1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: Hollywood Land listeners, Thank you for joining us. Welcome back 2 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: for another episode. I'm Jake Brennan and I'm excited to 3 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,520 Speaker 1: crack into the Hollywood Land archive this week here at 4 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: Double Elvis headquarters to bring you another episode. This week, 5 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 1: we're talking about one of America's favorite nineties dads, Tim Allen, 6 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,079 Speaker 1: and I got to say when we dug into the 7 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:28,760 Speaker 1: research on this subject, it was perhaps the most surprised 8 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:32,239 Speaker 1: I'd been when researching any artist for any of our 9 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: Double Elvis shows, Disgraceland included. Tim Allen's story runs in 10 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: such stark contrast to the character he played on television 11 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:44,559 Speaker 1: and on comedy club stages before that. And when you 12 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: think about Tim Allen, you think about power tools and 13 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: dad jokes and weird grunting noises. You don't think about 14 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 1: drug trafficking, prison and flipping into a law enforcement informant. 15 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: But that's all part of Tim's story. That's what makes 16 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 1: it so interesting. 17 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 2: Tim Allen. He's not just a backyard dad. 18 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,959 Speaker 1: He's also the center of a wild true crime story. 19 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 1: And we hope you enjoy listening to it as much 20 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: as we hear at Double Elvis enjoyed putting it together 21 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,640 Speaker 1: for you. So, without further ado, here's Tim Allen in 22 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 1: hollywood Land. 23 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 2: This episode contains content that may be disturbing to some listeners. 24 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:29,319 Speaker 2: Please check the show notes for more information. Hollywood Land 25 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 2: is a production of Double Elvis. 26 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:39,040 Speaker 3: EH Jockey Failed from Burnt My employ the One Big, 27 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 3: and on his way Repining and home, he met a 28 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,759 Speaker 3: great big really bear well to bear. 29 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: The stories about Tim Allen are insane. Long before we 30 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 1: started in the highest rated television show in the country, 31 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: he was a small time cocaine dealer in Michigan. It 32 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 1: was a career opportunity that ended as quickly as it began. 33 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 1: He was busted at the Kalamazoo County Airport after he 34 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,679 Speaker 1: attempted to sell forty thousand dollars worth of blow to 35 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: undercover cops. He began to hone his comedy shops, not 36 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,520 Speaker 1: in stand up clubs, but in prison as a way 37 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: to stay out of trouble and out of harm's way. 38 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:23,680 Speaker 1: In order to avoid the mandatory life sentence imposed by 39 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,400 Speaker 1: the State of Michigan for possession with the intent to sell. 40 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: He copped a plea deal in turned informant for the 41 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,639 Speaker 1: federal government, and despite an arrest that had the potential 42 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 1: to ruin his life forever. Tim Allen made one hundred 43 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 1: and eighty degree turn and went on to make great movies. 44 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 1: Come on, you know you love the Santa Claus. Unlike 45 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:45,280 Speaker 1: that clip I played for you at the top of 46 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 1: the show. That wasn't a clip from a great movie. 47 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,080 Speaker 1: That was a fair youth sample from the Library of 48 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: Congress of Joe Arizonia singing The Preacher and the Bear 49 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,959 Speaker 1: in nineteen nineteen. I played you that clip because I 50 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:02,359 Speaker 1: can't afford the right to a clip from Randall Kleiser's Greece. 51 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: And why would I play you that specific slice of 52 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:11,360 Speaker 1: hopelessly devoted cheese? Could I afford it? Because that was 53 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,840 Speaker 1: the number one movie in America on October second, nineteen 54 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: seventy eight, And that was the day that Tim Allen's 55 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 1: brief career as a Kalamazoo coke dealer ended when a 56 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 1: dozen undercover cops surrounded him in an airport terminal on 57 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: this episode Cocaine Comedy Mandatory Life Sentences and Tim Allen, 58 00:03:32,600 --> 00:04:00,880 Speaker 1: I'm Jake Brennan and this is Hollywood Landlord. Years later, 59 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 1: he would relish a crowd every time a paying audience 60 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 1: would laugh in a collective moment of amusement, a moment 61 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: brought on by one of his jokes. 62 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 2: He would feed off. 63 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:14,360 Speaker 1: Their energy and then turn that energy into something new 64 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 1: and make them laugh again, whether it was a live 65 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 1: audience watching his stand up in the nineteen eighties, or 66 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: a studio audience watching a taping of his sitcom in 67 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:27,240 Speaker 1: the nineteen nineties, or an audience taking an animated ride 68 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:29,280 Speaker 1: with him in a darkened movie theater. At the turn 69 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:33,480 Speaker 1: of the century, crowds were his bread and butter. Crowds 70 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 1: were what he did. But in nineteen seventy eight, long 71 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,920 Speaker 1: before he discovered that the exaggerated grunt of a power 72 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 1: tool hungry male could be parleyed into the most popular 73 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,640 Speaker 1: television show in the world, Timothy Allen Dick faced the 74 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 1: first and toughest crowd of his life. The crowd was 75 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: in large, only about ten people. They were all locked 76 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: up in one room together, and not just any room, 77 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:02,040 Speaker 1: but a holding cell inside a jail in Michigan. There 78 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 1: was one toilet in the middle of the room, one 79 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:10,039 Speaker 1: toilet for all ten men. The floor was wet and 80 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: so was the toilet seat, and there was piss everywhere 81 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 1: because men can't hit a fucking target. 