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Speaker 1: So this is a high class, unrelatable problem, but there'll

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Speaker 1: be something connected to it that you relate to, I believe.

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Speaker 1: So I'll go to restaurants where I know the owner,

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Speaker 1: or they want me to say something good about the

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Speaker 1: restaurant and review it well, or they know I'm a

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Speaker 1: public person, et cetera, and the restaurant, once we've already

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Speaker 1: ordered our food and we know what we're getting, then

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Speaker 1: sends over a bunch of things to try. This is

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Speaker 1: a problem. I'm going to explain why I can afford

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Speaker 1: to buy anything on the menu that I want, And

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Speaker 1: I choose what I want to eat, and Brennan and

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Speaker 1: I are out to dinner and we together decide what

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Speaker 1: we are going to get. Sometimes we're going to dinner

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Speaker 1: because we want the experience and we're full because like

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Speaker 1: we ate in the afternoon, but we're still out of

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Speaker 1: town and we want to go, or we had plans

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Speaker 1: to go, or whatever the reason is, so we go.

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Speaker 1: And this happened three times over our ASTHMI vacation. Again, unrelatable,

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Speaker 1: privileged content. But let me just I'm just this is

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Speaker 1: the show where I rant and I could have Hillary

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Speaker 1: Clinton and Matthew McConaughey on here and you guys don't

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Speaker 1: really give a ship. But if I ran to bat

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Speaker 1: tuna fish, it rates. So we go to restaurants while

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Speaker 1: we were away on our ski vacation, and the owner

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Speaker 1: will send things over. So the problem is one night

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Speaker 1: we went to a restaurant and we knew what we

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Speaker 1: wanted to get. We planned, we're going to get the salad,

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Speaker 1: We're going to share it. We got the octopus, we

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Speaker 1: got the steak. Okay, So then the restaurant, in an

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Speaker 1: effort to impress us, start sending over everything on the menu.

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Speaker 1: I'm busting out. I feel like guilty. The problem is,

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Speaker 1: now you're moving food around your plate. Now you're wasting food,

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Speaker 1: which gives me so much anxiety. So we had ordered

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Speaker 1: a slice steak to share. By the time a slice

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Speaker 1: steak came, we couldn't eat anymore. And so we had

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Speaker 1: gotten things that we didn't want, but we felt compelled

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Speaker 1: to eat them because they were sent over tar tar

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Speaker 1: like carpaccio, like raw beef carpote. That's a very specific thing.

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Speaker 1: My daughter doesn't want that. She's fourteen. She I mean,

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Speaker 1: that doesn't matter her age. She's weird things in caviar

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah, but she didn't want the carpaccio. I

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Speaker 1: didn't want the carpaccio either, because, frankly, I was eating

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Speaker 1: steak for dinner. I wasn't on like a fucking carnivore

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Speaker 1: caveman meet the Crudes diet. Like, we knew what we were doing.

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Speaker 1: So now we got the carpaccio and it's raw, and

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Speaker 1: Brinn's like, oh, she tried it, but we're whatever. We

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Speaker 1: know what we're doing, so we I had to take

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Speaker 1: a little bite and move it over, and then something

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Speaker 1: else came and what was the other then giant ravioli.

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Speaker 1: I don't want, Like, honestly, I'm not a food combiner,

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Speaker 1: but I don't need to be eating every single food

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Speaker 1: group in the same meal and then the dessert, Like

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Speaker 1: you have to try the dessert, and then we get

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Speaker 1: the dessert, and we don't like the dessert. It's not

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Speaker 1: the desert. We would have ordered your taket. So now

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Speaker 1: you give me a problem. Years ago, a boyfriend gave

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Speaker 1: me a spa trip to Canyon Ranch in the Berkshires,

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Speaker 1: but you had to use it during the next couple

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Speaker 1: of months, and it had to be used like between

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Speaker 1: a Monday and a Thursday. Like, now you've give me

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Speaker 1: a problem. Years ago, jay Z sean Carter because it

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Speaker 1: said the Carters gave me a truffle. It was in

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Speaker 1: a white like the small version of a Chinese soup container,

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Speaker 1: like the small clear one. Just a truffle and it

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Speaker 1: was on top of some white raw rice like I

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Speaker 1: guess it keeps it moist or hydrated or whatever. So

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Speaker 1: and I was before Thanksgiving. It was for Thanksgiving, like

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Speaker 1: happy Holidays from the Carters. And it was a truffle

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Speaker 1: and it was so freeing and it was amazing. But

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Speaker 1: we were going out of town. I'm like, no, I

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Speaker 1: don't have a chet. What am I doing with this truffle?

