WEBVTT - Are You Enough? with special guest host Derek Hough 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.000 To us out. Brother, This is How Men Think with 0:00:03.200 --> 0:00:06.280 brooks Like and Gavin to grab and I heard radio 0:00:06.320 --> 0:00:10.360 podcast how do you everybody? My name is brooks Like 0:00:10.640 --> 0:00:14.240 and welcome to another episode of How Men Think. This 0:00:14.320 --> 0:00:18.120 is a Leaner addition. Thank you you noticed? Yeah, buddy, 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:21.840 you look that's Dmitri. You look fantastic, buddy. But when 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:24.880 I say Leaner, I'm not only referring to your extremely 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:28.360 beautiful physique, my man, I'm also referring to the fact 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:31.600 that Rick is gone. We're dropping like fly, We're dropping 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:34.680 like five. Rick is in Alaska, Gavin's on tour, and 0:00:34.720 --> 0:00:39.120 then Ryan's appendix just decided to explode. Ye. Well, what 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:41.479 happened was he you know how he's competitive with you. 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:43.680 He heard that you still had your appendix, so he 0:00:43.720 --> 0:00:45.600 took his out. It was I was actually going to 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:47.760 text text him. I got another one up on you. 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:50.360 I have an appendix you don't know, but I didn't 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:53.280 think it was quite time. He's still on the hospital, man, 0:00:53.400 --> 0:00:56.000 so I'll maybe let that wait till he comes back 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:59.040 in studio. But it's just you and me today, buddy. 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:02.600 We're rapping um. And so with the Leaner edition, we 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:06.520 decided to bring in a very esteemed and special guest, 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:11.560 very special, indeed, and one that you know quite well, 0:01:11.720 --> 0:01:15.400 one that I know very well. He is Let's see 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:18.360 if you can guess this. He is a world champion dancer. 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:22.640 Me uh not you okay okay, at the age of nineteen. 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.600 A world champion dancer. He is a two time Emmy 0:01:25.680 --> 0:01:30.679 Award winner and nine time nomination nine nominations for an Emmy. 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:34.160 He is a six time Dancing with the Stars champion 0:01:34.400 --> 0:01:38.680 six freaking times, six times. He's also current judge on 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:42.560 World of Dance on NBC. He's a he has his 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:46.520 own tour, dance tour. He's also a celebrated author. I 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:48.880 could go on for days about this guy. He's also 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:52.680 my most favorite thing. My brother in law, Mr. Derek 0:01:53.160 --> 0:02:00.160 Huff is here. That's my best intro. I do you 0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:03.560 bring family? And he doesn't really do it. Notice, say, Dmitri, 0:02:03.640 --> 0:02:06.440 you didn't get that intro. I got spelled or whatever, 0:02:06.480 --> 0:02:09.560 and then this resume comes flying down. Yeah. Man, No, 0:02:09.680 --> 0:02:11.639 I'm I'm happy to be here. Man, I'm happy to 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:14.239 be here, and and it's uh yeah, I'm excited it. 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:17.320 Let's get talking talking. I wanted, but I just wanted 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:18.760 before we start. I want to say that this is 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:20.880 because Derek has done all of that stuff. I don't 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:22.560 want my brother in laws at home thinking like was 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:25.680 it brother in law day? And you didn't strictly because 0:02:25.680 --> 0:02:28.160 he's way better than you. Guys, how many brother in 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:32.520 law to Okay, well, Derek has four, he's got four. 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:38.760 Brooks your favorite. Yes, um, I mean we're very close. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:40.800 By the way, it's it's a common question to be 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:42.760 asked like who's your favorite sister, who's your favorite this? 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:45.320 And I'm like, I gotta I gotta be very uh 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:49.360 very politically correct on that one. But I will say 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:52.480 we have, we were very I'd say we're very close. 0:02:52.520 --> 0:02:54.240 We spent a lot of time together. We have spent 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:56.800 in the past a lot of time together, been living 0:02:56.880 --> 0:03:00.680 together until recently when you moved out. But very similar 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:02.560 in age. You're the same age as my younger brother. 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:05.040 It was two years younger than me. So we have 0:03:05.639 --> 0:03:08.280 hit it off as brothers, and our relationship has certainly 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:10.480 grown and expanded. And now it's which is which is 0:03:10.560 --> 0:03:13.680 kind of crazy because the thing is with Brooks and I, um, 0:03:13.880 --> 0:03:19.040 we are we were sort of polar opposites, um, you know, uh, 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:22.040 just just in sort of the way we've lived their 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:27.720 lives and just sort of our environments were so so different. Um, 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:29.400 and so it was kind of it was interesting having 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:32.040 him joined the family, and it was sort of like, oh, 0:03:32.240 --> 0:03:34.680 this is this is awesome. You know, this is great. 