WEBVTT - Ask Amy & T.J. 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.760 Hey, there are folks. Lisa w wrote to us asking 0:00:04.800 --> 0:00:08.119 for some relationship advice. You see, her boyfriend's very rich 0:00:08.200 --> 0:00:12.760 and very female good friend is budding into their relationship. 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:16.760 Lisa says he's been telling his female friend very private 0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:20.439 things about their relationship. And get this, the female friend 0:00:20.480 --> 0:00:25.800 even says the guy is her soulmate, not Lisa's robox. 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:30.440 Advice to Lisa run don't walk away from that relationship. 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:33.640 My advice, Eh, we need to ask a few questions first, 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:36.360 and with that, welcome to this relationship advice edition of 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:39.040 Amy and TJ. This episode robes a follow up to 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:43.280 our to our most recent Yahoo advice column. 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:46.760 That's right, it was our debut Yahoo advice column And 0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:48.960 if you haven't heard, yes, TJ and I have partnered 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:53.800 with Yahoo for a new relationship column. Each week on Monday, 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:57.400 we address one reader's relationship dilemma and then we give 0:00:57.560 --> 0:01:00.600 our take. And then here on the Amy and TJ 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:03.520 podcast is where we can continue that conversation with some 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:08.600 of your takes on the relationship issue. Because yes, many 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:11.920 of you have put in your comments at the bottom 0:01:12.080 --> 0:01:15.920 of our relationship advice column on Yahoo, and we definitely 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:17.640 encourage those of you. If you haven't checked it out, 0:01:17.680 --> 0:01:20.160 please you can check it out every Monday and feel 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:23.120 free to say whatever you think is the right thing 0:01:23.600 --> 0:01:26.840 for our person who wrote in to do You may 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:28.440 disagree with us. 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:31.640 I don't know why we Uh, clearly we are experts 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:34.800 in this field. No experts is not something we would 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:37.000 ever use, and it's something we joked about when we 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:39.319 went back and forth with Yahoo about doing this in 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:41.440 the first place. No, we're not saying we're experts. We're 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:43.919 not even saying we have expertise. Rather, we have. 0:01:44.720 --> 0:01:47.120 Experience a lot of it, lots. 0:01:46.959 --> 0:01:50.040 And lots of experience in doing things right and wrong. 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:52.200 I mean, you go all the things people deal with, 0:01:52.480 --> 0:01:56.960 getting married young, did that, having kids young? Did that? Divorce, 0:01:57.440 --> 0:02:02.800 second divorce, blended families, interracial relateationship, age differences, work related 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:04.040 I mean, you keep going. 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:05.560 On and on and on dating a coworker. 0:02:05.640 --> 0:02:08.519 Yes, I feel like we've almost checked off every box 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:10.120 and I am actually good. I don't need to check 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:12.560 off any more boxes. I'm hoping not to check any 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:16.720 more boxes off. But with all of that hard earned experience, 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:19.840 we hope to at least help people maybe not make 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:22.919 some of the mistakes we did, or recognize when things 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:25.560 are going wrong and you need to get out before 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:27.840 we did. You know, those are some of the things 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:30.160 you want to take with you. You learn along the way, 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:32.440 and a lot of times it's to know when to leave. 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:38.440 And sometimes and what I have really embraced is helping 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:41.000 people through it. Right. A lot of people meet us 0:02:41.080 --> 0:02:45.919 where they are after already done something, and so it's 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.280 important to know that other folks have gone through it 0:02:48.360 --> 0:02:50.200 and to see them on the other side and to 0:02:50.240 --> 0:02:52.160 know how to get to the other side is very 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:53.920 important to us as well. We oh, and we do 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:56.040 want to say thanks to Yahoo. They reached out to 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:58.880 us and we were scratching our heads like somebody wants 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:01.920 relationship advice from us. It makes sense now, yeah, of 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:04.440 course it does. But for them to reach out and 0:03:04.480 --> 0:03:06.560 think that we had some value to add to this 0:03:06.639 --> 0:03:09.279 type of conversation, and it's something we actually. 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:11.640 Do love doing, yes, and we take pride in it 0:03:11.680 --> 0:03:14.359 because we've been working really hard at hours and not 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:17.200 just our romantic relationship but all the relationships in our 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:20.240 lives after everything we've been through and to your point, TJ, 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:23.520 so many people have gone through something similar or something 0:03:23.520 --> 0:03:27.359 tumultuous or something painful, and we hope we can help 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:30.440 each other get through all of life's difficulty. 