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Speaker 1: Like I'm going out of town? So it's like, am

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Speaker 1: I going to carry this truffle on the plane to

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Speaker 1: wherever I am bring it to? It's a fucking problem.

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Speaker 1: I got ninety nine problems, and a truffle ain't one,

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Speaker 1: but it is. It is. I got nice eighty nine problems,

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Speaker 1: into truffle is one. So then we went to another restaurant.

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Speaker 1: We ordered a steak. It was another night. It was

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Speaker 1: a couple of nights after we don't only eat steak.

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Speaker 1: But for whatever reason, this was this is another restaurant,

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Speaker 1: and we love the steaks. We got the steak, and

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Speaker 1: we got this salad and a similar situation, and then

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Speaker 1: we got this big pasta and it's like, what are

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Speaker 1: we all doing? What are we doing? Now? This pasta

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Speaker 1: is going to sit there. We took two bites. We

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Speaker 1: weren't in the mood for pasta because we can afford

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Speaker 1: to buy basta. It's one of the things I've worked

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Speaker 1: hard for at this restaurant. If we want any of

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Speaker 1: these items, if we wanted them, they were there on

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Speaker 1: the menu, we could eat them like we could have them.

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Speaker 1: We could have it. I could swing the seventeen dollars

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Speaker 1: for the pasta. We didn't want it, so now it

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Speaker 1: came one bite. It wasn't even we didn't want it.

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Speaker 1: So I was like what And we were paying for

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Speaker 1: the bill, So let's just do this. We're paying for

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Speaker 1: the bill. Give us you want to give us, somebody

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Speaker 1: give us a discount. Sometimes it happens too that another

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Speaker 1: table they want to send you a drink, but I

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Speaker 1: see that you're not drinking, right, What are we doing?

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Speaker 1: A drink is three dollars, like maybe it's seven dollars.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how much a drink is. We could

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Speaker 1: get our own drink, like now it's an obligation. This

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Speaker 1: table four tables away. They look over. Did they not

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Speaker 1: accept the drink? We didn't accept the drink because want

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Speaker 1: and a Why didn't accept the drink? Because I could

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Speaker 1: get my own drink And I'm not trying to be

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Speaker 1: me And it's just like you offered us a drink,

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Speaker 1: offer me like you know, a wallet, something like different,

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Speaker 1: like a makeup bag. I don't even need that. I

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Speaker 1: get those a lot too, but like offer something that

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Speaker 1: we like don't. When I buy someone a gift, it's

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Speaker 1: usually something that they don't already have or they wouldn't

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Speaker 1: buy themselves. So if you're sending me a gift in

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Speaker 1: the restaurant, it should be like here we sent over

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Speaker 1: and this is a smart thing. This is what restaurants do.

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Speaker 1: You want to kiss somebody's ass, give them a fifty

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Speaker 1: dollars gift card costs you nothing. They're gonna use it there,

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Speaker 1: so here and it makes you come back. So you

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Speaker 1: know what we see you've ordered, but the owners wanted

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Speaker 1: to give you a fifty dollars gift card towards next

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Speaker 1: time you're here, you'll fucking be You'll you'll have to go.

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Speaker 1: That's giving them a problem too, because you'll have to

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Speaker 1: go and change your whole vacation plans next year you

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Speaker 1: have to go back to this restaurant. But it's something

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Speaker 1: that feels like it's of value, right, or like we

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Speaker 1: have taken twenty five percent off of your bill. The

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Speaker 1: owners wanted to just thank you for coming. But I

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Speaker 1: don't need more food at a food restaurant where food

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Speaker 1: is available, Like if I'm in a cave stranded, yes,

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Speaker 1: send me over the pasta, I'd love it, or the

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Speaker 1: steak or the carpaccio or the tartar or the weirdest

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Speaker 1: thing on your menu. But if I'm in the very

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Speaker 1: restaurant that gave me the scroll in the book that

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Speaker 1: I get to read and order what I want, trust

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Speaker 1: and believe. If there's something else I want on here,

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Speaker 1: I'll get it. If there's a drink I want to get,

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Speaker 1: I'll get it. Now you're giving me an extra drink.