82 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 2: No matter how many times you remind them. 83 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 1: And they're rather too lazy, or too stupid, or too 84 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 1: directionally challenged, or they just don't give a shit. Inmates 85 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,320 Speaker 1: gave less of a shit than dudes on the outside. Yeah, 86 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 1: I pissed all over the floor. Fuck you looking at 87 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 1: should be thankful that I don't piss that dumb fuck 88 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,720 Speaker 1: look right off your face. Timothy All and Dick knew 89 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: what made guys like this tick. Takes one to know one. 90 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 1: He knew what made them angry, and what got them excited, 91 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: what they revealed, and what they kept hidden. And they 92 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: can't do three things at once, he'd tell sold out 93 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 1: crowds A decade later, I ever noticed how your old 94 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,040 Speaker 1: man can't he watched TV and talked to you at 95 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,840 Speaker 1: the same time. He'd tell them how his mom would 96 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 1: say that the only reason men are alive is for 97 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:55,400 Speaker 1: long care and vehicle maintenance. 98 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,279 Speaker 2: And that one get a lot of laughs. 99 00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 1: So did the bit about how men couldn't help it 100 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 1: lived the time they lied to women because they hated 101 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,120 Speaker 1: getting caught from making shit up, even if the real 102 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,600 Speaker 1: reason the women were angry was because the men were 103 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:11,240 Speaker 1: lying so much, But there were other things that men 104 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 1: were capable of doing. Some of those things perhaps they 105 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:17,480 Speaker 1: never would have actually thought themselves capable of until they 106 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 1: had spent a few days, weeks, months in a cramped 107 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:24,320 Speaker 1: holding cell with ten other guys. It was amazing that 108 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 1: he could get used to on the inside, and it 109 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,239 Speaker 1: didn't matter if there were a dozen other dudes watching 110 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:32,480 Speaker 1: while it happened. Tim didn't want to think about what 111 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 1: was possible when men were at their lowest and most desperate. 112 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: He was too busy dwelling on his own desperation, which 113 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 1: is exactly what had landed him on the inside in 114 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:46,000 Speaker 1: the first place. He had fucked up. He was a 115 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 1: fuck up, big time fuck up. The guy he'd sold 116 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 1: cocaine to turned out to be a narc deep undercover. 117 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 1: Should have just stood the hooking up college kids with 118 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: the little baggies bought on daddy's time, But Tim got 119 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,240 Speaker 1: saw the chance to make bigger bucks and went for 120 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:07,159 Speaker 1: it to infinity and beyond. But he had apparently forgotten 121 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: that you can't get there from Michigan, at least not 122 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: as a drug dealer. Because of all the years to 123 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 1: get busted for selling coke in the state of Michigan, 124 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 1: nineteen seventy eight was the worst. Only a month earlier, 125 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 1: Michigan state legislators had passed a new law that made 126 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 1: possession with intent to distribute over six hundred and fifty 127 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: grams of cocaine or heroine punishable by a mandatory life 128 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:37,560 Speaker 1: sentence no possibility of parole. The only other crime in 129 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 1: the state with an equally harsh penalty was murder. It 130 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: was the toughest drug law in the United States. Six 131 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:48,320 Speaker 1: hundred and fifty grams just under a pound and a half. 132 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 1: That was the exact amount that Tim had in the 133 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,880 Speaker 1: Adidas gym bag that he brought to the setup with 134 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: the undercover cops at the Kalamazoo County Airport. And now 135 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: sitting on a cold metal bench against the wall of 136 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: the holding cell in jails, surrounded by men who were 137 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,240 Speaker 1: far more grisly and hardened than he could ever be 138 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:10,559 Speaker 1: in his wildest dreams, Tim worried he'd get busted again, 139 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: and this time it would be his head, his face 140 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 1: in Jesus Christ, maybe even worse. He'd heard the stories 141 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:21,000 Speaker 1: about the inside what happens when men do what they 142 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:24,360 Speaker 1: have to do simply to survive. Half of the dudes 143 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:28,119 Speaker 1: here were certifiable to say one wrong thing, one wrong word, 144 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 1: and you were done. Not even a few days had 145 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,079 Speaker 1: gone by when he came to the realization that he 146 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 1: couldn't do it. He wasn't cut out for doing time. 147 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: He could be there for days or weeks waiting for 148 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 1: his arraignment. He wasn't built for this, wasn't cut out 149 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 1: for jail. He just couldn't hang. Or maybe he could hang. 150 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:48,520 Speaker 1: He could hang. 151 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 2: Himself from one of the barrows of the holding cell. 152 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:53,440 Speaker 2: Higher the better he could use. 153 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 1: The shirt off his back. He pictured it in his mind, 154 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,440 Speaker 1: his long sleeved shirt, one end tied around them, dirty 155 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 1: metal bar in the other around his neck. 156 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,320 Speaker 2: Who was he kidding? 157 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 1: Knowing himself, he'd probably fucked that up too. He'd wind 158 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:11,120 Speaker 1: up dangling just off the ground, the shirt not tight 159 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 1: enough to actually constrict his airway, stuck in the gallows, 160 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,000 Speaker 1: humor limbo, looking like an asshole who couldn't even take 161 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 1: his own life. He'd probably dangle there for a good 162 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 1: hour or more while the rest of the guys in 163 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: the holding cell laughed and took potshots. In the image 164 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 1: of his own botched suicide did make him snicker just 165 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,960 Speaker 1: a little, it's so fucking funny. One of the big 166 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 1: guys in the holding cell wanted to know he was 167 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 1: huge twice Tim size. He walked up to Tim gut 168 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:43,199 Speaker 1: in his face. He hit a scar over his nose 169 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 1: and another down the left side of his chin. His 170 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 1: right eye was lazy. He spat on the floor, probably 171 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:54,119 Speaker 1: marking his territory. He repeated the question, I said, what's. 172 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 2: So fucking funny? 