0:03:30.440 --> 0:03:32.160 So yeah, certainly, I thank you to y'ahoo. If you 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:34.320 want to find the column, yes, it'll be up there. 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:37.040 You just go to yahoo dot com and go to 0:03:37.120 --> 0:03:41.320 the life section. It should yea, our smiling faces should 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:44.240 pop right up very soon. But let's go to our 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:48.760 debut column. This week's column, the very first one, Lisa W. 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:50.200 Robes wrote in to us. 0:03:50.320 --> 0:03:53.520 Yes, this is what she asked Amy and TJ. When 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:56.400 I started dating my boyfriend, I knew he was friendly 0:03:56.560 --> 0:04:01.640 with this monacito socialite, a housewife whose husband often traveled 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:04.240 for work. I thought I'd be gaining a girlfriend in 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:07.520 this woman, But apparently the socialite thinks of my guy 0:04:07.640 --> 0:04:11.680 as her kept man, a backup plan. Once she invited 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:14.240 us onto her yacht and trapped me literally at a 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:17.040 table where I couldn't escape. After she downed a few 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:19.920 big glasses of vodka, she proceeded to tell me how 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:23.520 my guy told her she's the one for him, if 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:27.280 only she weren't married. She said they were soulmates. She 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:30.200 also revealed conversations the two of them have had about me, 0:04:30.880 --> 0:04:33.719 and she even knew private things I had shared with 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:36.720 my guy. Basically, she let me know that this man 0:04:36.839 --> 0:04:39.599 was on loan to me and that if she wanted him, 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:42.000 she could have him. I don't want to break up 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:45.200 with this man. Up until this point, it's been smooth sailing. 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:48.560 How can I get over their connection and forgive this 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:49.640 breach of trust? 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:51.039 Lisa W. 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:57.960 And my advice in summary till Lisa W. Was obviously 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:01.159 you have to have an immediate conversation, not with Lisa 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:03.400 excuse me, not with the other woman, excuse me. You 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:05.720 have to have it with your boyfriend and get this 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:08.880 worked out, period, point blank. That's it. It's got to 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:12.200 get resolved, and it's not her fault. Stop looking at 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:15.880 her as the problem. She was allowed into the relationship. 0:05:15.920 --> 0:05:18.000 She didn't just kick down the door. Somebody let her in. 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:19.360 It was your boyfriend. 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:22.200 That conversation has to happen, and I agree with you 0:05:22.320 --> 0:05:25.640 that she absolutely has to ask and talk to her 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:30.160 boyfriend about this. Because this other woman to socialite, didn't 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:32.240 say that she was going to love you, didn't say 0:05:32.240 --> 0:05:33.919 that she was in a committed relationship with you. 0:05:33.960 --> 0:05:34.920 She actually has no. 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:41.040 Responsibility to you or towards your feelings. It is your 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:43.479 boyfriend who does and so one hundred percent I agree 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:47.360 with that. But given that huge breach of trust, yes, 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:49.360 I think she should ask him questions, but I think 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:50.680 she should be prepared to leave. 0:05:50.720 --> 0:05:54.320 And I said, run, don't walk. This relationship is probably 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:55.560 not going to be for you, and I. 0:05:55.680 --> 0:05:56.400 Part was the breach. 0:05:56.880 --> 0:06:00.720 The breach was that he was telling private, intimate things 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:04.440 about her to this woman. He breached her trust by 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:07.320 sharing intimate details of her life. 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:10.760 Okay, can we stop right there. Don't people in relationships 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:12.359 do that all the time. You go to your best 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:16.159 friends and you tell them intimate things all the time. 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:18.800 You and I have had this conversation that we don't 0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:19.080 do that. 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:21.080 No, we do not, But I'm saying I don't find 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:23.640 it uncommon for folks. I've had friends come to me 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:25.680 and tell me intimate details of their relationship. 