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Speaker 1: I have to order to be polite, go over, say

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Speaker 1: hello to you. Now I'm doing it. Appearance I don't

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Speaker 1: want it. I don't want it. I want it's like

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Speaker 1: anything else. I want the food for free, or I'll

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Speaker 1: choose what I want. I don't want these bizarre in betweens.

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Speaker 1: That's why I don't borrow. I don't borrow from designers,

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Speaker 1: because you know what. They send you something, you get

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Speaker 1: to wear it, you send it back. I feel like

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Speaker 1: a loser. Oh thank you. I'm so grubby and desperate

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Speaker 1: that you're sending something to my house. I'm gonna look

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Speaker 1: through it and I'm gonna wear it. I'm giving it back.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely not. You send something into this house, you never

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Speaker 1: see it again. Okay, you send it through the mail.

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Speaker 1: I could give it away, I could paint in it.

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Speaker 1: It's not coming back, So don't send me. I don't

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Speaker 1: want it. I don't want to borrow anything. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to borrow your man and I don't want to

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Speaker 1: borrow your dress. And I don't want to borrow your necklace.

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Speaker 1: I'm buying or I'm taking period. Give it, send it

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Speaker 1: over here. It is free game. Also, they send you

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Speaker 1: something over then you gotta get it altered. You altered

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Speaker 1: it to yourself. You're giving it back, double degrading. I

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Speaker 1: am not a borrower. Ask anyone, Ask anyone. I remember

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Speaker 1: Christian Siriano, they gave me a yellow dress. He said,

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Speaker 1: keep it. One time? One time did I borrow? I

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Speaker 1: mean from my oscar to the rent it because it

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Speaker 1: was last minute for an event that I didn't know

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Speaker 1: I was going to. But it's it's like that is

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Speaker 1: like that's as rare as an apocalypse, like that that

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Speaker 1: doesn't happen. So yeah, you say. And also a Cadillac

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Speaker 1: sends something into the driveway for me to look at it,

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Speaker 1: and I didn't even like that. You send and Bronco, Bronco,

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Speaker 1: I have multiple Broncos. Bronco wanted to send a car

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Speaker 1: for here for a month. What what do I get to, like,

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Speaker 1: have sex with your husband from and then give him back.

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Speaker 1: I don't want either of those things. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to Bronco. You send a Bronco on my driveway, I'm

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Speaker 1: keeping it. That's it. Don't send it. I don't even

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Speaker 1: want all this shit too. Let's talk about all the

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Speaker 1: shit in my house. It has become a situation where

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Speaker 1: I don't want to go out of town. I come home.

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Speaker 1: Is all the shit? How do they have my address?

180
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Speaker 1: Because the same pr companies are sending it, and I've

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Speaker 1: sent to them all. I don't want it. I don't

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Speaker 1: want it. If I want it, I'll tell you I

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Speaker 1: want I don't want it. I don't want any of

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Speaker 1: the shit. So I went out one night with someone

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Speaker 1: and we accidentally ordered the same appetizer. I'm never gonna

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Speaker 1: get over that. I don't care if we just met,

187
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Speaker 1: if we're sleeping together, if we're best friends, if you're

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Speaker 1: my child, I'm sitting at dinner with you, We're not

189
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Speaker 1: ordering the same thing. That's bizarre. And whenever I see

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Speaker 1: couples that get the same entre, like Valentine's Day and

191
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Speaker 1: they both got the same entre unless there are three

192
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Speaker 1: things on the menu, it's like a preface. I look

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Speaker 1: at them like, wow, you must really hate each other,

194
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Speaker 1: Like how are you not sharing the thing? And then

195
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Speaker 1: trying something else? I don't understand it. It was an accident.

