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Speaker 1: To us out. Brother, This is How Men Think with

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Speaker 1: brooks Like and Gavin to grab and I heard radio

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Speaker 1: podcast how do you everybody? My name is brooks Like

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Speaker 1: and welcome to another episode of How Men Think. This

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Speaker 1: is a Leaner addition. Thank you you noticed? Yeah, buddy,

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Speaker 1: you look that's Dmitri. You look fantastic, buddy. But when

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Speaker 1: I say Leaner, I'm not only referring to your extremely

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Speaker 1: beautiful physique, my man, I'm also referring to the fact

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Speaker 1: that Rick is gone. We're dropping like fly, We're dropping

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Speaker 1: like five. Rick is in Alaska, Gavin's on tour, and

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Speaker 1: then Ryan's appendix just decided to explode. Ye. Well, what

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Speaker 1: happened was he you know how he's competitive with you.

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Speaker 1: He heard that you still had your appendix, so he

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Speaker 1: took his out. It was I was actually going to

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Speaker 1: text text him. I got another one up on you.

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Speaker 1: I have an appendix you don't know, but I didn't

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Speaker 1: think it was quite time. He's still on the hospital, man,

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Speaker 1: so I'll maybe let that wait till he comes back

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Speaker 1: in studio. But it's just you and me today, buddy.

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Speaker 1: We're rapping um. And so with the Leaner edition, we

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Speaker 1: decided to bring in a very esteemed and special guest,

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Speaker 1: very special, indeed, and one that you know quite well,

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Speaker 1: one that I know very well. He is Let's see

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Speaker 1: if you can guess this. He is a world champion dancer.

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Speaker 1: Me uh not you okay okay, at the age of nineteen.

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Speaker 1: A world champion dancer. He is a two time Emmy

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Speaker 1: Award winner and nine time nomination nine nominations for an Emmy.

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Speaker 1: He is a six time Dancing with the Stars champion

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Speaker 1: six freaking times, six times. He's also current judge on

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Speaker 1: World of Dance on NBC. He's a he has his

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Speaker 1: own tour, dance tour. He's also a celebrated author. I

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Speaker 1: could go on for days about this guy. He's also

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Speaker 1: my most favorite thing. My brother in law, Mr. Derek

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Speaker 1: Huff is here. That's my best intro. I do you

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Speaker 1: bring family? And he doesn't really do it. Notice, say, Dmitri,

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Speaker 1: you didn't get that intro. I got spelled or whatever,

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Speaker 1: and then this resume comes flying down. Yeah. Man, No,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm happy to be here. Man, I'm happy to

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Speaker 1: be here, and and it's uh yeah, I'm excited it.

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Speaker 1: Let's get talking talking. I wanted, but I just wanted

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Speaker 1: before we start. I want to say that this is

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Speaker 1: because Derek has done all of that stuff. I don't

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Speaker 1: want my brother in laws at home thinking like was

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Speaker 1: it brother in law day? And you didn't strictly because

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Speaker 1: he's way better than you. Guys, how many brother in

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Speaker 1: law to Okay, well, Derek has four, he's got four.

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Speaker 1: Brooks your favorite. Yes, um, I mean we're very close. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: By the way, it's it's a common question to be

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Speaker 1: asked like who's your favorite sister, who's your favorite this?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, I gotta I gotta be very uh

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Speaker 1: very politically correct on that one. But I will say

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Speaker 1: we have, we were very I'd say we're very close.

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Speaker 1: We spent a lot of time together. We have spent

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Speaker 1: in the past a lot of time together, been living

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Speaker 1: together until recently when you moved out. But very similar

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Speaker 1: in age. You're the same age as my younger brother.

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Speaker 1: It was two years younger than me. So we have

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Speaker 1: hit it off as brothers, and our relationship has certainly

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Speaker 1: grown and expanded. And now it's which is which is

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Speaker 1: kind of crazy because the thing is with Brooks and I, um,

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Speaker 1: we are we were sort of polar opposites, um, you know, uh,

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Speaker 1: just just in sort of the way we've lived their

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Speaker 1: lives and just sort of our environments were so so different. Um,

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Speaker 1: and so it was kind of it was interesting having

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Speaker 1: him joined the family, and it was sort of like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is this is awesome. You know, this is great.

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Speaker 1: And I mean, how is it for you? How is

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Speaker 1: it for you joining the family because you're here, Because

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Speaker 1: here's the thing. Here's the thing. There's so many there's

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Speaker 1: so much, so many women in my family, so many

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Speaker 1: they are like the dominant force, you know. And uh

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Speaker 1: and usually, to be honest with you, the the guys

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Speaker 1: who you know joined the family kind of kind of

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Speaker 1: go with the flow. They just kind of like okay,

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Speaker 1: yeah yeah. And Brooks kind of you've got a locker

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Speaker 1: room hockey guy who just comes back. He was like, Yo,

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Speaker 1: this is why I live my life. This is what

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Speaker 1: I do. Boom uh No, we're not doing that. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, yo, that's what he did to us too,

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Speaker 1: Like what is this He's he's being defiant towards this,

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Speaker 1: this sort of like this pack of seriously and I

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Speaker 1: was like, yeah, respect, I like this, what is this? Okay?

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Speaker 1: And then your sisters were like, Derek, be quiet. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But the first the first time I met all the

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Speaker 1: sisters at once was at court a Lane. So we

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Speaker 1: went to the your grandparents house boat hurricane. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: It was four sisters and there was just one talking

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Speaker 1: over the other, over the other, over the other. And

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Speaker 1: I just looked at this. I was like, this is

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Speaker 1: this is worse than a five on five hockey fight.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes we have a line Sometimes we have a line

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Speaker 1: brawl where all five guys fight all five guys. And

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Speaker 1: there was more intensity in this conversation that I went,

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Speaker 1: It's it's pretty amazy. But the thing is, and especially

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Speaker 1: if you're not used to it, because when you're you know,

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Speaker 1: as I call it a beautiful hurricane, because they're all beautiful.

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Speaker 1: They're all wonderful, um, you know, human beings. But it

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Speaker 1: is different. And so Brooks coming in with the dynamic

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Speaker 1: of like just kind of honestly like a man's man,

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Speaker 1: you know, like a fish play hockey, you know, buh

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah boom. Um. It was different. We were

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Speaker 1: just polar opposites. I feel like, you know, I had

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Speaker 1: sort of been raised by women my whole life, Um,

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Speaker 1: dancing with women, coached by women, like just surrounded by

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Speaker 1: and it's been amazing. It's been incredible. But then to

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Speaker 1: have that sort of um, that influence, that sort of uh,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, example of just like a dude, UM,

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Speaker 1: definitely has been super beneficial to me. Uh, to this

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Speaker 1: whole sort of relationship that we've we've built and grown

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Speaker 1: and stuff. It's been awesome. I appreciate your brother and

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Speaker 1: right back at you because I needed a lot of

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Speaker 1: the lessons that I've learned through you and your sisters

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Speaker 1: and being in the family, because coming from coming from

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Speaker 1: I was my whole life. I spend in the locker room,

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Speaker 1: so twenty three dudes, dudes, a lot of them alpha males.

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Speaker 1: It was just the environment I was in. So I

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Speaker 1: was actually I looked at you, and I was like, Damn,

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Speaker 1: that guy's got the life. He spends his life around dancers,

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Speaker 1: around beautiful women. I spend my life around naked dudes

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Speaker 1: all day long. You know, Like, why did I choose

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Speaker 1: this path plus hockey plus the locker room? But it

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Speaker 1: was it was I've learned so much from d and

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Speaker 1: I think, um, we really balanced each other out a lot.

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Speaker 1: I learned a lot about how to be in contact

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Speaker 1: with how to even speak with women. Is there an

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Speaker 1: example you would be willing to share. Well, our first

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Speaker 1: the first time so we met and stuff through so

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Speaker 1: I through Julianne. We met, and then the first day

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Speaker 1: that I went to his house to your old condo

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Speaker 1: to hang out, like d and I are going to

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Speaker 1: hang out just as dudes, one on one. UM, We're

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Speaker 1: just chit chatting. And he I noticed he was like

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Speaker 1: a little flustered, and I was like, what's up, dude?

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Speaker 1: He's just like, is that a hard day? Had a

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Speaker 1: hard more than just a bunch of stuff went wrong

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Speaker 1: and I just had to like have a tear and

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Speaker 1: get it out and stuff. And I was like it

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Speaker 1: just caught me by it. I was like, whoa, that's

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Speaker 1: a beer or here, um, but I was like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know what to do with out. I never hear

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Speaker 1: that in a locker room, Like most guys would say

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Speaker 1: the F word and stuff it and move on and whatever.

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Speaker 1: That was the type of guy I was around. But

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Speaker 1: here was a guy that that expressed his emotions, which

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Speaker 1: was brand new to me. And I was a deer

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Speaker 1: in a headlight because I had never done it. And

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Speaker 1: now if I look at my life now, that was

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Speaker 1: a kickstarter for me to be able to now emotionally

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Speaker 1: express myself. Um, but before that, I was I was

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Speaker 1: cold blooded. I didn't make uncomfortable that he was willing

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Speaker 1: to cry and express that. That was how he dealt

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Speaker 1: with whatever was going on. Let's not's not say he

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Speaker 1: cried here, but he's just like he had by a

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Speaker 1: sad clown. By the way, how by the way, how

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Speaker 1: awesome though, how he's like trying to like he's like,

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Speaker 1: hey man, he was he was still he was still okay.

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Speaker 1: But no, let's be honest, I was crying. I was

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Speaker 1: like in fetal position like no, but um but no.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting because it is I've even seen sort of

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Speaker 1: like and it's something we kind of talk about a

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Speaker 1: little bit too, like you know, what is okay and

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Speaker 1: acceptable or or perceived to be acceptable from like sort

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Speaker 1: of the traditional masculinity, right and and at least for me,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I've been fortunate too, you know, express

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Speaker 1: myself because I've been around women who you know, have

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Speaker 1: no problem doing that whatsoever. So it comes very natural

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Speaker 1: to me. Um, And it is like letting off sort

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Speaker 1: of pressure off you know, the gauge, you know, if

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Speaker 1: something is holding I'm holding something in I can release

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Speaker 1: it um. But it it is interesting seeing like I

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Speaker 1: have seen sort of a massive sort of growth and

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Speaker 1: change in that within you. But at least for me again,

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Speaker 1: it was almost I was almost like too far on

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Speaker 1: that spectrum, you know what I mean, I almost like

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Speaker 1: it was just almost too much. And so to be

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Speaker 1: able to sort of have this sort of almost like

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Speaker 1: structure you know of Brooks sort of in my life

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Speaker 1: and you know, in my sort of environment and even

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Speaker 1: living with him and having the routines that he has,

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Speaker 1: it was like, oh man, this is I actually started

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Speaker 1: feeling a little bit more like my not like true self,

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Speaker 1: but kind of getting connected back to that like masculine Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that energy, right energy. So it's like, you know, because

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Speaker 1: you both have you have both energies right, like the

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Speaker 1: masculing feminine you know, and whatever it might be. But

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Speaker 1: I was definitely like off balance, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: I was a little off balance. I I wished too

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Speaker 1: we both were right and sounds like you guys needed

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Speaker 1: each other. We did, We did. It was something very much.

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Speaker 1: So dude, I think I believe that anything in an extreme.

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Speaker 1: It is an imbalance, and I was extremely unemotional to

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Speaker 1: the point where it affected my relationships. I was unable

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Speaker 1: to emotionally connect with somebody. My whole life was about competition,

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Speaker 1: about sensory deprivation, stuffing emotions, so that it was unfazed

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Speaker 1: in competition, stuffing pain. So I was unfazed and can

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Speaker 1: continue on um. But I don't think that's healthy and

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Speaker 1: being cultured like that, undoubtedly it bleeds into to other

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Speaker 1: areas of your life. So maybe it serves you well

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Speaker 1: in your sport, which it at some point did for me,

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Speaker 1: but it also inhibited any sort of personal connection or relationship.

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Speaker 1: And for the bulk of that ten years until I

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Speaker 1: met Julianne Derrick's sister, I was I was basically single.

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Speaker 1: I was unable to connect with somebody. You know, it's interesting,

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Speaker 1: It just kind of brought this up a little bit.

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Speaker 1: But like just because you we're talking about relationships and

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Speaker 1: you're talking about connecting. You know, it's interesting when I

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Speaker 1: look back and I realized during my sort of like

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Speaker 1: single years, I guess you could say I was on

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Speaker 1: Dance with the Stars and I was teaching these women

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Speaker 1: how to dance. I was connecting with them. I'm working

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Speaker 1: with them, you know, all day, seven days a week

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Speaker 1: for months at a time, and I get so connected

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Speaker 1: with them it is like a relationship. So I felt

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Speaker 1: like I was like satisfying the connection part with them.

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Speaker 1: But um, and so I don't I didn't feel like

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Speaker 1: I could ever like fully connect to an actual like

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Speaker 1: girlfriend or somebody like that on a deep or deeper level,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It was almost like it

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Speaker 1: was like met through where with them, and then it

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Speaker 1: was like I would go home and does this makes sense?

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't think it was. And it kind

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Speaker 1: of reminded me a little bit because and at least

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Speaker 1: for me, that the biggest change in my life has

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Speaker 1: been being in a community relationship for a long period

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Speaker 1: of time. It's been a massive, you know change, and

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Speaker 1: it's been wonderful. It's been incredible. I love it so much.

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Speaker 1: And and it was something I was actually kind of

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Speaker 1: fearful of at the beginning. Um, And I think that

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Speaker 1: and I kind of used this as a sort of

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Speaker 1: an example. But my buddy was saying, like, oh, I

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Speaker 1: can't you know, I can't have a whole of relationship,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm always dating somebody new all the time,

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Speaker 1: and you can see he really wants something. And I

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Speaker 1: was kind of reflecting back on my time one dance

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Speaker 1: at the Stars where I was like I was almost

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Speaker 1: having these bite size relationships. It was like bite size.

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Speaker 1: Its almost like the appetizers small pretty much, you know,

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Speaker 1: and we were never dating, but it was like it

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Speaker 1: was still like a relationship, right, so probably you're probably

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Speaker 1: getting something out of it to fulfillment absolutely. And it

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Speaker 1: was only really when I was like I left the show.

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Speaker 1: Oh I was off like a year, like a year

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Speaker 1: and a half something like that, and there's like the space.

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Speaker 1: There's like this like gap, this you know, this hunger

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Speaker 1: of like oh I need, I want. I crave like

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Speaker 1: of the whole meal, like the the actual main course.

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Speaker 1: And so I was telling my buddy, I said like, hey, man,

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Speaker 1: try like stop having like these appetizers, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. You need to like just kind of stop

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Speaker 1: for a while and just be on your own and

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Speaker 1: just be with yourself for a while and get hungry

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Speaker 1: and crave that like main course, that main relationship that

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Speaker 1: you so much desired. At least for me, that's how

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Speaker 1: it felt. Once I sort of created that space where

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Speaker 1: I was just with myself for like a year year

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Speaker 1: and a half. Then it was like I was ready

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Speaker 1: for it, you know. Um, so it was like sort

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Speaker 1: of a an interesting thing. But you were talking about

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Speaker 1: you know, connecting and and uh and at least for

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Speaker 1: me again going back to the masculinity part, you know,

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Speaker 1: balancing it out. Um, that's made such a huge difference,

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Speaker 1: you know, for me in being able to be in

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Speaker 1: a relationship with that you know, that polarity. So is

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Speaker 1: it possible too, because you said you felt connected to

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Speaker 1: each person that you were training, so it was like

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Speaker 1: a mini relationship. Is it possible that even each season

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Speaker 1: would end? And so it was just so you just

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Speaker 1: got used to whatever this relationship was. Not that I'm

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Speaker 1: saying it was a physical relationship, but whatever it was.

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Speaker 1: You're like, Okay, this ends and then I'll move on

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Speaker 1: to another one. Yes, So in your mind you're like,

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Speaker 1: this is what love is, or this is what that

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Speaker 1: emotional connection with a woman is. That it just ends

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Speaker 1: and then there's another one. Yeah. And by the way,

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Speaker 1: always I was always like super down, Like the next day,

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Speaker 1: even if I won. I remember like winning, you know,

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Speaker 1: and we're celebrating and like, yeah, we're on a private

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Speaker 1: plane in New York. We do all the morning shows,

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Speaker 1: and I'll almost every single time, you know, every time

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Speaker 1: that that day, I felt super down. Everything seemed dark.