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:28.960 But if you're telling someone intimate details about your relationship, 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:31.400 someone who you trust, who then takes that information and 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:34.359 throws it in your girlfriend's face, then I think you 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:36.880 have to Then I would expect my boyfriend, and again 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:39.719 I know ultimatums don't work, but expect my boyfriend to 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:42.279 then say we can't be friends, I can't trust you, 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:44.960 or I can never have private conversations with you, because 0:06:45.000 --> 0:06:47.360 clearly you not only did you tell my girlfriend what 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:50.599 I told you, but used it against her and made 0:06:50.640 --> 0:06:53.120 her doubt herself and doubt our relationships. 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:55.800 I wondered if he was aware that the friend was 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:59.240 doing this in front of his girlfriend. If his girlfriend 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:02.680 hasn't let him know, Lisa w Lisa hasn't let him know, 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:05.599 then I can't imagine the other friend would have, so 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:08.039 he might not be unaware, that's fair. 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:11.720 But once she tells him, oh, yeah, his reaction is 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:14.320 the dower diamond is everything. Yeah, because if he doesn't 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:18.080 say that is egregious. I am going to talk to 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:20.760 her and I am going to alter my relationship with her, 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:22.840 and that is the only way she could stay with him. 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:25.640 An initial reaction might be the deal breaker, like just 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:27.800 to see the look on his face and you can 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:30.240 tell how this is going to go. Yeah, that's key. 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:31.800 That's key, all right. So that was some of the 0:07:31.800 --> 0:07:33.880 advice we gave. You can again read the rest of 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:37.280 it in detail Yahoo dot com the Life section where 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:39.480 you can find it. But Robes you've been digging into 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:42.400 more of the comments that people have been sending back 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:44.880 than I have. We're going to read a few in particular. 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:48.000 But you said a couple themes jumped out. One had 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:50.040 to do with the number of men that wrote in. 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:52.360 And also just how men and women different? 0:07:52.400 --> 0:07:54.440 Is ye? How they saw that very very different? And 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:57.440 I actually thought it was interesting and provocative. 0:07:57.440 --> 0:07:58.040 We had. 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:02.640 I believe this was a man? Yes, head is this phenom? 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:05.120 Is the person who wrote in the comment? 0:08:05.200 --> 0:08:08.040 Or phenom? Only a man would call himself phenom? Right? 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:09.720 But I do like what he said. 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:13.680 He said women share private secrets about their partners all 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:16.560 the time. It is humorous to hear a woman being 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:19.640 upset when a man shares a secret, and I hear 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:22.480 what he's saying. But if a man shared his secret 0:08:22.520 --> 0:08:27.040 with another male friend to get like camaraderie or brotherhood, 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:28.920 but to share it with another woman, that's when it 0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:29.960 feels like a betrayal. 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:32.880 Wait a second, wait, wait, wait, wait wait. If it's 0:08:32.880 --> 0:08:35.280 a good friend, it's a good friend. The sex of 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:37.880 that friend should not matter. It only matters to a woman. 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.319 It matters because there was a motivation behind this woman 0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:41.720 to then throw it in her face and say. 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:43.560 He I can have him whenever I want, taking it 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:45.240 out on the woman and not the man. 0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:47.960 But him sharing it with a woman was dumb? 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:53.599 Okay? Was this an egregious breach of a relationship? Just 0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:57.280 like phenom I wrote in here, he's laughing because women 0:08:57.600 --> 0:08:58.120 do this. 0:08:58.120 --> 0:08:59.559 All We share it with other women. 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:03.360 If we told another heterosexual man who then came up 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:05.199 and confronted our boyfriend and made him feel like he 0:09:05.280 --> 0:09:05.680 was the man. 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:08.719 Stop the confronting part. Let's just stick with if you. 0:09:08.920 --> 0:09:10.720 A woman, I wouldn't like it if you shared it 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:12.440 with a woman. I'd be more comfortable if you shared 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:15.680 it with a man one hundred percent. One hundred percent, 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:19.200 because women judge each other and so and I don't 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:19.719 think that's fair. 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:20.439 A man wouldn't. 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:21.880 So that is so true. 