WEBVTT - “I CAN’T TRUST MY BABY MAMA” 0:00:01.400 --> 0:00:04.720 Hello, Hello, hey, Lyral, what's up? 0:00:05.160 --> 0:00:06.440 What's up? Man? What's your name? 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:09.840 Uh? My name is Sweet James. 0:00:10.200 --> 0:00:14.680 Sweet James, Sweet James. To what do I owe the honor? 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:15.680 Sweet James? 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:19.160 Well, I was hoping I'm a text call your attention, 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:20.319 and luckily you did. 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:25.360 I don't even know what you texted me. Uh I 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:26.920 just called this number randomly. 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:30.280 Oh no way, I'll feel honor. Man. 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:34.000 Hmmm, well, what did you text me, Sweet James? 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:37.840 I forgot to be honest, it was a while ago. 0:00:38.040 --> 0:00:40.840 But are you not You didn't forget. I know exactly 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:42.480 what you texted me. You texted me and you said 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:44.120 your show should be canceled. 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:46.639 Oh so you also lied to me and you say 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:48.279 you didn't see it, but you did see it. 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:50.199 I did. I lied to you. I lied to you 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:52.080 because I wanted you to. I wanted to hear it 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:52.720 from you. 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:58.920 I don't uh you know, I felt about it that 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:02.200 way when I first left into you. Don't get me wrong, 0:01:02.280 --> 0:01:07.560 I did. But then like I just kind of like 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:09.840 got addicted to the show. I'm like, oh man, this 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:11.759 is some real life ship right here, you know. 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:14.760 Dude, I want to Here's the thing is I want 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:18.679 to like I called you, And then there was another 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:21.119 guy who was like, you need to get a real job, 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:24.680 and I want to have a conversation with someone who 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:28.200 like just actually genuinely really hates me. I think that 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:32.720 would be an interesting conversation, you know what I mean. 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:35.479 I want to I want to fight someone on here. 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:40.880 Everything it's like it's always you know, therapy is nice, 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:43.280 but it'd be I wanted. I wanted. I like an argument. 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:44.479 I want to argue with someone. 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:47.400 You see, hate. Hate is such a strong word. I 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:49.720 don't think it's not hate. 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:52.360 It's like, well, sorry, go ahead, I want to let 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:52.680 you finish. 0:01:53.800 --> 0:01:56.880 No, I was gonna say, I think it was more 0:01:56.960 --> 0:02:00.000 of like I said, at first, when I first started 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:04.960 listening to your podcast, I didn't like open my mind 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:08.519 to what you were trying to actually, you know, help 0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:11.000 well I would say help people out, but you were 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:13.480 actually trying to listen to people and then give them 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.920 a bias if you can. At first, I was like, 0:02:16.000 --> 0:02:20.520 oh man, this this guy is just you know, I guess, 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:23.400 exposing people in their things. But then like you can't 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:26.200 really expose them because they're the one calling. So I 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:27.799 was trying to Like I was, I was like, let 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:29.720 me see what you know, what this is about. And 0:02:29.760 --> 0:02:33.040 I started going from episode to episode to episode, and 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:35.600 they just kind of got deeper and deeper and help 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:38.799 people have all these real life problems. And it made 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:43.120 me think, like, oh man, Like I I'm complaining about 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:45.240 the littlest shit, but there's people out there in the 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:48.160 real world that actually going through shit. And that's why, 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:55.000 you know, slowly started off getting uh, the attention of 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:57.519 listening to your show. I'm just like, oh man, I 0:02:58.120 --> 0:03:01.880 gotta be real really lucky to be where I'm at 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:06.079 and and appreciate the little things because some people have 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:07.400 really bad you know. 0:03:08.480 --> 0:03:10.720 So what's going on with you, sweet James? 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:16.240 Oh man, I I've been doing this better. 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:16.480 Man. 