1 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:05,240 Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that I don't love my family. I 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:08,039 Speaker 1: love them, and it hurts me, to be honest, it 3 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:11,959 Speaker 1: hurts me that this had to happen, that things had 4 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:17,360 Speaker 1: to happen this way. And I think a lot of 5 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 1: people expect to like, Okay, you have to love me 6 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,920 Speaker 1: no matter what I do, and especially when it comes 7 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,520 Speaker 1: to family, and that's not true. That doesn't mean that 8 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 1: because I love you, I'm going to cover up certain things. 9 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: But I did get a comment that stated, even if 10 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:36,240 Speaker 1: you felt that certain people in your family were doing 11 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:41,559 Speaker 1: things the wrong way, you shouldn't have talked about it publicly. 12 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: Hello everyone, Happy Monday, and welcome to another episode of 13 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: Cheeky's and Chill. This year is going by so quickly 14 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 1: already I can't even believe it. But I'm happy. It's 15 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 1: been a good year so far. Little bumps in the road, 16 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 1: but can't complain too much. Today is going to be 17 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:08,040 Speaker 1: another personal episode where it's just me and the microphone. 18 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 1: I'm going to be talking about something I call toxic loyalty, 19 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,560 Speaker 1: So let's go ahead and jump right into it. This 20 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 1: is Cheeky's and Chill, so toxic loyalty is something I've 21 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 1: talked about on my Instagram, which is why I decided 22 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:29,040 Speaker 1: to talk about it here on my podcast. I posted 23 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 1: a quote the other day on my stories and it 24 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: got a lot of attention. Let me read that quote 25 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: for you guys, now I wrote it myself. Actually, loyalty 26 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 1: is a great trait to have, but toxic loyalty is deadly. 27 00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: Know the difference hashtag be aware. With that being said, 28 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: you guys, I thought it was important for us to 29 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,680 Speaker 1: talk about it because I got a lot of questions 30 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 1: in my DM about toxic loyalty and not knowing the difference. 31 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: You're like, what is toxic loyalty? And I'm like, oh, 32 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 1: my goodness, I guess it's something that I don't know 33 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 1: where I heard it or I made it up, but 34 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: it exists and it's very real, you guys. So I 35 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 1: think we were all raised, especially if you're Latin, to 36 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 1: be loyal to your family no matter what, to be 37 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:15,360 Speaker 1: a loyal person no matter what. And I agree to 38 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 1: a certain extent, I think it is important to be 39 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 1: a loyal person in business, in relationships, in relationships with 40 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,080 Speaker 1: your family members, friendships, et cetera. Absolutely, it's good to 41 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 1: be a loyal person. And I think that's a beautiful 42 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:32,239 Speaker 1: trait to have. What I don't agree with is being 43 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:38,240 Speaker 1: loyal to a vault, which means toxic loyalty. I think also, 44 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 1: I was raised kind of like blood is thicker than water, 45 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 1: and I've learned throughout the years that yes, you were 46 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,639 Speaker 1: born into a certain family, and yes you have people 47 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 1: in the world that have the same blood running through 48 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 1: their veins like you do, which is called family. But 49 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 1: I also feel and I believe, that you can have 50 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 1: friends that become family member that you weren't necessarily born 51 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 1: in their family and vice versa, but you consider them 52 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,680 Speaker 1: family members. You might even be closer to some of 53 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,440 Speaker 1: them than you are to your own family members. So 54 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:16,560 Speaker 1: toxic loyalty is when you are given no other choice 55 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: but to be loyal even if you know that certain 56 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 1: things are being done incorrectly or against your own values 57 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 1: and morals, and you are forced to either stay quiet 58 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: or not give your opinion or stand next to them 59 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 1: even when you know that they are wrong. It could 60 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 1: be a family member, it could be in a relationship, 61 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 1: it could be with friends, it could be in any 62 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: type of relationship that you have. And I have learned 63 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: to first of all, know when it's toxic loyalty and 64 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: when I need to cut it, because for so long 65 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,080 Speaker 1: I said yes to people and I would say no 66 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,880 Speaker 1: to myself. I would say yes to maybe certain things 67 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: I didn't want to do that I didn't feel comfortable 68 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: with because I didn't want them to be disappointed in 69 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 1: me or I didn't want them to be upset with me, 70 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,320 Speaker 1: and I would be like okay, I would feel forced 71 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 1: to make other people happy, and I would find myself 72 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 1: at night and by myself and lonely. In those moments 73 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:21,120 Speaker 1: when I was just by myself, I would feel not satisfied. 