1 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,200 Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that I don't love my family. I 2 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:08,000 Speaker 1: love them, and it hurts me, to be honest, it 3 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:11,960 Speaker 1: hurts me that this had to happen, that things had 4 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:17,319 Speaker 1: to happen this way. And I think a lot of 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:20,079 Speaker 1: people expect to like, Okay, you have to love me 6 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,919 Speaker 1: no matter what I do, and especially when it comes 7 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,520 Speaker 1: to family, and that's not true. That doesn't mean that 8 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: because I love you, I'm going to cover up certain things. 9 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,360 Speaker 1: But I did get a comment that stated, even if 10 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:36,200 Speaker 1: you felt that certain people in your family we're doing 11 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:41,559 Speaker 1: things the wrong way, you shouldn't have talked about it publicly. 12 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: Hello everyone, Happy Monday, and welcome to another episode of 13 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:54,160 Speaker 1: cheek Ease and Chill. This year is going by so 14 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,840 Speaker 1: quickly already, I can't even believe it. But I'm happy. 15 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: It's been a good year so far. A little bumps 16 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,480 Speaker 1: in the road, but I can't complain too much. Today 17 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,440 Speaker 1: is going to be another personal episode where it's just 18 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:09,440 Speaker 1: me and the microphone. I'm going to be talking about 19 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 1: something I call toxic loyalty. So let's go ahead and 20 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:17,120 Speaker 1: jump right into it. This is cheek Ease and Chill, 21 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: so toxic loyalty is something I've talked about on my Instagram, 22 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: which is why I decided to talk about it here 23 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:29,960 Speaker 1: on my podcast. I posted a quote the other day 24 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:31,600 Speaker 1: on my Stories and it got a lot of attention. 25 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 1: Let me read that quote for you guys. Now I 26 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 1: wrote it myself. Actually, loyalty is a great trait to have, 27 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:42,960 Speaker 1: but toxic loyalty is deadly. No the difference hashtag be aware. 28 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 1: With that being said, you guys, I thought it was 29 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: important for us to talk about it because I got 30 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,160 Speaker 1: a lot of questions in my d M about toxic 31 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 1: loyalty and not knowing the difference, like what is toxic loyalty? 32 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, my goodness, I guess it's something 33 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 1: that I don't know where I heard it or I 34 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,040 Speaker 1: made it up, but it exists and it's very a 35 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: real you guys, So I think we we're all raised, 36 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:09,120 Speaker 1: especially if you're Latin, to be loyal to your family 37 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:13,200 Speaker 1: no matter what, to be a loyal person, no matter what. 38 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,800 Speaker 1: And I agree to a certain extent, I think it 39 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 1: is important to be a loyal person in business, in relationships, 40 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: in relationships with your family members, friendships, etcetera. Absolutely, it's 41 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,800 Speaker 1: good to be a loyal person, and I think that's 42 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,360 Speaker 1: a beautiful trait to have. What I don't agree with 43 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 1: is being loyal to a vault, which means toxic loyalty. 44 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: I think also, I was raised kind of like blood 45 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 1: is thicker than water, and I've learned throughout the years 46 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,360 Speaker 1: that yes, you were born into a certain family, and 47 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 1: yes you have people in the world that have the 48 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 1: same blood running through their veins like you do, which 49 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: is called family. But I also feel and I believe, 50 00:02:54,720 --> 00:03:00,480 Speaker 1: that you can have friends that become family members that 51 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,840 Speaker 1: you weren't necessarily born in their family and vice versa, 52 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,800 Speaker 1: but you consider them family members. You might even be 53 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 1: closer to some of them than you are to your 54 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: own family members. Um So, toxic loyalty is when you 55 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,959 Speaker 1: are given no other choice but to be loyal even 56 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 1: if you know that certain things are being done incorrectly 57 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 1: or against your own values and morals, and you are 58 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:30,760 Speaker 1: forced to either stay quiet or not give your opinion 59 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,640 Speaker 1: or stand next to them even when you know that 60 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,200 Speaker 1: they are wrong. It could be a family member, it 61 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: could be in a relationship, it could be with friends, 62 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 1: it could be in any type of relationship that you have. 63 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 1: And I have learned to first of all, no when 64 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 1: it's toxic loyalty and when I need to cut it. 65 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 1: Because for so long I said yes to people and 66 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 1: I would say no to myself. I would say yes 67 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: to maybe certain things I didn't want to do that 68 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: I didn't feel comfortable with because I didn't want them 69 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,839 Speaker 1: to be disappointed in me or I didn't want them 70 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 1: to be upset with me, and I would be like, okay, 71 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: I would feel forced to make other people happy, and 72 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:16,279 Speaker 1: I would find myself at night and by myself and lonely. 