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:18.880 I did went through some ship like two years ago, 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:24.359 three years ago, but I'm doing better. Uh two three 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:28.840 years ago, man, I I'm my fucking baby. Mama cheated 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:31.760 on me and she fucked this guy while we're still 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.280 living together, and she slept over at the guy's house 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:37.320 while we were still living together. That really fucked me up. 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:42.920 But you know, I got I got the press. I 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:47.120 became an alcoholic just to drown my demons. That led 0:03:47.160 --> 0:03:50.440 to a d d U I and that was like 0:03:50.480 --> 0:03:51.720 my wake up in jail. 0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:52.000 Man. 0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:54.600 I was like, fuck, I have this kid and he's 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:56.840 relying on me and I'm fucking here in the stale. 0:03:57.040 --> 0:04:01.160 So that really woke me up. And I just been 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:04.040 kind of you know, I'm not saying I was sober, 0:04:04.080 --> 0:04:06.440 but I don't. I don't. I barely drink now. So 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:12.320 it's definitely changed me a lot. And right now I'm 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:15.680 in a good spot. I have a good job, I 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:18.479 have my family that supports me with my kid. I'm 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:21.200 saving the money. I'm looking to get my own place. 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:23.880 It's been great, man, I can't complain. 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:25.679 How long ago were you in jail? 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:28.440 Just like like a night, like a day type of thing. 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:31.520 How long ago, dude? 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:33.080 I was like twenty twenty four. 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:35.840 Oh okay, all right, So it's been a couple of years. 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:39.080 And the fucked up thing was that it was my 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:41.920 mom's birthday that day and I got sucked up that night, 0:04:42.240 --> 0:04:47.080 so it wasn't a good birthday present from my mom. 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:50.320 So you got a good job now, and you've got 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:53.359 families helping take care of your kid. How old are 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:53.719 your kid? 0:04:55.000 --> 0:04:58.120 He's four, man, he's gonna be five in April. He's 0:04:58.160 --> 0:05:00.839 gonna go to school this year, so time going by fast. 0:05:01.400 --> 0:05:02.480 Once you have a kid, you. 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:04.240 Know, Wow, how old are you? 0:05:05.680 --> 0:05:06.680 I'm twenty eight? Man? 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:07.680 Cool? 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:08.480 Cool? 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:11.520 And what's up with the mom? 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:15.599 Ah, dude. I was just talking about it with my 0:05:15.680 --> 0:05:19.600 homie last night, so I don't want to put it 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:25.200 out there. But she her mom. When we started dating, 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:30.440 she let me live with her and my baby mama 0:05:30.480 --> 0:05:34.240 for a little bit. But I thought they were nice 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:35.960 and cool at first, but then I kind of really 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:38.560 started seeing what was going on with her family. It 0:05:38.680 --> 0:05:41.360 was just like a lot of trauma back then, and 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:43.400 so I was like, all right, well, we need to 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:46.520 get out of here. So I got an apartment, Me 0:05:46.560 --> 0:05:49.920 and my baby Ama moved to the apartment. But then 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:52.800 I slowly started saying that she was like being the 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:56.960 same as her mom, and she will tell me, She'll 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:58.600 be like, hey, I don't want to be like my mom. 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:02.080 So I started doing like, like, you know, like let 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:05.600 me know. But at the time, I was like, who 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:07.440 am I, you know, to tell you how to live 0:06:07.480 --> 0:06:15.040 your life. And then once we had our kid, it 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:19.240 was it was kind of hard because she so her mom. 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:22.000 She uh, you know whatever. She has a couple of 0:06:22.120 --> 0:06:24.240 kids sold from different dads, so she kind of grew 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:27.040 up around that kind of trauma and I didn't want 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:30.039 that for our kid, and apparently she did it either 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:34.160 at the time. So I try to work that out. 0:06:34.320 --> 0:06:37.560 But it's just those people that are so traumatized that 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:39.640 they don't see it, you know what I mean, They 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:42.640 don't see how how fucked up their life was. She 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:46.000 just thinks it's any other regular day, if that makes sense. 0:06:46.560 --> 0:06:47.600 Yeah, that makes sense. 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:52.680 And so on. Yeah. Oh, and I was just gonna 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:54.800 say so, like, yeah, that kind of that cycle kind 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:57.440 of repeat it between you and unfortunately it just didn't 0:06:57.480 --> 0:06:57.920 work out. 