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:25.960 If you, if you shared something private about me, one 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:29.400 hundred percent, would feel much more comfortable if you shared 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:31.880 it with a male friend of yours. If you shared 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:34.320 it with a female friend of yours, that would feel 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:35.040 like a betrayal to me. 0:09:35.160 --> 0:09:37.520 So I just don't feel the same. I'm trying to 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:40.840 reverse it and think, if you told a what. 0:09:40.440 --> 0:09:42.079 A heterosexual male friend of mine. 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:45.480 Male friend of yours, versus a girlfriend of your yours. 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:48.080 Would that bother Would that make a difference in how 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:49.040 you felt? 0:09:49.559 --> 0:09:50.800 Oh, your male friends are gay? 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:53.800 I do have a couple heterosexual friends. 0:09:53.840 --> 0:09:55.840 Well, then we have a problem because you've never. 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:58.760 Ever No, you know Chase. I'll just go ahead and say, 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:01.000 you know, Chase, I don't have a lot of heterosexual 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:05.439 male friends. Mostly they are into other men. But would 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:06.319 that make a difference for. 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:09.320 You if you told to No, I don't think so. 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:11.559 That's funny. It totally would make a difference. It's a 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:12.160 night and day. 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:15.920 I am actually using Chase as an example. No, it 0:10:15.960 --> 0:10:18.160 would not. Wow. And maybe it's because I have a 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.160 relationship with Chase. Maybe because I know him, I've been 0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:22.360 around him, I'm comfortable with him. Maybe I don't know. 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:25.600 But I I sit here and you're looking at my face. 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:27.200 I believe you. 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:29.760 I'm just believe me that it would matter to me. 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:42.200 Is this next one a guy or girl? That wrote this? 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:42.880 Is a guy too? 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:44.800 Doctor is what he calls himself. 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:48.520 You know what, No, this could be a girl. I'm 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:49.560 not sure who doctor is. 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:53.600 First mistake is when your guy doesn't get relationship code 0:10:54.200 --> 0:10:57.680 no female friends to the extent that they have alone 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:00.439 time where this kind of intimacy is happening. 0:11:00.840 --> 0:11:01.640 I agree with that. 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:04.640 I think if you are in a committed relationship, having 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:09.360 an intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:15.439 is asking for potential problems an intimate not just a hey, 0:11:15.520 --> 0:11:17.560 let's go out and have a drink or what what 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:22.200 goes beyond that? Telling personal details about your relationship to 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:24.920 a friend of the opposite sex. 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:27.120 I think that's an issue. 0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:29.720 Okay, yes, as it's been established, we get. 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:33.240 But do you think that's relationship code or not? 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:39.280 No? I think cases are absolutely different. I think key 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:43.120 to this is that your partner needs to have a 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:46.240 very close relationship with that friend of yours. So if 0:11:46.240 --> 0:11:48.760 I have a very close girlfriend, you all need to 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:53.319 be damn close. And if we didn't all become friends together, 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:55.720 if it's somebody was in my life before you and 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:58.960 I started dating, then that I should never go hang 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:02.439 out with this other woman in the first two months, 0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:04.839 three months of our relationship, first year, two year. Right, 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.280 you got to work somebody. You have to understand to 0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:11.400 respect that enough. Until you're comfortable with the relationship, then 0:12:11.400 --> 0:12:12.160 it's not gonna work. 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.800 Agreed, Okay, we can agree with that one. Okay, This 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:16.920 next one I think is funny. And this is the 0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:18.480 one for sure that was written by a man. I 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:20.880 don't even know how to say this. 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:22.760 This reader's name thought you there was a typo when 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:23.480 you put it in there. 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:25.319 So Fuinthia, Flinthia. 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:29.120 Okay, this is what Punthia wrote. There is a reason 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:32.200 men don't have this problem. If another man said that 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:35.360 to me about my wife, my right fist would gladly 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:38.520 accept the invitation to his left cheek. If a woman 0:12:38.600 --> 0:12:42.520 has a male friend, that male friend is absolutely laying 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:45.160 low until his chance to pounce. So he's saying that 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:48.079 men are never friends with women unless they actually want 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:48.800 to have sex with him. 