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Speaker 1: I was like because I think, well, I think part

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Speaker 1: of it too. It used to happen when I used

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Speaker 1: to compete as well, where I would be like building

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Speaker 1: up to like the biggest competition in the world. I'm

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Speaker 1: practicing and training and there's a goal. I'm like, boom boom, boom,

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Speaker 1: boom boom, and then you compete, it all happens and

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Speaker 1: then it's over. You're like, yeah, it's like, it's just

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Speaker 1: it's an awful feeling, um, even when you won, even

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Speaker 1: if you have one, because it's like that whole build

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Speaker 1: up was like, you know, you were looking forward to something,

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Speaker 1: you have this clarity that you're working towards something, and

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Speaker 1: what's over You're like, oh now, what, like what do

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Speaker 1: I do? Like almost and it's just it only lasts

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Speaker 1: for a little while. But that's how I felt every

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Speaker 1: year after Dance from the Stars. And but like you said,

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Speaker 1: too is I think also subconsciously I almost kind of

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Speaker 1: you know, equated relationships to that they're just temporaries. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like it's gonna end. It's it's it's inevitable, it's going

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Speaker 1: to end, um so I might as well just accept

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Speaker 1: that and not, you know, step over the line and

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Speaker 1: put two feet in. It was always like one ft

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Speaker 1: in and one ft out, you know. And also too,

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Speaker 1: I was an emotional guy, so I didn't. I I

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Speaker 1: was like, I don't ever want to feel heartbreak. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I think every woman listening is relating to that part

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Speaker 1: in that the fear of the breakup, the fear of

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Speaker 1: what could go wrong, is so stabilitating that we have

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Speaker 1: to prepare for it, and I think we sabotage because

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Speaker 1: we're trying so hard to protect ourselves from that. How

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Speaker 1: did you learn to switch that and not fear it? Well,

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Speaker 1: you know, you know you're trying. You're trying to not

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Speaker 1: be fearful of sort of the inevitable, right in the

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Speaker 1: sense that you're gonna get hurt. There's gonna be things

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Speaker 1: that are gonna happen, you know, right, But like do

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Speaker 1: you leave this, if you leave the if you leave

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Speaker 1: the house, right, it's you don't know, it's uncertain right,

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Speaker 1: It's it's the uncertainty you're gonna go drive, there's that

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Speaker 1: there's a yellow line, you know, dividing you between oncoming traffic.

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Speaker 1: And so if you're gonna be fearful, you'll never leave

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Speaker 1: the house. You just have to have faith essentially, like

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be okay, It's gonna work out. But also

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Speaker 1: to for me, the relationship part of it, the example

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Speaker 1: of seeing like Brooks and Julianne the commitment, the commitment

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Speaker 1: that they had firsthand on a day to day basis

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Speaker 1: because I lived with them. UM was a great example

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Speaker 1: to see something work and be successful as a relations ship,

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Speaker 1: to see things work out, to see things be worked through. UM.

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Speaker 1: It was really beneficial for me to see that as

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Speaker 1: an example. But also for me too is I started

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Speaker 1: I sort of like there's a great expression that if

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Speaker 1: you trade your expectations or appreciation, it changes because I

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Speaker 1: always had this expectation of the perfect girl, the woman

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Speaker 1: I need to be with. This is what I want

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Speaker 1: from a woman, this is what I want in a relationship,

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Speaker 1: this is what I this is like, this is what

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Speaker 1: I want right And the problem there's a good thing

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Speaker 1: with that, because you know you have a vision, I suppose,

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Speaker 1: but the problem with that is that you're probably not

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Speaker 1: gonna get all those different things, but you can work

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Speaker 1: with them. You can, you can, you can you know,

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Speaker 1: develop them. And so for me, when I traded my

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Speaker 1: expectation for like, well, why well, she's not doing this

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Speaker 1: and she's not texting me back and she's not doing

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Speaker 1: this and if she only if she did this, then

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Speaker 1: I would love her more. I feel like, I feel like,

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Speaker 1: you know, she's not desiring me, and I feel like,

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Speaker 1: you know, blah blah blah blah. So then it was

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Speaker 1: like that moment of like, okay, how can I trade

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Speaker 1: the expectation for appreciation right now? Okay, you know what?

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Speaker 1: And changed my focus. Okay, you know what, she actually

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Speaker 1: does do a lot of things. You know what. Wow,

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Speaker 1: you know I love it when she like touches my

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Speaker 1: hand or she kisses me in a certain way or

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Speaker 1: whatever it might be in. And then it's like those

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Speaker 1: feelings of like focusing on what I don't have or

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Speaker 1: what i's what we don't have. I started focusing on

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Speaker 1: what we do have and building from that and keep

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Speaker 1: building from that because I appreciated them more or for

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Speaker 1: the things that they did give you and not looking

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Speaker 1: at what they didn't. And by the way. It's not

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Speaker 1: like that was it. You know, it's all good, It's

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Speaker 1: like I have to There's there's moments where those expectations

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Speaker 1: come up, and then I realized that, like, oh, maybe

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Speaker 1: I'm not giving something because if I'm giving, if I'm

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Speaker 1: giving something to her, you know she's gonna want to

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Speaker 1: do those things anyways. Naturally. You know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: It's it's not sort of like a well if you

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Speaker 1: do this, then I'll do that, or even giving something

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Speaker 1: to yourself, the peace or the faith to say, appreciate

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Speaker 1: just where I'm at instead of expecting someone else to

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Speaker 1: determine my happiness. I'd also like to just point out

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Speaker 1: for those of you who just tuning in or whatever,

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Speaker 1: this is what some people consider the perfect man, Derek

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Speaker 1: Cuff having very human emotion. Oh my gosh, far from her.

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Speaker 1: By the way, anybody anybody listening to that, can you

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Speaker 1: resonate with that? Because I'm listening to that, I certainly can.

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Speaker 1: Um Like words of my Queen Oprah, I just said,

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Speaker 1: for the better part of ten years from twenty to thirty,

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Speaker 1: I was single in my professional career, and I developed

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Speaker 1: some sort of expectation of what a girlfriend was going

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Speaker 1: to be like, and I couldn't have been more wrong.

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Speaker 1: I could not have been more wrong. And this just

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Speaker 1: developed over time. I thought a girlfriend was going to

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Speaker 1: do this for me, and this for me, and this

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00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 1: for me and this, and I never thought about, geez,

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Speaker 1: what am I gonna do for this person? And what

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Speaker 1: you said about the appreciation thing is dead on, man,

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Speaker 1: because as soon as I became aware of that, UM,

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Speaker 1: I've always said that everybody exit UM. People look for

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00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,399
Speaker 1: somebody to fix them. They look for what is this

391
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,439
Speaker 1: person going to do for me? Versus? How can I

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00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:10,800
Speaker 1: become such an amazing person to offer to somebody? And

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00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 1: so when I figured that out, then everything in me

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00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,080
Speaker 1: changed to appreciation, like you said, and also acceptance, like, wow,

395
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,879
Speaker 1: this person is amazing. I thought I was gonna get

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00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 1: married and live back in Canada, spend my rest of

397
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,600
Speaker 1: my life in hockey, and I married an American girl

398
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,720
Speaker 1: who's a dancer that knew nothing about hockey, and now

399
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,320
Speaker 1: I live in Los Angeles, like I can't imagine. And

400
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,440
Speaker 1: so we actually had this conversation with Gavin about like

401
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,679
Speaker 1: what does because he's single, like, what what does do?

402
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,199
Speaker 1: You have an expectation of what a partner is supposed

403
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 1: to be. That's actually limiting you from being in a

404
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,480
Speaker 1: relationship instead of just looking at the person you meet

405
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,040
Speaker 1: is like, Wow, this person is amazing and anything else

406
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,159
Speaker 1: I can I can communicate if there's something else I

407
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,919
Speaker 1: want in this relation. But he's got a lot of

408
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,480
Speaker 1: what you were saying as well. Remember if you remember,

409
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 1: Gavin said he has to get himself right so that

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Speaker 1: he feels like he can be the right person for

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00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,560
Speaker 1: for his partner or whatever. And I think we told

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00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 1: them that. It was one of the earlier episodes. We

413
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,720
Speaker 1: told him, do you think any of our dad's thought, Okay,

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00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,600
Speaker 1: I'm looking at me, I'm perfect. Now now is the

415
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,120
Speaker 1: time to have kids? No, because there's never that moment

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00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,360
Speaker 1: where you think I'm perfect and I'm ready. So it's

417
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:19,160
Speaker 1: a matter of developing along the way. And like you said,

418
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 1: changing from expectation to appreciation absolutely, And I think too,

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Speaker 1: you know um when I uh that goes also not

420
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,159
Speaker 1: just in a relationship too. I feel like that's like

421
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,159
Speaker 1: in general in general, it's just in life, you know.

422
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:34,679
Speaker 1: I think that we have SoC high expectations for anything.

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00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 1: Like I was just joking around with my my brother

424
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,200
Speaker 1: in law, Michael he's married to one of my sisters,

425
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 1: mayor Bathan cool if he talks about a different brother

426
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 1: in law. Yeah, I love Michael. Hey, I just want

427
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 1: to make sure he's amazing. He's the dude. But he

428
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 1: was like, man, I just lose it when the plane

429
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 1: doesn't have WiFi, I just lose it. I can't believe

430
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,159
Speaker 1: it that that play We're Living two thousand nineteen, and

431
00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,760
Speaker 1: I was like, bro, we're flying in a metal bird

432
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,639
Speaker 1: hundreds of miles an hour. It's a miracle. You're in

433
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,480
Speaker 1: the air where takes two hours to get to this

434
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:08,800
Speaker 1: location that would have taken you three days. Like that's

435
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,080
Speaker 1: an example of And he's like, why can't I get

436
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 1: a text from the ground from somebody on the phone

437
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,919
Speaker 1: in their pocket, which, by the way, I get it.

438
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,159
Speaker 1: That's how I feel sometimes when there's no TVs in there, right,

439
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh. But but the thing is,

440
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,359
Speaker 1: and in those moments you go, okay, hold on, my

441
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 1: my sort of my perspective is a little off right now,

442
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 1: My focus is a little off right now. This is

443
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,359
Speaker 1: a miracle. I'm also the appreciation, Like I'm driving on

444
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 1: roads I didn't have to pave. I'm reading books. I

445
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,959
Speaker 1: didn't write. I'm you know, we're living in this you know,

446
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 1: amazing homes. I didn't have to do whatever it is.

447
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 1: You know, we live in an amazing age and certain

448
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,600
Speaker 1: things that there's a lot to be appreciative of, including

449
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,639
Speaker 1: our relationships and also with my my family, you know,

450
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 1: um or just in general. I hear parents, you know, kids,

451
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 1: my my mom, she doesn't understand. Or my dad, you know,

452
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 1: he just doesn't understand. I just, oh gosh, I said,

453
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 1: well hold on, I said, well, wow, what what were

454
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,080
Speaker 1: you expecting them to say to you to make you

455
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 1: feel good? Well, they should just understand me. But you're

456
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 1: expecting them to pause for a second, trade that for appreciation,

457
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,399
Speaker 1: for a second, focus on all things that they have

458
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 1: done for you. Okay, well, you know he has helped

459
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,360
Speaker 1: me out financially here or you know he did call

460
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,160
Speaker 1: me that one day, and and all of a sudden

461
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 1: that focus changes, and then all of a sudden you're

462
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:23,080
Speaker 1: in You're in a space now to actually give love

463
00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:27,640
Speaker 1: and to understand the situation. So powerful because expectation when

464
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,600
Speaker 1: I'm listening to you, and even when you said, like

465
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 1: talking about winning Dancing with the Stars, and then feeling

466
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,880
Speaker 1: kind of blue the next day. Expectation can be our

467
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:41,399
Speaker 1: undoing because I am applying it and if only he

468
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:49,640
Speaker 1: would text me every day, I'll be happy. But by

469
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 1: the way, every relationship, I'm kid to check this out.

470
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:55,399
Speaker 1: So check this out. And you're not even in a

471
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 1: big metal flying bird. This is on the ground if

472
00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,119
Speaker 1: you're not getting so check this out right with g

473
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,239
Speaker 1: my my my um. I was on tour and I have,

474
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 1: you know, a bunch of dancers, and one of my

475
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 1: dancers she was crying and I was like, what's wrong?

476
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 1: You know, She goes, oh, my boyfriend. You know he's

477
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 1: not He was out last night and he wasn't texting

478
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,680
Speaker 1: me back, and you know, and I was telling him

479
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 1: like how upset I was and all these different things.

480
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 1: And I said, okay, by the way, totally warranted. I understand,

481
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,919
Speaker 1: I get it. But I said, just I don't know.

482
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,639
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say something you could work. I don't know.

483
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 1: Just me being a guy, I know that if I

484
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 1: was told if I had my girlfriend and she said

485
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 1: to me, you need to text me more, you need

486
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 1: to do this, part of me would be like as

487
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:40,439
Speaker 1: like I'm like hold on, Like I kind of go.

488
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 1: I kind of like, hold on, uh, what are you

489
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,919
Speaker 1: saying that I should do? And I should do this?

490
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 1: And and I said try this, I said, say to

491
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,720
Speaker 1: him instead, even though you feel that way, to say, like,

492
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 1: you know what, I love it when you I love

493
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:53,920
Speaker 1: that when you text me. I remember that time when

494
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,160
Speaker 1: you text I love that so much. And as a man,

495
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, I am a man, I did something good.

496
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:00,920
Speaker 1: I will text you now and I would love you

497
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: because I made you feel happy. I am mad. Yes, yes, yes,

498
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 1: Instead of being like you need to do this, you

499
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 1: need to that. Then as a dude, I'm like you

500
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,199
Speaker 1: or or just take a step back and think, Okay,

501
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 1: this guy like he's texting when he wants to text.

502
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 1: If he's not texting me more, he doesn't want to

503
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 1: so accept the fact that this is who that guy is.

504
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 1: And maybe that's not that that's not the guy for you,

505
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 1: but you need this and this is what he does.

506
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: Because if someone said to me, I want you to

507
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 1: text him more, then I'd be like, oh, I gotta

508
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 1: start thinking of stuff to text, and then it's just

509
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 1: gonna be more like when really when I text and

510
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 1: I say what I want, what I'm thinking and what

511
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 1: I want to say, and that's a little more genuine.

512
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: So it's like, we don't you don't want it to

513
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 1: be obligation. But I also will say this though too.

514
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 1: I will also say too that it's I also don't

515
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,080
Speaker 1: think it's since that they don't want to text. I know,

516
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 1: for me, I just I'm just kind of oblivious. Sometimes

517
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 1: I'm just like doing things. I'm like this, I'm like here,

518
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 1: I'm having a great day. I'm like, hey, baby, you

519
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,479
Speaker 1: know she's like, you didn't text me today? Like I

520
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 1: was just living my life. I didn't a question for you, guys,

521
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:04,200
Speaker 1: because this is such a thing in so many relationships,

522
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,879
Speaker 1: like and I know it's bad in quotes to do,

523
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 1: like if he would just text me every day, i'd

524
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 1: be happy, because I won't be happy. I gotta get

525
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:15,120
Speaker 1: my own whatever you do, you want to be dependent

526
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 1: on that question? Is is there a way to say

527
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:20,199
Speaker 1: it makes me so happy when you text me like

528
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 1: you're saying, or is there a way for me to

529
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:26,199
Speaker 1: just not be so needy for those texts to like

530
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 1: fill me up so much? And I think I want

531
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:33,920
Speaker 1: the text for I think I don't know that the

532
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 1: person I want the text oh Brooks, they're gonna make

533
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 1: me cry. It's okay tonight, it's okay, you're coming the

534
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:46,639
Speaker 1: water works. It's okay, it's good. By the way, this

535
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 1: is actually, this is actually my natural state. This is

536
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: my natural state. Are you not going to start? I'm

537
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:58,439
Speaker 1: feeling her. I feel it. I think you want the

538
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 1: text to know that everything is okay, and then you're

539
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 1: okay security so that you don't have to live an uncertainty.

540
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 1: And so the uncertainty is the fear. Right. And then

541
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:13,119
Speaker 1: here's the thing that we live if we if we

542
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: live in the split of certainty where we know everything,

543
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 1: where everything's gonna, you know, be fine, and you know

544
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:24,440
Speaker 1: we we unfortunately, Um, it's painful because life is uncertain, right,

545
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: Situations are uncertain people are uncertain. Um. But I think

546
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 1: that I think with this in this situation obviously, because

547
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 1: if you feel tremendously that there was because I hate,

548
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 1: I hate so much that I have to live like

549
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 1: that where somebody else has so much control and I

550
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:46,639
Speaker 1: don't know how to find the certainty myself, and it

551
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,159
Speaker 1: happens over and over and over and over again. So

552
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:52,199
Speaker 1: I know it's me. It's not the so amy I

553
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 1: think you should. I don't. I don't know if I

554
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:56,719
Speaker 1: should give any advice on this or not, but like,

555
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:01,440
Speaker 1: you're an amazing person, like I would start with that,

556
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 1: like you you don't need whoever this guy is to

557
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,399
Speaker 1: text you, or the next guy or the one before,

558
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 1: Like I think it comes with being confident and really

559
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,919
Speaker 1: thoroughly happy and fulfilled with who you are as a person.