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:01.520 So is she still like have an active role in 0:07:01.560 --> 0:07:03.280 your in your kid's life. 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:06.800 So we we co parents. I have him half the week, 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:10.120 she hasn't the other half of the week. We we 0:07:10.280 --> 0:07:13.480 definitely get along more as parents than a couple, which 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:18.480 is fine. Only the lemma is that once uh shit 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:21.520 happened between us and we broke it off, she kind 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:24.080 of just started partying and kind of you know, going 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:26.640 from God to guy and whatever, each on their own, 0:07:27.440 --> 0:07:33.720 but she relies on guys financially. So she dates a 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:36.280 guy for like three four months. She moved. She moves 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:38.520 into their place and she brings my kid and that 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.520 kind of bothers me because she just bringing your kids 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:42.240 to random dudes. 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:46.760 You know, Yeah, I get what you mean. How does 0:07:47.040 --> 0:07:49.440 I mean does that? Do you notice a way in 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:50.920 which that affects your kid? 0:07:51.400 --> 0:07:53.680 I don't know. Man, Like, at first, he was like 0:07:53.760 --> 0:07:55.760 two when we first broke it off, so he, you know, 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:58.440 did really understand. But now that he's being five, he's 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:01.200 catching up with the world, so he definitely kind of 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:03.480 I know he sees, you know, dudes come in and 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:06.080 out of his mom's life. But I don't think it's 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:08.320 been affected because you know, he still calls me his dad. 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:10.480 He still knows that I'm there for him. You knows 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:15.760 I'm his real dad. But I know over time, he's 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:17.840 probably gonna go to the same trauma she did, and 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:18.480 I don't want that. 0:08:19.560 --> 0:08:21.320 Well, what makes you feel like he's he's going to 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:23.240 go through the same trauma that she. 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:29.360 Did because she can't like how do I say, Like 0:08:29.440 --> 0:08:33.160 she can't focus on herself, she has to rely on somebody. 0:08:33.240 --> 0:08:35.640 She needs somebody's attention to move on with her life. 0:08:35.840 --> 0:08:36.800 Because that makes sense. 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:42.840 You said she needs somebody's attention or like she she 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:45.280 needs a guy who will like take care of her 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:49.240 and her child. 0:08:50.120 --> 0:08:55.400 I guess both in a way. Like I said, the 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:58.480 relationship doesn't work with whatever guy she's with, and she 0:08:58.600 --> 0:09:01.880 quickly moves on to another, and so on and so on, 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:04.560 and it's kind of being a psycle now to this point, 0:09:04.640 --> 0:09:08.559 like she can't be vayable, not even for her own 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:12.840 she can't even think about it for our own kid. 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:14.839 You know, you know it's tough, man. I feel like 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:17.280 the only thing you can really like, Like, I feel 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:19.120 like you have a lot. I mean what you have? 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:20.640 Like what fifty to fifty custody? 0:09:21.000 --> 0:09:24.160 No? I mean no, Well, she put me on child 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:28.720 support because they needed some kind of medicaid for the kid. 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:31.960 Oh there's another thing. By the time, she was living 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:33.800 with this guy, and she lied that she was a 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:36.920 single mom. So they were like, wor's the dad, and 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:39.760 they looked for me. And now I'm paying for his medicaid, 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:41.560 which I'm fine with that because we need a doctor. 0:09:41.640 --> 0:09:44.839 And I'm also paying for his child support. But we 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:46.920 still copare, which doesn't really make sense. 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:50.840 You know, how often do you see your son? 0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:54.960 I have the Thursday through Sunday, she has some Sunday 0:09:55.000 --> 0:09:56.400 through Thursday. 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:58.160 Okay, that's more or less fifty fifty. 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:02.280 But yeah, But the other thing is, like my family 0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:05.120 never got involved with her problems. It's always always it's 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:08.680 always been myself against her and her family. Uh, you 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:11.959 know she's Asian, so you know her her parents always 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:14.760 gonna get involved. Oh they always you know, want to 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:17.800 get whatever the dad says it's gonna go. And I 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:20.160 feel like that's what it's been hard on me. 