173 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:59,440 Speaker 1: Tim panicked. He tried not to let it show. Should 174 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,560 Speaker 1: he tell the truth, just say it was nothing? He stammered. 175 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:04,160 Speaker 1: It was nowhere to go out, and no way out. 176 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,400 Speaker 1: The rest of the guys in the cell were now 177 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,440 Speaker 1: gathering around to see how many punches it was going 178 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,520 Speaker 1: to take for this guy to knock Tim on his ass, 179 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,960 Speaker 1: and why they didn't have to be a why it 180 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: was fucking prison. The place was full of guys who 181 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 1: were bored and looking for an excuse to create a 182 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:21,480 Speaker 1: little excitement. Finally Tim responded, but he didn't say what 183 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,560 Speaker 1: he had been thinking about that made him laugh, And 184 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 1: he didn't say it was nothing. He said, it's pretty 185 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:32,400 Speaker 1: quot to quotes in time in this moment of peaque crisis, 186 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 1: Tim chose to deliver a straight up, perfect impression of 187 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:40,640 Speaker 1: Elmer Fudd. The big guy's muscles relaxed, he young clitched 188 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 1: his fists, a look on his face softened. 189 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 2: He chuckled. You're a funny motherfucker, he. 190 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:50,439 Speaker 1: Said, laughing louder now, and then he left Tim alone. 191 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: How many stand up comedy careers were born in prison 192 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: as a method of survival. Timothy Allen Dick had no 193 00:10:57,080 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 1: clue At the moment, however, He wasn't thinking about a 194 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,080 Speaker 1: career and stand up He was just thinking about the 195 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:03,880 Speaker 1: ways in which. 196 00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 2: He could rig it so he didn't die. 197 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,320 Speaker 1: Whether it be at the hand of another inmate or 198 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: by his own shirt wrapped around his neck. The car 199 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 1: crossed two lanes of traffic before it flipped over. 200 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:40,840 Speaker 2: The other car. 201 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,120 Speaker 1: Traveling in the opposite direction didn't have time to get 202 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,440 Speaker 1: out of the way. There was no warning, no way 203 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:49,200 Speaker 1: out breaks, squealed tires, not the pavement, the shriek of 204 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: metal on metal, his ear splitting and soul ratting. Timothy 205 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,960 Speaker 1: Allen Dick didn't go with his parents and a few 206 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,719 Speaker 1: of his siblings to the University of Colorado football game 207 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,319 Speaker 1: that so he wasn't in the car with them when 208 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 1: a drunk driver's car literally flopped on top of their car. 209 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:10,880 Speaker 1: His mother and siblings survived. His father, however, wasn't so lucky. 210 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,960 Speaker 1: He was killed in the crash. It was November twenty third, 211 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:18,640 Speaker 1: nineteen sixty four. The Dick family of eight had suddenly 212 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:22,000 Speaker 1: become a family of seven. Tim was eleven years old. 213 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 1: He was angry. He was angry that his father had 214 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: been taken away from him. He was angry that a 215 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 1: drunk man could crash into a sober man, and that 216 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:33,000 Speaker 1: the drunk man wasn't the one to die. Life was 217 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:36,320 Speaker 1: fucking unfair like that. So what do you do when 218 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 1: life is patently unfair? When you're anger about one thing, 219 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:44,760 Speaker 1: metastasized is into anger about everything, you game life. You 220 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 1: don't listen to anyone else, especially adults. Well, you don't 221 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,680 Speaker 1: let the adults know you're not listening. You smile, you 222 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,319 Speaker 1: say please, you say thank you, You sit politely at 223 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 1: the dinner table with perfect posture, with your napkin folded 224 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: neatly in your lap. You demonstrate that would make Emily 225 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,199 Speaker 1: fucking Post proud. And but the manners are just for show, 226 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,839 Speaker 1: because when the adults turn their backs. You take them 227 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,880 Speaker 1: for all their worth. You nick hooot from the liquor cabinet, 228 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,240 Speaker 1: You grab the keys off the kitchen counter and take 229 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 1: the station wagon for the ride of your life. You 230 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:17,840 Speaker 1: give off the illusion that you were paying attention, following rules, 231 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: listening and being respectful, but in reality you aren't doing 232 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 1: anything of the sort, because there's pain and anger gnawing 233 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,479 Speaker 1: away at your inside. 234 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 2: And this is how you. 235 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 1: Deal with it, and you keep dealing with it even 236 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:35,439 Speaker 1: when your mother remarries and moves your family halfway across 237 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 1: the country from Denver, Colorado, to a motor city suburb Birmingham, Michigan. 238 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,400 Speaker 1: Cars are the shit, and at least in Birmingham you're 239 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:47,040 Speaker 1: in Big three territory. Dad love cars, so you do too. 240 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 1: But the anger doesn't go away. It gets worse, actually, 241 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:53,080 Speaker 1: because now you have to learn how to be a Midwesterner. 242 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,640 Speaker 1: You didn't ask to live there. The air is more 243 00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:58,640 Speaker 1: dense than back in Denver. You drink pop, not soda. 244 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,600 Speaker 1: The pizzas fucking rectangle, and the kids are different. No 245 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 1: one knows you because you're the new kid, and maybe 246 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 1: they care, maybe they don't. You managed to go through 247 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 1: the motions, graduate high School, then Western Michigan University. 248 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:11,840 Speaker 2: The bachelor's degree. 