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:37.040 And I mean, how is it for you? How is 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:39.120 it for you joining the family because you're here, Because 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:41.520 here's the thing. Here's the thing. There's so many there's 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:44.720 so much, so many women in my family, so many 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:49.360 they are like the dominant force, you know. And uh 0:03:49.480 --> 0:03:51.560 and usually, to be honest with you, the the guys 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:54.680 who you know joined the family kind of kind of 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:56.680 go with the flow. They just kind of like okay, 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:58.480 yeah yeah. And Brooks kind of you've got a locker 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:01.160 room hockey guy who just comes back. He was like, Yo, 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:02.760 this is why I live my life. This is what 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:05.800 I do. Boom uh No, we're not doing that. And 0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:08.000 I was like, yo, that's what he did to us too, 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:12.400 Like what is this He's he's being defiant towards this, 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:17.240 this sort of like this pack of seriously and I 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:20.440 was like, yeah, respect, I like this, what is this? Okay? 0:04:20.760 --> 0:04:22.919 And then your sisters were like, Derek, be quiet. Yeah. 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:25.080 But the first the first time I met all the 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:27.560 sisters at once was at court a Lane. So we 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:31.240 went to the your grandparents house boat hurricane. Oh my god. 0:04:31.240 --> 0:04:34.119 It was four sisters and there was just one talking 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:35.440 over the other, over the other, over the other. And 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:37.440 I just looked at this. I was like, this is 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:40.160 this is worse than a five on five hockey fight. 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:44.040 Sometimes we have a line Sometimes we have a line 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:46.800 brawl where all five guys fight all five guys. And 0:04:46.839 --> 0:04:49.160 there was more intensity in this conversation that I went, 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:51.720 It's it's pretty amazy. But the thing is, and especially 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:53.400 if you're not used to it, because when you're you know, 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:56.600 as I call it a beautiful hurricane, because they're all beautiful. 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:59.240 They're all wonderful, um, you know, human beings. But it 0:04:59.320 --> 0:05:01.560 is different. And so Brooks coming in with the dynamic 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:04.560 of like just kind of honestly like a man's man, 0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:08.080 you know, like a fish play hockey, you know, buh 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:10.400 blah blah blah boom. Um. It was different. We were 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:12.640 just polar opposites. I feel like, you know, I had 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:16.039 sort of been raised by women my whole life, Um, 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:20.000 dancing with women, coached by women, like just surrounded by 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:22.560 and it's been amazing. It's been incredible. But then to 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:26.480 have that sort of um, that influence, that sort of uh, 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:30.880 I don't know, example of just like a dude, UM, 0:05:31.040 --> 0:05:35.160 definitely has been super beneficial to me. Uh, to this 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:38.080 whole sort of relationship that we've we've built and grown 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:40.200 and stuff. It's been awesome. I appreciate your brother and 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:42.599 right back at you because I needed a lot of 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:46.040 the lessons that I've learned through you and your sisters 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:49.600 and being in the family, because coming from coming from 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:51.240 I was my whole life. I spend in the locker room, 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:54.560 so twenty three dudes, dudes, a lot of them alpha males. 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:56.720 It was just the environment I was in. So I 0:05:56.760 --> 0:05:58.240 was actually I looked at you, and I was like, Damn, 0:05:58.320 --> 0:06:01.480 that guy's got the life. He spends his life around dancers, 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:04.599 around beautiful women. I spend my life around naked dudes 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:06.960 all day long. You know, Like, why did I choose 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:15.000 this path plus hockey plus the locker room? But it 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:17.839 was it was I've learned so much from d and 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:21.919 I think, um, we really balanced each other out a lot. 0:06:22.120 --> 0:06:25.880 I learned a lot about how to be in contact 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:27.599 with how to even speak with women. Is there an 0:06:27.640 --> 0:06:30.000 example you would be willing to share. Well, our first 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:32.720 the first time so we met and stuff through so 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:35.800 I through Julianne. We met, and then the first day 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:38.320 that I went to his house to your old condo 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:39.800 to hang out, like d and I are going to 0:06:39.880 --> 0:06:42.479 hang out just as dudes, one on one. UM, We're 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:44.200 just chit chatting. And he I noticed he was like 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:45.720 a little flustered, and I was like, what's up, dude? 