560
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 1: And expectation is the mother of all disappointment. That's what

561
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: they say, right, So, if we're expecting somebody to make

562
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 1: us whole, it could be a very long and very uncertain,

563
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 1: as you said, d life. But you are I love you,

564
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: like I've loved this project working on how men think

565
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 1: because of you, because of Danielle Tory Easton, like I'm

566
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 1: so at Dmitri, like I'm so by the way, check

567
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 1: your phone, but like you're I think, And for anybody

568
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 1: else listening that struggles with this, like I think, give

569
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:50,240
Speaker 1: yourself a pad on the back. Um, you don't need

570
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,199
Speaker 1: somebody else to fill your cup up to make you happy,

571
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: And maybe look at that first. How can you, in

572
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: the course of your day make yourself completely happy, irrelevant

573
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: of anybody around you or circumstances, around you, and you're

574
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 1: such an amazing person. You give so much to so

575
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 1: many people, and I don't know if you give yourself

576
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 1: enough credit for that. I think what with Derek said

577
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 1: is because you have this expectation, it's like you're like

578
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,640
Speaker 1: a drug addict. So you're like, I need the drugs again,

579
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 1: I need the drugs again, that you forget to even

580
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:30,199
Speaker 1: appreciate everything that and that everything is fine and you

581
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,399
Speaker 1: don't need that text or that call or whatever it

582
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:37,640
Speaker 1: is that we're seeking to be secure. It's it's accepting

583
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 1: uncertainty and being okay with it. And it's like, um man,

584
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,719
Speaker 1: one of these years, I'll accept it because I've been

585
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: working at it. But you know what part of that too?

586
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: And Tony Robbins talks about this a lot, where it's like,

587
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 1: you know where focus goes, your energy flows, Wherever your

588
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 1: focus is, what you're gonna feel no matter what it is.

589
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 1: And by the way it is, you know somebody talking

590
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 1: bad about you, You hear something says, oh, by the way,

591
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 1: so and so it said something about you, Like what,

592
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 1: I can't believe that? And you're feeling all these expressions,

593
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 1: all these feelings, and that's very real and then you realize, oh,

594
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 1: they actually never said anything, but you experienced that very

595
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 1: very real. That was real because you're focusing on something

596
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: that didn't even exist. So as a good example for

597
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 1: this again going back to the focus on the appreciation part,

598
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 1: not the expectation, because for instance, say like you not

599
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: might not be getting something that you feel like you

600
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,719
Speaker 1: need right um, because at the end of the day,

601
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,239
Speaker 1: you don't don't really need it at really like if

602
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 1: you look kind of stop for a second, take stock,

603
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 1: and kind of like to sit here and go, hey,

604
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 1: we're in a room right now, We've got a c on,

605
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: we're chilling here and just staying super super super present.

606
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 1: Everything's fine, like in this exact moment, but what happened

607
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 1: we're projecting about like, well, what's happening? Where, where is

608
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 1: he at? Where she at? What's going on? Are they

609
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: thinking about me? What's this? And so I'm so like

610
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 1: out here that my all my focuses is out here

611
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 1: and I'm feeling all this pain when in reality, I'm

612
00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 1: sitting here and there's absolutely nothing to be fearful or painful.

613
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 1: There should be nothing. We're chilling right here, right here.

614
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 1: But when we start going here and projecting out in

615
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: the future and what are they doing all these things?

616
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 1: So whatever you focus on is what you feel to

617
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 1: change change your focus, change change at all. I find

618
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 1: you very soothing, see why I'm happy to have this,

619
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 1: Guys of all huffs make me cry, but it's so true.

620
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 1: It's you get so focused on all this uncertainty and

621
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:36,480
Speaker 1: what does it mean and what's going on and the

622
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 1: pain and the angst and this and that, that it's

623
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 1: like nothing's even wrong, nothing's probably even wrong. And why

624
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:46,239
Speaker 1: does a text or call or someone else give us

625
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 1: that fill us up when it's like chill out? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

626
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: can go ahead? Can I just sorry? I just gotta

627
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 1: have to paint a picture of everybody. There's nothing Amy

628
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 1: is sitting here in study with a shirt that says,

629
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 1: I love love sobbing. There's nothing. There's nothing more heartwrenching

630
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 1: than this right now, because I'm aware now that it's

631
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 1: not the other person, because there's been a line of

632
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,719
Speaker 1: Brugs has heard me say this same thing for years

633
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 1: and years, and it's not the same guy each time.

634
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: So it's not the guy. It's me, right, you know.

635
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 1: It's interesting to going back to the um, the being enough,

636
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 1: being enough, feeling like you're enough. You know, that's by

637
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 1: the way of fear that's universal, that's not just you

638
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 1: or me, and that is like the entire population. One

639
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 1: of the deepest fears is am I enough? And that

640
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 1: starts from being a kid, you know, I mean animas

641
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 1: to get older, and then it gets deeper. That groove

642
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 1: gets deeper and deeper, and that's kind of I feel

643
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 1: like what that fear is is like am I enough?

644
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 1: Am I enough? And checking? Am I enough? Am I

645
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 1: not good enough? Am I good enough? To love? Am

646
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 1: I good? Am I enough? And the truth is And

647
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:00,080
Speaker 1: this is something that I kind of realized for me

648
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 1: that helped me because for me growing up, I was

649
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: didn't think I was ever enough ever. You know, I thought, oh,

650
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 1: if I if I win, if I succeed, if I'm successful,

651
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,239
Speaker 1: then I'll be enough. And then I would win these

652
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,200
Speaker 1: competitions and I was like the world champion, and then

653
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 1: they would finish and I was like, wow, I'm depressed.

654
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 1: It's still not enough. It doesn't matter because it's not

655
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 1: really about what we sort of achieve. It's about who

656
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 1: we become right as people as side of the main thing.

657
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 1: But then it was that realization for me that if

658
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 1: if I was alone in a field, if you're alone

659
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 1: in a field by yourself, with nothing, no possessions, nothing, nothing,

660
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 1: just you, that you are enough, You always have been,

661
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 1: and you always will be, no matter what, no matter what,

662
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 1: you are already enough. And just knowing that and reminding

663
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 1: yourself of that for me as if that's the foundation

664
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 1: of where you can launch off and just conquer the

665
00:32:57,040 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 1: world and do things instead of striving and chase seeing

666
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: these small things to sort of, you know, validate, Am

667
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 1: I enough? Yeah? Oh I am enough? Okay, cool for

668
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: a moment, and then I go, oh, I'm I'm not

669
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 1: enough enough? Oh I got text, I'm enough, I'm oh,

670
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 1: I got this thing this I just want to I'm

671
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 1: enough enough. And then the fleeting because you're dependent on

672
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 1: other things outside, you're out of your control to make

673
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 1: you feel like you're enough. I love this, dude. I

674
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 1: think this is a bigger conversation. I want to dive

675
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: more into this man enough, woman, enough? What is enough

676
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 1: to an individual? And I want to get more of

677
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: your story, but we gotta take a break first. Inspiration

678
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 1: that looks the talent you make me sick. That's enough

679
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 1: to me back from break. This is Brooks like on

680
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,680
Speaker 1: How Men Think, and we're in studio with Dmitri Amy

681
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 1: and my brother in law Derek, and so far in

682
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 1: the show, I think you guys have got a great

683
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 1: taste of why I feel so fortunate to have this

684
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: guy as my brother. I don't. I don't even like

685
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 1: saying brother in law as my brother because of the

686
00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: the amazing and immense positive influence he's been on me.

687
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 1: But I want to get more into enough. And you

688
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 1: talked a lot about it on your tour, the recent

689
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,319
Speaker 1: dance to her that you had at which I which

690
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 1: was freaking awesome, like a rock star freaking show. We

691
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:16,000
Speaker 1: can get more into that later, but um, enough, as

692
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 1: a man, as a woman in this world, how do

693
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 1: you develop the ability to be or to feel like

694
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,319
Speaker 1: you are enough? So you said you would win. You

695
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:29,239
Speaker 1: won Dancing with the Stars six times. You would go

696
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 1: home that evening as celebrating the biggest possible high. And

697
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 1: you told me you'd get to your house and the

698
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:36,800
Speaker 1: lights would be off and you'd get in and you

699
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: would feel terrible. Absolutely. I mean often I would cry,

700
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 1: honestly because I was like it just it just it

701
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 1: was like as if it never happened. Right, it's just

702
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,319
Speaker 1: like you blinking, Like it doesn't even matter, Like does

703
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 1: this even matter? What am I doing? Like what's what's

704
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: what's what's the meaning of all this? Like who? And

705
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:54,880
Speaker 1: then I got to a point where I was like

706
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:58,840
Speaker 1: who cares? Like there's no desire to even continue what

707
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 1: I was doing. Um And even at a certain point

708
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 1: where I actually was like I wanted to just stop

709
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:08,800
Speaker 1: doing the show completely because I lost the meaning um

710
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 1: of you know, why why why am I doing this? Um?

711
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:15,960
Speaker 1: So I have a question for you. Yeah, so, I

712
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 1: I believe and I'm guilty of this. I believe a

713
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 1: lot of people and anybody listening may resonate with this.

714
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: We identify ourselves. Our sense of identity comes through what

715
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: we do professionally. I was a professional hockey player, right,

716
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 1: That's who I was. My sense of identity came through

717
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 1: what I did as a career, and I needed to

718
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 1: figure out that my sense of identity wasn't what I did,

719
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: but who I am as a man. But how did

720
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:43,800
Speaker 1: that happen? Because it sounds like you went through the

721
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 1: same thing where your sense of identity came from. I'm

722
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 1: I'm a world champion, dancer, I'm Dancing with the Stars champion,

723
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, when that's gone, you're

724
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:52,680
Speaker 1: left with a vacancy of well, who am I? Am

725
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 1: I enough? So? How did you? How did you go

726
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,239
Speaker 1: through the process of one you became aware of it

727
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 1: then too, what did you do? Are there books you

728
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 1: read or the things you listen to? But what did

729
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 1: you do to grow to where it didn't matter what

730
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 1: happened career or professional or anything else in life where

731
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 1: you just felt like you were in a field by

732
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 1: yourself and you were enough well, by the way, to

733
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,840
Speaker 1: add to that too, not just professionally, but also relationship wise.

734
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 1: I had a lot of heartbreaks where you know, previous

735
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 1: girlfriends where they they broke up with me and I

736
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 1: was like, oh my gosh, I don't have enough money.

737
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 1: I don't have enough success. It was all like superficial

738
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: things too, by the way. It wasn't like I'm not

739
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: a good enough person. It was always like I just

740
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 1: don't have enough money. I don't I don't have this

741
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 1: like they want somebody that has boats and cars and

742
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 1: houses and all these things, right, and I'm just I'm

743
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 1: a loser. Well and actually it drove me two for

744
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: a while. That's powerful, powerful motivator fuel. And I was like, well, crap,

745
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:50,840
Speaker 1: I gotta like to to get love. It was almost

746
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:57,280
Speaker 1: like success equal love without equal then fulfillment and enough. No, no,

747
00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,399
Speaker 1: I mean I thought it did. I thought it did.

748
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 1: I thought that's success equal love. If I'm just successful,

749
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 1: then I will be loved. If I'm just achieving something,

750
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 1: then my even my family will love me, by the

751
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 1: way my family loved me. But I would never even

752
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 1: accept that love, and especially in a relationship. I was like, oh,

753
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 1: I'm never gonna be good enough for relationship unless I'm successful.

754
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:21,359
Speaker 1: And what I didn't realize was, you know, that sort

755
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: of formula success equal love was a terrible formula, terrible

756
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 1: formula formula that you know you're wearing, like I love love,

757
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:33,439
Speaker 1: like love is love, Like if I if I love,

758
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 1: if I just love and I love myself, and I'm

759
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 1: as as kind of like hippie dippies as sounds of course,

760
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 1: you know, and but truly without the achievements, without the

761
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,719
Speaker 1: practical things and the trophies of the money or the house,

762
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:49,799
Speaker 1: whatever it is. If I just like love who I

763
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 1: am as a person, then man, I'm gonna attract so

764
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:56,240
Speaker 1: much more. And it's and it's so much different because

765
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:01,160
Speaker 1: it's ah, I don't know, it's just that's where you

766
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 1: guys kind of messed up, is because you had this

767
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:05,239
Speaker 1: successful career and now you're like, does this define me?

768
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 1: Or do I define myself? See? The secret is what

769
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:11,919
Speaker 1: I did don't be very good at anything, and that's way,

770
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 1: there's nothing to define you. Accept yourself. Like I'm freaking

771
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 1: hard on this never great career, mediocre lover, I mean,

772
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,920
Speaker 1: this is it. So I'm like, I don't have a vote,

773
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 1: but you know I can rent one probably by the way,

774
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 1: don't buy a boat, which just random boat boats are

775
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 1: just so okay. Well, I want to give our listeners

776
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 1: some practical things to for anybody out there that's not

777
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 1: feeling enough, because clearly you went and I watched this

778
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:43,440
Speaker 1: we live together, I watch you go through a massive transition,

779
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:47,360
Speaker 1: which I'm so proud of you for the work. You

780
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:50,400
Speaker 1: guys don't know. This guy works on himself daily and

781
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,160
Speaker 1: I don't mean his career. I mean his his thoughts,

782
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 1: his minds, his his process in life, his philosophy and life.

783
00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:00,520
Speaker 1: He works on you digest more information than Almo anybody

784
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,799
Speaker 1: I've ever seen. You always have something motivational and you're

785
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 1: always watching this or learning this, or we have great

786
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 1: discussions at the house. You're super way deeper than and

787
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:10,920
Speaker 1: then I, I mean, it's a negative way way deeper

788
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 1: than I expected. Like you are very motivational and you

789
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 1: started talking. I was like, oh, it's more than just

790
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:20,760
Speaker 1: more than fluff, more than Ryan Stones and keeps because

791
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 1: he I see, I lived with him for almost four years.

792
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 1: He digs into himself. And I give you credit for that.

793
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 1: What are some what are some sources that you that

794
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 1: you find really powerful that you could share with our

795
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 1: listeners Where I read this and I watched this video

796
00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 1: or speakers that you really listen to. And that was

797
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:40,439
Speaker 1: That's the thing too. By the way that I got

798
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 1: to a point so where I was in such a

799
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:46,120
Speaker 1: honestly a really dark place that I just kind of

800
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 1: reached sort of a threshold of you know, um, I

801
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,360
Speaker 1: must change. You're not like, oh, you know what I

802
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 1: should change. I should do this, I should do that,

803
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 1: I should work on myself. I should It was like

804
00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 1: no, no no, no, no, I must change. I must do this.

805
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:01,839
Speaker 1: I'm must And it became more urgent. It became more

806
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 1: of like a priority, and I would listen to I

807
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 1: listen to things on the daily, you know, on the

808
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 1: way here, I listened to the YouTube video, whether it

809
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 1: be like Les Brown or you know, Tony Robbins. Um,

810
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan of his. Obviously, I went to

811
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 1: a seminar when it's fifteen years old actually and still

812
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 1: the few little nuggets, um forgot most of it, but

813
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: just a feudle things. But as an adult, UM, I'm

814
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 1: so thankful for those, for those like you know, um,

815
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 1: little skills. Um. But that that's the thing too, going

816
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 1: back to the focus. Whatever you focus on is what

817
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 1: you feel. It's especially with this day and age where

818
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 1: we're we're trained to to think we're not enough. On

819
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:40,880
Speaker 1: social media, everybody's having these amazing lives and doing this

820
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:42,320
Speaker 1: and doing that, and oh my gosh, and they have

821
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 1: the perfect relationship and all these things are happening. I

822
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: don't have that, and you're focused on what you don't

823
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:50,680
Speaker 1: have instead of what you do have. And so I

824
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 1: think it's really important too to consciously, you know, say

825
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 1: oh I'm gonna watch something that's gonna be it's gonna

826
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 1: fill me up. I'm gonna listen to something that's gonna

827
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 1: fill me up, it's gonna put me in the play

828
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 1: used to to create the right decisions and to make

829
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:03,800
Speaker 1: the right decisions and to be able to focus on

830
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: the right things. Have you learned in all your like

831
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 1: sort of study of this why our default is to

832
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 1: go to the negative? Like why or or is that

833
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 1: just how I'm wired connection to somebody else? I think

834
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 1: it's the way I think we just connect, Like imagine,

835
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 1: like you know, you see, you see I've seen a

836
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,560
Speaker 1: lot at least you know, with my sisters or or

837
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 1: people I'm dancing with. You know, somebody said walks in

838
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 1: and goes like, oh man, I'm so tired. I might

839
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 1: not be tired, but I'm like, oh yeah, man, me too,

840
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 1: me too, because you're just like connecting you want to

841
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 1: connect to each other. Oh man, I'm just paying and

842
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:38,440
Speaker 1: you connect yourself a lot of that way too, with

843
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 1: like sadness and all the different emotions. Why do I

844
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 1: go to the like, oh, I think we're falling apart

845
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:44,920
Speaker 1: and he's going to leave me and this is bad

846
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 1: when all I really could just be doing with the

847
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: same evidence that I have is I think we're good

848
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:54,879
Speaker 1: like everything's good, we're happy, Like, why do it does

849
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 1: my mind? I think it's a defense too, because if

850
00:41:57,719 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 1: you're here, if you're already down here, the fall is

851
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 1: a lot less. If you're thinking everything's great, and then

852
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:05,319
Speaker 1: there's the same fall, it's in your mind. It's you've

853
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,400
Speaker 1: just crashed from this euphoric place. There's also I was

854
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:12,400
Speaker 1: reading this today. Um, there's a thing called loss a version.