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:51.080 Even if he says he's attracted to other men. 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:54.839 I'm gonna want to see some proof. Bring out the BF. 0:12:55.160 --> 0:12:57.640 So I think that's really funny. He wants to see 0:12:57.640 --> 0:13:00.520 the boyfriend. There's no way he's gonna believe that your 0:13:00.640 --> 0:13:03.640 girl has a gay a GBF, a gay best friend. 0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:05.839 He's saying he won't even believe that the guy is 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:07.600 gay until he sees the boyfriend. 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:10.440 This is fun and he makes a good point, and 0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:12.200 in doing so does it in a very funny way. 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:14.480 This is a very key way to do it. This 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:18.280 is always a challenge. But I don't I don't know. 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:21.120 I haven't found that it's been an issue for me, 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:25.400 and I haven't found that it's been necessarily a challenge 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:30.000 With female friends in my life, I've just always had 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:33.000 them been very close. Now you and I end up, right, Yes, 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:36.000 you're the only female friend I ever had, I've ever 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:36.679 ended up dating. 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:42.079 Yeah, that is actually true for me too. I have 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:45.480 had plenty of male friends. I think in newsrooms especially, Yeah, 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:48.240 you know, we end up pairing up with other producers 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:52.520 or other anchors or correspondence. Correct, because who else's job 0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:55.360 is from three am until eleven am and then eleven am? 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:55.640 What do you do? 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:56.760 And everybody else is at work? 0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:58.600 Your day's off of Wednesday Thursday too. 0:13:58.720 --> 0:13:59.440 Right, exactly. 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:02.480 So I had so many male friends who were heterosexual, 0:14:02.559 --> 0:14:04.920 who had girlfriends or even wives, and we would go 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:06.920 to the movies or we would go because we yes, 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:10.720 and I've never dated any one of them except for you. 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:12.120 So that's true. All right. 0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:16.199 Here's the one that's funny, private writes. Now reverse the 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:19.840 genders of all involved and see how the advice and 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:21.000 comments change. 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:24.120 That's exactly what we've been going at. So for about it. 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:28.280 It's true men view this differently, you change it. Yeah, 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:30.960 a man in all of these would view it differently 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:32.600 if they were in the position of the friend or 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:34.520 the position of the girlfriend you just view. 0:14:35.120 --> 0:14:37.880 Think about this, if I had a best friend who 0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:41.280 was a heterosexual man who had a wife so married. Right, 0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:44.600 he comes to you and starts telling you all these 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:47.480 things I've said about you or said about us to him, 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:51.920 and then tells you that I told him if he 0:14:52.000 --> 0:14:55.200 weren't married, he would be my guy and we were soulmates. 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:57.640 You would break up with me immediately. 0:14:57.920 --> 0:14:59.840 Oh, I would come to you immediately. I would ask 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:04.120 you probably a few I don't need that many direct 0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:06.480 questions to get to what I'm getting at. But yeah, 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:08.520 it's worth the conversation between me and you. But I 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:12.240 have he is I'm done, like in life with him. 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:13.840 Yeah, you're never going to hang out with him again. 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:15.960 Nothing. He and I are ever going to discuss again. 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:18.200 He's not a part of this. I'm not mad at 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:21.360 him nothing. This is me and you think, Baby, I'm 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:24.680 coming directly to you. This will get resolved in fifteen 0:15:24.720 --> 0:15:26.080 minutes exactly. Ops. 0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:28.040 Yes, and I think that is the way to handle it, 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:32.160 without emotion, with purpose, and with clarity. Yes you're looking 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:35.880 for clarity, and okay this one Daniel, another guy. There 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:37.880 were so many men who wrote in that actually surprised me. 