Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, hey, Lyral, what's up?
Speaker 2: What's up? Man? What's your name?
Speaker 1: Uh? My name is Sweet James.
Speaker 2: Sweet James, Sweet James. To what do I owe the honor?
Speaker 2: Sweet James?
Speaker 1: Well, I was hoping I'm a text call your attention,
Speaker 1: and luckily you did.
Speaker 2: I don't even know what you texted me. Uh I
Speaker 2: just called this number randomly.
Speaker 1: Oh no way, I'll feel honor. Man.
Speaker 2: Hmmm, well, what did you text me, Sweet James?
Speaker 1: I forgot to be honest, it was a while ago.
Speaker 2: But are you not You didn't forget. I know exactly
Speaker 2: what you texted me. You texted me and you said
Speaker 2: your show should be canceled.
Speaker 1: Oh so you also lied to me and you say
Speaker 1: you didn't see it, but you did see it.
Speaker 2: I did. I lied to you. I lied to you
Speaker 2: because I wanted you to. I wanted to hear it
Speaker 2: from you.
Speaker 1: I don't uh you know, I felt about it that
Speaker 1: way when I first left into you. Don't get me wrong,
Speaker 1: I did. But then like I just kind of like
Speaker 1: got addicted to the show. I'm like, oh man, this
Speaker 1: is some real life ship right here, you know.
Speaker 2: Dude, I want to Here's the thing is I want
Speaker 2: to like I called you, And then there was another
Speaker 2: guy who was like, you need to get a real job,
Speaker 2: and I want to have a conversation with someone who
Speaker 2: like just actually genuinely really hates me. I think that
Speaker 2: would be an interesting conversation, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I want to I want to fight someone on here.
Speaker 2: Everything it's like it's always you know, therapy is nice,
Speaker 2: but it'd be I wanted. I wanted. I like an argument.
Speaker 2: I want to argue with someone.
Speaker 1: You see, hate. Hate is such a strong word. I
Speaker 1: don't think it's not hate.
Speaker 2: It's like, well, sorry, go ahead, I want to let
Speaker 2: you finish.
Speaker 1: No, I was gonna say, I think it was more
Speaker 1: of like I said, at first, when I first started
Speaker 1: listening to your podcast, I didn't like open my mind
Speaker 1: to what you were trying to actually, you know, help
Speaker 1: well I would say help people out, but you were
Speaker 1: actually trying to listen to people and then give them
Speaker 1: a bias if you can. At first, I was like,
Speaker 1: oh man, this this guy is just you know, I guess,
Speaker 1: exposing people in their things. But then like you can't
Speaker 1: really expose them because they're the one calling. So I
Speaker 1: was trying to Like I was, I was like, let
Speaker 1: me see what you know, what this is about. And
Speaker 1: I started going from episode to episode to episode, and
Speaker 1: they just kind of got deeper and deeper and help
Speaker 1: people have all these real life problems. And it made
Speaker 1: me think, like, oh man, Like I I'm complaining about
Speaker 1: the littlest shit, but there's people out there in the
Speaker 1: real world that actually going through shit. And that's why,
Speaker 1: you know, slowly started off getting uh, the attention of
Speaker 1: listening to your show. I'm just like, oh man, I
Speaker 1: gotta be real really lucky to be where I'm at
Speaker 1: and and appreciate the little things because some people have
Speaker 1: really bad you know.
Speaker 2: So what's going on with you, sweet James?
Speaker 1: Oh man, I I've been doing this better.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: I did went through some ship like two years ago,
Speaker 1: three years ago, but I'm doing better. Uh two three
Speaker 1: years ago, man, I I'm my fucking baby. Mama cheated
Speaker 1: on me and she fucked this guy while we're still
Speaker 1: living together, and she slept over at the guy's house
Speaker 1: while we were still living together. That really fucked me up.
Speaker 1: But you know, I got I got the press. I
Speaker 1: became an alcoholic just to drown my demons. That led
Speaker 1: to a d d U I and that was like
Speaker 1: my wake up in jail.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck, I have this kid and he's
Speaker 1: relying on me and I'm fucking here in the stale.
Speaker 1: So that really woke me up. And I just been
Speaker 1: kind of you know, I'm not saying I was sober,
Speaker 1: but I don't. I don't. I barely drink now. So
Speaker 1: it's definitely changed me a lot. And right now I'm
Speaker 1: in a good spot. I have a good job, I
Speaker 1: have my family that supports me with my kid. I'm
Speaker 1: saving the money. I'm looking to get my own place.
Speaker 1: It's been great, man, I can't complain.
Speaker 2: How long ago were you in jail?
Speaker 1: Just like like a night, like a day type of thing.
Speaker 2: How long ago, dude?
Speaker 1: I was like twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, all right, So it's been a couple of years.
Speaker 1: And the fucked up thing was that it was my
Speaker 1: mom's birthday that day and I got sucked up that night,
Speaker 1: so it wasn't a good birthday present from my mom.
Speaker 2: So you got a good job now, and you've got
Speaker 2: families helping take care of your kid. How old are
Speaker 2: your kid?
Speaker 1: He's four, man, he's gonna be five in April. He's
Speaker 1: gonna go to school this year, so time going by fast.
Speaker 1: Once you have a kid, you.
Speaker 2: Know, Wow, how old are you?
Speaker 1: I'm twenty eight? Man?
Speaker 2: Cool?
Speaker 1: Cool?
Speaker 2: And what's up with the mom?
Speaker 1: Ah, dude. I was just talking about it with my
Speaker 1: homie last night, so I don't want to put it
Speaker 1: out there. But she her mom. When we started dating,
Speaker 1: she let me live with her and my baby mama
Speaker 1: for a little bit. But I thought they were nice
Speaker 1: and cool at first, but then I kind of really
Speaker 1: started seeing what was going on with her family. It
Speaker 1: was just like a lot of trauma back then, and
Speaker 1: so I was like, all right, well, we need to
Speaker 1: get out of here. So I got an apartment, Me
Speaker 1: and my baby Ama moved to the apartment. But then
Speaker 1: I slowly started saying that she was like being the
Speaker 1: same as her mom, and she will tell me, She'll
Speaker 1: be like, hey, I don't want to be like my mom.
Speaker 1: So I started doing like, like, you know, like let
Speaker 1: me know. But at the time, I was like, who
Speaker 1: am I, you know, to tell you how to live
Speaker 1: your life. And then once we had our kid, it
Speaker 1: was it was kind of hard because she so her mom.
Speaker 1: She uh, you know whatever. She has a couple of
Speaker 1: kids sold from different dads, so she kind of grew
Speaker 1: up around that kind of trauma and I didn't want
Speaker 1: that for our kid, and apparently she did it either
Speaker 1: at the time. So I try to work that out.
Speaker 1: But it's just those people that are so traumatized that
Speaker 1: they don't see it, you know what I mean, They
Speaker 1: don't see how how fucked up their life was. She
Speaker 1: just thinks it's any other regular day, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 1: And so on. Yeah. Oh, and I was just gonna
Speaker 1: say so, like, yeah, that kind of that cycle kind
Speaker 1: of repeat it between you and unfortunately it just didn't
Speaker 1: work out.
Speaker 2: So is she still like have an active role in
Speaker 2: your in your kid's life.
Speaker 1: So we we co parents. I have him half the week,
Speaker 1: she hasn't the other half of the week. We we
Speaker 1: definitely get along more as parents than a couple, which
Speaker 1: is fine. Only the lemma is that once uh shit
Speaker 1: happened between us and we broke it off, she kind
Speaker 1: of just started partying and kind of you know, going
Speaker 1: from God to guy and whatever, each on their own,
Speaker 1: but she relies on guys financially. So she dates a
Speaker 1: guy for like three four months. She moved. She moves
Speaker 1: into their place and she brings my kid and that
Speaker 1: kind of bothers me because she just bringing your kids
Speaker 1: to random dudes.
Speaker 2: You know, Yeah, I get what you mean. How does
Speaker 2: I mean does that? Do you notice a way in
Speaker 2: which that affects your kid?
Speaker 1: I don't know. Man, Like, at first, he was like
Speaker 1: two when we first broke it off, so he, you know,
Speaker 1: did really understand. But now that he's being five, he's
Speaker 1: catching up with the world, so he definitely kind of
Speaker 1: I know he sees, you know, dudes come in and
Speaker 1: out of his mom's life. But I don't think it's
Speaker 1: been affected because you know, he still calls me his dad.
Speaker 1: He still knows that I'm there for him. You knows
Speaker 1: I'm his real dad. But I know over time, he's
Speaker 1: probably gonna go to the same trauma she did, and
Speaker 1: I don't want that.
Speaker 2: Well, what makes you feel like he's he's going to
Speaker 2: go through the same trauma that she.
Speaker 1: Did because she can't like how do I say, Like
Speaker 1: she can't focus on herself, she has to rely on somebody.
Speaker 1: She needs somebody's attention to move on with her life.