855
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 1: Have you ever heard a loss of version? So they

856
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:18,680
Speaker 1: actually I think that. I think the guy's names were

857
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 1: Tversky and uh Kanaman, the guys that study don't quote

858
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 1: me on that, but that's correct. Um Um. This is

859
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 1: what it means is that the a negative emotion is

860
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 1: so much more powerful than a positive emotion. So essentially,

861
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:38,279
Speaker 1: losing a hundred bucks at gambling is way more to

862
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 1: In fact, they say, twice as powerful as winning. You'll

863
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 1: remember that loss, but you won't remember the hundred dollars

864
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 1: that you want. And it even they even found that

865
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:50,239
Speaker 1: it happens. This loss of version happens in kids. So

866
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 1: a child, when looking at a parent with a happy face,

867
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 1: they feel happy. When looking at a parent with a

868
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 1: sad face, they feel sad when looking at a parent

869
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:02,799
Speaker 1: with a new, utral, feast face. They feel sad because

870
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:04,839
Speaker 1: they're like, how come, how come he's not happy? So

871
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 1: that means like almost two thirds of our lives. Like,

872
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:09,360
Speaker 1: if we have an engagement, Amy, if we have we

873
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:11,399
Speaker 1: have a discussion, I don't leave you with a big

874
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 1: smile on my face. You're probably thinking if I just

875
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,480
Speaker 1: leave you neutral, You're like, what's wrong? What's what's wrong

876
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:18,799
Speaker 1: with this guy's It's called loss of version. But also

877
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:20,560
Speaker 1: I think to add to that, I think, think about

878
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 1: our brains, right, think about our brains. There's sort of

879
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 1: these press ancient things, right, they've been thousands of years whatever,

880
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 1: but we're still run on the same software. And back

881
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 1: then we had a look for danger. We had to

882
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:34,239
Speaker 1: look for the saber streets, target tiger or this and that,

883
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:35,840
Speaker 1: and we had to look for the right berries and

884
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 1: we didn't poison ourselves. We had to be super visionally.

885
00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 1: It's a survival mode to look for all the bad,

886
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:43,399
Speaker 1: dangerous things. We live in a day and age where

887
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 1: we don't have to worry about saber street tigers jumping

888
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 1: out and all these things. Our lives are pretty pretty

889
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 1: easy in that sense, but our brains are still in

890
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 1: the same software, So we're looking for the bad things.

891
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 1: We're looking for the person saying something about us. We're

892
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:57,279
Speaker 1: not giving us this sort of validation. We're looking for

893
00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:00,520
Speaker 1: all the bad and the negative, right because we run

894
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:02,160
Speaker 1: on the old software. So it's sort of that that

895
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 1: our brain isn't designed to make us happy. It's designed

896
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 1: to make it survive, and it's designed to look for

897
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 1: all the bad things. So we have to sort of

898
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:12,440
Speaker 1: get out of our heads and like into sort of

899
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:14,240
Speaker 1: like our bodies and our hearts. And it's funny actually,

900
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 1: because Julian's working a lot on this like movement sort

901
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:21,240
Speaker 1: of thing, and you know, um, but keenergy energy. There's

902
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 1: a plug energy dot com. You're welcome love energy on

903
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 1: Instagram exactly. But it's but it's interesting and then you

904
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 1: realize that your brain is it's just in survival mode

905
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 1: essentially and looking for all the wrong things and the

906
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 1: bad things. And that's kind of what we go to,

907
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 1: these these sort of defaults of like bad like what

908
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:42,520
Speaker 1: Dmitri said about the fall being lower if you're prepared

909
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: for something bad. But what I want is to just

910
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:48,399
Speaker 1: go I'll just take the fall from the high dive

911
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:51,880
Speaker 1: and be happy. For as long as I can. What

912
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:53,839
Speaker 1: are you happy? Are you thinking about the fall from

913
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:55,839
Speaker 1: the high dive? Like, are you up there thinking, hey,

914
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,479
Speaker 1: I'm happy? Are you thinking I'm happy? But at any

915
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 1: moment it's all going to be taken from me. Well,

916
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:06,840
Speaker 1: I'd like to say, I want to not go to

917
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 1: the dark place and know that I can survive the

918
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,919
Speaker 1: fall from the high dive. So just stay in the light,

919
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,040
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And survived the fall from

920
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 1: the high dive. You can, So it's not a question

921
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,279
Speaker 1: of can I. You can and you will whenever you

922
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 1: do fall. So I think think of it more um

923
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 1: that way, in the sense of when I fall, I

924
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 1: will survive, not can I? And not will it come? Yes,

925
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 1: and you're going to have a fall from the high dive.

926
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:32,880
Speaker 1: No one stays on the high worrying and protecting myself

927
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 1: so much from things that don't even exist. But also

928
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 1: to is the timing of it too. I always find

929
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 1: this interesting, to the timing of the way we allow

930
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 1: ourselves to feel a certain way, And at least for me,

931
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 1: I'm trying to work on that myself personally. You know,

932
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: where something happens to me, It just recently happened. Actually,

933
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:50,440
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've noticed what we at the lake.

934
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,239
Speaker 1: I was kind of in my head. I was in

935
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 1: my head a little bit because there's been some issues

936
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 1: at my house, you know, and crazy neighbor, and I

937
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:03,239
Speaker 1: just was telling in this place of honestly of like

938
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 1: rage and compassion and confusion and all these things. I

939
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 1: was like, what is happening? But what happens that it's

940
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:15,480
Speaker 1: too shortening that which I mean conscious be Okay, I'm

941
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 1: gonna feel this, honor those emotions. Okay, I feel this.

942
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 1: This sucks pretty cool? All right? All right? Now the

943
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:23,400
Speaker 1: time to change and get out of this and go

944
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:26,240
Speaker 1: into my you know, go somewhere else with this instead

945
00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 1: of like and giving yourself sort of like a almost

946
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:30,759
Speaker 1: like an honor of the emotions. Don't ever stuff them,

947
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,799
Speaker 1: don't ever like ignore them, feel them even for me,

948
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 1: Like I used to think anger was like a week

949
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,279
Speaker 1: a week emotion. I never wanted to be angry, and

950
00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:39,960
Speaker 1: I didn't like seeing people angry. I thought that they

951
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:43,799
Speaker 1: were like, like not good people. And I realized I

952
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:45,719
Speaker 1: was stuffing a lot of anger I had, and I

953
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:47,400
Speaker 1: actually worked on myself a lot. I did with this

954
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:50,840
Speaker 1: whole thing, and I actually released a lot of anger

955
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 1: in a healthy way, in a good way, and whether

956
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 1: it be like listening to certain music and whatever might be,

957
00:46:57,160 --> 00:47:00,719
Speaker 1: but being angry, Yeah, listen was like that I don't

958
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:02,759
Speaker 1: normally listen to well no, but like I mean, like,

959
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:08,839
Speaker 1: you know, so I have a question on that. So

960
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:15,040
Speaker 1: anxious or worried, like oh, he's not connecting with me.

961
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 1: You say, yes, it's scary to be vulnerable, and it

962
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 1: is scary, but acknowledge it and then say okay, and

963
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,560
Speaker 1: then now I'm gonna be appreciative of how lucky I

964
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 1: am that I change of change the focus on or

965
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 1: whatever it is. Yeah, and just change the focus and

966
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:35,319
Speaker 1: started to sort of focus on all the things. Like

967
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:40,280
Speaker 1: gratitude is sort of like the antidote to fear. Boom

968
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:43,319
Speaker 1: very Well said, gratitode is the antidote to fear. You

969
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:45,719
Speaker 1: start immediately you start to feeling fearful of something, which,

970
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 1: by the way, when we say we're stressed, we're fearful.

971
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:51,479
Speaker 1: When we're saying we're have anxiety, we're fearful of something,

972
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,319
Speaker 1: it's just fear right at the bottom line of it.

973
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 1: So if you start getting grateful, that's the antidote. You go,

974
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:00,239
Speaker 1: you know what, Wow, what I have great friends. I'm

975
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:02,840
Speaker 1: I'm hanging out with these amazing dudes and these amazing

976
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: ladies and and wow, what suns out today? And I'm like,

977
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 1: I put some songs, you know what. I'm I'm in

978
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,360
Speaker 1: a car, I'm driving somewhere, like the little things, and

979
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:12,719
Speaker 1: you start stacking this feeling of gratitude, and all of

980
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 1: a sudden, like the fear starts to dissipate. And it's

981
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:19,200
Speaker 1: just and honestly, it's a technique. It's like practice. It's

982
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:22,080
Speaker 1: not just like a thought like Okay, cool, that's a

983
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:25,359
Speaker 1: cool concept, and then like then that's it. It's like

984
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 1: just like working out your physical muscle, you gotta work

985
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 1: on your emotional muscle every day consistent, you know, every

986
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 1: single day. I gotta work with my emotional muscle. I

987
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 1: gotta practice. I gotta do these things. And that's what's

988
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:38,680
Speaker 1: really important. I feel. And I noticed when I start

989
00:48:38,719 --> 00:48:41,319
Speaker 1: to slip, when I started, when my emotional muscles start

990
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 1: to getting a little bit like at your fee like

991
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:49,480
Speaker 1: me right now, I'm hardly I can I can exactly

992
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: attest to what he's saying. So he nailed it, and

993
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 1: a way to feel more confident or comfortable about yourself,

994
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 1: and isis is to feel grateful for the opportunity. So

995
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:07,400
Speaker 1: great gratitude for the whatever opportunity, the opportunity to engage

996
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:09,279
Speaker 1: with somebody, all these little things you talked about, driving

997
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 1: a car suns out, the opportunity to do this podcast. Whatever.

998
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:16,800
Speaker 1: Gratitude for the opportunity removes all kinds of self doubt

999
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 1: and fear, uncertainty, expectation. Yeah, you just live. You're actually

1000
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:25,279
Speaker 1: a lot more present and a lot more composed. But

1001
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,919
Speaker 1: I also want to get into what you said, Amy,

1002
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 1: what you talked about about the fall from the top.

1003
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 1: Will I survive that? Well, here's my story. From the

1004
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:37,680
Speaker 1: time of thirteen until the age of thirty five, I

1005
00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:41,799
Speaker 1: pursued winning a Stanley Cup. That was my whole. Every decision,

1006
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 1: every single decision in the course of my day revolved

1007
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:49,960
Speaker 1: around what was going to make me a better hockey player, training, diet, nutritions, sleep, everything.

1008
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:52,360
Speaker 1: From the age of thirteen to win a Stanley Cup.

1009
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 1: And I didn't win it. That's a to me, that's

1010
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 1: a massive failure. Like I look at that, like I

1011
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:01,799
Speaker 1: almost look at my is Wow, that's my career might

1012
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 1: have been a huge failure. Even though I played in

1013
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 1: the NHL for thirteen years, I played three times longer

1014
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:11,440
Speaker 1: than the average career. Um, so I'm left and I

1015
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 1: went through this you were with you're at the house

1016
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 1: there when I when I was done playing hockey, I

1017
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:17,799
Speaker 1: went through a stage of like and I'm still going

1018
00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 1: through it. I'll be completely vulnerable and honest, I'm not

1019
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 1: completely at peace with it. But am I enough because

1020
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:27,480
Speaker 1: of all of the twenty two years that I deem

1021
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:30,799
Speaker 1: a failure, Like, oh not not a total failure. But

1022
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 1: when I my good days, I'm looking at, man, I

1023
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:36,160
Speaker 1: lived the life, the greatest life I ever played hockey.

1024
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:37,799
Speaker 1: I did at thirty five what I did when I

1025
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 1: was five? Like how great is that? Like I played

1026
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:44,799
Speaker 1: a game my entire life. What a blessing? Those are

1027
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:47,040
Speaker 1: my good days. I look at the opportunity that I had.

1028
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:49,200
Speaker 1: The bad days, I look at damn it, I didn't

1029
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:51,640
Speaker 1: win a Stanley Cup. I want to I want to

1030
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:54,759
Speaker 1: fight somebody, like you know, and I get piste off

1031
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 1: of the people that were in the game that might

1032
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:58,640
Speaker 1: have had an involvement in me being traded and this

1033
00:50:58,719 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 1: and that, and I look at I aim stuff versus

1034
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:04,560
Speaker 1: being grateful for every single day that I had to

1035
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:07,839
Speaker 1: express myself through playing the sport that I loved. Get

1036
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:13,319
Speaker 1: so angry, he wants to listen to bad music, but

1037
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 1: just tapping. That's what I think that will just be

1038
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:19,680
Speaker 1: forever that you'll have days where you feel that. Certainly,

1039
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:22,319
Speaker 1: I think there's always going to be some part of

1040
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 1: me that will always feel that vacancy. Um. But I

1041
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:29,400
Speaker 1: wanted to ask you this because you've had the successes

1042
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 1: and I didn't feel enough. What about somebody that's had

1043
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 1: a massive, not set back, but a massive loss or

1044
00:51:37,719 --> 00:51:42,000
Speaker 1: didn't have the success How do how do I feel

1045
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:45,319
Speaker 1: enough on the daily? Well, for me like listening to

1046
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 1: you say that, and it's it's actually interesting because to

1047
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:53,360
Speaker 1: be completely honest, Brooks, I never really saw that vulnerable

1048
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:56,839
Speaker 1: part in Brooks after he you know, stopped playing hockey

1049
00:51:57,160 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 1: um professionally, and it's it was actually been really interesting

1050
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:03,440
Speaker 1: to me to hear you know what I mean? Did

1051
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,840
Speaker 1: you hear you say and out loud? And for me

1052
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:08,120
Speaker 1: it actually like okay to me with a lot. But

1053
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 1: it's interesting about that. I think it's because at a

1054
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 1: young age, we we go okay, Derek. For me at

1055
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 1: least it's like you're gonna be you want to be

1056
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 1: a world champion. You know, this is what you're gonna do.

1057
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 1: And so we equate like that to being like the

1058
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 1: definition of who of of who I am and what

1059
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:29,160
Speaker 1: successful and what success is. But what's interesting for me

1060
00:52:29,239 --> 00:52:31,920
Speaker 1: when I even just be on an outsider look looking in,

1061
00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 1: you know, at your career for instance, you know I

1062
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:37,919
Speaker 1: think of like, oh, you scored like a hat trick.

1063
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:40,800
Speaker 1: How many people have done that in their whole entire career?

1064
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 1: Not very many that percentage wise, that's unbelievable. Not only

1065
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:46,600
Speaker 1: that you were beloved by you know, all the stories

1066
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:49,120
Speaker 1: about you from fans from the city were like, wow,

1067
00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:51,480
Speaker 1: you know there was a time when Brooks, you know,

1068
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 1: they won this big game and he was a driving

1069
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 1: home in the rain and he pulled everywhere's partying and

1070
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 1: doing all these things. We lost that game. Okay, makes

1071
00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 1: a story better at all? Okay, he lost the game

1072
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:03,759
Speaker 1: and people are people are you know that they're doing

1073
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:05,920
Speaker 1: things it is raining, and he stops over the shoulder

1074
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 1: and helps us. Lady, I think she's pregnant right now.

1075
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:10,479
Speaker 1: She had a little she had a daughter with her daughter.