249 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,200 Speaker 1: Is nice to hang on your wall when your mom 250 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 1: comes by for a visit, But what's it gonna get you? 251 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 1: And those philosophy classes you took aren't going to help 252 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,720 Speaker 1: you flip burgers any faster. Now there's bigger opportunities out there, 253 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 1: especially if you can put up a good front, look 254 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: presentable in all clean cut let underneath. You got to 255 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:33,280 Speaker 1: give zero fox, be ruthless, feel invincible. Answer the phone 256 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 1: when it rings after midnight, Hop in your Chevy Nova 257 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,800 Speaker 1: at the drop of a hat to make a delivery. 258 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 1: Be it goddamn Johnny on the spot. Don't tell a 259 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,920 Speaker 1: soul about what you're doing, because what you're doing is 260 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,960 Speaker 1: highly illegal. You thrive on the thrill of doing something 261 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: highly illegal. You thrive on risks, and the risks you'll 262 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 1: take are major fucking risks. Because no one ever made 263 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:54,160 Speaker 1: a ton of cash by going the easy way. It's 264 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 1: the hard way or no way. In the summer of 265 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 1: nineteen s Timothy Allen Dick was twenty five years old 266 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: and living with a friend, Jerald Mead, in Kalamazoo, Michigan. 267 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:10,120 Speaker 1: They weren't just roommates they were business partners. Tim and 268 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:14,200 Speaker 1: Gerald were a small time Kalamazoo cocaine dealers. The coke 269 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,239 Speaker 1: came up to Michigan from Florida, where a local wholesaler 270 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 1: would front Tim and Jerald large quantities of white powder. 271 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 1: They'd emptied the coke on a table, split it up 272 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 1: into smaller piles. Then they'd cut the coke with baking soda, 273 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,400 Speaker 1: which gave them twice the volume of their product. Then 274 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 1: they started with Tim and Gerald would sell the diluted 275 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 1: coke for about two grand an ounce, pay back the 276 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,720 Speaker 1: wholesaler what he was owed, and walk away with a 277 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,000 Speaker 1: couple hundred bucks to split between the two of them. 278 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 1: Beats waxing philosophical. 279 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 2: At a Burger joint. 280 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,480 Speaker 1: But one of the sales that Tim and Gerald made 281 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 1: in August of that year was to a man named 282 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 1: Michael Pifer. They met Michael through their wholesaler. Michael had 283 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 1: reached out because he wanted to buy two ounces, so 284 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: he met Tim and Jerald at their house and bought 285 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 1: the two ounces with a handshake and three thousand and nine, 286 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 1: one hundred and eighty dollars in cash, and then he 287 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:06,800 Speaker 1: laughed with his drugs. Neither Tim nor Gerald, nor the 288 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 1: wholesaler knew that Michael Pifer was actually an undercover Michigan 289 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: State cop. Michael had been spending his summer posing as 290 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:17,440 Speaker 1: a coke buyer in order to infiltrate the Michigan drug trade, 291 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,359 Speaker 1: and it was no coincidence that his undercover mission dovetailed 292 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,720 Speaker 1: nicely with the recent enactment of the Michigan State Lifer Law. 293 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 1: They could get you put away for good when caught 294 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 1: with more than six hundred and fifty grams of coke. 295 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: Michael Pifer set up numerous deals, not just with Tim 296 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:38,280 Speaker 1: and Jerald, but with other dealers, distributors, and wholesalers. At first, 297 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 1: Michael's target it wasn't just Tim, Allen Dick and Gerald 298 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:45,800 Speaker 1: Mead they were low leveled small fries. He wanted the wholesalers, 299 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,360 Speaker 1: the distributors, the guys who controlled the planes and cars 300 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,360 Speaker 1: that brought the filthy white powder up north from Florida. 301 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,240 Speaker 1: He hoped that by interacting with Tim and Jerald and others, 302 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 1: that one of those interactions would lead to a big get, 303 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 1: But that moment never seemed to happen, and the more 304 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,439 Speaker 1: deals that Michael Pifer set up, the more he worried 305 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 1: that he'd get made, and then Michael thought of another way. 306 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,800 Speaker 1: He just needed a little leverage with one of the 307 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:20,119 Speaker 1: low level guys. October second, nineteen seventy eight, Kalamazoo County Airport, 308 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,560 Speaker 1: Michael Piffer waited impatiently inside the terminal. 309 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 2: He looked at the clock up on the wall, and 310 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 2: they were late. 311 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 1: Travelers hustled in and out of the airport terminal, some 312 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 1: running to catch departing flights and others just looking to 313 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,240 Speaker 1: get home after a long flight. Michael hoped that the 314 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,400 Speaker 1: guys hadn't gotten cold feet, that we couldn't fault them. 315 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: This had to be one of the biggest deals of 316 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,000 Speaker 1: their nascent drug dealing careers, and one of the biggest 317 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:44,840 Speaker 1: risks they'd taken. 318 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:45,200 Speaker 3: To day. 319 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:47,560 Speaker 2: Michael Pifer had. 320 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 1: Scheduled to meet up with Tim and Gerald at the 321 00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 1: Kalamazoo County Airport by a pound and a half of cocaine. 322 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:57,480 Speaker 1: The set price forty thousand dollars. The plan was that 323 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,960 Speaker 1: Tim and Gerald would walk into the terminal with the 324 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 1: coke in a bag, placed the bag in one of 325 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,479 Speaker 1: the lockers designed for people storing winter coats while they 326 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,679 Speaker 1: flew to warmer climates and let's be honest, designed for 327 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: drug deals and then bring Michael Pyford the key, upon 328 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:16,160 Speaker 1: which Michael would unlock the locker, grab the drugs, and replace. 329 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:16,639 Speaker 2: Them with the money. 