Speaker 1: Because that makes sense.
Speaker 2: You said she needs somebody's attention or like she she
Speaker 2: needs a guy who will like take care of her
Speaker 2: and her child.
Speaker 1: I guess both in a way. Like I said, the
Speaker 1: relationship doesn't work with whatever guy she's with, and she
Speaker 1: quickly moves on to another, and so on and so on,
Speaker 1: and it's kind of being a psycle now to this point,
Speaker 1: like she can't be vayable, not even for her own
Speaker 1: she can't even think about it for our own kid.
Speaker 2: You know, you know it's tough, man. I feel like
Speaker 2: the only thing you can really like, Like, I feel
Speaker 2: like you have a lot. I mean what you have?
Speaker 2: Like what fifty to fifty custody?
Speaker 1: No? I mean no, Well, she put me on child
Speaker 1: support because they needed some kind of medicaid for the kid.
Speaker 1: Oh there's another thing. By the time, she was living
Speaker 1: with this guy, and she lied that she was a
Speaker 1: single mom. So they were like, wor's the dad, and
Speaker 1: they looked for me. And now I'm paying for his medicaid,
Speaker 1: which I'm fine with that because we need a doctor.
Speaker 1: And I'm also paying for his child support. But we
Speaker 1: still copare, which doesn't really make sense.
Speaker 2: You know, how often do you see your son?
Speaker 1: I have the Thursday through Sunday, she has some Sunday
Speaker 1: through Thursday.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's more or less fifty fifty.
Speaker 1: But yeah, But the other thing is, like my family
Speaker 1: never got involved with her problems. It's always always it's
Speaker 1: always been myself against her and her family. Uh, you
Speaker 1: know she's Asian, so you know her her parents always
Speaker 1: gonna get involved. Oh they always you know, want to
Speaker 1: get whatever the dad says it's gonna go. And I
Speaker 1: feel like that's what it's been hard on me.
Speaker 2: Well let'sten listen here. I mean, I don't know, man,
Speaker 2: I kind of feel like, yeah, I know it's it's
Speaker 2: definitely hard. But like, dude, there's this like you can
Speaker 2: only really use so much, like well you could, yeah,
Speaker 2: you can only really play defense in this situation, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, Like like you legally relinquish fifty
Speaker 2: of the custody of the child to your ex wife
Speaker 2: or ex girlfriend or whatever.
Speaker 1: And.
Speaker 2: You know that you gotta you have to in some
Speaker 2: way surrender to that unless if you like, unless if
Speaker 2: you believe that there was like a legal basis by
Speaker 2: which she is like actively bringing harm or neglect or
Speaker 2: abuse to your child. If it's if there's something like
Speaker 2: that going on, you have more options. But if it's
Speaker 2: just like, oh, she's just bringing him to all these
Speaker 2: like weird guys and like he's getting a lot of
Speaker 2: like impressionable dudes, and it's just like kind of weird,
Speaker 2: Like it's not it's not enough for it to be
Speaker 2: like something you can fight against. And so in that situation,
Speaker 2: all you can really do is play defense, which just
Speaker 2: to me and which honestly is to me and exactly
Speaker 2: what you're already doing from what it sounds like, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, being like, when he's with you,
Speaker 2: you're like, I'm your father. You can always trust me,
Speaker 2: you can always you always have my support, you can
Speaker 2: tell me anything you can. I will always be there
Speaker 2: for you, like all these things that you're telling me
Speaker 2: that you're doing. He'll be fine, you know. I mean,
Speaker 2: like I don't I don't know. I don't know exactly
Speaker 2: what's going on with when he's not around, right right,
Speaker 2: But but you but when he is around, he's with
Speaker 2: you half the fucking week. That's a lot. That's a
Speaker 2: lot of time to just do. Again, dude, just doing
Speaker 2: exactly what you're doing, Like, don't like, dude, honestly, can
Speaker 2: I be honest with like this is just speaking out
Speaker 2: whatever you're fighting with this woman and her family. Don't
Speaker 2: fucking do that. That's just gonna you like take all
Speaker 2: your mental energy and focus it on like being the
Speaker 2: best version of yourself that you can be and also
Speaker 2: uh just being the best like fucking dad that you
Speaker 2: can be to your kid. Like and it's everything that
Speaker 2: you're already doing again, just like making sure that your
Speaker 2: kid knows that you're there for them and and like
Speaker 2: showing it right. But like what what, like are what
Speaker 2: the fuck do you need to be arguing with your
Speaker 2: ex girlfriend's mom about? You know what I mean? Like
Speaker 2: like if I if.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I was gonna say, well, can I tell
Speaker 1: you a quick story about one of her boyfriends and
Speaker 1: why I started thinking that way? So Tuesday in this
Speaker 1: zoo right and you know, she dated him for like
Speaker 1: two three months, moving with him right away, brought my kids.
Speaker 1: She lied about it. She said he was staying with grandma.
Speaker 1: Of course I know he wasn't staying with grandma. The
Speaker 1: dude was like bipolar, So that was one of my
Speaker 1: concerns when she dropped them off and they were kind
Speaker 1: of arguing. So I'm like, you know, like I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: well try not to argue in front of my kid,
Speaker 1: because me and her, we never argue in front of him.
Speaker 1: Uh So, you know, I thought, you know that you
Speaker 1: didn't want that around him. And one time she wanted
Speaker 1: me to. She had a slow day at work, so
Speaker 1: she was like, hey, can you can you guys come in.
Speaker 1: I'll hook you up with some food and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: I just want to see him. I'm like, yeah, that's fine.
Speaker 1: I brought him, man, you know whatever. We ate and
Speaker 1: she clocked out and we're walking back to the parking lot,
Speaker 1: and to do it was kind of like controlling because
Speaker 1: he will drop her off and pick her up with
Speaker 1: her own car, and I was carrying my kid and
Speaker 1: you know whatever she w wasn't with her. Dude, I
Speaker 1: was going back to my car and I just looked
Speaker 1: at him for a second and then I looked back
Speaker 1: and he jumps out the car. Dude, he jumps out
Speaker 1: the car, and he's like, what what the fuck are
Speaker 1: you looking at this?
Speaker 3: This?
Speaker 1: And that? All while I was trying to hold my kid.
Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, like, are you fucking serious? Like I'm
Speaker 1: holding my kid and you're trying to find me while
Speaker 1: I'm holding my kid, and then I told her, I'm like,
Speaker 1: LOI is what the fuck I'm talking about? Like you
Speaker 1: Kim been bringing this kind of dudes around him, and
Speaker 1: so that kind of started me a little bit because
Speaker 1: if he did that ship to me in front of
Speaker 1: my kid, like, I can only imagine how the as
Speaker 1: you know, when I'm out around. Yeah, and that's why
Speaker 1: I got me thinking a lot, like man, like she's
Speaker 1: just doing like.
Speaker 2: You know, I feel like I still I still stand
Speaker 2: pretty firm on everything I'm saying, which is like, well,
Speaker 2: so for so for example, right like, uh, you know,
Speaker 2: you're you pick up your kid and then you see
Speaker 2: that your ex girlfriend and this guy like screaming fighting
Speaker 2: at each other, right, and you're like, what the fuck
Speaker 2: can you not be doing that in front of Like why,
Speaker 2: Like I just like I want to fuck it. I
Speaker 2: don't want my kid hanging out in this environment.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: You're you're you're crippled by the fact that you you
Speaker 2: rightfully owe fifty percent custody to his mother to raise
Speaker 2: him how she sees fit because she's his mother. You
Speaker 2: know you got fifty percent. So listen, like in your situation,
Speaker 2: the second you get your kid back you you know,
Speaker 2: don't I the one You don't. What you don't want
Speaker 2: to do, in my opinion, is like talk shit about
Speaker 2: his mom, talk shit about like you don't want to
Speaker 2: be like your mother. You don't. You don't want to
Speaker 2: try to like pit your because because your kid's mom still,
Speaker 2: because it's still because the kid's it still's mom. It's
Speaker 2: stills mom. It's someone he loves and cares about. So
Speaker 2: you don't want to be like, uh, pitting him against
Speaker 2: her and being like, you know, like you don't want
Speaker 2: to treat it like you're you're interrogating him or collecting
Speaker 2: intel or anything like that. You know, but but you
Speaker 2: do have an opportunity to sit down, to sit with
Speaker 2: him and be like, hey man, listen just so you know,
Speaker 2: if anything happens, you can always, dude, just what you're
Speaker 2: doing already. If anything happens, I have your back. You
Speaker 2: can tell me anything I got you, so like listen
Speaker 2: till for example, like like God, God forbid, and I
Speaker 2: don't know what's going on in your brain, but if
Speaker 2: like God forbid, like one of her like crazy ex
Speaker 2: boyfriends like puts a hand on your kid, right, like
Speaker 2: I know it's it's it's a thing where you're like,
Speaker 2: uh uh fuck, I don't even wanna be have my
Speaker 2: kid be in fucking situations where I can imagine that happening, right,
Speaker 2: But but you're that. But you're there in case if
Speaker 2: he's over with his mom and some shit goes down,
Speaker 2: like he has someone he can he can talk to
Speaker 2: about it and handle it like a fucking adult. You know,
Speaker 2: he's that he doesn't feel like he's alone because he
Speaker 2: we don't want him to feel like he's alone, But
Speaker 2: you also don't want him to feel like he's he's
Speaker 2: like at war or or that he's like you know,
Speaker 2: being pit against you know, uh, each other, because that's
Speaker 2: not fun either. You know, my my parents are divorced,
Speaker 2: and I I I don't think I mean my parents
Speaker 2: are are are good with each other now, but I
Speaker 2: don't think it's a good healthy thing to like, uh,
Speaker 2: for parents to be like talking talking shit about each other,
Speaker 2: you know. So so yeah, you're doing the best thing
Speaker 2: that you could be doing, which is just making sure
Speaker 2: you're there for him and letting him know that if
Speaker 2: some shit goes down, uh, you got him. But also
Speaker 2: you know, having also in this way like for your
Speaker 2: own mental clarity, like surrendering to the fact that, like
Speaker 2: when he's not with you, there's unfortunately like limited things
Speaker 2: that you can do to protect him, which is which
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not going I'm not going to lecture
Speaker 2: you about being a father. I don't have kids.