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:47.359 He's just like, is that a hard day? Had a 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:49.240 hard more than just a bunch of stuff went wrong 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:51.000 and I just had to like have a tear and 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:52.840 get it out and stuff. And I was like it 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:55.200 just caught me by it. I was like, whoa, that's 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:58.760 a beer or here, um, but I was like, I 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:00.719 don't know what to do with out. I never hear 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:04.240 that in a locker room, Like most guys would say 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:06.760 the F word and stuff it and move on and whatever. 0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:08.560 That was the type of guy I was around. But 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:12.520 here was a guy that that expressed his emotions, which 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:14.040 was brand new to me. And I was a deer 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:16.280 in a headlight because I had never done it. And 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.600 now if I look at my life now, that was 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:22.200 a kickstarter for me to be able to now emotionally 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:26.120 express myself. Um, but before that, I was I was 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:29.120 cold blooded. I didn't make uncomfortable that he was willing 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:32.000 to cry and express that. That was how he dealt 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:35.040 with whatever was going on. Let's not's not say he 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:42.200 cried here, but he's just like he had by a 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:44.920 sad clown. By the way, how by the way, how 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:47.240 awesome though, how he's like trying to like he's like, 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:49.160 hey man, he was he was still he was still okay. 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:51.520 But no, let's be honest, I was crying. I was 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:56.480 like in fetal position like no, but um but no. 0:07:56.680 --> 0:07:59.160 It's interesting because it is I've even seen sort of 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:01.200 like and it's something we kind of talk about a 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:04.240 little bit too, like you know, what is okay and 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:07.240 acceptable or or perceived to be acceptable from like sort 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:11.440 of the traditional masculinity, right and and at least for me, 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:14.920 I feel like I've been fortunate too, you know, express 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:18.120 myself because I've been around women who you know, have 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:21.160 no problem doing that whatsoever. So it comes very natural 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:23.960 to me. Um, And it is like letting off sort 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:25.520 of pressure off you know, the gauge, you know, if 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:27.880 something is holding I'm holding something in I can release 0:08:27.920 --> 0:08:31.600 it um. But it it is interesting seeing like I 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:34.880 have seen sort of a massive sort of growth and 0:08:35.000 --> 0:08:39.679 change in that within you. But at least for me again, 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:41.600 it was almost I was almost like too far on 0:08:41.600 --> 0:08:43.240 that spectrum, you know what I mean, I almost like 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:46.000 it was just almost too much. And so to be 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:48.800 able to sort of have this sort of almost like 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:51.439 structure you know of Brooks sort of in my life 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:54.720 and you know, in my sort of environment and even 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:57.080 living with him and having the routines that he has, 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:00.720 it was like, oh man, this is I actually started 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:04.880 feeling a little bit more like my not like true self, 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:08.600 but kind of getting connected back to that like masculine Yeah, 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:11.920 that energy, right energy. So it's like, you know, because 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:13.480 you both have you have both energies right, like the 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:16.480 masculing feminine you know, and whatever it might be. But 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:19.679 I was definitely like off balance, you know what I mean. 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:22.960 I was a little off balance. I I wished too 0:09:23.000 --> 0:09:25.160 we both were right and sounds like you guys needed 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:29.920 each other. We did, We did. It was something very much. 0:09:29.960 --> 0:09:33.319 So dude, I think I believe that anything in an extreme. 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:38.520 It is an imbalance, and I was extremely unemotional to 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:41.199 the point where it affected my relationships. I was unable 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:45.480 to emotionally connect with somebody. My whole life was about competition, 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:49.920 about sensory deprivation, stuffing emotions, so that it was unfazed 0:09:49.960 --> 0:09:52.600 in competition, stuffing pain. So I was unfazed and can 0:09:52.679 --> 0:09:56.200 continue on um. But I don't think that's healthy and 0:09:56.280 --> 0:10:00.920 being cultured like that, undoubtedly it bleeds into to other 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:03.160 areas of your life. So maybe it serves you well 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:05.920 in your sport, which it at some point did for me, 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:09.320 but it also inhibited any sort of personal connection or relationship. 0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:11.720 And for the bulk of that ten years until I 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:14.839 met Julianne Derrick's sister, I was I was basically single. 