1076
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 1: Helps change her tire always and like the city like

1077
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:19,919
Speaker 1: knew him as this great guy, great man. And by

1078
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,680
Speaker 1: no means do I look at at least for me

1079
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:25,800
Speaker 1: looking in and looking at sort of a piece of hardware,

1080
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 1: you know, that's the thing for me, Like when I

1081
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 1: go home and I look at because it's not about

1082
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:33,840
Speaker 1: what you achieve, it's about who you become, who you

1083
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:36,560
Speaker 1: become as a man, as a person. And so when

1084
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,439
Speaker 1: I would go home and I'm looking at these Emmy

1085
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 1: awards and I'm looking at the hardware right in this

1086
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:45,319
Speaker 1: sort of lonely room, I'm by myself, and I'm like

1087
00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:49,719
Speaker 1: crying because I'm like, Wow, this sucks because I've achieved

1088
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 1: the ultimate and what I thought was the ultimate. Now

1089
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:57,760
Speaker 1: what that's like? What it's like? Tony says, success without

1090
00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:04,000
Speaker 1: fulfillment is the ultimate failure. So achieving achieving a professional

1091
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 1: success without any sort of happiness or fulfillment is the

1092
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:11,560
Speaker 1: ultimate failing. And you see many people um that are millionaires, billionaires,

1093
00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:15,799
Speaker 1: very successful people. Uh some unfortunately commit suicide, Some have

1094
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 1: substance abuse problems or marriage problems. They don't live a

1095
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:22,960
Speaker 1: fulfilled life because they're not balanced. Because also too, it's

1096
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:27,319
Speaker 1: about me achieving this right, it's about me. It's about me,

1097
00:54:27,320 --> 00:54:29,880
Speaker 1: It's about I need to do this. And then when

1098
00:54:29,880 --> 00:54:31,919
Speaker 1: I realized, I was like at that moment, I was like, man,

1099
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:33,799
Speaker 1: I ain't gotta like I want to. I want to

1100
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 1: give a little bit more. I need to serve a

1101
00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 1: little bit more. I need to make this less about

1102
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:41,160
Speaker 1: me and more about we. And you know, for me personally,

1103
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:43,960
Speaker 1: seeing you know, the growth and the sort of the

1104
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:47,799
Speaker 1: development and and uh, at least personally for me, that

1105
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 1: has been the most rewarding, fulfilling aspect sort of my life.

1106
00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 1: And uh not this sort of the hardware and the

1107
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:56,280
Speaker 1: trophies and most things to hear you guys talk about

1108
00:54:56,280 --> 00:55:00,160
Speaker 1: your careers and the fulfillment it brings. And I know

1109
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:02,120
Speaker 1: if this is a woman thing versus a man thing,

1110
00:55:02,239 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 1: because I've achieved a lot in my career and it's great,

1111
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:09,840
Speaker 1: and I've failed a lot in my career and it's great.

1112
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 1: Like it's very on a scale of one to ten,

1113
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:14,280
Speaker 1: they both kind of have a right sort of close together.

1114
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:20,759
Speaker 1: But in my relationships there's so much more impactful and

1115
00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:24,760
Speaker 1: they mean so much more, and the losses are so

1116
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 1: hard and the good moments are such a high that

1117
00:55:29,239 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 1: I think it's so fascinating because it's like for me

1118
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:35,919
Speaker 1: so great, Like yeah, it's it's not that I take

1119
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 1: it for granted or I don't appreciate it. It just hovers.

1120
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:41,440
Speaker 1: The failures and the successes are real close together, and

1121
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 1: they all sort of ebb and flow, and it's all good.

1122
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:48,200
Speaker 1: And I have absolute, total security and faith in it.

1123
00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 1: And I would love to be able to translate that

1124
00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:56,400
Speaker 1: peace two relationships. Whether I succeed or fail. That's awesome.

1125
00:55:57,480 --> 00:56:00,920
Speaker 1: I want to dig more into that right after this break. Okay,

1126
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:03,560
Speaker 1: further in this conversation, let's get more into that, Aimy.

1127
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:07,560
Speaker 1: How you mentioned that a loss in your in your

1128
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:12,120
Speaker 1: professional career does not the emotional toll it takes on

1129
00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:15,320
Speaker 1: you is not even close to a loss or even

1130
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:19,000
Speaker 1: uncertainty in your in your personal life. So I think

1131
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:20,640
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's a male or female thing,

1132
00:56:20,680 --> 00:56:21,879
Speaker 1: and I want to open this up to you guys

1133
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:24,320
Speaker 1: to discuss that. But I think the what Derek and

1134
00:56:24,360 --> 00:56:28,920
Speaker 1: I are talking about, how the professional thing makes us

1135
00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:31,839
Speaker 1: not feel enough, I think it's the same emotion at

1136
00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:36,080
Speaker 1: the base of your emotion in the relationship, it's just yours.

1137
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:38,960
Speaker 1: It's just a different forum yours relationship, ours is maybe career.

1138
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:40,400
Speaker 1: But what do you guys think on this? And I

1139
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:43,080
Speaker 1: don't think it's necessarily male female. I think that it's

1140
00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:45,840
Speaker 1: just basically I think that in our just particular cases,

1141
00:56:46,320 --> 00:56:49,520
Speaker 1: we just were brought up competitive and that sort of

1142
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:53,840
Speaker 1: environment where it was like winning equal you know, love

1143
00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:57,920
Speaker 1: for some people's competitive sort of environment. Yeah, what you

1144
00:56:57,960 --> 00:56:59,920
Speaker 1: guys do. Some people may grow up and think, you know,

1145
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:01,400
Speaker 1: I want to have a family and I want to

1146
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:03,560
Speaker 1: be a great dad, and that's that's where they put

1147
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:06,480
Speaker 1: their press so and that that's their ultimate goal. Men

1148
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 1: feel that because I find a lot of men determine

1149
00:57:11,239 --> 00:57:14,879
Speaker 1: so much based on their success in their career. I'll

1150
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:18,560
Speaker 1: touch on this my and I've voiced that many times before.

1151
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 1: People that know me know me very well. My greatest

1152
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:25,760
Speaker 1: destiny in life, the most important thing to me is

1153
00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:29,320
Speaker 1: to be a great man, a great husband, and a

1154
00:57:29,320 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 1: great father. That's that's my greatest if I could, that's

1155
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 1: my greatest destiny. That's what's most important to me. At

1156
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:37,960
Speaker 1: the root of it, at the root of the purpose

1157
00:57:38,040 --> 00:57:40,040
Speaker 1: of my life. That's what I want to be. I

1158
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:43,640
Speaker 1: want to be an impactful man, husband and father, friend,

1159
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 1: family member, all of that too. But I want to

1160
00:57:46,120 --> 00:57:48,680
Speaker 1: be a very good man and I always have a

1161
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 1: concept of a better man than I am about six

1162
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 1: months out for me that I'm working towards that I want.

1163
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:56,560
Speaker 1: And you do this a lot. Do you personally grow

1164
00:57:56,640 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 1: and challenge yourself and you have a partner that challenges

1165
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:02,880
Speaker 1: challenges you to grow as well. So that for me,

1166
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,400
Speaker 1: even though I've been looked at a lot for my

1167
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:09,680
Speaker 1: career as a professional athlete, UM, most important to me

1168
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:12,520
Speaker 1: is family and Dmitri, I'm sure you can attest to

1169
00:58:12,520 --> 00:58:14,920
Speaker 1: this as well. Yeah, I've been married fifteen years and

1170
00:58:14,920 --> 00:58:17,520
Speaker 1: I have four kids, and all I ever wanted to

1171
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 1: be as a hockey player U now and and to

1172
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:23,480
Speaker 1: me it's like, yeah, I didn't have that. For those

1173
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:25,440
Speaker 1: of you that don't know, I'm not a professional athlete

1174
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:30,760
Speaker 1: and I don't have any mirrorball trophies or Emmy's. But um,

1175
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 1: growing up, it was like, yeah, I wanted to do

1176
00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:35,240
Speaker 1: certain things. But in the back of my mind, maybe

1177
00:58:35,240 --> 00:58:37,880
Speaker 1: it was from I have a very close family, and

1178
00:58:37,880 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 1: and maybe it was from seeing my dad and and

1179
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:42,400
Speaker 1: and having the closest with my siblings. I was like,

1180
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 1: that's that was my goal was like I want to

1181
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:45,880
Speaker 1: have I want to have a family, and I want

1182
00:58:45,880 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 1: to have kid multiple kids that get together like I

1183
00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 1: do with my brothers and sisters. And so that was

1184
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:54,760
Speaker 1: kind of that was always one of the bright things,

1185
00:58:54,760 --> 00:58:56,640
Speaker 1: one of the things that I held up there as

1186
00:58:56,800 --> 00:59:01,040
Speaker 1: something for success. Absolutely. And you're talking in the break

1187
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:03,880
Speaker 1: about a situation that might have happened when you were younger.

1188
00:59:04,640 --> 00:59:06,000
Speaker 1: So I was just kid. I was curious what that

1189
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 1: was about. Yeah, you're gonna get me to open up,

1190
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 1: damn you, Derek. It's a can opener. I'm my god,

1191
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:16,400
Speaker 1: it's a can I'm like one thing of Hawaiian punch

1192
00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:21,200
Speaker 1: over here. Um. So you made me think of it

1193
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 1: is I had something happened recently that um it started

1194
00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:26,960
Speaker 1: when it was when I was eight years old. I

1195
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:28,520
Speaker 1: had something happened. I'll get into it in a minute.

1196
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 1: But my entire life I've seen it one way and

1197
00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:34,640
Speaker 1: something happened recently that made that made me see the

1198
00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 1: other something that I missed, something that I could have used.

1199
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:41,960
Speaker 1: Um in brightness. So, like I said, I have a

1200
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:44,440
Speaker 1: very close family. And when I was eight, I had

1201
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 1: a brother that passed away. Um, he was fifteen and

1202
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:49,520
Speaker 1: he had been sick um from when he was born.

1203
00:59:50,640 --> 00:59:53,400
Speaker 1: But UM, so when I was eight and he was fifteen,

1204
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:57,120
Speaker 1: he um, he passed away in that whole day. Um,

1205
00:59:57,160 --> 00:59:58,440
Speaker 1: I guess he was asking when I was coming home

1206
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:00,440
Speaker 1: from school. I was in third grade. I came home

1207
01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:02,880
Speaker 1: from school and I was reading a book in the

1208
01:00:02,960 --> 01:00:06,640
Speaker 1: in the same room as him and Um. As I

1209
01:00:06,680 --> 01:00:08,280
Speaker 1: was it was James and the Giant Peach. And as

1210
01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 1: I was reading this book at that moment, I happened

1211
01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 1: to stop, and I looked up and I saw him

1212
01:00:13,120 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 1: pass away. And so in my mind, the part of

1213
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,360
Speaker 1: the book that I was in, obviously there's a terrible experience,

1214
01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:21,480
Speaker 1: especially for an eight year old, doesn't matter what age.

1215
01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:24,200
Speaker 1: So that's always stuck with me. But in I always

1216
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 1: remembered in that book, I was at the point where, Um,

1217
01:00:28,600 --> 01:00:31,200
Speaker 1: the sharks were biting at the peach. So the sharks

1218
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:33,120
Speaker 1: were taking big chunks out of the peach, and I thought, God,

1219
01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:35,560
Speaker 1: that's so such a negative thing, and that's the thing

1220
01:00:35,640 --> 01:00:38,520
Speaker 1: that's always been there with me. Um. And so I

1221
01:00:38,560 --> 01:00:40,160
Speaker 1: closed the book and I never read it again. And

1222
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:43,360
Speaker 1: then when I was um in college, I came across

1223
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:45,160
Speaker 1: the book and I picked up the book and I

1224
01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:47,560
Speaker 1: opened it up, just flipped it open, and I happened

1225
01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:49,200
Speaker 1: open up to that exact page and I saw the

1226
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:51,480
Speaker 1: sharks biting the peach and I thought, all right, well,

1227
01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:54,440
Speaker 1: that's enough of that. Put the book away. And you know,

1228
01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:57,040
Speaker 1: so my in my mind, although that was obviously a

1229
01:00:57,040 --> 01:01:00,120
Speaker 1: negative experience, that's also been something that I've held in

1230
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 1: my life as something that has pushed me through things

1231
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:07,640
Speaker 1: because nothing is going to like, nothing's gonna phase me, Like,

1232
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:10,480
Speaker 1: no one's gonna make a comment about me about me

1233
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 1: not being funny or me not being whatever. That's gonna

1234
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:15,080
Speaker 1: trump the things that I've gone through my life. So

1235
01:01:15,240 --> 01:01:18,840
Speaker 1: I can shrug off a lot of stuff in life. Um.

1236
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:22,760
Speaker 1: But recently so my daughter, Um, after school, I was like,

1237
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 1: all right, clean out your backpacks and everything was at

1238
01:01:25,040 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 1: the end of the year. Um, and she didn't do it.

1239
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:28,960
Speaker 1: And so in the summer I was like, hey, clean

1240
01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:31,480
Speaker 1: out your backpack and don't leave it there. Put everything away,

1241
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:34,200
Speaker 1: and so she did. But then she left it there

1242
01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:35,720
Speaker 1: and I was like, you know what, I was like,

1243
01:01:35,800 --> 01:01:37,520
Speaker 1: I said, don't leave it there. So I went, I

1244
01:01:37,520 --> 01:01:39,680
Speaker 1: picked up the there's a paper too, and then I

1245
01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:41,760
Speaker 1: found in that pile was James and the giant Peach.

1246
01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 1: So I opened up the book again, and while I

1247
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:47,600
Speaker 1: didn't open up to the page this time, I just

1248
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:50,960
Speaker 1: opened up to a different page. I did flip two.

1249
01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:54,560
Speaker 1: I found the page with the picture that I always

1250
01:01:55,120 --> 01:01:59,040
Speaker 1: remember that and that was on the right side. And

1251
01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:01,160
Speaker 1: so this this is what long story short, this is

1252
01:02:01,160 --> 01:02:02,720
Speaker 1: what made me think of this. As you're saying this,

1253
01:02:03,160 --> 01:02:05,160
Speaker 1: take the bright stuff and not the negative stuff. So

1254
01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:06,960
Speaker 1: that picture is on the right side of the page.

1255
01:02:07,200 --> 01:02:08,600
Speaker 1: If you look at the left side, which is what

1256
01:02:08,640 --> 01:02:11,920
Speaker 1: I was reading, the words are actually and then suddenly,

1257
01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:15,640
Speaker 1: but slowly, majestically, like some fabulous golden balloon with all

1258
01:02:15,640 --> 01:02:18,080
Speaker 1: the seagulls stranding at the strings above, the giant peach

1259
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:21,240
Speaker 1: rose up, dripping out of the water and began began

1260
01:02:21,320 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 1: climbing towards the heavens. So it says, in a flash,

1261
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:26,800
Speaker 1: everybody was up on top. Oh isn't it beautiful? They cried,

1262
01:02:26,920 --> 01:02:32,200
Speaker 1: what a marvelous feeling. Goodbye sharks. So that was that's

1263
01:02:32,280 --> 01:02:35,120
Speaker 1: what I was reading while that was happening, and I

1264
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:37,960
Speaker 1: missed it, and I never and instead I just shut

1265
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:40,840
Speaker 1: down emotionally and I never went back to look because

1266
01:02:40,880 --> 01:02:43,440
Speaker 1: I thought, oh, it's that picture, that book is that picture,

1267
01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 1: and so I know, but and it's not that it

1268
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:48,600
Speaker 1: would have changed the overall picture. And I think I've

1269
01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:51,000
Speaker 1: done pretty good over the last you know, thirty six

1270
01:02:51,080 --> 01:02:53,600
Speaker 1: years or whatever. But it's like I went back and

1271
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:55,320
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, there's a lesson that I missed

1272
01:02:55,960 --> 01:02:59,560
Speaker 1: because I was so blinded by this. Oh this is

1273
01:02:59,560 --> 01:03:01,160
Speaker 1: the this is a negative thing that I take from this,

1274
01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:03,960
Speaker 1: and I just missed a completely positive thing that was

1275
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:06,960
Speaker 1: actually literally speaking to me at that moment. Well man,

1276
01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:08,760
Speaker 1: first of all, thanks for sharing that. That was a

1277
01:03:08,800 --> 01:03:14,960
Speaker 1: beautiful and powerful story man, really really amazing. And you

1278
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:18,280
Speaker 1: know it's going to cut it out, no, no, but

1279
01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:20,040
Speaker 1: you know what, that was such a good example to

1280
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,760
Speaker 1: about how important meaning is the meaning that we give

1281
01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:26,280
Speaker 1: things in this life. You know what I mean. I

1282
01:03:26,360 --> 01:03:28,280
Speaker 1: think that's that's what we That's what we always have.

1283
01:03:28,520 --> 01:03:31,479
Speaker 1: The choice, that's our gift, right as the one gift

1284
01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:35,160
Speaker 1: were given is the power of choice. We always have this.

1285
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:38,520
Speaker 1: We always have that power to choose what something can mean,

1286
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:40,880
Speaker 1: what something can you know what I mean? And so

1287
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:43,439
Speaker 1: for this is a perfect example of how it could

1288
01:03:43,680 --> 01:03:48,880
Speaker 1: easily mean. Starts are taking something and it's quite you know, violent,

1289
01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:51,280
Speaker 1: almost to it being Wow, it's actually funny that the

1290
01:03:51,280 --> 01:03:55,720
Speaker 1: sharks actually released released the peach from the seas into

1291
01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:58,680
Speaker 1: the heavens and actually was the catalyst for their freedom.