Speaker 3: You do.
Speaker 2: But the thing about like when he when your kid's
Speaker 2: not with you, you can't protect him, isn't That's kind
Speaker 2: of part of parenthood at a some degree, is being like,
Speaker 2: your kid's gonna go to school, your kid's gonna do
Speaker 2: like your kid is their own person, in their own
Speaker 2: Your kid is in like your kid as like a
Speaker 2: citizen of the planet. Is like, imagine you have like
Speaker 2: a friend or like someone you really care about that
Speaker 2: has like a shitty girlfriend or a shitty mom. You're like,
Speaker 2: You're like, it's like you know what I mean, It's
Speaker 2: like this is a person. This, your kid is like
Speaker 2: a fully fledged person you care about that's in a
Speaker 2: shitty situation, which is that his mom is bringing him
Speaker 2: around dudes who are like fucked up or whatever. And
Speaker 2: just like if you have just just like if you
Speaker 2: have a friend who has like a shitty girlfriend, it's
Speaker 2: like this you could always tell you tell your friend.
Speaker 2: That's what you tell your friend. Hey, brother, listen, if
Speaker 2: you need something, I got you. If you need I'm
Speaker 2: your friend, I'm your father or whatever. But you can't.
Speaker 2: But you also surrender to the fact of like, fucking
Speaker 2: nothing I can do. He's that's that's that's his that
Speaker 2: is his mom.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: So don't like I just I say this not to
Speaker 2: be like defeatist, but I say it just to like
Speaker 2: kind of spare you a little bit of mental energy.
Speaker 2: I suppose do you get what I'm saying? Does ever listen?
Speaker 3: Ask?
Speaker 2: So I don't have kids that you do, So tell
Speaker 2: me if any of this sounds fair, No.
Speaker 1: It goes, it makes sense. I feel like at some
Speaker 1: point he's going to see it himself, like, oh, like
Speaker 1: you know, I'm going I'm going around. Uh, I'm going around. No,
Speaker 1: no bad.
Speaker 2: I feel like I want to hear what you had
Speaker 2: to say. But I'm just curious where you are.
Speaker 1: Oh I just got home, but my parents were living
Speaker 1: so they asked me if I had keys to the house.
Speaker 1: But okay, okay, But I feel like he's going to
Speaker 1: see that himself, you know what I mean, Like I
Speaker 1: wouldn't really have to explain much myself. I feel like
Speaker 1: he's going to see it. He's going to be like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck is my mom doing bringing all these
Speaker 1: dudes around, And meanwhile, I'm just chilling doing my thing.
Speaker 1: I'm not bringing any woman around him. So he's gonna
Speaker 1: see himself. He's gonna, you know, I see HS is
Speaker 1: gonna acknowledge it, and you know, but it's gonna kind
Speaker 1: of suck for me. I kind of feel bad, like,
Speaker 1: you know, in a way, but yeah, of course, of course.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean like it was harder for us.
Speaker 1: It was definitely hard man. That was that was my
Speaker 1: my darkest time, because she just moved on like nothing happened,
Speaker 1: Like she just didn't bring her family. I'm like, you
Speaker 1: y'all here partying and fucking dudes, and I'm over here
Speaker 1: behind the press. You you you tear a friendly apart.
Speaker 1: But I guess everybody coops different, you know, like, And
Speaker 1: it's funny because at the time that all that shit happened,
Speaker 1: or or least was uh coming up. So we're looking
Speaker 1: for a new apartment and then I was like, well,
Speaker 1: screw that, I'm gonna move back with my parents. So
Speaker 1: we're we're packing stuff, and my kid had his own
Speaker 1: room and we unpacked his room last, and it kind
Speaker 1: of me up that we had to split had him
Speaker 1: happen half his stuff, you know, And yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: and she didn't care. I'm like, how do you not care?
Speaker 1: And have you seen in the movies like how guys
Speaker 1: just chilling and like the whole entire room just slowly disappears.
Speaker 1: That's how kind of felt like, Damn, everything I worked
Speaker 1: for for family, it's just gone in the day, you know,
Speaker 1: Can I.
Speaker 2: Can I I hope I'm not being naive by saying
Speaker 2: this stuff. But can I just say this and you
Speaker 2: just tell me if it resonates with you? Because you're
Speaker 2: talking about the families split up? Uh, this I might,
Speaker 2: this might I'm this might be some hippi shit that
Speaker 2: I'm about to say. But and I but I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm just I'm feeling it as I'm talking to the families.
Speaker 2: You're you're you're this fucking kid's dad and you you're
Speaker 2: with him. You know. I grew up divorced parents too,
Speaker 2: and my my dad feels like my dad, my mom
Speaker 2: feels like my mom, you know, because they were there
Speaker 2: in my so like I have a fan. I I
Speaker 2: have a family, you know what I mean? Your kid
Speaker 2: is not going to feel like he doesn't have a dad,
Speaker 2: judging by what's up, judging by my my intuition for
Speaker 2: how you exist in his life. So whatever happened in
Speaker 2: this physical fracture that like he has to deal with
Speaker 2: and you have to deal with is is is totally
Speaker 2: a bummer and totally sad. But don't spiral into thinking
Speaker 2: that the family is is gone, that everything you worked
Speaker 2: for is gone. Because listen, brother, you're you're a good dad.
Speaker 2: That's not going away. You get to see your kid
Speaker 2: a good amount of his life. You're you're, you're gonna
Speaker 2: be there, and so you you're gonna you The family
Speaker 2: is not broken up. It's not like he had to
Speaker 2: like move to you know, Indianapolis, or you're fighting for
Speaker 2: custody or whatever. Like you're in a good you're in
Speaker 2: a good spot. So I wouldn't spiral again too hard
Speaker 2: about like, oh my family is gone, Like he's right there,
Speaker 2: like he's gonna feel, he's gonna feel in his gut
Speaker 2: that you're his his dad. You know, it's he's not gone.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: Right? Well, I don't how do I say. I mean
Speaker 1: that's how I felt at the moment. You know, like, damn,
Speaker 1: everything worked hard for I was the main provider, you know,
Speaker 1: I did everything for her. I I didn't want an
Speaker 1: kid at first, to be honest, I was the type
Speaker 1: of dude I was like, I don't want kids. Fuck that.
Speaker 1: But like I met her, and it's just everything failed, right.
Speaker 1: You know. We got an apartment, we got to the
Speaker 1: nice cars, we were financially stable. It just felt right
Speaker 1: to have a kid, you know, and we had him
Speaker 1: the first year. Two we're great, and she fucking went
Speaker 1: downhill after that, and it just kind of sucked that
Speaker 1: it ended so early in his life. And just the
Speaker 1: traditional type of dude that you know, she just wants
Speaker 1: who have a family and in the fucking house and
Speaker 1: why not.
Speaker 2: You know, Yeah, I give what you mean. I give
Speaker 2: what you mean. But look, man, you're look, you're a
Speaker 2: young dude. You're are you dating?
Speaker 1: Ah? Dude about that? Like I met some girls and
Speaker 1: you know, dating apps and whatnot, but like it's not
Speaker 1: the same dude, Like all these girls are just like
Speaker 1: they want one and one things, so they want to
Speaker 1: get back and or what do you what do you
Speaker 1: a few things.
Speaker 2: It's not When you say it's not the same, do
Speaker 2: you mean it's not the same as your ex?
