really listen. 403 00:23:27,109 --> 00:23:30,170 Speaker 2: So that's what he did. He listened when a friend 404 00:23:30,250 --> 00:23:32,260 Speaker 2: told him that he should try his hand at real 405 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,540 Speaker 2: stand-up comedy. That could be a way out. It had 406 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,340 Speaker 2: gotten him through the last few months, and hell, if 407 00:23:37,380 --> 00:23:39,899 Speaker 2: he could make seasoned inmates laugh in a cramped cell 408 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,260 Speaker 2: with one jaw, surely he could tickle the funny bones 409 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:46,939 Speaker 2: at a local comedy club. Whether it was Kismet or 410 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,570 Speaker 2: Divine Providence or just dumb luck, a new comedy club 411 00:23:50,670 --> 00:23:53,030 Speaker 2: happened to open in the Detroit metro area at the 412 00:23:53,070 --> 00:23:56,490 Speaker 2: same time that Tim was out on bail. Mark Ridley's 413 00:23:56,550 --> 00:23:59,850 Speaker 2: Comedy Castle was going to be the debut of Tim Allen, comedian. 414 00:24:00,450 --> 00:24:02,590 Speaker 2: He removed the Dick from his name because he didn't 415 00:24:02,630 --> 00:24:04,909 Speaker 2: want them laughing at his name before he even started. 416 00:24:05,609 --> 00:24:07,889 Speaker 2: But it turned out that getting anybody to laugh at 417 00:24:07,930 --> 00:24:11,240 Speaker 2: Tim Allen's first legit set of stand-up was harder than 418 00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 2: entertaining fellow inmates. Tim Allen bombed. Hard. Each joke he 419 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,200 Speaker 2: told fell flatter than the last. Was it the set-ups? 420 00:24:21,340 --> 00:24:25,060 Speaker 2: The punchlines? He struggled. Dug himself into a deeper hole. 421 00:24:26,460 --> 00:24:28,820 Speaker 2: But he had an ace in his back pocket. His 422 00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:32,990 Speaker 2: best bit. The impersonation of the Pillsbury Doughboy getting baked 423 00:24:33,070 --> 00:24:38,139 Speaker 2: alive at 350 degrees. Tim screamed doughy murder in a 424 00:24:38,220 --> 00:24:41,879 Speaker 2: high-pitched squeal. He'd saved it to the end. He knew 425 00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:44,580 Speaker 2: he couldn't miss with that one, and it killed. And 426 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,199 Speaker 2: when he walked off the stage, it didn't matter that 427 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,060 Speaker 2: he'd spent most of the set floundering. He left them 428 00:24:50,180 --> 00:24:53,550 Speaker 2: all laughing. The Comedy Castle asked him to come back. 429 00:24:54,130 --> 00:24:55,510 Speaker 2: They were going to have to wait just a little 430 00:24:55,550 --> 00:24:58,810 Speaker 2: bit longer, though, because Tim Allen's next stop was an 431 00:24:58,930 --> 00:25:02,669 Speaker 2: encore with his original captive audience. It was time to 432 00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:07,430 Speaker 2: do his time for the Kalamazoo Cocaine Bust. News of 433 00:25:07,470 --> 00:25:11,590 Speaker 2: his impending sentencing was both good and bad. The good 434 00:25:11,630 --> 00:25:13,830 Speaker 2: news was that it was looking more and more like 435 00:25:13,890 --> 00:25:15,670 Speaker 2: Tim was going to be able to avoid a life 436 00:25:15,710 --> 00:25:19,230 Speaker 2: sentence after all. The bad news was that the federal 437 00:25:19,300 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 2: government was involved, and the only way he could avoid 438 00:25:22,100 --> 00:25:26,580 Speaker 2: life in prison was to turn stool pigeon. The feds 439 00:25:26,700 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 2: told Tim Allen to flip and give up every name 440 00:25:29,540 --> 00:25:32,880 Speaker 2: he knew. The big guys, the small guys, the guys 441 00:25:32,900 --> 00:25:35,199 Speaker 2: he knew on a first-name basis, and the guys who 442 00:25:35,220 --> 00:25:38,010 Speaker 2: he'd only heard about from others. If he wanted to 443 00:25:38,090 --> 00:25:41,050 Speaker 2: ever see outside the prison's walls again, it was time 444 00:25:41,070 --> 00:25:44,050 Speaker 2: to start talking. And unlike the man he would make 445 00:25:44,150 --> 00:25:47,570 Speaker 2: fun of years later in his stand-up routine, Tim Allen 446 00:25:47,650 --> 00:25:52,370 Speaker 2: didn't lie. He told the truth. He went, think. Permanent 447 00:25:52,550 --> 00:25:57,810 Speaker 2: goddamn think. The information he gave up helped lead to 448 00:25:57,810 --> 00:26:02,890 Speaker 2: 21 indictments. Four other drug dealers were subsequently convicted and sentenced. 