1292
01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:04,360
Speaker 1: Almost um, and like what a different meaning and how beautiful,

1293
01:04:04,680 --> 01:04:06,880
Speaker 1: How how I came around beautifully? And now I think

1294
01:04:06,880 --> 01:04:08,160
Speaker 1: that that's the thing too, is that we have the

1295
01:04:08,280 --> 01:04:11,200
Speaker 1: choice of how we can look at certain situations and

1296
01:04:11,200 --> 01:04:13,440
Speaker 1: what they might mean to us, you know. And you

1297
01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:16,920
Speaker 1: know Amy Purtty, you know, I danced with her, paralympian

1298
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:20,760
Speaker 1: she lost her two legs agent at nineteen years old,

1299
01:04:21,760 --> 01:04:25,480
Speaker 1: and she's an incredible sort of inspiration because she when

1300
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:27,280
Speaker 1: she at nineteen, by the way, you're a nineteen year

1301
01:04:27,320 --> 01:04:30,560
Speaker 1: old girl, and you you know, the nineteen old girl

1302
01:04:30,880 --> 01:04:35,600
Speaker 1: you lose your legs. Unbelievable. And she, while she's in

1303
01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:38,280
Speaker 1: the operating room looking up at the florescent light, says,

1304
01:04:38,800 --> 01:04:41,240
Speaker 1: I'm in a snowboarding year. I'm not gonna feel sorry

1305
01:04:41,280 --> 01:04:43,760
Speaker 1: for myself. I'm gonna do all these things. Like she

1306
01:04:43,840 --> 01:04:46,760
Speaker 1: made this choice, she decided. She goes, this isn't the

1307
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:48,720
Speaker 1: end of me, this is the beginning of me. She's like,

1308
01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:50,880
Speaker 1: I don't. It's not that I don't have legs. I

1309
01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:54,960
Speaker 1: have prosthetic legs. She's changing that language, not that what

1310
01:04:55,040 --> 01:04:58,320
Speaker 1: I don't have, I have prosthetics. And also the meaning

1311
01:04:58,360 --> 01:04:59,880
Speaker 1: of like, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna turn this

1312
01:04:59,880 --> 01:05:01,840
Speaker 1: in is something where I'm gonna actually gonna do good

1313
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:04,640
Speaker 1: for others. I'm gonna help, I'm gonna do open this

1314
01:05:04,640 --> 01:05:07,200
Speaker 1: sort of adaptive sport, you know, company. And it's the

1315
01:05:07,280 --> 01:05:09,480
Speaker 1: idea of like, letal life doesn't happen to you, it

1316
01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:12,720
Speaker 1: happens for you. And if you find those whatever you

1317
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:14,520
Speaker 1: focus on right, it's like, what are you looking at?

1318
01:05:15,040 --> 01:05:16,720
Speaker 1: And um, what if it was the meaning you give

1319
01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:20,280
Speaker 1: something is what you're going to feel? Um? But man, yeah,

1320
01:05:20,320 --> 01:05:22,760
Speaker 1: thanks for sharing that. Man, that was that was I mean,

1321
01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:24,000
Speaker 1: I feel the same way. I don't think it was

1322
01:05:24,040 --> 01:05:27,280
Speaker 1: a coincidence that Derek is here today. I think it

1323
01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:30,800
Speaker 1: was meant to be. You know, I think you have

1324
01:05:31,080 --> 01:05:33,560
Speaker 1: so many powerful things to share, and I love I mean,

1325
01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:35,840
Speaker 1: we've known each other such a long time, and I

1326
01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:39,000
Speaker 1: love you so much because there is so much more

1327
01:05:39,080 --> 01:05:42,520
Speaker 1: to Derek and Julianne than being the best answers in

1328
01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:45,080
Speaker 1: the world. That's not I don't even think of either

1329
01:05:45,160 --> 01:05:48,040
Speaker 1: of you as as that. There's so much to who

1330
01:05:48,080 --> 01:05:50,840
Speaker 1: you are, and I appreciate you both. I mean, I

1331
01:05:50,880 --> 01:05:54,560
Speaker 1: love you too, Brooks, but I'm not looking for Brooks.

1332
01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:59,560
Speaker 1: You were raising your hand about me. But I love

1333
01:05:59,640 --> 01:06:05,160
Speaker 1: how open you both are and how much you it is.

1334
01:06:05,240 --> 01:06:09,320
Speaker 1: It's it's about more to you, but not but not

1335
01:06:09,400 --> 01:06:13,560
Speaker 1: professionally you are like you're absolutely correct, but more fulfillment,

1336
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:16,600
Speaker 1: more joy. I will say this about Julianne and Derek.

1337
01:06:16,640 --> 01:06:18,400
Speaker 1: I've spent a lot of time with both of you guys.

1338
01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:22,680
Speaker 1: Obviously they search daily and seek, like go on an

1339
01:06:22,720 --> 01:06:26,320
Speaker 1: assault daily for the greatest quality of life, not the

1340
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:30,720
Speaker 1: greatest achievements, but the greatest quality of life. And they

1341
01:06:30,760 --> 01:06:34,760
Speaker 1: are not willing to tolerate things that don't add to

1342
01:06:34,880 --> 01:06:38,520
Speaker 1: the greatest quality, the greatest emotions of their life. And

1343
01:06:38,560 --> 01:06:40,960
Speaker 1: I've seen a massive change in you in the last

1344
01:06:41,040 --> 01:06:44,880
Speaker 1: year and a half on not looking for any sort

1345
01:06:44,920 --> 01:06:49,480
Speaker 1: of external anything and just looking internally and saying I'm

1346
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:51,120
Speaker 1: going to have the best day ever because I'm going

1347
01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:53,640
Speaker 1: to make it the best regardless what happens outside of

1348
01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:57,960
Speaker 1: me or circumstances influences on me that doesn't control my choices,

1349
01:06:58,400 --> 01:07:00,160
Speaker 1: how I show up in this world and how who

1350
01:07:00,160 --> 01:07:03,160
Speaker 1: I am as a man, and our relationship has really

1351
01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:05,880
Speaker 1: grown really and it's funny you mentioned the shark thing

1352
01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:08,240
Speaker 1: Dmitri in in a week, Derek and I go to

1353
01:07:08,400 --> 01:07:16,800
Speaker 1: do some great white shark diving. Don't face didn't look

1354
01:07:16,800 --> 01:07:19,680
Speaker 1: exactly like yours, Brooks, I despect smile and Derek was like,

1355
01:07:19,880 --> 01:07:23,480
Speaker 1: I'm excited. No, I'm I'm actually super excited. That's what.

1356
01:07:23,520 --> 01:07:25,320
Speaker 1: Actually one thing with Brooks and I which has been

1357
01:07:25,360 --> 01:07:28,880
Speaker 1: awesome because we've you know, we have similar interests. We

1358
01:07:28,880 --> 01:07:31,800
Speaker 1: love adventure and we love you know, just that that

1359
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:34,640
Speaker 1: sort of we love it, man, we love it, we

1360
01:07:34,680 --> 01:07:36,919
Speaker 1: love it, you know, just one little thing real us too,

1361
01:07:36,960 --> 01:07:39,600
Speaker 1: because I don't want to dive because this is a

1362
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:43,640
Speaker 1: whole like our topic and subject, but especially with men

1363
01:07:43,760 --> 01:07:47,640
Speaker 1: in general, just you know how men think that shame

1364
01:07:48,800 --> 01:07:52,400
Speaker 1: is I would say, probably one of the most just

1365
01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:58,440
Speaker 1: poisonous and poisonous emotions that men experience and unfortunately experienced

1366
01:07:58,480 --> 01:08:01,720
Speaker 1: often and and which has led to a lot of

1367
01:08:01,960 --> 01:08:05,120
Speaker 1: unfortunate you know, suicides and things like that, and the

1368
01:08:05,240 --> 01:08:09,760
Speaker 1: especially continue to grow. But it's the idea again going

1369
01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:11,800
Speaker 1: back to the shame and not being enough and and

1370
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:16,040
Speaker 1: doing certain things and equating sort of like you know,

1371
01:08:16,600 --> 01:08:19,280
Speaker 1: because the difference between being guilty feeling guilty is like, oh,

1372
01:08:19,280 --> 01:08:22,120
Speaker 1: I did something bad, you know, feeling shameful as I

1373
01:08:22,160 --> 01:08:25,360
Speaker 1: am something bad. And when you believe that you are bad,

1374
01:08:26,040 --> 01:08:31,280
Speaker 1: you it's a it's a terrible, terrible spiral. And you know,

1375
01:08:31,320 --> 01:08:33,080
Speaker 1: when we see, at least for me, when I see

1376
01:08:33,120 --> 01:08:36,800
Speaker 1: people struggling or myself, if I'm struggling with something and um,

1377
01:08:36,800 --> 01:08:40,240
Speaker 1: on a deep level, um, and maybe you can do

1378
01:08:40,280 --> 01:08:42,519
Speaker 1: something bad you know that I'm not proud of or

1379
01:08:42,520 --> 01:08:45,639
Speaker 1: whatever might be sort of just stream. There's a there's

1380
01:08:45,640 --> 01:08:48,679
Speaker 1: a phrase that I just love that really spoke um

1381
01:08:48,720 --> 01:08:51,960
Speaker 1: to me when I heard it, and it's we're not

1382
01:08:52,080 --> 01:08:55,759
Speaker 1: bad people trying to be good. We're wounded people trying

1383
01:08:55,800 --> 01:09:00,000
Speaker 1: to heal because because really those decisions that we've made,

1384
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:02,280
Speaker 1: it in, those choices we made don't just happen. They've

1385
01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:05,439
Speaker 1: come from something that has possibly wounded us in the

1386
01:09:05,479 --> 01:09:07,759
Speaker 1: past or traumatize us in the past in some way

1387
01:09:08,120 --> 01:09:10,719
Speaker 1: that shaped us. And to make this sort of decision perhaps,

1388
01:09:10,760 --> 01:09:13,679
Speaker 1: you know, and to remind ourselves that like, I'm not bad,

1389
01:09:13,720 --> 01:09:15,880
Speaker 1: I might have done something bad, But I'm not bad.

1390
01:09:15,960 --> 01:09:18,040
Speaker 1: I'm still good. I'm still good, I'm still who I am,

1391
01:09:18,160 --> 01:09:21,640
Speaker 1: I'm still me um. And you can always recover from that,

1392
01:09:21,680 --> 01:09:25,000
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, you can always overcome. And just

1393
01:09:25,040 --> 01:09:27,120
Speaker 1: for any guys who are out there you know listening,

1394
01:09:27,360 --> 01:09:29,720
Speaker 1: that if you do feel that shame, just remember that

1395
01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:33,040
Speaker 1: that you know that that you are not bad. You

1396
01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:37,320
Speaker 1: are not bad. Um. Anyways, I can touch on something

1397
01:09:37,400 --> 01:09:40,439
Speaker 1: very similar to that. I learned this through hockey. I'd

1398
01:09:40,439 --> 01:09:42,200
Speaker 1: come back to the bench and a coach would just

1399
01:09:42,240 --> 01:09:45,280
Speaker 1: be in my ear, just giving it to me in

1400
01:09:45,360 --> 01:09:47,559
Speaker 1: my ear. And what I had to learn because of

1401
01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:49,080
Speaker 1: a mistake I made or a play I made that

1402
01:09:49,120 --> 01:09:52,120
Speaker 1: he didn't like. And what I had to learn over

1403
01:09:52,160 --> 01:09:54,000
Speaker 1: the course of my career was it wasn't that the

1404
01:09:54,080 --> 01:09:57,599
Speaker 1: coach didn't love me. He just didn't love that act.

1405
01:09:58,960 --> 01:10:01,600
Speaker 1: So and it applies into relationship to like maybe my

1406
01:10:01,640 --> 01:10:05,000
Speaker 1: wife does something or something and it really frustrates me.

1407
01:10:05,080 --> 01:10:07,559
Speaker 1: It's not that I don't love her, it said, I

1408
01:10:07,600 --> 01:10:10,320
Speaker 1: just don't like that act or that behavior. So we're

1409
01:10:10,360 --> 01:10:12,640
Speaker 1: all human, We're all gonna make mistakes. There's things that

1410
01:10:12,680 --> 01:10:15,880
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do. Make a mistake here whoops. It's not

1411
01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:18,200
Speaker 1: that I'm like you said, I'm not a bad person,

1412
01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:22,479
Speaker 1: just maybe that behavior there was improper and to learn

1413
01:10:22,520 --> 01:10:25,160
Speaker 1: and to grow from that. So anybody feeling shame who

1414
01:10:25,160 --> 01:10:28,599
Speaker 1: they are or not enough. UM, I love this discussion.

1415
01:10:28,640 --> 01:10:31,120
Speaker 1: I love this topic of just opening this up a

1416
01:10:31,120 --> 01:10:34,479
Speaker 1: place for men to discuss this or women too, but

1417
01:10:34,520 --> 01:10:37,360
Speaker 1: also for men to to voice these concerns. You and

1418
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:40,000
Speaker 1: I have talked a lot about this. And to have

1419
01:10:40,080 --> 01:10:42,439
Speaker 1: somebody in your life, whoever it is, if you're going

1420
01:10:42,439 --> 01:10:44,960
Speaker 1: through this, pull somebody in. Friends are here to help you,

1421
01:10:45,080 --> 01:10:47,240
Speaker 1: Families here to help you. If you're struggling with something

1422
01:10:47,320 --> 01:10:50,439
Speaker 1: or not feeling this, share this podcast with them, have

1423
01:10:50,520 --> 01:10:52,960
Speaker 1: a listen to it with them. Pull somebody in and

1424
01:10:52,960 --> 01:10:55,679
Speaker 1: and open up the discussion. And I think you'll see

1425
01:10:56,160 --> 01:10:59,200
Speaker 1: that that guy or girl that you're talking to has

1426
01:10:59,640 --> 01:11:01,880
Speaker 1: men of the same emotions and feelings that you do.

1427
01:11:01,960 --> 01:11:03,439
Speaker 1: So I have a question for you guys before we

1428
01:11:03,479 --> 01:11:06,040
Speaker 1: have to go. That kind of is like something that

1429
01:11:06,080 --> 01:11:09,720
Speaker 1: weighs on me a lot, especially in a relationship, but

1430
01:11:09,760 --> 01:11:12,880
Speaker 1: you could apply it to everything. Should we ask for

1431
01:11:12,920 --> 01:11:15,639
Speaker 1: what we need? However we ask for it? You guys

1432
01:11:15,680 --> 01:11:18,519
Speaker 1: kind of dove into that a little bit earlier, or

1433
01:11:18,600 --> 01:11:22,840
Speaker 1: should we find a way to not need so much

1434
01:11:23,280 --> 01:11:26,640
Speaker 1: from from someone else and find it in ourselves. And

1435
01:11:26,680 --> 01:11:30,400
Speaker 1: how do you make that decision? I think, I mean

1436
01:11:31,320 --> 01:11:34,439
Speaker 1: because that's the thing too, Because to be completely honest,

1437
01:11:34,520 --> 01:11:38,120
Speaker 1: I was sort of taught the sort of first phase

1438
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:43,080
Speaker 1: in my sort of learning about relationships of lesson was

1439
01:11:43,120 --> 01:11:46,320
Speaker 1: always like, oh, just tell your significant other what you want,

1440
01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:49,880
Speaker 1: what you need, communicate, right, that's like healthy, tell them

1441
01:11:49,880 --> 01:11:52,680
Speaker 1: what you want, tell them what you need, communicate, communicate.

1442
01:11:52,880 --> 01:11:56,519
Speaker 1: That's healthy, it's good, it's good. I think that, yes,

1443
01:11:56,840 --> 01:11:59,320
Speaker 1: that it can be beneficial and of course and it's

1444
01:11:59,360 --> 01:12:02,679
Speaker 1: it is good to can kay absolutely, But I also

1445
01:12:02,720 --> 01:12:06,280
Speaker 1: think that you can actually pull it out of somebody

1446
01:12:06,439 --> 01:12:08,800
Speaker 1: without actually having to ask them. I think there was

1447
01:12:08,840 --> 01:12:10,360
Speaker 1: a way of doing that as well. I think that's

1448
01:12:10,400 --> 01:12:15,439
Speaker 1: also by you giving, by you, um loving even like

1449
01:12:15,600 --> 01:12:17,760
Speaker 1: loving yourself, and you being in a certain energy and

1450
01:12:17,880 --> 01:12:21,160
Speaker 1: in a certain space that it will draw that person

1451
01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:23,840
Speaker 1: you know to do those acts, to do those certain

1452
01:12:23,880 --> 01:12:26,240
Speaker 1: things in a certain way. And and by the way,

1453
01:12:26,360 --> 01:12:28,519
Speaker 1: if it doesn't, then maybe it's not the right match.