Speaker 1: No, it's just it's just a girl. Oh no, girl,
Speaker 1: Well girls now that I've talked to, whynot? Maybe I
Speaker 1: haven't met the right one yet, but the girls that
Speaker 1: I've talked to recently, it's just it's just, you know,
Speaker 1: if they're not getting attention from social media or dudes,
Speaker 1: they're just gonna move on. Like it's just like that.
Speaker 2: What do you mean by that they're not getting attention
Speaker 2: from social media? What does that mean? What does social
Speaker 2: media you have to do with this? Are you okay?
Speaker 2: All right? I'm gonna are you? Are you saying and
Speaker 2: we could are are you saying that? Like you're on
Speaker 2: dating apps and you feel like, and I get you
Speaker 2: feel like the women that you're interacting with on dating
Speaker 2: apps are not really there to get into the kind
Speaker 2: of serious relationship that you want to get into and
Speaker 2: are mainly there for like dates and attention. Is that
Speaker 2: basically yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, mmmm, Like it's a different it's a different it's
Speaker 1: just a different world now, you know.
Speaker 2: But is that? I mean, buddy, how true is that?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Where where do you live? You don't have to give
Speaker 2: me your longitude latitude? But what do you Where do
Speaker 2: you live?
Speaker 1: I live in Central, well, not Central, I live in Texas, Dallas.
Speaker 2: You live in Dallas. Yes, sir, you're telling me there's
Speaker 2: no women. You're first, you're a great age, you can
Speaker 2: you can date what like?
Speaker 3: What like?
Speaker 2: You're telling me there's no women in Dallas who want
Speaker 2: to have a real relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying there's not. I'm just saying I haven't
Speaker 1: met one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just I just I guess I'm passionate about
Speaker 2: this only because I'm a big I'm really big on
Speaker 2: like what you believe about yourself and the world and
Speaker 2: women and men and fucking whatever. Is like what you find?
Speaker 2: I really feel that way?
Speaker 1: And where do you find that? I guess because you know,
Speaker 1: you can go to a bar and you only go
Speaker 1: to meet a girl to like going out and partying whatever.
Speaker 1: Or you can go to like a library and I
Speaker 1: meet a girl that goes to school and text a
Speaker 1: live series. Sure. Yeah, And I guess I feel like
Speaker 1: I'll be looking at the wrong places sometimes too.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, I'm not, I'm I'm truly, I'm truly
Speaker 2: no dating expert. But my big thing is, like I try,
Speaker 2: I try not to develop negative schemas about, uh, what
Speaker 2: the people in the world are are like in general.
Speaker 1: Wat you want to be open, you know, trying to
Speaker 1: be like, oh you like doing this, Okay we can
Speaker 1: do that, or oh I don't know. I just feel like,
Speaker 1: like I guess the type of woman I've talked to,
Speaker 1: they just have options and there's just no longer no interest.
Speaker 1: Then they just cuts you off and move on to
Speaker 1: the next which is fine, you know, but it seems
Speaker 1: to be like a psycho at this point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you might have Here's the thing is that might
Speaker 2: have to happen to you about fifteen more times before
Speaker 2: you find something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have to happen
Speaker 2: to you about thirty seven more times. That might have
Speaker 2: to happen to you about seven hundred and forty more
Speaker 2: times before you find the person that you're really gonna
Speaker 2: be happy with. But just you gotta just but you
Speaker 2: have to just fucking you have to just eat that,
Speaker 2: you know, you know, you just eat it. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean you sometimes sometimes in life, like it with
Speaker 2: dating or whatever, like sometimes when things happen, you just
Speaker 2: have to continue. You just have to keep eating it,
Speaker 2: and then while you're eating it, believe like you have
Speaker 2: to just shovel diarrhea into your mouth. And while you're
Speaker 2: like your cheeks are like coiled, you look like ed
Speaker 2: Ed and Eddie when they have the jawbreakers that you're
Speaker 2: just cheeks with diarrhea and you have to I'll be
Speaker 2: looking like that and going soon its gonna that some
Speaker 2: some something good is gonna happen. You have That's how
Speaker 2: you have to do it. You have to just take
Speaker 2: it and fully believe that something good is gonna happen,
Speaker 2: because that's that's your only maybe you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: I really believe. I believe that's so uh strongly. My
Speaker 2: I've talked about this on here before. My dad my
Speaker 2: mom got divorced after eleven years of marriage and then
Speaker 2: each of them found better partners than each other when
Speaker 2: they were in there like mid to late forties. So
Speaker 2: it might take ten years before you find a woman
Speaker 2: that you're happy with. I know that's not fun to hear,
Speaker 2: but actually just yeaheah. Time time will come, but it
Speaker 2: but it guaranteed won't come if you're not able to
Speaker 2: have that optimism while you're eating the diarrhea because if
Speaker 2: you're eating the day, because if you're eating diarrhea and
Speaker 2: then you start being like all food is diarrhea, then
Speaker 2: it's then you just eat diarrhea until you're uh, you know,
Speaker 2: until you die. You just can't let your just you
Speaker 2: really like in all things, can't let your prior. I
Speaker 2: know it's weird, right, you're you're in life. We do
Speaker 2: pattern recognition things and we take what's happened thus far,
Speaker 2: and we take ourselves and we take whatever and we
Speaker 2: use it to form our idea of what the future
Speaker 2: is going to be like. But that's not a good
Speaker 2: way to do things. I mean, you can learn and
Speaker 2: you can adapt, but when you start developing schemas in
Speaker 2: your head of like all women uh are are the same,
Speaker 2: or like the like the whole flation thing, or like
Speaker 2: you like you just you, but you just build a
Speaker 2: scheme that doesn't lead you anywhere.
Speaker 3: Good.
Speaker 1: So yeah, well, if I'm being honest, man, like dating
Speaker 1: is not really a priority right now. Like I'm content
Speaker 1: with life. Like I said, I have a pretty good job,
Speaker 1: saving enough money, pay off the ball whatever they have
Speaker 1: to have to Oh, happy with my kid. My kid
Speaker 1: is my purpose.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: If I find the person, that's just a plus one
Speaker 1: at this point, Like, I'm content with being alone by myself,
Speaker 1: you know my kids. He makes me happy, so I'm happy,
Speaker 1: and so I'm good.
Speaker 2: Ricky Bobby. Wait, you're not Ricky Bobby. You're a sweet James.
Speaker 1: I'm sweet James.
Speaker 2: Fuck I talked to another guy before you called Ricky Bobby. Okay,
Speaker 2: we'll cut that out or we won't. Whatever it's Brandon
Speaker 2: can decide if he wants to cut that out or not.
Speaker 2: Sweet James. H thanks thanks for sharing all this stuff.
Speaker 2: I also I know that you. I know, I appreciate
Speaker 2: you believing I'm here to expose people and then and
Speaker 2: then going through the process of exposing yourself, and I
Speaker 2: I appreciate I appreciate you exposing yourself to us. It's
Speaker 2: been helpful.
Speaker 1: I just yeah, I just did it to my sol huh.
Speaker 1: Well na, Like, like I said, that was my first thoughts,
Speaker 1: and you know, I just got into your show. I'm
Speaker 1: just like, damn, there's some real life ship right here.
Speaker 2: But yeah, go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 1: Are you coming to Dallas?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm definitely coming to Austin. And I'm
Speaker 2: eighty percent sure, I'm coming to Houston, and I might
Speaker 2: if enough people, if enough people want me to do it,
Speaker 2: I'll come to Dallas. Yeah, I usually did. I've done Dallas.
Speaker 2: I've done Dallas twice before, so I might. I might
Speaker 2: come back. We'll see. If I started like, really, I
Speaker 2: the material real I have for the shows so far,
Speaker 2: I'm pretty jazzed on. I still I still have a
Speaker 2: lot more left to do. But if I start being like, yo,
Speaker 2: I think this material and these shows are really popping off,
Speaker 2: then I'll probably add a bunch more.
Speaker 1: But I think you have are I think you'll have
Speaker 1: a great audience for Dallas. There's a lot of crazy
Speaker 1: ship over here.
Speaker 2: Well, I hope to see you there, sweet James, and.
Speaker 1: Be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm the guy that
Speaker 1: balks myself. I'm trying to you.
Speaker 2: If you say that, I won't remember. But if you
Speaker 2: say if you talk about uh uh the stuff that
Speaker 2: we talked about, I'll remember.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll hope. I'll hope to see you soon, man,
Speaker 1: and and and I like your work now. I like
Speaker 1: what you do. Oh, just keep doing what you're doing. Man,
Speaker 1: You're a good person.
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you, Sweet James. Hey, you too, man. Keep
Speaker 2: being her good fucking dad, all right, don't don't beat
Speaker 2: yourself up, and don't lose sleep at night.
Speaker 1: You know, I I really appreciate from the botto my heart.
Speaker 1: It makes me happy that you to hear from somebody
Speaker 1: that I'm being a good dad.
Speaker 2: And it's a lot beautiful man. Take care of sweet James.