330 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:22,000 Speaker 1: Then they go their own ways, but they wouldn't be 331 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:25,400 Speaker 1: going separate ways that day, and Michael Pifrid would drive 332 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 1: away from the airport with the dealers in cuffs in 333 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,480 Speaker 1: the back seat of the cruiser that Michael sure as 334 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,400 Speaker 1: shit wasn't carrying forty thousand dollars on him. He had 335 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 1: no intention of giving Tim or Gerald any money. What 336 00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:39,480 Speaker 1: he did have was about a dozen other undercover state 337 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,440 Speaker 1: troopers blending in with the crowds at the terminal, ready 338 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:46,880 Speaker 1: to jump on his mark. Michael Pifer breathed a sigh 339 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 1: of relief when Tim and Gerald finally arrived. Tim was 340 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: carrying a brown Adidas gym bag. He walked it over 341 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,200 Speaker 1: to the lockers, stuffed it inside one, closed it up 342 00:18:56,320 --> 00:19:00,399 Speaker 1: and locked it just as they had planned. Tried not 343 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,639 Speaker 1: to get too excited, not yet, at least. Next the 344 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,200 Speaker 1: key hand on, Michael walked over to the locker, unlocked it, 345 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 1: opened the door, and pulled the brown of Das gym 346 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 1: bag out he unzipped the bag and examined the contents 347 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:17,200 Speaker 1: inside jackpot. Michael Piffer put a hand in the air, 348 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,560 Speaker 1: and the next thing Tim and Gerald knew, a dozen 349 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,919 Speaker 1: guys were coming at them from every direction with loaded side. 350 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 2: Arms on the fucking ground. 351 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:28,960 Speaker 1: Now, just like that, Timothy allen Dick's career as a 352 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,600 Speaker 1: low level coke dealer was over, and the cops had 353 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,640 Speaker 1: gotten one step closer and taking down the guys. 354 00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 2: That they were really after. 355 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 3: We'll be right back after this. 356 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:43,800 Speaker 2: We're, we're, we're. 357 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:53,399 Speaker 1: The spotlight was on. Now was no time to bomb. 358 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,760 Speaker 1: Either the next joke would kill or the audience would 359 00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:00,919 Speaker 1: kill him. The audience of one he was a fellow 360 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,960 Speaker 1: inmate who had him in a corner and was about 361 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 1: to go full ly on sphinks on his face. Tim 362 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,600 Speaker 1: at the Allen Dick figured he had less than thirty 363 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 1: seconds before the back of his head became a permanent 364 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:15,000 Speaker 1: part of the concrete behind him. Ironically, it was comedy 365 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 1: that got Tim into the situation in the first place, 366 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,680 Speaker 1: and the inmate was the outgoing president of the Toastmasters 367 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:24,119 Speaker 1: club inside the prison, and Tim was picking up the mantle. 368 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 1: They had a little ceremony to celebrate the shift, which 369 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,240 Speaker 1: included a roast. Tim was in his element. 370 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,640 Speaker 2: This is sing ah. He didn't hold back. 371 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,159 Speaker 1: Tim roasted the inmate like he was Don Rickles and 372 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,840 Speaker 1: the guy was just some sitting duck sap in the audience. 373 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 1: That guy, the inmate, he didn't think it was funny, 374 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,320 Speaker 1: which was more than obvious by the way he now 375 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,760 Speaker 1: had Tim backed into a corner. 376 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:46,280 Speaker 2: Everyone had a. 377 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 1: Reason for why they were in the joint, and this 378 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,640 Speaker 1: guy's reason was that he couldn't take a joke at 379 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,960 Speaker 1: his own expense. Tim had made a joke, many jokes, 380 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 1: all of them at the guy's expense. Thus Tim was 381 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 1: a dead man. Just as the inmate was winding up 382 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,399 Speaker 1: to send Tim's nose all the way through to the 383 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 1: back of his neck, Tim chuckled. He was thinking of 384 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,159 Speaker 1: an old memory when he was hiking with one of 385 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:12,040 Speaker 1: his brothers and his brother let him slip on purpose, 386 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,040 Speaker 1: simply so that he could laugh at Tim's fall. Shit. 387 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 1: If his brother could see him, now, this pickle Tim 388 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 1: had found himself in would really give his brother the 389 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:24,320 Speaker 1: fucking giggles, and the inmate paused his wind up. Was 390 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:28,119 Speaker 1: this guy laughing about getting his ass kicked, Tim stopped 391 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,679 Speaker 1: laughing and got himself under control. No, no, no, go ahead, 392 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,080 Speaker 1: hit me, he told the guy he was about to 393 00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:37,360 Speaker 1: claw room. I didn't mean to be rude, total dead 394 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:41,880 Speaker 1: pam dry, no smile. The delivery, the timing was perfect, 395 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,800 Speaker 1: and as the inmate cracked a smile and walked away, 396 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 1: it may have been so perfect that it saved Tim's 397 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:53,320 Speaker 1: life years later on stage for his wildly popular stand 398 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,960 Speaker 1: up show Men Are Pigs, which in turn became a 399 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,639 Speaker 1: Showtime special that would directly lead to the creation of 400 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:02,560 Speaker 1: his first television sitcom, Home Improvement. Tim would get men 401 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 1: and women alike to laugh at an impersonation of a 402 00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:09,280 Speaker 1: grunting American male who made pilgrimages to the craftsmen section 403 00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 1: of seers like it was Mecca. But in the joint, 404 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 1: the men didn't want to be laughed at, so Tim 405 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:19,840 Speaker 1: made them laugh funny voices, funny observations, anything to take 406 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,600 Speaker 1: their minds off the fact that they were inside of 407 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 1: a prison fate unknown. Day by day, things got a 408 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:29,040 Speaker 1: little easier on the inside. Tim adapted to the cold 409 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 1: metal benches, to the one toilet, to the bad food 410 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,400 Speaker 1: that somehow seemed to taste a little better. 