73 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 1: In those moments when I was just by myself, I 74 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: would feel not satisfied. I would feel sad. And I 75 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:28,560 Speaker 1: started learning to say no, to not feel obligated to 76 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 1: do certain things because it's a family member, to stay 77 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:41,159 Speaker 1: quiet because it's a family member, I think that mean. 78 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: And that's another thing I posted, and it's like, no, 79 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:47,440 Speaker 1: wait a second, it doesn't matter who it is. Toxic 80 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 1: is toxic. And if they're not making you feel peace 81 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: in your heart and in your mind, and the relationship 82 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,720 Speaker 1: isn't being reciprocated, like they're not giving what you give, 83 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: then it's time for you to make a decision because 84 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,480 Speaker 1: it's gonna make you sick. It's gonna make you unhappy. 85 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 1: And I decided last year that I am going to 86 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:13,279 Speaker 1: stop trying to hold onto relationships just because we have 87 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:17,680 Speaker 1: the same blood flowing through our veins, just because we 88 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:22,120 Speaker 1: have years of friendship, like ten plus years. If we 89 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:26,520 Speaker 1: are not on the same page, on the same frequency, 90 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,719 Speaker 1: and if you're not giving what I'm giving, if you're 91 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 1: not trying like I'm trying, it doesn't matter who you are. 92 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: I have to say bye. And that doesn't mean I 93 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:39,720 Speaker 1: stopped loving you. That doesn't mean that I don't wish 94 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,359 Speaker 1: you well. I still wish you well, but for my 95 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:46,800 Speaker 1: mental health, for my emotional health, I have to love 96 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,719 Speaker 1: you from afar. And sometimes that's hard to do and 97 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 1: it hurts a little bit. I'm not saying it's gonna 98 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 1: be easy. It's easier said than done. But sometimes it's 99 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,920 Speaker 1: okay to love people from afar for a little bit, 100 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:02,760 Speaker 1: to put things back into perspective, to reflect, to analyze 101 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 1: the situation, and to see what changes you can also 102 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,600 Speaker 1: make to better that relationship. Or sometimes you don't even 103 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 1: have to better that relationship. Sometimes you know it can 104 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:16,240 Speaker 1: be a goodbye forever and wish them well for before 105 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 1: the reason I want to talk about this is because, 106 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:25,839 Speaker 1: as you guys know, just recently, a few weeks back, UM, 107 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 1: we had this little issue in our family. And I 108 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: think all family members, all families have problems. Fortunately or unfortunately, 109 00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:39,040 Speaker 1: myself and my family were in the limelight. So these 110 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,520 Speaker 1: things come out publicly. Do I wish they wouldn't absolute 111 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,240 Speaker 1: freaking lutely. I wish that there were certain things that 112 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 1: didn't have to come out in public and we can 113 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,360 Speaker 1: deal with these things in private. That has always been 114 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,359 Speaker 1: my biggest wish, and I have always wished for my 115 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:56,160 Speaker 1: family because there are very talented I have a very 116 00:06:56,200 --> 00:07:00,640 Speaker 1: talented family. I admire, honestly my grandpa for coming to 117 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 1: this country with I believe sixty cents or sixty dollars 118 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:06,120 Speaker 1: in his pocket. I don't exactly remember if it was 119 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,360 Speaker 1: sixty cents or sixty dollars, but it was sixty something regardless, 120 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: that's all he had in his pocket when he brought 121 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 1: my grandma and my two uncles and my my grandma 122 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: was pregnant by my mom to this country. And I 123 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 1: admire his hustle. I admire his work ethic. He showed 124 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,240 Speaker 1: me to work, and he showed my mom, and it 125 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 1: all trickled down to me, so to us. So there 126 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 1: are a lot of things that I love about my 127 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 1: family that I admire. There are so many talented people 128 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: and my family, my cousins as well. That's saying that 129 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 1: play sports, and I wish that we could be different, 130 