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:40.080 I mean, certainly women wrote into, but a lot of 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:43.040 men died, which I thought was pretty cool. So Daniel writes, 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:46.000 dating is the job interview for marriage if you don't 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:48.280 want to be married someday, stated up front and have 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:51.120 fun for the ride. From a male perspective, I would 0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:53.360 not like the woman I was dating hanging out with 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:57.280 another male solo history or no history. The fact remains 0:15:57.320 --> 0:16:00.360 is that very few women note the women hosting a 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:03.840 reply are not these women can truly remain friends with 0:16:03.920 --> 0:16:10.240 a male. Okay, women's own worst enemy is other women. 0:16:10.600 --> 0:16:14.240 They claim empowerment but consistently bring each other down. And sadly, 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:17.960 I do agree with you, Daniel, that is sadly true. 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:20.520 I don't agree with him when saying that very few 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:23.160 women can remain friends with a male. I actually think 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.320 that's incredibly possible. But I do agree that women's own 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:28.760 worst enemy is other women or themselves. 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:32.680 Even yeah, I don't yet. That's always a debate. That's 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:36.640 always a conversation about just men and women can't be 0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:41.240 friends and stay friends and just be friends. I just 0:16:41.280 --> 0:16:43.600 have had too many experiences in like I sit here 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:45.440 as a guy now dating someone who is at one 0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:46.360 point my best friend. 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:48.760 People point to us and say, oh, okay, you can 0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:50.280 say that, but look what happened with y'all. 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:54.720 That you absolutely can. But I have had an entire 0:16:55.200 --> 0:16:59.040 life and history of female friends that this has been 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:02.880 a non issue. And obviously we have examples we have 0:17:03.000 --> 0:17:06.199 seen in life, and I think people truly are just friends. 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:10.479 It is possible. So I absolutely would take issue, and no, 0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:13.399 would never say just a blanket, no man or a 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:15.240 woman can be friends. Now, you should be respectful of 0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:18.119 your relationship, yes, and say you're not going out with 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:21.000 a friend of the opposite sex for some intimate dinner 0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:22.359 and then going to go hang out at the hotel 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:25.000 bar with them, and then you know, it's just respect 0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:26.960 of your own relationship. That's just not a good look. 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:30.680 Exactly so, and I totally agree with everything you just said. 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:33.640 Will end with Sherry. I just thought she said this 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:35.960 very succinctly and it. 0:17:35.960 --> 0:17:36.760 Made me chuckle. 0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:41.840 And I don't disagree with her two's company. Three's a crowd, 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:45.640 especially the yacht woman. She sounds like a narcissist. Let 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:48.600 her have him, sounds like they deserve each other. 0:17:49.160 --> 0:17:52.560 Jeez. Okay, that's one way to look at it, Sherry. 0:17:53.320 --> 0:17:56.520 I just have a few questions. First, nothing, I'd have 0:17:56.760 --> 0:18:01.000 nothing to say to yacht lady. She's not a part 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:01.199 of this. 0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:05.560 I do like that mentality of not confronting the woman 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:11.200 who was clearly stirring the pot. Clearly was deliberately trying 0:18:11.200 --> 0:18:14.920 to poke the bear, but it was her own insecurity. 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:17.960 It was her own insecurity of their relationship and wanting 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:21.639 him to be her backup plan. I truly believe that 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:24.720 the yacht woman wanted a backup plan, wanted this other 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:26.520 girl out of the way, and was very jealous of 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:28.720 the relationship they had, because clearly she doesn't have a 0:18:28.720 --> 0:18:29.760 good one with her husband. 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:32.480 You spoke about insecurity. Can that word be applied to 0:18:32.520 --> 0:18:35.679 the lady who wrote in Lisa w there's an insecurity 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:39.080 about her own relationship. Yes, they're not for her to 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:43.320 be asking us and not him, immediately says a whole lot. Now, 0:18:43.359 --> 0:18:45.600 I'm not sure. By the time this is out, maybe 0:18:45.600 --> 0:18:48.239 she's talked to him, and I hope it has all 0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:52.120 gotten worked out. But she came here for advice when 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:57.000 it seemed like an automatic. This is all on him, 0:18:57.160 --> 0:18:58.320 isn't it usually our fault? 0:18:58.880 --> 0:19:03.560 Yes? Stop, you asked the question, I gave you the answer. 0:19:03.800 --> 0:19:07.040 Lisa w though, if you're listening, if you would ever 0:19:07.240 --> 0:19:10.440 like to contact us or write back in or leave 0:19:10.440 --> 0:19:12.360