196
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Speaker 1: Maybe the guy wasn't paying attention to what I ordered,

197
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Speaker 1: but he ordered the same thing as I did. What

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Speaker 1: are you fucking talking about? Like we could share it,

199
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Speaker 1: you could have half of mine, like or take a bite,

200
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Speaker 1: Like you're gonna order the same thing that means we're

201
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:53,040
Speaker 1: getting like no sample size of this restaurant. Like there's

202
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Speaker 1: all this choice and we're both getting the same thing.

203
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Speaker 1: Like I'm okay, I'll sacrifice what I got. I'll get

204
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Speaker 1: some something less desirable to me to not have what

205
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Speaker 1: you're having. I'll have what she's having that died with

206
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Speaker 1: Harry met Sally. No, you won't have what I'm having.

207
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Speaker 1: I fucking said at first, you're not getting it. Get

208
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Speaker 1: something else, figure it out. Absolutely not. You're a sociopath?

209
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Speaker 1: Are you crazy? What? I'll never go out with you again.

210
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Speaker 1: You got the same thing as I did. We didn't

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Speaker 1: even have a meeting about it. This is weird. This

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Speaker 1: will never work. It's either like this will never work

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Speaker 1: or I want a divorce. Like if someone after years

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Speaker 1: of being with me, ordered the same thing as I did,

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Speaker 1: I'd be like, wow, we are not in a good place.

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Speaker 1: And someone who I just met up being like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I like the whatever what were you thinking? What were

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Speaker 1: you thinking? What are you thinking? Britta and I we

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Speaker 1: have a meeting the way, what are you thinking? What

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Speaker 1: do you like? Okay? You make some deals? I like this,

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Speaker 1: you like that? What even if I'm with ten people?

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Speaker 1: I told you guys. On the Housewives, I was the

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Speaker 1: one who always ordered for everyone. What does everybody definitely want?

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Speaker 1: Let's throw that into the mix. So I want the

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Speaker 1: frying calin Mari, I want this, okay. So those are

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Speaker 1: definitely happening, you guys. Those are your ride or dies

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Speaker 1: and the rest are like, no, we don't. It's fine,

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Speaker 1: it's a flow. I'm like, okay, cool, it's a flow.

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Speaker 1: Same thing with Britain, Like what do we She's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I really want them iron that and it's a negotiation,

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Speaker 1: Like but okay. But then she's like, well, how did

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Speaker 1: I get this and you get that? And we split that?

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Speaker 1: Mmm okay, Like that's what I undered. That's a bit.

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Speaker 1: Let's like running a restaurant culinary business, like of idering.

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Speaker 1: So we can try more, we can blanket more of

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Speaker 1: the surface. Like here's how we'll go. We sit down.

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Speaker 1: She's like, oh, I like the Barada. I'm not feeling

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Speaker 1: barada the chops said. She's like, okay, all right, the

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Speaker 1: CHOP's out. I could do that, like it's a negotiation. Okay.

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Speaker 1: But now I got to get her back on the main.

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Speaker 1: So she's like, I'm not in the mood for scallops tonight.

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Speaker 1: She made that very clear a couple of times, like

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Speaker 1: I wanted the scalps badly, I'm not in the mood. Okay, fine,

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Speaker 1: then what do you want to do? What do you

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Speaker 1: want to do? What do you want to do? Fine?

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Speaker 1: You told me what you didn't want. Put something into

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Speaker 1: the table, put your chips up. What do you want?

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Speaker 1: So she's like, all right, but I would split the

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Speaker 1: steak of the roast chicken. But the roast chicken we

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Speaker 1: could eat it all. Like, I feel like we're not

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Speaker 1: getting resticken. I don't eat lamb at home, pork whatever.

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Speaker 1: The slice steak, I make it home, but not as much.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, fine, fine, okay, no problem. She's like,

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Speaker 1: I really don't want the chili robbed. I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: no problem, we can get the regular steaks. Negotiation. What

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Speaker 1: about the sides? The sides spinach of the broccolini. I

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Speaker 1: could rather the broccoli, no problem. You know why because

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Speaker 1: I chose the salad and she didn't want this. Guy like,

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Speaker 1: it's a negotiation. Same thing with the dessert. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: fucking sociopaths order like duplicate meals. I'd rather be home alone,