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:17.200 I was unable to connect with somebody. You know, it's interesting, 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:19.160 It just kind of brought this up a little bit. 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:22.520 But like just because you we're talking about relationships and 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:25.400 you're talking about connecting. You know, it's interesting when I 0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:27.960 look back and I realized during my sort of like 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:29.960 single years, I guess you could say I was on 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:33.000 Dance with the Stars and I was teaching these women 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:35.120 how to dance. I was connecting with them. I'm working 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:37.760 with them, you know, all day, seven days a week 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:40.920 for months at a time, and I get so connected 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:43.720 with them it is like a relationship. So I felt 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:48.920 like I was like satisfying the connection part with them. 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:50.959 But um, and so I don't I didn't feel like 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:54.320 I could ever like fully connect to an actual like 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:56.800 girlfriend or somebody like that on a deep or deeper level, 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:58.160 you know what I mean. It was almost like it 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:01.080 was like met through where with them, and then it 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:04.199 was like I would go home and does this makes sense? 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:08.080 I don't. I don't think it was. And it kind 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:12.400 of reminded me a little bit because and at least 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:13.920 for me, that the biggest change in my life has 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:15.800 been being in a community relationship for a long period 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:18.360 of time. It's been a massive, you know change, and 0:11:18.360 --> 0:11:20.920 it's been wonderful. It's been incredible. I love it so much. 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:22.960 And and it was something I was actually kind of 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:26.440 fearful of at the beginning. Um, And I think that 0:11:26.520 --> 0:11:27.920 and I kind of used this as a sort of 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:30.400 an example. But my buddy was saying, like, oh, I 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:33.360 can't you know, I can't have a whole of relationship, 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:35.480 you know, I'm always dating somebody new all the time, 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:38.400 and you can see he really wants something. And I 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:40.280 was kind of reflecting back on my time one dance 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:41.600 at the Stars where I was like I was almost 0:11:41.600 --> 0:11:43.920 having these bite size relationships. It was like bite size. 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:49.080 Its almost like the appetizers small pretty much, you know, 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:51.000 and we were never dating, but it was like it 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:54.120 was still like a relationship, right, so probably you're probably 0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:57.840 getting something out of it to fulfillment absolutely. And it 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:00.000 was only really when I was like I left the show. 0:12:00.000 --> 0:12:02.120 Oh I was off like a year, like a year 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:04.959 and a half something like that, and there's like the space. 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:07.440 There's like this like gap, this you know, this hunger 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:10.920 of like oh I need, I want. I crave like 0:12:11.000 --> 0:12:14.080 of the whole meal, like the the actual main course. 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:16.559 And so I was telling my buddy, I said like, hey, man, 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:19.280 try like stop having like these appetizers, you know what 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:20.720 I mean. You need to like just kind of stop 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:22.600 for a while and just be on your own and 0:12:22.640 --> 0:12:25.240 just be with yourself for a while and get hungry 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:28.199 and crave that like main course, that main relationship that 0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:30.880 you so much desired. At least for me, that's how 0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:33.280 it felt. Once I sort of created that space where 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:34.760 I was just with myself for like a year year 0:12:34.760 --> 0:12:37.280 and a half. Then it was like I was ready 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:39.040 for it, you know. Um, so it was like sort 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:41.640 of a an interesting thing. But you were talking about 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:44.199 you know, connecting and and uh and at least for 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:46.600 me again going back to the masculinity part, you know, 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:50.360 balancing it out. Um, that's made such a huge difference, 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:52.440 you know, for me in being able to be in 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:54.920 a relationship with that you know, that polarity. So is 0:12:54.960 --> 0:12:57.360 it possible too, because you said you felt connected to 0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:58.839 each person that you were training, so it was like 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:01.640 a mini relationship. Is it possible that even each season 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:03.840 would end? And so it was just so you just 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:06.559 got used to whatever this relationship was. Not that I'm 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:08.559 saying it was a physical relationship, but whatever it was. 0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:10.120 