449 00:26:03,570 --> 00:26:07,690 Speaker 2: The feds were happy. The state was happy. Some drug-dealing 450 00:26:07,750 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 2: scumbags were off the streets of Michigan and behind bars 451 00:26:10,390 --> 00:26:13,719 Speaker 2: for a long time. Cops and prosecutors could all go 452 00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:16,180 Speaker 2: home and put their feet up and feel good about themselves. 453 00:26:17,060 --> 00:26:19,960 Speaker 2: And then there were the other guys, guys like Timothy Allen, 454 00:26:20,340 --> 00:26:22,560 Speaker 2: who had dipped their toes into a life of vice 455 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:26,470 Speaker 2: and crime. The feel-good takeaway there was that they'd been 456 00:26:26,510 --> 00:26:28,570 Speaker 2: shown the light and were working on a path to 457 00:26:28,609 --> 00:26:33,250 Speaker 2: being better people and more productive members of society. But 458 00:26:33,310 --> 00:26:36,850 Speaker 2: on the other hand, Tim wasn't that happy. Sure, he 459 00:26:36,890 --> 00:26:40,230 Speaker 2: was pleased that, in exchange for giving up names and information, 460 00:26:40,710 --> 00:26:44,490 Speaker 2: he avoided Michigan's infamous lifer law and was instead sentenced 461 00:26:44,510 --> 00:26:47,750 Speaker 2: to three to seven years. He knew doing time would 462 00:26:47,790 --> 00:26:51,290 Speaker 2: feel like eternity, but at least it wasn't actual eternity. 463 00:26:52,190 --> 00:26:55,430 Speaker 2: That said, Tim wasn't stupid. He knew what happened next. 464 00:26:56,100 --> 00:26:58,340 Speaker 2: Four other drug dealers going to prison along with him. 465 00:26:58,730 --> 00:27:00,820 Speaker 2: Going to prison not because they fucked up and got caught, 466 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:02,820 Speaker 2: but because Tim had said a name that led to 467 00:27:02,859 --> 00:27:05,879 Speaker 2: their arrest. He knew how men operated and what they 468 00:27:05,900 --> 00:27:09,040 Speaker 2: were capable of. Takes one to know one. He didn't 469 00:27:09,060 --> 00:27:11,580 Speaker 2: have a punchline funny enough to fend off the vengeance 470 00:27:11,619 --> 00:27:15,879 Speaker 2: of a scorned drug runner. The judge may or may 471 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,660 Speaker 2: not have had a sense of humor, but he agreed 472 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,300 Speaker 2: that Tim would not be safe in the Michigan prison system. 473 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,419 Speaker 2: Tim had done them a favor, so in return he 474 00:27:23,460 --> 00:27:27,290 Speaker 2: was sent to a federal correctional institution in Sandstone, Minnesota 475 00:27:27,330 --> 00:27:32,650 Speaker 2: to serve a sentence, ten hours away from Kalamazoo. Tim 476 00:27:32,710 --> 00:27:34,709 Speaker 2: hoped the distance would be far enough to make him 477 00:27:34,790 --> 00:27:37,659 Speaker 2: forgettable to anyone who potentially wanted to settle a score. 478 00:27:38,420 --> 00:27:40,200 Speaker 2: He worked on a plan for how he was going 479 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,760 Speaker 2: to succeed as a stand-up comedian once he'd done his 480 00:27:42,820 --> 00:27:46,780 Speaker 2: time on the inside. He set goals. He made promises 481 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:50,180 Speaker 2: to himself. Because once he stepped outside the prison walls 482 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,910 Speaker 2: in three to seven years, he would no longer be 483 00:27:53,030 --> 00:27:56,609 Speaker 2: Timothy Allen Dick, the low-level drug grunt. He would become 484 00:27:56,670 --> 00:28:27,090 Speaker 2: completely unforgettable for different reasons. May 12th, 1986, Oak Park, Michigan. 