74 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 1: I would feel sad. And I started learning to say no, 75 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: to not feel obligated to do certain things because it's 76 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 1: a family member, to stay quiet because it's a family member. 77 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: I think that me which as I says, decent And 78 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,039 Speaker 1: that's another thing I posted, and it's like, no, wait 79 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 1: a second, it doesn't matter who it is. Toxic is toxic. 80 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 1: And if they're not making you feel peace in your 81 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: heart and in your mind, and the relationship isn't being reciprocated, 82 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:58,039 Speaker 1: like they're not giving what you give, then it's time 83 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: for you to make a decision because it's gonna make 84 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 1: you sick. It's going to make you unhappy. And I 85 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:08,840 Speaker 1: decided last year that I am going to stop trying 86 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:13,720 Speaker 1: to hold onto relationships just because we have the same 87 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 1: blood flowing through our veins, just because we have years 88 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:22,599 Speaker 1: of friendship, like ten plus years. If we are not 89 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: on the same page, on the same frequency, and if 90 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,159 Speaker 1: you're not giving what I'm giving, if you're not trying 91 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,320 Speaker 1: like I'm trying, it doesn't matter who you are. I 92 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 1: have to say bye. And that doesn't mean I stop 93 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: loving you. That doesn't mean that I don't wish you well. 94 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 1: I still wish you well, but for my mental health, 95 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:47,520 Speaker 1: for my emotional health, I have to love you from afar. 96 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,359 Speaker 1: And sometimes that's hard to do and it hurts a 97 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 1: little bit. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. 98 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 1: It's easier said than done. But sometimes it's okay to 99 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,039 Speaker 1: love people from afar for a little bit, to put 100 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:03,440 Speaker 1: things back into perspect to reflect, to analyze the situation, 101 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,800 Speaker 1: and to see what changes you can also make to 102 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:08,840 Speaker 1: better that relationship. Or sometimes you don't even have to 103 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 1: better that relationship. Sometimes you know it can be a 104 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:17,919 Speaker 1: goodbye forever and wish them well from Afar. The reason 105 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 1: I want to talk about this is because, as you 106 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:26,240 Speaker 1: guys know, just recently a few weeks back, we had 107 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: this little issue in our family. And I think all 108 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:36,240 Speaker 1: family members, all families have problems. Fortunately or unfortunately myself 109 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:39,359 Speaker 1: and my family, we're in the limelight, so these things 110 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: come out publicly. Do I wish they wouldn't. Fresolutely, I 111 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: wish that there were certain things that didn't have to 112 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: come out in public and we can deal with these 113 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 1: things in private. That has always been my biggest wish, 114 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,560 Speaker 1: and I have always wished for my family because there 115 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:58,240 Speaker 1: are very talented I have a very talented family. I admire, honestly, 116 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:02,440 Speaker 1: my grandpa for coming to this country with I believe 117 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:05,080 Speaker 1: sixty cents or sixty dollars in his pocket. I don't 118 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,280 Speaker 1: exactly remember if it was sixty cents or sixty dollars, 119 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: but it was sixty something regardless, that's all he had 120 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: in his pocket when he brought my grandma and my 121 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: two uncles, and my grandma was pregnant by my mom 122 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 1: to this country. And I admire his hustle. I admire 123 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 1: his work ethic. He showed me to work, and he 124 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 1: showed my mom, and it all trickled down to me, 125 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 1: so to us. So there are a lot of things 126 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,200 Speaker 1: that I love about my family that I admire. There 127 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,320 Speaker 1: are so many talented people in my family, my cousins 128 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 1: as well. That's saying that play sports, and I wish 129 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 1: that we could be different, that things could be different, 130 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 1: but unfortunately