411 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:35,080 Speaker 2: By the end of the week. 412 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 1: Most of all, being funny gave Tim a sense of 413 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 1: relief that he wouldn't be held down and beaten. Plus, 414 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,560 Speaker 1: he had other things to worry about, like how embarrassed 415 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 1: and disappointed his family was going to be, and what 416 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,720 Speaker 1: had happened to Gerald Mead after the Kalamazoo County airport bust. 417 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,840 Speaker 1: But the thing to worry about the most was the 418 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,720 Speaker 1: mandatory life sentence that the State of Michigan had passed 419 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:03,800 Speaker 1: earlier in nineteen seven Yate life in prison, no parole, 420 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:09,159 Speaker 1: no mercy. Tim made bill while his lawyer continued to 421 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:13,320 Speaker 1: work his case. It offered a reprieve. The air smelled 422 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,800 Speaker 1: a little sweeter, and the sun shone a little brighter 423 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,560 Speaker 1: on the outside. For Tim, the entire ordeal of getting 424 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 1: arrested and thrown in prison was a wake up call. 425 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,440 Speaker 1: But what the fuck was he even doing slinging coke 426 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:28,840 Speaker 1: and Kalamazoo. He'd been wrong all these years. He'd been 427 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 1: too stubborn and too emotionally stunted to see the truth. 428 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,920 Speaker 1: You weren't supposed to hold on the anger for years. 429 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,080 Speaker 1: You had to let that shit go. He also had 430 00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:39,440 Speaker 1: to listen to other people really listen, so that's. 431 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:39,800 Speaker 2: What he did. 432 00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 1: He listened when a friend told him that he should 433 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 1: try his hand at real stand up comedy. That could 434 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,160 Speaker 1: be a way out. It had gotten through the last 435 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 1: few months, and hell, if he could make season and 436 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,920 Speaker 1: inmates laugh in a cramped cell with one john, surely 437 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,320 Speaker 1: he could tickle the funny bones at the local comedy club. 438 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,880 Speaker 1: Whether it was Kisman or divine Providence, just dumb luck. 439 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,840 Speaker 1: A new comedy club happened to open in the Detroit 440 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:06,280 Speaker 1: metro area at the same time that Tim was out 441 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 1: on bail. Mark Ridley's comedy Castle was going to be 442 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 1: the debut of Tim Allen comedian. He removed the dick 443 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,199 Speaker 1: from his name because he didn't want them laughing at 444 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,240 Speaker 1: his name before he even started. But it turned out 445 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,960 Speaker 1: that getting anybody to laugh at Tim Allen's first legit 446 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 1: set of stand up was harder than entertaining fellow inmates. 447 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:31,120 Speaker 1: Tim Allen bombed hard. Each joke he told fell flatter. 448 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:31,560 Speaker 2: Than the last. 449 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,600 Speaker 1: Was that the setups the punch lines. He struggled, dug 450 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 1: himself into a deeper hole, but he had an ace 451 00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 1: in his back pocket. His best bit, the impersonation of 452 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,920 Speaker 1: the Pillsbury dough Boy getting baked alive at three hundred 453 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:50,240 Speaker 1: and fifty degrees, Tim screamed Dobe murder in a high 454 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,680 Speaker 1: pitched squeal. He'd saved it to the end. He knew 455 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,439 Speaker 1: he couldn't miss with that one, and he killed. And 456 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,960 Speaker 1: when he walked off the stage, it didn't matter that 457 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,399 Speaker 1: he'd spent most of the s set of floundering. He 458 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,879 Speaker 1: left them all laughing. The Comedy Castle asked him to 459 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,119 Speaker 1: come back. They're going to have to wait just a 460 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:10,440 Speaker 1: little bit longer, though, because Tim Allen's next stop was 461 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:14,280 Speaker 1: an encore with his original captive audience. It was time 462 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:19,119 Speaker 1: to do his time for the Kalamazoo Cocaine Bust. News 463 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:23,159 Speaker 1: of his impending sentencing was both good and bad. The 464 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,400 Speaker 1: good news was that it was looking more and more 465 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,240 Speaker 1: like Tim was going to be able to avoid a 466 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,679 Speaker 1: life sentence after all. The bad news was that the 467 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,440 Speaker 1: federal government was involved, and the only way he could 468 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:37,960 Speaker 1: avoid life in prison was the turned stool pitcheon. The 469 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,000 Speaker 1: Feds told Tim Allen to flip and give up every 470 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,399 Speaker 1: name he knew, the big guys, the small guys, the 471 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,560 Speaker 1: guys he knew on a first name basis and the 472 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,439 Speaker 1: guys who he'd only heard about from others. If you 473 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,320 Speaker 1: wanted to ever see outside the prison's walls again, it 474 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,480 Speaker 1: was time to start talking. And unlike the man he 475 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 1: would make fun of years later in his stand up routine, 476 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:02,400 Speaker 1: Tim Allen didn't lie. He told the truth. He went 477 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:09,240 Speaker 1: think permanent, goddamn think. The information he gave up helped 478 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,720 Speaker 1: lead to twenty one indictments. Four other drug dealers were 479 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:17,479 Speaker 1: subsequently convicted and sentenced. The Feds were happy, the state 480 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,879 Speaker 1: was happy. Some drug dealing scumbags were off the streets 481 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,160 Speaker 1: of Michigan and behind bars for a long time. Cops 482 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,440 Speaker 1: and prosecutors could all go home and put their feet 483 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 1: up and feel good about themselves. And then there were 484 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,640 Speaker 1: the other guys, guys like Timothy Allen, who would dip 485 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,639 Speaker 1: their toes into a life of vice and crime. The 486 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,560 Speaker 1: feel good takeaway there was that they had been showing 487 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,600 Speaker 1: the light and were working on a path to being 488 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:45,159 Speaker 1: better people and more productive members of society. But on 489 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,840 Speaker 1: the other hand, tim wasn't that happy. Sure, he was 490 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,919 Speaker 1: pleased that in exchange for giving up names and information, 491 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,840 Speaker 1: he avoided Michigan's infamous life for law and was instead 492 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:59,280 Speaker 1: sentenced to three to seven years. He knew doing time 493 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:03,159 Speaker 1: would feel like eternity, but at least it wasn't actual eternity. 