485 00:28:28,170 --> 00:28:30,230 Speaker 2: It would still be a few hours before the sun 486 00:28:30,290 --> 00:28:33,390 Speaker 2: came up. The red traffic light glowed like an orb 487 00:28:33,430 --> 00:28:36,830 Speaker 2: in the sky. Ronald Harmelin sat at the wheel of 488 00:28:36,869 --> 00:28:39,510 Speaker 2: his Ford, idling there, the glow of the red orb 489 00:28:39,610 --> 00:28:44,310 Speaker 2: burning itself into his eyes. The night was still. Harmelin 490 00:28:44,350 --> 00:28:47,390 Speaker 2: didn't see anyone else around. All he could hear was 491 00:28:47,450 --> 00:28:50,510 Speaker 2: the purr of the Ford's engine and the mechanical buzz 492 00:28:50,550 --> 00:28:52,970 Speaker 2: of the traffic light. But that's what he thought he 493 00:28:52,990 --> 00:28:56,750 Speaker 2: was hearing. Fuck it. At this time of night, with 494 00:28:56,790 --> 00:29:00,230 Speaker 2: no one around, a stoplight was a suggestion. He wasn't 495 00:29:00,270 --> 00:29:02,580 Speaker 2: going to hurt anyone. He just rolled through the light 496 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,340 Speaker 2: and got on with his evening. Harmelin took his foot 497 00:29:05,380 --> 00:29:08,380 Speaker 2: off the brake and hit the gas. That was his 498 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 2: first mistake. But it wasn't the worst mistake he'd make 499 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 2: that night. The cop patted him down and found a 500 00:29:15,820 --> 00:29:19,100 Speaker 2: cigarette case in his pocket. The cop opened it. Weed. 501 00:29:19,900 --> 00:29:21,580 Speaker 2: And that was all the cop needed to conduct a 502 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:25,920 Speaker 2: full search of the vehicle. Harmelin was also carrying $ 2, 900 503 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:28,700 Speaker 2: in cash, some pills, a beeper, a gun, and two 504 00:29:28,740 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 2: bags of cocaine, totaling 672.5 grams. If only he'd been 505 00:29:35,380 --> 00:29:39,380 Speaker 2: busted across state lines in Ohio, according to sentencing guidelines 506 00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:42,040 Speaker 2: at the time, he'd be facing one to ten years 507 00:29:42,100 --> 00:29:45,680 Speaker 2: in prison. Shit, if the feds had busted him, they 508 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,560 Speaker 2: likely would have only put him away for five or 509 00:29:47,620 --> 00:29:50,900 Speaker 2: six years, but Michigan, the coke in his car was 510 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:55,100 Speaker 2: over 650 grams, and thus, he had secured himself a 511 00:29:55,220 --> 00:29:58,880 Speaker 2: one-way ticket to jail forever. There was no hope, no 512 00:29:58,900 --> 00:30:04,000 Speaker 2: way out. Ronald Harmelin became one of 123 people sentenced 513 00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,660 Speaker 2: to life in prison under Michigan's tough law by the 514 00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:10,500 Speaker 2: end of the 1980s, more than half of them first-time offenders. 515 00:30:11,420 --> 00:30:15,390 Speaker 2: Harmelin thought it was cruel and unusual punishment, so cruel 516 00:30:15,490 --> 00:30:18,370 Speaker 2: and so unusual that it violated the Eighth Amendment of 517 00:30:18,410 --> 00:30:22,010 Speaker 2: the Constitution. Harmelin agreed that he should be punished for 518 00:30:22,050 --> 00:30:26,020 Speaker 2: his crime, but in his mind, this punishment far exceeded 519 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:30,680 Speaker 2: any crime he had committed. And in 1990, Harmelin took 520 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,620 Speaker 2: that argument all the way to the United States Supreme Court. 