Speaker 1: There's something I can say for the people on the internet. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, don't forget to wipe your ass and wash
Speaker 1: your hands, because a lot of people wipe their ass
Speaker 1: and then wash their hands.
Speaker 2: Do a lot of people do that?
Speaker 1: I hope not. Shit.
Speaker 2: Wait, hold on, what if you're I don't wait, why
Speaker 2: are you supposed to wash your hands after you I've
Speaker 2: had dude? Okay, So by like muscle memory. I wash
Speaker 2: my hands every time I use the bathroom. But there's
Speaker 2: been a couple of times where like I raise my
Speaker 2: hands up and I sit down on the toilet and
Speaker 2: I pee, and then I go like I have to,
Speaker 2: you know, and then I go, and then I go,
Speaker 2: and then I go. I wash my hands. My hands
Speaker 2: feel dirty if I don't, but I'm like I didn't.
Speaker 2: My hands didn't interact with any bathroom stimulus us. What's
Speaker 2: the point.
Speaker 1: Well, you see, you're you're still in the air where
Speaker 1: it's contaminated with dookie. There's still dookie particles in the air.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's dooky particles in the air everywhere.
Speaker 1: Especially in the bathroom.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, they're I mean they're everywhere. You know,
Speaker 2: when you walk every all the people that you see
Speaker 2: walking around you there and in any place, they all
Speaker 2: have assholes that have poop, have poop that particles of
Speaker 2: it float into the air.
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel more comfortable they watch their hands
Speaker 1: off of this ship than not washing their hands, because
Speaker 1: you know, you know you've been I'm pretty sure you've
Speaker 1: been there. You wipe your butt, you get a little
Speaker 1: bit on your finger, and you wipe it off, and
Speaker 1: you still wash your hands. A lot of people will
Speaker 1: just walk off to the bathroom. Off the bathroom.
Speaker 2: All right, I'm gonna let you go, Sweet James, all right, Laro.
Speaker 1: Have a good one, be served.
Speaker 2: I hope you you too. Man, You take care, thanks
Speaker 2: for calling man all right? By man, No, Sweet James,
Speaker 2: Sweet James, what sweet you know what, I'll say it.
Speaker 2: I'll say it. I'll say it. Fuck you, I'll say it.
Speaker 2: Sweet James, sweet guy. I like sweet James. It's interesting,
Speaker 2: it's interesting talking about the kids stuff. I like thinking.
Speaker 2: I like the thinking exercise of it. You know, uh yeah,
Speaker 2: I hope he doesn't lose sleep at night if you
Speaker 2: ship though, and the paper doesn't. If you shop, You're like,
Speaker 2: I'm touching clean toilet paper. Why do I have to
Speaker 2: wash my hand? I do I do it? By the way,
Speaker 2: I'm not saying I don't, but I'm just kind of,
Speaker 2: I don't know, just thinking about it. Hello, Hello, what's
Speaker 2: up man?
Speaker 1: This is wild?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, who is this?
Speaker 3: I'm gonna give a fake name. I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 3: say my name is Jeremiah.
Speaker 2: Jeremiah. That's a lot of syllables for a fake name.
Speaker 3: Well is that? Are you gonna be able to remember that?
Speaker 2: Definitely not, But it doesn't matter. I'll call you a
Speaker 2: bunch of different names. No, well, Jeremiah, how about call.
Speaker 3: Me Jerry for short, Jerry.
Speaker 2: Like Jed fake name. Jerry's a good fake there. I
Speaker 2: feel like fake names have no business being anything more
Speaker 2: than one syllable fake names that we both Okay, So
Speaker 2: if you're like coming up with an alias to trick somebody.
Speaker 2: Then the more syllables the better, right, Like what is
Speaker 2: it from? Art? Oh? Fuck Art? Vandala?
Speaker 3: It's multiple syllables, but the last name is multiple syllables.
Speaker 2: Art, last names multiple syllables. But if if we're just
Speaker 2: doing we both know that it's a fake name. To
Speaker 2: keep it, keep it simple, okay, Jerry, Yes, you texted
Speaker 2: me and you said, Hello, Lyle, I am currently in
Speaker 2: a sex Addicts anonymous meeting and would like to be
Speaker 2: on your Gecko show. You texted me that a half
Speaker 2: hour ago. Are you still okay? Multiple questions A, are
Speaker 2: you still in this meeting? And then B why are
Speaker 2: you taking phone calls during the meeting?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: Well, one, no, it actually just got over. And two
Speaker 3: Uh I that's a good question. I suppose it's because
Speaker 3: there's there's some so it's a zoom call and I
Speaker 3: there there's some readings in there that I've heard a
Speaker 3: million times. I wasn't exactly sure when you would call me,
Speaker 3: so I I kind of just left left it out
Speaker 3: in the open to see to see if you would listen.
Speaker 2: Listen, brother, listen, brother. You can hear the readings time
Speaker 2: after time, But do you do you understand the readings.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: I I think that sometimes whenever I'm hearing the readings,
Speaker 3: they feel they feel I feel more connected to them.
Speaker 3: It just depends on the day, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: Like some days the readings hit. Other days it's just
Speaker 3: like I'm just they're listening, waiting for my prind to share. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think I feel like the readings portion of those
Speaker 2: kinds of meetings is not the not the sauce.
Speaker 3: No, And I mean sometimes it is. And lately because
Speaker 3: I've been trying to go about or been trying to
Speaker 3: come to the meetings about every day for the last
Speaker 3: like month to month and a half. And most of
Speaker 3: the time I try to make it a point too,
Speaker 3: because we all take turns reading, and I try to
Speaker 3: make it to at least read a portion of it
Speaker 3: so that I'm present in that moment of the reading. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but it's definitely like if I'm not reading, I'm probably
Speaker 3: tuning out. And there's definitely been times where I'm like
Speaker 3: there's somebody reading and I'll like turn off my camera
Speaker 3: or something and go grab some more coffee, or maybe
Speaker 3: I'll go like say, what's up to my girlfriend who's
Speaker 3: in the other room, or something like that, and it
Speaker 3: definitely feels less present. But whenever it gets to the
Speaker 3: shares and stuff, I definitely try to sit down and
Speaker 3: like listen to everybody and everything.
Speaker 2: Do you only go online, yes, so you don't have
Speaker 2: to talk about it. I assumed you texted me with
Speaker 2: this information because you wanted to talk about it. But
Speaker 2: if you do, what sparked you to want to start
Speaker 2: going to these meetings every single day?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 3: I started going to the meetings in general in the
Speaker 3: middle of December following a discovery from my girlfriend. She
Speaker 3: found out I was cheating on her and I was
Speaker 3: doing a bunch of shady shit on social media, dming
Speaker 3: people behind her back and things. I'm very not, very
Speaker 3: much so not proud of things that I've struggled with
Speaker 3: my entire life, with all of my relationships, and I
Speaker 3: have always had an inkling that I am a sex addict.
Speaker 3: But it's like, like how an alcoholic, you know, just
Speaker 3: has trouble facing the problems of being an alcoholic, Like
Speaker 3: it's hard to take that first step to get into
Speaker 3: the room and to try and get into some sort
Speaker 3: of recovery and so, and I love her very much despite.
Speaker 1: All of the mistakes I've made.
Speaker 3: Despite all the lies I've told, I definitely feel a
Speaker 3: lot of love, care, and a lot of emotion regarding
Speaker 3: her and our relationship. And I think that the regret
Speaker 3: that I felt from hurting her so deeply with my
Speaker 3: addiction set me to finally take that step into those
Speaker 3: rooms and finally admit to myself that I need help
Speaker 3: because I'm completely powerless over this addiction, like how somebody
Speaker 3: would be addicted to cigarettes or alcohol or something like that.
Speaker 3: And it honestly set me down a very crazy path
Speaker 3: of discovery, even outside of the sexual addiction, like I've
Speaker 3: I am now over three weeks sober from weed, which
Speaker 3: I have not taken a break from weed in over
Speaker 3: eleven or twelve years, and I'm currently working at an
Speaker 3: autism clinic, working with kids and doing these things to
Speaker 3: improve my life and try, and I don't know, make
Speaker 3: like I finally wanted to be in service of others
Speaker 3: instead of continuing to be selfish. And because it's like
Speaker 3: a path and a journey to recovery, like I slip up.
Speaker 3: I have lapsed since being in the program, and I've
Speaker 3: continued to make mistakes, but I'm still showing up today,
Speaker 3: I actually acquired a sponsor for the first time and
Speaker 3: reached out to somebody may made a phone call and
Speaker 3: talked about actually starting to work on the twelve steps,
Speaker 3: which I feel was a very big thing for me
Speaker 3: because I had been sitting on that for a couple
Speaker 3: of weeks now. And yeah, so, I mean it's like
Speaker 3: it's like getting caught stealing. You know, you face the consequences.