You're like, Okay, this ends and then I'll move on 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:12.320 to another one. Yes, So in your mind you're like, 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:13.920 this is what love is, or this is what that 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:16.120 emotional connection with a woman is. That it just ends 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:17.880 and then there's another one. Yeah. And by the way, 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:22.080 always I was always like super down, Like the next day, 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.880 even if I won. I remember like winning, you know, 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:27.360 and we're celebrating and like, yeah, we're on a private 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:29.319 plane in New York. We do all the morning shows, 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:33.680 and I'll almost every single time, you know, every time 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:37.200 that that day, I felt super down. Everything seemed dark. 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:41.040 I was like because I think, well, I think part 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:42.520 of it too. It used to happen when I used 0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:44.560 to compete as well, where I would be like building 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:46.439 up to like the biggest competition in the world. I'm 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:49.200 practicing and training and there's a goal. I'm like, boom boom, boom, 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:52.720 boom boom, and then you compete, it all happens and 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:55.440 then it's over. You're like, yeah, it's like, it's just 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:59.160 it's an awful feeling, um, even when you won, even 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:01.280 if you have one, because it's like that whole build 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:04.360 up was like, you know, you were looking forward to something, 0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:06.520 you have this clarity that you're working towards something, and 0:14:06.679 --> 0:14:08.920 what's over You're like, oh now, what, like what do 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:10.760 I do? Like almost and it's just it only lasts 0:14:10.760 --> 0:14:13.240 for a little while. But that's how I felt every 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:17.040 year after Dance from the Stars. And but like you said, 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:19.560 too is I think also subconsciously I almost kind of 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:24.480 you know, equated relationships to that they're just temporaries. Yeah, 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:27.440 like it's gonna end. It's it's it's inevitable, it's going 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:30.800 to end, um so I might as well just accept 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:33.800 that and not, you know, step over the line and 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:36.000 put two feet in. It was always like one ft 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:38.280 in and one ft out, you know. And also too, 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:41.600 I was an emotional guy, so I didn't. I I 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:44.120 was like, I don't ever want to feel heartbreak. Yes, 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:48.360 I think every woman listening is relating to that part 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:52.480 in that the fear of the breakup, the fear of 0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:57.840 what could go wrong, is so stabilitating that we have 0:14:57.920 --> 0:15:02.200 to prepare for it, and I think we sabotage because 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:06.520 we're trying so hard to protect ourselves from that. How 0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:11.520 did you learn to switch that and not fear it? Well, 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:15.240 you know, you know you're trying. You're trying to not 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:19.520 be fearful of sort of the inevitable, right in the 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:21.320 sense that you're gonna get hurt. There's gonna be things 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:23.480 that are gonna happen, you know, right, But like do 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:25.960 you leave this, if you leave the if you leave 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:28.840 the house, right, it's you don't know, it's uncertain right, 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.720 It's it's the uncertainty you're gonna go drive, there's that 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:36.480 there's a yellow line, you know, dividing you between oncoming traffic. 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.080 And so if you're gonna be fearful, you'll never leave 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:41.840 the house. You just have to have faith essentially, like 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:43.880 it's gonna be okay, It's gonna work out. But also 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:47.560 to for me, the relationship part of it, the example 0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:50.480 of seeing like Brooks and Julianne the commitment, the commitment 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:52.600 that they had firsthand on a day to day basis 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:55.880 because I lived with them. UM was a great example 0:15:55.920 --> 0:16:00.320 to see something work and be successful as a relations ship, 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:05.200 to see things work out, to see things be worked through. UM. 