that's not the case. You know, it is 131 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 1: what it is, and I've learned to accept that I'm 132 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 1: okay with being away and living some time or maybe 133 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,880 Speaker 1: the rest of my life away from certain people in 134 00:07:53,920 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: my family because it was making me sick. Came to 135 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 1: a point where I had to just be vocal and 136 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 1: stand for what I believe in because that's what I'm 137 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 1: all about. There are certain things I don't have to say. 138 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,120 Speaker 1: There are a lot of things that I don't have 139 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 1: to say, but I share certain things with you guys, 140 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 1: so that I can help you, hopefully, so you won't 141 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 1: make the same mistakes I've made or we've made. That 142 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:20,840 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that I don't love my family. I love them, 143 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 1: and it hurts me, to be honest, it hurts me 144 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: that this had to happen, that things had to happen 145 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 1: this way. It hurts me to see certain things on 146 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 1: social media and how certain people express themselves about certain 147 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 1: people in my family, believe it or not, sile Migala. 148 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 1: And sometimes I'd rather not even see those things because 149 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,440 Speaker 1: I'm not a person that's like, oh, yeah, you deserve that, 150 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 1: or I know I don't wish bad upon anybody and 151 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,679 Speaker 1: I still love them. And that brings me to a 152 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 1: quote that I found that I want to share with you. Guys, 153 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:57,679 Speaker 1: here we go. I love you, but I'm upset with 154 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 1: you is one of the most freeing important things you 155 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:08,440 Speaker 1: can say in a stable and healthy relationship. It's okay 156 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 1: to love someone and be hurt and decide to stay away. 157 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 1: That I think makes you a very mature person to 158 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: be able to say I love you, but maybe I 159 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,559 Speaker 1: don't like you, because that's possible. Guys. You can love 160 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,559 Speaker 1: someone and not necessarily like their characteristics or like what 161 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:33,040 Speaker 1: they're about, but still love them. I've always been this 162 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 1: way since I can remember. Even with my mom, there 163 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,720 Speaker 1: were certain things that she would do that I wouldn't 164 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: agree with, and I'd be like, Mom, I'm sorry, like 165 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,440 Speaker 1: I don't think that's right, and we would kind of 166 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,320 Speaker 1: argue about it. But it's kind of like and she 167 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 1: would say, well, i'm your mother and you have to 168 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 1: kind of agree with me, and I'm like, well, this 169 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 1: is why individuality exists, because I am my own person 170 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:56,680 Speaker 1: and you are your own person, and I have the 171 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,440 Speaker 1: right to my opinion. That doesn't mean I love you 172 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: any less. That doesn't mean that I see you any different. 173 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,080 Speaker 1: It's just I don't necessarily agree and I think it's okay. 174 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 1: It's always the way you deliver your message and the 175 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 1: way that you express yourself that makes the biggest difference, 176 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:15,120 Speaker 1: because I think, well, growing up, for me, it was 177 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 1: be quiet and listen, you know what I mean, don't 178 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 1: even disagree with me. It's like you shouldn't have an opinion. 179 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 1: What I'm saying goes and that's it. And that's something 180 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 1: that I want to change with my siblings, with my 181 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,839 Speaker 1: future children, is if you have an opinion, and if 182 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 1: you are not okay with the way I'm doing certain things, 183 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,720 Speaker 1: maybe I'll get a little upset. But I want you 184 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,320 Speaker 1: to feel free to tell me, text me, tell me 185 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:39,760 Speaker 1: you know what I don't agree with that that hurt 186 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:43,920 Speaker 1: my feelings. I think that's so important because again, those 187 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: are toxic traits that trickle down to generation to generation, 188 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:50,680 Speaker 1: and we should be able to express ourselves and say 189 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,839 Speaker 1: and be okay with being honest and saying no, I'm 190 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,560 Speaker 1: not okay. I don't feel peace with that right now. 191 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,600 Speaker 1: I don't feel peace with making that decision right now 192 00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: just because you are ex person. If it doesn't feel 193 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,959 Speaker 1: right in my heart, then I'm not going to do it. 194 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,559 Speaker 1: So again, that quote is I love you, but I'm 195 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,760 Speaker 1: upset with you. It's one of the most freeing important 196 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,120 Speaker 1: things you can say in a stable and healthy relationship. 