521 00:30:34,350 --> 00:30:38,030 Speaker 2: Harmelin's lawyer argued that Harmelin had no criminal record, that 522 00:30:38,070 --> 00:30:42,430 Speaker 2: he wasn't violent, and that he could be easily rehabilitated. Prosecutors, 523 00:30:42,470 --> 00:30:45,030 Speaker 2: in turn, noted that Harmelin had been busted near a 524 00:30:45,070 --> 00:30:48,820 Speaker 2: motel in a Detroit suburb with enough cocaine to command 525 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:52,420 Speaker 2: up to $ 100, 000 on the street, along with other pills, weed, 526 00:30:52,460 --> 00:30:55,260 Speaker 2: an address book, a beeper, and a gun. The picture 527 00:30:55,300 --> 00:30:58,780 Speaker 2: they painted contradicted Harmelin's insistence that he was an unlucky 528 00:30:58,860 --> 00:31:03,140 Speaker 2: first-time The Supreme Court was split right down the middle, 529 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:07,900 Speaker 2: but their 5-4 vote upheld Michigan's law. Ronald Harmoing would 530 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:11,219 Speaker 2: remain a lifer in the Michigan prison system. And as 531 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,930 Speaker 2: a lifer in a Michigan prison, it was a bitter 532 00:31:13,990 --> 00:31:16,950 Speaker 2: pill to swallow when fellow inmates prepared to go before 533 00:31:16,990 --> 00:31:20,210 Speaker 2: the parole board. You were a person, for God's sake. 534 00:31:20,430 --> 00:31:22,990 Speaker 2: You fucked up. That's what being a person was all about. 535 00:31:23,630 --> 00:31:26,560 Speaker 2: You could change. That's also what being a person was 536 00:31:26,620 --> 00:31:29,180 Speaker 2: all about. Fucking up and then changing so that you 537 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,610 Speaker 2: wouldn't fuck up again. But you feel like less of 538 00:31:31,670 --> 00:31:34,510 Speaker 2: a person than the guys who got paroled. The ones 539 00:31:34,530 --> 00:31:36,710 Speaker 2: who were out there tasting freedom, which is a fucking 540 00:31:36,770 --> 00:31:38,300 Speaker 2: flavor you're never going to know for the rest of 541 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:42,060 Speaker 2: your life. And that's when the jealousy creeps in. The envy. 542 00:31:42,340 --> 00:31:46,080 Speaker 2: The anger. And then your eyes catch a television set. 543 00:31:46,580 --> 00:31:48,600 Speaker 2: One of the shitty color models with the bunny ears 544 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,640 Speaker 2: and bad reception scattered in common rooms around the pen. 545 00:31:52,220 --> 00:31:54,940 Speaker 2: And you see this sitcom playing. The guy with the 546 00:31:55,020 --> 00:31:58,080 Speaker 2: tool belt and the power drill is Tim Allen. Of course, 547 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,420 Speaker 2: but you know him by his given name. Timothy Allen Dick. 548 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,380 Speaker 2: You know him because he's a legend in Michigan prisons. 549 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:07,660 Speaker 2: You know that legendary mugshot of his, looking like a 550 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,920 Speaker 2: cocaine cowboy. The one where he's got a slick Magnum P.I. 551 00:32:10,980 --> 00:32:14,010 Speaker 2: mustache two years before Magnum P.I. was even a thing. 552 00:32:14,570 --> 00:32:17,150 Speaker 2: And you know all about how Tim Allen only did 553 00:32:17,150 --> 00:32:19,810 Speaker 2: 28 months in prison after singing like a canary for 554 00:32:19,830 --> 00:32:23,510 Speaker 2: the feds. All of the inmates locked up by Michigan's 555 00:32:23,550 --> 00:32:27,090 Speaker 2: lifer law knew all about that particular story. Because Tim 556 00:32:27,210 --> 00:32:30,250 Speaker 2: Allen was unlike any other Michigan inmate He was the 557 00:32:30,350 --> 00:32:33,030 Speaker 2: one who found a way out, and then he found 558 00:32:33,070 --> 00:32:38,580 Speaker 2: a way up. By December of 1994, Tim Allen earned 559 00:32:38,620 --> 00:32:42,500 Speaker 2: a rare entertainment trifecta when he simultaneously starred in the 560 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:46,480 Speaker 2: top-rated TV show in the country and the highest-grossing movie 561 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,960 Speaker 2: at the box office, while at the same time, his book, 562 00:32:50,340 --> 00:32:53,360 Speaker 2: Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man, was number 563 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:57,180 Speaker 2: one on the New York Times bestseller list. Even though 564 00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,100 Speaker 2: he is now one of the most commercially successful personalities 565 00:33:00,140 --> 00:33:03,560 Speaker 2: of the last