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:25.800 Well let'sten listen here. I mean, I don't know, man, 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:30.720 I kind of feel like, yeah, I know it's it's 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:33.640 definitely hard. But like, dude, there's this like you can 0:10:33.679 --> 0:10:37.760 only really use so much, like well you could, yeah, 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:40.440 you can only really play defense in this situation, you 0:10:40.440 --> 0:10:47.000 know what I mean, Like like you legally relinquish fifty 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:53.720 of the custody of the child to your ex wife 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:55.679 or ex girlfriend or whatever. 0:10:56.000 --> 0:10:56.400 And. 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:00.560 You know that you gotta you have to in some 0:11:00.640 --> 0:11:03.760 way surrender to that unless if you like, unless if 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:06.520 you believe that there was like a legal basis by 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:11.200 which she is like actively bringing harm or neglect or 0:11:11.200 --> 0:11:15.080 abuse to your child. If it's if there's something like 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.120 that going on, you have more options. But if it's 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:20.600 just like, oh, she's just bringing him to all these 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:24.160 like weird guys and like he's getting a lot of 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:27.800 like impressionable dudes, and it's just like kind of weird, 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:29.920 Like it's not it's not enough for it to be 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:34.480 like something you can fight against. And so in that situation, 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:36.560 all you can really do is play defense, which just 0:11:36.600 --> 0:11:39.560 to me and which honestly is to me and exactly 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:41.839 what you're already doing from what it sounds like, you 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:44.520 know what I mean, being like, when he's with you, 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:48.960 you're like, I'm your father. You can always trust me, 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:52.680 you can always you always have my support, you can 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:55.439 tell me anything you can. I will always be there 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:57.720 for you, like all these things that you're telling me 0:11:57.760 --> 0:12:01.080 that you're doing. He'll be fine, you know. I mean, 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:03.559 like I don't I don't know. I don't know exactly 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:09.280 what's going on with when he's not around, right right, 0:12:09.480 --> 0:12:12.080 But but you but when he is around, he's with 0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:15.040 you half the fucking week. That's a lot. That's a 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:17.880 lot of time to just do. Again, dude, just doing 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:21.120 exactly what you're doing, Like, don't like, dude, honestly, can 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:23.360 I be honest with like this is just speaking out 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:27.600 whatever you're fighting with this woman and her family. Don't 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:32.040 fucking do that. That's just gonna you like take all 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:36.680 your mental energy and focus it on like being the 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:39.440 best version of yourself that you can be and also 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.560 uh just being the best like fucking dad that you 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:45.120 can be to your kid. Like and it's everything that 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:47.920 you're already doing again, just like making sure that your 0:12:48.000 --> 0:12:50.000 kid knows that you're there for them and and like 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:53.640 showing it right. But like what what, like are what 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:55.520 the fuck do you need to be arguing with your 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:59.680 ex girlfriend's mom about? You know what I mean? Like 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:01.000 like if I if. 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:04.240 I'm sorry, I was gonna say, well, can I tell 0:13:04.280 --> 0:13:06.080 you a quick story about one of her boyfriends and 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:10.760 why I started thinking that way? So Tuesday in this 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:14.880 zoo right and you know, she dated him for like 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:18.640 two three months, moving with him right away, brought my kids. 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:20.720 She lied about it. She said he was staying with grandma. 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:24.000 Of course I know he wasn't staying with grandma. The 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:27.040 dude was like bipolar, So that was one of my 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:31.440 concerns when she dropped them off and they were kind 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:34.520 of arguing. So I'm like, you know, like I was like, okay, 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:36.200 well try not to argue in front of my kid, 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:38.920 because me and her, we never argue in front of him. 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:41.560 Uh So, you know, I thought, you know that you 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:47.960 didn't want that around him. And one time she wanted 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:51.360 me to. She had a slow day at work, so 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:53.920 she was like, hey, can you can you guys come in. 