494 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,320 Speaker 1: That said Tim wasn't stupid. He knew what happened next. 495 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,280 Speaker 1: Four other drug dealers going to prison along with him, 496 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,720 Speaker 1: going to prison up because they fucked up in Kakapa, 497 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,240 Speaker 1: because Tim had set a name that led to their arrest. 498 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 1: He knew how men operated and what they were capable of. 499 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,639 Speaker 1: Takes one to no one. He didn't have a punchline 500 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,959 Speaker 1: funny enough to fend off the vengeance of a scorn 501 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:28,080 Speaker 1: drug runner. The judge may or may not have had 502 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,080 Speaker 1: a sense of humor, but he agreed that Tim would 503 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,120 Speaker 1: not be safe in the Michigan prison system. Tim had 504 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 1: done them a favor, so in return, he was sent 505 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 1: to a federal correctional institution in Sandstone, Minnesota, to serve 506 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:44,840 Speaker 1: a sentence ten hours away from Kalamazoo. Tim hoped the 507 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,280 Speaker 1: distance would be far enough to make him forgettable to 508 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 1: anyone who potentially wanted to settle the score. He worked 509 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,560 Speaker 1: on a plan for how he was going to succeed 510 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,880 Speaker 1: as a stand up comedian once he'd done his time 511 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:59,240 Speaker 1: on the inside, he set goals. He made promises to himself, 512 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:02,320 Speaker 1: because once he stepped outside the prison walls in three 513 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,879 Speaker 1: to seven years, he would no longer be Timothy Allen Dick, 514 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:10,639 Speaker 1: the low level drug grunt. He would become completely unforgettable 515 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:38,880 Speaker 1: for different reasons. May twelfth, nineteen eighty six, Oak Park, Michigan. 516 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,040 Speaker 1: It would still be a few hours before the sun 517 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,160 Speaker 1: came up. The red traffic light glowed like an orb 518 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,640 Speaker 1: in the sky. Ronald Harmlin sat at the wheel of 519 00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,280 Speaker 1: his forward, idling there, the glow of the red oreb 520 00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,960 Speaker 1: burning itself into his eyes, and the night was still. 521 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,920 Speaker 1: Harmelin didn't see anyone else around. All he could hear 522 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,960 Speaker 1: was the purr of the forward's engine and the mechanical 523 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 1: buzz of the traffic light. 524 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 2: But that's what he thought he was hearing. 525 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:09,200 Speaker 1: Fuck it, at this time of night, with no one around, 526 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:12,240 Speaker 1: a stop light was a suggestion. He wasn't going to 527 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 1: hurt anyone. He just rolled through the light and got 528 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,920 Speaker 1: on with his evening. Harmelin took his foot off the brake. 529 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 2: And hit the gas. 530 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:24,040 Speaker 1: That was his first mistake, but it wasn't the worst 531 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,080 Speaker 1: mistake he'd make that night. The cop patted him down 532 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,640 Speaker 1: and found a cigarette case in his pocket. The cop 533 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,920 Speaker 1: opened it weed and that was all the cop needed 534 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 1: to conduct a full search the vehicle. Harmelin was also 535 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 1: carrying twenty nine hundred dollars in cash, some pills of 536 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:42,480 Speaker 1: beaper for gun, and two bags of cocaine, totally six 537 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:47,000 Speaker 1: hundred and seventy two point five grams. If only he'd 538 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:50,680 Speaker 1: been busted across state lines in Ohio, according to sentencing 539 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,480 Speaker 1: guidelines at the time, he'd be facing one to ten 540 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:54,400 Speaker 1: years in prison. 541 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:55,440 Speaker 2: Shit. 542 00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:58,080 Speaker 1: If the Feds had busted him, they likely would have 543 00:29:58,120 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 1: only put him away for five or six years. 544 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,560 Speaker 2: But Michigan coch in his car was over six hundred and. 545 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:07,120 Speaker 1: Fifty grams, and thus he had secured himself a one 546 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:08,560 Speaker 1: way ticket to jail forever. 547 00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:11,120 Speaker 2: There was no hope, no way out. 548 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,120 Speaker 1: Ronald Harmaline became one of one hundred and twenty three 549 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:18,120 Speaker 1: people sentenced to life in prison under Michigan's tough law 550 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,880 Speaker 1: by the end of the nineteen eighties, more than half 551 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:24,640 Speaker 1: of them first time offenders. Harmlin thought it was cruel 552 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:28,720 Speaker 1: and unusual punishment, so cool and so unusual that it 553 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,800 Speaker 1: violated the Eighth Amendment of the Constitution. Harmelin agreed that 554 00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,680 Speaker 1: he should be punished for his crime, but in his mind, 555 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:40,480 Speaker 1: this punishment far exceeded any crime he had committed, and 556 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:43,760 Speaker 1: in nineteen ninety, Harmelin took that argument all the way 557 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:47,600 Speaker 1: to the United States Supreme Court. Harmelin's lawyer argued that 558 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:51,080 Speaker 1: Harmalin had no criminal record, that he wasn't violent, and 559 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:55,160 Speaker 1: that he could be easily rehabilitated. Prosecutors in turn, noted 560 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,600 Speaker 1: that Harmelin had been busted near a motel in a 561 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 1: Detroit suburb with enough cocaine to command up to one 562 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 1: hundred grand on the street, along with other pills, weed, 563 00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:07,080 Speaker 1: an address book, a beeper, and a gun. The picture 564 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:10,640 Speaker 1: they painted contradicted Harmline's insistence that he was an unlucky 565 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:15,040 Speaker 1: first timer. The Supreme Court was split right down the middle, 566 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,840 Speaker 1: but their five to four vote upheld Michigan's law. Ronald 567 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:22,640 Speaker 1: Harmlin would remain a lifer in the Michigan prison system, 568 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: and as a lifer in a Michigan prison, it was 569 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,280 Speaker 1: a bitter pill to swallow when fellow inmates prepared to 570 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: go before the parole board. You were a person, for 571 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,120 Speaker 1: God's sake, You fucked up. That's what being a person 572 00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:34,800 Speaker 1: was all about. 