1454
01:12:28,640 --> 01:12:30,599
Speaker 1: I think you're right, you know what I mean, Perhaps

1455
01:12:30,760 --> 01:12:34,120
Speaker 1: I think, um and that's the thing I think. But then,

1456
01:12:34,160 --> 01:12:36,720
Speaker 1: of course, if I'm completely honest as well, you know

1457
01:12:36,720 --> 01:12:38,639
Speaker 1: when you talk about like love languages and the whole thing,

1458
01:12:38,640 --> 01:12:42,280
Speaker 1: of course, I you know, I'm words of affirmation. I

1459
01:12:42,760 --> 01:12:49,360
Speaker 1: like to hear I love you, you know, I like

1460
01:12:49,439 --> 01:12:56,439
Speaker 1: to hear it. So good a combination. Yeah. Well, And

1461
01:12:56,600 --> 01:12:59,400
Speaker 1: by the way, my girlfriend she just needs to she's

1462
01:12:59,439 --> 01:13:02,280
Speaker 1: touched so by me, just like holding, touching her hand

1463
01:13:02,360 --> 01:13:06,360
Speaker 1: or her shoulder, tells her that I love her. I'm like, yo,

1464
01:13:06,479 --> 01:13:08,200
Speaker 1: I need to hear the words, you know what I mean.

1465
01:13:09,720 --> 01:13:13,280
Speaker 1: That's like Ryan. That's like Ryan said he wanted gifts

1466
01:13:14,160 --> 01:13:17,720
Speaker 1: and words about it. Gifts and words of it was

1467
01:13:17,800 --> 01:13:21,439
Speaker 1: like a juicer. And to say that in a hospital, Ben,

1468
01:13:21,520 --> 01:13:25,920
Speaker 1: We're just like, I think it's both. I think it's

1469
01:13:25,920 --> 01:13:28,080
Speaker 1: exactly what he said. I think I think if you're

1470
01:13:28,200 --> 01:13:30,320
Speaker 1: so fulfilled and happy in who you are, you're going

1471
01:13:30,320 --> 01:13:32,559
Speaker 1: to attract that energy out of a person. And exactly

1472
01:13:32,600 --> 01:13:35,880
Speaker 1: like you said, less and if they don't gravitate to

1473
01:13:35,920 --> 01:13:39,000
Speaker 1: you in your best state, they're probably not your person.

1474
01:13:39,000 --> 01:13:42,160
Speaker 1: Because also too, by the way, think about it, that's

1475
01:13:42,200 --> 01:13:44,559
Speaker 1: sort of a trade. It becomes a trade if you

1476
01:13:44,600 --> 01:13:46,760
Speaker 1: think about it. Right, it becomes a trade. Okay, if

1477
01:13:46,800 --> 01:13:49,679
Speaker 1: you give me this, then I'll give you this. Okay,

1478
01:13:49,720 --> 01:13:51,519
Speaker 1: I just need to feel this way, then I'll feel

1479
01:13:51,520 --> 01:13:55,679
Speaker 1: that way. So you're just constantly just well, you're just trading.

1480
01:13:55,800 --> 01:13:58,240
Speaker 1: You're just trading things. And by the way, without being

1481
01:13:58,280 --> 01:14:00,920
Speaker 1: sort of like harsh or brad, but like, what else

1482
01:14:01,000 --> 01:14:03,600
Speaker 1: is there that you trade somebody for? Love? Essentially? What

1483
01:14:03,720 --> 01:14:05,800
Speaker 1: is that? I don't love that? No, but you know

1484
01:14:05,800 --> 01:14:08,840
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, right, So the idea, the idea, by

1485
01:14:08,840 --> 01:14:10,800
Speaker 1: the way, for me, at least, that's what I did. Um,

1486
01:14:11,160 --> 01:14:13,320
Speaker 1: I do, by the way, continually to do. I'm not

1487
01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:17,120
Speaker 1: saying like I'm perfect by any means at all. Um, yeah, yeah,

1488
01:14:17,120 --> 01:14:20,720
Speaker 1: you're a real wreck. No, but like trust listen, trust me, man.

1489
01:14:20,760 --> 01:14:23,320
Speaker 1: I mean there you know, Um, we can do another episode,

1490
01:14:23,320 --> 01:14:26,439
Speaker 1: we can go into some of stuff, but um, but

1491
01:14:26,479 --> 01:14:28,439
Speaker 1: at least, like I I just know I have I

1492
01:14:28,479 --> 01:14:32,360
Speaker 1: have far more success with just focusing on what I

1493
01:14:32,400 --> 01:14:35,559
Speaker 1: can give, what I can do. That's just there's I

1494
01:14:35,560 --> 01:14:37,519
Speaker 1: have more success in that place and that there's more

1495
01:14:37,560 --> 01:14:39,559
Speaker 1: that's come from that than me thinking like well if

1496
01:14:39,600 --> 01:14:42,599
Speaker 1: they just did this, then I can do That's. Yeah,

1497
01:14:42,640 --> 01:14:45,639
Speaker 1: I gotta so that leads perfectly. D you just tied

1498
01:14:45,720 --> 01:14:48,960
Speaker 1: me up perfectly. Um, I have a question that I've

1499
01:14:49,000 --> 01:14:50,400
Speaker 1: wanted to ask you, but I also want to ask

1500
01:14:50,439 --> 01:14:53,040
Speaker 1: you Dmitri and Amy um and trying to just keep

1501
01:14:53,120 --> 01:14:54,760
Speaker 1: We've been We've had here for like an hour and

1502
01:14:54,760 --> 01:14:56,040
Speaker 1: a half already, so I don't want to keep you

1503
01:14:56,120 --> 01:14:59,680
Speaker 1: much longer. But I'm curious on everything we touched on

1504
01:14:59,720 --> 01:15:03,920
Speaker 1: today about being enough on six time, Dancing with the Stars,

1505
01:15:03,960 --> 01:15:06,759
Speaker 1: two Emmy's, I mean, all the success money on NBC,

1506
01:15:06,840 --> 01:15:10,000
Speaker 1: all this kind of stuff, what do you think is

1507
01:15:10,040 --> 01:15:15,560
Speaker 1: your greatest success? Not your biggest, not your most publicly celebrated,

1508
01:15:15,680 --> 01:15:18,160
Speaker 1: like the one that means the most to you, And

1509
01:15:18,200 --> 01:15:19,960
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be professional. I just mean in

1510
01:15:20,080 --> 01:15:26,479
Speaker 1: your life, what do you believe is your greatest success? Um?

1511
01:15:26,560 --> 01:15:29,120
Speaker 1: I mean honestly, you know, if I if I'm on

1512
01:15:29,280 --> 01:15:31,840
Speaker 1: just on a personal level, I think that you know,

1513
01:15:32,120 --> 01:15:37,439
Speaker 1: I made a distinct choice, um about you know a

1514
01:15:37,479 --> 01:15:43,200
Speaker 1: while ago to basically change my identity, you know, my my, my,

1515
01:15:43,200 --> 01:15:47,519
Speaker 1: my sort of of who who I to sort of

1516
01:15:47,920 --> 01:15:49,880
Speaker 1: start to be congruent with what I knew was right

1517
01:15:50,360 --> 01:15:52,960
Speaker 1: and living that instead of knowing what I was right

1518
01:15:53,040 --> 01:15:56,479
Speaker 1: for me and maybe saying the things but not really

1519
01:15:56,560 --> 01:16:01,200
Speaker 1: living by those things. UM. So for me, that was

1520
01:16:01,240 --> 01:16:05,280
Speaker 1: a moment where I felt really sort of like I

1521
01:16:05,320 --> 01:16:08,640
Speaker 1: gets hard to explain, like in myself, like like like grounded,

1522
01:16:08,720 --> 01:16:12,360
Speaker 1: like present centered, because I was like, I'm actually doing

1523
01:16:12,400 --> 01:16:16,000
Speaker 1: and living the things that I feel like are aligned

1524
01:16:16,040 --> 01:16:17,320
Speaker 1: with who I want to be and what I want

1525
01:16:17,320 --> 01:16:20,320
Speaker 1: to do instead of just saying it and then and

1526
01:16:20,439 --> 01:16:22,760
Speaker 1: not you know, UM, that was That's been a huge

1527
01:16:22,760 --> 01:16:28,439
Speaker 1: achievement for me personally privately. Um, but yeah, I think

1528
01:16:28,560 --> 01:16:30,080
Speaker 1: I think that would be That was a big That's

1529
01:16:30,120 --> 01:16:31,720
Speaker 1: a bit a big one for me. So knowing you

1530
01:16:31,760 --> 01:16:33,639
Speaker 1: and having spent a lot of time with you, I

1531
01:16:33,640 --> 01:16:36,559
Speaker 1: I have seen that shift in you. I believe I

1532
01:16:36,600 --> 01:16:38,840
Speaker 1: know somewhat what you're talking about. I've seen that shift

1533
01:16:38,880 --> 01:16:41,760
Speaker 1: with you. And when we first met, I somewhat had to.

1534
01:16:41,920 --> 01:16:44,439
Speaker 1: I felt like I worried about you a little bit

1535
01:16:44,439 --> 01:16:46,439
Speaker 1: on certain things, and I haven't had any of that

1536
01:16:46,520 --> 01:16:49,839
Speaker 1: like I've I'm so proud and I was so fortunate

1537
01:16:49,840 --> 01:16:52,160
Speaker 1: that I got to witness a transition in you and

1538
01:16:52,200 --> 01:16:54,599
Speaker 1: the growth in you, and so proud of the man

1539
01:16:55,360 --> 01:16:58,960
Speaker 1: who you've become and who you are, not what you do,

1540
01:16:59,200 --> 01:17:00,840
Speaker 1: and I tell Jules same thing. I don't give a

1541
01:17:00,920 --> 01:17:02,519
Speaker 1: damn if you're on NBC, if you're on the shore,

1542
01:17:02,600 --> 01:17:04,280
Speaker 1: Like I don't care if you're a school teacher. I

1543
01:17:04,320 --> 01:17:07,400
Speaker 1: don't care what you do. I care who you are,

1544
01:17:07,520 --> 01:17:09,880
Speaker 1: and I love who you are. And that's why I

1545
01:17:09,880 --> 01:17:13,240
Speaker 1: believe our relationship has blossomed even more. Uh. And now

1546
01:17:13,280 --> 01:17:16,120
Speaker 1: if I'm doing anything anything, you're one of my first

1547
01:17:16,120 --> 01:17:18,519
Speaker 1: phone calls. Yeah, me too, Man, you too, brother, You're

1548
01:17:18,520 --> 01:17:20,760
Speaker 1: gonna be one of mine too. Now after this, let's

1549
01:17:20,800 --> 01:17:22,880
Speaker 1: do it. Man, this has been no honestly, this has

1550
01:17:22,920 --> 01:17:24,760
Speaker 1: been a pleasure. Man. I've I've really enjoyed this and

1551
01:17:24,840 --> 01:17:27,000
Speaker 1: I uh, I love it. Man, Thank you guys for

1552
01:17:27,040 --> 01:17:29,880
Speaker 1: having me. Dmitri. Yeah you can. You got five more minutes?

1553
01:17:30,080 --> 01:17:33,599
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, Dmitri had to say. And he's out the door.

1554
01:17:34,240 --> 01:17:38,000
Speaker 1: He's like, peace, we'll get you valid or what is

1555
01:17:38,040 --> 01:17:42,519
Speaker 1: you We'll we'll get validated. What's your parking? Dmitri's like,

1556
01:17:42,680 --> 01:17:44,160
Speaker 1: if I go over this hour, it's gonna be the

1557
01:17:44,160 --> 01:17:48,720
Speaker 1: next or eight dollars I got, I got I changed

1558
01:17:48,760 --> 01:17:51,880
Speaker 1: in my meter? Dmitri, what would you say is your

1559
01:17:51,880 --> 01:17:57,120
Speaker 1: greatest success? Um? Well, obviously we've talked about this before.

1560
01:17:57,120 --> 01:18:00,599
Speaker 1: I'm very proud of my family, so that but if

1561
01:18:00,600 --> 01:18:04,280
Speaker 1: I were to move past that, I think that UM,

1562
01:18:04,320 --> 01:18:07,680
Speaker 1: I think that I'm very aware of other people and

1563
01:18:07,720 --> 01:18:10,000
Speaker 1: I think I'm very aware of other people's feelings, and

1564
01:18:10,040 --> 01:18:14,160
Speaker 1: I think that makes me a pretty decent um friend.

1565
01:18:14,560 --> 01:18:16,679
Speaker 1: I think I'm I'm. I think I'm a pretty good

1566
01:18:16,760 --> 01:18:18,880
Speaker 1: person that I try and be there for people and

1567
01:18:18,880 --> 01:18:21,360
Speaker 1: I listen to them, and I think I kind of uh,

1568
01:18:21,479 --> 01:18:23,920
Speaker 1: I think I provide them, you know, what they need

1569
01:18:23,920 --> 01:18:25,840
Speaker 1: in a friendship, and I think it's not something that

1570
01:18:25,880 --> 01:18:29,120
Speaker 1: I do just for them. It obviously makes me feel good,

1571
01:18:29,120 --> 01:18:31,280
Speaker 1: but I think I'm aware of when people may be uncomfortable,

1572
01:18:31,360 --> 01:18:34,400
Speaker 1: or people maybe going through a hard time or need

1573
01:18:34,479 --> 01:18:36,519
Speaker 1: someone to talk to. And I think I I think

1574
01:18:36,520 --> 01:18:39,360
Speaker 1: I have the ability to um to address that and

1575
01:18:39,400 --> 01:18:40,880
Speaker 1: to and to be there for people. And I think

1576
01:18:40,920 --> 01:18:43,800
Speaker 1: that's I'm pretty proud of that awesome man you have.

1577
01:18:43,960 --> 01:18:46,599
Speaker 1: As as knowing you as a friend now, I'll completely

1578
01:18:46,600 --> 01:18:49,519
Speaker 1: attest to that you are everything you just said, that's awesome.

1579
01:18:49,520 --> 01:18:51,760
Speaker 1: I commend you. Remember I send you the email said

1580
01:18:51,760 --> 01:18:53,280
Speaker 1: I think Derek needs to talk. Should we bring him

1581
01:18:53,320 --> 01:19:02,360
Speaker 1: in a no one cares about my here she has

1582
01:19:02,400 --> 01:19:06,280
Speaker 1: talked so much, not at all. My greatest success is

1583
01:19:06,320 --> 01:19:09,000
Speaker 1: not achieved yet. I mean, I honestly mean it when

1584
01:19:09,040 --> 01:19:13,840
Speaker 1: I'm saying I will feel content. I don't want to

1585
01:19:13,920 --> 01:19:15,640
Speaker 1: use the word happy, because happy such a sort of

1586
01:19:16,360 --> 01:19:20,080
Speaker 1: I will feel content when I do not call you

1587
01:19:20,120 --> 01:19:23,080
Speaker 1: Brooks and say why did he not text me? Like truly,

1588
01:19:23,120 --> 01:19:26,040
Speaker 1: I know it sounds so dumb, but I hate the

1589
01:19:26,080 --> 01:19:30,960
Speaker 1: fulfillment and like the hit I get from that that

1590
01:19:31,200 --> 01:19:35,080
Speaker 1: I want to not need that from someone else that

1591
01:19:35,240 --> 01:19:42,919
Speaker 1: somebody else does not determine. Somebody else is not determined

1592
01:19:42,960 --> 01:19:44,599
Speaker 1: if I am happy or not. But by the way,

1593
01:19:44,640 --> 01:19:47,200
Speaker 1: and did you notice, by the way, just just watching

1594
01:19:47,240 --> 01:19:49,120
Speaker 1: you in the body, your body language, and in the

1595
01:19:49,160 --> 01:19:52,840
Speaker 1: whole thing of how obviously when you start to talk

1596
01:19:52,840 --> 01:19:55,240
Speaker 1: about it, you know again it's like it becomes very real.

1597
01:19:55,600 --> 01:19:57,400
Speaker 1: The focus is all right there, and it's like it

1598
01:19:57,439 --> 01:19:59,840
Speaker 1: becomes super real. We feel that you feel it. And

1599
01:20:00,000 --> 01:20:03,240
Speaker 1: even now you're closing your arms, your shoulders are shrugged,

1600
01:20:03,520 --> 01:20:05,720
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, you're physically even feeling it too.