Speaker 3: But I also just wanted to do this for myself,
Speaker 3: like outside of the relationship, Like I told her, like
Speaker 3: even if she were to break up with me today,
Speaker 3: I would still be wanting to show up to the
Speaker 3: essay meetings and doing it for my And there were
Speaker 3: times where like she wasn't talking to me, or like
Speaker 3: she was taking her space, and I was at my parents' house,
Speaker 3: sitting in my car on those Zoom meetings, trying to
Speaker 3: trying to do something to improve these problems that I'm having.
Speaker 2: So what how long? How long have you been with
Speaker 2: your girlfriend for?
Speaker 3: So we technically got together for the first time in
Speaker 3: twenty twenty two, off and on for a little over
Speaker 3: a year, and then broke things off around Christmas of
Speaker 3: twenty three. I ended up dating another girl, moving down
Speaker 3: south and being in that relationship for about a year
Speaker 3: and a half. But because I'm a sex addict, I
Speaker 3: did a lot of things I regretted in that relationship
Speaker 3: as well, and I ended up feeling disconnected from that
Speaker 3: girl and me and my girlfriend reconnected during that time,
Speaker 3: and I started to realize that, oh shit, I still
Speaker 3: want to be with her. So I broke things off
Speaker 3: with the girl down south and moved back home too.
Speaker 3: Well for a lot of reasons, but I mean, ultimately
Speaker 3: it was to be with my girlfriend and to give
Speaker 3: the relationship a shot after a year and a half
Speaker 3: of being a part. And then I ended up making
Speaker 3: the same mistakes that I keep on making throughout my
Speaker 3: entire life.
Speaker 2: So m h how So I mean after she discovered this,
Speaker 2: what was her reaction and how did she.
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 2: What made her come back?
Speaker 1: That is?
Speaker 3: Uh that second question is a good question.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 3: I still ponder that every day because that I'm sure
Speaker 3: is still very hard for her.
Speaker 2: Does she does?
Speaker 3: She?
Speaker 2: Does? She seem happy?
Speaker 3: I think?
Speaker 1: So? I mean, we have our moments.
Speaker 3: We we have good moments, we have bad moments.
Speaker 1: We still fight.
Speaker 3: Ah sometimes it's just about small things. But we've always
Speaker 3: thought about like kind of small things because the way
Speaker 3: that we communicate is kind of different.
Speaker 2: How how old are you?
Speaker 3: I'm twenty nine nine?
Speaker 2: What? Uh so? What? How if you? I mean, if
Speaker 2: you want to talk about it, we can. We can
Speaker 2: talk about it. Like how does your sex addiction like
Speaker 2: manifest itself?
Speaker 3: Uh well, I won't get into like super detailed specifics.
Speaker 2: A lot of it, yeah, yeah, a lot of it.
Speaker 3: A lot of it's porn.
Speaker 1: A lot of it is uh.
Speaker 3: Reaching out to people on like Instagram or Snapchat or
Speaker 3: even X, you know, like sliding into d MS, trying
Speaker 3: to initiate some sort of sexting, and a lot of
Speaker 3: it was like OnlyFans and paying for.
Speaker 1: Stuff like that.
Speaker 3: And I would do it while I was in these relationships,
Speaker 3: but I would do it while I was single as well,
Speaker 3: And it was something I was never open about with
Speaker 3: anybody really.
Speaker 1: And when.
Speaker 3: It was about it was December. It was the middle
Speaker 3: of December. We were coming back from the gym, and
Speaker 3: I had just pulled my car into her driveway and
Speaker 3: it was super snowy out, or she had just pulled
Speaker 3: her car into the driveway. It was super snowy out,
Speaker 3: and so she wanted me to like shovel the driveway
Speaker 3: so she can get into her driveway, and so I
Speaker 3: gave her my phone to hold because I didn't want
Speaker 3: my phone to get wet. And while I was shoveling
Speaker 3: the driveway and she went inside, she ended up looking
Speaker 3: through my phone and seeing the messages and seeing so
Speaker 3: much and ah, she told me that I needed to
Speaker 3: leave and gave me all of my stuff and I
Speaker 3: had to go to my parents, and uh, as far
Speaker 3: as the sex addiction goes, it'd be like seeking out
Speaker 3: that or like like the only fans stuff. I mean,
Speaker 3: like I said, a lot of it's just born, and
Speaker 3: like seeking out like sex workers, some sex workers I knew,
Speaker 3: like personally and that was a real like hard thing
Speaker 3: too for her to see as well, because she knew
Speaker 3: that I was like friends with.
Speaker 1: These people and uh it uh.
Speaker 3: And then she would also see like these messages of
Speaker 3: me secting these people, uh and like sending pictures and
Speaker 3: videos and stuff, and it escalated. I would still try
Speaker 3: to lie and hide things, and I would even try
Speaker 3: to lie about like my relapses, and when I would
Speaker 3: be they call it acting out an essay. I uh I,
Speaker 3: I would still try to hide the truth from her
Speaker 3: because I was. I guess I feel like I was
Speaker 3: hiding the truth for myself as well, Like even even
Speaker 3: in the SAA meetings, like I wouldn't be fully honest
Speaker 3: about my sobriety, and so it would be like if
Speaker 3: you know here, hear no evil, see no evil. If
Speaker 3: I if I don't see it anymore, if I just
Speaker 3: delete it from my history or delete it from my
Speaker 3: phone or whatever, then it doesn't exist. And so I
Speaker 3: wasn't fully honest with myself or with her, and then
Speaker 3: you know, problems just kept getting worse and worse.
Speaker 2: So in the months since you've been going to these meetings,
Speaker 2: have they been helpful?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I think so. The first meeting that I went to
Speaker 3: or that I attended, I said a lot of things
Speaker 3: that I hadn't said out loud before.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And hearing people talk about their experiences and their addictions
Speaker 3: and the way that it manifests in them made me
Speaker 3: feel connected to people in a way that I had
Speaker 3: never felt before. And it made me feel like I
Speaker 3: could be honest maybe with myself and with her more
Speaker 3: because there's people that are struggling with this addiction more
Speaker 3: than more than they even realize. More than anybody realizes.
Speaker 3: And I feel like the way that the world works
Speaker 3: nowadays is kind of like cultivated to these addictions, and
Speaker 3: like there's things out in the world that like are
Speaker 3: are like triggering for alcoholics, triggering for like people who
Speaker 3: are addicted to weed or coke or whatever, you know.
Speaker 3: But sex sells and the selling of sex is so
Speaker 3: triggering for so many people and make it so hard
Speaker 3: for relationships to be honest. And there's so many people
Speaker 3: that's with themselves about like what they do, what they feel,
Speaker 3: you know, behind their partner's back, or what they do
Speaker 3: in their bed alone in the middle of the night
Speaker 3: while they're scrolling on their phone, you know. And to
Speaker 3: be in those rooms talking to these people and listening
Speaker 3: to these people and hearing their stories is like, I
Speaker 3: don't know, it was I cried a lot that day.
Speaker 3: I remember crying a lot that first meeting because it
Speaker 3: was just it was it was pretty life changing, and
Speaker 3: I didn't realize how much I had held in from
Speaker 3: uh like just keeping those things to myself. But you know,
Speaker 3: you hold on to it for so long and then
Speaker 3: you kind of just feel a little bit more free
Speaker 3: after after you let it go.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean a lot of these addictions and these
Speaker 2: things like there's it's ship that you uh feels very
Speaker 2: m hm yeah, you you you hold you hold it alone,
Speaker 2: like addictions in general, Like there's a lot of ship
Speaker 2: with them where you hold them alone. And then you
Speaker 2: get into Yeah, the whole point of these things. You
Speaker 2: get into a room with a bunch of other people
Speaker 2: who you know, whatever weird fucking thing you have going
Speaker 2: on in your brain, that you can talk to them
Speaker 2: about it, and that makes you feel like you're not
Speaker 2: this uh individual with unique problems and uh no matter,
Speaker 2: no matter who you are, none of your problems are
Speaker 2: are in fact unique. She's which is good.
Speaker 3: Hm hmm, so right, I mean sorry, you go ahead?
Speaker 2: So do you are you still living with your girlfriend
Speaker 2: or you? She like you're living with your parents now?
Speaker 3: So funny enough, I was still living with my parents
Speaker 3: whenever the discovery was made and after some time. Actually,
Speaker 3: she's calling right now, do you mind if we cut
Speaker 3: this short?
Speaker 2: Go ahead? I think that's a call you should take.
Speaker 2: But thanks for sharing with us, man. I appreciate your
Speaker 2: vulnerability absolutely.
Speaker 3: Thank you for calling.
Speaker 2: Of course, take care man, you too. Hey, what's up everybody?
Speaker 2: How's it going, how's life. I'm still wearing the headphones
Speaker 2: that I was using to talk to the callers, so
Speaker 2: I'm gonna take them off, and this is okay. So
Speaker 2: this is uh, I'm doing. Gek mail. If you're new
Speaker 2: to the podcast, gek mail is when I end the
Speaker 2: phone call part of the podcast by taking a few
Speaker 2: viewer emails and reading them and maybe providing some feedback
Speaker 2: on them, maybe just reading them. I don't have to
Speaker 2: have feedback about everything. I don't know everything. So this
Speaker 2: is a gekmail. If you want to submit a gekmail,
Speaker 2: you can send an email to therapy gecko mail dot com.