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: that things could be different, but unfortunately that's not the case. 131 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: You know, it is what it is. And I've learned 132 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:49,240 Speaker 1: to accept that I'm okay with being away and living 133 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,000 Speaker 1: some time or maybe the rest of my life away 134 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 1: from certain people in my family because it was making 135 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: me sick. And it came to a point where I 136 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: had to just be vocal and stand for what I 137 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:07,640 Speaker 1: believe in because that's what I'm all about. There are 138 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,120 Speaker 1: certain things I don't have to say. There are a 139 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,360 Speaker 1: lot of things that I don't have to say, but 140 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: I share certain things with you guys, so that I 141 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: can help you, hopefully, so you won't make the same 142 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,320 Speaker 1: mistakes I've made or we've made. That doesn't mean that 143 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,360 Speaker 1: I don't love my family. I love them, and it 144 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 1: hurts me, to be honest, it hurts me that this 145 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,360 Speaker 1: had to happen, that things had to happen this way. 146 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 1: It hurts me to see certain things on social media 147 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 1: and how certain people express themselves about certain people in 148 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: my family, believe it or not see, and sometimes I'd 149 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: rather not even see those things because I'm not a 150 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: person that's like, oh, yeah, you deserve that, all right. No, 151 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 1: I don't wish bad upon anybody, and I still love them. 152 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 1: And that brings me to a quote that I found 153 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: that I want to share with you. Guys, here we go. 154 00:08:55,559 --> 00:09:00,120 Speaker 1: I love you, but I'm upset with you is one 155 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 1: of the most free important things you can say in 156 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 1: a stable and healthy relationship. It's okay to love someone 157 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 1: and be hurt and decide to stay away. That I 158 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 1: think makes you a very mature person to be able 159 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:22,839 Speaker 1: to say I love you, but maybe I don't like you, 160 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: because that's possible. Guys. You can love someone and not 161 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 1: necessarily like their characteristics or like what they're about, but 162 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: still love them. I've always been this way since I 163 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: can remember. Even with my mom, there were certain things 164 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,200 Speaker 1: that she would do that I wouldn't agree with, and 165 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,840 Speaker 1: I'd be like, Mom, I'm sorry, like I don't think 166 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,200 Speaker 1: that's right, and we would kind of argue about it. 167 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:45,960 Speaker 1: But it's kind of like and she would say, well, 168 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:48,680 Speaker 1: I'm your mother and you have to kind of agree 169 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 1: with me. And I'm like, well, this is why individuality exists, 170 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 1: because I am my own person and you are your 171 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 1: own person, and I have the right to my opinion. 172 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 1: That doesn't mean I love you any less. That doesn't 173 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 1: mean that I see you any different. It's just I 174 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 1: don't necessarily agree and I think it's okay. It's always 175 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,679 Speaker 1: the way you deliver your message and the way that 176 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 1: you express yourself that makes the biggest difference, because I 177 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:16,280 Speaker 1: think while growing up, for me, it was be quiet 178 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: and listen you know what I mean, don't don't even 179 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,839 Speaker 1: disagree with me. It's like you shouldn't have an opinion. 180 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: What I'm saying goes and that's it. And that's something 181 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:28,679 Speaker 1: that I want to change with my siblings, with um 182 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: my future children, is if you have an opinion, and 183 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 1: if you're not okay with the way I'm doing certain things, 184 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,680 Speaker 1: maybe I'll get a little upset. But I want you 185 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,200 Speaker 1: to feel free to tell me, text me in, tell 186 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,439 Speaker 1: me you know what I don't agree with that that 187 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:43,200 Speaker 1: hurt my feelings. I think that's so important because again, 188 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,439 Speaker 1: those are toxic traits. That trickle down to generation to generation, 189 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 1: and we should be able to express ourselves and say 190 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,839 Speaker 1: and be okay with being honest and saying no, I'm 191 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,560 Speaker 1: not okay. I don't feel peace with that right now. 192 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,560 Speaker 1: I don't feel peace with making that decision right now 193 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: just because you are ex person. If it doesn't feel 194 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: right in my heart, then I'm not going to do it. 195 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: So again, that quote is I love you, but I'm 196 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,719 Speaker 1: upset with you is one of the most freeing important 197 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 1: things you can say in a stable and healthy relationship. 