1601
01:20:06,000 --> 01:20:09,519
Speaker 1: I hate it. I hate it, right, I understand, but

1602
01:20:09,560 --> 01:20:12,080
Speaker 1: I think just just just just just just for fun,

1603
01:20:12,640 --> 01:20:14,639
Speaker 1: try to just try this. Please please show us back,

1604
01:20:15,880 --> 01:20:19,519
Speaker 1: be deep, open, honest, but I guess open, Come on

1605
01:20:19,840 --> 01:20:25,000
Speaker 1: open um yea. Love is love, baby, love us, love

1606
01:20:25,040 --> 01:20:27,280
Speaker 1: it and all is well. All is well, it really is.

1607
01:20:27,320 --> 01:20:30,880
Speaker 1: And I've I've honestly am thankful for you being so

1608
01:20:30,960 --> 01:20:35,720
Speaker 1: open and vulnerable and courageous right um to even spur

1609
01:20:35,880 --> 01:20:40,240
Speaker 1: this conversation um with your sort of whatever you're going

1610
01:20:40,280 --> 01:20:43,160
Speaker 1: through at the moment, you know what I mean? So, uh, yeah,

1611
01:20:43,160 --> 01:20:44,920
Speaker 1: you get baby, I said you have. So you said

1612
01:20:44,920 --> 01:20:48,360
Speaker 1: you haven't reached your achieved your greatest success. So until then,

1613
01:20:48,400 --> 01:20:51,479
Speaker 1: can we just call this podcast your greatest success. We

1614
01:20:51,600 --> 01:20:53,760
Speaker 1: started on our numbers, share those with your friends, and

1615
01:20:53,800 --> 01:20:57,920
Speaker 1: we hit our numbers. So this is the greatest greatest success. Okay,

1616
01:20:57,960 --> 01:21:00,720
Speaker 1: can you Instagram about this? Yes, I'm not going to

1617
01:21:00,880 --> 01:21:02,479
Speaker 1: let you off the hook here, Amy. And what goes

1618
01:21:02,520 --> 01:21:05,080
Speaker 1: to what Derek talked about before, where the focus goes

1619
01:21:05,080 --> 01:21:07,559
Speaker 1: the energy flows. So I asked you your greatest success?

1620
01:21:07,600 --> 01:21:10,639
Speaker 1: You said something that that wasn't what what is something

1621
01:21:10,680 --> 01:21:13,160
Speaker 1: you are extremely proud of that is a great success?

1622
01:21:13,160 --> 01:21:17,320
Speaker 1: In with Derek in that I've had a million successes

1623
01:21:17,360 --> 01:21:21,240
Speaker 1: at work and a million you know all that stuff.

1624
01:21:21,560 --> 01:21:25,599
Speaker 1: I think it's figuring out who you really are and

1625
01:21:25,640 --> 01:21:29,080
Speaker 1: what you really want and feeling at peace. I don't

1626
01:21:29,120 --> 01:21:33,120
Speaker 1: need that high high because I don't like feeling bad.

1627
01:21:33,520 --> 01:21:38,640
Speaker 1: It's just feeling. But is that something you've you've done. No,

1628
01:21:38,800 --> 01:21:40,920
Speaker 1: I'm working on it my I want to touch on

1629
01:21:41,000 --> 01:21:43,519
Speaker 1: mine for a setcause I want people to hear this

1630
01:21:43,600 --> 01:21:45,320
Speaker 1: so I hope they can do it in their lives.

1631
01:21:45,400 --> 01:21:48,200
Speaker 1: My greatest success in my blight, in my life, I

1632
01:21:48,240 --> 01:21:53,840
Speaker 1: believe is following my instincts. So every single day of

1633
01:21:53,880 --> 01:21:57,360
Speaker 1: my life, I have gravitated and done what I want

1634
01:21:57,400 --> 01:21:59,599
Speaker 1: When I want, how I want. Doesn't mean I've always

1635
01:21:59,640 --> 01:22:02,519
Speaker 1: got the vaults I wanted, but I have followed whatever

1636
01:22:02,640 --> 01:22:06,800
Speaker 1: instinct I've had. I've followed and created the life that

1637
01:22:06,920 --> 01:22:10,240
Speaker 1: I want. So I never let fear or struggle or

1638
01:22:10,240 --> 01:22:14,720
Speaker 1: obstacle or uncertainty or anything overcome me. I always pursued

1639
01:22:15,520 --> 01:22:20,400
Speaker 1: the life that I want and continue to have the

1640
01:22:20,520 --> 01:22:24,719
Speaker 1: choice and choose every day what I want and for myself.

1641
01:22:24,760 --> 01:22:27,880
Speaker 1: I hope that's my life's mission I want. I always

1642
01:22:27,880 --> 01:22:30,120
Speaker 1: say my life's mission is to help inspire people to

1643
01:22:30,240 --> 01:22:32,880
Speaker 1: create the white life that they want. Know that you

1644
01:22:33,040 --> 01:22:37,080
Speaker 1: have the power to create the life that you want.

1645
01:22:37,920 --> 01:22:43,519
Speaker 1: That has been my greatest success. This has been freaking awesome.

1646
01:22:44,120 --> 01:22:46,599
Speaker 1: This has been awesome. Um what you got to meet trains.

1647
01:22:46,800 --> 01:22:48,599
Speaker 1: I feel like you're wrapping it up. And you remember

1648
01:22:48,640 --> 01:22:50,439
Speaker 1: I said I'm aware of what people think and what

1649
01:22:50,479 --> 01:22:53,840
Speaker 1: people want. It's I know that I'm gonna get ridiculed

1650
01:22:53,920 --> 01:22:56,200
Speaker 1: if I let this session end without at least bringing

1651
01:22:56,280 --> 01:23:00,720
Speaker 1: up apologize in advance. Was it weird for you to

1652
01:23:00,800 --> 01:23:02,920
Speaker 1: hear either the podcast or see the headlines that says

1653
01:23:02,960 --> 01:23:08,200
Speaker 1: that Brooks likes to suck Julianne's tough. I can't in

1654
01:23:08,240 --> 01:23:11,760
Speaker 1: the same room, right, what? Okay, So first of all,

1655
01:23:12,080 --> 01:23:15,160
Speaker 1: you will say this, I will say this. I would

1656
01:23:15,160 --> 01:23:18,760
Speaker 1: not have probably seen that. And like my friend like

1657
01:23:18,840 --> 01:23:21,760
Speaker 1: a forwarded to me. It's like, Yo, what is this?

1658
01:23:22,880 --> 01:23:28,240
Speaker 1: Try it play around a little listen, let me again again.

1659
01:23:28,320 --> 01:23:31,640
Speaker 1: Let me just go into this. It's it's kind of

1660
01:23:31,680 --> 01:23:34,160
Speaker 1: weird because it doesn't It didn't even phasee me. My

1661
01:23:34,240 --> 01:23:37,040
Speaker 1: response was like, hey man, you gotta give him credit

1662
01:23:37,040 --> 01:23:40,240
Speaker 1: from just being out there, like like it's like I

1663
01:23:40,280 --> 01:23:42,479
Speaker 1: wouldn't personally be like, but you gotta give him credit

1664
01:23:42,479 --> 01:23:47,080
Speaker 1: for that. Um. Yeah. So and also like I lived

1665
01:23:47,080 --> 01:23:49,920
Speaker 1: with him for three years, so I see there's a

1666
01:23:49,920 --> 01:23:52,559
Speaker 1: lot of pizza that goes on. Wait was that public?

1667
01:23:53,400 --> 01:23:58,400
Speaker 1: So private? I was aware. I would leave the room propertly,

1668
01:23:59,080 --> 01:24:04,599
Speaker 1: but I was also you know, it was fine. It's

1669
01:24:04,600 --> 01:24:08,320
Speaker 1: not like it goes on everything. By the way, where

1670
01:24:08,400 --> 01:24:12,200
Speaker 1: focus goes, energy flow, so my focus changes quickly, that's all.

1671
01:24:13,680 --> 01:24:18,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, there it is, and by well, thank you

1672
01:24:18,720 --> 01:24:22,120
Speaker 1: so much Dmitri for bringing that up. But I really appreciate.

1673
01:24:22,320 --> 01:24:25,679
Speaker 1: But by the way, you know, it's uh, it's funny,

1674
01:24:25,720 --> 01:24:29,040
Speaker 1: I have to say to even just with with Jewels. Um,

1675
01:24:29,080 --> 01:24:31,719
Speaker 1: you know, we're we're like super close, We're like best friends.

1676
01:24:31,760 --> 01:24:34,200
Speaker 1: We you know, we were we have this great relationship

1677
01:24:34,520 --> 01:24:36,920
Speaker 1: and it's funny for me like seeing certain things that

1678
01:24:37,000 --> 01:24:39,760
Speaker 1: might happen or say or whatever that she does, and

1679
01:24:39,800 --> 01:24:43,840
Speaker 1: I know her so well that it's like it's it's

1680
01:24:43,840 --> 01:24:46,479
Speaker 1: funny because I can see some people's reactions to certain

1681
01:24:46,479 --> 01:24:49,599
Speaker 1: things and I'm like, oh, okay, it's just because it's

1682
01:24:49,600 --> 01:24:53,120
Speaker 1: just articulated differently. And if you need translation, feel free

1683
01:24:53,160 --> 01:24:55,160
Speaker 1: to ask me. I'll tell you exactly what. I'll tell

1684
01:24:55,160 --> 01:24:59,519
Speaker 1: you exactly what she meant by I'll tell you I'll

1685
01:24:59,560 --> 01:25:02,080
Speaker 1: translate for you. Yeah, I know, let's talking about that. Um,

1686
01:25:02,280 --> 01:25:08,200
Speaker 1: well talk well, uh dude. I want to commend you,

1687
01:25:08,760 --> 01:25:10,439
Speaker 1: uh one. I just want to say thank you for

1688
01:25:10,520 --> 01:25:14,040
Speaker 1: coming in today. Thank you, um. But I also want

1689
01:25:14,040 --> 01:25:17,000
Speaker 1: to commend you just for so much of your life.

1690
01:25:17,080 --> 01:25:20,800
Speaker 1: People look at you for your successes, but I see

1691
01:25:20,800 --> 01:25:24,599
Speaker 1: you as somebody that has a gift. And I truly

1692
01:25:24,680 --> 01:25:29,320
Speaker 1: mean this, a gift to impact and inspire others. And

1693
01:25:29,360 --> 01:25:32,000
Speaker 1: I've seen that there's people in their life that can

1694
01:25:32,040 --> 01:25:33,800
Speaker 1: maybe do it with a few of their friends or

1695
01:25:33,840 --> 01:25:36,240
Speaker 1: their family, or maybe within their community. You have a

1696
01:25:36,280 --> 01:25:39,920
Speaker 1: global gift to inspect and impact and inspire others. And

1697
01:25:39,920 --> 01:25:42,920
Speaker 1: it's something I've learned immensely from and try and um

1698
01:25:43,000 --> 01:25:45,720
Speaker 1: apply to my life. You've inspired me in that way.

1699
01:25:45,760 --> 01:25:49,160
Speaker 1: You're such a person of service, um. And I just

1700
01:25:49,160 --> 01:25:52,799
Speaker 1: commend you for the challenging yourself, challenging me, your sister,

1701
01:25:53,080 --> 01:25:55,040
Speaker 1: who you are in the world, your friendships, how you

1702
01:25:55,080 --> 01:25:58,320
Speaker 1: show up. I love your creativity. You've pulled so many

1703
01:25:58,360 --> 01:26:00,799
Speaker 1: things out of me and impacted my life in ways

1704
01:26:00,920 --> 01:26:03,400
Speaker 1: I could never imagine. And I just want to say

1705
01:26:03,400 --> 01:26:06,080
Speaker 1: I'm thankful for it, for our relationship, and for having

1706
01:26:06,080 --> 01:26:08,120
Speaker 1: you as a brother and for everything you shared with

1707
01:26:08,160 --> 01:26:11,479
Speaker 1: our community today. Um for more for people that that

1708
01:26:11,520 --> 01:26:14,439
Speaker 1: are just learning you or are can't find you yet,

1709
01:26:14,479 --> 01:26:17,280
Speaker 1: or just how did people follow more because you do

1710
01:26:17,360 --> 01:26:20,120
Speaker 1: so much positive messaging on your social on your tour,

1711
01:26:20,240 --> 01:26:22,960
Speaker 1: like where can people find and connect and engage with you?

1712
01:26:23,040 --> 01:26:25,960
Speaker 1: Well recently? Thanks for that, brother, I appreciate that, man. Um.

1713
01:26:26,000 --> 01:26:29,080
Speaker 1: And uh, I'm sure, I'm sorry. I'm sure there are

1714
01:26:29,120 --> 01:26:30,559
Speaker 1: people that thought they were going to tune in today

1715
01:26:30,600 --> 01:26:32,559
Speaker 1: and hear us talk about like the Passo double or

1716
01:26:32,560 --> 01:26:37,479
Speaker 1: the Rumba, So I think they are blown away, just

1717
01:26:37,560 --> 01:26:40,479
Speaker 1: jumping on what Brooks said, blown away by by the

1718
01:26:40,479 --> 01:26:41,960
Speaker 1: person that you are and how deep you are. I'm

1719
01:26:42,000 --> 01:26:44,639
Speaker 1: sorry to cut you off. Go no where can people

1720
01:26:44,680 --> 01:26:47,840
Speaker 1: find you? Oh? Um? Well now it's just my I

1721
01:26:47,920 --> 01:26:49,519
Speaker 1: was gonna say in my social media, but now it

1722
01:26:49,600 --> 01:26:54,479
Speaker 1: just consists of my new cat who's opening doors now

1723
01:26:54,960 --> 01:26:58,400
Speaker 1: honestly opens doors. It's insane, man, it's insane. I'm moving

1724
01:26:58,400 --> 01:27:03,799
Speaker 1: into fatherhood um with animals. Um. Yeah, just just add deircuff.

1725
01:27:03,800 --> 01:27:05,920
Speaker 1: It's just my social just Instagram, you know, and things

1726
01:27:05,920 --> 01:27:07,559
Speaker 1: like that. And I try, you know, I try to

1727
01:27:07,640 --> 01:27:09,760
Speaker 1: put some stuff out there, but also just to have fun.

1728
01:27:09,800 --> 01:27:13,439
Speaker 1: And just be lighthearted. You know. Check check out Derek's

1729
01:27:13,439 --> 01:27:17,160
Speaker 1: Instagram because he's got these real serious pictures with the

1730
01:27:17,320 --> 01:27:23,280
Speaker 1: cheesiest thoughts. They're the greatest. Love the first one you posted,

1731
01:27:23,320 --> 01:27:26,040
Speaker 1: I text you right away. You have to keep doing that.

1732
01:27:26,320 --> 01:27:28,080
Speaker 1: I got one. I got one locked and loaded, ready

1733
01:27:28,120 --> 01:27:35,280
Speaker 1: to go. I know the tennis one. So so check

1734
01:27:35,320 --> 01:27:38,400
Speaker 1: about at Derik Houff on all the socials at deircuff

1735
01:27:38,439 --> 01:27:42,200
Speaker 1: dot com right or deercuff dot com um and NBC

1736
01:27:42,320 --> 01:27:44,720
Speaker 1: World of Dance. He's also got a book out, very

1737
01:27:44,720 --> 01:27:47,679
Speaker 1: celebrated author. Love what you do man, love your mission

1738
01:27:47,680 --> 01:27:50,240
Speaker 1: in the world. Thank you for coming in. Uh, we

1739
01:27:50,280 --> 01:27:52,160
Speaker 1: want to hear what you guys think. What do you

1740
01:27:52,160 --> 01:27:54,479
Speaker 1: think of this episode? We would love to hear any

1741
01:27:54,479 --> 01:27:58,000
Speaker 1: comments and questions insights that you have. Thank you, Dmitri. Amy,

1742
01:27:58,000 --> 01:28:00,720
Speaker 1: Oh girl, it's done. You're through it. Gavin and Rick

1743
01:28:00,760 --> 01:28:03,080
Speaker 1: and Ryan, so I can step away from the mic.

1744
01:28:03,840 --> 01:28:06,160
Speaker 1: Sending love to Ryan. We hope you're well. Sending love

1745
01:28:06,200 --> 01:28:08,760
Speaker 1: to Gavin. Good luck on the tour, Buddy, we miss you,

1746
01:28:08,800 --> 01:28:10,960
Speaker 1: and also Rick who's up in Alaska stay away from

1747
01:28:11,000 --> 01:28:14,479
Speaker 1: the bears. Thank you everybody for listening. Uh, Dmitri, do

1748
01:28:14,479 --> 01:28:15,720
Speaker 1: you want to do it. Should I do it? I

1749
01:28:15,720 --> 01:28:17,400
Speaker 1: think you should do it. I should do it. Okay,

1750
01:28:17,680 --> 01:28:20,519
Speaker 1: take care of one another, love one another, and we'll

1751
01:28:20,520 --> 01:28:22,439
Speaker 1: see you right back here next week for another episode

1752
01:28:22,439 --> 01:28:23,400
Speaker 1: of How Men Think