197 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:20,040 Speaker 1: That's one. There's another. Daring to set boundaries is about 198 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,640 Speaker 1: having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk 199 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: disappointing others. Again, not everyone is going to agree. But 200 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: when you're being honest, you're being truthful about your feelings, 201 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 1: and you're setting healthy boundaries and respecting those boundaries. Whoever 202 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,200 Speaker 1: gets hurt. That doesn't mean you have to be mean 203 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:44,280 Speaker 1: about it. It's just being honest and direct and transparent. 204 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:48,319 Speaker 1: I think that makes the biggest difference. They'll be upset 205 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,120 Speaker 1: for a little bit, but they'll learn to respect you. 206 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:56,439 Speaker 1: And I think that's what happened to be honest in 207 00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 1: my current situation, is that I grew up and I'm 208 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:03,679 Speaker 1: a person that loves to learn and to grow, and 209 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 1: I read books, and I go to therapy, and I 210 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,400 Speaker 1: do life coaching, and I have a mentor. And for me, 211 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,200 Speaker 1: it's like, in order for me to do all that 212 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 1: I'm doing and to have this podcast and to write books, 213 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: I also need that I also need to refill my tank. 214 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:17,840 Speaker 1: And that's what I do. And I've learned and I've 215 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: grown to say, what are the toxic traits that I 216 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 1: have learned from my family? And I'm not saying that 217 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 1: or from even my mom. I'm not saying that what 218 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:32,320 Speaker 1: they did was wrong. Maybe they didn't know any different. 219 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,640 Speaker 1: Maybe that's what they were taught when they were young. 220 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:38,280 Speaker 1: They didn't know. But because I've gone through therapy for 221 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:43,599 Speaker 1: so many years, it has, i don't know, turn on 222 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 1: a light bulb in my mind to say, I want 223 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,680 Speaker 1: to break generational curses. Not that my family, not that 224 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 1: my mom, not that the way that I was raised 225 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,920 Speaker 1: was wrong, Because honestly, guys, I am so grateful with 226 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,559 Speaker 1: the way that my mom raised me. Because, like I 227 00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 1: said on a previous post, my mom was a tough professor. 228 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 1: But because she was so tough, I learned so much 229 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,679 Speaker 1: and I'm so strong. But there are also certain things 230 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,280 Speaker 1: that I want to do different when I have my 231 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,200 Speaker 1: children that I did different with my siblings raising them. 232 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,680 Speaker 1: I want them to be able to speak their mind. 233 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 1: I want them to be able to express themselves certain things, 234 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,360 Speaker 1: because again, we are taught to just be quiet and 235 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 1: listen and don't have an opinion. I guess it's all 236 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:24,640 Speaker 1: about learning and how are you going to be different 237 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 1: and how are you going to also take certain things 238 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,840 Speaker 1: from the way that you were raised? And you know, 239 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 1: I mean there are great things. I'm not saying that 240 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 1: everything was bad, because it wasn't. There's a lot of 241 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,720 Speaker 1: great things. There's a lot of things that I admire 242 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: about my family, about my mother, you know, a lot 243 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 1: of things, a lot of things that I'm like, damn, 244 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 1: like she was a badass, you know. And there are 245 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: the other things that I'm like, Okay, I want to 246 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,240 Speaker 1: change a little bit. I want to change this for 247 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:59,319 Speaker 1: my future children. I think a lot of people expect 248 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:01,679 Speaker 1: to like, Okay, you have to love me no matter 249 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,080 Speaker 1: what I do, and especially when it comes to family, 250 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,560 Speaker 1: and that's not true. That doesn't mean that because I 251 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 1: love you, I'm gonna cover up certain things, for instance, 252 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,439 Speaker 1: like this whole thing that just recently happened with my family. 