198 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:20,000 Speaker 1: That's one. There's another. Daring to set boundaries is about 199 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,600 Speaker 1: having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk 200 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: disappointing others. Again, not everyone is going to agree. But 201 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,559 Speaker 1: when you're being honest, you're being truthful about your feelings, 202 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 1: and you're setting healthy boundaries and respecting those boundaries. Whoever 203 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,160 Speaker 1: gets hurt. That doesn't mean you have to be mean 204 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:44,239 Speaker 1: about it. It's just being honest and direct and transparent. 205 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,319 Speaker 1: I think that makes the biggest difference. They'll be upset 206 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,199 Speaker 1: for a little bit, but they'll learn to respect you. 207 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 1: And I think that's what happened to be honest in 208 00:11:56,440 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 1: my current situation, is that I grew up and I'm 209 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 1: a person that loves to learn and to grow, and 210 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 1: I read books, and I go to therapy, and I 211 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:08,400 Speaker 1: do life coaching, and I have a mentor. And for me, 212 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,160 Speaker 1: it's like, in order for me to do all that 213 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 1: I'm doing and to have this podcast and to write books, 214 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: I also need that I also need to refill my tank. 215 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:17,800 Speaker 1: And that's what I do. And I've learned and I've 216 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,880 Speaker 1: grown to say, what are the toxic traits that I 217 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:26,320 Speaker 1: have learned from my family? And I'm not saying that 218 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 1: or from even my mom. I'm not saying that what 219 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 1: they did was wrong. Maybe they didn't know any different. 220 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 1: Maybe that's what they were they were taught when they 221 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 1: were young, they didn't know. But because I've gone through 222 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:43,240 Speaker 1: therapy for so many years, it has, I don't know, 223 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:44,840 Speaker 1: turn on a light bulb in my mind to say, 224 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 1: I want to break generational curses. Not that my family, 225 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,800 Speaker 1: not that my mom, not that the way that I 226 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,840 Speaker 1: was raised was wrong, Because honestly, guys, I am so 227 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 1: grateful with the way that my mom raised me. Because, 228 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: like I said on a previous post, my mom was 229 00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:01,240 Speaker 1: a tough professor, but because she was so tough. I 230 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 1: learned so much and I'm so strong. But there are 231 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 1: also certain things that I want to do different when 232 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:08,080 Speaker 1: I have my children that I did different with my 233 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 1: siblings raising them. I want them to be able to 234 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,200 Speaker 1: speak their mind. I want them to be able to 235 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: express themselves certain things, because again we are taught to 236 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 1: just be quiet and listen and don't have an opinion. 237 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:23,440 Speaker 1: I guess it's all about learning and how are you 238 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 1: going to be different and how are you going to 239 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: also take certain things from the way that you were raised? 240 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 1: And and you know, I mean there are great things. 241 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,679 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that everything was bad, because it wasn't. 242 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,079 Speaker 1: There's a lot of great things. There's a lot of 243 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,960 Speaker 1: things that I admire about my family, About my mother, 244 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 1: you know, a lot of things, a lot of things 245 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,840 Speaker 1: that I'm like, damn, like she was a badass, you know. 246 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: And there are the other things that I'm like, Okay, 247 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 1: I want to change a little bit. I want to 248 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: change this for my future children. I think a lot 249 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,719 Speaker 1: of people expect to, like, okay, have to love me 250 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 1: no matter what I do, and especially when it comes 251 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 1: to family, and that's not true. That doesn't mean that 252 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 1: because I love you, I'm going to cover up certain things, 253 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,680 Speaker 1: for instance, like this whole thing that just recently happened 254 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 1: with my family. I stayed quiet. We stayed quiet for 255 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:18,200 Speaker 1: a very long time until a point came that said, 256 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: I can no longer stay quiet. I can no longer 257 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 1: cover up for you. I can no longer say no 258 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 1: to myself and say, okay, I'm gonna stay quiet and 259 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: stay quiet