Speaker 2: That's therapy geckomail dot com. If you want to send
Speaker 2: an email Therapy Gecko. Wait, crap, No, I'm an uh okay,
Speaker 2: therapy go goo mail at gmail dot com. I'm an idiot,
Speaker 2: all right, you send it email, So therapy gotomail at
Speaker 2: gmail dot com. Sorry, I'm tired. Therapy got go tour
Speaker 2: dot com is where you go to buy tickets to
Speaker 2: my tour. But I did not actually I did not
Speaker 2: mean to promote the tour right now. I wanted to
Speaker 2: actually tell you where you could send an email. All right,
Speaker 2: let's just let's read a few of these emails and
Speaker 2: then you guys can go home. All right. This is
Speaker 2: from Lily, subject line our friends supposed to kind of suck. Oh,
Speaker 2: it's an interesting topic. I like this topic. Let's get
Speaker 2: into this.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Hello, ghak, Hope you're doing well. Currently sitting on the
Speaker 2: kitchen floor pondering about friendships. I remember as a kid
Speaker 2: that my friends and I could just get along and
Speaker 2: things were kind of easy. Now that I've turned twenty,
Speaker 2: I feel as though every friend I make there's always
Speaker 2: a downside or things they do that make me annoyed
Speaker 2: or upset. Examples being being pushy and crossing boundaries, making
Speaker 2: me feel bad for not enjoying certain things, getting pissed
Speaker 2: off at minor disagreements we have, etc. Maybe it's just
Speaker 2: part of growing up, and now that we are more mature,
Speaker 2: we notice these things more. But I'm hoping this isn't
Speaker 2: just something you have to deal with in friendships. I
Speaker 2: feel like for quite a while, I haven't found someone
Speaker 2: who I just click with and isn't a mean person
Speaker 2: in one way or another. Maybe I'm too picky or
Speaker 2: overly sensitive. Maybe every human is too multifaceted to have
Speaker 2: perfect relationships to begin with, I'm not sure. I'm probably
Speaker 2: a bit blinded by nostala, But even then, my main
Speaker 2: question still stands are we meant to just put up
Speaker 2: with things here and there like this to have friends
Speaker 2: love the podcast? As a psychology major, I'm very jealous
Speaker 2: of you, as you have my dream job of talking
Speaker 2: to people stay safe, glowing regards, how nice, how nice
Speaker 2: glowing regards, Lily, I have a I have a multifaceted
Speaker 2: way of thinking about this because here's the thing I have.
Speaker 2: There's people in my life that I have been in
Speaker 2: my life for a long time who I consider some
Speaker 2: of my best friends. There's people in my life I
Speaker 2: consider some of the people I love, people who if
Speaker 2: I don't call them for the next twenty years and
Speaker 2: I call them, they'll pick up and be like, Hey,
Speaker 2: what's up? What have you been doing? You know that
Speaker 2: I there's people like out of my life and those
Speaker 2: people are deeply, deeply important to me. And some of
Speaker 2: those people are fucking assholes. They just are assholes. There's
Speaker 2: just you have Sometimes you just have an asshole in
Speaker 2: your life. Who you are They're just one of your
Speaker 2: best friends. You don't have to if you you don't
Speaker 2: have to be around them twenty four to seven or
Speaker 2: take everything to them, or you know, spend an amount
Speaker 2: of time with them that makes you feel sad, Right,
Speaker 2: But uh, sometimes it's it's okay to just have someone
Speaker 2: in your life who's kind of an asshole. I don't
Speaker 2: think that that's I don't think you should be like
Speaker 2: married or dating an asshole, or like in biz in
Speaker 2: direct business with an asshole, or or like, uh, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm talking about like people who are like really like
Speaker 2: in the every day to day facet of your life.
Speaker 2: Those people shouldn't be assholes. But it's okay to have
Speaker 2: people in your life that you're great friends with that
Speaker 2: you kind of think are jerks.
Speaker 3: It's it's.
Speaker 2: Something that you can put up with. Now the problem
Speaker 2: becomes okay. So if we don't want those kinds of
Speaker 2: people to be like our literal, like day to day people,
Speaker 2: if we want better out of our day to day people,
Speaker 2: well then that's a different story. That is something where
Speaker 2: we want those people to be people with Click with now, Lily, specifically,
Speaker 2: you're twenty so as of yours. So here's the thing, Lily,
Speaker 2: when you're twenty. As of pretty much your entire life,
Speaker 2: the people around you have been the people around you
Speaker 2: because they're the people around you. You get what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 2: when you're in high school, you're with those kids and
Speaker 2: you're friends with them because because they are they're literally
Speaker 2: because they're the people around you. I grew really close
Speaker 2: with my high school friends because we all grew together,
Speaker 2: and we all grew our senses of who we are
Speaker 2: and what we are find funny and our sensibilities together.
Speaker 2: But now that I'm like an adult in the world,
Speaker 2: I tend to intentionally put myself in certain places and
Speaker 2: situations where it is likely for me to find people
Speaker 2: who are, you know, more suited to my sensibilities and
Speaker 2: who I might have better relationships with, as opposed to
Speaker 2: in high school and some of college where it's just
Speaker 2: whoever's fucking around. So, of course you haven't found someone
Speaker 2: that you click with just yet. But also the good
Speaker 2: news is, and the thing you have to keep in mind,
Speaker 2: is that the people you went to high school with
Speaker 2: are not a sample size of the universe. They're pretty
Speaker 2: your high school friends are a terrible sample size of
Speaker 2: the universe, and you should absolutely, in no way, shape
Speaker 2: or form. When you're twenty take the people you went
Speaker 2: to high school with and use them as the sample
Speaker 2: size of the universe. It's a bad thing to do
Speaker 2: if you do that. It goes back to what I
Speaker 2: was saying to you know, I'm always talking about it,
Speaker 2: and I really do feel this way of like finding
Speaker 2: what you're looking for, you know what I mean. So
Speaker 2: if you again go into the world being like well,
Speaker 2: friendship is when somebody is an asshole to you and
Speaker 2: you put up with it, then those are the friendships
Speaker 2: that you're going to find. Also, again, balance that with
Speaker 2: the political reality that sometimes there's just an asshole in
Speaker 2: your life and that's fine. You know, you'd know your
Speaker 2: life doesn't have to be perfect, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be Uh you said maybe even
Speaker 2: you said here yourself, you said, maybe every human and
Speaker 2: is too multifaceted to have perfect relationships. I agree with that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: having perfect relationships is not We're too human to be perfect.
Speaker 2: But you should at minimum enjoy being around the people
Speaker 2: that you're around regularly. So go do some shiit with
Speaker 2: your life that involves being around to the people and
Speaker 2: being around to the people who like the same things
Speaker 2: that you like, and then naturally you'll make friends. But
Speaker 2: you're probably too young to fully have developed a proper
Speaker 2: idea of what people are capable of, of what people
Speaker 2: are capable of being to you. You know you have.
Speaker 2: If all your friends are kind of jerks, then you again,
Speaker 2: you you'll you're, you're, you'll be closed off to the
Speaker 2: mere idea that you could be friends with someone that
Speaker 2: it's not a jerk. So that's just my thought on
Speaker 2: that where we're gonna do it. Oh, okay, here we go.
Speaker 2: This is from Mike. Subject line, am I insane? All right?
Speaker 2: I like this, dude, Fuck this fucking goddamn fuck fuck Meta,
Speaker 2: fuck fuck Gemini AI fuck AI. Dude, this is bullshit.
Speaker 2: It's I hate this. There's like a suggested reply underneath
Speaker 2: the email. I think that shits so fucking annoying. All right,
Speaker 2: hold on, let me read the email. Uh okay, hi, gek,
Speaker 2: I got my license today. But that's not the topic.
Speaker 2: All right then, whatever. I'm seventeen. When I was thirteen,
Speaker 2: the day I got off of suspension for fighting someone,
Speaker 2: my mom got into an argument with our neighbors. A
Speaker 2: fight happened, their kid beat my mom with a stick.
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ. She had huge lumps on her head for weeks.
Speaker 2: I saw her after the cops got there, and I screamed.
Speaker 2: I was so mad. I promised her right there I
Speaker 2: wouldn't let them get away with that. That fucking sucks
Speaker 2: and I still think about it to this day. I
Speaker 2: think insane thoughts about how I would get back at them.
Speaker 2: I feel crazy.
Speaker 3: Ghek.