few decades, Tim Allen hasn't shied away 566 00:33:03,620 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 2: from talking about his past. He has said that his 567 00:33:06,660 --> 00:33:09,010 Speaker 2: time in prison was what helped him avoid the abyss 568 00:33:09,050 --> 00:33:12,390 Speaker 2: he was about to fall into in 1978. That it 569 00:33:12,430 --> 00:33:14,890 Speaker 2: taught him to live his life day by day. That 570 00:33:14,930 --> 00:33:17,770 Speaker 2: it helped him to set real goals and, in turn, 571 00:33:17,910 --> 00:33:22,060 Speaker 2: achieve real success. But he rarely, if at all, talks 572 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:24,220 Speaker 2: about the names he gave up in order to earn 573 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,670 Speaker 2: a reduced sentence for slinging cocaine. And why would he? 574 00:33:28,310 --> 00:33:30,530 Speaker 2: When you find a way out, a way out that 575 00:33:30,590 --> 00:33:32,650 Speaker 2: no one else is going to find but you, you 576 00:33:32,670 --> 00:33:34,820 Speaker 2: put your head down and keep moving ahead when you 577 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,420 Speaker 2: get outside those walls. You have one life to protect, 578 00:33:38,780 --> 00:33:43,719 Speaker 2: your own. You have one direction, forward. You have one destination, out. 579 00:33:44,700 --> 00:33:48,340 Speaker 2: And though he considers himself a political anarchist who espouses 580 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:53,560 Speaker 2: conservative views and even attended Donald Trump's inauguration, he also rarely, 581 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,570 Speaker 2: if at all, has commented on the politics of the 582 00:33:56,610 --> 00:33:59,170 Speaker 2: Michigan lifer law that nearly put him away for good. 583 00:34:00,150 --> 00:34:03,370 Speaker 2: Not even in 1998, when the state revised the law 584 00:34:03,390 --> 00:34:06,430 Speaker 2: to finally offer a shot at parole for inmates like 585 00:34:06,510 --> 00:34:11,180 Speaker 2: Ronald Hermelin serving life sentences for drugs. Because at that time, 586 00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:15,239 Speaker 2: Tim Allen was once again moving forward after an unexpected 587 00:34:15,340 --> 00:34:18,400 Speaker 2: glimpse over the edge of the abyss. He was on parole. 588 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:21,860 Speaker 2: This time, on account of his second arrest in Michigan 589 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:26,259 Speaker 2: the year prior, 1997, for driving under the influence for 590 00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:29,410 Speaker 2: the blood alcohol content of nearly twice the legal limit. 591 00:34:32,430 --> 00:34:36,170 Speaker 2: And the infraction added to his everyman relatability. Who hasn't 592 00:34:36,210 --> 00:34:38,410 Speaker 2: been there before? Luckily no one was hurt, that's what 593 00:34:38,430 --> 00:34:40,930 Speaker 2: they said, but he wasn't exactly in a position to 594 00:34:40,969 --> 00:34:44,570 Speaker 2: take a moral high ground. And then again, taking the 595 00:34:44,610 --> 00:34:48,130 Speaker 2: moral high ground was never his thing. His thing was 596 00:34:48,170 --> 00:34:51,009 Speaker 2: to keep him laughing. If you're able to do that, 597 00:34:51,750 --> 00:34:56,110 Speaker 2: then he ought to be in pictures. I'm Jake Brennan, 598 00:34:57,130 --> 00:34:58,950 Speaker 2: and this is Hollywoodland. 599 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,799 Speaker 3: Hollywoodland was created by Years Truly and is produced in 600 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:20,219 Speaker 3: partnership with Double Elvis. Follow, like, rate, and review Hollywoodland 601 00:35:20,260 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 3: wherever you get your podcasts, and get in touch with 602 00:35:22,260 --> 00:35:26,080 Speaker 3: us on social media at doubleelvis.com. If you like Hollywoodland, 603 00:35:26,100 --> 00:35:29,230 Speaker 3: check out my other show, the award-winning Disgraceland, which looks 604 00:35:29,250 --> 00:35:31,370 Speaker 3: at the world of music through the lens of true crime. 605 00:35:31,430 --> 00:35:34,390 Speaker 2: Just search for Disgraceland wherever you get your podcasts.