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:56.280 I'll hook you up with some food and stuff like that. 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:58.480 I just want to see him. I'm like, yeah, that's fine. 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:02.719 I brought him, man, you know whatever. We ate and 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:05.720 she clocked out and we're walking back to the parking lot, 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:07.680 and to do it was kind of like controlling because 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:09.199 he will drop her off and pick her up with 0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:14.480 her own car, and I was carrying my kid and 0:14:14.679 --> 0:14:16.680 you know whatever she w wasn't with her. Dude, I 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:20.840 was going back to my car and I just looked 0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:22.720 at him for a second and then I looked back 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:25.040 and he jumps out the car. Dude, he jumps out 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:26.400 the car, and he's like, what what the fuck are 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:27.080 you looking at this? 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:27.160 This? 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:29.400 And that? All while I was trying to hold my kid. 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:32.200 I'm like, dude, like, are you fucking serious? Like I'm 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:33.840 holding my kid and you're trying to find me while 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:36.880 I'm holding my kid, and then I told her, I'm like, 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:38.640 LOI is what the fuck I'm talking about? Like you 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:42.480 Kim been bringing this kind of dudes around him, and 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:44.360 so that kind of started me a little bit because 0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:46.160 if he did that ship to me in front of 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:48.560 my kid, like, I can only imagine how the as 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:53.280 you know, when I'm out around. Yeah, and that's why 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:55.720 I got me thinking a lot, like man, like she's 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:56.560 just doing like. 0:14:56.680 --> 0:15:01.040 You know, I feel like I still I still stand 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:04.760 pretty firm on everything I'm saying, which is like, well, 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:07.400 so for so for example, right like, uh, you know, 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:10.600 you're you pick up your kid and then you see 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:15.800 that your ex girlfriend and this guy like screaming fighting 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:18.320 at each other, right, and you're like, what the fuck 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:20.240 can you not be doing that in front of Like why, 0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:22.400 Like I just like I want to fuck it. I 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:25.840 don't want my kid hanging out in this environment. 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:26.960 Right. 0:15:27.000 --> 0:15:29.960 You're you're you're crippled by the fact that you you 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:37.640 rightfully owe fifty percent custody to his mother to raise 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:40.760 him how she sees fit because she's his mother. You 0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:46.119 know you got fifty percent. So listen, like in your situation, 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:50.240 the second you get your kid back you you know, 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:54.240 don't I the one You don't. What you don't want 0:15:54.480 --> 0:15:59.600 to do, in my opinion, is like talk shit about 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:02.800 his mom, talk shit about like you don't want to 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:04.640 be like your mother. You don't. You don't want to 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:07.840 try to like pit your because because your kid's mom still, 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:10.640 because it's still because the kid's it still's mom. It's 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:12.760 stills mom. It's someone he loves and cares about. So 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:16.520 you don't want to be like, uh, pitting him against 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:19.920 her and being like, you know, like you don't want 0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:22.640 to treat it like you're you're interrogating him or collecting 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:27.480 intel or anything like that. You know, but but you 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:30.080 do have an opportunity to sit down, to sit with 0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:35.000 him and be like, hey man, listen just so you know, 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:40.800 if anything happens, you can always, dude, just what you're 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:44.480 doing already. If anything happens, I have your back. You 0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:46.560 can tell me anything I got you, so like listen 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:50.120 till for example, like like God, God forbid, and I 0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:52.400 don't know what's going on in your brain, but if 0:16:52.440 --> 0:16:54.520 like God forbid, like one of her like crazy ex 0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:57.920 boyfriends like puts a hand on your kid, right, like 0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:00.280 I know it's it's it's a thing where you're like, 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:05.040 