Speaker 2: It keeps me up at night. I just don't want
Speaker 2: my mom hurt again, and it hurts me I couldn't
Speaker 2: help her. Please let me know if you respond. Okay,
Speaker 2: the AI suggested this is annoying. Yet Google. Google has
Speaker 2: a thing where you can Google has a stupid fucking
Speaker 2: thing where they can suggest it suggests replies to the
Speaker 2: email Hey, it says, hey, my congrats on the license.
Speaker 2: Know you are not insane. Man. It sounds like a
Speaker 2: really intense and upsetting thing to witness as a kid.
Speaker 2: It makes total sense that you still think about it
Speaker 2: and feel protective of your mom. It's okay to have
Speaker 2: those feelings when you feel like someone was wrong and
Speaker 2: you can step in. I hate reading a thing that
Speaker 2: AI wrote, but I'm just reading it. Blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: Keep listening, man, we got you know that's fucked up.
Speaker 2: Just write the fucking I've talked on this podcast for
Speaker 2: I talked to AI like it, like it's helpful in
Speaker 2: a lot of ways, but I don't like it. I
Speaker 2: don't like. I don't this feels like weird, Like this
Speaker 2: feels like fake, weird, annoying shit, like like I'll use
Speaker 2: it to like help me fucking figure out knowledge of
Speaker 2: things that I don't know, but like with what I
Speaker 2: don't like it? Like, I don't. I don't like it
Speaker 2: mimicking being a person and like using it to like
Speaker 2: fake someone out that you replied to them. I think
Speaker 2: it's stupid. How do I get rid of this? Send feedback?
Speaker 2: How do I make it so this doesn't pop up again?
Speaker 2: There's no fucking dude, fuck Google. There's no button that
Speaker 2: I can just press that goes, hey, don't do this
Speaker 2: stupid shit anymore? Okay, hold on, how do I turn
Speaker 2: this off? Whatever? All right? Who cares? I don't like
Speaker 2: I don't like looking at I don't like what it's
Speaker 2: on this. I don't want it to be underneath this
Speaker 2: email as I try to respond to it all right, Mike,
Speaker 2: let's team up. You go get revenge on the people
Speaker 2: who fucking coded this feature into my Gmail account, and
Speaker 2: I'll go beat up those kids. You Mike, you I'll
Speaker 2: do a deal with you. It's like strangers on a train.
Speaker 2: You go beat the shit out of whoever engineered this
Speaker 2: stupid AI tool, and I'll beat up those kids that
Speaker 2: fucked with your mom. We have a deal. Uh no,
Speaker 2: m yeah, of course, you know. Listen, that's fuck. I
Speaker 2: don't want to just say what AI said. I was
Speaker 2: gonna say something similar beforehand. M Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. No,
Speaker 2: you're not You're not insane. I Your rage makes perfect sense,
Speaker 2: and you're you're you're a sweet kid for wanting to
Speaker 2: protect your mom, you know what I mean. I mean,
Speaker 2: don't go kill bill on these motherfuckers. Uh. That's probably
Speaker 2: only gonna put you guys in more danger. So no,
Speaker 2: you're not insane. You gotta go talk to a real therapist. Man,
Speaker 2: I don't know how you get those feelings out. I
Speaker 2: mean you you know, look, you're you're seventeen, You're still
Speaker 2: like living with your mom and being with her, so
Speaker 2: like fucking here's what I would suggestify were you, Mike,
Speaker 2: is all this rage that you have just transmute it
Speaker 2: into like being with your mom, dude, and like just
Speaker 2: you know, spending time with her, being there for her,
Speaker 2: trying to take care of her the best that you can.
Speaker 2: And that way, you know you're filling yourself with love
Speaker 2: instead of like rage and anger. However justified the rage
Speaker 2: and anger may be so, so hang in there, Mike
Speaker 2: and let me know how it goes. Finding and destroying.
Speaker 2: Whoever added this fucking apocalyptic piece of shit suggest a
Speaker 2: reply thing in my Gmail? Okay? Is that it? No,
Speaker 2: let's read it one more.
Speaker 3: We can't.
Speaker 2: I can't be it. All right, let's see. This is
Speaker 2: from Fuck. It's on this one too. Fuck you God?
Speaker 2: All right, I'm not going to read it this all right? Sorry, Sorry,
Speaker 2: this is derailing the podcast. This is from Donald, subject
Speaker 2: line crazy Love. Hey Gecko Man, I love your podcast.
Speaker 2: I always listen while I'm at work and it's amazing.
Speaker 2: You can call me don or Donald, I don't mind.
Speaker 2: I wanted to email about my love story and maybe
Speaker 2: if you have some advice that would be lovely. I'm twenty,
Speaker 2: I will be twenty one this year. My girlfriend is
Speaker 2: nineteen she lives a thousand miles away, and it sucks.
Speaker 2: But she came to my home state of Michigan, and
Speaker 2: it felt so natural and so perfect. I'm planning a
Speaker 2: trip this year to Colorado, which is where she's from.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I'm reading it in this accent,
Speaker 2: but this is what I imagine this guy sounds like. Now
Speaker 2: I'm a little worried for the future. But now I'm
Speaker 2: doing the accent more now that I'm aware of it.
Speaker 2: I'm a little worried for the future because she wants
Speaker 2: to move to Alaska or Missouri. I personally don't want to,
Speaker 2: especially not Lit. I personally don't want to, especially not Alaska.
Speaker 2: Too cold for me. I want her to move to Michigan.
Speaker 2: This is not even what people in Michigan sound like.
Speaker 2: I want her to move to Michigan because it's a
Speaker 2: mix of super cold and sometimes super hot. She did
Speaker 2: say she'd enjoyed it here, so that's a good thing.
Speaker 2: We really love each other and I've been together for
Speaker 2: over six months and it feels great. I'm just asking
Speaker 2: your opinion on what to do if I should take
Speaker 2: the leap and move in with her, or should I
Speaker 2: try to have her come here. Thank you sincerely. Don, Well,
Speaker 2: here's what I would do if I were you? Is
Speaker 2: I would kind of You're twenty, she's nineteen. What do
Speaker 2: you want to do with your life?
Speaker 3: Donald?
Speaker 2: What do you want to do with your life?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: You should have a bit of an idea of what you,
Speaker 2: independently of this woman want to do with your life.
Speaker 2: She should have an idea of what she, independently as
Speaker 2: her own person, wants to do with her life. I mean,
Speaker 2: are you guys going are you going to college? Are
Speaker 2: you getting a job? Are you gonna do it?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: What do you what do you like? What are you
Speaker 2: gonna do? You know what I mean? So, like, here's
Speaker 2: what you should do each You should map out what
Speaker 2: you two want to do with your lives separately from
Speaker 2: each other, Okay, and really really don't think about each
Speaker 2: other at all until you've mapped that out. And then
Speaker 2: once you have that mapped out, come together and go,
Speaker 2: do we feel like each of our individual ideas of
Speaker 2: what we want to do with our lives are somehow
Speaker 2: compatible for us to have a shared vision of our
Speaker 2: future together? And if so, then fucking great. And the
Speaker 2: details of where to live and what to fucking do
Speaker 2: and blah blah blah will work itself out, and if not,
Speaker 2: it's okay because you're fucking will be because you're twenty
Speaker 2: and nineteen. So just have your own ideas of what
Speaker 2: you want each other with, what you want your life
Speaker 2: to be as individuals, and then you might get lucky
Speaker 2: and there's a shared vision of the future there and
Speaker 2: that could be an amazing, beautiful, awesome thing. But you
Speaker 2: should have your own ideas of what you want your
Speaker 2: life to be like so that you don't end up
Speaker 2: having regrets or resentments towards each other. All right, that's
Speaker 2: this was a very serious episode of Therapy Gecko. I
Speaker 2: gave a lot of advice. I don't know why I
Speaker 2: did that. I'm in a room with no windows. It's
Speaker 2: ten pm, it's Saturday night, and I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 2: go destroy a building. No, I'm not go to therapy
Speaker 2: geckotour dot com. I there's tickets available to some of
Speaker 2: the dates. Some of the dates are just RSVP, but uh,
Speaker 2: hopefully by mid February I'll have a full announce of
Speaker 2: all the cities and all the dates and whatnot. But
Speaker 2: some some places you can get tickets to and now.
Speaker 2: But just go to therapy Gecko tour dot com and
Speaker 2: go check if your thing is on the thing, if
Speaker 2: your city is on the thing, and you should come
Speaker 2: to the shows. They'll they'll be fun. I'm working on
Speaker 2: material for them and they will be a good time.
Speaker 2: I just got back from Ukraine on Tuesday and I
Speaker 2: am working on a documentary about that that I should
Speaker 2: fucking hopefully get done in the next two months on
Speaker 2: YouTube dot com slash lyle Forever. Uh. That's it for me.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go home. Thank you guys for listening to
Speaker 2: this podcast. Ghek bless you all and have a good
Speaker 2: rest of your entire life. Weak and goes on the
Speaker 2: line taking your phone calls every night every week and
Speaker 2: goes to just teaching news your line
Speaker 1: An expert