253 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,640 Speaker 1: I stayed quiet. We stayed quiet for a very long 254 00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:18,680 Speaker 1: time until a point came that said, I can no 255 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:22,200 Speaker 1: longer stay quiet. I can no longer cover up for you. 256 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:28,480 Speaker 1: I can no longer say know to myself and say okay, 257 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: I'm gonna stay quet. IM gonna say quiet to say 258 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 1: yes to you when you know that you're doing something 259 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:38,000 Speaker 1: that's incorrect and you're trying to portray yourself differently in 260 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 1: the media. And that's where I'm like, wait a second, 261 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 1: I love you, because believe it or not, I still 262 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: love my family. I want them to be okay. They 263 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 1: might not feel the same way for me, and that's okay, 264 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 1: but I had to do that with love in my 265 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 1: heart and saying damn, I care about my cousins. I 266 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,960 Speaker 1: care about their feelings. I care about their futures. But 267 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,440 Speaker 1: what's right is right. And my job as a human 268 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 1: being and what I take pride in, no matter who 269 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 1: you are, is standing up for what is right, what 270 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 1: I believe is right, and having morals and standing behind 271 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:18,280 Speaker 1: those things, behind those morals and being true to that 272 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: to the truth is so important to me. It doesn't 273 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: matter if you're a family member and I can still 274 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: love you, but hey, you're wrong, dude, You're not doing 275 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: this right. And I'm gonna just put it out there, 276 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 1: you know, because I just I feel like, I don't know, 277 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 1: I feel like that. That's and that's even with like 278 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: my books that I write and the things that I've 279 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: written about, and the songs that I write and the 280 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 1: music that I record, it always has some truth behind it. 281 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,120 Speaker 1: It's not just because you know what I mean. It's 282 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 1: not just because cement the whole and is I wait 283 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,640 Speaker 1: a second, No, if I'm going to say something, it's 284 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 1: because I firmly believe this is the correct thing to do. 285 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that I have to be in agreement. 286 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: I love you, but again I don't agree with you. 287 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:08,920 Speaker 1: That's totally fine. Sometimes I think in our families, we 288 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 1: again tend to be like, Okay, well regardless, this is 289 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: your grandma for instance. And yes, talking about my grandma personally, 290 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 1: I'm very grateful for her for everything she did when 291 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 1: I was younger, for helping my mother raise me while 292 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:31,320 Speaker 1: my mom went to school and worked, and she was 293 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,480 Speaker 1: like my first mom before my mom was my mom. 294 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,480 Speaker 1: She was so young. My mom was so young when 295 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,680 Speaker 1: she had me, So I'm very grateful. I'm not an 296 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:41,080 Speaker 1: ungrateful person for me. It's like, I am so grateful 297 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,960 Speaker 1: for that and for everything you did and that you 298 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,760 Speaker 1: taught me. But now that I've gotten older, I've seen 299 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 1: certain things that I'm not okay with, and that I 300 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 1: can't sit there and be okay with certain things that 301 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 1: you either say or that you do that go against 302 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 1: what I believe in and what I was taught. So 303 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,040 Speaker 1: unfortun I've had to step away, as I've said before, 304 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean that I forget everything else that 305 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,960 Speaker 1: they did. Like, for instance, one of my uncles was 306 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,720 Speaker 1: there for me when no one else was, and I'm 307 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:16,760 Speaker 1: very grateful, no matter what he may think now. But 308 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 1: because he was there for me in that moment and 309 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,120 Speaker 1: during those hard days does not mean that I have 310 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,120 Speaker 1: to be loyal to him the rest of my life, 311 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 1: even if he's doing things that I don't agree with. 312 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,159 Speaker 1: And that's the point that I got to guys, like 313 00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:32,639 Speaker 1: it's like, I'm grateful for that moment that was almost 314 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:36,159 Speaker 1: ten years ago, and I'm grateful, and I'll never forget that, 315 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,159 Speaker 1: And I will always say thank you, and I'll never forget. 316 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,879 Speaker 1: But now things have changed, things have evolved. I have 317 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 1: grown and I am seeing certain things and I have 318 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:50,480 Speaker 1: the courage and the strength now to say, hey, I'm 319 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:54,520 Speaker 1: not okay with this. And so many of our elders 320 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:58,600 Speaker 1: demand respect, and just because you're younger than them, it's 321 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:03,159 Speaker 1: like you have to respec no matter what. Well, in 322 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,159 Speaker 1: order to be respected, you need to respect like it's earned. 