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:07.240 It was really beneficial for me to see that as 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:10.160 an example. But also for me too is I started 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:12.000 I sort of like there's a great expression that if 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:17.000 you trade your expectations or appreciation, it changes because I 0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:21.960 always had this expectation of the perfect girl, the woman 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:23.680 I need to be with. This is what I want 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:25.480 from a woman, this is what I want in a relationship, 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:27.360 this is what I this is like, this is what 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:30.400 I want right And the problem there's a good thing 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:32.960 with that, because you know you have a vision, I suppose, 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:35.800 but the problem with that is that you're probably not 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:39.240 gonna get all those different things, but you can work 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:41.000 with them. You can, you can, you can you know, 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:44.040 develop them. And so for me, when I traded my 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:47.240 expectation for like, well, why well, she's not doing this 0:16:47.320 --> 0:16:49.400 and she's not texting me back and she's not doing 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:51.400 this and if she only if she did this, then 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:54.400 I would love her more. I feel like, I feel like, 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:57.240 you know, she's not desiring me, and I feel like, 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:00.360 you know, blah blah blah blah. So then it was 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:02.920 like that moment of like, okay, how can I trade 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:06.520 the expectation for appreciation right now? Okay, you know what? 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:09.080 And changed my focus. Okay, you know what, she actually 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:10.840 does do a lot of things. You know what. Wow, 0:17:10.880 --> 0:17:12.320 you know I love it when she like touches my 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:14.240 hand or she kisses me in a certain way or 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:16.160 whatever it might be in. And then it's like those 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:18.920 feelings of like focusing on what I don't have or 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:21.520 what i's what we don't have. I started focusing on 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:23.560 what we do have and building from that and keep 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:25.960 building from that because I appreciated them more or for 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:28.280 the things that they did give you and not looking 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:30.359 at what they didn't. And by the way. It's not 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:33.520 like that was it. You know, it's all good, It's 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:35.760 like I have to There's there's moments where those expectations 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:38.480 come up, and then I realized that, like, oh, maybe 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:41.680 I'm not giving something because if I'm giving, if I'm 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:44.760 giving something to her, you know she's gonna want to 0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:46.800 do those things anyways. Naturally. You know what I mean. 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:49.040 It's it's not sort of like a well if you 0:17:49.160 --> 0:17:51.720 do this, then I'll do that, or even giving something 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:56.680 to yourself, the peace or the faith to say, appreciate 0:17:56.800 --> 0:18:00.119 just where I'm at instead of expecting someone else to 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:02.760 determine my happiness. I'd also like to just point out 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:04.639 for those of you who just tuning in or whatever, 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:07.800 this is what some people consider the perfect man, Derek 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:13.439 Cuff having very human emotion. Oh my gosh, far from her. 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:17.399 By the way, anybody anybody listening to that, can you 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:20.520 resonate with that? Because I'm listening to that, I certainly can. 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:27.080 Um Like words of my Queen Oprah, I just said, 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:29.439 for the better part of ten years from twenty to thirty, 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:33.040 I was single in my professional career, and I developed 0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:35.639 some sort of expectation of what a girlfriend was going 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:38.359 to be like, and I couldn't have been more wrong. 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:41.439 I could not have been more wrong. And this just 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:43.960 developed over time. I thought a girlfriend was going to 0:18:44.040 --> 0:18:45.280 do this for me, and this for me, and this 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:47.560 for me and this, and I never thought about, geez, 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:50.320 what am I gonna do for this person? And what 0:18:50.440 --> 0:18:53.320 you said about the appreciation thing is dead on, man, 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:56.440 because as soon as I became aware of that, UM, 0:18:56.480 --> 0:19:02.200 I've always said that everybody exit UM. People look for 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:04.399 somebody to fix them. They look for what is this 0:19:04.440 --> 0:19:06.439 person going to do for me? Versus? How can I 0:19:06.480 --> 0:19:10.800 become such an amazing person to offer to somebody? And 0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:13.800 so when I figured that out, then everything in me 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:17.080 changed to appreciation, like you said, and also acceptance, like, wow, 0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:19.879 this person is amazing. I thought I was gonna get 0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:21.600 married and live back in Canada, spend my rest of 0:19:21.600 --> 0:19:24.600 my life in hockey, and I married an American girl 0:19:24.640 --> 0:19:27.720 who's a dancer that knew nothing about hockey, and now 0:19:27.760 --> 0:19:31.320 I live in Los Angeles, like I can't imagine. And 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:34.440 so we actually had this conversation with Gavin about like 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:37.679