uh uh fuck, I don't even wanna be have my 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:08.240 kid be in fucking situations where I can imagine that happening, right, 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:12.080 But but you're that. But you're there in case if 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:14.520 he's over with his mom and some shit goes down, 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:18.399 like he has someone he can he can talk to 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:20.919 about it and handle it like a fucking adult. You know, 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:23.199 he's that he doesn't feel like he's alone because he 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:25.760 we don't want him to feel like he's alone, But 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:27.840 you also don't want him to feel like he's he's 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:31.719 like at war or or that he's like you know, 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:36.760 being pit against you know, uh, each other, because that's 0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:40.960 not fun either. You know, my my parents are divorced, 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:43.879 and I I I don't think I mean my parents 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:45.480 are are are good with each other now, but I 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:48.159 don't think it's a good healthy thing to like, uh, 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:51.880 for parents to be like talking talking shit about each other, 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:57.520 you know. So so yeah, you're doing the best thing 0:17:57.640 --> 0:17:59.239 that you could be doing, which is just making sure 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:01.880 you're there for him and letting him know that if 0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:07.280 some shit goes down, uh, you got him. But also 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:11.160 you know, having also in this way like for your 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:16.879 own mental clarity, like surrendering to the fact that, like 0:18:16.960 --> 0:18:25.120 when he's not with you, there's unfortunately like limited things 0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:31.879 that you can do to protect him, which is which 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:34.879 I mean, I'm not going I'm not going to lecture 0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:36.480 you about being a father. I don't have kids. 0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:36.760 You do. 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:41.480 But the thing about like when he when your kid's 0:18:41.520 --> 0:18:44.200 not with you, you can't protect him, isn't That's kind 0:18:44.200 --> 0:18:48.840 of part of parenthood at a some degree, is being like, 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:52.399 your kid's gonna go to school, your kid's gonna do 0:18:52.920 --> 0:18:56.639 like your kid is their own person, in their own 0:18:57.000 --> 0:18:59.960 Your kid is in like your kid as like a 0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:03.720 citizen of the planet. Is like, imagine you have like 0:19:03.760 --> 0:19:07.679 a friend or like someone you really care about that 0:19:07.880 --> 0:19:12.760 has like a shitty girlfriend or a shitty mom. You're like, 0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:15.679 You're like, it's like you know what I mean, It's 0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:17.040 like this is a person. This, your kid is like 0:19:17.080 --> 0:19:20.040 a fully fledged person you care about that's in a 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:23.480 shitty situation, which is that his mom is bringing him 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:29.440 around dudes who are like fucked up or whatever. And 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:31.520 just like if you have just just like if you 0:19:31.520 --> 0:19:33.240 have a friend who has like a shitty girlfriend, it's 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:36.560 like this you could always tell you tell your friend. 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:39.800 That's what you tell your friend. Hey, brother, listen, if 0:19:39.800 --> 0:19:43.640 you need something, I got you. If you need I'm 0:19:43.760 --> 0:19:47.040 your friend, I'm your father or whatever. But you can't. 0:19:47.040 --> 0:19:50.760 But you also surrender to the fact of like, fucking 0:19:50.880 --> 0:19:53.280 nothing I can do. He's that's that's that's his that 0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:54.240 is his mom. 0:19:55.119 --> 0:19:55.320 You know. 0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:59.600 So don't like I just I say this not to 0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:03.960 be like defeatist, but I say it just to like 0:20:04.119 --> 0:20:08.639 kind of spare you a little bit of mental energy. 0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:12.119 I suppose do you get what I'm saying? Does ever listen? 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:12.400 Ask? 0:20:12.440 --> 0:20:13.840 So I don't have kids that you do, So tell 0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:17.000 me if any of this sounds fair, No. 0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:21.800 It goes, it makes sense. I feel like at some 0:20:22.000 --> 0:20:25.240 point he's going to see it himself, like, oh, like 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:32.919 you know, I'm going I'm going around. Uh, I'm going around. No, 0:20:33.640 --> 0:20:34.080 no bad. 0:20:37.119 --> 0:20:39.639 I feel like I want to hear what you had 0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:41.120 to say. But I'm just curious where you are. 0:20:41.800 --> 0:20:43.880 Oh I just got home, but my parents were living 0:20:43.920 --> 0:20:45.680 so they asked me if I had keys to the house. 0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:50.159 But okay, okay, But I feel like he's going to 0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:51.920 see that himself, you know what I mean, Like I 0:20:51.920 --> 0:20:54.200 wouldn't really have to explain much myself. I feel like 0:20:54.240 --> 0:20:55.679