323 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:10,360 Speaker 1: Respect is earned, and I have the right to express 324 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: my mind and express what I'm feeling and tell you 325 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,880 Speaker 1: that I'm not okay with certain things that you're doing, 326 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:18,119 Speaker 1: and you should be okay with understanding that and having 327 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 1: a conversation. I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm going 328 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: to tell you I'm not cool with that, and you 329 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,879 Speaker 1: should be able to listen to me and try to 330 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,840 Speaker 1: understand me, you know. So. I think that those are 331 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,199 Speaker 1: just things that happen in our families. That it's like 332 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,160 Speaker 1: people just they always see you as that little girl. 333 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,040 Speaker 1: Just be quiet, don't say anything. It's like, wait, I'm 334 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 1: a grown ass woman now and I have a mind 335 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,679 Speaker 1: on my own and I need to be authentic to that, 336 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:45,359 Speaker 1: to my higher self, and I don't know if people 337 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 1: our elders know how to deal with that. And that's 338 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:54,119 Speaker 1: another thing they expect, you know, our elders, our grandparents, 339 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,080 Speaker 1: I guess, or whoever you know, our uncles and aunts 340 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 1: and maybe older cousins. They think that, Okay, well I'm 341 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,320 Speaker 1: the eldest. You have to look for me. You have 342 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 1: to send me a message, yes, but also you can 343 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,879 Speaker 1: also text me and see how I'm doing. You can 344 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 1: also come over and ask me how I'm doing, what 345 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,600 Speaker 1: I ate, if I'm okay, if I need anything that 346 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,080 Speaker 1: is all like I feel like toxic loyalty guys where 347 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,199 Speaker 1: it's like wait, like, let's just erase all those all 348 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 1: those traditional sometimes not negative but I guess I don't 349 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,119 Speaker 1: know what other word I can use, but stigmas of 350 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 1: wait a second, it doesn't matter. It's like you can 351 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,159 Speaker 1: also don't let your ego and your pride get in 352 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 1: the way. You can also ask me how I'm doing, 353 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,919 Speaker 1: and you can also take the opportunity to listen to me. 354 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:48,960 Speaker 1: You know. So anyways, I didn't have any notes for this, 355 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,359 Speaker 1: I didn't have any bullet points for any of this conversation. 356 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,120 Speaker 1: I just said, I'm going to open up the mic, 357 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,640 Speaker 1: and I'm going to talk to you guys and ask 358 00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:00,119 Speaker 1: what I'm doing so I hope I can help you 359 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: guys out with any doubts or questions that you guys 360 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:09,520 Speaker 1: may have in regards to relationships family or non family members. 361 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 1: In regards to loyalty. And now that I've explained toxic loyalty, 362 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,760 Speaker 1: because a lot of people asked me that through my DMS, 363 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,320 Speaker 1: what is toxic loyalty? What do you mean? I wanted 364 00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:20,120 Speaker 1: to take the time to explain that to you guys. 365 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 1: And this is what I love about my podcast, that 366 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,400 Speaker 1: I could just talk to you guys about anything and everything, 367 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:28,960 Speaker 1: and I have this space to explain certain things in 368 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,240 Speaker 1: a way that I haven't been able to, you know. 369 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:36,600 Speaker 1: So I'm so grateful for my podcast. And without getting 370 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,880 Speaker 1: into too much detail because I don't want to talk 371 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:46,360 Speaker 1: about the subject too much, but in order to help others, 372 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,480 Speaker 1: I think it's important to be honest and to share 373 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:53,879 Speaker 1: certain things. So I'm not going to name anybody. I 374 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:58,840 Speaker 1: don't think it's necessary, but I have gotten certain maybe 375 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,879 Speaker 1: not a lot, actually, but I did get a comment 376 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:06,240 Speaker 1: that stated, even if you felt that certain people in 377 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:11,360 Speaker 1: your family were doing things the wrong way, you shouldn't 378 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:16,119 Speaker 1: have talked about it publicly because they're your family, and 379 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,680 Speaker 1: because no matter what they do, you should forgive them. 380 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,679 Speaker 1: I have a whole book, you guys, on forgiveness. I 381 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:27,920 Speaker 1: am one hundred percent a believer in forgiving. Some people 382 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,520 Speaker 1: say forgive and forget. I don't believe that. I feel 383 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:34,919 Speaker 1: that you should forgive, not necessarily forget. But if you 384 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:39,400 Speaker 1: feel that someone isn't necessarily