to say yes to you when you know 260 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:35,880 Speaker 1: that you're doing something that's incorrect and you're trying to 261 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 1: portray yourself differently in the media. And that's where I'm like, 262 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 1: wait a second, I love you, because I believe it 263 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: or not. I still love my family. I want them 264 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 1: to be okay. They might not feel the same way 265 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 1: for me, and that's okay. But I had to do 266 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,440 Speaker 1: that with love in my heart and saying damn, I 267 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 1: care about my cousins. I care about their feelings. I 268 00:14:57,080 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 1: care about their futures. But what's right is right. And 269 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 1: my job as a human being and what I take 270 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 1: pride in, no matter who you are, is standing up 271 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,080 Speaker 1: for what is right, what I believe is right, and 272 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 1: having morals and standing behind those things, behind those morals 273 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 1: and being true to that to the truth is so 274 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,040 Speaker 1: important to me. It doesn't matter if you're a family 275 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,160 Speaker 1: member and I can still love you, but hey, you're wrong, dude, 276 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,240 Speaker 1: You're not doing this right. And I'm gonna just put 277 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 1: it out there, you know, because I just I feel like, 278 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,360 Speaker 1: I don't know, I feel like that. That's and that's 279 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,480 Speaker 1: even with like my books that I write and the 280 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:39,080 Speaker 1: things that I've written about, and the songs that I 281 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 1: write and the music that I record, it always has 282 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 1: some truth behind it. It's not just because you know 283 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,200 Speaker 1: what I mean. It's not just because SE meant the 284 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 1: whole in It's like, wait a second, No, if I'm 285 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 1: going to say something, it's because I firmly believe this 286 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,680 Speaker 1: is the correct thing to do. That doesn't mean that 287 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 1: I have to be an agreement. I love you, but again, 288 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:06,800 Speaker 1: I don't agree with you. That's totally fine. Sometimes I 289 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:12,760 Speaker 1: think in our families, we again tend to be like, okay, 290 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:17,040 Speaker 1: well regardless, this is this is your grandma for instance. 291 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 1: And yes, talking about my grandma personally, I'm very grateful 292 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 1: for her for everything she did when I was younger, 293 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,080 Speaker 1: for helping my mother raised me while my mom went 294 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:32,000 Speaker 1: to school and worked and she was like my first 295 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 1: mom before my mom was my mom because she was 296 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,920 Speaker 1: so young. My mom was so young when she had me, 297 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,680 Speaker 1: So I'm very grateful. I'm not an ungrateful person for me. 298 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,880 Speaker 1: It's like, I am so grateful for that and for 299 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,480 Speaker 1: everything you did and that you taught me. But now 300 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,520 Speaker 1: that I've gotten older, I've seen certain things that I'm 301 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:52,280 Speaker 1: not okay with and that I can't sit there and 302 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,640 Speaker 1: be okay with certain things that you either say or 303 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 1: that you do that go against what I believe in 304 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 1: and what I was taught. So and for Chinnely, I've 305 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 1: had to step away, as I've said before, but that 306 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that I forget everything else that they did. Like, 307 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,479 Speaker 1: for instance, one of my uncles was there for me 308 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:14,480 Speaker 1: when no one else was, and I'm very grateful, no 309 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:18,520 Speaker 1: matter what he may think now, But because he was 310 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,560 Speaker 1: there for me in that moment and during those hard 311 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,840 Speaker 1: days does not mean that I have to be loyal 312 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,680 Speaker 1: to him the rest of my life, even if he's 313 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 1: doing things that I don't agree with. And that's the 314 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,760 Speaker 1: point that I got to guys like it's like, I'm 315 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: grateful for that moment that was almost ten years ago, 316 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: and I'm grateful and I'll never forget that, and I 317 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 1: will always say thank you and I'll never forget. But 318 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:43,359 Speaker 1: now things have changed, things have evolved. I have grown 319 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:47,359 Speaker 1: and I am seeing certain things and I have the 320 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 1: courage and the strength now to say, hey, I'm not 321 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:56,359 Speaker 1: okay with this. And so many of our elders demand respect, 322 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,439 Speaker 1: and just because you're younger than them, it's like you 323 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:03,400 Speaker 1: have to respect no matter what. Um well, in order 324 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,119 Speaker 1: to be respected, you need to respect like it's earned. 