573 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:36,320 Speaker 2: You could change. 574 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,640 Speaker 1: That's also what being a person was all about, fucking 575 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:41,840 Speaker 1: out and then changing so that you wouldn't fuck up again. 576 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,160 Speaker 1: But you feel like less of a person than the 577 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,880 Speaker 1: guys who got paroled, the ones who were out there 578 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:49,400 Speaker 1: tasting freedom, which is a fucking flavor you're never going 579 00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,600 Speaker 1: to know for the rest of your life. And that's 580 00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 1: when the jealousy creeps in, the envy, the anger, and 581 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,600 Speaker 1: then your eyes catch a television set, one of the 582 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,320 Speaker 1: shitty color models with the bunch year and bad reception 583 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,520 Speaker 1: scattered in common rooms around the pen, and you see 584 00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,440 Speaker 1: the sitcom playing. The guy with the tool belt and 585 00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,600 Speaker 1: the power drill is Tim Allen, of course, but you 586 00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,920 Speaker 1: know him by his given name, Timothy Allen Dick. You 587 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,880 Speaker 1: know him because he's a legend of Michigan prisons. You 588 00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:20,520 Speaker 1: know that legendary mugshot at his looking like a cocaine cowboy, 589 00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,320 Speaker 1: the one where he's got a slick magnum Pi mustache 590 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,800 Speaker 1: two years before magnum Pi I was even a thing. 591 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,560 Speaker 1: And you know all about how Tim Allen only did 592 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,440 Speaker 1: twenty eight months in prison after singing like a canary 593 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,800 Speaker 1: for the fence, all of the inmates locked up by 594 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:37,880 Speaker 1: Michigan's Life for Law knew all about that particular story 595 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:41,720 Speaker 1: because Tim Allen was unlike any other Michigan inmate. He 596 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,080 Speaker 1: was the one who found a way out and then 597 00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:49,120 Speaker 1: he found a way up. By December of nineteen ninety four, 598 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:53,680 Speaker 1: Tim Allen earned a rare entertainment trifecta when he simultaneously 599 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,320 Speaker 1: starred in the top rated TV show in the country 600 00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:59,760 Speaker 1: and the highest grossing movie at the box office, while 601 00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:03,360 Speaker 1: at the same time, his book, Don't Stand Too Close 602 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,880 Speaker 1: to a Naked Man was number one on the New 603 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,600 Speaker 1: York Times bestseller list. Even though he is now one 604 00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:13,160 Speaker 1: of the most commercially successful personalities of the last few decades, 605 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 1: Tim Allen hasn't shied away from talking about his past. 606 00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,440 Speaker 1: He has said that his time in prison was what 607 00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 1: helped him avoid the abyss he was about to fall 608 00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,680 Speaker 1: into in nineteen seventy eight, that it taught him to 609 00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,239 Speaker 1: live his life day by day, that it helped him 610 00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 1: to set real goals and in turn achieve real success. 611 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,560 Speaker 1: But he rarely, if at all, talks about the names 612 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,920 Speaker 1: he gave up in order to earn or reduce sentence 613 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,640 Speaker 1: for slinging cocaine and why would he when you find 614 00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,880 Speaker 1: a way out, a way out that no one else 615 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,040 Speaker 1: is going to find but you, you put your head 616 00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,320 Speaker 1: down and keep moving ahead. 617 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:46,960 Speaker 2: When you get. 618 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:51,040 Speaker 1: Outside those walls, you have one life to protect your own. 619 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:55,680 Speaker 1: You have one direction forward, you have one destination out 620 00:33:56,440 --> 00:34:00,000 Speaker 1: and that He considers himself a political anarchist who espoused 621 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:04,080 Speaker 1: his conservative views and even attended Donald Trump's inauguration. He 622 00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:08,200 Speaker 1: also rarely, if at all, has commented on the politics 623 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:10,520 Speaker 1: of the Michigan Lifer law that nearly put him away 624 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,960 Speaker 1: for good, not even in nineteen ninety eight, when the 625 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,799 Speaker 1: state revised the law to finally offer a shot at 626 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:21,360 Speaker 1: parole for inmates like Ronald Hermelin serving life sentences for drugs, 627 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,320 Speaker 1: because at that time Tim Allen was once again moving 628 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,759 Speaker 1: forward after an unexpected glimpse over the edge of the abyss. 629 00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 1: He was on parole, this time on account of his 630 00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:36,080 Speaker 1: second arrest in Michigan the year prior, nineteen ninety seven 631 00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,560 Speaker 1: for driving under the influence for the blood alcohol content 632 00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:45,560 Speaker 1: of nearly twice the legal limit, and the infraction added 633 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:48,720 Speaker 1: to his every man relatability who hasn't been there before. 634 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,840 Speaker 1: Luckily no one was her. That's what they said. But 635 00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:53,359 Speaker 1: he wasn't exactly in a position to take a moral 636 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:57,320 Speaker 1: high ground. And then again, taking the moral high ground 637 00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:00,840 Speaker 1: was never his thing. His thing was keep them laughing. 638 00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,080 Speaker 1: If you're able to do that, then you ought to 639 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 1: be in pictures. I'm Jake Brennan. 640 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,839 Speaker 2: Then this is hollywood Land. 641 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,480 Speaker 1: Hollywood Land was created by Years Truly and is produced 642 00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:28,759 Speaker 1: in partnership. 643 00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:29,120 Speaker 2: With Double Elvis. 644 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,640 Speaker 1: Follow like, rate and review hollywood Land wherever you get 645 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,600 Speaker 1: your podcasts, and get in touch with us on social 646 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:38,080 Speaker 1: media at double Elvis. If you like hollywood Land, check 647 00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:41,040 Speaker 1: out my other show, the award winning Disgraceland, which looks 648 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 1: at the world of music through the lens. 649 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:43,160 Speaker 2: Of true crime. 650 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:46,160 Speaker 1: Just search for Disgraceland or wherever you get your podcasts. 651 00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:52,960 Speaker 1: Good God, Al