sorry for what they did, 385 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,680 Speaker 1: you still can forgive. I chose to forgive my father 386 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 1: for sexually abusing me without ever saying and admitting to 387 00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:48,679 Speaker 1: it or apologizing. I said, I'm going to forgive you 388 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 1: to liberate myself from that burden and not carry that 389 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,480 Speaker 1: the rest of my life. But if someone is doing 390 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 1: something that is not okay, especially in your family, and 391 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 1: you're supposed to just stay quiet because they're your X 392 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,679 Speaker 1: Y or Z and your family, like, defend what you 393 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,880 Speaker 1: feel is right, no matter who the person is. If 394 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,399 Speaker 1: you feel this is right and in your heart you 395 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,959 Speaker 1: feel that it's right and you have peace with that, 396 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: you defend it no matter who it is. And that's 397 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,720 Speaker 1: where I came Like this literally just happened less than 398 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 1: two years ago, when I said, I don't care who 399 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,439 Speaker 1: it is. If they are not bringing peace to my 400 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,199 Speaker 1: life and they're not giving me the same respect, the 401 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,520 Speaker 1: same love, I don't care who it is. I can't 402 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 1: have that person in my life. I just can't because 403 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:38,560 Speaker 1: I hit rock bottom. And I think I've shared this 404 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,320 Speaker 1: with you guys before. While I was really depressed for 405 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:41,879 Speaker 1: a little bit, like for three months, and it had 406 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,159 Speaker 1: to do with everything going on in my family, and 407 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,320 Speaker 1: I was just like, what the heck? And so many 408 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,040 Speaker 1: things happened and came to light for me during that 409 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:52,360 Speaker 1: time of depression. During the time of darkness, I saw 410 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,640 Speaker 1: so many things clearly that I said, oh my goodness, 411 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,879 Speaker 1: like if I don't do this now, if I don't 412 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:02,560 Speaker 1: create my boundaries and be very firm with what I'm 413 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,480 Speaker 1: okay with and what I'm not okay with, I'm gonna 414 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,159 Speaker 1: live with this for the rest of my life. I 415 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,680 Speaker 1: have to make a change. And this is where this happened, 416 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,359 Speaker 1: and this is where I decided I need to stand 417 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:17,880 Speaker 1: for what is right and defend what is right. Even 418 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,919 Speaker 1: with my siblings, I tell them when there's something that 419 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 1: I'm not okay with, I tell them, hey, I don't 420 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 1: like how you talk to your sister. Maybe you should apologize. 421 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,560 Speaker 1: Honesty is the best policy, guys. It's all about how 422 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,159 Speaker 1: you deliver your message and you tell the person you 423 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,040 Speaker 1: know what, I'm not. I don't agree with that, but 424 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:35,640 Speaker 1: if you just let it slide because you don't want 425 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: to upset the person and because again toxic loyalty and 426 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:42,159 Speaker 1: it's like, you know what, that's not okay in my 427 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 1: in my book. Thank you guys so much for listening 428 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,359 Speaker 1: to this episode. The whole idea behind me sharing my 429 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,160 Speaker 1: story is to help someone out there, So I hope 430 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,160 Speaker 1: I did just that from the bottom of my heart. 431 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,399 Speaker 1: I really do. And before we go, you guys know 432 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,240 Speaker 1: that I always end my episodes with the motivational quote, 433 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:03,040 Speaker 1: and this one has a lot to do with what 434 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,879 Speaker 1: is going on, what we're talking about, so here it 435 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: is when a toxic person can no longer control you, 436 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,359 Speaker 1: they will try to control how others see you. The 437 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:17,480 Speaker 1: misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that 438 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 1: other people will eventually see the truth just like you did. 439 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,360 Speaker 1: And with that being said, guys, have a wonderful rest 440 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,800 Speaker 1: of your week. Again, thank you so much for listening, 441 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,920 Speaker 1: and I will see you guys, here next week, let's 442 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:37,480 Speaker 1: get on much visitos. This is a production of iHeartRadio 443 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 1: and Mike Wultura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at 444 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:45,440 Speaker 1: Mike Gultura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h 445 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:50,280 Speaker 1: i q uy s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit 446 00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 447 00:24:54,119 --> 00:25:01,920 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.