325 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:10,280 Speaker 1: Respect is earned. And I have the right to express 326 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 1: my mind and express what I'm feeling and tell you 327 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,880 Speaker 1: that I'm not okay with certain things that you're doing, 328 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,080 Speaker 1: and you should be okay with understanding that and having 329 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:21,480 Speaker 1: a conversation. I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm gonna 330 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 1: tell you I'm not cool with that, and you should 331 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 1: be able to listen to me and try to understand me, 332 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,320 Speaker 1: you know. So I think that those are just things 333 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,679 Speaker 1: that happen in our families. That it's like people just 334 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,680 Speaker 1: they always see you as that little girl. Just be quiet, 335 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,600 Speaker 1: don't say anything. It's like, wait, I'm a grown as 336 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,400 Speaker 1: woman now and I have a mind on my own 337 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 1: and I need to be authentic to that, to my 338 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:46,320 Speaker 1: higher self. And I don't know if people are elders 339 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 1: know how to deal with that. And that's another thing 340 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,440 Speaker 1: they expect, you know, our elders, our grandparents, I guess, 341 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 1: or whoever you know are uncles and aunts and maybe 342 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,359 Speaker 1: older cousins. They think that, Okay, well I'm the eldest. 343 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,680 Speaker 1: You have to look for me. You have to send 344 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:06,680 Speaker 1: me a message, yes, but also you can also text 345 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 1: me and see how I'm doing. You can also come 346 00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:11,119 Speaker 1: over and and ask me how I'm doing, what I ate, 347 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,080 Speaker 1: if I'm okay, if I need anything that is all 348 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 1: like I feel like toxic loyalty guys where it's like, wait, like, 349 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 1: let's just erase all those all those traditional sometimes not 350 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 1: negative but I guess I don't know what other word 351 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 1: I can use, but stigmas of wait a second, it 352 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 1: doesn't matter. It's like you can also don't let your 353 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:34,359 Speaker 1: ego and your pride to get in the way. You 354 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,680 Speaker 1: can also ask me how I'm doing. And you can 355 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 1: also take the opportunity to listen to me, you know. 356 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 1: So anyways, I didn't have any notes for this, I 357 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,399 Speaker 1: didn't have any bullet points for any of this conversation, 358 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 1: I just said, I'm going to open up the mic 359 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 1: and I'm going to talk to you guys, and that's 360 00:19:56,680 --> 00:20:00,080 Speaker 1: what I'm doing. So I hope I can help you 361 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 1: guys out with any doubts or questions that you guys 362 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:08,600 Speaker 1: may have in regards to two relationships, family or non 363 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:12,120 Speaker 1: family members. In regards to loyalty, and now that I've 364 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,760 Speaker 1: explained toxic loyalty, because a lot of people ask me 365 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,959 Speaker 1: that through my d M s, what is toxic loyalty? 366 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,880 Speaker 1: What do you mean? I wanted to take the time 367 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 1: to explain that to you guys. And this is what 368 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 1: I love about my podcast, that I could just talk 369 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:26,199 Speaker 1: to you guys about anything and everything, and I have 370 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,520 Speaker 1: this space to explain certain things in a way that 371 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,119 Speaker 1: I haven't been able to you know. So I'm so 372 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:37,760 Speaker 1: grateful for my podcast. And without getting into too much 373 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 1: detail because I don't want to talk about this subject 374 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: too much, but in order to help others, I think 375 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:50,200 Speaker 1: it's important to be honest and to share certain things. 376 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:55,440 Speaker 1: So I'm not gonna name anybody. I don't think it's necessary, 377 00:20:55,720 --> 00:21:00,480 Speaker 1: but I have gotten certain maybe not a lot, actually, 378 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: but I did get a comment that stated even if 379 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,800 Speaker 1: you felt that certain people in your family we're doing 380 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 1: things the wrong way, you shouldn't have talked about it 381 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:18,480 Speaker 1: publicly because they're your family, and because no matter what 382 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,720 Speaker 1: they do, you should forgive them. I have a whole book, you, guys, 383 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:26,640 Speaker 1: on forgiveness. I am a hundred percent a believer in forgiving. 384 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,119 Speaker 1: Some people say forgive and forget. I don't believe that. 385 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:34,480 Speaker 1: I feel that you should forgive, not necessarily forget. But 386 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,959 Speaker 1: if you feel that someone isn't necessarily sorry for what 387 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,200 Speaker 1: they did, you still can forgive. I chose to forgive 388 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,359 Speaker 1: my father for sexually abusing me without ever saying and 389 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,159 Speaker 1: admitting to it or apologizing. I said, I'm going to 390 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:52,280 Speaker 1: forgive you to liberate myself from that burden and not 391 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 1: carry that the rest of my life. But if someone 392 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 1: is doing something that is not okay, especially in your family, 393 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 1: and you're supposed to just stay quiet because they're your X, 394 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,639 Speaker 1: Y or Z and your family, like, defend what you 395 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,840 Speaker 1: feel is right, no matter who the person is. If 396 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 1: you feel this is right, and in your heart you 397 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,959 Speaker 1: feel that it's right and you have peace with that, 398 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: you defend it no matter who it is. And that's 399 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,679 Speaker 1: where I came like this literally just happened less than 400 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,560 Speaker 1: two years ago, when I said, I don't care who 401 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,439 Speaker 1: it is if they are not bringing peace to my 402 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:27,199 Speaker 1: life and they're not giving me the same respect, the 403 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,480 Speaker 1: same love, I don't care who it is. I can't 404 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,960 Speaker 1: have that person in my life. I just can't because 405 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:38,520 Speaker 1: I hit rock bottom. And I think I've shared this 406 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,280 Speaker 1: with you guys before when I was really depressed for 407 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 1: a little bit, like for three months, and it had 408 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,159 Speaker 1: to do with everything going on in my family, and 409 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,280 Speaker 1: I was just like, what the heck? And so many 410 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,040 Speaker 1: things happened and came to light for me during that 411 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,320 Speaker 1: time of depression. During the time of darkness, I saw 412 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 1: so many things clearly that I said, oh my goodness, 413 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,359 Speaker 1: like if I don't do this now, if I don't 414 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,560 Speaker 1: create my boundaries and be very firm with what I'm 415 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:05,199 Speaker 1: okay with and what I'm not okay with, I'm going 416 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 1: to live with this for the rest of my life. 417 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,040 Speaker 1: I have to make a change. And this is where 418 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,880 Speaker 1: this happened, and this is where I decided I need 419 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:17,600 Speaker 1: to stand for what is right and offend what is right. 420 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,800 Speaker 1: Even with my siblings, I tell them when there's something 421 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,240 Speaker 1: that I'm not okay with. I tell them, hey, I 422 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,320 Speaker 1: don't like how you talk to your sister, maybe you 423 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:30,119 Speaker 1: should apologize. Honesty is the best policy, guys. It's all 424 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,800 Speaker 1: about how you deliver your message and you tell the 425 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,480 Speaker 1: person you know what, I'm not I don't agree with that, 426 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,440 Speaker 1: but if you just let it slide because you don't 427 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,919 Speaker 1: want to upset the person and because again toxic loyalty 428 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:42,000 Speaker 1: and it said, you know what, that's not okay in 429 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:47,720 Speaker 1: my in my book. Thank you guys so much for 430 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,200 Speaker 1: listening to this episode. The whole idea behind me sharing 431 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 1: my story is to help someone out there, So I 432 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,120 Speaker 1: hope I did just that from the bottom of my heart. 433 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,359 Speaker 1: I really do. And before we go, you guys know 434 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,439 Speaker 1: that I always end my episodes the motivational quote, and 435 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 1: this one has a lot to do with what is 436 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:06,080 Speaker 1: going on, what we're talking about. So here it is. 437 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,040 Speaker 1: When a toxic person can no longer control you, they 438 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:14,240 Speaker 1: will try to control how others see you. The misinformation 439 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,680 Speaker 1: will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other 440 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,960 Speaker 1: people will eventually see the truth just like you did. 441 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,360 Speaker 1: And with that being said, guys, have a wonderful rest 442 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:26,840 Speaker 1: of your week. Again, thank you so much for listening, 443 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:31,719 Speaker 1: and I will see you guys here next week. Visit us. 444 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,400 Speaker 1: This is a production of I Heart Radio and michaela 445 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 1: podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts 446 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,080 Speaker 1: and follow me cheek ease that c h i q 447 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:50,240 Speaker 1: u i s. For more podcasts from My Heart, visit 448 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,639 Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you 449 00:24:53,680 --> 00:25:00,119 Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows. The